#I could've just picked my personal favs and called it a day but would my brain listen?

[violinist-rachel]

Favorite icecream flavor and least favorite?

"I like chocolate! Any flavors with it's a fairly safe bet for me, but I really don't need anything fancy. A simple soft serve on a hot day is more than enough to keep me happy."

"As for least favorite, I can't say I care much for coconut."

[sublimecatgalaxy]

Ceilings

Pairing: Post-apocalypse!Joel Miller x Female!Reader

Warnings: Smutttt, 18+, swearing but overall this is really wholesome and heartbreaking and possibly my fav thing ever written, so much angsty vibes guys.

Word Count: 1.3k

Song: "Champagne Problems" by Taylor Swift and "Ceilings" by Lizzy McAlpine

Summary: The reader has to leave but Joel is willing to do anything and everyting to keep her in his arms for one more night, not wanting to be abandoned again like everyone else has left him. This is a request by @what-muses; "Female reader smut with Joel Miller and the prompt 'Make Me’."

It's lovely that I have the opportunity to be beside him, bodies curled against each other while we watch the plaster peel off the ceiling, soft rain drops hitting against the cracked window. It's a perfect day to be alone with him, the humid air swarming around us, warming our cold bodies that lay beneath the blankets.

He's so soft like this, bedsheets wrapped around him, his hands splaying across my hip as his lips attentively find a home on the column of my throat. He smells like aftershave and something woodsy, calloused skin feeling good against my own, his aura filling my mind like the most addictive drug.

How special am I to be able to see him in this environment, unlike his typical closed off, hateful, spiteful mood. He's not like that with me, not normally, instead taking on a more protective, caring, stern mood when he's curled up in bed with me but I know that there's still a darkness looming in and out of his mind.

When we first met at the QZ, I didn't know the extent of his pain or what he had been though. Anyone could've seen that he's been through a lot, more than most people and that's saying a lot considering nearly everyone was impacted by the cordyceps looming around, turning our loved ones into monsters.

But when him and I started to get closer and one night, over booze, he confessed to me that he had a daughter who quite literally died in his arms, the day of the fall, his birthday, I broke down with him. How could such a good man, an overall good person, go through that and not turn into a monster of a different form compared to the ones we're used to.

I found out about his brother a week later after Sarah.

He harbors guilt for Tommy, wondering if he was the reason that he left in the first place but anyone who knows Tommy knows that Tommy just seems to be a busy body, always getting involved in something new whether it be the military or the Fireflies.

But he left Joel, like Sarah did, though in different ways.

So what does that say about me?

I don't want to leave him in the morning, but I have to, abandoning the only arms I've ever called home. He doesn't know and he shouldn't have to know that he's losing me in the morning because I know his world will fall into chaos the minute he finds out that I'm leaving. Like everyone else has.

Feels like the start of a movie I've seen before, me leaving him, him leaving me, it's a back and forth nightmare where we don't know when the next time we'll kiss, when our movie will end permanently and the other person won't have closure.

But I have to go.

So for now, I'll soak in what I can, humming quietly as he rests his head on my bare chest, my fingers carding through his tangled locks in an attentive manner. His guitar is in the corner of the room, my eyes lifting to look at it every so often to memorize it just in case I need something to remember when I'm beyond the walls.

I map Joel's fingers, imagining them plucking at the strings and telling me about his daughter, how he got her a guitar when she was younger but she never used it so he picked it up out of spite to show her how easy it was for her to use.

I imagine that Sarah would be happy that he's with me, being constantly dotted on and taken care of, just how he should be. She'd like that he smiles now, that his eyes have softened and jaw has unclenched since her passing. He's told me that he's had no reason to be hopeful for the future until me, no reason to be afraid of losing himself since he's met me.

Since Sarah.

It makes leaving even harder.

"You're leaving aren't you?" Joel asks against my skin, lips brushing softly across my collarbone and I feel the stinging of tears rise to my eyes, frustration and anger towards myself swimming in my brain.

"How'd you know?" He looks up at me with soft eyes, no disappointment or anger behind his brown hues, not like I had expected them to be filled with. Instead it looks like he already knew, as if he assumed I wasn't here to stay and that thought makes my heart break. He always knew I was a flight risk.

"You're holding onto me tight." I can see the glass heart through his eyes shattering with every word that escapes him and I confirm his fears by holding onto him even tighter, worried that he'll leave me before I have the chance to leave him, our normal back and forth bullshit. "Tighter than normal."

"I just wanna be close to you." I find his lips, drinking in his taste as our lips part to accommodate the elephant in the room, my heart weighing heavily in my chest and I can't ignore the fear that this is the last time we'll get to be like this, to have the pleasure to soak in each others presence without behind worlds apart.

"You couldn't be any closer." He whispers against me, greedy yet soft hands urging my hips closer to his and I gasp, feeling his cock against my thigh, my head spinning at the feeling of him so close, wanting nothing but for him to slip inside of me, keeping me close to him and never letting me go.

The words die on the tip of my tongue; I miss you already, I want you, I need you, I can't live without you.

"I want to be." I wrap my arms around his neck, face pressed into the pillow as I throw one of my legs over his hip, moans drowning in the pillow and Joel hums.

"C'mere." His voice keeps me hanging on like a prayer, fingers carding through his hair as his cock finally slips into me with no effort, a small whimpered gasp escaping me at the feeling of being so full, like my missing puzzle piece, fitting perfectly into me, completely my broken edges. "Don't go." He begs, arms wrapping around my waist the best they can and my mind clouds over.

I'm pretty convinced that I'd do anything he'd ask me to when he's deep inside of me, thrusting lazily in and out of me and it makes my eyes spring with tears once more, knowing how desperately and pathetically I'm going to miss being this close to him.

"Joel."

"I never ask for anythin'." He mutters, kissing me sweetly once more and I feel my whole body tremble in his grasp, his hand cirling around my to fist some of my hair, pulling me chin upwards so he can press kiss against my throat, leaving bites in his wake. "Please just stay."

"Make me." I beg, giving into him, knowing in my heart that if I try to leave, it's going to be nearly impossible.

There's something that just happened, just now, something that shifted from what we were before into something new, a sense of wholeness filling us as he fills me and tears trail gently down my cheeks as I reach my peak, tumbling over the edge and pulling Joel with me. He groans loudly, finding my lips as he presses messy, heated kisses to my lips, unrelenting and heartbroken.

"If I had it my way, you'd never leave this bed." Joel whispers after a few moments, holding me tightly to him and not bothering to slip out of me as he gets comfortable, wanting nothing more than to keep me as close as humanly possible.

"Then don't let me."

[marianessheridan]

it's so great to see how my tastes have changed throughout the years. it's amazing to look back and see ho the things I've loved when I was younger have shaped my taste and led me to where I am now.

like, when I was 11 or 12 I'd read every ya romance novel I could encounter and listen to avril lavigne and I had just discovered gilmore girls and had become addicted to that show.

when I was 14 I went though what I like to call my pseudo-emo phase. I dressed like I belonged in an 80s tv show, but listened to every single emo/pop punk band out there. paramore and my chemical romance are still favs of mine I'll never let go of them. also, at this time I started reading a lot more fantasy and contemporary ya, mainly about mental health and family issues, some of those books are still very important to me.

then, at 16, I finally stopped pretending I didn't like taylor swift and became unapologetically in love with her music, I even got concert tickets (the concert was canceled and I never got a refund for that and I will forever be mad about it). also, I went through a poetry phase there and that was also the time my taste in books started shifting from young adult to new adult/adult contemporary fiction. that was also the time I took my first international trip all alone and it was so special, it's probably my favorite memory still to this day. I remember going to book shops and looking for things both in the ya and adult sections and I was a bit confused because the adult books seemed to appeal to me more, but to that point all I had picked up previously had been ya. I remember photographing cool book covers in london bookstores so I could go back later and buy them.

then came a phase in which I started to get really into movies, I made a letterbox account and started logging a lot of films. whenever I could I'd be either starting a book or watching a film. I really had no direction to help me shape my film taste because up to then I had never been truly interested in cinema, so I just started watching everything that seemed interesting and honestly that was probably the best thing I could've done.

i also started to get very interested in alternative music and started making playlists every month and adding new songs that seemed interesting to me.

then I got into university. then I dropped out after one week. then I got in again the next semester. I studied architecture. I discovered lots of artistic movements in my art history class. I listened to a lot more music and read many classic novels and novels about confused women going to university and watched horror movies for the first time. I made friends. I bought books. I listened to A LOT of taylor swift and alt bands. I realized architecture wasn't for me. I dropped out and took another standardized test. I got into uni again, this time to study international relations.

and idk why I just wrote all that. it's just that moving into my own apartment and seeing more contemporary and classic novels and essay collections and trashy romance books take a larger space in my shelf than young adult is like seeing my own tastes evolve right in front of me. and im so grateful for everything. I think without media, I would never have found out who I am. I would never have developed any personality and I might have ended up studying medicine because that's what my parents wanted when I was younger.

idk. its just something I started thinking about today.