#I couldn't stop laughing while writing this so I hope the humor comes through XD

[deejadabbles]

My ding-ding-dong (Fives x Reader) Humor

Summary: after a bad week at work, your boyfriend just wants to make you breathless.

Rating: T+

A.N: Everyone please go read A Question of Seman-dicks by @dystopicjumpsuit it's hilarious and reading it this morning got me into writing gear to pop this insanity out! @freesia-writes I'm determined to help you make this kind of fic a thing 😂

Word Count: 962

Songs to ~set the mood~ Ding Dong Song by Gunther and Bad Touch by bloodhound gang

Warnings: crude humor, cursing, Fives being Fives, suggestive situations

“I swear to the maker, one of these days!”

Fives watched as you cleaned up the kitchen, putting dishes away in the most aggressive manner he had ever seen as you vented about your week. He wanted to reach out and rub your back in comfort, but the way you slammed the cabinet shut made him think better of it.

“And I know why he’s decided to start drama with me,” you continued, grabbing the knife you had used to cut up dinner, “it’s because I stood up to him, because I didn’t take his condescending, mansplaining, bantha-shit attitude and put him in his place when he tried it on me.” Despite being nowhere in striking distance, Fives still took a step back when you kept the knife in hand as you raged. “So now he’s determined to make me look bad- well game on, bitch! He hasn’t even seen my ugly side yet!”

Fives half expected you to impale the knife into the counter like a declaration of war, but thankfully, you just tossed it in the knife drawer and slammed it shut. Finally, when you ran your hands over your tired face, he closed the distance between you and put an arm around your shoulder.

“I’m sorry, babe, he’s a shithead and doesn’t deserve you as a coworker.”

Warmth filled his chest when you leaned into him, melting at his touch as you blinked up to meet his eyes. “No, I’m sorry,” you let out a defeated sigh, “your shore leave just started and here I am whining about work when I should be focused on you.”

He kissed the top of your head, “Stop that, mesh’la, you needed to vent, you were under a lot of stress this week. I would have held you sooner, but figured it was best to wait til you weren’t armed with serrated kitchenware.”

That made you chuckle a little and the warmth in his chest grew. He wanted to hear a proper laugh from you, a real one that might melt your troubles away.

Oh, that could work. He could practically see the light bulb that went off over his own head as an idea came.

“Hey,” he mumbled as he kept kissing the top of your head, “want me to make you forget your shitty week?”

You turned in his arms, an interested, knowing smirk on your pretty mouth, “Oh, I’d love that, handsome.”

Making sure to put on his best smolder, he took your hand and guided you across your apartment until you got to the bedroom. “Just lay back, beautiful, I’m going to make you howl,” he said, choosing his words very carefully.

The way you raised a brow just a little said you caught it, but you sat on the bed all the same. He followed, pecking your lips as he gently pressed your back to the mattress.

"I'm gonna make you feel soooo good, sweetheart," he said running his hands up your sides in a way that had you biting your lip.

He couldn't wait to have you gasping from the words his mind was thinking up. Just a little more teasing to set the mood...

Fives trailed his mouth down your neck, then back up to your ear, nipping it before he whispered, “Are you ready?”

“Yes-”

“Ready for my trouser snake?”

You choked instantly.

“Wut?”

Fives leaned back, smile bright as he rolled his hips dramatically, “Come on, baby, my man meat is right here.”

That’s when the nervous chuckles started, “ ‘Man meat?! What are you-?”

“My love sausage is ready to serve.”

“Oh my god!”

He rubbed his thighs in a mock of a seductive pose, “You know my little soldier is standing at attention for you!”

That’s the one that had you busting out in a full laugh, double funny considering there was nothing ‘little’ about Fives.

“You can ride my disco stick aaaalllll night!”

Your hand flew up to cover your face as the laughter became more ragged, the other hand holding your side. Oh, Fives wasn’t done yet, not even close!

He started fumbling with his belt in exaggerated movements, “Let me just unleash my custard launcher.”

“Custard- Fives STOOOOP!” it came out a wheeze, and he saw some tears of joy collecting in the corner of your eyes.

“What?” he leaned over you again caging you with his arms as he looked you over, “I thought you loved my massive king kong dong!”

You couldn’t form words anymore, just slapping weakly at his chest as you tried to draw breath into your lungs between strained laughter. Now to move in for the kill.

“My tallywacker,” he leaned in closer, dropping his voice, “my wiener,” then lips to your ear and in his most seductive tone, “my ding-a-ling.”

When you shoved at him, Fives pulled back, smiling at his handy work as you rolled over, clutching your sides and trying to breathe through the delighted wheezing. Well, you certainly weren’t thinking about work now, and Fives thought a smug ‘mission accomplished’ to himself as the fit continued.

He watched as your breathing started to even out, a few happy tears wetting your cheeks, smile bright, eyes alight.

“Damn, you’re beautiful when you laugh,” he said and this time, his tone was completely genuine.

Now that you could finally form coherent thoughts again, you rolled onto your back again and grinned at him, “Then I guess it’s a good thing I have a man who makes me laugh.”

He couldn’t help it, he dove in and kissed you, long and deep this time, loving, doting. Kriff, he adored you.

“Thank you,” a content whisper against his lips, “you always make me feel better.”

“Can’t be a perfect boyfriend without skills like that,” he hummed, then, “now, are you ready to get breathless for a whole different reason?”

You threw your arms around him giggling as you pulled him in for another kiss, “Please.”

.

Tag list: @blueink-bluesoul @anxiouspineapple99 @starrylothcat @sinfulsalutations @commander-sunshine @dystopicjumpsuit @wolffegirlsunite @sunshinesdaydream @arcsimper5

[just-an-anon-reader]

Heya there! I've been loving your blog for a while and I finally came up with the corauge to make a request! ^^ What about the rottmnt boys (Donie, Leo, Raph and Mikey) with a fem!reader that has just this

✨GenZ Energy✨

Like she makes a lot of self depricating jokes and has got dark humor.

I just kinda wanna see how they will react to this kind of reader xd

Also don't forget to take care of yourself and to not overwork! Have a nice day/night! ;)

Random Girlfriend Moments

Summary: The turts do the opposite of laugh

Leo

Invites you for a cuddle sesh in his room. Because he misses you even when you both hung out yesterday. 

Heart eyes when he walks in with snacks in hand to you sitting on his bed reading his comic collection. 

You caught him grinning. You knew that look. 

"What are you up to?" 

"Nothing, just thinking that my girlfriend is beautiful." 

Cheeky

"Really? What does she look like."

Starts high-key comparing you to a pepperoni pizza. Which is low-key high praise coming from him. 

He wanted to hear your cute giggle when you get shy, but instead... 

 "That's her? She sounds ugly. You got some low standards, Leo." 

The furrow between his eyebrows when he frowned could almost compete with Raph's. It was cute. 

"Not funny." 

Donnie 

Was pulling his 6th all-nighter, working on a weapon upgrade for his bo-staff. 

Worried for your boyfriend, you came over with pizza and calming tea in hand. He didn't even hear you knock. 

Completely ignores your efforts to get his attention and eat. 

"The beta stage is complete! All that's left is to test out its durability in battle and see its adverse effects on opponents!" 

"Why don't you test it on me and get it over with?" 

...That got his attention. 

"It's going to hurt."

"No pain, no gain." 

"What if you collapse?"

"The best sleep of my life."

"Darling, I know this is completely out of my character and I definitely will not be doing this again, but, do you need a hug?"

"I need you to eat and sleep."

"Okay"

Raph 

You begged asked him to teach you how to ride a skateboard. 

He would've been fine teaching you if you weren't so adamant about learning on the ramp inside the lair

Like, have you SEEN it!?

It DEFINITELY does not pass safety standards. 

But you pulled out your trump card...the ✨puppy eyes✨, and he couldn't say no to that. 

So now, he was sweating bullets CANONS with how nervous he was with you on top of the ramp. 

His brothers sat at the bottom, making bets. Finding the prospect of you falling flat on your face is far more entertaining than playing video games.

"Do it! Do it! Do it!"

"Stop encouraging her! This is serious!" 

"She's gonna be fine." 

"Babe, it's gonna be awesome! Who knows, maybe falling on my face might make me prettier." 

Let's just say that he refuses to teach you how to skateboard after that. 

Mikey 

To him, were nothing short of an angel.

 Everything little thing about you, he finds so aesthetically pleasing no matter what you said or did.

You would've had bed hair and drool on your chin, and he'd look at you with the anime glitter filter on. 

As such, anyone who dares insult your beauty would have to go through him and his razzmatazz. Even you. 

"Babe, how are you so pretty?" 

"Pretty ugly if you ask me." 

Dr. Feelings was more than ready to sit you down and give a 10-hour presentation on how you were not ugly. 

"Sweetie it's a joke."

"Oh, are you saying you're a joke now? Well, let's talk about that." 

2 hours in and you were already numb from the waist down sitting in one spot. 

He wasn't finished though. 

Never again... 

P.S: Hello everyone~ it's been a while and I'm really sorry about the slow updates. Finals are coming up and I just wanted to take a break and write something fun. So I hope you guys enjoy this short one!!

P.P.S: this is my first time using hdcs and I'm pretty sure I did it wrong -w-