#I cna quit this job and get a better one but that won't make me any happier
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If I get yelled at for sitting down or have to keep doing everybody's fucking jobs with no respect and just keep getting nothing but flack or get patronized by another fucking old person one more fucking time I stg I'm gonna quit.
#except I won’t because unfortunately I'm a responsible fucking adult. fuck.#working is a scam. life is a scam.#there's no way to make any of it better.#I cna quit this job and get a better one but that won't make me any happier#I've been trying since I got here and there’s just nothing for me I can't do anything and nobody wants me#I get it I'm a worthless waste of a human. i understand. i wouldn't want me either.#but I'm trying my best. I'm doing the best I can to want to even keep trying to try and it's just not enough#I don't want to try anymore I don't want to do this anymore#I want to be someone who sees an opportunity and actually acts on it instead of hamming and hawing about it until it's too late#I'm tired of sabotaging myself and being only more miserable for it I'm fick of being resentful of people for not helping me#when I can't even let myself help my fucking self#fuck I hate me I hate me so much I'm so fucking pathetic I should die#abby's havibg a crisis
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My Dad is being released from the hospital tomorrow and put into home hospice care so we can get more help with his chronic conditions rather than end of life care, which is something a lot of people don't know that hospice does. You don't have to have a 6 month prognosis and people can get better and leave hospice care. It's just a way of making sure someone with chronic diseases can get the help they need.
We lost my mom suddenly and without warning and I thought that was the worst it could get. I know what I signed up for when I took Dad in and decided to basically nuke my life to help my family: I quit my well paid insurance billing job, left my partner of 10 years and went into massive debt (I'm about 15k in debt between loans and credit cards, add my car loan and that goes up to 27k after two years of payments) to take care of my family. I'm too proud to ever ask anyone for help and getting government assistance is like trying to pull up an oak tree by its roots with your bare hands.
I've always tried to use my blog as a fandom only space but right now I can't think or function in any capacity other than stress and fear and anxiety.
My family has been blessed to live in an area with not one but several Magnet award winning hospitals (Magnet awards are for excellence in Nursing) and the unit my Dad is on is award winning for its quality of care. The doctors, nurse practitioners, RNs, CNAs, and other support staff have all gone above and beyond for us. I'm giving them a basket of snacks when he is discharged tomorrow in addition to a card expressing my gratitude.
Be kind to one another because you never know what is going to happen. Enjoy your time with your families and friends.
If you feel alone or lonely, or like no one cares, I want you to know that I care and please feel free to message me. No one gets out of this world without touching someone else's life and I want to spread kindness where I can.
I'll be checking my messages and such but I won't be posting for a while. May you find small moments of joy and comfort.
Be good to one another. <3
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