#I can't believe I got the ''sexist'' card pulled on me guys

[thankyouforreadingmyusername]

My replies to rude and ignorant anons are getting more aggressive and honestly??? Zero fucks

[cartoonfangirl1218]

Mr. and Mrs. Smith

Yet another forgotten Lisa Snart Appreciation Week episode exploring if Barry and Lisa had a rapport. 

Lisa looked around the room. It's high ceilings sparkled with hanging lights made of thousands of diamonds, it floors gleamed with freshly waxed marble tiles, golden plaques on the wall thanking it's donators.

She wondered if she would visit this place every day if she were rich.

Probably not, the people here were beyond snobby and whined about how the caviar was grilled not slightly roasted. Maybe she would visit occasionally just for the novelty and the fact that she was rich enough to get into a country club legally.

Unlike now, she was under the name of Mrs. Smith-the most generic name ever- waiting for her husband, Mr. Smith aka the Flash.

Cisco had asked for her help with a mission of some sort against a Man in an Iron Mask. She had no idea who the hell he was and why he chose such a weird costume choice and why she should care, but he begged and then offered to turn the other way the next time the Rogues were on a stealing spree. Lenny would be furious about her helping them, but he would totally thank her for the pass on stealing sprees.

Plus how could she refused the opportunity to see who the Flash really was!

She stroke her blond wig, self-consciously and checked her compact mirror to make sure it was straight. You never knew when disguises started to go wonky in the middle of the plan.

A thin, Caucasian man with brown hair and sweet eyes approached the table, and looked for his place card. She recognized him as Cisco's friend that he always hanged out with at the bar and at the Lab. Barry something.

He was the Flash?

But but he was so, so not muscley or intimidating and he was a scientist. Well that explained how he was always able to understand everything Cisco and that doctor girl was saying.

"Hello sweetie, I think your place card is here next to me, your darling wife." Lisa purred, and waved the card with her fingers.

Barry's face morphed into one of confusion, then realization dawned on him and he hissed.

"What are you doing here, Snart?"

"Calm down Speedy. Cisco asked me to do this. Guess your uptight doctor wouldn't pretty enough to convince people she was rich. Can't blame you."

"Caitlin is very pretty and only couldn't do it because we need her at the base to set up the cameras. More importantly, why did Cisco asked you of all people?" Barry shook his head worriedly, "I swear I'm going to kill him if this fails." "What?" Lisa pouted, but with a sincerely offended tone "I'm an expert at these kind of things, you should be thankful I'm helping you."

"Hardly." Barry muttered, but he sighed and went to business mode.

"Here's the exact plan. You are only going to act like my wife and not make a big scene, while I look for the Iron Mask. Got it. Nothing else."

Lisa rolled her eyes. The Flash was almost as bad her brother. She wasn't going to ruin the mission. She meant what she said about being good at these kinds of cons. And she hated the fact that he thought just because she was who she was that she would be incapable of pulling off this kind of mission.

They sat next to each other, glancing around the room in silence when a elderly waiter approached them.

"Mr. and Mrs. Smith, in behalf of Central City's Wildhills Country Club I would like to congratulate you on your 10th year anniversary."

"Uh why I'm yeah thanks." Barry stammered.

"Yes thank you so much!" Lisa swooped in, clutching Barry's arm lovingly, "Barrykins and I are super happy we made it this far. Right sweetie-pie" Lisa grinned, devilishly at him as he looked at her in surprise

"Yes, snoopi-poo and I can't imagine our lives without each other." Barry chimed in, squeezing her tightly as she cringed at the name.

"When I hear her snore at night, it's the most musical sound in the world. It's like an orchestra" Barry he continued with an overly-perky voice.

"And when honey buns buns trips over the rug and breaks our Ming vase, I can't believe I married such a cute klutz" Lisa countered an even happier voice, then turned his face to nuzzle noses.

The waiter gave them a strange look, before saying "Good, good tell me when you've placed your order" and walked off. "Snoopi-poo!" Lisa cried, punching his shoulder.

"You started it! Barrykins really?" Barry snorted.  "We've been "married" for 10 years I was trying to make it convincing.” Lisa protested. 

They settled back to easy silence and ordered their food. Barry looking around the room, discreetly as Lisa eyed the jewelry on the patrons. The ruby necklace would look great with her pink peasant blouse that she got. Maybe if she could just accidentally trip her way.... Wait what was she thinking? This place is full of rich guys!

She could just flirt and adultery her way into getting a nice ring or two.

"Everybody! Everybody!" A man dressed in a tux, whom Lisa assumed was the manager, stood up clinking his glass.

"Since it's almost Valentine's Day I would like to call up some of our favorite couples to talk about their marriage. Mr and Mrs. Loomis, our golden couple reaching their 62 anniversary."

Lisa ignored the couples getting up to talk and she could Barry was getting increasingly bored and fidgety.

She looked around, she doubted that the man they were chasing would come with his Iron Mask on so what the hell was he looking around. The room was only filled with elderly WASPS, she swore they were the only couple under 60 there.

She leaned over to him, and whispered "I think we should check in the back rooms like storage. That's always wear Lenny, Mick and I go when we tried to infiltrate these kinds of things. No one notices extra stuff in storage." "That could work,” Barry mumbled.

"Mr. and Mrs. Smith!" The manager boomed "Come in up here!" Lisa and Barry looked at each other in panic. 

“Maybe it's another Smith couple. It's such a common name." Lisa gave a dry laugh.  But the whole room was staring at them. Of course. They shuffled slowly to the center of the room and plastered fake grins.

“What can I say about our marriage" Barry stalled "What can I say? Um it's been a struggle....uh yeah. But we always pull through." Lisa groaned under her breath, this was bad.

"What he means is that.." Lisa added, searching for something to say about love.

"We, we are always there for each other. When you're scared, you run, when you can't run you crawl. When you can't crawl, you find someone to carry you. That's my husband. If had I dare to choose, I'd choose him over all the men over all the planets the night sky could show me."

The crowd clapped, and Barry stared at her in shock.

"Thank you" he called too loudly into the microphone. She brushed past the manager and they ran offstage.

"Here you go" she handed him a set of keys she swiped from the manager. Lenny had taught her a long time ago how to pick pocket by just brushing past someone. Less conspicuous.

"Wow, that was fast" Barry said, looking over the keys as they existed the room. "Wait up" A voice called out, running behind them.

"Barry why are you pretending to be Mr. Smith," A Hispanic man asked, and she recognized him. Cisco's piano brother. Wait Cisco's brother!

He seemed to recognize her too "Why are you with Captain Cold's sister! Do you know she's Captain Cold's sister? I'm liable to call the police on you" He threatened.  

She placed a hand over his mouth "If you call the police, I might have to touch you on your special part" She whispered.  "What kind of threat is that?" Piano brother hissed, when she took off her hand. “Barry hand me your phone, no actually just dial 911 you have no idea what weapons she could be.." Lisa kneed him in the crotch.

He collapsed to the ground, she grabbed Barry's arm and ran out, after she stopped to get her coat and hobo bag that concealed her gun and he quickly changed to his costume.

"You didn't have to kneed him there" Barry walked quickly as they tried to look for the back entrance that might lead to the storage room.

"Collateral damage besides Cisco told me about him. He sounds like an asshole" She muttered. 

"He may exhibit some asshole-like qualities but you just don't tell a guy you're going to touch his special place and then hit it." Barry protested.  "Maybe you don't.” Lisa grinned as Barry opened a door hidden behind a bunch of well-coiffed shrubs.

"And you watch Firefly?" Barry asked excitedly. Lisa froze. She chose those quotes for her impromptu anniversary speech because she didn't think anyone watched that show.

"Maybe?" Lisa stammered.  "I love that show! I can kill you.."

"With my mind." Lisa finished, and scowled at his enthusiastic, mocking grin. She couldn't believe she shared the same guilty pleasure as the Flash.

"I just enjoy it from time to time" Lisa defended herself "It's not like I dress up for Halloween or anything" She smirked at the sheepish look that crawled onto his face. "Oh Speedster," Lisa shook her head. 

Barry sparked back to life though, and started asking questions "What did you think of Walsh's death in the movie?"

"I don't consider the movie canon." Lisa replied.  "Yeah, I mean it was totally unnecessary. Oh and what is with River not wearing shoes?"

Lisa glared at him. 

"We're getting friendly, this is weird." Barry said "We should stop." Lisa muttered "Right now. Let's stop right now."

They scoured the back rooms of the country club and unlike the inside of the spacious place, it was dank and dark and musty as a cave. "Why would the Iron Mask be here anyway?" Lisa asked.  "Don't know his plan exactly, but Cisco heard from Dante that some guy found an Iron Mask under the piano one night here at the club so we figured we'd check out if he or anyone associated with him is hiding here.... You should probably go now."

Lisa sneered at him, and grabbed him by the collar. "Bar- Flashykins,” she growled between clenched teeth "I can help you so would you be a sweetheart and not act like a sexist version of Lenny. Cuz honey I am useful in this kind of thing" She shoved him forward and the two continued on marching.

Suddenly a man jumped in front of them.

"Halt!" he said, brandishing a boa staff.

The Flash sprang into action, speeding around him and throwing punches. Lisa wanted to help but with Barry moving around, she might shoot him instead. But Iron Mask had a trick up his sleeve. He produced a set of handcuffs and cuffed Barry to a near he pillar.

Leaving it between her and him. She didn't like the odds. Though she had fought quite a few big men, she always knew what to expect of those types with the added help of her brother and Mick. But this one she had no idea, and didn't know what other weapons he hid.

She the best trick she had always done, she fake-fainted.

Flash looked in absolute shock, "Lisa" he yelled.

The Iron Mask hardly seemed to notice but ran past her to the door. She turned around, aimed her gun and plastered his feet to the floor with the gold liquid

The with an easy swing she punched him to the ground.

She swung her hips lazily as she helped him get rid of the cuffs using her gun once more, and cracking the gold and cuff off of him.  Flash once more gaped at him. Yeah, she could get use to this face. "That was great!"

"And you thought you could do this without me" Lisa smiled herself at Scarlet's enthusiasm.

"Fine, I was wrong Snart. It takes more than one to deal with villains. There's no I in team." Barry grinned broadly at the cliche. 

"There maybe no I in Team but there's one in my name and that's the rule I go by" Lisa reminded him sensing the friendliness. "Speaking of I's. Here's a plan. You shove this guy into the car. I pick up Mr and Mrs. Smith's dinner, their complimentary coupons to the spa which are so going to be mine and that jewelry case that I saw being auctioned by the front desk"

"You do know there's no jewelry inside the jewelry case right?" "I know that" She snapped.  "Wait, as a "married" couple we should compromise about this" Barry smirked as he lifted Iron Mask into the trunk of the car.

Lisa stared at him, warily.

"I'm dropping you off and we are going to be comparing Firefly notes on the way there.”  Lisa smirked back, "Sure thing Barrykins"

[electricprincess96]

Thats what I mean, its good that Edelgard is allowed to have her own agency as is Rhea & that Kronya+Cordelia are allowed to be rotten. Given you've beaten New Mystery, didn't you think the final reveal that Eremiya was just a brainwashed victim of Gharnef without any agency of her own, cheapened the entire sidestory? Not only is it sexist to suggest women can't be horrible, but after all we saw Eremiya do onscreen to her kids, IS can't pull the "poor innocent flower" card at that point.

Oh definitely like there is a place for "tragic villain backstory" but when that's the only type of female villains we get it can be annoying. Edelgard does at least have her own agency most of the time although the issue is when her fans want to claim she was in the right any time you bring up a really horrible thing she did they go "that wasn't her it was the Slitherers forcing her or its because she's got PTSD don't expect her to make rational decisions like that she's been tortured" and I'm just like.... Do you people hear yourselves?

Like my issue with Edelgard is more the fact I can see the potential for a pretty good female villain and in Azure Moon in particular she fills that role superbly. All the "I want to try and save her" makes sense coming from Dimitri, he's got a history with her it's understandable that once he's put his own demons to the side the would want to try and reach out for the only family he's got left and her refusing his hand and throwing that dagger is a perfect end because it shows her unwillingness to weaver from her chosen path, she turned herself into a monster in order to fulfill her goals she isn't about to give in just because Dimitri really wants her to accept his help.

Now most of my issues with Edelgard come from the obsession she has with Byleth, which I believe is a result of this still being a waifu game. Crimson Flower giving people golden endings, people complained Conquest wasn't really letting you side with the villain, yet people are giving CF a pass for making the villain softer and "good all along, I mean look at these end cards" when it should have played more like a Chaos Route in a SMT game. You know you're siding with the bad guys and bad shits gonna happen before any good might come from this but fuck it lets enjoy the ride anything. Her ending mural hints at this with her standing there like a tyrant on top of the flags of the fallen nations but if this fandom has taught me anything if you don't outright say something then it'll go over most peoples heads. And lastly.... She's just completely wrong about almost everything, like if her main goal was "reunite Fódlan under the Adrestian Empire" with a bit of "also I don't trust the Pope" fair enough I could get behind that as a cool villain route..... But she doesn't frame it like that which just leaves me scratching my head at just how wrong she is about a lot of things like.... Ok Rhea's a Dragon that's one of the few things she gets right but like when Detective Claude and his rag tag group of merchants and misfits (Golden Deer I love you all really) can figure out the real story without starting a war you know you are pretty bad at this.

Now I don't do this often enough and theres no better place to do it than here so I'm gonna list things about Edelgard I like.

Her post timeskip design is 😘 beautiful. The Ram Horns on the Crown make for a striking silhouette. The Crimson Colour Pallet is eye catching, the way all the colours being out the lilac in her eyes. I love it. 10/10 design in my opinion.

Her voice actress. I love Mitsuru from Persona 3 and they share a voice actress and she does amazing as Edelgard so there is really nothing I can complain about here.

Now I do actually like Edelgard narrow-minded determination to see her plans through to the end or die trying... To an extent. That comes up in Azure Moon and as I said Edelgard serves as a perfect villain in that route. Dimitri's whole arc is learning that his narrow-minded thirst for revenge was going to destroy him and in the end he sees how Edelgard's narrow-minded drive destroyed her, it turned her into a literal monster and then sealed her own death when she refused the hand Dimitri offered her (Dimitri on the other hand didn't refuse Byleth's hand when they offer him). Basically Edelgard and Dimitri work and great foils for each other in Azure Moon. It's less of an ideal trait in Crimson Flower because if I'm meant to believe this isn't a villain route then why is my protagonist not changing and realising something is up here when Rhea's sad that she's having to fight a Hresvelg or when Dimitri wants to know why she's doing this and instead of stopping for a minute and thinking she just sort of talks over them. But that's my issues with Crimson Flower, it works well as a trait for Edelgard in the rest of the routes for the most part.