#I can't let them know she cracking under pressure. she's supposed to be the emotionally strong one

[kimarisgundam]

*clears my throat* ahem... what tHE ACTUAL FRIGGGGGG AHHHHHHHHHH (•̀д•́)!!!!

(This is Cyberpunk Red related, not irl. So don't worry about me 😅. I'm just venting cos I can't seem to get any frigging PEACE as my Netrunner ;_; )

I gave Exec crap for taking a job involving transporting shady stuff that we have to collect from Dog Frigging Town to California... but it wasn't his fault...

It's dad again ಠ_ಠ. When Exec defected from Arasaka, dad let him "walk"... but it's an unspoken rule that Exec has to do favours for him occasionally once Exec establishes himself as a fixer...

And I let our DM (RPing as my Netrunner's dad) guilt me into helping again 🥲. Dad said he knows I still feel indebted to Arasaka... it's just Rockerboy who lead me astray...

He said I'll see reason again one day, but if I won't do it for Arasaka now... then he asks that I at least do it for him, my biological father 🥲. Cos I'm his only daughter, and he's my only living parent 🥲

And I regret taking the cyberware upgrade dad prepared for my Netrunner... my Humanity dipped more than expected. I'm at risk of psychosis if I take any emotional damage...

^ The eyes are actually super cool though!!!They are like fangs from Gundam 00. It comes with 4 tiny diamond tipped drones that link to her optics. The drones have cameras on them, so they can be used as extra eyes or as small floating daggers.

But the Humanity penalty is super steep... and I unfortunately got a very bad roll 😅

I'm embarrassed to tell my party so I'm currently lying about my Humanity score...

My Netrunner is in the same boat as Exec tbh... I quit cos I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't take backstabbing my party 😭. And dad/Arasaka was messing with Blackwall... I ran cos I didn't want to keep helping then mess with it...

But it's understood I was allowed to leave alive cos of favouritism (turns out I'm his biological kid) and cos I'm an "asset" (due to good rolls, I pulled many feats in game. My Netrunner is considered a prodigy)... I owe Arasaka/dad my current freedom... I'm expected to do favours occasionally too ;_;

I'm legit sorry to everyone in my party 🥲. I'm sorry for working with our DM and backstabbing everyone and causing character deaths 🥲. I was just following orders 🥲

I'm especially sorry to my friend's Rockerboy character 🥲. Mako considers him her first real friend, but I stood by and let my dad and brother torture him 🥲

I'm fighting for my Netrunner's freedom now... but it seems pointless 🥲. I can't just disappear... I know dad will kill Rockerboy and all his friends/family if I did that 🥲

My choom's safety is always being dangled over my head cos dad is angry I chose Rockerboy over him... plus Solo has psychosis and is dependent on dad's pills now... Solo is like my little brother... I can't let MaxTac hunt him down 🥲

Why did I even take the upgrade???

She already gave up so much of herself for Arasaka... my Netrunner looks organic, but if you pop her back/spine open, her insides are all chrome...

I'm not blaming Arasaka or dad... this campaign started a year ago... and at the start I was fully loyal to Arasaka. I swore loyalty and willing installed cyberware to be better at my job

I was my choice, no one forced me. I just wanted to be useful 🥲

[microknifeyuri]

lookie i did a mario au with limited knowledge haha... look. estella

her backstory will be under read more i guess-

Rosalina in canon doesn't have much of a story except for the story she tells the lumas, which technically are like her children considering what happened with them. The main ideas I was having yesterday before designing her were Rosalina going through an very VERY emotionally expensive arc to then end up becoming who Estella is

Estella is similar to Estrella which means star on spanish so you can kinda can guess what this direction might be like, in a way (?)

So I'm thinking that the reset, despite it being something that Rosalina got adapted certainly quickly and wasn't too worried about it considering all of her years being alive and her power, the whole disaster and the events themselves did leave her a bit more paranoid that expected instead in this one. And with a bit more I mean by a lot. Being used to a journey of losing what she loves, her feelings and uncertainty grow as a result, add to that the fact that she's feeling a much more bigger sense of protectiveness over the galaxy, especially for those who she met.

In fear of being alone and adding the slight paranoia she was going through, Rosalina ended up stopping with her coming to home every 100 years plans and decided to focus on trying to make sure that nothing else like that happened again.

With emotions acumulated, her physical form suffers from change, although it isn't a good change. The stress and certainly the pain she has been feeling for a while took the best of her, add that to her loneliness, and it was like a combo.

Of course she had the lumas, but they were like her children. But she also didn't want them to be worried about how she was, she was supposed to be there for them, and didn't want them to worry.

At the end, it didn't do her any good. Her body changed and changed and so did her mental state. She became more and more scared, doing everything to stop any threat, making sure that if given the case, bowser doesn't try to do any of that (though it is... VERY unlikely), but her feels pile up and she's feeling like she's dying. Why, she can't tell.

Her love for life and the beings that were there was so strong that it kept her going, but it was also killing her emotionally so to speak.

At one point, Estella couldn't do it anymore, weakened by her feelings and stress, by the amount of power constantly being used to protect everything, the goddess was being too rough on herself and didn't realize her limits.

She felt so... alone. But she knew she wasn't. But it was a different type of alone. The lumas were all she had now, and so was her newest friend, but she couldn't bring herself to express those worries. She was a protector. She can't just let her guard down at all.

And she pushed them away with that thought in mind.

And it got so bad to the point in which her body. Started "breaking" itself. Giving up in the way a star would.

She didn't know what to do at all and didn't want others to worry. But if she somehow got into a terrible state, how is she going to be there for them?

She's scared.

She has given herself such pressure when it should've never really been like that on the first place. She was already strong. She was aware that the Lumas were following a cycle. But one can only hold onto hope so much before they break down.

Now basing this from the whole "Rosalina was also a princess back in her place" theory, I think that even if the Lumas did comfort her in her most vulnerable moment, losing her mom and then not being able to communicate with her dad and brother really made her feel worse in the end.

She can't afford losing anyone again.

And that fear, pain and stress almost leaded her to, practically experience what Lumas go through.

Her body breaks, yes, it was giving up due to all of what was going on. The cracks can be seen on her face and everything, and that alarms her a lot.

And so, she realizes that she needed some time. She wrote some letters, sent them, and told the Lumas the truth at the very end.

And she ended up in a slumber so she could either recover, or go through it finally.

As to how much time she was in slumber it's unknown, but things changed a lot.

Star dust started to fuse with her body, star dust from The Lumas who cared for her more than anything, in order to make sure she was safe and healthy again. Which time, her body started to recover, the cracks leaving scars, sure, but recovering. The love of the lumas, her kids, gave her strenght and made her feel like she was going to genuinely be okay again.

One way or another, her family was going to be there with her, always.

And when she was back, everything about her look changed.

For the good.

Long and lovely hair that was taken care of, a star crown, comfortable clothes, the sparkles in her skin, everything about her. And she felt at peace. But she started crying once she processed all of it.

She was alone, but not really.

The Lumas wanted her to be okay. To feel safe. To feel loved. That she's enough. That things will be okay.

She would never really be alone again. But they sacrificed their cycle/life for her. All because of her fear for them to get hurt.

And now they're there with her.

After realizing all of that, Rosalina decided to go by the name of Estella, in memory of the Lumas that she loved so much and now were a part of her.

And now she's still doing her duties. With confidence and always with company despite everything. And yeah.

[imsailorpluto]

Island finale + ... this one isn't for the weak

Pardon my french in advance. Of course there are spoilers in here. The blog is called "I love spoilers".

One last memory of Won Miho, a smart, intelligent woman, who went to Jeju island by her father's orders to teach ethics. I loved that awesome hair and fashion sense and self-confidence, determination, strength and cool temper. And drifting demon race in pt1. It's good they brought her back in those last few minutes, at least.

Shall we do this for the old times sake? Here goes.

Island Finale, what the hell did I watch?!

Ok, let's be graceful. The series got me exhausted. Being emotionally involved isn't the best option with this one... If you haven't watched it already and love the genre, expect mess, confusion and cognitive dissonance. Or not, it's fine.

My heart goes to two greatly significant characters. I can't stop thinking about them and I'm so grateful neither of them died by the other's hand . Putting aside both actors' charm, these two characters grew on me. One of them being a deeply misunderstood vengeful killer machine. And the other, adorable goofy exorcist.

Since this two parts story finally ended, it made me think about half-demon brothers and why is it that one of them is utterly evil and beyond redemption in the eyes of our little Island community while the other one is practically absolved of all of his "sins".

Both brothers are trained killers (to be correct, abused since early childhood by Jijangjong Temple’s clan) and that's exactly what they've been doing their entire lives - committing murders. The only difference is:

One of them was lucky enough to turn into what he was supposed to become, according to plan - emotionless killer. Knife accepted him easily.

The other brother's transformation didn't go according to the plan. His feelings somehow never disappeared, pain and suffering destroyed him - he cracked under the pressure just as anyone would

First one believed that Wonjeong can give them their human lives back, his bloodthirst was ulterior motive (and I'll get to that a bit later)

The other was hypersensitive one and could see through the clan's lies. Even as broken as he was. His humanity made him trust Yeomji later on, making them both susceptable to Baek's clan manipulation

Were those two brothers really that different to begin with? Pan brought wounded Wonjeong back to the temple. After hurting her. Because he believed she could save them. By doing so he turned his back on his brother. Gungtan followed him knowing he'd get punished for it, his loyalty unmatched. While Wonjeong was living her life being trained to fulfill her destiny yet having a sense of freedom, boys were chained and starved. She would bring them food, but she never gained Gungtan's trust again - and his hunch was right. She was the end of both brothers.

If there's God in this story, then the moment Pan stabbed Wonjeong and a piece of divine crystal entered him was that God's doing. Pan gained a piece of humanity, by ending a life of a living person, accidentally or not. It never suffocated his urge to kill, but it made him more aware of all the lives taken by the lust demon and then by his own half-demon hands. That didn't make him less of a killer, but it did clear his mind of fog (which made him realise both he and Gungtan have to die in order to set themselves free), he gained control over himself and his impulse to kill - even though his yearning for Miho still made him want to kill her, let's not forget that. He is a lust demon, afterall, which does sound awfully like a vampire, but I'll let it slide.

Vampires, however, often end up killing their loved ones, unless they learn how to control their bloodthirst. I can't help but consider both of them vampires, in a way.

Boy got therapy and it (partially) worked. And everybody fell for him as if he's an angel sent from heavens and his past has been erased. That's not how it works, but fine. Fine. I'm fine with people being there for him. But something is not adding up here, there's still no sympathy for Gungtan. Why?

Ah, Gungtan, the villain. Once a boy who loved his brother so much that he gave up his own freedom/life for him. Took the beatings for bringing Wonjeong back. And turned his back on the whole human race for good. His love was the purest love they showed us, but it's not in the focus, so it's easy to run it over like it never existed. He ended up chained in the dark for years. No therapy. No nothing. Left to rot. Oh but he can't die, because he's not human. Torture lasted and lasted. Then he was set free only to be used again. Was mercy ever given to him in any way? Was he ever given any chance to become something different from what he became? Is there anything this demon-slayer knows of, other than abuse, punishment, betrayal and smell of blood? He is as self-destructive as it gets, there's no turning back from his path of soul torture. Character development inconsistencies are out there on the surface, so let's not go into that any further.

He's a hyperviligant killing tool but he can't stay indifferent towards a little girl covering his feet with her jacket. That was it for me. I couldn't care less about any other character at that point. I fell for the deeply wounded devil that he is. Completely. Why? Because I'm Bob the builder, duh. Because in the real world, where real and often horrible things happen, anyone can become a target of abuse and turn into someone like Gungtan. Often completely unaware of it. Leave out the killing and you have a very realistic character. Psychologically, it's a hell of a ride to get back up on tracks afterwards. And people think it takes a lot to become a villain, they don't have the potential, something like that can never happen to them, so why not wish death upon a fictional character who suffered more than enough for a thousand lifetimes.

I'm not buying any of the moralist-on-duty shit. Leave. Him. Alone.

I wish he could have run away that instant, somewhere, anywhere, before the Baek clan put their magic manipulation skills to work. I wish he was safe and in peace. I can't put any blame on him for what he became. And what he did. Especially since it is strongly suggested he was used like a puppet after they woke him up. His anger was used for a "greater" evil purpose. I can't help but wanting to reach out and get him the hell out of there.

Despite general opinion of the Island community and Mr. Gungtan himself, he isn't that different from his brother Pan at all. He cracked under the pressure, yet he didn't need a magical crystal fragment to sober up and help another abused child, which he wouldn't do if he had no feelings left in him. Pan believed in Wonjeong, Gungtan believed in Yeomji, but neither of those girls could help the brothers. And no matter how much they wanted to live, death was the only escape from the constant hellfire brought upon them. Gungtan needed to escape his untameable urge for revenge which led him to madness, Pan needed to escape the burden of his heavy dirty bloodthirsty soul.

May I add, Miho never sold out Pan, like Yeomji, who switched sides like a spineless creature. Yes, she's a kid and could never measure up to Miho. Her influence, if there ever was any, ended once Baek clan took over Gungtan. The same clan known for their magical manipulation skills. Gungtan's misery just doesn't stop. Once again he's nothing but a killing tool.

The brothers escaped their personal hell by ending their own lives - which is why I'm not mad about the ending. Their suffering stopped, at last. Finally. Their inner demons were swallowed by the underworld. Gungtan's little smile at the end, that sigh of relief as lust demon left his body and he was finally free, that moment was e v e r y t h i n g

But you know what else was everything? Seeing my favourite Island manhwa character coming to life on screen. Finally! Well done, cgi team, well done!

In previous life or death battle, my boy Gio almost died. Ahh, how many times I yelled at the screen for him to just stay out of other people's business but thankfully he survived it all. He is my favourite goofy guy who makes people write witty texts about him. The only priest, real or fictional, I've ever liked and will ever like. Look at this fluffball. Must. Protect. Him. (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)

Thankfully, Johan survived all the battles, which weren't even his own to begin with and which lead me to believe he'd meet a tragic end sooner or later. Ah but that's the part of his charm - sticking his nose in other people's business so we never know if he'll live or not. There would be some ugly crying if something tragic actually happened to him. And just like in pt1, he was left on hold while bleeding to death. This time it was even more horrible than before.

Pan, seriously? Like "brb, let me just-". I swear, at some point this thing turned into such a grotesque show. Plot has twisted so hard it was unbearable to watch at times. But, Johan picked himself up from the brink of death, thanks to his badass powers. Amen!

Despite the fact that finale brought so much sadness to entire audience, either for the main villain's death or PanxMiho not happening in a million years (which I'll forever be grateful for), that final fight was amazing. Writers finally gave us a large portion of enjoyable action. Plus, Gungtan wasn't the end of Johan and vice versa. Honestly, that's more than generous from their part, since Gungtan's downfall was imminent and it all went downhill long time ago, anyways.

Hope they don't bring us pt3. Sorry. I'm done with the massacre of manhwa plotlines and characters. Starred actors were amazing. Talent and looks, you know, everything. Especially absolutely stunning Lee Da-hee. Craaaazy talented and amazing Sung Joon♡ But. Please. No. More. Island.

Well, with too pure for this world cutie, I conclude my thoughts. It's been fun.

Sailor Pluto wishes you a great day and more enjoyable kdrama,

Till next time, xx

P.S. If you've made it this far, wow, congratulations. It must not have been easy navigating that pile of chaos. Also, there are so many things I edited out of the "original" text, trying to keep my cool. Also, if for any reason you (dis)liked my interpretation of fictional characters of Island, my ask box is always open. (⁠◠⁠‿⁠◕⁠)

P.P.S. Dear gifmakers, if you want me to remove any of your GIFs from my posts, please feel free to contact me, it will be done immediately. Thank you for all your work for our little community (⁠✿⁠ ⁠♡⁠‿⁠♡⁠)