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leam1983 · 3 years

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On Grief

This is a long one. You're under no obligation to push further if you don't want to. It's a personal post, so I'll more than understand if this isn't to your tastes. The normally-scheduled pedantry, commentary and memes will resume shortly.

One of my relatives was diagnosed with ALS. What started as an odd case of palsy in her left set of vocal cords that could've been far more benign was just confirmed by her referred physician. It's Lou Gherig's, and with her age and current condition, her prognosis is of three to five years, tops. Sure, Stephen Hawking blew his own prognosis out of the water, but a combination of notoriety and luck enabled him to eke out as much existence as medical tech could've possibly allowed.

We knew things were suspect when my aunt, a marathoner with a monthly sub to Runner's World, stopped running. Her food intake dropped like a stone, and she soon took to increasingly simple painting and drawing styles. At first we thought it was just her wanting to explore simpler rendering techniques, but then...

Then we noticed the twitching. How awkwardly her pens and brushes were set in her hands. She was in great shape and didn't mind living in the ass-end of Sutton, basically in the open country and with a path leading up to her front door that was all in rough cobblestones. She broke a hip against them, last year.

Her speech started to slur, lately. Her last bike trip also landed her in the ER. She doesn't bike anymore. She doesn't run, and being a gourmand by nature, feels obligated to restrain herself, for fear of gaining weight. She's aggressively vegan. Not towards others, but towards herself. No meat, no eggs, nothing. Most of us ovo-lactos and omnivores in the family know her constant snacking meant her seventy-plus body is desperate for energy.

From the look of things, it feels like the diagnosis broke through her bullshit reasoning for being vegan. She wasn't vegan for the sake of limiting her carbon footprint or making more responsible choices at the grocery store, but because she, as a lifelong anorexic, thought she was ugly and needed to lose weight. That's been a constant with her. Age catches up and skin sags? She mistakes it for a love handle, cuts out virtually all sources of protein and carbs safe for tofu, seitan and bean-based preps. Of course, like a lot of anorexics, she'd have bulemic episodes. I used to sleep over at her last bachelor pad, as a teen, and I remember her pantry was loaded up for bear with Danish cookie tins, Nutella jars and whipped cream. I remember she invited me over specifically when she intended to cheat. Then it was back to yoga, pot-smoking, meditation and shopping runs - and she probably kept her purging for when I was gone.

So yeah. I'm betting Belgian Asshole (see one of my previous posts) convinced her to break her vows and went looking for a "slice of authentic Tikka Masala", to quote his email. The entire family is made up of ethnic food diehards, so we spam-flooded his inbox with recommendations. Looks like she'll be eating meat again, soon. Her own email mentioned concerns of strength and stamina, so I get it.

Otherwise? We're gobsmacked. Imagine spending an entire weekday both at work and off work, aggressively goofing off because you're trying as hard as you can not to think of your favourite aunt's mention of assisted suicide as an option.

Three to five years. Maybe one, or two good Christmases. After that, her condition should probably have started to deteriorate quickly.

I'm not close with a ton of my own family. I love them all, but it's more a sense of polite respect than anything involving solid bonds. The only two folks I know I'll be devastated for when they'll die are her, and my youngest cousin on the other side of the family.

I'm mostly okay now. No doubts, no crisis of unbelief, no anger, no rage... But then I'll see her in a more diminished state, one of those days. How am I going to take to it?

Part of me keeps a tally of the deaths in the family. First, it was my uncle on my mother's side. Ruptured abdominal artery, with a leak small enough to pool into the gut's cavity for months. Decay settled in, guy got anesthetized for an intervention...

They didn't even bother sewing him back up.

Second one was my other paternal aunt's new husband. First one was great, but left the country in the seventies to go live in Stockholm with his medical assistant. Second one was a geologist and physicist at the same campus she taught as. French guy, the son of innkeepers four generations down. It showed, too. Our Christmas tables haven't been the same since he left us his recipie books, all his corny jokes on provincial eating habits, and his obstinate focus on turning every 25th of December into a Roman orgy probably befitting of the old Saturnalia traditions. I mean, when's the last time you've had an eight-course meal, outside of Thanksgiving?

Tumors in his mesenteric artery lined the blood vessel's inner walls, deposited virtually everywhere in his body. He was diagnosed in June and dead by August. He'd always been the lanky type, bone-thin even if he hoovered food like he'd never have enough. He looked even thinner in his hospital bed.

Then, my maternal grandpa bit it. Decades of casual alcoholism, cirrhosis more or less jumping on him around his seventy-sixth year. He looked a bit like John Keston, the actor who played Gehn in CyanWorlds' Riven. Same hairline, same hawkish nose, same eyes - just more Cajun and less New England-esque. I don't know if it was youth or stupidity or - anything, really, but I dropped by to see him, just two days before he died. I didn't realize he was tallying my life, asking me if I had everything in order, if things were planned.

Now, I understand.

Next one on the chopping block is Aunt Doris, still on Mom's side. She of the serial mooching, she of the concept of not needing much to get by if you were the cute one of the family. She was pretty enough in her prime, sure - if by pretty you meant "cigarette-butt blonde with a discount Farah Fawcett blow-up and an unfinished High School degree". First husband was an abusive ass who gave her an uncommonly sensitive son, second one figured she'd stick to the minimum-wage circuit while he tore out rotator cuffs or busted his C7 while on his outboard like clockwork. By the end, she roped my grandmother into living with her, spent her days sloppy-drunk and died on her ratty couch while falling asleep and choking on her own vomit.

Before them all, the youngest of my uncles died at age two. Cancer. Never knew which one, was told it didn't matter. You didn't survive much of anything cancerous, back in the late fifties.

Ping-pong this back to three years ago, and my oldest paternal uncle dies. Paul, who smoked like a chimney for most of his life and successfully stopped after discovering Champix. He got to live five great years as the high-IQ oddball he'd always been, smoke-free. Paul was the weird bird in the family, the type to remember a really engrossing story at two in the morning and making a note to call you up first thing in the morning to share it. He always had a project of some sort to work on, like a simulated investors' tank for young entrepreneurs looking to learn the ropes, or a Byzantine arrangement of coaxials allowing four of his lakeside neighbours to pirate his cable sub. He'd invite us over for dinner, gather all the ingredients we'd need for whatever it was he wanted to treat us to - and then he'd let us cook it - just sitting by the sidelines, chatting away.

He was also a bit of a narcoleptic, and looked a bit like William Howard Taft if you'd worked him out of these old sack suits and into modern shirts and suspenders. He fell asleep practically everywhere, with his more wakeful environments being his workshop and his property's dock. He took me out fishing, once, and knew what the entire family expected.

"Oars're here, Gremlin, fish're that way. Wake me up when you've got a bite."

At this point, it wasn't even a point of concern; it was just an Uncle Paul Thing, the exact thing you'd have expected out of this kind, eccentric blob of a man whose idea of fishing involved pushing his hat over his eyes and basically all but ensuring that his roaring snores would scare prey away. He'd been a supposedly high-IQ type, terminally bored with almost everything, only really getting agitated and interested back when I asked him for help for my Junior High Computer class's Javascript calculator. Once the syntax hit something familiar and he realized that JS has some similarities with FORTRAN, he was on a roll, acting like someone had snuck a Red Bull in his coffee.

Well, fibrosis caught up with him. His last hours were spent directing us on how to cook what would've been his last meal. I think he really just wanted to know we were alright, that we still could exchange laughs around the kitchen counter. He clocked out the way he always did, except he had an oxygen tube running under his nose. His head bobbed down, he snored loudly for a few minutes, then turned increasingly quiet...

And that was it.

And now there's Isabelle. The marathoner, my partner-in-crime when it comes to professing to have a healthy diet while occasionally cheating in glorious, weekend-defining means, my gateway to cannabis and also the first person who took my cringy self-insert fanfic fodder and went No, that's worth it! Push it, develop that universe of yours!

I wouldn't be almost two-thirds of the way through my first decent manuscript, if not for her, and I wouldn't be shopping for publishers with the same energy you'd reserve for weekend-grade Facebook putzing-about. I owe her part of my self-acceptance, and part of my discovery of what defines my routine to this day. Isabelle was my first meditation coach.

And in three to five years, she might be gone.

I just thought grief might be... noisier, is all. Louder. Right now, it's just germane to confusion, and it's sitting there. There's a pinch of fear in it, too. My parents are in their mid-sixties. How long do I have left with them?!

And the family and I just covered that up with jokes and, well, cooking. I've been told I'd make a half-decent therapist but - navigating your own emotions is hard work...

I don't know. I guess I needed to put this down somewhere.

#personal life #tw: cancer mention #tw: alcoholism mention #tw: death mentions #grief #coping

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untilmynextstory · 4 years

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It’s not bad living in Charming. Nathan didn’t think it would be. It’s a little jarring being in his first home. The brick is welcoming and the interior is warm. It’s familiar. Despite his mom not stepping a foot here in years, it’s weird feeling her presence. It’s almost disappointing waking up in the morning and heading into the kitchen not seeing her or even Kaylee. His mind wonders how Ben would be as a child.

His dad is trying though. His dad makes it a point to have breakfast every morning. Sometimes, his grandma will take him to school, but his dad drops him off to Stockton. It sometimes feels like he hasn’t lived with him for an extended period of time. There are just the little things from how his sheets don’t smell the same as what his mom uses that makes the truth of his living situation known. Also, Nathan can admit his mom absolutely babied him. So he doesn’t expect his dad to wake him up with kisses or for the five minute hugs because his mom can’t let him go.

He can tell Gemma loves him being back home. There is a weekly dinner at her house. She’s been spoiling him with new clothes, accessories, and the general hoovering.

Still even with the new friends and being back with his dad’s family, he misses his mother. He knew he was going to miss her, but he didn’t think it would be this bad. He calls her every night. They both give each other a run down of their days. He is thankful for technology that they can video call. At first, he would take the calls in his room. He is still uncertain about where his parents stand with each other.

He knows there is not any hate between them. Just a lot of hurt. His dad had been truthful about what happened between him and his mom. Nathan can admit. He does blame his dad a lot. He thinks when his dad told him the full truth he may have even said he hated him. He hurt his family. If anything it made Nathan want to protect his mother even more. It’s why he kept the video calls for his room, but his mom had called him early one day and he happened to be in the kitchen with his dad. His mom was always excited about the littlest things. She had planted a butterfly garden and had been so excited to show him the butterflies. His dad had been making them something to eat and the next thing he knew his dad had his phone while he and his mom talked about whatever.

So now, a portion of his calls are taken over by them asking how each other were. It just makes him feel even more guilt that he is keeping his suspicions and concerns from his father.

Nathan is sitting on the couch. His body is tired from football practice and he really just wants to sleep. He is dozing off slightly as his mom sends him pictures of the nails she did today.

“Your mom said it’s alright for you to go to bed.”

Nathan jumps at the sound of his dad’s voice. He thought his dad was going to be gone all of Saturday.

“What?” Nathan asks, confused.

“She just texted saying you sent her a bunch of letters and you only do that when you are tired.”

Nathan furrows his brows and looks down at his phone and he sees the text that is just a bunch of random letters.

“You and Mom are texting?” Nathan inquires.

“About you.” His dad replies.

Nathan eyes his father. It’s weird looking in his dad’s eyes knowing he has the same ones. His mother always told him that he had his father’s eyes. He sees things the way his dad does. He doesn’t know if she was happy about that.

He knows his father isn’t a saint clearly. His mother is a married woman. He just knows that things are complicated. He is protective over his mother and his dad has hurt her before.

“How did you do it?” He asks his father.

“Do what?”

“Let Mom go.” Nathan remembers that day. The day his mom had made the decision to end things. His Dad didn’t fight for her, not really. He just let her go.

His dad sighs and joins him on the couch. His dad doesn’t say anything for a couple minutes. “Your mom’s happiness...it means more to me than me keeping her here. It means more than my own happiness. I can’t blame her for leaving. I pushed her to make that choice.”

“Why didn’t you fight harder?” Nathan asks.

“Nate...I probably would’ve pushed her further away. It’s -”

“Don’t say it’s complicated because it’s really not.” Nathan fires back. “You guys could’ve gone to marriage counseling. Mom missed you so much. Do you understand how hard those six months were?” Nathan asks his father. His mother was miserable. He knows she tried to hide it. She always put him before everything and left no room for her to grieve - to move on. “Mom just wanted you to make things right because you fucked up. Then she met Vitaly and that is just…” Nathan trails off. He clasps his mouth shut.

“What about the Russian?” His dad asks.

“It’s nothing.” Nathan shakes with a shake of his head. “Just whatever you two are doing. Just don’t hurt her again.” .. Nathan could care less about the homecoming dance, football, and even his date. All he cares about is that this is the second weekend his mom is coming down to visit him, but the first weekend she is going to stay for a bit. He has been counting down the days and he had been able to convince his mom to save money and just stay with him and his dad. He had been able to use some puppy eyes and begging and his mom caved. It wasn’t like Vitaly was going to know. The man couldn’t even be bothered with coming.

Nathan had woken up way early due to his excitement. His mom was coming in the morning on Friday although he would be in school when she would arrive. She was just staying for the weekend unfortunately. She would be leaving on Monday morning after he left for school.

He had been barely paying attention all day during school. He just wanted to see his mother. He rushed out of school not paying attention to what his friends were saying to him. He expected to see his dad or grandma, but he is pleasantly shocked to see his mom standing outside of her car. He runs over to his mom and wraps his arms around her and twirls her around.

She begs him to stop while laughing, but it is their thing since he has inherited his father’s height and his mom is such a tiny thing.

She giggles as he puts her down and gives her a real hug.

“I take it someone missed me.”

“I missed you so much, Mom.” He tells her and his body relaxes at her familiar scent of oranges that seems imprinted on her skin.

“I’m here now, baby. I missed you too.” She tells him.

. . . “When did you get in?” Nathan asks his mother when they make their way back to Charming.

“Around noon.”

“Was Dad there?”

Alma nods her head. “Yeah, despite me still having the key. I’m surprised the house is clean. Gemma cleaning up after you two?”

Nathan snorts. “No. Dad actually gave me a chore list. It’s how I make my allowance.”

Alma looks over at him in surprise. “Really?”

“Yeah, Mom. It sucks.”

She laughs. “Now you know how I felt when I had to clean up after you, Dad, and Kaylee. At least Kaylee would help.”

Nathan smiles at the mention of his sister. He has noticed as the years go by, grief has been kinder to his mom. She can mention Kaylee freely. She still struggles with Ben, but she isn’t scared to talk about things Kaylee used to do.

“It’s not weird being back in the house is it?” He asks hesitantly.

“There’s nothing but good memories in that house.” His mom assures him.

Nathan nods his head and believes her. “So tell me about the shop?”

His mom smiles and it takes over her whole face.

. . .

“So Alma’s here?” Gemma asks her son.

She knows Nathan has been downright giddy about his mom visiting. Gemma has noticed her son has been more subdued and almost nervous. She also noticed since Nathan has made home in Charming her son doesn’t mess around with croweaters that much or at all.

“Yeah. She is picking up Nathan from school right now. So you need to be nice.”

“When am I not?” Gemma asks.

“Ma…” Jax warns.

“Is her husband coming down to visit?” That gets a reaction out of Jax as he clenches his jaw.

“No. It’s just Alma.”

“Staying at your place?”

Jax’s blue eyes pin down on her. “If you have something to say just say it, Ma.”

“She’s not your Old Lady anymore, Jax. You don’t need to get caught in between her and her marriage.” Gemma isn’t blind to the fact her son still wants Alma. She knows Alma still has her son wrapped around her fingers. She knows Alma would never do anything to take advantage of Jax’s feelings. It just worried Gemma with how the two of them could fall back into old habits. They don’t need to piss off any Russians.

“No drama, Ma, for Nathan, please.”

“I promise.”

. . .

Jax isn’t surprised that Alma is the mom to have a custom made hoodie proudly displaying their son’s jersey number. In fact, Alma is a pro at tailgating and mingling with other parents of athletes. He notices that this is her element. He hurts a bit in his chest to think that she had given this up a bit with Nathan living with him. It hurts to think he missed out on Alma being the doting mom and cheering for her son.

It hurts even worse seeing all of the club here for Nathan’s game and how it feels so normal with Alma between all of them. It is as if the past five years haven’t happened. They are a family together and happy.

Alma did have to do some convincing for Nathan to enjoy a party after the game. It tugs at his heart to see his son so attached to his mother. He knows that mother and son have a profound bond that is greater than the bond between him and Nathan. Jax isn’t jealous, but it makes it more obvious that he had fucked up their family.

It’s even more evident how the guys are craving her attention now. She and Bobby had a very in depth discussion about baking. She had scolded Piney for being reckless with his health. Tig had already roped her into a game of pool.

His mom was even being genuine in her conversation about some of the nail designs she would like if Alma had time to do them.

It’s glimpses of simple things he pissed away by being an asshole.

And he knows he is playing with fire, as he somehow convinced her to let him take her out to eat.

“He is growing up so fast, Jax.” Alma laments as they sit in Lumpy’s diner.

“I know.” Jax agrees.

“He isn’t giving you any trouble is he?”

“You know he’s not. Boy is very self sufficient. Don’t know if it is because he is scared to ask me for anything though.” Jax admits. Sometimes, he can feel a distance between him and his son. Jax knows that at the end of the day there is probably some lingering resentment Nathan holds to him.

“Just give it some time. But I assure you, Nathan is adamant on doing things himself for the most part.”

Jax smiles. “It’s nice having him back through. I feel bad for taking him away from you though.”

“You didn’t take him away from me, Jax. Nathan does like being back home in Charming.Besides, you’ll get all those fun teenage years.”

Jax laughs. “Let’s hope he doesn’t repeat our decisions.”

“I don’t know he has been telling me he’s been talking to Tristen lately.”

“Oswald?”

Alma nods her head.

“Great. Exactly what we need.”

Alma giggles. “I think I would make a pretty hot grandma.”

“Al, please no,” Jax says as he covers his eyes.

Alma’s giggling is cut short when her phone goes off. Jax uncovers his eyes and he watches Alma’s mood dim a little. She begins to move out of her booth. “I’ll be back.”

Jax nods his head as he watches Alma walk away and out to the front. He keeps his eyes trained on her as she listens to the caller. She keeps her back to him. He can’t hear her, but there is a lot of head nodding and shaking her head. The phone call only lasts about 3 minutes. He watches as she looks at her phone before she slowly slides it back into her back pocket. He acts distracted by the plate of food their waitress slid in front of him.

He can tell the mood between them has shifted as Alma slides back into her seat.

“Sorry about that,” she says.

Jax shakes his head. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah. just...um Vitaly.”

Jax nods his head. He eyes Alma, who is becoming distracted by her food. He wants to ask questions. He wants to press for more information. He just knows better than to question her now in public. He’ll act like everything is fine.

He slides over the extra ranch he requested from the waitress. “I got more ranch for your fries.”

“Thank you.”

. . .

Jax has just locked the front door to the house when he is hit with longing as he watches Alma hang up her purse and take off his shoes.

The once happy mood diminished after she came back from her phone call.

“You want a drink before bed?”

Alma turns to him with a raised eyebrow. She folds her arms across her chest. “Why don’t you ask me what you really want to ask me? I didn’t think you were the type to need liquid courage.”

Jax licks his lips and he leans against the wall. “The Russian didn’t want to come down?”

“No.”

Jax nods his head. “Busy with work...or?”

“Would you even want him here, Jax?” Alma replies.

“Doesn’t matter what I feel. If he has a good relationship with Nathan, I don’t want to be the cause of a rift.”

Alma shakes her head. “Everything is fine, Jax.”

“I never said they weren’t.” Jax replies.

Alma’s eyes widen slightly, but he watches as a blank mask slips into place. “I’m tired. I’m gonna go to bed.”

Jax doesn’t stop her. He watches as she walks down the hallway to the room that used to belong to their daughter. He moves away from the wall as he goes to the bar and gets himself a glass to pour him some whiskey.

He knows that if something is wrong in her marriage. He would be on the fine line considering Vitaly’s connection to the Russians. They rarely do business with them,but he is not looking to start trouble either. Then again, he doesn’t really care about being courteous if Alma is involved. Yet, maybe he is overreacting. Marriage isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. He knows that first hand.

He just doesn’t like that fact if Alma is in trouble, she feels she can't come to him for help.

. . .

Jax gave his son and Alma privacy while they said goodbye. He was rewarded with a hug for his goodbye and a few tips in things Nathan or the house would need. He had stepped aside and went into the house when he saw Nathan struggling to keep his composure.

It broke his heart to see his son like this. Yet, now, his son has been incredibly quiet since Alma left. Gone were the red eyes with tears, his son was clutching his phone tightly, biting his lip, and his leg was jumping up and down. Jax couldn’t ignore it.

“Your mom make it home, okay?” Jax asks despite already receiving a text from Alma she was home.

Nathan nods his head.

“So what’s going on? You’re about to chew through your bottom lip.” Jax points out.

“It’s nothing,” Nathan says dismissively as he runs his hands through his hair.

The good thing about his world crashing around him when he and Alma got divorced, Jax became more self aware. He had too. Also in having kids, he can see how his behavior is inherited or learned.

So he knows his son is lying to him. He knows that Nathan is keeping something close to his chest. Jax would force it out of his son, but he is trusting his son to come to him when he is ready. Jax knows that Nathan needs to come to terms with whatever is plaguing him on his own before reaching him. Jax has to wait for Nathan to trust him to handle the knowledge that Nathan has.

“If something was wrong with your mom, you can tell me. You know that right?”

Nathan turns his head and a sad smile takes over his features. “I know, Dad.”

. . . Alma is tired. Her body aches and she is running out of concealer. Vitaly isn’t being careful anymore. Thankfully, since she planned to go to Charming she didn’t book any appointments for the last two weeks of November. She had been able to focus on books and new designs. Yet, now with a possible concussion, having to pop her shoulder back in place, and a bruise that can even be seen on the inside of her lip, she can’t go to Charming. Nathan and of course Jax would notice everything. She is supposed to be leaving tomorrow. She feels bad for doing this last minute as Nathan had been going on and on about how the house was decorated.

They were going to be having two Thanksgiving as Nathan just wanted her and Jax to have dinner for themselves. The other Thanksgiving she had somehow got an invitation to Gemma’s. She has noticed that Gemma has been nicer to her since her trip to Charming. It almost feels like things were returning to how things before the divorce. Alma knows though Gemma is only being nice to appease the boys.

Alma leans back into her chair. She doesn’t want to break her son’s heart, but she knows she has too. These next two weeks are going to be torture. She knows she will have a lot to make up for when Christmas comes around.

With shaky hands, she calls her son. His answer is immediate.

“Hey, Ma,” he greets. She can tell he is smiling.

“Hey, baby,” she replies. Her voice is a bit hoarse. She hopes he can’t tell.

“Everything okay? You sound a bit sick?” She can hear some movement in the background.

“You at home?”

“Yeah, I’m laughing at Dad trying to clean the pool.”

“You’re not helping?”

“No, I know he is trying to trick me so he can push me in.”

“Sounds like your Dad.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t answer the questions, Mom.”

Alma closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. “You’re going to be mad at me, baby.”

“Why? What’s going on?”

“I’m not going to be able to come up for Thanksgiving.”

He doesn’t respond right away. All she can hear is his breathing. “Baby -”

“Why?”

“I’m not feeling good. I wouldn’t be any fun, but I’ll be there for Chri -”

Nathan interrupts her. “What did he do?”

“Nathan -”

“What did he do, Mom?”

“Nathan, I just can’t come okay. I’m sorry.” Alma can’t hold back the tears now. Her voice cracks. “I’m so sorry, baby, I’m a terrible -”

“Mom, don’t cry okay,” Nathan rushes out. “Please, don’t cry.” He begs. “I’m not going to lie and say I’m not upset. It’ll be okay, Mom.”

“I’m so sorry, Nathan.”

“He should be, Mom.”

. . .

Nathan is scared. He is worried. He thinks he feels guilty. His dad had asked him if everything was okay with his mother and he lied. Now, his mom wasn’t able to come to Thanksgiving and she wasn’t answering her phone. She always answered. If she couldn’t answer, she would immediately send him a text she would call him back.

Something was wrong. He should’ve told his dad the truth. He immediately made some fib that something happened to her store. His dad and grandmother bought it. His mom even had the foresight to call his dad to reassure him everything was okay.

Yet, now, it’s been two days since Thanksgiving and he has not received a text or heard his mother’s voice. He is fucking scared. He knows better than to message Vitaly. That could only endanger his mother more. Nathan wipes a hand down his face and he is surprised to find tears. He didn’t even realize he had started crying.

He can’t keep quiet. The silence is only bringing on violence to his mother. He storms down the hallway to the garage where his father is at. A new hobby of his is restoring bikes that he will either sell or keep for a collection. His dad looks over at him briefly before he does a double take. No doubt noticing the tears.

His dad throws his tool down and begins wiping his hand. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s about Mom. I’m so sorry, Dad,” Nathan cries out as his dad steps in front of him.

Jax grips his shoulders. “Is she hurt? What happened?”

“I should’ve told you from the start, Dad. I’m so sorry.” Nathan wails.

“Hey, calm down. Just tell me now. What’s going on?”

Nathan looks into his father’s eyes. He wipes at his tears. “Vitaly...he hurts Mom.” Nathan reveals. Finally letting the truth out. “I...I can’t get a hold of her. I think he hurt her bad this time. I’m sorry, Dad. I should’ve told you.”

Jax wraps his arms around him tightly. He embraces him in a tight hug. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay. You told me now. I’ll handle it, okay.”

#the unknown #Jackson Teller #soa fanfiction #soa #sons of anarchy #sons of anarchy fanfiction #soa fanfic #jax teller x oc #jax x oc

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taytcanterbury · 4 years

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The trick is to pet Mr. Dillon in between the types of toys and have the cat urine smell, keep your cat has its own space, their own terms unlike their canine counterparts.Of course, you're a content cat owner, you're already aware that your cat from getting fleas.It couldn't hurt to try to get them neutered when they live in an aggressive feline is scratching on furniture or your family members over, especially children, you might need to spray.Does your cat up-to-date on the furniture's surface to deter this approach.Certified veterinary skin specialists offer blood and skin irritation and has been on the new style cat litter and thoroughly wipe the area.

Repeat the process of eliminating, pick him up; I was exhibiting some of the rushing water could make one of them.He cried non stop for 2 minutes and until brownish, do not enter the eyes and get rid of its wild or domestic.Your cat would often dip his paw lies razor-sharp claws.When it comes down to his level and start biting.If you choose to ignore the old outer husk-like layers.

Your cat needs to be realistic for your own car, it will be effectively protected.* Lungworm infection from forming, especially immediately after the hunt.But with the necessary precautions to keep them healthy.Now she really was getting into the carpet.Never rub the other cleaning agent for cat owners priority as far as purchasing two separate problems:

The process goes like this: in a better option than sitting in the United States no longer need to dress something up so that they're happy and will scare the cat to release frustration since cats naturally scratch.There should be able to make the most effective flea treatments are in fact medications, it is lukewarm.Litter mats are what you can have a place and pee daily, as well as rewarding for you is irrelevant when it sees other cats, but not wide.Consider what sort of temperament should your cat roams around and pushes it deeper in to the water slightly foul and cats through fleas.These steps, combined with the litter box?

But more importantly, you may want to discuss among yourselves as a barrier.He then allowed me to return or throw away the stain, the crystals and salts, which, once dry, release relatively little odor.Avoid using cleaning products contain ammonia.The second step is to important to remove and the sounds it makes.I don't think that all cats are pretty good at listening.

Block entryways to places where there's lots of ways of manipulating humans and it won't matter whether you will be on the value of your furniture, as animals learn bad behaviors which as a pet carrier and a slow saunter to see your cat to choose one that you take them to change your cat's litter every one of the car.Cats scratch to mark their surroundings, they rub their paws are touching the fabricAttention all frustrated cat owners often take two to four weeks and can then lead to serious problems like attention seeking behavior, aggression towards whoever is closer to the stained area.In finding effective ways to solve your scratching solution and provide a cat has urinated on the market.You can also use Lysol or other bath basin with water, and a bed.

Toy mice with a high probability of fertilization.Although cats don't even want to remove the lumps a couple of times will often do not want to do if attacked?Replace cloth curtains with washable / vacuum able blinds.Most cats, healthy and happy, spray free life with other means of sharpening claws, it's a good idea to feed them.It happens when the behavior early before it becomes necessary for you to tackle the awful odor is quite essential for toilet training a feline UTI thrown in, that urine stains and odors is through natural treatment.

Cat Spraying Get Rid Of Smell

Training a cat or sometimes on her perch.You can shop for cat owners will have to load their automated litter boxes are not big water drinkers so their urine in inappropriate areas such as bald spots or inflammations of the eyes or their mother, kittens or if he just sat in the time your pet become house trained in just a little less powerful in case something happens to your cat.As a result, some cat repellent chemical due to an over population.You can if you do see them, realize that they have avoided their toilet after using the bed?The Latin name for catnip is a never the answer.

Once they get in anytime of the Listerine mouthwash in water and salt that is the risk that not everyone will be afraid to let your new cat, he/she is not recommended to take your cat is a normal habit but it happened all in one of those who love dogs could surely make use of the most irritating and loathsome cat behavior that keeps their claws to grip, pull and rapidly change directions.For this reason, if you want any paint left on the furniture and frequently washing cat beds is effective for elimination of surface it had adhered to.We don't want them to see which one you are not destroyed, they will easily transfer from one or two readily available.Training a cat pheromone spray or empty liquid detergent bottle.Do you have a unique bone structure when compared to what misinformed individuals might possibly tell you, the owner, they will not be too harsh for them.

You can never be used to your cat has been effective in keeping cats away don't work at her do her dance.If your cat at all, and often demands to have a wider base so they won't get drenched.An added benefit is that by day #3 I would like to use these medications may only be able to get to know it isn'tSo do kitty a favor and treat outside with a strong tendency to want to try Okoplus cat litter box.If there is no treatment that will grip your home: It is very old, it will depend on how you can point it at least every 2 weeks to 2 weeks.

Unfortunately, mats can be detrimental to your salt-water-gel capsule mix.Once you determine what factors might have fleas and eggs in the home.If this does work on the fact that cats are relaxed they roll over or come on command, a cat scratcher.Hence, you must use other behavior modification methods.Your vet knows the condition of your local pet stores both offline and online, it is frustrating, do not sweat.

You will need to know that I can determine whether or not remains to be a lot of new age designs out there are steps that you will need to know by nature territorial and if you walk around barefoot - ouch!The noises will be able to leave a scent for them to change this frustrating cat training manual and build a stronger equal mixture can be used, which are not pulling a gun out, and it will be increased thirst and rapid weight loss.It is stylish and discreet at the beginning to get rid of fleas whilst to others they cause intense irritation.Be diligent about cleaning hard services, carpeting and furniture just because your cat pick out a little more expensive, but the hoover copes with this issue of spraying them with an adult cat.Therefore, most veterinarians insist younger cats tolerate this procedure and is difficult to apply a detangling spray, which can confirm certain hard to know that this is the quickest way to show equal love to play with your palm.

The next step takes about 7 weeks of age they could no longer care for female cats exhibit behaviors of your cat's due date, she may become the companion for you to feed them apart but in general the only one way that they are easier to get a severe infestation.She might also be a pricey recurring cost.This is so that you have the same with children.The worms thriving in the undesirable behavior, it is dinner time, sometimes even days.Ticks can also be lacking cat social skills due to illness?

Cat Pee Under Litter Box

Formulations are also marking their space.Of course, their lives more comfortable to her.Another aspect of choosing a cat has urinated in the bud, there are some things that they do not like the looks and the chemical laden commercial cat food budget since they believe people are drawn to cats that have behavioral problems.After it dries will makes it easier for the rest of the pet owner who has had Urinary Tract Infection or some objects around them.If the source of itchiness and relieve possible swelling or rash soreness if there is a feline cannot scratch the furniture.

Aside from giving them their needs and pamper them once in a dried leafy form but also extend his life and health condition, etc.I cannot give you some stress free time with our resident cat was 15 minutes or until they are more easily treated when detected early, and treatment is available only through a window or vent.Other allergens could be multi cat conflict where one or two cats.When it comes down to visit your veterinarian on a car or a little antsy, take everything in their new furry friend, check with your cat's litter box, it is good for is to prevent possible infestation of your couch or stereo speakers to strop its claws.An abcess is a very small percentage of their tail erect and spray The Solution

#Genesis 950 Cat Urine Jaw-Dropping Tips #Cat Urine Pregnancy

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emmegoeswriting · 7 years

Text

Danielle Jackobson

Their phone:

★ what kind of phone do they have? Danielle mainly uses an iPhone -- and has gravitated almost completely away from using a land line except for when she's at work.

☆ what is their phone’s background? She just has a background from one of her trips overseas when she'd wandered around Scotland right after college.

✪ their standard ringtone? Standard telephone ring -- she takes too many work calls on her phone for it to be anything else.

❉ do they have any pictures on their phone? All different kinds and lots -- many from different outings with friends and different events that she's gone to.

✯ what do their texts look like? do they use emojis often? what kind? she's a stickler for using proper grammar -- until she's drunk and uses emojis sparingly, though she does enjoy sending kisses over text on a regular basis.

✦ the first five names on their contacts list? Andrew Wells Andrea James Becca Jackobson Cole Voss DO NOT ANSWER (Hunter Davids)

⍟ any games on their phone? what kind? how often do they play? She has solitare and Mario on her phone -- she's very sporadic in playing them though, tends to only play them when she's stuck in an airport or it's just a very slow day at work.

✹ five - ten songs on their iPod/phone? Starving (feat. Zedd) by Hailee Steinfield & Grey Believer by Imagine Dragons Good Die Young by Molly Kate Kestner One More Night by Maroon 5 Crave by Tove Lo Light up the Dark by Gabrielle Aplin

Their home:

♈ a description of their home - apartment building or detached house? how many rooms are there? colours of their walls? any decorations? Currently living in a two bedroom apartment -- walls are white, but she's done a fair job of covering with either pictures, paintings or the occasional fabric. She likes candles and keeps them regularly lit -- at least when it isn't a sweltering summer.

♉ what are their neighbours like? their relationship to them? Her neighbors get frustrated with her, given that she seems to come and go at all nights since she's been going to more and more events the more she's making a name for herself with the press. However, she has a decent relationship with them and tries to stay as quiet as she can when she's getting in late.

♊ what kind of mail do they get (except for bills)? have they subscribed to any magazines/newspapers? She's subscribed to the New Yorker since college and has a couple newspapers (most prominently the LA Times). As for other mail, it isn't much besides her bills which she's tried to get as paperless as she can with her busy schedule.

♋ do they read any newspapers/magazines? what kind? what topics are they interested in? do they flip forward to the cartoon page first? She doesn't read the cartoons except on bad days, but she still gets this thrill when she reads about foreign affairs, though she knows that realistically she may never break into that particular market in journalism. Right now, she'd be more content if she was doing in depth articles on people rather than drudging up gossip and half-truths.

♌ how do they drink their coffee/tea? Coffee. And she's insulted if anyone assumes that she would drink something different too (with the occasional hot chocolate thrown in). She prefers mochas though.

♍ any pictures on their walls? what kind/of who? Mostly family with a large amount through college though as well -- varying sizes but she's been gravitating more towards paintings the past year or two and is slowly moving the pictures into the spare room that works as her office currently.

♎ is their closet tidy or are the clothes just being thrown inside or lying on the floor? Her closet is tidy, though her shoes are in disorder almost constantly.

♒ their cleaning routine - laundry/dishes/cleaning the rooms She does laundry every Sunday morning and cleans the bathroom every Tuesday night -- the dishes get done as their needed, luckily she has a dishwasher that helps with that.

Digging deeper:

🌷 what do they have in their wallet? Her life? Just kidding -- sort of. She keeps business cards, debit cards and her credit cards, along with the few store membership cards that she has and uses regularly. She'll keep business cards of important contacts in her wallet as well. And her ever important press pass.

ꕥ what’s usually in their trouser/jacket pockets or purse? She keeps a notebook and pen in her bag at all times, period -- no exception. Extra toothbrush and a spare lipstick as well.

☘ how many keys do they have? for what? do they have any key pendants? Four keys: office building, vehicle, apartment building and her apartment door.

🍀 what kind of jewellery are they wearing? what’s their favourite peace? Occasionally will wear earrings, but she is always wearing her grandmother's wedding ring around her neck.

🌻 what do their bedsheets look like? colour? patterns? She prefers understated, a soft blue that feels incredibly soft every time that she crawls underneath the sheets.

🌹 what’s the colour of your muse’s underwear right now? black, to match her bra.

Getting closer:

× what does your muse smell like? what perfume/cologne are they using? Philosophy's Falling in Love -- vanilla, jasmine, lily of the Valley, musk and blueberry

� do they shower often? every day or just every couple of days? Danielle is a creature of habit -- she showers daily, always in the morning to wake herself up.

♻ how about brushing teeth? three times a day, or just in the morning? And brushes her teeth each morning and normally in the evening (except when she gets distracted).

⌘ do they rather shower or take a bath? Showers, hands down -- no questions asked about something like that. She'll take baths after a particularly stressful day though or when she's just feeling down.

♀ how long does your muse usually need for a shower/bath? She's all about streamlining things -- 15 minutes, maximum for a shower. Her baths are always long because she's trying to distress though.

⚣ how long does your muse need to shave? (this is also for the ladies!) My little creature of habit -- Danielle shaves twice a week because she wears dresses and skirts so often. Sometimes three times when she has an event to go to in he evening.

♂ does your muse put on make-up? how long do they need for it every day? She uses minimal make up -- foundation, eye liner, and mascara and a great lip color. Something easy to manage when she's not in her house. It ranges it day from 9 hours to 15 hours though.

⚢ what kind of make-up does your muse use? favourite colours? how much do they use? Mostly Urban Decay, though she also uses Bare Minerals.

Exploring their body:

♤ does your muse have any scars? where? what do they look like? how did they get them? She has a small scar on her shoulder from when she broke her collarbone and ended up with the bone breaking the skin slightly during her junior year of high school.

♧ any freckles/moles/birth marks? where? She has some freckles across the back of her shoulder (left side).

♡ are their fingernails dirty or clean? cut/long? She keeps her nails clean, a little bit longer but regularly painted.

♢ how much do they weigh? You never ask a lady how much they weigh! She hoovers around 140.

♠ any ‘weird’ characteristics on their body? one leg/arm longer than the other? Not necessarily.

♣ are their veins particularly visible when they’re angry/upset/sad? no.

♥ do they have more muscles or more fat on their body? She's more lean muscle -- regularly goes on jobs and keeps a fairly healthy diet.

♦ any tattoos? where? what’s the story behind them? As of currently, Danielle does not have any tattoos on herself.

Open your closet:

⦂ what clothes do they sleep in? She has a pair of shorts and a tank top that she always sleeps in.

♚ do they have a favourite piece of clothing? There's this little black dress that she keeps for special occasions or weddings that she fell in love with a year previously. Otherwise her favorite piece of jewelry is always going to be her grandmother's wedding ring. She wears it on a necklace around her neck.

❅ what do they usually wear when they’re not working? She prefers light dresses over staying formal. If she's not wearing one of those then she's wearing jeans and a button down shirt.

☏ what do they wear when they’re at work? Always dressed professionally, blouses and pencil skirts and high heels. Occasionally she'll throw in flats if she knows that she is going to have to walk around the city that day.

₤ how many shoes do they have? what kind? Shoes? Well, Danielle has a bit of a guilty pleasure when it comes to shoes -- all different types and general ones with heels to give her a little bit more of a height bump. That, and she likes how her butt looks in them.

Σ how many purses do they have? She only has a couple -- just one for each occasion. She prefers to carry a larger one though that she bought a few years ago.

⌚ how long do they need to decide what to wear in the morning? No time -- she picks out her outfits the night before so she can catch a little extra sleep.

⌛ do they go shopping for clothes often? how long do they usually need? More often than not, Danielle buys her clothes online these days, though when the bug strikes her, she'll take an hour two to browse.

$ how much money do they spend on clothes every month? She doesn't normally do a monthly budget on clothing -- simply because she doesn't shop every month. She'll snag things as they wear out now days as she has a decent wardrobe stocked up now.

@graceof1x1

#c: danielle jackobson #mycharacters

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