#I can stay calm when these things happen and it doesn't cause meltdowns anymore

[romanestuffsposts]

Overwhelmed

Hi there love! I had a lovely request that I accidentally deleted. But Fortunately I write it down ; Hiya! I love your stuff and I'm sorry you lost your account!

I was wondering if I could request a little who has a mini meltdown after a busy day (going shopping/being at work where it is noisy) and pulls their hearing aids out and throws them on the floor (doesn't break them!) because the noises become too overwhelming. After they get all the snuggles from Stucky and maybe put in a pull-up and gets a bottle? (Only if you are comfortable!) I can get really stressed and overwhelmed when I wear mine when I'm little because it picks up on the electrical sounds (high pitched sounds, humming etc)

No rush/pressure to do this!

- 🐝 X

I'm sorry to hear you have stress like that, I hope you'll find a way to get it better. I know it can take times but I hope you'll find it <3

And thank you love ❤️

I'm also sorry that i didn't post for 4 days, I was sick and unable to do anything 😅

Anyways, I'm better now so enjoy lovers 💜

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Warnings : angst, stress, meltdown, cries, comfort, pet names, cuddles, paci, lots of love and comfort toward little reader.

Pairing : daddies!stucky ; daddy!Bucky x Papa!Steve x little!reader

Summary : ⤴️⤴️

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Too much,

Everything was just too much for you today and you can't handle it anymore.

Usually it's calm and cosy at your work. You just have to read books before they're publishing and you have to say what you liked and what you didn't liked, what you thought would make polemics or could cause any problems. You found the perfect job for you. The room where you cosily read is quiet because either way it's hard to concentrate, it's like that in all the area.

However, today was the total oposite. Some dude name Bobby had his birthday, which is cool, it means cake, having a break from work, it means resting your eyes ect. But you weren't prepared to hear all the loud music and all the loud laughters or yell from your collegues. You tried to get yourself into it but you never liked loud noises, you still made the effort but when everyone started jumping at one song, one of your men collegue grabbed your shoulders to make you jump with them- it was in the euphoria of the moment, he didn't mean to scare you but he did and you got scared. You tried to hide it too but all of those things were a lot to handle on your own.

You got home earlier because you felt too overwhelmed to stay at work and act like everything were fine when nothing was. You rush in the kitchen to get some water. Maybe some fresh liquid will help you calm down. As soon as you open the fridge and take out the bottle of water, it slipped out of your hands and fall down on the cold tiles. The new muffled sound is added to the list and you find yourself on the ground, crying.

You're hands fly to your face and you sob in them. You bring your knees to your chest. You take off your hearing aids and look down at them, your tears fall more violently when you gaze the things in your hands. You throw them on the floor. You don't want to see them, they caused you stressed and you got scared because of them.

You don't hear the front door opening because of your sobs, you don't hear your daddies walking in the house. They laughed about something that happened at work but Steve stops walking and laughing when he hears muffled voice. He looks at Bucky and frowns "is she already at home ?" he asks

Bucky shurgs and they both keep walking quietly this time toward the noises. But when Bucky understands it's not only muffled voice but cries, he starts to run until he reaches the kitchen. Steve is closes behind Bukcy and almost bumps into him when he suddenly stops running. Bucky looks down and sees you curled up on yourself on the kitchen floor. He and Steve kneels down "Baby ?" You shake your head and cries harder. You didn't know how long you were on the floor crying but now you know, it's been a long time.

"Sweetie, something happened ?" Your Papa asks. Bucky sits on one side of you and Steve on the other side of you. You shake your head and keep crying making your daddies worrier. Steve caresses your legs while Bucky caresses your back as they shush you, whisper sweet nothings in your ears and help you getting more comfortable about what happened, even if they still don't know what happened.

"You're okay, you're home now. Nothing bad can happen in here." Your Papa says as he kisses your temple. You let yourself falling against his chest as your cries start to calm down. "Keep going, sweetness. You're doing a great job" he whispers. Bucky grabs the bottle of water who is on the ground and he sees at the same time something else on the ground. He benches over to grab it and frowns "Steve" he says grabbing his husband's attention.

Steve looks up at him, Bucky shows him the hearing aids he has on his hands and Steve frowns. He removes your hair and puts them behind your ears and sees you don't wear yours so the one Bucky has on his hands are probably the one you wore today.

"Sweetie, why don't we go upstairs and take a warm bath ? I’m sure It'll make you feel better" he quietly says as he slides his fingers down your hair "We can go upstairs with some water too since you wanted some" he proposes

They aren't dump, the bottle of water didn't fall by herself from the frige

You sniff and nod your head. Steve nods at Bucky and he goes upstairs to prepare the bath while Steve stays in the kitchen with you. He needs to be sure you're fine.

Steve stands up and rests you on his left hip as he wonders around the kitchen. He grabs a glass and fills it with water as he swings you on his hip. He hums one of your favorite song to calm your cries down. Your head is rest against his shoulder and you put your thumb in your mouth. Steve peers down at you when he finished cleaning the kitchen but when he sees your thumb in your mouth he went to grab it to pull it out but stops himself. He doesn't like those things, Bucky neither but every time you feel anxious or stressed, sad or angry you grab your paci or your Daddies's tag. It calm you to have something in between your lips and right now you need something in your mouth. Steve knows you can't wait to be upstairs to have your paci in your lips so he lets you- for some minutes only, to have your thumb in your mouth.

He caresses your back as he walks upstairs, shushing you every times he hears your quiet sniffs. When he's on top of the staires, he goes to the bathroom and sees Bucky finishing the bath "here you are" he smiles when he hears you behind him. "hi zazzy" you whisper through your thumb. Bucky smiles more and kisses your nose "hi beautiful" he whispers back

"your bath is ready, sweetie" Steve says and sits you on the sink so he and Bucky can help you undress yourself. He steps aside to let Bucky reaches you and he quickly excuses himself to go grab a clean pyjama, for you after your bath.

Bucky removes your shoes first and then your socket. He pulls away by the top your little sunny dress- your favorite, and then removes your underwears carefully. Bucky peers up at you while preparing you for your bath, he gives you winks or pokes here and there to make you smile or giggle which work.

"do you want to go in there by yourself or do you want me to put you in it ?" he asks putting your hair behind your ears. You nod making him laugh. You give him an innocent smile since you don't know why he's laughing but you find it funny. He shakes his head and pushes your nose with his "damn you're so cute"

You blush and giggle as you swing your legs, hitting him from times to times "Why did you nod ?" he asks smirking at you "to go in there by yourself ?" he asks and you nod again "okay so you don't want me to carry you in the bath ?" he says just to be sure but you nod again making him sigh in defeat

Steve chuckles as he stands straight. It's been a long time he was there, watching you both with a loving smile on his face. He was leaning against the doorway but stand up when he sees that you're too little to understand

"Come here" he smiles grabbing you to lowering you down. He grabs your hand and leads you to the warm bathtub. He kneels beside the bathtub and put his arm above the edge of the tub, he dips his fingers in hot water "feel the water and tell us if it's not too hot for you or too cold, sweetness" he says caressing your naked back up and down

You shiver from the touch of your Papa and the cold breeze hitting your sensible skin. You slowly lower your hand above the water and soak your fingers in the water slightly. You get them out and nod at your Papa, "it's okay for you ?" he asks and you nod again. He grabs your hand and helps you getting in it but still let you do it by yourself

Once you're cover of bubble, a pack on your lips and some toys to play with, your daddies puts the glass of water beside you and go in the bedroom to prepare the room for the night. Seeing in what bad stade you were when they came home, they would rather have you beside them all night so they can be sure that you're fine.

Bucky sighs as he makes the bed making Steve looks up at him "what ?"

"What do you think happened ?" he asks looking down at the sheets. Steve shurgs "i don't know but it seems to have shook her up a bit too much but I think we don't have to push her to talk to us. It clearly was something big to her and if she feels the need to talk to us about it then she'll do it but if she needs time, we'll let her be but still show her that we're here incase"

Bucky nods "I have the same opinion" after that he frowns his eyebrows "but," Steve looks up at Bucky again "what about the hearing aids ?"

"Did she broke them ?" Steve asks and Bucky shakes his head "no, I put them where we put them when she's not wearing them" he says and Steve nods "good, I don't think we don’t need to worry about that. I just think she felt too much things and couldn't handle it anymore and just threw them away. I think she wanted and needed to get in a quiet and calm space of mind and just didn't know how to do that"

Bucky sighs "i know you said we don't have to worry but I do. What if something happened ? Like really happened ?"

"I know it's hard Buck but we can't be on her back all the times. She needs to move on by herself and even if we're behind her if she needs us, she needs to do things by herself" Steve says and grabs his husband's hands "We won't let her down. We'll be there for her but she needs to succeed on her own"

Bucky nods and leans to kiss Steve on the lips. They both make their way back to the bathroom and smile when they see you playing in your bubble bath "are you ready to go out ?" Steve asks but you shake your head "No ?" he frowns

"No Papaa" you whine in a way that say 'obviously' making Bucky laughing "I not soap yet" you say and look side eye at him. Steve shakes his head while smiling "how could I forget that" he says smashing his forehead making you giggle. Bucky grabs your favorite flavor soap and hand it to Steve.

The sweet hands and the delicious flavor slide all over your body and you relax at the feelings. The way his hand strokes your body make you more sleepy than you were before. After cleaning each one of your toes who got yourself giggling, Steve pulls you up and lowers you on the ground while Bucky hold wide open a big towel.

They help you get your pyjama on you and after cleaning you teeth, your Papa goes to grab Bucksie so he's in bed, all ready for you. Bucky lifts you up and walks you to their warm and big comfy bed. He goes under the cover after you and cover your tired body with the sheets"here you go, little one" he says kissing your forehead. You hear the door closing and feel your Papa going in bed behind you.

He rests Bucksie in your arms and kisses your cheek. You mumble a quietly thank you and snuggle your daddies. Your Daddy slides his fingers in your hair and your Papa's on your back "we're here if you need us, beautiful. Always. You can count on us if you need it, you don't need to be ashamed of how you're feeling or if you need help with something, anything." Your Daddy says resting his forehead against yours

"we love you and we're here for you, sweetie. Always and forever"

[running-in-the-dark]

I'm realising things about myself/my brain again lol (this time it's nothing super sad at least)

so I unfortunately have this problem where I get very obsessed with things and then have to buy everything related to that thing. like - right now it's fountain pens and ink, or records when it's music, or merchandise and stuff like that.

and I think it's because I want to spend all my time with just this one thing/topic/person/hobby, but the buying too many things aspect isn't always there. so I was wondering why that is, because I do like the things that I buy, but it doesn't feel like it's enough, like sometimes I feel so excited to get the things I ordered but then they get here and it's like.. hmm. this did nothing for me 🤷 and I often get very confused about that because I wanted this so much, why doesn't it make me happy??

and I think what causes that is when something is stopping me from doing what I really want to do. like right now I want to sit at my dining table and have lots of room to put all my inks and stuff on there to really use them. but I can't, because 1. my entire body hurts so I can't sit in a chair, 2. I have no energy again so I can't really focus, and 3. the table is completely covered in stuff so I couldn't sit there anyway.

so I can't do the thing that I actually want to do, and instead I do something else that I can do: buying stuff. that I then can't use because of the issue that caused me to buy stuff, and that makes me more frustrated and that just makes all of it worse.

chaos around me is a huge part of this. when everything is cluttered and messy, I can't think about anything else. but I usually don't have the energy to clean, so I try to do stuff anyway without putting things away when I'm done, and it just keeps getting messier and that makes me even less able to tidy up.

and I think I do sort of know when that is happening but I usually don't actively realise it? I think that's why I 'randomly' decided I need to rearrange the furniture in our entire apartment. I do that pretty often, basically whenever there's something that makes me unable to focus or do stuff - like the table being in the wrong spot for me to comfortably use it, or things being left on surfaces they're not supposed to be on.

so then I rearrange stuff or get another shelf or make whatever changes that need to be made to fix the problems that I had with the old layout, and that makes it better, because those problems are now fixed. but then new problems show up over time and it starts all over again. every time I do this it feels like 'this is it, this is perfect right, this is definitely going to fix all my organisational problems'. but of course it never lasts.

this also happens in slightly different ways. like when I got really into buying records, my brain came up with all these very strict rules for how I had to handle, store, clean, organise and listen to them. it has to be perfect. I have to do it the right way - that I have no say in basically - or I can't do it at all. so I started organising my records, and I wasn't allowed to listen to them until they had been cleaned and labeled and sorted and put into my spreadsheet. but that took a long time because of lots of different things, so in the meantime I kept buying more because I couldn't listen to the ones I already had. which meant I then had more records to organise, and it just. kept. getting. worse. I never finished cleaning them. I only listened to a few of them. and whenever I look at them I feel very ashamed because that means I failed.

the fountain pens and ink situation right now is similar - I get back into this hobby, I want to do something but either don't know/can't figure out exactly what it is, or other circumstances keep me from doing it. so I buy. and when I buy I have to organise (it's not optional, I really HAVE to do it). which leads to more chaos while I get out all the (many) things I need to do that - because it needs to be perfect. no, it needs to be right. I don't even see it as perfection, it's just the only option. I can't do it any other way except the way my brain tells me it needs to done.

I have no idea what the point of this post is, and I think this is probably pretty obvious to other people? but I have to realise this over and over again every few months and somehow this knowledge never stays in my brain 🤷 so. I guess maybe writing it here might help me remember. though to be honest I know it won't, it's like my brain is completely resistant to keeping information long term. 🤷