#I don't know if it's more humiliating

[hephaestuscrew]

Listening to fiction podcasts with my dodgy headphones is so humiliating because when there's a long pause in what I'm listening to, I'm sat there trying to guess if it's for dramatic effect or a scene transition, or if my headphones have just decided to stop working.

[zdoes]

Who's filming though ___ I genuinely enjoy drawing Disco Elysium fanart and posting it here, you all are so funny!!

[queertealover]

I'm not the biggest fan of Reed, I tend to be on the fence when it comes to him, always have been. Sometimes I like him, others I hate him. But I do love him on Earth-6160/Ultimates.

[starleska]

revisiting the old hyperfixation that is Warren the Eagle 🙈💖 sometimes hyperfixations lie in wait for weeks, months, even years before they get you. but within seconds of hearing that pathetic, whiny little voice, i just fucking knew... i knew Don't Hug Me I'm Scared had gotten me again and i knew it would be this freak before he was even on the screen 💀

[pucellerie]

i'm glad i'm gay because i don't think i've ever felt the maternal instinct for even one singular second so i doubt i'll be able to love one... & i don't hate babies i just feel nothing when i see them like i'm fascinated but that's sort of where it ends for me

[blackwaxidol]

Admittedly I am having an episode. Goodnight 👍.

[halfbaked00q]

ngl. I want a Dom Q flavor that is like. a bit of a sadist. like maybe not necessarily a looot of a sadist. but like at least a bit of one. I want him to like. rly bully Bond. and not just in a cute way. like in a genuinely sadistic for his own haha sickos personal, gleeful pleasure kind of way.

this can include for example things like, playing with Bond (handling dick, tweaking his nipples, continuing to finger him or fuck him) after he's come and while he's like still sensitive and like getting into the overstimulated territory about it. also lmao. ...habe to admit. I found many of @/doll-tamer's posts very like. "ooh what if this for a specific flavor of Dom Q & sub Bond 👀👀👀... 👁👅👁." some examples that uhhh yeah I do gotta admit had me thinking... quite a few thots... (some of them are wow that would be gr8 to see... I want all of this but 00q.... and lowkey a couple are me going "....yea this is kind of Bond-core...." or like this is the-flavor-of-Dom-Q-Im-going-for-here-core....)

to be fair to me tho!!!!!!! I know Im not the only one cuz some of these DO in fact bear similarities to things I have seen in fic!!! So yes this is about me and myyy haha sickos personal tastes. But also I Know it also is Our tastes!!!

But also I want this specific flavorr and also.. if I could get like five more of these little blonde bitches dot meme.........

[theflyingfeeling]

I hate it here sm

[azelmaandeponine]

Wow, I sure am glad the BBE4 kids have never done a single thing wrong in their lives!

[eightspringdays]

idk if i say it here but one time I was writing meronia, I got so upset, I fake cried out loud and like three minutes later, a neighbor knocked on my door asking if I was okay.

i lowkey felt like i wanted to die.

[caramelcoconutswirl]

I don't even hate my job i just can't deal with my coworkers

[the-golden-ghost]

Do you ever read a book that's like. Shakes you but also makes you realize how mediocre you are at your own craft

[supercantaloupe]

nothing but support and understanding so far from my supervisor coworkers and professors when i reveal my present struggle with migraines and medication for the same. nevertheless it always feels like an exercise in humiliation to talk about it

[feral-coffee]

I never expected to see anything like this. I'm fairly used to being the ... token, I suppose, or at least I was when I still had community to interact with.

Everyone else into flogging was just whack whack whack, hard, hard, hard, until the sub had enough*. I had my own technique, I kept people guessing as the Dom and as the sub, I learned to accept that not everyone does it like me and sometimes it's the Dom that ends up ending the session because they imagine I couldn't possibly want to take it that far and what could it mean I though something was lacking.

I haven't even finished the video yet and it's like hearing my own thoughts in another person's voice. And yes, mix it up, go hard to the point of crossing over into blood play if that's wanted, go soft and gentle, go moderate and let the sub wonder if it's a prelude to hard or soft. Go hard to bring sensitivity up, soft to work with that sensitivity and turn it into a very intense and loving caress, go moderate to keep the feelings maintained so the hard and soft remain balanced, tolerable, enjoyable. Read your sub, give them what they desire while subverting their own expectations by making the next time the whip comes in contact with them a surprise.

Keep it safe, of course, keep it consensual, of course, but don't let it become dominated by rules intended to keep it uniform and boring. Keep it new, take it to new levels and find new ways to transcend the everyday drudgery of life.

These people would get me.

Seriously, if you understand and work with the emotions of the whole session and say fuck the aesthetics of it, any audience you have, as well as partners will absolutely adore the part of the overall aesthetic they'd been missing before. It goes from basic and cold and formulaic, to real, heartfelt, and deep, and to me, that's everything.

*Not shaming the community - some do like that. I was just different. We were all different in our own ways.

[nebulouscoffee]

That scene between Tuvok and B'Elanna from 'Resistance' wrecks me actually... It's such a great moment for both characters (and actors, Tim Russ is SO underrated ugh) which highlights the differences between the two of them so well- yet, ultimately shows that under certain circumstances (in this case, torture) the distinctions between people... don't really matter. In an episode full of political violence, this moment is so significant, and I don't even really think I have the smarts to articulate why but I'll try lol.

TORRES: We told you already. We don't know anything about the Resistance.  AUGRIS: I've heard that many times, from many people. Take him.  (The forcefield is lowered, and Torres grabs the guard that steps through.)  TUVOK: Lieutenant, stop! That will not help either of us.  AUGRIS: He's right.

Everything about the way this scene (and the final shot where she's shoved back into her seat) is framed makes B'Elanna appear small, helpless- and embarrassed at her own helplessness- in that cell. We see her fidgeting, unable to sit down, constantly trying to break out or improvise her way out of the situation (she gets electrocuted earlier while trying to tamper with the circuitry)- it makes me wonder whether Tuvok was chosen to be tortured not because they believed he was more likely to have information, but because B'Elanna was more likely to be demoralised watching helplessly as he's dragged off. Augris's line implies that he's "broken" a great many people in the past; a tactic to instil fear and a helpless sense of inevitability in them both (torture doesn't work as a reliable way of extracting information; this is stated in dialogue in other Trek episodes such as 'Chain of Command' so the assertion here is at least not that- but what it does do is demoralise the public involved in resistances like this one.)

Later, B'Elanna is still trying to escape (do the guards know she's doing this? Are they just not intervening?) and she hears him screaming. Tuvok is someone who considers letting others witness him lose control over his exterior a huge (indecent, violating, humiliating) vulnerability, and the fact that he's the one being tortured is Not Insignificant in this context but like- it could've been the other way round. And B'Elanna knows that. It could've been her, and perhaps a small, scared part of her is relieved that it wasn't her, which is an awful way to feel (and if there's one thing B'Elanna hates, it's feeling like a coward). Also- the sheer violation of this, for B'Elanna to have witnessed him in this state, against her will- to later see him bloodied and weakened and flung in a cell, to have heard him screaming in pain- without his consent, knowing she can never un-witness it, knowing it wasn't her fault but still being put in such a situation where she has now played that role... Does this experience forcibly rewrite their respective conceptualisations of each other? Was Tuvok even thinking of her- somewhere outside, listening, worrying, blaming herself, fearing for herself, feeling ashamed, feeling so aware of him and her and the shared humiliation of this- when he was in there? Did seeing her upon coming back out change things? Could it ever change things? Did her presence, even as an outsider, whose memories of this event will always be (visually, at least) the constructs of her imagination- somehow make what happened in there real? Does her role as witness- and her memory thereby carrying some sort of legitimisation of what happened to him now, however warped and coloured by her own perspective and fears and embarrassment- make things better for Tuvok? Does it make things worse? Would he rather have endured this in secret? Would it have been better if she were a total stranger? Would it have been worse? And does any of this even matter when, for a moment, your life (your personhood, your goals, your presence) was completely reduced to what you "must endure"?

AUGRIS: We don't have to ask your friend any more questions, if you give us the answers.  TORRES: I told you I don't.  (Torres stops herself from hitting Augris, who leaves.)  TORRES: I'm sorry. I guess I always assumed that Vulcans didn't feel pain like the rest of us. That you were able to block it out somehow. Until I heard. Was that you I heard?

And the way B'Elanna's voice breaks when she asks this, as if she was still somehow hoping the answer would be no... There are complexities to this which again I don't feel like I'm smart enough to articulate, but like- yes, B'Elanna would like to hear that it wasn't him because that would mean her friend wasn't tortured "that badly", he wasn't put through "enough pain" to scream that way, and it's easier and more comfortable to think of violence (and violation) as something you can rank on a scale, and the lower on it Tuvok's experience ranks, the better! the more easy it will be for them to "move past" this! - but also, there's this element of "I want the answer to be no because that would mean I would not have been a participant in your humiliation, just some stranger's whose voice I don't have a face to put to, which is much better than having to know what you (my friend, my colleague, my respected senior officer, someone I will have to see every day on the bridge, someone I know prefers to keep vulnerabilities hidden even deeper than anyone else I know) sound like when you scream. But also... it doesn't really matter, does it...? Whatever he says, there always was still a moment- however brief- where B'Elanna heard a man screaming in agony, and thought it could've been Tuvok. And in that moment, that possibility was created. Now, it will always exist. That moment will always have happened. It will always have done something to her. It will always exist between them; an ugly, uncomfortable bond.

And this is getting into even more things I'm not smart enough to articulate, but like- it's pretty significant to me that B'Elanna is one of the few characters who never actually tries to poke Tuvok into Doing An Emotion, even normally. She doesn't consider trying to get him to crack an entertaining pastime, unlike others (and I'm sure her experiences of feeling like an outsider- always- feeling Very Visible As Klingon, play a role in this- "all they ever saw was my forehead" does not lend itself so kindly to "let's see if we can get Mr. Vulcan to smile", "why, Tuvok, it seems you've been corrupted by Human (read: default) rituals after all!"- it's a light-hearted joke for many, sure, but what if Tuvok genuinely considers the idea of smiling in the presence of others reflective of a humiliating loss of control and deeply debasing?) I think it's pretty clear from canon that he's just being himself; he's not trying to be a killjoy or trying to be mean, he's just Vulcan. And this is one of the few moments in Trek I can think of when a Vulcan's perceived "control" over their emotions is not connected with their reluctance to laugh or cry or say something sentimental, but... this. B'Elanna is shocked, she's horrified, she demands an explanation as to how he can possibly go through something like this and not feel the desire to "fight back" in a way she understands- and the way she cannot grant him the pretence of not having witnessed, here, the way she can't just shove this in a box, pretend she never heard, because she's just so fundamentally honest- and Tuvok (who is also so fundamentally honest), in a painful moment of openness, tells her exactly what his reasoning is. He lets her see. He lets her hear; on his own terms. He wants for her to understand (for her to witness?) his (very Vulcan) distinction between resistance and endurance; his understanding of endurance as its own form of resistance. Idk it's such a quietly powerful and like- devastating- moment for me... So many people try, over and over, thoughout the show, to get Tuvok to break his Vulcansona- try to make him smile, make him say tender things, make him get irritated- just to see if they can do it. Just to see if he'll ever crack. I bet B'Elanna wishes she never had.

[beevean]

https://youtu.be/3kpyce2jdqs?feature=shared

Btw it turns out that a children's cartoon has a better showcase of the effects of abuse on the human mind than le deep show

Huh, not what I expected. I must have missed this episode, poor Eustace.

If we're talking about CN shows, this clip reminded me of Eddy's brother:

If you rewatch some of the scenes of the show with the knowledge that he was an abusive older brother, always belittling and humiliating and even beating Eddy, his jerkish behavior becomes tragic. Eddy is terrified of his brother, but he's also the best role model he got. He holds no resentment towards him, in fact he calls him his hero for teaching him so much - ignoring that he was a toxic influence and Eddy might have become as sadistic as his bro hadn't he had his friends to temper him. Eddy's main objective through the whole movie was seeking shelter with the brother who is not afraid of beating him up in front of his friends - yes it's over the top in the show's usual exaggerated style, but that's what he's doing when you boil it down, and the reactions of the characters make it clear that this is serious. Eddy's not even surprised when he does it, the brother is just the best he has in his life! It's sickening!

For a comedic show whose main source of humor is slapstick and making sure the protagonists never experience joy, it's a surprisingly poignant depiction of the conflicting feelings you can feel for a person you care about but also hurts you and makes you feel inferior.

Hint hint.