#I NEVER UNDERSTOOD THAT PHRASE BUT IT STILL AMUSES M E.

[lostxstboy]

wendy‌ darling.

         ❝ ˛✦ ⊰  WHEN PETER SAID he couldn’t keep it, wendy didn’t even try to hide the frown which caused deep wrinkles to appear on her forehead. “ what ? “, she asked, the word falling from her lips in a dumbfounded manner, rather than a rude one. shaking her head slowly as she leaned back a little, her eyes still fixed on the thimble which was dangling in the air. it was h i s. why didn’t he want to have it anymore ? “ i… i don’t get it, peter… it’s yours. i don’t… i don’t want anyone else to have it. “, she mumbled, finally looking back up at her friend.

     when he explained he didn’t want it to lose its meaning, a sigh fell from wendy’s lips. she didn’t get it – a g a i n. “ why would it lose its meaning ? “, the girl asked, her voice soft and patient as she kept her eyes focused on him. she didn’t mean to stare so intensely at him – not at all. but she simply… didn’t… understand. none of this seemed to make much sense to her anymore. how could things have gotten so wrong; so d i f f e r e n t ? they used to be on the same wavelength, get each other beyond words – a single look had always been enough for them to know what was going on behind their faces. and maybe she never really knew w h a t was going on in his mind ( who does, right ? ) but she felt like she understood him. but perhaps that was all part of her ridiculous fairy tale as well – it made her wonder what was really there, and what wasn’t.

    “ the meaning will never change, peter. at least, not to me. just because… i w o n d e r… and feel deep down that i want something m o r e… that doesn’t mean that kiss is any less special, or meaningful. “, wendy then said, her voice barely any louder than a whisper. it hurt, believing it would ever lose its meaning – that he would ever lose meaning to her. “ it will always be the most important, special kiss i ever gave. even though i have barely given any yet. i k n o w it will always be the most special one. “, she could look up at him. because she didn’t want him to see the hurt and desperation in her eyes once again. so until she was certain a neutral look lingered in her eyes, the brunette kept her gaze firmly fixed on her tugged in hands.

            a neutral look had been nothing more than wishful thinking, though, because when he spoke up again asking her what she thought s h e meant to him wendy looked dumbfounded – a g a i n. “ m… m e ? “, she asked silently, unsure of what else to say. what did she mean to him ? wasn’t that question what got them in this situation in the first place ? she didn’t know. she thought she knew but now she is completely and utterly clueless and confused. “ i don’t know. “, the brunette then said, a heavy sigh falling from her lips. “ i don’t know, peter and that’s… that’s the problem, isn’t it ? i guess i just… am very confused, lately, and i don’t know… i don’t know w h a t i mean to you or anyone, anymore. i’m not even sure i ever did, to be honest. everything is just so confusing. “, she rambled, shaking her head. she didn’t want to talk to him about all of this because she knew he wouldn’t appreciate it – she knew he would get scared of or overwhelmed and run away. and she didn’t want him to run away – not anymore. not without h e r, at least.. but he asked…

            shaking her head once again in confusion, wendy couldn’t help but smile (skeptically, perhaps ). “ you checked ? wh – when ? i didn’t lock it… “, she said softly, still shaking her head. racking her brain as he mentioned it being locked once again, the brunette stumbled back again, dropping down on her bed. and that’s when it hit her – looking back up at peter, she sighed loudly before explaining: “ my dad… he closed it, the other night… it was open and we were about to leave for a party… we were in a rush, i didn’t… know… he had been in my room. but when i returned home… peter, i immediately opened it again. “, he reassuring looking her eyes. “ no matter w h a t is going on, peter, i will never lock you out. i promise. “, she whispered.

             Peter didn’t respond immediately. he wasn’t just speechless anymore, no longer struggling with phrasing all the things he didn’t know how to say — right now, he didn’t know what to say instead. he didn’t know what he had expected or that he had expected anything really, but if he allowed himself some wishful thinking, this should’ve all been easier. it could be easy too if only the truth why he didn’t want the thimble to lose its meaning, if the reason he called her his little bird and if the answer to what she meant to him was all the same: that she was just his second best friend, the sister to his right hand man and the author to the novels which narrated his life’s greatest adventures, but she wasn’t. not anymore, at least.

           “ But what– “ he rubbed his hands over his face, forcing some controlled expression onto it which hopefully wasn’t showing the daze he was feeling. he’d balanced along so many abysses in his life but he’d never quite felt such vertigo. “ i mean, what is ‘ more ‘?  “ although, everything inside of him wanted him to look away, to keep his entire back turned towards her, peter used his own stubbornness for once to force himself to meet her gaze. she needed to know that he meant it, that she – despite the years which had taught her different, despite all the times he’d frowned upon emotions and was the first to pull faces at anything romantic –could tell him. “ a fairytale..? “ the word had haunted his mind ever since their last conversation and he meant it still, he wanted her to believe in them, but the longer he’d had the time to think about it the clearer the only conclusion had become. “ that – that’s not me, “ he smiled, though only weakly because he wished that he could fulfill that dream of her too but even peter pan’s magic seemed to have an end. “ and i know — believing moves mountains. “ after all, that was something he’d always preached; that you could do anything and everything could come true. “but that’s a… massive mountain for me to move. “ and he wanted to say, if anyone could do it it was him, but truth be told, peter didn’t know if he was able to. especially on his own.

              A long sigh left his lips then, before he almost laughed but only almost — it was ironic, wasn’t it? he was the one who had left and who seemed to have left all meaning behind too, whether it was the one his friends had for him or he had for them, and she was the one who had chosen to stay and yet she found herself in the same debacle. however, there was one big difference, wasn’t there? because she had told him what she was feeling and whether or not it was confusing him, because he was him, he at least knew ( kinda, anyway ) where he was standing with one person; with her. peter’s eyes began to wander, his mind obviously working to try and find a way of explaining what she meant to him without running himself into a wall.

              " You’re where my book starts, “ he said under his breath, his gaze having found her book shelf. a small smile flashed over his lips and his eyes, a spark of amused mischief within them, switched to look at her. “ literally. “ because she was the one who started writing his stories, who saw more in him than the silly child which didn’t want to grow up. “ but if someone else wrote it, “ he added, “ they’d not start the day i met tink or the day i named the lost boys. they would… start with you. “ and admittedly, he didn’t know exactly what it meant but he knew she meant so much more to him than she thought herself to, that without her he’d have never become the person he was right now. instead, he’d have a group of lost boys led by someone who shunned all emotions which weren’t selfish fun, and their names would most likely be tied to even more mischief than they already were, because peter pan refused to grow up and he had no reason to.

            “ You’re my little bird, “ he mumbled, suddenly a little sheepish, “ i don’t want to keep something if it reminds me of someone i lost. “ which was why you would never know he had been friends with hook unless you had been there, which was why it was so easy to believe he had no parents at all because he didn’t even keep the only thing they left for him, which also was why he couldn’t keep the thimble if he was going to lose her.