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so-long-soldier-writes · 1 year ago

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Do You Believe in Soulmates, Darling?

poly!mikaelsons x reader

summary: after waiting a thousand years to find their soulmates, the mikaelsons find it in mystic falls. one thing though - they all share the same lover. | request

word count: 7k (I don’t know how this happened)

tags: soulmates, fluff, human!reader

It is Kol that sees you first. He is standing in the town square, observing how people are in the twenty-first century, and how much has changed since he’d last been undaggered. He hadn’t really planned on being out that day, but Klaus was getting unruly in the mansion, needing quiet time to paint. Kol wasn’t in the mood to be on the receiving end of his anger again, so he scurried out the door and decided to explore the town.

It’s peaceful and no one bothers him. No siblings, nor vampires, nor townspeople. For once, the inhabitants of Mystic Falls mind their own business.

By nearly three o’clock, he still occupies the square. Klaus was probably over his anger hours ago, but Kol finds he quite likes the scene. Despite enjoying the time away, though, he knows he should go home soon before a sibling catches up to him. One cannot escape the family for too long; that’s the blessing and curse of family. With a sigh, he stands up to leave, sparing one last glance to the park before him.

Thank god for that last look. Had he not taken it, he wouldn’t have noticed you. That would be a missed connection never known, but to secretly haunt him forever.

You, with your gentle smile as you look at the girl to your left. The way your eyes roll at something she says. The way you walk gracefully towards him, though he knows that’s not where you’re headed. Suddenly, something inside him wishes it were. Something fluttering in his chest; something that starts to beg for your attention. He stares at you as if his gaze would somehow attract yours.

“Are you daft? Kol! Hello?!” None of the words register to him. However, the swift hit to the head does.

Kol whips around to see his sister. Her hands open to him in frustration.

“I’ve been calling you for ages, standing right beside you. What are you even looking at?”

“Nothing,” he says, almost stutters.

“Certainly not nothing to have your attention like that.” Rebekah scoffs, then tries to follow his line of sight.

By then, you had dipped into a store. Kol secretly curses his sister for the distraction.

“That bird over there, you were seeing?” There’s a bluebird standing where you just were.

“No.”

“Then whatever in the name of-”

“Just a girl, Bekah. So like I said, nothing.”

“Oh? A girl’s caught your attention?” She snickers, “tell me, is she pretty?”

“Can you bugger off?”

“Why don’t you just answer?”

“Because I-” he stops upon seeing you again. You and Caroline tumble out of the store laughing, clutching onto each other’s shoulders. He listens to the words he sees leave your lips.

“That was so weird,” you mutter.

“People here are so strange sometimes,” Caroline agrees with your statement.

“Because you what?” Rebekah’s voice cuts back in. When Kol doesn’t answer, she follows his gaze again. “Caroline Forbes?”

“No, the girl beside her.”

A tease is prepared on the tip of her tongue, but upon seeing you, it’s gone. The two Mikaelsons are quiet for a moment as they watch you and Caroline continue to laugh.

“My, she is pretty,” the blonde finally admits. “Go talk to her.”

“Do you really think it’s wise for me to go over there with Caroline Forbes right there?”

“Well if you don’t now, you could lose her forever!”

“Or I could lose my life when her blonde friend rips my head from my neck!”

“You never know until you try.”

“I think I have a pretty good idea what will happen if I do that.”

“Caroline won’t kill you because then she’ll lose brownie points with our brother.”

“Fair point, Bekah, but-” He’s interrupted by two ringing phones. Specifically, his and his sister’s. “Bloody hell. Almost went all day without a summoning.”

“Who’s calling you?”

“Klaus.”

“Elijah’s got me. Guess we have to go back now. Wish your pretty girl farewell.”

Kol rolls his eyes at her words. He steals one last glance at you before following his sister to what he hopes isn’t some new brand of chaos.

◇◇◇◇

“So is it true?” You turn to your best friend.

“What?”

“That Klaus has a thing for you?”

She slouches in her next few steps, “really?! Y/N! As if I hadn’t had this conversation so many times.”

“Well, is it?”

“Ugh. I don’t know! I think he does, but trust me, I don’t feel anything for him back!”

“Aw,” you joke, “why not give him a chance? He could be your soulmate for all you know?”

She lets out a sharp laugh, “no way! In fact, Klaus has no soulmate, and do you know why?” She doesn’t give you a chance to answer before saying, “because I don’t think he even has a soul.”

“Caroline!”

“Am I wrong?”

“I- I don’t know, I’ve never met the guy!”

“Well good. Avoid him. He can be charming, I’ll give him that, but it doesn’t take away the fact that he’s a killer.”

“He can’t be that bad. We’ve all killed once or twice.”

“First of all, yes, he is. Second, no, we haven’t. I have. You have not, and that will stay that way.”

“Maybe I have, you don’t know that.”

She snorts, “You’re too sweet for that. And besides, even if you have, you’d tell me right away with your guilty conscience.”

“I do not have a-”

“Keep telling yourself that.”

“Fine, I might. But don’t mistake that for me not having fire, because I can assure you, I do.”

“Oh I know you do. That’s what makes us such good friends. But you need to remember that you’re human, so you still need to be careful.”

“I know, I know!”

“Which includes talking about Klaus, because he could be listening.”

“Sorry,” you try to hide your smirk, “I won’t ask about the big bad vampire again.”

“Good.” Caroline’s not at all convinced that this’ll be your last question about them, but at least it’ll be the last for today.

Ever since the Mikaelsons have arrived in Mystic Falls, you’ve been curious about them. It’s hard enough keeping you out of the Salvatore drama, but that difficulty increased tenfold when the original family came into play. With you and Matt being the only two humans left in the friend group, they’re very protective of you. You, even more-so than Matt. Matt’s met most of them by working at the grill, but the girls do their best to hide your existence from the four siblings. They all swear that if they ever find you, nothing good would happen.

◇◇◇◇

“You two have been out all day, where could you have possibly gone?” Elijah questions as soon as he sees his two youngest siblings enter the mansion.

Kol already has his answer ready, “well seeing as Klaus was about ready to kill us all this morning, I decided it would be in my best interest to get away from him.”

“He’s been steady since one. It’s past three now.”

“Lost track of time, I guess. Tell me, what is it you wanted?”

“Why? Have something to get back to you?”

Rebekah, who had left to fetch a glass of bourbon, replies, “yes, actually. I was quite occupied before you called.”

“You two? Together? Sounds like a recipe for disaster,” the eldest raises his eyebrows. “Hopefully not planning a kill in the square?”

“On the contrary, dear brother. But unfortunately for you, it’s none of your business. So again, what is it for which you called?”

“Ever so fiesty, Rebekah. Worry not, we just wanted to make sure you weren't starting anything."

"What? That's it?"

"What kind of older brother would I be if I don't check up on my younger, more troublesome siblings?"

"You called us both home for that?"

"What’s got you so bitter, sister? Mystic Falls isn't so interesting that you should be so upset."

"Not to you, but this time, we actually did find something interesting, thank you!"

"Oh, do tell, Rebekah," her other brother asks as he fetches his own drink.

"Doesn't matter now that we'll never see her again," Kol mutters, sharing an annoyed look with the blonde.

"Her?"

Rebekah glares, "yes, a girl. But Kol's right, doesn't matter." She swallows down the rest of the liquor in one gulp.

The two eldest brothers are too confused to question further. Kol takes this as a chance to retreat to his room, while Rebekah, after one more look at Elijah, leaves to hers.

"What girl could have stolen the attention of our two siblings so quickly?"

"Doubt there is one at all. They just wanted a reason to get away," Klaus snaps with a tone full of anger.

Elijah detects a hint of jealousy, but says nothing. Nor does he share about his curiosity for this supposed girl that infatuated them both.

◇◇◇◇

Two days later, you’re spotted in the square again, this time, by Elijah himself. At first glance, he makes no connection between you and whomever his siblings saw, but rather takes in the sight of you. You are sitting by the fountain, legs crossed on the cement, and a hand reaching into the water. A stack of books are in front of you, the one on top open, and a notebook to your left. You pay no attention to them, though, and keep your eyes trained on the small waterfall. The sight of a human so seemingly relaxed in such a busy and perilous town has him unable to draw away his attention. He watches you carefully from the square’s metal bench, far enough that you could not catch his eye.

Only a mere five minutes pass before you have company. A girl Elijah recognizes - April Young - touches your shoulder lightly. You turn to her with a smile as she starts to speak. Curiosity kills him, so Elijah tunes in to listen.

“If someone finds you out here, they’re not going to be happy.”

“I don’t care, April, I’m so bored. I can’t be inside all day just because they’re scared I’m going to encounter vampires.”

“Shh! You know they could overhear you, right?”

“It’s fine! They have no reason to hurt me, I’m just minding my own business.”

“They don’t need a reason to hurt anyone, Y/N, they just do. They drink blood, remember?”

“Okay, sure, point taken. But since I apparently have a team of protectors, I should be fine, right?”

“Yeah, but-”

“And, hey, you’re human. Why are you allowed to talk to them? Who’s the girl again? Rebekah?”

“Y/N, be quiet! Yes, I talk to them, but it’s because they found me first and dragged me into all this. And Matt’s been dragged in almost since day one. You haven’t been discovered by them yet, and we all need to keep it that way.”

“So boring! I want to be in on the fun.”

“It’s not fun, Y/N. I’m serious. None of them will be gentle if they find you; they’re all dangerous.”

You sigh, giving up on arguing with the girl.

“You know what they say, ‘curiosity killed the cat’,” April says.

“Okay, but they also say, ‘satisfaction brought it back’,” you finish, eyebrows raised.

April rolls her eyes, “stay out of it. In fact, I’m texting Caroline right now that you left your house if you don’t go back right now.”

“I’m not going back, I’m studying here.”

“Study at home.”

“No.”

Immediately, she starts to dial Caroline. In an instant, you pack your books back into your bag. “See you later, buzzkill.”

The girl hangs up, but doesn’t leave until you do. You know better than to try and win a fight against both of them, so you head home, missing the square already.

Elijah knows he shouldn’t follow you. Caroline could be on her way; April’s in the distance. Yet, he can’t watch you walk away, either. He must at least know your name, or else it might kill him. At the very least, he could compel the conversation out of your mind as soon as he hears it.

He waits until you’re alone to approach. Probably not the best way to do it, but he doesn’t know how many there are keeping you hidden in your supposed “team of protectors”. And this way, it would be easier to compel, should it come to that. So, as you travel down the sidewalk, humming to yourself, he suddenly calls out to you,

“Excuse me, miss.”

You turn quickly towards the voice. Your breath catches in your throat at the sight of the handsome stranger. “Um, hi.”

“I mean you no harm, but I saw you in the square just a little bit ago, and I have to know your name.”

You hesitate, unsure if you should give it.

He continues, “I know this is quite random, but I truly do not wish to frighten you. I saw you by the fountain, unbothered by the world around you. The screams of children, the barking of dogs, but nothing disrupted your focus from the gentle flow of water. I could tell it brought you peace, and I could see the secret you harbored to jump in and enjoy it. It was beautiful, not to mention the beauty that you are, yourself. So, apologies if I am crossing a line, but I can’t help but wonder what name to put on this delicate soul that has imprinted on my own.”

You stare at him, speechless from his words. Never has anyone said such beautiful things to you, and in such an alluring accent, no less.

“My apologies, love. I fear I have said too much.”

“N-no! Forgive me, I’ve just never had a man tell me I’m beautiful before.”

“That is quite a shame. Sure they just have never told you out loud.” He walks closer to you, feeling a bit more confident that you’re not afraid.

A blush rises to your cheeks, but you’re still unable to form a response. “I-I, um… Y/N. My name.”

He repeats your name, tasting it on his tongue. “Lovely name. Lovely name for a lovely girl.”

“Thank you. And what’s yours, may I ask?”

Elijah hesitates. It hurts his heart knowing he’ll have to compel this conversation from your mind, but at least, he can give you his name before he does. “Elijah Mikaelson.”

“You- you’re a Mikaelson?”

“Afraid I am.” He scans your face for fear, which he wholeheartedly expected. However, nothing.

“You’re the first I’ve gotten the pleasure to meet. I’ve been curious, I’ll admit, but my friends tell me to stay away,” you pause, “which you probably found out from my conversation with April a few minutes ago. Oops.”

“It’s alright, love. I won’t tell a soul of your secret.”

“Thanks,” you smile, “I hate being cooped up in the house all day. You were right - I did want to jump in that fountain.”

“You should’ve. I bet the joy on your face would have been unmatched.”

You swallow hard. You’ve never been good at taking compliments. Especially not those given to you by a handsome man who has lived long enough to see thousands of beautiful things. Never would you have expected to be one of those things. “I think I should’ve, too.”

Suddenly, you get a text. In a brief glance, you see it’s Caroline. “Oh crap.”

“Is everything alright?”

You sigh, “it’s Caroline, asking me to send a picture of myself in my kitchen, with an egg in my hand, and a spoon on my head. I guess I have to go.”

“Such an odd request,” he wonders out loud.

“She likes to put me up to things like this to prove I’m at home. It’s something I won’t have in my pictures already, and have to do that instant. If I don’t get it done in five minutes, she comes over.”

“Well I guess I better let you leave, then.”

“Unfortunately, yes. But I liked meeting you, Elijah.”

He smiles, “you too, Miss Y/N.” He steps forward and takes your palm to kiss it. In a deep breath before he starts to compel you, you suddenly interrupt him.

“Wait! I’m way more than five minutes away. Crap! She’s gonna catch me.”

He shouldn’t offer. He shouldn’t know where you live. Yet, the idea of you getting caught out of your house worries him. He may never see you again if that happens. “I could, perhaps, take you home? Could get you there much quicker than if you were to walk.”

“You would do that?”

“I owe you that little, being the reason you might get caught otherwise.”

You blush at the thought of him picking you up, but try to force it away. “If you don’t mind.”

“Of course.” He picks you up bridal style, and before you know it, you’re on your porch.

“Thank you.” You smile, then check your phone. “Oh, shoot! Two minutes left.” You’re quick to unlock your door and throw it open. “Come in and help me find an egg!”

Surely you know the rules about those words pertaining to vampires and one’s home, yet you said them without hesitation. You didn’t stick around for him to question you, either, and instead ran to complete the quest. Slowly, he tests the entryway, and enters with no resistance. He then finds you in your kitchen digging through the fridge, then pulling out an egg. As quickly as you can, you take a selfie and send it to Caroline.

“Whew!” You breathe out, then notice him, “hi.”

“You completed your challenge?”

“Hopefully! But she might still come by because it was April that called her.”

“So I should probably leave.”

You bite your lip, not wanting him to go.

“Y/N?”

“Hm?”

“Why did you invite me inside?”

“Because I needed you to find an egg. Which I found myself, so thanks,” you joke.

He smiles, but only for a second, “I’m serious.”

“I don’t know, I trust you.”

“Why? I’m a Mikaelson. The very family that your friends told you to avoid.”

“Well maybe I don’t like being told what to do. And maybe you don’t seem so bad to me.”

“I would like to prove your feelings right. I wish I could.” He says truthfully, catching your eyes.

You start to look back, but then his words hit you. I wish I could. You straighten, then look away from his gaze. “Don’t compel me.”

“What?”

“Don’t you dare compel me to forget this. I don’t want to forget this. I don’t want to forget you. You, or your smile, or the things you’ve said. Please don’t take it away from me.”

“Y/N-”

“Please.”

He takes a deep breath. It must be done, but he hates it. He doesn’t want you to forget. In fact, he wants to know you deeper. “I have to.”

“No, you don’t. I won’t tell, I promise. If anything, compel me to never forget.”

“Y/N-”

“‘Lijah, don’t.”

The nickname you’ve already given him weakens him. It renders him unable to finish the task; there’s no way he can force himself to compel you now. “Alright.”

“Wait, really?”

“If you’re sure you want to remember, but you’re sure you’ll never tell.”

“I promise. And I won’t say that I invited in a Mikaelson, either.”

He chuckles, “that would be wise.” He kisses your hand again. “I hope to see you again, Y/N.”

“You too. And thanks for taking me home.”

“Of course, love.”

After he leaves, you collapse on your couch, head swirling with thoughts of him. The words he said: how he described your time at the fountain, the beauty he saw in you. His own appearance: kind eyes, small wrinkles under them from a lack of sleep or hundreds of lifetimes lived, or both, a perfectly neat suit, the dark blue ring fitted on his finger. The way he watched you take Caroline’s picture with a smile on the edge of his lips. How he kissed your hand gently as a parting.

Your cheeks are hot with blush, not to mention the heat you feel throughout your body. Butterflies are alive in your stomach. It all makes you feel so silly, but some part of you whispers that it’s love at first sight.

◇◇◇◇

The minute Klaus hears the door open, he’s already yelling, “another sibling spending hours out and about in Mystic Falls. Where in the bloody hell have you been all day, Elijah?”

Elijah enters the room to find Klaus standing beside another painting, while the two other siblings sit on the couch. All three have glasses of bourbon and are sipping carefully. “What’s going on?”

“For once? Nothing. We all just happen to be here.”

“Where have you been, Elijah?” Rebekah turns around in her seat to question him.

Before he can answer, Klaus chuckles, “let me guess! Out with a girl. You only wear that smile when you’ve found a girl to fancy.”

“Niklaus, I have not-”

“Oh don’t try, I’ve known you for a thousand years!”

“Better not be my girl, mate,” Kol mutters, though his tone isn’t rough like Klaus’.

“Your girl is my girl, too, Kol. Remember that.”

“Heaven’s sake, you all are idiots.” Klaus turns back to his work, ignoring the three.

Elijah ignores him right back, and instead looks down to the others. “Describe this girl you saw. Everything you remember.”

So, Kol and Rebekah do. Everything from your appearance, to the sound of your voice, and to the way you walked. The more they described, the more it sounded like the ‘you’ Elijah was with all day. When he admits this, their faces pale.

“There’s no way all three of you idiots have fallen in love with the same girl,” Klaus mutters, still listening despite his annoyance.

“It’s happened before, brother. Remember Mary?”

“I remember, Bekah, but that doesn't mean it’s plausible to happen again.”

“I think it is entirely plausible,” Kol admits, “in fact, I think this goes deeper than it did with Mary.”

“Whatever are you talking about?”

“Something draws me to her. And it’s like I know her, yet I don’t at the same time. Do you guys feel this too, or is it just me?”

“No, I definitely feel it,” Elijah says, “and spending time with her today felt so natural. Like it was something I could never tire of.”

“You three sound so stupid. Talking like this girl, that two of you have never actually met, is your soulmate or something.”

“Well maybe you need to see her, Klaus. You’ll be in love instantly, I promise.”

Klaus rolls his eyes one more time at his youngest brother before going back to his painting. He refuses to admit the curiosity he feels towards you, and instead plays on animosity. His siblings don’t give up, though, and continue talking about their feelings for you until they all part to go to bed.

The following day, Elijah, Kol, and Rebekah actively seek you out in hopes of inviting you to dinner. They spent the morning planning that they’d find you and convince you to come over, where they could all gain your trust and get to know you better. The difficult part of this was getting you alone to talk. Elijah had warned his siblings about what you had said and told them to keep a close eye on their surroundings. He did also mention how excited you were to meet a Mikaelson, though, and said to use this to their advantage if one of them finds you instead of himself.

So, in three different parts of the city, the siblings fan out and keep their eyes peeled for your presence. Shouldn’t be that hard to find; they’ll just follow the pull of their hearts.

◇◇◇◇

For ten minutes, you’re able to sneak away, just long enough to visit your favorite store on the street corner. After meeting Elijah yesterday, the thought of being stuck in your house all day sounds miserable, and you are prepared to risk your friends’ wrath to see him again. Granted, inside the little shop is probably not the place you’d find him, but being out in the open at least makes it seem possible.

You are looking at a row of necklaces when a man comes up beside you. You don’t see his face, yet he doesn’t seem threatening to you, so you’re not too worried.

“That color would look beautiful on you,” he says aloud.

“Me?” You glance around to see if he’s talking to someone else.

“Yes, darling. I mean you.”

You blush instantly. “Thank you.”

“Let me get it for you.”

“Oh, no, I couldn’t. It must be expensive!”

“Not a problem for me. I happen to come from a well-off line.”

“Oh do you now?” You turn to face him fully. “And what line would that be?”

He smiles at you, then plucks the necklace from its place and brings it to the counter. Immediately after buying it, he’s fastening it around your neck. “As expected, you look beautiful.”

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“How could I not? It was made for you.”

“You’re too kind.” You reach your hand out for him to shake, “Y/N L/N.”

Instead of shaking it, he presses a kiss to the back, “Kol Mikaelson.”

He watches your eyes light up, just as Elijah said they would. “Mikaelson?”

“So you’ve heard of me?”

“Heard of you? Definitely.”

“And I heard you met my brother yesterday. God, he would not stop talking about how beautiful you are.”

You blush deeper at the thought of Elijah talking about you to his family. Either that, or it’s because Kol’s still holding your hand gently. You’re not sure.

“Say, Y/N, would it be possible I could invite you to dinner? I would love to get to know you better, and I know Elijah would love to see you again. Bekah, too, has a curiosity.”

“I, um…” you so desperately want to, but fear your friends finding out. “I want to, but I don’t know if I can.”

“If it’s Caroline Forbes you’re worried about, I bet we could fake an alibi.”

“It’s not just Caroline, it’s all of them. But, if we could think of a good enough alibi, I bet I could escape for a little bit.”

“Perfect, I will let my siblings know. This is our address, but if you need one of us to pick you up, my number’s on there, too.” He slips you a piece of paper. “I look forward to seeing you again, darling.”

“I do, too, Kol,” you smile.

With one last kiss to your hand, he disappears from sight.

You show up on the Mikaelsons’ porch at seven in one of your best outfits, playing with your hair nervously after ringing the doorbell. When the door swings open, the girl - Rebekah - is on the other side.

Before you can greet her, she looks you up and down, “wow… you are gorgeous.”

The redness rises back to your cheeks, “thank you.”

“No wonder my brothers are smitten with you.”

“Don’t lie, Rebekah,” Kol’s voice rings through the house, “you know you are too.”

She rolls her eyes, “come inside, dear. We promise we won’t bite.”

You follow her into the house, smiling as you pass the threshold into the mansion. “It’s beautiful in here.”

“Not as beautiful as you, darling.”

You’re starting to pick up on the affectionate nicknames that each gives you. Elijah calls you ‘love’; Kol calls you ‘darling’; and Rebekah just used ‘dear’. It’s one thing that they’ve all called you beautiful, but they all have nicknames for you, too. If they get any more romantic, your heart will flutter right out of your chest.

Just as you think that, they do. Elijah and Kol both kiss your hands as they greet you, making you weak in the knees.

“Thank you for coming, love. I’m glad you could join us.”

“Thank you for inviting me. About that alibi, Kol, I’m gonna need it tomorrow. No doubt I’ll get some kind of spoon-on-head, one-nail-painted-black kind of challenge that I’ll fail, and have to find an excuse for.”

The boy laughs, having been told by Elijah about Caroline’s antics. “We will certainly come up with something. But for now, are you hungry?”

“Yes, actually. And I’m excited to know what you guys eat when you’re not drinking blood,” you joke. The giggle fades out once you see the kitchen table, though. From end to end, it’s covered in dishes. “Holy crap.”

“Only the best for a woman such as yourself,” Kol sends you a wink.

Rebekah pulls a chair out for you. “Stick around, and you’ll find we actually have quite the appetite for more than blood.”

“Oh that was just a joke,” you say, afraid you’ve offended her.

“No worries. I know it was.”

Soon, you’re all seated, except for the head of the table. “Um. Don’t you guys have another brother?”

“Niklaus, yes,” Elijah smiles at you, “he’s painting at the moment, but he should be here shortly. I apologize for his absence.”

“It’s okay! I was just curious.”

Speak of the devil, Klaus enters the room not a minute later. Elijah gestures to you immediately, introducing you. Klaus, still skeptical as to why his siblings are so obsessed with you, has a threat prepared that sits on his tongue. The three wait for it to come out, expecting it, and ready to defend. However, as soon as he looks at you, his mind is wiped of all things foul and offensive.

“Hello, love,” he says instead.

All four of you are caught off guard. The tension in the room was thick; you were expecting an insult, too. Not to mention how Caroline speaks so poorly of the man.

“Hi,” you respond, voice smaller than you’d like, “nice to meet you.”

“You as well.” He sits down with a newfound attitude towards you. “Tell me, how do you like Mystic Falls?”

After you answer his question, the five of you talk for the next two hours, sharing every bit about yourselves. They learn how you’ve lived in Mystic Falls your whole life, and have barely traveled out of the town. You discover they were born in Norway, but were turned in this very town, some thousand years ago. You find common ground in the parents’ department, none of you having the best relationships with your parents, especially your fathers. Though you get a glimpse into the abuse that they all faced from their father, and feel an indescribable rage towards the man you’ve never met. This part of the conversation helps you understand each of them better, including how that fear and anger has made them into one of the most dangerous families - a term they admit describes them well.

“Dangerous,” Rebekah says, “but fiercely protective over those we love.”

“Quite exactly the reason we are so dangerous,” Elijah adds to her statement, “we will do anything to protect whomever we love.”

Hearing the word from their lips makes your body shiver. A thought passes through your head wondering if you’d ever be someone that they’d protect that much. Something deep in your soul tells you that you already are.

After the childhood topic, conversation moves onto lighter subjects. Everyone’s favorite foods, shows, and pastimes are shared. You learn the birth order of the four siblings in front of you, and discover that there’s three others not present. One of them, alive, but so disgusted that they’re vampires that he refuses to associate with them. This, in turn, gets a truth out of you,

“Well you don’t have to worry about me, I think vampires are sexy,” you say before covering your mouth. Too much wine, you suppose. “I mean, I just think they’re cool. There’s a reason the gang tries to keep me in the dark about everything that goes on in the town.”

Eyes go wide, but maybe for the sake of your embarrassed gesture, the topic moves onto the so-called perfect group of miscreants. After, it shifts to your alibi that will be used to explain your disappearance.

“You were bored and went to a restaurant to study. Lost track of time,” Kol tries his best.

“Ran to the store for a much needed grocery trip,” Klaus provides after his brother’s failed idea.

“Or,” Rebekah rolls her eyes, “you just fell asleep.”

“Watching a movie and falling asleep,” Elijah finishes, “so that you have about an hour to be engrossed in the movie, but then you nod off into a deep sleep.”

“I think Caroline would buy that. She always does get after me for not answering immediately.”

“Perfect,” Klaus concedes, “now I would like to know more about what you think makes vampires so sexy,” he says, smirking at you.

You blush for a second, but then can’t help spilling the truths stacked on your tongue.

◇◇◇◇

After that night, you stay in contact with the Mikaelsons, and even visit their mansion for several more dinners. In time, you find yourself getting close with each one. Most nights, Rebekah walks you home, and always kisses your cheek before leaving. Sometimes, too, she’s in your kitchen, making coffee or tea when you wake up. Kol visits you everytime Caroline puts you on “house arrest”, and tries to help you study to the best of his ability. That, or he distracts you completely, begging you to watch a movie with him instead. You almost always give into him. Elijah keeps up his charms of kind words and gentle touches. The moment he learns what your favorite flower is, he brings you one every time he sees you.

Between the siblings, Klaus is the least trusting and the last to give into his desire to know you. Though the more he sees you with the others, the more jealous he becomes, and eventually, he cracks. His first gesture towards you is a painting of you standing in the Mikaelsons’ ballroom. He says he could picture you dancing in it, someday, in a beautiful dress made tailored just for you. After that, he’s now just as smitten as his siblings.

You love being with all of them, separately and together. One thing though - you find your heart being torn in four different ways, and it scares you. You can’t break one of their hearts, nor do you want to, but there’s no way you could be with all of them. Look how that went for Elena and the Salvatores.

Oh, and speaking of Elena… you still haven’t even told your friends that you’re even hanging out with the Mikaelsons, much less that you’re in love with them. You feel bad keeping secrets from them, but you know how they’ll react if they find out. Even if you can prove the family has been nothing but kind, they’ll be overprotective and most likely try to ban you from seeing them entirely.

“Maybe I can just tell one of them,” you wonder out loud one night. Tonight was easy to get out of your house; everyone went to the grill to drink and you played the ‘too tired’ card. Little did they know what you were actually going back to the family’s mansion.

“Who would you start with?” Rebekah asks from behind as she plays with your hair.

“Caroline, maybe? I’m closest to her. But with Elena, I could use the excuse that she’s dating a vampire who’s almost just as dangerous.”

Klaus scoffs playfully, “almost as? Love, he doesn’t come close.”

“Well I know that, but some people think he’s pretty dangerous.”

“Oh he certainly is. But when it comes down to it, my family will always come out on top.”

You remember the conversation from your first night meeting them. How you wondered if you’d ever be one they’d fight to the death to protect. Klaus answers this for you now. “Like we said before, we protect those we love. That includes you, little one.”

Your eyes snap up to him. “Me?”

“Isn’t it obvious? We open our home to you; share our deepest and darkest secrets. We don’t do that with just anyone. There’s something different about you.”

“He’s right,” Kol comes beside you on the couch to sit down, “you’re one of us now.”

Elijah clears his throat, a little worried the two will scare you away, “if you’re comfortable with that, of course. Do not feel pressured in any way. We will not be upset.”

As he’s talking, you reach your hands out for Kol to lean against you. The youngest boy does, putting his head on your shoulder, while you wrap your arms around his neck. “Pressure? No, I don’t feel pressured. I love hanging out with you guys. I love-” you pause, blinking. You’re not sure what to say.

“Y/N?” Elijah starts.

“I’m… I don’t know… I’m confused, and I feel awful for it, but I… I don’t even know what to say.”

“What’s wrong, girlie?” Rebekah kisses the top of your head gently. The boys focus their attention on you fully. “I promise, whatever you say, you don’t have to feel awful.”

“Bekah’s right, you can tell us anything.”

“I just… I love you guys. I love being with you all as a family, but then, I don’t know, I love you all separately, too.” They say nothing, so you continue. “And it’s not just a friendly thing, either. It’s like blushing, butterflies in the stomach, wanting to be with you kind of love. Which would be okay if I fell for only one of you - well, actually, it wouldn’t, because then I’d hurt the rest of you - but it’s not just one. I love all of you like that.”

Elijah’s first to speak. “Why do you think that would be wrong?”

“What?”

“Why is that a bad thing to you?”

You stare at him, “I can’t have a thing with four different siblings. That’s crazy, right?”

You can’t see her face, but Rebekah’s smiling wide. “Are there any rules when it comes to love?”

And before you can answer her, Klaus follows up, “crazy pretty much defines this family, I don’t know what you’re worried about.”

“Hold on,” you put up a finger, even more confused, but now for a different reason. “You are all okay with this?”

“We may have had a talk,” Elijah says, sitting down, “the night after you first came here. You see, we’ve all shared lovers before, so this is nothing new to us. However, usually they rotate. Start with Klaus, move onto Kol, have a fling with Bekah, start something with me, and then they go. But, as you’ve heard us say plenty a time, you’re much different.”

You nod, “so what was the talk?”

“Well, dear Y/N, none of us can quite keep our feelings about you to ourselves. Nor do we ever think we could tire of loving you.” Elijah’s slow and cryptic talk is making you antsy. Apparently, it’s frustrating Kol, too.

“Do you believe in soulmates, darling?”

“Soulmates? Um, ish? I mean, Caroline and I used to entertain the idea as kids.”

“Would it be absolutely crazy to entertain the possibility that you’ve met yours? And perhaps it to be in the form of four siblings to whom you’ve just admitted your love?”

“I-” slowly, it hits you. His words sink into your head and your heart at the same time. A fire burns, heating your palms, reddening your cheeks.

“Because polyamory was a thing with the Ancient Greeks, though it’s not too common anymore. But then again, here you have four siblings who love you just as dearly. In that same ‘butterflies and a warm feeling’ that you described.”

“I, um…”

“If you had let me explain it, you wouldn’t have scared her,” Elijah chides his brother.

“You were taking too long. I’ve been waiting a thousand years to tell this girl I love her.”

Hearing the three words finally broke the dam. Whatever fear you did have melts away instantly. “It’s okay,” you mutter. “It’s clear to me now. I do love you. All of you. As crazy as it sounds, I can’t deny my feelings; I don’t want to. I love you.”

Immediately, Kol spins around so he can kiss you properly. You kiss him back, relaxing into his hands which hold onto your face. As soon as he breaks it off, Rebekah mutters that he needs to move, and then she kisses you, too.

“I just have one question,” you pant, out of breath from the excitement.

“And what is that?”

“How do I know this isn’t going to end terribly, like how Stefan and Elena’s relationship did ever since she fell in love with his brother?”

“Because,” Klaus zips across the room to put less distance between you two, “we all love you and are quite capable of sharing. We’ve lived thousands of years together, and have been looking for you for thousands more.”

“Besides, there’s this cool thing called communication that we do that the Salvatores like to ignore. Take it from someone who’s slept with both,” Rebekah adds.

You crinkle your nose at the information, “no more sleeping with Salvatores.” You pull her back in for another kiss, “you’re mine now.”

When you let go of Bex, Klaus steals his turn, and then Elijah. It’s a little overwhelming, but your worries are overpowered by how much love you feel from them, and by how much you want to give them in return.

After you all settle down, you let out a giggle. “I had nearly given up on the idea of finding my soulmate. Little did I know I’d be so lucky to have four.”

“Not as lucky as us,” Elijah claims the last word, “to have found our girl after thousands of years of searching.”

#poly!mikaelsons #mikaelson siblings #mikaelsons x reader #tvd fanfiction #requested #i hope this is okay!

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ashcal99 · 1 year ago

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Collarbones : Jasper Whitlock Hale IV

Chapter Four

"I can see your collarbones and baby I'm scared, Never thought I'd be so unprepared"

Summary: Camila Johnson was only 16 when she was diagnosed with leukemia. By the time she had turned 17, the doctors had tried everything to save her. Her family is close to giving up hope when they hear of a doctor who may be able to help her. The only problem is, he lives on the opposite side of the country. The small family soon decides to move to the small town in Washington, in efforts to prolong her life. In doing so, her life changes forever.

Warnings: Eventual smut (18+ only), mentions of death, depression, violence, descriptions of disease and weight loss, general angst, slow burn

Words: 7.4k

A/N: Please lmk if you'd like to be added to the tag list. Hope you enjoy. Made this chapter extra long for the wait x

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Series Masterlist

——————

January 29th, 2005

Camila sat there, frozen in time, for what seemed like an eternity trying to process what Jasper had just admitted. So, Jasper sat there, unmoving as well as not breathing. He wasn’t sure how she was taking the new information and suddenly found himself wishing that he held Edward’s power in that moment, willing to give everything just to know the thoughts that were going through her mind. Second best, he knew that she, remarkably, held no fright towards the admission, and he couldn’t help but wonder if she lacked the simple instinct that humans should be born with. The instinct to run away screaming when someone tells you that they’re a monster and could easily kill you.

At the end of the day, he knew that was what he was. A monster. He may have changed his diet and tried to appear human, but he was far from it. He had killed people. Innocent people. He couldn’t even make the argument that his family had done the same, because their body counts were minuscule compared to his. He had fed off of human blood for nearly eighty-five years before Alice had found him. Even with his new found vegetarianism considered, he still slipped up. More than anybody else, and even though he knew that Camila was safe around him, he also knew that she had every reason in the world to fear him, and it confused the hell out of him that she didn’t.

He couldn’t help himself as he spoke, the silence eating away at his resolve. “Can you please tell me what’s going through your mind?” He asked, nervousness gripping his throat as he croaked the words out.

Camila’s eyes flashed over to him, eyebrows creased in… confusion maybe? “I don’t know… I feel like I know I shouldn’t believe you, but for some reason, I do?” She said, eyes tracing his serious expression. “Can you prove it? N-not the vampire thing, I guess, but something to prove any of it is true?” She asked.

Jasper’s mind reeled for a moment trying to think of something quickly, when an idea popped into his head. “Remember how you said I’m really good at reading emotions? Like an empath?” He asked, waiting for her nod before continuing. “It’s a little more than that. Some of us, when we turn, we get… gifts. When I was changed I could not only feel people’s emotions like they were my own, but manipulate them too.” He explained slowly, trying to find the right words.

Given the situation, he figured this was his best bet in not freaking her out any further. Eyes scanning her face to make sure that she was okay with what he was about to do, he pushed a wave of happiness towards her. He watched as the corners of her lips curved upwards, the crease between her eyebrows smoothing as her heart filled with overwhelming joy.

She didn’t know nor care why she had become so suddenly happy, but as soon as the emotion was ripped back from her, the pieces clicked together. The smile slowly dropped from her face as her mind returned to where had been just moments before. “Holy shit.” She huffed out. He was telling the truth. As soon as the feeling of joy had hit her, it was gone.

Her eyes widened suddenly. Maybe this was the explanation as to why she felt so strongly towards him. Maybe it was him all along, manipulating her feelings. “Y-you don’t do that to me often do you?” She asked nervously.

Jasper shook his head quickly, not wanting her to get the wrong idea. “No. I’ve never with you before.” He rushed out, hoping to whatever god that she would believe him.

Letting out a sigh, Camila let her shoulders drop as she let herself relax back into her seat. She had no reason to think he was lying. From what she could tell, all of her feelings and emotions involving him were genuine, no matter how much she wished that they weren’t there to begin with.

“So, is the whole thing about garlic true?” She asked trying to lighten the mood. Everything had suddenly gotten much too daunting.

Throwing his head back with a bark of laughter, Jasper ran his long thin fingers through his golden curls. How in the world was she taking all of this so well? The ball had to drop at some point, right? There’s no way that everything would go this smoothly. Surely after she learned about his past and how much of a monster he really was, surely then, she would run away screaming. But that admission would have to wait for another day, because in that moment, he would give anything keep Camila as far away from that part of him as possible.

——————

January 31st, 2005

The rest of her day with Jasper had flown by, and before Camila knew it, it was the start to her second week at Forks High School. After the exhaustion of her first week, and hanging out with Jasper on Saturday, the rest of her weekend consisted of sleep and cramming in the remainder of her homework. When Monday finally came around, she was well rested, at lest as well rested as she could be.

Camila had just joined the end of the line in the cafeteria, Eric talking her ear off behind her once again, when her eyes finally met Jasper’s across the crowded room. She hadn’t seen him since he had dropped her back off at home Saturday night. Like a perfect gentleman, he had waited, car pulled against the curb and watched her figure until she had successfully made it fully inside her home, before he drove away.

Now that her eyes had met his for the first time since she had been given the opportunity to fully, well mostly maybe, process his confession, she felt a weight leave her shoulders that she wasn’t even aware was there in the first place. The rest of their night on Saturday had consisted mostly of more light hearted conversation, so now that she had been given the time to think of more questions to ask him, she had began to grow anxious of waiting.

She knew the questions would have to wait, however, but seeing his face, that alone, eased that stress and anxiety from her. Everything had happened so quickly that her mind didn’t know how to calculate what his confession actually meant, and over the remainder of the weekend her mind had time to wander. He was dangerous, that much was apparent, but somehow, she also knew that he wouldn’t hurt her. That she was safe with him.

It felt almost like a fever dream, everything happening so quickly. They had only just met, but suddenly, she couldn’t remember the last time she had felt so comfortable with another person. So comfortable with being vulnerable, and content with sharing with him what she had been so keen on keeping from everyone else. Clearly he felt the same, that much she could gather herself, given his blatant honesty with her.

Eric’s voice broke her from her thoughts as he continued his ramble on about how their trip to La Push Beach had gone and how she ‘had to join them next time’. She had to stop herself from cringing, not looking forward to coming up with another excuse in the future. She turned to him, attempting to give a reassuring smile. She didn’t want to come off rude, especially with the wide grin that was stretched across his face. He was just trying to be friendly, and that’s what she wanted. So, even if his persistence slightly annoyed her, she was still happy to have him around.

Chills ran up her spine as icy fingertips brushed lightly across her lower back, bringing goosebumps quickly to the surface of her skin. She knew who it was, of course, before she looked up, having already gotten used to the feel of his touch, but that didn’t stop the flutter of her heart as her eyes met Jasper’s once more. He had sensed her unease from across the room and had decided to come to her rescue.

“Will you sit with us for lunch today?” He asked, giving her a quirked eyebrow as well as a small smile. Alice had been pestering him since his return on Saturday to spend more time with the girl. As usual, she would get what she wanted, she already knew that of course, but that didn’t stop her from reminding him at every chance she got.

Jasper watched as the gears in her head began to turn, slowly processing his invitation, her heart sputtering at his touch. He couldn’t help his smile from growing bigger across his face, enjoying hearing the reaction he had on her heart. “S-sure.” She stuttered out, turning back to the lunch lady to pay for her tray of food. She sent a small wave and smile to the boy, Eric, and fell in stride by Jasper’s side, his hand ghosting the small of her back as he lead her to the table that held the remainder of his family.

Eric stood for a moment, mouth agape as he stared at their retreating figures. What was it with the new girls and the Cullens? Why was that family suddenly so sociable after a year of barely speaking to anybody? From across the cafeteria, the two were beginning to attract the stares from the rest of her friend group, and when she finally made it to the table, Jasper pulling her chair out for her to take a seat, the majority of the overcrowded room was practically ogling them. A fact, in which was doing nothing to ease the anxiety that had settled in the pit of her stomach.

Setting her tray down, she slowly dropped into the hard plastic seat, shoulders tensing as she took in the perfect faces sat in front of her. Camila had of course met Alice the week previous, but she had yet to meet Jasper’s other siblings. She wasn’t sure if she should feel more or less comfortable meeting the pale strangers now that she knew their secret, but the fact was, she knew and nothing would change that now.

Feeling waves of anxiety and stress radiate from Camila, he decided now would be a time to use his powers, one that he hoped she wouldn’t be mad at him for later. He hated seeing the worry in her eyes and knew that her stress was unnecessary, so he did what he could and pushed feelings of calmness and comfortability towards her as he settled into the seat next to her.

As the anxiety lifted from her shoulders, a polite smile formed on Camila’s lips. Jasper cleared his throat from beside her, gaining the attention of his siblings. “Camila this is my family.” He gestured towards the group. “Alice you met already.” He said pointing to the pixie haired girl on the other side of Camila.

The whole family already knew of his admission, and given the circumstances he was more that content with their reactions. He hadn’t exactly known what to expect from the situation, never having dealt with anything like it before. Carlisle and Esme had been happy for him, and though this slightly unnerved him, he knew it came with good intentions. He knew what coming clean to Camila could mean for her future, for their future, but he still refused to get his hopes up. Her knowing and having the choice to ‘live’ on had no guarantee that she would make that decision, and as much as it pained him, he knew that he would never be able to make that choice for her.

Alice’s teeth shown brightly as she smiled at the girl, squealing lightly as she pulled her into a tight hug. Camila’s eyes widened, the immortal girl’s antics still surprising her despite already being on the receiving end previously. Before she was given the time to process and reciprocate the hug, Alice had pulled away and had returned to her comfortable position in her seat.

Alice was of course ecstatic, even though she had seen the whole thing happen already, because now she was free to develop their friendship. She had seen the whole thing play out and knew just how close she would grow to Camila, and like a child on Christmas morning, was practically bouncing with anticipation when he had arrived home Saturday night.

Jasper continued, stopping to roll his eyes at his sister. “This is Emmet and Rosalie.” He said, gesturing to the couple sitting at the opposite side of the table. Emmet gave a ginormous half smile half smirk to the girl, while Rosalie attempted the give a polite smile as well.

Emmet was of course laid back about the whole thing, only giving him a little bit of shit for finally finding his mate. Rosalie was surprisingly at ease with the situation, unlike her feelings towards Bella. Of course, Jasper knew why. She had always resented her immortality, having her humanity ripped away from her the way that it had been, and she wouldn’t wish that on anybody else. He knew her calm demeanor had to do with the fact that, unlike her human life, Camila had no chance of growing old. No chance of starting a family.

His heart ached at this knowledge, knowing that he would give anything he could to see Camila age into her beauty. To see her grow and start her adult life. To see her get married and have children, even if he wasn’t the one to give her that future. Unfortunately, maybe because God or whatever higher power was cruel or had a sick twisted sense of humor, she had no hope for that life.

It had been an unexpected punch to the gut to meet her mother. She was such a perfect reflection of her daughter that it was almost like he was glimpsing into that impossible future. He knew that this would be how Camila would look, given the chance. But she didn’t have that chance, and that was his best guess as to why Rosalie had refrained from giving him the same shit she had been giving Edward.

“And this is Edward.” Jasper said finally, turning to look at displeased expression of his adopted brother.

Edward had seemed slightly bitter about the situation. He obviously knew the differences between the two girls, but couldn’t help but feel slightly jealous at which the ease Jasper came by with telling Camila the truth. He himself would never wish the future of immortality onto Bella, but only wished that he didn’t have to suppress his want for the girl. He knew it was best to stay as far away from Bella as possible, hence why he had been avoiding her to the best of his abilities, but his resolve was beginning to waver.

Jasper didn’t have to deal with any of this, despite having his own struggles. Camila already knew the truth about them, and soon she would be making that decision on her own. Hell, he didn’t even have to worry about his thirst around the girl, a fact that he couldn’t help but be bitter about. Edward had always had what he considered decent self control with human blood, something that he couldn’t say the same for with Jasper, and the one person that it truly mattered for, he was at his lowest point with self control. It was cruel irony.

Despite not being able to read Edward’s mind like he could his, Jasper could feel his emotions, and he could fill in the rest himself. He didn’t want any animosity between him and his brother, but he knew that whatever Edward was feeling wouldn’t stop him from growing closer to Camila, and definitely wouldn’t stop Alice from begging him to let her spend more time with her. So that was why he had decided it was time to introduce her. What better time and place to break the ice between Camila and the rest of his family than the controlled environment of a school cafeteria? He had thought, and now, seeing the slight glare on Edward’s face, he couldn’t decide whether or not that had been a bad decision on his part.

As thoughts of anger rushed through Jasper’s mind, Edwards eyes flickered over to his. Edward’s glare softened as he processed Jasper’s internal dialog. He knew that it wasn’t his fault and he knew that it wasn’t Camila’s, but he couldn’t help how he felt. He was jealous and he was finding it difficult to hide his emotions. His eyes flitted across Jasper’s face, neck, and arms. The scars littered across his skin were a reminder to not push things with him. The crescents, nearly invisible to the human eye, were a gigantic red flag to any vampire. Neon lights that flashed bright as a warning to everyone around him to stay back or else. Although he knew that his brother would never hurt him, he also knew not to start a fight, because it would most definitely be one he would lose.

Huffing in irritation, Edward pulled out his chair, rushing to leave the cafeteria. He could try all he wanted to be civil and not start a fight, but he wasn’t about to sit there and take this torture. Over time it would get easier for him to cope, but in that moment, the wound was fresh and he needed to be far from the reminder.

Jasper sighed in annoyance, rolling his eyes once again as he let his defenses fall back down to their normal level. “Ignore him.” He muttered to the girl beside him, slinging his arm protectively around the back of her chair.

——————

“So what’s with you and Cullen?” Tyler blurted out suddenly. Camila’s head fell to look at her boots that thudded along the hallway towards their last class of the day. She could feel the blood rushing up to her cheeks and knew that it would do little to help her case if he saw the growing blush.

“What do you mean?” She asked, feigning confusion. It was a matter of time before someone started the inevitable conversation given Jasper’s display in the cafeteria that day, but she had hoped she would have a bit more time to prepare herself.

Tyler stuffed his hands into his pockets awkwardly. “Yeah, you two seemed… cozy today at lunch.” He muttered.

Camila raised her head, quirking an eyebrow at the dark skinned boy in stride beside her. “Cozy?” She asked, a hint of humor tinting her voice. Tyler was clearly bothered by this whole situation, a fact that she found humorous given the circumstance. From the fact that Tyler had asked her to prom just a few days previous, she could gather herself that he was most likely jealous of Jasper. Not that he had any reason to be. Camila had every intention to stick to her plan of staying single and as much as she was beginning to care for Jasper, she didn’t see that changing.

A scoff sounded from the boy by her side as he rolled his eyes at her teasing. “Yeah. Cozy. You sat with his family at lunch instead of us, and he was practically all over you.” He argued.

Camila laughed lightly at his words. “He was not all over me.” She argued. In fact, like usual, she had been hyper aware of every touch from the pale immortal. As usual, he had shown to be very hesitant in touching her, only giving the slight graze of his fingertips along her covered back as he lead her to the table. She of course was also extremely aware of the arm that he had slung protectively around the back of her seat after Edward’s whole display, but he had been very precise in not letting his cold skin actually touch her in any way.

Tyler groaned frustratedly. “Whatever it was, I don’t like it.” He complained.

Camila’s eyebrows knitted together. What was it with people at this school being assholes to them? The Cullen’s kept to themselves, sure, but they were never anything but polite to anyone they came into contact with. At this point, all these little comments that everybody kept making were beginning to piss her off. “And why should you not liking it mean anything to me?” She asked incredulously. Sure, she wanted to make friends, and be nice, but she was starting to become defensive over Jasper and she wasn’t just going to stand there and take everybody’s bullshit. Because that’s what it was. Complete and utter bullshit.

Tyler’s eyes widened slightly in surprise. He hadn’t expected her to respond in that way, never seeing her angry before. “I mean, he’s kind of creepy isn’t he? I’m just trying to look out for you. He doesn’t seem… good.” He said trailing off towards the end as he took in the expression of anger growing more and more prevalent on her face.

She had to bite back a snide remark as she tried to process how she could respond without sounding like a total bitch. An awkward silence rung between the two teens before she decided that she didn’t really care anymore. If he was going to give unsolicited advice to her when he barely knew her then she would respond accordingly. “No offense Tyler, but I didn’t ask for your shitty advice. I’m a big girl, I can look out for myself, thanks.” She said finitely.

Pushing her aching legs to move her forward at a faster pace, she let out an internal sigh of relief as the door to her calculous class came into view. Lunch had gone well, all things considered. Despite Edward’s little display, the rest of Jasper’s family had welcomed her with open arms. While the conversation mostly consisted of small talk and them asking her questions about herself, she could tell that they were all genuinely nice people.

Alice had invited her over for the following weekend, in which Camila had immediately agreed to without thinking. Now that she had been given the time to think about the implications of the invite, she realized that she would be meeting their adoptive mother and seeing Carlisle. While she knew Carlisle fairly well, given meeting him the week prior, she realized how nervous she was to meet Esme. Jasper had talked the woman up so highly, but she couldn’t help but feel her nerves eating away at her. She would be meeting his mother soon, ‘adopted’ or not and it was only natural to have that kind of reaction.

Jasper, as usual, was already seated at their assigned table by the time she had arrived to the classroom. Camila flitted to the back of the room to her seat, letting her body drop into the confines of the cool plastic, as she let out a heavy sigh.

“Are you okay?” Jasper asked, concern lacing his voice. It was normal for her be exhausted by the end of the school day, but he could also feel her anger and frustration. The feelings set off warning bells in his mind and he was immediately on alert to what had upset her.

Camila rolled her eyes, raking her slim fingers through the long dark strands of her hair. “Tyler Crowley is an asshole.” She said simply, annoyance still evident on her face as she recalled their conversation that had just taken place moments ago.

His eyes flickered over to where said boy had just entered the classroom, narrowing as he took in the sight. “What did he say?” He asked, immediately defensive over the girl.

“He apparently has an issue with you and ‘just wants to look out for me’.” She said, yanking her workbook and and pencil case from her backpack and slamming them down on the desk.

Jasper’s shoulder’s drooped at her words as he hummed in reply. He couldn’t even be mad. What Tyler said was clearly justified, whether or not Camila had realized. She should be warned about him. Just because he didn’t thirst for her blood didn’t mean that he wasn’t a danger towards her. Didn’t mean that he couldn’t hurt her, even if it wasn’t intensional. Didn’t mean that he wasn’t a monster at the end of the day.

Hearing his near silent response, Camila turned her head to see him looking down slightly defeated, eyes refusing to meet her own. “Jasper.” She said, trying and failing to get him to look at her. “Jasper.” She repeated, grasping at his hand that laid in a tight fist at his thigh.

Electricity shot through her fingers as they brushed the marble skin of his clenched knuckles, but she pushed on. “Can you look at me, please?” She asked, her soft voice contrasting the anger that had filled it just moments ago.

His amber eyes flickered up to meet hers. As much as he wanted to sulk in that moment, he wanted more to give her what she wanted. Her eyes softened as she saw the pain that filled his. They were always filled with pain, but this was different. More of an inner torment and seeing it made her chest ache.

She turned his fist over in her palm, nudging the fingers apart so she could intertwine them with her own. “He’s full of shit, Jazz. I know you would never hurt me.” She said, voice softly ringing in his ears.

The pain in his heart grew at her words. He didn’t deserve her. She was too perfect for his damned self and he knew it, but that didn’t stop him from being grateful that she was there. It didn’t stop him from selfishly wanting her. He pulled their intertwined fingers up to his lips were he laid a soft kiss on the back of her palm, thanking her for her kindness. Thanking her for her comfort.

The touch of his chilled lips on her skin sent her heart into overdrive, and knowing that he could he hear his effect on her didn’t help the blush that was creeping onto her cheeks. She had expected him to drop her hold after that, but instead, their hands remained, bound together and laying gently in his lap.

Class continued, the two working together on finishing the next page in their worksheet. Jasper of course could finish the work in less than a minute, but anything that gave him the excuse to talk to Camila he would gladly do. She sat there, eyebrows furrowed as she worked over a particularly difficult problem on the sheet. Normally, she would have no problem solving the equations, but today her mind was wandering too much. She sighed, giving up as she let her pencil clatter onto the chipped veneer of the desk.

“Do you want to come over to my house today?” She asked suddenly. Clearly seeing that she had caught him off guard, she continued. “I have more questions.” She clarified.

Jasper groaned internally. As much as he would love to avoid the inevitable conversation, he also knew that it had to happen at some point. At least he would get to spend more time with her, a definite plus. “Sure, I can just drive us after class if you’d like.” He offered. Alice had told him to drive separately to school that day, and now it was clear why. He would have to thank her later.

Camila nodded, pulling her flip phone from her bag and trying to discreetly type a quick text to her mother letting her know that Jasper would drive her home. Doing so was a bit difficult to do one handed, but she wasn’t about to take her other hand out of his grasp.

The remainder of the class trudged on slowly to Camila’s dismay. Now that she knew that she would be able to ask all of the questions that had been racing through her mind, she couldn’t seem to clear her head of them. Finally, a bell rang shrilly throughout the class, signaling the end of the school day. An unspoken agreement stood between her and Jasper as they both proceeded to pack away their belongings without undoing the grip on each other’s hands.

She wasn’t sure what the hand holding meant to him or even herself, but she didn’t exactly care. She already had to constantly remind herself of her promise to keep any romance at bay, but hand holding didn’t necessarily have to mean that. It was comforting, having his cold palm pressed against hers, and despite her internal screaming at herself that it was a bad idea, she didn’t want to pull away. So there they were, walking down the hallway, hand in hand, attracting even more stares than usual.

Camila let out a sigh as they reached the parking lot, the cool air feeling nice on her feverish skin. Puffs of vapor swirled in front of her mouth as steady breaths of hot air left her parted lips. Jasper had to rip his eyes away from the sight to make sure that he was walking in the right direction. He needed to pull his shit together. Kissing her hand had been bad enough, but he had to stop himself from thinking too much about her lips. Her soft warm plump lips. Jesus Christ, STOP.

He wished so badly in that moment that he could’ve kissed her. Regardless of the numerous bystanders. However, he knew that it wasn’t safe. He didn’t trust himself enough not to end up accidentally hurting her. He didn’t even know if she would’ve kissed him back for fuck’s sake. And here he was feeling like an absolute creep again.

Pulling himself from his thoughts, he pulled the passenger door of his car open for her. Reluctantly, she let loose of his grasp, immediately feeling an emptiness without it’s presence. She settled into the plush bucket seat, pulling her bag into her lap as he shut the door softly behind her.

Flitting quickly, or as quick as seemed human, to the driver’s side, Jasper slid in and turned the key in the ignition. Shifting the car into reverse, he backed out of the parking spot and shifted back into drive as he sped out onto the street. He internally thanked his past self for buying a manual transmission before reaching over to grasp Camila’s hand once more.

Camila let her hair fall in front of her face, hoping that the curtain of dark strands hid the smile that she couldn’t wipe away. For someone who was so adamant on not dating, she kept finding herself being giddy whenever he touched her. What was she a twelve year-old? He was just holding her hand, she shouldn’t feel like a swarm of butterflies was flying around in her stomach.

The drive to Camila’s home hadn’t taken long, and by the time they arrived at the small house, he mother’s mini van was still absent from the driveway. She had replied earlier letting her know that she was going to go grocery shopping since she had time before she had to go to work, and Camila was happy to see that she hadn’t returned yet. One less awkward interaction with Jasper and her parents would always be a good thing.

As they stepped through the threshold of the home, she found herself wishing she had cleaned her room. She hadn’t thought of the mess she had left behind before she had invited him over, albeit a small mess. Either way, she couldn’t help herself but try and hurriedly pick up the few pieces of clothing scattered around the room once they made it through the doorway.

Once she was content with her ‘cleaning’ she shut the door softly behind her and plopped down on her mattress, the springs squeaking slightly in protest. Scooting backwards until her back met the wall, she patted the empty space beside her, gesturing for Jasper to join her. On one hand, she almost wanted to sit out on the couch in the living room, as it would probably seem less intimate that way, but she also didn’t want to be interrupted by her mother when she inevitably returned home from the store. So there they were sitting side by side awkwardly on her worn out used mattress and now she didn’t know how to start the conversation.

Sensing her hesitation, Jasper spoke up. “So, you have questions.” He said, wanting to end the torture of waiting any longer. If she was going to run away screaming, he would rather it be sooner than later, because the anticipation was slowly eating away at him.

Camila sucked in a breath. “How old are you?” She blurted out. Jasper groaned, rubbing his hands down his face. He should’ve expected her to jump right to the point, but, somehow, he hadn’t. “You said it was a conversation for another day. It’s another day now.” She reasoned.

“I know. I know.” He said with a sigh. “I’m just really old, Darlin’.” He said, hoping the nickname would distract her. It didn’t.

She scoffed. “That’s not an answer.” She said bluntly.

Jasper closed his eyes, sucking in a breath as he braced for the impact of her reaction. “I’m a hundred and sixty-one.” He muttered lowly. Utter silence followed.

Camila didn’t know what she expected, if the age he had given was younger or older than she had thought it would be, but hearing him say such a precise age made everything seem way more real. She couldn’t find the words to say in response, so instead, she reached over to grasp his hand once more, letting him know that she wasn’t disgusted like he had thought.

“Will you tell me your story?” She asked, not being able to help her intrigue.

His bright gold eyes met her emerald irises. “It’s kind of gruesome.” He warned, trying his best to prolong the inevitable admission of his past, but knowing that it was just that. Inevitable.

“I want to know.” She said simply. “If you’re willing to tell me.” She clarified.

Jasper was fucked and he knew it. Anything that she wanted, he would give her in a heartbeat, but she would hate him after this. “I didn't have quite the same upbringing as my adopted siblings.” He said, reaching his free hand over reluctantly, to roll up the sleeve on the arm that she held.

She wasn’t sure how she hadn’t noticed them before, but there they were. Hundreds of crescent shaped scars shimmering lightly in the dim lighting emitted from her ceiling fan. Now that she knew what to look for, she could see the scars were scattered across every piece of visible skin. Down his arms, onto the hand that was holding hers, a few up his neck to his handsome face. “Are those… bites?” She asked incredulously.

“Battle scars.” He responded, a small smirk gracing his lips. “I was seventeen when I joined the Confederate Army.” He said, pausing when he saw her grimace. “I know. I wish I could say that I didn’t know what I was fighting for, or against, but I knew enough. I’m not proud of it.” He said hanging is head in shame.

“I was the youngest major in the Texas cavalry. All without having seen any real battle.” He continued.

Camila perked up. “I knew that was a Texas accent.” She said smirking at him, gaining a small smile in repose. Leave it to her to try and lighten the mood as soon as it gets dark.

Still, he pushed on, knowing that it was about to become a much darker conversation. “I was riding back to Galveston...after evacuating a column of women and children. When I saw her.” He said dauntingly. “I immediately offered her my aid.” He continued.

“Maria was creating an army. A newborn vampire army.” He clarified. “Our kind are at their strongest in their first year after changing. Their human blood still lingers in their veins and gives them more speed and strength.” He explained.

“Newborn armies were very common in the South, and cost a brutal battles for territory.” He continued, losing himself in the story. “Maria won them all. She was smart, careful. And she had me. I was the second in command. My abilities to control emotions served her well.” He said, looking down to the warm hand he still had clutched in his own, trying to find comfort in her touch.

“I trained her newborns. An endless occupation since she never let them live beyond their first year.” He said, cringing from the memory. “It was my job to dispose of them.” He said, voice thick with emotion. It pained him to remember what he had done. To remember their pain. “I could feel everything they felt.”

The crease between Camila’s brows deepened. It clearly hurt for him to recall these memories, and she found herself wishing that she could take that pain away.

“I thought what Maria and I had was love. But I was her puppet. She pulled the strings. I didn't know there was another way. Until I found Alice in 1948. Now she'd seen me coming, of course.” He paused, remembering that this would wouldn’t make much sense to Camila.

He gathered his thoughts quickly, trying explain the best he could. “She has visions, of possible futures. They change when decisions are made, but she knew when and where to find me.” He smiled slightly. “She saw you, even though she conveniently didn’t warn me.” He explained.

“I don't know what I'd have become without her. I’d done horrible, unspeakable things, and she helped me get past that. My family choses to feed off of animal blood rather than human blood, but it wasn’t always like that for me. I’ve killed innocent people. I’m not a… good person.” He ended his story with a sigh, unsure of how she was feeling.

Her mind was filled with conflicting emotions that he couldn’t quite place all together. “I completely understand if you want me to leave.” He said, moving to pull his hand away from hers.

Her grip tightened as her eyes shot up to his. “No, stay. Please.” She muttered. She knew how her reaction must seem. In truth, she had almost expected worse. As bad as his story was, at least he didn’t actively kill people. It was a horrible argument, she knew, but after being given the rest of the weekend to let her mind wander, she had tried to prepare herself for the worst.

Her silence was agony and he couldn’t help himself when he asked. “Can you please tell me what you’re thinking?”

Camila sighed, bringing her eyes back to his. “I’m not going to sit here and act like what you did wasn’t wrong, because it was. But I’m also not going to actively try and make you feel any worse for it. You’ve had over fifty years to regret what you did, and you clearly do. I’m not going to judge you for something that you wish you could’ve changed, not when I know you’re a good person now.” She said.

Jasper shook his head in disbelief. How was she this forgiving? It seemed impossible. He was sure she would be disgusted with him, but here she was forgiving him for something he couldn’t even forgive himself for. “How are you not terrified of me?” He asked.

She looked deep into his eyes as she answered. “I’m not scared because I know you won’t do anything to hurt me.” She said simply.

“I could hurt you on accident. Very easily.” He argued, looking ashamed. “I could crush you just by hugging you too tightly. I know you don’t understand fully, but it would be so easy that I actively have to try and not hurt you.” He said, a deep frown on his face.

Camila’s eyebrows furrowed as she brought her free hand down to trace the crescent shaped scars that littered his arm. “I don’t know what to tell you. I trust you, that’s the best answer I can give you, Jasper. You need to try and have trust in yourself.” She answered.

Jasper shook his head, baffled that she had so much trust in him to begin with. He didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve her. Seeing the sadness still in his eyes, she rushed, trying to find a change of topic to lighten the mood from the darkness that it had reached. “So, if you can manipulate emotions and Alice sees visions of the future, does anyone else in your family have a ‘gift’.” She asked, curiosity peaking once again.

Jasper was thankful for the change of topic, already feeling himself beginning to spiral from the continuous self hatred. “Yeah, Edward is the only other one in our family. He can, um, read minds… I know it sounds ridiculous.” He said, slightly humiliated at how fictional everything sounded.

“Oh god. That’s… embarrassing.” She muttered, her mind beginning to wander. Edward had no doubt read her mind and heard her thoughts of Jasper. Those were thoughts she didn’t even want to admit to herself and now he definitely had knew all about them.

Suddenly her mind went to his exit at lunch. Was that why he had left? Was it something she had thought that had set him off? “What happened with him at lunch today?” She asked.

Rolling his eyes at the memory, Jasper tried to form the most comprehensible explanation. “He’s jealous that I can tell you the truth and he can’t tell Bella.” He said simply.

“Bella Swan?” Camila asked.

Jasper nodded. “He… has a particular interest in her. He’s been trying to avoid her because he knows that it won’t end well, and he’s jealous that I don’t have to do the same with you.” He explained.

“Why is it different with me?” She asked, trying to ignore the implication that Jasper had an interest in her.

His eyes trailed across the bare walls of her bedroom, looking anywhere but at her as he continued. “He has a really hard time with the scent of her blood, while yours is different for me.” He said.

“Because of the leukemia?” She asked.

Jasper nodded again. “It’s more dangerous for her than it is for you because of that. It’s hard for him to even be in the same room as her. Either way it would end badly.” He explained.

“End badly how? Surely it could end in more ways than just him killing her right?” She asked. She knew the subject had to be touchy and sensitive, but she couldn’t keep herself from asking.

Here it was. The scariest topic of them all. If he didn’t handle this just right, if he didn’t use the right words, then there went his chance of a future with her. He gulped, mustering the courage to speak. “He could kill her or he could change her. Both which he doesn’t want to do.”

Camila’s eyed widened. She hadn’t even thought of that. Changing into a vampire. She wasn’t sure why her mind hadn’t gone there, but she hadn’t even considered that a possibility. She couldn’t help it when her mind wandered to what this could mean for her. He had said it like he was trying to imply something else entirely. He had to know the possible endings. Surely Alice had seen.

“Are there more possible endings for me? Futures where I don’t die from the leukemia?” She asked. She had to know. She had spent a year coming to terms with the fact that her life would be cut short, but now she wasn’t sure. She knew that her illness would in no doubt end up taking her human life, but what if she turned. What if she changed into something else where the cancer didn’t effect her anymore? What if she wasn’t human anymore? She had to know, because suddenly, after a year of withering away, she might have another option. She might have hope.

Jasper turned his eyes back to hers. This was the make it or break it moment. He sucked in a breath, feeling a tightness in his chest regardless of the fact that he didn’t need the oxygen.

And he spoke. “Yes… Alice has seen it."

Next Chapter

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cursingtoji · 2 years ago

Text

𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬 — 𝐃𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐥!𝐒𝐮𝐤𝐮𝐧𝐚

part 2 of Sweet Sacrifice

summary: Chainsaw man universe where humans can form contracts with devils in exchange of sacrificing something valuable.

cw: chainsaw man spoilers (anime only), self insert into csm canon, reader is in love with Aki, dub-con, heavy oral (f -> m), deep throat. choking, bruises, spit, failed attempt of masturbation, Sukuna has a normal human form (at least for now), reader goes into Sukunas domain, as per the last chapter reader is a virgin 4k words.

note: this was very fun to write, quick info… for reasons of “just cause” himeno is not into aki in this series. also i have plans for the next chapters but feel free to speculate

After the last mission with Aki you felt like everyone at the public safety building looked at you weirdly, like they were trying to understand how a not so skillful hunter finished a strong devil by herself.

Aki thankfully taught you to not share too much about your devils and the contracts, so you knew how to defend yourself if anyone asked you about Sukuna.

“Makima-sama wants to see us” Aki said, joining your walk.

“Great” you mumbled ironically but followed him anyway.

Aki knocked and you heard Makima calling you in.

After a quick greeting she started asking about the report from your previous assignment together. You haven’t read it before Aki submitted it so you allowed him to confirm the information.

“...So you summoned Sukuna with a cursed word and he appeared beside you?” Makima asked you directly.

That was not what happened. Sukuna took your body. Aki would not lie about this, but you know the actual truth is not what he would’ve written as well. Having Sukuna taking control of your body was a huge risk for the public safety, the type of risk that could get you executed like a devil.

“Actually—“ he started.

“I’m not asking you” her eyes did not leave yours.

“No, my contract with Sukuna allows me to use his strength as it was my own, he does not manifest physically as another entity. If Hayakawa wrote that, my apologies, he was hurt and probably confused, I should’ve explained better” you took the fault knowing that Aki did not write what Makima said.

“Very well” she seemed pleased with your answer and you could hear Aki exhaling relieved, “What did Sukuna take?” the question got you in alert mode. That was your superior asking. What should you say? Would she know if you lie?

“Makima-sama, with all due respect, I don’t think she needs to disclose that information” your eyes widened, you never saw him standing up for Makima like that.

“It’s nothing that’s gonna be missed,” you added, not wanting Aki to suffer any consequences.

“Fine, congratulations y/n, thanks to your new contract you have an offer to join the 3rd division.”

“What?” Aki and you said at the same time.

Makima slid an envelope to you.

“They need an answer till the end of the week, you may go now. Hayakawa you stay” you bowed, still a little confused and left the room not without exchanging a look with Aki, “Leave the door open” she ordered.

On your way out you saw a blond kid waiting outside, upon hearing Makima's voice he quickly fixed his posture and entered the room.

You haven’t even taken the offer and Makima was already replacing you as Aki’s partner. Bitch.

You went back to your desk, and found that week’s patrol shift. Today you were by yourself, patrolling a chill area and replying to the radio channel which the local police uses to call for public safety back up.

You sighed, knowing this day was gonna be long and boring. Leaving the building, you decided to walk to your area, using a path Aki and you would always take. Before you got to your destiny, something drew your attention to an alley. It was the middle of the day, you doubted a devil could be there, either way you carefully approached the source of the noise and recognized Aki’s voice.

Hiding behind an irregular wall you listened to the conversation. You couldn’t see them without them seeing you, but it was obvious he was beating the shit out of someone, you assumed it was the skinny boy from before.

“Makima-san is not the kind of woman a punk like you should be chasing” followed by the indistinguishable sound of fist hitting a face.

“Sounds to me you like her too” the boy replied. You felt your heart sinking.

Why was Aki defending Makima? So what if that newbie wanted to be her new dog? To hell both of them…

But why does Aki have to get involved? You wanted him to defend your honor and only you—

What honor?

You heard that familiar and yet strange voice inside your head.

You swallowed your shame and left the alley, wanting to focus on anything but Aki.

It’s not like you could have him anyways.

“You greedy asshole” Denji kicked Aki’s balls once again, “I saw you partner, what else do you want, huh?” he kicked again, “You get to hang out with a hot chick like that everyday and you’re giving me shit for wanting the same with Makima? Fuck you” before he could give another kick he saw Aki wasn’t getting up, “Shit”.

Two days later, when the sun was setting you ran into Aki when you were leaving a house after finishing executing a small devil. He was talking to the cops outside.

“Hey, I beat you on this one” you smiled at him.

“I heard you replying the call on the radio” he defended, “Just wanted to come by in case…”

“In case what? In case I couldn’t handle it? Please, that devil was the size of a pigeon” you made a sign to the cops that it was done.

“So, do you miss me already?” you teased him.

“In comparison to those two I miss you every hour of the day” he threw that statement unbothered, it was enough to make some blood rush to your face.

“That’s right, you have a fiend now as well” you giggled imagining how Aki dealt with the fiend, he confirmed with a grumpy face.

“Have you accepted the offer?” he asked.

“Oh I forgot about it” indeed you haven’t even opened the letter yet, “I’ll take till the end of the week.”

“Why?”

“I’m just not thrilled to work with a bunch of freaks.”

“That's basically what division 4 is now” you laughed and he smiled.

“They are living with me, you know” Aki picked up a cigarette and lit it up, you watched waiting for him to continue, he took a long drag and extended the cigarette to you, “Power, the fiend and Denji, the Chainsaw”.

“Chainsaw huh…” you wondered, “Why though?”

“Makima-sama asked me to” you felt that weird tightening in your stomach again.

“You’re an idiot.”

“I guess I am.”

Since you haven’t given an answer to the offer yet, Makima put you with division 4 on a mission the next day to recover a piece of the gun devil in a hotel. There you got to meet the new members and saw your senpai, Himeno.

“They don’t look so bad” you whispered to Aki, he even got the devils to call him senpai… after a bribe but whatever works.

“Give it some time.”

During that week so far you have been feeling weird, ever since that night with Sukuna actually, if you can even call it that. Every night after a stressful work day you recalled that event, silently expecting him to show up again, but nothing. So you managed to drift your focus to something else, by now that tactic has only made you more and more horny.

“…will give you one as well” your attention was drawn back to the current situation when Himeno said your name and put an arm around your shoulders.

“What?” the team was looking at you weirdly, especially the Chainsaw boy, “I’ll give a what?”

“A kiss to whoever defeats the devil.”

“Not a chance.”

Denji started to talk about how he already decided who he’s gonna kiss.

“…when it comes to sex stuff it feels way better when its with two people who get each other.”

You couldn’t hold back a scoff/laugh, it was automatic given the situation you were in, no one seemed to have noticed your reaction but when your eyes met Aki’s looking at you weirdly you decided to put an end to that subject, Himeno seemed to have convinced Denji anyways.

“Let’s go” you called and all of you entered the building. The rookies leading the way meanwhile the three of you stayed a bit behind.

You let your thoughts wander, thinking about what sex would feel like with Sukuna.

Next time I won’t be so good.

That’s what he said last. You have no idea what he meant by that, or what to expect next, but something made you think you were gonna find it out soon enough.

A couple minutes later chaos seemed to have taken over, power killed an ugly fucking walking head, then you all got stuck inside the 8th floor, Kobeni was crying and trying to drink toilet water, Denji was sleeping like a baby. After looking around you gave up trying to find a way out and simply layed on a bed in an empty room.

“Could’ve been worse” you murmured to yourself. You seem to have all this time and nothing to do.

The bed was pretty comfortable… your core still burned, would it be too bad if…?

You slowly brought your hand down your uniform till your finger found your clit over the material of your trousers.

You sighed, felt good, you needed some release. You closed your eyes, circling that spot and thinking of that night when Sukuna had control, but instead you imagined Aki to be one touching you and—

“AARGH” you screamed louder than you should’ve, a sudden sharp pain in your lower lips had taken you off guard. When you looked down you found Sukuna’s mouth in your palm “Did you fucking bite me?!” you accused. He clearly bit you through the pants.

“When I told you I was gonna be the only one touching I meant it, not even you can touch yourself got it?”

“That’s ridiculous I—“ your left hand seemed to have transformed into his again, bigger with sharp black nails, he went straight for your neck, choking you.

Down the hall you heard Aki calling your name, he probably heard your scream and was now opening every room to find you.

You panicked, not wanting him to find Sukunas hand around your neck.

“Sukuna” you begged.

“That’s not my name.”

“M-master please…”

“Say you won’t do it again” his grip tightened, cutting your breath, Aki’s voice was closer.

“I— won’t— I p-promise” you chocked out.

Right when he let go of you and you gained the control of your hand back again Aki barged in.

“What’s wrong?” he rushed to your side on the bed, putting his hands on your shoulders to take a look at your face while you coughed.

You managed to come out with a lie about having a nap then waking up from a nightmare and choking with nothing. He didn’t seem to believe it but didn’t ask anymore questions thankfully.

“I need smoke” he got up from the bed, “Come” and took your hand making you go with him.

You hated to lie to Aki, it was necessary, but whenever you felt his skin touch yours like that you almost felt like giving up on everything, on Sukuna, on being a hunter…

“Himeno-senpai, do you have any cigarettes left?”

“I want one too” you added

“Sorry, that’s the last one,” she replied.

Both you and Aki asked for it, Himeno gave him first then he gave you. You realized how close you were to each other’s faces when Denji screamed “indirect triple kiss!” you giggled while Aki told him to shut it.

More time had passed, you have no idea what time it is but you really wished you had taken a nap. Now, Himeno, Aki and you were lying on the hall facing the huge disgusting blob the devil had become.

Himeno asked Aki if he had a plan, he always had a plan, but this time the only thing you were certain of was not killing Denji since that’s what the devil wanted.

“I’ll use the sword” your heart skipped a beat, you quickly protested it as well as Himeno.

“I’ll use Sukuna first” you argued.

“Who? What’s that?” Denji asked.

“That’s one of the devils I have a contract with—“ you started to explain but Aki cut you off.

“He’s not gonna be useful here. If that thing doesn’t have any weakness there’s nothing Sukuna can do.”

“Oh and what can your sword do?” his words made your blood boil, was he trying to underestimate your contract with Sukuna? Underestimate you?

“Oi, no fighting” Himeno interrupted, but before you could continue Aki got up, taking you with him by your arm before the devil moved in your direction, then you were running.

Fuck, you needed to do something.

The whole floor starts to bend in the devils direction, you found a stable place in one of the rooms, Kobeni was screaming about throwing Denji to the devil.

“I’ll use the sword” Aki said and you got the cursed word to summon Sukuna on the tip of your tongue.

“I’m not gonna do it” he said from inside your head.

Fucker.

“Himeno” you warned her, Denji was not about to become devil food, but you also didn’t want Aki to lose years of his life by using the sword.

“Die!” Kobeni screamed and ran towards Denji with a knife.

“Enchain” you called.

You lost consciousness for no more than 5 seconds, but when you came back Kobeni was on the floor, a bloodied knife beside her and—

“Aki” you whispered nothing but the pool of blood coming out of him “Sukuna… what the fuck”.

“You called too late little hunter, that was not our deal, you’re gonna pay for it” he replied in that voice only you could hear.

You kneeled beside Aki while he defended Denji and Power tried to manipulate his blood, when she touched him he flinched and reached for the closest thing that happened to be your hand.

Himeno was freaking out, the Kobeni again, until Denji got up.

“If I manage to kill this fucking devil, I still expect to get that kiss” he screamed at Himeno but looked at you too before explaining his plan. That boy was deranged, but you liked him.

So long have passed, Denji was still slicing the eternity devil, Power really seemed to have stopped Aki’s bleeding, you managed to not fall sleep while laying beside him, you wanted to make sure he was still alive, so you keep waking yourself up.

“Hey” he murmured, “you have awful eye bags.”

“I would punch you if you weren’t stabbed” you murmured back. He adjusted himself getting closer to you, he was pale but not as much as when he got hit by the knife, “I’m glad you’re okay” you placed your head on his shoulder.

“Can he hear us talking?” he whispered.

“Who?”

“Sukuna” you looked up.

“I don’t think so” you replied, Sukuna only seemed to be around when you were by yourself or in a stressful situation.

“I saw him” Aki moved some hairs away from your face, “When you said the word, I saw your features change, your eyes got darker, he didn’t do anything, but he smiled when I got stabbed, you smiled…” your eyes widened.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve done something myself” your heart broke, Aki sounded so fragile.

“It’s okay, I’m fine” he placed his arm on your shoulder, resting his cheek on your forehead, “Can you promise me something?”

“Maybe, what?”

“If you don’t feel safe with Sukuna, terminate the contract.”

Safe…

“I’ll think about it.”

Thankfully Denji was right, he managed to defeat the devil by himself, freeing everyone else from the 8th floor. While Power was holding Aki on her back, you approached Denji.

“You must be exhausted,” you murmured.

“It’s not so ba—“ you gave his cheek a peck when he wasn’t looking at you directly.

“Well, you deserved it so…” before you finished he fell backwards, but Himeno got him when he was about to hit the floor.

“Let’s get them to the hospital” Himeno said and you agreed.

With Aki and Denji spending the night in the hospital for observation, you decided to go back home and check on them the next day.

Home seemed to embrace you when you arrived, finally having your own food and a decent shower.

After a long time washing your body and hair you stepped out of the shower with a towel wrapped around you, but the second your toe touched the ground you heard a voice

“Enchain”.

And everything around you changed like you were transported somewhere else.

“What the…” it seemed like a dark cave, looking down you seemed to be standing on a wet floor, was that blood? It didn’t smell like blood, although the place looked like it was rotting it didn’t smell like anything weird. There were bones around, piles of them, and a huge spine above you.

“Don’t look around without permission” you heard him again, behind you.

“You—“ when you turned around you met his naked chest.

Only then you realized you haven’t seen Sukuna in a human form since your contract, you forgot how tall he was. He was wearing a white robe, tied around his waist, from that point up his torso was exposed, black lines adorning it.

You took a step back, raising your head to look at his face, he had an obnoxious smile and a look of superiority.

“Where the fuck am I?”

“In my domain, basically in my mind” he turned around and sat down on a throne made of bones.

“That explains why this place is so creepy... How do I get out?”

“You can’t until I say so.”

“Suk—“ you rolled your eyes and was about to say his name in a very disrespectful tone until you met his serious face, “What do you want?”

“Do I have to remind you of our deal? You said Enchain, now you gotta pay.”

“You did nothing” you crossed your arms, “I may have said it but you failed to keep your word.”

“Watch your mouth, hunter. Contracts have power, if I hadn’t held my end of the deal I would’ve suffered the consequences, but here we are. If that dumb head of yours wasn’t so busy thinking about getting fucked you would’ve realized that was nothing for me to do in that situation”

You opened your mouth to argue back, but quickly realized you were in no position to do so.

“Whatever, let’s get this over with” with that he pulled the only thing that was covering your body, the white towel, and threw it away.

You attempted to cover yourself, but he pushed your shoulders down until you fell on your knees in front of his throne.

“Sukuna, not here” whatever was under the wet ground was rough on your knees, and the whole setting made you uneasy. All the skulls laying around seemed to be watching you.

“I said I wasn’t going to be good, especially after you misbehaved so badly earlier. Tell me, little hunter, have you used that mouth of yours to something other than pointless arguments?” Sukuna leaned back on the throne, spreading his thick legs and undoing the knot on his robe. The angle you were in gave you a pretty good look on what you were going to be working with.

If there was a source of light behind Sukuna you would have his dick casting a shadow on your entire face.

“Sukuna…” you called his name in scared tone, all your confidence fading out as you noticed from up close the thick veins.

“Do I really have to teach you everything?” he pulled away from the throne backrest getting closer to you, roughly taking your wrist and turning your palm up.

When you met his eyes he had a mischievous look, he snorted leaving you wondering what about your expression he found funny.

Then he spited in your palm and made you wrap it around his length.

You couldn’t help but gasp, such a dirty act and still your thighs were pressed together as hard as you could to get some friction on your core.

You had no idea what the average size was, but Sukuna was definitely above that. Your fingers weren’t even close to touch, how were you supposed to…?

“Come closer” he spread his legs, Sukuna was back to his original position, back against the rest, looking down at you like you were a bug. You noticed the frown was gone, like he was more relaxed.

You obeyed, moving more into the middle of his legs your face now just inches from his dick.

His hand guided yours up, stopping before the head and going back down encouraging you to squeeze his base, his chest was rising faster as you learned the way he liked it. You approached the dark red tip, giving it a kitten lick to test waters, a satisfied groan from the devil made your face heat up.

“Don’t be shy” he placed his hand on the back of your head, pushing you down his hard cock as you put your hands on his thighs for support.

Sukuna pulled you back before he hit the back of your throat, when your lips reached his tip you sucked it and felt his hand closing and pulling your hair.

“Liked the taste?” he teased. You would never admit it out loud… but you did. The bitterness of it and his scent made you high.

Being a virgin you didn’t expect a cock to be so hot. Literally. You felt your cheeks burn just being this close to his hot skin.

Your tongue traced the underside of his length, the warmest point of him. Out of curiosity you reached for his balls too, they ehere even hotter and so heavy.

Sukuna adjusted his hips, tilting it a little but enough to make you gag on it.

“Open wider” his rough hand held your face, index and tumb forcing the sides of your jaw to stretch more. It hurt, you wined, sinking your nails on his thigh, “Relax…”

You’ve read porn before, you know what you’re supposed to do, in theory.

“I need to buy cigarettes, you can wait here” Aki told you when you reached a convenience store.

“I’ll go in with you” you replied, while Aki went to the counter you walked to where the maganize were. You picked the newest edition of a popular one, flipping through it you found an interesting article. It was a reader question for the recurring sexologist. My husband never comes when I suck him off, what should I do to improve my head game?

You brought the magazine closer, not fully reading the answer but just scanning your eyes over the words that stood out the most.

Create a vacuum by pursing your lips… focus on the frenulum… suck the balls… swallow when it reaches the back of your—

“You buying this?” Aki was suddenly beside you, your head was basically inside the magazine, thankfully shielding the content.

“No, there’s nothing good” you closed it quickly and put it back.

You should’ve come back for that.

Taking a deep breath you tried to relax your throat as Sukuna applied pressure to the back of your head, as soon as his thickness reaches the very back of your throat your eyes fill with water.

“That’s it, choke around my cock, little hunter. Allow me to bruise that throat of yours” he thrusted his hips and you realized you have almost no control over it anymore, just to surrender to the situation. A mixture of liquids accumulated on your chin, almost dripping.

Sukuna loved this more than he should, you looked so helpless. But those eyes didn’t deceive him, he could see the lust, the hazy look and your delicate hand under his balls told him the secrets you didn’t.

“You’re such a whore, you know that?” you swallowed, “You know why?” he bent, one hand still on the back of your head and the other around your neck, he pushed you until your lips were amost at his base. All the heavy meat of his cock down your throat.

Your teary eyes tried to look up at him, the hand on your neck closed around it, Sukuna could feel his own shape there. You eyes widened realizing you could barely breath.

“Because good girls don’t take dick like this” he trusted a few more times until you felt it twitch, your hair was aggressively being pulled but the hand around your neck kept you in place while he shot hot loads down your mouth.

“Eat it” he commanded and you obeyed, shutting your eyes and swallowing it, although it was a lot.

Sukuna pulled you away, mesmerized by the string of cum and saliva connecting your mouth to his cock.

You inhaled for the first time since this started but soon began to cough, your jaw ached and your legs were numb beneath you.

“Monster” you managed to murmur in a extremely husky voice.

“Please” he was catching up his own breath, through blurry eyes you could see his abdomen was sweaty, his thigh was trembling. Sukuna bent, supporting his elbows on his knees to get really close to your messed face, his huge hand approached your face and out of reflex you fliched, but with a delicacy you would never expect he removed the strands of your hair that got caugh in your wet face. The sudden act made your face soften, he ran a thumb over your swallowed lips, rubbing the saliva off, he looked at you with a proud smirk. You felt vulnerable at that moment, his eyes didn't seem dangerous, and he was so close you couldn’t help but close your eyes and reach for a kiss.

You found nothing.

Opening your eyes again you saw the tiles of your bathroom, finding yourself naked on the floor. Droplets of your wet hair ran down your back, you took your towel off the floor and wrap it around your shoulders and attempted to get up, groaning from the pain on your knees. The groan scratched your sore throat and you started to cough again, moving to the sink you lowered your head trying to get some water but the image in the mirror scared you. There was a clear imprint of a hand around your neck, you traced it in shock. You thought about what to say tomorrow at work, should you wear a scarf?

But the most important question was: how deeply involved were you with Sukuna now that he had literally marked you?

#sukuna x you #jjk x reader #sukuna smut #chainsaw man x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #sukuna x reader #csm x reader #jjk smut #sukuna x y/n #devil!Sukuna

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mrdixongf · 7 months ago

Text

~ supply run with daryl dixon ~

daryl dixon imagine

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𓆩♡𓆪

you and daryl had ended up having to go on a supply run since olivia had came to rick panicking saying that we didn’t have any food to last alexandria til next week, so, rick sent us out.

the engine of daryl motorcycle roared through your ears which is something you found so much pleasure in. you felt a hand tap your thigh causing you to look up and notice a small grocery store, it looked untouched. how lucky.

“should we check this place out?” daryl yelled over his loud bike.

“yeah, it doesn’t look like anyone as touched this place. we might get lucky.” you slowly climbed off the back of his bike as grabbed your glock and slowly began to make your way over to the entrance of the small shop.

you began to bang on the door frame. you and daryl waited for a little bit but there no commotion inside so you both opened the door and looked around just to be sure.

“how ‘bout we split n’ try to find as much stuff as possible?” daryl looked at you in the eyes causing him to earn a nod from you. you gripped onto your gun tightly as you walked through the isles. you grabbed some cans of food and even a jar of pickles, which were your favorite.

“guess what i found!” you yelled over the shelves but you only heard a simple shuffle behind you. you began to smirk as you slowly stuffed the jar into your bag before turning around.

“daryl, quit trying to scare me, you’ll never wi—“ as you turned you saw a rotten body lunged towards you.

“shit!” you screamed as you tried to lift your glock but you were too late. the metal weapon fell right out of your hand, sending it flying under one of the shelves. you watched in horror as you tried to reach for one of your knives but it was useless since you had jaws snapping in your direction.

“daryl!” you screamed as you tried to fight back with as much strength as you had while the monster was on top of you.

finally, you watched as the walker fell to your side with a single bolt to the head. you sighed before sitting up.

“were ya bit?” daryl rushed over, kneeling to your side.

“no, i don’t think so.” you grinned as you stood up.

“what took you so long?” you walked into the next isle over, grabbing your gun off the floor in a swift motion. daryl looked down with a guilty look on his face causing you too raise your eyebrow at him.

“i was eatin’ pretzels…” he paused before you threw your fist into his shoulder as a laugh escaped your lips.

“pretzels over me, wow.” you grinned as you guys grabbed the rest of the supplies and headed back to alexandria.

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i’m so sorry this is so bad, i haven’t wrote something in so long, probably almost 2 years so bare with me😭 i will work on my writing i promise:))

#daryl dixon #daryl fanfiction #daryl x y/n #daryl imagines #daryl x female reader #the walking dead #daryl dixion imagine #the walking dead daryl

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television-overload · 6 months ago

Text

of our own making

(an X-Files fanfic)

Chapter 9/34 - bedhead

[Read on AO3]

She wakes to something poking her in the face, and blinks blearily in confusion. With furrowed brows, she forces her eyes to focus on whatever is in front of her, and comes face to face with Mulder and his index finger, which gives her one final poke in the cheek.

“You that desperate to be the first one downstairs for present time, Scully?” he asks with an amused smile, leaning over her in the La-Z-Boy, which she somehow managed to stay asleep in all night long. He’s far too cheerful for whatever time it must be in the morning, but one whiff of the air tells her why. Coffee.

He waves a cup of the steaming liquid right below her nose, and it snaps her to attention within seconds, which draws a chuckle out of him. He gives her space to sit up and stretch her aching back before pressing the mug into her hands, ensuring that she has a handle on it before letting go.

“Does it count as being first if you’re asleep?” he asks. “Because if not, me and your nephew have you beat for first and second place. Bill’s been down, too.”

She’s too tired to worry about that. Instead she takes a long draw from her coffee cup and scans over to the tree, where countless beautifully wrapped gifts lay in wait for one terror of a two-year-old and the rest of the family to open them.

“You made coffee?” she asks, her voice raspy from disuse. She wonders what a sight she must be, with mussed bedhead and hair that had been allowed to air-dry after her shower the night before.

“Hope your mom doesn’t mind,” he answers. “Figured I’d try to have a peace offering ready in case Bill came down. I think it paid off.”

Just then, her brother enters the room, glancing over at her disapprovingly but saying nothing. Matthew trails after him with enough energy that Scully half wonders if he’d had a taste of the coffee too, and he plops himself in front of the tree, excitedly asking when he can start opening the presents.

Mulder stands and heads back to the couch, sitting on it casually and taking a sip of his own coffee. The quilt and pillow are nowhere to be seen, so he must have been up for a while. His sleep patterns will never make sense to her.

“Something wrong with your room, Dana?” Bill asks, standing up against the wall despite the open space on the couch next to Mulder.

“Couldn't sleep,” she answers, her tone one of warning should he continue this line of questioning. Thankfully, he gets the hint and shuts his mouth.

Once the caffeine starts to kick in, she excuses herself to go freshen up. When she returns, she casts a glance at the recliner that had served as her bed, and instead opts to sit by her partner. She sips from her refilled coffee mug, basking in the comfortable feeling of an early morning with the people she cares about most in the world all under one roof. Mulder is all soft edges this morning, still clad in flannel pajamas with bedhead that he'd done a poor job of straightening out. There seems to be a permanent contented smile on his face, though, as he watches her nephew agonize over not being able to open a present yet. Maybe he’s remembering a time when he had such zeal for the holiday.

Eventually the remaining Scully family makes their appearance, Tara and Maggie making a quick detour to the kitchen for their own daily dose of caffeine with Charlie right behind them.

“Morning, Fox,” Maggie says cheerfully before stooping to press a kiss to Dana’s cheek. “Sleep well?”

“Fine,” he answers truthfully.

If Bill seethes, Mulder takes no notice of it.

“There's the big bad feds,” Charlie teases, coming up behind them and messing their hair with each of his hands. “How was 'work'?”

Scully shoots him a look, effectively silencing him with her big sister sense of authority. He chuckles and takes a seat on the ground by the fireplace.

With the entire family present and accounted for, Matthew is finally given the go-ahead for tearing into the gift wrapping, exclaiming excitedly with each toy he unwraps from Santa Claus.

“Pass me that green and white one, Matty,” Tara says, pointing to a small box under the tree and relaying it to her mother-in-law. Soon enough, there's a present in every person's hand, Mulder included. He gets some nice tie clips from Maggie and a box of dried meats from Bill and Tara (mostly just Tara, if Scully had to guess). Even Charlie had a package of nice socks to give him, probably a last-minute purchase, but appreciated nonetheless.

Mulder's beaming smile tears at her heart, and she wonders how long it has been since he's had a proper Christmas like this. Surrounded by family, excitement and cheer filling the air. She thinks she knows the answer, and it fills her with sadness.

“Is there a present for Fox from you under here, Dana?” Maggie asks, now kneeling beside her grandson at the foot of the tree.

“Mulder and I already exchanged gifts, Mom,” she answers.

Exchanged a few other things too, she thinks. Most notably: vows.

Her mother looks up with interest. “Oh? What did he get you?”

Scully blushes. She hadn't been prepared to actually answer this question, though she probably should have been. “Oh, um… Jewelry,” she says, resisting the urge to touch the item in question under her shirt.

“Classic,” Charlie says, reaching out to fist bump Mulder.

“Actually, Scully, there is a little something else under that tree for you,” Mulder cuts in.

After last year's ‘we're not exchanging gifts’ gift exchange, she's not surprised, but she gives him an exasperated look anyway. “I thought you might say that,” she says, standing and grabbing a nicely wrapped package from behind the tree and handing it to him. Maggie finds the one Mulder snuck under there and hands it to her daughter, smiling at the two of them as they begin to tear open the paper.

For Mulder, there's a stack of crossword puzzle booklets and other travel sized games—sudoku, mad libs, a deck of cards, even a magnetic pocket-sized chess and checkerboard set that they can take on trips.

“Hey, no more I Spy and tic tac toe!” he says excitedly, flipping through one of the booklets.

With as much as they travel—long hours in cars and planes and airports and motels with spotty satellite TV—they've pretty much used up all their options for passing the time. Their only deck of cards is somehow missing eight cards and has an extra two of hearts that they're not sure where it came from. A replacement pack is long overdue.

“I can't wait to wipe the floor with you at chess,” he says. “Thanks, Scully.”

She returns her attention to the box in her lap, free of paper but otherwise still unopened.

“Go on, open it!” Tara says impatiently, craning her neck to watch as Dana lifts the lid off and peels back the tissue paper inside.

“Oh, Mulder,” she breathes, lifting a heavy book from the box. The front cover is plain, no lettering or images on it, but she can tell what it is in an instant.

A scrapbook.

She opens it to the first page, wondering what he could have possibly put inside. It's sparse—there aren't that many pictures of them together, after all—but he's scrounged up some that must have been taken at crime scenes, and one she vaguely remembers Frohike taking the first day she met the Gunmen.

But perhaps more telling than the few pages that are filled in are the empty pages at the back, just waiting to be added to. She knows what he means by giving her this, and it causes a lump to form in her throat.

“You look so serious, Dana,” her mother says, glancing over her shoulder at a photo of her and Mulder in their FBI jackets looking over some evidence.

“Well, yeah, I'm at work, Mom,” she laughs, thankful for the distraction to keep her from crying in front of everyone.

“That's just the face she makes when she's about to refute my theory with cold hard science,” Mulder jokes, leaning back proudly on the couch.

She looks at him, blinking away the tears threatening to fall.

“Mulder, this is… I didn't get you enough, your gift is so thoughtful…”

He shakes his head. “Scully, the fact that you even want to spend time with me long enough to play any of the games you got me is enough of a gift,” he says. “Seriously. You've given me a lot more than you think you have, I'm just trying to catch up.”

Charlie makes an exaggerated pouty face at her, which she catches out of the corner of her eye. He's lucky she's being watched by everyone else, otherwise she'd throw a pillow at him.

“Well, thank you,” she says. If they were alone, she'd hug him, but… Well, she's already uncomfortable with the amount of attention she's getting. She doesn't need to make it worse. She hopes he can see how grateful she is in her eyes. For now, she closes the book and sets it aside.

She scoots just that little bit closer to him on the couch while the others continue opening the last few presents, his leg brushing against hers ever so slightly. Thank you, she’s saying. This means the world to me.

-.-.-

“Hey,” Charlie says from behind him, startling Mulder out of a kind of daze.

He tears his eyes away from where Scully is standing on the other side of the room, making polite conversation with some of her mother’s friends after dinner. Charlie is a fair bit shorter than he is, but still taller than his sister, if not by much.

“I took a look through that scrapbook you got Dana,” he continues. “I hope you don’t mind.”

He kind of does, actually, but he supposes he never made it clear one way or another, so he can’t really blame her family for being curious. It’s just… well, personal. He’s not used to sharing her with others, much less letting others see into the hard-to-understand relationship they have. It makes him feel oddly exposed.

He shrugs in response, not exactly sure what else to say.

Charlie doesn’t seem to notice his discomfort. “Living so far away, I just feel like I miss out on the finer details of her life, you know?” he says. “Sometimes I forget she’s really an FBI agent out there waving a gun around and solving crimes.”

“You disapprove?” Mulder asks, ready to defend her.

“Not at all,” Charlie is quick to assure. “I’m glad she has a partner to look out for her, though.”

For all the good that has done, Mulder thinks. Still, it’s nice to hear he’s got one Scully brother on his side, even if it is the one his partner doesn’t get to see that often.

“I saw the picture of that little girl you put in,” the younger man adds, dropping the volume of his voice a few decibels. “Bill tried to explain it to me, once. I don’t think I ever really grasped how much she would look like family.”

Mulder fidgets at the uncomfortable turn in the conversation. It really isn’t his place to talk about it. It’s his sister Charlie should be speaking to. But then, if this prevents Scully from having to face such unpleasant memories during her nice family Christmas, then he’d gladly endure whatever questions her brother might have.

“I don’t think your mother or brother really understood it either,” he says, trying his hardest not to sound accusing. “But in their defense, it really was an unusual situation.”

“Let me guess, Bill completely pretended it wasn’t happening,” Charlie says, casting a glance in his brother’s direction. “Figures. I’m sure he didn’t make it easy on Dana.”

Charlie must have hoarded the entire Scully family’s stockpile of emotional intelligence, that’s the conclusion Mulder is coming to. Finally someone besides him thinks to ask how Scully handled everything.

“What has Scu– What has Dana told you?” he asks, quickly correcting himself. He doesn’t want to be the one to reveal information Scully would rather keep private, so he thinks he ought to check.

“I know she can’t have children, if that’s what you’re getting at,” Charlie says, taking a swig from his bottle of beer. “She never did explain why, but that’s not really what matters, is it?”

“You’re a good brother,” Mulder states.

No, it shouldn’t matter. And that’s exactly what had bothered him about Bill’s reaction so much. Who cares if you understand why or how things are happening? The important detail is that your loved one is suffering and you need to be there for them. It’s a relief to hear that Charlie seems to understand this, even if his brother doesn’t.

“It’s a long story,” he answers with a sigh, “but she loved Emily. Would have raised her if the courts had let her, and if—” He trails off, letting the words hang in the air.

“You were there, weren’t you?”

Mulder nods. “Flew out and crashed your family’s Christmas as soon as I knew what was going on.”

“What was she like?” he asks next.

“Dana?” Mulder asks, brows furrowed.

“No, Emily.”

Oh.

Mulder bites down on his lip, thinking back two years to the few days he spent with Scully and her mini-me.

“She was quiet,” he answers. Honestly, he barely heard her say a word. But her genetics were unmistakable, and not just in her appearance. “She was a lot like Dana.”

Charlie is silent for a moment, probably digesting all that he had learned in the last few minutes. It’s a heavy topic, and one Mulder himself doesn’t really like thinking about, if he can help it. This Christmas has already been leaps and bounds better in every way possible, and he wants to keep it that way.

“Thanks for being there for her,” Charlie says finally. “Thanks for taking care of her. She needs someone like you around.”

Mulder inexplicably feels himself tearing up at his words, and forces the emotion back down before he can give himself away.

“We take care of each other,” he corrects, glancing again to his partner across the room.

His vows from yesterday echo in his ears, and for the first time, he wishes her family had been there to hear them. The marriage may be a legal ploy for practical reasons, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t intend to keep his promises. He meant every word he had spoken, and now part of him wishes her family knew just how much.

-.-.-

Dana had forgotten how draining it could be to be surrounded by friends and family for hours on end. It's hard to believe there was a time when social situations like this invigorated her rather than drained her, but she remembers her university days well.

Still, the company is pleasant, and it affords her the unique opportunity to see Mulder in a different, more relaxed setting, something she'd scarcely known she was missing all these years.

At the moment, he is crouched down in the hallway beside Matthew, each with a wind up toy car in hand that they've been racing back and forth for the last fifteen minutes or so.

For as much as she believed him when he told her he wanted to be a father, it never really felt real until this very moment.

The way he interacts with Matthew is so natural, despite the fact that the boy is the spawn of one Bill Scully, Jr. He talks to him in hushed, conspiratorial tones, grinning when the two-year-old's car reaches the self-proclaimed finish line before his does. It brings to mind Emily, and the way he had tried to make her laugh when he met her. The way he cradled her in his arms when they had to take her to the hospital, burning up with fever.

Her partner, who chases aliens for a living and has been held hostage in Siberia, gently holding a tiny, sick girl in a patterned nightgown… It sometimes still feels like a dream that it had happened at all, though that dream had quickly turned into a nightmare.

Mulder's eyes shine playfully now and she can see his mouth moving animatedly. He points to the other side of the wood-floored hallway and Matthew quickly crawls over there with his toy car, evidently changing up the parameters of the game they're playing.

“One, two, THREE!” Mulder counts aloud, and he and Matthew both wind up and release their cars at the same time, watching with delight as they crash together in the middle.

He will be a good father. A great one, even. She'd known it when she asked him for help with IVF, and she knows it even more now. Not once has she wondered if his difficult childhood would stand in the way of him and parenthood. If anything, it would make him better. She knows he'll do everything he possibly can to be the father he never had.

She only hopes she can provide him that opportunity, one way or another.

“So, Dana,” her mother’s friend Gloria speaks, coming up beside her to watch. “Any plans to settle down? I know your work keeps you busy these days, but you're not getting any younger, dear.” She finishes with a chuckle, taking a sip from her glass of eggnog, oblivious to how out of touch her question had been.

The words aren't meant with any malice, Dana knows, but still she wonders how these older women come to the conclusion that that's an acceptable question to ask. Even if she wasn't struggling with infertility and extraordinary life circumstances, that kind of inquiry always rubbed her the wrong way.

She forces her eyes away from Mulder and her nephew, focusing instead on Gloria.

“Oh, um,” she starts awkwardly, not exactly sure how to answer. “Not right now,” she says, even though it's becoming more of a lie with each passing day. Uncertain plans are just as good as no plans at all, she thinks in order to justify her omission. After all, if things don't pan out, she'll be back to square one.

Or almost square one, she mentally corrects herself. There's still the matter of being secretly married to her FBI partner.

Besides, they're keeping everything under wraps for now. If she's not telling her own mother, she's certainly not about to tell a woman she's only met a handful of times.

“Well, I know this young man at the YMCA– Brendan,” Gloria continues, heedless of Dana's discomfort. “He's a swim instructor. Veeeery handsome.”

Dana smiles politely, but otherwise is careful not to give any indication that she might be interested. An accidental blind date setup due to miscommunication is the last thing she needs right now, and honestly, the last thing she wants. She's happy with how things are with Mulder, even if they're not actually a couple. They're making plans for a future together, that's all that matters. Though the exact specifics of that future are hazy, one thing is certain: She won't be alone. Not anymore.

And neither will he.

Looking around at the house full of people, love a palpable force flowing around them, she wonders again why they didn't do this sooner.

-.-.-

“Thanks, Mrs. Scully. This was really great,” Mulder says, carrying a bag loaded with containers of leftover food and desserts. He waves at the little boy behind Maggie, held up in the arms of his father at the door. “Bye Matt, thanks for hanging out with me.” Matthew is suitably worn out from all the excitement and playtime, which Dana is sure her brother can't begrudge Mulder for, but he still waves a tired goodbye. If anything, Bill should be thanking Mulder. The youngest Scully will be out like a light probably before they even leave the neighborhood.

“Bye, Mom,” Dana says, pressing a kiss to her mother's cheek and giving her one last hug goodbye.

“Bye, sweetheart. I'll talk to you soon.”

“Okay. Merry Christmas!”

With a final glance over her shoulder, she and Mulder walk down the driveway to their car, alone for the first time in almost 24 hours.

“Your nephew is pretty cool, Scully. Did you know he thinks aliens have pet dinosaurs?” he says as they reach the vehicle, simultaneously opening the doors and sliding into their respective seats.

“How on earth did that come up, Mulder?” she asks, casting a doubtful glance to her left as she buckles.

“I didn't bring it up, he did!” he replies defensively, his smile only serving to make him seem less credible. “No, seriously!”

“I'd better not get a call from Bill asking what kind of stories you've been filling his son's head with.”

“Every little boy thinks about aliens and dinosaurs, Scully,” he says, laughing. “He offered up that piece of information unprompted, I swear!”

Scully chuckles, his earnest expression combined with his raised right hand somehow striking her as utterly ridiculous.

Our child will have no shortage of imagination with Mulder for a father, she thinks, and the thought causes her heart to clench in her chest.

“Just drive, Mulder,” she says, facing forward to conceal her smile.

He drives.

~~~

Lovely tag list ♡: [if you would like to be added or removed, let me know!]

@today-in-fic @ao3feed-msr @agent-troi @angegova @baronessblixen @calimanc @captainsolocide @clo-thespin @cutemothman @danasculls @deathsbestgirl @edierone @enigmaticxbee @figureofdismay @frogsmulder @gillian-anderson-in-the-tardis @hippocampouts @invidiosa @monaiargancoconutsoy @numinousmysteries @primrose19 @randomfoggytiger @skelavender @skylarksong @stephy-gold @teenie-xf @the-redhead-in-a-dress @vincentsleftear

#msr #txf #x files #xf fanfic #mulder and scully #my fanfiction #fox mulder #dana scully #of our own making #ooom #msr adoption fic #adoption

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lady-of-endless · 1 year ago

Note

Hello! I saw that requests are still open sooo can we please get something with the reader (neutral) who tries to seduce Ramattra? Lol. What would he do about it? 👀 Thank you!!

Author's Note: Ohhh. I've been waiting for something like this to distract us from how much angst we're getting now in the game. My apologies for the wait but I got carried away with this one and added a little twist to it, I hope you won't mind and you'll enjoy it! Thank you for your request! As usual, please excuse any grammar mistakes.

Seducing Ramattra

Most of the time, when Ramattra is caught up with a plan, he is working too hard for too long. Every time you notice that he's getting burned out, you find a way to lure him, to get some rest.

This time, your intentions were different and he could tell that by the way you slid your hands over his rigid ribcage as you stood behind him. The slight pressure was enough to stop his hand from writing. Ramattra did not stand getting interrupted, but not by you. Something similar to a shiver fired through his circuits at the meaning of your affectionate but sly gesture.

"Maybe you should unwind a little." You suggested calmly, looking at the scribbled plan from his desk. "We can lay down, meditate, read something, or tell me about your next plan…or maybe try some other ways to relax if you'd let me help." You whispered in a suggestive voice next to his sound sensor which was conveniently placed where ears are on humans. He exhaled deeply, already thinking how all of his tension would leave his system with all those possibilities you offered, especially the last options…

Wait. This wasn't right.

What a fool I have become for you, he thinks and straightens his back. Suddenly, it bothered him that you had this much influence over him. The power to subdue him into sweet surrender, to be precise. Was his usual collected demeanor blurred by the love he devoted to you? Ramattra could not accept it tonight.

"I know what your actions and tone imply." His demeanour changed into a serious one in the blink of an eye making you take your hands off him. "Tell me, do you think you will always succeed in enticing me like so?" His tone was daring. "Because I will put it to an end."

Before you could say anything, he stood up, pushing the chair aside with a leg kick. The movement made the desk at which he worked shake. The lamp that illuminated the workplace and the room fell on the ground, turning off.

As Ramattra turned around, you looked up to his face for clarification. Chills ran down your spine. Half of his faceplate was illuminated by the faint purple glow of his void accelerator that rested in the corner of the room.

Ramattra unexpectedly grabbed your jaw and pulled you closer. He noticed how the same purple light was altering the true color of your irises. He thought it was a mesmerizing sight.

"There's tension in you now, beloved." He made sure to emphasize the nickname he used for you only in private. Ramattra took some moments to admire the shock on your face. He hummed in contentment as he let go of your jaw.

Before you could even recover and figure out what has gotten into him, you suddenly felt a grip on your hips. Without having time to react, Ramattra picked you up and placed you on his desk. He leaned closer to the side of your face, still holding you in place.

"Do not assume that I lack knowledge about what your rapid heartbeats mean, or what parts of you are the most vulnerable to touch." He explained in a sardonic voice next to your ear as a cold fingertip slid from your hip down your tight and back up intimately.

You were stunned, this was nothing like how it usually went when you tried to seduce him. Right now, he was the one tempting you. He was still careful with you but his touches were hinting at his wish to break you in a bittersweet way.

Seeing how speechless he got you only made him more ambitious. Ramattra understood why you tried to seduce him so many times, feeling a rush of power.

"Are you willing to give yourself to me? Are you certain of leaving your body in the hands of a Ravager?" He could remember how long it has been since he used the name that once woke something dangerous in him (but saddened him deeply as time passed). You parted your lips to say something but changed your mind and nodded with your eyes closed. That was it for him. The look of surrender on your face and your surprised reactions made him demand more. "Say it to me, without even daring to stutter. I do not think that I have reduced you to silence yet, beloved."

In other words, Ramattra will make sure that you'll remember this lesson the next time you decide to try to tempt him.

#overwatch #ramattra #overwatch 2 #ramattra x reader #ramattra fanfic #ow2 ramattra #ow 2 #ramattra ow #ramattra x you #overwatch ramattra #ramattra x oc #overwatch scenario #overwatch requests #overwatch x reader #overwatch x you

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rokishimizu4 · 2 months ago

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A big brother’s sick day

Sorry everyone for such a long wait, from family drama to being sick, it has been a month and I want it to be done.

For @gaytransratboy, thanks for the request.

Enjoy this little snippet of my BatFam story

TW: Reader being sick and mentions of Joker venom

The frantic pounding of heavy combat boots against the carpeted hallway as Alfred struggles to get his suit jacket over his pajamas, but a swift kick against Alfred’s bedroom door made him give up on that idea entirely.

“Master Jason! What on?” He was quickly silenced as the bedroom door was kicked open and Jason rushed in with a squirming bundle of black and purple goo in his arms, his eyes wide and face paler than the moon outside.

“Grandpa!!” Jason yells in pure panic as he rushes into Alfred, almost knocking them both over if Alfred didn’t right himself up with the help of the struggling child, or Sleeper as they like to be called.

It has been quite some time since Alfred has taken care of a sick child, since Damian rarely gets sick and Tim is too stubborn to be taken care of for more than an hour or so, and it does not fill his heart seeing the agony on his youngest grandchild’s face.

“I don’t know what happened! Sleeps just literally dropped in on me as I was patrolling and Mare (Symbiot’s name for now) was screaming about the cold and how it burns!” Jason tries to explain as Alfred carefully takes Sleeper away from Jason and carefully sets them down on his bed.

A short, but quick, examination allows Alfred to see that somehow Sleeper breathed in some Joker venom, which made them have something similar to the flu.

“Master Jason, I need you to go start the bath. Set it to warm, not hot like you and your brothers like and not cold. I will also need our best towels, the softer the better, and a clean pair of pajamas.” Alfred turns away from Jason to allow him to carry on his new tasks, and to deal with the most difficult task.

“Master Bruce, Master Dick, I have been a butler for the Wayne family since Master Bruce was a baby. I have already gave Master Damian a list of what I will need for the human half of Sleeper. I will be damned with I cannot take care of another child in my care!”

Alfred turns to the whimpering mass of alien and child, withering in pain as he carefully wraps them into his soaked blankets and carry them into the connecting bathroom, where Jason sits testing the water with his hands and adjusting little by little.

“Should be warm enough, don’t know how our little sleep demon can get sick, but I just..” Alfred cuddles Sleeper in his other arm as he places a hand on Jason’s shoulder.

“Her and Mare will need all the rest that they can get. You are doing your job as their big brother by helping me get them cleaned and warmed back up. Have faith in yourself young man.”

“Heh, alright Bruce two.” Jason jokes as he helps Alfred unwrap Sleeper from the massive burrito blanket roll and watches as Mare slowly pulls away from their human half, only to start throwing up in the toilet.

“There there, let it out. It will do the body much better to get that bloody gunk out of your system.” Alfred takes a cold rag from Jason and holds it against Mare’s thick leather-like skin, only to take it away when it hissed at him.

“So cold equals bad, thanks for telling us.” Jason grumbles as Mare pulls far enough away, or sinks in Jason couldn’t be bothered to ask, for him to see Sleeps sickly pale skin, thankfully not a hint of green in sight.

However, both him and Alfred stops when they see the ace bandages wrapped tightly around Sleep’s chest. They both turn to look at Mare, who was trying to get rid of the taste of bile.

“Sleeper is us, We are Sleeper.” Was his only response as he spits some more bile down into the toilet bowl, before returning to their body, to deal with the rest of this so-called ‘Joker Venom’.

“So a they, yeah lets just go with that.” Jason grumbles as he unwraps the dirty ace bandages, and lets Alfred handle the rest.

“I will be in charge of Master Sleeper’s care for the time being. Master Jason..”

“Yeah, I know.” Jason says as he cocks a few hand guns on his person, setting out to do damage control, both inside the manor and outside.

Alfred turns back to Sleeper and allows Mare to help him clean them off. “Don’t worry Master Sleeper, no one will ever harm you again.”

Hope you guys enjoy. I don’t really know what I want to name the Symbiotic and the Reader. I want to do a fear and sleep theme. Let me know what you guys think. Also, I don’t like using Y/N or You for my stories unless it’s in the reader’s POV. Don’t ask me why.

#batman #batfam #barbara gordon #tim drake #bruce wayne #cassandra cain #damian wayne #dick grayson #stephanie brown #duke thomas #jason todd #alfred pennyworth #sick reader #sickfic #symbiotic reader #joker venom eww

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helpimstuckposting · 10 months ago

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I’m a ghost and you are a shadow

—

After the three groups split, the Jabberwocks (El, Robin, Steve, and Eddie) waited on the back porch for the other two groups to walkie back confirming their starting positions.

They dawdled by the door, flashlights and a compass secured in a backpack just in case they were out longer than planned. Steve figured it wouldn’t take long though, they’d check the pool and they’d check the woods around Loch Nora and either they found a gate or they didn’t. It seemed straight forward enough, especially with El’s help on their team.

“Three of Hearts in position,” Jonathan’s voice cracked through the walkie speaker, “Over.”

“Us, too,” Max answered. There was a pause over the radio and Eddie rolled his eyes, likely imagining the fit Dustin was throwing trying to get his hands on the walkie instead of Max.

The walkie crackled again and Max’s voice sighed in agitation over the speaker. “Tea Party in position,” she muttered.

“Remember to walkie back as soon as the Looking Glass is spotted, and don’t go through-!” Dustin’s voice crackled through before the line cut off.

Steve nodded, sharing glances with their little group as they stepped off the porch and made their way through the backyard.

“I’m assuming you don’t feel any gates in the pool?” Steve asked.

El shook her head. “Not near the house, either,” she added. She paused, though, a confused squint to her eyes. “Wait, did you say in the pool?”

Steve squinted back. “Yeah? Isn’t that where Barb was?”

El shook her head, glancing at Eddie and Robin. “When I saw her, she was in your yard, right there.” She pointed off to the side of the pool, closer to the edge of the house.

“Do you think that matters?” Robin asked, looking around the yard as if she could will herself to see what El had.

The teen shrugged, “I’m not sure. It would make more sense if the gates from Steve’s world were open instead of ours, since that’s where he came from. Do you remember where the rest of them would be?” she asked him.

“I mean… I don’t know where the demogorgon opened most of them, they were all over the place. Nancy and Jon found one though, when they were looking through the woods so I know there’s gotta be some out there.”

El nodded and made her way to the edge of the property, leading the other three into the woods. Eddie skipped ahead of them, stopping the group from going any farther.

“Whoa, whoa,” he said, hands up as if stopping a wild animal in its tracks, “If the Looking Glass could be universe-specific… could other universes just slip through any old gate? How many should we be looking for?”

The group paused at the implication. What Eddie was saying was right. What if Steve wasn’t the only one to slip through? Could there be more Steves? Could there be other universes with open gates? Steve shook his head, putting a hand on one of Eddie’s arms to push it back down to his side.

“Let’s just… focus on one issue at a time, okay?” he said, stepping around the arm he just put down and turning to face the group again. He nodded toward the woods, gesturing for them to continue onward. El looked between the two men. She seemed slightly nervous at Eddie’s implication, but shook her head and continued forward without another word, like Steve suggested.

Stray branches cracked under their feet as they trudged along through the underbrush, Steve hanging behind just a bit so he could keep everyone else in his sight.

Without Vecna’s vines choking the life out of the trees, the forest was much less daunting. The bright afternoon light spilled through the branches, making it seem more like they were out for a hike and not a mission. Bits and pieces of conversation from El and Robin drifted back toward Steve, though he couldn’t make out what they were saying. Instead, he let the hum of their voices drift through his ears like static, filling the trees with their gentle sounds.

Eddie stopped walking for just a second, waiting for Steve to catch up to him before resuming his steps side-by-side. As their shoulders bumped, Steve was hit with the memory of their first trek into the Upside Down. He’d thought Eddie was just some weirdo who’d gotten attached to Dustin, a reluctant member of the party who just happened to save Steve because he didn’t want to be left alone. Eddie’s presence had calmed his nerves, even then. His rambling, nonsensical tangents about Ozzie and Nancy and the Munson Doctrine, as if he needed something to cling to in order to fill the silence and couldn’t help but fill it himself.

This Eddie seemed quieter, somehow. No, not somehow, he was quieter, like the Eddie from his world couldn’t handle his own thoughts for too long, like he wrapped his words around himself like a blanket, like his rings of armor. Steve wondered briefly if he’d ever actually seen Eddie be comfortable, if maybe they weren’t as close as he thought they were. The Eddie next to him now just walked, and bumped shoulders, and mulled over his words in his head. The Eddie next to him now seemed comfortable with Steve at his side, seemed almost relaxed. Or, as relaxed as one could be while looking for a potential portal to another dimension.

Steve knew he should be looking out for said portal (or portals), should try and remember where the gates had been seen in his world, but he was honestly starting to spiral a bit. He’d thought the Eddie from his world was calm around him, too. He’d thought their weekly calls had maybe brought his walls down just a little, that maybe he trusted Steve, like Steve trusted Eddie.

But, seeing how the man was when he was genuinely relaxed, when he was comfortable in a silence, it had Steve questioning everything. He couldn’t help but remember their conversation from the kitchen that morning, how Eddie hadn’t told Steve about himself, how he didn’t seem to know the Eddie from his world as much as he thought he did. He wanted to know this Eddie though.

A hand grabbed Steve’s arm to slow him down. His heart skipped in his chest before he realized it was Eddie and not a threat. He really shouldn’t be so deep in his thoughts all the time.

“Yeah?” he asked, glancing down at Eddie’s hand. He didn’t remove it like he expected, just kept his hand clasped around Steve’s wrist.

“Are you okay?” he asked, squeezing Steve’s arm gently, comfortingly. Steve paused, steps faltering to a stop, and looked at the man before him.

“I’m fine,” he said, clearing his throat and squinting at the metalhead. “Uh… why?”

“You’ve been pretty quiet since the munchkins stormed in this morning, so I just wanted to check.”

Eddie had been talking to Robin when the ‘munchkins’ arrived, then he’d been goofing around with the boys and Steve had wandered into the kitchen. Eddie had been arguing with Robin, had been wrestling the kids, had been eating breakfast through a dramatic story, had been everywhere all at once. When did he notice Steve? When had he realized he wasn’t talking? How did he know?

“I didn’t… I didn’t think you’d notice,” Steve mumbled. He glanced over at the retreating backs of Robin and El, conversation still filtering through the trees as they meandered further and further away.

Eddie was looking only at him, for what seemed to be the first time that morning. Steve kind of felt like running in the opposite direction; shaking Eddie’s hand off his arm, digging his heals into the dirt and sprinting away from his questions. Instead, he felt the weight of himself settle into his shoes, felt the warmth of Eddie’s palm against his pulse and looked up, meeting Eddie’s gaze straight on.

“Of course I noticed,” Eddie said, and Steve couldn’t help thinking back to Dustin’s arms wrapped around him in the kitchen. He thought of El and Max fitting themselves around him when they first arrived. Steve scratched at his nose to distract himself from the sting in his eyes.

“I just… I just, uh,” he cleared his throat, not really sure where the words were going. “Dustin said he was glad I’m here. That… that he’s happy to see me even though I’m not the right Steve.” God, his voice cracked. This was embarrassing.

Eddie nodded, letting Steve mull his own words over without interruption, and Steve couldn’t help glancing down at his lips. They were pressed in a hard line, a determined line, like whatever Steve needed to say was the most important thing right now. Even though they were hunting for a literal tear in the universe, even though Steve couldn’t hear El and Robin’s voices anymore and they should probably think about catching up.

Again, Steve’s mind kept flashing to them in the Upside Down and for some reason most of his thoughts revolved around how Eddie’s lips looked then, too. Though usually loud and boisterous, Eddie always had a serious set to his face when things were important, voice hard but spoken softly like he was desperate for his words to sink in. Steve took a deep breath and thought about how to convey that same earnestness.

“I don’t think it’s a good thing that I’m getting attached. What if I have to go back? What happens then?” he whispered, afraid saying it any louder would break whatever confessional Eddie had wrapped around them.

“I hate to break it to you, Harrington, but we’re already attached. Henderson was right, we’re all glad to have you here. It would hurt no matter what, if you started pulling away now or not.”

Steve nodded. He knew Eddie was right, there’s no way he would be okay if he distanced himself from the party. It would still hurt when he left, if he left.

“Besides,” Eddie continued, tipping his head closer into Steve’s space, “we’ve got options. We don’t even know if you have to go back. Maybe the gates closed already, maybe we won’t find it, maybe El can close it on her own, there are options. Don’t count yourself out just yet.”

Steve let the words wash over him like a comforting blanket, holding him tight in their embrace. He hoped Eddie was right, he hoped they could close it without issue, he hoped he’d be able to stay here with everyone he loved, but-

“But what if I have to be on the other side for it to close? What if it won’t close without me?” he asked Eddie, as if he had the answers to the universe.

The metalhead stepped back just once, just enough for them to gently begin their walking once more, and slipped his hand back to his side. He must have noticed El and Robin were far ahead, too. Steve's wrist felt cold.

Eddie glanced at Steve from the corner of his eye, hands clasped loosely behind his back as he leaned into every step he made. Steve felt almost… off-balance — like Eddie had torn him from the comfort of a warm blanket pile and tossed him into the backyard. They were only a couple steps apart but it felt almost cavernous.

“Do you want to stay here, Steve?” Eddie asked, keeping a slow pace to stay close to Steve’s side.

“Of course I do,” Steve said. Why wouldn’t he? Why would he want to go back to an empty house he’d nearly trashed more than once, empty liquor cabinets collecting dust like every other surface of the house? Why would he want to go back to a world where everyone he loved was either dead or gone? Where they’d all left him behind? Of course he wanted to stay.

“Then we’ll do everything we can to make sure you do,” Eddie replied. He said it so solidly, so sure in his words, like that was all there was to it. He picked up his pace a little bit, like the conversation was over and everything had been said and decided. That was it, he was saying, nothing else to do. Of course Steve wanted to stay, of course they would let him, of course they would fight for him, Eddie was saying. For a second Steve thought he wouldn’t be able to breathe, that the air had fully escaped his lungs and he’d just collapse to the ground from the struggle to hold it in, until Robin’s voice called out just a few yards ahead.

“I think we found something?” she called, voice completely unsure.

The two men picked up their pace to a slow jog, following the direction of her question. They found the two women standing in front of an old tree, bark dry and cracked around the base. As far as Steve could tell, there wasn’t anything odd about the tree at all but El was staring at it intently, hand reached out to touch. Robin was cringing away as she watched, as if the tree would explode once disturbed, but El’s hand landed on the old bark without so much as a twig snapping.

They all stared at the tree. It was just a tree.

“El?” Steve called out. She turned her head to him, hand still gently placed against the bark.

“It feels different than the others. It feels… familiar,” she said. “Like a piece of me.”

They all nodded, as if that made any sense. Still, nothing happened and the tree remained a tree.

Quietly, carefully, like Robin’s anxiety was leeching into his mind, Steve stepped up beside El. He reached out his hand, like he’d just seen her do, like she currently was, and tried to place his hand on the bark. Instead, he saw the wood at the base of the tree split and widen the closer his hand got.

He yanked it back, stepping away with his arm clutched tightly to his chest. Robin and Eddie had quickly stepped up beside him, like they were prepared to pull him away even farther if the tree decided to play any tricks. The tree, however, just stitched itself back together as Steve stepped away. The bark seemed to grow, as if they were watching a timelapse of skin healing.

They all stood staring at the old, unblemished trunk again, suspended in the quiet as they held a collective breath. Nothing happened. As they stared, the tree remained a tree and though El’s hand was still placed on the bark, the wood remained silent and unchanging.

Steve stepped up to it again, both Robin and Eddie’s hands tightening their grip on his shoulders.

“What are you doing?” Robin demanded, voice shrill and panic coating her words.

“I just… want to try something,” he said, gently shaking off their hands. He placed his on the bark once more, the wood splitting and opening just like the first time.

It looked like flesh, the bark tearing an almost rectangular hole in the trunk, like the wood was alive, like it was breathing. They all watched, though nothing else happened.

El removed her hand from the bark, the split remaining open, and she walked around Steve to stand in front of it. It wasn’t red like the gates to the Upside Down were, like blood would come rushing out if you took a knife to it. Instead, it glowed an almost yellow color, as if there was sunlight peeking through a sheer white curtain on the other side.

Eleven reached her hand out once again, but before she could make contact Steve stepped away and the gate closed for the second time. She looked up at him, annoyed. “What was that for?” she huffed, standing to her full height.

“I’m not letting you get sucked into a tree,” he stated flatly and crossed his arms against his chest. He stepped back, putting more distance between himself and the mystery tree. “If you fall into that thing, Dustin’s gonna kill me.”

“Oh, right, like Dustin’s ever been the authority on anything,” Robin scoffed, rolling her eyes.

“If you want to listen to him bitch and moan about falling into the stupid mirror glass or whatever then be my guest!”

“It’s the Looking Glass, Alice,” Eddie piped in, patting Steve’s shoulder gently. He rolled his eyes, giving Eddie the driest look he could possibly muster, and shouldered past him to grab the bag Robin had set on the ground.

Inside, he grabbed the walkie, clicking the talk button and calling for the other groups to respond. “We found the mirror glass or whatever,” Steve spoke into the receiver, glancing back at Eddie with a smirk.

Dustin’s voice immediately crackled through the radio. “It’s the Looking Glass, Steve!” he called back. Steve shook his head as he listened to Eddie’s laughter behind him, smile pulling at his lips while waiting for his actual sentence to sink into Dustin’s brain.

“Wait, you found it?!” the walkie screamed.

“Yeah, we found it, but it’s… weird. Meet back at my place and we’ll tell you all about it, over and out,” he said, not letting Dustin get more than a ‘weird how?’ out, before he clicked the walkie off and shoved it back into the bag.

Robin tossed it back over her shoulder and patted Steve’s head before turning back the way they came. It didn’t seem far from the house, they hadn’t been walking for long, but Steve couldn’t help the shame that washed over him for being so drunk that night he couldn’t even remember crawling through a fucking tree into another world. He hoped they could figure out the gate, that he could stay here, and hoped that he’d never drink that much ever again.

—

It seriously took me an embarrassing amount of time to come up with those stupid group code names until I woke up a couple days ago like hey wait a second, this is like alice in wonderland smh you do not want to know the even dumber names I had picked out before

anyway, happy new year 🥂

@devondespresso @weirdandabsurd42 @sirsnacksalot @space-invading-pigeon @aliea82 @goodolefashionedloverboi @emly03 @bestwifehaver @mentallyundone @13catastrophic-blues @estrellami-1 @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @likelylad @aellafreya @wxrmland @shunna @fangirltofangod @howincrediblysapphicofyou

#stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie #robin buckley #stobin #alternate universe #hurt/comfort #eleven hopper #tw mentions of alcohol abuse #helpimstuckwriting #steddie fic #steddie fanfiction #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things fic

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starskq · 5 months ago

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THERE FOR YOU / K.M

Pairing ◊ idol!reader x idol!minjae

Genre ◊ established relationship, fluff, slight angst

Warnings ◊ talk about a form of anorexia and burning out

Word count ◊ 2,7k

Summary ◊ Your group was having a comeback in a few weeks, and you were beyond stressed. Adding to your stress, your boyfriend Minjae was in the middle of the promotions for Xikers’ new album. You always made your relationship work, but not this time. You were under so much pressure that you passed out during practice.

a/n ◊ Just something that was in the back of my head. Hope you enjoy!

You sat on your bed, your laptop propped open, and your face illuminated by the soft glow of he screen. Your group’s comeback was just a few weeks away, and the pressure was mounting. You glanced at the clock: 11:47 pm. You were waiting for Minjae to call. He had promised to video call you after finishing his practice. You had been crazy busy lately, juggling your schedules and trying to maintain your relationship in secret.

The screen lit up with an incoming call. You quickly accepted, and Minjae’s tired but smiley face appeared. He looked exhausted, his hair damp with water, and you felt a pang of guilt for adding to his stress, a feeling that was becoming all too familiar.

‘’Hey,’’ he said, managing a small smile.

‘’Hey,’’ you replied, trying to sound cheerful despite being tired. ‘’How was rehearsal?’’

‘’Exhausting,’’ he sighed, running a hand through his hair. ‘’We keep going over the same parts over and over again. I think we’re all at our breaking point.’’

You nodded, understanding the feeling all too well. ‘’I get it. We had to redo our entire choreography three times today; I feel like my brain’s gonna explode. Nothing’s ever perfect enough.’’

Minjae leaned back, his frustration evident. ‘’I don’t know why they keep pushing us so hard. It’s not like we’re machines.’’

You bit your lip, hesitating before speaking. ‘’Well, maybe if you weren’t always so hard on yourself, it maybe wouldn’t feel that way.’’

His eyes narrowed slightly, his eyebrow rising. ‘’What’s that supposed to mean?’’

‘’Just that you push yourself too hard sometimes,’’ you explained, your voice softening. ‘’You don’t have to be perfect all the time.’’

‘’And you’re the one talking,’’ he scoffed coldly. ‘’You know I have to be though. You don’t understand half of the pressure I’m under.’’

You felt your frustration rising. ‘’Don’t act like you’re the only one under pressure. I’m dealing with my own stress too, Minjae.’’

He scoffed again, his voice filled with frustration. ‘’Yeah, but at least your group already made their marks. You’re not getting compared to every other rookie group out there.’’

His words hurt you a little. Yes, your group debuted three years ago, but that did not mean you were not compared to every other group out there. Your eyes flashed with anger. ‘’And you think it's easy for me? We're constantly being criticized for our looks, our voices, everything. Don't belittle my struggles.’’

He sighed and rubbed his temples, closing his eyes. ‘’I'm not belittling you. I just...I don't know, y/n. Everything's piling up, and I don't know how to deal with it.’’

You felt a lump in your throat. ‘’It kinda feels like we're just taking our frustrations out on each other right now.’’

"Maybe we are,’’ Minjae admitted, his voice low.’’Maybe it's too much to handle right now.’’

You felt tears pricking at the corners of your eyes, but you refused to let them fall. You looked away quickly, trying to regain your composure. ‘’Look, it’s late. I should probably sleep. Long day tomorrow.’’

He nodded slowly, his face tense. ‘’That’s probably a good idea. Goodnight, y/n’’

‘’Goodnight.’’

The screen went dark as the call ended. You stared at your reflection on the black screen, feeling sadness and relief. You looked at the time; it was already late, and you knew you wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight. You sighed heavily, rubbing your face with your hands. Your eyes were filled with tears, and you shook your head, hoping it would make them go away.

Morning came fast, and you only slept an hour. It’s you who seem to be aligning at the moment. Your days had become a blur of rehearsals, no sleep, and barely any food. The pressure to look and perform perfectly weighed heavily on you. You skipped meals, surviving on water, an occasional piece of fruit, and vitamins, convinced you needed to stay as thin as possible. Today was no exception. The dance studio was filled with your comeback track blaring through the speakers.

You glanced at your phone for the hundredth time today, but still no message from Minjae. You knew he was busy, but it still made you sad. You felt alone. You threw your phone across the room, and it landed on the little couch in the corner of the studio. The choreography started again, and you were at the center; your movements were shared, but your face showed exhaustion. Your group members, Hana, Jiwoo, and Mina, exchanged worried glances as they watched you push through the choreography.

‘’Y/n, you need to take a break,’’ Hana called out during a brief pause in the music. ‘’You’ve been going nonstop.’’

‘’I’m fine,’’ you insisted, your voice strained. ‘’Let’s just do it one more time.’’

Jiwoo, the leader of your group, stepped forward, concern etched on her face. ‘’You don’t look fine. You’re pale, and you look like you’re about to pass out.’’

‘’I’m just a bit tired,’’ you said, brushing off their worries. ‘’We need to be perfect.’’

Mina, the eldest, put a hand on your shoulder. ‘’You know, pushing yourself this hard isn’t gonna help. When was the last time you’ve had a proper meal or a proper night’s sleep.’’

You shook your head, your vision blurring slightly as you did. ‘’I can’t afford to gain weight before the comeback.’’

You stepped back into position, determined to get through the routine again. The music started again, and you threw yourself into the dance, your movement increasingly unsteady. As you reached the final chorus, you felt a wave of dizziness wash over you, but you pushed through. The world around began to spin, the studio lights blurring into one another. Your breath came in short, labored gasps, and your limbs felt heavy. As you hit the final pose, your vision went black, and you fell onto the floor.

‘’Y/n!’’ Hana screamed as she saw you collapsed to the floor.

The music was cut off abruptly, and the member rushed to your side. You lay on the ground, unconscious and very pale. Mina frantically checked your pulse while Jiwoo classed for an ambulance.

‘’She’s not waking up,’’ Mina said, her voice shaking.

Jiwoo spoke urgently into her phone, explaining the situation to the emergency operator. Minutes felt like hours as they waited for the paramedics to arrive. Hana held your hand, tears streaming down her face. ‘’Please wake up. Please be okay.’’

When the paramedics arrived, they quickly assessed your condition. You were severely dehydrated and exhausted. They placed an oxygen mat over your face and prepared to lift you onto a stretcher.

The members watched in helpless fear as you were carried away. They followed the ambulance in a different car, their hearts heavy with worry and guilt. They had seen the signs but couldn’t convince you to take better care of yourself.

The girls were pacing back and forth in the waiting room as the doctors took you to run some tests. Hana was sitting in one of the metal chairs, her head in her hands, and Mina and JIwoo were walking back and forth. Each passing minute felt like an eternity as they anxiously waited for updates.

‘’We should call Minjae,’’ Hana said, her voice trembling. ‘’He deserves to know what’s happening.’’

Mina shook her head, her eyes red from crying. ‘’He’s in the middle of a recording for a music show. We can’t disrupt him. ‘’

Jiwoo stopped and turned to face them. ‘’She’s his girlfriend. He needs to know. I don’t care if he’s recording.’’

‘’But what if it affects his performance?’’ Mina argued. ‘’He’s already under so much pressure.’’

Hana sighed, her frustration evident. ‘’This isn’t about his performance; this is about y/n. He should at least know what’s going on. Wouldn’t you like to know if something similar happened to Sunwoo?’’

Mina’s lips parted as she was going to answer, but the mention of her boyfriend made her stop. The argument continued, their voices rising in the silent room. Finally, Jiwoo raised her hands in surrender. ‘’Enough. I’m going to call him.’’

She retreated to a quiet corner of the waiting area, shaking her hands as she dialed Mine’s number. She took a deep breath as she heard the ringtone, praying he would pick up quickly.

‘’Hello?’’ Minjae’s voice came through the phone, tired but surprised. Y/n’s member never called him unless it was something important.

‘’Minjae, it’s Jiwoo,’’ she said, her voice breaking. ‘’It’s y/n, she’s… we’re in the hospital right now.’’

There was a brief pause before Mine’s tone changed to one of worry. ‘’What happened? Is she okay? Is she hurt?’’

‘’She… she collapsed during practice,’’ Jiwoo explained, her voice strained as the tears threatened to come out. ‘’She’s been pushing herself way too hard. Not eating, not sleeping… We’re waiting for updates, but apparently, she is extremely dehydrated and exhausted.’’

His heart sank as tears welled up in his eyes. ‘’Oh my god…’’ he said, his voice breaking. ‘’I’m leaving right now.’’

‘’Minjae, you’re in the middle of recording,’’ Jiwoo said, her voice gentle but firm. ‘’Finish your performance first, please. We can’t have you run away like that.’’

He shook his head as if she could see him, his voice filled with frustration. ‘’I can’t just stay here while she’s in the hospital.’’

Jiwoo tried to reassure him. ‘’We’ll be here with her, and I’ll text you if we have any updates. Just come as soon as you can, okay?’’

He sighed heavily. ‘’Okay. If she wakes up, tell her I love her. I’ll be there as soon as I’m done. We only have two cuts left to shoot.’’

As soon as the call ended, his focus was shattered. His group members noticed his distress immediately. Sumin, one of his closest friends and fellow members, approached him.

‘’Hyung, everything okay? What’s wrong?’’ He asked, concern evident in his voice.

‘’It’s y/n,’’ he replied, his voice strained. ‘’She collapsed during practice today. She’s in the hospital.’’

Sumin’s lips parted in shock. ‘’Oh my god, is she okay?’’

He bit his lips, trying to prevent a tear from slipping away from his eyes. ‘’The girls are waiting for an update. I don’t know.’’

He gently patted Minjae’s shoulder as support. The recording session dragged on painfully, each second feeling like an hour to Minjae. He pushed through the performance, his mind elsewhere, and his movements mechanical. Xikers’ member did their best to support him, but the worry was also evident on their faces.

As soon as the final cut was called, Minjae didn’t bother to change out of his stage outfit or anything. He exited the studio and hopped in a taxi, giving the hospital’s address. He did not even take his bag or phone; he was too worried to think about anything other than coming to the hospital to be there for you.

He busted into the hospital, still in his stage outfit, makeup smudged from sweat and worry. He found your members in the waiting room, their faces lighting up with relief as they saw him.

‘’Minjae!’’ Hana exclaimed, rushing to him.

‘’How is she?’’ He said, panting.

‘’They’re still running some tests. We don’t have any information.’’ Jiwoo said, trying to keep her calm, but her eyes were puffy and red.

Minjae nodded. ‘’What happened?’’

Jiwoo sighed, guilt evident in her voice. ‘’She’s been pushing herself too hard, practicing too hard. We tried to get her to slow down, but she wouldn’t listen.’’

He clenched his fists, anger mixing with his worry. ‘’You should’ve told me. I should’ve been there for her.’’

Hana placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. ‘’We all missed the signs. We didn’t realize how bad it was until now.’’

‘’And we had that stupid fight yesterday,’’ he said, more to himself, his voice a mere whisper. He ran his hand on his face. ‘’I should’ve been more understanding.’’ The guilt gnawed at him.

A tall man walked towards them, his expression serious. ‘’Hello, I’m Dr. Yoon,’’ he said, his voice serious. ‘’You’re y/n’s relatives, correct?’’ They all nodded. They all felt their heart race as they prepared themselves for the news. ‘’She is suffering from severe exhaustion, dehydration, and malnutrition.’’ He explained. ‘’Her body has been pushed beyond its limits, but she is stable now and responding to treatment, so that’s good news. She’ll need a lot of rest, paper nutrition, and time to recover fully.’’

‘’Can we see her?’’ Minjae asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

‘’You, you can go in,’’ the doctor replied. ‘’She’s still sleeping, and letting her rest is important. You can one by one.’’

Minjae looked at your members, who nodded at him, saying he should go first. He nodded, feeling a mixture of relief and worry. He followed the doctors into your room, his heart racing as he saw you lying there, pale and fragile. He gently took your hand, feeling the warmth of your skin against his.

He sat down beside her bed, his fingers slightly brushing your hair. Tears moistened his eyes, and he felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. He had been so caught up in his stress that he hadn’t seen the signs. He hadn’t been there for you when you needed him the most.

‘’I’m so sorry, my love.’’ He whispered, his voice choked with emotion. ‘’I should have been there for you.’’

Ten minutes passed, and he watched you breathe, waiting for any sign that you were waking up. Finally, your eyes fluttered open, and you looked around, disoriented. He quickly regained his composure.

‘’Y/n.’’ He said softly, trying to form a smile somehow. ‘’Hey there, sleepyhead.’’

You blinked, your eyes focusing on him. ‘’Minjae? What happened?’’

‘’You collapsed during practice,’’ he explained gently, trying to keep his voice steady. ‘’You’ve been pushing yourself too hard. The doctors said you to rest.’’

‘’Oh my god,’’ you said, tears welling up in your eyes. ‘’Fuck, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you.’’

He smiled, though his eyes glistened with tears, and shook his head. ‘’You sure scared me. But what’s important now is that you’re okay. And you better believe I’m going to make sure you take care of yourself from now on,’’ he leaned closer, kissing your forehead softly. ‘’You know, you don’t always have to be perfect. You’re already perfect to me, love.’’

You managed a small smile, your hand squeezing his. ‘’Thank you for being here.’’

‘’Where else would I be ?’’ He replied, his tone playful. You’re stuck with me now, whether you like it or not.’’

You glanced at him, eyes widening slightly. ‘’Why are you in your stage outfit?’’

He chuckled, brushing off her concern. ‘’Don’t worry about that right now. Just focus on getting better.’’

‘'No, really,’’ you insisted. ‘’Tell me why.’’

He sighed, relenting. ‘’ I rushed here right after my recording. I didn't even change. I just had to make sure you were okay.’’

Your eyes softened, tears welling up again. ‘’I'm so sorry for making you worry. And we had that stupid fight yesterday…’’

Minjae shook his head, gently placing a hand on your head. "Shh, let's not think about that. What's important is that you're going to be okay. We'll talk about everything else later.’’ He smiled, looking at you. He gently scolded you, trying to keep the mood light. ‘’And no more skipping meals or staying up all night, okay? I want you to be healthy and happy. Understood?’’

‘’Yes, sir,’’ you slightly chuckled, your voice weak. ‘’I promise.’’

Minjae chuckled, the sound warm and comforting. ‘’Good. Because if you don't, I'll have to call you by all those embarrassing pet names you hate in front of everyone.’’

You laughed softly, the sound like music to his ears. ‘’Alright, alright. No more pushing myself too hard.’’

"That's my girl," Minjae said, his heart swelling with love. He stayed by her side, holding your hand. For the rest of the day, he never left your side? He watched you as you slept, making sure you were comfortable and did not need anything, and when you woke up, he was there, ready with a smile and gentle words. He promised himself he would never leave your side and always be there for you from now on.

#xikers #xikers smut #xikers fluff #xikers x reader #idol!reader #xikers minjae #kim minjae #xikers imagines #xikers scenarios

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agattthaa · 3 months ago

Text

Attached

Paring: Walter/Vyxaria

Word count: 1.187

Summary: Vyxaria really was a demon different from the rest. She could feel. She could get attached. Maybe, she did.

Rating: T

Tagging: @rc-catalog

-So, this is what you meant by dates?

Walter had that pathetic smile on his face as he settled another plate on the small coffee table and that only made Vyxaria’s frown grow bigger. That was all too confusing.

Dates were supposed to be outside. They should've dressed up and gone to a nice restaurant and he should've paid her an overly expensive dish that she wouldn't even enjoy very much.

Still, that was how it was supposed to go. That's why she had dressed up and put on a pair of high hills and waited patiently for him to go get her. That was before he texted her saying that everything was ready. In complete confusion about what was ready, she walked to his apartment, her confusion only growing bigger when she stormed in without knocking and saw his apartment.

Only the kitchen light was on, and Walter stood behind his counter, fixing something on a plate and giving a gigantic smile when he saw her.

The living room was illuminated by a couple of plastic candles and a thick blanket held a sleepy Seaweed and she couldn't help but notice that although the text he had just sent said otherwise, he was still on his gray sweatpants and shirt.

Well, she could wait while he finished whatever he was doing and got dressed up.

Only after he placed four different dishes in front of the coffee table she noticed they weren't going anywhere. So now she watched as he placed even more things in front of her. This was not what a date was. At least not a type of date she knew.

Her question didn't offend him, as it never did. Her curiosity was always amusing to him, like he himself was too seeing his world for the first time through her eyes. He actually looked pleased as he watched her gaze switching between all the different kinds of things he placed in front of her.

-We agreed to start small, casual. I thought it was a good idea to stay home, eat some delicious food and watch a move. Will you be comfortable in this dress? I can wait while you go home and change.

She simply sighed, looking again at the small banquet he had placed in front of her and wondering how long it must have taken him to make every single one of those dishes. For her. So she simply sighed again, kicking her heels away and looking back at him.

-Just give me my shirt back.

It was almost like he was expecting for such request, because just as she finished saying it, he got into his bedroom, coming back too quickly for the shirt to be mixed somewhere inside his wardrobe. He handed the shirt to her, turning around as quickly as humanly, or sirenly, as possible when she started taking off the red dress to put on the shirt.

It smelled like him now.

Not a thought she should delve on. It was his house, everything smelled like him. It was no big deal.

But it was a weird feeling. One that she didn't have when she took the shirt for the first time. He was right, she did feel, she did get attached, she did get attached to him.

Not that she would say it or anything.

But she threw herself on the middle of his couch anyway, seeing his smile as he reached for a weird machine on the middle of his counter and took it to the living room, placing it right in the middle of the table and sitting down on her side.

-What is this? Why does it smell like cheese too?

-That's a fondue machine, we put the cheese inside it and then it melts, so we can dip things inside. Try sticking that little fork on the toast and dipping it inside the melted cheese.

The idea of sticking a ton of different things inside the same bow of melted cheese was not appealing at all to her. But once again, she let herself be convinced by the excitement and pure and genuine happiness he felt whenever she indulged him.

It has to be some sort of siren power that somehow, also works on her.

So, she did what he wished. Taking the smallest piece of toast and dipping it on the melted cheese.

It was surprisingly better than she thought it would be.

-So?

-It 's good. But the square thing the other day was better.

He smiled wider, more to himself than for her, pushing the table closer to the couch, and turning on the tv.

Vyxaria had seen a lot of those televisions ever since she came into this world. There was a normal one on Vincent's apartment, a bigger one on Threxias's place that would soon be smashed with the biggest hammer Vyxaria could find, and a gigantic one on Ava's place.

There wasn't anything amusing about the television or about the “movie” that Walter had picked, although he seemed to be really enjoying seeing all those people running around doing something that Vyxaria wasn't paying enough attention to understand.

But she didn't want him to think she was bored, even though she was. Television was never something to amuse her in this world just as the bards didn't amuse her in her own home world. So she focused on rating the appearance of all the small people on the box, a game that lasted very little, but long enough for the other resident of the house to wake up.

Seaweed seemed to be even more pleased with her presence than Walter himself. The cat started to purr loudly, rubbing himself against her leg and waiting for affection.

Surprising even herself, Vyxaria turned her entire attention to the cat on her side. What did the creature wanted from her that much to try to win her though affection?

-Why does it do that? What does it want from me?

Walter, who had been watching the entire scene with the brightness and most stupid smile on his face simply answered.

-He doesn't want anything from you, he likes you, so he gives you affection.

He said it with such naturally that it started to make sense to Vyxaria too. Of course it made sense to want to be close with things one liked, even though the little creature had no reason to hold affection for her at all. But it did make sense.

To want to give affection to someone you liked. It wasn't a big deal. It was just like that. Feeling. Getting attached.

It didn't have to be a big deal.

So she scooted closer to Walter, resting her head against his shoulder. She didn't need to look at him to know that he was smiling and it was better that he wasn't looking at her when she gave a small smile when he hugged her by the shoulder.

It was different. It was unknown. But the warm feeling that he always brought to her chest, that was good. That was worth getting attached to.

#rc walter #rc vyxaria #rc soulless #romance club #fanfic

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atom-writings · 1 year ago

Note

Can I request Hetalia main 8 with an S/O who has bad periods that the nations don't understand.

Ivan probably would get stuck asking Ukraine about it and get mildly creeped out when she tells him about boob pain.

(Hetalia Main 8 X Reader) S/O with bad periods

(Gender Neutral) Headcanons ~ A/N JHFDGHJDKF YEAH but for ivan specifically i would argue he is actually pretty familiar with the struggles. Dear people who have periods i am so sorry. also i didnt do japan again sorry if u wer looking for him i wi. l do him seperately <3

Trigger Warning: None, just fluff!

Oh boy. You’re gonna have to be one teaching him about… everything related to periods. He’ll be like “What’s so bad? It’s just like a little scrape, isn’t it?” and by the end of the night he is Mortified by the process menstruating people have to go through. He is never going to downplay your pain again, don’t worry.

But he doesn’t know what to do to take care of you really… that’s his vice. He’ll just end up buying everything he can possibly think of to comfort you, and I mean… it’s something. It’ll dull the pain a little bit to eat an insane amount of chips while he plays with your hair all night.

If your legs go out or you need to go to the hospital during your time of the month, he is fully capable of carrying you wherever you need to go. Speeding laws be damned! When your entire body is trying to kill you from the inside out, you are the most important thing in the world to him.

For a long time, Arthur thought it was… unrefined to talk about things like periods. Of course, now he knows better, but that also means… he has no idea what’s going on down there. Or what it does to the body. So when you tell him about the back pain, the cravings, the light-headedness, the nausea… he is probably gonna be pretty doubting. Until you collapse or throw up on him. Then he’ll take care of you, hand and foot.

Literally. He loves giving massages, and he’s weirdly good at it. Of course, he’ll get you some pain meds (the good pain meds, too) and snacks, but also his hands are not gonna leave your body until your time of the month is over.

But until then, he is very concerned. Even if it’s the umpteenth time you’ve been with him through it, he’s still begging you to go to the doctor. Anytime anything does even slightly worse, he’s grabbing his keys, getting ready to speed you to the emergency room.

Francis may sympathize, but he really does not… understand the severity of the situation. When you moan about not getting out of bed, he’s just confused and a little annoyed. Sure, periods are painful, but… you’ve had so many, aren’t you used to it by now?

Feel free to educate him. Or hit him. Both work.

After that, he’s not making you get out of bed. He may not know your pain, but he is sure as hell not gonna force you to do anything. If your job tries to get you to come in, he’ll even start a strike outside for you <3

And considering that you’re probably his first partner who gets that much pain from your time of the month, he has no idea what to get you. Get him a list, and make sure you tell him not to find healthier alternatives cause otherwise you’re getting gross chocolate that’s supposed to help with pain. He’s trying to help… he’s just weirdly terrible at this specific part.

Don’t worry! He’s had to come up with remedies for this exact problem since before the invention of the wheel! It won’t taste great, but he’ll have you back in shape in no t- wait, why isn’t it working?! What do you mean your boobs hurt more now?!

He’s… really concerned for you the whole time. It’s hard for him to leave your side, even if you insist you’re used to it. I mean, surely this many cold compresses should relieve your… unorthodox pains. Frankly, he’s impressed. How many years have you been going through this? And without him to wait on you, hand and foot?! A shame…

If you need anything, he’ll happily make it for you. Yes, make it. He wants to be sure your care is as perfect as possible, so he only trusts his own hands. But maybe be wary if your legs tend to give out… his old bones are not meant to be carrying anyone around for too long. But of course, he’ll still do his best for you.

The Braginsky family has been cursed for… well, ever… with terrible medical conditions, so he is very familiar with the suffering caused by periods. He’s heard Natalya wail and moan for hours on end, and he is not about to let you go through the same pain! He will rip the radiator out of the wall to use as a heating pad if he has to!

He doesn’t panic as much as the others would, he already knows what you need and had it at home. That means he is not leaving your side for even a second! If you suddenly get new pains, lose feeling in anything, or have any other emergency, he is fully prepared to sweep you off your feet and help you deal with it. And he’s had to do much grosser things than take care of someone he loves, don’t worry about that.

Like you could bleed on his leg and he would not even notice, much less be upset. He’s just like, “Oh, dear, are you running out of anything? I can pick anything up for you if you need.”

OH YOU POOR DARLING! Don’t worry, he already called into work for you! You need snacks? Heated blankets? Medication? Stuffed animals? For him to hold you in his arms? He’s there! No questions asked! (He has quite a low pain tolerance himself, so he is nothing but empathetic towards you during your time of need.)

If it’d make you feel better… he’d love to massage your stomach... Don’t look at him like that! He just wants to help!

Also, if he sees you trying to put on any tight and uncomfortable clothing, he is getting you out of that stuff asap. If you need to go anywhere, he’ll go for you! Don’t stuff yourself into such suddenly ill-fitting clothing… you still look beautiful to him.

And if it gets too bad, you have the fastest (and most dangerous) driver in all of Italy to get you to the emergency room ASAP. So don’t worry your pretty little head, Feli’s got you!

Just because Ludwig knows all about the medical side of periods, does not mean he knows how to actually deal with you when you’re in horrible, horrible pain. The fact that although it may make you feel better, you are not up for doing anything, is just baffling to him. He may try to drag you out of bed to stretch and exercise. Please bite him when he does so.

Once you start describing your actual symptoms, he starts getting light-headed. No way… this happens every month? Incalculable back pain on top of your uterus exploding? You sure you don’t need a doctor? It’s really no hassle to carry you to the car, promise! But also, you could just take him up on that offer and change your mind and ask for ice cream. He would do it. Just saying.

Anything to relieve your suffering, really. He’s spending all his time worrying about you, so he’ll get anything you want without question. He can’t stand seeing you in so much pain… but he also can’t help but feel so blessed to have been born biologically male. Basically, you’ve got a servant whose in love with you for a week.

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bedforddanes75 · 2 months ago

Text

smh Filth here...

this isnt good enough for me to post on ao3 have it here instead. 18+ and stuff. ok anyway dont tell me if this sucks just leave and dont ever speak again

back fic? george doesnt wanna think and matty likes georges back. no im not projecting what do you mean. warning (technically) Unfinished and bad and idk man just read and again if u dislike (and i find out about it) then DIE im comign to get you. listne to pink floyd and chiiiillll the fuck out IM SO STRESSED i hate posting so much i cant stop speaking im trying to soften the blow (no blowjobs happen) but like i dont know Girl someone get me a gun I REALLY WANT A GUN oh my god OKok ko koko kok ok kok ok ok ok ok juts GO there its'heere

He gets George laid on his front, face pressed right into the pillows and chest fighting to expand under his weight. George keeps making these quiet, almost pathetic noises, whimper-esque, and delicate, and Matty can tell he’s fighting not to grind into the mattress.

“You can make yourself feel good, darling. Go on.”

George responds immediately with the shaky movement of his hips, and a relieved moan, goosebumps rising.

There’s nothing between them now, George already stretched out and far gone, his only thoughts being of Matty and Matty and Matty and Matty. Who is Matty to deny him that pleasure? He’s in awe at how someone can be so beautiful, staring at George’s back like it’s the sun, and it might as well be, because he’s radiating heat like a fire, so desperate to be touched and to feel good that the only outlet is there. George moves his hips slowly at first, and he’s so overwhelmed he thinks he might come just from that, the friction from the sheets more than enough for him.

But he wants Matty.

Matty runs a cold finger down the length of his spine, reverent and appreciative, and George shivers, the motion pulling another quiet noise from him. It’s silent, bar their breathing, and the rustling of sheets, but Matty’s heart is beating so fast that he doesn’t even notice. George isn’t trying to speak, not trying to beg for anything, because he knows if he tries, all that’ll come out is something garbled and stupid, but he doesn’t care, because Matty isn’t making him do any of that today, he just touches and pleases and makes him feel like he’s in heaven.

It isn’t long before Matty’s leaning down over him, letting himself press against George from behind, and whispering things down his neck.

“You want me to make you come? Want me to fuck you, darling?” And George might just cry. He does want it, but he just cannot form the words. Matty doesn’t make him, but when he doesn’t make any move to get off and start properly touching George, George knows that he won’t do anything until he does. He usually forces George to speak when they do it like this, makes him blush and whine and George lets him and loves it, but this time, he’s letting George do things in his own time, pressure all gone, (except in his groin.)

He’s got his hands on George’s waist, now leaning back just to admire him, and George can’t wait any longer. He tries to speak, just the word please, but it doesn’t come out right, and he’s just so desperate that he can’t think to correct himself.

“Just let me look at you a bit, you’re so gorgeous.” Matty doesn’t sound like he’s aware of the fact he exists anymore, so wrapped up in how beautiful George is that time and space no longer accept him as a being, he is simply a conscience left to its own devices, floating around and latching onto this angelic figure beneath where he should be. “Pretty,” he breathes, “So pretty,” again. He’s still drawing lines on George with his nails, like he’s tracing the muscles and all the marks made over the years.

George tries to keep his breathing steady, content with where he is but simultaneously needing more like he needs air, like it’s his only source of life, and he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He doesn’t mind, really, he’s just happy to be touched, because every contact with Matty feels better than anything he’s ever taken, and he can’t imagine feeling any better than this. There’s static in his head, only just about covering the words he needs to make Matty do anything, and he wishes it wasn’t there, but he loves it so, so much.

“Do you want me to fuck you?” Matty whispers eventually, after years and seconds and days and hours and George can’t reply. He wants it more than anything, but he’s so focussed on trying to figure out how to express that, that he can’t do it. A nod is all he can muster up, but he knows that Matty won’t let him just do that, he needs words, proper, full words. Then, there it is, “I need you to tell me, sweet. Words.”

He’s moved further down George’s body by now, and George didn’t even realise it was happening, but he’s pressing kisses to the dimples at the base of George’s spine, so he can’t complain. Not one bit.

Then, he moves drastically lower, kisses the very top of the line between his legs, just where the fat of his [ass] starts to rise, where his thighs turn from muscle to something soft, and he just leaves his face there for a while. He’s got his chin pressed into the middle of George’s thighs, and his hands still all over his back. That makes him speak.

“Please,” he manages, and Matty seems shocked at it.

“‘Please’ what? Need you to use words.”

George can’t, and he almost feels like crying, so desperate it’s making him shake, but he tries again.

All he can do is say, “You,” like a prayer, again, again, and Matty breathes something shaky in return. But he still doesn’t make any effort to move, just strokes the back of one of George’s arms. “Please, Matty.” It feels like they’re the only words he knows, now, really.

“Just need you to tell me what you want. I’ll do it, just tell me.”

Matty was always careful not to push boundaries and to be extra nice when George got like this, he wouldn’t push anyway, but he treats George like an ornament when he’s like this. George loves it. He likes being told he’s beautiful and being allowed to not think and just feel and feel and feel. It’s nice. It’s the best.

“You. Matty. Please.” Maybe they are the only words he knows, and he doesn’t care – they’re the only words that are important.

If Matty couldn’t understand it from that, he doesn’t know what he could’ve, but, that’s a useless thought, because he’s nodding against George, whispering “Okay.”

“Tell me if you want me to do anything else. Anything you want, sweet. Do anything. Squeeze my hand if you want me to stop.”

George nods.

He has to wait a while, Matty making sure he won't hurt George if he goes too fast, slicking himself up, but then Matty pushes into him gently, gripping George’s hand tightly to keep himself under control, and all of a sudden, it’s all worth it. He’s glad Matty doesn’t have a clear view of his face, then, because he’s bright red, sweating, and he just knows he looks an absolute state. But none of that matters at the moment, because Matty is inside him, and still, and he feels so good, so good, so, so, so, so, so good.

If he thought he couldn’t speak before, that was nothing. He can’t even see, completely taken by the feeling of Matty inside him and touching his back and touching his hair and touching him and touching. Matty is the embodiment of pleasure.

“Feels so good, darling,” Matty breathes, and he must’ve leant down, because George can feel his breath on the back of his neck. He blushes at the praise.

He can’t breathe properly with the pillows covering his face, but he doesn’t have the energy to move, and even the littlest of movements make him completely lose coherency, because Matty’s pressed right up against that spot, and he can’t take it.

Matty thrusts after a while, holding George’s hand and making sure he’s okay every few seconds, but when he does, George sees stars. He’s clearly holding back, because he keeps twitching inside George, and George only wishes he could speak more so he could tell Matty to do what he needs, to take as much as he wants, but, alas, he can’t, and he just settles on letting Matty do what he’s doing now.

The feel of Matty inside him is something he‘ll never get used to, it’s all consuming, feels like he’s turning into a star and becoming something otherworldly and living and dying all at the same time. He can’t word how amazing it is, like knowing he’s safe and letting Matty do whatever he needs, because he knows it’ll be good, and he trusts him.

He, eventually, does start to move properly, but only after multiple weak noises from George, desperate and pleading for anything. Matty grabs his hips, suddenly energised and no longer having the patience to be as gentle as he was, and George loves it. He’ll take whatever Matty gives with an open mouth and a chest left wide open, ribs all snapped to get inside, and this is like a knife made of solid pleasure, because there’s that tiny bit of pain, but it’s covered up by the heat that rushes all down his limbs, right down to his fingers, every single time Matty hits that spot inside him, and then everything is all okay.

Soon enough, Matty’s got his nails in the soft, weak skin of the space just below George’s v-line, digging into the flesh and wanting to claw him apart simply because it’s the only possible way to express how intense everything he’s feeling is. George lets the pain bloom and he whimpers into the bed.

“You okay?” Matty asks, and he nods, enthusiastic and truthful and just wanting more.

That’s all he needs, and he seems to lose some amount of his self control, because he starts fucking into George harder, one hand going back to his waist to keep steady, and the other going to his hair. He doesn’t pull just yet, but George wouldn’t complain if he did, taken by the pleasure. Matty’s nails are pressing slightly, and he welcomes the sting.

The sweet, soft, gentle Matty is almost fully gone now, and he’s changed back into something like what he usually is in just a few minutes, and it’s making George sick with want. He’s tightening his grip on George’s hair more and more by the minute, and by now, it’s starting to sting.

George doesn’t think anything’s going to change after that, just thinks Matty’s going to make him come like this, and he has no reason to think anything else. That is, until Matty yanks George’s head towards himself by the hair, and George can’t help the moan he lets out. It’s loud and undignified, but Matty likes it all the same, apparently, because he holds tighter, and keeps his head there for a second. George thinks he might come just from that, the feel of Matty in his hair, tugging.

Heat ripples from his scalp, and it’s not helped by Matty starting to speak. “Fucking back, so beautiful. Perfect. It’s so pretty, fuck.” He keeps speaking until he finally unthreads his fingers from George’s hair, but George can still feel the ghost of his palm. He fixes his grip properly onto his hips and waist instead.

He’s definitely digging his nails into that pale flesh, and it wouldn’t shock George if, when he moves, there’s skin left beneath them. He’s being gentler than normal, which George is grateful for, because he knows that if Matty did anything that was any more intense than pulling his hair, he’d be coming within a minute of him sinking inside.

He can feel heat building in his stomach, and, all of a sudden, he’s overly aware of the sheets rubbing against himself, hard against them, and he whimpers, eyes squeezing. Matty’s starting to stroke his hair, and ramble.

“You feel so fucking good, Jesus Christ. Fuck, George.” He’s digging his thumb into a space near one of the dimples on George’s back now, almost like he wants it to bruise so he’s got proof of it, like the proof isn’t George’s very existence.

George gets closer a lot sooner than he’d like to, but he just can’t help it, because Matty is telling him how good he feels and how well he’s doing over and over again, and there’s so much happening, like the feel of Matty hitting just where he needs every time and the feel of himself against fabric and the image of what he must look like in his head. It’s all too much. Almost.

He doesn’t realise he’s crying until Matty slows down, taps him, asks if he’s okay, and he just nods, nods like it’s keeping him alive, manages to turn his head enough to the side to say “Please, please, Matty, please,” and then his eyes roll back.

He’s so close, whining and whimpering nonsense and trying to form words to warn Matty, failing, but not caring, because he’s blinded by how good it feels, and Matty isn’t letting up, in fact, he’s fucking him harder, pulling George’s hips into his own with every thrust, determined to make him come.

It doesn’t take long before he’s right on the edge, just needing a tiny bit more, and then Matty fists a hand into his hair once more, and he’s gone. The combination of Matty fucking him so good, with the sharp pain on his scalp, is better than anything he could’ve imagined, and he cries out as he comes, over and over, moaning into the pillows and clenching his fists, begging with completely incoherent noises. Matty keeps moving for a bit, and George doesn’t have the mind to protest, nor does he want to, he’d rather lie in the afterglow and be only half aware of how overstimulated he’s becoming.

He doesn’t really notice when Matty comes, and he doesn’t notice virtually anything else for a while after, either, just lets himself be moved around as Matty tries his best to clean him, trying to manoeuvre him into some position easier to clean from, and not doing very well, because…well, the size of George.

sorry ending Shit possibly all shit but whatever i wrote most of it. enjoy life

#sorry this is short but also im not sorry i wrote this for MYSELF #if i manage to make it better then it will be promoted to the gods of ao3 #my hair feels soooo nice but i cant brush it 💔💔💔#if you like this you are legally bound to a contract that says you HAVE to tell me. or else #i wrote this in like 2 hours idk if its bad #blah blah!#gatty #BLEEGGGHHHHHH #autism is strong in this one #does this count as being nonverbal. like temporarily whats th word for tha FUCJ #nonspeaking? idk He just cant talk because he is So overwhelmed and pathetic and beautoful #i actually intended for this to be a Lot dirtier than i wrote it like but also idgaf i like it #idk it goes from Sweet nice to like Oh this is SEX #not a specific universe Btw idk if taht was uncelar #matty x george #blegh i hate that tag #ok aNyw #hope u enjoyed or whatever.#my fic

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imagineanime2022 · 6 months ago

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Looking For Dad *Part 3*

Chuya Nakahara X Child!Reader (Platonic)

Word Count: 1208

Requested: Anon

Request: Your Bungo Stray Dogs Looking for Dad part 2 is amazing! I wonder who did this to the mom. Whoever it is…..I have a feeling their days are numbered!😶

A/N: This wasn’t really a request but it gave me a couple of ideas that I wanted to work through so here it is, there will be this part and I think one more after this then the story is done.

*Part 2*

Chuya had been tracking the group that had attempted to kill (Y/M/N), something about it being a small group across seas bothered him, the information that Dazai had given him was not wrong he knew that, but there was something else lurking below the surface and it had something to do with you.

It only took a few days for him to realise that if he wanted to find out anything more he’d have to go and find the group himself, there wasn’t any members left in the city, they had all gone home by now. The info packet that Dazai had given him showed that they were based in Europe. Chuya left you with a subordinate that already had kids. She was happy to add you to her home for a couple of weeks while Chuya dealt with them, he’d add a little extra to her pay once he was done.

“Where are you going without your little shadow?” Dazai asked, leaning against the wall outside his apartment block. “I need to find the group that started all this, I don’t think they’re done.” Chuya answered. “Why do you think that?” Dazai asked. “It’s just strange that they would know about your weretiger across the sea. Surely there’s a weapon closer to home that they can use if they just wanted to get on the map in their own country.” Chuya explained. “I figured I should just ask them.” “That would be fun.” Dazai smirked as he kicked off the wall. “I think the Dark Twins should come back if only for her.” “You won’t be able to get a flight that quickly and I won’t be waiting for you.” Chuya grumbled. “Don’t worry I’ll meet you there.” He smirked as Chuya rolled his eyes climbing into his car and heading to the airport.

“How the hell did you get here before me!?” Chuya asked as he exited the airport in London. “I told you I could get here and I meant it.” Dazai answered “the group that we are looking for work in and around East London it should be easy to find them considering they aren’t expecting us to be here.” “How do you know all of that?” Chuya asked. “I’ve been looking into them since, I found out that they wanted Atsushi, I have to protect my own interests too.” Dazai explained. “So that’s why you're here, to protect the weretiger?” Chuya asked. “Chuya don’t forget, she was my friend too, I want to protect Atsushi but I will avenge her too.” Dazai answered as he led him to a car. “I assume that you still don’t know how to drive.” Chuya muttered. “Guilty.” He laughed scratching the back of his head.

Chuya honestly doesn’t know how they made it in one piece with Dazai’s last minute direction changes and the busy roads. Eventually they got to a club, music pumping out the door, you could feel the base in the floor. “There’s no point in trying to use the door, they aren’t going to let us in.” Chuya muttered. “You're right, you looked like a teen trying to be an adult, the hat only makes it worse.” Dazai explained. “Shut up.” Chuya muttered through gritted teeth “There’s probably an entrance around the back that we can use.” They both walked around the back, the alley leading behind the club was crowded and it wasn’t long before they realised that the gang they were looking for was right there. “Hey kid you know what you wandered into?” One of them asked. “I think they��re talking to you, Chuya.” Dazai teased as he pushed his hands into his pockets. “Did you just call me kid?” Chuya asked. “Are you implying that you're not?” He asked. “I’m 22 years old.” Chuya answered, his hands still firmly in his pockets “we just want to get into the bar.” “Then use the front door.” He ordered. “Don’t think your boss will let us through the front door.” Dazai shrugged. “Surely he’s informed you of the people that he’s decided to mess with.” “Mess with?” The thug asked, finally taking the time to look at them both, it seemed that Chuya’s uniform struck a nerve with him. “Keep them busy while I get the boss.” Chuya watched as the man disappeared into the building, the first male to step forward attempted to hit him but it didn’t land instead he dodged out of the way kicking him in chin, he was vaguely aware of someone moving behind him so he moved away from the male as he dropped turning to face the other man. “Why aren’t they using guns?” Chuya asked. “Guns aren’t common here and using them will just cause a panic, the police will be here before anything can be solved.” Dazai answered. “Makes sense.” Chuya nodded. “It does, doesn’t it, you Port Mafia folk are all so loud.” A new voice said, taking Chuya’s attention from the male that had stepped back now. “So what are you doing here?”

“I’m here to talk to you about a woman that you or your people attacked in Yokohama.” Chuya explained. “Not my fault that someone paid good money to have her killed.” He shrugged. “What about her daughter, you injured her mother, she would have died if you killed the daughter, why leave the kid alive?” Chuya asked. “They wanted her, they said they’d collect her after we left.” The man shrugged “and as payment they would hand over the weretiger.” “Let me guess they haven’t paid up.” Dazai said “whoever spoke to you never had the weretiger, he’s under the protection of my organisation the ADA.” “What!?” He asked. “Now you’ve made two very powerful enemies.” Dazai shrugged. “So tell me who hired you.” “They never gave a name, they were an organisation in Japan. They said that they would be able to get me anything that I wanted.” “Well they lied, the only thing that they got you was a death sentence.” Chuya said through gritted teeth as he looked at the man. “Nothing else that might save your life?” Dazai asked. “We’ve been looking into them ourselves, they didn’t expect us to have anyone that could track them, but we have a pretty good hacker on the payroll, she found that the messages tracked back to a government facility, one that was supposed to be a secret, it’s based in Yokohama, that was why we took the deal we figured as government officials they could deliver.” He explained. “You made one mistake, which was believing the government is the strongest power in that city. If they were, they wouldn’t need you.” Dazai smirked. “Now Chuya I think that's all they can offer us, do as you please.” “Don’t tell me what to do.” Chuya growled as he got to work.

When the police did get there notified of an explosion, they found that the club itself was unharmed but the back alley was destroyed with a gang they had been looking to take down themselves in various stages dead or dying. There was no indication to what had happened there only the craters that covered the floor where the gang members all laid.

Request Here!!

#bungo stray dogs x reader #bungo stray dogs imagine #bungo stray dogs #nakahara chuya one shot #nakahara chuya imagine #nakahara chuya #chuya nakahara #imagine #oneshot #one shot #reader insert #x reader

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faustus-pheles · 1 year ago

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I already had these ideas for about a year and a half but I was finally able to draw it/write them down. Also, I tried my best to draw in the project sekai art style. The face was the best I could do (T-T)…I’ll probably do the school uniform later.

If you want to know general ideas or maybe more info, you can read below, though, it’s kind of long(^^;) This unit will definitely be set before the 3rd anniversary.

This unit is known as Rozen Notturno, a classical and gothic band that focuses on one pair of musicians and one pair of singers/dancers. Together they create highly polished music. Pairs are changed depending on the song and while there are main singers, that doesn’t mean the musicians don’t sing. Because they’re more invested into music playing, they become back-up singers. Their dances are a mix of ballroom dancing and ballet. Each band member has an instrument(s) associated with them. Miyuki (piano, harpsichord, organ, etc.), Suzu (Violin), Aiko (Electric guitar, accordion), and Rei (Cello). Miyuki/Suzu tend to be in one pair and Aiko/Rei tend to be the other. Their lyrics are very symbolically/metaphorically driven and story based( they tend to be horror or fairy tale inspired). When they do add lyrics based on themselves, it’s usually hidden between the characters they created. Miyuki is the composer, Rei is the lyricist, Suzu is the storyteller, and Aiko is the stylist.

In terms of how their music sounds like, it’ll be something akin to Ali Project, Valkyrie (enstars), and Hollow Mellow. On the more extreme side, Rozen Notturno can lean more into gothic visual kei bands or Youseki Teikoku. Even jazz is a possibility.

Some of the vocaloid songs I was thinking that they could potentially cover could be limited, but that could also be because I haven’t search enough. Either way some of the songs include:

Kikuo (ex. Histrionic, Rolling Rolling Tumbling Along, Dance of the Corspes, KikuoHana in general

Kanon69 (Darkestory, Royal Scandal series)

Nem (ex. Angelfish, Virgin Suicides, Scissorhands)

Machigerita (ex. Coffin of Sweet Death, Dream Meltic Halloween, Moonlight and Black)

Hitoshizuku & Yana (ex. The Corpse Princess and the King of Vengeance, Prisoner of Love and Desire, 13th Apocalypse, Alluring Secret ~Black Vow~)

Some general songs (ex. Honeymoon Un Deux Trois, Cantarella, Cendrillion/Adolescent)

Their sekai would be the Ballroom Sekai. A place full of extravagant paintings/decor and musical instruments. It’s very Rococo inspired. It has enough space for Rozen Notturno to practice and for “guests” to peek in. The guests are porcelain dolls that are about 2.5 ft. The sekai is created by the dream of both Miyuki and Suzu, the dream to once again play together in front of a live audience (in an orchestra).

Miku and the rest of the vocaloids would be ball-joint dolls. Specifically with Miku, she’s an always smiling and always kind (albeit slight eccentric) doll that’s constantly en pointe. She has no instrument associated with her as she’s only a singer/3rd dancer. The rest of of the vocaloids change instruments based on the song.

The main story will most likely be about Miyuki meeting Suzu again after many years and failing multiple times to get her to play with him. He’ll meet Aiko and Aiko wanting to help him, will probably recruit Rei, who has no friends. The general idea of creating a “band” will actually be Aiko’s idea as in having more people to perform together should be much easier than having only one. With they finally recruit Suzu (with the help of the vocaloids as well), they decide to try to perform on a small stage. Though until the very end, Suzu is unable to, as her fears are triggered. What they decided to do thanks to Miyuki’s plan is to use Suzu’s persona, Engel, to perform instead, and to wait until Suzu is able to perform as herself, as everyone wants to continue playing together as a “band” . The main story arch will be mostly focused on helping Suzu gain the courage to play as herself with everyone. Smaller arcs will include on how they want to run their band/how they should perform, Rei’s inability to open up even for the most simplest of things (trust issues/vulnerability issues), and Aiko’s fear of being abandoned by her friends (abandonment issues). Miyuki’s the only one who’s actually ok(^^;). Though, arcs will most likely focus in his creative endeavors (same as Rei).

Some character interactions:

Miyuki will have interactions with Toya (mostly), Akito, Kanade, Ichika, and Tsukasa.

Suzu will have interactions with Mafuyu and Mizuki (She’ll have the least because of her social anxiety)

Aiko will have interactions with basically everyone but mostly Mizuki, An, and Tsukasa.

Rei will have interactions with only the Kamiyama students and he won’t have any favorites.

That’s all I have but I might add more later when I get more ideas.

#project sekai oc #prsk oc #pjsk oc #colorful stage #project sekai #prsk #pjsk #art💖

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buckysgrace · 1 year ago

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Fifty Three

1973

They had a routine at night.

Her and Max were laid in bed together, both of them laying under the blankets as they fought the urge to break into giggles. Max had just turned two not too long ago and Kim liked how much easier she was able to play with.

The familiar stomping of footsteps outside the door left them both in giggles. Kim liked Max’s bright blue eyes. She always looked like she was curious and like she wanted to know more. She was still a baby but Kim would sit her up on the floor, dressed in their mommy’s makeup and scarves, and tell her all of the secrets that Kim knew. Which wasn’t a lot, but Kim was imaginative for her age. She had good ears and would listen to what adults would say and ran with it. She didn’t know half of what she said, but Max seemed like she understood all the same. She’d always look up at Kim with bright blue eyes and wide lips, enthralled by every word that left Kim’s mouth.

“Shh,” Kim placed a finger over her sister’s lips, trying to get the toddler to calm down. Max would cover her hands with two palms, looking at her sister dramatically, “He can hear.” She would whisper to her sister.

“Who's there?” Their daddy would exclaim in a voice that didn’t sound like his. Kim would have to hold her sister at this point. Even though Max should know by now that it was playful, Kim figured that she got scared.

“Uh, no one’s home!” Kim would shout out as Max hid her face in her chest. She would hold her tightly, Max’s body shaking from the laughter.

“I think I smell two little girls,” Kim could see from underneath the blankets. Her father was on all fours now, slowly crawling his way towards their bed. She held Max closer, trying to keep herself from laughing out, “Two little girls to eat!” He’d rip off their blanket from over their heads, and they would both squeal. Sometimes Max would scream loudly and clutch to Kim in fear before she recognized it was their father. She’d reach for him then, kicking her feet and moving her hands as she giggled happily.

“Max,” Kim would draw out the a, watching as she moved into their daddy’s arms, “He got you!” Max was still too little to understand the game. Their father would kiss all over her face and tickle her side to make her squeal louder. Kim loved her daddy. He was kind, but he always looked like he was tired. He had fiery red hair and deep blue eyes. Kim thought that Max looked just like him.

“Oh, look at the time,” He would place Max back into bed when he was done, “Let’s see, monster check?” He’d check underneath their bed and then in their closet. Sometimes he would put on a show for them and scare off any monsters that may be hiding in their room.

“No monstew?” Her dad would look at her until she pronounced it correctly, “Mon-ster.” She would spit out harshly, raising one of her eyebrows and looking up to see if she was saying it correctly.

“No monsters.” He would tell her then. She had started going by Kim not too long ago. She used to tell everyone it was Kimberly Rose, but that was until people started to make fun of her r’s. She couldn’t help that she didn’t say it correctly, it just never rolled off of her tongue right. Her mommy thought it was cute, but she could tell it annoyed daddy. Still, at times he would roll his r’s and she would stare in wonder over how he did it.

“Love you higher than the moon -” He would start the sentence and wait for them to finish.

“More than the stars in the sky!” Max could only spit out half the sentence, but Kim was proud of her for remembering stars and sky.

Their apartment was tiny and crowded. There were two rooms, if you could classify them as rooms. Kim and Max shared a room, well, they shared everything. They slept in the same bed, they shared the same hairbrush. Max wore all of Kim’s old clothes while Kim wore old clothes from her mom and sometimes from her dad. She towered over the other kids in her class and she hated it at times. It always drew attention to her.

She missed living with her grandma. Her house was bigger and there always seemed like there was more to do. They didn’t have to share a bed there, but Kim thought that maybe that had to do with Max still being in a crib. Kim usually had to play on her own, her grandma said that she was too old to rough house like she did.

Kim was long and nimble and found that she could easily climb things. She used to climb trees for as far as they would go and just sit there and watch. She liked the pear tree the best, because she would just sit up there and nibble on them. Sometimes she’d throw down leftovers to her grandma’s dog, Dooby. It was always fun when her daddy came home because he’d climb up there and join her. Grandma didn’t like it, but Kim thought it was because she could easily get into things.

It was rare that her grandma baked cookies, but Kim was easily able to scout them out with her nose and would climb onto the kitchen counters and find wherever they would be hidden. She had a bad sweet tooth. Her parents would hide candy in the top drawers, in the highest spots, but she would still get up there. It made her Grandma mad when she’d do that, but mom would always kiss Kim’s chocolate cheeks and say that she was too cute to punish.

Sometimes she got lucky enough to watch TV, but she was always bored by her grandma's shows. Sometimes she would put on her mommy’s heels and try to wear them, but she always ended up falling over. Usually, that’s when Grandma would yell at her for being snoopy. As far as Kim was concerned, it wasn’t her fault that people left things out for her to grab.

Her grandma had once swatted her hard on her behind for doing so and Kim had cried all the way to her mom’s room. Mom had wrapped her up in her arms and had been furious.

“You can’t hit her,” Mom was bouncing her on one hip, her face red in anger, “She didn’t do anything wrong.” Grandma had only scoffed at the suggestion. Kim was still sniffling, her head was resting against her mom.

“You live in my house for free,” Grandma snapped back. Kim thought that she looked a lot like a goblin at the moment, “She’s going to end up like your good for nothing husband. Taking anything she can find.” Kim didn’t know what that meant, but it resulted in a screaming match from the two women.

Not much later, they were leaving in the middle of the night. They didn’t take a lot, mostly clothes and food. Kim didn’t like that she had to leave behind most of her toys, or Dooby. She thought that they should bring him with them, even if he was grandma’s.

They had stayed in their car for some time after that, until they got their apartment now. Kim liked that at a certain angle, you could see the beach from her window. The neighbors were loud and kind of smelly, but sometimes they’d watch the two girls if their dad ran behind at work.

She almost liked it better now. Grandma always wanted to hog Max. Kim liked holding Max, she liked rocking her and pretending that she was her own baby. For the time being she could dress her up in different outfits, but Max was beginning to protest that more and more as she got bigger. Kim missed Dooby the most. He was old, with black and white fur. He’d sit still as she dressed him in various items and would put powder on his nose. She found out that Max liked pretending to be a doggy. She had taught Max to bark, much to her mom’s dismay.

Her daddy would call her monkey because of the way she was able to wrap her long legs around him and hang onto him in a similar way. It would make her giggle hysterically when he’d twist her around and hang her upside down in the air. Sometimes they’d make monkey noises at each other.

Her mom worked a lot, six days a week. Kim finally knew that there were seven days in a week and her mom was always off on Sundays. Sometimes she was too tired to do anything other than sleep on the couch. Kim would always brush her hair out gently and kiss her cheek before she’d grab her a pillow and a blanket so she could nap. Other times, her mom would hold both of the girls. Just all day long. She’d hold them and tell them how much she loved them. Kim knew how to change Max’s diapers and she knew the food that she preferred better than her parents. She would call Max her baby more often than not, because she was her baby. Kim hated being at school and away from her. Her daddy sometimes overslept and wouldn’t hear if Max was crying or needed something. He didn’t like changing diapers or cleaning snotty noses.

As a result, Max clung to her side but Kim didn’t mind. She liked taking care of her, which her father quickly noticed. He began telling her it was her job to watch her, but she always needed to make sure she was doing it right. He’d give them sunscreen, a bottle for water and a few dollars for food and leave them wherever, while he went to play. She wasn’t sure what he was playing, but he always promised he’d be bringing them money back.

He never did.

Kim was still young but had learned how to run the tub so her and Max could bathe while he played. She liked playing in the tub with her sister, it was fun. Max sometimes made a mess though and occasionally they’d get in trouble for it. Never too bad. She wasn’t supposed to tell mommy that daddy was gone for long hours. He was always back before mom got off of work, when the two girls were waiting in bed for him.

“She doesn’t like that,” Max was fussy, whining at the table as mom tried to feed her small pieces of broccoli. Max’s face was beginning to turn red from the amount of times she had said no, “It gets stuck in her teeth.” KIm reasoned, watching how her mom’s eyes furrowed together.

“We can’t afford to be picky,” Her mom would say. Kim didn’t really know what that word meant, other than that it wasn’t good, “She needs to eat it.” Kim scooted herself closer to Max, sitting on her knees as she looked at her.

“Max,” She picked up a piece of broccoli with her hands, “It’s like what the dinosaurs ate!” She told her as she took a giant bite from the head of the broccoli, pretending to growl and shaking her head like she was a big animal. Max giggled, before she picked a piece up with her chubby hand and mimicked her sister’s actions. Kim smiled proudly, not caring that she ate messy, just as long as she ate.

“Kimberly,” Her mom would say in exasperation but she would be smiling, “She needs to eat like a little lady.” Her mom would try again, only to be met with Max’s lip scrunched up.

“She’s not a lady,” Kim pushed a piece of red hair from Max’s forehead. She could tell by the way Max didn’t enjoy being dressed up, even though Kim still did it, “She’s my baby.” She’d poke Max’s nose and get a squeal from the younger girl as her mother huffed from frustration.

//////

Kim was growing bored of burying Max’s legs in the sand and unburying them. Max didn’t seem to mind, she’d kick her chubby legs fast and watch the way it fell off of her with a wide grin. Kim sighed. She had already built a sand castle and pretended that Max was a giant monster that had come to destroy it. She was running out of games to play and there were no other kids at the beach.

“Did you see that?” Her attention was drawn away from Max’s blabbering as she looked towards a young boy holding a surfboard. She brightened up, recognizing someone that was her age, “It was seven feet!” He was talking to a woman and Kim felt jealous, wishing her mom was here to play with her. Her eyes followed him for a few minutes, watching as he surfed back and forth. She wasn’t allowed to go that far into the ocean, she had to watch Max. She watched when he finally placed his surfboard down. She watched in excitement as he made his way towards them. She picked up Max quickly, earning a sound of protest from her.

“Hi,” He beamed. He had curly blonde hair and bright blue eyes. She smiled back, standing up straighter as Max dumped the last fistful of sand out of her hand, “What’s your name?” Her heart pounded in excitement, hoping that she would make a new friend.

“I can’t tell my real name,” She giggled, thinking about how her daddy had said not to tell strangers their names, “Um Rose! This is Lily.” She struggled as she adjusted Max on her hip. That wasn’t technically their names, but at least he had something to call them by. Max made an angry face and kicked her little legs against Kim.

“No, no, no!” She shook her head hard, her eyebrows furrowing together in anger. Kim bounced her on her hip, trying to get her to settle down again. He watched them.

“Well, I’m William then,” He smiled brightly. Kim giggled, feeling a bit shy at how cute he looked. She thought that he looked like he’d be the perfect prince for her story, “Do you know how to surf?” She shook her head.

“I can’t. I have to watch my sistew.” She made a face when she realized she had said sister wrong. She felt her cheeks blushing but William didn’t say anything about it. He didn’t tease her like the other kids at school did.

“We can play something else,” He said brightly, “What do you like to play?” He asked and she felt excited. Max grunted, pointing towards the ground. Kim sat her down before sitting down next to her. William joined them after a second, watching the way Max scooted forward to kick her little legs into the water.

“What about fairytales?” She asked excitedly, “You can be the prince and I can be the princess!” She was proud this time as she said her words correctly. William’s smile fell just a little bit.

“My dad said I can’t be a prince.” He said simply, looking a bit crestfallen. Kim kicked her legs in the water as she faced him, feeling herself frown.

“That’s dumb,” She was horrified at the idea, “What if you marry a princess? Then what would you be?” He shrugged. Max was splashing her little palms against the water, giggling loudly as water droplets landed on her face.

“A king?” He looked at her confused. She giggled, nodding at Max as she showed her a shell she had grabbed. Kim quickly took it, noticing how she was trying to put it in her mouth.

“No, silly,” She drew out as the waves bobbed them around, “You can only be a king if you marry a queen. Queens are old.” She giggled, wrinkling her nose at the thought. He giggled with her after a moment.

“I guess I’d have to be a prince then,” He drew out slowly, glancing over his shoulder as if his father could hear him, “I don’t know any princesses.” Max took a hold of Kim’s shoulder, making her wince as she pulled herself onto her feet. She bounced in the wet sand, giggling as she did so.

“Sure you do!” She smiled brightly at him as she held onto Max’s hands, making sure she didn’t fall, “I’m a princess! If you marry me then you can be a prince.” William grinned at her.

“My momma’s here, she can marry us,” He grinned as he stood up, the water dripping from his shorts, “She’s right over there!” Kim gently stood, holding onto Max’s chubby hands and following behind him. Max stumbled over the sand, wobbling back and forth so Kim picked her up to make it a little easier. She took big steps to keep up with William.

“Mommy!” William bounced over to a pretty blonde lady. She had a large sunhat on and looked at him with a big adoring smile, “These are my friends. I need your help.” He said urgently, bouncing on the balls of his feet. Kim finally caught up, sending her a shy wave as she was struggling with Max again. Max had grown distracted and was playing with Kim’s red hair. She was wrapping it between her chubby fingers and tugging on it, causing Kim’s head to yank forward.

“How old are you?” His mom looked at them confused. Kim missed the worried look in her eye, thinking that she was just being nice.

“She’s two,” Kim pronounced proudly, “I’m six!” She held up six fingers, feeling proud that she remembered Max’s age. His mom looked a little worried.

“Where are your parents?” She looked over their heads, as if she expected them to be nearby. Mommy was working the usual long shift at the hospital. Daddy had dropped them off again, saying he was going to win something big for them this time. He always said that but never told her where he went. He’d always give her a few dollars, just enough for her and Max to share a hamburger and a drink. She was never supposed to tell her mommy that he had left them alone.

“Mommy’s wow- working,” Kim slowed down her words again so she wouldn’t stumble over her r’s, “Daddy is close! He goes to win money sometimes.” She told her excitedly. Her arm started to burn so she let Max stand next to her. She watched as the younger girl plopped down on the sand and began to nestle herself into it with a grin.

“Well, I’d love it if you girls wanted to join B-” His mom started to speak. William looked at her shocked.

“William,” He interjected quickly, glancing quickly at Kim before he looked back at his mom, “We need your help first.” Kim felt just as excited as he looked. His mom looked surprised for a moment but then quickly recovered.

“Oh, oh William,” His mom corrected quickly, looking down at the three of them, “What do you need my help with?”

“We have to get married! Then I can become a prince again and protect our castle!” He exclaimed in joy, his eyes lighting up as he spoke. Kim giggled, suddenly feeling shy with the way his mom was watching them with a smile.

“Hey,” Max placed her tiny hands on her hips, “Me!” She protested. Kim smiled, realizing she must’ve picked up on one of the words from when they played together. Max always made a good giant for her paper people.

“You’d be my best knight,” He told her quickly, nodding his head, “Please, momma.” William asked, holding his hands together as he looked towards her mother. She smiled.

“Alright,” She drew out slowly, looking down at the two of them, “You need to take each other’s hands.” Kim looked at William shyly, too nervous to be the one to make the first move. He took her hand quickly, pulling her towards him. She giggled.

“What now?” He asked seriously. Kim looked towards her, watching the wide grin that was on her face.

“Spin her around three times,” His mom instructed. William did so, nearly knocking into Kim’s head each time from how tall she was. She giggled, feeling dizzy after it, “Now you have to kiss her!”

William and Kim both faced each other and she found herself giggling shyly. At the same time, she was grossed out. Boys had cooties. She didn’t want boy germs.

“There,” William pressed a kiss to her red cheek quickly and pulled away just as fast, “All done.” He was smiling and she could feel her face warming.

“That’s it. You’re married.” Kim covered her face, fighting the bubbling urge to break into hysterics. She was married.

“Now, you’re a prince,” Kim smiled brightly, thinking that he would look good in a crown, “We can play now!”

“How about we eat first?” His mom was bent over, her hands resting on her knees as she spoke to Kim, “And then you can play.” Kim looked towards Max, thinking it had been a while since she ate. She nodded her head.

“I have two dollars in my bag,” She pointed proudly to the diaper bag that was resting back at where her and Max had been sitting all day, “I can get it.” His mom’s eyes softened.

“S’Okay,” She told Kim earnestly, “It’ll be my treat today.”

Kim really liked his mom. She bought them all lunch and they sat along the beach eating corn dogs and french fries. Kim had never had a corn dog before, but she really liked it. She really liked sitting next to William and listening to all of his stories. His mom even bought them an ice cream cone. Kim took turns sharing it with Max, making sure that she didn’t take too much at a time.

“So what do you do throughout the week?” She rested her hands against her cheek as she looked at the two girls.

“I go to school!” She exclaimed happily, holding onto the cone as Max licked her little tongue across it. Kim kept having to wipe the vanilla ice cream from her nose and cheeks, “i don’t know what Max does.” She looked at her little sister and furrowed her eyebrows. Max mimicked her, furrowing her eyebrows and pretending to think. Kim and her both giggled before she turned back to the other two.

“I got to school too!” William smiled at her, “Where do you go?” She smiles big, thinking it would be fun to have a friend that went to the same school. She still had a hard time making friends.

Kim licked the ice cream from her bottom lip, concentrating hard so she could pronounce the name correctly, “Tow-Torrey Hills.” She said proudly, glad that she hadn’t stumbled over her words too badly. William’s face lit up.

“Me too! I’ve never seen you.” He told her seriously, making her smile happily. It was a big school, and she wasn’t shocked that they didn’t see each other. She was always shy in her classes. She hated how big they were and how people would laugh at her when she couldn’t say her r’s right. She was trying, her daddy said that’s all that mattered.

“Maybe I’ll see you now,” She smiled happily, thinking it would be cool to have a boy friend, “We could play more.” She was excited as she thought about it.

“We have to,” He told her seriously, wrinkling his nose as he looked down at the splotch of ice cream that had brushed against his nose, “We’re married.” He reminded her. She giggled in agreement, not really knowing what it meant. Her parents were married, but they never went on dates or kissed. Usually they spent most of their time screaming at each other.

“Does that mean I have to call you pathetic?” Kim tilted her head confused, looking at him seriously. His mom turned towards her quickly, her eyes widened in surprise. Kim stared back, not understanding anything wrong with what she had just said.

“Why would you say that?” His mom looked at her confused, almost a bit bothered. Kim shrugged her shoulders. She thought of all the times she’d overhear her parents yelling in their small apartment.

“My mommy says that to my daddy.” She explained to her, tilting her head. She wondered if pathetic was a bad word. Max gnawed on the side of the cone, too thrilled with the sweets to notice much else.

“Oh, oh no you wouldn’t say that,” His mom brushed her words off with a smile, “If you’re married you need to be nice to each other.” Kim felt her eyebrows furrowing together.

“Why aren’t my parents nice?” William had grown quiet but he was listening with intensity, like he wanted to know the answer too.

“Sometimes it’s harder when you’re an adult,” Her smile was tight, “I’m sure they love each other.” Kim shrugged her shoulders, trying to think if her parents had ever said that to each other.

“Can we play now?” Kim turned towards William, feeling a buzz or excitement racing through her. She really liked someone her age that she could talk to.

“Yeah,” He let his mom wipe his face with a napkin before he stood up, “Let’s go!” Kim stood quickly, beginning to pick up Max again before his mom stopped her.

“I can watch her. You go play.” Kim was basically beaming at the words. She rushed off with William, excited that she’d finally have something fun to play.

They played for hours and hours. Until the sun was beginning to set and their legs couldn’t carry them anymore. They had both plopped into the sand together, laying in opposite directions as their heads rested near one another.

“This was awesome.” He declared. She turned her head slightly, looking at the new freckles that decorated his cheeks. He turned his head after a moment, smiling brightly as he looked at her.

“The best,” Kim nodded her head along in agreement, “Will you come back tomorrow?” He looked at her for a moment.

“Maybe,” He paused, “Actually no. My dad will be home tomorrow.” He looked a bit defeated and that made Kim feel sad. He shouldn’t have to look so upset.

“When will I see you again?” She looked at him nervously, knowing she couldn’t miss out on playing with him.

“We better go, William,” His mom smiled as she approached, holding Max’s sleeping figure on her hip. Kim and William looked at each other in surprise, “Before your dad gets back.” She nodded urgently as she glanced towards her watch.

“Can’t we stay a little longer?” He whined as he watched her. The sun was getting lower in the sky and Kim wondered when her daddy would be coming back.

“Please?” Kim tried too, not wanting to lose her new friend so quickly. She held onto his hand tightly, flashing her pouty eyes towards his mom. They always worked on her daddy, so she hoped it worked the same way for her. They still had so much more to play.

“One more game.” His mom said seriously, giving William a knowing look. He pulled her away, racing back towards the water. She followed on her longer legs, the sand kicking up underneath her toes as they reached the watery edge.

“We can build our castle,” He told her, his blue eyes gleaming from the sun as he plopped down into the wet sand. She followed his lead, crossing her legs as she sat down, “It’ll be some place that we’ll always be happy.” Kim grinned from ear to ear, liking the sound of that as she worked on one side of the castle. They decorated it with seashells, a few leaves and even a dried up starfish.

“I like it,” Kim proclaimed, watching from the corner of her eye as his mom began walking towards them again, “Do you really have to go?” He looked over at his mom, a soft frown forming on his lips. His mom had a sense of urgency in her steps as she walked towards them.

“I come here all the time, every Saturday for sure. That’s mine and momma’s special day.” He told her happily. She looked at him unsure, still not wanting to leave him. She didn’t like that he had to leave so soon. She wondered if he’d be able to stay if her daddy dropped him off.

“You pwomise?” He held out his pinky. She took it quickly, wrapping her pinky around his and squeezing. A pinky promise was serious. She believed him. She’d see him again.

“Pinky promise.” He told her, his eyes looking like the waves in the ocean. She didn’t want to let go, but she couldn’t keep him away from his mommy anymore. She approached, giving both of them a pitiful smile like she felt bad.

“Do you want a picture with your friend?” She had sat Max back down in the sand gently. Max was awake again, grinning from ear to ear and trying to balance so she could walk towards Kim.

“Why so many pictures?” William whined softly. His mom gave him a teasing look, motioning her hand towards him so he’d scoot closer to Kim. Kim beamed as she gripped his hand. She liked pictures.

“Maybe one day you’ll want to look back at it,” His mom told him seriously, “Smile!” Kim felt like hers was plastered to her face, in a good way. She had hugged William four times before she was finally able to let him leave. By that time, his mom was rushing and pulling him along.

Kim sat with Max in the sand after that, waiting for their daddy to arrive as she explained to Max all the different games they’d play when she saw her friend again. Max just grinned and Kim wished that she could talk a little better.

She had searched in school the following week, but she never saw him. She figured he must be older or younger if she couldn’t find him. It didn’t help that no one seemed to know anyone named William. She was so excited by next weekend, practically buzzing when her daddy dropped them off at the beach. She waited and she waited and waited. He never came.

She had cried on the car ride home because he hadn’t shown. Because she started crying, Max started crying. Her daddy was doing everything he could do to help, but he didn’t know much either.

“Well what was his name?” He was wiping the tears from her face, a discarded phone book to his side as he held her on his lap. She felt like she was tiny like Max again. She sniffled hard, trying to control her breathing as the tears continued to flow.

“William.” She replied pitifully, thinking that he had the most beautiful name. She had to find him again. She looked at her daddy urgently, waiting for him to solve the hardest problem she had ever been involved in.

“Did you catch his last name?” She shook her head no, “His phone number? Address?” She shook her head no again, not really knowing what any of that meant. They didn’t even have a phone. It had been shut off for months now.

“No!” She cried out, “He pwomised he’d come back! He did!” She cried out, feeling betrayed that she had lost a friend. Her daddy sighed as he pulled he rubbed his hand on her back.

“Promised,” He corrected her to start with, “I’m sure he’ll come back. You just have to give it time.” They never went to the beach much after that. Daddy didn’t really say why, just that he would have better luck further into town and away from the beach. Kim missed the beach, wishing that she had given William her true name. She would dream about him and the adventure that they could’ve had. She felt like she had lost her best friend and she didn’t even know him.

1975

“I can’t eat this.” Kim told her teacher seriously as she held the cupcake in her hand. It was vanilla and covered with a ton of pink frosting. Kim wanted to so badly but she knew she couldn’t.

“Why ever not?” Mrs. Austen was older, her hair gray and her skin saggy. Kim bounced on the balls of her feet, holding it delicately in her hand. She winced. She grew so fast that she was constantly running through shoes and these were once again too small. She hadn’t told her mom yet, not wanting her to worry about buying new ones. As soon as they were out of school, Kim would kick off her shoes and hold them in one hand and hold Max’s hand in the other one. Sometimes their daddy would be waiting for them outside, but that was becoming rare since he had lost the car.

“Because I have to share it with my sister.” Kim explained, trying to let her teacher know that it was urgent. Max couldn’t miss out on something like this, she just couldn’t. Kim hadn’t even tried it yet, only smelt it and she knew it was special.

“It’s a cupcake, dear. I’m sure your parents can get one for her later.” Mrs. Austen laughed, waving it off. Kim stared at her for a moment, not realizing that cupcakes were something you could buy.

“You don’t understand,” Kim tried again, “She’s never had a cupcake before. I haven’t either. I can’t eat this without her.” Mrs. Austen watched her for the longest time, making Kim begin to feel a bit insecure. She didn’t want to get in trouble for this.

“You’ve never had a cupcake?” Kim shook her head no, “What about cake?” Again, Kim shook her head no. She knew what other kids had on birthdays, but they could never afford cake and ice cream. They always decided to go to their favorite ice cream place instead. Their mom has tried to make it once, but had ultimately forgotten it was in the oven. It came out black and as hard as a brick. Their apartment had stunk for weeks.

“Please,” Kim looked at her hopefully, “She’s in the daycare.” Kim knew it wasn’t that far away. The cupcake just looked so delicious, but she knew she couldn’t eat it unless she shared it with her sister. Who knows when Max would be able to try a cupcake again?

“Alright,” Mrs. Austen stood from her chair, “Let’s go but we have to be quick.” She left instructions with the helper teacher before she took Kim’s hand and walked her down the long hallways. Kim nearly passed, stopping as she thought she saw someone familiar.

“Come on, dear,” Mrs. Austen tugged her along, “No need to worry about him. It’s just the Hargrove boy in trouble again.” She spoke with disdain and Kim wondered what he could’ve done wrong to have someone talk about him like that.

“This one.” Kim pointed towards the familiar blue door. Mrs. Austen let go of her hand. Kim liked sitting in the daycare room. It was full of different shapes and colors and lots of different toys. Kim and Max didn’t have many toys. Kim had a teddy bear from when she was a baby, but gave it to Max when she was born. She didn’t mind, Max had been a better doll than any of the fake ones.

“Wait right here,” Kim waited in excitement, holding the cupcake in her hand as Mrs. Austen fetched Max for her. She walked back out, holding the smaller redhead by her hand, “Look who it is.” Max’s face etched into joy.

“Kimmy!” Max let go of Mrs. Austen's hand and rushed towards Kim, wrapping her up in her little arms. Kim grinned, towering over her as she squeezed her in a hug. Kim still liked to pick her up like she was a baby, even though her parents had told her not to. She’d do it at night when neither of them were home. Sometimes she’d have Max pretend to be her baby and would rock her while singing her lullabies.

“Look what I have,” She showed her excitedly, holding the cupcake out on her hand. Max’s eyes widened to the size of saucers, “It’s a cupcake.” She explained, not sure what the difference between that and a cake was. She thought that it looked like a baby cake.

“For us?” Max turned to look at Mrs. Austen, who had her hands clutched together with a smile. She nodded, motioning outside with her head.

“Let’s go outside so you can sit and eat it.” Mrs. Austen walked further down the hallway and worked on unlocking the double doors. Max took Kim’s hand and followed her, her blue eyes stuck on the cupcake in her hand. Kim sat the cupcake down on the metal table before reaching for Max’s waist and helping her position herself on the bench. Kim sat on the opposite side, beginning to pull the wrapper off.

“It looks so yummy.” Max breathing out dreamily. Both of her forearms were resting on the table, and she had her chin sitting on her hands as she watched the way Kim worked. Kim grinned, thinking that Max was cuter than any of the other kids in her daycare class.

Kim split it in half, giving the bigger sized chunk to Max. They clunked the pieces of cake against each other messily before they were both taking a bite. Their eyes met in excitement as they both got a rush of sugar. Kim swirled the mixture of cake and icing around on her tongue and was sure she hadn’t ever tasted anything so good.

“Yummy,” Max sighed happily as she ate, chowing it down twice as fast as Kim, “Really good.” Kim giggled as she noticed the frosting on Max’s nose. She took one last bite before she gave the rest to Max again.

“Well, what did you think?” Mrs. Austen had her hands crossed and was smiling warmly at the two of them. Kim grinned and reached across to wipe the frosting from Max’s nose. Max giggled and leaned forward, licking it off of Kim’s fingers.

“Ew,” Kim giggled again as she wiped her hand across Max’s shirt, only to make her laugh even more, “It was so good! Thank you!” She nudged Max with her foot.

“Thank you very much!” Max smiled brightly, her blue eyes twinkling in joy. Kim smiled at her, hoping she never lost that look in her eyes.

///////////

“Kimmy,” Max shook her hard until she woke up, “Daddy on floor.” Kim groaned softly, the sound of the busy traffic filled their tiny room. Max was sitting up on her knees in bed, holding onto Kim’s arm and looking at her with wide blue eyes. Kim was tired, knowing Max would have a hard time going back to sleep after.

“Again?” She rubbed at her eyes, wishing she could have a few more minutes of sleep. Max nodded her head quickly. The past few weeks had been like this. He’d come home clutching a bottle, miss the couch and pass out on the floor. Kim got up slowly, watching to make sure Max didn’t trip over anything.

“He’s too heavy to move,” Kim told Max, watching as the younger girl tried to pull at his arm, “Go get a blankie.” Max kicked her little legs forward and rushed back to their parents room. Kim gently lifted her dads head, placing it on one of the pillows. She didn’t like seeing him like this.

“Here,” Max proclaimed proudly as she tossed the blanket over his body, “What this?” She pressed her big toe against the clear bottle. Kim stared at it and shrugged. Curiosity got the best of her as she pushed the half open cap off and placed it against her lips.

“Eww!” She was spitting it out, her face wrinkled in disgust as the liquid dripped from her lips, “It’s yucky.” She told Max as she furiously wiped at her lips. Max was giggling, watching as her older sister pushed the bottle back towards her daddy. She didn’t know how he drank it. It made her insides burn.

“He okay?” Max asked when Kim took her hand again and led her back to bed. Kim nodded her head, giving her sister a push up so she could get comfortable again.

“He’s fine.” Kim brushed it off as she laid down next to her sister. She really didn’t know what was wrong with him. He was changing and it made her scared. Still, she smiled at Max so the younger girl wouldn’t get scared.

///////////

Kim very rarely got mad at her daddy, but she was mad at him now. He always took the two girls on their own dates for their birthday. They got to pick one dessert and he took them wherever they wanted. Usually for Kim, it was out for ice cream. She’d always get mint or strawberry and then they’d go to the beach after. Sometimes Kim would find herself looking at the various people that were surfing, unsure of who she was searching for. It was just a habit, like she was waiting for someone to appear.

It was Max’s birthday, so Kim was waiting in the house until they got back. She had just gotten to a very important part of her stories with the teddy bear when the door had slammed open. She heard crying first, her chest ached as she flew out of bed and into the living room.

Her daddy was holding Max in his arms and she was soaked from head to toe, shivering in his arms. Her little cheeks were bright red from being in the sun too long. Her blue eyes were glistening and wide.

“What did you do?” Kim was mad as she looked to her father for some sort of explanation. Max only cried harder and reached for her.

“Kimmy!” She wiggled down from their dad’s arms and raced her way towards Kim. She held onto her tightly, burying her face into her chest as she cried. Kim snapped her eyes towards her dad, feeling anger building inside of her.

“You burnt her!” Kim accused, carefully touching Max so she didn’t hurt her. She pushed her red hair from her face, not liking the way Max’s lip was quivering and fat tears were racing down her cheeks. Her dad hesitated, looking at the two of them unsure.

“We weren’t out long. She wanted to learn how to swim, I did it the same way I taught you.” He explained, looking like he wasn’t sure why Max was so upset. Kim let Max cry in her arms as she rubbed her back gently. Dad had taught her how to swim by tossing her into a pool and waiting for her to float on her own.

“It’s scary,” Kim told him harshly. She pulled Max’s head back gently and looked at where her forehead was all burnt, “And you didn’t give her any sunscreen.” Kim criticized, she was young but she knew that he should know better. Max was still crying, tugging on her shirt to get her attention.

“Hurts.” She whined, looking up at her with glazed, blue eyes. Kim felt a pang in her chest. Max was like her baby and he had let her get hurt. She gave her dad another dirty look, not liking that he looked like it was no big deal. He had been the one to tell her that she always needed to put sunscreen on Max and now here he was, breaking his own rules. She took Max’s small hand and guided her towards the bathroom, searching for where their mom kept the aloe.

“It’s okay, Max,” She told her, gently applying it on the red spots on her skin, “I won’t ever let anyone hurt you again.” She promised her.

1977

They had a new routine.

As soon as they got home from school, Kim would lock the door. She’d help Max with her homework and then she’d work on cooking something easy for the two of them. Spaghetti was cheap and easy. It took only a fourth of a box of noodles for both of them and usually about half a can of red sauce. Kim wished they had some kind of vegetable or meat, but usually their fridge was bare. She also made beanie weenies, lots of spam and eggs, pancakes without any syrup or butter and lots of mashed potatoes. Occasionally Kim would make them dessert. She’d toast two pieces of bread, put as little butter as she could spare and just a touch of cinnamon on top.

Kim would take her bath first and then she would run one for Max. She had to actually stay in there with her or she wouldn’t actually bathe. Kim usually helped her, she’d wash her red hair as Max whined about not needing to get clean. Kim would tell her stories from the fairy tale books she was reading as she did so.

The only problem was that Max didn’t like most of the stories she read. She didn’t like that all of the girls were princesses and they always ended up with a prince. Kim started to improvise, thinking of the most outrageous stories she could think of.

“Only, the frog really wasn’t a prince,” She told her little sister as she scrubbed the knots out of her hair. Max was watching her with wide blue eyes and Kim was careful not to get any of the soap on her face, “He was an intew- intergalactic spy!” She spoke loudly, pausing for dramatic effect while Max gasped. Max furrowed her little eyebrows together.

“What’s that?”

Kim stopped for a moment, not really sure what it meant. She had heard it on TV when she had passed one of the classrooms the other day. She wrinkled her nose, thinking up her own definition, “It means he was the most evil of all the evil beings there ever was.” Max gasped loudly, hanging onto every word.

“What happened next?” Kim paused for a moment, using a plastic cup and filling it up with water so she could wash her sister’s hair. She left Max a cloth, just in case she wanted to be safe and cover her eyes.

“Well, the princess wasn’t just a princess. She was a knight. She was able to defeat the evil prince and all of his helpers,” Kim told her, making sure she had gotten all of the conditioner from her hair, “She lived happily ever after, ruling the kingdom all on her own.”

They didn’t have a TV. She had overheard her mom say that they couldn’t afford one. She had been mad at her daddy, over something she didn’t understand. He had wanted medicine from her job and mom had blown up at him for a bunch of different things. Kim didn’t think it was fair. Daddy was just sad, he had lost his job recently. He spent a lot of time away from home, trying to earn back their money. She didn’t know what he was doing, but she trusted him.

She’s set up a cardboard box on the small table in their even smaller living room. She had divided the box into different parts, taking special time and care to make it look like a dollhouse. She had made the parts all on her own and she was proud of it. Santa had gifted her paper dolls for Christmas and she loved them. She was finally glad she got something other than socks, mittens and gloves. She always got jealous in school when her classmates came back with shiny new toys and fancier clothes. She had duct tape over her shoes to keep the soles from falling off.

She would sit behind her doll box and give Max the most grand shows. She always had a different storyline, usually something with action to keep Max interested, and would change her voice to match the different characters.

“Why is he staying over?” Max asked one night, tilting her head in confusion as she interrupted Kim’s story.

“He’s her boyfriend, duh.” Kim had told her, like it was the most obvious thing.

“What’s that mean?” Max asked, looking just as confused as what Kim felt. She thought for a moment, trying to remember if she knew what boyfriends and girlfriends did.

“I don’t know,” Kim shrugged her shoulders, “I guess it’s like a sleepover.” She had been invited to a sleepover once, but was unable to go because she had to watch Max. She didn’t mind. Her and Max still shared the same bed so it was like they had a sleepover every night. What was better than that?

“If you say so.” After all of that, Kim would get Max tucked into bed. She’d kiss the top of her forehead and then she’d continue her father’s old routine. She’d stomp through the bedroom, yanking open the closet and yelling under the bed in case there were any monsters lurking. She didn’t like to do it at first, because monsters were scary. But it always made Max sleep and feel better. She didn’t want her little sister to be scared.

“Hey dip shit!” She screamed as she pulled the closet door open. She wouldn’t find out that dip shit was a bad word until a few weeks later in school. It was the first time she had ever gotten in trouble with a teacher, “You better get out of there! Or I’ll get you with these!” She would always pretend to pull out imaginary guns from her sides. She’d pretend to shoot into the closet, then fall over on the ground dramatically because it always made Max laugh. Once she was done, she’d close the closet tightly and crawl into bed with Max. Max would always curl up to her, always twice as small as her.

“I miss daddy.” Max would admit at night. Kim would stroke her hair the same way her mom used to do to her. She missed daddy a lot. She missed mom too. She wished mom didn’t work so much. She would leave way too early in the morning and come back when the girls were already asleep. She kept Sundays off, that was reserved for family she would say.

“Max?” Kim would ask softly, pressing her cheek against Max’s forehead. Max would huff but snuggle closer to her.

“Hm?” Max’s eyes would always be fluttering closed at this time. Kim never tried to say too much at this point, knowing she would have a hard time sleeping afterwards.

“Love you higher than the moon-,” Kim would smile softly at the feeling of Max’s arms tightening around her. Max would always smile at this point too.

“More than the stars in the sky!”

1979

“Kim,” Susan had approached her on a Sunday when Sam had taken Max out to look for the cheapest pair of new shoes that they could afford, “I need to talk to you about something.”

“Sure, what’s up?” Kim sat up on her bed and placed her book down near her pillow. She liked being at the library. It was quiet and she felt like she could read for hours. It was easy to lose herself in the plot. She didn’t feel so lonely when she did so. Her mother looked at her seriously as she sat down on the bed by Kim.

“Any extra money you have, needs to go in here,” Susan tapped her fingers against a decorated tin cookie jar, “Your father is gambling our money. I’m going to hide it in here so he can’t find it. Okay? You can’t take anything from it.” She told her quickly. Kim knew better than to take money from them, but she was confused suddenly. Was her dad in trouble? She really hoped not. She nodded her head quickly.

“Why in here?” Kim asked her softly, not liking that it would be in their room. She felt like she was keeping a secret from Max if she did so. Susan smiled tightly.

“He won’t be able to find it and I know that you won’t tell him,” She was watching Kim closely, looking for anything that she might be hiding. Her mom had told her plenty of times before that daddy wasn’t allowed to take any of the extra money they had stashed away. As she grew older, the more she was aware of her daddy’s struggles, “Promise?”

“I promise.” Kim felt like she couldn’t tell her mom anything else. What was she really supposed to do? She didn’t want to upset her mom, but she didn’t want to upset her daddy either. She gulped hard, realizing it was a complicated situation. She grabbed her book, reading it to distract herself as her mom fumbled around in her room for a good hiding spot. Kim didn’t want to know where it was hiding. She wished she didn’t know that it even existed.

Max and her woke up to rustling. She looked at her father’s figure, watching as he tore their tiny room apart. She rubbed at her eyes, trying to wipe the sleep from them as she tried to make sense of what was happening.

“Daddy?” Max questioned innocently, sitting up on the edge of the bed. She looked worried. Kim sat up on her knees, feeling a sickening feeling traveling inside of her stomach. He snapped his head up quickly, looking towards them in despair.

“Where’d she put it?” Kim’s heart dropped at the sight of him. His hair was messy, there were dark bags under his eyes and he looked as if he hadn’t shaved in weeks. Most importantly, he was angry. Kim hadn’t seen him angry liked this before.

“Put what?” She asked weakly, knowing exactly what he was talking about. She suddenly felt bad as she pulled her legs towards her chest. She was trying to hide her expression, trying to hide that she knew exactly what he was talking about.

“The money.” His voice was rough as he snapped at her. She found herself wincing, pushing herself further into the corner of the walls as she pulled the blankets towards her chest. She shrugged her shoulders, trying to play it off. Max was watching her with shocked, round blue eyes. Kim didn’t want her to see how their dad was acting right now.

“She hid it somewhere.” Kim spit out finally, unable to bear the look he was giving her any longer. She didn’t like that he was on his knees, tossing their things around as he looked through every nook and cranny in their room. He was checking the loose floorboards, looking through the holes in the walls.

“Kim.” He spoke gravely, like this was a serious manner. She swallowed the lump in her throat, feeling close to tears. She didn’t want him to be mad at her, but she didn’t want to betray her mom either. She wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do. She didn’t even know where her mom had placed it.

“I don’t know.” She repeated again, watching as he rose from the ground. He was suddenly slamming doors, screaming, kicking his feet and punching his hands in the air at the same time. She nearly jumped out of her skin from how scared she felt at the moment. He was acting like a mad man. Max yelled out, pushing herself into Kim’s arms as he continued his frantic movements. Kim held her tightly, feeling a fear she hadn’t felt before.

“Where is it?” He was screaming, spit was dripping down his lips as he held his hands against his face. She watched as he dragged his fingers down his face and the way he was breathing harshly. This wasn’t her father. This was someone else, something else.

“I don’t know,” Her bottom lip was trembling and Max was whimpering from against her chest, “She didn’t tell me.” She answered honestly. He crossed the room, and placed his hands against her shoulders gently. Max pushed him away hard. He stared at them for a moment before he sat next to them, his eyes darting around hastily.

“You don’t want me to be hurt do you?” She shook her head no. She didn’t want anything bad to happen to him, “I need you to tell me where it’s at then.” She stared at him, unsure of what to do. She was afraid if she repeated herself then he’d get even more upset. She gulped, feeling how dry her mouth felt.

“She didn’t tell me,” Kim was whimpering now, feeling so disappointed in herself. She didn’t want her daddy to be in pain. She wished she had looked when her mom had hid it, “I’m sorry.” She was sniffling, close to tears this time. He stared at her for the longest time, his eyes full of despair. She didn’t like that look, she didn’t like that he was looking at her like that.

Sam rose from the bed, holding his head in his hands before he was leaving. Her heart was beating fast, then slow as the front door slammed shut behind him. Kim stared at the mess in her room, her arms feeling numb from how tightly she was holding onto Max. They laid there and cried for a bit, because Kim found the strength to get up and lock the front door. Max was still shaking, too confused to even ask what had happened. Kim was glad she didn’t ask her, she didn’t have any answers for her.

Whoever that had been, hadn’t been her dad. He had never yelled at them before. He was a stranger and Kim hoped that she would never have to see that version of him again.

///////////

Kim was scared.

She had been hurting in her tummy, strong pains that didn’t seem to go away. When she went to the bathroom and pulled her panties down, it was full of blood.

“I’m bleeding,” Her teacher was a male that year, but she didn’t know who else to go to. She was too shy to ask any of the other girl teachers. He looked at her confused, “In my vagina. It’s bleeding.”

“Oh,” His eyes were wide, wider than she had ever seen anyone’s eyes get, “It sounds like you’re on your period.” She stared, waiting for some kind of clarification while he grew quiet. Her heart was beating fast. She was bleeding and he wasn’t doing anything about it. As far as she was concerned, she could die. She didn’t think you could put a bandaid on down there.

“I don’t know what that is.” She hesitated for a moment, unsure of why he couldn’t look her in the eyes. She felt like this was serious, she was hurting and he didn’t have the decency to look at her.

“You’re kind of young but,” He shook his head, looking towards the rest of the class that was continuing to work on their science projects, “Head to the nurse, she can help you better.” She stared at him, not understanding what was happening.

“I’m scared.” Kim could feel her heart beating fast in her chest. She was bleeding in a spot that she was sure wasn’t supposed to be bleeding. She was wondering how he could be so relaxed at this moment. She was scared she wouldn’t be able to get a hold of her parents. They didn’t have a working phone and her mom was working. She couldn’t let herself get hurt, she had to be there for Max. She couldn’t leave Max all alone.

“It’s natural,” Her teacher exhaled slowly, “Your mom never talked about this with you?” She shook her head, knowing she didn’t get to speak much to her mom anymore. She had picked up a second job. They were struggling to make ends meet. Her dad had been searching for jobs for a long time and had fallen short each time.

“Just go to the nurse then?” She asked, confirming that this wasn’t life threatening. He nodded softly at her.

“Yeah,” He told her, “Come back whenever you’re ready.” She nodded, taking the pass from him. She walked with her hands behind her back, worried that people would be able to see the blood through her pants.

“You need to stop getting in fights,” The nurse was criticizing a boy as Kim walked inside the room. She watched curiously, the nurse was dabbing a towel against his bloody face. He grumbled something out, “No excuses.” She told him seriously. Her eyes snapped towards Kim as the door slammed behind her. She gulped, looking over at them sheepishly with a wave.

“I was told to come here,” Kim peeked her head in slowly, watching as the nurse pulled a wet rag away from the boy on the seat. His features were pulled into a hardened glare. His knuckles were bruised and his hair was shaved short. His blue eyes were so sharp that she felt like he was cutting into her, “I started my period. I don’t know what that means.” She told the nurse honestly.

“Oh,” The nurse looked at her surprised before glancing back at the boy, “You’re good to go. Hold on, honey.” She went digging in one of the drawers as Kim fiddled with her fingers. He approached her, the right side of his face all bruised and smeared with blood. He looked scary and she felt fearful as he walked towards her. He paused, glancing at her. He was a few inches shorter than her.

“Here,” He held out a red sports hoodie towards her, “It’ll cover it up.” He mumbled, his words slightly muffled from how his lip was swollen. She stared at him for a moment before she found the strength to reach her hands out to him. He placed it in her hands and she looked up at him unsure.

“How will I get it back to you?” She asked softly, feeling grateful as she began to wrap it around her waist. He shrugged his shoulders like it was no big deal. She was sure he had clothes to spare. She hadn’t ever owned a hoodie before. She could feel the bright smile forming on her lips as she watched him, feeling a throbbing inside of her chest.

“I don’t need it,” His reply was brisk and short, “You can keep it.” She felt her cheeks heating up and she nodded thankfully at him. She had never worn a boy's hoodie before. She had never really talked to a boy like this at all. He was kind of cute, despite that he was nearly a head shorter than her.

“Thanks,” She squeaked out, sure that she was as red as a tomato. Her face burned in the same way it did when she had to speak in front of the class. He shrugged his shoulders, walking past her as he left the nurses office. She turned quickly, her eyes following him as he left. She gulped hard, feeling a warm feeling spread over her, “What’s a period?” She asked the nurse curiously, once she finally drew her eyes away from the door.

The nurse sat with her, explaining it thoroughly to her. She showed her how to use pads and even gave her a package once Kim explained that she didn’t have any at him. She would somehow have to tell her mom, she’d have to catch her before or after work. The nurse gave her a bag of M&M’s, but Kim saved them so she could share them with Max. After she went to the bathroom to put a pad on, she removed the hoodie and placed it up against her nose. She inhaled the scent of him, muffling her giggles in the material over her disbelief that a boy had given her a piece of his clothing. On the walk home Kim explained everything to her, trying to warn her so she’d be prepared. Max looked disgusted with the whole ordeal, but still munched on Kim’s M&M’s.

She searched the halls the rest of the day, searching for the blue eyed boy that had gifted her his hoodie. She was thankful, knowing that no one had ever been that nice to her before. She couldn’t find him, no matter how hard she searched.

When she got home she laid on her and Max’s bed and held the hoodie close to her face and breathed in the smell of him as she hugged it in her arms. She could feel herself giggling, thinking about the mysterious boy and wondering who he was. She hadn’t ever had a crush before, but she wondered if that’s what this was. She didn’t even know his name, but he smelt nice. He had pretty eyes. She waited up that night, craning her head out the window and clinging the hoodie to her chest tightly. She wished on the brightest star in the sky, hoping that she would see him again.

/////////

“You need to be careful,” Kim told Max as she cleaned her scraped knees. Max wrinkled her face up in pain, watching as Kim gently cleaned the wounds. She hadn’t seen their dad all week and was hoping that he was okay, “You cut yourself bad this time.” She mumbled as she dried the area before she stuck the bandaids on. They no longer spent too much time in the house. Usually they’d drop off their bags and go somewhere. Whether it was the beach, library, or the park. Staying inside the house was just too boring for them. Kim wished they had a TV, she wished she knew about the shows that other people were talking about.

“I want to learn to skateboard,” Max said, huffing softly as she ignored Kim’s directions, “I wish we could get one.” Kim glanced up at her, feeling bad as she looked at Max’s hopeful face. She was wearing an outfit that Kim had worn a few years ago, meaning that it was too baggy for her. Kim had been twice as tall at the age Max was now. She had stretch marks on her back to prove it. She felt bad, wishing she had money so she could buy Max her own skateboard.

“At least you have a bike,” Kim offered. It was their dad’s old one and he spent a lot of days using it now. Kim only hoped that he didn’t lose it, “That has to mean something.” She tried to see the bright side of things. Max hesitated for a moment before she stood up.

“I found this,” Max spoke as she lifted the lid from the tank of the toilet. Kim walked over curiously, looking down in it and feeling her heart drop. She was sure daddy had stopped drinking. She stared at all of the bottles, “What do we do?”

Kim hesitated as she lifted one out of the water. Without a word she unscrewed the lid and tipped the bottle over, letting it drain into the tub. He did stupid things when he was drunk. He had a habit of stealing money, getting mom in trouble at work. She had lost her job last month. Dad had worked at the hospital as a janitor so they could work similar shift and mom could keep an eye on him. She had heard mom accusing him of stealing something. Kim didn’t want to believe it, but they had both lost their jobs as a result.

Max followed her over, doing the same thing. When they were all empty, they filled the bottles with water from the sink and replaced the lid back on the toilet.

/////////

Kim had outgrew the bed.

She had it for so long, it was still child sized. Her feet would dangle off the end and her and Max were too big to sleep in it anymore. She wasn’t sure how it happened, but she got a new one. It was longer and she was happy she got to sleep in something that was her own. Their room felt even smaller now.

The beds were on opposite walls and their dresser had to sit at an odd angle because it was too big to fit in between both beds. It felt weird not sleeping with Max and the first few nights Max crawled into her new bed anyways. If it stormed or if Kim got too scared at night they would share a bed, not caring if they got too crowded.

It was especially bad during the winters. More often than not, they couldn’t afford heat or make the bills to pay for it. Max and her would lay under layers and layers of blankets trying to stay warm. Max would always ask her to tell her a story and occasionally, they’d still repeat their line about the moon and stars.

1980

He was leaving.

Daddy was leaving and Kim didn’t understand why. He hadn’t said much about it, just that things weren’t working with mom.

“I don’t get it,” She had been blubbering, Max had been in the same state, “You barely see each other. Why is it a problem now?” It had been so long since she had seen them do anything together. She thought that maybe it was even before Max was born. It had been that long.

“Kim,” He looked at her with those soft blue eyes. They looked pained. He had been worse lately, out more and drinking more. He looked tired, older. He was still her daddy though. She didn’t want him to leave. Their house was tiny and their neighbors were loud, but it was their house. How could he just leave them? They were family, they were supposed to stick the hard things out together, “Things are different now.”

“Why?” Max had demanded, eyes full of tears, “Why are they different?” She hadn’t ever been one to shy away from demanding the truth. She was clutching onto their dads shirt, like she was still a small child.

“Because,” He breathed out, his eyes narrowly avoiding Kim’s. She knew his addiction had been worse. It had taken her a long time to realize what he had been doing, but she didn’t hate him. She felt sorry for him, she wanted to help him, “Because I have to.”

“Is mom making you leave?” Max was angry as she spoke, her voice nearly cutting off from the tears that were forming in her eyes, “She can’t make you leave!” Max protested, breathing harshly as she spoke.

“No,” Sam sighed softly, “She’s not making me leave. I’m choosing to leave. I need to make myself better.” Kim was close to wailing. She was crying just as hard as Max as she stared at him.

“What about us?” She asked, feeling her heart breaking into tiny pieces. She didn’t understand what they had done wrong, why he was leaving them. Sam looked at them softly, his blue eyes watering over.

“I’ll always love you both. We can write, I promise I’ll answer every letter,” He took their hands softly and squeezed, “I’m so proud of the two of you. You deserve the whole world and I wish I had been the one to give it to you.” She didn’t understand. She didn’t want the whole world, she just wanted her dad.

Nothing they said mattered after that. He left with the clothes he had on and one little backpack. He didn’t take any pictures of them with him. Like it was a promise he would be back soon. He wasn’t. Hours turned into days, into weeks, then months. Kim wrote to him every day but she had yet to get an answer back.

Max didn’t cry as much as the weeks past, but she grew bitter. She grew furious. She was wrathful, placing blame on their mom and doing all in her power to let their mom know that it was solely her fault. She was acting up in school, causing problems where there shouldn’t be. Their mom was to her last straw but Kim made excuses for Max every single time. Max was only eight, she still had a lot of growing to do. Kim felt like she had a right to be mad if she wanted to be. Her whole world had just changed without warning.

Susan started to date a lot after that. It felt weird to have another man in their house that wasn’t their father. There had been Doug, Levi, then George. She had temporarily seen a David. Each one seemed to be worse than the next. Kim could no longer count on her fingers the amount of times one of them had taken advantage of their mother.

Not to mention, they were creepy. Majority of them would take a special interest in the girls, their eyes wandering whenever they would come over. Sometimes they’d sit too close, be too touchy. Max had no issue calling them out, which is how the majority of Susan’s relationships got ruined.

“”What did you do?” Susan had stormed into the house, her makeup in disarray as she stared at the two girls. Kim had paused from her homework, unsure of what to say as Max straightened her shoulders and stood taller.

“You’ll have to be more specific.” Max replied dryly, her eyes looking towards her mother uninterested. Max had not taken the divorce well. She was spiraling, worse than Kim had ever spiraled.

“Did you or did you not key his car?” Susan’s hands were shaking from her anger. Kim glanced towards Max, automatically knowing the answer. She sighed, wishing that Max had a different way to fuel her anger.

“Hm,” Max had tapped her finger against her chin playfully, “You know, I actually don’t recall.” Max always had a fire deep inside of her, but it had come out worse recently in the past few months. Everything their mom did was wrong. She always had something to say.

“Max!” Susan was frustrated as she stared at the younger girl, slamming her hands down on the table, “How could you do something like that? How am I supposed to pay for it?” Susan was staring at her, waiting for whatever witty answer Max came up with.

“I don’t think-” Kim glanced towards Max, quickly trying to think of an excuse to get Max out of this situation. She didn’t care if Max had done it or not. He had insulted Max the last time he had been over. Kim was sure that he had deserved it.

“Not now, Kimberly!” Kim jumped at the harsh tone, feeling tears welling in her eyes. She had never grown used to being yelled at.

“Hey, don’t yell at her! This isn’t her fault!” Max stood up for Kim like always, putting herself between the two older women. Kim exhaled deeply, trying to get a hold of herself.

“Max, you’re out of control. You can’t do things like that.” Susan was trying to make some sense, but Max looked like she could care less about what she was saying. Kim knew she really didn’t mean it. She was just hurting. They weren’t allowed to speak about their dad if mom was here. Not to mention that he hadn’t seen them since the day he left. Max was in pain.

“It’s not my fault,” Max crossed her hands over her chest, “You were never here.” Max shot back. Kim winced, it was true. Before it wasn’t really her mom’s fault, she had to work. Kim understood that. Now, she was still gone most of the time. She had dates, she was living her life. Kim wasn’t sure how she was able to do that when they could barely afford eggs. She always kept her mouth shut, not wanting to be yelled at.

“Your dad gambled all of our money away! He drank it all down the drain! It’s not my fault that all of this had happened. It’s his!” Susan was snapping, looking more furious than Kim had seen her in a long time. She felt a dagger in her back, hating the reminder of what their father had done.

“Don’t talk bad about him!” Max screamed back, looking as frustrated as her mom. Kim sighed softly, wishing that it would all just stop. It was like this every night.

“Go to your room. Both of you.” Susan said at last, giving them both a hard look. Kim glanced down at her homework before looking up at her mom confused.

“What did I do?” She asked seriously, not thinking that it was fair to get shoved into her room. She hadn’t been the one to key his car, she hadn’t done anything. Susan exhaled, her nostrils flaring. Kim had struck another nerve.

“You’re supposed to be watching her! I need your help and you’re not pulling your weight! I can’t do this on my own!” Susan was yelling dramatically. Kim felt her eyebrows hitting the top of her forehead. She had a strange urge to laugh. She knew she was doing more than enough. She had been doing it her whole life. Max had always been her responsibility and to act like she didn’t do it well was ridiculous.

“What am I not doing? Because I haven’t been able to do anything because I always watch Max. I don’t mind, but it’s not fair for you to blame me.” Kim was trying to reason with her, rather than argue. She knew that her mom was mad but it still wasn’t fair towards her. Susan just stared for the longest time.

“Room. Now.” She demanded. Kim slammed her math book shut before she followed Max back to their room. Max waited until they were both inside before she slammed the door so hard that their whole apartment shook. Kim plopped down on her bed, frowning to herself.

“I’m sorry I got you in trouble,” Max spoke up, peeking her head towards Kim’s sprawled out form, “I didn’t mean for you to get into trouble too.” Kim sighed, turning to face her sister. She never blamed her for anything that happened. Her mom often blamed her for Max’s attitude, saying that she spoiled her. Kim knew it wasn’t true. She had nothing to spoil Max with. She just understood that she was going through a lot right now.

“It’s fine, not your fault,” Kim reassured her softly, smiling as she did so, “I think this is our first real punishment.” Max smiled brightly, her blue eyes twinkling.

“She was really mad,” Max admitted, looking a little less gleeful, “I don’t know how any of those guys are any better than daddy. Everything feels worse with him gone.” Kim nodded her head, agreeing with her completely. Even if their dad did mess up, more often than not, it still felt like their home was complete with him now. It was like their house had a gaping hole inside of it.

///////////

“Kim,” Max had approached her one day after school. Kim was staring at a recipe card, trying to figure out what the tiny print had said, “Do you ever feel like you weren’t born in the right body?” Kim looked up at her confused.

“What do you mean?” She asked concerned, not really understanding what she was meaning. Max shrugged her shoulders as she leaned against one of the counters.

“I don’t know,” Max admitted softly, “Sometimes I just don’t feel like I'm who I’m supposed to be.” There was a hazy look in her eyes. Kim dropped the card and stepped forward, pulling Max towards her even though Max protested. She relaxed in her arms after a moment before she held onto Kim tightly.

“I’ll love you no matter what,” Kim’s cheek was pressed against Max’s head as she swayed her back and forth. Max giggled after a moment, but Kim was sure that she heard her sniffling, “I’ll always be your biggest supporter.” She told Max seriously. She didn’t know a lot of things, but she knew there was nothing that could make her not love her sister.

“I just,” Max breathed against her chest, “I don’t know how I’m supposed to be a girl if I don’t act like you. I don’t like dresses and frilly things.” Kim furrowed her eyebrows together, gently pulling Max back to look down at her.

“Being a girl doesn’t mean you have to like those things. You can like sports and not want to wear dresses and still be a girl,” Kim booped her nose softly, “It doesn’t have to be one way or the other.” Max watched her for a long time before she nodded, holding her sister tightly.

Susan was upset about something when she woke up. She was working overnights instead of during the day. She’d wake up about six, right when dinner was ready. She was stressed about something, so that meant that everything was wrong.

“We just had spaghetti, Kim,” Susan sighed as she pushed her hair from her face. Kim frowned, giving up on the recipe after realizing they didn’t have half of the ingredients that they needed, “I want something different. I want real food.” Kim motioned towards the fridge.

“We don’t have anything,” She told her sheepishly, “You didn’t go grocery shopping this week.” Susan stared at her for the longest time before she held her head in her hands.

“Shit,” Susan grumbled in frustration, “Max, please for the love of god change the shirt. It’s so unflattering. You look like a boy.” Max looked at her offended.

“So?” Max sassed back, never having the issue of doing so. Kim gave her a look, sometimes wishing she could just ignore their mother’s snide comments.

“You’re not a boy.” Susan looked up at her and exhaled deeply. Max just stared back, not saying anything. It was quiet for the longest time, until Kim thought of something to say.

“I can start going grocery shopping if you want,” Kim offered. She already spent her free time searching for coupons, “If you just leave me the cash.” She added at the end. Susan was still staring at Max, like she hadn’t even heard Kim.

“You need to stop with the boys' clothes. Your dad shouldn’t have left them, you’re both ladies.” Susan clarified. Max only stared, not saying anything. Kim felt a pang in her heart, thinking of their conversation earlier.

“Just leave the cash and I’ll get the groceries.” Kim tried again. Susan didn’t eat that night, obviously too annoyed with whatever was happening at work. She had left the little cash she had in an envelope with Kim’s name on it.

“Max,” Kim rolled over on her bed, to face Max. She had been quiet the whole night since their mom left, “I think you’d be a kickass boy, if you wanted to be one. You’re a pretty kickass girl too.” Max had grinned from ear to ear. Kim started renting magazines, books, anything that featured females in sports and other areas that defied gender norms so she could have something to make Max’s day a little bit better.

Kim did as she promised and went shopping that weekend. Usually she’d have Max tag along but she had felt bad after last night. She had given her a few dollars for the arcade, knowing she wasn’t supposed to, before she went to get the groceries. Max promised to be done by the time she came back.

When she came back, Max’s hair was cut into a small bob. Kim’s eyes had widened in surprise, not expecting the sight in front of her. Max’s hair was shaggy and uneven and she had looked unnaturally pale. She stood with her hands in her pockets, staring at the ground as she waited for Kim to speak.

“Nice,” Kim smiled, looking at the edges and deciding she’d ask if she could even it out for her when they got home, “Can you carry these bags?” She knew Max wasn’t the type to be pressed over, so she didn’t. Max just smiled widely and did as she asked.

Mom’s reaction was anything but pleasant. She had nearly cried when she’d seen it, but Max only shrugged her shoulders. Susan had kept fussing about it, telling her that she needed to take better care of it so boys would notice her.

“Did dad stay for your hair?” Kim had nearly choked on her food and Susan had grown unusually quiet. She had left early again that night, but Max looked like she didn’t care.

“I like it short,” Max touched her bob softly as she faced Kim in her bed, “It stays out of my face when I bike.” Kim placed her magazine down as she turned to face her.

“It reminds me of Dorothy Hamill,” Kim told her, resting her hand on her cheek and smiling, “It looks cool.”

1982

Kim had a crush on Adrian Romano.

He was funny and kind and had the biggest hazel eyes. They had advanced algebra together and he often asked her for help. She liked when he would lean across her desk, completely engulfed in her space. He always smelt like leather and a hint of citrus. He would always flash her a lopsided smirk when she’d explain the problem to him.

“What are you doing on Friday?” He surprised her one afternoon. He kept tapping his finger against her knuckles as she pointed to the problem she was explaining to him. She looked up at him surprised.

“What am I doing?” She looked to him for clarity. He chuckled, pushing his black strands from his forehead. She liked how dark his hair was, how pretty it looked.

“Yeah, I was thinking you could come over. My buddy and I were thinking of trying something.” She was too naive to notice the gleam in his eyes. She suddenly felt herself growing shy. She barely knew Adrian and she had no idea who his friend was.

“I don’t think I can,” She admitted, “I have to watch my sister.” She had never minded watching Max before, but she did now. She suddenly didn’t want to. She wanted to be normal and go out and have fun. Especially with someone as cute as Adrian.

“Awe come on, it would be fun,” He persisted, “At least think about it. It would be fun to get to know you a little better.” His fingers brushed across her knuckles gently, earning a shy laugh from her. She felt like one of the ditzy girls that everyone would make fun. She didn’t know how she wasn’t supposed to when Adrian was watching her like that.

“I guess I could try,” She said softly, trying to figure out a way that she wouldn’t have to watch Max, “I would have to ask my mom.” She mumbled as the bell rang. He stood first, waiting for her to gather her things into her bag. He walked with her, making her feel more giddy. She couldn’t believe that she was actually talking to a boy and that he was interested in her. He nudged her with his shoulder softly, pushing her towards his locker.

“Promise?” She held out her pinky, waiting for him to do the same, “No, you’re cute. You’ve got to seal it with a kiss.” He stared down at her. She blushed, liking the feeling of having a boy actually have to look down at her. Not to mention that he had called her cute. She felt like her chest was going to collapse in on itself. She giggled as she leaned against his locker, feeling bashful.

“I’ve never kissed anyone before,” She mumbled, tucking her hair behind her ears, “I don’t know how to.” She didn’t want to seem stupid. His lips curled into a lazy smile.

“Everyone has to learn at some point,” He persisted, his smile sending butterflies through her stomach, “And I’d love to be your first.” Her face was still hot as she nodded shyly, agreeing to whatever he was saying. She had never had a guy be interested in her before, she wasn’t going to ruin that now.

His head dipped down slowly, so slow and she felt as if time had stopped around them. Their lips met in two awkward pecks, as she had absolutely no clue what she was doing. Despite the fact, it gave her a chilling feeling down to her toes.

She pulled away in a fit of giggles, smiling so hard that it hurt her face, “I’ll see you then.” She promised, feeling the urge to play with her hair. He grinned and she could feel the sparks traveling across her lips.

“I think you’ll really like my friend,” He told her, walking her towards the exit. She’d be late getting to Max’s school now, but she thought that it was okay. Max wouldn’t mind once she found out why. Kim barely paid attention to the mention of his friend, too happy that she had gained his attention, “See you then.” He pressed a kiss against her cheek, lighting her up like a Christmas tree.

She skipped all the way to Max’s school, she practically skipped home. She didn’t think that this classified Adrian as being her boyfriend, but it was close enough. She could barely sit in class with him, too distracted about what could happen by Friday.

Of course, things never went her way, “Why can’t I go?” She was already in tears, looking at her mom’s defiant features. Susan sighed deeply, already dressed up.

“I have a date, you need to watch Max,” Susan said simply as she picked her purse up, “Plus, you’re too young for a boyfriend anyways.” Kim was so frustrated. Her mom had already been out twice in the past week. Kim thought it was time that she got a turn.

“I have never complained about watching Max,” She told her mom seriously, in a desperate manner, “I’m asking for this one thing. Please.” She tried again, holding her hands together in hopes that her mom would change her mind. She sighed.

“If you take Max with you, then you can go.” Kim felt her stomach fall. She knew there was no way she’d be able to take Max with her. Adrian and his friend wouldn’t want a little girl hanging out around them. So she took the defeat, slammed the bathroom door shut behind her and cried in the tub. She wasn’t sure why she wasn’t allowed to live her life when her mom was allowed to do whatever she wanted. It wasn’t fair.

She had tried to explain to Adrian what had happened but he didn’t seem that interested in her after that. He was still nice, he still smiled the same way towards her, but he no longer tried to ask her to come over. She felt lost, feeling as if her life was flashing by and she wasn’t able to experience it.

1983

Kim was happy for her mom. She really was.

She had met a new guy that she couldn’t stop speaking about. Things had been rough lately. She wasn’t wanting to work as much, which meant money was even tighter. She had been staying overnights with this guy. Kim resumed her usual duties of taking care of Max and making sure she was staying on top of her homework. Kim had taken to walking dogs, watching her neighbors cats, babysitting and doing odd things to earn whatever money she could. She felt bad that she had to drag Max along with her, but Max usually found something fun to do. She was always getting hurt from whatever rough game she had found to busy herself with.

“You’re going to love him,” Susan had promised. She had dressed both of them up as nicely as she could. Kim was wearing one of her dresses. It was too tight on the chest and didn’t accommodate her height very well. It went up past her mid thigh but Kim didn’t say anything to complain about it. Max was doing all of that, “I promise.” They were meeting at the beach and Kim could still smell the sunscreen on her after she practically bathed her and Max in it.

“I doubt that,” Max mumbled underneath her breath. She was holding onto Kim’s hand, keeping a distance away from Susan. Things were still bad between the two of them. It only seemed to grow worse the more that they didn’t hear from their daddy. Kim missed him deeply. She had always hoped that her parents would work their differences out, but not she knew that it was too good to be true, “I hope he dies.” Max mumbled, low enough for Kim to hear. Kim nudged her softly, giving her a knowing look.

“I’m sure we will.” Kim inhaled deeply, always trying to be the one to keep the peace between the two of them. Neil seemed nice enough, a little too nice. Max had figured that he was trying to overcompensate, trying to force his way into their lives so he could be their dad. Kim had tried to reassure her, but she had already grown bitter. Kim felt indifferent about him. What she really didn’t like was the way that his son made her feel.

She could tell immediately that Billy was closed off. He reminded her a lot of Max, thinking that they acted similarly. They were both reserved and only offered as much information as they wanted you to know. She had tried hard, but he didn’t seem interested in anything she had to say. He was just as bitter.

She wasn’t dumb. She knew she found him attractive but it was hard not to. His skin was a golden tan, his short hair was dirty blonde and he had piercing blue eyes. She had a hard time looking him in the eye. He always seemed like he was looking for her to do something wrong. Her biggest problem was that she felt like she knew him. She swore that she had met him before, but couldn’t find any memories that could confirm it for her. He was a stranger, but he didn’t feel like a stranger.

She couldn’t tell if he had a good relationship with Neil or not. Neil was always around him, touching his shoulder whenever they were at outings. She had noticed once that Neil had squeezed his shoulder so tight that his fingers were turning colors when Susan had been asking him about his mom. Billy had looked so angry, but he answered her anyway. She felt bad suddenly, realizing that it was better to keep his mom out of their conversations.

They had a cake after their wedding. It was weird. The first time they’d ever officially had cake in their family and it was for their mom. She was still happy for her, but it made her miss her dad. He hadn’t been answering. They had a phone now, but he hadn’t answered her so far.

Max was sullen, hiding away whenever she got. Kim tried her best to comfort her but she was clearly going through her own struggles at the moment. Kim knew she preferred to be alone when she was like this, so she was doing her best to support her. Susan and Neil had left for the night. It kept making Kim cringe, thinking about why they had left for a full night.

“It’s too sweet,” Billy had complained, using his finger to scoop a wad of it off the top. She wasn’t sure what had compelled her to do it, whether she was so giddy that things were finally going well or that it had been the first time they’d had cake in a long time. She leaned across the table, crossing her arms as she licked the frosting off of his finger. She pulled away, licking the sweetness from her lips as he stared at her. His eyes were twice the size as usual, the blue looked so much clearer this way. Her cheeks heated up as if she had suddenly done something wrong. Her and Max ate off of each other’s plates and did similar things to each other all the time, “Did you just lick my finger?” He finally spoke up again. She tried to find the courage to speak, her mouth suddenly feeling dry.

“Yes,” She said simply as her eyebrows furrowed together. He stared at her for the longest time, his cheeks turning pink before he shook his head quickly and stared down at his plate like, “I’m sorry.” She offered after a beat. He adjusted in his chair, looking flustered.

“S’okay,” He said at last, exhaling deeply, “It was just icing.” He shrugged his shoulders finally, trying to make it seem like it wasn’t a big deal. She really hoped that it wasn’t. She was mentally kicking herself, wishing that she could think a little bit harder about her actions before she did them.

They had their own rooms now, but it didn’t feel right. Everything in her room was new. The bed, the mattress, the dressers. Nothing from their apartment, rather than their clothes and necessities, came with them. She felt bad, looking into her closet full of new clothes when she had witnessed Neil tossing Billy a ton of his old shirts and pants. She really didn’t like that all of a sudden Billy was in charge of them.

He took them to and from school, which she didn’t mind at all, but she didn’t like that she wasn’t supposed to be the one watching Max anymore. She had done that her whole life. Neil had insisted it was fine, Billy was older. But in the back of her mind she still knew that Max was her baby.

She didn’t know what to do with her new found freedom. She had a few friends, but she had missed out on so many sleepovers and hang outs that she was always the last pick of the group. She didn’t have the same attachments that the rest of them did.

She found herself at the library a lot, unsure of what she was supposed to do now that she had time to herself. She always loved to read before, but now she was burning through books twice as fast. Billy would complain every time he had to drop her off but she always promised she’d do something in return for him. He’d always shut up after that.

Max didn’t like going to the library either, so they always sat outside and waited for her. Sometimes she’d take too long, she knew that. But she liked being able to have different options. Max had taken to bringing a skateboard when they went and forcing Billy to show her how to do different tricks while they waited.

She hadn’t really paid attention to the book when she grabbed it. It was in the romance section and the plot sounded nice. She was six chapters in when the word first appeared on the page.

Cock.

She had stared, then she had stared some more. Her whole body had lit up like a Christmas tree, her body burning in a deep warmth. She felt a rush travel down to her core, something that she had never felt before. She felt so shameful at the moment, realizing what kind of dirty book she was reading. She had peeked over her shoulder at her closed door, before she devoured the rest of the book in one sitting.

She had laid there that night, underneath her blankets and feeling completely too warm for her own good. She had a throbbing sensation between her legs, a feeling that wouldn’t go away. She kept squeezing her thighs together and moving her hips forward because it felt good. She had paused for a long time, her heart fluttering in her chest as her hand slowly traveled down her body. Her nipples hardened at the sensation and goosebumps drew against her skin. She placed a palm over her underwear, slowly sliding her hips up to meet the sensation.

She gasped loudly, her cheeks heating at the sound. She had never heard something like that leave her mouth before. She was suddenly self conscious, drawing her hand away and stiffening in fear that someone had heard her.

She was hooked after that. She had found something new and exciting to keep her interested in her boring life. She read book after book, binging through the whole library. Neil had started giving them a very small allowance, but each time she used it to purchase one of her books. It was risky, she knew that someone could find out, but they all seemed bored by the aspect of the romance.

Except for Billy. He would constantly tease her about the books that she was reading, as if he knew what they were about. Her face would burn and she would deny it, but he always had a knowing look on his face. She tried to reassure herself that he was only teasing her because he was irritated that he had to be in charge of them now.

Still, despite him seeming so bitter at times, she did her best to bond with him. She still didn’t feel like he was a brother. She really didn’t know how to feel about him, but describing him as her brother only made her sick to her stomach. He was something else.

“Is that a TV?” Kim tried not to ever peek into Billy’s room, but she was too curious this time as she looked at him resting on his bed. He was laughing at something, looking straight ahead. He looked towards her surprised, his midriff exposed from the cropped shirt he was wearing. Kim’s face burned. It was the most skin she had ever seen from a boy.

“Yes, this is a TV,” He looked confused, “It’s Cheers, it’s really funny.” He told her. She found herself walking into the room, looking at the TV in confusion. He watched her for a moment, a funny look on his face.

“I’ve never heard of it before.” She told him, glancing back towards him. He looked at her confused, his eyebrows raised high on his face.

“You’ve never watched Cheers?” He looked at her for clarity. She felt a bit embarrassed as she shrugged her shoulders. There were a lot of TV shows she hadn’t heard of.

“I’ve never really watched anything,” She admitted, “We didn’t have a TV.” She didn’t understand how someone could have two TV’s. Neil wasn’t even that rich. He had money, but he still bought the same great value brands that they did. He was cautious with his money, but it didn’t sound like he ever struggled to pay the heat bill. They weren’t rich by any means, but this was like a mansion to Kim.

He watched her for a long time as she glanced towards the TV again, totally enthralled by the conversation that was happening on the TV. He scooted over on his bed, close against the wall before he spoke to her again, “You can watch it for a while. It’s really good.” She wasn’t sure if she was supposed to. Susan had warned her that Billy probably wouldn’t like people invading his space. He was used to being an only child, he wouldn’t understand what it was like to have siblings.

“Okay.” She rested against the side of his bed, a bit awkward. She hadn’t ever sat in anyone else’s bed before. It felt weird, knowing that Max was the only person she had ever shared a bed with. He was right though. Cheers was funny, and the more it played the more she found herself relaxing around him. He wasn’t that bad. He wasn’t as scary as her mom had made him out to be. He had a nice laugh and didn’t seem as upset when Neil wasn’t around him. They had an odd relationship, she realized. She wasn’t even thinking as she rested against his warm skin. She laid her head on his shoulder, missing the way he stiffened under her touch. She breathed in softly, realizing that he smelled nice. She held onto his arm, curling up to him as he stayed put in the same spot. He never protested, so she figured it must be okay.

“Hey,” Neil was leaning against the door, looking in at them with an intensity that she didn’t understand, “What’s going on here?” Billy’s arm had stiffened up against hers. She smiled kindly at Neil, motioning towards the TV.

“Billy was showing me Cheers,” She pointed towards the TV, “I don’t really know how it works. We’ve never had one before.” She explained to Neil. She wasn’t sure she would even figure out how to switch the channels. Neil hesitated before he smiled at her.

“Why don’t you watch it in the living room?” His eyes were looking towards Billy as he spoke, “I think the TV is better in that.” She didn’t catch onto anything but nodded her head in agreement. She slowly untangled herself from Billy’s arm, smiling brightly as she did so.

“Can you show me how to put it on in there?” She asked him hopefully. He nodded his head stiffly, his blue eyes wandering over her features, “Thank you.” She bounced towards the living room, sending Neil another bright smile as she did so.

/////////

She wasn’t sure how she had missed how terrible Neil was. He was awful, a completely terrible person. She was frozen in the kitchen, with Max by her side before she came to her senses. Billy had left a few seconds earlier, his nose still dripping blood. Kim had a sick feeling spreading inside of her.

“He beat him,” She rushed outside, towards where her mother had left not long ago, “He beat Billy.” Her cheeks were wet from crying. She was scared, so terrified. They had to leave now and they had to take Billy with him.

“It was my fault,” Max was crying, holding onto Kim’s arm, “I told him to go fast. It was all my fault.” She was almost hysterical, her chest rising and falling fast. Susan smiled stiffly at them.

“Billy is Neil’s son,” She drew out slowly, “It’s not our place to tell him how to discipline his son.” Kim stared at her mom, sure that this was someone else. Her mother would never say this. She couldn’t be saying this.

“How long until he hits us?” Max’s bottom lip was still quivering but she was looking at Susan with anger in her eyes. Susan’s smile dropped and she reached out to take both of her daughter’s hands.

“He won’t do that to us, okay?” Susan gulped hard, “I know this is a difficult situation but we’ll get through it. You know how Billy is.” Kim stared at her for the longest time before she was yanking her hand away. Susan sighed.

“What does that mean?” Kim asked, completely serious and feeling a little disgusted with her mother. It was like she was a different person, it was like she was someone else.

“Billy can get out of control-” Susan started to explain but Kim had already heard enough.

“So he deserves to get hit? Did you even see what Neil did? What he was saying to him. We need to take Billy and leave, now.” Kim was asking her mother seriously. She thought of how Susan used to tell Max she was out of control. Did Max and Billy not act the same way? What would Neil do once Max had another episode? Her mother looked at her tiredly.

“And go where?” Susan asked seriously, resting her hands neatly on her lap. Kim frowned, staring at her in disbelief. She was acting as if there was nowhere else. They had survived before, they could do it again.

“Dad would take us all in. We could stay with grandma.” Max spoke up quickly, glancing up towards Kim for support. It took a moment but Kim nodded her head in agreement. She knew it wasn’t the best circumstances but they could survive. Their dad would never want them to be hit by someone.

“I’m not going anywhere with your father.” Susan spoke stiffly. She rubbed her hands across her thighs and sighed, looking as if she was trying to find a way to explain it to them. Kim wouldn’t ever understand her reasoning.

“Then you can stay here and get your ass beat.” Max spoke through her teeth, an anger brewing deep inside of her eyes. Kim touched her arm softly, shaking her head no.

“Max,” Kim sighed, “Mom, we can’t stay here. It’s not safe. We can’t just leave Billy behind either.” She tried to reason with her again. Her mom had to know better. It would just be a matter of time before Neil lost it on one of them too.

“There’s no where to go,” Susan cried out, looking at them desperately, “Besides, we couldn’t take Billy. He’s not my son.” She shook her head no, as if it was a silly thought. Kim paused again, finding her take ridiculous.

“You said we were family now. Families are supposed to stick together.” Kim tried not to think of her dad as she spoke, but it was true. How could they expect them to all move in together and pretend that they weren’t a family? Billy was apart of them now, whether or not her mom liked it.

“There’s no point in talking to her, Kim,” Max spoke up again, anger still lacing on her tongue “All mom knows how to do is leave those behind who need help. She’s selfish.” She spoke softly, staring down at their mother.

Things turned tense quickly. Susan looked up at Max, her eyes hardening. Max stood her ground, waiting for her to say anything. She didn’t. Susan simply stood, pushed past the two of them, and followed the path that Neil had taken. Kim stared after her, not understanding why her mom was acting like this.

When they went back inside, Kim scrubbed Billy’s blood from the kitchen floor. There was so much of it. She was worried that he was bleeding out. She had gone to his room not long after cleaning up the blood, only to stare at the lock on the outside of the door. She paused for a moment, realizing that Neil had locked him inside of his room. She felt sick again, her heart breaking a little bit for the boy inside. He was caged in like an animal. She realized why he was so moody at times, why he was so quick to anger. It was Neil.

She had checked on him that night, she checked on him many nights after that. After that event, Neil no longer hid who he was. After each incident she would beg her mom to take them all away. Susan never agreed, always telling her that they had nowhere to go. Kim thought it would be better to live together and with nothing than to be stuck in a house with Neil. Her mom thought differently.

“Why don’t you just leave?” She asked suddenly, one night when she was cleaning the blood from his nose. He never really talked to her, just sort of sat there and let her do her thing. Usually she would ramble to fill the awkward silence in the room. She talked a lot when she was nervous and for some reason she was always nervous around him. He just stared at her with his piercing blue eyes, keeping quiet. He furrowed his eyebrows together.

“Why would I leave?” His tone was sharp as he looked at her. She paused for a moment, looking up from her movements at his intense eyes. He looked almost angry.

“Because of the way your dad treats you.” She spoke softly, putting the rag down between them. He always sat in front of his window after, staring out towards the moon and over the houses where he could peak at the beach. Their knees were touching from the positon they were sitting in. He moved away from her.

“You don’t know anything about my dad,” He told her seriously, “You have no right to say anything about him. You can go.” She paused in her seat, trying to think about why he would defend someone like Neil. She thought that she would hate Neil if he was her dad. The upcoming weekend Neil had taken Billy deep sea fishing. They had been gone all day and came back all smiles. Kim understood suddenly, noticing the trend. Neil would beat Billy senseless, but he always tried to make it up somehow. It made Kim sick, made her wonder how he had managed to go so long without getting caught. Neil would be a good actor, she finally realized.

She had started journaling a few years ago, way before her daddy had left. Once her handwriting was better she used to write down the stories that she would make up for Max. She really didn’t have many ideas now, but she just liked the feeling of writing, of creating her own words. If she was feeling courageous, she’d write a poem or two in it.

Mainly, she wrote about Neil. She wrote about how frustrating he was, how bad she felt for Billy and how she wished her dad was still around. She wrote about how much she missed the life that they used to have and how she wondered how Billy had managed to survive in a place like this.

Neil had found it and he had screamed and screamed until he was purple in the face. She didn’t understand. It hadn’t been her fault that he had snooped through her things. She had tried to ask her mom for help but she had only sat there silently. Kim had been so afraid that he was going to hit her, she kept wincing away, but it never came. He had only sent her back to her room, where she had pouted the remainder of the night.

“Don’t let him upset you,” Billy had told her that morning. Her eyes were still puffy, “He’s just miserable. He needs everyone else to feel the same way.” His fingers had pressed together before he had passed her the sugar, like he knew what she put into her cereal bowl. She had nodded her head stiffly, wishing she could let it go that easily.

/////////

“Hey,” Kim jolted, her chest pressing against the lunch table from how hard she had been pushed, “What the fuck?” She looked up at Cindy’s angry face, not quite understanding what she was upset about. Kim wasn’t sure if Cindy was really her friend, or merely an acquaintance. They were both in the same groups of friends but everyone seemed to find the need to please her. Kim could tell that she wasn’t crazy about her. Cindy was always teasing her about her clothes, the way she looked and the things that she did.

“Yes?” Kim looked at her confused, rubbing her shoulder where she had been pushed. Cindy gave her an irritated look. Kim stared back, like she was supposed to know what she was thinking.

“You didn’t tell me Billy was your brother,” She was all smiles now as she sat in front of Kim. Kim furrowed her eyebrows together, not understanding the reason behind it, “He’s cute.” Cindy added after a second. Kim was suddenly irritated, not liking that Cindy was talking about him at all. She shook that feeling aside.

“I hear that a lot,” Kim mumbled, thinking of all the girls that had suddenly grown interested in being her friend, “He’s not really my brother.” Kim admitted, unsure of how to describe Billy.

“Can you set me up with him?” Kim hesitated and it had nothing to do with the way Cindy looked. Cindy was pretty. She had a nice tan, stunning green eyes and pin straight blonde hair. She spent most of her free time surfing and playing volleyball.

“With Billy?” Kim asked, feeling a little uncertain. She really didn’t like the idea of setting the two of them up, but she didn’t understand why. She knew how Cindy was, she went through boys the same way that Billy went through girls. She was pretty enough for it.

“That’s what I just said.” Cindy exhaled deeply with an eye roll, “Can you do it or not?” She snapped back. Kim opened her mouth before she shut it. Cindy was waiting with an expectant look, Kim quickly nodded and tucked her hair behind her ear. She didn’t want to be on the other end of Cindy’s anger if she said no. It was easier to just say yes.

“I could ask him,” She mumbled out finally, still not liking the idea, “I’m sure he’d say yes.” She admitted after a second, unsure of the way that Cindy was smiling towards her. She felt like she should be happy, but she wasn’t. She didn’t understand why either. It was confusing.

Kim was running late again. She had a problem of returning her books at the last second and then chatting with the librarians for too long. It wasn’t really her fault. She just liked that someone was actually interested in what she had to say.

“You’re late.” Billy said simply when she had bombarded her way into the car. She smiled sheepishly at him, pushing her hair out of her face as she sat her bag down in front of her.

“Sorry, I had to-“ She started to explain, feeling a grin on her face as she thought about retelling the librarian's story about her cat. He turned towards her with a bored expression on his features.

“I don’t care. You’re late again and your ass can walk.” She stared at him for a long time as the car filled into an awkward tension. She nodded her head, understanding that it wasn’t fair to keep him waiting for her. She decided she’d switch her schedule then. She could go into the library first thing in the morning. She could manage tugging around the heavy books. She was sure it would be fine.

“I’m sorry.” The lump in her throat bobbed as she tried to swallow it. She hated how any slight change of tone left her emotional. His features softened for a moment, changing completely to how he had looked a few seconds ago.

“I didn’t mean that,” He finally sighed, digging around in his car until he pulled out a cigarette, “I don’t know why I said it like that.” She was surprised. It sounded like he was almost apologizing. She nodded her head quickly.

“It’s okay,” She told him earnestly, “I shouldn’t have been late. Thank you for driving me. I really appreciate it. You don’t have to do it.” He observed her for a moment as he lit his cigarette up. She wrinkled her nose, still not used to the smell of it.

“Whose that?” He changed the subject completely. Kim looked over, noticing the familiar blonde walking in front of his car. She tried not to frown as she fixed her hair again. She brushed it off casually, forgetting what she had told Cindy completely.

“Cindy.” Kim felt bitter and she didn’t know why. She figured it was because she'd never be like Cindy. She’d never have boys chasing after her. She really, really didn’t want Billy to be one of those boys.

“She’s hot.” He traced his tongue along the curve of his lips. She felt her frown deepening. She exhaled slowly.

“She’s my friend.” Kim said at last, as if that was some sort of excuse. She didn’t know how to explain the way she was feeling. She didn’t feel like Billy would care anyways.

“And? She’s a babe.” He blew out the smoke as he spoke. She felt a deep feeling coursing through her veins.

“She probably won’t be interested,” Kim liked, knowing full well that she was, “I wouldn’t risk it.” She tried to warn him. Billy turned towards her, grinning, as if it was some sort of game now.

It didn’t take long for Kim to figure out that something was going on. Cindy was a lot nicer, spent more time around her. It only left Kim fuming. She wanted her own friends, people that liked her for her.

“You’re coming to my birthday party, right?” Cindy had asked her as she twirled a piece of Kim’s hair around her fingers. Kim stared at her.

“You’re having a birthday party?” This was the first time she had heard of it. Kim watched her for a moment, wondering if this was some kind of joke. Cindy smiled like she was silly.

“It’s on Saturday. You don’t have to bring anything,” She paused for a moment, “Is Billy dropping you off?” Kim felt her shoulders sag, realizing that this had been the whole point. Kim forced a smile, trying to make sure that it didn’t get her mood down.

“Yeah,” She breathed out, “He’ll be dropping me off.” She thought for a long time, figuring out the best way to get there without Billy coming. She didn’t want to be forced aside while Billy got to flirt with her. She didn’t like that idea, not one bit.

“When did you start sleeping with Cindy?” She was mad and she didn’t understand why she was mad. Billy looked up at her confused. He was resting on his bed, smoking something that smelt different than tobacco.

“Does it matter?” He asked her dryly. She felt her hands forming into fists, because of course it mattered. He shouldn’t be messing around with her friends. She exhaled deeply.

“She’s my friend.” She said at last. He was looking at her amused, his nose scrunching up as he watched her. It was like he liked to bother her.

“So?” She sighed exasperated at his question. She knew that it was no different if she got with any of his friends. They shouldn’t mess around with friends, it was that simple. So she hoped.

“You’re not supposed to go after my friends,” She told him quickly, “Isn’t that like the unspoken rule?” She asked, trying to think of what the dating code really was. She hadn’t ever had to worry about it before.

“You’re not my sister,” Billy had a lazy smile forming on his lips, “Sounds like you’re jealous.” He drew out slowly. His accusation traveled straight through her.

“I’m not,” She was stammering, her face burning as she stared at him. His shirt was slowly beginning to pull up over his abdomen as he rested his hands behind his head, “I’m not jealous. There is no reason for me to be jealous.”

“Hm,” Billy watched her, the smirk still placed against his lips, “If you say so. I’m not going to stop seeing her, just because you’re jealous.” She clenched her fists tightly to her sides, groaning loudly.

“You’re the worst.” She stomped out of his room, leaving the door wide open behind her so that he would be forced to get up and shut it. She didn’t understand why Cindy or any of her friends wanted to get with him in the first place. He was cold, he was rude.

“Mom,” Saturday night came quicker than she had planned and she still didn’t have a clue of how she’d get to Cindy’s birthday party, “I need you to drop me off at my friends.” Susan glanced up at her, before she looked back at Neil who was tinkering with a new table they had bought. She smiled sheepishly.

“You’ll have to ask Billy.” Susan said simply. Kim stared at her exasperated, feeling her frustration grow. She didn’t want Billy to drive her. She wanted to go on her own, without him. She knew if he showed up, that everyone would flock to him.

“Can’t you take me?” She tried again, doing her best not to whine. Susan shook her head, looking at her sternly.

“I can’t leave,” She told Kim seriously as she looked back at Neil, “I’m sure Billy would love to take you though.” Susan smiled sweetly at Kim, fluttering her eyelashes. Kim stared back in annoyance, not pleased with the answer at all. She turned around on her heels, taking a hold of his door knob and pushing it open roughly.

“Jesus!” He proclaimed, turning on his side quickly and shoving whatever magazine he had been looking at next to him. He had the blankets pulled up over his waist, but tugged them up even higher to hide his bare skin. He kicked his knees up into the air, looking towards her frustrated, “What do you want? Haven’t you heard of knocking?” She stared, feeling like she had walked in on a bad time but not understanding what. She wasn’t used to knocking, she was used to having Max barge in whenever she pleased.

“I need you to take me to Cindy’s party,” She breathed out slowly, “Please.” She smiled as sweet as she could manage, fluttering her eyelashes towards him. She was usually a lot nicer towards him, but she was still irritated that he had slept with her friend. It made her so mad and she didn’t understand why she was mad. It wasn’t like she really cared if Cindy got hurt or not, she knew what she was getting into. It was a deeper feeling, something she couldn’t place her finger on.

“Are you serious?”

“Billy, please,” She whined, pouting her lips out as she held her hands together, “I’ll do anything.” He stared at her for a long time and she noticed that his pinks were actually pink. He was still in the awkward position.

“I need you to leave my room first,” He told her seriously, “And then I’ll take you to that stupid party.” He grumbled as he stared up at his ceiling, waiting for her to leave. She beamed, even though she was still worried he’d try to join her.

“Thank you!” She could’ve hugged him, but decided against it. He didn’t look like he was in the mood and she really didn’t want to push his buttons anymore. She moved out of the room, pausing for a moment as she nearly forgot to shut the door behind her.

“I’m just dropping you off,” He told her coldly when he finally appeared again. It had taken longer than usual and she was beginning to believe that he had forgotten about her, “I have better things to do.” He grumbled. She tried not to frown, knowing that he would rather do anything than spend any type of time with her. Neil suddenly turned towards them.

“You can stay until the party's over,” Neil snapped, “She’s your sister. You need to watch her.” Kim suddenly felt bad for Billy. She didn’t think it was fair that he had to join her. She was more than capable of taking care of herself. She knew that arguing with Neil would just be futile. She sent Billy a small smile.

“Yes sir,” Billy pulled the door open for Kim, breathing in deeply as he followed her down the steps. She paused, wishing she had something to say to him, “Keep going.” He nudged her forward, sounding irritated.

“You really don’t have to stay,” She reassured him on the car ride there, “I won’t tell. Just be back to pick me up.” She really didn’t want him to stay. She didn’t like when other girls stared at him and acted dumb around him. She didn’t want anyone to look at him like that.

“S’alright,” He said at last, smoking as he drove. She wondered how he was able to smoke so much without getting sick off of the smell. She watched the way his blue eyes seemed to shine brighter than any stars that were placed in the sky, “Is there going to be alcohol?” Kim paused, trying to recall Cindy’s words.

“I think so,” She mumbled, unsure if it was safe for Billy to drink and drive, “It’s right up here.” She pointed towards the large houses. Cindy was rich, she never had a problem showing that off. Kim never really minded, but felt in awe as she stared at the large house as it came into view. Billy whistled under his breath.

“I didn’t need to dress a certain way, did I?” She looked at the way his eyes widened as he parked in front of her very large house. Kim tried not to laugh, wondering how else he’d dress up. He was already in a nice pair of jeans and a blue button up. She glanced down at her own dress, looking at the same shade of blue flowers that decorated it.

“I’m sure she doesn’t care what you wear,” Kim said at last, knowing that Billy could probably wear a flour bag and still have girls going crazy over him, “Do you think there’s a lot of people?” She was growing nervous now. She had never been to a birthday party before, she didn’t know what the etiquette was.

“Looks like it,” He was out of the car before she was. She stood quickly, straightening out her dress and then following him closely behind. She was worried she wouldn’t know that many people, that she would be too awkward if she tried to talk to them, “Did you bring her a present?” He asked suddenly, looking at her empty hands. She looked towards him bashfully.

“She said not to bring anything,” Kim mumbled, thinking of Cindy’s instructions as they walked up the long driveway, “I drew her a picture on her birthday.” She said offhandedly. Billy rang the doorbell, looking towards her curiously.

“You draw?” She felt silly as she nodded her head yes. She spent a lot of time drawing or reading when her dad would drop her and Max off at places while he gambled. Sometimes he would stay, most of the times he left them alone.

“Hey,” Cindy opened up the door, smiling brightly. She looked towards Billy, barely acknowledging that Kim was there, “You came?” She looked at him surprised. Kim glanced at him, not remembering him stating that he had been invited.

“Plans changed,” He shrugged his shoulders, looking at Kim but then quickly glancing away, “Happy Birthday.” He mumbled, looking less than enthused by his words. Kim was suddenly stumped. He had been so obsessed with Cindy a few days ago and now he was acting as if there was nothing between them.

Cindy apparently took no notice as she catapulted into his arms, holding him closely. Billy’s eyes were wide and he kept his hands towards his sides, looking awkward and tense. His eyes met Kim’s and she gave him her best smile and a thumbs up, unsure of what she was supposed to say. She didn’t want Cindy to yell at her.

“Come on in,” Cindy said at last and Kim didn’t miss how she was more so speaking to Billy, rather than to her. Billy waited for Kim to walk in first and she knew that he didn’t miss it either. She looked around the big living room, taking in the expensive furniture. She had stacks and stacks of gifts, more balloons than Kim had ever seen. Kim was sure that her old apartment was small than Cindy’s living room.

“You came,” Whitney stepped forward, wrapping Kim up in her small arm. Kim always liked Whitney, she always seemed to be listening to her when no one else would. She had warm brown eyes and big hair, “It’s good to see you.” Kim nodded, feeling glad that someone had approached her. Billy was still standing next to her, hovering from behind. She didn’t mind.

“Yeah,” Kim tucked her hair behind her ears, “Billy drove me.” She motioned back towards him, not wanting him to be left out of the conversation. He shrugged his shoulders again. Kim was fairly sure that he had some secret language within his movements. She wished that she knew them.

“Cool,” Whitney smiled from ear to ear, “We’re going to head downstairs and play spin the bottle.” Kim could feel her cheeks warming at the idea. She refused to look at Billy this time, trying to act as nonchalant as possible.

“Cool,” Kim breathed out softly, “I’ll meet you down there? I wanted to tell Cindy happy birthday.” Whitney watched her for a moment before she nodded her head. She gave a quick goodbye before she was leaving.

“Why do you hang out with her?” Billy asked, following her as she looked for Cindy again. She played with her fingers, pretending like she didn’t know what he meant.

“She’s my friend,” Kim said instead, stopping her movements for a moment, “I can meet you down there. You don’t have to come with me if you don’t want to.” She told him softly, figuring he was still mad he had to be here instead of whatever he was going to do. He hesitated for a moment, looking at her with those blue eyes she didn’t understand.

“Sure,” He spoke at last, “I’ll see you in a few.” Kim nodded her head, finally spotting Cindy and walking over towards her. She glanced over her shoulder, still noticing Billy in her line of sight. She didn’t want him talking to Cindy, she didn’t understand why, but she didn’t like when he paid other people attention.

“Hi,” She smiled as she approached Cindy, hoping to clear things over between them, “Thanks for having me. Are you ready to go down?” Kim asked, sounding hopeful. She wasn’t sure why she wanted to make such a good impression towards Cindy. It was like she needed to get on her good side in order to have everyone else as a friend. Kim started to move forward.

“You better wait here.” Cindy pressed her fingers into her collarbone hard. Kim stared at her for a moment, her smile fading. She watched as people pushed past her.

“What?” She asked, tilting her head in confusion. She didn’t understand. She wanted to play just like everyone else. She was shy, but she still wanted to be involved with everyone else. Cindy was looking at her in amusement.

“You can’t both play,” Cindy laughed, glancing over her shoulder as everyone else headed down towards her basement. Billy was already out of her eyesight, “What if you spin the bottle and it lands on him?” She asked, shaking her head as if Kim was dumb,

“I can still play.” Kim said softly, feeling like the solution was fairly simple. Her and Billy would just skip over each other if it happened. She felt with as many people that were here, it would be a small chance. Cindy had one eyebrow raised and her lips curled up in disgust.

“Why” Do you want to kiss your brother?” Cindy questioned her, her eyes looking Kim up and down,“Only freaks would do that.” She spoke in disdain. Kim suddenly felt insecure, knowing that’s not what she meant at all.

“No,” Kim’s face felt warm, “I don’t want that. But I can still play. If it lands on him I just skip it.” She shrugged her shoulders, trying to keep the tension from rising between them. Cindy tilted her head, moving closer to Kim. She felt her heart race in her chest, suddenly feeling very intimidated. Cindy was taller than her, she played volleyball and other sports. If she hit her, she’d be stuck on the ground for a while.

“Awe,” Cindy tugged on her red hair softly, “You’re too stupid to get the hint. I don’t want you to play. I wanted Billy here, and now that he’s here, I don’t need you here anymore. So why don’t you just wait up here until the rest of us are done playing, alright?” Kim felt the knife twisting in her chest. Her eyes widening as the tears rushed forward. She nodded her head quickly, realizing how everything else had suddenly made sense. She felt humiliated, her whole body warming as she understood that she would always be the one that nobody wanted.

“I thought,” Kim inhaled sharply, trying to keep herself from crying, “I thought we were friends.” She finally spit out, not liking the hurt that was coursing through her body. It stung in a completely different way to when her father had left. She felt betrayed. Friends weren’t supposed to be like this. They weren’t supposed to be mean.

“Friends with you? I just needed you to get to Billy. So thank you for that,” Cindy mocked her, patting her cheek softly before squeezing it hard, “You should get comfortable. I have a feeling he’ll be busy for a while.” Cindy smiled brightly, placing the same kind smile on her lips. Kim felt pathetic as she left her standing there, staring after her.

She curled up on the couch, watching whatever was playing and not really paying attention. She kept wiping her tears, trying to act nonchalant as more couples came up and found different rooms. She felt pathetic, being the only one without anyone else. She should’ve stayed at home.

She finally left from her spot after a couple decided that they were going to pick the couch to make out on. They kept bumping into Kim’s shoulder and she finally decided that she had had enough. She made her way to the kitchen, staring at the pretty cake that Cindy had gotten for her birthday. It was untouched.

Kim dug around in the large kitchen, finding the largest knife she could before she began to cut it into pieces. She stared at the blue icing that was on the knife, before she licked it off.

“That’s a bit dangerous, don’t you think?” Her body stilled and her eyes went wide. Her tongue was still stuck to the knife as she froze, slowly turning to look at the man that was leaning against the doorway, watching her with a smile on his face. He was tall, had strong muscles and sandy brown hair.

“Hi,” She responded meekly, finally pulling the knife away from her mouth, “I was just- I thought I’d cut the cake.” She told him, unsure of how she was supposed to answer. She stiffened, watching as he walked into the kitchen. She was sure he was going to toss her out.

“Don’t you think we should wait until they sing happy birthday?” He pulled two plates from the cabinet before he walked over and grabbed some silverware. She paused for another second.

“Not for her,” She said at last, “She’s mean.” She admitted, thinking that Cindy didn’t deserve to have a birthday wish. He laughed, walking towards her and handing her a plate.

“That’s my sister,” Kim felt her eyes grow three sizes. Her tongue felt dry and she was sure that Cindy was certainly going to kill her now, “And she’s not mean. She’s a bitch.” Kim let out a nervous laugh, watching as he put a giant stack of cake on her plate. She stared at him for a long time, in disbelief over how he could be so casual.

“You’re not going to tell her?” She asked him, feeling unsure and a bit worried. She didn’t want to get in trouble. She just felt like if she wasn’t allowed to play the games, she could at least enjoy the cake. He grinned at her.

“Fuck no,” He pulled a chair out and sat down. He pushed one out towards her, “Why don’t you join me?” He asked her. She sat down hesitantly, unsure if she should even be talking to him.

“What’s your name?” She asked, not even remembering that Cindy had a brother. She guessed that she shouldn’t be that surprised, Cindy probably lied about everything. Cindy didn’t really want Kim to know anything about her.

“Todd,” He grinned, watching as she ate the cake. She was surprised that it was almost too sweet, but she ate it anyway. She smiled at him, kicking her feet softly as the stool moved from under her, “Yours?”

“Kim,” She said softly, uncertain if she should tell him or not. She figured that he wouldn’t tell Cindy, but she really wasn’t sure if she should trust him. She did anyway. There was no one else for her to talk to. He seemed to be the only one that was interested in her, “This is a really nice place.” She mentioned the house, looking around at the tall walls. It was like a mansion, not that she really knew what one looked like. He laughed, ignoring her comment.

“How old are you?” He asked suddenly, smiling at her with big green eyes. Kim noticed they were the same eyes Cindy had. It made her feel weird, like she wasn’t fully able to appreciate them. Everytime she looked at him, all she could think of was Cindy. They looked that similar, like they could be twins.

“I just turned sixteen,” She told him shyly, taking another bite of the cake, “What about you?” She had a small party for her birthday, she now understood why Cindy hadn’t shown up. She wasn’t interested in Kim at all. She felt dumb for not realizing that sooner.

“You’re so young, sixteen is a good age,” He smiled at her, his eyes tracing up her pale skin, “I’m twenty five. I’m only back for the holidays. Finishing up my degree, I want to be a doctor.” She turned towards him, surprised. She hadn’t really ever talked to a boy this much older before. She had heard girls talking about having older boyfriends before.

“Wow,” She giggled, “That’s cool.” She told him earnestly. She didn’t think she’d ever be able to do something in the medical field. She really didn’t like blood that much, the smell made her feel sick at times and she didn’t like how red it was. He brushed his knee against hers, smiling widely as he pushed his hair from his face.

“Do you drink?” She shook her head no, suddenly thinking of her father. She didn’t have any interest in drinking anything at the moment. She took another bite of her cake, enjoying how soft it felt on her tongue.

“No, I don’t like the taste,” She lied, barely remembering the only time she had tried it, “It’s strong.” He watched her amused, like he could see right through her. Or, he just liked how innocent she was. She wasn’t sure, but the way he smiled at her made her think that he was at least interested. Even if he was nearly ten years older than her.

“I can make you a mocktail. You know, you’re pretty mature for someone your age. You’re not like my sister.” He told her softly, brushing his fingers along her hand. Goosebumps raced up her skin as she stared towards him, feeling a dopey smile form on her face.

“Oh?” She was blushing suddenly, unsure if it was really a compliment or not. She watched as he pulled out some juice from the fridge. Their house was twice as big as Neil’s. She wasn’t sure how they afforded it, but assumed they must’ve had plenty of money if he was going to be a doctor.

“Yeah, it’s a good thing,” He promised her as he rose from his seat. She stayed still, watching him move as she finished her cake. She was tempted to take a second piece but decided against it. Susan had always told her and Max that they didn’t want to eat too much in front of men, so that they wouldn’t seem like they were pigs, “Did you come alone?”

“No,” She crossed her legs as she faced him better in her seat, “My step brother is here. I doubt that he remembers me.” She admitted, feeling a bit bitter. She was sure Cindy was living out her fantasy now, getting as much of Billy as she wanted.

“I can always give you a ride home,” Todd offered, his back facing her as he worked on making their drinks, “I don’t mind.” She felt giddy again, not used to someone being so interested in her. She thought that Billy would like that. He wouldn’t feel so bothered with her then.

“Sure,” She breathed out softly, “I mean, if he doesn’t come back up here I’d like that.” He walked towards her, holding two cups in his hands. She looked at the liquid, feeling the way her heart was racing in her chest.

“You’d like what?” Billy walked in suddenly, taking the both of them by surprise. He eyed Todd for the longest time before he walked towards Kim, “I’ve been looking for you.” He told her, looking at the small distance between her and Todd.

“I’ve been up here,” She told him, glancing at Todd. She didn’t want to tell Billy the full truth. She didn’t want to look so pathetic in front of Todd, “He just made me a mocktail.” She spoke happily, excited that someone would think so much of her. Billy furrowed his eyebrows together, then turned to stare at Todd with his intense eyes.

“Can I have one?” Billy questioned at last, reaching his hand forward. Todd laughed, pulling it back towards his chest. Kim watched curiously.

“Sorry, it’s non alcoholic. Just for the beautiful girl.” Todd winked towards Kim, sending a flush throughout her body. She tried to keep her giggle at bay, feeling overly joyous at someone complimenting her in that manner.

“That’s fine. I’ll drink that one and you can make her another one.” Billy reassured him, holding his hand out expectantly. Kim was confused, not understanding why he was being so intense about it. She turned back towards Todd.

“That’s fine, I don’t mind to wait again.” She told him gently. Todd gulped hard, keeping both of the glasses in his hands for the longest time. He stared ahead at Billy, taking a few steps back.

“Maybe we can try some other time,” He was dumping the glasses down the sink without another fight, “You better get going.” Todd nodded towards her, looking like he was no longer interested in her. She felt her shoulders sag.

“Let’s go,” Billy touched Kim’s elbow, giving her a look of urgency. She didn’t understand as she watched him. She looked at the smeared lipstick on his lips, “Come on. Before dad gets mad that we’re gone.” She suddenly understood, standing up quickly and following him out of the large house. His fingers stayed against her skin until they made it into the car.

“Why didn’t you come downstairs?” He asked finally, when he was done simmering in his seat. She looked at him confused, figuring he wouldn’t have even noticed that she was missing.

“Cindy said I couldn’t play,” She said softly, growing humiliated as she spoke, “She wanted to go out with you and said she didn’t need me anymore.” Billy paused, putting his lighter away as he looked at her.

“Are you serious?” She nodded her head unsure, not expecting him to have gotten so offended over it, “Don’t let her treat you like that. You’re so much better.” Kim shrugged her shoulders, letting the self pity hold onto her.

“I’m not that interesting.”

“You’re interesting to me,” He quickly distracted himself as he finally lit up his cigarette, “You shouldn’t let people get you down like that.” She thought it was odd that Billy of all people was saying nice things about her. She felt a little bit better, thinking that he had no reason to lie to her.

“She was supposed to be my friend.” Kim mumbled underneath her breath, still feeling a bit hurt. Billy turned towards her.

“If it gives you any gratification,” Billy started talking again as he drove. He kept the windows down, letting the cool air fill the car, “She was a bad kisser and a lousy fuck.” Kim felt a smile cracking on her lips.

“I’m so terribly sorry that you had to endure that,” Kim teased him softly, “It must’ve been so terrible for you.” She watched for a moment, liking when he smiled. She wished that he would smile more often.

“You shouldn’t talk to that guy either,” Billy said softly as he turned to look at her, “He gives me the heebie jeebies.” Kim stared for a long time before she couldn’t help it anymore. She covered her mouth, trying to keep the giggles at bay as she laughed at the words that had just left his mouth. Billy, who was in trouble every other day at school for causing another fight, said heebie jeebies.

“It’s nothing bad,” She reassured quickly, forgetting that he didn’t like to be touched and placing her hands on his bicep. He was still looking irritated as he drove, “I just didn’t expect you to say that. It’s cute, I’m sorry.” She promised, still grinning as she held onto his arm. He turned towards her.

“It’s just a word.” He shrugged his shoulders again and she found herself smiling to herself. Billy was such a mystery to her, she wanted to know more about him but didn’t have the courage to tell him so.

When Monday rolled around, she was taking the walk of shame towards her familiar lunch table. Her heart was thumping hard when she heard Cindy’s laugh and she hoped she wouldn’t say anything else about the party.

“Hey,” Billy gripped the back of her elbow softly, holding his lunch tray in his other hand, “Why don’t you come sit with me and some of my friends today?” She paused, staring at him unsure.

“I don’t want to be a burden.” She mumbled, glancing back towards the table. She could see that they had gained the interest of Cindy. Billy smiled warmly.

“You’re never a burden,” He was still touching her elbow as he guided her the other way, “Show them what they’re missing.” He nudged her forward as she felt her heart flip inside of her chest.

1985

Kim stared at herself in the mirror. It was different from the way she first did when she wore this dress. She didn’t feel as insecure, she didn’t feel as embarrassed. She felt nothing. She was numb.

It was like Billy was a memory. He was gone before she awoke and arrived back home when she was trying to pretend she was sleeping. She couldn’t bring herself to drag herself to his room. She was afraid that he would be irritated, that he would no longer want her at all. The past three days had been torture. She tried to busy herself by working, by hanging out with Addi and baking more desserts than what they needed. Nothing worked. She feared she was going to end up losing her mind.

Her mom had questioned her about her behavior but Kim had only shook her head, denying her any chance to question what had happened. She didn’t want to talk about it. She didn’t want to speak about Billy and put another bad taste in her mouth. Max had been pestering her too, but she had remained as quiet as ever.

Karen had come into the diner yesterday morning and Kim had taken careful precautions in listening to what she wanted. She made sure she stuck her fingers into each item on her plate, just in case she avoided eating something. She was tempted to spit in it, but against her better judgment she decided against it.

She missed Billy. She missed him in a way she didn’t understand. She knew she would be happy if he was just in the same room, if he was just near her. That’s all she wanted. She just wanted to feel like she had some part of him.

She didn’t get the chance to ask him to bring her to Tommy’s, but she was going regardless. She knew he’d be there, so she had to be there. She’d do anything to just breathe the same air as him. She craved him that much, needed to be around him that badly.

She had thought of Max’s words from the other day and decided she was going to go all out. She pretended like nothing was wrong. She did her makeup, fixed her hair, and smiled so brightly that she no longer recognized herself. She wore the same pink dress and even put the lingerie underneath it. It was wishful thinking, she knew that. She did it anyway. She didn’t care if it made her look desperate. He made her happy, she deserved to be happy.

She stacked her pillows up under her blankets in a way to make it look like she was laying there. She pressed her window open and struggled for a moment before she was sliding out of her window. The warm air greeted her nicely as she made her way towards Eddie’s van. Tommy never said it just had to be her that showed up.

She passed by Billy’s room, wondering if she’d be able to sneak back in with him tonight. She hoped that things would change, that somehow, they would be different after this. She felt that they were too attached for anything to end. She knew she promised to give him time to think, but she was hurting. She wanted to forget.

She figured that if he was able to drink her away, she could do the same thing. She could forget everything that happened and she could have fun. She was determined to feel anything other than the numb sensation that was traveling through her chest. She wanted to feel like her heart was alive again.

Addi had the window rolled down when she appeared, her dark eyes widened as she looked at her, “Damn. You look good.” She whistled for effect, a grin forming on her lips. Kim felt a blush spreading over her face.

“Shut up,” She still smiled as she got into the backseat. She took a few deep breaths, trying to fill her lungs with fresh air, “I’m ready.”

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