#I am one hundred percent sure this is a bad idea and will end with both of us dead but let't do this

[poppadom0912]

Hi! You have so many good Chicago stories! I had an idea for a Will Halstead fic, if you'd be interested... OC/Reader is a nurse at Med, she and Will are a (newish?) couple. She has been sick or hurt, but isn't telling Will, to avoid worrying him - Sharon (or someone) has been on his ass, for something he didn't do of course, but he's been under a microscope, so she doesn't want to bother or distract him - until she passes out or ends up in an OR (depending on the illness/injury) and he finds out after the fact... Heavy on the angst is always good ;)

A/N: I'm a sucker for angst. Hope this is good enough. I tried researching as accurately as possible but there might be inaccuracies.

I'm posting this is celebration of not failing my exams which means no resitting! I didn't get the high grades I wanted but we move on. Enjoy!! Hope this is good enough.

Warnings: Canon-typical injuries, blood, angst w a happy ending, surgery

*****

Becoming a nurse was inevitable for you because it was the next best thing after a doctor and you didn't want to go through all those extra years of learning and debt.

You were born with a congenital heart defect as a result of your mother poorly caring for her diabetes during pregnancy. All your life, your parents had been on top of your health, always dragging you to specialists and making sure you were still taking your meds.

You moved states several years ago and now you weren't constantly reminded of the defect you were born with.

There were times though when you did get forgetful and Will never complained about your bad trait that you couldn't handle, he shrugged it off and made sure your health was one hundred percent.

Your relationship was in the honeymoon phase, six months in you were both decently comfortable. Everyone was aware of your relationship but you both agreed to keep work at work and home at home.

Recently, Will was under extra scrutiny from Sharon because of a small incident that happened in the ED when his brother rolled up bleeding from his shoulder. No one could blame him for his reaction, it was completely justified but that hospital were being asses and wouldn't let go.

Following this, your interactions at work decreased at your suggestion to make things a little easier for him. And at first, it was working but then it just got straight up frustrating.

All of a sudden, following the intense summer heatwave, everyone's workload doubled and your hours never lined up. You'd be leaving and he'd be preparing for his second double shift of the week.

And things only got worse from there. You were so busy because of the nurse shortages that your priorities began shifting, your health dwindling down the list.

But no one needed to know that.

*****

Week One

"And that's me done, you ready to break?" Will asked, setting aside the tablet on the desk. You both took your breaks together as much as you could, any time you could get together you would take.

"Yes I am." You nodded, slipping your hand into his as you began walking out of the ED. "I remember someone promising coffee from the cart outside."

Will chuckled, rolling his eyes at the reminder of the expensive coffee sitting outside that you loved. Just as he was going to reply, Maggie shouting your name stopped him.

Sighing, your heart felt heavy both figuratively and literally. With a sheepish smile, you pecked him on the cheek with a promise to catch him later on during shift.

Not being able to get a word in, Will simply watched you scurry off to help the next incoming patient, leaving him to change directions towards the cafeteria.

*****

Week two

You should've been more attentive but being short of breath after a run wasn't uncommon. It was early morning and Will's side of the bed was empty so you took what used to be a daily run alone.

As the day progressed, you started feeling tired and your fatigue progressed. It should've been the first sign to you that you needed to slow down and take care of yourself but the next shooting in Chicago just couldn't wait.

"Y/N, are you okay?" April asked, standing besides you with a new file in hand. "You look pale."

"I'm fine." You assured her, nodding as you licked your drying lips. "And before you ask, Will doesn't know and doesn't need to be interrupted, he has a patient in the ICU."

April backed away apprehensively, always trying to check up with you whenever time permitted. Maybe she was also to blame for not being more forceful with her concerns.

It wasn't her fault that she forgot you had a heart disease.

*****

Week three

"I love you so much." You muttered against his forehead before stepping away to leave the dark bedroom.

Will stirred slightly at the contact, shifting under the covers and further messing up his curls you so badly wanted to delve your fingers into but you were on a time crunch.

Just as you were leaving the room, your chest clenched, pain suddenly overtaking you. Clutching onto the door frame, your grip slacked and your bag dropped causing Will to wake up.

"What's wrong?" Will asked in his half awake state, completely disheveled. He was blinking the sleep away while he turned to you and tried to see what was wrong but failed due to severe sleep deprivation.

"Are you okay? What happened?" He continued, voice hoarse like it usually was after a deep sleep

For some reason, you struggled to form words, your chest feeling as though it was being stabbed repeatedly.

And for some reason, you couldn't come up with a logical excuse and you stupidly left without a word to your lover.

*****

Week four

You couldn't ignore it anymore.

It felt like your body was starting to give up on you. You were constantly tired and out of breath and the chest pains never let up, at times, they even doubled and felt worse than the worst of your period cramps.

The biggest flashing red warning sign should've been when you fainted in the bathroom after your shower.

You came home shattered from your 24 hour shift. Just as you walked in the door, Will was leaving for his 48 hour shift. At this point, you really felt like the world was against you.

You were kinda like roommates more than romantic partners. You were barely at home together and at work, you tried to keep interactions to a minimum after the small incident that the board was elevating ridiculously.

Waking up on the bathroom rug, your body felt numb almost paralysed. It was like what movies described comas to be but your chest was still pulsating in pain.

You weren't being a really good nurse because you simply got up, drank some water and ate some food before sleeping it off.

*****

Week five

The silence was suffocating.

The two of you finally got more than two minutes together but words somehow failed you.

With droopy eyes and furrowed brows, your hands itched to grab the blue scrubs covering your chest. If it wasn't for your boyfriend sitting opposite you, you would've been hunched over the sinks in the women's room.

"What's wrong?" It was a question but with that tone, it felt more like a demand. His two words hit you hard, your eyes dragging from the table up to his big brown eyes filled with nothing but eternal love and concern. "And don't say nothing cause that's clearly bullshit."

And for some reason, you flinched.

Licking your chapped lips, you scrunched your eyes closed at the pain encasing your heart. Despite being back on your medication, the pain didn't cease.

"Y/N? Baby-"

"CODE SILVER. CODE SILVER IN THE ED."

*****

Today

For the past week, Will was hypervigilant about his work. Peter kalmik was never his biggest fan so it didn't help he was constantly making his presence known along with the more power holding board members.

You hated how he no longer fought his case and he just conformed, keeping his head buried in the sand and distanced himself from those he cared about.

It got to such a point that when Jay came in with only work intentions, Will physically forced himself to stay well away.

You were so caught up in your concern for him that you neglected your medication on the kitchen counter.

The pain today all of a sudden increased tenfold in the middle of shift. You were helping Doris turn over a treatment room, listening as she talked about her family drama that you loved to hear about when you felt the world come to an abrupt stop.

Before you knew it, breath escaped you and darkness enveloped you.

“Y/N?!” Doris shouted, going around the bed and crouching down besides your unconscious body.

As she started checking your pulse and your breathing, Connor ran in with Maggie in tow having witnessed you fall from the nurses desk.

In a flurry of rushed movements, you were placed on a bed as your friends searched for the cause of your unconscious state. Out of the blue, Maggie spoke up, reminding everyone of your heart condition.

Equipped with the new but old information, the cardiothoracic surgeon was now more than confident he was able to help you.

"Whose her emergency contact? Is it still her parents or has it been changed to Will?" Connor asked the charge nurse as they started wheeling the gurney towards the elevators. They needed to get you into surgery as soon as possible before you deteriorated.

"Good question."

"Page him anyways."

"Already on it."

*****

"I'm a horrible boyfriend."

"No you're not."

"All the signs were there and I missed them."

"We did too."

"I know Connor is one of the best but what if-"

"I'm going to stop you right there." Maggie cut him off, looking at him sternly, eerily resembling the face of a mother telling off her child. "This is no ones fault and you know that, stop punishing yourself for something no one could control."

Will opened his mouth to interject but stopped himself when Maggie held her hand up. "Yes, maybe Y/N should've taken better care of herself but as a doctor, you know that this surgery was inevitable anyways."

"It's better that she was already in the hospital and not home alone where no one would've noticed till you finished in another eight hours." Maggie continued, being more gentle as she got her point across. She was just as concerned but for everyone else's sake, she could be their pillar.

"Look at her Will." Maggie said, gently rubbing him on the back, hopefully bringing him some comfort. "She's in the best hands."

And of course Will knew that, he wouldn't say it to Connor's face but the man was a heck of a surgeon. There was no one else he would want operating on you but he was simply unnerved to no end.

He couldn't wipe off this icky feeling he had. It lurked around him like a shadow and stuck to him like a stain. He felt like a failure - he was unable to help you as both a doctor and a boyfriend - what good was he?

News spread of your collapse around the hospital and as an automatic response, the hospital board stepped metres away from Will, almost like he was sick with a deathly contagious disease.

It was so stupid that it was funny.

Will wanted to rip his hair out. How he was even standing watching your surgery was beyond him right now. He felt sick to his stomach at the sight of your chest cracked open, your heart just there for the world to see.

He never felt so useless before.

*****

Waking up was one of the most confusing scenarios you've ever been in. The last thing you remembered was being in the ED with Doris before blinking and the next thing you knew, you were waking up in recovery.

Your body felt like the heaviest gym weights were sat on you. Your mouth unbelievably dry as your eyes squinted in the dim lighting, trying to look around the room for any sign of life.

And right by your bedside, sleeping in a very awkward position was the man you considered the love of your life.

It must've been the movement of your head, you literally turning your head less than 90 degrees that woke him up because without any further prompting, Will was no longer dead to the world.

Instantly, he was alive and alert, no trace of sleep anywhere on his face as he made eye contact with you.

He felt as light as a feather to see you awake, the biggest weight being lifted off his chest from the relief that nothing went wrong despite knowing Connor made no mistake at all.

"Pulmonary valve stenosis." Was the first thing Will said, easily recognising the confusion painting your face. "Connor put in a balloon. They'll keep you for probably a week to monitor you to see if you need a valvotomy."

You hummed, letting him know that you understood everything he told you without talking. Somehow, without even looking at him, he knew and brought forth a cup with a straw in, holding it to your mouth allowing you to sip easily.

"I'm so sorry Y/N." Will said earnestly, his eyes shimmering as he intertwined your fingers with his. "I wasn't paying enough attention to you otherwise-"

"Stop." You interrupted him, voice still slightly hoarse from not using it. "Blaming yourself helps no one."

"What's done is done." You continued, squeezing his hands when he squeezed yours first. "I'm really the one to blame. If I took care of myself and did something when I first was having problems then we wouldn't be here."

Silence followed, the only sound being the constant beeping from all the machines attached to you.

"Never faint on me again, you hear me?"

"Can't promise you that babes."

"Yes you can."

"You're hilarious Will."

"No, I'm being serious Y/N."

"Don't make me laugh, where's Connor Rhodes, my favourite doctor?"

"Very funny, I think I'll buy April expensive cart coffee next time."

[thencitytales]

Non-stop Teasing - CYJ

🌷Pairing: Choi Yeonjun of TXT x fem!reader (3rd person used)

🌷 kinda enemies to lovers

🌷wc: 4.1k

🌷 Fluff? sort of angsty tho

🌷 warning: drinking, cussing, frat party, Yeonjun being kind of down bad

🌷There are a few other idols mentioned, some of them in a relationship with each other, I do not think these people are together nor do I ship them, I just felt like the story could have used these dort of relationships (ChaewonxWooyoung, KarinaxJeno)

🌷 Hey!! I am back because i felt like it. This fic is a fleeting idea i had a long time ago and was finally able to finish. In the beginning it was not meant for Yeonjun but it had mostly OC'S so if you see random names I'm sorry, I have yet to proofread it. Feel free to give me notes and feedback, as I appreciate it a lot!! 'Til next time <3

(not my GIF)

Yeonjun. Stupid, fucking Yeonjun.

Idiot, average-looking yet so stupidly attractive Yeonjun.

“If you really hate him you should stop staring at him, you know?” a blonde girl talked to her best friend, who shushed her in response.

“Shut up Chaewon, I’m not staring” Y/N retorted against her best friend. 

Except she was, and she knew it.

Another person in the library was also very aware of Y/N and what she was doing, because he could feel her eyes pierce through his head. 

And he loved it.

“Ask anybody here, they’ll say you’re staring,” Chaewon said in an amused tone, making Y/N’s eye twitch in frustration.

“Well, then it’s hate-staring, glaring if you will,” Y/N looked away from the boy and glared at her best friend, turning her head ever so slowly, as to recreate the scene in a horror movie.

“Just like I’m glaring at you right now.” Chaewon let out a laugh at her friend’s antics and shrugged it off.

“Sure thing, love. Keep telling yourself that.”Chaewon said. Y/N could only scoff before going back to look at her books.

Look was indeed the best word to describe what she was doing, the words on the page being read for the tenth time in as many minutes without understanding nor absorbing any of it. Biology sucked, and so did Y/N’s brain at that moment. So much so that after a couple of seconds she got distracted again.

“What is it with the stupid beanie anyway? Like what’s the deal with that? DO YOU THINK HE HAS A BALD SPOT?” Y/N whisper-screamed, making Chaewon almost spit out the water she was trying to drink after finally reaching the end of her chapter.

Suddenly the girls heard a louder voice coming from behind them.

“It’s actually for style-related purposes, no bald spot, though if you’re still in doubt you could always ask him. Also, Y/N, you were one hundred percent staring at Yeonjun, just FYI.” Wooyoung said whilst chuckling at the little jump the girls made upon hearing him. Y/N turned around, red in the face, a mixture of embarrassment for being caught and pure wrath, caused by Wooyoung’s presence.

“How long have you been here?” She said bitterly. The boy could sense she wanted to add something, the words dying in her throat a bit too fast. He assumed a “dickhead”, or “asshole” was missing, but he let it go, not teasing her any further. 

“The whole time, love,” he said mocking what Chaewon had said to her friend just a few minutes prior. Then turned away and returned to his spot at the same table with Yeonjun, Soobin and Changbin.

Y/N looked warily at her surroundings to make sure no one else was around to eavesdrop on them.

“How in actual hell are you able to like that guy?” Her shocked expression clearly visible on her features.

Chaewon shrugged.

“He just likes to tease you, he’s actually very nice” She answered, her cheeks turning slightly pink before continuing. 

“I mean it’s not like they’re the fuckboys group.” When Chaewon said that, Y/N was still looking at them and immediately turned around. 

“No, they’re worse, at least the fuckboys are self-aware of how awful they are” she sighed.

“Oh my God you’re so dramatic,” Chaewon said rolling her eyes before going back to typing at her computer. 

Y/N shut up and went back to try and drill a hole through Yeonjun’s head with her gaze, sadly, without any success.

As if on cue, the boy turned around, looked at her, smirked, and turned back to speak with Changbin, making her avert her gaze and awkwardly look around to find God knows what.

She couldn’t take it anymore, her heart pounding in her chest was beginning to feel like it was too much, she could literally hear it and the sensation made her shudder. She got up and headed to the bathroom searching for some quick fix to the sudden heat of her body.

As soon as she got there Y/N quickly splashed her face with some cold water to try and stop it from getting all red, failing miserably. She looked defeatedly at her reflection.

“This is a PSA for that tiny voice living at the back of my head, I am kindly asking you to shut up” She lightly hit her head with her hand in the process so that the point would go across. 

“You understand me??” The girl sighed and took a step back from the sink to exit the bathroom, but as soon as she turned around a familiar face was standing leaning on the door frame.

“Try hitting it harder next time, that should work better.” He chuckled lightly before taking a step towards her.

“This is the girls’ bathroom, Yeonjun” Y/N backed up and glared at him for what was probably the thousandth time that day.

“Sorry, I was headed to the guys’ bathroom but something here caught my attention” he smirked once again. 

Y/N was on the verge of breaking. That smirk. He had to know the effect it had on her. Or was it just a stupid habit of his? 

It didn’t really matter. Either way, she wanted to kiss him so badly right now. And subsequently, run away, completely change identities, go to Peru, and start a potato plantation or something, to hopefully never be found again. She would never EVER admit to wanting to kiss that boy.

Frustrated even more than before, she ran back to the table where Chaewon was waiting for her, shoving Yeonjun in the process, and making him audibly laugh, clearly enjoying how easily he could fluster her.

“I gotta go, or I’m going to be late for the party,” Chaewon said the moment she saw her best friend enter her view.

“Again” Y/N added to Chaewon’s statement, knowing how long the blonde usually takes to get ready. The other girl got up and quickly added:

“Remember, I’ll be at your dorm around 10 pm, we’ll see what to do from there. Remind Ryujin too when you get home, please.” Chaewon said while collecting all of her stuff and messily throwing it in her bag.

“Sure thing, I’ll finish this chapter and go home too in a half-hour or so. Don’t worry about Ryujin, knowing her, she’ll be all dressed up already. You know who you should be worried about, though.” Y/N answered, looking up from her books.

“I already texted Karina, I told her I’d be at hers around 9:30 so she’ll hopefully be ready when we actually get there.” The girl chuckled at her best friend’s trickery and waved her goodbye, mumbling a “perfect” in the meanwhile.

On her way out Chaewon was stopped in her tracks by a slightly taller figure.

“Hey there,” he sweetly addressed the girl.

“Hi Wooyoung, I’d love to stop and chat with you but I really need to go.”

“See you at the party, then” Chaewon looked at him surprised.

“You should really stop eavesdropping other people’s conversations. Besides, you don’t even know which party we were talking about, there’s like 5 every Friday night without counting the ones outside of campus” 

He gave her a playful smile and said “Don’t worry, I’ll figure it out.” The girl laughed and answered “Good luck, darling” before going her way.

After that Wooyoung quickly got back to the guys’ table where all of his friends were sitting, trying to finish some sort of group project.

“Okay, talking about important things, what do you guys know about parties tonight?” Wooyoung said, sitting down.

“You mean here in the campus? or in general? Also like, frat houses or bars?” Soobin started throwing questions at him to try and narrow down the search.

“I don't know, man, Chaewon was talking to the Menace and they said they were going to a party tonight.” Wooyoung just answered him calmly.

As soon as he heard the words “Menace” and “party” together in a sentence Yeonjun’s interest was piqued. He looked at Wooyoung, completely ignoring the semi-blank document opened in front of him.

“Well I don’t think they’d go off campus, the Menace is too lazy for that, she’d want to be as close to the dorm as possible.” Soobin started the brainstorming session.

“That still leaves like at least five or six parties” Changbin pointed out, then turned to Wooyoung and asked:

“Is it just the two of them?” to which Wooyoung quickly added Ryujin and Karina to the mix.

As soon as Karina’s name came up Changbin and Soobin looked at each other and said: “Keystone Lodge.”

“Is there something I don’t know?” Wooyoung asked given how the boys answered the place of the party seemed obvious but he had no idea.

“Karina’s boyfriend, Jeno. He’s in the frat.” Soobin pointed out.

“Okay but aren’t parties at KL like, invitation-only or something like that?” Changbin quickly raised the question.

Yeonjun, who had just started fantasizing about what could’ve happened at the party and had no intentions of having his dreams ruined just like that, said: “don’t worry guys, be prepared, I’ll text you later.” and quickly got up and gathered his things before exiting the library.

“Does he have to do it every time?” Soobin asked.

“He got it from Mark, says it gives him the surprise effect later on and the mysterious effect right away.” Changbin answered rolling his eyes, to which the other two guys only answered almost in awe with an “Ooh.” probably thinking it was the best idea a man could have.

“Okay, how did you get us in Yeonjun?” Wooyoung asked, almost alarmed at how quickly and seemingly easily their friend acquired the invitations.

“I know Haechan, and he owed me. He still does.” the older boy simply stated, raising Wooyoung's alarm instead of calming him down.

“Now let’s get this party started” Yeonjun exclaimed walking up the stairs to Keystone’s Lodge with a smirk on his face.

“You’re going to try and make her life hell, aren’t you?” Changbin said clearly amused at how his friend was planning on being even more annoying to Y/N than he usually was.

“Just wait and see Changbin, just wait and see.” the smirk on Yeonjun’s face growing with every step to the door he knocked on, where they found a guy standing alone, waiting for proof of invitations.

Inside the Frat house, the music was blasting. The air felt damp and everything smelled like cheap alcohol, adding to the mix the group of smoking boys at the far end of the room anyone could imagine that the atmosphere was not very romantic. Which is exactly what they expected.

Changbin went straight for the bar, getting everybody something to drink as the other guys scanned the room for their targets. 

Wooyoung quickly saw Chaewon sitting on the couch with her friends. They were talking to a few frat guys but they seemed nonthreatening enough to his ego. The Menace was sitting dangerously close to one of them, almost in his lap. Wooyoung could not recognize the guy though, no matter how much he squinted.

He nudged his friends and with a nod pointed the scene out, hoping they would get curious and approach them, so he could flirt with Chaewon once again. 

As soon as he realized what was going on, Soobin turned to look at Yeonjun’s reaction, gesturing to Changbin to hurry over, so he could witness it too because despite what those two liked to admit, they had this tension between them that was almost romantic. They were definitely, on some level, attracted to each other but they would never admit it. That’s why Changbin Soobin and Wooyoung were now staring at Yeonjun, hoping to catch a glimpse of whatever they had theorized.

Yeonjun’s brows furrowed. The night just started and everything had to be so simple already, not even a bit of a challenge. He sighed, took a drink from Changbin’s hands, and turned to Wooyoung. 

“Let’s go say hi to your princess, shall we?” Yeonjun told his friend, who was very happy about the poor lighting, meaning the other boys were not made aware of his rosy cheeks prompted by Yeonjun's comment.

As they approached, Chaewon saw them and a big smile tugged on her lips. She raised a hand to say hi and the boys did the same.

“Well Well Well, I’m surprised to see little Sherlock actually did find us.” She chuckled looking at Wooyoung.

“I told you I could do it. I’m very resourceful” he winked and the girl lightly laughed. 

Everybody then fell back into conversation, except Y/N and her mystery guy, who were so distracted by each other that they didn’t even say hi to the newcomers. 

Yeonjun cleared his voice. 

“I know you don’t like us Y/N but not saying hi is simply rude, even for you.” He smirked, knowing very well what it did to her.

The girl turned around, her surroundings didn’t make it easy to hear but she was sure she heard a voice talking to her. 

From her sitting position she looked at the new figures that had joined the conversation. And then she saw his face. She simply rolled her eyes.

“Who even invited you here? Seriously, please tell me so I can avoid the lunatic all night long, people just become crazier and crazier by the day”

“Actually,” Yeonjun chuckled.

The guy whom Y/N was talking to gently removed his hands from her hips, feeling a bit embarrassed. 

“I think that might have been me,” He said. 

Y/N looked at Haechan with a void expression.

“You’re his friend?” She asked, not believing it for a moment.

Haechan was slightly taken aback by the question, thinking the answer to be obvious, so he simply answered:

“Yeah?” at which Y/N glared at both the boys.

“That’s a shame, I really liked you.” And with that, she got up and went to the bar to pour herself yet another drink. The alcohol was probably what made her act so suddenly with that silly explanation but even sober her had no intention of being affiliated in any way with Yeonjun.

Seeing how Y/N was behaving, the boy thought that his mission was going to be such a delight with how simple she was making it.

Yeonjun followed her, leaving behind their friends absorbed in whatever conversation, and a very confused Haechan sitting on the couch.

As Y/N approached the bar, she bumped into a few people obstructing passages left and right and leaving her even more annoyed than she already was.

She took one of the red cups and poured herself some beer. 

Not the ideal drink but it was the first thing her hands were able to grasp. 

As she was about to take a sip, a hand snatched her drink.

“Thanks, I was very thirsty,” Yeonjun told her, earning a glare once again that day.

“How do you manage to be so annoying Yeonjun?” Y/N said while pouring another cup, this time she grabbed some gin, sensing she would need something stronger than a beer.

“I give it my best, just for you” he grinned.

Y/N couldn’t help but groan as she looked for the soda to mix her drink.

“What did I ever do to you? Have I offended you in any way? Are you holding a grudge from your past life?? Why do you like to annoy me so much??” She sighed in defeat.

“Woah,” Yeonjun said taken aback by the sudden seriousness of the question.

“Well, for starters I could ask you the same thing…” He answered calmly.

As she started to protest he shushed her.

“Buut, I am not going to lie, I do find you very cute when you’re frustrated” He chuckled.

“Are you hitting on me?” She asked, mouth agape.

“Do you want me to be hitting on you?” There it was again. The stupidest grin on the face of the earth. If there was a way to wipe it off instantly, Y/N would’ve gladly taken that chance. Thinking about it, there was a way, and to be honest she had reluctantly considered that way many times before, but always ended up avoiding it.

A kiss was not the solution, everything it could’ve done was only create more problems.

She was snapped back to reality by Yeonjun waving his hands in front of her eyes. She had been staring at the grin for god knows how long. A faint red was starting to tint her cheeks.

“You want to kiss me so badly,” Yeonjun told her, the grin never leaving his face.

She tried to play it as cool as possible, hoping the poor lighting of the room helped her conceive the blushing situation.

“Projecting much?” She smiled turning on her heels, determined to get out of the house for some fresh air.

As she walked away Yeonjun screamed over the music.

“I never said I wouldn’t like it” Y/N briefly stopped in her tracks, surprised by the sudden confession. Thinking it was just another way of getting under her skin she slowly reached the door and opened it, stepping out onto the backyard.

“You just love messing with her, don’t you?” Chaewon said as she approached Yeonjun, Wooyoung by her side, holding her waist.

“I have a tendency not to lie, actually. Everything I said is true. She’s just… compelling” he tried to find the best word to describe her.

“Compelling? You mean messing with her like that is compelling?” Chaewon said, a bit offended that Yeonjun enjoyed toying with her friend’s emotions like that.

“Tell me Chaewon, when have I ever done anything truly bad to her? All I do is tease, in her opinion, when in reality I was always simply…” Yeonjun said, meanwhile Chaewon tried to start a list of all the times he’s gotten you frustrated and quickly realized most times it was just his very annoying, twisted way of ... 

“Flirting,” Chaewon said, shocked. She looked at him straight in the eyes, her expression painted with shock.

“Oh my God, you just flirt with her” Chaewon continued. She suddenly realized that every time Yeonjun ever talked to Y/N he was flirting, and that enraged her friend for some reason. He never actually DID anything bad to her. He never insulted her, let alone take action to actively ruin her day. The only times he did something of the sort she was always with a guy, like 10 minutes ago with Haechan. Yeonjun was always just… flirting with Y/N.

“I am very confused.” Wooyoung said looking at his two friends.

“You never admitted it to us and it takes you like three seconds to tell it to her best friend? I kinda hate you and I am not sure I would like to be friends with you anymore.” Wooyoung continued while watching Yeonjun's every move and acting offended.

“It’s not like you guys ever really asked, I thought it was obvious if I have to be honest. She’s pretty, she’s smart, she can be a pain in the ass but she’s one of the nicest and kindest people I ever met. Not with me, which I can not really comprehend, but if teasing her incessantly is the only way I can get her to interact with me I don’t think I will ever stop.” Yeonjun said earnestly to his friend. A small smile appeared on his features, almost sheepishly.

A voice behind him startled him right after.

“What did he just say??” it was Changbin, who basically screamed in his ear after he heard just half of the confession.

“I think he likes the Menace!!” Soobin screamed at Changbin (and in Yeonjun’s other ear) in hopes of being understood over the loud music.

Meanwhile, Y/N was outside, freezing because she forgot to bring a jacket. 

Why did he have to always be so annoying, why did he always have something to say that would just make her heart beat at a worrying speed? Why did she have to like him so fucking much?

As her mind birthed the last few words she stopped pacing back and forth on the grass.

Of course, she liked him. It seemed as if every stupid decision she could make she would take and this was not even a conscious one. 

It would explain why her fight or flight response would kick in every time he would even just look in her direction, and her choice was fight. 

Thinking about kissing him all those times was not just a stupid silly thought. 

Y/N was hopeless.

"So?" The question was raised suddenly by a voice she recognised immediately.

He was standing right there, in front of her, handing her her jacket.

She happily took it, silently thanking him with a smile before muttering.

"So what?" her eyes looking at him defeated. She liked him and he was just playing. He was just teasing, and look where all that teasing led her. A terrible position she never wanted to be in.

"Am I getting that kiss you so badly want to give me?" Here he goes again. Non-stop teasing.

This time Y/N did not find it in her to fight, not him nor the feelings she finally realized she had.

"You should be more careful with your words Yeonjun, one might think you actually want it, crave it even" she said calmly before chuckling lightly. She was now sitting down on the bench and her gaze was everywhere but the boy's figure.

"As I said when you were storming off, I do think I'd enjoy it" he slowly sat down beside her, surprised by her tone. This felt more like an actual conversation now. It didn't seem like she had any intention of fleeing this time around. Just them two, talking like normal people. It was new and he liked it. He liked it more than words could explain.

"Stop teasing me please, I honestly don't think I can take it anymore. I won't be bothering you again if you promise me you will leave me alone without uttering any other word that you don't mean" If someone were to pass by and listen very closely, the sound of Yeonjun's heart could be heard as it was cracking and falling apart like glass under extreme heat.

She didn't want to see him anymore, but what was worse is that she didn't think his words were honest. She thought he didn't mean it, ever.

He meant it from the first smile he flashed her, from the first hello he said. The first time he saw her he was struck by lightning and did not feel like himself anymore. All he could do was think about her, all he wanted to do was to speak with her. He did not care if it meant he had to endure rolling eyes and frustrated groans, at the very least he was interacting with you.

"So?" this time she asked the question. Her eyes showed how hurt she was and he could barely look at them.

As he turned to face her, Y/N noticed tears welling up in his eyes. She didn't understand.

"You really think I don't mean it? Y/N you consume my thoughts in the best and worst way ever. I think about you all the time. All I ever want to do is speak with you and I don't care if it means you'll hate me, I won't stop doing it because I am selfish like that. I don't want to feel miserable, and the only way I have to do that is if I speak to you. You can tell me you despise me a thousand times but I won't care as long as you're in front of me, addressing me, acknowledging my presence." As Yeonjun spoke Y/N could not believe his words. 

If it was just minutes ago she would've joked about how "you're so obsessed with me, jeez" but at that moment the expression on Yeonjun's face was making her want to cry. It seemed like he meant it.

He did mean it.

"You like me?" she asked, furrowing her brows in confusion.

"I think like is a bit of an understatement at this point..." he chuckled looking into the distance, the palms of his hands rubbing against each other awkwardly.

Y/N moved closer to him. He did not register how close she got until she turned his head towards her with her hand.

They stared at each other, they are not sure for how long. It could have been mere seconds or hours on end. Then she moved closer and finally kissed him. 

She tilted her head as he deepened the kiss. 

Everything felt good. They were finally happy.

[belle--ofthebrawl]

I love how you write Swiss & Dew & the waythey like to play pretty rough and mean but i am sooo convinced they have another side to them. Like, ok. Hear me out?

Dew feels worn out one hotel night & asks Swiss to treat him gently? Swiss can /totally/ manage that. Except, whenever that happens the pair of idiots (affectionate) end up "making love" in the most classical & then being shy about it the next day. Like, Swiss will destroy Dew emotionally & physically then in the morning it's as if nothing happend but one (1) night of eyecontact, missionarry, & pillow talk they turn into a pair of blushing maidens when their hands meet as they reach for the orange juice at the same time during breakfast.

Am i waaaay off base here? Does Swiss only specialise in the rough stuff?? Idk. i love them either way your honour.

Thank you so much! I'm hardly the first or only person to be writing them like this but I will admit it's so fun to write Swiss being an absolute bastard (positive) and Dew being angry about how much he enjoys it when that happens.

I am also one hundred percent a soft Swiss truther. I fully believe he wields different personas depending on the mood he's in. Why deny anything that gets him off, gets his packmates off? I adore your idea, so I'll share one of my own in return.

Order in the court!

Something gets mixed up, maybe a room is out of order for maintenance but the hotel is packed and no one's exactly willing to sleep on the floor. Dew and Swiss are put into the only room left: the hotel's honeymoon suite and Swiss gets a look in his eye that makes the hair on the back of Dew's neck stand up.

"Gimme the suitcases, honey." He drawls. "I don't want you tiring yourself out before I get my hands on you." He winks at the clerk. "Signed the papers right before we left but, y'know. No privacy on a bus. This works out great."

"Congratulations!" She beams. "Please let me know if you need anything!"

"Got everything I need right here," Swiss murmurs, staring dreamily at Dew, who is staring resolutely at the wall, face aflame.

The room isn't as bad as Dew thinks it is. Sure, the bed and the hot tub are heart shaped and there's a mirror on the ceiling but it comes with wine and chocolates that Swiss insists on getting into. A bath is run, Swiss dotes on Dew. But Dew can't shake the weird, squirmy feeling in his gut the whole ordeal gives him. Does he like being treated so soft, so gentle? He doesn't really know how to react to it, especially from Swiss.

They towel off and hit the sheets. Dew probably makes the first move just to distract himself from what's going on in his head and Swiss lets him. Keeps his hands on Dew's hips as they kiss and rock their hips together until Dew's a shivery, whining mess. At which point Swiss rolls them over, gets his hand around Dew's dick and whispers into his ear how he's gonna make him knot, get the little bulge of it all reddened and raw before Swiss will fuck him, watch his cock spurt out cum with every slow, gentle thrust deep into his little body. He's going to make Dew feel so good.

"Will you let me do it?" He murmurs. "Pretend it's your first time? Will you let me pop that sweet little cherry of yours?"

He squeezes around the base of Dew's cock so Dew can fully grasp what he means by that.

And Dew?

Dew makes the mistake of saying yes.

(It's the best and most confusing orgasm of his entire existence.)

(Everyone jeers at them when they're all on the bus the next morning. Someone twists aluminum foil into wedding rings but then everybody wants one and the next superstore they pass they demand a stupid sheet cake to celebrate "their" wedding.)

(There is absolutely a frosting fight.)

[evenmorefatallyobsessed]

Considering we've got Azula and Ty Lee "sorted", so to say, have you any ideas for: Mai, Suki, Toph or maybe even Katara?

Only ask, cause I can't find a definite no for them, unless I've missed that post.

Okay, so Mai is with Zuko, I don't care what anyone says, I don't care about the comics, Zuko is with Mai and Mai is with Zuko. As far as I'm concerned when she got fed up with him talking to his dad she tied the new the new firelord up and showed him why she mattered more then his secrets.

I refuse to believe that the same person who betrayed Azula for Zuko and was ready to die left him for keeping a secret that wasn't a affair or murder.

Hell, I'm not a huge fan of NTR but if in the next Avatar series it's revealed Mai or Zuko married someone else then as far as I'm concerned they still ended up together behind closed doors and she merely became Zuko's most important secret and whoever dared to marry him or her suffered a life of cucking for trying to get between the Firelord and his emo true love.

As for Suki, there is no way in hell she didn't end up with Sokka, I am 100% sure she beat the asses of anyone and everyone who tried to flirt with lord boomerang.

Also a hundred percent when he died I am convinced his spirit ended up with Yue and maybe even took in Suki too.

Finally Katara, we saw her and Aang's kids, while I love Zuko, Sokka and Iroh more then the avatar himself I still Love Aang, there are simply four good boys in Avatar, I would say there are no bad/ crap boys... But Jet.

So yeah I see aang with Katara, and lowkey I can't remember if we ever see a image of older milf Katara but lowkey Older Aang is one handsome fucker (Sokka too)

Lowkey after RWBY's boys, I might try and make Zuko, Sokka and Aang models and then their respective ships.

Toph... Hmm? Short Awnser, I don't really know? Maybe? I genuinely never thought about it before

[aylacavebear]

Retribution Chapter 6

Summary: You had DID for most of your life, over forty years, since you were two. It wasn't until after you were forty-three that you were finally able to heal it and become a singular. You're a hunter and have been with Dean for a very long time. Once you become singular, you have to face the horrors that your mental illness subjected on those you cared about, loved. Can you get past seeing yourself as worse than any monster you've ever hunted down?

Pairing is Dean Winchester x Reader/You

Warnings: Talk of DID - Dissociation Identity Disorder (AKA MPD), Mental Health Issues, Alcoholism, Thoughts of deserving to have it all done to "you".

Please, if you suffer from any mental illness, seek help. There are people out there who can help you get through it, no matter how alone you feel now or how hard it may seem.

A/N: This is going to be very dark, darker than anything I've written thus far. It will include many triggers - abuse both sexual and physical - in memories and what happens to the reader. I'm hoping it will have a happy ending but right now, I am not sure where this will go. This is your main warning before you begin reading. A/N: Dreams and Memories are indented in italics. Thoughts are in italics only.

----------------------------------------- Chapter 6 - While You Sleep

Dean leaned down and kissed your forehead before tucking you in, turning off your light, and joining his brother and Cas back in the library. The last month had been hard on all of them. The two weeks you’d been gone had been the hardest. 

Dean had lost so many people throughout his life that he thought that, in a way, he thought he was bad for everyone around him. When you left for those two weeks, though, he realized he couldn’t lose you, too. He also vowed that when he found you, he was going to do everything he could to help you heal your illness.

“Whiskey?” Sam offered, breaking the tense silence as he slid a full bottle across the table for him, which he caught. “She’s at least gonna get some sleep now. How you holding up?”

“I’ll live,” he sighed before taking a decent swig from the bottle, needing to dull the worry still consuming his mind.

“Cas, are you one hundred percent sure that the other personalities are gone?” Sam asked, still questioning it. He’d read up on enough to know that healing wasn’t always possible.

Cas met Sam’s gaze with a steady resolve, “When I looked in on her nightmare, I also looked at her memories from the night she left. They are gone. She was in a dark place. She needs people to give her the chance to trust herself again.”

Sam knew you’d never been like this before, seeming as though you were broken. Even with everything you’d done to his brother and the verbal abuse you had put them both through, seeing you like this was worrisome. Another personality always came out and took over when one got too depressed or emotional. He sipped his beer, considering Cas’s words. 

“She’d different, Sam,” Dean began quietly, fighting tears that had been threatening to fall since he’d brought you dinner. “She’s… softer.” His voice was laced with uncertainty.

He didn’t know how else to explain it. It was just something he felt, and he always had a hard time putting his emotions into words. Unless, of course, it was anger. That was always easy. He sipped the whiskey, trying to think of other ways he could help you.

“How is she gonna be, when she wakes up?” Sam asked Cas, mirroring Dean’s worry.

“Hopefully, not as depressed. There wasn’t a lot I could do for what she has already remembered. I let her have some of the memories, just not as detailed, only a few. She will remember what she’s done over the last month and have a vague idea why. It will give her the time she needs to work through it, very slowly,” Cas explained, glancing toward the hallway where the rooms were, just as concerned for your wellbeing as the brothers.

“I don’t recommend her sleeping in your room yet, Dean. It could trigger memories to come forward too quickly, even after what I did,” Cas added.

All three of them were worried about you. The last month had been completely out of character for when you’d had DID. There were times your personalities would take off, but it typically only lasted a couple of days, and you always answered your phone. They were beginning to wonder if you’d ever hunt again, as that, too, could trigger memories you probably didn’t want to remember.

Dean and Sam remembered, though. Sam couldn’t count how many times he’d traced your phone, finding you in a different motel with some random guy. Dean had told himself it wasn’t the personality that loved him, that she would never do something like that. The one thing that circled his mind was how much of her was left in you. 

“I’d say to stop thinking about it, but I don’t think either of us are going to be able to do that till we know,” Sam sighed, seeing his brother lost in his thoughts again.

“We’ll see how she’s doing tomorrow. For now, I’m just gonna go slow with her,” Dean told him, but there was a sadness in his tone even Cas was able to pick up on.

Dean’s mind wandered back to some of his favorite memories of you.

It was early in your relationship, and you’d had to sleep in the Impala that night, but Dean hadn’t minded. You were wrapped up in his arms, and he could hold you close against him in the back seat. Sam was still sleeping in the front. Dean was awake, though, just watching you sleep. The way your hair fell partially over your shoulder but not in front of your face. How your breathing was slow, like you were in a peaceful, dreamless slumber. Your hand was on his chest over his heart. When your fingers twitched, it made him smile, feeling the movement through his shirt. He watched you inhale deeply, then yawn before your eyes began opening. He rubbed your shoulder gently with the arm he had under you, “Morning, Sweetheart.” “Mmmm,” you hummed as a smile spread across your lips, too sleepy to say anything. “You sleep okay, cramped on this backseat with me?” he asked quietly, not wanting to wake his brother. “I love getting to sleep in the Impala with you. We have to stay close, or I end up on the floor,” you replied, giggling a little as you looked up at him. Dean caressed your cheek, looking deeply into your eyes. This was the moment he realized he loved you, at least this personality of yours. She was always so sweet and caring, and she knew how to laugh at things. You’d been hunting with him and his brother for half a year now, and it was these moments that had meant the most to him. You were a damn good hunter, well, that personality was, but this one had his heart.

“Dean, did you hear anything I just said?” Cas asked him.

“Yeah, sure,” Dean answered. Then he sipped his whiskey, realizing he had gotten completely lost in his thoughts.

Sam’s brows furrowed in confusion, “And your thoughts on the matter are…?” he asked, trailing off at the end.

Dean rolled his eyes, “Alright. I didn’t hear you.”

Cas sighed, slightly frustrated, “Tomorrow after she wakes up. I, was suggesting that perhaps she shower and you help her set up a room that is all hers. Something that has nothing to do with her DID. It might help her.”

“Huh, that is a good idea,” Dean mused, now letting the thought play through his mind, hoping she’d be okay with it. It might even give him a chance to ask you a few things without pushing other things. He did still want answers. He couldn’t hide that tiny flicker of hope that ignited within him, “Maybe it’ll give her a way to start over.”

In a way, that’s what they all felt like you were doing, starting over. The only difference, you were attempting to pick up the pieces of your life that your personalities had left shattered at your feet. You wouldn’t be alone, though. The three of them were your family, and even though the abuse you’d put them through, they all loved you in their own way. 

Dean’s gaze fell on the bottle of whiskey, and a small smile played along his lips for a moment.

“Come on, share,” you begged, reaching over Dean again, trying to grab the bottle of whiskey.

“Kiss me first,” he told you playfully.

The two of you were lying on your shared bed in his room, which was now both of your room. He was on his back, and you on your side. You were watching him while attempting to reach over his chest to his other hand, where he held the whiskey bottle just out of your reach. Dean smirked, loving how playful you were being. “Fine,” you replied, quite playfully, before placing an intimate kiss on his lips.  His other hand moved to the middle of your back, holding you against him as your hand rested on his chest. This was the personality he loved and that loved him. When you went to pull away, he held you closer, smirking against your lips, making you giggle. Music to him.  Dean rolled the two of you over, careful not to spill the open bottle of whiskey before setting it on the night table on the other side of you. He never broke the kiss as his hand came down and caressed your cheek. “I love you,” he said softly, now looking into your eyes. He could see it, the way you felt for him. You were the only one who looked at him like that.  “I love you too,” you whispered, smiling back up at him.

“Dean, are you even paying attention?” Sam asked, wondering where his brother's mind was.

He sighed heavily, “Sorry. What were you saying?” he asked, now looking up at Sam.

“Cas and I were talking about DID. It’s not something that just goes away overnight. Do you have any idea how long or if she had been doing any sort of therapy?” Sam asked, recapping what he and Cas had talked about.

Dean had to think about that before he could answer. He hadn’t seen you doing anything that could be therapy, “Well, I found her alone a lot, with a laptop.”

Cas furrowed his brow in curiosity, “What do you mean, and for how long?”

“Uh, well, she would disappear a lot around the bunker. When I would find her, she always had her laptop open to something but would close it and not let me see. I think for at least the last five years, she was doing that often,” Dean explained, wondering how it would even help.

Sam and Cas looked at Dean, somewhat puzzled, as he hadn’t said anything about it prior to tonight. “And you’re just now telling us about it?” Sam asked, trying not to sound annoyed.

“I didn’t think anything of it before. Some of her personalities did weird things,” Dean attempted to defend himself.

“If she’s been at it for five years, that would make sense as to why it recently happened,” Cas thought out loud, his gaze on nothing in particular.

As the brothers waited for Cas to say something else, Dean’s mind again drifted to his memories.

“But we watched a western last night,” you groaned, seeing the moving waiting to get played on the screen. “Come on, Sweetheart. We can watch something else after. I promise,” he attempted to convince you in that sweet kid way he always did. You rolled your eyes but gave him a playful smile before plopping on the couch next to him and cuddling up close, “You know I can’t tell you no when you get like that. It’s cheating.” You gave him quite the pout, which made him laugh. “Now, who’s cheating?” he teased you, slowly bringing his hand down your arm and to your side. You managed to keep the pout—that is, until he squeezed his hand on your hip, causing you to squeal with laughter. Dean was smiling ear to ear as he brought his other hand to hold you in place the more you squirmed.  “That’s not fair!!” you squealed between fits of laughter as he tickled along your ribs. Dean loved hearing you laugh and seeing you happy and smiling, as they were few and far between those days. He didn’t keep it up long, tickling you before he stopped to let you breathe. You were the one he loved, and your eyes always danced when you laughed. He caressed your cheek as your giggles subsided, but your smile never faltered as he looked into your eyes with utter adoration, which you returned. That look spoke the words neither of you needed to say now.

“I swear, Dean. It’s like you’re not even here,” Sam snapped, pulling him from his thoughts.

Dean sighed, “I can’t help it. What’d I miss?”

“We were talking about what she would have been doing at Crowley’s,” Cas told him, puzzled as to what kept pulling Dean from the conversation.

“She wanted to get Crowley to somehow put her through the same abuse she put us through, for the same amount of time or longer,” Dean told them and shuddered at the thought. “Although, she wanted it done to her tenfold.”

“That’s why you asked me to help her, isn’t it?” Cas asked, finally putting all the pieces together.

“Yeah. It broke my heart to see her in so much pain,” he mumbled, then took another swig of his whiskey. 

Sam sighed, “You’re not going to be much help to her if you go down the same path of self-destruction.”

“I can put my own stuff aside and be there for her when she needs me. I’m only drinking like this because I know she’s gonna sleep all night, and I don’t have to worry about her waking up in tears or trying to take off running again,” Dean told his brother firmly. He’d backed off the alcohol since Cas had brought her back, and he needed this tonight. He needed to relax as he’d been on edge for the last two weeks.

“For the first time in a long time, none of us have to worry about her,” Sam agreed, finishing his beer.

They’d all worried about you in different yet similar ways. Most of your personalities had been self-destructive, which always caused problems for those who cared about you. Like the random men in motel rooms, even when Dean was sound asleep in your shared one. The verbal conflicts they started on purpose, then hid the memory of from your other personalities. 

Half the time, you didn’t even know there was a problem, and they all hated having to tell you about it. If they did tell you, it hurt you emotionally, and that always caused another switch. It was a never-ending pattern that none of them had seen a way to stop without forcing you into a mental hospital. Dean alone wouldn’t allow it. He had stayed firm in the belief that healing had to be your choice.

What none of them could fathom now was why you had chosen to do it all alone for the last five years. That was their biggest question, followed by what kind of person you not only were now but would be once you got through all of this.

“You think she’ll ever hunt again?” Dean asked as if he was lost in a daze again, staring at his whiskey bottle.

Cas turned his attention to Dean, contemplating an answer, “It’s hard to say. Only time will tell now. Let’s get her through this before we worry about that.”

“I can send any cases that come up to other hunters while we stay here to help her,” Sam added.

“Did you update Charlie and Eileen?” Dean asked, finishing off the bottle of whiskey.

“Called ‘em the night Cas brought her back. They wanted to come by, but I told ‘em now wasn’t the time and that I’d keep them posted,” Sam explained.

“Good. We’ll see how she is tomorrow before those two stop by,” Dean chuckled.

Charlie, Eileen, and you had hit it off the moment you’d met and were practically sisters at this point. The downside, a few of your personalities had a thing for Charlie. Charlie had reassured Dean numerous times that nothing had ever happened between the two of you, but he always wondered. That was mostly due to how thick the flirting had gotten, even if it was never physical.

Would you still be into chicks? Dean thought to himself.

“You think those two will still flirt with each other?” Sam chuckled, remembering how badly Dean had blushed numerous times hearing the things that came out of both your mouths.

All he could do was shrug. There were so many things he didn’t know. One of the ones that was burdening him the most was whether or not his Y/N was still a part of you. He wasn’t sure if you’d still feel the same toward him, and that would be worse than if you’d died.

“Dean, you might want to be there, when she wakes up tomorrow. If you’re up for the task, she’ll need a rock to lean on, even if she won’t know how to ask,” Cas told him sympathetically.

Dean sighed, tossed the empty bottle in the trash, then quietly went into your room. For the first time in a long time, you looked peaceful in your sleep. A soft smile crossed his lips as he just watched you sleep for a moment. 

He slipped off his shoes before carefully sliding into bed behind you and snuggling up close to you. Dean let his hand gently move down your arm before he laced his fingers with yours, rubbing the side of your thumb with his.

“I’ll always love you,” he whispered before closing his eyes, hoping he would sleep peacefully next to you for the night.

Sam and Cas stayed up a little while longer, sitting in the kitchen mostly in silence. Sam wanted to believe that the personalities were gone, but something was nagging at the back of his mind. He’d done enough research on DID to know that it ‘didn’t just go away’, even after half a lifetime of in-depth therapy.

Part of Sam hated you for how your personalities had treated not only him, but also his brother and their friends. He kept this from both his brother and Cas, not wanting to make things harder for Dean than they already were.

----------------------------------------- Chapter 7 - Picking Up the Pieces Pt. 1

Retribution Master List

Tag List: @jc-winchester @nancymcl @xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx

[iobsessoverfictionalmen]

The Sounds of Justice (3)

Warnings: canon typical violence, cursing, non-consensual drugging, descriptions of character death, car crashes, lying, manipulation, mentions and descriptions of jail, guns, yandere themes, mafia AU, mafia Rafael Barba (trust me, he needs the warning), mentions of rape (not to the reader), and unwanted advances (nothing happens to the reader).

Chapter 3

“Is Abby usually that…” Sonny struggled to find the right word.  “Excitable?”

“How do you mean?”  Bishop asked with protectiveness barely concealed in her voice.

“When I showed her the analysis machines that we use, she linked her fingers, stretched out her arms, stared at the machines, and then said, “You are my babies and I am your benevolent ruler!”

Tony chuckled, “That’s our Abby.”

“Speaking of tours, we give you the tour.  We’ll break into groups or pairs.”

You ended up paired with Fin and he escorted you around the precinct, pointing out the important places and most notably, the break room.

“What did you do before you worked here?”  He asked.

“I worked for the Behavioural Analysis Unit as a profiler.  You?”

“Narcotics.  Worked there for over ten years.”

You let out a low whistle, “That would’ve been rough.”

“No rougher than working sex crimes.”

You leaned against the island in the break room, “Have you ever had a case where you realise that your case is actually part of a bigger one?”

“I hate those.  It means more people have suffered.  Usually there’s politics at play as well which makes it more complicated than it needs to be.”

The two of you lapsed into silence.

“What do you think about this one?” Fin asked.

You rubbed your eyes and pinched the bridge of your nose with your fingers, “I can already tell that it’s a bad one.  Not only has your guy become our guy but Abby has located three other cases with a few similarities in the tri-state area.”

“She works fast.”  Fin remarked approvingly.  “We only recorded the third case a couple of days ago.  Seeing as you guys are the feds, I’m guessing you have access to that data base.”

“She does.”  You agreed “She’s a sleuth in the truest sense of the word.  And yes, we do.  If it helps, we don’t spend our time trawling through your data bases just because we can.”

“I’m not sure whether to be relieved or insulted by that.  Do you think this case is part of something bigger?”

“The murders appear random.  So far there’s nothing that connects them which means there’s nothing to tie them to our unsub.”

“Unsub?”

“Old habit.  It means ‘unknown subject.’ Since there’s no connection yet, I only have a vague idea of a profile.”

“How does that work?  The profiling?”

“Basically I gather all the information in my head, piece together bits of information that seem like they belong to the same group and create a portrait based on that.  With the right amount of information, I can determine ethnicity, age, height and build and behavioural patterns.  But I’ll only do it once I’m one hundred percent sure and I’ve collaborated with my team.  Otherwise I risk getting it wrong and starting a witch hunt.”

“In all my years in narcotics, I’ve never seen anything like this.”  Fin revealed, “The amount of sophistication that an operation like this would take speaks to me of a professional touch.”

“Do you think a gang could be behind this?”

Fin shook his head as he leaned against the cupboards and rested his hands on the bench behind him, “While I’ve seen some sophisticated gangs with the technology to pull something like this off and the ability to stay one step ahead of law enforcement, I feel like we’re missing something crucial.”

“What if it’s more than one gang?  United under a particular person?”

Fin nodded slowly as he thought it over, “Smaller gangs can slip under the radar and they’d be more inclined to work for someone bigger in exchange for protection.  Especially if they’re working with rival gangs under the leadership of our mystery guy.  Question is: who?  Who would have that kind of power to unite them?”

You let out a moan, “Which brings us back to our original problem?”

“Not only that.  We’re no closer to figuring out why and how your boy was involved.”

“Well, how did you find out about your guy?”

“Witness called in a failed rape.  Said that the intruder burst into his home and shot straight towards him.  Grabbed his clothes and tore them.  Just before things could get worse, the intruder keels over and dies.”

“Just like that?”

“Just like that.” Fin confirmed.  “Victim was pretty shaken.”

“Yeah, I’ll bet.”

Footsteps reached yours and Fin’s ears at the same time and Tony appeared in the doorway to the break room.  You knew it was serious when he didn’t make a quip about you finding the break room first like he normally would have.

“Anonymous caller just phoned in that there is another victim.”

“Same MO?” Fin questioned.

“Looks like it,”  Tony replied heavily.

[plantinghobbies]

Growing Pains

Two: Sure I’d Never Be Found

Author’s Note: Back from some traveling and finally had dedicated time to write. I’ve been overwhelmed by the support for the first chapter. Thank you so much, revisiting your notes kept me motivated when I struggled to focus or hit a block. The incredible @solipsisticno1 also helped keep my ass in gear. This’ll be a fast and slow burn (I’m a Gemini so cannot escape my love for duality). Welcome all constructive critique, favorite parts, questions, etc - so grateful for any and all feedback. Ok, here’s more of Tess and Matty.

It’s the longest he’s spent near mountains since he left home. Growing up, the idea of vastness had scared him; he doesn’t like to be reminded of how small and microscopic his existence is in the very grand scheme of things. Sometimes, he’ll lie awake at night fixated on just how tenuous life is, how quickly something outside of his control could end it. He wonders what he’d be remembered for – his art or his infamy? On particularly bad days, he wonders if he’d be remembered for long at all.

But the panoramic views of the peaks from the house the label rented him have the opposite effect. After years of touring in cramped bunks and living in packed cities, he feels the space around him palpably, like he’s been curled into a ball for too long and is finally able to stretch out.

When he’d announced his plans to spend the band’s hiatus working on some solo material with Jack in the States, he’d been most nervous about telling his band mates. Even though they’d always been supportive of each other branching out in various ways, this felt different somehow. It was one thing for George to work on remixing the odd single or producing with other artists, it was quite another to put out a whole solo record as Matty was planning, with a potential tour as well. But, as they had for the last twenty years, the guys had his back one hundred percent.

What he hadn’t anticipated was the call from his mum that came in the night before he left. She’d seemed antsy when he’d seen her for a bon voyage dinner two nights ago, but he chalked it up to her not wanting to say goodbye.

“Matthew, I’m still not sure if I should even be telling you this, had to really talk myself up to it. But I know I’d be kicking myself later if something happened.” There’s a tremor in her voice that he hasn’t heard in years.

Oh God, he thinks, she’s sick. Worse, she’s dying. His mind already flashing to her funeral, him attempting to perform a song for her before he breaks down in tears, failing her in this final act.

“You know I am so proud of you, and I wouldn’t ever dream of questioning your sobriety. But you’ve never been on your own like this without your support system – and lord knows neither have I – but it’s not easy. So I just need to say be careful, be vigilant, ask for help when you need it. I’m a plane ride away.”

The indignation that reared up at him was visceral. 34 years old, several years in recovery, and she still didn’t trust him. Looking back, he knows he could have handled it better. He’s proud of himself for not blowing up at her, something a younger version of him would have absolutely done. But he knows he was curt, wanting to punish her, inflict hurt like what had welled up in him at the thought that his own mum doubted him.

After the first few days of wandering his house, un-showered and aimless, he’d begun to see what his mother meant. The process of writing and recording is inherently unstructured, at least for him, filled with days where he does nothing and nights of manic activity. It’s him, sitting around with his own thoughts, picking at the scabs and scar tissue of his past. He didn’t realize how much he relied on the rhythm of others - the band, the tour - to provide structure for him. For the first time in his life, he is without those things, and the space that it creates feels like a blessing and a curse.

In the couple of weeks since, he’s settled in a bit more, has found a gym and can now navigate to Jack’s studio and back without relying on his phone. The word routine has always rubbed him the wrong way, evoking images and associations that make him uneasy. Boring. Pedestrian. Old. When he left rehab, they’d armed him with a written routine to help ease his transition back to his “everyday life.” It was cookie cutter shit that he hadn’t even done in rehab, let alone out of it – daily meditation, making his bed, a gratitude journal. One glance at the word and the list of to-dos had him pulling up his dealer’s number before the plane had even landed.

When he finally got clean for good, a new therapist suggested he develop a structure in lieu of a routine. At first, Matty didn’t understand the difference, and he’d worried that he’d once again sunk a ton of time into bettering himself only for the system to fail him.

“What do you like to do for fun?” His therapist, David, asked. The question caught him off guard, he was expecting the beginnings of a diatribe on the benefits of eating healthy.

“You mean, besides heroin?” Matty often tried to get a rise out of David but had yet to succeed, his shit-eating grin met with nothing more than a stoic quiet. Sometimes, when he was bored or couldn’t focus during their session, he’d imagine what David’s home life was like. What does this guy do for fun? Is he a Saturday golfer and Sunday churchgoer like he looks? Or does David leave the prim façade at work, shedding his tweed jacket on his way to a BDSM club or an after-hours rave?

Finally, David indulges him. “Yes, besides heroin.”

That was easy. “Music.”

“Ok, but music is also your job, which can be a source of stress. What do you like to do besides making music?”

He’s embarrassed to admit he’s a bit stumped. Over the years, he’s amassed a laundry list of abandoned hobbies – some lasting for a few days, others a few months. But only one has ever lasted long-term. Well, social media but that’s more of a habit he’s adopted to avoid other, worse vices.

“Umm, honestly, I don’t know. I haven’t really ever been able to keep up with one long-term besides writing songs.”

“Ok” David smiled “let’s start there.”

In the end, he was glad that he stuck with it. Nowadays, Matty had a simple list of things that he liked to do that help him feel his best – he isn’t regimented about doing them, which he thinks is how he’s been able to stick with it for so long. They didn’t cure his addictive cravings but they kept them at bay. He still resented the amount of effort that was required for him to have a “normal” day - but it was better than the alternative.

Given how late he got in from the studio the night before, he should still be in bed. He and Jack had been holed up for almost two days straight, capitalizing on a burst of creative energy that had them laying down the rough cuts of three songs and the outlines of a fourth. When Jack had finally gone home to Margaret, he’d kicked Matty out of the studio as well, demanding that he shower, eat and sleep – in that order. He’d caught a few hours of shut eye but the chord progression he’s stuck on has him unable to quiet his mind enough to rest. What’s new? Unable to even muster the focus needed to make tea, he settles for coffee instead. The expensive coffee machine gurgles next to him as he stares out the window, realizing that he can’t remember the last time he’d been outside. Maybe “touching grass�� (he refuses to admit that he might be too old for certain phrases) would help unstick it?

It’s the first time the front porch has seen any action since his arrival and he takes a minute to get situated, shifting his chair this way and that. Finally satisfied, he looks up just in time to catch the vaguely familiar side profile of a woman walking by with her dog. Before the image registers in his brain, she’s gone. He finishes his coffee then heads out to jui jitsui before meeting Jack.

That afternoon is one of the most productive days in the studio so far, he feels like they’re getting somewhere. He’s desperate to sustain the momentum, to try to quell the intrusive, insecure thoughts that he can’t do this on his own. No amount of encouragement from Jack has helped, he needs to see it for himself.

He’s not above relying on superstition and decides to do everything the same the next day, including watching the sunrise on the porch, staring at the coffee as he swirls his mug. The jingling of a leash has him tilting his head up, eyes journeying up long legs, tracing an hourglass figure that had been hidden by the bar, meeting her piercing eyes – yep, that’s her. He leans forward in his seat, casting about for a witty comment to put her on her heels the way she had put him on his with that story the other night. But he doesn’t get a chance, her eyes seeming to look right through him as she passes by.

At first, he convinces himself that she just didn’t see him, unable to accept that he hadn’t left any impression on this woman. The next few days find him inching his chair closer and closer to the sidewalk each morning, but her and her dog just sail past without a second glance, seemingly immune to his presence. And listen, he’s not a dickhead - it’s not like she owes him any acknowledgement. He understands more than most how rare uninterrupted time to yourself can be in this day and age. But he hears her daily greeting to the older man who sits on his porch reading the paper a few doors down! So, it feels like she’s ignoring him specifically and intentionally – and the question of why is driving him mad. It scratches at sensitive scar tissue where his admittedly oversized ego meets a more fragile self-esteem, seizes on feelings of being unremarkable and weaponizes them. Has his overactive mind casting about for various reasons for her silence, most of them bad. She doesn’t recognize him, not even from the other night. Or worse, she does.

The rest of the week in the studio is a bit of a wash.

Saturday finds him bored and antsy, with little to do and even less motivation. Trying to occupy himself, he sets his sights more firmly on getting a rise out of her, any acknowledgement really. Just to get her to crack once, he tells himself, and then he’ll leave it be. He doesn’t dwell on why he gets so bothered by apathy, physically shakes away memories that surface uninvited in his mind - his mother’s glazed expressions, his exhaustive attempts to garner her attention. Getting a reaction from people was his coping mechanism long before it was his job.

Pulling the Adirondack chair - so cliche but also so bloody comfortable – right up to the fence, he positions it at an angle in clear view of the sidewalk. Sure enough, as she approaches, her eyes land on him from behind her sunglasses. He only knows this because her step falters slightly, head dipping into the barest of nods as she passes. The thrill that Matty gets from even this subtlest reaction is a welcome change from the monotony of the last few weeks. He can imagine what George would say if he saw this “Christ mate, you’ve got to get out more.” But George isn’t here, none of them are – and that’s the problem isn’t it?

The next day, it becomes clear that she is, in fact, fucking with him. She’s walking toward him, her mouth opens to speak – Matty slides forward in his chair at the sight, ready to declare victory – and then curls it into a smirk at his earnest reaction. It’s obvious enough that it had to be intentional. Oh, game on.

His tendency to hyper-fixate is a blessing and a curse, making him a better artist but an occasionally insufferable human. He’s determined to not let her get the best of him this time around, spending downtime in the studio brainstorming how to get her to break first. The answer comes to him as he’s standing outside, having a cigarette between writing sessions. The sign hanging in the window across the street is just too cringe, too cliche, too absolutely perfect to ignore and Matty strolls out of the store with it not two minutes later.

The next morning, he’s giddy with anticipation. As she turns the corner her head is down, almost as if she’s determined not to see or been seen. At the last second though, she glances up and clocks the sign leaning against the outside of the fence right, him seated next to it with a sly smirk on his face. She stops, stares, and then - right as he’s certain she’s going to maintain their silent standoff - she barks out a laugh. It is loud and raucous and feels like a well-won prize after two weeks of continuous effort.

“Oh my god, where did you get that?” She seems surprised to hear the sound of her own voice. If she’s disappointed that she’s “lost,” it doesn’t show. He begins to tell her, in his trademark roundabout way, a winding story about the fucking writing block that him and Jack ran into which led to him being outside, to seeing the store but then back around to the song that he was working on. She is nodding along but glances at her watch twice, the dog trying to pull her to keep moving, bored of him. She opens her mouth to interrupt him, a split-second pause where she huffs and seems to question herself, before rushing out with “Listen, I gotta get this guy to the park or he’ll have a meltdown, you can tell me the rest as we walk.”

She walks on, not giving him a chance to respond as he hustles to catch up with them. He meets her on the sidewalk the next morning, not giving her a chance to pass him by again.

[beachyserasims]

♡ Intimate Moments | Jasmine & Justin | GENEVA ISLAND

* Justin is sitting on the bed upset and Jasmine enters *

Jasmine: Hey! I’ve been looking all over for you! What are you doing hiding out in here anyways?

Justin: Oh, hey, ummmm… I don’t know, I just feel more like being alone these days I guess…

Jasmine: Hmm, that seems so unlike you.

Justin: Yeah, you are right. I honestly had no idea it would be so difficult to be in here.

Jasmine: I’m sorry, I know exactly how you feel… Do you want to talk about it?

Justin: Sure, but I think I’m mostly confused.

Jasmine: How so?

Justin: Well, what changed after Blakes left? I thought we were… Well I guess I didn’t know exactly, but I thought our connection was strong enough to start a solid foundation for a relationship. Was I wrong?

Jasmine: No, you weren’t wrong. I think, for me, the relationship I had with Blakes, while it was short, it impacted me a lot… We moved sooo fast, and then you came in and everything changed just as quickly.

Justin: Are you nervous that will happen with me? Cause I really don’t see that happening…

Jasmine: No, its not like that exactly. It’s more like I don’t want either of us to move too fast and possibly blow up… Cause Blakes got really hurt and I feel so guilty about that… I never want to go through that again or put someone else through it.

Justin: That makes sense Jasmine, but I want you to know that I am one hundred percent about you and I ending up together.

Jasmine: What about Judi?

Justin: I like her, I really do. But we aren’t as great together as you and I… I know cause I think about you all the time, and I know it’s bad, but, even when I’m with her, I can’t help but to think and wish I was with you. I’ve had enough time to know that you are the one I want. I have no problem telling Judi that either if that’s something you want.

Jasmine: Everything you say sounds so wonderful and perfect, I’m just nervous.

Justin: You don’t have to be, but I get it. I’m not expecting an answer right now, I’m just asking that you think about it.

Jasmine: I will.

*Jasmine and Justin hug*

The Start || Beginning of Episodes || Previous || Next

[luescris]

Spoiler warning for Sonic Prime below, beware

So many things are going in my brain right now. A million different trains are running a million miles on high speed and I have no way of knowing which one to start with because oh my god

I finished watching Sonic Prime. And safe to say I am absolutely gobsmacked

What a show. From start to finish. There's so many things that I want to say about it. The characterization, the emotion, the animation, the end. Some of it may be critiques, but not in a bad way. I'm just. Genuinely. So happy that we got this.

What I will admit though, was that the fight scenes in this season seemed to be a little bit dragged on. They were bearable and fun to watch for sure, and there was not much happening, but I think I understand why they did that. 😆 Everything else though. Man

Shadow was the best he's ever been in forever. Just for starters. We need more of that Shadow on so many levels. The Amy's consistently teaming up with each other, calling each other sisters, holy shit?? That was the greatest ever????? Not only that but Dread naming Black Rose the Captain was so amazing I can't even like. Find the right words. It fit so well and I literally was vibrating like augh Like in general Amy had such good representation throughout the entire show, in fact both her and Shadow have and those were the two that I was worried for the most and I am so glad that they did them right

Sails and Mangey though. I thought they were gone for good for a long while there. When they returned I was so very freaking happy like aaaaa

Nine's entire deal was definitely An Experience, and I don't mean that in a bad way he was certainly a goober, but the concept of an evil Tails man. Very scary indeed HFHDDHD

But then. There was freaking. The moment where Sonic was about to blip out of existence. Where he turns around to the Amy's and goes "Goodbye Roses". And then when everything came together again and he called her "sweet Amy." With that look on his face and that stance. Am I the only one that feels vindicated?? That screamed and ran around out of pure excitement??? Like am I reaching or was that genuinely them telling us he one hundred percent has a thing for Amy??? I genuinely do not know but my heart wants to say yes and I am on the floor.

My only question is; what the heck was with that end?? I know they said that it was meant to be part of the games somehow some way but like. They don't show anything? The only thing we get is Eggman saying he needs a bigger fleet and that tells me that maybe this is before Forces??? But I genuinely have no idea augh

Does anyone else know?? Can anyone else figure that out like augh ahshhdsh

I really want to like. Dive super deep into all of the things Sonic no doubt has to tell his friends about what happened and his feelings about fighting Nine and maybe even missing all of them in a way and just. Yeah man wowie

Also the fact that Shadow appears out of nowhere to everyone except Sonic and takes the Prism somewhere, and he was like "I go wherever I want" that was so funny, especially since he too knows what happened like aidhdhdhdhhs 😂

But god man. Honest rating is 8/10 show. There were moments that were cheesy but ultimately it was amazing, and I loved watching every bit of it. :D I am so very sad to see something so great go so fast, but I suppose that's the nature of Sonic I guess lmao 😂

[fairycosmos]

girl help, a friend of mine who's 25 and who struggles a lot (several severe mental and physical illnesses, fucked up abusive parents that she lives with, abusive shitty boyfriend, no job, no financial security etc) says she wants a child asap so that it will give her a sense of meaning and security and essentially "fix" her. idk what to tell her i just don't think that's a good idea for her OR for the child. she literally said getting married or having a child would fix her

what a mess :/ i'm sorry to hear that. it must be really hard to see your friend go through all of this while wanting to make such unhealthy yet permanent decisions on top of it all.

it sounds like she's in a really bad place, and isn't thinking rationally or clearly, which will probably make it really hard to get through to her. as an outsider looking in on the situation, there's definitely only so much you can do here, and i'm sure you've already thought of all the ways you can express your uncertainty with her plans and your concern for her well-being, which is really one of the only things you can consistently do as mate. i think trying your best to ground her in reality when the topic of parenthood comes up would be a good way to go about things - talk about the sleep deprivation, the insane cost, the possible post partum depression, the lack of resources she currently has available to her to raise a whole human being, the lifelong commitment, the crushing and constant responsibility, having no down-time. i'm sure on some level she already knows it, and maybe she won't be that receptive to hearing it, but keeping it as real as possible with her is honestly super necessary at this point imo. you're a hundred percent right about her not having the means to realistically do this, but she may be in such a desperate and isolated state of mind that she doesn't want to admit it. if you speak to her from a place of genuine worry, she may be more likely to hear you out eventually, even if it takes time.

honestly, hearing about this sort of thing usually really pisses me off - i am so fucking tired of people carelessly actively choosing to have children that they're ill prepared for and perpetuating the seemingly never-ending cycle of trauma, but i think mostly i just feel really sad for your friend. stability and companionship do seem really enticing when you don't have either of them, and we all deserve to experience those things in one way or another. it's cruel that only some people get appropriate access to it, you know? i think what your friend might be looking for is a sense of support and community, feeling like she belongs to something and has a purpose. if you're able to encourage her to go to therapy, build up a healthy routine, invest her time and energy into communal hobbies - she may end up finding that feeling from other sources before she actually does end up having kids or marrying someone out of pure loneliness. obviously, this isn't solely your responsibility, and she has to want to be an adult about the situation, to want to do whats right. it's first and foremost her choice to make, and all you can do as someone who deeply cares for her is try to be there. try to encourage healthier choices, like seeking professional help and being honest with her about her limited/idealistic perspective and showing that you just want what's best for her. i think if you're doing that, you're really doing all you can do without crossing any lines and pushing her away even further. this sucks, and i totally understand why you're feeling all sorts of ways about it. that's totally justified. i hope she comes to her senses soon. it may just be a phase. sending hug to you. x

[titanicfreija]

Rise-26 has concerns

"So you're just answering questions."

"Yeah...?"

"From. The. Not 'a', but The mother fucking Empress. Caiatl. Leader of the Cabal Empire, which spans multiple solar systems; possessor of tech that fucks with Darkness and Light alike; who staged a fucking coup with fucking Ghaul--who shut down the Traveler and kicked our collective ass-- to overthrow Calus, fucked as he was, the guy that psychically linked himself to magic fungus and spread himself over the galaxy. You're taking questions like some kind of celebrity from the most powerful non-god we deal with?"

"Would it make you feel better to know it feels more like being interrogated? I get that you're upset about it, but she isn't Ghaul or Calus, and she's not interested in finding an excuse to kill us."

"She doesn't need one!"

"Actually, yeah. So me giving her one would be meaningless."

"The fuck can you tell an empress, anyway! What doesn't she know that you do?!"

"The difference between being suffocated by crushing or airway blockage."

~

"...Did she really ask you about that?"

"Nah. She did ask if I get scared when I die, though."

"Auuuggghhh! Of course that's what she would ask, and you are the worst one to answer."

"I've mentioned how much you hate being shot twice. Which reminds me, I think that's my shields. Your armor is thin but the shields can be modified with--"

"Focus, meathead, I'm trying to make sure your fat New Light mouth doesn't start an intergalactic war."

"Oh for-- It's not a hundred percent safe, but Sunny can mute my comms whenever she wants. All three of us, actually. They've been making little rules for the interviews since Neomuna--"

"Hang on, what?"

"I told you what happened. Sunny didn't remember anything and I couldn't talk about it for a while so she went to ask Caiatl and Nimbus. Caiatl mentioned not knowing anything about Ghosts, and Sunny, being the guiding sunbeam she is, wanted to help and offered to answer any questions. I can't tell you how their conversations evolved, but Sunny started it while I was meditating, they'd go talk for a bit. Then she started hanging out with her while I was sleeping and she was in range, and now they're talking via comms when we're in range. I don't know if they've been doing that without my knowing or if the first time she did it included me on accident or intentionally-- but yeah."

".... Guiding Sunbeam who is trying to upset all the politics."

"The world is ending, no one has time to get petty."

"This is precisely the time to get petty."

"Hunter."

"You do sound jealous, though. That's not why you're getting in on this, is it?"

"I was jealous, but hearing what they talk about is helping. Why are old people so weird?"

"What, talking about the nature of existence and shit?"

"Nature of your being, is what she said. Talking about being a Guardian, the resurrection stuff and what it means to not die like that. Asking about fear of death and if it hurts, like I said. If I could have shot someone else's Ghost instead of Sunny."

"Oh, shit, okay I see. Questions she really can't ask anyone else. Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"...."

"I said I didn't want to be that kind of person, but I am and I could but I'd feel bad. And then I went on for a while about why I'd feel bad. Cos you know how much I love Sunny, but even Three with Ghost and Thomas with Rex, and I can't.... It's a fucked up question, it was a fucked up order, and she's still learning exactly how bad because she's getting to ask some jackass real personal, prying, triggering questions, instead of trying to guess by sideways remarks from Zavala, bad explanations from Sunny, or me crying in front of her because she reminded me too sharp when she said sorry."

"And giving her a grand view of a weak spot isn't a bad idea to you?"

"She knows the Ghosts are our weak spots."

"This just screams bad idea."

"She likes Sunny. And I'm really some jackass. And she doesn't have to posture at me. And she likes this."

"... She has been shot before, why would she need to ask you?"

"I didn't survive. It's a little weird, I've never really thought about any of it, but I'm usually too busy thinking of an answer to worry about how she's gonna feel about it."

"Like what? What's weird?"

"What would you do if you met someone that killed their own Ghost?"

"... Yeah I can't... What... Can this person.... What?"

"Yeah, that's what I said. Couldn't even imagine a person that could do it, what they'd act like. Said they'd spook me. But then I said something like, I'd be more freaked out by someone who was okay with killing their own Ghost. And said that killing Ghosts in front of their Guardians is fucked up."

"It is."

"She didn't know that!"

"... Oh."

"I mean, she's not stupid, she probably knew it wasn't okay, but she didn't realize-- we all feel like that, and didn't realize we would feel each other's pain regarding our relationships and stuff, like us flinching when talking about Sagira and Brya and Rex."

".... Huh."

"Yeah, normal common knowledge to us, stuff we think is obvious-- she thought they were just chatty conduits, tools, not friends, let alone tied like we actually are, ways keeping even Rex and Thomas together."

"So Sunny helped?"

"It's been progressing for a while. She doesn't really talk to me about it, said it's rude, I'm pretty sure she just doesn't wanna tell me how much shit she talks. Can tell some shit, though. Set her off digging into history books and shit, questions she couldn't answer or got inspired to ask."

"Like what?"

"... Awoken Politics, for one."

"What's the real story there?"

"Awoken Politics is what I feel is safe to tell you. Shithead doesn't know when to let a question stay unanswered. That shit was the potential war."

"Ohhhhh..."

"Yep!"

"And. She's been answering questions. Like what?"

"I don't know. She won't tell me. A shitload of, "what the fuck are they doing" followed by "Why", with a bunch of just, "why" because she can tell what we're doing."

"... Fair enough. Seriously, though, why? Why does she care?"

"She's working pretty tight with us and we're unpredictable idiots and she wants half a clue? Fun? Curiosity? She seems to want to know more about the classes, our early days, the connection with the Ghosts and each other, and piddling other shit. Oh, she asked what my first memory was."

"That's another weird one."

"Sunny said she was probably testing my awareness on waking up."

~

Hard Questions

New Angle

Honest

Radio Chat

Scripted Questions

Battlefield

Fear

Enlightening

More like Interrogation <-

(In)humanity

Underlying

Ghost Affection

[aakristinejoyce]

#1 beginning of an end

It wasn't all bad, it was truly, fully, beautifully euphoric.

this will be the last time I'll write about this. one must learn to let it all go.

as I fully closed this book, I have to give the truest words my heart yields for. Serving the Lord will forever be the greatest yes of my life. I will never be half of who I am now, if it wasn't for that yes.

I owe who I am because of that yes. I owe Him my purpose. He had given me the opportunity of a lifetime. To learn to love without limits, to reach beyond logic, to freely create and be a part of an environment that speaks for people like me - someone lost, least, last.

He gave me something to fight for and He surrounds me with love all throughout the way.

It was my greatest blessing.

blessed was a loose term when I was young. It was a foreign concept. something Im shy to pronounce. I always used the term luck. It has a better ring in it. I always knew I had it good in life, but I always asks for more. I didn't know what I was missing, I didn't know why I'm lonely even if I'm surrounded. It was when I first encountered His love, I first felt blessed. Everything, everyone, everywhere felt grace after. Until now, it never changed.

It was my greatest admission.

It was the first time I told the world I wanted this. A loud declaration from someone who never voice out what she needs, what she wants. More than a mere action of being passive to the world and its tradition, I learned to not shy away from declaring to the world that I belong to Him, that it is His love that's changing me. It was the first time I set foot on the stage to not have the spotlight but to be a bearer of His light.

It was my greatest adventure.

to the people I have met along the way, the every stories I heard, every church and history I have been a part of, it was truly a once in a life time adventure. the places I visited, the lives I have known and been a part of, there is no greater feeling than journeying and traveling through time with the greatest people God has given you to love. You truly became a mosaic of all the people you encountered and let in. I am glad through this adventure, I found beautifully crafted people that I truly adored.

It was my greatest lesson.

with all the lessons, realizations, whispers I have heard and heartily took in, it was in my graceful defeat that I have learned what my greatest lesson is. It was the night my mom died and I was finding it in my heart the hate, the doubt and the question of why. I didn't find any of it. What I found was this faint beating deep within my soul that kept on saying, "in the process of losing everything, I still felt loved". I am sure, a hundred percent, that it will go differently if I never said yes.

It was my greatest achievement.

i was raised to always be at the top. people get disappointed when im not being my best self. I always believe I am loved for all the things I achieve, so when I started to fail and got punished for it, I got scared that I am being loved for the reasons I didn't want. so I started failing more just to prove a point that I am right, that I am being loved and celebrated because of my highs and not because of who I am. all the medals, trophies and awards didn't matter to me ever since I realized that the greatest achievement I had gained was finding who I really am in the process of building His legacy through my history. When people see a glimpse of Him through me, I already achieved heaven on earth.

It was my greatest surrender.

i am never one to back out from a fight especially when I know I'll win and if there's a slight chance that I won't, I step aside. im competitive in nature but lazy as well. I avoid risks, I always play it safe. but something shifted the moment I learned how to love right, that it takes a lot of humility to graciously face a fight and not control the odds. to put yourself out there even if you have no idea how things are gonna unfold. to offer your nothingness and be a witness of how it turned out to be just as everything. it didn't matter if I'll lose or win anymore, this yes turned every losses and wins into a greater opportunity to be less of myself and more of Him. I became the moon, nothing without the Sun.

It was my greatest sacrifice.

I got dirt on my feet and stars on my head, and all I can think about is how much I love Him. I fell in love with life the moment I fell in love with the Lord. It is as if I clearly saw beauty and meaning through His eyes. Gradually, through every little yes, simple steps that lead me to take up my own cross, deny myself and die a few times just to be worthy of following Him, I knew it by heart, I have kept my promise and have fought the good fight. It was all driven by love, and in love I have given my life for a decade.

In the end,

It was my greatest transformation.

I always thought saying yes to the mission and service had set my metamorphosis completely. I felt high, I completely soar upwards, fall a few times but still caught myself trying to fly. Going from one flower to another, embracing the beauty of my wings even if I can't see it. It was truly euphoric, to feel life coursing into your veins and being electrified by so much positivity and love you never thought was possible. Love really came down and manifest itself through my every yes. It was what I needed, it kept me alive, kept me afloat until I am ready to let it all go.

The greatest transformation started the moment I said yes a decade ago and it was completed the moment I had the courage to breakthrough out of the cocoon that I'm in. I thought I am already complete, but I wasn't. In time, I have been shown how things truly unfold differently to everybody.

I wasn't meant to stay, I was meant to breakthrough. I am always meant to leave. My time runs out, my part was done and I am grateful for the ride. It wasn't for me anymore, but it doesn't mean that everything that happened was forelong gone. It will always be there, it will always be special.

I am someone new. Some would say, I might be someone else. I changed but it's not because of pain, it was because for the first time in a very long time, I started to see my truth and I'm choosing it this time. I can't do that, if I stayed.

I walked and turned away from the vessel but never the source. I miss it most of the time, but I knew it was what needed to be done. Nevertheless ~

It was my greatest honor to be Yours forever, Lord.

A path closes for me, but I knew wherever I'll be, You'll meet me.

[kiillerqueen]

❝ I know that you know him well enough to be able to judge his character , so there is no need for you to convince me. However I do plan on having a little sit down with him just to get a feel of how my plan is working. I know he probably won't be honest with me but I am just going to go straight to the point with him about his feelings for Amelia. It will help me also figure out if I need to have Gabriel push harder to be successful. Plus I am sure I can help build doubt into his head about his relationship with Amelia. ❞ Declan had no idea that he had this side to him. He has always been known the too soft Grey , the one that his father would be foolish to hand his family's business to. In a way it gave him an advantage since no one would see such a plan come from someone like him. Declan has always been told lovve makes you do things and until he met Violet he never believed such words. ❝ If you believe you know what the plan is than why don't you tell me? Unless you're wanting to make sure you're right first? ❞ The male asks out of curiosity. ❝ I just want to make sure that you're careful even if you're confident nothing too bad will happen. Well it is a real shame that they don't get to understand and see just how amazing my soon to be wife is. I have no plan on fucking things up with them. You really hate him don't you? Should I be questioning why? ❞ Part of Declan isn't sure he actually wants a a response back. Declan has been telling himself that by going through with his plan to teach Amelia a lesson that maybe in the end it will be best for both his sister and family that Mason not be in the picture. As angry and hurt Declan is with the younger blonde there is no way that he'd willingly allow her to take part in ruining their family all because she was convinced by Mason. ❝ You've saved me from having to live a life of being married to a woman that I'd likely never love. Having children and making them go through the same cycle I did. Except I would never do the bullshit that my father has done to my own mother. To our family... ❞ Declan lets out a sigh of frustration as he thinks about everything his father has done to ruin their once happy family. He hopes that Violet knows that he isn't like his old man , that there is no fear to have in him ever treating her like his father had his mother. ❝ I won't argue with you if you're one hundred percent sure that you want to take my last name. Violet Grey does have a nice ring to it. ❞ A teasing smirk forming upon the male's lips as he leans in and gives her a gentle yet quick kiss. ❝ I promise that I won't have any kind of pity for you when you tell me what you need to tell me. ❞ It is easier for Declan to say such words than actually be able to act on it , but he did promise and he isn't one to break promises.

❝ I guess it all depends on how things play out. I can't tell you if Mason is serious about he because he's never serious about anything besides winning. I'm not saying it's impossible, but it might be a miracle if he manages to come around. ❞ Most of the people in the manor were incapable of love in her opinion. They were all too self-centered and selfish to truly care about someone else's needs or wants. It was the reason why Violet was ostracized from such a young age. She happened to be the only one who seemed to have a heart. ❝ Well, I think it will be easier now that I know her, and I think I have an idea of what they may be planning. ❞ She had never been more thankful she paid attention to her courses in the manor. The femme may have hated them in the moment, but it could be their saving grace in the present. ❝ No need... She's had a thing against me since I was born... I'm used to it, ❞ she said even though she did fear the redhead. ❝ You won't be an enemy. She'll probably be happy that you picked someone in the manor, just not that you picked me. They'll expect loyalty to not break whatever agreement your father made with them. We'll be safe as long as we stick to it. And I think I'd help you regardless of if we were together or not. I don't enjoy seeing what Mason does to people. ❞

She saw his actions almost like specialized terr.orism in a way. Mason ruined families in the worst way possible; all because he hated being abandoned by his own family. Violet, now being in a position to stop him, would do anything to protect her newfound family. Even if it meant upsetting a certain blonde that wasn't too friendly towards her. ❝ I guess you're right... I'm just glad that the universe was kind enough to save you for me. ❞ Smiling softly at the touch from her soon to be husband. Violet couldn't express the love she had for this man. It's what made the complexity of their relationship worth all the trouble that came with it. ❝ You make a good point...❞ The change from a no-named orphan to a name-bearer was a huge responsibility given she'd have to keep the family legacy going. ❝ No... I'm not freaked out or anything. I've thought about this for a long time, Declan, and I guess I should tell you some things about me—My legacy... So you can understand why I think I can handle it, but you have to promise that you won't pity me over whatever I tell you— Then we can start the kid conversation... ❞

[sturmvcgel]

@meinliied​ for Annora (plotted starter) 

Her eyes followed the unfamiliar figure, fingers twitching with excitement and magic. A guardian, within so close of her own reach... Marian smiled for a moment as the realisation hit her. Her master would be proud should she be able to defeat such a foe. But for now she needed to stay calm, to think before she was to react. After all their plan was carefully put together and the locals grew more distrustful - towards each other, towards the king - with each passing day. Soon an even greater victory would show itself on the horizon.  She had been sent to this far away village to move within the shadows, to be felt rather than seen to - Her thoughts were aprubtly cut off as the guardian passed her by and through the small crowd that had formed Marian could see that she was facing a girl. A young woman. So young and so powerful. "Excuse me?", before she could stop herself the necromancer had rushed forward, grabing for the stranger's hand. She was touched by death, but deep down she was just a young girl - noisy and full of life. "Are you visiting? You must be from the capital, by the looks of your clothes or-", she faked a gasp, "Even from Kinghal?"

[tmntxthings]

A Witch’s Kitchen Pt. 2

author’s note: for those who wanted the confession c:

warnings: fluff, slight cursing, unedited

> part one <

—————————————————————————

previously… “No buts!” Leo said grabbing Casey’s arm just in case he tried to make a dash for it. Mikey and Raph said their polite goodbyes, while Donnie entered the portal silently. You sent him the middle finger subtly since your arms were crossed. Casey was looking at you with big puppy dog eyes, you couldn’t help but console him even with Leo there. “Don’t worry, I’ll text you,” you said smiling slightly and shaking your head. He brightened at that, “if you ignore me for an hour I’m FaceTiming you!”

You had kept your word, replying to Casey by text and answering if he called. You had gotten a little busy when you turned your attention back to potion brewing, but for the most part you had your ringer turned on. Two more days passed before a knock was heard at your front door.

“Coming!” You hollered, trying to quickly towel dry your hair, having just gotten out of the shower. More knocking was heard and you grumbled to yourself, throwing on some clothes and speed walking to the door. Opening it to see that Casey was lifting his hand to knock on the door again. “Yes??” You mused, giving Casey an expectant stare, wondering what was so important for him to try and bang the front door down.

Casey’s voice caught in his throat. Your wet hair dripping onto the cloth of the hoodie you wore. He came over because he couldn’t take staying away any longer. Ever since Leo had dragged him through that portal back into the lair he has mainly been on his phone. Texting you and waiting for replies, finding the courage to call when he felt like he couldn’t bear to go another second without hearing your voice. The two days without you had been absolutely torture, and by the second day he was quite sure his heart was going to jump out of his chest and run all the way to your place with or without his body. So… yeah here he was at your door unable to fight the love potions allure that made his wants that much stronger.

But could he really just say, yeah I couldn’t stay away, so here am I, please hang out with me?! No way, absolutely not, that sounded way too desperate even though that was exactly how he felt. “I-“ he stuttered only thinking of how much he missed you, and seeing you before him now, all flushed from a shower and smelling absolutely divine. He could hardly think straight! “Can you take me to Witch Town? I’m in need of a cure for this love potion I stupidly drank,” he ended up saying, totally chickening out on just a natural ‘I missed you.’ “Now? It’s pretty late don’t you think Case?” You had just thrown on the hoodie because it was close by, but in actuality you would’ve put on your comfy pajamas. “Plus if anyone could make a cure, that would be me, since you know that was my potion,” you explained to him, opening your door wider for him to enter.

You had a feeling he wouldn’t be able to stay away for the whole week. You were curious as to how he had snuck away, because surely Leo hadn’t let Casey come here. Unless Casey had been a total pain in the ass, which is likely since he was under love potion influence. “Well can you make one for me?” He said as he entered, closing his eyes briefly as he got a stronger scent of your shampoo and conditioner. Damn he had it bad and he just knew (from what you had told him) that he was going to fold way sooner rather than later. He didn’t want to! No not yet! He had no gauge other than two days ago at how he affected you, and he still wasn’t confident. He wanted to be sure, one hundred percent sure, that you felt the same way before he went admitting his feelings.

So he was begging for a cure, and also using it as an excuse to see you, because he hadn’t had any other ideas! “It’ll take a lot of expensive ingredients, one’s that I’d rather not buy if not absolutely necessary.. are you experiencing pain? Is something wrong?” You closed the door behind Casey, following him to where he crashed on the couch, you sat next to him giving him a once over, he didn’t look to be in pain. Though maybe uncomfortable? “No not really.. just heart aches,” he mumbled the ending. And you sighed, not really hearing the last bit, thankfully for Casey, “I’m sorry Case, there’s nothing I could do, even if I had the money it takes longer to brew cures, you’d already be over the love potion by the time I would finish!” You felt bad, even though Casey had put himself through this to begin with, you didn’t want him to be uncomfortable, and when your friends came to you for help, you helped! In any way you could, you were a real fixer in that regard.

“I understand,” and he leaned into your touch as your hand went out to his arm, trying to comfort him. If he had a tail, it would’ve wagged. “Can I hang out with you for a bit?” He asked hopefully and you smiled for him, “duh, wanna watch something? A movie? Or a show?” Casey had a lottt of movies and shows to catch up on. One of the things he liked to do most since he came back to the future, though three years had passed he still had a long list that everyone had made for him. A watch list! “Yeah!” He said excitedly, a total movie buff nowadays. Casey hadn’t even needed to get out the list (he kept a digital version in his notes app). “I’m on Harry Potter now!” Casey said excitedly as you got the remote to the tv. “You’re joking.” You said giving him a serious look. “Huh? No, why is there something wrong with that movie?” He asked worriedly not remembering who had put it on the list.

“No it’s just ironic,” you said shaking your head, wondering what were the odds that he’d want to watch a movie about wizards and witches with you: a witch. Casey soon found out why you said ironic and he immediately began to ask questions. Trying to compare the similarities and differences and you begrudgingly replied. “No we’re not divided into houses, it’s like normal school though the classes are quite similar..” “No we don’t have a The One Who Shall Not Be Named, though there is a beast we have to appease, make a peace offering to so he doesn’t destroy Witch Town, it’s a big spectacle,” you refrained from saying how Donatello had almost been the ruin of your Town some years ago.

Casey listened to you, his full attention would go to you anytime you spoke. Glancing over when you’d grumble at a scene you thought was particularly cringey to a real witch. He would get real happy when you would suddenly be really interested in the movie, not saying anything unless he asked a question. By the third movie you had popped some popcorn, fully invested even though you had already watched the series. When the fifth movie rolled around the two of had gotten comfortable on the couch, you were laying stretched out, your legs going over Casey’s lap resting there. His hands would sometimes rub over your lower thighs and knees. He himself not really noticing the action too much as his attention was on the movie.

But you would do a little double take at the warm feeling of his bare hands touching you. It was getting reallyyyyy late, and you were starting to yawn as the movie finally ended. “Wanna call it a night?” Casey asked with a small smile, noticing you were yawning yet again. “Mmmm nah we can finish, we’ve just got three more right?” Casey nodded, “Yup eight in total,” he watched as you clicked the sixth, then moved to get up, “I’ll be right back, I’m going change and grab a blanket,” you said.

Casey was left to his own thoughts as the sixth movie started playing. Was he sleeping over again? He guessed so since you hadn’t told him to go home! He of course did not want to leave and the prospect of spending more time with you made his heart burst with happiness. When you returned blanket in your hands and wearing a pajama set, Casey was smiling wide. “What’re you cheesing for?” You said going to sit next to him and sharing the blanket. “Just, I really enjoy your company,” he said smiling sheepishly. You smiled too, finding what he said cute, “right back at you Casey,”

As the two of you turned back to the screen, Casey couldn’t help his hand moving on its own accord. Reaching out to tentatively brush against yours where it rested on top of the blanket, in your lap. You swallowed, glancing down to see he left his hand right next to yours, and you knew he was letting you decide. Expressing his interest to hold your hand but not wanting to initiate. Partly because he was a gentleman and partly because he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable or get rejected. Your hand turned, slowly interlacing your fingers with his.

Immediately Casey was holding his breath, the feeling of your hand in his, it was just perfect. But he was feeling greedy now, now he wanted more than just hand holding. He held himself back for maybe ten minutes before it became too much to bear, “Y/n,” he said softly and you hummed in question, still looking at the tv. You had a faint blush dusting your cheeks now that he had looked over. It only gave him the confidence to continue, he squeezed your hand and when you turned, he leaned in. Stopping just short from your lips and you hadn’t flinched away, in fact your eyes were glued to his lips. A small smirk formed and you looked up into his eyes, “do you know how badly I want to kiss you right now?” he spoke softly, his thumb rubbing across your hand that he was still holding. “Casey..” you bit down on your lip, feeling conflicted, he was basically telling you he liked you, liked you a lot more than you originally thought. “Are you sure?” you asked thinking about how much Leo didn’t trust you, didn’t like you.

“More than sure,” he said, his eyes had followed the way your teeth pulled and chewed down on your lower lip. He wanted to do that. Right after he said that you surged forward, squeezing his hand tightly and taking him by surprise as your lips met his in hot passion. He matched you instantly, kissing you back with fervor. The movie completely forgotten about as the two of you didn’t stop, kissing for what felt like forever. You two would break for air and go right back to kissing as if neither of you could stand the thought of stopping just yet. “I like you Y/n” he breathed, admitting his feelings though you probably knew that now. He had to tell you, just to be sure. “So much, I’ve liked you for a while now..” the words were thick and you answered him, kissing him again, swallowing his words. “I like you too Casey Jones,” you said pulling back and catching your breath. Seeing how flushed you had gotten, from you kissing him, god Casey felt like he was on cloud nine. “How long?” He couldn’t stop his curiosity as his free hand went to your hair, dry now, pushing strands away from your face.

“Long enough to think you didn’t feel the same way,” you said shyly, and this had his mind reeling. The two of you had potentially liked each other this entire time and had no idea of the others feelings. He was grateful for the push that the love potion had given him, that he was still currently under. “I don’t think I’ll be able to leave you alone for the rest of the week,” his hand that had been playing with your hair, grazed over your skin, making it way from your cheek to your lips. You stayed silent, letting him touch you with an amused smile. It was like he was in a trance, you pursed your lips kissing his thumb that was currently touching your lower lip. He pulled his hand away, Casey would much rather his lips there now.

The week passed by quickly. But even with the love potion off, not much changed. With feelings out in the open now, the two of you were a lot more touchy. Much to Casey’s enjoyment. He’d get back from a patrol with the turtles, and he would scoop you up into his arms the second you opened the door. Kissing all over your face and telling you how much he missed you. “You saw me yesterday silly!” You laughed. “Mmm” he kissed your nose, “too” he kissed your cheek, “long” he finally captured your lips. He slowly placed your feet back to the ground. Drawing back with a charming smile as he watched you blink out of a dazed reverie caused by all his sweet kisses. You opened your door wider, your eyes dancing playfully, “now be careful in the kitchen, there’s a couple pink drinks in there,” Casey entered, laughing. “Duly noted.” Sure enough he looked towards your kitchen and saw five replicas of the drink he had. “So you have any buyers yet?” and this caused you to smile, mischievously. He looked at you with one brow arched in curiosity. “Someone you know wants them all,”

“Someone I know?!” Casey exclaimed and his immediate thought was the turtles. But which one would want five love potions?! He asked you but was met with a shrug and he chased you around the kitchen. You laughing and him saying how you just had to tell him! You made a mad dash for the living room and squealed as he caught you, lifting you up into his arms. “Sorry Case, confidential information,” you giggled but you were serious. “Aghhhh,” Casey groaned squeezing you for a second before letting you go, “finee,” he whined accepting you wouldn’t tell him. “Don’t whine! I’m sure you’ll figure it out,” you winked. Yeah, he’d figure it out later, but right now, he was a man on a mission. “C’mere,” he said with a smirk and it only grew as you raced into the living room, continuing the game of cat and mouse. He was definitely going to catch you!

[jaehyunfirstlove]

You decide you’re ready to have a baby. The catch? You’re not seeing anyone at the moment. Enter your best friend, Jeong Jaehyun. Will he be the answer to your dilemma?

Pairing: best friend!Jaehyun x f.reader

Genre: best friends to fwb to lovers, fluff, angst, smut (18+ only)

Warnings: mentions of infertility, pregnancy and childbirth, sperm donors, IVF (in vitro fertilization), fertility drugs, mood swings, fingering, unprotected sex, cum play, nipple play, breeding kink, oral sex (f.receiving), dirty talk, pregnant sex, rough sex

Word count: 10.6k

Taglist: @jaehyunnie77​ @mrg-jjh​ @keeach​ (send me a message if you want to be tagged in future fics)

A/N: this was only meant to be a short fic but it morphed into this monstrosity. I tried to tag for everything but if I missed anything please let me know. Inspired by the fact that Jaehyun wanted to be a teen dad (but they are not teens in this story, just thought I’d make that clear :) Also please excuse my unimaginative name for the baby, I’m terrible at coming up with names lol

Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional so please excuse any inconsistencies.

“So what have you got planned for today?” your best friend, Jaehyun, asked you as he took a sip of his coffee, shielding his eyes from the sun’s rays coming through the window of the cafe.

It was your weekly Saturday brunch, at which Jaehyun would show up, nine times out of ten, hungover, wearing dark sunglasses, a baseball cap, a black t-shirt and sweats. There was never a deviation from this outfit, even on the times when he came not hungover.

“Oh not much, just an appointment at the fertility clinic this afternoon.”

Jaehyun paused, as you took a sip of your latte. You couldn’t see the look in his eyes through the sunglasses but his fork had stopped midway to his mouth. It hovered in the air, scrambled eggs sliding off of it and plopping onto the plate below.

“The where?” he asked, tipping his head to look at you above the top of his sunglasses.

“Fertility clinic. Looking into getting a sperm donor.”

The matter-of-fact way you were saying everything seemed to shock him, his fork still not moving towards his mouth or back onto the plate.

“Excuse me, a sperm donor?”

You put your coffee cup down, and sighed. “I don’t know why you’re so shocked, I told you before I wanted to have a baby.”

“I thought you were joking!”

“Well I wasn’t!” you don’t know why you were being so indignant, maybe because all you’d heard from everyone around you, from your parents to your doctor to the lady that sold you pretzels from a street cart, was negative. You shouldn’t have a baby without a partner, was the main point of contention, but how was that going to happen if you weren’t seeing anyone, and hadn’t had a serious relationship in almost a year.

“But a sperm donor, Y/N?” he asked, after mulling over what you just said.

“Yeah? What’s wrong with it?” you countered. You were so sick of everyone around you criticizing your plan.

“I don’t know, what if he’s like, a serial killer or something?”

“They do psychiatric assessments on everyone who donates.”

“That doesn’t mean he doesn’t have an undiagnosed illness-”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Jaehyun!” you’d had it, letting out an exasperated huff, “Do you have a better idea? Do you want to be my sperm donor?”

You weren’t at all serious, you were just mainly upset and unfortunately, taking it out on him, but he actually sat back in his chair, eyebrows raised, as if he were contemplating it.

“Anyway, forget it. I don’t need your approval. I just hoped that you’d support me, of all people.” You couldn’t help but pout. He was your best friend and he’d stuck with you when no one else had. You may have said you didn’t need his approval but deep down you wanted him to be on your side.

He leaned forward, took his sunglasses off and looked you in the eye. “Of course I support you,” he said sincerely. “If this is what you want, then I’m with you one hundred percent of the way.”

You smiled, your heart feeling lighter, and just as you took a sip of your latte he said the one thing that would complicate your life forever.

“But I get to be that sperm donor.”

You spluttered, almost choking on your latte. “I wasn’t being at all serious, Jaehyun,” you chuckled nervously, but one look at his face and you could see he was being completely serious.

“I just don’t like the idea of some stranger being the father of your child,” he said quietly, looking down at his plate of food while he said it, “might as well be me, right?” He looked up at you hopefully.

You didn’t know what to say. This was your best friend, the one you’d grown up with, the one you’d catch tadpoles with, the one you’d drag to the playground with you, the one you told all your innermost secrets to. The one who knew you best. Didn’t it make sense then, that he would be the one to share this with you, in the end? You looked at his face; open, sincere, beautiful. You knew he was attractive, with the trail of broken hearts he’d leave in his wake, but you hadn’t really looked at him in that way before. Suddenly he was a new person to you, and now you didn’t know how to feel.

“Jaehyun, I-” you rubbed your hands together nervously, still unsure of what to say, “it’s a big thing, you know? This will change the rest of your life.”

He nodded, but there was no trace of hesitation in his actions. In fact, he looked as sure as anything. “Yeah that’s a given. But I’ve thought about it and I’m ready.”

“Jaehyun, you’ve literally thought about it for, like, the few minutes we’ve been sitting here.”

He smiled, “Actually I’ve thought about it for a long time.”

“About being a sperm donor?”

He laughed. “No, not specifically a sperm donor. But it’s a start,” he shrugged. “So what do I have to do?”

---

Jaehyun accompanied you to the appointment at the fertility clinic, where they outlined the plan and what was required of the two of you. It didn’t sound too bad, but you did find that having Jaehyun there to support you was really helpful. Every time the doctor explained something that made you nervous you would look over at him and he would smile confidently at you, sometimes squeezing your hand if you looked particularly concerned.

It was the fertility drugs they gave you, that threw your world into chaos. They had warned you of the side effects but you didn’t think it would be this bad. Your mood swung back and forth like a pendulum, one moment you were happy, the next you were crying into your cereal. You were irritable more than you had ever been in your life, and constantly snapped at every little thing. Not to mention that your breasts were sore and you had nausea, making you feel like you were pregnant already. You felt bad for Jaehyun when he was around for your mood swings and irritable moments, but he handled it much better than you thought he would. He’d give you your space when you needed it, but also sit by your side when you didn’t want to be alone. You found yourself thinking about how he would be as a father, but then you would remember that he was just the sperm donor.

One day, when he was sitting beside you on the couch, rubbing your back after you’d cried over your coffee order being wrong, you ended up asking him how much he wanted to be involved.

“We didn’t talk about the ‘after’,” you said, still sniffling. He stopped rubbing your back and looked at you.

“What do you want the ‘after’ to look like?” He asked, his tone level and gentle.

You had visions of Jaehyun rocking the baby to sleep, of Jaehyun seeing the baby walk for the first time, of Jaehyun teaching your child how to ride a bike, piano lessons, soccer games, first day of school. The perfect family. Except he wasn’t your husband, he wasn’t even your boyfriend. You didn’t know what to ask of him.

“I don’t know,” you whispered. He went back to rubbing your back.

“I’ll be as involved as you want me to be,” he said softly, “my only request is that I get to be a part of their life.”

That sounded fair, you thought. This was certainly going to be more complicated than getting a stranger as a sperm donor.

---

You went through several cycles of IVF, but none had been successful and you were losing hope. Not to mention the fertility drugs were really taking a toll on you, and the doctor had recommended taking a break. You were devastated, seeing it as the end of your dream, no matter how much the doctor reassured you that it wasn’t.

“There has to be another solution,” you pleaded at one appointment. Jaehyun hadn’t accompanied you and you felt yourself falling apart without his presence.

“Well, of course there’s the surefire way,” the doctor shrugged.

“What’s that? I’ll do anything!” you were hopeful once again at the doctor’s words.

“Regular sexual intercourse.”

Of course, you thought bitterly. You couldn’t help but think this was society punishing you for doing this without a husband. Undeterred, you resolved to discuss it with Jaehyun.

---

The look on Jaehyun’s face when you broached the subject was one you had never seen on him before. It was a mixture of shock, terror, resignation, and… something else, almost like acceptance, as if this were the natural course of things.

You resolved not to make it weird, it was just sex after all, and you would get a baby out of it, and that was the most important thing. However, your palms still got sweaty at the thought of it, your heart racing imagining him naked. You’d gone swimming with him plenty of times, went on beach outings often, and you realized you’d always avert your eyes from his bare chest. You figured you were just doing it to be polite, but you had no trouble looking at other men’s chests (you were only human, after all). You shook your head of your thoughts, while waiting patiently for him to agree or disagree to your request.

“I know it’s weird,” you began, when he still hadn’t said anything, “but I promise it won’t change anything in our relationship.” You needed him to agree, and at this point you would say anything to convince him. He looked at you thoughtfully, before he nodded.

“Okay, I’m in.”

---

You’d been keeping track of your cycle and had the days you were ovulating marked on your calendar, which you had shared with Jaehyun. It was agreed that he would come to your place after work, where you would have sex in the hopes of making a baby.

The first night you were nervous, pacing your room as you waited for him to come over. When the doorbell rang you literally jumped out of your skin. When you opened the door you were relieved to see that he was nervous too, although he tried his best to hide it. He joked around with you, trying to keep the mood light, and you had to admit you appreciated it. But when you got to the bedroom, you both went quiet. Jaehyun stood at one end of the room and you stood at the other, the bed looming between you.

“Do you want me to turn around while you get undressed?” he asked awkwardly, and you realized you hadn’t thought through the details.

“Um, yeah, sure,” you replied, and when he turned around you hastily undressed and jumped under the covers. “Done,” you advised, and he turned around. He didn’t make a move though, just looking at you pointedly, until you realized and turned your head away. Once he was done undressing you felt him lift the covers and get into the bed with you, and you couldn’t stop your heart from hammering in your chest.

“Y/N,” he said softly, because you still hadn’t turned back to him. “Can I touch you?”

You bit your lip, still not looking his way, and nodded. His touch made you jolt, even though his hand was warm, the electricity you felt made all your nerve endings feel like they were on fire.

“Is this okay?” he asked, his hand moving tentatively across your stomach. You nodded but you realized you were panting already, and he had barely touched you. “Tell me if I do anything you don’t like,” he suddenly whispered in your ear, and then he was kissing your neck.

You weren’t prepared for the intimacy, you had really only thought about the intercourse part. You hadn’t prepared yourself for the kissing, and the touching, and how he was so good at making you feel good. You felt like you weren’t supposed to enjoy it, that it was supposed to be “just sex” because you were friends and you weren’t doing this because you loved each other, you were only doing it to have a baby. But the more he touched you, the more he kissed you, the more you fell under his spell. You felt like you should tell him to stop, to just get on with it, but you knew he was doing it to get you nice and wet and therefore more comfortable to take him.

His kisses started to move along your jaw, towards your lips, and when he was finally there, his lips on yours, you felt a panic bubble up in your chest. It was too intimate, too much for someone who wasn’t yours. You pulled away, and he looked at you in surprise.

“No kissing on the lips,” you managed to say, maybe that would be enough to keep it less intimate, you told yourself. He nodded without saying a word, his hand coming up to your breast.

“Is it okay if I touch you here?” he asked, his eyes on yours. You thought for a moment and decided it was okay, and when you nodded he cupped your breast tentatively, all the while watching you for your reaction. When you didn’t pull away he squeezed gently, rubbing your nipple with his thumb.

You pressed your lips together, trying to suppress a moan, because everything he was doing was making you feel so good. He kept watching your reaction, and when he was satisfied that you were reacting favorably he got bolder, his hand slipping down between your legs.

You yelped when he touched you there, your legs involuntarily closing and trapping his hand. He froze, looking at you with wide eyes.

“Sorry,” you apologized, flushing with embarrassment, “reflex reaction.”

“It’s okay,” he said softly, as you slowly opened up your legs again. He moved his hand slowly, gently, just rubbing the inside of your thigh. “You can relax, Y/N, I promise I won’t hurt you.” His words were soft, his tone gentle, and it did wonders to calm and soothe you.

You nodded, giving him the go-ahead, and he reached tentatively with his finger, just lightly touching your folds. The electricity you felt when he first touched you came back with a vengeance, and you almost melted right into the bed. Your reaction encouraged him though, and he pressed his finger further in, rubbing your wetness around. When he was satisfied with the state of your arousal he got into position between your legs, placing the tip of his cock at your entrance. He paused, looking you in the eye, gently stroking your cheek.

“Ready?” he asked gently, “I’ll go slow.”

You nodded vigorously, to be honest the anticipation was killing you and you were very much aroused, wanting him to just get on with it. When he pushed into you though, you realized you should really be careful what you wished for. The feeling of him stretching you was almost too much, every inch he pushed in agonizingly slow amplifying your arousal to a dizzying degree. By the time he was seated all the way inside you you were panting, almost out of breath already.

“Okay?” he asked, through gritted teeth. You could tell he was holding back for dear life, but he purposely went achingly slow to make sure you were comfortable.

“Yes,” you said, having adjusted to his size, “you can move now.” Your pussy clenched involuntarily around him and he hissed.

“Don’t do that, Y/N,” he groaned, “I won’t last.”

“Sorry,” you said sheepishly, and as if to get you back he snapped his hips, making you cry out.

“Fuck!” you screamed, and that definitely encouraged him, and he set a pace, fucking you into the mattress. You felt your toes curl, a familiar knot building in your stomach. Once again, you thought, you felt like you shouldn’t be enjoying it as much as you were, it was more important for him to come inside you. “Come on, baby, come for me,” you whispered in his ear, hoping the dirty talk would encourage him.

“Almost there,” he grunted, and as much as you tried not to enjoy it, the way he was drilling into you felt too good. You bit your lip and grasped at the sheets, trying to keep your orgasm down, but he took it as a sign that you were about to come. He reached between you and thumbed your clit, and at that moment your orgasm exploded out of you without warning. He groaned as you clenched around him, finally spilling his seed inside you. You were dizzy, mind hazy from your orgasm, but you were content at the feeling of his cum inside you. He started to pull out, then stopped.

“Oh,” he said, and you looked up at him to see why he was saying that.

“What is it?” you asked.

“It’s leaking out of you,” he pointed down between your legs. You panicked.

“Well you’re not supposed to pull out right away!” you wrung your hands frantically, “push it back in!”

He looked at you incredulously, before looking down at his already softening cock, realizing it was useless at that point. So he just used his fingers, gathering up the cum that had leaked down and pushing it back into your pussy. You bit your lip again, because the more he pushed in, the more aroused you became, surprised that you weren’t oversensitive at this point. He must’ve noticed your reaction because he didn’t stop, pushing in further and further, in and out, faster and faster, until you were coming again, pussy pulsing around his fingers.

You took a deep breath to regulate your breathing, while he pulled his fingers out of you and sat back.

“Are you okay?” he asked, when you still lay there, unmoving.

“Yes,” you responded, staring up at the ceiling.

“Well, I guess I’ll get going,” he said awkwardly, when you didn’t say anything else.

You nodded, still staring up at the ceiling. “Same time tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I’ll be here.” He dressed without saying anything more and left the room.

---

He came over again the next night, and you repeated the same awkward scene from the night before. This continued for a few cycles, with no success, and again you were losing hope.

“Maybe there’s something wrong with me,” you said dejectedly one day. Jaehyun looked over at you, concern etched on his face.

“The doctor said you were fine,” he replied, attempting to soothe you.

“Maybe there’s something wrong with you then,” you huffed, but Jaehyun just shook his head.

“Y/N, they put us through a bunch of tests and said we’re both fine,” he put a hand on your knee to reassure you.

“Then why isn’t it working?” you lamented, on the verge of tears.

“Do you want my opinion?” he asked hesitantly. You looked up at him in surprise.

“Yeah, of course,” you replied, curious as to what he had to say.

“Well, I’ve been reading those links the doctor sent, and it said stress is a big factor,” he stated carefully, “I think you just need to relax, and let it happen.”

You were floored. On the one hand you were touched that he had actually read the links the doctor had sent (you had been too impatient to bother), on the other hand, what exactly did he mean by ‘letting it happen’?

“Let’s do things differently next time, what do you think?” he had a twinkle in his eye that was starting to alarm you.

“What do you have in mind?” you asked suspiciously.

“You’ll see.” He smiled, much too widely for your liking.

---

The next time came around and you were more nervous than you were the first night, and if this was his idea of making it more relaxed he was already failing miserably. When he showed up at your door though, you almost didn’t recognize him. 

Instead of a t-shirt and sweats, he was wearing a crisp white button-down and jeans that sat sexily on his hips. Instead of his hair flat and falling in his face he had it pulled back, with just a few strands falling over his forehead. He also smelled incredible, a musky scent that forever trapped you in his hold, and made you want him in every way he would let you.

He smiled at you, but not in the way a friend smiles at a friend, and when he leaned in to give you a kiss on the cheek you almost passed out from the warmth of his lips and the intoxicating scent emanating from his skin. He walked past you to the bedroom, leaving you standing there with your mouth open and your underwear dampening.

When you finally collected yourself, you went upstairs to hear the bath running. You walked into the bathroom to see him drawing a bath, candles surrounding the tub, flower petals in the water, and the most luscious smelling bath bomb marinating in it.

“Jaehyun, what-” 

“Shh,” he put a finger to your lips, and even that act was so sensual you had to squeeze your legs together, “let me take care of you.” He reached down and turned off the water. “Get undressed and get in the bath, and I’ll come back and help you get relaxed.” He left the room and you did what he said, calling him back in once you were in the bath and the cloudy bubbly water reached the tops of your breasts.

He had such a calm and serene look on his face that it almost threw you off, but then he was taking your puff and squeezing body wash on it.

“May I?” he asked, and when you nodded he gently took your arm and ran the puff along it. He did the same with the other arm, and that simple act, along with the warmth of the bath water, did wonders to soothe you. You felt like you were floating, with the calming scents of the bath bomb, and his gentle touch. He started to run the puff along your neck and you bent your head back and sighed. Soon enough he was dipping below the surface of the water, running the puff between your breasts, and you sighed even deeper as he got lower, past your stomach, and lower still. The puff was forgotten, and now it was just his hand, reaching down between your legs. It all felt so good, you spread your legs even wider, wanting more.

“How does it feel?” he whispered, so close to your ear you shuddered.

“So good,” you couldn’t help but moan, and then his hand was there, cupping your pussy.

“I want to make you feel good, Y/N,” he purred, his voice like honey, “will you let me make you feel good?”

“Yes,” the word came out on a long exhale, as he plunged a finger between your folds, and you couldn’t help but fall apart. He fingered you until you came, water splashing all around you as you writhed in pleasure. When you were done he picked you up out of the bath, not caring that his clothes were getting wet, and carried you to the bed. You couldn’t care that you were probably soaking the bed, because his lips were on your neck, hot and urgent, leaving marks that you’d have trouble concealing the next day.

You pulled at his shirt, wanting it off already, and he obliged, throwing the damp fabric to a corner of the room. You rubbed your hands all over his chest, feeling the firm muscle there, then down to his abs. He groaned against your neck when you undid his belt and slipped your hand over his hardened cock.

“Fuck, Y/N,” he hissed, when you wrapped your hand around it and pumped.

“Don’t come yet,” you whispered, taking your hand away, opting instead to pull the rest of his jeans and boxers off. You wrapped your legs around him, encouraging him to enter you, but he pulled back slightly.

“Slow down,” he breathed, and you could feel him smiling against your neck, “this isn’t a race, Y/N,” he continued kissing down the column of your neck, down to your chest, “relax, and let me make you feel good.”

You finally relented, relaxing as he’d ordered, letting yourself melt into the mattress as he sucked on your skin. Your body was on fire, both from the heat of the bath you just had as well as the way his lips were ruining you. When he got down to your lower stomach you realized where he was headed, and instead of fighting the pleasure you were feeling you simply gave in. As soon as his wet tongue collided with your wet folds you let go, moaning wantonly at the feeling. Every sound you made spurred him on, every jerk and jolt of your body gave him the impetus to push you to the height of pleasure, until you were yanking at his hair and convulsing around his tongue.

“That was fucking hot, Y/N,” he almost growled, wiping at his chin as he moved to hover above you, “I almost came.”

“Don’t,” you panted, trying to catch your breath, “you need to come inside me.”

“You want it? Want my cum inside you, fill you up,” his voice was deep, intense, a tone you’d never heard from him, and certainly words you’d never heard from him, but it certainly was doing the job and making you very aroused.

“Oh god,” you exclaimed, unaware that dirty talk was something you liked. Your previous boyfriends hadn’t been this filthy, but you found you loved it.

“I’m gonna fuck you hard, and you’re gonna take all of my cum,” he continued, voice raspy, breath hot in your ear, “I’m gonna knock you the fuck up, and watch your belly grow with my baby.”

“Jaehyun!” you cried out, losing yourself completely. You grabbed a hold of his neck and pulled him down, and for a split second you saw his eyes grow wide as you smashed your lips against his, your no-kissing rule forgotten. He kissed you with the same passion and intensity that he ate you out with, and you wondered why you had ever put that no-kissing rule into place if he could make you feel like that with his lips. You moaned when his tongue entered your mouth, just as he slid his cock inside you.

This time you didn’t hold back, allowing yourself to feel everything. The way his cock slid in and out of you, the way the tip kept hitting that spot so deep inside you. The way his tongue moved in your mouth, the way his hands rubbed up and down your body, sometimes squeezing your breasts and flicking your nipples. Your hands roamed over his back, feeling his muscles move, and when you felt your orgasm start to build you dragged your nails against his skin.

“Fuck, Y/N, I’m gonna come,” he broke from the kiss to drop his head down to your chest, his thrusts getting harder but more erratic.

“Oh god, do it,” you panted, your orgasm about to burst out of you, “fill me up, baby, I want your cum so bad.”

That was enough to send him over the edge, and he pulled you flush against him as he came inside you, the particularly forceful thrusts triggering your own orgasm and making you clench around him. He let out a loud groan as you milked him, fingernails digging into his back.

When you were both done you held him against you, not wanting to let him go. He obliged, just holding you, his face tucked against your neck. You could feel his hot breath against your skin and that, along with his arms around you and his weight on top of you was all oddly comforting.

“I’m gonna pull out,” he finally said, when he had gone soft inside you. You sighed but nodded, and once he had pulled out you clamped your legs together, trying to keep as much of his cum inside you as you could.

He dressed quietly and you watched him, heart stuttering in your chest, your mind reeling. You had promised him that the sex wouldn’t change anything in your relationship, but you couldn’t believe how wrong you were. You wanted to reach for him, wanted him to stay, but you held back.

“Thanks for that,” you said quietly, and he turned to you and smiled.

“You’re welcome,” he said sincerely, “I’ll do anything for you,” and he brought his hand up and cupped your cheek, his eyes soft as he looked at you, “you’re my best friend.”

You smiled at him, but inside your heart was breaking. How could you ever think you could do this and keep your friendship as it was?

---

A few weeks later you were late, and although you tried not to get your hopes up you couldn’t help but think this was it. You waited to take the pregnancy test, wanting Jaehyun to be there no matter the outcome.

“What is it? What’s wrong? You said it’s an emergency.” He looked so concerned when he came over, and you almost felt bad for not saying what it was about right away.

“I’m late, Jaehyun,” you announced nervously.

“Where do you have to be?”

“No, I mean my period! I haven’t gotten my period yet!”

He paused, the pieces finally falling into place, and his face suddenly lit up. “Oh shit!” He covered his mouth with his hand as he looked at you with wide eyes.

“Come with me, I’m gonna take a pregnancy test.” You led him upstairs where he waited outside the bathroom door while you took the test. You placed the stick on the counter and opened the door to let him in.

“Well? What does it say?” he asked, rubbing his hands in anticipation.

“It’s gonna take a few minutes,” you answered nervously, “I can’t look, tell me what it says.” You turned away, so anxious you thought you would pass out.

“One line, so far,” he stated, and you tried to stay calm but your heart was beating out of your chest.

“Hold my hand,” you reached behind you and he took your hand in his, squeezing to comfort you. He was silent for a while, and you couldn’t take it anymore. “Well? What does it say now?”

“I see…” he started to say, and you so desperately wanted to turn around but you were too scared.

“What?! Just say it!”

He pulled you to him, turning you around and lifting the stick up to your eye level. “Two lines.”

You blinked a few times, wanting to make sure you were seeing it right, but every time you opened your eyes there were two solid lines. You were pregnant.

“Oh my god,” you whispered, both of your hands going up to cover your mouth. Jaehyun whooped in celebration, jumping up and down with glee. You saw the genuine happiness in his face and so many emotions ran through you that the only thing you could do was burst into tears.

“Aw, Y/N, don’t cry!” he laughed, gathering you into his arms, thinking you were just crying from happiness. But it was so much more complicated than that. You were getting what you wanted, a baby, but you hadn’t prepared yourself for all the complications of having a baby with your best friend, who you may have developed feelings for.

---

The first trimester was hell. You were throwing up every morning, and feeling nausea for the rest of the day. You had an aversion to most food, even hating the smell of certain things, like meat. The only things you could keep down were bread and noodles, and you wondered how the baby could grow when that was all that you ate. But at every appointment the doctor reassured you that the baby was doing well and developing at a good rate. Jaehyun insisted on going with you to your first ultrasound and as much as you wanted him to, you also dreaded it.

When the fuzzy form of your baby showed up on the screen for the first time you felt a surge of happiness overcome you, tears springing to your eyes at the sight of the tiny figure on the screen. You heard Jaehyun inhale sharply and turned to look at him. The awe in his face was so endearing it made the tears run down your cheeks, and seeing your reaction he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you in for a hug.

“That’s our baby,” he whispered, his voice almost breaking, and you cried harder.

“Congratulations!” the technician said, patting you both on the shoulder. You felt like you should correct her, tell her that although the baby was technically yours and Jaehyun’s, you weren’t together and wouldn’t be raising the baby as such. But how do you explain that to a complete stranger? You looked over at Jaehyun, who was smiling from ear to ear, shaking the technician’s hand and making no move to explain the situation.

Later, as you were getting ready to leave the clinic, you saw the technician hand over a copy of the ultrasound picture to Jaehyun. He took it happily in his hands, as if it were the most precious thing in the world. As he walked towards you he slipped it into the plastic window spot in his wallet, where your drivers’ license should be, but his now housed a blurry black and white photo of your baby.

“Hey, wanna get something to eat to celebrate?” he asked, slinging an arm around you as you both left the clinic.

You shook your head. As much as you wanted to spend time with him, you found it hurt more than it helped. Once the baby was born you’d have to deal with him being around more often, so it was better to save up your strength for that.

“I’m actually really tired, I just want to go home and rest,” you answered without looking up at him, “besides, I’m still off most foods.”

“Oh, okay, makes sense.” He said, removing his arm from around your shoulder and stuffing his hands in his pockets. He didn’t sound upset or offended, but when you looked at him out of the corner of your eye you saw a flash of emotion cross his face, almost like hurt or disappointment. You felt bad, knowing you had been avoiding him, even giving up your weekly brunches, but you felt it was better this way.

“Listen, I’ll let you know when the next ultrasound is, okay? You can come with me again.” You wanted just to wipe the look of disappointment off his face, and luckily it worked.

“Yeah, that would be great! Thanks so much, Y/N,” he leaned down and hugged you, and it was the closest he’d been to you since the last time you’d had sex to make the baby. You held him close, committing the feel of him and the scent of him to memory, before you pulled away and walked towards your car.

---

If the first trimester had been hell, the second trimester was heaven. Miraculously the nausea disappeared, and you found yourself actually craving food. You felt more energized and less tired, and slept so much better. Your belly was starting to grow, and you actually had to start shopping for maternity clothes. Your mood was so much better, but what really came back with a vengeance was your libido. During the first trimester you couldn’t even think about sex, but now, it was all you could think about.

Usually your vibrator would do the trick, but there were always moments where you’d think about Jaehyun, think about how good he could make you feel. Sometimes just thinking about him fucking you was enough to get you off, but when you really thought about him, about the feeling of his cock parting your folds, or the feeling of his strong hips pounding into you, his face sweaty and his scent overpowering the air between you, nothing was better than the real thing.

Which is how you found yourself one night, holding your phone and dialing his number without hesitation.

“Hey, what’s up,” he answered, his voice sounding distant. You realized you hadn’t spoken to or seen him in weeks, and instantly you felt terrible.

“Um, actually nothing. I’m sorry if I woke you.”

“You didn’t wake me,” you could hear him shuffling around, like he had been lying down and started to sit up, “is something wrong, Y/N?”

He always saw right through you, you could hear the concern is his voice, and there was no turning back now.

“Could you come over? I think I need some… company.” You didn’t know if you could just ask for sex over the phone, and was it really only sex that you wanted? Or did you just want him there, with you.

“Yeah, yeah, sure, I can come over,” you heard more shuffling, like he was getting dressed, “are you sure you’re alright?”

“I’ll be better when you’re here.” You answered truthfully.

When he showed up at your door you couldn’t stop yourself from pulling him towards you and hugging him tightly. He didn’t protest, just held you and rubbed your back gently.

“What’s wrong, Y/N?” he asked softly against your hair.

“I miss you,” you admitted, voice muffled against his chest because you were too ashamed to look at him.

“I’m around, you know,” he chuckled, “you’re the one who cancelled our brunches.”

You pulled back and forced yourself to make eye contact with him. “No, Jaehyun, I miss you.” You touched his chest when you said it, giving him a look laden with meaning. He understood right away, his eyebrows rising slightly. You took him by the hand and pulled him inside, leading him upstairs and to your bedroom. He let himself be led, but once you were behind closed doors he suddenly took you into his arms and kissed you. The kiss wasn’t subtle, or gentle, it was intense and forceful, his intent surely to rile you up. It definitely worked, because you could feel wetness pooling in your panties as he stuck his tongue down your throat.

“You want my cock again,” he growled, breaking from the kiss to suck a line down your throat. You gasped at his aggressiveness, but you had to admit it really turned you on.

“Yes,” you breathed out, as he stripped you of your clothes and pushed you towards the bed. You fumbled at his clothes, trying to get them off but you found your limbs were weak from the way he was handling you. He took over, stripping off the rest of his clothes, his cock springing forward when he pulled his boxers down. You admired it for only a second before he turned you around, pushing you onto your hands and knees on the bed.

“You like my cock, don’t you, you like me fucking into your little pussy,” he spoke so low, his chest flush against your back so you could feel the reverberation of his voice.

You didn’t have a chance to answer, because he rammed his cock into you, a scream tearing from your throat as he went as deep as he could.

“Fuck, you’re so tight,” he groaned, his hands gripping your hips as he started to pound into you. You weren’t sure how pregnant sex would feel, since so many things were changing in your body, but you weren’t prepared for what you got. It felt like your entire body was on fire, pleasure coursing through every part of you. He hit places inside you that you’d never felt before, and all of it was like nothing you’d ever experienced.

“Jae,” you panted, “Jae, oh my god!” your orgasm was coming on, super fast and beyond your control.

“You’re gonna come already, baby? Alright, come on, come all over my cock,” he reached down, and although it was a little awkward because of your belly, he managed to get to your clit and rub it with the pad of his thumb.

Your vision went white when your orgasm hit, your fingers and toes going numb as your pussy clenched around his cock. You could barely hold yourself up, your upper body falling to the bed as you convulsed around him. He kept going, fucking you through it, and when you stilled he pulled out and lay you on your back. He gave you a moment to catch your breath, before he entered you again. You cried out at the oversensitivity, but he went slowly, and soon enough you started to feel pleasure again.

“I can keep going,” he said, as he fucked into you at a slow but deliberate pace, “you want more, don’t you?”

You nodded vigorously, already feeling another orgasm building. He propped himself up then, and pounded into you, the bed shaking from his harsh thrusts. You gripped and pulled at the sheets, unable to contain the needy whines and moans coming up out of your mouth. You forced your eyes open to see him hovering over you, a look of intense concentration on his face, his brow sweaty, hair falling into his eyes. When he saw you looking at him his concentration faltered, and he bent his head down for a kiss. You were expecting a kiss to match the intensity with which he was fucking you, but instead it was soft, gentle, lingering. You felt something in it, something above and beyond what he was doing to you, something that carried you where you most wanted to be but didn’t dare go. The orgasm you had then was different, not just purely physical, not just filled with lust, but something more elevated, more emotional.

He broke the kiss to grunt loudly as he came, spilling more of his seed inside you. When he was done he pulled out, and sat at the edge of the bed.

“Y/N,” he said, and you don’t know why he sounded so defeated. You sat up, preparing yourself for what he was going to say.

“Jaehyun,” you reached for him but thought better of it, your hand dropping into your lap.

“I can’t keep doing this with you,” he said, his voice quiet but determined, “it’s fucking me up and I don’t know what to do with myself.”

Your heart sank. He was pulling out of your life, and it was all your fault for doing this to him. “I’m so sorry, Jaehyun.”

He got dressed hurriedly, without looking back at you, and before he opened the door to leave he turned back.

“You need to decide for yourself what you want me to be,” he still didn’t look at you, opting to look at the floor instead, “I’ll always be here for you, but I need to know where I stand.”

The door closing behind him echoed in the room, the absence of him already settling into your heart.

---

You went through the rest of the second trimester on your own, too ashamed and heartbroken to see Jaehyun, and too confused to sort out your feelings. He’d text you once in a while to ask you how you were doing, how you were feeling, but there was no talk beyond the pregnancy. He didn’t come to any more of your doctor’s appointments, nor did you ever invite him to any more in the first place. The third trimester hit even worse than the first, your belly was now so big it was almost uncomfortable to do anything, you now had constant heartburn, and you were going to the bathroom every ten minutes because of the weight on your bladder.

About a month before your due date, you were making dinner in the kitchen when you felt an uncomfortable tightening in your abdomen. You clutched your stomach, gripping the counter in alarm and wondering what you should do. The feeling came and went, but returned after a few minutes. Concerned, you called your doctor, who advised you to come in to the hospital just to get checked out. As you were getting ready you got a text from Jaehyun, asking how you were doing.

Jaehyun: hey just doing my check-in

JH: how is it going today

Me: well it’s probably nothing but

Me: just going to the hospital to get checked out

JH: wait what

JH: let me take you

Me: i should be ok

JH: Y/N pls let me take you

Me: ok

JH: thank you i’ll be right there

You sighed, wishing you had never told him and made him worry. Luckily you didn’t have to wait long since he lived nearby, and soon enough he was pulling up to your house. You didn’t bother to wait for him to come to the door, coming out as soon as you saw his car. You were locking the front door when the uncomfortable feeling came back, making you double over, clutching your stomach.

“Y/N!” you heard Jaehyun yell behind you, and soon enough his arms were cradling you as you crouched over. “What happened? What’s going on?”

His voice sounded frantic, terrified, and when you looked up in his eyes he looked so scared that it made your chest ache.

You smiled weakly, trying to placate him, “Don’t worry, it’s probably just false labor,” you patted him on the arm and soon enough the feeling went away. “My doctor just wants me to come in and get checked out, just in case.”

He nodded, but didn’t look reassured at all, creases of worry still lining his face. He also didn’t let you go, holding onto your arm as you walked to the car. At the hospital he didn’t leave your side, until the doctor came to do your examination.

“I’ll wait outside,” he said hesitantly, but you could tell he didn’t want to leave at all, eyes looking longingly back at you as he left the room.

After the doctor examined you and reassured you that it really was just false labor, you were cleared to leave and found Jaehyun in the hall, pacing. Once he saw you he ran up to you, searching your face with frantic eyes.

“Well? What happened?” he’d taken your hands in his, and his palms felt cold and clammy.

“It was nothing, just false labor, the doctor told me to go home and rest.” You reassured him, squeezing his hands and smiling softly at him. He let out a long breath, collapsing into a nearby chair.

“Oh my god, Y/N, I almost died!” he passed the back of his hand over his eyes dramatically, and you suppressed a giggle at his overdramatic show.

“Don’t laugh!” he sat up and looked at you incredulously, “I lost ten years of my life just now!”

“I’m sorry, I’m really sorry,” you pressed your lips together trying not to smile. He broke into a wide grin then, pleased with himself that he had managed to lighten your mood with his sense of humor.

“Come on, let’s get you home.”

---

The drive from the hospital had been quiet, both of you realizing that there was still this huge wall between you, and neither of you were brave enough to breach it. He walked you to your door in continued silence, and once you reached your doorstep he turned around to walk back to his car.

“Jaehyun,” you called, unable to stand it anymore, “do you wanna come in and talk?”

He turned around, a mixture of hope, fear, and resignation on his face, and nodded.

The time apart had made you realize how much you missed him, and seeing him again had made you realize how much you still wanted him to be a part of your life. You were hoping to salvage something of your relationship, but you were fully aware that you could never go back to what it had been.

You sat him down on the sofa and took a deep breath.

“Jaehyun,” you began, getting more and more nervous as you went on, “I know I made things weird, even though I promised I wouldn’t,” he opened his mouth to say something but you stopped him, determined to get out what you wanted to say. “I was so focused on having a baby that I didn’t think about what involving you would mean, and what it would do to our friendship. I think I was just naive, I didn’t think anything would change, and I was so wrong.”

He sat across from you, and even though he was just inches away it felt like he was miles away, like an unfathomable chasm had opened up between you. Then he looked up at you, hesitant, but determined.

“Y/N, we can’t go back and change things anymore. What’s happened has happened.” He tilted his head to regard you, taking a deep breath before moving on, “so I just need to know one thing.”

“What is it?”

“Do you want me to be a part of your life?”

“Yes. Always.” You answered truthfully, without a doubt in your mind. He smiled, but there was still something behind his eyes.

“Hey, do you remember that pact we made in eighth grade?” He suddenly asked, his eyes twinkling.

“The marriage one?” you scanned your eighth grade memories and that was the only pact you could think of.

“Yeah, the one where we said if neither of us are married by the time we’re thirty, we’ll marry each other?”

“Yes, I remember.” It was during PE class, when you and Jaehyun were sitting in the field while everyone else was running around chasing soccer balls. You don’t remember how the subject came up, but soon enough you were doing pinky swears and Jaehyun was fashioning rings out of blades of grass for you and him to wear. You both had a good laugh over it, and never thought about it again until this moment.

“So what if we didn’t wait?”

“What do you mean?”

“What if we didn’t wait until we’re thirty, what if we just did it now? I mean, we’re having a baby together already.”

“Jaehyun, are you proposing right now?” you said it as a joke, even chuckling to yourself, you weren’t taking the whole thing seriously at all, except Jaehyun wasn’t laughing.

“I mean, I don’t have a ring, but…” he looked around the room, and seeing your spider plant on a nearby table he picked a leaf off and rolled it around itself, making a ring out of it, and slipped it on your finger. You were speechless.

“Jaehyun, you’re serious.” You managed to say after the thoughts stopped running through your brain. You hadn’t really thought about marriage, none of the guys you’d dated had ever made you think about it. You knew you wanted kids, but marriage was something you figured you couldn’t achieve, never having found the right guy. Yet here he was all along, Jeong Jaehyun,  your best friend, someone who knew you inside and out. A dawning realization hit you then, that maybe none of your relationships ever worked out because you kept comparing them to Jaehyun, and no one ever held up. You were in love with your best friend, and you didn’t even know it.

“Well?” he asked, with raised eyebrows and hopeful eyes. You stared at the leaf ring on your finger, turning it around and around, your heart and mind finally finding peace in your realization. You looked up at him, cupping his face, and he looked like he was bracing himself for a possibly negative response.

“Yes.” You answered, smiling brightly at him, and it took him a moment to realize you weren’t turning him down. His face broke out into a wide grin, his dimples as deep as ever, his eyes shiny. He pulled you in for a hug, but your belly made it somewhat awkward.

“Oh my god, Y/N, you’re huge!” he looked down at your belly in awe.

“Jaehyun what the fuck!” you smacked him on the arm, slightly offended.

“No, I meant I was too busy being worried about you that I never noticed how big your belly had gotten.” He reached out his hand tentatively. “Can I touch?”

“Of course,” you said, happy that you could share this with him. You took his hand and placed it on your belly.

“Can you feel the baby move?” He asked, eyes growing wide when his hand landed on your stomach.

“Sometimes, mostly when I’m lying still though.” You let him rub his hand over your stomach, endeared at how awestruck he was, his mouth forming a little ‘o’ as he moved his hand around. He suddenly leaned forward, his face getting very close to your belly.

“Hey little one,” he called softly, and your heart clenched at the sight of him talking to the baby in your belly, “I’m your dad.”

Suddenly you felt a jolt in your ribs, as the baby stretched and kicked inside you.

“Oh my god, Y/N! Did you feel that?” Jaehyun clapped excitedly.

“Damn right I felt it,” you groaned, patting your stomach, “keep it down in there, kicking mama in the ribs really hurts!”

Jaehyun burst out laughing, gathering you in his arms and hugging you tightly. “That was adorable!” he exclaimed, and your heart felt warm as you wrapped your arms around him.

---

You decided to just do a small backyard ceremony for your wedding, neither of you fond of big parties that meant even bigger expenses. Jaehyun moved into your house since he had been rooming with a friend, and once all of his things had been moved in and installed, you were left alone with each other once again.

You don’t know why, but your first night as a married couple felt like the first night you’d had sex, awkward as hell. Once again you stood on either side of the bed, unsure as to what to do.

“Bed?” he finally asked after you’d both stood there for too long.

“Bed,” you answered, and you both got in at the same time. You couldn’t help but laugh at your awkwardness, and that certainly broke the tension. You turned to your side, the only way you could get comfortable with how big your belly was, and he slotted his body behind you, wrapping an arm around you and resting his hand on your belly. You sighed contentedly, loving the feeling of being in his arms.

“This is nice,” he whispered, but his breath against your ear made you shiver, and suddenly contentment wasn’t the only thing you were feeling. Not to mention his hand that was on your belly had moved to your hip, fingers tracing wide circles over the fabric of your sleep shorts.

“Jaehyun,” you didn’t mean to, but his name came out in a moan, and his hand stopped its circuit, the faintest bit of pressure being applied to your hip.

“Y/N?” he questioned, but you were taking his hand and moving it up to your breasts. Once he cupped them you moaned again. “Holy shit, Y/N, your boobs are huge!”

“Jaehyun!” you reprimanded him, but he apologized quickly.

“Sorry, sorry, I just-” he cupped and squeezed, feeling the weight of them, “wow,” was all he could say.

“Well they won’t be this big for too long, so you better take advantage of them now,” you encouraged, and he did, tweaking your nipples until you were moaning into your pillow.

“Tell me if I do anything that hurts, or makes you feel uncomfortable, okay?” he whispered into your ear, before he started to plant wet kisses along your neck and shoulder. Your mind went hazy at the feeling of his lips on your skin, and soon he slipped a hand down, past the waistband of your shorts.

You inhaled sharply when his fingers found you wet, when he gathered some of your arousal to rub it around your clit. You moaned loudly when he made circles around your bud, pressing your face further into your pillow.

“Don’t do that, baby, I wanna hear you,” he pulled the covers off and pushed your pillow away, helping you take off your shirt and the rest of your clothes so you were fully exposed to him. He looked at you, lust and hunger clouding his eyes. “Fuck, you look so gorgeous knocked up with my baby.”

Your pussy clenched at his words and you pulled at his own clothes to get him to take them off. “Come here and fuck me, husband.”

Your words ignited something in him, and he bent down, throwing one of your legs over his shoulder and pushing into you. You cried out, not caring anymore how loud you were being, the feeling of his cock inside you throwing you into the heights of pleasure. Once you started though, you couldn’t stop, moans and whimpers and whines tumbling out of your lips as he pumped his cock inside you.

“You like it, don’t you?” he growled, “you like my cock so much you let me knock you up.”

You moaned even louder at his words, your orgasm starting to build in the pit of your stomach. “Yes, god, yes!”

“You want my cum, baby? Look at where it got you, huh? You let me come inside you and now you’re knocked up.” His voice was raspy, deep, and it cut right to your core.

“Fuck, Jaehyun! I’m gonna come!” you warned him, grasping at the sheets as your orgasm hit you, your pussy pulsing around his cock. It didn’t take much longer for him to come, one last thrust that took your breath away, and he spilled his seed into you.

“Are you okay?” he asked, brushing aside a strand of hair that had fallen into your face, “did it hurt at all?”

“No, not at all, it felt good,” you smiled at him, wanting to alleviate his concern. He looked relieved, before he bent down and kissed the swell of your stomach.

“Sorry, baby,” he said sheepishly, addressing the baby, and you could only laugh, rubbing a hand through his hair as he smiled up at you.

---

The next day Jaehyun had left for work, and you were almost out the door yourself when you felt something gush between your legs. You figured you knew what it was and, resolved to stay calm, you quickly called Jaehyun.

“Babe, what is it?” he answered on the first ring.

“I think my water broke.” 

“Okay, stay calm, I’m on my way back.”

It didn’t take long for him to come back since he’d just left, and you drove to the hospital all the while holding tightly to his hand. The contractions started then, not too bad at first but as time went on the pain was hard to bear. By the time you reached the hospital you were grimacing in pain and Jaehyun was yelling for someone to come and help you.

You labored for hours, Jaehyun never leaving your side, giving you strength even when you felt like you had no more to give. You wondered how you could have ever done this without him, without his unwavering support, his cheerful but calm demeanor raising you up when you felt like giving in. Soon enough you had a healthy baby in your hands, a boy that an ecstatic Jaehyun had already dubbed his ‘mini me’.

---

If you had known what the first few weeks with a newborn would have been like you would have seriously rethought having a baby in the first place. You were exhausted more than you had ever been in your life, catching sleep for only those precious moments when the baby would sleep. Your breasts were sore from breastfeeding, and if you never saw another poopy diaper in your life it would be too soon. What made it all worth it, was the look of pure innocence in your baby’s eyes, and the way your husband would stare at him like he was the most precious person in the world.

One night you were woken again by the baby’s cries, and trudging to his room you were surprised to see Jaehyun already there.

“Sorry to wake you,” he whispered, “I was changing him and he lost his binky.” You stood in the doorway and watched as your husband expertly handled your son, swaddling him in his blankets and making sure the pacifier was situated in his mouth. “Go back to bed, I got this.”

Jaehyun had done many things during your time together that you considered sexy, but this was probably the sexiest thing he had ever done. You walked back to your bedroom, mentally reminding yourself to reward him when you were more awake.

You lay in bed though, unable to fall back asleep. Your mind was racing, anxieties resurfacing at that dark and quiet time of night. Jaehyun eventually came back, sliding into the bed and spooning you, his arm coming to wrap around your waist.

“Jae?” you whispered, hoping he hadn’t fallen back asleep right away.

“Hm? I thought you were asleep.” He sounded tired, tightening his arm around you.

“Is this the life you wanted?” you asked him, rubbing his arm that was wrapped around you.

“Absolutely.” He answered, without hesitation.

“No, I’m serious.”

“So am I. Why wouldn’t you think I was being serious?” he suddenly propped himself up on his elbow so he could see your face.

“Because you had a life before this, and now it’s just-” you waved your hand in the air, “me and the baby.”

“Just you and the baby? Y/N, you and Yuno are the most important things in my life right now.” He pressed a soft kiss to your cheek. “Yeah I had Friday night drinks and Sunday basketball games, and that was fun and all, but you two are my family now.”

“Don’t you miss it?”

“If I did I’d just go and do it? So no, I don’t miss it right now. Maybe eventually? But that doesn’t mean I’d love you and Yuno less.”

It wasn’t the first time he’d told you he loved you, but you knew you’d never get tired of hearing it. You’d been surprised when he’d told you he’d been in love with you for a while, not daring to say anything about it for fear of ruining your friendship. When you’d told him that you wanted to have a baby he knew that there was no one else in the world that he wanted to bear his children except you, and he was relieved when you accepted his offer of being a sperm donor. He had been prepared to be just that, but the sex threw everything into chaos, including his feelings for you and his resolve to keep your relationship as just friends. He felt himself falling even deeper for you, but his heart couldn’t handle the push and pull he was feeling from you. He never wanted to pull out of your life, and he spent more time staring at his phone waiting for you to call or text than he dared to admit. Bringing up the marriage pact had been a gamble, and he was terrified that you’d say no, but when you said yes, he could barely contain his happiness.

“Listen,” he said, taking your hand in his, “this life is more than I could have ever asked for.”

“Really?” you asked, turning to look at him, “With me?”

“Baby, it’s always been you.”