#I don't think I've hit depression but certainly some sentimental space. not sad but also not settled
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#I don't think I've hit depression but certainly some sentimental space. not sad but also not settled#somewhere between nostalgia and pondering my life as it is these days#I like learning new things. but I do miss my old job even if there's no way for me to keep working it#not with how my body has just been desintegrating around me#but I'm afraid that being indoors day in and day out is just gonna make it all worse in the long run#I've already gotten migraines that are far worse than they used to be in the winters#and my knees keep failing me even more now and I know the answer is more physical activity#but between the lack of time and the social anxiety and the anxiety about being in places I used to share with old colleagues...#well... it's a mess that I'm not ready to face#I miss climbing so much but atm I can barely hold my water bottle when I fill it#and even just while putting on my shoes I have to be so careful not to twist my leg at all or I risk not being able to walk properly#it's just.. I'm ready to have grey hair and for people to stop assuming me to be a decade younger than I am#but I'm not ready to feel this weak and unable to do the things that used to bring me joy#I guess I just miss feeling capable. in charge of myself and my body. all I feel these days is out of control#a day in the life of..
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