#I don't think so but we're doing our best to combat mental illness even if that means doing things that scare the hell out of us

[kate-bishops-waifu]

Do you think she'll like me If I dress like a dead girl?

New ish dress, with an old skirt, that I'm excited about.

[twopoppies]

hi gina, im not sure if this is the right place to talk about this, but i just really feel so sad right now. I'm a college student, and we're having our finals this week and the next. this whole semester was just too overwhelming for me, and i often find myself feeling so inadequate and like I'm not doing good enough. i had a presentation in class today and my professor pointed out how unprepared i was. which made me reflect on how i was just swimming in mediocrity this semester, and that's just not me at all. i used to be this highly academic achieving kid, and now i don't even give my very best, and i just often find myself wasting my time on social media. my depression is also just getting worst everyday, and sometimes i feel so empty. i really don't know where i can find the motivation again to try and save myself this semester, i literally have 10 days left to do so. maybe you have some tips you can give to a lost 20-year old depressed kid who's not really sure with how to deal with life. im so sorry for this stream of consciousness type of message. :')

Hi, sweetheart. I’m so sorry you’re struggling so much right now. I think many people your age struggle with a similar sense of overwhelm and depression. I truly do think the constant diet of social media and 24/7 doom scrolling is so unhealthy for us, mentally.

I don’t really have any suggestions for how to “save” this semester for you in the next 10 days, but I would say that it sounds as though your professor is aware and is empathetic. Maybe you can schedule a meeting with them and talk about all of this. Letting them see that your work does matter to you but that you’re struggling can make a big difference.

Beyond that, it sounds like you could really use a break from technology. I know for me even just disconnecting from tumblr for a week or so creates a huge shift in my productivity and mood.

I have a bunch of resources on my blog under MENTAL ILLNESS and MENTAL HEALTH if you want to look through that for ways to combat the depression (and maybe anxiety). Finding an affordable way to seek therapy would also be helpful (I know I have some posts about that, too).

Sending you lots of love. I think the fact that you’re even aware of the change is a great sign that you can turn things around. ❤️

[creative-nightmares-37]

How to become punk

This is  4000+ words so it's a very long shot, and i made this a longgggg time ago but I hope you like it, at the bottom ill post his transformation!

"I don't understand it!" I sighed to myself angrily as I watched Patton blush.

     What's so great about Virgil?! I mean I could be like that!

     "Anyways Patton, I gotta go." Virgil says giving him a two fingered salute as he turned his back and walked away.

     "Oh my goodness Logan did you see him?!" Patton exclaimed. "I can see it now, we're going to own four dogs, and our house it gonna be mag-" He starts as I interrupt him.

     "I wouldn't look to far into the future Patton, your not even sure if you two at compatible ." I state feeling my heart break slightly.

     "Plus he's no good for you, he's got a bad reputation in the school, and previous schools."

     "Maybe that's why I like him..." Patton mutters to himself as he stares lovingly in the direction Virgil walked in.

      Patton, the school most innocent kid, has fallen for the 2nd most bad boy in ringwell high.

     And his best friend has to watch.

-

     "His hair is soooo purple now, it's a great color on him!" Patton smiles growing red in the face.

     "You know if you like him so much why don't you talk to him." I suggest putting on a fake smile.

      "But I couldn't!" Patton starts.

      "Yes you can, you've been swooning over him for the past two months." I say rolling my eyes.

     "Will you come with me then? I need a wingman." He pleas

     "If it will make you happy." I say knowing he doesn't know the double meaning to that statement.

     "Awe thank you Lo!!" He says as I lead the way to Virgil.

     "Hey teach, hey pat." Virgil states leaning back against the wall.

     "Hey Virgil!" Patton smiles, as they quickly start to talk.

      Soon I see a tall figure, covered with tattoos, hair in a Fo-hawk. Wearing a jean jacket with the arms ripped off combat boots and ripped jeans. Devan, the reason why Virgil is the 2nd biggest bad boy of the school.

     "Hey Virgil." He says voice deep. "who's this?" He asks raising a brow at Patton, and I can see his heart skip a beat,

     "I'm p-Patton." He states flustered

     "And I'm Logan." I state as Devan nods his head.

     "Well do you want to ditch next period. Virgil?" He asks as Virgil nods.

     "Sure thing Dee."

     "I'm going to get a new tattoo, I'm thinking snake scales right here." I says turning his head and pointing at his neck.

     "That's sweet! I think imma get a thunderstorm, or something" Virgil states as he licks his snake bites on his lips.

     "Well I'll see you two around." Devan says giving a wink to Patton and I can see his breathing quicken.

     "Sure thing." He blushes as the other two walk away.

     "He was sooooo hot! I would let him fu-"

     "Don't finish that sentence" I sigh trying not to sound sad as I fix my glasses.

     So Patton as a thing for bad boys huh, well I guess that is do able.

     "He Logan, I'm gonna be gone next week, my cousin is getting married!" Patton smiles as my heart explodes.

     "That's fine, I'll pick you up when your back." I state as he nods happily.

-

(Next week)

     "Virgil I need your help." I state as he glances up at me.

     "With????"

     "I need to be more like you, Patton has a thing for bad boys and-" I start but get interrupted

     "You have a thing for him, and trust me I can tell he likes bad boys." He laughs "but don't worry I got you covered." He states as relief washes over me.

     "But under one condition." Virgil states as my stomach sinks. "You need to help me with Mr. popular over there He states pointing over at Roman Prince.

     "Why that moron?" I think out loud as Virgil blushes.

     "I don't know, maybe it's because he's a moron, but you get him to at least befriend me, and I'll give you a free ride into Patton's heart". He states before mumbling "since h- a- does"

     "What did you say? Ya know nevermind, you have a deal." I say as Patton's smile flashes through my mind. "I bet I could do it within 30 minuets." I state confidently as Virgil stares at me strangely

     "If you can I'll even teach you how to build and ride a motorcycle." He laughs not believing I'm my capability's and Romans arrogance with his overwhelming lack of common sense.

     Oddly enough I'm pretty good friend with Roman, although it's safe to say I'm probably the Biggest nobody in the school, and he's the one who's got everyone around his finger, we make a pretty good team.

     I make my way over, as a smile grows on my face "oh Mr. Popular." I say in a goofy voice as he turns around with a smirk.

     "Oh great it's Einstein himself." He says putting on a face of disgust and I laugh. "What's up lo?" He asks.

     "Can I talk to you for a bit?" I ask as he nods his head and waved goodbye to his friends.

     "You good?" He asks In a soft voice as I nod.

     "I just got a few questions for ya that's all." I shrug "first what's your favorite color

     "Purple? Why?"

     "Do you like guys?" I ask

     "Wow big jump okay..."

"Oh shut it, i think i know the answer." I state slapping his arm as he chuckled under his breath.

"and uhh yeah I've been openly bi for a few months, I can't believe I didn't tell you." He laughs awkwardly.

     "What do you think of Virgil August?" I ask

     "I've never talked to him, he seems kinda Unapproachable." Thats what he says about everyone he likes, he uses it as an excuse, even tho he knows he cab talk to anyone.

     "Hmm, what about look wise." I ask knowing he won't catch on.

     He turns around full 180° and checks Virgil out in the least subtle way possible. "He's a cutie, I guess. But I adore his piercings."

     "Wanna meet him?" I say alittle surprise on how he hasn't even guessed why I'm asking all of theses questions revolving around the angsty bad boy.

     "Alright." He shrugs as we make our way over to the dark dressed teen.

     "Virgil this is Roman, Roman, Virgil." I state as he looks at me surprised.

     "Hey, your the receiver on the football team right?" Virgil asks as he doesn't know.

     "And your the kid who plays the guitar before and after school." Roman says giving his, what the girls call it 'heart stealing smile' and I can tell it worked on Mr. bad boy over here.

     "Uhh yeah." Virgil blushes. "I didn't think anyone heard that." He states bringing his hand to his neck and rubbing it nervously.

     "Your really good, Is love to hear you play sometime." Roman claims casually as Virgil shrugs

     "Roman! Come here!" I hear josh call as Roman holds up a finger telling him to wait.

     "Here." Roman says pulling a sharpie out of his letterman's jacket as he grabs Virgil's hand and taking off the lid.

     "Give me a call, maybe we could see a movie sometime." He smiles as he finishes writing his number and just as he leaves he turns around waves us goodbye and gives Virgil a wink.

     "Holy shit you did it. Holy fuck I have his number, holy damn he wants to take me to a movie." Virgil fangirls

     "Holy hell, can you say holy one more time?" I laugh as Virgil rolled his eyes.

     "Well, lets make Patton fall for you harder than I can fall down the highschool stairs."

I laugh as I remember Virgil staring at Mr. Royal pain, not paying attention to the snow covering the steps, as be sails down the stairs spraining his wrist as be almost manages to do a hand stand only to flip over the rail to the other half of the stairs. And somehow I was the only one who saw it.

-

"Alright Logan, now that you've built one, now you need to learn how to ride one." Virgil sighs as I look at my hands covered in oil and other substances.

     "Can I you know, wash up first?" I ask wiping my hair out of my face.

     " No you gotta learn now dammit." He states with a smile.

     "Uh alright." I state akwardly. "Ohhh you were using sarcasm weren't you?" I say as it clicks.

     "Yes, yes I was." He says shaking his head, but once you've learned how to ride, we will do something about this." I states pointing me up and down.

     "I'm thinking electric blue." He mumbles outloud.

     "You know if it makes patton, share similar, feelings I'll do it." I sigh

      "You do know you shouldn't have to change for him, he should like you for you." Virgil states uneasy.

     "That's the thing, no one is going to want to date a super computer with no style." I state.

     "Well, I'll do this for you, but I'm not going to have you do the permanent stuff, just in case you ever want to go back." He states as we make our way inside to get washed up.

     After an hour of relaxing I hear Virgil call my name.

      "Let's teach this nerd how to ride!" He laughs as I walk into the living room rolling my eyes, knowing full well he's just teasing.

     I follow him out side to see the motorcycle I built, and his.

     "So what have you driven?" He asks

     "A car and a Moped" I shrugged as he lets out a snicker

     "So you've driven a gay motorcycle?" He laughs." As I nod laughing with him. "Don't worry I've driven one too, but atleast you should be decent at riding this bad boy."

     "If you say so." I claim as I climb onto my bike."

     "So when riding your right hand is responsible for two crucial functions, acceleration and braking." He begins to explain "remember that a little twist on the throttle goes along way, you'll find that out when you find your ass on the pavement."

      "You have to be smooth when pressing the brakes, if not you can and will skid and cause an accident if you push the brake to quickly." He states moving over to the other side of the bike "but if you are going to use your rear break right here, you are going to have to multitask and use your foot, this is the most effective way of stopping." He explains while I make a mental note to use that one more often.

     "The clutch on the motorcycle is very similar to a car." He starts pointing at it. "You must brake slightly when switching gears, so your bike won't rattle. But finding neutralwitg your left foot will get some getting used to, make it a habit to clutch every time you switch." He stated as he grabs the clutch and puts it in neutral.

     "That about it, now go to first gear and ride."He states walking over to his bike.

     I take a deep breath in as I slowly let go of the break, hold down the clutch as I make it into first gear, and I start off down the dirt road.

     Slowly it becomes more natural, me using my left foot gets easier and I'm learning how to use the brakes without almost flipping the bike. After a few hours of riding around me and Virgil decide to call it a night.

     "You did good," he stays with surprise In his voice "better than my first go."

     "Thanks!" I smile at him as I walk inside and flop on the couch.

     "I say when we wake up in the morning, we go get some bleach and box dye, and mix up your wardrobe alright." He says throwing me a few blankets and pillows.

     "Thanks Virgil, really."

     "Anytime, plus you got me a date with Mr. Roman Prince so I might as well." He laughs slightly, " if ya need anything holler, I'm probably gonna be awake till, three."

     "Alright But you should sleep more, really." I state

     "Oh god your beginning to sound like my mother." He scoffs lightheartedly as he walks into his room.

     I pull out my phone to see a text from Patton,

Hey lo, my flight will be here at 10:30am on Thursday, I know your going to be at school. But I'm hoping you can still pick me up

Yeah that should be fine, and you know how you were telling I should change up my style?

Yeah! Omg did you do it,? What are you going for?! I think you would look fantastic with a piercing or two!! Or like a jean jacket!!

You'll see, let's just say I've picked up a few tips from our neighborhood edge lord.

Omg I'm so exited, I can already imagine what your going to look like!!

Yeah anyways I'm gonna head to bed I'll see you in a few days, goodnight Patton.

Goodnight lo, I have something ive wanted to tell you, but since your suprising me, I can wait.❤️

Strange he normally doesn't send hearts to me. I think as I feel my heat rate increasing. he's probably is just excited to see me all 'punked up' I think to myself as I plug in my phone and allow myself to fall into a peaceful sleep

-

     I wake up at a semi reasonable time, later than I normally sleep.

      I sit up and rub the sleep out of my eyes before realizing that I slept in my clothes from before.

     I stand up, and make my way into the kitchen to see a note.

I'm guessing you wake up early so if you so eat what ever, I'll be up around one, if you want you can continue practicing riding

-V

10 isn't early. I think to myself shrugging as I open the fridge and decide to make myself some egg toast. I'll make Virgil some before he wakes up.

     After about 15 minutes it's done yet food isn't really on my mind. All I can think about is patton. His smile, his laugh, his very sexual innuendos that are actually funny, how he's been by my side since day one. I love it how his curly hair springs back up when he pulls on them. The freckles that line his glasses, his dimples. He bright emerald eyes. He, in my eyes is the definition of perfect. But I'm worried he won't like me, even after I change for him, after all I'm just... me

     My hair is a taupe brown, messily combed back, so strands naturally fall in my face. Brown eyes, they sometimes look gold but they aren't anything impressive. I'm tall, lanky, boring. My smile doesn't light up a room. My laugh isn't the best. Patton is everything I'm not, so why am I trying so hard to 'win him over?'

     I sigh as I push my plate to the side, I know I'm in too deep, plus Patton already knows that my look is going to change so I might as well.

     I sit in the same spot at the breakfast bar, pondering, the 'What ifs' and all the possible endings if we got together, having some be a magical fantasy others, heart breaking friendship ruining endings . Apparently I was sitting here for a long time since Virgil stumbled into the room pulling out the milk from the fridge.

     "Logan I can feel your doubt in my sleep, what's up?" He asks with purple hair flying every which way.

      "I don't know, I feel like even after I change, Patton's still not gonna like me." I explain as Virgil laughs slightly

     "Are you Fucking me right now? Patton only ever talks about you!" He exclaims. "He May not know it but I can see that he is head over heals, believe it or not Patton is always happier when your around. He blushed when he retells the adventures you've been on, like I said were not doing anything to permanent, just making you pop, so everything clicks for him." Virgil says trying to lighten my mood.

     "But how do you know, all we know is he loves me platonically, Patton likes bad boys, and guess what I'm not." I huff as Virgil rolls his eyes as the doorbell rings.

      " Uhh I'll be right back, but this conversation is not over." Virgil states as he stands up and swings open the door to see Roman standing confidently, hair styled to his perfection, while Virgil is standing embarrassed, hair like a train wreck, purple pajama bottoms with storm clouds, and shirt less.

     "Uhh her Roman!" I hear Virgil squeak out "I didn't know you were coming."

     "Well I wanted to surprise you!" Roman laughs as Virgil pats down his bed head. "Trust me you look great." Roman complements as Virgil opens the door letting the taller In

     "Hey lo! What's up?" Roman asks as he slides into the chair next to mine.

     "The ceiling." I shrug. As he give me a small smile and shakes his head.

      "You ready for your hair transformation?" He asks giving me wiggly eyebrows, like the goofball he is.

     "Actually, I am."

     "Great! Cause I already got the dye!" Virgil says shaking two boxes, one is bleach the other a bright blue dye box.

     "I thought we were getting those today?" I ask aloud

      "Yeah but i was bored last night, sooo." He laughs while he stands on the other side of the breakfast bar.

     "When did you go out?" Roman asks.

     "4:30 I think maybe 5ish" He states already mixing the bleach.

     "Good god! No wonder why you sleep in so late." I claim surprised.

     "Yeah, yeah, I've heard it allllll before. Now come over hear and imma make your hair look hotter the Dee's. I glance over at Roman and I see a look of jealousy that's covered with a smile.

-

     "Is it supposed to feel it itchy?" I yell going into the shower for the second time.

     "Yes!" I hear the two yell

     "Just like last time!" Roman adds as I watch the blue run down the white tile

     "It looks like I killed a smurf!" I yell and I hear laughing.

      After the color fades in the water I hop out and get dressed.

     "Holy fuck" roman states with a giddy smile.

     "Your hair took the dye so well!" Virgil complements, well I think it's a complement. "Now let me style it!" Virgil says as I sit in the familiar chair, that I've been sitting in for 2 and a half hours.

     After fifteen minutes I hear the blow dryer get turned off and the combing stops.

     "Well go see your luxurious hair." Virgil's says pointing at a mirror and I'm met with the brightest blue hair I've ever seen.

     "Wow..." I say running my hands through my fingers speechless.

     "Now how do you feel about contacts?" I hear Roman ask.

      "I have some, but I normally don't use em." I explain as Roman pulls some out of his letterman jacket.

     "I stole theses from your house last night." He shrugs handing them to me and I take them rolling my eyes.

"You mean my landlord let you in?" I state raising an eyebrow as Roman nods and laughs with a cheesy smile.

     I get up close and personal to the mirror in front of me, and put them in with ease, while I can feel Virgil cringing.

     I blink a few times as it shifts into place. I look over at the two smiling like idiots.

     "Hey Virgil?" I start. "Do you know how to do any piercings?" I ask as he cocks a brow, smiles.

     "Yeah, I can do snake bites, ear piercings, tongue and eyebrows." He states,

     "I want all, except the tongue one." I state. If I'm being completely honest I've always wanted piercings but I've never had the means or courage to get them.

     "You sure? I mean they are a pain to clean." He states making sure this is what I really want.

     "Yeah." I state confidently as he leaves, and returns with a box."

     "I'm starting with your ears." He starts. "They are the easiest to do." He claims as he pulls out a lighter and a needle.

      "Roman go into the kitchen and find me a potato." He states as Roman stands up and leaves and Virgil starts lighting the needle.

     "Roman what's taking you so long?!" Virgil yells? After at least five minutes of waiting.

     "I'm coming! Calm you horses." He Roman sighs dramatically as he tosses Virgil the potato. And before I know it my ears and my lip is pierced twice.

     "Your right! This didn't hurt at all!" I say surprised as Virgil nods concentrating intensely as I feel his hands pinch my left eyebrow.

     " be still." He grunts as he gets a bigger needle with a piercing connected to the end."

     I feel the needle go in and this time it's painful.

     "Fuck." I mutter, as Virgil freezes in fear

     "Your lucky." Virgil states as he starts to clean up his gear.

     "Why?"

     "I normally don't do eyebrow piercings because there's a vein near there where it could permanently paralyze you, unless your lucky." He says

     "And your only now telling him?!" Romans gasps and I nod along.

     "Trust me, I know my Shit, I'm trying to be a professional."

     "But your not." I state as he gives me a playful glare.

     "Alright nerd, well I guess i cant call you that anymore, anyways lets go shopping."

     "I love shopping!" Roman smiles happily as we all head out the door

-

We come back with bags upon bags of  grungy/ punk outfits that I personally like, and will make me look 'cooler'

     "Well that's been enough shopping for me, my children and my grandchildren." Virgil says flopping on the couch.

     "Are you serious?" Roman gasps. "It was only 2 and a half hours!" He says

     "Well how long do you normally shop, Mr. Flamboyant over there?" He asks lifting his head from the cushion, just to let it fall back down.

     "I normally go out, and wander around all day, then go home with all my Goods." He states holding his few bags.

     "I'm so happy I'm not you" Virgil stare muffled as I get a call by the one and only Patton.

      "Hey Patton? What's up?" I ask and I hear a weak voice respond

     "Um, are you alone right now?"

     "Uhh." I state walking into Virgil room and locking it behind me. "I am now, what's wrong."

     "So uh, my cousin slipped up that I liked guys at her wedding, and my parents didn't take it well." He states voice cracking.

     "I'm so sorry Patton." I sympathize as my heart breaks for him.

      "It's alright." He sniffs. "But they made me come home early, and I know it's all of a sudden but I need a place to stay, and a ride, and I know that you just got your own place and I don't want to intrude but I-"

     "You can stay with me Patton. Where are you right now?" I say understandingly.

    "I'm out side the airport."

     I'll be right there, luckily for you, I just finished shopping so you can see my new style." I say trying to lighten the conversation.

     "I can't wait." He says and I can hear the soft smile on his face.

     "See I'm a few." I state.

     "Thank you so much Logan, really, and I've been thinking a lot, and I've decided that I got something important to tell you once your here."

     "I can't wait." I say just as he did to me as he hangs up and I open the door to clothes thrown at me."

     "Go to your lover!" Roman squeals as I stare at him and shut the door.

     "I get dressed in a long green shirt with a flower print on it, black skinny jeans and boots as quickly as possible, and I freeze at the door.

"Do you think i can drive all the way to the airport?!" I panic.

" Of course you can! Your a natural, just go on the back roads." He states worring a little since we didnt practice much.

     I soon arrive to the air port where I see Patton with a back pack and I pull up beside him.

     "Hey patton." I smile as I see his jaw drop slightly.

     "Holy fuck." He whispers but quickly turns pink.

     I open my arms as he clings on to me.

"What was the thing you were going to tell me?"

     "I Uhh... I've thought... um." He starts as he pulls away.

     "So, I was talking to Virgil and he made me realize that Ireallyreallylikeyou! Butnowyoulooksogreat! Andidontknowwhattodowithmyself!" He says quickly as my heart speeds up.

     And I do something the nerd I was would have never done. I grab his face and kiss him, and he quickly melts into the kiss. And we break apart smiling.

     "You have no idea how long I've been waiting to do that." I gasp as Patton blushes.

     "I liked your nerdy style, but I love this one." He states.

     "That's why I did it."

     I watch as his eyes grow wide as he runs his fingers through my hair. "Logan! You shouldn't have changed for me! I was going to ask you out anyway."

     "But I like the style too, so don't worry about that." I reassure him and he stares skeptically.

     "If you say so." He states as I take off his back pack and put it beneath the seat the I get onto my bike.

     "You coming?" I ask as he nods happily and climbs on the back seat, his arms snaking around my waist and as I begin to ride I feel his head lean against my back and I can truly say that this is the happiest I've ever been.

@dailypattondoodle @ashstormfall @loki-god-of-soap