#I don't see vaule in myself unless it's sexual.....but even then
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Text
Vent
Tw: suicide
#I need a hug#I've got heavy shit on the mind#I'm hypersexual n need sex but at the same time I'm tired of whoring myself out for attention#there's people I keep around even tho I'm 90% sure they're just using me#just seems funny that im suddenly popular when I get the energy to send spicy pics#this is about several people still here and not#I know it's my fault for letting myself be used#but at this point?.....I hate myself so much and I want the attention more than I wanna be safe#I don't see vaule in myself unless it's sexual.....but even then#im seriously feeling broken#my life wasn't horrible I have no excuse to be this much of a loser#but no matter how hard I try nothing changes#I don't think I'll ever feel loved n safe#I wanna fall asleep in arms that are 110% safe#I'm not being used everything's equal and I'm confident I won't be dumped#why am I broken in these ways when I had a good life that people who are actually abused envy#I wish something solid happened in my life so I wouldn't feel like a fake loser#what if God tells me I was subconsciously lazy the whole time#IM NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING but; I'm just really feeling like I'm a bad person who needs to be exterminated#but what if subconsciously I'm just saying that because I want attention?#what if I'm subconsciously making every problem up and I'm just lazy and bad and evil#I really feel like the world would be better off without me even if it makes my loved ones sad#I know this one's far fetched but it's a real anxiety I have and I need to get it off my chest in hopes I'll forget it;#what if in my effort to make everyone happy I'm subconsciously following the devil's deeds cus I'm the antichrist?#right now logically I'm not 100% there#but there are times during anxiety attacks where it feels more than 100% possible that I'm that evil...#I just feel like I'm desperately trying to scrub my subconscious clean and I can't reach these really dark places#I can't see everything and it scares me what if there's stuff I don't agreee with there#I wish someone could understand these feelings but I just think I'm so fucked up m twisted#:( I don't wanna be a bad person
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