#I can't stay mad its not fair to blame anyone else for my overreaction to being reminded that im the source of all my problems
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I mean rly the only reason I got angry is bc I feel so desperately ashamed/guilty but dont want to face + accept the burden of that as my own responsibility + fault for not trying hard enough or at all lmao. so for someone to targetedly ask why I'm not trying cut a bit too close thats all.
#.vent#I can't stay mad its not fair to blame anyone else for my overreaction to being reminded that im the source of all my problems#like yeah maybe it is this hard for everyone. but other ppl are still doing the shit that im not so what does that make me.#just another lazy inconsiderate fuckup not trying hard enough <3#and trying to excuse all my behaviour by idk pathologising it instead of confronting that im just bad at living + being a person#all I do is shut down and hysterically cry when I so much as think abt shit let alone do it đź‘Ť why is everything so much.#also my self esteem has taken a plummet lately if u cant tell. its just an endless cycle bc the less I do shit the worse I feel abt myself#and the worse I feel the less I do things. oh well eventually itll be over one way or another#gonna get changed and work out and take a long shower and maybe ill feel better for it
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