#I don't care to speculate on Gamma and Dovah's sexualities but goddamn they can bring a relatable ace/aro character to life

[lavander-aavaros]

After browsing through 2 and 3 year old reddit posts, I can definitely understand why some people ended up feeling betrayed by RE:H. Even though I had the complete opposite experience. I distinctly remember seeing "anti-dating sim" on the itchio page back in 2019, but I guess they didn't keep that to the very end?

It's certainly a depressing game, but browsing all those comments really just makes me appreciate that this game exists even more

(Spoilers ahead)

I can certainly relate to Dov's feelings of frustration at dating sims, the standard of a "happy ending reward" and fluffy sex/romance, all that

I played it when it first came out (and holy shit, it really has been 3 years), and at that point, I hadn't yet accepted my asexuality, let alone aromanticism.

I guess, my point is, the sex and romance in the game really hit a part of me that took a few more years to decipher. I flirted with all the characters in the "standard" way and I honestly dreaded the "relationship end" that would inevitably come. But I was prepared to bear it for vampires and pretty art. And honestly, because I'm used to it. No matter how much you try, you can't escape sex and romance. The best case scenario is finding a few friends that will shut up about it around you

And it is what it is, you know? People find joy in sex and romance and they're not wrong for it. Conflicting needs and all that

...And then, that "relationship end" never came.

I've been replaying the game, currently on Markus' route, which is what sparked all of this.

And Markus... oh, Markus. I did the flirting, I said I wanted to have sex. Some of it was curiosity, I wanted to see ALL the text. And some of it was going along with what I was used to. You flirted, now have sex. This is your own doing.

Now, I'm not much into noncon. On a good day, I simply don't think about it, on a bad day it squicks the hell out of me. Which is a problem when I want to vent out my sex repulsion and read some straight up Bad Sex, and the only Bad Sex I can find is noncon. (I can write my own, but sometimes you just want to relate to a character, you know?)

And then Markus' scene came along, and it was the first time I'd seen some downright uncomfortable consensual sex. He asks if you want to have sex. You say yes. It's on his own terms and he says he will be "doing the impaling". You have sex. It's not good sex.

And with Markus, with honestly the entirety of RE:H, it was the first time that Sex And Romance Conclusion felt... good. It was the first time that reading sex and romance didn't feel like a punishment for my curiosity. "I started this, now I have to see how it ends. Ah fuck, the characters fell in love and now they're having sex. If only I wasn't playing a dating sim. Oh well, it's too late to turn back now"

Which, I admit, is an... odd mindset, given that I could just not play dating sims. But I like clicking the spacebar button and looking at pretty pictures!

I am half joking, I did spend a good chunk of my life reading and playing romance in hopes that, one day, if i did it long enough, I would just get over my repulsion and "be normal"

I've seen people say that the RE:H sex and relationships felt like a punishment. I think that was Dov's original plan, if I remember correctly?

But for me, it was the first time I actually felt rewarded for bearing the flirting. The happy Relationship And Sex reward was never rewarding to me, because honestly, I don't get why anyone would like that in the first place. Why would you ever want something that makes you feel gross and uncomfortable, you know? (I am aware that people in this world do like sex, but I just cannot relate)

So when I got uncomfortable and downright bad sex, I finally felt rewarded with relatability. "Yes! This is what sex is! This is what flirting and relationships feel like!"

This is what sex and relationships have always been to me. Repulsive and uncomfortable and, worst of all, unavoidable. Yes, sure, in real life, you can simply not have sex, you can stay single. But let's be real here, it's unavoidable when you like vampire fiction and action movies. And I could never relate to the fluffy ace characters that just... don't have sex.

I don't have a problem with people feeling betrayed and disliking the game, we all have different tastes. But, for me, at a point in my life where I hadn't accepted myself, at a time in my life where I was trying to "fix myself", RE:H was the first time I could have my cake and eat it too

I'm getting quite emotional. RE:H wasn't my saving grace. It wasn't everything and it still took years for me to get comfortable with myself. But, perhaps, call it a helping hand. A step on the ladder out of my own self-inflicted hell.

Though RE:H is bleak and depressing, and I can't risk playing it when I haven't had enough sleep, it truly means a lot to me and it will always have a place in my heart