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bakughosts · 1 year ago

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SPARE VAMPIRE BKG THOUGHTS ??? SPARE VAMPIRE BKG THOUGHTS SIR MAAM ??

omg i have been traveling so it took me forever to respond to this because i wanted to be able to type out my Thoughts on the computer but WILLOW omg..... u spoil me by asking this. because i have so many and they constantly live in my brain ldfskjfslkdjf

i think what i love about bkg so much as a character is that he has desires but most of those desires take the form of achieving a goal. he has so many things he wants to be the best at and so many heights he wants to reach and yeah, part of this is because he's an ambitious person but part of it is because of his ego and his insecurity and the expectations placed upon him by the people around him/society at large. and i think bkg in any context has these things that he wants to achieve because his desire to reach his lofty goals is integral to his character.

and vampire bkg... think of all that time. what do you do when you've achieved everything you've ever wanted to achieve? what's left after that? for a century he has been achieving his goals, and now he has everything. money and power and even respect from locals in the villages near his castle (though that respect is tinged heavily with fear, because even if they don't know exactly what the handsome bachelor that lives inside the creepy but beautiful castle on the horizon is, they know he's something other... and not to mention he looks exactly like his father, and exactly like his father's father, and isn't it strange that none of us have ever seen their wives, have never seen these men at any point in their lives outside of their late twenties/early thirties?)

i don't think stagnation sits well with bkg. i don't think he's ever learned how to be still. despite having unlimited time, he had to accomplish everything as quick as possible, because he just wanted it all. he wanted to be the best so bad that it sung in his veins like adrenaline. and now, in the aftermath, he feels that same emptiness. adrenaline come and gone and only a hollow tiredness in its wake. now is when you feel the pain--nothing distracts you from it.

and one day... you, cat-curious, find your way to his castle. (this has gotten long lmao so im gonna put a read more)

maybe you're a traveler, or an adventurer, or simply someone in one of the nearby villages that doesn't believe the rumors. but no matter who you are and where you come from, you've heard the stories of his Otherness. though you don't know it yet, just like him, you thrive best with adrenaline thrumming through your veins--you thrive when you have something to want. and you want to know the secrets behind the Otherness that everyone else is so afraid of.

does that mean you're not afraid? god, no. of course you are. but you've reached his castle under an auspicious moon and you're sure this is a good omen.

here is why desire is such a dangerous thing: it is often insatiable. for a long, long time, bkg has survived from the blood of his livestock which he cares for, from game on his land. deer in spring, grouse in winter. to live like that for so long, and then to have something so much more tempting come directly to him, delivered to his doorstep--it's almost like a gift.

at the same time, i don't think bkg relishes the idea of drinking human blood, and certainly not killing a human. i think he could be a bloodthirsty vampire, but specifically when it comes to vengeance. he could hurt someone that wronged him, but not someone whose only crime is their curiosity.

you offer to work for him. to clean his castle, to tend his grounds, to care for his cattle. you know how to cook and how to bake (though you're unaware that this means little to him), and you have more fortitude than your appearance belies--his long-fallow farmland would thrive under your hands if he gave you the opportunity to work with it.

if it was years ago and he was still the same man, he might have said no. but it's hard to care when you feel empty. fine, he says. but don't expect fancy lodging or riches beyond measure.

you work, you investigate, you sleep. it's a cycle. and bkg watches you the whole time, though you're none the wiser. he's smart. he knows what you're doing. but you've broken up the monotony for him.

there's no food in his pantries, and you have to find him to ask for coin to go into town and buy groceries. he doesn't provide you the coin directly--a smart move, perhaps--but later that day, what you've requested has been stocked in the pantry shelves. and that's how you mainly interact with him for a while--weeks, maybe. you wake at dawn and clear the land and feed the cows and pigs and begin the monstrous task of cleaning a castle that has been left to rot and you go to the room you've chosen when the sun is long set, settle into your moth-eaten bed, and sleep harder than you've ever done in your life. if you need tools, feed for the cattle, groceries, supplies to clean, you relay this to him, often finding him in his study reading or in the greenhouse, pruning exotic plants. he never gives you more than nods and grunted words of acquiescence, but despite his temperament, he always provides what you ask for.

he's surprised by your tenacity. by your boldness, to ask for so much, even if it's not for your direct benefit. when you cook dinner each night, you make a serving for him as well. he can admit, begrudgingly, though you are in his space and disrupting his quiet, that he admires the way you chop vegetables so uniformly, that you're so careful with the way you measure out the spices he has filled his cabinets with for you.

and above all, for the first time in a long time, he feels something like desire.

he's never been intrigued by other people--he has friends, other vampires he has known for decades (kirishima and mina), but their friendship was foisted upon him until he gave in. he doesn't think he's intrigued by you. but your blood--

it has been a very long time since he has been tempted by something so sweet.

(i think there has to be so much context for this situation because i truly believe that the longer bkg is alone, the harder it is for him to let someone in. after a century of shutting himself away, it would be almost impossible for him to open himself back up in any significant way. it's the situation that allows for this desire to grow. the lack of anything else to hold his attention, the feeling of achieving everything you've ever wanted to achieve and having nothing left to strive for, the unobtrusive yet spellbinding nature of your presence. he remembers what it was like to want something. this, at first, is what draws him to you. nothing more.)

vampires are always hungry. even when sated, they know that hunger is going to return. there's nothing to stop it. it's the nature of their existence. so yes, at first, it's his hunger that draws him to you, though he wouldn't ever do anything about it.

he talks to you more. finds out things about you. your father was a drunkard and you never smile with teeth. you've worked on farms since late childhood and your right pinkie is crooked from a bad break. you read romance novels late at night and deny that you've been in his library when he asks you about it.

and after dinners spent together where he doesn't eat, after early evenings when he joins you outside to feed the cows, he tells himself this pull he feels is because of that hunger. because of that desire--not for you, but for the lifeblood that nearly intoxicates him just by scent if he gets too close to you.

(though you are aware of his Otherness, he is disarming to you. it's something about the earnestness in everything he does, despite his gruff exterior. he seems rusty at conversation, but his efforts are genuine. he doesn't eat your food, but he picks at it so as to not make you feel bad. you find this more endearing than you care to say aloud.)

and then kirishima and mina visit, and they meet you, his new human employee that lives in his castle and reads his books and touches his shoulder gently when he steadies a ladder for them so they can rehang one of the long-covered paintings in the drawing room, as if he has ever let anyone touch him, as if he has ever let anyone close enough to try--

and it's kirishima that finally asks what's going on, and when bkg says nothing, obviously, he asks again because he knows his best friend better than anyone else in the world--now, perhaps, better than anyone except you--and the truth is more simple than expected.

for so long, bkg had only ever experienced desire as hunger. hunger for blood, hunger for power, hunger for everything greater in the world. he was hungry to be the best. whatever that meant. because becoming the best meant that no one could question him. no one could doubt that he was powerful and all the things that came along with it. no one but himself. surely, he had thought, once he got to the top he would stop having those doubts because he would, unassailably, be the best.

just like hunger, doubt is something that can never be truly sated.

and for a long time he sat with that.

but then, to his own surprise, he was shown that desire can be something other than hunger. something softer, a smile with less teeth. desire can be vegetables chopped precisely, or dirt from the fields caked under fingernails, or a badly-healed little finger. desire can be a gentle hand on his shoulder, an act of trust: i know you'll be there to steady me.

he never knew he could want something without being hungry. never knew he could have his teeth to someone's throat without drawing blood. but now it's all he wants to do.

#i like am going insane over this #willow i'm SO sorry it's a big ass thing #like this has been living in my head for so long #the idea of him being like. i want i want i want and not knowing how to separate that from the hunger he's always had #and then learning. and then realizing that desire without hunger can be even more fulfilling than the ravenous want he felt throughout yout #like omg.....#thank u for sending in an ask. i am honored #HONORED #and i am sorry for my fuckin. rant lmaoooooooooooo #please whenever u want to talk about vampire bkg. hmu #i'm obsessed

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