#He should've got caught istg

[milkandbrownies33]

Hai

I'd like to think an another ending where the police we're smart enough to check the whole house (Probably because Billy made a noise teehee). So Billy had to go and hop on someone else's house. (mf Probably jumped off the small ass window and ran) Also the jacket hes wearing was from Phil :))

[warringwarrioridiot]

"They was asking for it"

YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU'RE ASKING FOR?? A BIG FAT BASEBALL BAT TO THE BACK OF THE SKULL AT FULL SPEED MAX ISTG

Mfs like this need to take a long walk off of a short cliff cus if I EVER catch them I'm gonna commit some good old fashion homicide.

If you say things like "You should've enjoyed it" or "at least you got some" I'm tracking your IP and shoving ten cacti in your anal hole and/or vagina.

"game is game 🤪"

You need to shut your ketchup stain, Junkrat main, micro brain, aluminium chain, ankle sprain, CHOCOLATE RAIIIIN, with your runny nose dirty toes lick hobos cOwAbUnGa BrOs, Dude, I want you to look at your entire life. All your life choices. And tell me when you had an original idea in your brain. Your ass got kicked out and disowned and you started aggressively tapping the home button on your IPhone "Oh, help. Why is it not working?". YOUR ENTIRE EXISTENCE IS LIKE A NARUTO FILLER EPISODE, MY BOY! YOUR PRANKS ARE AS REPETITIVE AS THE AD "Whopper, Whopper, Whopper, Whopper" YOUR BRAIN IS JUST AS REAL AS THE LOVE YOUR PARENTS HAVE FOR YOU! YOUR GRANDMA GAVE BLING BLING BOY A LAP DANCE FOR PAY DAY. Wait hold on! *Punch punch punch* GIVE ME THE MONEY YOUR GRANDMA! I JUST ROBBED YOUR GRANDMA! I JUST HIT A LICK ON YOUR GRANDMA, HOW DOES THAT FEEL?! SHE POOR AS HELL NOW! YOU PUT A BALLOON ON YOUR HEAD AND THOUGHT IT WAS A DURAG! YOU LIKE RONALD MCDONALD FROM OHIO! "HEYA KID! YOU WANT A BIG MAC?!" WHEN YOU WALK DOWNSTAIRS YOUR WHOLE HOUSE STARTS RUMBLING! YOU BRING THE POWER OF EREN YEAGER AND 37 COLOSSAL TITANS DOWN YOUR STAIRCASE! AFTER YOU EAT DINNER YOU EAT THE PLATE AND THEN YOU EAT THE TABLE AS WELL! CHOMP CHOMP! YOU RENT OUT THE GAP BETWEEN YOU TEETH AS A PARKING SPACE FOR ANTS! YOU LOOK EMO ASF "CUT MY LIFE INTO PIECES! THIS IS MY LAST RESORT! SUFFOCATION! NO BREATHING!" LOOK AT YOUR NOSE YOU HAVE TWO MARIO PIPES COMING OUT OF YOUR HEAD! YAHOO! LET'S A GO! THEY MADE A SEQUEL TO FINDING NEMO BASED OFF YOUR ASS CALLED "LOCATING CHROMOSOMES! IN THEATRES THIS JULY!" YOUR BEST FRIEND IS A RAT LIVING UNDER YOUR BED IN A PRINGLES CAN! YOU POSTED AN INSTAGRAM STORY ABOUT A JAMAICAN CRICKET GIVING YOU A LAP DANCE IN THE BACK OF TOYS R US! YOU TORTURED AN ANT BY TYING HIM TO YOUR BUTTHOLE AND FARTING ON HIM! I HAVE MORE ROASTS YOU KNOW! YOUR GRANDMA IS A DARK SOULS BOSS CALLED "THE WRINKLE!

EW NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO THERE IS NO WAY! THAT THIS... OLD ASS FART WRINKLE IS TALKING TO ME IN SUCH A DISRESPECTFUL MANNER. YOU KNOW IT'S ACTUALLY KINDA SAD YOU'RE OLD ENOUGH TO BE A GRANDPA NOW BUT INSTEAD OF ADVANCING YOUR BIOLOGICAL CHAIN YOU'VE INSTEAD SPENT YOUR DAYS ALONE IN YOUR ROOM READING HITLER MANIFESTOS AND COSPLAYING AS A FUCKIN' NEO NAZI. SO MANY YEARS AND SUCH LITTLE ADVANCEMENT. No seriously! Seriously I find it amusing THAT YOUR PENCIL PENIS DONKEY KONG BARREL BUILT LOOKIN' ASS WOULD ASSUME THAT I EVEN REMOTELY CARE ABOUT A SINGLE ONE. NO NO NO FUCK THAT. A SINGLE SYLLABLE OF THE VERBAL DIARRHEA GARGLE THAT'S COMING OUT OF THE DUSTY SARLAC PIT YOU CONSIDER TO BE YOUR FUCKING MOUTH! YOU WANT ME TO SHOW YOU MY FACE?? YOU WANNA SEE MY FUCKIN' FACE??? BITCH SHOW ME YOUR FUCKIN' HAIRLINE CAUSE I KNOW THERE'S NO WAY YOU'RE SPEAKING TO ME RIGHT NOW DRESSED UP AS A GOD DAMN DIABOLICAL BOY SCOUT. NAH LOOK AT THEM TEETH. BOY YOUR TEETH IN CREATIVE MODE. HELL NAH BOY STOP PLAYING YOU TOO OLD FOR THIS SHIT. BRO THEY GOT FOSSIL RECORDS FOR EACH ONE OF YOUR FAT ROLLS. NAH STOP PLAYING WITH ME BOY I CAN'T TAKE YO ASS SERIOUSLY WHEN YOU DRESS UP LIKE A GODDAMN MEDIEVAL TERRORIST. BRO IS ABOUT TO SHOOT UP HIS OLD FOLKS HOME WITH A CROSSBOW AND A FUCKING TREBUCHET. YA YEET DOM DOM DOM DOM DOM DOM! SHUT YO UGLY ASS UP. WHAT THE FUCK? A HE AHHH EEEEE SHUT UP BITCH. YOU WANT ME TO TURN ON MY CAMERA? YO DICK BUILT LIKE A INVERTED BANANA. YO FOREHEAD CRACKED UP LIKE THE AFRICAN SAVANNAH. I CAUGHT YOU AND YO SISTER BUTT NAKED LAST NIGHT. SWEET HOME ALABAMA. FUCK YOU THINK THIS IS? WHAT IS YOU WEARING WITH YO GODDAMN HONEY WHERE IS MY SUPER SUIT? NAH BOY LOOK AT YO ROOM, YO HOUSE DIRTY AS HELL. YOU GOT FOUR SEWER RATS IN YO BATH TUB RIGHT NOW FLOATING ON TOP OF A PIZZA BOX SINGING. "YO HO THIEVES AND BEGGARS". LIKE SHIT, BOY I CAUGHT YOU HAVING AN EMOTIONAL CONVERSATION WITH YO TOE NAIL LAST NIGHT. WE COULD'VE BEEN SUPER STARS REMEMBER WHEN WE AS JACKING CARS. YOU AND YO TOE NAIL WAS GOING TO BE THE DYNAMIC DUO. BITCH YOU WAS GONNA BE IN AMERICA'S GOT TALENT SWINGING THAT SHIT AROUND LIKE A FUCKING BOOMERANG. SHUT YO STUPID ASS UP. BRUH I CAUGHT YOU JACK SPARROW RUNNING AROUND YOUR HOUSE WHILE YOUR DAD WAS TRYING TO BEAT YOU WITH A TOILET PLUNGER LAST NIGHT. COME HERE BOY! SHUT YO ASS UP. BITCH EVERYTIME YOU TAKE A SHIT THE GAME OF THRONES THEME SONG STARTS PLAMMERING IN YO HOUSE.BUM BUA BUM BUDUM BUM. SHUT YO UGLY ASS UP BRUH.

Are you getting mad?

Are you getting mad?

DAMN You getting mad now! Cuz yo Legal name is Ledenhouser Strogenberg. Nah don't be Smiling now boy You ain't slick Boy! I caught you in the locker room after gym class Frantically wiping yo armpits down With a kleenex While tryna smell good For the girls In the hallway. OI ZOINKS! I GOTTA- I GOTTA HURRY UP. SHUT YO ASS UP YOU LIKE A DIABETIC TOASTER STRUDEL. YOU UGLY AHH AS HELL. YOU GOT THEM BIG ASS HUMPTY DUMPTY PANTS ON BRUH. YOU USE A FRUIT ROLL UP AS A BELT TO HOLD UP YO BUNG DU BUNGLA. Shut yo ugly Ass up You got Mineral deposits In your Belly button. You dumb As hell You thought Google drive Was a brand new Taxi service. Bitch yo Grandma Threw a Rage spell On the kitchen floor And started Smacking you with A weiner schnitzel. Shut yo ass up You a Diabolical Special needs Student. Boy you was In the back of a Short bus Maniacally Planning How you was gonna Take over Your school.HMMMMM YEAHHHHHHHHHH It will be MINE! Shut yo Ass up, Boy I caught you Butt Naked Playing gorilla tag With a mouse in your Kitchen. Yo ass Be sliding around The counters Like a paraplegic Frozone. Gotta Catch 'em ALL! Shut yo ass up With yo "I got a feeling Ooooooooo!" Everytime yo Grandpa Tickles yo Butthole. Shut yo Stupid ass up You thought the One chip challenge Was sticking a Hot cheeto Up your buttcrack. Ok! Here we go Everybody! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Shut yo Dirty ass up Get yo ass on bruh.

It's actually so fucking sad these people still exist in 2024.

Istg misogynists and forced birth extremists and rapists are the most atrociously ugliest love-lacking idiots.

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I rest my fucking case, your honor. Kill every single one of these people before I do it myself.

[mamamittens]

Tears of the Kingdom really do be giving me the most random curve balls.

In no particular order and (hopefully) minimal spoilers.

Fuck what's under the Deku tree, yes, I do remember Ocarina of Time. Somehow this is worse than the fucking spider. Dicks.

The Yiga clan really put here doing the most istg but they're so fun. The chicken was genuinely fucking hilarious.

We really not asking where the giant Mecha animals went?!?!? REALLY?!?

RIP all the champions but Mipha, fuck them and their struggles IG!?!

Why y'all got me playing bob the builder with my own damn house but I can't pick colors or if there's a damn wall, like, what the fuck?! Who tf wants an open air bedroom when I KNOW WHAT LIVES DOWN THE DAMN HILL?!?

Y'all are nasty for drinking from these fucking wells. Arguably as bad as Kakariko village in Ocarina of Time.

How many TIMES IS THE CASTLE GETTING YEETED?!? DID IT OR DID IT NOT ALREADY DO THIS?!? TELL ME STRAIGHT NINTENDO ISTG

How tf did Sonia and Rauru have descendants?!? Like, goals, but... How?

Zelda •́⁠ ⁠ ⁠‿⁠ ⁠,⁠•̀ shoes really on the other foot now, isn't it?

ARE THERE OTHER ZORA DOMAINS?!? WHERE DID YONA COME FROM?!? DID THEY TRAVEL WITH BABY GUPPY SIDON OR DID THEY REALLY MAKE BABY YONA TRAVEL TO BEFRIEND THE ZORA PRINCE?!? THIS PLACE IS DANGEROUS AS FUCK WHAT THE HELL?!?

How many times do I gotta prop up a damn sign for you to learn how to make them right or at least stop kissing ass so hard to set 'him' down?

I know swallowing those snowflake gems gotta hurt like a bitch how did he never flinch?!?

Prime opportunity missed to have Link chow down in rock roast again, cowards.

Ganon really spent his downtime fucking with people right out the gate, man's a clear thespian and it shows.

WHO. THE. FUCK. IS THE HERO ASPECT?!?

I caught Ganon's horse in BoTW and named him Big Daddy and my stable transferred to this game too 🤭

Genuinely forgot about "Master Kouga's" quest until I ran into him a second time. What a dweeb.

Whoever thought up the depths is a dick and a sadist. Who. THE HELL. WANTED TO NAVIGATE LITERAL DARKNESS LIKE THIS?!? AND THEN ADDING LABYRINTHS IN IT TOO WHAT THE FUCK GUYS?!?

Gorons were really out here eating monster ass and getting high as balls

Why, oh why, did y'all Zora make possibly the most homoerotic metaphor referencing the last game and then suddenly introduce his fiance? I'm getting mixed messages are they gay or just friends? 🤨

I thought the owl elder died lmfao, RIP

Purah grew sick of my shit and it shows

Kiss ass doctor dude can go suck a bokoblin ball sack istg I wanna EXPLORE THE DAMN RUINS THE FIRST GO AROUND 😤

Is no one weirded out by the Purah pad?!? No one else has one but they all seem to know how it functions...

Fuck them hands, I'd throw mine but I deeply wanna social distance from their... Asses(?)

Tulin, baby, I love you but can't I decide what direction your gale goes? Namely up or ahead of me?

Speaking of which, what the hell happened to Yonobu's gift from BoTW?! It's not like, super different but it's not a shield anymore... ? Wack.

I appreciate how much everyone believes in Zelda but some of this shit she was definitely fucking with y'all and you should've thought a little harder about the sketch behavior. Iykyk

[thewanderingbleu]

I'll reblog the confession I made once it's posted, but I had the revelation today that I was intersex? Specifically 46 XX DSD iirc. Like, male w/ ovaries and a menstrual cycle. I'll keep adding details to this post though as I remember them (until I decide it's getting too long lmao)

Now, I don't remember much about what Na'vi menstrual cycles (or puberty in general) are like? I remember cramps were part of it, and mood swings too. But there was also this very intense need to have this like. "Perfect Nesting Area". So I was. Very controlling of our living area, and very nit-picky. You should've seen Mom and I when we were at it at the same time💀 Dad never caught a break istg.

Eventually, it was agreed on that I would get my own chunk of space that was "mine", that way I could have my area and mom could have the rest. It actually really helped, I won't lie. Kiri was less... intense than we were (thanks to her being born from Grace and not Neytiri lmfao), so she was happy with controlling like her bed and stuff. She was obviously still given her own space though, as will Tuk when she reaches the right age. (Suck it, Lo'ak and Neteyam lol)

It was pretty normal behavior among the people, since they all learned about what was going on with me pretty quickly (not a lot of secrets lol), so I never got made fun of for it very much or really felt like it was abnormal. I do remember some guys in Awa'atlu finding out and bothering me about it, though, and that was the first time I ever felt. Abnormal. Like seriously abnormal. I ended up, for a period of time, hiding away from everyone whenever that time came around because of it. It was also because during that time I'd get extremely emotional over not being home, so the nearby forestry was the most comforting place for me.

I remember the look on Ao'nungs face when he either found out, or saw me for the first time. I think I snapped at him for putting something in the wrong spot and he kinda just. Knew? I guess? Or I ended up apologizing, I think. Idk, memories with Ao'nung are typically pretty fuzzy. But then Neteyam showed up and made him leave.

Roxto and Tsireya would visit and give me gifts, though. They were very sweet and it was a very quick road to us becoming friends. They'd make baskets of my favorite fruits, along with food and drinks that were given to help with the pain and mood swings. To "bring balance" to the body, as they put it. I remember it was a more elaborate tradition than the way the Omaticaya people handled it. The Forest People were more of the "give them space, make sure they stay nourished and wait for it to pass" type. And I remember being so moved by the Metkayina's way of giving gifts to bring balance to the body and lift the spirit. It's a tradition that follows me to this day that I practice with friends and even for myself.

[test-tube]

My, My...New Clothes?

Author's Note: due to an unexpected brainrot, all fics are currently postponed (clothing adventures with the boys)

Pairings: Diluc x GN!Reader, Childe x GN!Reader, Kaeya x GN!Reader, Zhongli x GN!Reader

Word Count: 475

TW: None

You walked into the Angel's Share, partially dragged there by Venti.

"The bard would like a Dandelion Wine."

"So you've become Venti's wallet now?" The voice was familiar. You looked up to see your lover, Diluc Ragnvindr. His bright red hair was in a high pony and he wore a white vest over a black formal shirt.

"Ohoho, where'd this outfit come from?" You asked. "It's rather dashing."

You saw Diluc's face tense, as if he was trying not to blush. "It's just something I dug out of the closet." He muttered.

actually no he dressed up for you <3

he wanted to see your reaction to his high pony

and you did not disappoint

when the two of you got home he gave you a gentle kiss

(if anyone in the gc sees this istg i'm not a tsundere ffs) (@araglia)

You decided, you know what? You're gonna visit your boyfriend. Yeah, he was on a business trip, but you wanted to see him.

You managed to get all the way to Dragonspine, where he said he was stationed. (lowkey about to freeze to death) Then you caught sight of him.

Let's just say you had to catch your breath.

you were that one "i am looking respectfully" meme when you saw that coat. that hat. that expression.

when he saw you his eyes lit up

it was kinda cute, like a puppy getting a new toy

he just left the subordinates he was training to give you a hug.

Zhongli looked breathtaking in a blue and white hanfu. His hair was no longer in his classic low ponytail but hung freely, glaze lilies woven in-between strands.

Glaze Lilies are beautiful flowers. You've always admired them for their looks. Apparently so had your lover.

"Dearest? Do you like it?" He asked. He reached over and put a lily in your hair.

"It's lovely." You smile. Zhongli broke into a smile that made you want to melt.

guess what

he bought matching ones!!

with Childe's money

but the two of you can stroll through Liyue harbor with a matching aesthetic

(@starfell-traveler pspspsp)

Zhongli keeps whispering compliments in your ear and you're trying (and failing) to hide your blush

You came home exhausted. That hilichurl camp was rough. It was almost as if the attack was planned, but why... no. Never mind. That's for work tomorrow.

You dumped your bag onto your bed and went into your closet to find something to wear after taking a shower.

"What the hell are you wearing?"

There he stood. Kaeya, in all his glory. Clad in a sparkly red dress.

"I look fabulous, no?"

"Dummy, you should've told me first. I was gonna stab you."

"No comment on the outfit?"

"You look stupid."

"You wound me Y/N!"

actually no he looked great

dem legs

he saw your blush and wouldn't shut up about it