#I am the worlds most normal person about light fucking yagami

[controversial-blorbo-bracket]

Controversial Character Tournament Round 2: Light Yagami from Death Note vs Edelgard von Hresvelg from Fire Emblem: Three Houses

(remember that these characters are fictional and your fellow tumblr users are real. please be normal in the notes, i will not hesitate to block if you harass people)

Propaganda under the cut, may contain spoilers:

Light Yagami:

LOVE: - "He does some messed up things but have you considered: fucked up protagonists rock :)" HATE: - "this man makes me sick. ive genuinely had manic episodes over hating him. i have trauma from his existence in general. not even because of the murder. because hes a sexist cheater :(" - "My cousin and I frequently debate this. I think despite his 'intentions' he's ultimately a despicable character who cares for nobody but himself. She disagrees and says that he is just trying to do the right thing and making a difference in the world (she still thinks his actions are wrong, but she doesn't think he himself is despicable)" BOTH: - "I mean cmon man"

Edelgard Von Hresvelg:

LOVE: "People either claim she's the hero or the irredeemable villain with no in between. She's also my lovely wife who has never done anything wrong in her life." "I never even finished her route and remember nothing of what happens in that game but I DO remember the absolute warzone the fandom turned into because of her. She staged a coup and overthrew the head of the government/church and I think that's pretty cool of her. "But she committed war crimes!" God forbid women do anything." "I lied in the previous question. I don't hate her or love her in fact I have never even played this game. But I keep finding people making up Discourse™ featuring wild accusations of bigotry towards both Edelgard fans and Edelgard haters so I feel that she belongs here. (Also my friend hates her. but HER friend loves Edelgard. So even in my small social circle there is a clear polarization.)" "ok I don't have any solid propaganda because my opinion of her is more positive-neutral, but. she fits the spirit of this poll. trust me." "[three houses spoilers] Yes she started a war but it was the only apparent way to break the chokehold the church had over everyone in Fodlan. Also she’s the only lord you can gay marry so I’m hopelessly biased" "every time i go into the tag its either "edelgard is perfect no notes!!" or "edelgard is literally a fascist!!!". ive never seen someone with a neutral opinion of her. i yearn for battle." "I know very little about her to be quite honest! But good god. As a fire emblem fan for the GBA and engage. I have NEVER seen such a decisive character like Edelgard. Jesus Christ. I still find stuff in those tags. What the hell!!!" "I don’t even go to Fire Emblem but even I know that Edelgard has never done anything wrong, ever, in her entire life, and that if she did any war crimes they were a SUPER effective use of girl power. source: I am a lesbian. (realtalk I genuinely love a noble-minded extremist revolutionary and think Edelgard is a great character, so it’s kind of a shame that opinion on her seems to simply split down the line of “whether the person wants to kiss Edelgard or Dimitri more.”)"

HATE: "So on the one hand, she's fully willing to kill and burn and murder her way to a "better future" at the expense of the present, but on the other hand she's pretty cool and #girlboss. She's also a canon gay romance option, but idk if that makes her more or less problematic." "I just. I understand why people like her. I really do. And I don't have anything new to say for why I dislike her. Edelgard fans and stans have heard everything. She has great points and motivation, but her methods are wrong. She hitches her ideals to the first good opportunity and never reconsiders her allegiance when things go off the rails. She hates the church for "lying to people" and proceeds to lie to her own populace herself in her own route. She gives Claude an opportunity to live because she knows he believes in her goals. But Dimitri and his Kingdom are too beholden to the church to ever be offered such mercy. She herself acknowledges that the change she wants to see is more quickly enacted through war than subtle and slow societal change. She recognizes the human toll of her actions, but she justifies it through flowery language and an insistence that the change needs to happen now or it never will. I honestly find her so interesting, and I agree with a lot of her thoughts about the need for societal change in the world of FE:3H. But people latched onto her and propped her up as someone who can do no wrong. And that just never sat right with me. I just think she’s a hypocrite who got put in front of a shiny means to her end and was immediately blind to every other opportunity around her." BOTH: - "I dont even play fire emblem but I cant escape people not shutting up about how much they love or hate her" - "You said there were no hate answers for her...and I don't really hate her so it wouldn't be right but I wanted to balance things out some. She's the perfect storm of a character who sounds right and progressive and has a route all to herself that doesn't contradict that...but once you play other routes, it becomes clear she's kind of. full of misinformation. And attacking people who don't deserve it. Also a LOT of the divisiveness I'm willing to blame on the writers rather than her, for having her both be Evil Tyrant we NEED to take down and Sad Uwu Baby who just wants to eat cake and laze around and loves You the Player SO MUCH."

[watari-apologist]

MISSION BATHROOM: End Notes

(translations under the cut, run through google translate and edited for coherence to the best of my non-japanese speaking ability)

RIGHT PAGE:

Hello everyone, it's nice to meet you! My name is Uchoten. I loved L so much that I couldn't accept his death, so I stayed away from Death Note for a while, but the ending of the movie finally filled me with a sense of relief. I think the most appropriate ending for L and Light is mutual destruction. However, I also love the Wammy's Kids, so I wish Near, Mello and Matt had appeared in some way... I wonder if we can look forward to a spin-off in this vein. I can't wait. This time I drew an erotic manga about Watari, but any form of fanwork is fun as long as L is included. Whether topping, bottoming, or switching. Whether straight or gay, virgin or slut. But no matter who he falls in love with, in the end it always comes back to Watari. It's a delusion. It's an obsession. Normally in my work, I draw various kinds of penises, such as large and uncircumcised ones, but this was my first time drawing an old gentleman's big penis and erection. I learned a lot. In this doujinshi, he's wearing a condom, but I wonder if there are situations where he fucks raw. I wonder if he might even cum inside. For an anniversary...? Depending on the mood that day...? The possibilities are endless. Next time, I would like to create a new issue for Comic City Osaka and Death Note's exclusive event. A Light versus L shower endurance comedy manga. An erotic story about Chief Yagami and L's interactions based on the ending of the movie version. If you didn't enjoy this book, please pick up the next one. Although I am a rude person who can only express love in terms of eroticism, I work hard. And finally, once again, with Wammy's. Watari's book. In both the original work and the movie, L couldn't do anything by himself, so I'm glad that Watari was waiting for him in front of the gates of heaven. In the world of Death Note, it's said that when you die, you go to nothingness, but Watari seems to have a love that goes beyond that. Well, let's meet again when the new year is over.

LEFT PAGE:

You are my black jewel MISSION BATHROOM Publication date: 31 December 2006 Publisher: Luciferhood Creator: Uchoten Printing shop: Suzuto Shadow Printing Contact: traffics@u-cho.net Thank you for subscribing. This is an adult rated magazine. Viewing and possession by minors is prohibited. I love you so much that you can rest in peace

(please note that the email address listed is no longer in use. trust me, i tried emailing the creator back when i was still looking for a physical copy of the doujin and it bounced lol)

[sugarylawliet]

In Death Note, you know the part where the L placed spy cams everywhere within Yagami’s house?

What if Light and his girlfriend start doing the deeds to look like normal hormones teens?

YES OMG i’ve actually thought of this before so i’m so glad someone requested it LMFAO

> warnings: swearing, smut, degradation, sir kink, kind of exhibition??

  Light tossed his backpack onto his bed, loosening his red tie before collapsing onto the bed himself, letting his exhaustion express itself in the most natural way he thought possible. It’s hard to act natural when you’re being watched; you almost forget every aspect of your daily routine, putting excessive thought into typically mindless tasks like walking around your house or laying on your bed to the point of obviousness. 

“Light, wanna play video games?” Ryuk asked, standing before the boy.

Light fell back onto his bed, placing his hands behind his shoulders with a deep sigh. Closing his eyes, he prepared for the performance he’d have to put on. How could he ignore Ryuk without giving off reactions to the shinigami’s words, tilts of the head or instinctive hums of agreement that could incriminate himself in a matter of seconds.

“You listening? Hello?” 

Light only ignored him, grabbing a long beige coat from the closet before heading outside, Ryuk following close behind.

“Hey, Light, what’s with the brushing off? I’m starting to get annoyed.”

He popped his collar and rolled up his sleeves, checking meticulously for any bits of wire or chips of plastic that could be audio bugging him. 

“Light! Hey!” Ryuk wined.

“There might be secret hidden cameras around the house,” The brunette broke the silence, his voice in a slightly raspy lowered tone, almost a whisper, “Or microphones, probably both.” He explained, going on to detail his clever methods of finding out if someone had been in his room- or if someone had opened his door, at least.

“Let’s go on a camera hunt! You got a plan after that?” Ryuk asks.

“Simple, make it seem like I have no idea the cameras are even there, and that I’m just a normal teenager. I’ll probably need some excuse for why I have that paper and lead in my door, they’ll want to know why I don’t want anyone in my room, what I’m hiding, and if the footage reveals I’m hiding absolutely nothing, that’ll look even more suspicious. Every teenager has secrets.”

“So what’ll you do?”

“You’ll see.”

                               _______________________________

“This feels objectifying, Yagami.” 

You walk down the street leading to your boyfriend’s house, accompanied by the man himself as he explains his, quite frankly, pervy plan.

“Objectifying? We have sex all the time, Y/N.”

“Yeah, but nobody plans out when they’re gonna fuck. It’s just weird.”

“Hey,” Light stops walking, facing towards you as he gently lifts your chin with his thumb and index finger. The feeling made you melt, and he knew that very well. The way Light held your face and looked at you like you were the only thing on earth felt exhilarating, he could tell you anything in that position and you’d believe it. And that’s just what he does, constantly. “This is not an option, this isn’t personal business. This is about Kira. This is going to throw suspicion off me, okay? Do it. For me.”

You sighed deeply. He had you the moment he held your chin like that. “And there won’t be any explicit footage of us? There won’t be a camera like, right there?”

“I don’t know where all the cameras are, but there aren’t many like that in my room at all, we’ll be safe.” He lied, a practice that came so easily to him he no longer viewed it as morally wrong. It was just something he did, like going to school and eating dinner or doing homework, he also lied.

“Okay.” You agreed with a smile, prompting him to release his grasp on you and continue the walk home.

“I didn’t realize he went through such great lengths...might there be something in his room that he doesn’t want anyone to see?” Soichiro Yagami remarked, watching Light fiddle with the thin strip of paper in the doorway and the piece of lead in the hinges as you stood patiently behind him.

“Well, considering he’s 17, it isn’t all that unusual. I’ve done it myself, for no reason at all.” L responds, “I am a bit curious, though, as to what he’s hiding so admently.”

You enter Light’s bedroom with him, shutting the door behind you as you watch him toss his bag down besides his bed. 

“Y/N, are you scared of me?” He turns to face you.

“Hm? Why would I be.”

“L, the best detective in the world, thinks I’m Kira when I’m not.”

Oh, Light.

“He makes me out to be some kind of monster,” He continues, “I’m worried you’ll start to believe him.”

“I’m not scared.”

“Maybe you should be.”

“Huh?”

Before you could register his comment, Light lunges for you, tossing you onto his bed before tickling your stomach and sides.

‘L-Light! St-stop! Please!” You cried between giggles.

“Make me.”

Understanding, you connect your lips to his, causing his hands to rub up and down where he previously tickled you. You moaned into the kiss as Light pushed harder into it, his desperation showing. You wished he would take his time, but you knew the real reason you were here. His hands slid down to your lower half, pushing his hand inside your pants and rubbing your clit through your panties. You gasped, hand reaching up to grab his wrist reflexively. He let out a chuckle. 

Impatiently, he stood up straight, unbuttoning your pants before slipping them completely off along with your panties, leaving you in only your t-shirt on his bed.

“I figured,” L sighed, “You can close your eyes if you’d like, Yagami-san, but I’m afraid I need you here for legal purposes.”

Light crouched down onto the floor, lifting your legs to lay bent on his shoulders. Teasingly, he licked a line down your slit, earning a gasp from you. He straightened himself out again, moving towards your face. “L is watching,” He whispered, his hot breath on your ear, “Put on a show.” He smirked.

Watching? Had Light lied?

Light lowered himself back down to push his tongue inside you. His tongue wriggled around, exploring your walls with lust.

“Oh, Light” You moaned, slapping your hand over your mouth to muffle the sound. You knew L, you knew the whole task force for that matter. Your face flushed with embarrassment imagining any of them reviewing this footage and hearing your moans. Hell, Light’s dad worked with L, he could be watching for all you knew.

You jolted at the sudden sting of Light smacking your thigh with an open palm. “Don’t hold back, angel, and don’t cover your mouth. I want to hear all your pretty moans.” He said, removing himself from your core before pressing his lips almost to your ear again, lowering his voice to a whisper, “I want L to see how good I make you feel. Got it?”

You faintly nodded before he returned to your heat, dipping his tongue inside once again while his thumb felt your clit, rubbing it in circles. You knot your fingers through his brown hair, bringing his face closer to your pussy with a moan. He sped up his actions, practically abusing your clit while his tongue hit your g-spot, curling sightly upwords inside of you.

“Fuck, Light, I can’t, I’m gonna...”

With that, Light pulled away, leaving you edged and wanting more. You pouted, sticking your lip out with a whine. Light, having none of it, roughly raked his hand through your hair, forcing you up close to his face by your scalp. “You listen to me.” He growled, the heat of his breath warming your face, “No whining, and no disobeying. Got that?” He yanked your hair with the last syllable for emphasis. You let out a weak “Mhm.” 

He shoved you to the bed chest-first by your hair, never letting his fingers leave your locks. 

“Ass up.” He commanded, you obliged slowly, legs feeling a bit sore from him eating you out.

Hastily he unbuckled his belt before folding it in half, smacking your ass with it leaving a slight red mark. “When I tell you to do something, you do it quickly.”

“Yes Light.”

You yelped as he smacked you again with the belt in the same place, the stinging leaving your ass feel like it was burning. 

“Yes who?” He asked.

“Yes sir.”

“Atta girl.” He pushed his khakis fully down before aligning himself with your entrance, rubbing his head up and down your slit teasingly.

“Sir please...” You begged.

“Please what? Say it.”

“Please, please fuck me sir. I want your cock, please.” 

“Well, only since you asked so nicely.” Light slid himself into you with a groan. Slowly, he rocked himself into you. 

“F-faster, please sir. Faster.” You moaned, gripping onto the sheets.

Light obliged right away, almost as if he was waiting for you to ask for it. He quicked his speed, pounding into you mercilessly. He licked his lips, relishing in the loud slew of moans and curses spilling from your mouth as he fucked you.

“Look at you, you fucking slut. Begging for me to go faster. You’re so goddamn desperate for my cock, you dirty whore.”

You couldn’t help but moan at his words, though degrading, the fact that Light liked you at all made you feel worth something. Light Yagami, Kira, the god of the new world, liked you. Though you’d never admit it to the stubborn boy, he could say almost anything to you, about you, and you’d still love him.

“Fuck, Y/N, you’re so tight.” He knotted his fingers back into your hair for stability as he thrusted into you even faster, burying himself deep into you.

“Oh my god, fuck, Light- sir, it’s so good.” You cried, feeling your orgasm creeping up once again. “I’m gonna...”

“Do it, come for me angel.” He encouraged, bringing his free hand up to play with your clit. The stimulation sent you over the edge. “Oh fuck, oh my god, fuck you feel so good.” You came loudly, only a little before Light did as well.

L watched Light collapsed beside you on the bed, only the sound of your breathless pants escaping the monitor. “Uh, they’re done, Yagami-san. You can...open your eyes again. Honestly, this security footage may be useless now, at the very least we cannot bring it to court, considering your son and his girlfriend are both 17. Perhaps this was his plan along.”

“You’re saying this makes you more sure he’s Kira?!” Soichiro raised his voice.

“Well, it definitely raises my suspicions.”

Light finally stood up, tucking himself back into his jeans. Before you could pull your bottoms back up, he picked up your panties from the floor, playfully spinning them around his index finger. “You won’t be missing these, will you?” He asks sarcastically, tossing them into the drawer in his bedside table. 

“Ah, so that’s what he’s hiding. A valid excuse to not want family in your room but... unexpected, to say the least.” L remarked, still somehow watching the cameras.

[keepyourpantsongohan]

Ayesha Liveblogs Death Note

I’m watching this show specifically because of that text post that said, “Watch how quickly this one guy decides to be the worst person ever” and he has killed two people in the first ten minutes

Though 2 be fair he’s killing people to save people so it’s a trolley problem kind of thing for now

“In fact I’ve been waiting for you... Ryuk” ok weird flex Light but u do u

“You’re the first one to use to this extent in five days” WAIT DID HE MURDER ALL THOSE PEOPLE IN FIVE DAYS I THOUGHT HE WAS JUST LOOKING AT A LIST OH MY GOD??

“So there isn’t a price to using Death Note?” said Light, as if killing people is just a normal thing that we all do

Fhkjfhfkjb Ryuk really went ‘u used the book so we’re friends now’ 

I was wondering why the book was in English, and I guess that makes sense British and American imperialism really Did That

“I can write down the names of criminals, and slowly reduce the number of evil people” uhhhh doesn’t u being a Book Murderer also make you a criminal Light

“Human lives shouldn’t be taken so lightly” bah dum tss

Also I guess that revelation lasted about thirty seconds for you huh

Update from 15 seconds later: Even less than that

“I would create a world of earnest, kind humans” really because I don’t think places that allow the death penalty are generally nicer societies 

It’s interesting that they use English in the classes and the notebook but the conversation at Interpol takes place in Japanese (despite the implied internationality and Ryuk’s aforementioned claim about English being most common) 

Huh I won’t lie I do think it’s confusing that the main characters are L and Light, which also starts with L

“I am justice” I mean if anything this show just proves that no one should be allowed to use the death penalty on apprehended suspects in criminal justice cases ever 

OH SHIT PLOT TWIST HIS DAD’S A COP (IT WAS IN THE TEXT POST I THINK BUT I FORGOT)

Wow this show is full of mind games already I guess I can see why like, crime show fans would dig it

“But I’m going to say this as your roommate” OH MY GOD THEY WERE ROOMMATES KJHRGKJHKJHG

Interesting that someone is following Light specifically already

I mean not to poke too many holes in your plan Light but wouldn’t it clash with your plan to become God if you die at like 35 or smth 

“You’re already much more of a shinigami than they are” Ryuk said my friends are BORING I want to hang out with this MURDER TEEN

“I may not look it, but I’m pretty popular” Light is exactly the kind of guy who ends up in a true crime special where a bunch of people say he seemed like a nice, charismatic young man

Man this poor girl that Light brought on this date is going to be straight traumatized after this

I mean isn’t it MORE suspicious if someone dies around someone with direct ties to the police even if it’s not a heart attack

“You were indeed a brilliant FBI agent once, but now you’re my fiancée” kjhfkjhg WHAT FBI AGENTS CAN’T BE MARRIED 

“Once we have a family, you’ll be so busy that you’ll forget that you were an agent” I’m not a fan of Raye Penber 

What’s the point in killing Raye at all???? He told you he was part of a special investigation so clearly he’s not that suspicious of you

Light sure is bold to announce his Killing People Experiments in the middle of a busy sidewalk 

Incredible that consistently no one notices Light’s increasingly threatening declarations????

Fjkfkfhk these five cops finding out their Hail Mary is this strange little goblin man,,,, wow

This woman has really pushed Light to the brink just by giving a fake name, I admire her tenacity

Cops wearing fake IDs really did not age well oh boy

SERIOUSLY HOW DOES NO ONE EVER HEAR LIGHT SAYING SUSPICIOUS THINGS IN PUBLIC THOROUGHFARES HE LITERALLY JUST SAID “I AM KIRA” AS A DETECTIVE WALKED BY, WHILE HE WAS TALKING TO SOMEONE HE KILLED IMMEDIATELY AFTER

Wow it really took only eight episodes for L to track Light as close as one of two families

“You have a wife and daughter, right?” “I know!” I mean..... not 2 be that guy but... cops

 “To me, apples are like... Well, like cigarettes and liquor to humans” Vcvhcjhj every once in a while Ryuk says something that really tickles me

I know the word sociopath is kind of outdated but man does Light have actual interests outside of school or does he just do stuff to fill the void of his lack of interests (outside of murder)

JKHGKJHGKJHKJHG I cannot believe that this has turned into a fake classmate situation first of all 1) are you going to become friends and 2) How old are you Ryuzaki/L?

“Where is that rich kid from? And he’s even at the top of his class? What a jerk” honestly a mood

I DESPERATELY want Light’s mother or sister to overhear his evil cackling will someone finally eavesdrop on this god complex

“If I sit normally, my reasoning skills drop by 40%” weird flex but same 

Sidenote: I can’t believe how many episodes of this show I already have watched

Ngl I was VERY shook that Mr. Yagami had a heart attack. Also does Light care if his family lives or dies or is he kind of neutral on the subject? 

“If Kira is an ordinary person who gained this power, then he is a very unlucky person” Dad and L said ‘if u ARE Kira could you please stop murdering thank you <3′ 

Light really underestimated how much cops hate anyone who has killed a cop oops

OH SO IT’S NOT LIGHT I WAS WONDERING WHY HE HAD NOT MADE AN APPEARANCE THIS WHOLE EPISODE U MEAN THERE ARE TWO GUYS WITH THIS EXACT SAME IDEOLOGY AND PLAN? INCREDIBLE

Update from ten seconds later: Two people, I guess

Well this explains the girl in the short dress which serves as the Netflix thumbnail of this show I was wondering when she would show up 

Also she sounds like she’s very young? Clearly Shinigami don’t have a minimum age of informed consent when it comes to their Murder Eyes Contract 

Hahah I bet Light didn’t imagine that his petty and fucked up apple joke would bite him so quickly in the ass

Dhkjdhdkjhd Misa is so bold dropping her Death God deets in a video for anyone to see 

“The way to kill a Shinigami, is to make them fall in love with a human” does this mean that Ryuk is going to fall in love with Light or Misa? Both would make me uncomfortable

Oh wild guess Misa became a Death Note Wielder through the Power of Unreciprocated Voyeuristic Love

“Yeah, I have a girlfriend now,” said Light, after a girl contacted him through a series of anonymous video tapes implicitly vowing to be his disciple 

“No one could tell who he’s attached to if I’m with this many people” [20 seconds pass] “Found him!” HAHAHA the funniest part of this show is consistently watch Light going “got ‘em” before it immediately is revealed that he doesn’t got ‘em 

Why is Light so incredibly searchable??? I think the only way people people could find my height online is if I happened to answer it for one of those Facebook note memes in 2007 lmaoooo

“There are many places that will go and sell your personal records” ah, data breaches; a problem that has not gotten any better in the last 15 years since this anime came out

HKJHFHKJFHF Light immediately jumping into fake-dating his weird disciple in front of his mom... what is this show

“Please make me your girlfriend” OH MY GOOOOOD

This is one of the weirdest romantic dynamics I’ve seen in recent memory but you know what? Whatever, at least it’s not Anxiety and Murder

“Does that mean I’ll have to deal with her until she dies?” Light is truly exuding some Ladybird Book of Dating Energy rn: 

The fact that to kill L all Light had to do was get an obsessive girlfriend... astounding

Beautiful that it took Misa less than a week of knowing Light to ruin his whole 15 episode game plan and also life

“I think I may be Kira” Well this show keeps taking one escalation after another this is exhausting why can’t Light just be a normal person who found it, tried it out of interest in the occult, discovered he’d committed a horrible atrocity and then went to therapy for the rest of his life only to confess to Magical Murder on his deathbed while his family goes, ‘Wow, Grandpa’s crazy’

Does L not think that keeping three different people imprisoned for days on end will lead to some psychological repercussions for him

FOR WEEKS ON END????? OH MY GOD???? The fuck L, I know two of these people are murderers but there are some minimum conditions of correctional facilities and this seems a little Stanford PE

THE DRAMA OF THIS EPISODE I KNEW IT WAS GONNA BE A BLANK BUT HOW FUCKED UP TO PUT EVERYONE THROUGH THIS L I THINK YOU NEED THERAPY!!!!!!! I MEAN LIGHT AND MISA ARE MURDERERS BUT FORCING A MAN TO HOLD HIS SON AT GUNPOINT AFTER IMPRISONING THEM FOR OVER A MONTH IS REALLY A REFLECTION OF A COMPLETE LACK OF EMPATHY (especially when you think that this version of Misa and Light don’t know anything!!! Oh my god!! The fuck)

“I will make arrangements so you and I are together 24 hours a day” call me crazy but I would not want to spend 24/7 with the man who imprisoned me for over a month while playing cruel psychological games all the while

“I’m one of those people who’ll accept Kira, I’d think of ways I could help him” Misa said Bimbo Rights

“I could never toy with a woman’s emotions like that” Light’s dating life and personality has gotten a LOT funnier since he forgot he was a murderer I kind of wish THIS could be the whole show 

Also: Nice to know Light USED to have standards of how to treat women

Honestly fair play to both L and Light they both deserved to be punched and it’s funny to see eighteen episodes of mind games culminate in punching and kicking each other in the face

“Matsuda’s being an idiot again” “Well, Matsuda is a natural at that” wghkjhgkj what has Matsuda done to any of you

"He’s punishing criminals as a front, and killing people for the benefit of this company” is Light unknowingly going to solve the murder chain he himself started... inspiring

“I was testing you” this is why Light is your only friend, L, Aizawa has kids and it’s a dick move to ask him to put his convictions before them

Poor Matsuda realizing he’s got the least to offer to their team... me in high school science labs 

I understand Aizawa’s moral crisis but why do NONE of these cops care about their wives or daughters they’re just kind of like, ‘I will provide for you but I have no interest in or fulfillment from being part of your life’ (ACAB)

Matsuda is truly about to die for being dumb and eager to help 😔 Rest in Pieces

“We must not allow Yotsuba to figure out that we are investigating them,” said L, just after it cut from Matsuda being obvious about investigating them. Oh Matsuda 😔 you’re so bad at your job 😔

MATSUDAAAAAAAA oh thank goodness; Bimbo Rights save the day

“I can’t go along with your idea, it’s wrong!” said Light, despite the fact it took him 15 seconds to get over murder the first couple of times he did it 

Staaaaaaaaay Good Light, I don’t want ur Deathnotesona I want this young man with moral convictions!!

The level of hubris it takes to answer a phone call during your secret Murder Meeting while people continue to talk about their Murder Plans is just out of this world

“If I die, you could probably become the successor to the ‘L‘ name,” said L, to the person he has been trying to catch for twenty episodes 

“I won’t say anything under any kind of torture” “Yes that’s true” Which he knows because he tortured her for six weeks!! You see that that’s fucked up, L, right? RIGHT??? RIIIIIIIIGHT? (LIIIIIIIGHT???)

Seriously not to beat a dead Shinigami but Light is so much better like this. He doesn’t want to throw people’s lives away for the investigation! He wants to protect Misa! He thinks Kira is wrong! Why does he have to be a murderer!!! Why can’t this show be about a nice young man!!!!

“Hey Ryuzaki, that’s messed up!” THANK YOU LIGHT AGAIN I KNOW YOU BOTH HAVE KILLED PEOPLE BUT YOU DON’T KNOW THAT RIGHT NOW SO FOR ALL MISA KNOWS HE’S JUST A GUY WHO TORTURES HER AND TELLS HER CRUSH WILL DIE IF SHE DOESN’T HELP

Wow Rem is so ride or die for Misa protecting Misa from creepy Higuchi, giving her info and telling her to trust Light, that’s love bitch

Props to Misa for getting a confession out of Higuchi after one (1) car ride 

Why do I feel like L is going to be responsible for reawakening Bad Light is it because he psychologically tortured him for six weeks? Had his dad hold him at gunpoint? Forced Misa to investigate on his behalf? Constantly and unerringly presses him on what Kira would be thinking as he’s handcuffed to him 24 hours a day? Maybe!! This is like Build-a-Bear but he’s customizing his Teen Murder Friend 

“Only Mr. Matsuda can do [the mission to lure out Higuchi!Kira]” Death Note really said the Himbos, Herbos and Thembos shall inherit the Earth 

They keep saying they don’t know how he kills but it seems pretty obvious that he writes down their names to kill, they literally saw him do it

I really don’t want any of the investigation team to die but things are not looking hot :(

“Ryuzaki, I never knew you could fly a helicopter” “It’s just intuition” what does that MEAN

“Those aren’t allowed in Japan,” said Light, about a gun, as if he had not killed probably thousands of people without one 

In spite of this fact I really do want Good Light to stay 😔 Why! Can’t! This! Show! Be! About! A! Nice! Young! Man!

Also they really are playing into this father-and-son duo I will be very sad when the dad inevitably dies as I’m sure he will 

Family side note: I’ve been wondering this since the prison ep but where do Light’s mom and sister think he IS now that he’s dropped out of first year uni to be a teen criminal investigator handcuffed to a maladjusted homebody private eye

AIZAWAAA and also the other two guys I guess there was a plot relevant reason for him to rejoin the police huh

Well what a clean ending to this Kira arc. No one died and the killer was caught! Yikes that the next ep is called ‘Revival’ tho 😔 Rest in pieces Good Light

Also a new and very threatening intro???? What happened to the Twilight Apple Hands 

BOOOO I knew Light would get his memory back but I was hoping it would at least fuck him up for a while he sorted out his two personas but I guess all roads eventually lead to Bad Light 

Full disclosure I stopped watching for a few days just after Light got his memory back and let me tell u coming back later hasn’t made it any more tolerable I am truly not built for this EUGH

“Do you really want to halve your life a second time” “Well, that can’t be helped” REALLY???? CAN’T IT BE HELPED MISA??? WHY ARE YOU AND LIGHT SO CRAZY

Oh I guess we’re back to Light saying incredibly suspicious things right near the investigators lmao what if those cameras secretly had audio or you know, L simply knew how to read lips 

“Misa, let’s make a new world together” Remember a bunch of episodes ago when Good Light was all ‘I could never toy with a woman’s emotions’?? What was the reason!!!

“Have you ever told the truth at any point in your entire life” L cutting straight to the core lmao (also the answer is obviously ‘no’)

This show has taken a jarring tonal shift why are they having a post-rain-confrontation massage and towelling each other off this is a level of intimacy I was not prepared for I NEED PEOPLE TOOK LOOK AT THIS:

OKAY OKAY OKAY I KNOW THAT IT WAS PROBABLY NOT THEIR INTENTION BUT THE ONLY WAY I CAN READ THIS SCENE IS AS “Don’t kill me Light~ 🥰 I’ll fuck you~ 🥰” 

I guess L knew he was forcing Rem’s hand to kill him if he disproved the rules written in the book?? But to what end omg how does this help anyone 

“In April 2012, Light Yagami, age 23, joins the National Police Agency” should’ve known we’d land here eventually (ACAB)

Ah, I see another person who doesn’t know how to sit, clearly they will inherit the L title next lmao

Update from the first few mins of the next ep: “Near should succeed L” told you

“There’s no way I’m letting Sayu marry a detective” ahjfkhkjf he’s a little old for her I think but it wouldn’t be the worst thing this show has done romantically lmao; maybe Sayu would get to investigate her brother

“I might’ve considered going out with you, if you were a little younger” HA GOOD FOR HER

“[...] the Japanese police are unreliable. In order to solve this case, we want you to hand over the notebook to our country.” Of all the Japanese-speaking Americans in this show, this is the most accurate jkhfkhf the US government really is Like That 

Ah, so that’s where Mello’s gone, oh how the turn tables 

Also way to sell your subordinates out immediately, NPA Director, will you give them the Kira task force’s home addresses too

The real question is if Light actually cares about his sister enough to prioritize her over the notebook

“Call me... N” Oh my good L... M(ello)... N(ear)... Oooooooooooooooo

It’s my saving grace that I only need to get through 9 more eps but as always I must wonder where this is going will Light just die and end up in Shinigami purgatory while the people who knew him after the fact go, ‘hey, that guy was fucked up’

“If things get bad, I’ll have to kill Sayu” well I guess that answers that question, my expectations of Light are so low and yet he continues to find new ways to be awful

Good for Mr. Yagami and Sayu for getting out of that alive I guess but hoo boy I think this is going to have some psychological repercussions for both of them 

Uh oh this episode is called ‘Father’ I’ve been dreading this one bc I think that means Mr. Yagami is about to die 😭😭😭

“It was an institution for brilliant children, to raise them to become L‘s successor” okay calm down Professor Xatari that’s not what children are for lmao 

Well I guess it’s a lot easier to track down info about these two guys than it was to figure out L lmao

HAHAHA Sidoh haunting Ryuk to ask for his stuff is a fun addition to this madness  

“He’s scary for a human” jkhhfjh how unhinged does Mello have to be to threaten a literal Shinigami 

I truly don’t understand the logistics of how they revealed Ryuk to the police force isn’t the second Kira notebook supposed to belong to Actual Kira, in the police force’s eyes????? I do not understand how Light can just turn up with another notebook and everyone’s like ‘sure cool’ did I miss something 

Mr. Yagami killed for being unable to take human life ugh this is the worst 

“You’re not Kira. I’m really glad.” WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THIS IS SO SAD MR. YAGAMI NOOOOOOOOOO THAT’S WHY HE RENOUNCED OWNERSHIP OF THE NOTEBOOK 

Neither Mello nor Near seem overly concerned with the lives of people around them does being a Super Genius Investigator also mean you have to be a dick (is this Benadryl Coddleswab Sherlock syndrome)

Lmaooo genuinely love how it’s constantly apparent that Light is the least smart of all of the smart people Light spent five years working on his reputation and it took Near one (1) phone call to destroy it 

Ghjkhgkhgkgjh Light outsmarted by Near yet again never think people will prioritize principles over money

Lol yeah Aizawa needn’t have given a name after he said the “Deputy Director Yagami would kill Kira and then himself” thing, you don’t do that just for anyone who was he fooling 

How does Light keep track of all the renunciations and notebooks bc I certainly can’t 

Ffhkfjhfj Mikami truly looks like the son of L and Light it’s like Light missed him and was like, “Miss u boo :( (even tho I kinda killed u) I’ll adopt An Evil 27-year-old in ur honour :)”

Is Mikami’s story really, ‘I got bullied in high school and have mommy issues so now I think people I don’t like should die’ ok Shonen Snape 

“I just want you to meet with me and hear me out” Light really proving to Aizawa that he can lie AND manipulate people’s feelings 

“The truth is, she’s not smart enough to be my partner” first of all Light I think this show has proven you’re not that smart, and Misa’s Herbo Energy is effervescent and will outlast you, and third of all go to jail

“He’ll look suspicious if he doesn’t say something soon” “Ide, have you ever been in love” Matsuda continues to be the only good part of this show

“You’re the only man I’ve ever respected and admired in my life” GET SOME THERAPY KIYOMI

“You’re going to be the goddess of the new world” so it’s not enough for Light to be a murderer he must also be a cheater

Lmao Near’s powers of perception do seem a little B/BC S/herlock because L tried for literally months to work out the possibilities and Near is just like ‘I KNOW IT NOW’

“The only thing I can deduce from this is that Light Yagami is popular with the ladies” HEAVEN KNOWS WHY (PUN NOT INTENDED)

Every moment Aizawa gets closer to proving Light is Kira is another step closer to death 😔

“This is definitely Mikami’s handwriting” Not to be a know-it-all, Near, but handwriting analysis has been proven faulty many times in multiple courts of law

This truly is a game of Cat and Cat. All these hidden plans give me a headache fkjhkfjh call me Misa-Misa and spin me sideways I don’t have the braincells to spare

Well this is definitely some kind of s*xual assault absolutely fucking hate it wow this show truly just drains the life out of you 

“Matt, I never thought you would be killed” why wouldn’t you think that at this point anyone who comes close to this investigation eventually dies (also wjkhkjhgk why is Matt special didn’t you kill all those thugs you had before -- Mello said ‘the lives of my allies are only important if they are drawn in handsome protag style’) 

As of yet I haven’t really talked about Near’s wild toymaking but hoo boy is that L finger puppet something to observe

“Everyone who knows about the existence of the notebook will die” I’m still pulling for their survival, particularly Matsuda (himbo rights!!!)

Imagine if they just shot Light Yagami on sight how ironic would that conclusion to all these mind games be 

“I’m waiting, for the one who will solve everything, to arrive” Lmao if it turns out L is alive I’ll pee laughing this show is so fucking stupid 

Take a shot every time there is a Humpty-Dumpty-in-Puss-in-Boots style explanation about how everything actually happened

“I’ve won, Near” I bet/hope what gets Light caught is his inability to hold in his hubris for one (1) minute

Although the last episode is called New World, in which case maybe he wins in a very weird ending to a very weird show

Sjkfhkjhfkhfkjhf well I guess what gets Light caught is that the person he invited to be his murderous disciple keeps calling him God

“A second ago, you said ‘I win.’ That’s as good a confession as any” HA hubris strikes again also bold of Aizawa to clap Light on the shoulder knowing he is a mass murderer

Ohhh Matsuda he’s so nice and believed the best of Light :((((((((((((

Watching Light become increasingly desperate and crazed is very uncomfortable give it up dude u’ve been beat (though I suppose there is time for everyone here to be murdered still lmao)

LMAO LIGHT SAID “IF YOU CAN’T BEAT ‘EM, CONVERT ‘EM”

Yeah I figured if one of them was gonna shoot it would be Matsuda :( :( Good for him for not killing Light tho!!

Huh I guess that’s the end of the show I thought Light would die but I did think we’d at least get to see him in Shinigami Purgatory or smth... what a wild ride. This certainly was a show.

[oveliagirlhaditright]

Because of @roselevesque wondering what kind of trouble a Lawlight child would get into... here are some ridiculous headcanons I’ve come up with, about Arya Stark from “A Song of Ice and Fire” being Light and L’s adopted daughter in some weird AU.

So, Light and L adopt Arya for an A+ reason to start with (I say sarcastically. But they really do come to love her and vice versa. Even though they’re sometimes shit at being parents, and Arya kind of shows it). 

Like, she’s some orphan that they meet after some case. I imagine the “Death Note version of Cersei(?)” is some political leader somewhere, and killed Arya’s father who was a threat to her. But L and Light were actually beginning to suspect Cersei of foul play a long time ago. So they finally bring her in for questioning--and Arya with her, who’s Cersei’s “ward”--and Arya’s all like, “I don’t like Cersei.” She didn’t buy the Stockholm-Syndrome thing the woman was trying to do with her for a second. 

Light and L then decide they like this child. 

L may even get the idea to have Arya judge everyone’s character from now on, as she seems good at it. And Light and L grow attached to this kid, which is part of the reason why they decide to adopt her. But the real one? L: “I just think we’re in a rut, Light-kun. We don’t do anything new anymore. It’s very boring. Why don’t we try something new, like adopting a child?” Light: “We are not adopting a child just because we’re bored, Ryuzaki!” L gives him a look. Light: “...Okay. Maybe we’re adopting a child...”

I should probably mention that this is an AU where Light gave up the Death Note and being Kira (somewhat. Though part of him is biding his time, hoping he can get his perfect world back. And L knows this. Light remembers everything, because he has a microscopic piece of the Death Note in his watch). 

Light and L decided to not tell Arya that Light was Kira--as a whole, the world doesn’t know Light Yagami was Kira--but Arya eventually finds out. More on that later.

I feel Arya loves both parents pretty equally. But she may slllllllllllllllllightly prefer Light. Just because there are times that L isn’t understanding at all. He doesn’t get, for instance, why someone calling Ayra “horserace” hurt her feelings, because it’s kind of true. L is very much with the “never forget who you are, the rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor and it can never be used to hurt you” mentality of Tyrion Lannister.

Arya may even have a hard time gravitating around L, because he has a hard time talking. But so does Arya, somewhat. So perhaps they actually bond over that? -shrugs- 

But L is good at trying to cheer Arya up, at times, by silly things like sweets (even though he was once miffed at her for not liking lemon cake. But then was okay with her again for loving tea) and swivel chairs. He was also the one who wanted to buy her a pony... or a wolf (since Arya wanted one) And Light had to tell him “no”. 

And both L and Light are A-okay with Arya wanting to learn sword play and horseback riding. 

L also probably taught Arya capoeira. 

And eventually, Arya does help him with some of L’s cases, since she is pretty sharp (they’re more L’s cases than Light’s, since Light is sort of on “probation”). 

There were also times that Arya would come to L, worrying that Light was Kira--and he would just kind of look at her gravely--before Arya realized she maybe agreed with Kira.

L is the one who goes to most of the parent-teacher-conferences. Because one time, Arya got in trouble for punching a kid in the face. And Light said, “What? She absolutely should have punched that creep, and I’m glad she did. She should do it again.” 

Light’s probably the one who tries the hardest to give Arya a normal, happy lifestyle and everything she needs. 

He’s also the one who brushes her hair, when Arya refuses to do that. (Speaking of... there are definitely times when L admits privately to Light, “Light-kun, what were we thinking in adopting a girl? We know nothing about them.” And Light responds with, “For your information, I’m great with girls!”) He’s not. And he might even somewhat resent Arya being such a tomboy at first, but he gets over it. L, however, has always loved that Arya is that.

Light’s also probably the one who realizes that Arya isn’t misogynistic? Which is hilarious, because Light can certainly be that himself. With helpful gems like, “Arya, I don’t think you actually resent female things, like embroidering--or your female peers for being good at it--but rather yourself for being bad at it. So if you want... I can try and figure it out myself and teach you, I guess.” 

Also... one day when Light is reading Arya a story and she says, “They killed the slaves? They should have killed the slavers,” Light has never been more proud of her than in that moment.

Both Light and L are of the mind that if anyone ever tries to touch Arya, she should kill them dead. Light and L might actually wish that Light had kept the Death Note, so they could put in it anyone’s name who would ever harm Arya.

Eventually, Arya is separated from Light and L. Basically, it’s found out that L was “aiding and embedding Kira”, so there’s this whole coup. Some people even discover L’s identity for a crazy second (before L gets that under control again. And convinces the general public that Kira is dead, and they’re all just cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs). 

And in this chaos, the family is completely torn apart. Even Light and L are away from each other for a while (and this is what stars Arya’s “A Song of Ice and Fire” journey. More on that in a minute). 

L finds Light... and there may actually be some tension there for a while, because Light thinks that L should have found Arya over him. 

L: “I tried to find you both, Light!” Light: “But if you had to choose... you should have put more energy into finding her, because Arya’s a hopeless child, L! I’m not!”

So, Arya’s mayhap put into this “home” where children of Kira-worshippers are tortured (it’s the closest thing I can think of for Harenhal here). And she’s deeply traumatized and fucked up by it. She escapes, and commits her first kill to do so (as a nine-year-old, no less)... and gets a taste for it. 

Like A Song of Ice and Fire!Arya, she begins keeping a list of all the people she’s going to kill, and that’s the only thing that keeps her going. And like in A Song of Ice and Fire canon, she changes her name multiple times, pretends to be a boy for safer travel, etc. 

During all of this, Arya has to try and come to amends with Light being Kira (as she knows now). Death Note’s version of “The Hound”, I guess, kidnaps Arya eventually to try and ransom her back to her parents (after the friend she’d made, “Gendry”, leaves her). But that doesn’t happen when Arya, perhaps, murders the Hound to get away from his abuse?

Still not entirely knowing how she feels about the “Light having been Kira, and Light and L having lied to her about it” thing, Arya might purposefully stay away from them for a while and join the “House of Black and White” cult, that worships death... She then realizes that maybe she will drink that Kira Kool-aid.

L and Light finally find Arya after this her stay at the House of Black and White (they never gave up looking for her, and knew that she was alive because their girl is a survivor. So eventually, they probably just had to face the truth that she didn’t want to be found). And there are issues again, because Arya now knows that Light was Kira and tells him this and wishes he would be Kira again (and Light, has, like, never been happier). But L thinks he might leave both of them here... I haven’t quite figured how they work this out yet.

Maybe because while this Light is somewhat biding his time, and does still think the system is corrupt and shit, he also gave the Death Note up for a reason? Did he realize that just soullessly killing everyone wouldn’t solve everything? And is her fearful that Arya is romanticizing death so much? And the deaths of some “innocent people”, even? Like this one guard, who didn’t know what he was there for, that she killed to get out of that first torture house? There’s probably some moment where Light is honest and says what being Kira almost cost him, and then tells Arya to not be like him. And then she isn’t.

L is upset by how damaged Arya now is, of course. And that he let it happen. “I can’t believe our daughter is nine and already a murderer--and that she enjoys it--...but she only did what she had to do to survive. And I am glad she found a way to survive.” 

Light: “You have to admit that you seem to be attracted to murderers, and vice versa. Maybe it’s only natural that this happened... And you have to realize that she got her affinity for changing names now from you, right?”

Some other things just off the top of my head: Light and L don’t think Gendry is good enough for Arya (until he makes her a sword? Then they sort of get it). Before then, they at least got her crush on Jaqen--if murder apparently interested her, as it would an honorable Wammy’s kid--but who was this Gendry fellow? And what kind of name was Gendry, anyway?

Sachiko loves Arya, because of course she would. Soichiro is somewhat afraid of what a child of Light and L will be like (he knows that his son was Kira), but is choosing to be hopeful and put all of his eggs into one basket, anyway. Sayu and Arya don’t get along that well (probably because of the tomboy and girly-girl thing. But they do try to be civil). And Matsuda is constantly thinking Arya’s going to be Kira 2.0, because he doesn’t want to be blindsided/betrayed again, but doesn’t say anything... But L, Light, and Arya all know Matsuda fears her, and probably laugh about it after their dinners together.

Though a part of L wants Arya to follow the “family business” and become a detective, he’s also open to any of her dreams. Arya decides she wants to travel some. That maybe she’ll be the first person to figure out what’s up with the Bermuda Triangle, and he thinks that that’s a beautiful thing. And he can’t say anything about her potentially wanting to risk her life to do it, because he risks his life for his line of work all the time, too. But eventually Arya does come home, and does probably become a detective like her parents.

The three probably have a lot of fun family outings, like to bakeries for one thing. And maybe Alaska?  L is from Britain, so he’s used to the cold. And I headcanon that this Arya likes the cold, even without being from Winterfell. So one time they visit there to look at wolves or something... and enjoy not having to pay taxes (even though L doesn’t even have to worry about it. Because he’s so rich) while they’re there... This was not Light’s favorite trip, but they still got a lot of cute pictures together, with wool coats and stuff. IDK.

Edit: So, in the books, there’s this scene where Arya is put in a dress and Gendry just bursts out laughing. Because it isn’t her. That scene probably still happens. And Light and L are probably there, too, and also laugh (maybe it’s a moment where Light and L finally get the Gendry thing), because they all know it isn’t her.

Edit 2: I forgot to mention that even though Arya is a quiet introvert, somewhat (like L). She’s also very charismatic (people always love her) and a good leader (like Light).

Edit 3: Arya totally gets to the point where she can beat Light and L in fights, of course... and most people.

[becausehecheats]

christ i am so, so tired of this whole sarah and ollie mess but goddamn, it just HAD TO GROW LEGS AND RUN ANOTHER MILE and i can’t fucking hold it back this time so.

the guy is claiming that the entire sarah story was a hoax, and that she was actually in on it with him. now, i’m suspicious of this in general, because since he mysteriously provides no visual proof in contrast to the copious amounts of visual proof that were supposedly made up, he could very well be doing it to deflect attention from his crime. his latest move could mean different things to anyone who has--in his own words--“more than two brain cells.” 

so here’s what i have to say:

your behavior is abnormal, uncaring and self-destructive, and it should confirm to anyone who understands humans why they shouldn’t interact with you. it’s one thing to run into someone who cares little about others; it’s another thing entirely to run into someone who ALSO cares nothing about himself. at least your co-conspirators had the fucking brains to realize they’d get in Trouble if their URLs were revealed, though that doesn’t make them any less bad people. oh look, and here’s you admitting you’re a fucked up piece of shit--you wear that like a badge but i don’t think even you understand how fucked up you are…hypocrisy, my ass (on my part anyway, since i never wished death on you or your little friends). see the last bullet point on this list for your own. 

while i’m at it, to everyone who thinks this stunt was the most brilliant thing they’ve ever witnessed: just watch, he’ll do it to you too. one moment you’re laughing with him, but someday he’s gonna make you fucking flip over some crime he supposedly committed--only to laugh in everyone’s faces as you show him your concern. manipulative assholes who play with human lives don’t make good friends. i hope for your sakes that your self-preservation is strong enough to make you realize this.

not only are you a sociopathic idiot, you’re also too stupid to even make a coherent plan on a practical level. when normal people of average intelligence troll, they almost NEVER do it as themselves because THEY ARE INTELLIGENT ENOUGH TO FORESEE AND CARE ABOUT THE CONSEQUENCES. like wow, if peoples’ intelligence is you and your buddies’ main angle of attack, what low level troll do you have to be to not understand this fundamental rule of trolling? i’m basically light yagami in real life and i can think of about a million ways you could’ve kept your identity hidden……dare i say next time step up your game? not that i would want you to, but really. anyone with, oh i don’t know, more than two brain cells could have done more to make sure their online name wasn’t tarnished. tl;dr? Not only did you do the wrong thing, you also FUCKING DID IT WRONG, you total-self-awareness-lacking SACK OF SHIT.

adding onto the above reasoning on why you’re literally Too Dumb To Live or at least live decently. whether or not sarah and her death were real--as someone who has legitimately wanted to kill people in real life before: it takes an idiot to fuck with the law. it takes an idiot to think they’re above judgment after breaking the law. don’t break the law, don’t joke about breaking the law, just don’t fuck with it if you know what’s good for you ON A PRAGMATIC LEVEL IF NOT ALSO A MORAL ONE. people wanted to get the police involved, don’t you realize the police in your country have better things to do than run after whiny sad trolls on the internet? if you had the foresight to know that tumblr would Fucking Explode after the evidence dropped, you should have had the foresight to know that people would have taken this to the real world since that’s how things “work” around here. sure, nothing happened in the end, but why the hell would you even RISK drawing police attention to yourself unless you’re a halfwit with no sense of self-preservation or respect for the workings of the law? why the hell would you RISK the hatred of hundreds of online denizens, unless it gives you some sort of inexplicably twisted pleasure to run yourself into the ground? the fact that you chose voluntarily to paint yourself as a criminal makes you the most moronic of them all, so get off your goddamn high horse and stop acting like you’re sooooOOOOoooOOOooooo cLeVeR compared with the rest of us because guess what? you’re not. 🙃 🙃 🙃

oh, and bonus flaw: “I thought I might reward some people who were smart enough.” yeah uh, nice going there, showing off your secret master plan for the sake of a good ego stroke. once again: Too Dumb To Live. if you really knew how to pull this shit off, you should know that exposing your own wrongdoing is the worst possible way to go about it.

“This situation has shown some of you to be naive, stupid, disloyal or, God forbid, malicious.” implying what exactly? you say this was an experiment…were you trying to find out who your “real friends” were? nice to know you’re so paranoid and so bad at reading people that you psychologically need to fake being a RAPIST in order to figure out who your “real” friends are. i’d ask if this was a result of what seems to be your apparent constant drug use, but as far as i know, marijuana’s side effects do not include rotting permanent holes in the brain (tho one day you might die of lung cancer, huehuehue………) it’s nice to know you’re the kind of “friend” who’ll get all his buddies and acquaintances worked up for the sake of violently jacking off to his own beliefs. also, nice to know that the only friends you must have left are the people who will defend a potential rapist…yeah, you’re such a good person, surrounded by such good people. amazing. your life is just swell and you’re such a success, i can see you’re going places.

what the fuck is this argument. but you’re so smart and so good at planning your every move, you must have foreseen at some point that not every suicide is reported on the news…! 

you literally made this whole thing about how people shouldn’t be quick to judge others. but by admitting that you made up a story about someone being abused, you just MADE YOURSELF another reason WHY people are so easily convinced of others’ assholery in the first place. how many brain cells does it take to realize that this is a bad idea? oh right, more than two.

you’re not some sort of genius, you’re not some sort of mastermind. smart people with a sense of morals don’t do this to themselves or to others. even a jellyfish wouldn’t have tanked its own reputation like this, or thought doing something like this was funny. but let’s just assume you’re of human level intelligence for the purposes of the final verdict…developmentally, humans begin showing sympathy, pity, modesty and shame at the mere age of 36 months, none of which you exhibit. oh, look at that, mister i’m-so-smart, you don’t even rank above a fucking three year old in terms of emotional intelligence or even, based on bullet points 3-6, basic interpersonal functions and long-term planning abilities.  

in short? you’re just a baby, nothing more and nothing less. i guess now would be a good time to suddenly show yourself as a child prodigy, since the world around you shouldn’t have to wait another eighteen years for you to GROW THE FUCK UP.