#I fear I'm the real thinker I can never seem to shut off my brain

[taruruchi]

Such a jumpscare to be scrolling and seeing an oc/self insert that looks just like mine 😭

[hiddensquid22]

So yesterday, someone reported me to Instagram for concerns about my safety and mental health. I'm fine, no danger to myself whatsoever. But I wanna talk about the experience, and I don't wanna talk about it on insta because I don't want to alienate a person who maybe thought they were doing a good thing. They had the right spirit (I hope, unless my more cynical thoughts are correct).

Firstly- I want to say that if you are ever concerned for someone on instagram, unless they are in immediate danger, maybe consider just talking to them instead of reporting it. Here's why. Assuming the person being reported is using the mobile app, their account will be restricted (unable to see anything, including their own account) but they will not be in any way contacted or notified as to why. It seemed like a bug to me, for seriously like 6hrs! But can you imagine if someone was in danger and then suddenly a form of communication is inexplicably shut off?? In order to regain access to your account, you have to open the site in a browser (which instagram does not inform you of either btw), and are forced to click through some tabs on ways to get support. They include a helpline, which okay that's admirable, but the others are very generic 'reach out to a friend,' 'self soothe in some way' type advice, which certainly has it's place. I just can't imagine this is the kind of thing the person doing the reporting is expecting the reportee to be given.

I personally found the experience to be even more isolating. I was in no way a danger to myself, but the feeling that someone cared enough to report me to a faceless corp, but not enough to just ask me how I am? That made me feel incredibly alone. And then to be followed by advice saying to reach out to friends? The friends who reported me but didn't check on me? That's a real kick in the teeth. And now, well, now I don't want to speak at all about my mental health on there for fear of this happening again. Which, clearly is not a desired outcome of an attempt to help.

Here's the other thing I'm thinking about. I was talking about some symptoms of my ocd. (At least, I assume that's what did it. It could have been the fact that in my top 5 songs of the year, two were a bit depressing. But, doesn't everyone listen to upsetting music on a stupid repeat every now and then?) These are things I live with. Things that I've always lived with. But to other people me talking about them in a remarkably delicate way apparently sounds like I'm going to hurt myself?

I knew ocd was one of the ones that make people uncomfortable when they know some of the grittier realities of it, which I assume is why it's mocked, but I've never personally experienced it. It's a real trip, man. Like idk about you guys, but I never feel like I have a grasp on the severity of my mental illness. How do you quantify something like that? What metric of comparison is there really? (Not that it 100% matters because in this house we don't battle for who suffers most and who handles it best. You're suffering is valid, and resilience is not a moral victory.) But it's wild to think that something I deal with on a daily basis, even on my best days, sounds so terrifying and acute to those that don't experience it. Kinda makes you go, damn, maybe my brain is a filthy liar and I'm not just the biggest wimp alive 🤔 But also makes me feel a bit like [insert 'damn, girl you live like this?' meme]

Anyways, I'm fine. Just got a lot of weasels up in the ol' thinker 👍