#I am convinced that the people I've spent the past year or so befriending do not actually like me
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#vent. Like if read#I am convinced that the people I've spent the past year or so befriending do not actually like me#And like I'm mad at one of them but it's over a whole host of small things that have built up over time#And not like something really huge and significant#But I have no idea how to talk through these things. I only know how to bottle them up more#And the pressure is just building and building and idk what the hell I'm going to do#Also theres a weird sort of envy factor at play#But like I'm also in despair bc I didnt befriend people like my siblings friends who are all lovely people#And I dont know if I am delusional or something but I am pretty sure that two of the people I tried to befriend hate me#And I cant talk to it with the one friend from that group I feel like I can trust bc theyre dating the one I am upset with#And I feel like a whole world of communication occurs that I have no ear in#Bc I cannot for the life of me start a text conversation#Like I can reply to an instagram story or a tumblr post but my ability to just say things ends there#I have less trouble communicating in real life#But like I do not start text conversations and therefore no one adds me to group texts or discord servers or whatever the stupid instagram#...ersion of those things is#So I miss out on a whole sphere of communication#Like I can carry out a phone conversation just fine but like I have NO IDEA what the etiquette around phone calls is with ppl my age#Like I can just call my grandma whenever and she would be happy to talk#But I am under the impression that people my age hate phone calls and do not like to be called#And like this whole time I am entirely unsure abt what to do#And I have a couple of acquaintances/casual friends who I feel like I would be able to talk to abt most things#But for a wide variety of reasons I cant confide in them abt this particular issue.#And I think I've made my feelings abt that person worse bc I let all this tiny angers rot and fester#And didnt deal with them when they came up#And the things I was angry abt are not even things that matter especially now. Bc they were over specific projects that were in the past#But I still feel sour and angry abt them#And I have to go see these ppl tomorrow and either a) swallow my feelings some more or b) try and deal with it but risk making things worse#I like hanging out in a big group like 7-10 people bc then it's hard for ppl to pair off and leave me as a third wheel#this post will self destruct in the morning probably
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Schizophrenic Nico, here's why I think it's possible:
I want to start off by saying these are just my thoughts, there is no one way to be schizophrenic or to have schizophrenia. It's also important to note that many of the schizophrenic symptoms overlap with other mental illnesses/nuerodivergences like ADHD, Autism, Depression, and OCD which I know many people who head canon Nico as having. I'm not arguing schizophrenic Nico is more correct, more canon, or more right, but to explain some thoughts on why I think it's possible/very likely he does so I can use this for future reference in various thing.
I am using the term schizophrenia as a catchall for all "types" of schizophrenia, but not for schizoaffective disorder which I would say Nico probably doesn't have.
Children born in the winter/those who were "sickly" as babies are more likely to develop schizophrenia. It may also be possible if your mother was sick while pregnant with you, or having a father who was significantly older when he had you.
A stressful life, especially trauma, are more likely to develop schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder. It likely has something to do with excessive dopamine production, but it may also have something to do with the same genes that control the sleep-wake cycle. Schizophrenia is more common with other mental illnesses or with other nuerodivergences or developmental delays.
Common symptoms include:
Hallucinations
Delusions
Disorganized thinking
lack of motivation
slow movement
change in sleep patterns
poor grooming or hygiene
changes in body language and emotions
less interest in social activities
Now what does this mean for Nico, and why do I think it's likely he has Schizophrenia?
Let's start with Nico's childhood, "children born in the winter/those who were "sickly" as babies are more likely to develop schizophrenia". Although Rick proposed two birthdays for Nico, the fandom generally accepted the January date more fully. We also know that Nico is described as small when he was younger, smallness is common in children who grow up sickly, but it is also common in children who's mother was ill while pregnant with them. We obviously don't know if Nico was sick as a kid, or if Maria was sick while pregnant with him, but again being born in the winter makes these things more likely, as well as consideration for the time period Nico grew up in and the larger variety of illnesses going around at the time. (He is vaccinated against some things though).
Trauma and Nico... do I really have to go into super detail on this one? He spent his childhood growing up in a fascist country that was extremely racist/anti-Semitic/homophobic/etc, his mom died when he was a child- in front of him, his father intentionally gave him amnesia, his sister died when he was a child, he then proceeded to become homeless living/spending lots of time with Minos who verbally (and possibly physically) abused him, becoming aware of his past memories, becoming aware of the fact that many people hated him because of his father and because they thought he was joining the other side (therefore, he was "bad"), he fought in many battles as a child, fought monsters alone, was often faced with life or death situations, went to Tartarus alone (where the goddess of misery told him he was "perfect"), was trapped in a hostage situation with little/no air for a long time while people debated whether or not to save him, was outed against his will, was freed only to travel again fighting monsters and then win a battle, was eventually made to quest with Apollo despite still having lots of healing to do in ToN. So stressful life? Fuck yeah, that doesn't being to cover it.
Genetic factors, obviously nothing here is confirmed so I'm speculating a little bit again, but the common idea in regards to Hades children through the series is that they are "bad". Mental illnesses have been stigmatized for hundreds, if not thousands of years, and often mentally ill people were made out to be weird/bad/etc. It's more than possible there is some sort of genetic factor taking place, also "having a father who was significantly older when he had you". Although I doubt godly genes work the same as mortal ones (trust me I have lots of thoughts on how god genetics/DNA work, but that's not the point right now), I think Hades being the oldest out of all his brothers and having a reputation for having "questionable" children says something... We have no information on Maria's family history at all.
As for schizophrenia often occurring with other mental illnesses and/or neurodivergences: Nico canonically is implied to have either ADHD and/or Autism, and is canonically stated to have PTSD. I think most people would agree that saying Nico has or has had depression isn't a stretch in the slightest.
So canonically we can all agree Nico has severe trauma and coinciding mental health issues/neurodivergences, so out of 4 possible issues Iāve first presented we guaranteeably have two. If I wanted to stretch this a little I would give myself a half point for him being born in the winter and a half point for the aspect of Hades genetics but I wonāt do that.
On top of that schizophrenia usually appears during teenage and young adult years in people who receive diagnosis; most people live with mental illness for a few months or a few years in some cases before they're able to receive a diagnosis. Nico being 15 (16 by the end of ToN/shortly following the end of ToN) is about the age that schizophrenia would start to make an appearance. It's also more likely to be found in men, with men also noticing the appearance of schizophrenia appearing early in their lives, and experiencing more negative symptoms in comparison to the higher commonality of affective symptoms in women. That's a really complicated explanation to basically say there's 3 more things that would make Nico having schizophrenia make more sense.
Alright, letās go back to the list of symptoms I provided:
Hallucinations
Delusions
Disorganized thinking
lack of motivation
slow movement
change in sleep patterns
poor grooming or hygiene
changes in body language and emotions/behavior
less interest in social activities
Once again, some of these are not solely related to schizophrenia and can be the result of other mental health issues, Iām just going to go down the list and add in some moments from the books in which Nico shows some of these traits/behaviors.
Delusions/Hallucinations (more later)
Our best chances for understanding Nico's thought process is in Blood of Olympus where he has a P.O.V... Sometimes Nico's thoughts do derail, or sometimes they get a little confusing, but not always, and when talking to others he is consistent and aware of what he's saying, as well as blunt. Anything "off" about his thought patterns to me just seems like ADHD..
Dietary changes (whether or not you think he has an eating disorder) are behavioral changes (I personally think Nico has AFRID)
Within House of Hades Nico's poor sleep patterns are constantly referenced, and I'll give him a pass on poor hygiene because he's in the middle of a quest but still..
I have extremely complicated feelings on what Will says here, it's possible Nico is an extremely unreliable narrator (unlikely, it seems many people are bothered by him and only maybe a handful aren't), I've also thought at many points this was Rick trying to backtrack some stuff with Nico because he realized he'd made his story a little too harsh for a kids book, it could also be Will's trauma kicking in and that happening... I'm not counting it as full proof about Nico disliking social interactions, but Nico does try to leave even after this conversation and isn't convinced to stay until the last chapter, so maybe there's something to be said about people's dislike of him for being a Hades kid- but I think it's fair to say Nico also dislikes people at least some because he doesn't have interest in trying to befriend anyone either, and is quick to assume all people dislike him (paranoia/low self esteem/and some other possible stuff). There's lots of discussions to be had about this quote and other similar ones, and I don't think a broad brush approach of "Nico good everyone else bad" is accurate it's more, "Nico is good but he fails to try and you have to work on your own mental health everyone won just go to you, and also people dislike Nico for silly reasons and need to get over themselves and make an effort too". (I'm extremely oversimplifying my thoughts and feelings to keep it brief.)
More on delusions and hallucinations:
Now I want to state that lots of schizophrenia symptoms share a lot of commonalities with ADHD and with depression, so although I might include some moments you think are just ADHD/depression I wouldnāt necessarily disagree with you but they could also be schizophrenia or coexisting mental health issues/divergences. I also went through the DSM-5 for schizophrenia (the DSM-5 is just this big book with lists and itās how doctors diagnose any mental health issue/divergence), I also looked through the DSM-IV (an older book from before DSM-5 which is no longer really used) and the differences between the diagnosis was fairly minimal but they quit categorizing types of schizophrenia and instead rely more on a couple of word descriptions that seem more in line with a spectrum rather than a checkable box.
In order to receive a schizophrenia diagnosis, two (or more) of the following, each present for a significant portion of time during a 1-month period (or less if successfully treated), and at least one of these symptoms must be (1), (2), or (3):
Delusions
Hallucinations
Disorganized speech (frequent derailment or incoherence)
Grossly disorganized or catatonic behavior
Negative symptoms (i.e., diminished emotional expression or avolition).
Itās important to note that only one of these need to be checked off/true if the patient has voices which narrate their actions/behaviors/thoughts or if the person has more than one voice conversing with each other.
Nico deals with auditory hallucinations (2), he believes the voice belongs to Bob, his titan friend he left in Tartarus:
However this isnāt and immediate diagnosis because Bobās voice doesnāt talk to another voice(s) in Nicoās head, and we donāt know if Nico has voices running commentary on his behaviors/thoughts.
The reason I state we are unaware if Nico has commentary isnāt because Nico hasnāt said anything, but because many people with schizophrenia before their diagnosis believe the narrative voices are just their thoughts and are a normal internal monologue- usually patients donāt realize anything is wrong until the voices start providing commentary on their actions so instead of āwashing the dishes nowā the voice(s) might say āwash the dishes now, youāre so lazy you canāt do anything, idiotā during a period of psychosis which may help them acknowledge that the voice(s) isnāt the way most people experience internal voice(s). It is very possible Nico is unaware he is experiencing narrative thoughts and simply assumes that his experience is something most people have, but I wonāt use this to argue my point because itās not confirmation of anything.
Returning now to Bob, Nico knows he is hearing Bobās voice but he believes Bob is calling to him from Tartarus. Now, Nico says the voices are calling to him from Tartarus but thereās no confirmation of this anywhereā¦ What I think is happening is Nico has a guilty conscience. He feels bad for āusingā Bob to get out of Tartarus and various other things, so he feels bad that he is still down there. However, we donāt really know if Bob is calling to him or if Bob is able to do that- what I personally think is happening here is Nicoās brain is convincing Nico that Bob needs him because Nico is upset with himself for not helping Bob more, but also because Nico has never āsat stillā before without a quest. Nico has also always felt the want to be needed/important...
It very well could be a delusion.
Schizophrenic patients often experience delusions which make them think they are destined for greatness, or that they have some divine/high force calling out to them for help that only they can provide. Itās an extremely common thing in individuals who experience delusions, and is in fact one of the most common delusions experienced. So although Bob could really be calling out to Nico, I donāt think he is, it doesnāt entirely make sense and thereās lots of little things which point to it being not entirely real- like the fact that nobody else knows about it? Or how absolutely sure Nico is that he need to return to Tartarus? It seems like a mixture of PTSD, delusions, and trauma response (returning to the trauma), working against him. Iāll say delusion is very likely (1).
Using these two factors alone thereās sufficient evidence for diagnosis, but letās keep going just to see.
For disorganized speech (3) this isnāt something Nico seems to struggle with, and even if he did āderailingā could be ADHD or Autism, so I donāt think this symptom pertains to him.
Changes in behavior (4), seem to all be explainable via depression and/or PTSD- he has begun to express emotion again in Tower of Nero upon learning of Jasonās death he is said to be upset by Will and he walks off to be alone, seems like depression to me. Emotional/Behavior changes from schizophrenia tend to relate more to bipolar disorder rather than a depressive disorder, so I would say if Nico has schizophrenia he probably doesnāt have emotional or behavioral changes from it. If he did he might have some catatonic behavior, but this seems to be clearing up some in Tower of Nero so Iām not super sure on that, maybe during bad periods of psychosis behavioral changes occur, but I would lean more towards this isnāt a symptom Nico personally deals with. Negative symptoms (5) tie into this same idea, itās possible itās schizophrenia, but itās more likely PTSD or depression at work.
So why do I care so much about the possibility of Nico being schizophrenic?
I feel like canonically/fanonically making Nico schizophrenic does a few things, firstly schizophrenic rep in media is extremely extremely awful- can you think off the top of your head of a schizophrenic character who isn't from a horror film/a murder/a villain in their own story? Maybe, but personally I can only think of one which is Charlie from Perks of Being a Wallflower- and even then? That's not canon, it's only implied- and it might not even be true
Schizophrenic media representation always paints schizophrenic people as bad, scary, and evil, and although the horror genre is extremely well known for being super ableist, transphobic, racist, homophobic, and misogynistic (just the final cherry on top) having one of the first- if not the first openly confirmed schizophrenic characters in children's media not only be someone who has lots of character development, and isn't a stereotype, but also be someone people have grown up with, cared for, and sympathized with- would be extremely monumental.
People with schizophrenia and other related disorders aren't something to be scared of or to think of as bad, and often times they're more bothered by whatever they're experiencing than you are.
I don't have schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder or anything like that, but I have various undiagnosed mental health issues which often lead to me questioning reality, or having to set aside time to convince myself that no there isn't a man living in my wall... Having a character have to question those things, work through those feelings, and learn to trust themselves and care for themselves even with those difficulties would be really great to see in media, not just for people with schizophrenia but also for people with similar/related disorders who might share symptoms see parts of their own struggles in a good, educative way.
I have to finish this in two parts because tumblr keeps breaking because there's too many words in my post lmao (2nd part here)
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