#I don't think I'll ever have a life without suffering anyways due to my foreshortened sense of future so what's the big deal?!
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Huh, I've never been so dysphoric before I start stress eating. First time for everything I guess
#fungi.txt#I knowwwww I should seek help but consider this: I'm too embarrassed to do it#I know I'm technically already a man because that's the whole point of being trans and I know that I'll get over myself either way#so what's the point of asking for help?#I don't even know what help to ask for!#to tell me I'm manly? I'm pre everything! manly is the last thing I am!#I'm just a poor excuse of a boy!#anything I ever do is just a poor parody of masculinity because I'm just doomed from birth!#best I can do is to gaslight myself into detransing at this point!#who cares if it hurts? I'm already hurting! I've been hurting my whole life one way or another! this is just part of the package!#I don't think I'll ever have a life without suffering anyways due to my foreshortened sense of future so what's the big deal?!#I'll never be who I want to be because I'm just not strong enough to make it real and I'm exhausted of people telling me otherwise!#I'm not strong enough to stand up for myself in my own house!#I'm not strong enough to ask most people to stop triggering me or misgendering me!#I'm a lot of things and strong isn't one of them!#god what am I waiting for? I should just end it all. except that I won't since there's no painless way to do it so it's not worth it#I'll just continue to revel in my misery until something else takes me out of it
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