#I also recognize that statistically I'm not going to get married

[sunshineandrosesnoraincamemyway]

Emotions are so stupid sometimes. Feelings are so dumb. I've had a crush on the same guy since 5th? Maybe even 4th grade (obviously minus the 6 months I was dating someone else) and it doesn't even matter because he's never given a singular sign that he likes me as anything other than a friend. (are we even friends? The word is so watered down these days) If you look at the group pictures from camp last week I'm next to him in every single picture (which was unintentional the first half of the week, then those stupid emotions hit me in the freaking face)

But he's just so great. At this point I don't know if he meets all my standards for a guy, or if the list is based off the things I admire about him. He loves Jesus so, so, so much. He loves his parents and his siblings and has SUCH a love for our generation and wants us to be on fire for Jesus. He has a servants heart and feels called to ministry (not specifically missions, but he's mentioned that he's open to the possibility.) He's good with kids, he knows the Bible SO WELL (and constantly inspires me to memorize more Scripture.) I love him so much (not romantically. yet. but I still love him)

He runs a ministry that's like a combination of a Bible study and a house church, he has a podcast that's currently going through the Fruit of the Spirit. I know he's not perfect, but dang it in this day and age he's certainly a rarity.

[junipers-archive]

Wedding Day Worries

Word Count: 1.1k

Includes: Fluff, Wedding worthy fluff, (i'm so funny), your special day, the day you marry Spencer and have to console him on his nerves in a closet haha

Oh my god. It was your wedding day. It was the day you were getting married. This was the day you promised- no devoted yourself to the love of your life! This was the day you married Doctor Spencer Reid.

But what it also was, was eight in the morning.

Your alarm went off too-loud, you were burnt out, now realizing having Penelope plan your bachelorette party may not have been the wisest choice you've ever made. Or...one that you could remember at all for that matter.

You got up and bewildered and nervous from your bed. Today was the day. No more waiting, no more calling him your boyfriend, after today he'd be your husband.

You collected the trash that had been thrown around the room, picking up abandoned headpieces and the sash you assumed you'd worn that read 'Wife to be' on it.

Finally, once you'd taken a shower and gotten into easily changeable clothing you headed for the salon where Emily and Penelope had promised to meet you.

Once you got there you were wonderfully greeted with pancakes from your favorite restaurant in a little go-bag and coffee.

"Y/n!" Penelope said as soon as she set her eyes on you, followed of of course by Emily.

"How are you? Ready to be Mrs.Reid?"

You hugged them both following into your chosen salon, "I'm great!" and really you were, "And yes, to answer your question I am more than ready to be called Spencer's wife."

You got your hair a makeup done, after you ate your pancakes of course, and then headed for the church with the both of them.

When you finally got there it was half past nine and you had approximately thirty minutes to get ready before the guests started arriving.

Which quickly shortens as your fiancé pulls you into the closet nearby.

Emily and Penelope having already gone ahead don't notice you're gone for quite some time, enough time so that you can hear what he has to say.

But only after he's pulled you into a kiss so deep you think you die doing so.

"Spence what're you doing?" You pull back, happy but suspicious.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" The questions rhetorical of course as his hands squeeze around your waist and your noses nuzzel against one another's.

You smile softly at how lucky you are, "Reid. I need to go get ready." You try to slide out from his grasp but it only tightens.

"Five minutes." You now realize he hasn't opened his eyes.

"For what exactly?"

Now he turns around, relieving you from his warm and comfortorable hands, which you miss instantly.

"I-uh I'm nervous..." he speaks.

You lay your hands on his shoulders to comfort him and turn him to look at you, your initial thought was he was embarrassed.

But he informs you otherwise, "Don't. I can't look at you!"

"What?"

"It's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding baby."

And so help you god, he sounds so sweet and confident when he says it you don't force him further, only sliding in a small remark.

"Yea you got any statistics to back up that theory Doctor?"

And though you can't see his face fully, you recognize the tilt of his head as he smiles. "Only my own superstition."

"So what's got you so nervous?"

"You know that day you came to the office and asked me if we were dating?"

You chuckle, "Yea- Yea I remember it distinctly."

"Well the only reason you knew how I felt about you was because Penelope told you..."

This confused you, "The same thing could be said about me.."

He nodded at that, "A-and then when I asked you to marry me it was only after I basically told you I was going to before hand.."

You giggled, "That was not your fault, I mean the ring fell out of your pocket Spence-"

"You're not listening, I just- do you really wanna marry me? I-I never seem to do things right and then when it comes for this big moments, hell its our wedding day and I'm freaking out so if you're having second thoughts or-"

You interrupt him now, turning him to face you, him eyes immediately close shut, and you opt for hugging him so he doesn't have to look at you.

"Spencer. Reid. You are the single most loving, adorable and smart person I could've ever hoped to marry. I am not having second thoughts. I knew the moment that ring fell out of your pocket that I was going to say yes."

He tries to interrupt but you hug him tighter to stop him.

"And yes you've made some mistakes, but those mistakes are what make you, you. Those little 'mistakes' are what makes loving you all the more interesting and easy."

"But I-"

"Spencer. I was in love with you two days after meeting you. Can you imagine that? It took two days for me to fall in love with you and never once have I regretted it. You were my roommate! I was looking for a roommate and I found the love of my life! How lucky am I?"

"I love you too Y/n." You can hear in voice that he's accepted that this it and there is no way to convince you otherwise that he's not your soulmate.

You kiss him once more before you leave the closet, but he asks you question that has you shaking your head at him.

"Those weren't your vows right? I didn't ruin that moment?"

"No. You didn't ruin anything. But please don't become the runaway groom Spence."

He laughs, "I wouldn't dream of it."

They weren't your vows of course, you have a far more light-hearted and sweet message that ultimately still stings the eyes of many when you get up on that altar.

His heart stops when he see's you as your heart melts at his reaction.

And everything is perfect, the melody of the music is just right, the air somehow sweeter, the weather perfect and when he tips down to meet your lips, as you are finally pronounced husband and wife you realize that all of it was perfect because he was perfect.

And as you grin at one another, happy to begin a new life together you also realize you would've married Spencer Reid anywhere, in the pouring rain, in dirty cold basement, in the desert.

You would have him as your husband anywhere.

Because he's yours just as much your his, till death do you part.

Requested by: @wordsarelife

[horizon-verizon]

Thanks for acknowledging how bastardy is stigmatized irl. I was born in the US but it was still super stigmatized to have a single mom, have been looked down on all my life for it, and the way some fans trivialize the stigma that still exists or make jokes about it is soooooo infuriating. The privilege is remarkable and disgusting in those who do mock ‘bastardphobia’ or whatever you wanna call it

Here is just one website/page telling us about illegitimacy in the real world today:

In most countries children born out of wedlock do not have the same rights as legitimate children, despite the trend in favour of greater equality between them. As a rule, it is only when they have been legitimated that illegitimate children have the same rights and obligations as the children born of the marriage. If, on the other hand, they have merely been recognized by the father, although entitled to be fed and brought up at their father's expense, they cannot claim the same rights as legitimate children, particularly in the matter of inheritance. However, they may, in certain cases, apply to the putative father for a maintenance and education allowance. In Belgium, for example, illegitimate children can exercise this right up to eighteen years of age, in Finland up to seventeen and in Guyana up to sixteen.

In Finland, there apparently is still a legal distinction b/t children born in a marriage and those who aren't (2019 studies, so take what you will):

Children are classified according to family status as legitimate or illegitimate. A child born in wedlock is legitimate. A widow can give birth to a legitimate child if the pregnancy began while still married. A child born out of wedlock is illegitimate. Cases where the mother has married the child’s father after the child’s birth are also considered illegitimate in these statistics. According to law, such children only become legitimate as of the date when their parents enter into a marriage contract with each other. In this vital statistics publication the child’s family status is primarily given by the mother’s marital status, that is, whether the mother was married or not. Unmarried, widowed and divorced women, and women widowed after a registered partnership, separated from a dissolved registered partnership or living in a registered partnership are classified as not being married at the time of the child’s birth.

And in America, you best believe that people look askance at kids and people with unmarried parents, even divorced parents. As one might expect in Catholic, overall Christian people, institutions, and conservative states, communities, and circles, there are also liberal circles with much the same attitude about "securing futures" for children by marrying their parents together. Legally, there are still certain legal and economic privileges given to a married person/couple than those who aren't (thus why some gay couples get married).

I tried looking for a specific word for the prejudice against illegitimate people, but couldn't find any. "Bastardphobia" sounds too pejorative of illegitimate people for me to use. It's also pretty irreverent and self-effacing, lending toward possible humor, so I also like the term. I'm conflicted. I'm conflicted, but we'll go with that for now.

[alatismeni-theitsa]

Hi, I'm just curious. Were LGBT communities accepted in ancient Greece based on certain elements of Greek mythology, like some of the gods having lovers of both genders?

Disclaimers: This is a very broad summary and many cases haven't been covered, so I encourage you to search on your own. Google Scholar has many scientific papers on different subjects and I think you should take a look there. Read many papers so you get a better idea of the situation, and understand the biases of the authors.

It's generally very difficult to explain ancient concepts with the terminology we have today. If you got confused by terminology here feel free to ask what I meant. I didn't intend any harm to readers of this post. This is how some terms seem more appropriate to me as a Greek speaker.

Onto my own short answer:

Well "accepted" is a big word and very different of what most users in this site would think as "accepted". It wasn't such a serious "sin" but it was generally looked down upon, from the records we have today. (Remember, these were the societies that at large thought women shouldn't express their sexual desires if thought to even have any). At the same time it was known that such couples existed, but they couldn't get married or say this is my "life long partner" or something.

It's very possible queer couples were living happily "under the radar" or people around them looked the other way. In fact, I'd say the societies had (socially and on a superficial, formal level) crossed out queer couples so much that even if you went on a date or slept with someone "you shouldn't", it would people would think "aaah just two women having dinner in the tavern" or "two women sleeping together. Nothing can possibly happen. Women don't have sex with women anyways." Holding hands and hugging a lot between people wasn't something seen as inherently sexual, between people of the same sex (or perceived to be of the same sex). Women and men were quite segregated back then, largely working in their own domains, so lgbt+ didn't have many outsiders to judge them. The other members didn't know the ins and outs of how things worked in the opposite side of the social world, so it would be easy to fool a bunch of old women with "eh you know that's what we do in the army, you just have to sleep very close to each other!"

But given how much smaller societies were then, how little education people had, and how statistically unlikely was for someone to be queer in a village of 100 people, it would still make that person seem "odd" in most settings in "ancient Greece". I wouldn't want to try and go back at that time, to be honest with you.

In Classical Athens - and I suspect in most of cities, marriage was something done "for the good of the city" and not yours, anyways. So you could marry someone of the opposite sex because that's what the society wanted, and then chose another lover in secret.

I don't think trans folks were very "accepted", I have yet to find a text that says "this thing also happens in mythology with so and so god so we must accept it". There might have been efforts to explain things about the lgbt+ people through myths, but given that trans people are rarer than homosexuals (at least with the studies we have now) the acceptance wouldn't be bigger than this of the homosexual couples.

If trans people managed to hide their dysphoria or will to transition (something extremely difficult for many, I know) and only exhibited "opposite sex" behaviors they could still seem "odd" unfortunately. But bio women could be seen as, what we say a "tomboy" and bio men as "eh he likes doing [effeminate thing of the time] , but but he is a good lad". Of course that doesn't cover the struggle of being trans in those ancient societies, I am just saying how outsiders would perceive them. We know of some other societies around the world recognizing different genders and sexual identities as valid and celebrated, but we don't have such records from the Greek antiquity.

For people on the ace spectrum, they were affected by the fact that they were required to have sex and that's bad on its own.

Other lgbt+ (and cis and/or hetero, tbf) people also faced this struggle through the requirement of marriage to someone they weren't attracted to (and "rape" didn't even exist inside marriage for the ancient laws 😢). The city and the society didn't care much about your attraction - you were bound to the laws of your sex back then, no matter how you felt. We have mentions of lgbt+ folks and that means it wasn't all extremely bad and ominous then, but recognition doesn't necessarily mean acceptance, as "I can safely express myself".

Some people stayed single, but for women it was infinity more difficult to do such a thing.

Modern day Greece is relatively bad to be lgbt+ but still I would rather stay here than some period of the Greek antiquity.

For other identities, I don't think I can cover much.

As always, people, reblog and add stuff if you like! If you want to recommend some readings feel free to do so!

I have a tag lgbt+ in Greece and there are some sources there for antiquity, I think.

+Please, don't bugger me about terminology, we all know it changes every five years anyway - and not even in my country most of the time. Not all of us should be bound to Anglophone and US American expressions.

Plus, being considered heterosexual (or "cis") in ancient Greece was about biological sex, and that's why I focus so much on it. And I don't want to call people "males" and "females" and that why I used bio women and bio men.

[garbageivereleasedintothevoid]

02-02-19 (Saturday)

Idk how to explain this but straight people have such a wildly different view on intimacy than queer people do. Like no cishet I've ever spoken to has ever understood that me cuddling with my best friend isn't sexual. Like I'm just cuddling... We love each other but we're not IN LOVE with each other. Hell, neither of us have any interest in that whatsoever. They're MARRIED. I was in the wedding. I think they are a great match with their wife. They balance each other out. She makes them happy and that makes me happy.

I can't tell you how many cishets have been absolutely weirded out by learning that I cuddle with my best friend. They just don't get it. "Don't you start feeling... Something?" Besides safe and happy, no. Idk. It's like they think they're gonna catch me doing something idk. I just feel safe and happy with them. Hell, Grover and I do, too, sometimes. Not a lot because Grover gets overstimulated a lot, not because it's weird.

Idk. Platonic cuddling is one of the milder things queer people do that cishets hate. Telling your friend they're cute is a slight step up. Talking to your friends about your kinks is interesting to try and say you do. Most are absolutely revolted. It's hilarious. Queer are so much more open about things to each other. Legitimately. I've had full on conversations about kinks and how to not be an ass about them and actual sexual escapades they've had with queer people I barely know. Cishet people I have known for years will give me small talk about the weather. This is why I feel queerness is like family. We're so open with each other. And we stick together. We're who we can trust. We already kinda know each other even if we don't. And we can almost always recognize each other. Gaydar isn't perfect but it's a good indicator. And not everyone has it. But I do. I have predicted people's queerness before.

And I'm gonna be honest, I get a small queer vibe from you. Not like as explicit as I usually get so I interpret that as "Mostly hetero but with maybe a few exceptions if she wasn't already in a committed relationship (which makes a huge difference tbh)." But I could be wrong. Gaydar, like I said, isn't perfect and sometimes it confuses people who are willing to talk about sex/the intricacies of sexual attraction/sexual boundaries with you with queer people. I could be wrong but that's the vibe I get. I also have some backup evidence for that, though it's sll subjective. Your kid being queer is one of them. Kids with queer bioparents (whether or not they know the parent is queer is irrelevant) are more likely to be queer. You've made vague references to experimentation before meeting your husband. You've also made some comments that make me believe you have some attraction to a specific woman. You don't have to acknowledge this or tell me anything. You owe me nothing on the subject. And if this isn't something you actually feel comfortable talking about to me, you should feel NO obligation. Just so we're clear. Also I think a lot about "What if *random person* is actually queer and either closeted/doesn't know it yet?" It's definitely not just you. So this is a common occurrence for me and not just a thought I had about you, I swear and I would be completely surprised if it wasn't a common thing for other queer people to think about as well. We always... We always think about how many of us there are. We wonder because there's no official count/statistic beyond the like 3.5% figure that I truly feel greatly lowballs how many of us there are. I really feel like we're at least 20% or more if the population. Also it's very difficult to get an accurate ciunt because the closet is still VERY necessary for many of us. I saw a post btw about that actually and it articulated a thought I'd been trying to summarize for a while.

That. That is something I think about a lot. I value happiness. Safety is great but if I'm not happy, what's the point? If I'm miserable and want to die, who cares if I'm safe. This is also why I felt better after becoming homeless. Because I wasn't being restricted as to what I could be anymore. Everything, every single decision about my life rested in my hands. I admit, I went a bit apeshit with the finding happiness thing. Went a bit too hedonistic and not enough responsibility but everyone has that, right? Everyone has that moment. But the difference is that most people's moments were like "I can have candy for breakfast and no one can stop me." Which is an appropriate reaction to being like 18 and livjng alone for the first time when your parents only exerted a healthy amount of control. But when every aspect of your life was controlled and your privacy repeatedly violated and disregarded, becoming a hermit who blows money on fast food whenever they get it (that's what I was in 2015) isn't as drastic as it would initially seem. I felt kinda drunk with power over my own life. And it's natural that I'd make some questionable decisions about it when I had the first instance of control I'd had in 22 years. I learned though. I don't eat out nearly as much as I would have in 2014 if I got $771 a month. I don't just stay in my apartment all the time enjoying the solitude (admittedly have been staying inside a lot more lately but it's been like 2° outside and people have been kinda draining for me lately.) For weeks on end. I don't take midnight strolls through neighborhoods I don't know for fun (because it occurred to me that no one could stop me. I was like "There's nothing to stop me from just walking around at midnight. No shelter worker threatening to kick me out. No parents trying to tell me I'm just using them. Nobody. I can just leave and never come back if I wanted to." I didn't have anywhere else to go... But if I HAD, I can't guarantee I wouldn't have just gone.) But it's a weird thing to realize the entire world has opened up to you now that your parents kicked you out. It's such an unexplainable feeling. I don't get it.