#I cant....I cant say my R's ................................ its all Ws...............

[hoaxghost]

rise up newfie accent gang

[nomairuins]

bedtime nowww probably ummm today qas not what i wanted it 2 be but its fine. i dont feel negative just a very very very numb day which is almost worse. but only almost 🙏

[genderlessjacky]

THE NEW FUCKING EPISODE OF HELLUVA BOSS IM.sO NORMAL. THE LAST SCENE BRO THE LAST SENE HIT DIFF SPOLIERS AHEAD YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

LOOK AT HIM LOOK HOW SAD AND LONELY AND EMPTY HE IS HE IS RELIVING WHAT HAPPEND TO HIM AT STRIKERS LAIR YOU BITCH WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BOY

LOOK AT HIM WHEN HE LIFTS UP THE PHONE LOOK HOW EMPTY HE IS HE ISNT EVEN SHOCKED THAT SOMEONE SENT HIM SOMETHING HE MUST HAVE A LOT OF PEOPLE AND FANS SENDING STUFF TO HIM BUT HE DOESNT C A R E BECAUSE THAT FAN DOESNT ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT HIM AND IS CLOSE TO HIM BUT HE SEES THEM ANYWAYS BC ITS HIS ONLY FORM OF COMMUNICATION OF THE OUTSIDE WORLD

I JUST NEED TO POINT OUT AGAIN HOW SAD AND LONELY HE IS HE IS STILL FRESH OUT OF FUCKING TORTURE AND TRAMATIZED ANDANDNAJSAJShu

HE HAS HIS DAUGHTER AS HIS WALLPAPER OH MY GOD HE IS TRYING SO HARD TO BE A GOOD DAD TO HER I CANT-

LOOK AT THE MESSAGES WITH BLITZ FOR A SECOND AND REALIZE HOW IT DIDNT START AT THE BOTTOM OF THE CHAT IT STARTED OUT ON THE TOP OF IT THAT MEANS STOLAS HAS BEEN READING THE MESSAGES WITH BLITZO BECAUSE THATS HOW MUCH HE MISSES HIM AND HE WANTS HIM TO BE BY HIS SIDE AND HE JUST GENUINELY LOVE HIM SO MUCH IT HURTS AND YOU SEE THE MESSAGES?? THIS ALSO HINTS AT HE IS TRYING TO CONVINCE BLITZO THAT HE DOESNT JUST CARE ABOUT SEX HE ALSO LOVES HIM AND C A R E S A BOUT SINCE THE OZZIES

LOOK HOW HAPPY HE IS WHEN HE GETS THE MESSAGE FROM BLITZ ONE SINGLE MESSAGE FROM HIM MAKES HIM SMILE AND HE LOOKS SO HAPPY

GUYS LOOKAHOW FAST HIS MOOD CHANGES WHEN HE REALIZES BLITZ IS NOT GONNA RESPOND HE LOOKS SO HOPELESS AND EMPTY HE JUST WANTS BLITZ TO BE WITH HIM AT HIS LOWEST AND WEAKEST BUT WHEN HE REALIZES HE CANT HAVE THAT HE LOSES ALL HOPE

AND INSTEAD OF PUTTING THE PHONE BACK W/ HIS POWERS LIKE HE DID BEFORE HE USES HIS HANDS BECAUSE THAT HOW WEAK HIS STATE IS HE CANT EVEN DO MAGIC ANYMORE

IT ZOOMS OUT AND NOW ITS REVEALED THAT HE HAS A LOT OF FLOWERS , THE S A M E FLOWERS NOT DIFFERENT BUT SAME THAT REPESENTS HOW EVERY FAN OF HIS IS THE SAME THEY JUST PITY HIM AND WANT HIS ATTENTION BUT HE KNOWS THAT , HE K N O WS THATS WHY THE ONLY THING THAT MADE HIM HAPPY WAS THE TEXT FROM BLIZTO NOT ANY OF THE FLOWERS BUT B L I Z T O BECAUSE HE IS THE ONLY ONE HE CARES ABOUT AND THE ONLY PERSON HE CAN ACTUALLY RELY ON BUT HE ISNT THERE SO STOLAS HIS JUST LEFT THERE TO BE HOPELESS

ALSO NOTICE HOW THE ROOM LIGHTING IS PINK?? THIS SAYS PINK IS A NURTURING PLAYFUL AND N O S T A L G I C COLOR THAT MEANS AT THAT MOMENT HE WAS TRYING TO BLOCK OUT ALL THE MEMORIES HE HAD WITH STRIKER BUT IS FAILING SO HE IS TRYING TO THINK OF HIS CHILDHOOD , WISHING HE WAS INNOCENT AGAIN W I SH I N G HE WAS WITH BLITZ AGAIN IN THIS EASSY I WIL

[nomaishuttle]

TAGGED BY

@tapir and @neopronoun ty pepper ty apricot :]]

RULES

Tag ten people you want to get to know better!

RELATIONSHIP STATUS

my beeeeautiful girlfriend @halomtano Who i am dating and also were an old married couple and also were newlyweds and also engaged.. and were in lesbians with eachother. this isnt the right tense to answer this question. my relationship status isnt hal but u get it.

FAVORITE COLOR

green 4ever and ever :]] specifically ive been very into muted pastelish greens lately But i also fuck with dark green. i contain multitiudes.. ALSO ive been liking emerald green 8 im big on jewel tones rn. second favorite is pink Grins. it used 2 be purple but its a whole thing cant get into it.

SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD

omg literally today bc i didnt bring my headphones 2 work i kept flicking between songs In my head. rn idk if i have anything stuck in my head i am listening to a video rn so i cant hear my thoughts At the moment. but earlier i hsd there right there legally blnde the musical stuck in my head... so yes

LAST SONG I LISTENED TO

umm technically it was somefing in hals car but idr what song it was SAD but i liked it.. but the most recent song on MY SPOTIFY is young hearts run free . and now thats stuck in my head lets goo

3 FAVORITE FOODS

number one forever cheesy chicken and rice my baby girl my everything my bestfriend always there for me and so special. number 2 hrmmm this might be biased but country ham i say biased bc i caint have it rn (northern state skill issue). sigh. number THREE potroast probably.. honorable mentions to beef stew baked potato and kielbasa+potato Andnof course it goes without saying im hopelessly dependent on the tuney mac. yay

LAST THING I GOOGLED

'how to add divider tumblr' i thought there was like a built in post dividerand i was TRYING 2 add it on this post to seperate the tagged by and rules from the Actual questions. butterlass there isnt a built in divider ig.. b4 that tho my most recent search was buproprion LOL. bc i ws checkjng what each of my meds Actually do bc i realized i didnt rly know.. sry 4 the med reveal youve got 1/5 of my daily ones now. its like infinity stones

DREAM TRIP

HRMMM well ever since i was little and big on series of unforthnate events ive wanted 2 go to a rly foggy overcast rocky beach With tide pools. which now that im by the pacific is WAY more likely... since the pacific is like a cringefail coast the beaches r like foggy and rocky and stuff Which fits me bc i want to go to one. if i had t go to a specific place idk.. Immediate want is home but actual wish. ermmm... idk idk ive never rly thought abt travelling out of rhe country bc i assumed itd never happen LOL

ANYTHING I WANT RN

million dollars . billion as well . so yes. also i want day off tmrw buttttt that wony happen. but its ok. also i want COUNTRY HAM im hungry rn... so yes.

TAGGING

anybody who wants 2 do it :] i get scared of tagging ppl u all understand..

[kusundei]

i likely wont forget about what happened today and i dont tbink i’ll ever let myself forget this ? i’ll probably force myself to let this linger and stay with me forever or at least a long while bcuz as bad as that sounds truly i needed this icthink . knew i could lie forever and the longer it wasnt acknowledged it just got worse truly .? i have this. bad achijg feeling. perchance a sort of grief and regret and remorse ? everytime he says something kind it makes me. odd. keep jusr feeling my throat close up again and then my heart just hurts. badly. it wont stop aching i feel sodramatic its crazy i havw to keep telling myself i cant start crying again because my head already hurts sobad and i cant be doingthis anyway. i just feel. guilty still. im not rwally lashing myself ajymore or anyrhjng i just still feel bad and j feel awful when he says things like rhat bcuz. i have no idea? is it that i dont beleive him? is it that i feel guilty that hes being kind despite it all??? that i feel suddenly undeserving???? im not redeemed yet so i cant accept this anymore??? made too big of a mistake? ? im trying not to rlly acknowledge it but oh god forbid i . feel **it**. but im not avoidant and i wont do that judt because im scared again? And its also on me . truly i am just glad he was honest and talked to me and ill just choose to bask in this a little longer so i can truly feel the weight of my mistakes. he keeps telling me he misses me and i feel so overwhelmingly guilty. because god forbid who am i to miss you as well after that? whooo am i to hold your hoodie and wish it was you? let alone the smell is making me. emotional. scared i’ll be evil tomorrow if i see him but i will orobabky live?? im normal i am a man or something aling those lines. i wouldnt cry. im just. still. feeling bad. not like im upset i have no reason to be upset. just again feeling bad. theres a difference between the two im just trying not to lash myself anymore . moving on and its okay? even though it isnt truly okay really? it’ll be okay. i feel guilty wanting to move on from it but i know i need to but i also cant w peace of mind till i truly grasp how hes feeling ithink. a part of me wont accept whatever silliness hesputtiny downcright now bcuz im doibting it. but hopefully the ache will leave me eventually bcuz an evil part of me is festering because of it. ifeel it in my bones but i wont. ive caused too much already i cant maybe ill feelcbetter tomorrow bcuz i feelclike irl i might be able to grasp it better

the least i can do at this point is to live. let it consume me (maybe) but not let it show. to be okay enough to function? to be normal to the closest degree i know how to. to be everything again and just be better. not redeem myself because theres nothing i can do to redeem that but to the extent in which i’ll feel even a little bit more fulfilled. oh hut truly none of it is for the sake of me i just. need to do something. to fix this somehow but i know there isnt rlly any fixing i can do. it’ll probabkyfollow him the same way it’ll follow me but i can only pray it doesnt plague him like how i know it will for me . this is just evil sam though i’ll be okay. im always okay. i AM okay.? im not crying anymore. i had no reason to be crying in the first place he has every reason to be upset with me. inqasnt even upswt i just felt bad. kept having to reassure myself and reread everything and be. reasonable. fuck that 40 minute audio recording it ws just alot of back and forth. but oh god am i glad my mom spared me warlier maybe it was worth the lashings. because if she did take my phone like how she was yelling st me earlier as she attenpted to break down the door it wouldve been over . but im okau and im normal? fake it till we make jt . thug it out. lock in. just do something? lessen the pain in any way possiblr and make it up some how. oh but everytime he does somethijg to be silly and normal like we r normally it just makes me feel like hes also lying to me and j dont want him tooo. oh bht god forbid im the one being eivl now so. icant idk. imjust. doubting everything again slightly. ive taken a few steps backwards but its okay ill be fine (im still guilty)

[penisliker-moved]

look how cute this outfit is

[stillmadaboutpetra]

Can you talk further about Simon's construction of masculinity???? Plz😊

ive so genuinely tried to answer this. im really bad at making the thoguhts in my head make sense and im also a lazy sack of shit this is 100% incomphrensible and i cant make it better. this is why i write fic cuz i can explain my thoughts my clearly thru story. 

ill try to explain in shorthand rip

simon - maleness in the hero's arc / traditional construction of the knight figure / forming masculine ideals without early tutelage / greek ideals / purposeful genre construction

primary male figures in his life r The Mage and Baz.

we see him wanting to imitate the mage. we know from simons own assistance he does NOT view the mage as a father figure. the mage is...part of simon's purpose. the mage is part of the questline. he's a waypoint, a guide, an image but not personal with simon. simon considers things (cleft chin, goatee) the same way he considers stuff like,,,james dean and making vroom vroom noises in the car. play-acting

but with Baz and Baz's masculinity

simon compares himself to baz nonstop. its a #wifegoals or #lifegoals situation. simon grows...yeah well baz grew more. simon felt posh in his blazer...baz was posher. simons the most powerful mage? Yeah well baz is a /better/ mage. graceful, ruthless. etc ad nauseum

BUT. baz's masculinity is queer. in fact, baz is a femme fatale.

again i want to explain that but wont be very good

baz's identity and appearance, again purposefully vampiric, perfectly vampiric is...femme fatale (aka vampire.) (not only his physical appearance/attributes but his....role. he “sways” simon AND agatha to the “dark” side. he fucks up simons destiny, in a way. if it weren’t for baz, simon would not have deviated. he lures the hero (and the hero’s chick) from the golden path. as simon says at the end of CO, giving up his magic for baz is a fair trade. baz is the catalyst the solution the end fucking goal. its BAZ. but also

baz is a little honey trap. with nico. with lamb. with anything and everything. which is also what mirrors agatha, keeping baz firmly in the femme fatale position. he’s foiling simon as much as he’s foiling agatha. its the classic uhm choice between the good girl and the bad girl 

hes a gay man ya exactly so what does that do to simon's mirroring? 

fuck the. does this make sense? listen

“proved himself as a man and a mage” is like the end all be all of it. also when simon talks about baz’s honor (a mage thing but...honor is....also about men and.....gender...and sex) anyway. 

to simon, baz is IT. the IT girl, the eveything. the peak form. simon has no issues with Baz’s vampirism detracting from his identity/masculinty/life (not like baz does.) in fact, simon’s into it (re: all the meta about monster4monster queer4queer). Alternatively, HIS monstrosity (dragon bits) isn’t good enough to match baz’s. is it a dick measuring contest? idunno maybe. im kidding 

so wait what okay. #lifegoals#wifegoals . 

wait so okay remember in WS in the truck and the lines like “(Baz) smiles prettily like a girl, but hes not a girl” or some shit idun WAIt okay i got my book

page 152 simon’s pov “I huddle close to Baz half in his lap, while the shock of still being alive passes. He holds me there, a little too tightly. usually i forget baz is so much stronger than me. he doesnt carry himself like hes that strong. he doesnt touch me that way. he never pulls or pushes me, no like that. not any harder than i can push back.”  

153 “Baz cast his eyes down and smiles - girlishly, i would have said, but on him its not girlish. its, i dont know. vulnerable.”

OKAY LETS JSUT stick with those 2 bits for now. the line on 153 stuck in my brain. im going to takl about monsters now.

baz in 152 evidence always mitigates his vampirism. he matches it to what simon can give. simon FOrgets that theres a difference in them. and that difference, strength (masculine) is from monstrosity (Other.) 

-- can i call back he’s not a monster hes a villain hes not a villain hes a boy?

what would that make simon? hes not a monster hes a hero hes not a hero hes a boy? 

lets metamorph all that - hes not a boy hes a villain/hero hes not a villain/hero hes a monster.

am i leading this to monsters? yes. Holy fuck im bad at meta how did i graduate. anyway. 

back to 152 ---- simon’s still constructing expressions and behaviors thru gender. and baz is...confounding. also like okay, regardless of what theories u want to apply or slice the series, and yes the mutually protect each other, but simons a rabid guard dog around baz (its mutual BUT) but - but by the end of awtwb, it’s explicit and id sayd, simon proves himself as a man? and a not-mage (monster/hero)(dragon.)

simons simonness - its like,....if u think about performative masculinity and gender roles, boy does simon get wedged in there. and then thru his queerness and thru baz and thru Monsterdom, he kind of....blossoms like a little flower. 

and i idunno man uhm like. how their most successful intimate moments, it has to involve fangs and wings and baz moving like a serpent (something not human and not gendered) and for simon to just....well act like a fucking dragon over his pearl of a partner yknow

and like awtwb pg 121 “i just want to be with you,” i say, “and this is where we are now. im a broken down mess and youre a rat drinking monster.”

theres something to me that finally simon just...accepts some shit. he looks at the worst of them, no more ideal man no more ideal mage, and is just like yup thats it. and its at this point where its about them and their vulnerabilities and specifically the monster bits of themselves, these amorphic traits they possess that leads them thru and to so much, that simon can diunno. be the man he wants to be but without articifual constructions because the framework no longer exists. and as he continues to compare himself with baz, theres no superior ground  no ideal because there’s nothing pre-existingly good to model. 

anway monsters as the Other. anway. 

[kristalpepsi]

Temptation Stairway Thoughts™ + Theory Discussion

TW: blood + Death mentions, Implied (forced/pushed) integration (systems), racism (against asians), unreality stuff bc the show is Like That, Trauma causd by therapy

TL;DR = I mainly talk about implied integration, n as some1 in a system tht! mkes me uncomfy! I mainly will talk abt wht I’m calling the multi-ena theory (n anothr theory ill call the Multiple/Multi-Enaverse Theory) thts been popping up n disccng how thts kind of the bggst thng keepng me on board! I won’t LIE I might b a little biased bc I rlly do like thise show b I am NOT blind so I will try 2 address som things. I also talk alot abt the Shepard n Phindol bc I love themb so much they make me very heart Big.

DISCLAIMERS:

Obviously Joel G Highkey/definitely/most probbly did not intend 4 any of thise, but media is very complic8d so u cn end up accidntlly making problmtc things or implyng not great things

I hav a typing quirkkkk so if u cant understand my post I rlly dont blame u! I’m sorry how I type is Incomprehensible™

Not an angry post, more like my brain is holding me host-ge until i talk abt everyth dskfjhd!!

DO NOT Send anyone in thise post hate or angry asks/messages or perish by my sword

OK so this recnt episde has me w vry vry mixd feelngs!!! I’m both happy n exctd! b litrlly 2 things is whts bothrng me. While I CLD jst say :I Am Lookng Away: i rlly do need 2 write it down. Under a Read-more bc im secure SKSJ

Part 0: I’m uncomfortable help

The Section wher i tlk abt n bring up othr ppl’s concerns

So fr most if nt all the frnds I hav who also wtch Ena ALSO has a vry “vr vry mixd feelngs now tht I’ve seen the episde!!” mood twrds Temptation Stairway! It’s 4 a bunch of rsns, like thise post (tw racism) mde by a frnd whch brings up a good point

Part 1: The Actual Intro

Episode 1 = Auction day (AD) Episode 2 = Extinction Party (EP) Episode 3 = Tempation Stairway (TS)

Who is Ena

Ena can b describd as an "abstract girl split in half, w 1 blue side n the other is her yellow side!" Each side (emotion/mood, 2 b specific) seems 2 hav their own voic actor credited along with seper8 credits 4 each mood! So far the canon sides r Ena (happy), Ena (sad), n Ena (drunk)! They seem 2 act accordingly: Happy acts happy n optimistc, Sad acts sad n especlly depressd, n Drunk acts confused n dizzy [In the Credits, it would look like thise: Ena (happy) by Gabe V., Ena (sad) by Lizzie Freeman, (drunk) Ena by Sam Meza

4 Episodes 1-2, thy follow thise pattern exctly! So we cn expect wht 2 see from them, n each voice actor is creditd accordngly as seper8 b all a part of Ena

On epside 3, Ena is seen as actng diffrnt!! She's suddnly less predictabl! I say thise bc Suddenly, her voic Actors r not stuck 2 Only their sides. Thise is also emphasized when looking at the credit list! No longer is it "Ena (happy) by Gabe V., Ena (sad) by Lizzie Freeman" it's now jst "ENA by Gabe V. and Lizzie Freeman"

Happy's voic can sound STRESSED n sad, Happy can tlk w Blue's side in mor control n Sad's voic can sound Really happy n optimistic. Somth's Diffrnt n Not The Same

Temptation Stairway Summary

Skipping 2 my point, The summary of the episode Temptation stairway is tht Moony and Ena have a bet 2 race 2 the Great Runas! The Great Runas, can grnt u any wish accordng 2 Moony n som of those Ena passes by on the wy. The wager, is tht "whoever reaches the top of the Great Runas n makes their wish 1st, has 2 pay the debts of the loser" (yes it’s phrased like that) As Ena journeys thru, The DIFFERENCES between Ena Temptation Stairway and Ena Extinction Party n Below, is mor obvious as the epsde progrsses, even 2 wher Happy's voic actor is the 1 screamng in agony 2 jst get murdered already. The Episode ends w Moony beatng Ena (but it's 100% possibl it can be the other way arnd, that ENA Beat Moony, b thats somth I'll discuss in a bit L8r). Moony splits in half, revealing that according 2 her, "she wished 2 be skinny" n a humanoid coms out of her previous form. As 4 Ena, Her blue side slowly dispprs n its not answrd why.

Theories so far, are:

Moony wished 4 Ena 2 b happy (or 4 her sad/blu side 2 go awy. 4 wht reason can b eithr wholsom or 2 Moony's advntge [like so she "doesnt have 2 deal w Sad Ena"]) - b if Moony wished 4 Ena 2 b happy/b rid of her sad side, tht wld mean perhaps she lied about wishing 2 be skinny (her new humanoid form may be how she is "paying her debt 2 the loser"). Unless the Runas can grant u more than 1 wish.

Ena ws the 1 who wished her blu side awy, whch is a little depressng tbh

If both the above r tru, it may b possibl bc it wsnt clarified (afaik) tht the great runas can only grant ONE person a wish (or more). I think we only get tht implica8ion bc we see 1 (open) door while in the distance, ther r more doors tht look like their eyes r closed. We hav 2 remembr Moony said "whoever makes their wish 1st whch means Ena n Moony can totlly mke wishes @ the sme time

Somhow, turning pure yellow/only happy is how Moony is payng her debt 2 Ena(??) (opposite 2 the 1st theory)

OR If Ena won the race, it can even b possibl 2 consider tht Ena did not make ANY wish, n her debt 2 pay 2 Moony is her sad/blue side removed (I do not subscribe 2 thise) 

This info that was brought up 2 me is high evidenc that Moony won the race, n it explains how Moony surprises Ena whn Ena arrives. “I’m The Best and you’re the worst! I wonder who got the hair chest?” said by Ena, is a direct reference 2 a phrase usd by kids when they lose that goes “First is the worst, second is the best, third is the one with the hairy chest.”

“Whoever reaches the top of the Great Runas n makes their wish 1st, has 2 pay the debts of the loser.“ Might be phrased tht way as a weird way 2 pay 4 ur greed? (Last minute addition from me since some people wld think this is quoted wrong in and outside of the youtube comments)

i'm p sure ther may even b mor theories b i dont rmmbr them OOPS

Part 2: The Implied Integration Part AKA: How the System!Ena theory is affected by this episode

TW: Final fusion discussion, medical trauma (Is that the right word)

Disclaimer: This is 100% unintended by Joel G. That’s y the Alternative title 2 thise part is “How the System!Ena theory is affected by this episode”

2 GET IN2 the whole Implied Integr8ion part of my Essay™ I hav a theory calld system ena or sys!ena! (Check out my #system ena tag. This is in chronologicl order!) While thers no canon explan8ion 4 how Ena herslf is how she is, she mkes very intrstng n almst good accdntl Sys Represent8ion 2 me! They even show cofronting rlly well! I headcanon Ena as a system bc of the accidentl system!rep, but it explains 2 me y n how she switches! she has triggers 4 when she switchs 2 a diffrnt side, etc!

Ther hav been theories about Temptation Stairway in the past (before the episode cme out) wher ppl try 2 explain y the trailer Looks Like Tht. Besides theorizing abt the introduction of a new forme (I'm ok w just calling it Scared/Anxiety 4 now until 4rthr notic), 1 of the theories ive seen is tht Temptation Stairway's new introduced forme is due 2 being something akin 2 being "integr8d" (probably by force, accordin 2 the OP) (in other words, all her sides merge in2 one) n Ena being devast8td abt it

While tht theory is now DEBUNKED, bc the new forme clearly did not come out bc of being One Single Mind now, the "integr8ion" part of tht theory is unfortun8ly a littl tru

What is Integr8ion?

Integr8ion is not inherently a bad thing. In systems, ther are 2 definitions: "the breaking down of barriers 2 form healthy multiplicity, n then healthy communic8ion n less amnesiac barriers" and the othr, n mor FAMOUS definition bc its the oldest 1, is "final fusion"

Fnal Fusion is when all the members "fuse/merge" 2gether until ther is 1 single mind left. While not necssrlly a bad thng, final fusion n ther4 "integr8ion" is a scry thing 4 a lot of systems 2 talk abt, because in the history of Treatment, Final fusion is uslly somthng forcd on2 systems 4 the longest time :^(

Very valid 2 hav final fusion as a goal, b showng it as a desire n end goal is uslly seen as a sad n even scry thing 2 promote accdntly or not in media, bc of the previous traumas in the medicl/therapy world of system treatment etc

What's Worse. is tht if we apply the Ending 2 Temptation Stairway to the System!Ena Theory, thts wht hurts!!!

Scrolling back up 2 the possibl theories of who won the race and wht happened aftr, Either Moony or Ena wishing 4 the blue side/Sad Ena 2 go awy is rlly painful!

B I'll be honest, thts a RLLY biased n personal opinion i hav!! I've seen ppl think its rlly wholsom altho a bit Sad, tht the blue side disappears. I've seen ppl think its rlly sweet esp if it was Moony who mde tht wish

BSCLLY If I were to hold on2 the System!Ena headcanon while watchng the Temptation Stairway episode, its Hurtful, not rlly bc of the implied Integr8ion of Sides, but bc most top theories r that the blue side disappeard on Purpose either from Moony or Ena wishing her away or involvng the debt! It's like asking 4 ur sibling irl 2 Disappear and cease 2 exist. it's scary n rlly sad esp whn the audienc can c tht Sad, Happy, n Drunk cn almst b seen as their own persons n mite even b abl 2 interact w each othr (as seen by the many fanart of Happy n Sad having their own seper8 forms)

  Ok so Now tht ive described my intro n Main Beef w the Episode, here's a theory I cn rlly get behind tht dsnt mke me wnna cry behind a Denny's. Prsnlly it's a rlly relievng theory even if it mite b hard 2 take in

Ther's no name 4 it, som call it the Enaverse, b just so it dsnt get confusd w other definitions (like, u wldnt call it the Marvel Cinematic Universe theory, the MCU is jst wht it is) I'm gnna call it the Multi-Ena theory! Bsclly, there's mor than 1 Ena in thise universe. But I'll get in2 a sub/partner theory tht is also possibl: ther is mor than 1 enaverse n somhow u may or may not b abl 2 travel between them

Part 3: The Multi-Ena theory

Something interesting I noticed was that the shepherds says “another ENA troublemaker?” Which definitely means more than one ENA/person has been there before.

(I blockd out the rest of the commnt not bc it ws bad, b i wantd 2 focus on this part of the commnt, but thise commnt will come up again L8r)

Not connected 2 System!Ena or the integr8ion issue I mentioned earlier, the multi-ena theory seems 2 b 1 of the top suggstd theories bc of many thngs! Bsclly n in short, thise theory believs tht in the series (or Enaverse), ther is multipl ena's! So fr i havent seen a post tht RLLY went in2 depth on thise so here is my attempt!

Evidence:

(See: above explanation on how the voic actors r credited 4 their roles individlly 2 explain my system!ena theory/intro) In episodes 1-2, Ena's diffrnt emotions/sides r creditd individually! In Temptation Stairway, Gabe n Lizzie Freeman r all creditd undr the sme nme, just as "Ena" (mening thise is a completely different Ena from the past)

Again, as said in my summry 4 Tempt8ion Stairway, thise Ena acts compltly diffrnt n is not follwng the sme "pattern" or rules as Ena did in Episodes 1-2! (Read above in my summary section) Either ther r stuff we've missd between Extinction Party n Temptation Stairway, or thise is a diffrnt Ena entirely.  I'd hav 2 sy prsnlly tht I'm leanng 2wrds the latter bc of how the VA's are crdtd. but if ur not convinced, let me continu:

When we meet the Shepard in 7:52 of the episode, they say (verbatim) "Arghh... Another ENA trouble maker." which implies there r more than 1 Ena's

9:08 - 9:19 when Ena jumps in2 the "Holy Code" where we head undrwtr in2 a sea of diffrnt doors, we see floating Ena models (n the comment section seems 2 gravit8 2 callng them "dead bodies") (Honorary mention: You'll notic they glitch in2 Mannequins if u pay attention 2 them). This piec of info is Direct Evidence 2 the multi-ena theory, bc ther r Explicitly mor thn 1 ena's on screen! wht's concernng n unanswrd tho, is y do they glitch in2 mannequins? Does tht mean all the mannequins we sw on screen in the begnng of the video (n onwards) were all previously an Ena? Is it only an Ena tht can transform in2 a mannequin or cn othr chrctrs also become mannequins?

Not the strongst evidenc b i'll input it anywy: Ena's Action boxes (Like when she receivs or gives items) spell her nme her as ƎNA (with a backwrds E). The thing abt thise 1 is tht we can't compare it with Auction Day n Extinction Part bc they don't have any action boxes. BUT What we CAN compare is how she is spelled in the dialogue boxes of those speakng in diffrnt languages AND in the Credits! In Episodes 1-2, She's Spelled as Ena with this captialis8ion. In Temptation Stairway the dialogue and credits consitntly spell her as ENA in all caps. May or may not allude 2 her being diffrnt, b i will admit this is the most Strechiest piec of evidnc. Tru or not, I'd like 2 refer 2 Tempt8ion Stairway ena as TS!Ena or ƎNA, prsnlly 2 differenti8 her frm the othr episodes

Pronounci8ion: BUT 2 build on the above evidence, In the beginning of the episode, Moony DOES pronounc Ena's name in different wys a lot, startng w I-NA (ai-na), ENA (ehna), n finally JENA. And this isnt new! She’s been doing it sinc Auction Day (ee-nah/ii-na) n Extinction Party (ay-nah). Thise may or my not sggst that perhaps Moony's inconsistancy is bc these othr pronunci8ions or names cld b of other ena's she's met in the past w similr or diffrnt preferences! I’d say because of her constant switchng in the beginning of Temptation Stairway, it would lean 2wards that she may know different Ena’s @ once. Otherwise, c the Multi-Enaverse theory below

Note: Every othr charctr besides Moony (So far; Merci and the Shepard) Pronounces Ena as ehna (or ehna) so it might be that perhaps Eh-na is the universal way of pronouncng Ena?

Conlusions/thghts on this theory: I prsnlly like thise a lot!! It makes Enasonas Very Possible, b also tht any interpret8ion of Ena cn b corrct or possibl! It knda saddens me tho bc im not rlly sure if we'll ever return 2 the Ena we're used 2, I wldnt rlly want 2 b stuck w/o Sad bc I thnk her role is rlly neat n can b importnt, b im biasd. I also rlly subscribe 2 thise theory bc it means whtvr happend 2 TS!Ena ds not hav 2 be permanent in the long run; Again litrlly the only thng keepng me from gettng supr upset abt the ending of Temptation Stairway, is tht the prev ena’s r not the sme n wld possibly not do thise, or tht ther r othr ena’s out ther besides THISE episod 1, who wld nvr do tht, etc

Part 4: The Multiple Enaverses/Multi-Enaverse Theory AKA The Alternative In Defense of Moony Mispronouncing Ena’s name over and over

An alterntve 2 the Multi-Ena theory, is tht there is MORE thn 1 Enaverse! So bsclly, a multiverse theory. Primarily thise my explain Not jst Ena's sudden Shift in how diffrnt she is in thise episode b may also explain how Diffrnt Moony is actng in thise episode 2. While thise isnt the top theory i prsnlly subscribe 2 (sinc ther isnt explicit evidence besides it bein an explan8ion 4 Moony n Ena's weird/diffrnt behavior), it DOES open a lot of doors 2 intrstng things 2 thnk abt!

Bsclly Moony keeps mispronouncing Ena’s name a lot (in Tempation Stairway) n its Really Rude, esp consdrng she’s always said it properly (As in @ least 1nce in an episode n not switchng multiple times) b4! so 2 Explain her Sudden change in behavior, this is actlly a Different Moony, besides a different Ena. this is a whole different universe/timeline!

LIKE If not multiple Ena's, The different Loca8ions in Ena cn probbly b traversible across dimensions! The Holy Code may b the door 2 diffrnt enaverses. The Shepard's garden cld b an interdimensionl place tht is singular n deals w diffrnt beings passing thru! While i dnt hav mch 2 sy on thise, its RLLY Interestng 2 thnk abt

Like the Multi-Ena theory, thise also opens the doors 2 enasonas being vry possibl :^) Som ppl's evidences r all involvng Moony besides how Ena's rlly diffrnt

Moony can skateboard??

Moony's square shape hole can shrink 2 hold an item

while not strong ATM or frm wht i cn see, its still very inch restng!!! Tho I would sy it is VERY on par w the Multi-Ena theory anyway

Part 5: Honorary Mentions: Mini Theories

The Great Runas is actlly a play on the "Run As" Command! I'm not very Smart engh 2 break thise down vry well, b bsclly w all the allusion 2 "codes" n the Blood ID looking like a Chip, The Great Runas being abl 2 grant u wishes makes a lot of sense! This ws brought up 2 me from a friend (@ambercard​)!

like its a command line. so then the great runas being able to grant wishes makes sense if its digital world like all the code stuff says Allows a user to run specific tools and programs with different permissions than the user's current logon provides.

Runas is a command-line tool that is built into Windows Vista. To use runas at the command line, open a command prompt, type runas with the appropriate parameters, and then press ENTER.

In the user interface for Windows Vista, the Run as… command has been changed to Run as administrator. However, you should rarely have to use the Run as administrator command because Windows Vista will automatically prompt you for an administrator password when it is needed.

and my friend who i was talking to said that probably explains what the password was for and the blood id being a login or something?

its possible using the blood id akin to using the run as administrator command since idk their name but one of the people ena met said the blood id didnt seem like her which is like. if she isnt administrator then it would make sense that using that command wouldnt match who she is

My response:

man do u realiz Ena uslly does not hav the corrct passwrd/admin privileges all the tme? Bc the guardian entity in extinction party askd her 4 1 b i guess it ws so Low Game tht it wsnt supr necsrry in the end

The Enaverse is all a computer code of some sort- most probbaly a game! AKA: This is a digital world

... If we were too treat this world as a video game this would make more sense since different play through bus and all that. Oh god this feels like a fnaf situation, taking a video that just wants to be a video and turning it into a big serious thing

Going with the whole ‘there are multiple enas representing the player’ theory, perhaps this ENA realized that she’s in a video game and isn’t taking it too well? But the game is kind of glitching out because of it.

Honorable Mentions: Random Info + Unanswered Questions

Ena seems self-aware of smth! (10:24 Ena screams "YOU'RE ALL LIVING A LIE!") May help the Run as command idea n the video game/digital reality idea! If not a video gme, they sure r Somewhere

What does the Great Runas look like?? is it the door? is ther mor thn 1 Runas?

What is Mariya n Gabo's Job? R they just like the Guardian Entity in Extinction Party but are assignd 2 this part/location of where they are?

In 6:30, wht does Ulysses mean by "Desires r never fulfilled nor quenched"? "You Will fail like the rest of them" Is he referring 2 the other Ena's that's passed by? who else have come n failed?

This Post Also brings up som good points I hvnt noticd yet!

Thise comment pretty much says everythng:

Standout things from this animation:

-This Ena switches between a male & female voice at seemingly random instead Happy speaking with a male voice and Sad speaking with a Sad voice. The text boxes noticeably refer to this Ena with a reversed E, and The Shepard says "Another Ena troublemaker", implying that there are multiple Enas. We also see some Ena corpses flickering into the mannequin bodies at one point. Third, at the end we see Ena's sad half turn from blue to yellow over the course of Ena & Moony's conversation. My personal theory is that this Ena is possibly 'broken' in some manner. -Moony either doesn't care or dosen't realize that Ena's voices aren't matching the personalities anymore. -The grey personality appears to come out when Ena gets too stressed out. Notably the transformation involves the happy half turning into static and exploding out, erasing Ena's face in the process. It also appears that some physical trauma (in this case, Brick Frog kicking Ena) is necessary to exit the grey personality, unlike the previously seen 'blackout' personalities which can possibly be switched by the other personality exerting themselves (in the auction episode, Ena enters her sad blackout/depressed personality, then switches to Happy!Ena, who apologizes to Moony about her depressed outburst). -Moony's hole is capable of closing to hold things, and she also knows how to skateboard. -Judging by Ena's reaction, Moony's transformation at the end is weird even by this universe's standards.

aaaand thats all 4 now! I really hope thats all my brain can think of skjsdhfsdfkh

Feel free 2 send me asks abt Ena theories n stuff! While this is a Comprehensiv post, it’s definitely mor focused on the Multi-Ena theory n my thghts on the episode whn it comes 2 how it affects the System Ena theory. I’m open 2 questions!!

Last Edit: Feb 19 2021 (GMT +8)

[blu-riie]

37, 41 (you can’t answer carry on or WS, sorry 😋), 40, 52, 76 for the cute asks please. 💙

thank u for the asks friend!! ✨💞

(( 37 was answered here btw ))

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?

lol i dont wanna b sappy or anything but my earrings r a gift from my moms mom n i wear them all the time,,, n i have a necklace that my dads mom gave me. she’s dead so it’s rlly the only thing that reminds me of her.

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?

ugh this q is hard to answer bc i cant say carry on,,,, but a while ago i read ‘a very large expanse of sea’ by tahereh mafi,,, n that book made me feel so many emotions it was illegal. n also prince charming by rachel hawkins bc it was *so* CUTE.

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

yall cant ask me this and expect me not to give u a long answer akskssj,,, jk i wont but like,, anything corona related n ww3 related bc everyone was like we’re moving to canada. hmmm and i guess thats it bc there’s a bunch more, its very vague 🤷🏻‍♀️

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?

i should b writing,,, but im not,,, otherwise atm im very free n dont need to do anything at all 👀

again!!! tysm for the asks!!! 💞💞

[nomairuins]

my uncle got hit by a train apparently

[dykesvt]

quick! what is your favorite thing about wonwoo?

uh oh

its stupid but ive been a wonwoo stan for almost two years now and like over all that time span even if he wasnt my main i really always? admired him?? like his attitude towards things and how he presents himself is something i really look up to and i dont think i can say that abt other artists i listen to. one thing that really,, like i look at wonwoo and it really sticks out,, is how geniune he is. hes not fake hes not playing shit up for the camera hes really just being himself. his reactions to things are so real? and you can tell just how much he loves everyone around him and idk…. i just.. something about him and how fucking real he is blows my mind. and our signs are really similar too i mean im a leo sun and hes cancer and i ws literally.. Supposed to be a cancer too anywa. but i connect with him a lot? i notice that with other stans too like they r really similar to their bias and maybe thats what drew me to wonwoo?? but like i really just admire him a bunch. the way he puts himself out there reminds me a lot of myself and im always so proud of him for making comments or talking during shows without being prompted its so fucking amazing to see him be bold and get what he needs to do done? hes just… idk! the way the memebrs talk about him in such a great light really makes me estatic?? and hes just so lovable and GENIUNE???? like i cant stop thinking about how raw his reactions are and you can tell! like sometimes he doesnt find shit funny and he doesnt over exaggerate to make it seem like hes amused he just doesnt fucking do that? and when hes so happy he SHOWS it hes scrunching his nose and throwing his head back and clapping and just LAUGHING. and its so nice to see him carefree because it just makes me so ???????? happy msyelf? seeing him enjoying himself really puts me in a better mood. and like.. again… im really just pushing all my feelings out at once and its STUPID of me i should organize this but when i think of all the things i admire wonwoo for its really just how fucking. responsble he is for himself. like when he had that drama in the beginning about past things he said abt female idols when he was like 10….. he didnt fuckign let the company say anything he didnt make excuses he wrote a like 3 paragraph letter about why he was sorry and that he has grown up since then and realized so many things and i just admire him so much for that/??? for actually DOING something when he got negative attention and taking notes and not just hiding behind his company like they company was gonna say something but he ASKED to be able to talk about it and appologize to fans himself. i just really…. hes so REAL.. and i hate to see people downplay his emotions because likes he so full of them. really… hes so fucking full of love and graditude and laugher and i jsut wnat to see that always??? i love him so much and idk……. hes just?////// i look up to him so much and im so thankful for him and seventeen and that he got to find these amazing people who bring out the best in him like when he said hed live a boring life wit/out svt…. i felt that. wonwoo is such a geniune and emotional person and he handles himself so well and hes professional and grown up but still super goofy and shit and im just proud of him!!! i really am. hes such a well rounded guy and i just want nothing but succes for him in the future :((((( and maybe im just a fucking stupid wonwoo stan but i hope you all know it really does hurt when i see people call him emo or depressed it really fucking hurts me. because its not his fault he has a rsf (resting sad face you get it). its not his fualt he has a gemini venus. but like. the amount of LOVE you see in his eyes when he looks at his members i want to achieve that one day. because wonwoo is so full of love and he expresses it through fucking cute things like laughing extra hard at someones joke or monitoring their practice or teasing the mmebrs hes just so??????? im gonna say it AGAIN…. GENIUNE!!!!! thats my favorite thing about wonwoo is how he doesnt act for the cameras he’s himself and i just. admire him so much and adore him and i just hope he really knows that there are people out there who love him with all their heart depsite him being a brat :((((( and this is way too long and you said one thing i know and i could talk about the small things like his nose scrunch or how he lets himself go sometimes and is just fully SILLY with the people arund him and how he thrives off of praise be it through laughter or like smiles. and i just love everything about him so much and idk!!!! idk im being het and its DUMB but i adore him so much :( anyway in summary of whatever this is i just love wonwoo so much and nothing can ever replace in my heart hes such a role model for me and i just want all of yall to know! this isnt a game when i say i love him beyond the moon!!!!! im not playing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! mwah xoxo

[penisliker-moved]

im like *Gets mad at my parents*

[florendore]

emotional

 a day before week i’ve been in kuch & guess wat? 80% of ma life here oredy pissed of. i come back home bcs want to feel home, miss d fellas here, want to spend time together n others. but end up w fighting, unsatisfied feeling, grounded and unemployed. yes, i hate to be an unemployed. u know money is important haha but seriously today, i felt terribly bad when my sister said tat ma girls is a priority than family. YES, admit tat ma girls is a priority when it compared to families. i mean big families which include the cousins but not ma family, family. when i read tat ws, i directly touched. then,cried. but when i thinking back...i was like..WAT? girl, do u know who always BE THERE WHEN I NEEDED IN AN EMERGENCY? WHO STILL BE THERE WHEN I FORGOT? WHO ALWAYS BE THERE WHEN I NEED A HELP? DO U REALIZE TAT? WHO STRUGGLING TO FIND MA PHONE? well, ma cousins dont do it cause they nvr knw. even we hang out, WHO THE MOST CANT GO? yas, i can say tat 4 of us,usually,goes but just once whenever sem break. tats it,right? where r d most days? okay,stop. all i can say is, all d way i came back is to gve her a present n wanted to celeb her bd w her girls tats d aim. but d objective is to eid w friends, hang out, and surprise ma sis on her bd. when things suddenly up like this, OPPS its D END. things get sucks. why tho, i just want to see people surround me b HAPPY while im not fkin happy n been hurt. i just dont get it. WHY? WHY? sometimes, i realize tat u dont need me actually,ot. u need ur friends too. cause they can comfort u not me. even when im at SA, on call, u never never an emotionally everytime calling. then, end up w end call. tats it. I JUST DONT GET IT WAT D FCK U WANT ACTUALLY? till i wonder n express to anon, y tho she do me in tat kind of way? but,still,i want to go back FOR U. even i miss d flight. even tat is my mistake, yes, i admit it. for ur sake, i lost 300 dollars. in the meant time, i want to cancel ma date went back to kch, just for u, im willing to loss my 300 dollars. i might not tell u about tat cause i know ur reaction unless my girls. plus, u cant fetch me at airport on tat time, did u realise who BE THERE TO PICK ME UP? yes, i knw at tat hrs but can u think wat will happen if i took grab or else? argg i just gve up to be ur pleasant. pls girl, wake up, who be there for u? who d one in an emergency need a call? even me in busy to submit assign, i still want to call and make time just to ask about u and home. who be there when u need a company? who be there when need partner to sleep? wat else do u want in my fcking life? i got nothing special like u so pls, appreciate wat i do tho

[kristalpepsi]

hello! i dont wanna seem like im bein rude but im just curious, what u have against ships with kris? IM NOT SAYIN ITZ BAD!!! im just curious is all... AND IM SORRY OF I PHRASED THIS REALLY BADLY, i just dont wanna follow you in case i make you uncomfortable (mainly cuz i kin kris and hc them as an enby lesbian...) and i wanna just make sure before hand!

Hey!! Ok so the ships i lstd in my bio is very spcfc bc- well 1st thngs 1st, hewwo, i’m a fictive! I’m not kin of kris, i am an intrjct of kris deltarune dreemurr, i’m in a system 👀 i wnt go on abt it 2 much in case u already kno what a system is/what fictives/introjects r

Tbh i cant stop u frm intrctng w me, b the rsns i mentioned these ships spscfclly is bc

1) Krisei = i c ralsei 2 b RLLY close 2 my bro he looks likes asriel n it makes me feel Rlly Weird, n half the ships that hav me n him r me being hyper feminzd or vice versa n thats wild, b the biggst rsn is that ralsei looks like asriel n is implied 2 b asriel, thats Wack, very wack

2) Krisriel = we are SIBLINGS, just bc its not by blood dsnt mean were nt fmly?? I kno u ddnt say u ship this, b 4 those who do, yall sick, n thats so not fair 2 adopted kids worldwide yo

3) Krusie = My rsns 4 this r less concrete if i were a singlet, b as a fictive i c her as Only my best friend, n if yall ship me w her, my big fear is ppl comin 2 my blog lookin 4 that content n tagging my posts as a ship when i mean it in a friend way. If yall ship this i dnt h8 u b like, im prsnlly uncomfy EDIT Jan 2021: PS. I alrdy said it in a ‘future’ post aftr thise ws made, b if ur a fictive n ur canon involvd krusie thn I’m ok w tht! we cnt chnge our canons n havin tht b ur canon is compltly diffrnt thn if u were a Singlet comin up 2 my blog shippin in instd of livin it- idk if thise mkes sens

4) kruselle = While i did hav a crush on Noelle in my prsnl canon @ som point, i dnt like the ship rn (PRSNLLY) bc i 100% fully support a gay lesbian couple out here, + ive met a susie who dates a noelle. Also in my canon prsnlly my Susie n Noelle tried gttng 2gthr/got 2gthr n i jst dnt feel the same way anymr. Meta-wise, i kno its jst a theory, i knda like, dnt wnna take away that gay rep, idk, prsnlly i jst feel weird seeing art of us tgthr, i dnt feel the sme anymr abt my Noelle esp bc Susie n her got 2gthr

5) krusielle = we r all friends n u think i dnt c the parts of the fandom that sexualzs thise? I Rlly Do, can we not b highschoolrs n not b all frnds

Disclaimer: i said it earlier b ill say it again, i’m b a fictive/intrjct of my source, b as a Kris/as myself, n since ur askin me prsnlly this is my rsns,,, if u shipped me w litrlly any1 else i wldnt care DLJEKSJJ ive seen shippings of me n berdly n i spprt. N b4 i get bumped, if ur a fictive who likes these ships or r in these ships, dnt take my word as law bc again these r based on my prsnl stuff n my canon, mayb in ur canon the ship is 100% or even did happen, i wldnt b mad @ u 4it tht wld b weird

The only ships i 100% condemn in krisei n krisriel, n u cant chnge my mind im srry

Thanks 4 being consdr8 enough 2 ask tho :,^/ im srry if somwer here ininvalid8d smth if u like 1 of these shps

It dsnt mean its wrng (unless its krisei or krisriel) i jst have very strng prsnl feelings abt it

[penisliker-moved]

ermmmermmm. erm

[florendore]

sims...

gd evening, since the ‘result’ day came out, im not feeling good neither happy. nahhh we cant say ‘feeling down’ cause as a muslim, uguys always remember that failure doesnt mean u’r failure forever it is a test that God gave before tasting the sweetness of life. yea,,yea,,, i know. everyone surround me trying to cheer me up and give me motivate vibes. of course i understand and try to calm myself by remember that. and im trying till now. u know what? its hard actually, all the pain and feeling only i felt it. i felt my heart in prick with a knife. no ones know how i feel on that day. try to cover the fail subjects and try to slow talk with PA, contact with lects till i called HEA solely to confirm that 2 subs only can take supp paper. and yes, only two. its not easy to handle this kind of situation. seeing ma friends pass with flying colours. and yes, im jealous of it. most of hundreds r pass with good result while me? hmm only Allah knows how i feel. and im redha on everything He gave. on the same day, im not telling ayah yet hows my result & im scared. i know im not good,genius,polite,graceful,beautiful,brilliant like others child have BUT im always be hardworking,cooperate,learn,gentle,brilliant and strive in every semester and i do it for u,ayah. i do everything for pass with flying colours. then, time after time, at 5.00 p.m smtg,while waiting sistur from work,in the same time, ayah sent me a ws. he asked me where i am. so i inform him in  details and finally i tell him through ws bout the results too. on that time, all i can do is crying. i sent my result and im apologize cause i hurt his feelings,disappointed him,he expects me got good results. i know i made him mad and upset. and when he reply me, i nevr want to reply directly cause i scared. big scare. and u guys wanna know what he replied me? he says, ‘u shud say alhamdulillah instead of crying and feeling down. this is just a test from Allah in the world, u already complained. this world is just temporary but here after is forever. its okay if u fail, u still can take that paper but if u fail in here after? whos want to help u? none. this i want u to remember’ and i continue crying. i am grateful to have ayah that understands me, how my brains work, behavior n others. no one can replace my man. deep inside him, i know he upset but he never showed up,even,he tell me smtg good to be remember in life. ayah, u’r genuinely my man :* on friday, around 10, Z ask me bout result. i directly call her. i tell her everything. everything. i cried non-stop. she understands me how i feels cause we r in the same shoes. she motivate me, cheer me up and say smtg good. i respect her bcs she never give up in studies. even she failed. i still remember, whenever she needs me for lend an ear, im always b there n hear her discharge. i still remember that everytime she feeling down bout her study,i tell her a story of ayah friend’s which is ‘ayah friend’s in U quite not genius. he fail for his subs (around 3 to 4 subs including main sub) till he have to extends till 8 sems. but he never give up n keep trying till he graduate. he did it! then, he start to work under company till one day, he run a company which is he paid the workers not been pain by the company’. not to forget tell smtg good and motivate Z. besides thats, on the same day too, unexpected happened hahaha nahhh this guy is always there even im not needed him at all. aaa i think we skipped lah kembang nanti hidung dia huhu. not to forget sistur. shes the one n only that always be there for, keep on motivate me not to give up easily, do not compare myself with others friend, learn from mistake, her word that always bring me up again is ‘your failure r the reason for u to be success in the future and the future r awaits u & failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently ’ thanks for everything to those who r there for me. who r support me through my hardship. thank u,guys. uguys wont be irreplaceable. xo <3 gd night!

love,

banana.