#I also couldn't figure out where to fit the fact that the transphobia I dealt with was largely before I transitioned at all

[dragonsatmidnight]

I do pass, and I don't want to.

The only joy I ever get out of passing is the look on cis people's face when they realize that, OH, wow, maybe I HAVE known trans people.

My transness is a huge part of my identity. I'm nonbinary, but when I do identify as a man the TRANS part of being a trans man is deeply important to me.

I also just desperately wish that people would understand that like. I had top surgery for me. I was passing 100% of the time when I had top surgery. Absolutely no one would misgender me, and I had other trans people tell me they didn't think I was trans.

Passing, and erasing my identity, isn't a privilege. It's not the be all, end all, of my identity either. When I was 21, I got a trans masc symbol tattooed to my arm and I will never forget the dude who came out of the woodwork to tell me that trans people like me made it more difficult for him to pass.

Take that up with cis people, not me.

Honestly I think a lot of people's mental image of trans men especially when talking about privilege are like. Top and bottom surgery done, full beards, 10-15 years minimum on testosterone, speech therapy and body masculinization surgery and vigorous workout routines, perfectly passing for cis men, all legal documents changed accordingly, completely stealth and divorced from their past with a fully supportive family and friend group.

And yeah, those guys exist. I can rattle off names in my friend group right now who that describes. I've even dated a few of them.

And I do think those guys do receive a heaping cupful of male privilege, and I also think they're very aware of it.

But I also think of trans guys in my friend group who look like this:

Because they're not out or because they can't be out or because they're not in a situation that they can change anything or because they aren't yet comfortable grappling with their gender or because they're honestly happy with the way they look or because they don't want to take hormones and get surgery or because they're nonbinary or because they have medical concerns that keep them from pursing medical transition or because they're in abusive relationships and can't get out or because their insurance won't cover it or because they can't afford it or because they're somewhere they legally can't or because they live somewhere that not only groups them as cis women but also still treats women like men's property or because-

And I'm always like. Where? I've sheltered more than one trans guy who looks exactly like that when their parents kicked them out for being trans and they had nowhere else to go. They've lived in my house until they could figure out a more permenant solution. Where's their privilege?