#Haven't wrote a how fic since july 26 2021 lol

[elmoslungcancer]

Howl x Male reader

Angst? Happy ending

Lowercase when words should be uppercase is probably common. As well as there is probably incorrect punctuation.

Big ass paragraphs as well.

Went to look at my drafts and saw this calling my name.

It was peaceful and quiet. Calcifer's fire makes the room feel warm, cozy, and safe. You don't wake up because of the quietness, you wake up because there is no chaos hell even Calcifer isn't talking up a storm.

Howl had a break down earlier and ran off somewhere you were waiting for him, lately every time something doesn't go his way it seems to set off a bomb inside of him. He isn't the best with expressing his feelings all you wish he would do is talk it out as a normal couple. Though it is better than screaming at you and having to clean up the green goo.

As you toss another log to calcifer even though he already has three, you sit back on the rocking chair, and you wait hoping to hear the click. You want to see his face; you want to scream at him, you want to be angry at him, you want to ignore him, give him the silent treatment when he tries to act like nothing happened, but who are you fooling to think you'll just ignore him.

You hear the wheel click at least you thought you did. It could be anyone though. Was it Sofie? She's a sweet girl, but lately she's been working on her hat business. Plus it was too late for her to be coming here. You've tucked Markl into bed already. Even though he claims he's a big boy that can take care of himself, he still loves it when you tuck him in, read him a story, give him a kiss on the forehead, and wish him sweet dreams as you shut his door.

You start to feel drowsy so you get off the rocking chair and give calcifer another log, even though he insists he will be good for the night. You tell him it's a treat, to think of it as a thank you for keeping you company, and keeping you warm. While you walk up to the table you pick a plate and lay it on the table, and you grab a box of some pastries you got early from a bakery. The ladies there were so sweet and kind it made you smile a little while setting some on the plate for when he returns.

You close the box and leave the it on the counter, not on a shelf too high in case Markl wakes up in the night, and wants a quick snack before he goes back to bed. You rinse and dry your hands off and walk upstairs, but not without saying goodnight Calcifer. As you lay on the bed you stare up at the ceiling where clocks stare back at you. You know this isn't a healthy relationship. Yes fights are common in relationships healthy or not. Not being able to talk about them because your partner is having a tantrum, and you have no clue where he is not normal.

You want to set boundaries no you need to. You can't be the only one wanting to make this work out. You hear the door open and hear Calcifer screaming, "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? DO YOU KNOW HOW WORRIED M/N WAS?" There was no point it was a cycle. After Howl comes back home from wherever he decided to head off to. He ignores Calcifer, heads upstairs takes a shower and comes to lay down in bed with you. You start to fall asleep but then you feel a body next to you hugging you from behind. You try to ignore it as he always does this but then you feel him start to cry. You feel shocked because he usually just passes out, but this is new.

"m/n.." he mumbles in-between your shirt and his hiccups. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry! What I'm doing is wrong..I want to break out of those habits...but I can't it's hard. It's not right for me to drag you with me. Please let me make it up to you." He says as he buries his head deeper into your back and holds onto you tighter. So you tap his arms signaling him to let go, he does as well as scooting back to give you some space. You turn to face him, but seeing his tear stained face hurts you. You always hated seeing Howl cry. You cup his face and nuzzle noses together.

"Howl, yes I am upset you keep running away instead of talking this out like adults. I want you to try to stop doing it, I know it won't happen right away as it's a cycle for you, but I want you to try to break that cycle." You say as you pet his hair and move it out the way to give him a forehead kiss. His eyes widden and start filling up with tears and he buries his head in your chest. You pet his hair as his body shakes.

"I love you Howl and I want us to work, but it takes two. We will talk more later in the morning. I want us to set boundaries, I want you to tell me what's a clear no in your book, and what's in mine. Let's rest for now, but I want you to know I love you very much Howl and don't forget it." As you finish you kiss his head and wrap your arms around him.

How writing this made me feel:

Anyways thanks for reading