#He's playing games. He's a polite and upstanding member of society generally speaking

[selfcontainedunivcrse]

ci and vwoop r black box warrior to me . the latter half. he thinks that he knows what vwoop is more than he does. and when it does end up lashing out at its sibling, he's just there like :3c Anyways . Have you considered your nature is the problem. Please get out of my town

[caithyra]

Vampire Game Reviews Part 1

This Halloween I sat down and played a bunch of vampire themed games and decided to review them. First up, Vampire Legends: The True Story of Kisilova, Dracula: Origin and Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines. I might get around to Vampire the Masquerade: Redemption and Dracula: Love Kills in a later post.

I use my own 5-scale gradation in this:

0: Either I couldn’t force myself to finish it, or I was more relieved it was over than anything else. 1: I had no fun, but there might have been something fun in there… maybe…? 2: More bad than good. 3: About evenly good and bad. I actually start having more fun than not. 4: A solid entertainment piece. Has it’s blemishes, but despite that I like it. 5: Almost perfect (perfection is a myth). I had lots of fun and am satisfied.

(Semi-minor spoilers below. Unless you’ve gone quite far into the games, you likely wont suss out what’s happening until it’s happening.)

Vampire Legends: The True Story of Kisilova: You’re an investigator for the Hapsburg Empire going to the small town of Kisilova, recently beset by a killer leaving bloodless victims behind them. Rumors of vampires abound. After a series of mishaps the rumors do not feel so farfetched. Especially not when a mysterious, young woman enters the picture.

(Left: The Beginning of the Adventure with our buddy and hint machine. Right: The first of many, many hidden objects screens in this game.)

Okay, it is a point-and-click visual novel adventure thing that’s really short (less than 5 hours, and I think I left the game — and the clock — running for a while at some point), and also cheap. It was enjoyable enough, the music was forgettable but good enough, the graphics nice and atmospheric enough and the story was short and serviceable. The problems mainly came through the game-play; this game relied faaar too heavily on hidden object minigames, and those were unskippable, while all others were skippable after a short while. Fortunately, your partner can give hints to speed things along. As for my final decision in the winter-themed bonus chapter? Well, it was Halloween so I thought “why not?” and that was that for Europe. I always try to pick the most supernatural decision whenever I can lol (see Squirrel Elves in the Witcher franchise, or picking spell-sneaking classes in the Elder Scrolls).

My biggest problem with this game, however, is that I need to resize the resolution on my ultrawide monitor to play it without horizontal stretching distorting the art. The Options menu is seriously lacking in Options (actually, that whole menu is a mess that looks more at home in a Free-to-Play mobile game).

All in all, I generally liked it and its short nature meant that except for the hidden objects minigame, most of it didn’t outstay its welcome and it was really cheap (less than 4€ when I bought it, which is about the right price IMO. I think regular price is something like 9.99€?) so worth it. 3/5.

Dracula: Origin: You are Van Helsing. Yeah. That guy. And you have a missing friend, Harker, who had something to do with Dracula, and you have a pretty friend named Mina who ends up targeted by Dracula and now you must rush across the Old World to save her from a curse.

(Left: Yup, same dev as the Sherlock Holmes games. Middle: Vampires don’t like garlic breath. Right: Dammit Mina, I gave you ONE job. One. Job. All of this slow walking could have been avoided!)

Ah. Frogware. I generally like their Sherlock Holmes games, but this game… It felt more like a waste of my time. Oh, I’m sure there is a good game in there that isn’t a waste of time. Unfortunately, it is hidden behind the biggest time-sinks in the game: Van Helsing walks at half the speed of a normal person at all times and speaks really slowly, in conversations that has no branches, yet they will periodically be interrupted so that you can click on the next topic in the list (that wont reveal the next topic until you’ve listened to the topic listed before it). There’s this scene during a cave in when he says something like “quickly, we must make haste to escape!” and then you click on the exit and he waaaaaaaaalks slooooooooooooowlyyyyyy through it. It certainly doesn’t help that he must cross the entire span of the screen and backtrack locations many times and… AGH! RUN YOU FOOL!!

And, well, Frogware adventure game with its strange clues and non-clues and objects. There’s this bit in the first outdoor area when you have to capture some flies. Now, if you have followed the story logically, you will have a jar and a lid in your inventory. Easy, peasy, just click the flies with the jar, right? Nope. You must find a mourning veil hidden in the cemetery (that is large and that Van Helsing waaaaalks sloooooowlyyyyy through), use it on the flies and then combine the fly-ridden veil with the jar to get a jar of flies (I wont say what for because of spoilers, but, well, I don’t recommend eating during the Cemetery/Mansion part of the story if you have a phobia against bugs). There are also several objects that are basically five pixels on the screen because of the angle we’re viewing them at that we must find to pick up, and on the whole, I had more frustrations than fun with this story. Like, there’s even this puzzle minigame with a picture of Minos, the Labyrinth and the Minotaur and you find thread/string in the same house and wouldn’t you know it! The thread/string has nothing to do with the minigame and the minigame has nothing to do with the legend of the Minotaur!

On top of that, well, lets just say that the Egyptian section has quite a bit of stereotyping (think Victorian stereotypes of Egypt and its people in a modern game. Also, potential racism against white people must be prevented at all costs, including lying to a bereaved family), and when we run into our first, unliving female vampire she of course wears a top made of strips of cloth and a sheer skirt (you’d think a rich vampire’s favorite mistress would own a nice dress at least, but nope), and every woman (including dead of non-vampiric variety) have their beauty commented upon (and, of course, a young, pretty girl’s defilement/death is a tragedy, which is why it is so important to include that she was pretty).

And, well, this game markets itself heavily with Dracula at the forefront, not Van Helsing, yet while Dracula is the main antagonist, he only has a few, brief scenes, which were disappointing. All in all it was a 1/5.

Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines: You are a fledgling of one of the Camarilla clans, recently thrust into the secret world hidden by darkness, and more specifically into one of the most fucked cities of the World of Darkness. After your illicit embrace into the undead by your executed sire, the Prince of the City has graciously offered to adopt you, provided you prove yourself worthy to the exacting clan of rulers. Except the prince’s domain is built on quicksand, and this is Los Angeles; the birthplace of the modern Anarchs, and one of the domains of the Kindred of the East, on top of the eternal, political dance all Kindred must dance, and you, baby vampire as you are, have no allies and no clue as how to proceed except to survive.

(Left: Told ya Velvet is a mascot in this game. Middle: Did you know that Mercurio was meant to handle the Voerman sisters and we wouldn’t have to go through sewers and a haunted hotel if he did his job? Right: Apparently the Chinese are masters of Japanese swords and the Ventrue need no neckbones...)

Here’s the thing about VtM:B: It is a very enjoyable game and definitely the definite vampire game out there. It also has no story for your character. “What about the Ankaran Sarcophagus?”, well, your character participates, but it does nothing to answer the questions we are immediately confronted with in the opening of the game: Why would our unknown sire, an upstanding member of Kindred society, break one of the Traditions (pretty much laws set in stone for all Kindred over the entire world) to embrace us? Why would the prince, whose sole job is to uphold the Traditions, then break one of the Traditions and allow the ill-begotten progeny live?

Except for the opening of the game, we never hear from our sire again, nor the questions raised during the opening. And that makes our player character a bit superfluous when any random neonate could serve just as well.

So if not story-telling, what does VtM:B do that makes people sing its praises? In short? Characters and the World. It is incredibly atmospheric and while characters don’t develop (vampires are static by nature in this world, and most characters in the game are entrenched in their places and wont be shaken by some random baby vampire showing up), they are all very distinct and written in different tones. However, if you’re not role-playing as an ignorant fledgling, but meta-playing with some Vampire the Masquerade lore known, you will feel extremely railroaded (if your character had any inkling of who Smiling Jack is in the World of Darkness, they would never believe his coarse but kind uncle-figure thing he’s got going on. Because even before a certain hugely Biblical spoiler got involved, Jack was an imposer, liar, manipulator and mass-murderer who has sired many, many thin-blooded vampires and abandoned them to their fates. There’s a reason why only ignorant neonates like Nines’ gang admires and likes him. What I just said is not a spoiler for the game, btw, because it never comes up because your character is an ignorant fledgling being manipulated and deceived by literally everyone. Maybe Velvet and Bertram don’t, but Velvet might seem so sweet when she convinces you to be her knight because of Presence and acting, and Bertram is a Nossie and they have major secrets within secrets).

And while it is easy to sink into the world of the game and roleplay, thus mitigating the railroading feeling above. This game was clearly written with an audience of White Male Teens in mind. We have Velvet (of the fashion-conscious Toreador clan) show up at the prince’s court in Elysium in only a lacy basque, g-string and thigh high fishnets, tall heels and not as much as a peignoir thrown on top. Yeah, she attends an important society function in her fetish underwear. Then we have the explicit sex life of game cover-girl Jeanette (yeah, the one dressed like a dilapidated school girl), and those two are THE female mascots of the game.

The less said about the Orientalism and the Kindred of the East the better, but that segues into how around the time you reach Chinatown, the game starts losing its luster and strengths. Okay, so if you’re sensitive to that kinda thing, you might notice it a little bit in Hollywood, but by the time Chinatown rolls around, you might notice how it is less immersive and how it starts to feel more and more gamey (specifically, Action gamey), and you get less options that isn’t some variant of “kill it”.

On top of that the game has technical issues if you do not use the fan-made patch (I always use Patch Plus, which restores cut content and quests, as well as ReShade for better anti-aliasing and sharpness), and it still has a few cropping up from time to time. At least it works perfectly well in ultrawide resolutions?

Still it has that charm, and despite its flaws and how I can think of a dozen complaints at the drop of a dime, I still love playing it. So it’s a 4/5 from me.

[equalmeasurefiction]

Birthday/Humorous Astrology Headcanons

Silly, dark-side astrology head-canons folks.  Nothing to take seriously here.

Some More Head-canons...

Amon Birthday: October Sign: Scorpio Best Traits: Charismatic and Capable Worst Trait: Control Freak Weakness: Chocolate Comments: Always just far enough away to avoid a restraining order... It hurts to leave lovers unfulfilled, but loves to show how in-control they are... Refuses to give up personal power for a few baubles... Modes: 3- Crime Lord, Corporate Boss, Messiah.  Loves being in-charge, morality may vary... Favorite Kind of Relationship: Long-term, but requires someone with immense reserves of physical and psychological stamina. Amon-Centric: Plays at hot-eyed celibacy as Amon, but sneaks out of the base at night sans-game-face to do shameless things with young, attractive equalists and anyone else he probably shouldn’t be messing around with.  If he refuses to *stoop* to certain levels *cough* Avatar *cough*, fantasy is always guilt-free in the moment with the bonus of an ashamed afterglow. He enjoys all vices as thoroughly as possible.  Alcohol, gambling, smoking, sugar... If it’s addictive and dangerous, he’s done it.  The more likely it is to destroy him/kill him the better, but he has had to scale back as the Revolution takes precedent.  He’s also getting older and all that risk is hard on him, but he tries not to think about that. That said, his self-denial benders are epic and give him just as much of a high as indulgence.  Because control is everything and being in control is better than anything.  Cheating death, shutting down addictions because he can, all the risks he takes are just a way of reminding himself/showing off how in control he really is... His worst enemy, romantically-speaking, is his own self-loathing.  Long-term relationships don’t last, because whenever he gets emotionally invested, he starts thinking about how much he doesn’t deserve them.  His best relationships are the ones where the other party died tragically, so he can mourn them as the love of his life, without ever facing the reality that he would have probably driven them off anyways for being ‘too good for him.’  And he always drives them off.  He will never leave them willingly. Because ‘feelings are weaknesses that one should never give into’ he doesn’t cheat.  He loves being tempted though.  But if he thinks someone is cheating on him (and the relationship has previously been established as exclusive) he will go through all their belongings and stalk them until he has irrefutable evidence... and then he destroys them.

Tarrlok Birthday: January Sign: Capricorn Best Traits: Charming and Gregarious Worst Trait: Vanity Weakness: Money/Power Comments: Hires the private investigator to check the other party’s finances and social standing... Will never pass up an opportunity to get nasty; does not see the point of teasing/denial... Being financially secure is very important... Modes: 2- Respectable / Not Respectable.  While they favor the outward appearance of being an upstanding and enviable member of society, deep down (just beneath the surface) they’re very naughty. Favorite Kind of Relationship: Long-term.  Love is nice, but marrying into a position of power is what this is all about... that or achieving power through their own ends, but marriage to someone established can help. Tarrlok-Centric: Appears respectable, acts respectable, but is secretly down for anything and everything and makes routine visits to the red-light district when he thinks no one is watching (Amon is always watching).  Tarrlok approaches romance and love the same way he approaches everything else... hard work, pragmatism, and a willingness to do whatever it takes to land himself in the best position possible. While love is nice, it doesn’t really factor into the equation.  Tarrlok wants someone safe, secure, suitable, and who will help achieve even more power and glory.  In order to increase his odds, he is engaged in at least one entanglement at any given time.  He is at heart a ‘career man’ who expects everyone, especially his partner(s) to know he is married to his career... that way they don’t suspect after-work visits to the red light district or drunken orgies in the capital building... Really, Tarrlok only engages in three types of relationships.  There are the ones he can be seen with, the ones he would prefer not to be seen with (scandals aren’t his cup of tea), and the ones he can’t be seen with, because he’d lose his job (conflicts of interest can be quite damning for a politician).  He moves from ‘keeper’ to ‘keeper,’ leaving the ‘undesirables’ behind as he continues his climb to the top. But he’s not really a player.  He’d be more than happy to settle down with the right wealthy, well-connected, debutante or international political figure (Ms. Avatar?) for the long haul.  Unfortunately no one seems to appreciate pragmatism or strategic alliances these days.  Once committed to a sound investment, he won’t cheat.  Too much risk for too much work and not enough gains...

Korra Birthday: December Sign: Sagittarius Best Traits: Generous and Affectionate Worst Trait: 0 Tact Weakness: Adrenaline-Addiction Comments: Lacks the patience, stealth, an attention-span, and the ability to pull off long-term planning... Withholds favors because they know it’s much more fun when they let go, even if the other party is becoming irritated... freeloads without guilt or mercy... Modes: 1, but on a sliding scale depending on the time of day- It ranges from sleeping (0%-adrenaline) to inciting an international incident (9,000+% adrenaline).  Always remember, the more action the better.  If their surroundings are not on-fire or in a state of chaos, they are not awake. Favorite Kind of Relationship: One-night stand.  Anything that lasts longer than a year can feel constraining... unless there’s constant travel involved or it’s long-distance or both. Korra-Centric: If Korra is a Sagittarius, the Aries is strong with her.  When she sees someone she wants, she goes after them, does not take no for an answer, and loves them until she’s won/has them.  Then she moves on to hunt the next attractive target who’s playing hard to get and competes for their attention.  Sure, the objects of her affection can *try* to fend her off, but that’s like trying to fend off tsunami--it is coming for you whether you like it or not and if you can’t get out of it’s way, it will have you. That said, she has few standards beyond the fact that they must be attractive and willing to join her in charging recklessly into a dangerous situation.  It’s all fast-cars, fireworks, and make-outs on a fast train that’s jumped the track over the edge of a cliff... while saving the world.  Korra always leaves her partners breathless, and not in a good way.  If they’re not panting from physical exhaustion, then they’re gasping desperately to keep themselves from going into shock from the immense danger she put them into. That said, she is capable of settling down (even explosions get boring after a while) and adores children (having baby-sat the air bender kids pretty regularly, she knows her way around little kids and is surprisingly responsible).  The trick is finding someone who can stand her awful, punnish jokes, irritating attempts at teasing and flirtation (if you can call the litany of awful pickup lines flirting...if and when she uses them, she might not even bother with innuendo or suggestion), or her brash, tactless overconfidence... But if she keeps her mouth shut and looks soulful and cute enough, inevitably some tall, sexy person with dark hair and a fire-nation complexion will wander over apparently...

Bonus- Korrasami: Asami seems like she’d be a mellow air sign or a loving water sign, but she revealed her true nature when she displayed her love of fast cars and her willingness to tie grown men to planes and use them to drop bombs on people.  She likes going fast, getting her hands dirty, and defying authority (she thinks it’s fun)-- all hallmarks of a fire sign.  She’s gasoline on the lit-flame of Korra’s wild-fire. If Asami is a Leo to Korra’s Sagittarius, then the biggest fights they’ll have will involve the lack of beauty accoutrements during their wild hikes around the world or Korra punching the police-officers in the face before Asami can explain who she is.  As long as Korra keeps telling Asami she’s the prettiest girl in the world and Asami compromises on the beauty regime for a little adventure, they’re good. If Asami and Korra share Sagittarius then every date will inevitably involve a drunken dare that lands them in peril/jail/the spirit world/the middle of  a war/handcuffed to a satomobile within spitting distance of an active volcano that’s about to go off... and loving every minute of it.  And if she is a Sagittarius, it means that Asami will secretly share Korra’s secret love of really, really bad jokes and puns... What I’m saying is that Tenzin may want to separate them before they burn down Republic City. Aries Asami + Sagittarius Korra is a tale of two pyro-maniac risk-addicts having the time of their lives in a perpetual war-zone of their own creation.  As long as Korra doesn’t destroy too many of Asami’s precious machines and as long as Asami doesn’t tell Korra what to do they will remain on the same side of the conflict. However, Asami has green eyes, which typically means ‘earth bender.’  Since earth benders are typically born in the springtime, it’s unlikely that she’d be an Aries (the first of the three ‘spring time signs’).  Besides, the Beifongs rule the Aries sign... I don’t think anyone wants to compete with them.

All astrology stuff is based on/paraphrased/pulled from the delightful book Darkside Zodiac in Love.  Would recommend this book and the original, Darkside Zodiac (both are by Stella Hyde) if you’re into astrology, or even if you just like to use it for character creation and development.  All comments are tongue and cheek and should not be taken too seriously.

>For the record, I was going to make Korra a Leo, but apparently she went from 17-18 during that 6 month stretch, making her either a Sagittarius or an Aries. And, if I recall the differences between the two signs correctly, one of the core ones is that Aries doesn’t forget a slight, they just burn out on being angry after a while.  Sagittarius gets really, really angry for a bit, howls about it and then gets distracted and forgets why they hated that person... but that’s dark side for you... Oh!  And she’s mouthy and tactless... another famous Sagittarius trait... says horrible things to people without thinking of their feelings... no filter... even though she does care...

Korra to Tenzin: “I’d be happy to find another air bending master, but you’re the only one.”

Remember that gem?

Also, running away is a classic Sag. move, Aries would have burned the compound down... Aries would just burn everything down... as opposed to Sagittarius who just likes lighting things on fire for fun... ...what I’m saying is that it’s really close on the Darkside...