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tamiddyinyourcity · 5 years ago

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10:12pm.

GOD THAT FEELS GOOOOOOD.

Monday, May 18th of 2020.

That feels like the emotional equivalent of taking off your bra after a loooong day on a walk!

Like finally getting that fresh relaxer and hot iron press done and smelling like strawberries and candy after months of new growth and dandruff and your roots tightening your beanies!

Like waking up and realizing your period is finally over for another three weeks!

Like finally having raw sex after months of celibacy and living in a nunnery!

What's causing these emotions, you say?!

Easy!

CHANGED MY BLOG!

Then, CHANGED IT BACK TO NORMAL, since it turns out that I absolutely fucking loathe changes to things I felt comfortable with.

I enjoy my sexy and slightly disheveled, red hot, "im done with life" blaring cherry red tinted selfie with purple undertones, and my dark magenta purple background, and soooo much more.

And my username was literally chosen after tons of cringey and stressful ones in high school. You think I wanna sacrifice my title????? Do you know how hard it is to create your own simplistic and yet very unique fucking nickname that doesnt make you sound lame as fuck???????

Tamiddy is love; Tamiddy is life.

(Oh god. Don't remind me of that, gosh, who the fuck decided to make Shrek is Love Shrek is Life a real thing.... its so shitty.)

Anyway.

How's life going, chums?

So far, I have:

Started using witch hazel and aloe vera on my face before sleeping. It's the first time in ages I didn't wake up with extremely puffy eyes, or like a sick child in the Victorian era that was six steps away from their death. You bet your ass I'm gonna use it more. That + witch hazel + grapeseed oil = it's been such a short amount of time and effort, but my acne scars are fading ridiculously fast right now. This is sex. Oh my lord.

I had another movie night with Cam! I was feeling like pure shit, after I caused a migraine due to poor diet, not eating a vegetable or any real solid meal in god knows how fucking long, and sleeping on my neck funny... I legitimately thought that I was going to die when it happened, I very rarely ever have migraines. (Not even my 'wear a tight wig cap, tight wig, and super snug beanie over my thick, crying for help huge mount of hair puff' phase caused me ones like that. Sure, dizziness and memory loss, BUT not me collapsing on the ground for an hour and making Instagram posts that were my last living will and testament.... I think. If I did, then I can't remember, so.... lmfaoooo.)

Anyway, I surprisingly did not die! Aye. Bars. Aye. I should remove the post I made about it soon, though, lmfao....

I washed my hair and did a SUCCESSFUL LOC METHOD TWISTOUT TODAAAAY. My hair smells like strawberries and hints of blueberry custard, i put in grapeseed oil and LottaBody to seal in the moisture and smell, some DooGrow.... Girl.... you ever want to fuck yourself from how absolutely great you did something for yourself? Like, "I DID SO GOOD TODAAAAAY, I WASHED MY HAIR AND SMELL LIKE STRAWBERRIES, OH MY GOD I WANNA FUCK?" It can't be just me. But, hey, I feel ecstaticccc. Every time I inhale, I smell like someone smashed a strawberry shortcake against my skull. And that, my dear, is pure bliss. (I might try baking again soon because of it!)

Listened to 60s music.... I love refinding the things I had forgotten I loved. What a blessing, really. Here's a good song I liked. It sounds so beautiful and haunting, and a nice mix between peaceful, and.... spiteful. But the type of spite that makes you smile and laugh, as if someone with a lot of audacity has returned back into your life. A necessary song, really.

I wonder if me holding in my breathe for extremely long periods of times as a kid is why I have my voice impediment much more amplified growing up? Did I cut off blood flow from my brain? I don't know how it works. But it could be as simple as "my tongue still doesn't know how to move in certain directions fluidly and quickly enough to not sound British as fuck on accident like that". Had the voice impediment ever since I was young, but somehow people decided "she cant pronounce Ls and Rs" as "omg u r british??????" I don't know how any of that shit came to be for me at all. Jesus.

Had a casual movie with Cam. I knew I really needed the social interaction. We made up after the last spat we had, (since he is genuinely a good guy, once we both mutually apologized, me more since I felt so bad over it, and him explaining himself better... we had built the bridge, and gotten over it.)

Watched Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. They loved it. YESSS. And we also traded some interests. I told them that standup comedy was a great way to kill time and learn about comedic timing and storytelling, (thanks Netflix, for showing me how to tell stories! Learning pacing makes shit waaaay easier.) And he told me a few video games I should play. Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines is on the top of my list. I recall a video of how hysterical the game is when you design your character to be as fugly as possible. I FUCKING LOOOOVE THAAAAT. Thanks Cam! Dope ass presence. In a few days, we might watch another flick. :)

Went to cash in money today. Promptly blew it all within the next 30 minutes. Very on the nose for me. :) But to be fair, it was only like 42 bucks or something, and I blew it on healthy snacks. Suck my clit, health is important. I didn't need another fainting spell; and knew blowing all my cash on sustenance instead of on cuuuute 14 dollar sundresses with free shippinggggg..... was a better idea. Since I kinda have to be ALIVE to see next year or so, you know? Just saying. All my current dresses are beautiful and stunning enough, the good sales can wait until I trust I have enough funds for myself and whatnot.

10:29pm.

I have some goaaals in mind.

The goals, listed below:

Eat at the very least two solid meals a day

Take good care of my skin

Healthy hair

.....

Wow, I just saw angel number 4444.

"The angel number 4444 signifies hard work. It's telling you that all your hard work will soon be paying off. ... If that major achievement is still a work in progress, the angel number 4444 wants you to work harder than ever to make it happen. You have done so much work already to just give up now."

How relevant. Thanks, angels, and the universe. That's lit of you.

(Right as I was like, "I should go to bed", the universe is like... "Nah hun, you can't procrastinate your way out of this one.")

So, here we are!

Two solid meals a day at the bare minimum!

Breakfast options for myself:

A cup of black tea, honey, and a cup of oatmeal. It'll give you energy, fill you up, and give you fiber for the morning and other health benefits.

Scrambled eggs with chopped up bell pepper/edamame inserted in it, to give you protein for the morning, and a health boost.

Pancakes, pre-made, stored for easily opening a tupperware and heating them up for a sweet morning pickmeup treat.

Snack options:

Diced pears/mandarins.

The unholy amount of strawberries your mother purchased. (Or maybe not, if they were bought from someone without a mask on the side of a road..... not hygenic at all to me. I'll probably ask her before I risk it.)

Oranges from your neighbor's tree. They're real nice people.

Snappea crisps. They're super cheap, like 2 bucks, and incredibly good. Plus, I should eat more vegetables... Snappeas are great for that. I'll have to buy more soon, since I only just opened the bag an hour ago, and damn near quite literally inhaled half the fucking thing. Jesus holy damn, girl, oh my gossssssssssssssssssssh. It's a cross between "don't eat all your stockpile, sis", and "but also, no shaming myself for eating, since your family also is okay with occasionally getting things for you due to being immunocompromised as a virus is going down...."

Applesauce. I originally hated flavorless applesauce, but after months of sugar free.... going back to sugar.... tasted like absolute shit. The taste variation is as dramatic as eating a fresh cup of grape juice, versus shitty grape flavored demonic cough syrup that you choke down. Fuuuck. That. But either way, if I can ever get around to choking that shit down again, then..... sure.

Any of the cookies or candy you've amassed for yourself. Good buying those, btw, since you get easily angry and irritable if its weeks without enough sugar. So low calorie and high sugar items sometimes hit for your health, alright?

Lunch/Dinner:

Your panini grill for anything. Grilled cheese, grilled peanut butter sandwiches...... Whatever you can put in between a grill, you can do with your 14 dollar George Foreman.

The big ass 3 different jugs of tomato soup you have. That + an extreme amount of cheese = terrible since you're lactose intolerant, BUT still a great meal for a nice night in.

Brown rice + any can of Campbells soup. Imagine eating brown rice with that steak and gravy (crappy but somewhat delicious even if it smells like the restroom at a deserted gas station,) and actually being filled for the night. You deserve that. Not the smell of a gas station restroom lingering in your bedroom in the late night, BUT positive weight gain, and some comfort food for yourself.

Any of your pasta hoard. You have so much pasta. Oh my god. Some of it is ancient.... you won't die from it I think? I think. Eh. Alright. You've still got that jar of marinara sauce to put to use! Fun. :)

Kraft Mac and Cheese. Super easy. Nuff said.

That orange chicken and fried rice in your freezer. You can coooook now. It's not like the last few years of hell! You can genuinely indulge and take up space in your home now. Temporary home, but still your space to reside, so. :)

I'll get in the habit of meal planning tomorrow probably. I can see myself doing really good if I stick with that. If I bust out hella cooking in one still day, then the rest should come easily. Just opening tupperwares and eating them. Hella great!

11:08pm.

I'm doing so good for myself, really. Even a good friend of mine mentioned wanting to do a podcast video with me on world topics. I'm heeeella down for that shit! Hell yes. Heeeell yessssss.

Bonding with a lot of my friends who I lost touch with recently. Sam is especially a great girl, I genuinely hope she knows I hold a very lovely high opinion of her. I often don't click too well with girls, if they tend to seem overly "uwu soft aaaa~♡☆", or ironically the pickme tomboys that ironically sabotage friendships with other girls by being "not like OTHER girls" to their male counterparts and fighting for attention, or thinking lip gloss = being a bimbo.....

(Coughcoughaudreyyourestillabitch, coughcoughgofuckyourselfenjoyutahandmormonswhostillhavemorepersonalitythanyoudo.)

So it's hard to find the balance of "super into feminine stuff and being lighthearted" and "also can be relied on for heavier topics or a casual 'fuck that prick'/political talk" type of friendship. I like her. (And my friend Ashley, I've gotta check in with her soon! We haven't talked much since she had her baby boy. I should send her some memes, or something. She recently told off some white girl who claimed black people could be racist against white people. Ashley is a bad bitch, you know.)

Ugh, I can't believe I dated my ex. The type to say that a white person saying the n word with a hard r wasn't racist, if its a *joke*, but would say that referring to majority white neighborhoods as "suburban" was racist against white people.

Why did I date him?????

God, even that one time before I met his grandpa, I think I passively said "By the way, is there anything I should know about your family or the way they do things that I should know before coming over?"

And when he didn't understand what I meant, despite me giving clear examples like "Yknow, any specific family quirks and whatnot. Like idk, if yall eat dinner at 5pm, or if a family member makes certain weird jokes no one understands, or tests they do on people, or is racist, or anything in general that you think I'd wanna know before meeting them."

And he literally only sunk in the "is racist" part, and just went, pretty unrelated to every other thing I said, "Well, he doesn't think black people are the superior RACE, if that's what you're asking."

Stupid motherfucker, why would that at all be what I was asking?????? Why even go there??? I'm not expecting your white ass "Beepo" to be a Black Nationalist, you absolute hard r word, i meant moreso if there was ANYTHING AT ALL that I should know beforehand.

If he asked me that question if roles were reversed, I'd answer like, "Well my mom will make jokes at your expense, and my older brother will probably mock you at some point, but they just like to push buttons, never take them seriously. And my younger brother is shy, he likes Fortnite if you wanna bring that up. Feel free to compliment my mom on her cooking, and try not to mention me being gay or too much dirty stuff around them."

He could have EASILY went "well my dad won't like to hear that you're an agnostic with an islamic background, and no one in my family is really odd, just as long as you're polite. Also, my granddad likes to grab people by the hand, purposely wriggle you around willy nilly, then make the joke "Hey, you shake funny!"", and it could have been chill!

But, Patrick is stupid, and believes racism against white people is a real thing.

Such a stupid fucking asshole. God. Let's think about someone that is not him....

11:36pm.

So far so good! Might do songwriting later on tonight.

And someone read a tweet of mine and wants to buy feet pice. Aaaaaaaaa manifesting works. Aye.

Gonna vibe now. Peace yalls.

#SoundCloud

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