#I feel like I've gotten too many reminders that “tomorrow's not promised” or “How we spend our days is how we spend our lives”

[selvepnea]

Thinking about. That one post about art. And how it's never good enough. Since you're the one that made it. And how. It might relate to how I view myself?

[ventcode]

I just wanna kinda,, ramble, I guess, so many thoughts on my mind, and I never really ramble on purpose (it's mostly an accidental thing..) so.

my shoulder still hurts kinda. it all hurts alot, actually. i don't know why. no matter what i do. ive stopped bringing it up over and over again though. nobody seems to quite listen. some streches, but the pain only subsides for a little bit.

im hungry, but i ate food all day yesterday. seems no matter how much i eat lately, ill still be hungry, and if i dont eat im starving, it makes my stomach feel horrible, the six and kyoko brain mix surely isn't helping.

im listening to my theme, six's theme part II, it's been calming me down, ive been humming along, im just making sure i dont have another panic attack, it surely does help, afterall its calmed me down before, as six. im not surprised it still helps now.

i keep having to change my shirt, it gets uncomfortable too much, its quite annoying, i put on deodorant too but it seems to wear off and it becomes uncomfortable again, maybe i just need to shower tomorrow (today? i don't count it as the next day until i wake up that morning.), that must be the case, im just not clean.

speaking of, its annoying but i seem to always need reminders to do stuff, or i dont take care of myself and do my own thing, with the food thing its gotten better since im always really hungry lately, so the first thing i try to do when i have time is eat food. but with the other stuff of taking care of myself, i seem to neglect it. showering. cleaning my room (i havent done that in MONTHS). drinking water. brushing my teeth. laundry stuff. i always need reminders. but i cant get reminders from my parents. "you're 14, you need to remember this stuff", and if I set a reminder on my phone, I always swipe away the notification and forget about it without fail. it's annoying. i hate that.

I miss my fort from last year, my matress on the ground next to the window, my tv there, just. ofc it neglected the rest of my room but. i miss my own little space there. it was from a calmer time. it had problems like bugs (i found a cockroach crawling on the tv once at night), but otherwise, everything else was okay, i miss just. i miss that, i guess. maybe I should use that tv again, it still works, just not my PS4, the Wii U works though, so, maybe I'll try that.

I think about holding your hand alot, anywhere, I don't really care where it is, but lately I just. have the feeling it'd be nice to just hold your hand, like you're there with me, I've just been holding onto that pillows sleeve more and more, like im holding onto your hand, it keeps the comfort, it helps just a little, I wish it was real, I want to hold your hand. When we meet, I don't think I'll let go of it. ^^"

My dreams have all been,, upsetting as of late, probably because of my anxieties before I go to bed. it sucks, it gets me in a bad mood in the morning, but I'm trying not to lose my hope for atleast a better dream, if dreams reflect subconscious, then I just have to think good things before bed right? I surely try but, I don't know why they all end up bad, I have alot of bad days, but, during the evening, it gets a bit better, and then bad again, I don't know what's really been happening. A horrible nightmare, they're stressing me, but I need to stop thinking too hard on them, if I do, then nothing good is bound to happen.

I think of those bad opinions on me, I'm really no monster, I'm a traumatized 9 year old, a kid, a child, I'm little. I'm surviving in a world that's trying to kill me. I really just wanted to survive, that's all I wanted. sure I ate a nome and I ate the ladys fucking neck and probably did something else Im unaware of in source atm and didn't save those kids in the maw, but, I really am no monster. I swear and promise. I didn't want to be the "hero who saved the kids", I wanted out, to survive, cause I'm a fucking child. I wish everyone knew that. but who'd believe me, if anything, everyone else would think im crazy, that I'm not really six, that im most likely just delusional, and that upsets me. so I can't be honest. that's such a stupid reason but, yk, the anxieties. (fun not so fun fact! during those hunger pangs when i was playing the game and watching you play as well, my stomach felt like SHIT dude. </3)

Speaking of, depending on the ID, I hate referring to myself in 3rd person (unless im speaking in 3p at the time), it just bothers me and I feel separated from myself, and it hurts. with some its fine and others its not. and sometimes I fuck up, so I'll accidentally refer to myself in 1st person with an irl friend and they'll look confused, I mostly just go oops and correct myself but, god does it really hurt, alot. But I don't wanna be honest abt that since it's easier to just refer in 3rd. even I just do it out of habit, but it just gives me a bad feeling, like I'm not me, and the others aren't. the others. I don't know. maybe I just have issues and shit.

idk why but talking about that just reminded me of that time I met a double and got them banned from using tumblr. bro is that mad !!! but srsly I got like so mad in the dream and spam reported them and Tumblr was on my side and banned the account and ANY NEW ACCOUNTS THEY MADE. bro dream me is winning everyday (/lie im having frequent nightmares!! /silly)

it's hard to talk but also extremely easy to talk, the words come out but I don't want them to, like I don't really want to talk to anyone, of course I make my exceptions, if nobody could tell /silly but, idk, it feels meaningless to talk, I'd rather just. do stuff. not talk unless needed, but, when most your friends are online, you kind of need to talk most of the time, or nobody understands what you're saying, even on voice calls, not like I wanna have my camera on at all times (depending on the person), so, it's still useless, I don't exactly know what to do about this, I feel myself talking more and more even though I wanna talk less and less. oops I guess.

me and toaster talked, we're still friends, but we wont contact for awhile, or atleast not every day, i apologized, and so did he, i really do feel bad for acting like an asshole. but everything's okay now, and it'll all be okay.

seems im getting teary eyed writing,, all this, there's so much I'm saying, yet I say I wanna talk less, that's funny, isn't it? I've written so many thoughts down that it's been like 40 minutes at this point, that's funny, how much is really on my mind.

enjoy my thoughts and rambles, I know atleast one person will read this, waving!! sorry I ruined my sleep schedule again, I'll do better.. :')

Goodnight. ♡

[alexahasaguardianangel]

Vent below :P

I wonder lately if I'm falling out of love with my boyfriend, where I used to find comfort in his presence and embrace I just feel stressed and frustrated now. I'm not sure if this is just due to some shit that's gone down lately though or if my feelings are genuinely changing. It's frustrating. He is definitely someone who is familiar to me, but at the same time it feels like I've grown up and he's still mentally a child. I have to press him for rent thats due and to make sure we have things we've promised to people. I know I'm a flakey person, I'm far from perfect myself but God, sometimes I get so frustrated. I haven't said a word to him but our girlfriends birthday is coming up fast and he still hasn't gotten her the present he told me he was planning to get her and I just have this gut feeling it's not going to happen and he's going to try and say the gift I got her is from us both but it's not. I'm not covering for him anymore and I'm not sure what that's going to mean. I hope things turn out well, and maybe it's just my depression talking but I'm not optimistic. That's a whole other thing too- my meds didn't get called in so I'm hella late on them (hopefully getting them refilled tomorrow) so I've been super depressed and on and off suicidal, and frankly I don't have the energy to remind him how to be a decent human anymore. I've been so frustratingly bipolar. I want people around me because I know I'm not well and have so many bad thoughts of what I want to do to myself and yet at the same time I don't have the energy to socialize. I have like 2 people in my life who don't expect socialization when they come over, one being my girlfriend and the other being one of my buddies who is constantly busy. I'm drained and so fucking close to going inpatient because of my dumb brain and it's stupid reactions to life and hard classes.

[imgoingtofreakoutnow]

An old friend - Part 1

Summary: You're back in London after years living in the countryside and tonight you're attending the Cowper's ball. Who knows who'll you meet there?

Pairing: Anthony Bridgerton x Fem!reader

Other characters: Violet Bridgerton, Sir Hugh Feversham (OMC)

Words: 2k+

Warnings: very slight mentions of attempt at harassment, a bit of Regency-era yearning

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3

Not my gif, credit to the rightful owner

Whoever entered the Cowper’s estate to attend that evening’s ball would’ve been blinded by the richness of the decorations: the cristalized tears of the chandeliers glimmered in the dancing lights of the candles and at every corner colourful flowers spread their sweet and enchanting scent all around the huge ballroom.

Every person in it could just stare in silent awe of the magnificent view, taking in even the smallest detail as the music caressed their ears, a silk touch to the soul... but to you, that wonder was your last interest.

“Miss Y/L/N!”

You, right now, had the hardest task to accomplish: lose in the huge crowd a terribly improper suitor, Sir Hugh Feversham, who followed you in the gardens and tried to forcefully kiss you. Luckily the slap he received had shocked him enough to give you a ten seconds headstart before he stubbornly followed.

“Miss Y/L/N, please.” His voice was closer than before, so you tried to quicken your pace without looking like running away from anyone. ”If I could just explain myself to you...”

Part of you just wanted to turn and face him - or to be more accurate, slap him, again - and thus expose his terrible behaviour to every soul in the room. However another part of you, the thoughtful and rational one, knew that the situation in which you were tangled was very inconvenient, with or without your willingness to be part of it.

Keeping this in mind, avoiding him for the rest of the night was the best choice you had, if not the only one. Nevertheless, you couldn’t spend every second left at the ball running in circles trying to outrun him... you needed somewhere to hide.

Since the gardens were off-limits, you scanned the room, looking for a dark corner in which you could disappear or, even better, a friendly face who could save you. But having just moved back in London after years living in the countryside, you wouldn’t recognize an old friend even if you bumped into them.

As you kept walking, a kind voice reached your ears: “You must dance at least with one girl, Anthony. You can’t stand here on the side while many young ladies wait hopelessly to be asked a dance”

That name stopped you in your track, opening memories you thought you forgot. It couldn't be...

Slowly turning to the woman and the young man she was talking to, you scanned them closely, searching in their faces those features you kept for so long in your mind.

“Lady Bridgerton?”

The woman turned towards you with a gentle smile on her face, even though her eyes scanned you with a puzzled look. "Shall I know you, dear?"

"I believe not". You curtseyed, somehow remembering the manners you've been learning since you were born. "It has been a while since we last saw each other"

"Then would you please us with your name, miss?"

You moved your eyes on the young man, Anthony Bridgerton, his furrowed glare locked on you. He probably thought you were some crazy lady or whatever... he surely didn't remember.

"Of course, my lord. I'm-"

"Miss Y/L/N" Lady Bridgerton's eyes finally widened in recognition. She left her son's arm and took your hand in hers. "It has been quite some time. You left that you were just a child but now..." - she took another look at you, from head to toe - "you've bloomed into a beautiful woman"

You gently squeezed her hand. "It's a true joy seeing a friendly face in this buzzing crowd. You wouldn't believe what happened to me just-"

"Miss Y/L/N"

You tightened the grip on Lady Bridgerton's hand when Sir Hugh appeared by your side.

"I've finally caught up with you" he smiled, slick as he was in the garden. "I believe we could talk better on the dancefloor"

He stretched out his hand but you didn't want to take it; every inch of your body screamed to stay away from him. However you had no excuse to refuse him a dance without exposing yourself in the meantime.

You let go of Violet's hand, ready take Sir Hugh's, when a third hand broke in between the two of you.

"Sadly sir, miss Y/L/N is already engaged for this dance", and with that, Anthony guided you to the dancefloor, just in time for a waltz.

"I believe you just saved me" you sighed in relief, watching your suitor finally walking away. "I shall be forever in debt with you, Lord Bridgerton"

"Please, call me Anthony" he murmured with a knowing smile gracing his lips. "We know each other too well to be bothered by these titles"

You raised your eyebrows, faking surprise. "Are you to tell me you haven't changed in the slightest, my lord? Even after all these years?"

"Surely I have, but deep down I'm still the boy who ran with you down the hallways of our estate", and looking in his eyes, you caught a glimpse of the mischievous kid you once knew.

You smiled. "So you do remember me"

"My lady... you wound me". Anthony pulled you closer, leaning over your shoulder. "A gentleman never forgets his first kiss"

“A real gentleman would never discuss such matters while dancing with a lady” you reminded him. “Besides, we were nothing but two kids trying to emulate adults: I remember well the disgusted look on your face as you run back crying to your mother”

You noticed an hint of red on your partner’s face but he didn’t seem to care. “Shall I not cherish those old days regardless?” Anthony fixed your gaze in yours. “I recall adventures in the wild corners of the gardens, afternoons spent searching for treasures through my mother’s drawers and rainy days watching my father’s atlas on the settee near the library’s window...”

"...dreaming of all the places we would visit together" you finished for him, smiling fondly at those memories. "I do miss those times: everything was much more easier back then"

"Indeed" Anthony's grip on your hand slightly tightened as the look on his face grew serious. "Now, would you like to tell me what that man has done to put you in such distress a moment ago?"

You freezed in his arms, almost losing the tempo of the dance. "I don't think you would like to hear it..."

"That is for sure" he agreed. "But I need to know what happened. This way I shall find a way to help you"

"And how could you possibly help me?"

"You would be surprised by the power I have, miss Y/L/N". Then, after a twirl: "So? Are you going to enlighten me or shall I beg you?"

With a sigh, you told him what had happened in the gardens, even though the mere remembering gave you chills down your spine.

"I truly cannot understand why he did that" you told him, shaking your head. "I was just trying to make some new acquaintances and he seemed nice... but I did not gave him any hints that I fancied him!"

"I'm sure you didn't, but some men know nothing of honor and virtue". His knitted brow framed a marble face. "I shall make sure Sir Hugh Feversham is exposed for his actions. If he did something to you, rest assured that many other ladies will have more to say on the matter"

Finally, a smile appeared again on your face. "I can't find the words to convey how grateful I am to you, my lord"

"It's the least I can do for an old friend" he said, his mouth now mirroring yours.

For a moment, you just spinned around the room, letting the music guide your steps as you gazed in each other's eyes. You felt so light that it seemed your feet weren't even touching the floor.

"I know this might sound egoistical" Anthony said, breaking the silence, "but, as much as this experience must have been terrible for you, I'm delighted that it brought you back to me, Y/N". His hand moved to the centre of your back, his eyes never leaving yours. You didn't realise how disgracefully close the two of you had gotten. "I shall believe we will see each other more frequently from now on, if you still enjoy my company"

It took you a moment to realise the music had stopped and you two were now still on the dancefloor as everyone moved around like bees above flowers. A shaky breath left your lips.

"I fail to see how I could deny my presence to you after so long"

The smile Anthony gave you took away the last air in your lungs. Suddenly your corset felt too tight around your chest as he put a hand on your elbow to gently pull you to the side of the room. His mother was there, a pleased smile tugging her lips.

"You're a marvelous dancer, my dear, lighter than a butterfly" she said, before looking at you with worry. "Are you quite alright? You seem slightly overheated..."

"I'm feeling wonderfully, Lady Bridgerton. It has been a very pleasant dance, your son is very talented" you swiftly cut her off, taking the focus away from your flushed cheeks.

"I only wish he would show his hidden talents more often" she sighed, giving a side glare to Anthony who simply rolled his eyes. You stifled a laugh, curtseying once more.

"It's been the most welcome surprise meeting you here, Lady Bridgerton. Thank you for being so kind to me"

"The pleasure was all ours". She took again your hand in hers, smiling at you just like a mother would. "And I shall hope we will see you again soon. Perhaps tomorrow for tea? I'm certain your presence will be appreciated by everyone in the household"

You kindly accepted Violet's offer, promising to take her greetings to your mother.

She then eyed Benedict on the other side of the ballroom. "I shall go now and retrieve all my dear children". When Anthony offered his arm to her, she gently shook her head. "There's no need. I'm capable of wander through these rooms without a chaperone. But thank you, dear".

You watched her walk off to his second son and giggled seeing Benedict's resigned look when Violet caught his arm. Like a predator on its prey.

"Even after all those years, my family doesn't fail to make you laugh"

At Anthony's comment you felt the heat in the room rising once again. "I'm terribly sorry, I didn't mean to offend-"

"You couldn't offend us even if you tried". He smiled again at you, earning a shy smile from you as well. Then he took your hand.

"Are you to dance with me twice in a evening, Lord Bridgerton?" you asked cheekily. "I wonder what the ton would say".

"As much as I would like to be the next front-page scandal of Lady Whistledown," he said, stroking his thumb on the back of your hand, "I shall now reunite with my family as well"

You lowered your gaze, cursing your boldness more than ever. "Of course, my lord"

"But it has been a pleasure dancing with you, miss Y/L/N. And trust my word when I say that isn't something I can often admit"

He didn't wait for your answer. He took your gloved hand to his mouth, placing on the fabric over your knuckles a light kiss. As your heart pounded against the strings of your corset, you never wished so hardly your skin was bare just were he touched it.

"Goodnight, miss Y/L/N". Anthony bowed. Then, his voice the softest whisper: "Tomorrow won't come fast enough, my lady, and I shall wait impatiently for us to be in the same room again"

Breathless, you watched him walk away, his phantom touch lingering on your hand. You slowly moved it to your mouth, placing a kiss just were he did and with closed eyes, it was like kissing his lips.

"Goodnight, Anthony"

[pbandjesse]

Today was a pretty good day off. Mostly lazy. It started with a lot of anxiety for me though.

I slept all right and I woke up at around 9. I wanted to go to the mall. I was determined to go to the mall. But I also knew that the landlord was going to be coming around in the afternoon. I wasn't sure what time but I wanted to make sure it was here. So I started getting ready.

One of the issues that I'm having in this apartment is that there's too much space. So when I'm going from the bedroom to the bathroom I have to pass through another room which then reminds me that I need to do something else and then I go to the kitchen to start doing that thing and then realize that I'm passing another room and I see something else that needs to get done. And then it's just a horrible cycle. I get very stressed out by how many things that need to be done. I had to get dressed I had to water the plants I had to feed the cats I had to eat breakfast so many things. All of them got done though and it was fine I was just stressed for no reason.

James texted me and told me that there was a package over at the other apartment I had to go pick up. So I left here around 9:30 and did that. I got the mail there and package which turned out to be a cat stuffed animal for me. And I came back here. I was very overheated though. There's not a lot of Hills but it's hot outside and I had a lot of trouble picking an outfit today cuz I was too hot. And the shorts I decided on hurt my legs when I was biking. So I got back here and I got changed. And just kind of stood in front of the air conditioner. It helped but I was very uncomfortable.

I only stayed here long enough to cool off and then I left again. I biked to the subway because I thought that would be my best bet for getting to the mall. That's how I've always gotten to the mall. Turns out it's only like a 12 minute bike ride. I'm very annoyed about this because I waited for the subway for almost a half an hour. I felt very stupid. And I didn't even have cell service down there so I didn't realize how short of a bike ride it was until later on. At least I have an interesting podcast to listen to. It could have been worse.

But because of the long way and the Heat by the time I got to the mall I was kind of just sad and felt kind of weird. I want a Forever 21 but I didn't really want to look at clothes. And that Mal has not got a lot of things in it. Did you have a Claire's though. And they were having their 3-4-3 sale. And I went in and wasn't going to get anything but then I saw that they had the Platypus Beanie Baby that I had seen on the boardwalk. The one that I couldn't find. And so I got it and some nail polish and a present for Jess. It was nice. Help me feel a little bit better.

I got a pretzel. Finally. I actually got two pretzels and brought them home with me. I've been kind of snacking on them all day. Say microwave pretty well. And then I just kind of wandered. I started to leave and then I realized it was 11:30 and I hadn't had breakfast yet. I was saving the pretzels for later. So I look to see where I Burger King was because I had seen someone with a cup from it. Turns out it was in the mall just kind of setback so I didn't see it. I went in and I want to order the veggie burger always get. Only to find out that even though it's on their menu they no longer carry it because of the impossible Burger. Wonderful. I can't eat the impossible Burger. I've tried it multiple times now and two of the three times I've tried it I've gotten sick. So I don't trust it. And I really like the veggie burger at Burger King. Explain the girl why I can't have it and she told me I should fill out the survey. So we did and just said that I was disappointed. I got fries and a soda and sat down. But I just felt very sad. I just wanted to go home.

Thankfully waiting for the Subway on the way back wasn't as long. It was still really hard to bike home and the Heat. And I promised myself I would get a cold bath as soon as I was home.

And that's exactly what I did. I got him cold baths and I had my pretzel. Eventually I had a burrito. I just tried to enjoy my afternoon.

Our landlady, Tina, texted me that she was running late. Originally when she had called me when I first got home she said she would be there around 3:30 or 4. But her sister's car had broken down and she had to drive her somewhere so she would be here closer to 5. That's cool I wasn't planning on going anywhere.

But then I hit kind of a mid-afternoon slump and I got incredibly tired. I set an alarm for 4:30 just in case I fell asleep. I just felt exhausted.

I went downstairs to get a package. It was a bunch of small stuff from my mom. But she also apparently sent me an envelope. And that wasn't there yet so later on a little bit before 5 I open the door to go downstairs. But when I did I saw that the office door that is the apartment next door to me was open and there was a huge bag of peaches on the table in the hallway. I assumed that meant the landlady was there so I just went back in my apartment.

And I was right! Tina knocked on my door a couple minutes after 5 with the big bag of peaches. She brought them for me and James. She is so sweet. I want to give her a big hug. She reminds me of my dad's Aunt Ellen. An older lady probably mid-70s. Crepe paper skin and glasses. She had earrings and a necklace and a bracelet on. She has short blond hair that was kind of curled. And I just think she's so sweet. We sat and talked for about a half an hour. She gave me the lease and she told me the history of the building. At least what she knows.

Her and her ex-husband bought this home years ago. They lived here on the first floor and in this apartment before she had kids. And after they had kids they moved West Virginia and started renting the place. The building itself was built in 1904 and I was right about it being a family that owns a department store downtown. They commissioned the building when they got married. And then they left for 6 months. When they got back they started their life but the wife died a few years later they think in childbirth. He was very sad and so he moved to the building next door. The one that's an old person's home now. At least we think it's an old person's home. But that building was filled with artists and art collectors at that time. Just filled with that kind of energy. He continued to own the home for a while and rent it out. It changed hands two more times at least before Tina and her husband at the time bought it. And my favorite thing that you told me was that turns out the apartment I'm living in was the original owners Billiards room. I think that is hilarious.

It was really nice to talk to her though and she said the sign the lease when we get a chance. To contact her if we have any questions. The only real question I have now that I've read over the lease has there's a clause in it that says we can only have white curtains. And I want to check about that. Cuz that seems bizarre. But it is a standard lease that she just got from the library so maybe she doesn't know that it says that.

After she left I ate one of the peaches and it was incredible. Like I literally ate the entire thing it was falling off of the pit. It was great. And then I just kind of hang out for a bit. Enjoyed being in the apartment.

Eventually I worked on some art. The kitty cat James gave me I went to pick up earlier had very strange eyes. So I tried to call her the man. But that looked worse. So I removed them and put new ones on. At least fixed the size and placement. I like it a lot better now. And then I worked on some aren't and I had pizza for dinner. I just had a nice night. I miss James. He's at a baseball game right now. The whole reason for his trip. I hope he's having a good time up in Boston. He sent me pictures of the museum he was at today. And he promised me a souvenir. I look forward to having him back.

I'm laying in bed now. Sweet pea is manhandling my stuffed animals. And being a nuisance. But I'm really just ready to get some sleep.

I work at the Museum tomorrow. And then James comes back. And then it supposed to be D&D. I look forward to seeing our friends. I hope you guys all have a nice day tomorrow. Be safe. Take care of each other.

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Buster

Rio: I miss you so much Buster: I miss you too Buster: More than I knew I would Rio: Won't take that too personally, babe 😜 Rio: but seriously, before it was like, this was normal and you being here was the novelty but then I got used to being together everyday Buster: We spoiled ourselves, babe. I wasn't mad about it at the time but like Rio: I know Rio: 😔 Buster: I've been in such a mood since you left, it's a good thing my dad is barely here Rio: Baby Rio: has he spoke to you about any of it yet Buster: Yeah but you can guess how it went without me having to tell you, I'm sure Buster: In essence he's glad to have his house back Buster: Used to only having girls of mine around for the night, like Rio: Yeah, I mean Rio: can't blame him Rio: even if I'd rather be there still but Buster: I reckon Indie was a bit much for him, me and Nance weren't ever like that Buster: No offense to the kid meant Rio: Such 👼s Buster: You know Buster: Golden boy for a reason, babe Buster: Do all my sinning out of doors Rio: Ain't nobody been indoors to tell her init Buster: I told him the score Buster: There won't be any drama if she comes back again Rio: It's alright Rio: She needs to get back to normal here now Rio: Same, I guess Buster: How is it over there? Tell me Rio: Honestly I've just been trying to hide in my room Rio: 'cos once one of them knows they all will Rio: such a bombardment Buster: Yeah Buster: Gotta do it while you can 'cause once the birthdays and shit start there'll be no chance Buster: Is Indie staying with you or what? Rio: Ugh Rio: don't remind me Rio: and the baby, she's late so vague hysteria setting in Rio: Yeah, thank fuck Buster: I don't envy you at all Buster: Anything I can do to distract you, you know I will Rio: You better Rio: putting that in the vows 😉 Buster: Yeah? What else you gonna say? Rio: Spoilers Rio: You know you cutest when you blush Buster: You're cutest when you just wake up and I'm mad I don't get to see that now Rio: I'll send you all the #iwokeuplikedis selfies you want Buster: Don't tease me, babe Buster: Don't say it if you're playing Rio: 'Course I'm not Rio: even if I'm gonna work my angles and lighting to my advantage still Rio: my prerogative, can't have you getting 😬 Buster: Shut up Rio: Wish you could make me Buster: Christ, me too Buster: I already wanna come see you Rio: When is your next break? Buster: Not soon enough Rio: I can always come back Rio: for a weekend or something Rio: I'll get a hotel, like, don't worry Unc Buster: We'll figure it out Buster: I do have a reading week coming up soon so as long as I study too Rio: Yeah, I don't wanna distract you further Rio: I mean I do but also Buster: Gotta meet the fam's newest addition, there's my excuse Rio: Take pics for me Rio: you know I ain't being allowed in with flowers Buster: That's what my sister's for Buster: I'll bring you flowers instead Rio: Stop being cute Buster: I know that ain't what you want Rio: But it makes me miss you more Buster: I need you to miss me Buster: 'Cause I gotta miss you Rio: Trust me, I do Buster: How did we do this for so long before? Buster: Seriously Rio: I don't know Rio: Shouldn't have put a 💍 on it Buster: Shhh Rio: Maybe I wait to drop the bomb when this baby finally gets here Rio: distraction is our best friend Buster: Good luck, babe Buster: Unless she's born tomorrow I reckon its unlikely Buster: Unless you're gonna take the ring off Rio: Get Drew back 'round to fuck it outta her Buster: Not a mental image I need, cheers babe Rio: Alright, curry it is then Buster: I reckon my aunt fucking Drew again is more likely Buster: But you know Rio: Damn Rio: Too real Buster: Fuck thinking about either of them Buster: How's the job hunt going? Rio: Not gone out yet Rio: I know, I know Rio: I'm moping Buster: Baby Rio: I will Rio: but Buster: What can I do to motivate you? Tell me Rio: 😏 Buster: Come on Buster: Use your words Rio: Ugh Rio: I love it when you talk to me like that Buster: I mean it Buster: No more moping Rio: I promise Rio: I'm gonna make you proud of me Buster: I know you will Buster: I already am but shhh 'cause I'm doing tough love right now Rio: 🤤 Buster: I dread to think how much privacy you don't have Buster: It's not even hot it's just annoying Rio: Idk, being a moody cow since I got back has kept everyone keeping distance Rio: not saying you were right or anything Buster: You can say it Rio: It definitely has its perks Buster: Yeah Rio: but cuddling with you right now in this bed would definitely be appreciated Buster: You in mine would be even better 'cause I know we'd be alone for hours yet Rio: The things we could achieve in that time Rio: No slacking there, that would motivate me Buster: It'd distract me shamelessly but I wouldn't be mad about it Rio: I could crack the whip too Rio: it's not like you've actually fallen behind, right? Buster: Nah 'cause not 😇 Buster: course* Rio: Bit hypocritical coming from us but like, calm down then? Getting mad n stressed about things that haven't even happened Buster: 😂 Rio: We've got shit handled, right baby? Buster: Always Rio: Good Rio: Getting my 'fuck everyone else' mentality set for when the inevitable Buster: If you need any tips, like Buster: Borrow my 👑 Rio: 😏 I know, my baby invented that shit Buster: Probably my parents but we don't need to tell anyone that Buster: Least of all them Rio: I mean, obviously gonna need the reminder that they should be our biggest fans but Rio: I don't wanna be the messenger on that one 💀 Buster: I'll do it Buster: Not giving a fuck, remember Rio: I'll remember you always, babe Buster: Don't Buster: You're so cute Rio: I love you, you know Rio: no matter what any of 'em want to say, can't be changed Buster: I love you so fucking much Buster: And I'm gonna marry you one day even if nobody else turns up to the ceremony and its just us Rio: Good Rio: Me too, I actually don't care Rio: I do but if anyone's trying to make it a choice then I'm choosing you over keeping them happy because you matter more Buster: Exactly Rio: I wonder if Edie will turn up when the baby's here Buster: I doubt she'll bring gifts and claim she was guided by a star, like Rio: Alright Rio: true but don't kill my hope out the gate like that Rio: I'm hoping morbid curiosity gets the better of her if nothing else Buster: Sorry, babe Rio: One person I would've liked to see when I walked in the door Rio: soz everyone else Buster: They can't fault you for that even if they might want to for some other shit Rio: Even if she's probably gonna swing on sight, like Buster: I reckon that's a given Buster: But I also know you can handle it Rio: Not like I have a choice, if she hates me she does but it's preferrable to this Buster: You can't still believe she actually hates you Rio: Of course she does Rio: I tried to bone her Da, in her eyes Rio: she had a fucked enough head re. all things him and I made it worse Buster: She loves you, that's why it hurts her Buster: If she hated you she'd be here fronting it out Rio: If only it were that simple, babe Buster: Come on Buster: I ain't saying that's all it is but it's part of it Buster: And its what's gonna let you fix it Rio: Whatever it is Rio: I just wish she'd come back for the others Buster: She ain't gonna stay away for ever Rio: Good luck Buster: Watch her roll in when we all least expect it Rio: I get why she pisses Indie off so much Rio: like, I also get why she does what she does but fucking hell Buster: Yeah Rio: Distract me Rio: I don't wanna think about this anymore either Buster: Think about me Buster: [sends gym selfies] Rio: Thanks baby Rio: the amount that actually helps is telling 😂 Buster: Course it does Buster: I did a heavy work out like Rio: I can tell Rio: Jesus, you're hot Buster: I had to distract myself too Buster: I had so many dreams about you I didn't even wanna move Rio: Gotta take those frustrations out somewhere, right? Rio: Where I'm going wrong, I'm still laying here so frustrated Buster: Well you could work out Buster: Or Buster: Work it out another way Rio: Will you show me how Rio: I need your help Buster: Poor baby Buster: 'Course I will Rio: Seriously Rio: I'm in such a state without you daddy Buster: I bet you are Rio: [Video] See? Rio: I can't do this without you Buster: You really have gotten yourself into a mess haven't you, angel Buster: What are we gonna do with you? Rio: I don't know, what are you gonna do to me, daddy? Buster: I'm about the hands on approach so we're gonna have to get yours out of the way first of all Buster: Need you to focus on me and what I'm trying to teach you Rio: [Pic to show she's done it] Rio: I'm so ready to listen and learn Buster: Good Buster: No half measures, yeah? Rio: No half measures Buster: You're so well behaved Rio: Does that make you happy, daddy? Am I doing a good job? Buster: See me after class for that extra credit Buster: Earning that A* easily Rio: You're such a good teacher Buster: What you gonna have waiting on my desk for me to say thanks? Rio: If I say me will you get mad, sir? Rio: I just wanna show you how much I appreciate all that you've taught me in person Buster: Do you think I should be mad at you? Buster: It sounds like you are just trying to be good Rio: Really good Buster: Okay then start slow, you've gotta be patient, babe I know it's hard Rio: Take me time, I remember Rio: but it feels so good, I want more Buster: I know you do but trust me Rio: I do Rio: you know what's best for me, you always make me feel better Buster: And if I was there I'd be worshiping every inch of you, wouldn't I? That's what you need to do Rio: If you could convince me to get up from off my knees Rio: You want me to make all the noises I would if you were here, baby? Buster: We both know I have in it in me to be that persuasive Buster: Slow but intense, yeah? Buster: Give it everything you've got, vocals included Rio: Okay Rio: Fuck Buster: One finger is all you're allowed first, don't be rushing through this Rio: but daddy Buster: You can add more when you I say you can Buster: You're here to learn, right? Rio: Yes, sir Rio: Sorry, sir Rio: Please can I spank myself, just once, because I deserve it Buster: Okay, you are being good enough Rio: I won't leave any marks Rio: because it's yours and only you're allowed to do that Buster: Well remembered Rio: How could I forget Rio: I can still feel that lesson Buster: I wish we could go over it again anyway Buster: Soon though Rio: You promise? Buster: I swear, baby Buster: You know I need you Rio: Does it hurt for you too, daddy? Buster: So badly Rio: Me too Rio: it's the kinda hurt only you can make better Buster: I'm right here, baby Buster: I know what you need Buster: You can do it, no more teasing, I promise Rio: Yeah? Rio: Please can you make yourself cum with me so I can imagine you're doing it inside me Rio: that's what I need Buster: Together, yeah? Buster: I want that too Rio: You've got me so close Buster: [sends pics] Buster: Look how you've got me Rio: 😻 Rio: Why aren't you inside of me right now Buster: Close your eyes and I am Rio: Are you using the toy I got you? Buster: You know it, babe Rio: Good Rio: Fuck I'm making so much noise Buster: Me too Buster: I can't stop Rio: Don't stop Rio: Lose control for me Buster: Jesus Rio: Tell me how good it feels Buster: It's so fucking Buster: My god Rio: So soft and tight 'round your thick cock yeah? Rio: Almost like the real thing Buster: Nothing makes me feel as good as you but Rio: 'Course not Rio: it's like we were made for each other you feel so right Buster: We were baby Buster: That's why I don't want anyone else however long I have to wait for you Rio: Keep talking like that Rio: I'm gonna cum for you Buster: I love you and I'll always love you Rio: Oh my God Rio: Buster Buster: Just me and you forever, Rio Buster: That's all we need Rio: For fucking ever Rio: I'm going to marry you Buster: Fuck Rio: I love you so fucking much Buster: I can't stop thinking about that ring on your finger while you're fucking yourself for me Rio: Baby Rio: You like seeing that I'm yours? Buster: I love it Buster: I love you Rio: You're so good you're so good Buster: It's you babe, all of it Rio: You're mine, aren't you? Buster: I'm yours, Rio Rio: Shit Rio: It feels so strong, I'm scared to let this out Rio: I won't have any control Buster: Lose control for me too, baby Rio: For you Buster: Just for me Rio: No one else exists for me Rio: it's always been you, Buster Buster: Tell me again Rio: You're the only one I've ever wanted Buster: Oh fuck Rio: I'd always think about you, anyone else I'd been with Rio: even if I tried to stop myself, I couldn't help it, my brain always went there, back to you Buster: I know Buster: I felt it too you know that, yeah? Rio: Yeah Rio: you wanted me so bad Buster: The only girl I did want Rio: It drove me insane thinking I would never get to have you Rio: more than that kiss Buster: I'd get to have you every night but not like this Buster: Not real enough Rio: That's so fucking hot Rio: I wanna make every fantasy you had about me whilst you were fucking yourself real Buster: Only if I can for you too Buster: I'll never forget what it was like to first touch you or taste you Buster: I thought I'd die Buster: I'd have been happy to Buster: 'Cause that's what heaven is. You are Rio: You're literally perfection, a dream come to life Rio: I feel so lucky I get to spend my life with you Buster: Baby Rio: Yes? Buster: I just Buster: I don't have any words left Rio: Then stop talking and cum for me Rio: I know you need to, moan for me Buster: I have to Buster: It's so loud but I don't care Rio: Let them know who you belong to baby, who got you like this Buster: I'll get over being able to say your name like this Buster: As much as I need to Buster: never* (thats hilarious me just changing the meaning with my typos like) Rio: You don't need to, it's my favourite sound Rio: I intend to make you make it every day Buster: Promise? Rio: Promise Rio: You're so beautiful, Buster, you know that Buster: You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen Buster: Not just girl, anything Rio: I know you mean that Rio: and I love you Buster: I really fucking love you Rio: I can't wait to be your wife Buster: Soon, baby Rio: Yeah? Tell me about it Buster: I'm gonna make you happier than you ever reckoned you could feel Buster: Give you everything Rio: Yes baby Buster: And I'll wear a ring too and everyone will know that I belong as much to you as you do to me Buster: We won't have to be apart again ever Rio: You're making me cum, oh fuck please I feel like I'm gonna pass out this is so fucking good, don't stop Buster: I'm gonna make you cum every day, as many times as I can Buster: I won't ever stop Rio: I'm begging you fuck every hole I have they all belong to you every inch of me is yours forever Buster: Jesus fucking Christ Buster: Please Rio: Oh God Daddy I'm sucking on my fingers because I taste so sweet Rio: I wish they were yours and I wish you could taste me too Buster: If I don't stop moaning soon my voice is gonna go I want you to know that Buster: and God, I just want you Rio: I'm sorry daddy I'm just such a dirty little whore for you Buster: Cum for me now Buster: Cum with me Rio: I've never been this loud Buster: You're so fucking hot Rio: It really is all for you Buster: Tell me Rio: Everything I do is to turn you on Rio: to make you want me Rio: so you'll fuck me so good like you do and make me cum over and over and over Buster: Babe you're so Buster: I can't Rio: Good can't? Buster: The best Rio: That's alright then Buster: Never stop Rio: I promise babe Buster: You're so perfect Buster: Fuck me Rio: Soon Buster: I can't wait to be with you all the time Buster: I'm gonna buy us a house and fuck you in every square inch Rio: That's all I want Buster: All our neighbours are gonna know us Buster: If you think you're being loud right now, you aren't Buster: Not compared to how its gonna be Rio: Fuck, baby Rio: I might die Rio: every time I think you can't make me cum any more than you have you prove me wrong Buster: I know that's how you wanna go Buster: We can go together Buster: Starting right here Rio: As far as death pacts go, pretty fucking sexy Rio: suck it, Romeo and Juliet Buster: The only way my competitive streak will have it Rio: Works for me Rio: not up for living without you really, if we're taking it to this morbid place Buster: You don't have to Buster: I'm not going anywhere Buster: Not without you Rio: Keep this on the downlow though, babe, the engagement is enough for 'em to handle Buster: If what's mine is yours then that includes my life Buster: Technically Rio: Interesting, like to see you argue it in court for some black widow Rio: not just 'cos you'd be hot and I gotta keep my eye on her Buster: I know you would Rio: Just very interested in the judicial system, thanks Buster: Okay, babe Rio: 😒 Buster: When I get to uni I'll take you to library Buster: You'll love it Buster: Once I get started reading from those law books then you'll properly understand what horny feels like, right? Rio: Mmm Rio: Shut up 😣 Buster: You're so cute Rio: I can't help it Rio: I like seeing you get passionate about things Rio: and you're very persuasive, as you mentioned Buster: I really am gonna fuck you all over that campus Rio: 🤤 Rio: Better than joining a wanky society Buster: Better than anything they could offer me, honestly Buster: You know how you make me feel Rio: Leave that off the personal statement though Rio: Probably be into it, love some self-confidence for a chance Buster: It's gotten me this far, like Rio: Can't say better than that, I reckon Buster: Exactly Rio: Who else can say they're fucking me? Buster: Cunts can try and say it but I'd call bullshit Buster: You're mine Rio: Yep Rio: Totally yours Buster: I know a lot of things are shit right now and I probably shouldn't say this but I'm really happy Rio: I feel it too Rio: usually feeling happy just feels stupid like bitch wait and see but even though I know some things are bad now and there's potentially more to come Rio: it still feels right Buster: Yeah Buster: Like whatever happens I don't have to handle it on my own so it won't be that bad anyway Rio: You don't have to, ever again Rio: that's a serious vow Buster: I'll make the same one to you Buster: Right fucking now Buster: Whatever you need babe, whenever Rio: I know Rio: it feels good, doesn't it Buster: Literally the best Buster: I've always told myself I can do anything, like you've met my parents, kind of a given, but I properly believe it when I'm with you Rio: Good Rio: 'cos you can Buster: You too, angel Rio: I feel it Rio: I'm not saying I've got everything worked out magically but Rio: I actually do believe you Buster: Good, 'cause I said I'd motivate you Buster: I'm not trying to fail at it Rio: I reckon you're good 😏 Rio: add another win to the tally, like Buster: Will do Buster: But if we're keeping score don't forget to add your own points Rio: Oh yeah? How'd I do in the end? Buster: I've never cum so hard or so much without you actually being here before Rio: I'll take it Rio: 'til we're back together, like Buster: It makes missing you a little bit easier Buster: For today at least Rio: Yeah Rio: you know I'm always here Rio: we'll get through it Buster: Yeah Buster: I know you are and we will Rio: You'll be done before you know it Rio: we should go away, in the summer Buster: Great idea Buster: Especially now we can acknowledge we're in the same place together, like Rio: 😂 Rio: I worry how none of them could piece that shit together Buster: They didn't wanna Buster: Simple as Rio: Can't relate Rio: too nosy for that Buster: You're the only one who can get away with telling me what to do though Buster: If any of the rest of the fam tried it they know what'd happen so Buster: Even when it ain't something as important as this Rio: Yeah Rio: I promise to only use my power for good Rio: mostly Buster: I was gonna say Buster: Please be bad sometimes, like Rio: Good for us Rio: same thing Buster: Yeah Buster: Do I need to use my powers of sending a fancy fruit basket to your fam for what they just heard from your room? Rio: 😳 Rio: Send me one too for sustenance because I can never leave this room again now Buster: Poor baby Buster: I'll send you everything you could possibly need Buster: and add some earplugs for the rest of them Rio: So thoughtful Buster: Who's actually home? Like how much damage control are we talking about? Rio: Can't say I checked before starting Rio: idek, hopefully they were all very busy somewhere else Buster: I'll cross my fingers for you, babe Rio: Whatever Rio: it was too good to feel too bad about Buster: No argument there Buster: Someone could have literally walked in and I wouldn't have been able to stop Rio: Shh don't say that Rio: Gonna turn me on all over again Buster: Sorry but its true Rio: Not that sorry Rio: Add it to the fantasies list Buster: Noted Buster: I should shower, the state of me Rio: I should join you Rio: Video chat? Buster: You're full of good ideas, aren't you? Rio: It's been said