#I didn't proofread this shit so if it's nonsense. well. whoops
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outeremissary · 2 months ago
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Balthazar 🌹 🍂💧
BALTHAZAR MY BELOVED. I am So Sorry about how long this took I uh. Spent a long time overthinking music for no reason in particular.
[prompt list]
🌹- What's this oc's biggest fear?
Balthazar’s greatest fear is being controlled- the loss of his autonomy is his worst nightmare, and he feels as if he’s spent a lifetime struggling to squirm out from under someone else’s thumb. He doesn’t want to feel like he can’t dictate the path of his own life or who he becomes. Of course, underneath that is the lingering fear that he’s already in that trap and there’s no escaping it… the expectations that have been heaped on him from early in his life as a result of his celestial bloodline have left him keenly aware that there’s a thing he’s naturally supposed to be, whether he wants to or not, and his inability to feel sure that he isn’t being pulled in some direction by that even as he rails against it troubles him. Is there something in his muddled ancestry that compels him to learn about it? Is there a touch of Elysium in a fondness for elegance in art? If he feels empathy for others or chooses to go out of his way for them, is that by his choice or is it the inescapable pull of fate? When he tries to make his magic into something that works for him, that serves his ends, does he only fall deeper into the snare of nurturing that inescapable piece of himself? As loathe as he is to embrace his ancestry, he’s painfully aware that his failure to reject it entirely is partly by choice. He’s afraid of being controlled, afraid of losing a sense of control, and yet he lives entangled in the very embodiment of that fear.
I guess a lot of his character and the general thrust of his character arc is negotiating with that fear because it’s something that will never really go away. He’ll always have anxieties about being exploited or shaped, and that metaphysical paradox of his existence is, well, his existence. He can’t be something else. And being able to navigate sites of especially high tension and vulnerability- the physical changes brought on by his bloodline, his growing relationship with Tristian, even his growing reputation as a ruler - all of that requires being able to accept the uncertainty of whether it’s all really under his control.
🍂- What music does this oc like?
Balthazar likes music with some energy. He’s spent a lot of time in dance halls and bars, and he enjoys the kinds of things that play there: upbeat, vibrant, dynamic, and good at keeping things moving with consistent driving rhythms and lively melodies. You might say that he was very familiar with Absalom’s popular music scene. He enjoys clever wordplay and flow, but isn’t overly impressed by overtly crass lyrics or things that come off as too self-important. He also has a healthy respect for music that includes a lot of improvisation- it’s an engaging display of skill and it keeps performances from feeling repetitive. Highly formalized performances are, by contrast, not especially compelling. I think that he’s the kind of person who would always enjoy a kind of music more with context and history though. Knowing how it reflects the people who produce it and the setting it was intended for makes it more compelling and alive.
He also has a nostalgic fondness for the songs that the landlady used to sing when he was a child- largely Keleshite romantic ballads with emotive, poetic lyrics. Many of these are more somber and forlorn than his usual preference. One particular song about a tragic lost love has stuck with him more than the rest, and he often absentmindedly hums or sings it when he’s on his own.
💧- What is this oc most passionate about?
This was an oddly difficult question because I could think of a few things he’s passionate about, but trying to determine what he’s most passionate about had me kind of stuck. I kind of wanted to say “it’s the fashion things, it’s the high culture image crafting,” but I feel like that kind of misses the point even if it’s something he certainly does love. I think the major underlying theme there is that he really enjoys the game of existing in high society. The artifices of public life naturally interest him, with complex, messy social relations straining at the spoken and unspoken rules, traditions, and rituals holding them in check. The masquerade of it all, the pageantry of symbols: it’s compelling. And culture is a big part of that. I wouldn’t call Balthazar an artistic person or someone who’s generally motivated by a deep creative curiosity or passion, but he’s very interested in how aesthetics communicate and how they make an image that’s presented to the world. So there’s the love of crafting a personal image, having an aesthetic (a very indulgent one) and making it manifest and presenting a certain way to make a very intentional impression, but at the heart is the thrill of being able to take control of this social arena and bend it to what he wants. He likes being important and powerful and feeling in control, and he does have something of a love for intrigue despite his general air of misanthropy and complicated relationship with the public eye. While he’s certainly a person who’s very driven by his own goals, I think that even without specific ends he finds a lot of satisfaction in social manipulation. It just compels him somehow. Feeds that sense of power. Fun. Tempts a sense of mischief.
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