#I did decide to go out even tho it's ass o'clock in the morning

[sillimancer]

turned shinigami eyes back on because I love receiving random psychic damage

[oh-for-fic-sake]

The Stand In Chapter Two

Masterlist

Your finally about to film your first scene for a teaser and things have just became real but how are you going to get through make up along side Henry for hours without fangirling? especially when he keeps staring at you like that?

Warnings: Swearing, fluff

A/n: so got a few people that like this idea which really shocked me. I'm trying really hard to make y/n one of us fangirls I really want you to be able to put yourself in this one. Like seriously if I had the chance to meet him I'd just fucking freeze on the spot go red scream and melt into a puddle of goo... I'd be way to anxious to approach him or ask for a photo..Any who enjoy this next chapter xxx

Taglist: @dark-night-sky-99​ @thummbelina​ @sofiebstar​

You yawned loudly as you trudged out of your new comfy trailer: which was actually one of those fancy ass tour buses. You grabbed your bag with a few bits in it...Phone, snacks, purse, snacks, script, snacks....more snacks. What?You got hungry!You opened the door wrapping your cardigan around you tightly as you ventured out into the dark it was freezing the cold air making you shiver. A four am start was always a shock to the system and today was your fifth, your alarms on your phone had gone of again and again and again, blaring and screaming at you. Since the whole becoming and actress and Lauren pulling a contract seemingly out of her ass thing had happened a few days ago, you hadn't seen much of Henry and Joey they had been busy filming and training.

You were slightly smaller then 'she who shall not be named coughDickcough' so some of the fight scenes had to be reworked...Yes at some point you and 'Geralt' were going to come to blows in a fight scene and you were bricking it. For more then one reason;

One. I mean come on the huge hunk of a man; the star of every single late night fantasy you've pretty much ever had!, tossing you around and possibly pinning you down? Grunting and growling the entire time? and your supposed to look angry? Hahaha no...

And two. Well Henry is a large imposing man and Geralt is supposed to be frightening in those scenes so...How the fuck are you gonna stay in character and fight him when your simultaneously scared shitless , remembering choreography and creaming your panties....Like fuck that's gonna be some crazy self control needed right there. If you get through it with out fangirling; which would be a miracle in itself you deserve a fucking Oscar. But that's a problem for another day...Tomorrow in fact. The point is you felt a little bad because he had worked so hard before and now he has to relearn it all and he has been working super hard on it..you don't want to mess up.

But that’s not to say you have been idle oh no! You'd been hard at work learning lines and undergoing your transformation from y/n into Keira which was completely insane. Once fully kitted out you would be....Well not you...But it was you, a super weird experience you were sure but you was looking forward to it all coming together. You had to wear a wig, your hair was just a little to short naturally skimming your shoulders. You were glad really you loved your lilac hair it took a lot of work to keep up with it!.

The wig was a bright blonde not as bright as Freya's hair for Ciri but still quite light, more golden then pale it was a strange color, hard to describe. The wig itself fell down to just past your shoulders in large loose silky waves and even though you had green eyes you were still going to get contacts, it had been mentioned that they want your eyes to be an impossible bright green, all the mages seemed to have bright eyes and you were no different. You were dreading it , you'd never wore them and have a thing about eyes...You don't like touching them or other people touching them eyes aren't meant to be fiddled with you know? ...You need them to see kind of?

Apart from that things had gone well the dresses just needed to be taken up a few inches and the rest of the transformation was mostly attitude , props and make up thankfully the make up was mostly highlights and color correcting that sort of thing. You walked across the set following the light emitting from the hair and make up trailer, you could see from here a few people were up and about inside. Within a few moments you were inside standing off to the side unsure where to put yourself or your bag ,it was just you and a few of the make up artists there. Holly was in charge of you, you got on well with her helping her out a lot before all this and was glad to have her as your artist she put you at ease which is definitely what you needed ,she came over smiling and directed you to your seat.

"So! Todays the day huh? Your first shoot you excited?" You gave a nervous laugh.

"Terrified more like, Its not long apparently they need a teaser for the character to go out and to stick in the trailer....I'm so fucking out of my depth it is unreal! Each day has been a whirlwind and I still don't know if I can pull this off...I'm not an actress" she stood behind you combing your hair back looking at you in the mirror fixing you with a look and struck your crown with the flat of the comb.

"Hey enough of that, you got this just go out there and give it your best. Joey was actually stunned when you did your reading he said he has never seen an actress like you before" you frowned looking around at her slightly twisting in your seat.

"Probably hasn't seen one like me cos I'm not and actress but okay I will bite..What exactly did he say?" She blinked at you leaning back waving the comb about shocked looking for words.

"You-hah? I don't even, you really don't even know how big a deal this is do you?" You blinked shaking your head as she was caught up in her own shock.

"Err no duh? Not an actress remember" you huffed she pointed the lethal comb to your face and make a circle motion she chuckled when you flinched and spun round twisting to face the mirror again.

"Talent. He and Henry were talking about you the other day, they couldn't believe that someone with talent like yours hadn't been picked up on. Apparently the way you just...Turned off your own personality shut down your personal feelings like that and became Keira so effortlessly is rare... Said it was like flipping a switch. A complete personality change like that with no prior training or mentoring is the holy grail. Untapped talent I think was the term used. Henry said he has only seen it twice before and that is saying something with everything he has under his belt... So trust me when I say your going to do great" you flushed they thought it was that good? Henry though you had talent.. you smiled feeling giddy blushing a little.You watched as she moved getting some leave in conditioner to make your hair behave itself.

"It's...It can't be that rare it just comes from having to hide anxiety...Can't let people know your having a meltdown...That’s all I was doing hiding a fucking anxiety attack!" She scoffed running a comb through your hair making sure the product was evenly spread through the strands preparing to split it into two plaits to hide under the wig.

"Babe I saw the video there was more going on there..Perhaps you should watch it and see for yourself It really was like watching someone flip a switch" You shook your head slightly resulting in having the comb waked across it again making you flinch

"Stay still! Its bad enough that you fucking washed it! I can't plait it if your moving!" You sat straight

"SoRrY MoThEr-ouch fuck not with the brush!!" She smirked and carried on plaiting the strands neatly.

"Did you bring your lines to practice?" You went to nod but stopped when she sighed tugging on your hair a little keeping the plait tight to your head.

"Yes I did thought I could get some last minute reading...I think I've got them all down tho" she nodded

"That’s good because your wig is a little late, they are dying it again...Apparently yellow blonde isn't right for your skin so your getting a white silvery ash blond now...A muted tone they said. Think its basically going to be a super light blonde with a lilac or blue tint, fucking wish they would hurry up and choose I need to settle on your face tones! Any who it should be here in about an hour" you whined

"I could have had an extra hour in bed?! Why wasn't I told!? You know your job would be a lot easier if I had beauty sleep!" She laughed loudly tying your first plait off with an elastic before starting the other one.

"I'm sure it would but you do know this is like a late start? Some of the scenes your booked in here for one and two o'clock in the morning~" she through her head back laughing at your pout.You stayed in the make up trailer for a while and Holly had called over to wardrobe about the delay so,thankfully your costume was going to be delivered over here which was less running about for you. So here you were in hot seat waiting ,there wasn't much you or Holly could do at this point but wait.  She couldn't work on your face until she had the the wig on you for color reference. She had left a few moments ago promising a coffee on her return.

You hummed scrolling through your phone messaging your eldest brother and Mother who you had let slip to about your new drastic career change. they were trying to calm you down, knowing you well enough that you was getting yourself into wound up ball of anxiety and panic. You were so engrossed in your phone you didn't notice a certain bear trot in to the room until you had a huge snoot wedged under your phone trying to nudge your hands for some love. You jumped so on edge you yelled out as you was touched.

"OH FUCK WHAT IS-OOOH well hello there~" you looked around quickly then seeing you was still alone you decided to indulge and immediately placed your phone on the table in front of you and leaned back looking between your legs going gaga over the handsome boy. Kal was sitting looking up at you smiling panting away as you petted him on auto pilot. You blinked it took everything you had not to squee out loud somehow managing to keep it inside 'OH MY FUCK KAL! I'm like petting THE Bear... Wow he is so fucking fluffy!...Okay girl stop he is looking at you weird...That’s it chill don't scare him away...Good remember dogs can smell psycho....Cool and calm yeah he is just a dog...BUT HE FUCKING ISN’T THIS IS THE BEAR!' you leaned down cooing at him making baby talk as he lapped up the love moving his head to make you hit the right spots around his ears and chin. You managed to get over the fangirling and enjoy scratching the good boys ears digging your fingers in the thick fur enjoying the softness.

"Oh look at you!? So sweet huh?.....Are you a good boy?....Yesh you are! Cute baby! Getting your chin scratches such a fluffy good boy!" You giggled as he seemed to take your compliments to heart thumping his tail a few beats then stood up you followed rubbing down his back as he moved.

He must have liked your attention because before you know it he was climbing onto his hind legs leaning over your lap with his front paws. From there Kal had sneakily gone the whole nine yards, the happy Akita had some how clambered up into the chair with you making it squeak under the strain as he engulfed your lap still receiving his well earned scratches. You giggled at him moving your arms around him letting him do as he pleased rubbing his belly and chest he sat content leaning his weight on your chest pinning you to the back of the seat.

You grinned wrapping him in a big hug still twisting his fur in your fingers diligently showering him with the attention the good handsome boy deserved.

"Wow look at you such a handsome boy!... OH kisses to? Well aren't I a lucky lady" you moved at he tilted his head back licking at your face being a right soppy little pup, out for all the love he could get.

"Wow your lucky Holly hasn't done my face yet, she won't like you ruining all her hard work!" He pulled away and just panted happily then rested his head on your shoulder huffing. You smiled still hugging him rubbing you face into his fur. Then out of the blue his tail began thumping your leg in excitement. You pulled back from the hug and brushed your fingers through his coat seeing Holly and Henry arrive.

"Oh haha. Looks like Kal made a friend!" Holly giggled Henry sighed looking for him then gasped doing a double take when he saw the Akita draped across you sitting on your lap leaning his head on one shoulder as you petted him. His heart clenched a smug sort of 'that’s my boy!' he enjoyed seeing you snuggling the bear, it was something he could get used to seeing. He snapped out of it and made his way to you both.

"KAL! You what are you doing boy? Come on down!...Tin-I err Y/n I am so sorry... He doesn't usually do this... Come on Kal you big lump! Your probably crushing her!" Kal eyed Henry from the corner of his eye pretending not to here him huffing loudly past your ear. You smiled and waved Henry off trying to be casual as your inner fangirl raged pretty much foaming at the mouth. You was thankful that Kal was ignoring his dad as his big frame hid your creeping blush giving you the confidence to speak as you tucked your face further into him as you spoke quietly.

"I-its fine really...I...Y-yeah was kind of worrying about today he I... I think he sensed my anxiety...His cuddle is helping a lot..." Henry stopped his approach eyeing the two of you. He meant what he said Kal was well behaved and gentle but he never cuddled on a stranger's lap, not like he did with him anyway. But he knew Kal picked up on anxiety attack's and it was entirely possible he had wandered in here and wanted to comfort you. Henry blushed a little and took his seat next to you nodding trying to take in the scene before him as much as possible.

"Okay...W-well don't let him guilt trip you, that boy gets so many cuddles its unbelievable... Just..I-if he gets to much get him down...He knows he isn’t allowed on the chairs..hehe not that you can tell... Its best not to spoil him too much" you flushed smooshing your face in to the Akita’s neck trying to hide from the man who seemed to be staring yet again. He moved forward placing two coffees before you then placed his in front of him. You rose a brow at the two cups.

"I-I...ahem I wasn't sure how you'd want it-fuck haha... Shit.... I meant the drink....you-your coffee...Fuck... I didn't know how you liked your coffee" you blinked at him as he got a little flustered you groaned as you reached forward peeking at the cup as Holly moved about behind you moving her equipment around.

"Henry was already picking you up a coffee insisted on getting it treated me to~" you smiled and reached over popping the lids the first black the other with milk.

"T-thank you ...you didn't have to" his face split into a grin as he mentally pat himself on the back.

"No no your welcome! These four am starts are pretty brutal for anyone to get used to..." he chuckled as you moved over sipping the coffee slowly, you tried not to pull a face it was a little to bitter for your taste needing one more sugar but you didn't want to seem rude. An awkward silence fell over the two of you and he sat there staring, you kept taking small sips trying to hide more in Kals shadow.

"S-Sorry for the coffee....Its a bit bitter I know...Should of added more sugar"

Henry was kicking himself as the silence grew, great fucking brilliant the first time he gets you alone and he says something like that!? scolding himself and his own fucking stupidity. 'How you'd want it? What the fuck Cavill?! Smooth why not just come out and say how should I fuck you? Yeah wait a go!' He sighed leaning back in the chair eyeing you as you sat clearly uncomfortable with him there 'yeah and now be a creeper and stare that will fucking help...Still staring mate stiilll staring....SAY SOMETHING FOR GOD SAKE!' That did the trick he could see you were trying to hide your distaste over the coffee. 'There apologize for shit coffee!' That was his opportunity!"S-Sorry for the coffee....Its a bit bitter I know...Should of added more sugar"  he watched with baited breath shivering as you licked at a small loose drip off your bottom lip and gulped. Definitely nervous... Or maybe you just didn't like him? That could be it! you did run from him and you flirted with Joey not him. Henry could feel a lump in his throat and felt a weight on his chest...Was that it you just didn't like him?...He hummed trying to ease the heavy feelings around him, his own anxiety starting to creep over him he clenched his jaw. No you had no reason to dislike him...You didn't know him he would just have to interact with you thats all...Make him self known then? And then? Maybe let you know he was interested...Drop hints?. He straightened up in his seat a wave of determination washed over him he tilted his head looking at Kal trying not to be creepy as shit.

"I err no thank you...I-its fine... Ive got a huge sweet tooth anyway..." he smiled you were talking, albeit quietly and stuttering but it was a start! He could work with that.

"I will have to...Err remember that for next time." He watched you spin the cup and frown slightly seeing the scribbled name on it. Shit you must think he was an ass! It wasn't your name it was his and Joeys nickname for you....Wow how could he think that was a good idea! You must think he'd forgot your actual name!

"I err me and-well that’s....Fuck" you looked at him a little sad. Yep definitely thought he'd forgot...Tinks had just stuck.

"Me err me and Joey ...well joey gave you a nick name so...it stuck I'm sorry you must think I'm a dick" you shook your head taking a deep breath closing your eyes then placed a false smile. For a self proclaimed 'non-actress' you did so effortlessly and supposedly without even knowing bottling up you feelings and slapping on a smile... He wasn't sure he liked it, faking a smile when he could tell he had upset you.

"It's fine...I don't think your a-a dick...H-how can I expect you to remember silly details like that... We did only meet once and you've got more things to worry about" 'and award to the biggest prick on set goes to drum roll...you ,you fucking ass! Fix it! Fix it now Henry! Look even Kal isn't impressed!' He quickly lent forward wanting to fix his fuck up like right fucking now!

"No! No nothing like...I mean its not a silly detail! Your name it's- y/n I know it! I know your name! Me and Joey have seen you around for a while he called you Tink's..Its after Tinkerbell!..A-a nickname just a nickname nothing meant by it!.....We called you it for so long it just stuck when we spoke about you and ....Well I thought it suited you so just sort of...Yeah.." you blinked at him then looked back to the cup.

"T-Tinkerbell?"

'Holy shit! They gave you a nickname oh my god! that’s crazy....Right focus girl see he didn't forget either he knows you knows your name!...Fuck me! life got weird quick' You bite your lip looking at him confused then glanced to the cup Tink's scribbled across it haphazardly. You smiled at it trying to fight down the building squeal of excitment, it was so sweet you it made you feel...welcome? You'd been worried that you being on the job now had put a strain on everyone. It seems as if everyone has had to work harder because of you and you felt almost...guilty like an inconvenience. Kal sat up pulling away from you then tucked his snout under your chin snorting into your chest. You moved ruffling the base of his ears lightly.

"T-Tinkerbell?" He smiled softly as you pampered Kal you must have started getting upset as Kal moved digging into you comforting you. He loved how Kal was helping you when he himself couldn't. He hissed through his teeth nervously and moved his head around slightly.

"Well...Yes Joey had seen you...And you reminded him of a fairy he just sort of started calling you Tink's you know? after Tinkerbell....It fits....Small and cute" you pressed your face back to Kal tucking your glowing cheeks. He called you cute 'aaaaahhhhhhhgggggg! Cute he. Henry-Mother-Fucking- Cavill called you cute! He thinks your fucking cute fuckingohmygod! Yes girl GET IT!...Right okay and chill woooo! Right yep done? done!'

"I...We will stop if you don't like it ...Its probably weird right?" You shook your head pulling away from his dog when you were sure you could pass the blush off as a chill or something.

"No its...Its fine...I-I just didn't think...You know cos of me you-everyone has a shit tonne more work now...Just feel like well..I don't know burden I suppose" his face dropped.

'you what? You thought you were a burden?' He blinked forgetting all his anxieties and nerves overcome with a need to help you, you got it wrong so so wrong he is ecstatic you were now his costar! He cant wait to get going! That’s why he is here nearly forty five minutes early! So he can get to know you he gathered you must be nervous and well...He wanted to be your knight in shinning amour....Or witcher in leather doublet a it were. Everyone who was 'in the know' was just so happy that you’d decided to do this, your saving The Witcher for Christ sake! But you didn't see it like that? He moved over grasping your hand without thinking,it was only when he felt you tense he realized he was touching you but by some act of god he managed to beat down a full blown fucking melt down trying not to dwell on how soft your skin was. 'Why it is so soft?....what does she do?...Moisturizer?.....Wonder if she'd let you watch?- WOAH OKAY THERE BOY SLOW DOWN!.....But she even smells ugh fuck could just eat this woman....Henry! Stop fucking sniffing her...Shes upset and your just here being so..FUCKING ...CRINGE! Seriously!?...Now would be the time to speak cavill...I mean you are just rubbing her wrist staring ...Again.' he swallowed managing to hopefully shake away his thought before you got too creeped out by him.

"No! No don't Please don't ever feel like that...Your not a burden to me or-or Joey or anyone here! Your keeping this going if it wasn't for you we'd all be out of work...I-I am really grateful for you choosing to help...I Love this role-this project and your the one who has saved it!...I know it must be hard trying to navigate all this but please if you ever need help or anything you can come to me ....Even if its just to talk ....Promise me if you ever start thinking or ever made to feel like that come talk to me...Okay I mean that y/n you can come talk to me anytime" Henry watched seeing an array of emotions cross your eyes you were still unsure but he would help. He would be there for you if it was the last thing he did, he wanted to be a colleague, friend, someone you could come to and confide in!

He wanted you to come to him if you got overwhelmed of upset he had already been speaking about the press tour after he was trying to make sure you were never going to be  alone in interviews he wanted to protect you form the more public side that was going to be the real shock. Filming was easy you knew what you were in for but tv? Journalists and critics? Yes that was going to be... A wake up call luckily for you Henry was going to be all over you by then he hoped. When it boiled down to it he wanted to be so much more then a mentor and friend but for now he would work towards friendship and try to get one conversation over with out fucking up stuttering or blushing. You blinked and nodded slowly.

"Th-thank you for saying that-" he shook his head you didn't believe him and smiled what he hoped was sincerely.

"Its not just words I do truly mean it Tink’s...I'm here for you and so is Kal apparently" he smiled when he got you to giggled the moment of doubt truly passed as you snuggled the bear again. 'And breath...Well that went well...Fuck she is so cute with him, I should get a picture...you know to commemorate her first proper day...Would that be weird of him? Hey can I have a photo of you to keep on my phone please?..Yeah okay maybe not like that' it was sweet watching as kal quickly become your teddy bear. The pup seemed not to mind in the slightest just happy to be getting away with blue murder and get cuddles for it!. He had moved and was now resting his head on your other shoulder sitting up with his back to Henry, Kal was basically hugging you tucking your neck and shoulder under his chin to his chest.

Henry smiled nodding cutely seemingly pleased with himself as he pulled back then. He blinked quickly as if remembering something and sat up getting his phone out he was about to speak but was cut off by the sound of the door as it opened again it was then that Holly made an appearance, you didn't even notice she had left. You smiled happy feeling better in yourself Henry's words meant something you actually believed that he meant it. It was nice to know he didn't hold anything against you for all the extra work your arrival had dumped on him.

"Haha! Here they are one wig for you sir! And for the lady!" She placed two wigs on the table in front of your respective chairs, both of which were pinned on two wig mannequin's. You placed you feet on the bar sitting up getting a groan for one Kal who was comfy.

"Oh shush you" Henry huffed a laugh as you scolded the bear. 

"Wow that’s... How'd they even do that?" Henry looked over to yours and whistled. It was sleek and very very light ah blonde you could just see a hint on lilac from the toner used giving the hair an almost ethereal look yet still a believable tone. Holly gushed

"I know right! They said they took into account your hair color now because of how it complimented your skin....Honestly it mean you wont need as much color correcting as before with the gold! And along side this these came to!" She moved producing a small pile of contact lenses boxes. You looked to her uneasy making some weird unconvincing sound.

"Oh hush love~ contacts aren't that bad! You just pop 'em in" you blinked and gave her a look.

"Yeah...pop em in your fucking eyes! That you need to see!...God they can't like slip back can they?" Henry and Holly chuckled and shaking their heads.

"No...They can't your lris is slightly bulged they sit on that bulge! I can categorical attest they do not slide back or get stuck...I promise trust me?" He tilted his head at you and you eyed the contacts 'well he has used them for a while..so he would know' you gave a slight nod

"Good I promise I won't stear you wrong! I normally wait until the hair and stuff is done and put them in just before make up, sometimes the hair on the wig can get catch them when styling and that is a bit uncomfortable especially if they move" you snapped your gaze to him

"M-Move!? B-but you- You just said they don’t!" He chuckled rubbing his hand over his neck.

"I-I well yes I did just say that...W-What I meant is they can't go to the back of your eye...But if you touch them once in they can slip just...Once their in don't touch them until you want to take them out and you will be fine" you eyed him carefully and nodded.

Holly moved about the room quickly switching make up pallets and the woman in charge of Henry's hair and make up came in with her kit opening it ready to get started. You couldn't help but be relieved in a way to have him turn and stat a conversation with her taking the heat off you. 'AANNDD BREATH...well that wasn't to bad? Sure you used kal as a hiding spot but the good boy didn't mind' you looked to the content dog still rubbing his tummy absent minded. 'Yeah the bear was happy, soo your first real conversation with the stunningly handsome Mr Cavill wasn't to bad....But fuck he thought you were cute? Oh boy that is just fucking mind blown! There you go girl you could die right now and be one very happy woman!... And he wants to help you! And you know I do think he meant that....He is very sweet, and he got you coffee! AAAHHHGGG! Like not dinner but the man got you food...Well food it was a coffee...Still he got it for you babe! You go girl!' Your thoughts were interrupted when a cheerful Joey made an appearance at the door

"Good morning! How are we all today?" You smiled at how happy he was. He got a series of replies from grunts to 'fine how are you?' He spotted you and laughed.

"Shit Kal? Pulling the moves already? You know she's twice your age a tleast?" The dog huffed and you petted him giggling.

"Don’t listen to him boy~ you be you...such a good little pup huh? Yesh you are...And your keeping me warm huh? Little hot water bottle....Yesh you are...You an sit on my lap any time good baby~" Henry chuckled out of the side of his mouth trying not to move as his make up artist began to comb through his hair readying him for the wig.

"God don't tell him that, he would never get off if he could help it, he love his cuddles...And snout kisses its why he is holding his head like that by the way...He wants kisses" you giggled and looked at Kal who was sitting still holding his cheek near your face.

"Oh baby~ you want kisses?" You quickly moved in peppering kisses on his cheek. When you stopped you laughed as he turned to you giving kisses back. Henry smiled your laugh becoming something he was determined to hear at least once a day!

Joey watched slyly. It seemed Henry was going to have Kal be a wing man...dog? In his journey of wooing you. He smirked he would help to! It was clear that you liked Henry ...Henry certainly liked you so it won't take to much pushing.

"So Henry...What are you doing here? Your early not meant to be here until five. " Henry froze and looked panicked and met Joeys eyes in the mirror. Joey smirked knowing full well You had heard Henry squinted at the singer giving him a 'what the fuck?' Look

."I-I wanted to make sure Tinks was okay...It is her first day...Dont want her to be in here going through the motions alone we are a team" Joey smirked 'well okay if that how you want to play'

"Thats very sweet of you!, Oh! Yes we need pictures! It is your first day Tinks!" He turned to Henry's artist who had just got the wig on. Leaning down he grasped the witchers shoulders squeezing.

"Can I brorrow him?" She smiled nodding with a chuckle Joey smiled and ushered Henry up swiping the mans phone from the side and handed it to Holly, who took it and stepped back as joey spun your chair around to face her.

"Do you mind? We need to document this, The day the witcher was saved!" You blushed as both Joey and Henry stood either side of you ,They each crouched a little placing their faces next to yours and smiled, Henry had tucked kal's head to the side so he could get a good view of you. Once the photos were snapped Joey looked at them excited.

"Wow! Henry you have to send these to me so I can tweet them!" You blushed as Henry nodded grinning then looked you his screen then to you. He could kiss Joey! Henry now had a reason to get your number, whatsapp ,face book fuck everything!

"I will send these to you...You know if you want, I mean you don't have to if Joey is tweeting them... But I could send them....Only if you want... No pressure!" Joey sighed watching the great white wolf fumble over his words still rambling. Even the other women were watching fascinated as the unshakable Henry got himself all flustered.

"You know make memories... A-along the way...You never know Tink’s could be the start of a completely new career!haha..." An awkward silence fell over the room as henry eventually trailed of with a nervous laugh. Joeys eyes fell to you, you sat dead still shocked then finally blinked snapping out of what ever thoughts were going on you were slowly blushing. You were definitely interested.

"I-I err sure you can send them to me... Here I'll give to my number..." Joey smiled nodding pleased with himself. That worked beautifully if he did say so himself. Henry sent him a thankful glance as you exchanged numbers. He turned as he had a tap on his shoulder.

"Oh god its time already? I hoped to get to know our Tink's...Oh well we can chat on set" he moved around you sitting on the other side of Henry and sat down letting his own artist begin.

You had sat in the chair for another hour or so getting tweaked then had been ushered to change in a sectioned off little changing room. You came back out ready to see Keira for the first time. Henry and Joey stole glances at you

"Wow...Fuck you look...Wow" you smiled at Henry shyly as he kept sweeping his eyes over you seemingly awed at the final look. If you were honest it made you a little self conscious. How could it not! he was; if you squinted, kind of checking you out..In a way? you avoided eye contact willing yourself to calm down as your heart pounded away at top speed.

"What he means is you look fantastic!" You smiled unsure and pulled at the skirt of the dress, your first scene with them was a party so it was very elegant it was designed to be seductive with a swooping neckline and swirling delicate detailing over the collar  it was heavy to being made out of a heavy velvet material you were happy there wasn't any running you'd collapse in minuets.

"Th-thanks...Its heavier then I remember..." Joey smiled admiring the look."You look brilliant! Look Henry is speechless!" Henry swallowed  dryly. Fuck you looked quickly then turned away... Wow... His fantasy was nothing compared to you here in full costume... Henry shook his head remembering every detail to recall later.

"Y-you look...Better then I imagined! It-she....Your..." you flushed a little and moved past him to your seat wanting to sit down and calm yourself being in costume had brought it home you were doing this...You were going to actually be in witcher as a cast member!. You sat down taking a deep breath. You could feel the anxiety .Shit. Kal popped his head out from under Henry and glanced up at you he was still sulking.

"What puppy?! I'm sorry...I know Holly is so mean huh? making you jump down like that" He huffed again ears twitching then he heaved himself up again and sat before you tapping you with a large paw, you smoothed your hands across him somehow just petting the gentle boy was calming you down. Henry and Joey exchanged looks Kal must be picking up on your nerves.

"Yes oh I know... But don't worry we can have cuddles after okay?" You said calming considerably as you spoke to him. Henry chuckled at the exchange and Joey piped up.

"Is he being a grumpy boy?" Henry tilted his head.

"No a needy boy I think... he has got a new favorite snuggle buddy" you blushed at that and soon Kal laid down out of petting distance. All three of you were nearly done...Well you were done, you hadn't until now seen the whole get up together wardrobe and hair and make up had been separate until now. You quickly glanced up and froze wow...This new wig was definitely better now, you felt... you didn't know it was completely strange seeing someone different staring back at you in the mirror.

"Wow....Thats-this is crazy..." you leaned in turning your head this way and that moving your hand slowly to your face, Henry smiled at you.

"Yes...It's always strange the first time in character..." you nodded to him dumbly still inspecting yourself moving to run your fingers threw you 'hair'

"So fucking weird"

"And about to get a whole lot weirder! time for these bad boys~" you whined at Holly as you watched her wave the slim box holing your contacts.

"Oh? please tell me she isn't getting blue? I love the green!"Joey protest was flattering as he and Henry came closer wanting to see, you stood awkwardly twisting your hands in the sleeves of your costume. Henry smiled opening your box peeking at the color

"Hey...They're going to look amazing! Tink’s you get green look!" Joey leaned over and smiled

"Yeah and they have that nice dark ring around the outside to! really going to pop...Well come on girl get them in we have what ten minuets?" he directed his question to Holly who giggled nodding. You gulped looking at the small colored discs warily...

"How? I've never...They're safe right? wont get stuck of something?" Henry seeing another opportunity to bond with you jumped up collecting his own contacts box Joey took a step back so you could et closer and watch Henry's lesson smirking knowingly as a stupid uncharacteristic grin spread across 'Geralt's' face.

"Here look its fine...Just hold it like this...And pinch it if it folds like this..see? Like that...Then its okay if it curls out and has a lip then its inside out." You watched as he gave you a quick glance.

"I-Inside out? wh-what happens if that happens?" Henry quickly tried reassuring you.

"No! its not-it will just be uncomfortable...Nothing bad will happen or anything its just irritable....Right pick yours up like I’m doing...That's it!...See...Then hold open your eye and....Just try and pop it in...You can do it looking down or up which ever is comfy, I'm used to it so can do it standing up right....And if it moved like mine just has...Typical! just look around and....There see! easy!" Henry explained his contacts lesson well, it did seem simple he let you watch as he placed in the other contact explaining once again how to put them in as he did. You watched intently blushing each time he moved in closer so you could see.

"O-okay...So just press it and it will stick?" he nodded and you bit your lip 'come on girl...that's it just like when you do liquid eyeliner stab your eyeball with it!' you looked to you mirror and began to poke your eyes with Henry and joey watching closely commenting as you did so. One Joey pep-talk and eighteen tries later you finally got them in with a tiny round of applause ,It was actually pretty cool, your eyes popped a really bright and had a dark ring that made your iris a little larger adding to the ethereal atheistic.

The three of you made your way out of the trailer as Geralt ,Jaskier and keira. You took a deep breath when you saw the cameras and lighting as you walked onto set.

"Fuck...shit, shit, shit" Henry and Joey slowed walking beside you patting your back. Henry wrapped an arm around you making sure you didn't bolt which you looked ready to any second, had you not been so panicked you would have clammed up under his heavy arm but it wasn’t on the top of your list of things to worry about right now. Joey followed suit holding you around your back squishing you between them and smiled down at you directing you to the frightening amount of people milling about doing various jobs.

you’d seen it all before but being behind the scenes was completely different to being in front of the camera you slowed until you was barley moving at all.

"Come on Tink’s" with his prompting Joey had in fact sped you up a little, he was stronger then he looked. You took deep breaths trying not to freak out as everyone turned looking at the new comer.

"Th-thats a lot of people.." Joey and Henry hummed in agreement

"Well its a big deal...you've been cherry picked from the assistants Tink's word has got around but everyone wants a peek.." Joey cheerful as ever chuckled into your hair as they got closer to Tomasz who was waiting for you all.

It  was when you saw the director that you really freaked trying to turn around but they two men grunted

"Oh no you don't...Come on your fine"

"I forgot my lines" Henry scoffed

"That fine we memorized them for you to, besides why do you think Tomasz made you do improv?"

"O-okay....I need the bathroom" Joey giggled still helping guide you into the huge makeshift banquet hall

"No you don't its nerves" you shook as they continued ushering you out in front of the crew

"I'm going to be sick" Henry chuckled as bad as it was he couldn't help thinking you looked pretty cute panicking like this trying desperately to find a way to run off and hide.

"Again that’s nerves just breath...We wont let anything happen okay? just take a deep breath...Good now out your going to be fine" you did as he had said to focused on the upcoming filming to even squeal about him looking out for you.

Finally you stopped in front of Tomasz who smiled at you kindly.

"Wow...Look at you! perfect! absolutely perfect! Ready?" You shook your head looking around it felt like everyone involved in the projects was hear to see the stand in.

"No...Not really" he laughed and shook his head at you...You were serious....didn't he think you were serious you fucking was! You didn't know whether you needed to be sick, panic ,cry or use the bathroom.

"...Why are there so many people?" He eyed the crowd

"Well you did pull this whole production from the brink of collapse...They are bound to want to see to woman who has stepped up...I'm sure everyone has told you already but this is a big deal...I don't think I have heard of someone completely untrained taking a role like this. Any way enough chit chat lets get to work shall we?" you were shaking in Keira's boots but...By way the two men still had you stuck firmly between them he knew you'd have all the support you needed, once you started it would be fine.

"Trust me you’ll do fine" he turned with a huge grin

"Places everyone! Remember camera four you start now from the top a sweeping motion left you right? good!" You gulped stomach dropping soon Henry and Joey are moving to their cue's leaving you with one final squeeze and your left on your own wondering. How the fuck did this happen again?.

You took a breath closing your eyes tight looking down collecting yourself pulling a more confident catty seductive woman from within. Unbeknown to you a hush fell over the scene as you did everyone holding their breath waiting to see if you could pull this off.

Joey smiled from beside Henry and said something but Henry didn't even hear what the man had to say, he just smirked entranced as he watched you transform before everyone about to prove to yourself and everyone in the room you could do this. Its what you did last time you closed your eyes and when you opened them you wasn't there anymore.

For anyone who understood what it was, it was incredible to watch everything changed your posture , your aura, your presence felt heavy and playful he could feel it from way over here. When your eyes opened you was a completely different person you could feel it here and now there was no y/n; you was Keira through and through. then with a slow count down the scene began.

"ACTION" you smirked holding your head high. Here we go!

[lovelydeceitff]

Chapter 5

Shay

“Damn babe you too wet, I’m bout to cum” Keith whispered in my ear as he visibly tried his hardest not to let the feeling get the best of him. Again.

Sex with Keith has been different lately and I HATE IT. I don’t know what’s been going on with him but he cums fast. It’s been happening since summer break, but that wasn’t often and it was because we weren’t having sex a lot. Now it’s almost every time. It’s so frustrating.

After Keith cleaned himself up, he came and cuddled me. “Did you cum?” He asked immediately.

“No, but it’s fine. ” I answered, trying not to show any irritation.

“No it’s not fine. I’m sorry babe, let me give you some head”

“No it’s okay. I feel good regardless of me not cumming.” I said giggling.

“Damn man… you just be too wet and I can’t take it. I’m sorry. You have to cum tho. I got–”

“I’m okay I promise. It’s time for you to go to sleep anyways. Okay? Don’t worry about it.” I said as I kissed him to shut him up.

Keith has so many excuses as to why he came fast after we have sex. It’s ‘you were too wet’ ‘it’s been a while’ 'I needed a break, it felt too good’. And I’m just like we’ve been having sex for almost 2 years now. Same pussy. Stop with the excuses.

Keith soon fell asleep and I just stared at him. He’s literally flawless. He’s so handsome. It still blows my mind sometimes, after I get over the bad sex. He moved out of my room like 2 weeks ago so he’s just spending the night with me. I was so happy when he moved out, sad to say. I needed a break from him. We were doing good but still - I needed my own space.

—————–

My dress for homecoming came JUST in time and far from my surprise I didn’t like it. I needed to be able to wear a bra but the dress is strapless. It’s a white bandeau choker dress, meAning that it’s a choker connected to the bandeau bra part of the dress with is connected to the skirt part. I immediately called one of my best friends Kammy to show her the dress.

“Hi there” she answered the FaceTime.

“Okay so check this out, my dress sucks. I need your help. Can you bring safety pins and invisible straps so I can try to fix this” I said to her as I showed her the dress and everything I didn’t like about it.

We continued to talk about hoco and what she was wearing as well. She told me that her and our other best friend Ashley would for sure be coming on Wednesday. They’ll be staying in my room so I have to make sure I clean up. I can be a bit messy. I also have to tell Keith before he tries to come stay the night.

Other than my dress, everything for hoco is working out perfectly. My best friends are coming. I have all my outfits planned, I just hope we have a good time. We’re doing everything. My bffs are coming Wednesday so Kammy can do my hair and then we can go out to the thirsty Thursday parties.

———-

Luckily for me, the safety pins and invisible straps worked for the dress. I mean it could’ve been better but it’s okay. It’s the night of the Rec party, where we all put on our best outfits so we can show off. Black student union and the Greeks put this party on so it’s gonna be lit.

My hair is curled and I decided on a mostly natural face. I just put on eyeshadow, mascara, eyeliner, and lipstick. I decided on olive green heels to go with my dress. Im basically dressed, I’m just waiting on Ashley. She’s the slowest out of all of us because she always waits until the last minute to eat.

“What’s going on after the Rec party, y'all heard of anything?” Kammy asked.

“Nope but it better be something, cause a bitch ready to shake her ass all night you feel me?!” Ashley said holding her bottle of Hennessy in the air.

“Man honestly I haven’t heard of nothing. Not even kickbacks.” I said. It’s true, this homecoming doesn’t seem to be as hype as previous years. I started looking on Instagram for any fliers and I still didn’t see anything pertaining to tonight. So I decided to FaceTime Chris. I haven’t talked to him in a while, but he always has the moves so he is my best bet.

“What’s up Shaaayyy” he answered in a sing song manner.

“Haha, hi Chris. What are you doing”

“Shay you look beautiful..”

“Thank you, Chris. You looking pretty good yourself.” I replied as we began to stare at each other like high school kids. Just smirking and shit.

“Anyways what’s on your agenda tonight you going to the rec party or what? You know of anything going on after?” I broke the silence.

“Nope, you know that’s not my scene. But I’m not too sure what’s going on tonight. I just been chilling with my niggas. I’ll let you know if I find something though”

We conversed a bit more than we got off the phone.

“So who was that?” Ash asked. I told her and she said she remembered him from freshman year. Ashley stopped going to school after our freshman year.

“You still ain’t talked to Keith huh?” Kammy asked.

“Girl no. Idk what’s up with him. I talked to him earlier but he been acting weird since I told him y'all was gone be staying in my room. We only been texting and it’s been short.” I said

I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know if he’s giving me space since my friends are here or what. He’s not going out so I know that could be a reason but that doesn’t mean be cold to me. I hate that. Other guys calling me beautiful while you out here acting like I don’t exist. Smh.

I sent Keith a picture of me so he can know what I look like before heading out. I like to send him pictures so that he doesn’t see it first on Instagram. He told me “cute, be safe and have fun 😘” Better than nothing. I continued to text him of course. He’s playing the game with his friends over some drinks. I’m glad he not sitting around, I would’ve started to feel bad.

After Ashley, Kammy, and I finished up we headed to the Rec for the party. It wasn’t as packed as previous years but it was still fun. Me and my girls was fine as wine and that’s what mattered most.

——————–

“Chris can me and my best friend come to your crib so we can smoke?” I asked as Kammy and I walked out of the football stadium. It was about to rain and we definitely didn’t want to get caught up in that. Ashley stayed with her other friends.

Chris said we could come through so we did just that. When we got there he greeted me with the best hug as usual. Kammy rolled up immediately, she’s the smoker of our group. We then went upstairs to his room. Chris stays with 4 other guys in this massive house. It has three floors and Chris lives at the very top.

I got comfortable on his bed and Kookie sat next to me. It was just us, Chris, and his homie Jay who was asleep on his floor. Supposed jay had a rough morning.

Chris started to direct his conversation more towards me. He came and squeezed his way in between Kam and I just to be next to me. It was cool and innocent but it was short lived. Like 5 people were heard coming up the stairs and Chris jumped up when he seen it was one of his good friends. They were all in the hall laughing and talking. Then they proceeded downstairs while Kammy and I remained upstairs. As 10 minutes passed Kammy asked “Did that nigga forget we was up here or something?”

“Nah. He couldn’t. Chris ain’t like that” I replied. He couldn’t possibly forget that I was up here.

Five minutes later, I asked kam if she was ready to go and she said yes. Right on cue, Chris walks in and says “Ohhhhh shit Shay. I forgot y'all was up here my bad, y'all gone?”

I know for a fact that Kammy is thinking I’m a dumb ass. I just spoke highly of this man just for him to actually forget my existence for 15 minutes.

I told him it was cool and we were indeed leaving. He apologized once more and walked us out, making sure to tell me to text him later.

I know I’m feeling Chris a little…. cause ain’t no way I would’ve let another guy get close to me like he did today and I definitely wouldn’t have waited for him to remember I was in his room. I gave him a huge benefit of the doubt. Chris is cool though, it’s hard to deem his as anything other than a good guy. So maybe I’m not feeling him, maybe I’m just trying not to jump to conclusions and say he wants me. He probably doesn’t. He knows I’m in a relationship. He knows. He’s respectful.

Kammy and I went back to my building and took a much needed nap. I got up early to work desk and kam just gets up early period. It was almost 6 o'clock so we decided we'd get up at 8:30pm.

We got ready and ended up going to this block party that was extremely dead. No one was really there. I mean there was no block party at all, it was basically just people standing around looking stupid. We left and went to this football kickback that my friends on the team were throwing.

Kammy ended up getting one of the finest players on the teams number. I was excited for her cause that man is really drop dead gorgeous and she needs some dick. I told her it was time to have a one night stand, I mean she needed it. It's been nearly a year for her. So I let her have my room and I went to Keith's place for the night.

I'm a good friend, right? 😋

[courtneymayhem]

Found this gem from my trip

March 30, 2017 I am definitely still on CT time even though I only took a short nap when I got here yesterday and went to bed at a decent hour after walking around for 4 hours. I slept until 2 o'clock London time, which is 10am at home. I randomly woke up at 3:30 am and didn't fall asleep until 6am. That's when I sort of decided to skip my Stonehenge day trip. Part of it was avoidance behavior bc I didn't want to interact with my roommates and part of it was discomfort with the idea of navigating so far away from the city. As much as I wanted to see it, I don't really regret sleeping in (a faux pas of traveling). I obviously needed the sleep and I had more time to explore London, which is the reason I am here at all. March 31, 2017 I wanted to walk to Westminster alley and go to the free war museum on the way, but ended up strolling through a beautiful park and ended up walking an hour in the opposite direction through a residential community. I stand by my previous assessment. Observing the locals is by far more stimulating than the tourist spots. Pretty much everyone I met was nice. One gentleman passed by me twice and asked if I lived in the area bc he thought he recognized me. I said no but that we had just walked past each other prior and he smiled and told me to have a nice walk. Wandered around until I wound up in Westminster anyway and only came across two rude Brits. A couple of women who acknowledged my request for directions and proceeded to ignore me. I've seemed to have developed a sense of direction though and didn't need them. The architecture is UNREAL. Dad would love it. My parents are saviors and added the international unlimited plan to my line. It's a little pricey, but essential. I didn't realize how vital my iPhone would be. Citymapper is an absolute lifesaver. And I know my mom tracks my on Find my Friends. My original plan was to buy a local SIM card, as advised by many travel blogs and my cellphone service provider, but it was such a rip off. I misheard the salesman and thought I was getting 1GB of data but it was only 50mb. I used that in one day! And after that I kept getting texts saying the price per additional MB was increasing. Total. B.S. never use Vodafone. April 1, 2017 I continue to wake up at weird hours but am definitely getting better. Had to get up at 830 today to be ready for check out at 10. Hopefully that will put me on a good sleep schedule. And I definitely dehydrated the first two days. I need to be better about filling my water bottles. And eating. I have been in London for...24 hours now, and I have eaten a 6" meatball sub from subway and a chewy granola bar. Half of it was being tired and not hungry and the other part was idk. Currently trying to charge up all my devices. Tourist mistake #1: the outlets here have on/off switches. I have been waiting for my devices to charge for an hour. Never turned on the switch 🙄 glad I have the time to wait. I am going to hop on the bus and check out Buckingham palace before I head to the airport. I have almost all of the money I put in my Oyster card left still bc I have walked everywhere thus far so I want to use it. And I get a little more exploring with limited time. I am only three days into my trip and I already feel like I have learned a lot. Traveling alone is...quiet and a little daunting at times. I have moments of insecurity about my ability to navigate transportation and flights and reservations and money. But it's not as hard as it seems. And I know that I will achieve a new level of confidence by the end of this adventure. I am beginning to realize that this is exactly what I am meant to do at this point in my life. I am where I am supposed to be. *Also April 1, 2017 Jk this day is a wash. Lol. Being my last day in London, I set out to find fish and chips. I have been looking for it since I arrived bc my mom insists that it will change my life, but the tantalizing noms have eluded me. I literally starved myself bc I knew that as soon as I ate something, I would come across it in my travels. FISH AND CHIPS WAS THE ONLY GOAL OF THE DAY! Instead of walking aimlessly, I decided to ride a double decker, an experience in itself. The combination of starvation and motion sickness did me dirty and I puked all over myself and the bus. Luckily my stomach was so empty it was mostly just bile. Obviously I got off the bus. I had to half strip in the street bc the puke got into my camisole and I was in a residential neighborhood with no public restrooms. But I had my whole pack with me so I cleaned myself up pretty well considering. Even that couldn't detour me from my mission to find the fish and chips though and I marched onward. Unfortunately I marched straight into a ghetto ass neighborhood. I didn't feel unsafe per se, but I was definitely on guard. Still, I could find no fish and chips and I worried about my blood sugar so I ate my second subway sub in London. My adventure did bring me to meet a very pleasant gentleman who sat at the table with me. We never even exchanged names, but we talked about the political climate of the world, Brexit and Trump mostly. And when it was clear to him that I was quite lost, he walked me to the train station and directed me to the best route to arrive at Gatwick airport. I had to abandon my fruitless search for fish and chips, but figured it best to cut my losses. I am not even going to bother explaining in detail how I ride the same train up and down the line looking for the airport. It was across the way from a ginormous green field with horses, so of course I was distracted. I got there eventually, and had some pleasant small talk with two beautiful women in the way. Hannah and... I forgot. Hannah reminded me of Caitlin so I remember her. The day continued to suck once I got to the airport. Gatwick has the WORST schematics of any airtime have ever seen. It was hell trying to find the check in counter. Normally I avoid checking in person, and I almost never check luggage, by printing my boarding pass at home, but the airline is Spanish and I couldn't figure out how, even if I did have a printer. Then security tells me I have too many liquids bc they have stricter policies than the US. So I went back to the check in counter. Waited in line. Checked the bag. Had to bring it to the oversized bag place bc it was a backback and might get stuck in the conveyor belt. And all three oversized bag counters had no idea which airline they represented. So that was annoying. AFTER ALL THAT I made it thru security and chilled in the terminal, which looked like a fucking mall and was totally ridiculous, bc the airline wouldn't post the gate for my flight until 30 minutes prior to boarding. Smooth sailing from there tho. Flight was fine. Got my bag and a taxi bc it was too late to try and figure out the transportation. My hostel was...a bit of a startle. I was spoiled in London. At night the location appeared sketchy, and the doorman was...eh. Not rude, but not a ray of sunshine. The key to my door has a certain knack to it that I couldn't really figure out until the next day and the rooms were TINY. Bathrooms weren't a sesspool, nor would I walk barefoot...or touch anything more than necessary. I got a kick out of the shower though. Two tiny little stalls with a curtain for a floor with at least 20 rooms and four people to a room. Fuck modestly tho. A shower is a shower. April 2, 2017 Funny how one day can shake your confidence. I had a sort of crappy day traveling from London to Barcelona yesterday and woke up disheartened today. Didn't really even muster up the enthusiasm to explore until the afternoon. April 3, 2017 Guess I didn't feel like writing yesterday. Glad I got out and about to shake off my funk. Barcelona really is gorgeous!! More beautiful than London by far. I could live very happily here. I only wish Spanish people were friendlier. I smile at people and they give me dirty looks. And the men are pigs. More so than usual. People complain about the prices but I think it's all very reasonable. I bought some fresh fruit, a soda, and a giant bottle of water for 3.4 E and now I'm sitting at a cute little umbrella having the most delicious chicken risotto ever for like ... 13 bucks. Why isn't American food this good?! Even made with frozen veggies, this dish is great. Served under a cabana on a gorgeous strip lined with palm trees. I wasn't particularly hungry but I want to see the nightlife. And show my French roommates that I'm not a shut in. They leave stupid early in the morning and come back crazy late. They probably think I never leave. I obviously do but it's amazing how time slows down when you're exploring. Sometimes it feels like I've been walking around all day but it's only 4 hours. I havent broken my habit of sleeping on. I felt guilty for a while, but I've realized that this is my journey and I can do what I want. I'm not a museum or church touring type. I honestly just enjoy absorbing the atmosphere and casually finding the sights on my own terms. I don't feel rushed and I don't feel like I'm missing out bc so much can be done in a short time. Plus Barcelona never sleeps so I can stay up and out as late as I want. The restaurants don't even close until midnight. The clubs don't even START until 2-3am. Too late for my taste. Thankfully I'm not really a clubber. I haven't even had anything to drink since I left home. It's not in the budget. Speaking of budget, I think I'm doing pretty darn well. All things included I have spent 350 (rounded up about 30 just in case) in 6 days including the first day, which was mostly spent in JFK or in the air. But money was spent so it counts! Well. I have eaten a real meal. Maybe not a traditional Spanish one. Idk. I never know what to order. But I'm going back to my room I think. Tomorrow I should go to the beach. It's literally right down the street. This location really is perfect. April 4, 2017 It wasn't a beach. It was port vell. Which I am only slightly disappointed about. I had no intention of laying on the beach or swimming, but Barcelona has reignited my creativity. I would have love to photograph a beautiful beach. I might attempt to climb montjuic, if I can figure out how to get there. I have heard that it's a brutal climb. Ive also heard the panoramic view is worth the effort. Currently I am sitting on a bench under a balm tree with my back to the ocean eating an orange I bought yesterday. I forgot how much I love the smell of the ocean. So many people are walking by all these beautiful things without really noticing. We take so much for granted in this world. How unappreciative we are to have become desensitized to it all. This is why I wanted to go on this trip. The sights and attractions are great, but it is so rare to find a quiet sense of wonder like I have on a bench at a busy intersection. I crave reaffirmation that life is more than ordinary if I am brave enough to seek out the extraordinary. I want this inner peace to grow strong like a nurtured muscle and always carry it with me. Between the change of diet and exercise, this trip will jump start my journey to a healthier body. And this journal will jump start a a life long journey to a healthier soul. On a lighter subject, my roommates were not French. They were from Belarus and spoke Russian. How I mixed that up I have no idea. They were such a cute couple: Iliad and ??? Literally. They were both hot AF. Their dream is to bike across the US from Atlantic to Pacific. But they left this morning and two new guys checked in. One of them is staying at the hostel bc he just got divorced and was running around to job interviews. Idk anything about the other. He ran away pretty quick. Doubt I'll really get to talk to either bc I'm leaving very late tonight. Sort of dreading the task of finding my way back to the airport. I have spent three days in Barcelona without needing transportation and I would hate to have to purchase a pass now. My moment of introspection is fading. Time to wander some more and continue my quest for inner tranquility. At least I know my way around now without a GPS. I discovered a whole new section of las ramblas! It's all twisty narrow side streets and boutiques. For the first time time flew by. I was in my zone photographing the streets. I love the mix of nature, modern, and traditional. This is probably the main tourist area and I only just discovered it. Lol. It doesn't matter bc nothing caught my eye. Although I did really love this one art gallery I found on a particularly quiet street. It only features local artists and the displays were beautiful! If I had the money and room to show them off I would buy one. I did get a business card however. I also think I made tourist mistake #3. The hostel cleaned out my bunk. I think I was supposed to check out this morning. But whatever. I'm already being charged I'm sure so I might as well stay until tonight. (False: hostel is super chill and let me keep my locker in my room until I'm ready to leave.) I'll chill out at the airport until my flight in the morning. So ready for Paris!! This trip is turning out to be pretty incredible. My favorite spot in Barcelona is a tucked away courtyard garden behind the public library. It smells like jasmine and you can't hear the city. I can tell it is a local hiding spot bc old men come to play life sized chess and students sit on the stone perimeter to do homework. Tourists pass through, but it's too perfect to breeze by IMO. Meandering slowly around the city today has easily been the best of my three days here, each better than the last. Idt it's possible to run out of things to see. Not even tourist areas, but just wandering through the maze of adorable side streets and shops. Every turn is basically a new street but it's impossible to get lost. Technically I didn't "accomplish" anything today, but I think I connected to the city more. Posing in front of monuments does nothing for me. This is where it's at. On the other hand, I'm ready to move on. Barcelona is amazing, but there are many more amazing places to see. Leading up to my departure from the states, everyone kept asking me why I would ever want to travel alone. YOURE A SOLO WOMAN! They would try and reason. Not only does that line of thinking disgust and infuriate me, but I also pity these people. Only someone who has completely shed the comfort of the familiar will understand the freedom that comes with embracing the bumpy road. I've always been laid back, but even I have had to roll with a few punches. Anything can happen: good or bad. It doesn't matter though because it hasn't happened yet. It's awe inspiring to know that I did this. I made this happen. I worked for it, planned it, and I'm doing it. I wish everyone could feel how I feel. It's a subtle, sustaining satisfaction but better than brief bursts of ecstasy. A last minute perusal of las ramblas found a nice Spanish restaurant. It looked authentic like online. Tiny portions of excellent food. Sort of pricey. I got the calamari tapa and 7 rings of fried squid cost 6.5 euros. In all fairness though, it was cut thicker than we do in the US and only lightly battered. It was very good with lemon and I am totally satisfied bc I have eaten close to nothing in a week, with that one exception. I also hailed my first cab! I think I looked like a natural 😉 but I also get the impression that the taxi I took LEAVING the airport when I got here ripped me off. Shouldn't cost 25% more to leave the airport than to get there. Lesson learned. Let's call it travel mistake #4 On to travel mistakes 5 & 6: i messed up the days for my hostel and had to check out (they would have let me stay, but I kinda just wanted to get going) and I got to the airport at 11PM for a 7AM flight. I intended to just nap in the terminal but the airport is taking a siesta. For real. There's no one here. I guess they don't have nighttime flights?!? Whatever. I have my kindle charged and aderall if I need to stay awake. April 5, 2017 Happiness is fleeting so what's the point. Minor existential meltdown in the airport at three AM. Can't decide if any of this is worth it. Enjoying all these beautiful places only really feels good in the present. Bliss becomes depression the moment the wonder of it all wears off and then I'm off to another city. I can't seem to stay present. But I keep trying to recapture happiness. As if happiness really existed. Even strangers ask me why I am so sad. I brush it off like I am tired. In truth I'm just tired of being sad. Omfg. Literally two seconds later and the most perfect song comes on "I hope you dance". Thanks universe. I needed this 😘 b/t the very uplifting songs that keep popping up and a review of the pictures I've taken so far, I think I've figured out why I love photography, amateur it may be. My photos are MINE. I took them bc I saw something inspiring and they always bring that feeling back. It doesn't matter if no one else "gets" them bc they're for me. I think the concept I struggle with is that there are no answers. I like answers. I like knowing how and why things are the way they are. But there is no reason. There is no god or higher power. Happiness is a snapshot. It only takes a second, but you hold onto it to get you through all the bullshit. Eventually your life is a collage of snapshots. And I think that's pretty cool bc they're the only things that matter in the end. So take your happiness while you can and self-sooth when you can't. Am I distancing myself? Omg sleep deprivation fucks me up. That was some heavy shit out of no where. Doesn't matter cause I'm in PARIS BABY!! Literally too tired to muster up an ounce of enthusiasm. I barely remember how I got here from the airport. I have an hour and a half to check in and then I'm sleeping. I can explore Paris at night. God DAYUM. French cops walk around with big guns. Why are all the foreign cops so hot... Went for a late night walk. Grody. Paris is dirty and the men are gross. Crêpe was good. Kinda scary at night. April 6, 2017 Paris has been a disappointment. Totally overrated. I'm glad I can say that I've been here and I have selfies with the Arch de Triumphe and the Effiel tower, but that's it. I didn't connect at all. There was no authenticity imo. I walked around for a good 6 hours and it didn't really impress me in the least. I was more impressed with the most amazing orange I have ever eaten. Literally orgasmic. And i ate a whole baguette. I never knew that bread could taste EVEN BETTER. Both of which I bought from a tiny market a few doors down from my hostel. Even so far removed from the city center, this area is my favorite. It's dirtier than the tourist spots but has more character. I have been propositioned by two men in my 1 + 1/2 days here. Like, really. One rando stopped me on the street and I have no idea what he was talking about. The other was a street artist I bought a couple doodles from. He was talking about how French men are different from American men bc the French make love with their tongue....and then he asked what his chances were. I said none. I was gay and that I was leaving now. I do really love this hostel tho. Might be my favorite. I showered and got pretty to socialize at the downstairs bar but ended up sitting on the canal balcony reading... April 7, 2017 Bit of an annoying mix up with my bus this morning but it worked out. I mean, then we sat in traffic forever and the driver stopped for a break but I'm in no hurry. Lol. Met a nice girl named Catherine. Hung out for the rest of the day. Spent fucking forever walking up and down these hilly streets looking for my hostel in bumfuck nowhere. Found it but decided to just stay closer to town. But god is Brussels beautiful. And the food is so good! April 8, 2017 Total in love with Belgium. 🇧🇪 the modern parts don't overwhelm the historical parts and everything is delicious. I walked around quite a bit with Caroline yesterday and got the lay of the land so today I only needed to retrace our steps to get back to all the fun stuff, plus a few new landmarks I didn't see before. I also spent some time checking out the shops. Thankfully they weren't as artificial as Barcelona or high end as Paris. I even found a cute little chocolate shop. I wish I could have bought the fresh candies in the display case, but they'd never survive until I get home so I bought several large bars for mom, dad, Jim, and Jill. And an extra. Maybe for me. Maybe for Karen or Kat. Idk yet. I should also get Kristina and kai something. She really is such a good person and she has had a hard life. Idk if she even realizes that tho bc it's all she's known. I don't know many people who could survive her life and still be so kind and... spiritual. She has a lot of faith in the universe. So rare nowadays and I love it, if for no other reason than to reflect on my life of relative comfort. And she would be so happy with anything. She just wants that damn penpal tho. I'll do that and pick up a little something. I think that's pretty much the extent of my friends list... lmao I really love this bar I found. Ita called Gecko and it's one of the only places not choked to death by tourists. I've been nursing a 50cl beer for almost two hours and continuing a book I started reading in the park across from the Grand Palace. The music is banging. Totally in my element. A little buzzed with great tunes and a beautiful city around me. This trip is amazing. Although I wasn't going to bc I'm not a waffle person, I do think I will try one before I go. I think I'll regret it if I don't. I didn't eat the waffle. So I went to Amsterdam on an empty tummy full of beer. Arrived late. April 9, 2017 Met two American girls at the hostel breakfast, Rachel and cassie. They are studying abroad in Italy. I might have talked Rachel into being Kristina's pen pal. They were pretty nice. Also ran into my roommate, Stacy, outside the hostel and walked around with her for a while. No where in particular. Just around the park and down some streets. Walked around and just enjoyed the city. The canals are beautiful! I could stroll around all day. I basically did! I walked ~15 miles today, although I did take a much needed, space cookie-induced rest midday. I went back out later to see the red light district at night. Dutch Fuckboy. Enough said. April 10, 2017 I'm ready for a chill day. Woke up tired from being out late with the Fuckboy and wasn't really motivated to explore Amsterdam anymore. I can't believe I only spent one day there and can feel so at home so quickly. Plus, it was really cold and looked like rain coming in so I decided to make the hour + journey to the bus station early. Glad I did bc I made a new friend. The girl sitting next to me in Starbucks was crying quietly so I started talking to her about schools in holland vs the US and whatever else came to mind. It worked. She stopped crying and we chatted for over an hour. Then she told me that she broke up with her boyfriend yesterday and we talked about that. She sincerely appreciated the conversation I think and I feel like I helped someone today. We are FB friends now and I told her that she can always vent to me. I hope she takes me up on my offer. She is a nice person and I know she will do well for herself. Lmao July 26, 2017 Guess I never finished narrating my European saga. Probably bc I went to Berlin next and had too much fun and made too many friends to talk about exsistentialism and philosophy and shit. Regardless, some retrospective musings: Hope I never forget Berlin. I'll definitely go back. Next time I will completely bypass Western Europe and just do the eastern half. Start in Berlin, Prague, Budapest, Slovenia, Croatia, etc. And travel SLOWER. Needed more than 4-5 days for Berlin BY FAR. Could do 10 in Berlin and 7 in Prague probs. Although, I still do want to hit up Ireland and Scotland. Maybe do those two with Iceland as a separate trip. Next year I'm thinking Brazil (already learning Portuguese). And Southeast Asia is on the list for sure. Plus a few smaller, domestic trips for long weekends: Niagra falls, the Caribbean, camping, etc. I definitely require a lot of travel to stay happy and to deal with this bullshit world we live in. I do kind of wish I had someone with the travel bug like me. And that can afford to go/save to go. I definitely battled with the difference between being alone vs being lonely. It was better when I started socializing. Idky i didn't in the beginning. I will see the world one part at a time or until mankind has destroyed everything.

[seolong31443]

The Story

Waking up Leo starts his morning routine of waking up at 5:30, showering, shaving, and making toast. Nothing out of the ordinary on a Monday morning he turns on the news for the 6 o'clock show to catch up with what ever went on the night before when he was blacked out drunk. Sipping his coffee he noticed something out of the ordinary, there was a unknown someone sleeping on his couch. He tried to think to last night and what went down, then he remembered what went down.

(last night around 6 pm)

“Fuck yeah time to pre-game” Robby shouted enthusiastically

“You got the fireball?” Leo replied in the same manner

“Hell yeah, Noah is bringing the beer tho” 

“Modelo?”

“Fuck yeah”

Bursting through the door Noah Joins them with the beer and...”

“Bud-light? are you fucking kidding?” Leo said almost pissed

“uhhhh” noha stammers “yeah im kidding” noha pulls the box away to reveal a case of Modelo especial.

After the massive amounts of drinking was completed the three friends decided to walk down the main district of Dallas in the arts district. Walking along stumbling and mumbling like a bunch of, well,drunks they walk into a bar called the liquid lounge. This is when Leo sees a very nice looking woman about his age. Even if he was not shit faced this was a very beautiful woman. And she was in a bar only for one reason, to do the same thing as Leo and the others.

Stumbling up to the bar “Hello mam my name is Leo and did you sit in a pile of sugar? Cause you have a pretty sweet ass. Oh and by the way what is your name?”

Laughing hysterically the Woman says “You better be glad im drunk or that would not have worked. My name is Kayla.”

“Its ok i am drunk too, or I would have said something else. That is a very beautiful name by the way.”

“Thank you my mom gave it to me” laughing at her own joke she also says “So I have a question”

“And i have an answer”

“ Its about time for another drink, but I think I would like to have a tall glass of you at your place”

“And how about you let me go say bye to my friends and I will get right back with you.”

(about 30 minutes later they make it to his condo on main street)

Pushing her against his door Leo lifts Kayla onto his hips and begins kissing her slowly and deeply on the lips. He walks slowly to his room only to tease her and he kisses up and down her neck. Reaching his bed he sets her down and begins to unbutton his shirt.

“how about you let me do that for you” Kayla says

almost as slowly as he was to her, she is being to him. she runs her hands over his, area, and feels a immense erection building. Only made worse for Leo because his pants were too tight. she finally gets his shirt unbuttoned and sees a fit and defined torso which only makes her more aroused. This is torture for Leo and he started to pull Kayla shirt off. She obliges. He pushes her softly into the bed and starts to kiss up and down her navel. Making her squirm slightly, he gets down to her shorts and unbuttons and unzips them. As to not get any repercussions for this he does this part fast, pulling panties with. He starts to kiss the insides of her thighs giving her goosebumps. Going straight for the money shot he puts his mouth on her clit and begins to suck while playing with the crown with his tongue making her arch her back and let out a loud moan. After spelling his name with his tongue on the inside of her vagina (Lord Leonardo the Great One) He gets up to take off his pants. Letting out a huge sigh of relief he takes his pants off. Kayla takes no time to get up and start to stroke him. He grunts when she starts  to take him into her mouth. Deeper and deeper with each stroke his groans increase volume. He grabs her and puts her back on to the bed. Slowly He inters her, he must or it would be painful for the both of them, but all the same she cant stop moaning. He starts off with a slow pace enjoying feeling her. She starts to buck into his hips so he pick up the pace. Faster and faster moans growing until they both cant hold on. Pulling out he climaxes onto her stomach while she shakes into her orgasm. he quickly goes down on her and starts to slip his fingers into her to keep her orgasms going, in and out in and out, one after the other he rocks her world until she sits up gasping and sweating.

“Holy shit” exclaimed Kayla with gasping breathes

“You are very welcome, i am going to take a shower.  You are free to join me.”

He pulls himself out of his Flashback and takes a sip of his now luke warm coffee

“I think I should make her breakfast”

to be continued. 

[survivorsolomonislands]

Episode 7 “a clusterf*ck of paranoia”- Daisy

WEFUC K WE  SDFEDSX JUST VTOTED OUT KAREN FUCK AND I'M TRYNA RALLY OUR SPIRTS SBACK UP AND THEN ISAAC STARTS REMOVIN PEOPLE'S GRASSY ASSES FUCK FUKFCJD FUFK FUCK WE FEDS THIS HAS GOT TO BE A FUCKING MERBE A MERGE AT 14 HOLY GOLLY GOSH GOOD MOLLY MOSH WHAT THE FUCKDJX FUCK FUCK FKPDSOF I NEEDED MORE TIME FRIFODKF FCK

(a little bit later)

I'VE BEEN DYING TO MEET JOHNNY AND I FINALLY DID AND HE'S FUCKING EVERYTHING I'VE EVER FUCKING WANTED IN LIFE HE CALLS ME HOMIE AND I SWEAR TO GOD HE'S NOT LIKE EVERY OTHER FRAT BOY YOU'VE MET HE'S BEAUTIFUL AND GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO TRAVEL THE WORLD WITH HIM BUT I ALSO WANT TO KILL HIM AND STRANGLE HIM BUT I FUCKING LOVE EVERY SECOND OF THE EXPERIENCE I LOVE HOW MUCH I HATE HIM

https://youtu.be/JNaS_mOM3yY

first off rest in peace karen i thought you were supposed to be good since you play so much but.. i suppose the mighty power of the chicken wing is not a force in tumblr survivor. anywho, so we switched like everyone expected but for some reason everyone thought it was a fun idea to freak out and be like "omg is it merge???" "WHATS GOING ON" "I DONT UNDERSTAND" ctfu yall literally knew damn well what was happening. its final 14 like it aint rocket science. as for my tribe, ive said it before and i will say it again - I HATE PURPLE!!! GET ME OUT OF HERE!!! it is just not flattering against my skin tone and that is literally my number one concern at the moment. that might insult those who play this game like its life or death but to me... this is a very big aspect of my luck in the game. every time (literally not even joking) i get some ugly ass color, im fucked thats just the way it is and the weird blue that luca insists is cyan - get a crayon set pls - was working just fine for me! i was slayyyyinngggg without doing anything meaningful which is all that matters to me since its really fun watching people go crazy while i just sit here eating my nuggets in the break room. current thoughts of my tribemates and fellow one worlders: johnny - king of making final 2's and being in a frat. a dumbass who spilled his entire game once we swapped and got ratted out the second he did. stupid stupid stupid! i need him as a number tho so i cant be hasty with my opinions tho so like a 6/10 dana - has a paper to write. thats all i got right now 4/10 l.a. - A LITERAL FUCKING GODDESSSSSSS! all of the rookies should be bowing at her feet for trying so hard to make them safe cause if i was her... they would get a stern talking to and no help at all (plus she can clearly count which is more than i can do). 100000000/10 luca - literally victor next (i dont actually think he is victor but this dude is seriously wack like i just do not understand why he had the need to call me a grandma when im not even that old? like where is the residential hag when i need her zzzz. also he said he likes skype emojis and then used the cactus emoji which victor also uses so clearly something fucked up is happening!!!!!!!!) 1-ish/10 mitchell - fake hoe next (tho i do love the flattery so i guess they are right in saying it gets you everywhere cause ya got a ticket right on the bottom - word of the wise btwwww, next time you play pls stop taking advice from ya eggs cause they clearly do not help just ask karen in prejury hehe) 1-ish/10 ryan - king of all things survivor. how has he not won a ts season.... 10/10 allie - is from florida so either an icon like me or is like cole tbd. as luca said, can "air hump" really well??? not really useful info but thats all i got so next??? aro - im the 1. next. daisy - i hate the smell of flowers :| next jacob - legend was tagged in some nice pictures on facebook recently so he can stay. matt - lmao next willow - our friend willow teas? what comes after 6.gif. next. i really do not like talking to people and sadly i must. tho i just finished this one kdrama and it was like 50 episodes and the dad died literally in the last half hour of the entire show.... im crying i really am HE WAS A GOOD FUCKING PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the world is so cruel and so harsh to the loving but so kind to the evil where did we go wrong :'( PPPPPPPS : [4/18/17, 11:29:35 PM] nancy.sweitzer: shut up trump supporter [4/18/17, 11:29:42 PM] nancy.sweitzer: i have receipts of you supporting trump BB i need some food to watch this with so lets have reward hm?

I'm both so happy and scared about this swap. BLESS ULAWA BEING GONE. THAT WAS THE WORST TRIBE. IT DOESN'T DESERVE TO EXIST. But yeah, a few people came to me and were like you carried that tribe and are amazing, and as nice as that is, YOU DON'T WANNA HEAR IT ON SURVIVOR. Cause now I have a huge target on my back for being a "challenge icon". I do not trust Daisy or Aro at all either so I'm worried they will gun for me, but they are both on the other tribe so that's a plus... Maybe, this one world thing doesn't help me there. Now I have to catch up with Jacob, and the rest of the alliance and see where we all stand. I'm trying to set something up with Johnny as well cause we sort of clicked at the start and I need people.

im too sick to carry on. i cant even see the light im too far gone

Hi MTV welcome to my own private corner of Hell. Seriously I guess my burning desire for some action really warranted this swap that put me in a terrible ass position. I love the One World beach because I can wave to literally every single person I was working with as they wear their Makira buffs with pride and I am stuck with all Rookies and Zak! The only people I know are Zak and Jacob, and Zak threw Daisy's name out and Jacob says he trusts Daisy so I can't even wrangle all my loose allies to form a little alliance. I'm just going to use my social game to earn favor with people like Willow and Allie so that I can maybe survive juuuuuust long enough to make it to the merge and reconnect with my homies. I'm sort of praying for a miracle, but I'm also going to do whatever I can to survive, and if that means throwing Jacob or Zak under the bus then so be it. I am scrambling like eggs in the morning. Hopefully I can convince people to target Aro for his wishy washy nature and because I have planted the seed that he has an idol, and honestly maybe he does, so I smell a blindside coming up, but if they're not willing to budge then I could be a dead boy walken.

Dana mom doesnt approve of the act of sending nudes but like I don't spread em like seeds in a pumpkin patch (like this swap is doing w my alliance tbqh) or anything not everyone gets to see the goods

(a little bit later)

All right binches here's the tea! Daisy has an idol, and is trying to get people to think aro has the idol bc he made up a lie about a fake idol that he doesn't have, which saved his ass a few rounds back, and Jacob and Allie are saying Aro is sketchy. NOW thats not what I like hearing because Aro is my husband and all, so automatically my Worry Senses are tingling as they usually are it would seem. What I'm tryna do is scrape together a me/willow/aro/Matt majority (since allie apparently doesn't trust aro so I can't trust her) but I suck at approaching people so it sucks that dana and Mitchell aren't on my tribe to help me :( but get for being the least experienced vet in tumblr left in this game I think I'm in a moderately decent position

Well Day 2 of NuNuTemoana is quite interesting, I'm starting to create scenarios that will hopefully put me in a good situation. A) NuNuMakira will throw the challenge and vote out Luca or LA and B) I create an alliance with Willow and Allie and we become the swing votes between Jacob/Daisy and Zak/Aro and if Daisy or Aro have idols they're shooting their bullets at each other and I've got a bulletproof vest. Fingers crossed.

I'm gonna model the rest of my game after Cirie bc boy does she have me fucked up seven ways to Sunday right-about-now o'clock Also I'm not gonna be home again after tomorrow until May except for one day in between so this whole new tribe/quickly approaching merge thing is gonna get really sad for me when I randomly just disappear forever :)

The past few days have been a whirlwind. From uncovering that dirty business with Matt to this One World swap, I find myself in a tribe in which I'm not sure if I can stay safe. It hurts that I can't compete in this next immunity too. I trust Johnny/LA, but as far as the rest? Question marks all over. I like Mitchell a lot, still haven't talked with Dana much, I have no clue about Ryan/Lexi but Johnny says Lexi is tight with him. So I'm really not sure what happens if we lose an immunity here, and winning challenges might be my only shot to stay in the game. So what happens next? No clue.

MMMMHMHMHMHMHMHM YES!!! Willow finally spilled the tea which confirmed our suspicions on Karen :))) now alls I need is Lexi to get the fuck out and I can be satisfied by outlasting all the snakes

So I've officially worked my way into an alliance with Allie and Willow, hopefully they're not playing me and we can actually work towards getting out Daisy or Aro. Now Mitchell wants me to get Daisy out so we can rope in Aro and Zak at the merge but I also have somewhat of a relationship with Jacob from nuTemoana and he seems to have a relationship with Daisy so I am hopefully safely in the middle of this tribe and will be deciding this vote, but there's also a large chance I'm gonna get squashed smack dab in the middle. I mean ideally we win immunity and the other tribe can get out LA or Luca which would be great. I need these rookie numbers thinned like the mints so that I have options if I'm in the merge. I have my Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc. Alliance which is Ryan, Mitchell, and Dana, I have nuTemoana which is Johnny, Jacob, Lex, and Ryan, and I have a possible alliance with Allie, Willow, and Mitchell. Preferably I wanna work with Mitchell because I trust him the most so far. But of course none of these numbers I'm running in my head matter if I can't make it until the merge which is crazy to me.

i wasnt successful in covering up my misery. i dont even know why i said i could do it since the only thing on that entire menu (all of the drink choices included) i actually do enjoy is the oreos so who knows what i was thinking. im going to get voted out i really am

tag yourself. im luca saying he cant compete cause they use blue solo cups instead of red solo cups in his country. isaac is la's roommate not letting her use her waterbottle. andrew is ryan only having glass in his house. pippa is matt actually doing this. stefan is willow beating the crap out of me. IM GOING HOME

Well I couldn't get it done today and that's a little disheartening, I definitely feel like I could be in danger and when you have the chance to save yourself and don't do it it sucks. I guess now my focus is on playing this game for like the first time this season honestly, a lot of things are at stake in this tribal, there's idols there's alliances there's tribe swaps, there's beef in this game, and I feel like hopefully I can shift the attention towards Daisy vs. Aro, but there's also a lurking nuMakira alliance that might form and getting an Ulawa out wouldn't do anything in the long run but I need to play to make it so that I'm safe until tomorrow or else there won't even be a long run. I wanted to be in a position where I could run a marathon but instead I'm like running a relay race tribal to tribal. If I get rid of Daisy Jacob may lose trust in me and join a Makira alliance, but also maybe I'll just join the Makira alliance myself? I mean I told myself I would do what it takes to win, my obligations are to myself at this point, not Temoana not Makira, not Vets, but MESELF. Well who knows at this point what's gonna happen, hopefully my plan works.

MATT STFU CALLING ME OUT IN THE MAIN CHAT YOU MOTHERFUCKER! Literally your ass would not be in this game right now if I didn't win the challenge where we counted in our confessional. The plan was in play, you were going to be gone, we had the numbers, and now you're on a tribe where it's minority veterans, so hopefully Allie and Willow aren't idiots, and they just take out Matt because he's kind of an arrogant prick, but I'm sure that something sketchy is going to happen, and they're going to take out a rookie, probably Aro or Daisy since apparently they're being sketchy motherfuckers. Grrrrrrrr Matt needs to stfu. I still have quotes of him talking about LA, so I might use that to my advantage, but we'll see how this goes for now. I'm not ready for merge and these unpredictable motherfuckers in Allie and Willow.... I have no idea where either of their heads are at. As for my tribe right now, I'm 99% sure that Lex, Ryan and I are in the driver's seat on this tribe, with Luca, LA, Mitchell and Dana all wanting to work with us. I wouldn't mind losing to get rid of Dana, because I really really really want her out, simply because I haven't spoken to her as much, and I'd prefer to have good relationships with everyone once we get to merge, and I don't want anyone to think about taking me out of this game because I don't have a good enough relationship with them, so we'll see for now. Ryan hinted this morning that he'd prefer Mitchell to go home over Dana, but I want Dana to go home, and I wanna keep my brolationship with Mitchell for as long as I can. This is just fuel for fire I can use against Ryan if I have to, to get Mitchell to trust me, since according to Ryan, Mitchell is obsessed with me.. I also won the challenge for my tribe single handedly because I'm the king of this game, and no one is on my level strategically, socially or physically if we're being honest. I just need to NOT be known as that big threat once I get to merge. Time to just pit people against each other and throw shit and sound dumb like I always  do ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Fuck this is so nerve wracking. I hate that I'm at tribal again. And I've recently been really anxious about the fact that L.A. knows I have an idol, and just now I found out that a lot of people know that I have it. Which means L.A. has been telling people. Which also means that I'm kind of screwed. I want to get out Aro because I know how tricky he is and how terrible he is in challenges, but he has the idol and if he plays it I could very well be going home. Plus I'm realizing that I don't really have any solidified alliances with a lot of these people so I could easily be targeted, especially since they think I have an idol. Honestly part of me just wants to play it tonight and get rid of it and get it off my back. Or give it to someone. But if I give it to someone, then other people will still think I have it and I'll still be a target. I could try to split the votes, but that seems kind of aggressive and I don't want to make myself a target if I'm not one already. Ugh, fuck. I wish I had someone to talk this over with.

(a little bit later)

Whew I know I just submitted but I have so many thoughts right now. Aro seems to think things are gonna go along tribe lines and it's gonna be me and him as swing votes. Willow brought up Aro's name to me. I'm nervous that Willow maybe brought up his name to make me feel more secure about it, and maybe I'm the target. Maybe Aro is right and things are gonna go along past tribe lines but I don't really want to work with him. Maybe I could try to split the votes between me and Aro and I'll play my idol and get rid of it. That would be dumb though, right? I hate that we have so little time and that like, no one is online right now. It's so hard to plan. Jacob told me he cast his vote for Aro because he only had a couple minutes before he had to leave and he wouldn't be gone. So theres gonna be at least one vote for him. Unless everyone is lying to me. Fuck I'm so paranoid right now, but I don't know how to figure out if its just paranoia or if there's actually something there. Also I'm trying to seem invested in planning out the vote with Aro so that he doesn't think I'm targeting him, but he could also quote me to others and make them think I'm targeting them. So now it seems like I have Willow, Matt, Jacob, and Allie all voting for Aro with me. Aro wants to target a vet and apparently he's close with Zakriah which means we may want to divert Zakriah too so that he doesn't leak to Aro and have him play an idol. But now I'm worried by suggesting that we divert Zakriah I'm playing too aggressively. Ugh. Aro said he's gonna talk to the rookies and see who they would rather vote for, I told them I'm trying to divert him so that they're not confused or surprised that he says I wanna vote for a vet when I already targeted him. This is a lot to deal with, and we don't have a lot of time. Tbh this confessional is a clusterfuck of paranoia.

Okay so I'm out with friends and don't have time to write a real confessional but I don't wanna get a strike. So if I get home in time I'll write a real confessional yeah

I think for the first time in Survivor history one of my plans is actually working, it seems that Daisy is totally sold that Aro is going and voting me and it's awesome if she ends up getting blindsided as intended. Jacob is getting two votes because he sucks and I want him to know he should be worried, he threw my name out, and he's untrustworthy, even after like I pretended like i was interested in his crush that he talks about at least once a day, it's almost more satisfying knowing that I can flip and get him out if I really wanted to. In fact I have my choice to vote Daisy, Aro, or Jacob, and if I'm not getting played that wold mean I've spun this terrible swap into a great spot for myself, and I love it. See what happens when I get a chance to really play?

I am so screeeeewed. So basically everyone except Daisy and Jacob wants to vote for Daisy but I am about 90% sure this is bs and I am getting set up for a big blindside. Well, it wont really be a blindside now but rip me

Okay so I only really have 13 mins to type out a fuck ton of information. This vote is crazy, so much has happened and we only had a few hours to strategize for this tribal. Anyway originally me and Allie were thinking about voting Daisy bc she told LA she has an idol, but then LA sent screenshots of Aro's idol. So I was panicking for a moment bc I thought it was real, but I talked to people, and he was probably really desperate, so i think were sticking to voting out Aro. I'm just typing out the short version of what actually happened, bc I don't have a lot of time, but basically me and Allie are the swing votes and I hope everything goes as planned.

As we near tribal Im starting to get the teeniest glimmer of hope. Willow, Allie and Matt seems to be pretty interested in working with me. If it goes according to plan its going to be 3 votes Daisy, 2 votes Jacob and 2 votes me. However Im still about 80% sure that Im going to get blindsided tonight so fingers crossed