#I don't believe he actually purrs in cannon

[reine-du-sourire]

Knight to E4 - Chapter 2 - AstraLowelle - Batman - All Media Types [Archive of Our Own]

Bruce rants to Selina, who is not helpful.

@diddle-riddle @riddlesbat

"...and so we've been meeting in the library and playing chess and working on my report," Bruce finishes. He can practically hear Selina listening intently on the other end of the line. "And Lina, he beats me most of the time. I only won about three games!"

A laugh. Selina laughs a lot at the things Bruce says, usually not unkindly. "Bruce, honey, you are the only guy I know who gets excited over losing chess games. You’re an unbelievable nerd."

"You say that all the time."

"I mean it all the time! I can't believe you managed to make a friend with that little stim toy of yours!"

"He's not really my friend," Bruce corrects. He doesn't fight the part about the chess plate and pieces serving as stim toys. "We're... study partners, I guess. And chess opponents. He's really good."

"You're an unbelievable nerd."

"Lina, I need help! I finally got him to agree to come and he's coming over here tomorrow after school! What do I do?"

"Did you really?" Selina purrs. "Look at that! My little Brucie's making friends and inviting them over! Did Alfred die of shock, or pride? Or both, actually."

"We- I just offered, yesterday, said he- Edward, I mean- might like the library here, and he said over his dead body. I asked again today and he said he would think about it, and then he did this coup de fouet with his queen and put me in check, and..." Bruce trails off. "Alfred said that he was very pleased and that while he was glad it came in handy, I still shouldn't be lugging my board everywhere."

Selina chuckles. She's well aware of the ongoing battle between boy and butler.

Bruce plays with the edge of his hoodie string.

"So what do I do?" he asks finally, and flops backward onto his bed.

"About him coming over?"

"Yeah. Do I change my clothes? What should I do? What do people do when they have friends over?"

"You said it, not me."

"Lina!"

Selina giggles. A thought hits Bruce.

"I could ask Alfred to make us snacks," he offers proudly. "Like when you come over. What do you think?"

"I think it's a great idea," Selina agrees. She pauses. "In case you're wondering, he likes peanut butter and anything pumpkin."

"How do you know that?"

"You think you’re the only one who calls me to rant? Eddie and I have been friends for years."

In lieu of a heart attack, Bruce nearly drops the phone. A string of words Alfred would definitely not approve of tumble from his lips. "Lina!"

She giggles again. "It's kinda hilarious, actually, listening to you both. I can't decide which of you more desperately needs a brick to the head."

"I can't believe you didn't tell me you were friends! What does he say? Does he talk about me?"

"About stupid Bruce Wayne with his stupid eyes and stupid little chess set and stupid report and his stupid knight move that he still can't figure out? I mean, Eddie doesn't always say stupid, but you get the idea."

That knight move is still the only one Edward's never managed to beat. It gives Bruce a little spark of pride. He assumes that's why Edward still helps him out; they've played endless games in between questions and edits and research.

"...cool," Lina's saying, and Bruce quickly tunes back in. "Don't stress. I know you like having everything planned out perfectly, but Eddie's kind of a loose cannon."

Interesting.

"In a weird, OCD way. So anyway, he's going home with you right after school?"

"No. He said he'd walk over at five. I offered to get him a car but he wouldn't let me."

"That's Eddie. He likes to have an escape plan. And he really hates relying on people."

That sounded familiar.

"So he's coming at five."

"Yeah. I can't believe you didn't tell me you were friends."

"And spoil all the fun? No way."

"Does he know we're friends? You and me, I mean?"

"Nope!"

Bruce sighs. That's Selina, all right.

"So snacks. What else?" she encourages. "And no, you don't have to change your clothes."

"Snacks... the library? I don't know, I called you for help! And you're not really giving it."

"Is that any way to speak to your wingwoman, Brucie? I think not."

"Maybe I'll just ask Alfred."

"Definitely ask Alfred. And don't stress so much, seriously."

"I can't."

"Yeah, I know. But when all else fails, there's still your chess set."

Bruce isn't sure if that's supposed to be a joke, but it's probably the best idea Lina's given him all afternoon.

[a-collection-of-villainous-aus]

Coffee Shop Au

(THIS IS PART TWO BUT I ENDED UP MAKING IT LONGER THAN EXPECTED SO I AM GOING TO PROBABLY HAVE EITHER ANOTHER PART OR TWO OF PART TWO....suffers with fear of boring you)

Ah look so we're back here again, boy merman Flug is really secretly digging on Hat and just being stubborn but with good cause, Blind Au Flug argued with Hat and told him a few truths...ouch...

 But now we are back at the coffee shop, a quiet Victorian styled place in modern day, the cafe has brought in a few more customers with the lunch time rush, but someone has been there since the early hours of the morning.

 Oh ho we all know Hat is not the waiting in line type, Hat wait in line how bloody absurd...until Acylius stood in front of him, brow raised, arms folded across his chest.

 Imagine a slow camera pan up considering this man is six ft seven without his hologuise on to make himself appear as cannon Flug does and Hot chocolate's I believe in miracles plays somewhere as Black Hat just thinks Mmmm damn.

 "I will have the barista with a topping of cream...wait..."

 Blinking as he came back to reality, the demon peeked around Acylius to see other customers giggling and some were awkwardly blushing.

 "I said that aloud?"

 "Yes you did."

Now imagine like in an anime where they're like stick people and there's this big blue and black cloud  above them, Hat returns to his seat and Demencia slides in beside Flug

 "¬w¬ so it is safe to say he thirsty for you."

 "Demencia not now, I am still trying to figure out how to tell him I do not feel comfortable serving him a thirty fifth coffee in good conscience."

 Acylius sighed before stifling a laugh with his friend who couldn't help but smile, ha yes in good conscience...there was literally a man tied up under the cafe.

 A customer had been about to complain but as soon as Black Hat glared at them with a death threat silent motion of a claw across the neck they scurried back to their position in line.

 Black hat being a man of business understood Acylius needed to work, didn't mean he couldn't bloody well pout about it, he looked over his paper every now and then, finding people looking away immediately but they didn't bother him, he was going to have to wait to find out if this truly was the man he lost...honestly there was no mistaking him but fate was not known to be kind.

 Blocking out the sound of chatter the demon's focus was on him, Flug gracefully coughs more like tripping stumbling as he was nervous about Black Hat's presence every order, mask up such a shame, these shallow fools though of course would stare  in horror or run at the sight of those beautiful scars.

 Demencia was the one who next approached him, odd if he remembered rightly he had insisted Acylius be the only one to serve him, for Flug's sake he would allow this.

 "Come to take my order finally?"

 she paused looking off to the side awkwardly as her fingers drummed on the tray

 "Actually nuuu he wants to cut you off, apparently something about too much caffeine."

 "Excuse me but did I hear you correctly, he wants to cut me, thee great Black Hat off from coffee?"

 Growling and standing up so suddenly his chair nearly fell back, remember this is like a high back solid oak chair , that we ourselves could not just make wobble like some cheap cafeteria stool made out of thin plastic and four metal legs.

 The glare he sent him lasted 0.1 seconds as he saw the way his eyes crinkled above the mask in a smile as he wished the customer a good day, huffing Black Hat slumped back down into the chair , pulling the blanket back over himself and grumbled

 "Fine...dark hot chocolate...after that just tell him to work his way through the menu."

 "Ohhh you really like him don't you."

 "Quiet you already know I do, you literally tried to arrange a courtship for us this morning."

 He started playing with the sugar cubes in the small dish, trying to keep his gaze from the barista working through his orders.

 "Did he say yes yet?

 She returned, hand on hip grinning

 "I bet you two got all kinds of plans lined up!"

 "Actually he has only been formal; yes Jefecito, no Jefecito...disappointing really."

 Hat pouted eating a sugar cube like it was a piece of candy and regretted his choices but swallowed anyway.

 "What the hell man, he banters and makes dirty jokes with me all the time right now he's being a...wait a minute..."

  Demencia whistled to get Flugs attention; the moment he looked in their direction and saw Black Hats little wave at him his ears went pink.

 "I will be right with you!"

 "Oh my god you've made him shy, you made Acylius Flug shy, the man who can charm his way out of a snake pit you've turned into a blushing virgin."

 Demencia laughed, hand to her mouth, gods that was adorable.

 That had our favorite villain’s attention, sitting to attention and leering, while devil horns were not visible they were easy to imagine.

 This was starting to sound more and more like his beloved he'd lost...but so many people where flustered around him, babbling idiots trying to gain favor, though honestly it seemed like Acylius was just trying to make it through the day.

 Hot coffee and other beverages were highly sought after in this cold weather, glancing out at the window, while it had stopped snowing it certainly wasn't shifting.

 “Oh really, that is quite the revelation considering he was quick to tell me to wait in line.”

“Yeah, well no cutsies, not even for you big guy.”

She laughed waving off the minor complaint, writing down his order, relieved that Flug would not have to return to him and tell him himself that coffee was off the menu for the Lord of Darkness, though….heh …looking over her shoulder then back at Black Hat.

“You know how to make coffee?”

“Of course I do…what, am I to believe you would have me make my own-“

Demencia stopped him from his near full on rant with a harsh shhhh

“Stop getting your evil ass in a panic, you want to kiss him?”

The old demon had been ready to snap, this was either the worst or most peculiar service he’d ever had but his attention quickly snapped into focus at the mere mention of getting to kiss the barista, he was on his feet and in her face so quickly not even Barry Allen could have kept up with him.

“What do I have to do?”

She blinked, well if that demonic voice didn’t cry desperate she didn’t know what did.

“Offer to help, he did put out an ad but no one’s answered it yet and-“

Before Demencia even managed to finish there was a cartoon dust cloud of the old demon as he was in the kitchen finding an apron and pulling it on walking out soon afterwards, sleeves rolled up, he marched on over to a very surprised Acylius and pulled him away from the counter back into the kitchen.

Some of the customers looked confused while others just allowed this as if nothing was happening, one after all did not argue with the Great Lord Black Hat, nope, nuh uh, no way no how…but one or two did smile, was that spice in the air, the tyrant of Hatsville some had noticed was pretty demanding of this Barista’s attention.

“You need to stop doing that!”

Acylius told him in a flustered whisper as if anyone could just hear them, looking back to the door way, they were actually out of sight to everyone else.

“My customers will start rumors that you and I are together and you just-just gave me this place on a whim.”

Black Hat’s eyebrows rose half way up his hat which Acylius would have found unsettling if he’d been human, ohhh dear, he’d probably upset him with his wild imagination.

“Having little fantasies while you work doctorrr?”

Damn him, damn him and his accent and his teeth and, AND everything *insert frustrated noise*

He already knew his face had gone pink….AGAIN!

 Acylius pinched the bridge of his nose

“No I-“

“You liked that hmm?”

It wasn’t so much a question as it was a statement he’d seen the reaction to the purr of his voice ( cause honestly who here doesn’t just die why he says doctorrr XD) his smile grew as the man before him started backing up, look at him, he was so tall.

pt1 of part TWO