#I didn't want to schedule for 11am that's way too late in the day | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

seven-cents · 1 year ago

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dont like how the matryoshka logs were taking up so much space so I'm gonna copy and paste them here so can get rid of them

Day 1

Dear Devlog,

Today is day one of my long and mentally torturous journey. I am writing to you at the hour of 11am.

I have made minimal progress today. But important progress. Starting with setting up my normal preferences, running tests to get the ratio. Lame stuff, yknow.

I went on to outline many of the scenes and character sprites, there are quite a bit of them so it was arduous but thankfully my best friend, quentin, was here to help me out with a hip new video. His help will be invaluable throughout this timeframe. I love you quentinreviews.

I feel pretty good about how its going, and I'm sure as long as I don't sleep or do anything else for even a moment I'll be done in time. Easy peasy for me, the laziest most adhd person on the planet.

Word count: 0

I can only hope I can make it at least playable before the madness sets in.

Day 2

The madness has set in.

Dear devlog, I feel like a clown and not in the hot way. I got minimal sleep due to me being woken up at an unreasonable hour.

This morning I heard a crackling in my walls, like electricity behind my outlet. This was super concerning since I had a bunch of flammable shit near it. I immediately hopped up and started rearranging my entire room, moving all my canvasses and paint in boxes and whatnot, and in my cleaning I found what looked to be several tiny beads. The crackling had been a necklace I had on a shelf snapping and all the beads falling on the ground. Now I have to unpack everything.

I did however did get quite a bit done, though, 3000 words worth. Most of it is garbage that I'm going to rewrite like ten times but it's something.

Word count: 3,295

Day 3

Dear devlog,

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

everything is a sick cesspit of misery

I got some sprites done tho. By done I mean they're NOTHIGN, but I will fix them later.

demon

Day 4

Didn't get any sleep last night! Had to do stuff today!

Yet, I'm still keeping up pace. With the power of a gallon of chocolate milk a day. HAHAHA.

now get in the hole cunt

Day 5

Dear Devlog,

I've grown to dislike these horrible paints. I have to use craft paints because they're not shiny. They're fifty cents each so I've bought maybe fifty of them. They're all brown and green. All I dream of is brown and green. I hate brown and green.

Who knows what I'll do with them when I finish.

Day 6

Gonna be hard times for the next few days. Won't be able to paint as much but hopefully I can make up for that in writing. Which is terrible because I only have a million paintings to do. Regardless, I can program and write at the same time. nbd.

Words: 4851

Day 7

I didn't update last night because I was so tired! and I had to take time out of my schedule for my weeping break.

The thing about this painting is, I hate it. Like it's way too late to change the colors or pretty much anything without losing a day. That's the problem with doing traditional art, I can't make tweaks without losing so much time. I'm on day 8, that's a little over a fourth way through and I'm looking at my checklist and I'm gonna throw up. But also it's okay. I'm moving things around to keep the important stuff first so some things may be cut.

Day 8

The name is starting to piss me off. I keep having to look it up to remember how to spell it.

I painted rats today.

Day 9

Wahoo! i finshed some painting. Some of the easiest but good enough. I want to get all of them through with by the twentieth so I can make alternates and then digitally edit them in the next ten days. I think I can have a scene and the menu done by today but who knows.

Day 10

couldnt do anything got too sick from pizza cookie

Day 11

look at this fucking bitch what the fuck is his problem

Day 12

I dont think i wanna paint ever again.

its like on every surface of my room. why am i like this why did i wanna do this. oh yeah, its my drive to be the best in the universe.

Day 13

People are gonna make fun of me for making a character look like a vagina. I KNOW I KNOW ITS SUPPOSED TO BE A VAGINA. you dont understand yuri.

Day 14

I've gotten most of the backgrounds almost done. I've got the sprites almost done. Well I don't have the hallway even remotely done because I just sort of forgot it was there. CGs need to be done. I've only got the sketches.

Day 15

ive watched all of adventure time painting these. now i need a new show.

Day 16

Yeah baby parts of the gui are done. Rats are done. That's all I really need right?

Day 17

behold. all my goddam sprites. there's at least fifteen. almost complete bitches.

Day 18

Have you ever seen a prettier textbox? No you haven't.

Day 19

I don't waaaaaaanna paint. I don't wanna do it. I don't wanna have to be like okay what colors should I use here if I fuck up I have to do everything over again. How many times do I have to paint the same thing. I hate painting AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Day 20

My goal was around 10000 words I'm like 9379 so like I'm almost there baby but it will probably be shorter. I might cut some things.

Day 21

8 days left. I have so much to do in eight days.

Day 22

ITS DAY 22

I stopped updating after this because i lost my cunting mind.

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katsukikitten · 4 years ago

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Part one, no real warnings yet. Enjoy!

Bakugou's personal phone rings from the pocket of his hero costume for the umpteenth causing his skin to pop. All the while Kirishima allows his ruby gaze to fall over the hot head, having a good guess about just who is blowing up his phone. Worry snatches at Kirishima's heart for a moment forcing the question from his lips, even if it meant regretting it.

"Are you sure your mom is okay?" Bakugou freezes in his step, inclining his head to fix a garnet glare at his so called friend. He sucks in a breath to yell, body tense and in a fighting stance before his phone blares again.

"FUCK!" He shouts into the night with only Kirishima and the moon to hear. The trees swallow his frustration as he rips his phone from his pocket, answering it so harshly the LCD beneath the screen ruptures.

"What?! What the fuck do you want you God Damn hag?! I'm WORKING! Saving LIVES!" It had been a long time since he had called his mother hag, long enough there was silence on the other line for a moment.

Then much like her son she takes a deep breath and now Kirishima, the moon and the trees know why Mitsuki was calling at such a late hour. Kirishima sighs with relief nothing is so dire as life and death, although for Mitsuki it is.

"IF YOU DON'T BRING THIS GHOST OF A GIRLFRIEND OF YOURS I SWEAR TO KAMISAMI THERE WILL BE NO MORE NUMBER ONE HERO WHEN IM THROUGH WITH YOU. IM GETTING OLD I NEED FUCKING GRANDKIDS. THINK OF YOUR SWEET OLD FATHER HE AIN'T GETTING ANY FUCKING YOUNGER!"

"That's what this was about?! Ma for the last fucking time I don't-"

"You don't what? One of those hoes you sleep with has to like even your rude ass. Bring a decent one home." And with that Bakugou is left with the sound of three tones and a ringing in his ear. He grips the bridge of his nose, having no earthly idea of how to get his mother off of his back, let alone find a woman. The phone rings in his hand again, the screen filled with dead pixels and rainbow lines causing him hot to be able to see. Somehow it registers his touch as he goes from memory to answer.

"What you fucking hag?!" He screams into the receiver.

"Wow. Rude." You reply with a bite, "Just calling to tell you boss that I'm clocking out, dickhead."

"I-I thought you were my mom."

"Oh and that makes it better?" What an ass!

"Fuck you." He growls, looking at Kirishima's watch, "You're clocking out way too early."

"No, fuck you. I requested to be off by this time MONTHS ago. You can ask Eijirou-san, you approved it so he made the schedule accordingly." You quip, twirling one of your knives in your hands, "Besides I've been working waaay too long today. Oh and I found that perp hours ago."

"What the fuck?! Why didn't you tell me hours ago?"

"I fucking tried, you ignored my call. This was my third attempt." You slam the knife through the paperwork on your desk wishing it were the hot head's thigh. You rise as your eyes glance over the clock. If you didn't hurry this stupid phone call up, you were going to be late. You needed to sneak in before midnight.

"Still too early for you. Normally you want the OT." He bites, causing you to roll your eyes.

Gods you hated this guy.

"Yea, well tonight is different." You'd pay in the long run for leaving so soon but tonight was special. She asked you to be there the last time you saw her and you promised.

You never break a fucking promise.

"Some subordinate you are bitch face." He growls then an idea pops into his head.

Subordinate.

As in you reported to him, as in Bakugou Katsuki was your boss. And well you had to listen to your boss to some extent and he knew you needed money, you tell him day in and day out it's the only reason you would even dream to work with him.

Although he has no idea why you are so hard out for cash.

So he sets the bait, offering you a deal you can't refuse.

"Tomorrow is your planned day off right?"

"Yea what fucking of it?!"

"I've got a special mission for you-"

"No." You interrupt, already feeling the exhaustion of your seventy hour work week stacking up.

"You didn't even let me finish you ungrateful brat. It will be three times your pay for half a day's work. Cold hard cash." The other side of the line goes silent. Licking your lips you think over his offer, fuck, that would actually help get your head above water.

The light at the end of the tunnel.

If only you knew how dark this tunnel was going to be.

"Fine. I'll take your stupid fucking offer."

"Promise?" His voice sounds a bit different, a little bit of a tease to it, as if he knows something you don't.

"What are we in kindergarten. Yea I promise, fucking headass." With that you hang up, rushing down the steps of the agency building and into the cold air.

Your phone buzzes with a text

BakaBoss: Meet me at the agency, 11am sharp.

You roll your eyes, turning your phone to silent as you watch the nightly set of nurses do their normal routine. Barely making it in time for the security guard and head nurse to make their way outside by the one way back door for a smoke. Both too lazy to walk around to the front of the hospital, sticking a thin splintering wood block between the jam and the door, giving you easy access to the stairwell. When they were far enough away you slip into the door, sure to place the wood where they left it before climbing the stairs two at a time, racing the clock at the top half of the 11th hour. The janitor would have already mopped her floor and the only nurse on floor six was currently on the ground level half way through the small tobacco stick, she wouldn't be sticking her head into room 609 anytime soon.

You draw in a deep breath, collecting yourself and forcing back the tears as you picked the lock, a skill set that not only were you amazing at but the very same skill that landed you here.

And by here you mean stupid ass hero work all thanks to some "reforming" program by Izuku Miydoria. Still it was better than having to break out of jail in order to make cash, her bills weren't going to pay themself.

You stick a stolen credit card in between the door jab and the door, right at the locking mechanism, although you could break out of just about anywhere, this would be the faster method of escape.

"Hey, sis, I made it!" You say softly but with excitement, watching as she keeps her back to you. Her eyes wide from a mixed cocktail of chemicals and trauma, she stares out into the sky, counting the stars.

It would be one of those nights where she was too warped to tell you were there. With a sigh you sink onto her mattress. If you could even fucking call it that. It was more like a box spring with a fitted sheet over top of it, you were still figuring out how you could sneak a mattress in.

"I got you something." You say crawling to sit next to her cross legged, she turns to you and it's like looking in a mirror. Except one of you is covered in visible scars and the other is not. Hers are more than skin deep. Seeing her dull gaze never gets any easier, she stares through you for a long time before she does as she always does.

Lifting her hand gently to cup your cheek so her thumb can slide over your scar.

"How'd you get this?" Her voice is barely hers and it grabs a fist full of your guts pulling them downward. Everytime she asks that question you see the shine of a blade, a swipe of a strong hand and vision filled with blood.

Yours, there's but never hers. You like to tell yourself that's what counts but maybe you had a hand in breaking her.

You clear your throat, pulling a bag onto your lap.

"Nevermind that." You gently guide her hand away from your cheek and to her lap. When she makes no motion for the gift bag you force a smile as icy guilt collects in your chest.

"It's for our birthday silly! Can you believe we are 26 today?" You place the pillow on her lap and her hands slowly go to the plush material.

For a moment she has returned, flashing you a smile as she pushing into the soft material before she flickers out again. Like a light with just enough current to wink in and out of existence.

Time passes and the clock strikes midnight, white clad shoes stomp against the polished floor signaling it was time to leave.

"I'll try to see you soon okay?" You lean over kissing her hairline before grabbing at the old, flat pillow. Shoving it into the gift bag as you silently bound the room. Pushing the door open slightly as you slip the stolen card into the back pocket of your black jeans. With that you are down the hall and through the backdoor without raising any sort of alarm as usual.

Suddenly your phone weighs heavy in your pocket as you think of what kind of stupid errand that asshole was going to put you on. The stolen card sings in your pocket, begging to be used. So you slip into a bar to give it a good use.

&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*

A blaring alarm yanks you from the bed in a sweating panic. Knife instinctively slashing the air before you send the blade into yet another digital alarm clock. Falling back into the mattress for just a moment's peace.

That peace doesn't last long once you show up at the agency. If anything is sours as you see Bakugou leaning against the bright white brick and in civilian clothes no less.

"What's this?" You pick at his black dress shirt, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, showcasing his banded forearms. He's paired it with a pair of black jeans, one knee ripped. Oddly it looks good together. Not overly dressed nor too dressed down. His vermilion eyes glide over your figure in your black body con hero suit. He sucks his teeth, hating this next part.

"Called clothes dumbass. Speaking of we need to get you something fitting."

"For what? What exactly is this 'mission'?"

"I'll debrief you later. Right now we need to get you new clothes." You laugh in his face before your rich expression turns deadly

"With what money?"

"Calm down, it's my treat Princess." He says with satire, the name sits odd on his tongue and even more odd in your stomach. He snatches at your wrist, "Come on before the stores get crowded and we get noticed."

You find yourself in a shop filled with dresses and fancy blouses. All of which you hate. Bakugou seems to hate them too, too guady for his taste. Still he shifts through the soft silks because he knows his mother will love it.

"Oi, you can't find a single decent thing here? I thought women loved shopping."

"Yea for shit we like asshole." You hiss to him, having only found a pair of dark blue jean's.

"Heh." He scoffs, rolling his eyes until he finds the perfect top. It looks decent and it could be your style. The one thing he learned about being undercover was to not stray too far from what looked natural or from the truth.

"Put this on. While I find a necklace." He shoves the silky top into your hands and you look at the price tag. Suddenly anxiety burns in the soles of your feet soaring up to close your throat.

"Bakugou. This is too much." Katsuki stops to glance over his shoulder, this is the first time you've used his name since he hired you three years ago. He sees your hand gripping at your bicep and he watches the rare tell sign that you're nervous as you chew on one of the scars that creeps onto your lip. He comes up to you, closer than he ever has been before, your senses flood with spiced caramel.

"Oi." His voice is smooth, almost soft as he touches a ringed index finger to your forearm. You fixate on the shining black ring and your old habits have you thinking of six different ways to get it off of his finger. The thought soothes you as much as his voice surprisingly does.

"I said I'm buying, remember you brat?" The teasing returns back to his voice before it turns gruff, "Now go change to make sure I like it. I'll be back in a second."

A woman unlocks a small dressing room for you and once inside you hold your breath. Counting as you remind yourself that you cannot and will not steal anything of value while your boss was here.

If you were any other person you would tap this Prohero's account dry, really rack up that platinum card you know sat in his wallet and sell the clothes marked up for a profit later.

But even as much as you hated Bakugou, you couldn't bring yourself to do it.

Instead you slip into the the outfit adjusting yourself this way in that as the neckline says enough without saying too much. The jeans curving against your figure in such a way doing as good as a job as your hero suit. You keep your steel toed boots as you step into the small hall with the three mirrors. As you turn this way and that Bakugou appears behind you, almost earning a knife to his gut. He forces the silver blade away before pulling out a necklace from a bag he just bought. The gold chain is dainty, going through the top of the garnet making it seen as if it were a suspended droplet of blood.

It marches the eyes that roll over you as he takes a step back before his harsh mouth breathes out a word.

"Fuck."

Instantly it kills your mood as your lip pulls back over sharp teeth.

"Tsk. It's not that bad, God how do you get any pussy." You grumble, smoothing down the black blouse.

"No, dumbass. You look...you look perfect." He stares into your eyes through the mirror, his smile growing wider as they wander over your scars and finally land onto that minimalistic drop pendant necklace.

Over something you've never been able to have, something you always had to swipe from an unsuspecting neck and then pawn.

"Now. I'm going to tell you here, in this store of crowded people so you don't cause a scene."

"What?!" Anger already begins to bubble in your blood. The blades that kiss your flesh start to scream for relief.

"From now on you have to pretend to be my girlfriend. Paparazzi are starting to swarm outside of this fucking boutique and my mom follows this particular trash tabloid since they love to use me as click bait. You just have to make it through dinner tonight and if shit goes south I'll pay you even more."

#bnha bakugou #bakugou x reader #bakugo x reader #bnha x reader #bakugou katsuki #bnha au #katsuki x reader #bakugou x you

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nctseren · 4 years ago

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🕒SEREN : 2-3pm | NCT 24hr RELAY CAM

"It's exactly 2:00 pm — well now it's 2:01 pm."

Seren is standing in front of the camera, which is on her small desk. She's wearing a blue sweater and pants, there is a white towel around her shoulders, and her hair is wet.

"I just took a bath. The water was so good that I almost forgot about you." she begins to dry her hair. "Johnny-oppa had to come to knock on my door to remind me."

She stops drying her hair for a moment to grab the camera, then walks over to her bed and sits down. With one hand, she holds the camera and, with her other hand, continues to dry her hair.

"These days, there isn't much to do because, you know, we can't go outside." she pouts. "So after practice or when I finish my schedule, I come back here, rest a bit, and then go to the 10th floor to watch movies or hang out."

"I don't really wear makeup when I'm at home," she says when she's done drying her hair. "Well, that's a lie. I do wear it sometimes, but I don't feel like doing it today."

Seren sets the towel aside and eases herself onto the bed, crossing her legs.

"You can see I have dark circles," she points under her eyes.

"Ah, you guys, I've been listening to a lot of music lately — well, always." she laughs a little. "But lately, I feel more connected. I recently listened to Zayn's album again —yes, Icarus Falls, don't tell me you haven't heard it! — and I forgot how great it was. In fact," she starts laughing all of a sudden. "yesterday Taeyong-oppa entered the room and was scared because everything was dark and the music was loud. I was sitting like this and meditating... Yes, he was scared."

She is silent for a moment. "I don't know what to do anymore— it's embarrassing to admit that. I already ate, Doyoung-oppa is in his room, but I don't want to disturb him. Johnny-oppa is getting ready because he has things to do, and Taeyong-oppa left early." she sighed with mock sadness. "I only have Haechan left ..."

Another scene appears in the video, Seren leaving her room and bumping into Haechan coming out of hers.

"Did you just wake up?" she looks surprised. "Yah, you have to sleep early. Czennies, Haechan played until 4 am, again."

"They know that's my bedtime," Haechan scoffed. "And I woke up half an hour ago, but I'll go back to sleep in a while."

"No! You have to keep me company."

"But I have better things to do!" He whined.

Seren shot him a look. "Go away then, and don't talk to me ever again."

The next few seconds of the video are Haechan hugging her and asking her for "forgiveness" as they made their way to the kitchen.

(...)

They both sit at the table— there are various plates of food and fruit. Haechan brings his face closer to the camera with a big smile.

"Well, now this is Haechan 1.0 Relay Cam. They'll watch me eat while Sohee admires my face."

"Very funny."

She moves the camera away from him and places it on the table, focusing on both of them.

But he ignores her. "Auntie left me some prepared food. I love her."

"I love her even more."

"You just want to fight."

Seren rolls her eyes and grabs a plate of grapes. Haechan takes a plate of food.

"What are you going to do when it's your turn?" she asks him, stuffing the fifth grape into her mouth.

"I don't know." He shrugs. "I told Johnny-hyung to do it with me. And now you have to be there as well."

"I doubt it."

"Ah, noona!" he begs.

She laughs and moves closer to the camera. "Czennies, pay attention. This is what he does when he wants something from me. He never calls me that, only when he wants something."

"You never want to appear with me," Haechan complains. "The same thing happened last time. You preferred to go out with Jaehyun-hyung."

"You didn't invite me last time." She responds defensively, but there is a smile peeking out. "Like, we ran into each other in the elevator, and you just complained. Besides, we're together right now."

"If I were Jaemin ..." he mutters, taking a big bite out of his food.

But Seren hears him because, after that, she lets out the loudest laugh, and when she moves her hand, she accidentally hits him.

"Haechanie tends to get jealous because he swears that Jaemin is my favorite now."

Haechan frowns but still seems to want to laugh. "I just finish this meal, and trust me, the rest of the week I don't speak to you again."

He was obviously joking because not even a minute later, they were both chatting and laughing like nothing.

"After this, we should play fifa," he says.

Seren immediately denies it. "I don't play with bad losers."

"Once! That was once!" he defends himself. "And I don't know since when did you get good."

"Jungwoo taught me." She responds happily. "He said, and I quote: so you can finally kick his ass— butt! I meant butt."

He lets out a big snort. "I'm better than him."

"I highly doubt that."

After what seemed like an eternity (to her) of waiting for Haechan to finish eating and hearing him say that "he was definitely better than Jungwoo" they finally went to sit in the living room.

She adjusts the camera so that it focuses on both of them, and he takes the remote control to turn on the television.

"Hey, don't you dare turn on the game!" she sits up and frowns at him.

Haechan pouts at her. "Please, just for a bit. Think about this: the Relay Cam is almost over, and czennies want to see us play."

"They don't want that."

"Yes, they do," he raises an eyebrow. "You think they don't want to see two competitive Geminis play a video game that makes them fight?"

Seren blinks for a moment and then looks straight into the camera. "Shame on you If you want that, guys. I actually don't like fighting with you," she looks at Haechan for a few seconds and then smiles. "but I do like kicking your butt."

She didn't have to say more, Haechan immediately turned on the video game. For the next few minutes, they play (and she calls him a cheater several times) until her phone rings, and when she picks it up, she sees the time.

"It's 2:58!"

Seren shows her phone to the camera. Her lock screen is a photo of a bunch of beautiful butterflies.

"Before you finish this, they should know that I'm beating you," Haechan smirks.

"I can defend that— it's early, and I'm not me right now..."

"Early!?"

She covers his mouth. "You're also a cheater. Anyways, czennies, I hope you liked my —OK, our— Relay Cam. Please give tons of love to our members Relay Cams, too."

"Bye!"

————FEATURING OTHER RELAY CAMS!!

🕒HAECHAN : 2-3am

she is mentioned

he said that she had agreed to appear on his relay cam, but when he went to her room she was already asleep

"i will get my revenge"

after a while she is mentioned again

he's telling his stories

and then he says he was very nervous when he met her

because she was known for her dancing and at the time he was new — so he was intimidated and didn't know what to say

🕒TAEYONG : 10-11am

again, she doesn't really appear in the video

but her voice is heard

when taeyong is lying on his bed, she asks him —in a really soft voice— if he wants to have breakfast

then her voice is heard again when he is feeding his fish

she is giggling while saying "cute, cute, cute"

and taeyong calls her cute too

#kpop added member #kpop addition #kpop female addition #kpop oc #nct 127 added member #nct 127 addition #nct 22nd member #nct 24th member #nct added member #kpop female idol #nct addition #nct oc #nct au #kpop female member

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soukokuwu · 5 years ago

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NAKAHARA CHUUYA

FOREVER YOU

》 sadly, angst (chuuya x reader)

》 trigger warning! death

》 summary: it’s your birthday, and Chuuya has plans

》 word count: 2.2k

》 i- i tried.. i wanted this to be better but also i suck so have some slight angst, guys 🥺 let me know how it is

“every inch of you is the most beautiful thing that God ever created”

︻⋆︻⋆︻⋆︻⋆︻⋆︻⋆︻⋆︻⋆︻⋆︻⋆︻⋆︻⋆︻

Chuuya hummed to himself as he strolled into your shared apartment, flinging his coat on the coat rack before making his way into the kitchen with the groceries. Skilfully, he started chopping up the beef and toasting the bread, making your favourite beef sandwich, with no changing the recipe you taught him.

An hour later, Chuuya was armed and ready. He looked at the wall clock. 11am. Right on time. He had requested a leave day from Mori, to which Mori had no qualms about.

Every year, on this date, he’d request a day off. Unless an extremely urgent matter came up that only Chuuya could handle, the ginger would rather spend the day with you. It was your birthday– and anniversary– after all, and even though you’d always tell him it wasn’t necessary, he did it anyway, and he knew you were secretly grateful for it. For the past three years, the two of you had a routine: meet up at the same spot, 12pm, and spend time together.

Picnic basket in hand, he got ready to leave the apartment. “Today marks the third year,” he whispered to himself, heart pounding loudly in his chest. “Why do I still feel like this?”

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

By noon, Chuuya had arrived at the usual spot. His lips curved into a smile as he spotted where you were, slowly making his way over. He thanked the heavens that the weather was good today. It was a breezy day, and even though it was noon, the sun wasn’t too strong. Not that it would matter much, there was a lot of shade provided by the trees near your spot.

Chuuya wore the biggest smile he could manage as he approached you, his mind flashing back to the first moment he ever laid eyes on you.

◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤

It was five years ago.

You were the secretary to the lousy excuse of a CEO of a tech company, who happened to be Port Mafia’s enemy. Diligent and knowledgeable, you had attracted Chuuya’s attention since you introduced yourself. All he had wanted was to extract information directly from your boss, but he had ended up getting it from you. As he expected, you had been smart enough to see through his disguise. But much to his surprise, you voluntarily agreed to cough up information on your boss. The disdain you had for the CEO was obvious by how you handled the whole situation. Chuuya didn’t know what went down between you and the CEO, but he knew you hated the man, and you wanted to be rid of him. So, after the whole ordeal, which thankfully landed the CEO in jail, Chuuya offered to help you get another job, away from that environment.

That was when the two of you had formed a friendship. At first. But after a few dinners, a few wine discussions later, you couldn’t help but admit it to yourself too, he was as attractive as they could get. Chuuya had been nothing but considerate, putting you first, thinking of you even when he should be worried about himself. It was hard not to fall for him. It was a big bonus that he is as handsome as he is. Not that you could ever find it in yourself to admit it to him directly, considering how shy you could be when it came to these things. But, nevertheless, Chuuya knew how you felt.

As your friendship progressed, the dinners outside after work translated to dinners in either of your homes, the glasses of wine you usually drank turned into bottles, and the small conversations turned into passionate kisses.

You loved how he was always gentle with you, making your heart melt, treating you like the most precious thing in the world. Something you had never felt before, despite having been in several serious relationships in the past.

Chuuya, on the other hand, had never dated seriously before you, and it surprised him how fast he had been moving with you. But it was a good kind of surprise, a pleasant surprise. Not once in the relationship did Chuuya ever regret pursuing you, or letting you into his whirlwind of a life. You were of strong mind, and never let the fact that he was an executive of the Port Mafia be a problem. If an issue arises, you certainly weren’t a child about it, and it was one of the many things Chuuya admired and respected you for. Any arguments that happened would never find its way into the next day, and anything petty or toxic never found their way between the two of you. And he had decided, then and there, you were made for each other.

It had been only six months in and the two of you had already decided to get a shared apartment, solely due to the fact that it was getting tiring only getting to see each other through video call every night. Both of you did have hectic work schedules after all. The decision to move in together proved to work wonders for your relationship. He knew he had never felt as happy as he did after cohabitating with you. Heck, just after your relationship passed the one-year mark, Chuuya had already thought about marriage, and he was glad that you seemed to be on the same page as him.

◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤

And today, it’s the third anniversary. Chuuya couldn’t believe how fast time flew. He had laid out the food and poured the wine in a wine glass. It was a simple meal, and yet it meant so much to him. Slowly, his hands traveled into his coat pocket, fiddling with the small velvet box.

“Hey,” he mumbled, hesitant. “If all that didn’t happen, would you’ve said yes?”

But you didn’t say a word.

You couldn’t.

◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤

Three years ago.

Chuuya had left the mafia headquarters early and was going to head to your workplace to surprise you. It was a special occasion after all. He bought a bouquet of your favourite flowers before heading over. He was grinning ear to ear as he got closer to your office. He could just imagine how happy you’d be the moment you saw him. He couldn’t wait to give you an endless amount of surprises that day.

But then it all happened in a split second.

He was just across the street, and even in the crowd of people, your eyes had caught his. A throng of people pushed past you, running out of the company lobby. The structure had already started to crumble, and you knew it was too late. There was no way you could escape in time, no way Chuuya could propel himself forward in time. You were in too deep. But then you smiled as you mouthed to Chuuya, ‘It’s okay.’

And then the building swallowed you.

‘Bomb kills 37 in suspected terrorist attack’ was the headline for your demise.

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

There was only one word to describe Chuuya after what he witnessed: inconsolable.

A part of him was lost forever.

He didn’t show up to work for weeks. Mori knew exactly what his executive needed, and he didn't interfere in his grieving. There were no urgent missions that needed Chuuya’s personal tending to anyway. And even when he finally did appear, no one dared mention you. Those who knew of the two of you already texted Chuuya their condolences, not that any of them ever got a reply.

How could he bear to see or talk to anyone when he blamed himself for not being able to save you? All he could think of in the weeks after your death was how he should’ve went off earlier, how he probably shouldn’t have stopped for the flowers, then maybe, just maybe, you would still be in his arms, alive. Perhaps engaged to him, even.

◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤

The first anniversary consisted of just a bouquet of daisies, your favourite.

The second anniversary saw a little more effort. There was music, and Chuuya recited some poetry.

And now, now was the third anniversary. Of your death.

Dying on the same date you were born. Was this what people considered poetic?

Chuuya pulled his hands out of his pockets, letting go of the box. He reached for the sandwich he made and took a bite, well aware of the tears welling in his eyes. He didn't stray from your recipe at all, and yet it tasted different. The wine he downed did nothing to soothe the ache in his heart, serving only to make it worse when he remembered it was your favourite.

He spent the next hour there with you, staring adoringly at your gravestone. Just seeing your name carved on there made him feel just a little more home. Sure, he always visited when he had the chance, but with nothing in tow. Your birthdays would always be special. He had decided that when you were still here and he would keep it that way even when you’re not. No matter how stupid he felt talking to thin air, he would still do it anyway. It was the only time he would ever allow himself to act as though you were still here. Not that he could talk much. Just a few words and he would start choking up.

It was the same every year.

After visiting you, he would go back to your shared apartment and clean up. Although, it was empty almost 364 days of the year, given Chuuya lived in his own apartment, the one he had before he moved in. He couldn’t stand spending the night alone in this place, not anymore. He also couldn’t bring himself to throw any of your belongings away. Everything was still where they were three years ago.

Usually he would just make sure everything was neat and tidy before leaving to occupy himself. But this year, he couldn’t bring himself to do anything but wallow in your loss. The moment he got back, he shut the front door, leaned back against it and fell to the floor. The tears he had tried to hold back came rushing out. He looked around and all it did was make him feel even worse.

All he could see in the empty living room was the two of you playfighting on the couch. He was tickling you, and happy tears would be streaming out your eyes. You were deadly ticklish. You couldn’t tolerate it for the life of you. Or the times you would tickle him instead, when he was beating you at a playstation game. Sometimes he’d still beat you, and you’d pout and stick your tongue out so adorably. Then he’d let you win the next game.

In the kitchen he could see himself throwing flour at you during one of your baking sessions. There were days when you were bored and had roped Chuuya into baking with you. He had feigned defiance by playing with you during the process. Truth be told, he loved doing anything with you. You always made it a good time. Baking would usually end with the both of you covered in flour or chocolate, sometimes not even having baked anything. And he wouldn’t trade it for all the food in the world.

In the bedroom all he could envision was the intimacy. The first time you had fallen asleep together, his arms wrapped around you, the alluring scent of your hair permeating his senses. The first time the two of you became one, how gently he had handled you then, how passionately you had returned his love. And similarly, all the times after that.

Then there was the bathroom during your morning afters, where you would be brushing your teeth and Chuuya would appear behind you, snaking his arms around your waist and pulling you into the shower with him instead. How you’d complain but you’d be smiling brightly at the same time. You’d be content to be pulled anywhere, as long as it was with Chuuya.

The last place his eyes laid on was the balcony, still decorated with the fairy lights he had placed. Exactly three years ago, he decorated the balcony with fairy lights the moment you left for work. That was all part of the plan. Decorate the balcony, go to work, leave early, surprise you at work, go for a good dinner, come home... and propose to you. You had been together for two years then, and Chuuya didn’t want to wait any longer.

Chuuya pulled out the velvet box from his coat and opened it. The diamond ring glimmered brightly. Not once did he stop carrying the ring. He didn’t even know why, he just did. It was as though he felt like leaving it around would risk the chance of him forgetting you.

And god, he didn’t want to. Never. You meant the world to him. The only one he was sure he would sacrifice himself for. But he didn’t get a chance to. You had left. And neither of you had a say in it.

He leaned his head back in frustration, his hands falling to the floor, his grip around the red velvet box never loosening. But for the first time in a long time, he let himself go, he let himself cry this out, his emotions taking over him. All he could think of was the grief, and how everything would be fixed if only you were here. Why did you go somewhere he couldn’t follow? Why wasn’t he allowed a goodbye? Why of all people did it have to be you?

I miss your laugh. I miss your smile. I miss how you’d make such a mess whenever you cooked. I miss coming home to you. I miss touching you, kissing you. I miss our little talks. I miss everything about you. I miss you, I fucking miss you.

“Come back, I love you,” he sobbed, burying his head between his knees, “Please come back to me.”

It’s so lonely. Too lonely.

︼⋆︼⋆︼⋆︼⋆︼⋆︼⋆︼⋆︼⋆︼⋆︼⋆︼⋆︼⋆︼

“please come home, this doesn’t feel right.”

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jayflrt · 3 years ago

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did you edit the header yourself? it's so nice. i also made an edit today morning. it is a class of 2021 txt edit. like i was so proud of it but the doodles were not my cup of tea. also if you want i can show it to you but how do i link it to you, maybe i'll post it on my pinterest so that you and everyone can see my edit or idk. help!! but i was actually so fucking proud of the edit :) but i didn't doodle near the class of 2021 😭😭 but it still looks neat kinda ☺— 🦔

(cont.) and also, i've been writing all my ideas in my diary and just thinking of writing everything once i finish my grade 10 so i am just wishing for the best. god!! please help (also how do you manifest?) how was your day yesterday and also if i observe your status of being online. i feel like you wake up at 10-11am and sleep at 3-4am (hope i am wrong🤡this is called observation!) i love being observant and that's like the best advantage i have because i can easily know people's habits and routine. i'm not more observant these days because i'm getting distracted due to personal problems and social media, so it's just a normal thing for a teen to go. i still remember how jay would just soften by seeing jungwon and the way jake always clinges on to the people near him :( and i am just remembering and reminding myself that i once had passions too, i used to sing and i'm still singing, used to learn classical dance and my body is like so stiff and i can't learn kpop dances :(

(cont.) I might sleep by the time you answer my ask so I'm just linking my edit incase you wanna check it out. I'm super proud of it but just the doodles were a little you know upside down :( also i had to take inspo from Pinterest for those doodles of course 🙄 here is the edit— https://pin.it/4iliGtH

i did edit it !!! the psd credits are in my navi but i used a psd from dreamydrips on deviantart :’) but thank you v much !!! 🥰💗 i just looked at your edit on pinterest tho and it looks SO GOOD <33 i rlly love the doodles omg seeing the class of ___ edits on pinterest are always so cool :’)

ooh are these ideas for fics?? i’ve also attempted to write a bunch at once like that and it didn’t work out HAHAH but i wish you all the best 🙏 your determination is probably stronger than mine :’)) and manifestation?? HAHAH i mean i’ve talked ab manifesting as a joke i don’t think i’ve ever tried it seriously !! but im sure there are ppl who have but im personally not sure how to actually manifest smthn 😵‍💫

LOLL actually i wake up around 8-9 bc of classes !! and honestly my sleep schedule varies a LOT like sometimes i’ll stay up to 2-3 ish but i’ve been sleeping around midnight lately 😳 i guess i don’t rlly have a set schedule for sleeping/waking up, it’s very dependent on the day and what i do LOLL like when i was home for break i stayed up until 6 am a few nights 🏃‍♂️ but my day yesterday was pretty good !! i just did some homework and then went to get coffee with my friend (and she gave me a squishmallow 🥰) and then my other friends came over and we watched howl’s moving castle (again 😪) together ♡ how was your day love??

ooh you sing ?? :o some of my friends are amazing singers and take vocal lessons but i just like singing to myself(??) for fun LMFAO i definitely cannot mariah carey my way thru a song 🥲 but it’s okay you can reignite those passions !! skating used to be all i did so i felt pretty empty when i had to stop for uni, but then i started doing other things that interested me so that i wouldn’t feel so bored 💘

#💌 : jayflrt love notes #🦔 anon

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iankarlo · 2 years ago

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It's Me, Hi, I'm The Problem, It's Me | 64th

Since I slept early last night, I woke up around 4am. My eyes still feel tired and I still wanted to stay in my bed. I cannot get another moment to sleep, so I browsed to my phone while waiting for my eyes to get tired again so I can sleep. I was watching Anti-Hero MV and I am still feeling it. I read some tweets and articles and I happy to read good reviews. Although there are a lot of bashers as usual, but I still choose to read the good ones. I know to myself that this is such a good album and I cannot really contain my happiness and I extremely amazed how she managed to produce this kind of music. The collaboration with Jack Antonoff is really brilliant and all songs are insanely good. I am currently obssessed with it.

I fell back to sleep around 6am and I woke up arounf 9am. I was thinking if I will go to work or just stay in my room and clean my terrace. I was planning to prep a meal too but too lazy to make my own breakfast so I just drink water to lessen my hunger since I'm trying to do fasting. I am influenced by Ae. He really influenced me a lot to do fasting and I think it's for my own good too.

I arrived in the office maybe 11am. I bought my own lunch and buy a little snack too so in case I feel hungry in the afternoon. I still feel productive at work and I finish my desired task that day. I was talking to Ae when I arrived and he is such a cutie. I like talking to him and the way his eyes close when he smile makes my day, oh my God!!!

It's cute that before he leaves, he tapped my back saying he is about to leave and I really appreciate it. It's just a small gesture but I find it really sweet.

I left at work around 3pm and I went to SM to buy some cleaning materials and a drying rope. I also bought some trash bins, basin and toilet bowl cleaner etc. I went to grocery too to buy some stuff. I bought some bread, milk, eggs, meat and canned goods so when the time I no longer have money I still have some food to eat.

I cleaned my room and washed my underwear. I cannot remember the last time I washed my clothes. Cause its not really my thing like I'd rather clean s messy room or toilet than wash clothes. There is something in there that makes me feel sick and it is sucking all my energy. That's why my Mom prefers to do it for me. I miss my Mom!!!!

Around 8pm my friends and I went to a local coffee shop called 727. I ordered Coconut Espresso, Jehan ordered, Orange Espresso and JE, ordered Dark Horchata coffee. We ordered a pasta too but I forgot how it is called. It is good but it is quite expensive.

Our goal actually is take pictures only because the place is very aesthetic and Instagram worthy.

There a cutie dog there. It is like a giant toy poodle and her name is Seven. She is really a cute dog that you wanted to hug at night. She id very adorable and very calm. We took some photos of her but there are a lot of customers that took photos with her and we didn't manage to take a photo with her.

I enjoyed our coffee date and I really like my circle of friends lately. Although there are times that we have misunderstanding and short comings I still enjoyed our vibe. We are very open and I really like talking about life with them. Even in our silence we understood each other.

But, of course, nothing beats my coffee buddy Mel. She is my all time bestie really who knows everything about me. She is my other half and my source of hope when I'm in need. I miss her a lot and I wish pur schedule will align soon so we can hang out too.

Anyway, it was a long day for me but it is good.

Good night. That's it for today.

Love always,

iankarlo

#christmasjournal #saturdayoff #workstress #friends #jihuuun #je #æ #taylorswift #midnights

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pundergrad · 3 years ago

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Ritalin Report Week 3

By the doctor's instructions, I'm supposed to be starting on a total of 3 tabs per day.

Day 1:

After skipping meds yesterday because I forgot to bring them on my day trip, what better way to make my anxiety skyrocket than to try having 2 tabs per day for the first time. And yes, I took the second dose at 4:05pm because I want to destroy my sleep schedule at this point, don't I.

I was feeling very energetic even by 8pm. Almost like I got a second wind. I was chatty afterwards too, even though I was physically tired. Otherwise, didn't feel any bad side effects today. Pretty sure I was working faster too. Even had a perfectly balanced register. :)

Day 2:

Set aside today to work on the assignment. Even declined a shift for work.

I've had two whole tabs. I've written about 200 words with no research or critical analysis of value. Just pure vibes. Anxiety vibes.

Turns out meds aren't a magic Focus On Your Tasks cure. It's more like a Focus On What You're Thinking And Feeling buff. +5 points on situational awareness, +2 on motivation, +2 on executive functions. However, instead of being confused as a result of the inattentive adhd thoughts tornado, I'm confused about what my next steps are on the assignment.

I know what I need to be doing. But every time I try to do it, it's like trying to melt ice with cold water. Something's happening but it's not helping all that much.

Day 6

Yeah nevermind a daily tracker. Too stressed about my current assignment so I'm just gonna dump side effects and experiences when I feel like it.

Yesterday, was stressed about not being able to do as much assignment work due to other people needing my help, plus some executive dysfunction of getting stuck on tiktok. Had a late afternoon dose (whole tab), and then a coffee too hours later, to keep me engaged during my evening class.

Let me tell you, my heart was racing really weirdly, like, slightly elevated but also there was a butterflies sensation in there. Likely because I had very little water. So I didn't drink the whole coffee at once; instead I sipped over the two hour class and paid VERY careful attention to how my heart felt. It was a bad combination of stress and stimulants.

Cognitively, I was feeling... Less anxious? Just, aware of the circumstances, but not panicking about them.

Anyway, I was very easily kept awake later than usual, and only fell asleep around 2am.

Woke up naturally around 9am feeling very okay. Pre-meds, I would have slept until 10:30 or 11am. Interesting.

Anyway, today I'm not feeling as anxious. I've had one tab and a weak coffee so far, and I've just been working on the assignment in an energised mood.

I definitely feel as if I have more time in the day since starting meds, because I'm not losing so much of it stuck in executive dysfunction. Love that for me.

Lol I forgot to post this draft.

Tldr; I'm doing pretty well on two tabs a day, rather than the prescribed three tabs I'm supposed to be taking by now. I don't really see the need to go up to three tabs because that would mess with my heart too much, and probably make me an anxious mess.

But man. Medicated life is good.

I think I'm feeling a bit of, grief and sorrow for my past self though?

The one who had anxiety attacks over every assignment that she was still writing on the due date, up until the last possible minute, because she couldn't organise her thoughts well enough for reading comprehension to edit her own words.

The one who was so sad to find a little cluster of grey hair at age 20, when school had been the only source of stress and responsibility in my life.

Anyway. Take charge of your mental health when you can, gang. It does wonders.

#adhd #executive dysfunction #studyblr #adhd i #adhd inattentive #diagnosed #employment #first job

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