#I don't think you understand how 'this is my girl Nancy' lives rent free in my head | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

punkscowardschampions · 5 years ago

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James & Ava

James: [I'm thinking the vibe should be that maybe she hasn't heard from him all at for these 3-5 days like NOTHING which is obvs not like him even when he's busy] Ava: Hey, just checking in Ava: it's all good if you're busy but I'm just a little worried, probably stupid but Ava: give me a quick shout so I don't ramp it up and come 'round like a potential total idiot James: [when you can see he's reading it but not replying] Ava: James Ava: What's wrong? James: what's right? nothing Ava: Please tell me James: how? Ava: I don't know Ava: sometimes it's easier to just say it, stick to the facts Ava: I can take time to gather my thoughts and reply, if you can't James: I can't, Ava James: talk about this, think about it, handle it James: those are the facts Ava: Okay Ava: Can you tell me where you are? James: home, I've been there the entire time James: except when I went out to buy a bottle I can't drink & drugs I can't take, so they're staring at me Ava: You could Ava: but you haven't Ava: are the girls with you? James: yes, having them here is the only way I can be sure I won't Ava: You'd never hurt them James: but I said she uses them & that's exactly what I'm doing James: as a sobriety chip Ava: Caring enough about your loved ones and your responsibility towards them is a noble one to stay sober Ava: hold onto it James: it doesn't matter, I'll lose her anyway James: I can only hold on to Matty Ava: Why are you going to lose Jay? James: because she's not mine Ava: you've done a test Ava: oh god Ava: I am so, so sorry there are no words Ava: when did you find out? James: Chloé insisted James: I'm not her father but thanks to that lovely conversation we had, I do know who is Ava: She, what? Ava: She's pure evil James: she insisted because of you Ava: me? James: yes, her hatred of your family is more deeply rooted than I realised Ava: but Ava: if I had any idea Ava: I'm sorry, I should've listened to you but I thought she'd come after me, not Ava: this Ava: James James: in a way, she is, this affects you too Ava: but it's yours and the girl's lives Ava: it only affects me because I care about you James: you don't understand what I mean, it's yours & your family's too James: I can't say the words, Ava, other than what I've already said, I know who her father is Ava: I don't understand but I'm trying Ava: how could it affect my family Ava: that's Ava: no it's not possible James: Ava James: she told me how it happened James: told me to ask him Ava: but Ava: how could he James: I don't know, she said that they'd had an argument & he was really under the influence Ava: but Ava: forget the fact he's a bad boyfriend, forget the fact he's turned that into being a worse husband Ava: it's the fact he's going to be so selfish, put us all through hell because he loves Rio and that makes it okay, then he's not even going to fucking mean it and worst of all, he's going to fuck it all up, after all the pain of us accepting and dealing with his decision, with her- and why? because she made Nancy's life hell? Ava: he's as twisted as her, I'm gonna kill him James: I'm sorry James: if it redeems anything at all, I think Rio at least knows, I think it's possible that maybe everyone did but us Ava: you have nothing to be sorry for Ava: he's helped Ava: he's helped ruin your life Ava: Jesus James: you see now why I couldn't tell you James: talk to you at all Ava: Of course I see Ava: this is Ava: just terrible James: everything is ruined Ava: what are you going to do? Ava: what is she going to do? James: she's going to tell him if I don't Ava: He has to know Ava: how has it never crossed his mind Ava: he's clearly many things but stupid isn't one of them James: apparently she told him about the pregnancy and his response was to tell everyone about his relationship with your cousin James: so she quickly recanted & we know the rest Ava: so he used Rio as a scapegoat Ava: that's even worse Ava: well, karma has caught up with him Ava: but not enough, nowhere near James: this is all according to Chloé, she's rarely to be trusted Ava: She didn't lie about the DNA, did she James: evidently not, but that doesn't mean she has a clear insight into any of your brother's motivations or feelings Ava: I don't care Ava: any way you slice it, it's wrong Ava: oh God Ava: he can't take Jay from you Ava: she's yours James: she uses people, Ava, he won't have been any different James: he's a law student, he'll know better than me what he can or can't do Ava: Like he used her, because he was pissed off? Then used Rio, who he claims to love, to get out of the situation you then got forced into Ava: I don't want to talk about him Ava: you've raised her, you wanted her when she was presented to you as yours, you didn't wriggle out of it Ava: she named you, even if she lied James: maybe he won't want her anyway, he's got a family, a wife, whatever happened then it's obviously in the past for them Ava: Exactly Ava: even if that's Ava: disgusting Ava: leave Chloe to tell him, it'll go as well as the first time James: she's given me time to get a DNA done, with no prior knowledge of how long that would take, I can leave before she tells him Ava: You can Ava: she's a fucking idiot, even if he for some reason believed her this time, how is he doing a DNA, he's never met Jay, he has no way of contacting her but through you James: our bags have been packed for days, I just need to actually go Ava: Where will you go? James: I don't know Ava: I guess it's for the best you don't tell me Ava: I wouldn't want to say, even under duress James: right Ava: I'm so sorry, James James: me too James: I thought the hardest thing left to tell Jay would be about us Ava: Do you have to Ava: if you leave James: she'll have to know & if it doesn't come from me it could come from Chloé herself, years from now potentially James: there's only so long we can stay away, I don't have my own money Ava: That's true Ava: that would be Ava: but this will be so hard for you Ava: at least she's still going to want to stay with you, there's no chance she'll want to be anywhere else Ava: you'll find a way to make your own money Ava: wherever you end up James: as a single parent with so few skills I'm less sure of this imagined future but Ava: People do it Ava: you can James: maybe she'd be better off with him James: in the end Ava: No Ava: money makes life easier, it doesn't make it worthwhile, come on Ava: knowing your parent loves you, that's so much more important Ava: you love Jay, more than anyone else could James: but he's not a bad father, is he? he could love her Ava: You love her Ava: what about you? James: I love you too but it's not enough James: everything's still ruined Ava: not because of you Ava: because of this Ava: them James: I should've done this sooner James: I knew there was a chance James: she never said it about Matty, not once Ava: So did he, where's he been Ava: and she knew for sure and she still let all of this happen Ava: no one else is here taking responsibility, looking after those girls, it's you James: what the fuck am I going to do? Ava: The money you have, if it was enough for a deposit in London, it'll be more than enough anywhere else, enough to rent and live off whilst you get it sorted, getting them into schools, job hunting Ava: I still love you, James James: come with me Ava: I can't, my parents would file a missing persons Ava: even if I told them I was going, they wouldn't let me Ava: when you're settled, tell me where you are, I won't tell, if they start asking Ava: and I can come see you again James: I can't just leave you here not knowing how long I'll be gone Ava: I've already made things bad for you Ava: she wouldn't have done this if I weren't related to him James: but I'd still be married to her if I didn't have you to make me realise how bad that was Ava: I don't want you to go Ava: but that's only because I'll miss you so fucking much I can't think about it, and because I'm scared for you and what you'll do and what will happen Ava: but you can't lose her James: can you convince your brother to do the right thing? you talked to Teddy, that helped James: I don't know, I know it's not the same, but James: I can't lose you either, not now James: not when I need you more than ever James: I'm so scared & so alone with this & I don't want to do the wrong thing James: Jay will have so many questions if we just leave Ava: Oh, darling Ava: I don't know either, I don't think you can be sure about this it's so Ava: uncertain and messed up Ava: but if you can't lose me, you won't Ava: and I'll try my best with whatever else you need me to but I can't promise anything, really James: there's always been someone telling me what to do, every step James: & now there's nothing, we're all in free fall Ava: You can do this, I know now more than ever is a time impossible to have that self-belief but you can Ava: you don't have to be alone though, I'm here for you James: will you come over, please? Ava: of course James: I just can't go anywhere else right now Ava: That's beyond understandable Ava: I'll walk, that'll be quickest James: okay Ava: James James: yes? Ava: Before I leave, we'll have a plan, alright Ava: even if we don't stick to it fully or we make changes Ava: I won't go 'til you feel at least 1% better about it all James: if it makes you feel better I'm at 1% at the prospect of seeing you James: not only because I can't tell if Matty is actually getting sick or if I'm just stressed Ava: We'll aim for 2% then Ava: and I'm sure she's okay but I'll make sure too, yeah James: how could I ever walk away from you again? Ava: I wasn't convinced I'd survive it either but James: they aren't the only reason I stayed sober James: I don't want you to see me like that either Ava: I am so proud of you Ava: no one would want to be sober in your position right now, so the fact you could Ava: you're so strong, love James: it's so hard being around her right now, wondering if actually her temper isn't inherited from her mother like I thought & what else I've mis-attributed, but the idea of not being with her is Ava: There must not be a word to put to how confusing, conflicted, it all feels James: this whole situation is a huge blank page James: my family have all individually kept ringing me but I have nothing to say, no way to tell them that any of this is going on Ava: You've been in shock Ava: They can wait, you had no choice in hearing it but you can feel as if you have more of an idea before you tell them James: until they're at the door Ava: you've dealt with worse, you can't deny that now Ava: but we will try to get you some reprieve Ava: I bet you haven't been to sleep James: how long can you stay before your parents take issue with it? Ava: I'm sure I can get a friend to cover for me, I'll sort that Ava: I'll stay as long as you need me James: an eternity then, fine if you have loyal enough friends or I had vampire attributes Ava: I'll stay with you for an eternity like that Ava: even if I have to go back to sleep after a certain point, I'm not going anywhere James: I love you James: she can't ruin that, okay Ava: She can't Ava: ever Ava: she tried, amongst all the fucked shit she has pulled James: your sister clearly had the right idea Ava: yeah Ava: who'd have known James: maybe she'll have a spare bed for me in New York Ava: that will make visiting slightly more problematic but you know James: in that case, I won't write it down as step 1 of the plan James: understood Ava: unless step 2 is I apply to some NYC schools James: Goldsmiths would never forgive me Ava: I love you so much Ava: also I think I'm here but come let me in just in case James: [does]

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punkscowardschampions · 6 years ago

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Rio & Buster

Rio: Nance text me so I'm here Rio: but, you don't have to talk if you don't want Rio: but you can too Buster: Get out Buster: You can't be here Rio: I am now so Rio: Avoid the living room, like Buster: Just go Rio: Buster, what's happened? Buster: Rio, just leave Buster: It's what you're gonna wanna do anyway Rio: I can't 'til your family is back Rio: Why? Buster: Please Buster: I can't do this Rio: But you have to? Buster: I don't know Buster: I don't fucking know anymore what I have to do Rio: Alright Rio: You've got to decide right now? Buster: The decision's already been made Rio: Okay Rio: Who by? Buster: Chlo as per Rio: What's she done now? Buster: Don't Rio: What can I do? Rio: Or do you want your Dad or? Buster: I don't want any of you Rio: What do you want? Buster: Like that matters Buster: It's all fucked Rio: It does Buster: To you maybe Buster: For as long as that's about to last Rio: Definitely Rio: I'm not going anywhere Buster: You can't say that Buster: You don't know Rio: I can Rio: Talk to me Buster: Fine, but you asked for this Buster: You should've just left Buster: Chlo's pregnant. She says it's mine Rio: Ah Rio: That explains it Buster: Is that all you've got to say? Rio: I don't know what to say Rio: Just, I get it Buster: No you don't Buster: You can't Rio: I'm not saying that Rio: I get why your room is trashed Buster: Well, cheers Buster: Come up if you wanna smash something yourself Rio: Jesus Buster: And if not, you know now so you can go Rio: No Buster: Yes Rio: I'm not going Buster: I'm not gonna cry on your shoulder about this so where does that leave us? Rio: I don't know Buster: Let me know when you figure it out, like Rio: What, you get to not know but I've got to work it all out Buster: Not really my decision what you wanna do, is it Rio: Well Rio: I don't fucking know Buster: You and me both, babe Rio: What is she doing? Buster: Keeping it Buster: And hopefully a DNA like I asked Rio: Right Rio: and if it's yours, what are you doing? Buster: Raising a kid with her Buster: Nothing else I can do Rio: There is but Rio: that's the right thing Buster: No there isn't Rio: Not the first or last Buster: Yeah 'cause that worked out so well for Drew and your sister Rio: Well, how the hell do you reckon this is this going to work out well Rio: you hate her Rio: she's Rio: a mess Buster: It won't Buster: But at least I'll have tried instead of just giving up Buster: Same as how I tried to tell her its a bad idea to have this kid Rio: This is fucked Rio: she can't be a mum Buster: I know Buster: But maybe it won't be my kid and she won't be my problem either Rio: Yeah but maybe it will Buster: Well it's not like I can sub you in to be the kid's mum instead Rio: Shut up Rio: How is she so stupid Rio: Jesus fucking Christ Buster: How am I? Buster: It is what it is Rio: Why isn't she on the pill Rio: who isn't in this day and age it ain't hard Buster: Feel free to hit her up and ask Buster: She's very keen to be your friend anyway, like Rio: What? Buster: [Sends the Rio related relevant screenshots] Buster: We had a great chat Rio: She's Buster: I know Rio: Are you sure she's even pregnant Rio: she isn't taking this seriously Buster: I'm not sure of anything Buster: I don't even know if I actually fucked her so Rio: This is Rio: This is the worst thing that could've happened to you Buster: Tell me something I don't know, babe Rio: I can't Buster: Do you get now why I need you to fuck off Rio: No Rio: not really Buster: It's too much Buster: I can't do this Rio: That's not fair Buster: None of this is fair Buster: Or part of the plan Rio: so everything has to go to shit Rio: fine Buster: It already has Buster: Don't act like you're fine with having her around forever Buster: I have to be stuck with her, you don't Rio: Sounds like you've decided for me Buster: I can't do that Rio: You have though Rio: I've got the message Buster: Babe Rio: What Rio: I'm fucking off Buster: I'm sorry Buster: I just need you to know that before you go, okay Rio: No you don't and no you aren't Rio: because I didn't want to go and you aren't stopping me so Buster: You think I want you to go? Rio: You don't know what you want Rio: I didn't think that extended to me but it is what it is, yeah? Buster: Don't Buster: Of course I want you Buster: I'm just trying not to be a selfish cunt for once Buster: Isn't it hard enough doing this without all this bullshit added? Rio: It doesn't suit you Buster: Yeah, well, it's gonna have to start Buster: I can't be a selfish cunt with a kid, can I Buster: Time to change my suit, babe Rio: Good luck, Buster Buster: Rio, come on Buster: I don't want to leave it like this Rio: You're right though Rio: You have to Buster: But Rio: You know what you've got to do Rio: What is there to say? Buster: I love you Rio: I love you Buster: Don't go Rio: Nancy will be back with your parents in a minute Buster: I don't care Rio: I can't stand in the way of you doing the right thing can I Buster: Us being together is the right thing Buster: We both know that Rio: I don't think she'll agree Buster: She doesn't get a say in it Rio: What about your kid Buster: If it's mine, it's mine Buster: She can't change that if she decides she wishes it wasn't Rio: But it's not fair to put this shit on it Rio: there will already be enough from the situation with her Rio: never mind adding this Buster: I know but she's already ruined so much Buster: I can't just let her take everything Buster: I don't get to go to America and I don't get to be with you either Buster: Fuck that Rio: I know Rio: It's fucked and I really am sorry Rio: it's just fucked Buster: It's only fucked 'cause I fucked it all up Buster: You don't need to be sorry Rio: It wasn't even you that's the worst part Rio: I can't be angry because it was so wrong and weird and horrible Buster: You can be angry at me for going out and getting in that state though. I am Rio: It won't change that it happened, and it definitely won't change that there's going to be a kid Buster: Nothing will Buster: Not how much I don't want it or how much I want you Rio: No Rio: I know Buster: You still get to react to it how you want Rio: I don't want to be angry Rio: I'm tired of it Rio: I wanted to be with you Buster: So come upstairs Buster: Be with me Rio: No Rio: I can't Buster: Why not? Rio: Because you're only doing it because you don't want to think about this anymore Rio: and I can't deal with knowing that Buster: I want you to stay 'cause I love you Rio: Your parents are going to be here soon and you're going to have to tell them Rio: One thing at a time, yeah Buster: I can't tell them while Nance is here Buster: Let's just both go and I'll do it later Rio: Better she hears it from you than her Rio: though yeah, it's going to be fucking awful Buster: She won't say anything, her parents don't even know yet Rio: You suddenly trust her? Buster: She seemed actually bothered about that Rio: Well who wants to tell their parents they're knocked up Rio: not even a boyfriend in sight Buster: She wants me to tell them with her Buster: I said I would Rio: Jesus Christ, Buster Rio: Why don't you just marry her Buster: Don't Buster: I couldn't say no, she asked me and it's not like I wanna tell mine Buster: I'd love to have someone in my corner for it, like Rio: Yes you could Rio: You aren't together, that's such a ridiculous thing to ask Rio: what kind of message do you think it sends to her and her 'rents when you wanna show up all honourable fuck's sake Buster: I was just trying to help Buster: I thought she was scared about it Rio: More fool you Rio: Honestly Buster: I'm an idiot, alright Buster: Whatever Buster: I'm not saying I handled any of the convo well Rio: Because it was a fucking farce Rio: she's probably faking it Rio: who just drops it into a text conversation Rio: I don't buy it Buster: Me either honestly Buster: But we'll see what she comes back with evidence wise Buster: Shopping bags of Baby Gucci don't count, unfortunately Rio: Of course she has Rio: Stupid fucking girl Buster joined the chat 3 hours ago Buster: Like, the levels at which she is not taking this seriously or understanding how fucked any of this is Rio: It's concerning Rio: Maybe her parents will make her Rio: at least you can make sure she tells them if you're there I guess Buster: I mean, I know you don't think it's a good idea but I can also be there to correct any bullshit she tries to say to them Buster: I wouldn't be surprised if she says we're together, you know Rio: Well yeah, that's why she wants you there Rio: so it doesn't look like just a party hookup Buster: What the fuck am I actually gonna do, babe Rio: I don't know Rio: All I know is, you've got what, 8 months, 'til it's actually here so Buster: I'll say that for her, she's given me plenty of warning Rio: You know, hit you up for those push presents Rio: Fucking hell Buster: Don't Rio: I'm not laughing at you but Jesus if I don't Buster: I need a fucking drink Buster: Come with me Rio: Alright, I'll drive you Rio: I'll have to text your sister you know Rio: they'll be worried, more than they are already Buster: I'll do it Buster: I've gotta say sorry for how many times I told her to fuck off etc Buster: Should probably invite them all for drinks 'cause they're gonna need it but Rio: Okay Rio: Proud of you Buster: Don't Buster: I can't start laughing right now I don't trust it Rio: Let's just get you that drink then Buster: I'm not trying to drink alone and be that level of sad cunt, cheers Buster: I'll get us a cab Buster: Leave your car there Rio: Alright Rio: but I don't trust getting wasted Buster: Alright Buster: It's not like I can anyway, I'm gonna have to face the fam at some point Buster: Not as if I can just fly back without talking to them now Rio: Not really Buster: I need to stay here for a while Buster: I literally can't see Chlo until I calm down Buster: She's gone to a party tonight so Rio: Will they let you? Buster: They can't stop me Buster: But once I explain, they'll probably agree it's a good idea Rio: Once they see your room, like Buster: Don't take the piss out of me Rio: I'm not Rio: It's real Buster: Yeah Rio: Have you hurt yourself? Buster: I'm sure I would have noticed by now Rio: Let me come up and check Buster: I'll come down to you. You don't need to be dealing with this mess along with all the others Buster: If I leave a blood trail we'll know what's up, like Rio: Not funny Buster: You don't need to worry about me, babe Rio: That's a lie Buster: I'm alright, I promise Rio: Don't Buster: See for yourself Rio: That's not what I mean Buster: I know, but what can I say? Rio: Nothing if you're not going to be real Buster: Rio, come on Buster: Give me a break, will you? Rio: Seriously? Buster: Yeah, seriously Rio: Fuck off Rio: seriously Buster: Don't start Buster: Let's just go Rio: You go Buster: Babe Buster: Stop Buster: I don't need this from you right now, yeah? Rio: Oh, I'm sorry Buster: Why are you being like this? Rio: Don't be stupid Rio: just come on Buster: How am I being stupid, asking a fucking question? Buster: Just talk to me Rio: I'm fucking heartbroken, Buster Rio: and I don't know how to deal with any of this so give me a break too, alright Buster: I'm sorry Buster: I know, okay, this is so fucked Rio: I know you are Buster: Please don't go Rio: I won't Rio: I'm not Buster: I love you so much Rio: I know Rio: and I love you Rio: but you know that this is going to end it right Buster: Don't say that Rio: Even if we don't talk about it Buster: If you wanna end it then you end it Buster: Otherwise no Buster: It won't Rio: You can say that now Rio: but when the kid's here Buster: What? You think I'm gonna leave you Buster: How does that work? Rio: Because we don't get to work in the real world Buster: Shut up Buster: You don't know that Rio: I just know Rio: You're not going to want to explain it or deal with the backlash, when you've already got all that to contend with Buster: Fuck that, you're guessing Buster: And fuck you if you think I can't handle that Buster: I've gotta tell them about this kid, I want to tell them about you. It's different Rio: I don't want to make your life any harder Buster: You're the only one who doesn't do that Buster: I need you. Don't you know that? Buster: Everything will only be harder without you Rio: You're going to be a Dad Buster: If you wanna use this as your out, I can't blame you Rio: Don't say it like that Rio: I don't want an out, it's not like this is the perfect opportunity for me, fuck off Buster: It is though Buster: Then we don't have to tell your fam, I know you don't wanna do it anyway Rio: Just because I don't want to rush it Rio: Why is it so bad to keep things private Buster: It's not private, it's secret Rio: It had to be Buster: Says you but that doesn't mean I have to want to keep it like that Rio: Well, it's beside the point now isn't it Buster: No Rio: You've got so much more you have to focus on now Buster: I've always had a lot going on Buster: Find a better excuse, babe Rio: Exactly, it isn't just this kid Rio: it's school, all that Buster: It's hard, yeah, it'll get harder Buster: But I'm not just giving up Rio: Babe Buster: Do what you've gotta do Buster: I can't be mad about it Rio: Don't expect me to decide right now Buster: I'm not Buster: I don't have a fucking clue what I'm doing right now apart from losing my shit Rio: Sounds about right Rio: not like you were gonna cry with joy Buster: not like anyone is Buster: Chlo can bullshit all she likes but none of this was planned or how she really wants it Rio: Well, it's happening regardless so Rio: we'll all have to get used to it Buster: Yeah Rio: Cab's here Buster: Alright Buster: Are you still coming? Rio: Yeah Rio: Said I'd keep an eye on you Buster: Where are we going? Buster: The fewer people I have to see the better for them Buster: And us Rio: Don't worry, I know a place Buster: Good

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