#Harvey found him on the streets and basically decided to keep him

[nelkcats]

Coffee-scented kisses

Tim fell in love with a barista. At first he had wondered if it was simply a mistake, to transfer his love for coffee to the person who produced it, but slowly he realized it was a little more than that.

Danny, the new barista, didn't really criticize him when he ordered 8 coffees a day, as long as he was on shift. He also didn't ask him about his health insurance every time he ordered Death Wish, and even made sure to make small talk every time he delivered his coffee.

It had only been a few days since he was hired but Tim fell in love with his small talk, his care, and of course, his coffee.

Then, when Danny was suspected of working with Two Face he was heartbroken. The boy was probably innocent, but he couldn't get out of his head that nothing in Gotham was simple, everyone kept secrets, including himself. So he made up his mind to stay away from Danny, for his sake.

Danny, for his part, was Harvey Dent's assistant and a part-time barista, he just wanted to distract himself and Harvey was strangely sympathetic after telling him about running away from home. Kind of like a guy you stay with during the vacations, but more permanent.

The halfa started to worry when the cute boy from the cafe stopped coming, maybe he was in danger? Danny couldn't help but worry, but when his coworkers told him Tim was coming in on other shifts he wondered if the boy was avoiding him.

[sanikori]

So, i forced myself to watch Leaving Neverland...

And i swear, i've never hated some stangers in my life to the point where i want them dead. I felt my oxygen leave me and i was choking on my fucking tears from all the lies. I felt so sick, that i puked 5 times. But now i've recomposed myself so that i can expose these liars. I didn't want to go back in time and know how in feels to be a moonwalker in 1993. I wanted people to still talk about Michael, but not like this, never like this.

First things first, as Michael Williams, stated on Twitter, Michael has been investigated from the FBI for 13 fucking years.

Here we see 72 officers and 50 FBI agents in the Neverland Ranch in Santa Barbara. They searched every angle and interviewed everyone to find evidence and guess what? They found nothing. 

He's been proved innocent at not 1 but 2 trials. To this day, there's still no valid proof that Michael did any of those things.

Even Michael’s fucking bodyguard stepped in to defended him and expose Wade.

Here's some of the bullshit they said in that documentary, Let's start with James Safetruck: James: "I've spent Thanksgiving in 1987 with him at his home" Wrong, Michael was in Australia as a part of the Bad Tour in November 24 1987 James: "Michael didn't want us spending any time with women and cut contact with me after puberty"

Really James? then how come we see you AFTER puberty holding an umbrella for Michael while Michael's ex wife, Lisa Marie Presley, was there with the both of you. James: "I was abused by Michael in New York in 1989 after he performed at the Grammys" Fake. The Grammys were in Los Angeles and Michael didn't perform at the Grammys in 1989. Now let's go with Wade Robson Wade: "I was molested by Michael between ages 7 and 14" Wade is now 36 so it happened from 1989 till 1996. So you're telling me that these "rapes" happend DURING the Chandler investigation and DURING Michael's marriage to Lisa Marie Presley as well? and the FBI found nothing? really? bitch please.

Here comes my favourite lie Then there's the MANIPOLATED footage of Michael begin honoured at the Regent Hotel and he apparently recorded a message for Wade "on his birthday" where Michael "says" "Hello Wade, today is your birthday"

The video at the Regent Hotel was recorded on the 20th February in 1990 while Wade's birthday in on the 7th of September and the original video was meant for Elizabeth Taylor.

Also Wade and James didn't even really grew up with Michael, they didn't even know Michael that well... they BEGGED to have Michael's attention and since Michael is an angel, they got it. Also i'd like to tell you that it’s the same Wade that DEFENDED Michael not only once, but 3 mother fucking times.

If you two are saying that Michael raped you both, then how come that Macaulay Culkin (the kid from the "Home Alone" movie) the one who literally grew up with Michael by his side, who basically lived at Neverland and was a child like the both of you, said that nothing happened between him and Michael and is still defending him to this day?

They change their stories every fucking second too. Wade has changed his story 4 times and James 2 times. Wade's first version of the story: Michael threatened and manipulated him that they'll go to jail if he says anything Wade's second version of the story: He didn't "realize" he's been abused Wade's third version of the story: He felt shame Wade's fourth version of the story: He ALWAYS knew what Michael did but he didn't realize it was bad (because who doesn't have anal sex with kids, right?) Then there's James: James's first version of the story: Michael and his people were threatening him to keep quiet and James refused to testify but he and his mom knew he had been abused James's second version of the story: He didn't realize he was abused till 2014. They're so worthless that they don't even know how to lie. If you gotta lie about a dead man to earn money, do it properly. It's also funny how they don't mention that Michael was around little girls as well and not only boys, whenever it was on the streets or in Neverland. Meanwhile Oprah just said "Fuck you" to 3 generations of Jacksons by backstabbing the man who welcomed her in his house by siding with these little shits. Not only Oprah knew, but she provited the “victims”. Also the reason why Oprah promoted "Leaving Neverland" is because at the Sundance, it was also a documentary about Harvey Weinstein, who is an actual pedophile and has been found guilty. But since he's Oprah’s best friend (yes, you heard that right) they just diverted the attention in media to Michael instead of Weinstein But Wade is the one i hate the most because not only he is a liar but he's also the REAL pedophile... his reputation was so bad that kids at jumpdance called him "Uncle Perv" and the mothers wanted them to stay away from him. Like, there's literally a photo of him side hugging a girl and his left hand is close to her breast while he has his right hand on his fucking dick. 

He cheated on Michael's niece, Brandi Jackson (the two have been in a relationship for 8 years) with Britney Spears which resulted in Justin Timberlake's "Cry Me A River" song and he did hard drugs. Not to mention that he made out with his SISTER ON STAGE! and this bastard has a son which i really feel sorry for... but most of all, he's a crazy ass bitch. Paris Jackson (Michael's daughter) and Taj Jackson (Michael's nephew) are both REAL victims of sexual abuse, stop to think how these two feel about this. Also Taj found texts with Wade in 2009 where Wade is thanking Taj for letting him go to Michael's memorial 

Also Taj recently stated in an inteview that Michael's third son, Bigi (Blanket) Jackson is not talking anymore. And the teachers are worried about him. He literally won't speak, at all.

In conclusion: Michael Jackson is innocent. He’s the real victim.

Please, tell what would lead him to do such a thing? 

You're just gonna forget all the money he gave to charity? the many lives he saved? how he considered his fans as part of his family?

I've been a fan of him since i was 4 and i'll love and defend him till i die. This man saved me with his music in my darkest times, i feel protected whenever i see or hear anything related to him, he's my inspiration, my everything and if i could make a dead celebrity come back to life, it would be him... i was meant to go to his "This Is It" concert in July, meeting him for the first time but... it never happened... because he left... i've been called a pedophile supporter just for defending him... do you know how much this hurts? I've seen "moonwalkers" turning their back on Michael like it was nothing... i've been told that i need to accept the fact that my hero is in reality a bad guy, that i'm protecting him just cause i'm a fan.

They made you belive that he bleached his skin when in reality he suffered from Vitiligo and wasn't confident enough to show it to the entire world.

They made you belive that he changed because he had too much plastic surgery when in reality he suffered from Lupus. But even if the did have too much plastic surgery, why should it matter since half of the celebrities have plastic surgery?

They made you belive that he was gay when in reality he has been married to Debbie Rowe, who gifted him with Prince and Paris, and Lisa Marie Presley, he crushed on Diana Ross and Brooke Shields, was kissed on stage by Taitana Thumbtzen aka the girl in TWYMMF (The Way You Make Me Feel) and how to forget his infamous In The Closet song with Naomi Campbell? but even if he was, he’s still Michael.

They made you belive that he was a Junkie when in reality he had many medical illnesses that needed medication and a lot of painkillers.

But most of all, they made you belive that he was a pedophile when in reality he wanted to create the childhood he never had in his adulthood and there's nothing wrong with that, he couldn’t trust adults because instead of seeing him as a human with emotions, they saw him as a cash machine. If it wasn't for the kids, he would have already killed himself, he wouldn’t care to live and he said that he would rather slit his wrists instead of hurting a child.

It's not about defending my idol just cause i'm one of his countless fans, it's about giving a voice to a man who's no longer here to defend himself.

How am i going to belive them since they're accusing Michael Joseph Jackson, the same Michael that didn't want to step on a bug and called his bodyguard to take it while saying "Don't kill it!" while he was performing on stage? the same Michael that would have died for a squirrel?

This man is dead 

Attacking a dead man isn't brave.

James Gunn is still alive and he signed with a major studio

Where in everyone in the media?

They are a bunch of pathetic cowards.

So guys please, don't watch this so called documentary cause they are calling:

His ex wives liars

His friends liars

The people who worked for him for over 20 years liars

His fans liars

His FAMILY liars

But they want you to just belive the word of two proven liars.

It’s been almost 10 years since we lost him. 

Wake the fuck up.

Can’t belive we’re in 2019 and you decide now that he’s guilty for something he never did. Evan Chandler forced his son, Jordan Chandler, to accuse Michael for money. Then when Michael died, Evan regretted it so much that he hanged himself. I'm waiting for Wade, James, Oprah, Martin, Connrad and everyone who belives them to do the same thing since they're all nothing but a waste of air. But don't you worry cause Taj is making a TRUE documentary that proves Michael's innocence and once it's released, they will watch their lifes crumble into tiny pieces with their own eyes and i will be there, smiling while eating pocorns. Anyone who’s a brain washed moron who don’t belive that Michael is innocent or even thinks of calling me a pedophile supporter needs to fuck off right fucking now because you will be attacked visciously, blocked and reported so DO NOT BOTHER ME

In case you didn’t understand, i’ll gladly repeat in a more vulgar way since it’s the only way you can all communicate with other people

DUMBASS BITCHES DO NOT INTERACT WITH ME! STAY THE FUCK BACK!

You guys don’t bother to do your research, you should hear both sides of the story to come to a conclusion instead of going along with everything they say. You all eat their plate of lies just like you eat your mother’s food at lunch time. You don’t ask yourself “Are they lying to me?” no, you just go along with every single fucking thing they say cause you’re dependent from the Media.

Face it, we are in the right and we’re going to win this battle. Also, these people without Michael in their lifes, would have been nothing. PS: Someone needs to tell Wade that fantazing about having Michael's dick in his mouth at age 11 in not normal.

Now i want you all to blast at all volume the songs Money, Tabloid Junkie, Morphine and Leave Me Alone in honour of these good for nothing liars as you read this post of them begin exposed from head to toe by me

[statusquoergo]

Part I

Whoops; Katrina happened to overhear Esther yelling at Louis, and she wants in on stopping the merger without telling anyone about the assault, but to accomplish that, they’re going to need help. From…someone. Cool.

On his way out of the prison, Harvey calls Cahill to inform him that pressing Forstman was a bust, so Cahill needs to start putting pressure on Malik’s bosses to get him to lay off and he needs to do it tonight and I mean now. Cahill, who’s apparently on leave, possibly related to that pesky indictment thing he’s got going on, heads back to the office to ask some guy he works with to “go to Andrew Malik’s boss’s office and read him the riot act.” When Cahill points out that Malik has a long record of going after Harvey, the guy agrees to do it, but he also slips in the reminder that “the person who put [Cahill] in this position isn’t Andrew Malik… It’s Harvey Specter.” (I mean, he’s got a point.)

Donna then decides to get in on the fun, paying Malik a visit to inform him that he’s gonna lose “because [he’s] not just fighting Harvey. [He’s] fighting all of [them].” Well, Donna and Alex, at least; if memory serves, Louis and Katrina are otherwise occupied, but I guess “You’re fighting some of us” doesn’t sound quite as threatening.

Now, who did Katrina have in mind to recruit to Louis’s case? Samantha Wheeler, of course. Meeting up with her in some bar, Louis opens the conversation by telling her that thing his sister asked him not to tell anyone about how she was assaulted. Samantha bets Richmond has done this before, and Louis asks her to “do whatever it takes to take this piece of shit down.” He then goes to visit Esther, apologizing for breaking her trust as they proceed to have a canned discussion about how “you hear about this kind of thing now… But back then, you didn’t”; she blamed herself, she felt ashamed, it’s not her fault, all the standard notes and basically none of the heart. He offers to leave it alone if she still wants him to, but he did “get [them] some help,” and it looks like this one’s going forward after all.

Cahill’s friend getting Malik’s boss to pressure him to leave them alone seems to have backfired, as Malik catches Harvey on the street to arrest him “for conspiring with a federal prosecutor” (that’s not a thing). FYI, if you’re ever arrested, the appropriate response is: “I invoke my right to remain silent. I invoke my right to an attorney,” and then shut the hell up until your lawyer gets there. Harvey, Alleged Actual Attorney, instead says “I wanna call my lawyer,” at which point the arresting officer drops his cell phone on the ground and steps on it, and Malik ships him off to jail. When Malik stops by to gloat, Harvey brags that when “[he] asked for [his] attorney, [Malik] smashed his phone, which means [Harvey] could tell [him] he killed Kennedy, and it wouldn’t be admissible.” Again, false; Harvey said he wanted to call his lawyer, which is not “an explicit request for an attorney,” meaning Malik can ask him whatever the hell he wants and keep any of Harvey’s responses on the record (Davis v. United States, 512 U.S. 452 [1994]). In any event, Malik tries to get Harvey to talk by informing him that Cahill’s been arrested for obstruction, and whichever of them caves first gets to…save his career? I guess this is a prisoner’s dilemma, but I'm going to have to dock them a few points for not making it clear that the first one to flip gets a lighter sentence, and also for Harvey actually labeling the situation “this little prisoner’s dilemma.” Too obvious, man; have a little class.

Back at the firm, Donna tells Alex about a really bad feeling she has about Malik and Harvey, so I expect Alex is going to end up representing Harvey in this matter.

Anyway Malik starts off his interrogation of Cahill by alleging that Cahill owes his job to Harvey for taking down Eric Woodall, which Cahill categorically denies; we then start switching back and forth between Malik’s interrogations of Cahill and Harvey, who appear to be giving exactly the same story (and why that in and of itself doesn’t set off some alarms, I’ve no idea): Cahill’s deal to take down Sutter was with Mike, not Harvey; Harvey took Sutter on as a client because Kevin got Mike out of jail; two dozen calls between Harvey and Cahill at that time aren’t evidence of conspiracy, they were about protecting Mike from Gallo. Malik keeps saying he has proof, but I dunno, so far this sounds like a lot of conjecture and circumstantial evidence. Then Alex shows up to tell Malik that his clients are done answering questions, and Malik gleefully announces that Cahill has retained Faye Richardson as counsel and she advised him to take the deal, which he did, so…take that, Harvey. He’s got you now. Definitely.

Oh, by the way, when Katrina “was a prosecutor for six years before [she] joined the firm,” she once failed to get justice for a woman who was assaulted by her boss even though “everyone believed her,” so she’s demanding Samantha let her help with the plan to get Richmond.

Right, so, Harvey’s first act upon his release from jail is to punch Cahill right in the face (way too much windup, he would’ve seen that coming fifty miles away), also yelling “Fuck you and the horse you rode in on,” which is just very cute. Cahill argues that Malik had them (you sure?) and he cut a deal to keep them both out of prison (a real prisoner’s dilemma should have ended with Harvey going to prison while Cahill went free), and Harvey counters that yeah, he colluded, “but [he] did it to get a man who never hurt a soul away from a convicted murderer who was gonna kill him”; furthermore, he’s spent his entire life doing what he thinks is right, and “rules aren’t right or wrong” so he’s “fine with what’s in [his] soul.” How very sanctimonious. (Also, “every line [he’s] ever crossed, [he’d] do it again”? He’s been a lawyer for like twenty years, I seriously doubt he’d stand by every single decision he’s ever made.)

Tag team time: Donna demands to know how Faye could betray Harvey by getting Cahill to take Malik’s deal, asserting that she just did it because she hates Harvey. Faye counters with actually a really good point: “In his heart, he believes he’s a good man. That’s why he won’t change and why he’s a cancer on this firm.” The fact that everyone at the firm loves him actually makes things worse because they’ll blindly follow him anywhere, and they’re kidding themselves if they think they’ll always be able to convince him to do what’s right. Donna snaps that it was Harvey’s moral code that kept him from turning Faye over to the bar (the judiciary…), which seems to give her pause, although for real, if she’s as stringent about adhering to the law as she claims to be, she should just report herself and let the chips fall where they may. At least that way she gets to control the narrative.

Despite the fact that they’ve found six women who Richmond assaulted over ten years, Samantha and Katrina still have no case because none of the women are willing to testify. Katrina then has the bright idea to go straight to the lawyers who arranged all the women’s NDAs, pitting them against one another in what I think is supposed to be the episode’s second prisoner’s dilemma, except that if these lawyers won’t talk, they have nothing to hold over them, so no one would face any consequences, and if one of them talks, the other one isn’t going to suffer for it, so they have nothing to bargain with. In any case, Katrina talks to one lawyer and Samantha talks to the other, and it’d be a little more badass if they had any actual leverage, but whatever, good on them for trying.

Donna’s hurt that Harvey didn’t tell her about Cahill’s deal, but it turns out that might not matter anyway because Alex discovered, between Harvey’s arrest warrant and Sutter’s autopsy report, that Malik had Harvey arrested not because his boss was giving him shit but because Harvey was closing in on the fact that Sutter died suddenly and thus couldn’t have given a deathbed confession, making Forstman’s testimony inadmissible hearsay. But Harvey doesn’t just want proof that Forstman lied; he wants to nail Malik to the wall, which they might be able to pull off “by giving Sean Cahill a chance to make things right.”

I think Katrina and Samantha’s gambit worked, but it’s a little unclear that it mattered, because Samantha goes to Louis’s to inform him that while they “have a road map to every time Paul has done this before and the settlements he’s paid… [They] still don’t have a plaintiff,” so the case is a no-go. Louis can’t ask Esther to testify, but based on that case she failed to prosecute, maybe Katrina can; meeting one-on-one, Katrina lays the situation out for Esther, plus the fact that she called the plaintiff from her old case, who said that even though they lost, she doesn’t regret coming forward. Also they “don’t have much time” before the merger goes through, so if they’re going to do this, they need to do it soon.

Brace yourself, here comes the big wrap-up: Harvey and Cahill ambush Malik to inform him of their Forstman-related findings and have Malik arrested for fabricating evidence. Malik says he’s not fabricating evidence…because he’s “the goddamn State’s Attorney,” which, no he’s not, New York doesn’t have a State’s Attorney, and even if it did, that doesn’t make evidence fabrication any less illegal. Whatever, he’s going to jail and Harvey and Cahill are friends again, and that's the end of that. Samantha and Louis show Richmond the evidence they collected of all his cover-ups and Esther arrives at the last second to play the necessary accuser, so Richmond resigns on the spot and Esther tells Louis she couldn’t have done it without him. Harvey stops by the prison to let Forstman know that they know he committed perjury and now Cahill gets to decide how much time is going to be added to his sentence, so good luck with that. Also the whole thing with Esther made Louis think about the importance of family to him and Sheila, and now he wants to cram a wedding in before the season finale. I mean, get married before Sheila gives birth.

Okay, so everything in that mad dash to the finish line feels pretty conclusive, right? We’re all happy with how it all ended up? Except according to Korsh, “[Episodes] 9 and 10 are sort of the consequences of what happens at the end of [episode] 8.” There’s like a minute left, what more could possibly happen?

Glad you asked. As soon as Harvey arrives home to preen about his win over Malik and Forstman, Donna makes an announcement: “[His] mother had a heart attack. She’s gone.”

So I have some thoughts about this.

Part III

[annashipper]

Anonymous Submission

Anon please - I really don’t understand why you think Ben’s predicament is funny. You laugh at him and mock him for failing to sell a disastrous relationship he never wanted but is stuck in nevertheless for reasons beyond our comprehension.

I’ve followed this sham from the beginning. Back in the day, we skeptics/truthers didn’t laugh at Ben. We may have laughed when he accidentally made Zero look stupid or when her feeble attempts to shine failed dismally but we never found his pain funny. Pap walks and red carpets weren’t hilarious outings we bought popcorn to enjoy - they were ordeals to get through - watching them through our fingers, flinching at his discomfort and misery. Sad, unwilling, miserable attempts to shill the kid/s made us shiver at his obvious discomfort and pain at having to comply.

Yet now Ben’s suddenly a great joke. A lumbering oaf to laugh at and entertain us. His shoehorning is suddenly hilarious - you revel in his pain and mock his unwilling attempts to sell the sham as if you think he’s a failure when he doesn’t do it well - why do you want him to sell this? If he did you’d call him fake, devious, two-faced, manipulative, etc. Suddenly whatever he does, it’s as if you think he deserves it. Why do you luxuriate in his misery? Do you now think this is all his fault? Do you want him to pay? To suffer? Do you think he deserves this? That he’s getting his just desserts?

I just don’t understand - Why has this disaster turned from something we watched - cringing along with him, into something we’re supposed to sadistically love, relish and enjoy. I for one feel none of your pleasure and enjoyment watching any of this and I don’t understand how any genuine skeptic could.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Nonny, there are some points of your submission that are confusing to me.  I could have answered you via private messages, but since another Nonny had similar qualms yesterday (LINK), I thought I’d answer your questions in public.

Apologies in advance for the rant.

We Skeptics never called ourselves “truthers”.  That’s what the Nannies used to call us.

It was never Ben making Weirdo look stupid.  In the early days of the showmance in particular, it was Weirdo and Harvey making him look like a schmuck.  The lever of second-hand embarassment fans of his with half a brain have had to endure was (and still is) palpable.

Skeptics have been having gigglefests since before I ever joined the community back in January of 2015.  I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again for anyone who doesn’t remember those early days of Showmance From Hell(TM) documentation:  if it weren’t for @benedicts-third-testicle and her snark, I never would have joined Tumblr in the first place.

Soooooo.  Those who truly here back in 2014-5 remember how Ben transformed from a happy-go-lucky guy in 2014 to someone looking physically ill by the spring of 2015.  We also remember the ridiculous polls, the even more ridiculous drinking games, the CumberPorn, the Showmance bingo (which @gatorfisch still plays from time to time and cracks me up), the DorkyBatch pic or gif of the day, the snarky questions and the even snarkier answers, the vigorous fact checking, the readers of Bally’s blog losing their glunch, the up/down bump compares, the submissions of crazy theories on what would happen next during those early days, how PR was basically answering Ms Bally’s concerns through weird handholding and bikini sneaky pap shots that were blurred, the press rundowns each and every day, that Ben should always strive to be a #supportivefruithusband to Weirdo whom fetch still eludes because she obviously never tried to follow Spinsie’s advice and take on mandarine juggling on London street corners, Ms Ballsy stocking up on Baileys, pop corn and Tim Tams in preparation for pap walks through airports (which at that time were a dime a dozen), everyone stocking up on the alcoholic beverage of their choice to watch the BAFTAs and Oscars that year, bingate, the showmance (which on Ballsy’s blog was called the shamwow) playlist, etc.

As far as I’m concerned, nothing’s changed since those days.  

I was then and I still am a SkeptoNanny.  I was and still am cringing whenever Ben looks pissy / sad / done standing or sitting next to Weirdo although he smiles standing or sitting around everyone else.  I was and still am getting a sad every time I think of how much Ben’s demeanour has changed since 2014.  

Something I’ve always been accused of by Skeptics who run their own blogs as well as Nonnies, is that I nanny Ben a little too much, and they’re all absolutely right.  I always did go out of my way to find excuses for his behaviour, and it’s something I intend to keep doing, because for all of his idiocy, I’m still a fan of his work, and I truly believe he’s a nice guy whose one true error in judgement was agreeing to play along with the game Weirdo thought would be fun on the night of January 3rd, 2015 at PSIFF.  The moment he agreed to keep baiting that first pregnancy for free publicity because Harvey had promised him an Oscar, he basically signed up for all of the craziness we’ve been witnessing (and alternating between groaning and giggling at) ever since.

At the same time, I always thought the awkward shoehorning was hilarious.  I always laughed at the piss-poor attempts to disguise set-up pap walks as relentless hounding from the paparazzi.  I always found Weirdo’s fetchlessness endlessly entertaining.  I always assumed she would never get a voice in this showmance, and the past four years have not proved me wrong.  I always got the giggles out of the weird handholding.

What I would urge you and everyone else who agrees with you on my stance to do would be to read through my blog and take what I have to say seriously, instead of assuming I’m always being snarky in my observations / answers to asks and submissions.

I have stated repeatedly that I believe Ben has had a firm grasp on the stirring wheel of this showmance since March of 2016, and I mean that.  As such, it’s getting increasingly hard for me to keep making excuses for his poor choices to make this whole thing look realistic.

The way he keeps flogging this particular dead horse to receive free publicity, and the unfortunate way his quotes regarding his wife and children come at complete odds with his actions leave me speechless.  Or they would leave me speechless if this showmance hadn’t been so very inconsistent since day one.

You ask why I “want him to sell this“.  Well, I’m a firm believer in doing something right or not doing it at all.  Since Ben doesn’t seem to be willing to end this showmance until “people who think his wife and child(ren) are a PR stunt” will shut up, he might as well do it properly and try to make the whole thing look realistic.  This has nothing to do with the Skeptical community and everything to do with his public image.

Skeptics who run their own blogs and have not been commenting publicly on the showmance for ages are still paying attention.  Closet Skeptics are still putting together the pieces to this ridiculous puzzle and laughing their heads off at the idiocy in my private messages.  Regular Anons who don’t send me submissions anymore are still reading my blog and sending me private messages and/or e-mails.  Newly formed Skeptics still emerge every time Ben decides to rock the proverbial boat by trotting Weirdo out.

Unfortately, having spent the past 4 years documenting those very inconsistencies has basically turned those of us who are truly paying attention to what’s being said versus what’s being done into human bullshit detectors, and just because Ben is alternating between trying to bore us to death and upping the stupidity level when he decides it’s time for free publicity for one of his projects is not going to drive anyone away.  

The most depressing part of all is that the clickability of Skeptical blogs far surpasses the clickability of any other part of the fandom (be it Fan blogs, Nanny blogs, Anti blogs or just Ben’s official/unofficial web page).  

So yeah.  I’m gonna keep speaking my mind, and I’m far past sugarcoating my opinions.  While I don’t expect anyone to agree with me, I am not going to treat a 42 year old successful man like a helpless toddler who doesn’t have the means and the opportunity to release himself from whatever Madame Fetchlessly Irrelevant is holding over his head.

That being said, I’m still going to keep making excuses for him when it makes sense to do so, and I’m still going to root for him to do well in all of his endeavours.

The fact that he’s painted himself into a ridiculous corner with this showmance doesn’t change the fact that I believe he has tremendous capacity for kindness and a raw talent that he’s able to hone into an impossibly sharp edge when he’s in front of a camera or an audience.  

Just don’t ask him to do it when his wife is within a five foot radius.  That seems to be his Achilles heel...

[doctortwhohiddles]

Delusion and Entitlement

I think Annashipper and Fakerbatch have just given the best example of both. Anna got this ask:

Which led to this answer from Anna. I've edited it to keep the most relevant parts (comments in parenthesis) :

We Skeptics never called ourselves “truthers”. That’s what the Nannies used to call us. ●(And that's what they still are)

It was never Ben making Weirdo look stupid. In the early days of the showmance in particular, it was Weirdo and Harvey making him look like a schmuck. The lever of second-hand embarassment fans of his with half a brain have had to endure was (and still is) palpable. ●(The only embarassement comes from sewage corner, the ones with less than half a brain apparently)

Soooooo. Those who truly here back in 2014-5 remember how Ben transformed from a happy-go-lucky guy in 2014 to someone looking physically ill by the spring of 2015. We also remember the ridiculous polls, the even more ridiculous drinking games, the CumberPorn, the Showmance bingo (which @gatorfisch still plays from time to time and cracks me up), the DorkyBatch pic or gif of the day, the snarky questions and the even snarkier answers, the vigorous fact checking, the readers of Bally’s blog losing their glunch, the up/down bump compares, the submissions of crazy theories on what would happen next during those early days, how PR was basically answering Ms Bally’s concerns through weird handholding and bikini sneaky pap shots that were blurred, the press rundowns each and every day, that Ben should always strive to be a #supportivefruithusband to Weirdo whom fetch still eludes because she obviously never tried to follow Spinsie’s advice and take on mandarine juggling on London street corners, Ms Ballsy stocking up on Baileys, pop corn and Tim Tams in preparation for pap walks through airports (which at that time were a dime a dozen), everyone stocking up on the alcoholic beverage of their choice to watch the BAFTAs and Oscars that year, bingate, the showmance (which on Ballsy’s blog was called the shamwow) playlist, etc. As far as I’m concerned, nothing’s changed since those days. ●(In which Anna just proved how fucking delusional the haters are)

I was then and I still am a SkeptoNanny. I was and still am cringing whenever Ben looks pissy / sad / done standing or sitting next to Weirdo although he smiles standing or sitting around everyone else. I was and still am getting a sad every time I think of how much Ben’s demeanour has changed since 2014. ●(It really hasn't, sadly neither have the haters)

Something I’ve always been accused of by Skeptics who run their own blogs as well as Nonnies, is that I nanny Ben a little too much, and they’re all absolutely right. I always did go out of my way to find excuses for his behaviour, and it’s something I intend to keep doing, because for all of his idiocy, I’m still a fan of his work, and I truly believe he’s a nice guy whose one true error in judgement was agreeing to play along with the game Weirdo thought would be fun on the night of January 3rd, 2015 at PSIFF. The moment he agreed to keep baiting that first pregnancy for free publicity because Harvey had promised him an Oscar, he basically signed up for all of the craziness we’ve been witnessing (and alternating between groaning and giggling at) ever since. ●(Basically the moment the haters realize the relationship was serious and still can't handle it)

At the same time, I always thought the awkward shoehorning was hilarious. I always laughed at the piss-poor attempts to disguise set-up pap walks as relentless hounding from the paparazzi. I always found Weirdo’s fetchlessness endlessly entertaining. I always assumed she would never get a voice in this showmance, and the past four years have not proved me wrong. I always got the giggles out of the weird handholding. ● (But I thought Sophie was a famewhore)

I have stated repeatedly that I believe Ben has had a firm grasp on the stirring wheel of this showmance since March of 2016, and I mean that. As such, it’s getting increasingly hard for me to keep making excuses for his poor choices to make this whole thing look realistic. The way he keeps flogging this particular dead horse to receive free publicity, and the unfortunate way his quotes regarding his wife and children come at complete odds with his actions leave me speechless. Or they would leave me speechless if this showmance hadn’t been so very inconsistent since day one. ●(What leaves me speechless is the sheer idiocy displayed by Anna)

You ask why I “want him to sell this“. Well, I’m a firm believer in doing something right or not doing it at all. Since Ben doesn’t seem to be willing to end this showmance until “people who think his wife and child(ren) are a PR stunt” will shut up, he might as well do it properly and try to make the whole thing look realistic. This has nothing to do with the Skeptical community and everything to do with his public image. ●( entitled much are we?)

Newly formed Skeptics still emerge every time Ben decides to rock the proverbial boat by trotting Weirdo out. ●( she means new sockpuppets)

Unfortately, having spent the past 4 years documenting those very inconsistencies has basically turned those of us who are truly paying attention to what’s being said versus what’s being done into human bullshit detectors, and just because Ben is alternating between trying to bore us to death and upping the stupidity level when he decides it’s time for free publicity for one of his projects is not going to drive anyone away. ●(and we're the ones that are obsessed 😒)

The most depressing part of all is that the clickability of Skeptical blogs far surpasses the clickability of any other part of the fandom (be it Fan blogs, Nanny blogs, Anti blogs or just Ben’s official/unofficial web page). ●(still trying to pass has more important than she is I see)

So yeah. I’m gonna keep speaking my mind, and I’m far past sugarcoating my opinions. While I don’t expect anyone to agree with me, I am not going to treat a 42 year old successful man like a helpless toddler who doesn’t have the means and the opportunity to release himself from whatever Madame Fetchlessly Irrelevant is holding over his head. ●(except that's exactly what she's doing)

That being said, I’m still going to keep making excuses for him when it makes sense to do so, and I’m still going to root for him to do well in all of his endeavours. The fact that he’s painted himself into a ridiculous corner with this showmance doesn’t change the fact that I believe he has tremendous capacity for kindness and a raw talent that he’s able to hone into an impossibly sharp edge when he’s in front of a camera or an audience. Just don’t ask him to do it when his wife is within a five foot radius. That seems to be his Achilles heel… ●(it's more the haters Achilles heel since they have to come up with reasons why Ben is still married).

But it doesn't end there, Fakerbatch had to throw in her 2 cents:

Does this moron genuinely think Ben wants advice from her?!? As if he would listen to a bunch of scary, delusional stalkers. Fucking hell, the haters are really slow on the uptake aren't they?

[hypnoticharlequin]

Dr. Dante: From 60s Hypnotist To Modern Criminal

I have quite the story for you all today, involving stage hypnosis, crime, and one very interesting man. 

For a little context, I’ve been reading a book on the history of Knotts Berry Farm, the berry stand that slowly morphed into a theme park that today is the 15th most visited in the world. 

In this book, there is mention of a performance space that held many different shows over the years. One of these was a hypnotist, going by the name of Dante. 

Now the second I heard that name I had to look into the guy, I was hoping I could find a poster of his to add to an upcoming hypnosis posters write up, just because Dante is a great name.

But the story of Dante is one that fully deserves its own post as it is quite the twisted little tale. 

But where to start, well normally with such things I would do the basic historian thing of giving you a person’s name and their date of birth. But with Dante, we actually don’t know. 

So, Dante’s real name is Ronald Pellar, however, for most of his career, he said his name was Ronald Dante. But he has used over 40 aliases over the years, for reasons that might become apparent later...

Dante also gave differing people totally different accounts of his life, in a 2006 interview with The San Diego Union-Tribune he said he was born in 1920, however, in a Chicago Tribune article from 1985 he is said to be 57 meaning he would have been born in 1927 or 1928. 

He told the interviewer in 2006 that he had grown up in  Kuala Lumpur, where an attack left him and his brother orphans. They were then sent to an orphanage in Chicago, only for young Dante to leave at age 11 to become a street kid, making money by selling counterfeit goods.

However, his ex-wife, Lana Turner (who we will get onto later) said that Dante had told her that he grew up in Singapour and had a doctorate in psychology from a university in that country. However, reporters who investigated the claim found this to be totally and utterly bogus.

Every part of Dante’s past is honestly debatable with so many alternative histories floating around, from both his own mouth and the mouths of others linked to him. 

The story of the Dante starts in the 1960s, where, using the full name Ronald Dante, he was making waves as a hypnotist in nightclubs and bars. His deep voice and piercing eyes made him quite the imposing figure on stage, something that translated into many good reviews for his act. 

I was actually lucky to find a full scan of Dante’s press kit from the time, a collection of articles and other things he would send to those who were curious about booking him (however even this isn’t safe from accusations of fakery as I’ll mention later). 

Now, this might look weird, but this is how press cuttings were sent in this era, with the banner at the top. This was to show that you had been mentioned in a major publication. 

This specific issue is from October 16th, 1962, showing that Dante is playing to decently sized clubs and is apparently getting good reviews, even if those reviews are rather generic for the era. 

Something that interests me is the genie’s lamp motif used for his logo. Because it doesn’t really work with the name “Dante” then again, nor does the very “oriental” font they decided to use. Though you could likely see this as an attempt to mix the Arabic and Asian trends that were decently popular in the US during the period. 

Also of note is that Dante often used the nickname/tagline “Mr. Hypnotism” during his career. Interestingly you often see him using Mr. Hypnotism as more of a stage name, with it getting top billing over the Dante name. 

A big part of the press pack is letters of recommendation from various companies and venus commending Dante on a great show and for selling the venue out. 

This is a good example of this, apparently, in 1965 Dante was breaking records at a supper club. 

There are also other letters from the period from organizations that hold a lot more clout to the modern observer. 

In 1967 and 1968 Dante did shows in front of the US Airforce and US Army, one in Vietnam and one in Bangcock. 

These glowing reviews would be great for a performer, as a recommendation from two large government agencies would pretty much guarantee you work in the future.

Of note, I actually have a scan from a review of one of Dante’s Hong Kong shows, very likely from the same series of shows that the airmen attended. 

It is quite an interesting review, making a point that locals don’t think that speaking acts ever sell, due to the audience only being fluent in Chinese (and that Chinese acts apparently don’t speak?). 

But of interest is the fact that the reviewer volunteered to be one of Dante’s subjects and actually gives a write up of the action from the subject’s perspective. 

To summarize: 

-The subjects are told to stand with their hands relaxed, heels together. 

-The subjects then stand and look up at the ceiling, taking a deep breath  

-The subjects close their eyes, start to breathe normally and then count. 

-Dante then says when he touches them on the shoulder he wants them to visualize themselves as steel, and himself as a magnet, pulling them towards him.

-If they feel it, the subjects are to fall forward where Dante will catch them. 

This does not work on the reporter who is sent back to his chair, he does mention that he considered falling anyway just to keep the show going and notes that during the suggestions, several other people ended up coming back to their chairs meaning they might have had the same idea he did.

Dante even comments to him later that a good subject has “an urge to show off”. 

The acts performed during this show included: 

-Their arms are made of steel and they are unable to drop them

-Watching a funny film 

-Cheering on a racehorse

-Hiding the winnings from said racehorse 

-Feeling themselves pricked with a pin so they jump 

-Thinking they are naked 

-Dancing 

Then the subjects are sent back to the chairs, acting like the Road Runner. 

Interestingly this set would pretty much work today, which really shows you how little stage hypnosis shows have changed since the mid-60s. 

Amusingly the reviewer is actually surprised the Road Runner bit worked, due to the character being “popular 15 years ago” and suggests Dante should try making his subjects James Bond instead! (Which is honestly a good suggestion Goldfinger had been a smash hit in 1964 and Thunderball would make a decent amount at the box office when it came out in 1965 despite being considered the weakest Bond film today).

I would like to quote one of the final paragraphs verbatim: 

I don’t pretend to know as much about hypnotism as this highly-rated American performer who has made a half-million people into his slaves on stage. But I was bothered when Dante failed to remove the suggestions he planted. 

If hypnotism has the power to break bad habits as Dante suggests, and if his subjects were really hypnotized, then these eight people should jump as though stuck with a pin everytime someone resembling Dante stamps his feet.

This is honestly weirdly switched on for a review from the 60s, it honestly had me surprised. 

Dante’s press pack does include a recommendation from the Cafe De Paris in Hong Kong 

This poster is pretty interesting as it doesn’t really explain what the act is, minus the fact that two women will be present. In fact, the girls get a much more detailed billing than Dante himself. 

Now, this could be the venue working on the idea that “speaking acts don’t sell” or it is proof that Dante already had quite a name for himself in Hong Kong. There is also the third option of bad cropping as the edge of the poster looks very badly cut, as if it was quickly done with scissors so there might have been more to it. 

These were not the only international shows Dante did and his press pack contains a poster for a show in Mexico along with a newspaper cutting about it.

This poster has an interesting collage look to it, and once again Dante is advertised with this strange oriental font. For those curious, the text under Dante explains how his voice is insured by Lloyds of London for one million dollars. This is actually pretty common as Lloyds of London does allow performers to take out insurance on their talents. They have insured, amongst other things, Michael Flatley's legs, the hands of the1932 world yo-yo champion Harvey Lowe, the body of Ric Flair, Bruce Springsteen’s vocal chords and Tina Turner’s legs. So Dante having a policy totally makes sense.

Interestingly the cutting says that Dante has been in “five motion pictures” something I can’t find anything about, I’ve checked IMBD and every other film database I know of and can find a single one.

One other cutting from the pack really stands out to me, apparently, Dante played an 80,000 seat venue with the band Cream. 

This is advertised as the first time a top rock group had performed with a hypnotist, but weirdly the article only mentions Dante and not Cream themselves. 

Dante’s show seems mostly the same as in Hong Kong with a few minor additions of people being attacked by movie monsters, a trip through Disneyland (Disneyland being a weird recurring theme with Dante) and “sleeping in each other's arms”.

The ending of this article is really something, mentioning one “attractively packaged young lady,” being made to think she was a stripper and that she: 

had discarded all but her undies before Dr. Dante tragically stopped her. Several sympathetic audience members, undoubtebly disliked by the remaining viewers, ran up to cover her

Now, I’m actually a big fan of Cream and yet I had never heard of this show. And I can’t seem to find any good record of it at all. Now Cream was not together long so we know this happened sometime between 1966 and 1968. 

I would further presume it is post-1967 as I don’t think Cream was selling out big venues like this before Disraeli Gears came out. This is also due to them being described as “one of the world’s heaviest rock groups” which fits their post-Disraeli Gears sound.

Now there is a photo of Dante and Cream.

But there are a lot of photos of Dante with people as Dante loved getting his picture taken and often used the celebrities he was “friends” with as a marketing point. 

My Eric Clapton based conundrums aside, however, the biggest moment for Dante’s career was in 1969 when Dante married the actress, Lana Turner.

 Lana Turner had quite the life and most of it was in the public eye. The famous (and totally fake) legend says that the girl was spotted at the lunch counter of  Schwab's Pharmacy in the 1930s. She was deemed so beautiful she was hired on the spot. 

By the 1940s Lana was seen as a sex symbol and was a common pin-up for the troops fighting in Europe, and her role in the 1946 film “The Postman Always Rings Twice” cemented her as a powerful dramatic actress. 

However, by the late 60s, she was on a downturn, her films were doing less well at the box office and MGM, her home studio, were having money issues due to having to divest from their theatres. 

When she met Dante in an LA nightclub, they started a whirlwind romance that ended up in Lana’s 7th marriage. 

Now, this is where some element of fakery appears. As part of the press kit, there is this cutting: 

Compare this release to the one I showed above (and one I found myself from a newspaper archive). Note how the former focuses totally on Turner and this second one focuses mostly on Dante. 

The source I got this from says it is fake and isn’t something the LA Times ever published and while I don’t have the resources to verify this myself, I actually believe them. 

While Dante might have been a decently big name, he was not up to the level of Turner, who was a grand star even at this point. Also, this says Dante’s first wife was movie star Brigette Bardot which is totally not true. 

Bardot's list of partners via marriage is: 

Now, Bardot did say she had over a hundred lovers both men and women and Dante could have maybe been one of them. But they were never legally married, really throwing this cutting into question. 

One other cutting from the pack is called into question by the compiler as well: 

Basically, it is a review from Variety (another source I, unfortunately, cannot verify for myself) and says that Dante is better than any of the other hypnotists the reviewer has seen over the past 20 years, going as far to say the last time the venue was that full was when Frank Sinatra still owned the place. 

Also, something to note is that both of these cuttings referred to him as Dr. Dante, despite him not actually holding the necessary qualifications. While there is a long tradition of hypnotists adding Dr. to their name, this is an interesting deviation from other, legit, cuttings of the time. 

However, it does note that Dante hypnotized 27 people and “took them to Disneyland” which sounds like a euphemism but does seem to be a running part of his act. 

With a famous marriage, Dante’s fame grew, netting him more and more bookings. However, the marriage only lasted six months. Turner says she wrote Dante a $35,000 check to help with an investment but Dante ran off with the money. 

Turner then accused Dante of stealing $100,000 of jewelry from her and ended up suing him. At the trial, Dante produced a document that said he got $200,000 if he and Turner broke up. Turner said she had never seen the document before and the court ruled in her favor, making Dante pay her $25,000 in damages. 

It really seemed like the divorce didn’t slow down Dante one bit, he continued to do shows and continued to get good reviews. However, in 1975 things took a sour turn.

Dante was arrested for trying to convince another man to help him in a plan to kill rival hypnotist Dr. Michael Dean. Unluckily for Dante, this man happened to be an undercover cop who arrested him.

Dean and Dante had known each other for 15 years, with Dante even saying that he and Dean had learned hypnosis together. Dean, however, said that Dante had copied his act and that Dante had wanted to move into the San Diego county area where Dean had a long-running show. 

Dante’s lawyer argued that Dante had an addiction to prescription barbituates and these impaired his decision making and Dante himself argued it was a set-up and that Dean had paid off the cop.  Despite this Dante was found guilty of attempted murder in the second degree and sentenced to 7-20 years in prison. Dante went into Arizona State Penitentiary from February 1976 to June 1978, when he was released on parole. 

Apparently being an ex-felon didn’t hurt his bookings, with him quickly getting a two-year stint at Knotts Berry Farm. 

In 1985 Dante set up a hypnosis education course and took out massive ads in newspapers in Houston, Portland, Atlanta and Chicago offering the chance to become a hypnotherapist. 

He was now calling himself Dr. Dante, saying that he got the qualification from the American Hypnotherapists Association or the AHA. The AHA was actually something Dante had set up himself for the sole purpose of giving himself the fake title. 

Luckily, two journalists went to the Chicago presentations, Jeffrey Zaslow of The Wall Street Journal and Eric Zorn of The Chicago Tribune. both of whom give wonderful write-ups of the day. 

Those who responded to the adverts in the Chicago Tribune offering “Free” hypnosis seminars would be greeted into the room by music which is described by Zorn as:

``The Official Album of Disneyland and Walt Disney World,`` a pastiche of buoyant Americana and a salute to ripe and immense fantasies, the very things that had drawn the crowd. 

Once again Disneyland playing a role. I’m a nerd who actually has a copy of that album and I can only presume the music was from The Main Street Electrical Parade mostly because I presume the music from “The Country Bear Jamboree” was a little too on the nose.

Zorn goes on to describe the advert from the Tribune a little, noting that it features many pictures of Dante with different famous people.

Down the right side of the page, in an attempt, one assumes, to lend credibility to his free seminar, were three snapshots of Dr. Dante, each one showing off a different hairdo of his. One photo was of Dr. Dante in brown, wavy locks ``with wife, movie star Lana Turner.`` Another was of Dr. Dante with short, white hair ``being interviewed by Johnny Carson.`` And the last was of Dr. Dante in short, black ringlets ``with first heart surgeon Dr. Christian (sic) Barnard.``

Zaslow also makes note that these pictures are on the wall of the room the talk is held in, really trying to make Dante seem prestigious. 

However, one of these photos would cause an issue. The photo of Johnny Carson actually led to Carson suing Dante for $51 million. Carson’s lawyer saying: 

the photo was taken with Carson's permission 'sixteen or seventeen years ago,' but Dante has no right to use it in advertising.

While I can’t be certain, I think this might be the picture in question. It is one of the pictures featured in Dante’s press pack. 

To note, while Johnny Carson was the host of The Tonight Show, this picture is not on the set of that show as Dante was never on it. When asked about it by Zorn, Dante said it was when Carson was doing something else, but he couldn’t confirm what exactly that other thing was. 

Once people have had time to enjoy the music and to soak in the various images of Dante hobnobbing with the rich and famous, Dante would come onto the stage and pitch the full course to those there, saying such things like: 

“An ex-cab driver and a former Western Union deliveryman "with a twitch" each earn $12,000 a week as hypnotherapists”

"hypnotherapists can be in every neighborhood, like 7-Elevens."

Dante also claimed that the Wall Street Journal called Hypnotherapy the boom career of the 1980s, something that the Wall Street Journal kindly denied by suggesting he got them mixed up with “another publication”.

Those who were swung by the pitch were asked to put down $395 dollars to do the full weekend course.

During these seminars, another man called Bob Gold would join Dante to talk about the Mind Science Church, a group that had formed in 1949 and one that Dante was on the board of directors for. 

Basically, the Mind Science Chruch was a breakaway group of Christians who disagreed that hypnotism was evil and formed the MSC as a non-denominational sect to promote the practice. 

To quote Zorn (who throws a lovely bit of shade): 

They professed that hypnosis and prayer were very similar activities and that ministers were analogous to coaches or teachers. They used the biblical passage wherein God puts Adam to sleep as the scriptural cornerstone of their faith. Gold can quote it for you, roughly. 

Now, I think the passage they mean would be Genesis 2:21 which in the King James Bible reads: 

And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;

Their aim was to get as many of their congregation certified in hypnotherapy as possible, saying that: 

`We have no priests or ministers,` he says. `Except that everyone who learns hypnotherapy, in our eyes, is a minister of our faith, whether he belongs to another faith or not.`

 Which is very interesting as it makes me a minister for them, which is impressive considering I hadn’t heard of them until like a week ago.

Those who went to the full weekend course would be greeted on Saturday morning by Dante in a doctor’s coat and stethoscope who would work to teach them all about hypnosis.  

Dante started by explaining that all hypnosis is self-hypnosis and that the basics can be taught in an hour, but the real skill comes with practice. He then went on to give attendees a basic script to use and did a basic Q&A session. 

He then handed out spiral disks to use as a fixation object, along with pink and blue cards containing the “hypnotic script” and had attendees practice on one another for a while. 

On Sunday evening Dante handed out diplomas and offered to sell those present a $198 kit containing fixation objects and other things to help them be a hypnotherapist, before giving two final pieces of advice. 

The first was to decorate your office with books and diplomas and the second was not to try and hypnotize family and friends as they know you too well and wouldn’t take you seriously. 

While you might doubt these courses would sell, the ones held in 1986 netted Dante $3 million, putting him in the Guinness World Records book for “highest ever lecture fee”.

It should be noted, while obviously a scam this was before things like hypnosis and hypnotherapy were regulated and thus anyone could declare they had a diploma in hypnotherapy without fear of repercussion or legal trouble. 

Dante also set up a permanent make-up college called “Perma-Derm Academy”. This college offered to teach makeup artists how to do permanent make up using tattoos, something Dante insists he was one of the first people to do. However, the school was highly sub-par with several students saying they were taught how to apply the makeup by using ballpoint pens on cantaloupe melons. 

This got him into legal trouble as according to the Federal Trade Commission, he misrepresented his school as an accredited institution and misrepresented what the course offered. He was ordered to immediately stop and repay $143,750 of the almost 1.5 million dollars he had made running the school. As part of this settlement, he was made to agree to not run such institutions again. 

In the April of 1997, the FTC started “Project Scofflaw” aimed at enforcing FTC court orders and making sure those who had agreed to not run misleading programmes actually followed through. It turned out Dante had not and was still offering the misleading programme. 

In fact, he had just renamed his company to “Permanetics Inc” and he had also set up the “American Professional Institute” a paralegal training firm which advertised that its graduates could make lots of money, despite the school holding none of the required accreditations. 

Dante was arrested and was sentenced to 67 months in prison for contempt of court. However, before the last day of his trial in the November of 1997 Dante is said to have told his lawyer that they should flee “either north or south”.  Dante chose to flee to Mexico and was sentenced in absentia in 1998.

Dante lived on his yacht just outside the Mexican city of Ensenada for two years. However, in 2000 ABC featured him and his scams on their show 20/20. Apparently, Dante gave an interview from the deck of his yacht, this interview was said to be heavily mocking of those who had fallen for his scams, however, I can’t find footage from the show to confirm this. 

Soon after Dante was arrested re-entering the US and sent to prison for the crimes he committed in 1998. Dante insists that the Mexican federal police kidnapped him and dragged him back across the border but no record of such actions has ever been found.

In 2003, while serving his 1998 contempt charge, the FBI indited Dante once more for mail fraud. Since 1996 Dante had been running the “Columbia State University“ a correspondence school that alleged to be an accredited university but was, in fact, a diploma mill. 

The CSU ran adverts in major publications declaring: 

University Degree in 27 Days!

Bachelor's, Master's, Doctorate

Legal, legitimate, and fully accredited. School rings available.

Its pitch was that students could use their work history and partially completed courses to get a degree in record time provided they paid the fee and did the tiniest bit of work (which mostly amounted to filling out a form). 

To quote from the official FBI inditement: 

According to court documents, Pellar set up Columbia State University in 1996 at a business office in San Clemente. CSU falsely represented itself to be a government-approved university in Louisiana and it falsely claimed to have faculty and accreditation sufficient to confer bachelor's, master's, and doctoral degrees by correspondence in as little as one month. Pellar created promotional materials, including a university catalog, that falsely told prospective students that CSU had an administration composed of Ph.Ds and medical doctors and that it had received full accreditation from legitimate accreditation agencies. The catalog cover featured a photograph of a building that bore no relation to the fictitious CSU or its San Clemente office. The mailing address was in Metairie, Louisiana, but in reality that was only a mail forwarding service that simply resent all correspondence to CSU's addresses in Southern California. The indictment alleges that, in November 1997, Pellar fled the U.S. and continued to direct the activities of CSU from Mexico through subordinates.

The indictment alleges that CSU took in more than $10 million from students around the country in tuition fees during the scheme. The indictment alleges that students around the country were defrauded because CSU gave them the impression that it was a legitimate academic institution, but in reality, it was nothing more than a diploma mill.

The US Senate hearings into CSU had a former employee testify that while the CSU has a gross income of around $20 million it had no educational staff and no facilities and that the ten-person board of directors was nothing more than a list of made up names and titles. 

The school had even advertised that Joans Salk, the inventor of the Polio vaccine had an honorary Ph.D. from them. A claim that was only removed when Salk himself complained about the lie. 

Dante pleaded guilty to nine counts of mail fraud, he was ordered to pay back $45,835 and forfeit the $1.5 million yacht as well as serving 8 months in prison.

Upon his release, Dante mostly stayed out of the public eye, in 2006 it was said he was living in a trailer park. However, in 2010 he was thrust into the limelight once more as a film about his life, entitled “Mr. Hypnotism” was shown at SXSW.

To end, I would like to quote part of J. Harry Jones’ interview with Dante from his 2006 Chicago Union-Tribune Article:

He proudly produces a copy of “Marquis Who's Who” from 1993, which lists Ronald Pellar as holding a doctorate from Columbia State University and of having been a lieutenant colonel in the U.S. Marine Corps.

Is the Marine Corps reference true?

Dante smiled slightly. “Of course not,” he said.

[sairyn-noc]

Date With Death

Harvey is used to the hustle and bustle that comes with living and working in one of the nation’s busiest cities. The streets are filled with too many people, too many sights and sounds and way too many smells. But hey, if you want to live in New York, you put up with it. For the most part, Harvey ignores it all, often seeking and finding refuge within the glass walls of his office or the ones of his high rise condo. But today, even the hallways of PSL are filled with an enormous number of people. Curious, he stops one of the junior associates to ask what is going on.

“Some man fell over and died after his meeting, he was old though so..well,” the youngster shrugs.

Kids, Harvey thinks.

He retreats to his office and closes his door. It may not cut down on the amount of people, but it will decrease the noise level that seems to have reached fever pitch due to the unfortunate event. It’s not often that something warrants his undivided attention and even more rare does someone. But tonight as he looks up from his desk, for some reason he can’t name, Harvey finds himself captivated by the sight of someone. A man, gliding easily in the crowd, has captured his attention. In a room full of strangers, the man stood out, and Harvey found he could not look away. As if noticing Harvey’s stare, the man turns towards him and Harvey feels his whole world tilt as eyes that sparkled like blue diamonds meet his own.

Finish on AO3

A lick of fear creeps up Harvey’s spine, as the eyes seem to widen in recognition, or maybe surprise. A sense of dread fills Harvey as the young man alters course and starts to walk towards Harvey’s door. The man looks like an Angel. Blond hair, creamy pale skin, in a well-fitted suit tailor-made for his lithe frame despite the horrendous skinny tie. Nothing about him screams dubious intent, but still there is something about this mysterious stranger gives him pause. Harvey glances at the direction of Donna’s desk. Noticing it is empty- he frowns. The stranger pulls open Harvey’s door and leans against it, not quite entering the office. Never one to back down from a fight, Harvey speaks first.

“Can I help you?” he asks, his voice bleeding confidence he does not feel.

“No. Thank you, but my work here is done. I was actually on my way out. But then I saw you and thought I would come and say hi.”

The stranger crosses the threshold letting the door close behind him and the oxygen goes out of the room. If Harvey believed in things that went bump in the night, he would swear the Devil himself just walked into his office. Harvey stands.

“I gotta say, I’m kinda shocked to see you here,” the man continues, moving slowly towards Harvey’s desk.

The stranger’s voice reminds Harvey of warm honey and it short circuits his brain for an instant. There is a slight mischievous gleam his eyes, and Harvey can do nothing but stare, captivated by the man now standing in front of him. Heat pools in Harvey’s gut and for a moment, his fear is forgotten. But instinct reminds him to be wary; warns him that there is something dangerous about the man now standing in front of him- no matter how innocent-looking he is.  Although another part of him, somewhere further south, if the twitching in his pants were to have a say, thinks if given the chance he would gladly give the gorgeous man anything he wanted.  

“Anything?” the stranger asks, as if reading Harvey’s thoughts.

Harvey is about to answer when his phone rings, breaking the spell.

“You better get that, it could be important,” the stranger smirks.

“That’s why I have Donna,” Harvey snaps back. “Now are you going to tell me who you are and why you’re in my office?”

“Like I said, dude. I was just passing by. I’m no one you need to worry about, at least for now. But since you asked, you can call me Mike.”

The ringing finally ceases but is immediately followed by Donna’s voice coming across the intercom.

“Jessica’s on the line for you, Harvey.”

“Told you it was important,” looking all smug.

“Don’t call me dude.” Harvey waits a beat before looking down briefly to grab the phone.

“Jessica, can I call you right…” When Harvey looks back up his voice falters. The beautiful stranger is gone.

Harvey scans his office. He only looked away for a second, he tells himself. No one moves that fast- no one.

“See you soon, Harvey.”

The honey laden voice comes across as a whisper on the very air itself. It tickles Harvey’s ear and sends a shiver down his spine. Harvey feels dizzy, his brain going into spasms trying to make sense of what just happened. Jessica yelling at him through the phone, brings him back out of his thoughts.

“Yes, I’m here. …… Of course, I am listening,” he answers gruffly, while continuing to look around his office wide eyed. “What? Tonight? Yes, I’ll be there,” he sighs before hanging up and calling Donna.

“Donna. Did you see where that guy went?”

“What guy?” she asks curious.

“You know. The one that was in my office,” he answers, fearing the next words out of her mouth.

“Harvey, I didn’t see anyone in your office but you. I just got back from getting the scoop on what happened. By the time I reached my desk, your line was ringing. And since you couldn’t be bothered to answer it, I did.”

“That is what I pay you for, isn’t it?” he quips.

“No. You pay me to keep Louis away, and Jessica off your ass. Answering your phone is a courtesy I bestow on you when I desire.”

“Alright then. How about you desire to make me some travel plans. I’m going to need to drive to Atlantic City. Jessica needs me to deal with a client. Think you can bestow that while I go home and pack.”

“Please, and I won’t even break a nail.”

Harvey hangs up and and grabs his jacket and briefcase before walking out the door. He can still hear “Mike’s” voice in his head. See you soon.

Six hours later, Harvey has checked in, unpacked, showered and is decked out in one of his favorite suits. He has an hour before he is to meet his client. But while he’s here, he might as well play a few hands. Reading casinos is a lot like reading people. Identify the right players and maximize the odds of winning. He avoids the college partiers that are basically here for the free booze, moves through the sea of slot stalkers, who can sit for hours giving away their money one pull at a time, until he finally reaches his destination- the card tables. Gambling with cards takes skill. A skill Harvey is very comfortable with. By the time his hour is through Harvey is up a few hundred. Tipping the dealer, he goes off to take care of business.

Unfortunately, that doesn’t go as well. His client was in more trouble than he was worth. Supposedly his company is in shambles and the mafia is after him for money he “borrowed”. After instructing Thomas to return to his room, Harvey heads back to the tables to try and save not only his client’s company, but now his own. And that’s when things get weird. After a few hands, the air seems to shift. One by one, each of the players at the table gets up and leaves. Harvey’s eyes flick up to the dealer, who seems to be waiting for something. Harvey feels it then, a strange unnatural sense of deja vu.

“So nice to see you again. I would say I was surprised, but I would be lying.”

Harvey recognizes the voice instantly. He looks up to see his, (wait, when did he become his), beautiful stranger Mike  walking up to the table, like an East wind ready to take over. All long limbs and sparkling blue eyes in a gorgeous tuxedo. Harvey is once again reduced to staring, while his cock decides to wake up and pay attention.

“You,” he breathes.

“Hello Harvey.”

“What are you doing…”

“Doing here? Isn’t it obvious?”

“Nothing about you is obvious.”

“You make it sound like that’s a bad thing,” he says flirtatiously.

Harvey wishes he could say that it was, because somewhere he knows it is. But all he can think about is the rampant desire flowing through his veins. Lust can mask many things. And right now it is clouding his thoughts and coating his tongue. All Harvey can think of is the gorgeous man sitting in front of him, and all the filthy things he would love to do to him. He licks his lips.

“How filthy?” Mike asks, apparently reading Harvey’s unspoken thought.

“It’s rude to intrude on people’s thoughts,” Harvey chides.

“Sorry. Would it make it better if I told you that I feel it, too?”

“Possibly,” Harvey smirks. “Tell you what, how about when my work is done, we talk about that someplace more…private,” he says raking his eyes up and down Mike’s frame.

“You do like to live on the edge, don’t you?” Mike smiles.

“What can I say, when I see something I want…” Harvey lets the conversation drift.

“And do you? Want, that is?” Mike’s eyes are hooded, and Harvey can see that same desire reflected in them.

“I thought I made that clear.”

Mike places his hand gently on Harvey’s neck before bending down to speak in his ear.

“I want the same thing,” he whispers huskily. Harvey shivers. “Unfortunately, that is not why I am here,” he finishes, before he leans back up.

“Oh? Are you sure about that?” Harvey glances at Mike’s crotch. “Because the tent in your pants says otherwise,” he smirks.

“Trust me, if I had the chance, I would rather spend a thousand nights with you. But that is not our destiny.”

“A thousand nights? Destiny? Getting a little ahead of yourself, aren’t you? I am talking a night where anything goes and when we wake- us going our separate ways. Completely and utterly, satisfied.”

“Like I said, as much as I would like that, that is not why I am here.”

“Alright then hotshot. Why don’t you tell me why you are here?”

“I’m here to take your life, Harvey.”

Harvey chokes on his own spit, laughing. “You don’t say.”

“Allow me to formally introduce myself. I am Death.”

“That’s got to be the worst line I’ve ever heard.”

Mike snaps his fingers and the whole casino goes quiet. Gone is the clanging of slot machines, the myriad of voices. Harvey frowns, looking around- no one is moving. It’s as if someone hit the pause button on live tv. Everything and everyone is suspended. He looks back into the blue eyes watching him curiously.

“What the…” Harvey pants, his breathing growing slightly erratic.

“Not lying. I truly, truly am Death,” Mike says sadly. “Though if it makes you feel any better, right now, I wish I was anything else but that.”

“But, how? Why?”

“Does it matter?”

“Hell yes, it matters,” Harvey barks.

“Your friend, the one you are desperate to save. He is in over his head.”

“He is not my friend, he is my client.”

“If you say so. But right now your client is in the elevator on his way back down and not in his room. I’m not going to stand here and tell you how this all goes down, even I am not that cruel. You can’t outrun fate.”

“I don’t believe in fate. There has to be another way!”

“Trust me, if there was, I would take it, for you. But I know there isn’t …”

“I’m not going down without a fight,” Harvey interrupts, glancing around. All the while trying to find one of the 146 ways to talk himself out of this.

“I’m sorry, Harvey.”

Harvey hates the fact he can hear the sincerity in Mike’s voice. He can’t give up. He needs to stay mad, needs to find a way out of this. Nowhere at Harvard law did they teach how to bargain for your life. But that doesn’t mean he isn’t willing to try. Sometimes life is stranger than fiction. Roll with it, Harvey tells himself.

“I have an offer,” he states strongly. “One hand, one chance.”

“What?” Mike asks, genuinely surprised.

“We play one hand. You and me, no one else.” This has got to be the craziest bet you have ever made in your life, his brain screams at him. “If you win, I die. If I win, we both live.

“I thought he wasn’t your friend?”

“Do we have a deal?” Harvey grits out.

“No. You can’t wager for someone else’s soul, Harvey. Life and death doesn’t work that way. It’s shitty and unfair, but it is what it is.”

Harvey flinches. He doesn’t lose, he refuses to lose.

“New deal. If I win, he lives tonight. You can take him any other time, but not tonight.”

“You’re pretty confident in yourself, aren’t you?”

“Damn straight.”

Mike is silent for a heartbeat. A soft smile ghosts over his lips before he speaks.

“Counteroffer?”

“I’m listening.”

“I win, I do what I came to do. If you win, you get to do everything you want to me, and I you. And trust me, if it comes to that, I plan on undoing you every way possible,” Mike finishes.

Harvey gasps and his eyes grow wide, his cock, rock hard in his pants. The answer slips from his lips before he can stop himself.

“Deal.”

Mike slowly walks around the table, and whispers in the still frozen in time dealer’s ear. The dealer blinks a second and moves a few steps over before freezing once again.

“Cut the cards.”

~~~

When Harvey wakes the next morning, he is sore; more sore than he can ever remember. He is absolutely sure he has bruises all over his body, as in everywhere. He cant wait to see them.

“You play a mean hand of poker, Mr. Specter,” comes the voice Harvey knows he will be dreaming about forever. Visions of last night flash before his closed eyelids. The thoughts makes him smile. He pulls Mike in closer, enjoying their shared heat and entangled limbs.

“What are you thinking about?” Mike asks.

“You. And how I wish…”

“What do you wish?” the man in his arms asks, lifting his head to catch Harvey’s gaze.

“Honestly? I wish we could stay here forever. Maybe I want those thousand nights after all.”

“That wasn’t the deal,” Mike replies, smiling. “But…,” he pauses. “I’ll play you for it.”

Harvey kisses Mike like his life depends on it, when a thought occurs to him.

“Mike, when you came up to me back at the firm. You said you were surprised to see me there. Why?

“Because Harvey, I had a date with you here, in Atlantic City.”

Mike covers Harvey’s body with his own and neither of them think about anything after that.

[ramjfkclub]

Week 4 - About a Boy

It isn't Friday the 22nd of November, 1963 The time isn't 12:30 p.m. It's actually October 18th, 1939, and we're in New Orleans, Louisiana.  A kid called Lee Harvey Oswald has just been born and looks a bit put out that someone has made him wear a yellow dress.

Welcome to Part One of the strangest story of them all.

  Ever since the assassination, the details of Oswald's childhood have been a rich source of speculation for researchers trying to understand him. Whether they're accusing him or defending him, there's a sense that the answers can be found in his formative years - that small actions here can be extrapolated into significant actions later. 

For example, they point to the fact that his father died two months before he was born. This MUST have had a negative impact on his life, they argue.

They then psychoanalyse the mother - describing her as either a woman with good morals, doing what she thought best, or a domineering matriarch, consumed with self-pity. 

Consider this from Lee's step-brother   - 

"If Lee was guilty then he was aided with a little extra push from his mother in the living conditions that she presented to him."

The conditions he refers to are various stages of poverty and dislocation brought upon by Oswald's mother constantly moving around looking for work. Again, they point to the unsettling effect this must have had on the child and, to be fair, it's hard to argue with the basic facts -

During his childhood, Lee Harvey Oswald lived in 22 different places and attended 12 different schools. 

So far so bad for the poor kid then - his family are basically accomplices to a future crime and his early life is the worst series of The Littlest Hobo ever. 

If he’d had a jaunty theme tune maybe things would have turned out differently. 

With the simplistic overview out of the way, researchers and investigators dig deeper into his life looking for evidence of violence or rebelliousness - some sort of Rosebud moment that helps their case. 

Some of these are potentially damning - he once threatened his step brother's wife with a pocket knife and, when his mother tried to intervene, he punched her in the face.

Some are just funny - he once got kicked off the school football team because he said the coach's rules violated his constitutional rights. 

And some are just bizarre.

Julian Evans, a family friend of the Oswald's, told The Warren Commission a story about how he once took the young Oswald fishing with a group of other boys. He said everyone else threw the little fish back in the river and took the big ones home for dinner. But Oswald, he's at pains to add, was different. 

Apparently he lined up all the fish he caught on the bank of the river and just walked off, leaving them to die. 

The point of such testimony, of course, is to make an orchestra suddenly start in your mind - a crescendo of low notes that damns Oswald and convinces you of his guilt. But can they be trusted? How many of these stories have since been told through the prism of what he has been accused of and coloured by confirmation bias?

Here’s another section of Evan’s testimony to illustrate the point –

Mr JENNER: Did you ever see Lee Oswald in any fits of temper, so to speak?

Mr  EVANS: - No; I didn’t.

Ok, that’s good.

Mr JENNER: Did you ever observe anything about Lee Oswald that would lead you to believe that he had any propensity toward acts of violence on the person of anybody else?

Mr EVANS: - No

Even better, I reckon he’s definitely innocent now.

Mr JENNER: What other impressions did you have of this boy?

Mr EVANS – Well, I thought he was a psycho.

Oh.

Probably the best assessment of Oswald’s childhood comes from his time in New York in 1952. 

At aged 13, he attended a junior high school in the Bronx only to find himself a figure of fun due to his southern accent and his “western clothes.” So, not for the first time, he decides that school isn’t really for him and, instead, spends his days riding the New York Subway and hanging out at the Bronx Zoo. It’s here that a truant officer finds him and he’s subsequently remanded to an institution called Youth House for psychiatric evaluation.

One of the doctors there described him as a “seriously detached, withdrawn youngster”. She further added that there was "a rather pleasant, appealing quality which grows as one speaks to him." For his part, the young Oswald confirmed that he felt there was a veil between him and other people that he preferred to keep intact. He blamed his mother for virtually everything, telling the doctors that he felt she never cared enough about him and that he was a burden to her. He also admitted to fantasies about being powerful and sometimes hurting and killing people. But when asked to elaborate on these, he told the doctors it was none of their business.

The initial report on him states -

“Lee has to be diagnosed as personality pattern disturbance with schizoid features and passive--aggressive tendencies. Lee has to be seen as an emotionally, quite disturbed youngster who suffers under the impact of existing emotional isolation and deprivation, lack of affection, absence of family life and rejection by a self-involved and conflicted mother.”

It concluded –

“Despite his withdrawal, he gives the impression that he is not so difficult to reach as he appears and patient, prolonged effort in a sustained relationship with one therapist might bring results. There are indications that he has suffered serious personality damage but if he can receive help quickly this might be repaired to some extent.”

Unfortunately, though, Lee never received the prescribed help he needed. One day his mother came to visit him and he said “I want to get out of here. There are people in here that have killed people, and smoke.”

Deciding that she’d had enough of doctors interfering with her son, they packed their bags again and returned to New Orleans - moving into a red light district of prostitution and low level gangsters.

That’s bound to help. 

In future years, when that perennial question was asked – “Where were you when you heard JFK had been shot?” – it was the people in Dallas that had THE answer. And as we’ve seen so far, it was just the beginning of the stories they would tell.

“It was a heckle. Umbrellas are not a particular hobby of mine.”

“God put me there because I’ve got super eyesight.”

“I had a load of dark wigs back then and a prototype camera.”

The six seconds they witnessed would become the starting point for the rest of their lives whilst, yet again, the 24-year-old in the Texas School Book Depository was different – providing a testimony to these events that would be frustratingly brief and lacking any detail. Still, of all the characters in Dealey Plaza that day, he’s the one who deserves a backstory – the one that I want you to feel like you know before 12:30pm.

Not that it’s easy.

I’ve read so many accounts of Oswald’s early life now that it’s difficult to be certain of anything other than a sense of tragedy and a touch of empathy. At its most benign, the character that’s painted of the young Oswald is similar to my own experience through adolescence, as I’m sure it is for many other people. Even Bob Dylan, a month after the assassination, said that he saw a lot of himself in the accused assassin – a comment that sparked a huge controversy but was probably more reasoned than people gave it credit for.  

Didn’t we all sometimes wear a veil when we were growing up?

Haven’t we all got our own version of the fish story if we zoom in on our own lives?

I know I have, which is probably why I find some of these stories amusing rather than damning. Maybe it’s me, but I’ve often paused to think about how his ex-football coach must have reacted to seeing Oswald in police custody in 1963.

“Here he goes, emphatically denying these charges and banging on about his constitutional rights again. He hasn’t changed much.”

Still, people are different. I guess that’s the point and, as I’ve said before, my imagination is prone to get in the way of the search for truth here.

My own sense of teenage estrangement passed because I was fortunate enough to benefit from a counter culture that catered for it. But Oswald had no such luxury, he’s stuck in 1953, listening to classical music because Psychocandy hasn’t been released yet. He’s 14, it’s the time in his life when he’s looking for external stimulation to define himself.

We know of two things that happened next.

Firstly, he went for a walk one day and an old woman on a street corner gave him a leaflet about a Jewish couple that were about to be executed for being communist spies. He follows this with a trip to the library and starts to read a series of books on Marxism.

Secondly, in October of 1953, a new television show premieres on American television called I Led Three Lives. Its main character was simultaneously a suburban husband, a member of the Communist Party, and a spy for the FBI.

It became Lee Harvey Oswald’s favourite TV show.

And it’s where we’ll leave him for now - glued to a programme whose message was that you could be anything to anyone.

Join us next week, when we head back to Dallas.

Martin Fitzgerald (@RamJfkClub)

[newagesispage]

                                                                          OCTOBER    2019  

 PAGE RIB

 Stephen King has released yet another: The Institute

*****

Salmon Rushdie has given us Quichotte

*****

October 1: Jimmy Carter is 95!! Go Jimmy

*****

For some new discoveries and theories on the often told tale, check out Chaos: Charles Manson, the CIA and the secret history of the 60,s by Tom O’Neill.

*****

Metallica has cancelled their tour.

*****

The Creamery Bridge in Vermont was closed for a time because of a Sasquatch scare.

*****

Days alert: Woo Hoo!! Dr. Rolf is back!! ** Why do they keep using that ‘WET PAINT’ sign all over the town square? A joke?  Really painting the sets and they just leave them up for an inside laugh? ** The Shah/Jen story was good.. it showed what a good actor he really was. He was always so blah! It’s funny that as he left us , we finally get his back story. He even mentioned Norman Bates. ** Stefan is out.  Claire is in.  I loved Dr. Rolf’s “pro life” line. Will many of the young girls get pregnant, ( think Lani, Ciara, Gabi, Sarah, Haley and Kristen) and will all the babies get mixed up and will Days jump a year ahead? Well, that’s the rumor. ** What is up with Hope?

*****

Senator Chuck Grassley is applying for his second bailout since October for the farm he owns. ** $30 billion in welfare has been given to farmers.

*****

This whole vaping scare is not really a surprise. Why do companies have to be so greedy and fill these with nicotine anyway? Why do good flavors have to be taken off the market because parents can’t keep them away from the kids? Can’t we have fun flavored simple mist in a vaping apparatus that has no dangerous chemicals? So many people just need that occasional outlet and something to do when relaxing.

*****

Spy devices were found near the White House. They believe Israelis are responsible.

*****

Word is that around Liberty University, Jerry Falwell Jr. uses fear in dealing with staff and sends them pictures of his wife in sexual situations.

****

They need to make a biopic about Rickie Lee Jones and it should star Hillary Swank. JS

*****

A CIA source has been pulled from Russia they say because Trump can’t be trusted not to tell Putin who he is. The operative is the agent who confirmed the interference in the 2016 election and has worked there for decades.

*****

Rose McGowan and some of the Me too movers and shakers would like Lisa Bloom to be disbarred after her dealings with Harvey Weinstein.

*****

Mark Sanford is running for President.

*****

Sarah Palin’s husband has filed for divorce.

*****

Stacey Dash was arrested for domestic battery in Florida.

*****

Stranger Things has been renewed for season 4.

*****

Hey.. Robert King.. Glad that U R back!

*****

People from Alabama were calling the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration in a panic after scary clown 45 included them in the path of Hurricane Dorian. Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross threatened to fire meteorologists who contradicted the idiot.

*****

John Legend and Chrissy Teigen got into it with the Pres. She called him a pussy ass bitch.

*****

In the 80’s, 80% of our clothing were made here in the U.S., now it is 3%.

*****

The House Judiciary committee is holding hearings about hush money to Karen McDougal and Stormy Daniels.

*****

Conversion therapy leader, McKrae Game has announced he is gay.

*****

It is odd that we don’t hear more about women who are addicted to crime shows. It is such a thing.

*****

Weight Watchers is not WW. OK.

*****

North Carolina’s political maps have been deemed unconstitutional and must be redrawn.

*****

In Nashville, Rev. Dan Reehil has banned Harry Potter books at the St. Edwards School

*****

Why does Fallon imitate his guests all the time? He is always repeating what they do much like a child would.

*****

Scary Clown’s personal assistant, Madeline Westerhout is out.** John Bolton is out.

*****

$32.50 for a Trump key chain? What?

*****

SNL started off the season with a bang. Woody Harrelson hosted and ended by showing support for Greta Thunberg. The next hosts will be Phoebe Waller- Bridge, David harbor, Kristen Stewart and Eddie Murphy.

*****

A man was chopping down an old diseased tree when a cannonball fell out of it. This particular cannonball in a tree was near a home that was used as a hospital during the first battel of independence, Mo. in the Civil War.

*****

In Kentucky, Mitch McConnell said yes to treasury funds for an aluminum plant backed by a Russian oligarch. He said no to treasury funds for coal miner’s health care and pensions.

*****

Joe Biden pledges to take no fossil fuel money but then attended a fundraiser hosted by Andrew Goldman, founder of Natural Gas Company, Western LNG.** It’s so sad, Biden leads which makes it seem that the people who pay the least attention decide who is going to run this place.** He really has to stop saying, “Look”,  all the time.

*****

The Sept. 12 Dem debate was exciting, I loved the kudos that Biden and then others gave to Beto for his actions in Texas after the shootings.  Other than that Biden seemed to stumble a lot especially with his, “make sure the kids hear words” stuff. O’Rourke seems to have finally hit his stride with, “Hell yes, we’re gonna take your AR-15’s.”  I’m not even sure I agree but I loved so much that he had the guts to say it. I’m in! His only real problem was the color of his tie, it washed him out. Later, Briscoe Cain sent a tweet to Beto: My AR-15 is ready for you.** Yang, as usual was not given enough time but he did calm the others when they wanted to spar. He spoke so clearly and did not sidestep.  He had a great point with the U.S. not starting wars because we are not too good at rebuilding. Case in point: Puerto Rico. He also proposed $100 in democracy dollars so people can participate and give to the candidates they believe in. He seemed to tear up when talking about missing his son’s first day at school.  His salesmen pitch like giveaway was too much though. ** Buttigieg had a good idea with his ‘community rural visas’ to bring immigration everywhere.** Warren and Sanders were straight forward with no real surprises. Gotta thank Bernie for reminding us that he didn’t vote for Bush’s war or Trumps military spending bills and the crowd seemed to love him. Both at the debate and after (like Bari Weiss on Maher’s overtime), people keep calling Bernie ‘President’. Accidents? ** Harris was cool and calm but seemed a bit scripted.  She was the only one to really bring up Trump. ** Protestors had to be cleared as Biden started his final words. They were yelling, “We are DACA recipients. Our lives are at risk.” I’m sure it had to unnerve him as he began to talk of his sad life and his family. The late night comics said that he did a good job but I didn’t think so.** Klobachar told us a lot about herself. I think I learned the most about her. Castro, who I really liked a lot at the first debate, should just get out after this performance. ** Why was Rahm Emanuel there?** The Trump campaign sent a banner flying over Texas  Southern University. ** DeBlasio is out.

*****

By the end of September, Warren is #1 in New Hampshire. She is 2 points behind in the nation and Yang is #4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“We will no longer sell the AR-15 to the public.”- Colt   Thanks Beto!!  A simple candidate has made more positive change than Scary Clown. Stop being so scared Dems, change can happen!

*****

When Warren was on Colbert she said,” Why don’t we just quit now and do a selfie line?  The selfies are the most fun about this. Really? The night before, after her rally she selfied for 4 hours.

*****

Young people will propel the changes in the views of this country. The young demographic thinks differently on guns and climate and the young usually rule eventually. VOTE!!

*****

An intelligence official filed a formal whistle blower complaint against our ruthless Archie Bunker on steroids about his interaction with a foreign leader. It seems that it was a phone call with Ukraine’s Zelinski about the Biden’s but things are still unfolding.  Did he pressure people to work with Guilliani? The transcript is out and Pelosi has started a formal impeachment inquiry. When the WH sent talking points to their republican colleagues to try to calm the waters, they accidently sent them to the Dems too.  The WH also moved the info to a private server as we now know there is even more stuff there. Wouldn’t it be justice if the private server brought him down? ** Blame is flying everywhere. Trump has thrown Barr and Rudy and even Pence into the mess. Rudy tells us that he went to the Ukraine for the state department but they say no! He has been so rude and unhinged on the talk circuit. He has now been subpoened.** Joseph Maguire, acting director of National intelligence was only on the job a few days when he was informed of the whistleblower complaint. He was questioned all day in hearings and was very polite. Both sides could calm down on the snarky.** The Secretary of State is basically holding down 3 jobs.  The WH is quite under staffed  and there is talk that they may bring in outside people to handle the situation but Trump does not want that.  The campaign is where they will really fight, that is where all their money is. ** The ambassador to Ukraine has stepped down.**

*****

Now word is that Trump and Barr tried to get Australian PM Scott Morrison to look into those who were behind the Russia investigation. Pompeo is now getting pulled in too. It is really like the tin foil hat conspiracy guy down the street is running this country.

*****

Never compare your insides to someone else’s outside.  -Thank you Rob Lowe

*****

Hillary and Chelsea are headed out to promote their new book, Gutsy Women. It is impeccable timing but I am sure she is so sick of talking about the big blowhard elephant in the room. It really is time to hear from her again.

*****

Law and Order SVO started its 21st season with a little nod to Gunsmoke. What a great touch.

*****

Has the military really spent $200,000 on Trump’s Scottish resort?

*****

What’s up with the Cleveland Browns? They are winning.

*****

4 feet of snow in September in Montana?

*****

Seth Meyers went too far with his Rudy hate. I am a bit disturbed that Seth, Maher and Colbert get nearly as bold in the other direction as Fox News. Yes, these are evil people running the country and there is enough that they do without calling them out on things that are not your business.  About Rudy marrying a second cousin, Seth said “that’s awful.” Don’t pass your prejudice and judgement on these people like others do on color and religion et al. Cousins can marry, it’s not illegal and how might that make the children of cousins feel?  

*****

Pennsylvania  Senator Michael Folmer was arrested for child porn that was on his computer and has since resigned.  I am sure that if he went on Fox and said nice things about the fearless leader that he could get a job in the White House. It seems to be the way it is done, Fox is the audition.

*****

Robert C. O’Brien is the new National Security Advisor.

*****

The family of John Dillinger do not believe that he is in the grave. A body id buried in Indianapolis but they have asked for an exhumation.

*****

Millions came out on the 20th to ask for action on climate change. Go Greta Thunberg !! Some are spinning it that since she is autistic, she has been abused by her parents by being forced into her activism. I have seen no evidence this. She makes more sense than most leaders on the subject. Fox’s Michael Knowles even called her mentally ill and has since apologized. Thoughts? ** Central America is starving to death because of the impact of climate change. Reports from the Trump administration prove this and aid has been cut off which causes migration.

*****

Trump us jumping into bed with Saudi Arabia who has the 5th largest defense budget in the world. Troops are being sent to Iran.

*****

Doc Martin is here with its 9th season. The dog will fall in love. The Doc and Louisa’s relationship is doing well as their careers are shifting. It all just reminds me how much I want to live in Cornwall.

*****

The biggest grossing tours of all time as of this year are. 1. Ed Sheeran: The Divide 2. U: 360 3. Stones: A Bigger Bang 4. Guns N Roses: Not in this lifetime 5. Coldplay: A Head Full of Dreams 6. Roger Waters: The Wall 7. AC/DC: Black Ice 8. Stones: No Filter 9. Bruno Mars: 24K 10. Madonna: Sticky and Sweet

*****

James Corden put Bill Maher in his place. Fat shaming is as wrong as any other. Bullying is never funny. The week after Maher’s rant, Michael Moore went on and had lost some weight. Hmmm.

*****

Hiking with Kevin has the best guests, there is really a cross section of all kinds of people.  A hike seems to break down defenses and the stories are great!!

*****

The North Dakota pipeline spill that was said to be 10 gallons worth was really millions of gallons.

*****

Almost Family is a show about a sperm donor. It is good to see Tim Hutton again.

*****

A woman gets a late night show.. check out A Little Late with Lilly Singh.

*****

Prodigal Son stars Michael Sheen as a serial killer called The Surgeon.

*****

Julian Fellowes will bring us The Gilded Age about 1885 New York.

*****

Some are freaking about all the official stays at Trump properties. The whole thing is a ridiculous mess. Mitch and the boys would be screaming to the heavens if this was a different President. The really sad part is that the crews that are just there to help POTUS and the VP say the stays are so costly that their expenses won’t even cover food. ** Did a Glasgow refueling stop finally tip off the house oversight committee to the far reach of all these expenditures?** They claim there is never anything to hide. Why do they always hide everything?

*****

Demi Moore has a new tell all titled Inside Out that seems full of revelations.

*****

Check out the saga of the Donald J. Trump state park in NY which is really nothing more than a tax write off full of overgrown land and abandoned old buildings.

*****

Check out the Art Bell vault.

*****

Scary Clown was going to meet with the Taliban at Camp David as 9/11 was upon us.** The Taliban says their doors re open.**Word is that the congressional inquiry into 9/11 has 28 redacted pages which showed evidence of the Saudi’s involvement in the attacks.

*****

Scottish courts ruled that Boris Johnson illegally suspended parliament.

*****

From his reaction, Colbert behaves like Letterman in that a guest should dress a certain way. Personally, I like Conan’s casual ways. Now, I like Colbert but he also seems to push people to talk politics when they don’t really want to. Move on!

*****

“We are in a very difficult situation at the moment, especially in the U.S., where all the environmental controls that were put in place, that were just about adequate have been rolled back by the current administration so much that they are being wiped out.” –Mick Jagger

*****

“When you’re 85 years old and you have children and grandchildren, you will leave them nothing if we don’t vote these people out of office in Brazil, in London, in Washington. They are ruining the world.” –Donald Sutherland

*****

Check out the new film, The Burnt Orange Heresy.

*****

Finn Wittrock, Paul Giamatti and Amy Irving will appear in A Mouthful of Air.

*****

“The lungs of the earth are in flames.” – Leo Dicaprio. The Amazon, the world’s most diverse eco system is getting no help from its own leaders and they won’t accept help from the G7. It’s all about building more crap to them. It is as if three fourths of the U.S. was on fire.** Wouldn’t it be a great idea if Jeff Bezos, who has taken flak for not paying taxes and for workers conditions would step up and pledge a huge sum to help save the rainforest that bears its name?? The world needs heroes.

*****

Better Call Saul has wrapped season 5.

*****

Hasbro has bought Death Row Records.

*****

The San Francisco board of supervisors has declared the NRA a terrorist organization.

*****

New SNL cast member Shane Gillis who was in hot water after racist remarks surfaced, has been let go before he ever hit the stage.

*****

Mike Pence claims he was bit by American Pharoah but his trainer is not too sure about that.

*****

Obama Netflix?

*****

Kieran Culkin and Jazz Charton had a little girl that they named Kinsey Sioux.

*****

Dollface on Hulu looks interesting.

*****

In sexual harassment news: Brett Kavanaugh has been hit with other allegations. Not all accusations are coming from the victims.** Placido Domingo has been accused by 20 women of unwanted advances.

*****

The71st Emmys have come and gone. There is a lot to celebrate in television right now with over 500 scripted original shows. Highlights include Norman Lear winning for Live in front of a studio audience: Norman Lears’s All in the Family and The Jeffersons to become the oldest winner ever at 97. Other winners were Leaving Neverland for best doc.  Glow won for stunt coordination. Succession won for their theme and for writing. RuPaul won for reality host and Drag Race won for show. Russian Doll took home cinematoghraphy. Carpool Karaoke : When Corden met McCartney:Live from Liverpool took home a statue. Peter Dinklage won for best supporting actor, Fleabag won big and Game of Thrones took home the top prize.  Other winners were Bill Hader, Patricia Arquette, Ben Whishaw, Billy Porter and Jodie Comer.  SNL with Adam Sandler and Last Week Tonight were winners.  I was so excited to see that Ozark won for Julia Garner and Bateman for directing. Succession won for directing.  I thought  the fashion went wrong with Amy Poehler, and Dascha Polanco. There was awesome fashion with Regina King, Viola Davis, Maya Rudolph, Bob Odenkirk, Billy Porter, Angela Bassett, Michelle Williams, Kerry Washington, Zendaya, Sarah Silverman, Catherine Zeta- Jones, Karamo Brown, Gwyneth Paltro, Catherine O’Hara, Emilia Clarke, Phoebe Waller Bridge and Niecy Nash.** The In memoriam was fucked up when they honored Andre Previn  but showed a very much alive Leonard Slacken. Let me run that part of the show, they are always messing that up. It may not matter much longer because the ratings were so low. It is already a shame that they don’t broadcast the daytime Emmy’s.

*****

R.I.P. Jim Leavelle, Carol Lynley, T Boone Pickens, Daniel Johnston, Robert Frank, Ric Ocasek, Eddie Money, Sander Vanocur , Peter Lindbergh, Robert Haunter, Jacques Chirac , Jose Jose , Bob Esty, Wayne Fitzgerald, Jessye Norman and Cokie Roberts.

[ultralifehackerguru-blog]

New Post has been published on http://www.lifehacker.guru/36-people-solid-sense-humor/

36 People With A Solid Sense Of Humor

One of my favorite qualities in another person is a solid sense of humor. Funny people can make every situation more entertaining.So if you’re having a bad day, or could even use a quick distraction from your responsibilities, check out these folks who definitely know how to make a joke.

1. “Ohhhhh yeahhhh!” Whoever did this probably got so fed up with the wall that they just decided to turn it into a joke instead. Rumor has it that the Kool-Aid Man is still on the loose to this day.

Reddit | XtopherP33

2. It seems like this sign has some pretty bad seasonal allergies. Either that, or the person in charge of making the sign was being lazy and decided it would be less work to make this joke.

Reddit | matherly32

3. When this RadioShack went out of business, the owners decided that they should have one last laugh and make the sign say “Adios” as a final farewell to their customers.

Reddit | zgp5002

4. April Fools’ Day has to be like Christmas for prankster parking attendants. They probably just go around the entire city handing out fake tickets to mess with people, like this one did.

Reddit | hysnbrg4

5. When you need a ride home from the airport, be careful which one of your friends you ask to pick you up. If you pick one who is prone to making jokes, you risk being greeted with an embarrassing sign.

Reddit | Kat_lanta

6. I ain’t sayin’ she’s a gold digger, but that license plate is. I think this is the person that Kanye West was talking about in his song. Hey, at least she’s honest about it.

Reddit | eyebrowfetish

7. If you start losing your hair, you can either be sad about it, or get excited because in a few years, you’ll have an awesome joke opportunity like this guy.

Reddit | BreakYourselfFool

8. Now this girl has a solid sense of humor. I would love to be friends with her, especially since her personality is 20/10! I think my favorite part of her entire bio is her occupation.

Twitter | @MEMESG0D

9. I like the responses by both the student and the teacher. You can tell that this teacher is probably every kid’s favorite because he knows how to have a good time.

Imgur | stargoslaby

10. These parents were walking around The Gap when they found their lookalikes and decided to impersonate them. Honestly, I think they might have a future in modeling if they wanted to.

Reddit | keesh75

11. The traffic signs in Utah are notorious for always having something witty to say. I would love to meet the person who’s in charge of writing these. I think this might be my dream job.

Reddit | JackTheScripter

12. When riding a motorcycle, sure you could wear a boring, regular helmet that will just protect your brain. Orrr you could put a mask over it and bring joy to every car and pedestrian that you pass while driving.

Reddit | proudwhytetrash

13. It was “Ranch Day” at their high school, and one kid decided to take a little different direction with it. I just found what I’m going as for Halloween this year.

Imgur | IBarrettl

14. If I owned a dog, you better believe that he’d be wearing this outfit 24/7. Seriously, if I saw this dog walking down the street, I wouldn’t stop laughing for the next hour.

Reddit | LordRekrus

15. This local, independent coffee shop decided to have a sense of humor and use a Starbucks mug as their toilet brush holder. Shots fired. The ball’s in your court, Starbucks.

Reddit | daviedrew

16. Their sales to young basics increase by 200% during the fall. Rumor has it that if you wear a pair of Uggs into the store, you’ll receive an additional 15% off your tires.

Reddit | colby979

17. This kid has a great sense of humor. Most people in his situation would be angry about receiving a gift like this, but he’s owning it. This is the attitude that makes the world a better place.

Reddit | Taran_McDohl

18. Poor guy doesn’t have a girlfriend to be his passenger, but thanks to his solid sense of humor, Barbie got to go for a ride. I would love to see this cute couple cruising down the road.

Reddit | Empire-Maker

19. There’s nothing like a father showing his children love and affection. I would hate to be the doctor to tell this guy that he’s not allowed to do certain things. Chances are, he’s not going to listen.

Twitter | @spliced_

20. After Hurricane Harvey, Houston needed a bit of humor to cheer people up, and this guy nailed it. I hope that someone takes him up on the offer. I’m sure the water damage will buff right out.

Reddit | colby979

21. You must always throw a safeguard in there.

With T-Swift out there singing, “Look what you made me do,” it gives people permission to totally blame others for their actions.

Instagram | @nochill

22. An eight-pack might have been a little overzealous.

I am not entirely sure how this made him feel better, but his Twitter profile pic would suggest he is quite proud.

Instagram | @kalesalad

23. Such a good call.

But I’m now stuck wondering what is that button actually for? The word “chaos” also always makes me think about Jeff Goldblum, so that’s a bit of alright.

Instagram | @unilad

24. They’re good. They are good.

Too bad my self-esteem has been crushed over the years and they would not make a penny over me. Didn’t think about that, did ya?

Instagram | @unilad

25. This is savage trolling at its best!

Not a bad game if you have a keen eye for up-and-comers. But for a small-time revenge scheme, it seems like it’s pretty legit.

Instagram | @unilad

26. Cats are jerks and deserve to be shamed as often as possible.

This little A-hole thought his antics were funny. Who’s laughin’ now, Mittens? Now all your Facebook friends know.

Reddit | warrant2k

27. She is not wrong.

They have even achieved the same level of voluminous body throughout the style. And their color is identical. They must go to the same salon and ask for “The Nancy.”

Instagram | @kalesalad

28. In life it’s important to be comfortable with who you are.

And if that means you’re Spider-Man, then freakin’ be Spider-Man! If by “dressing up,” they meant fancy clothes, well, it doesn’t get much fancier than that.

Instagram | @miinute

29. It’s one thing to be chill during tough times, but it’s something else entirely when it’s the middle of a war.

The only place on whose behalf I’d fight in a civil war is Flavortown!

Reddit | KronosIII

30. Sometimes you gotta go out of your comfort zone and take a risk or two.

Tyler here doubts the qualifications of the mortgage adviser, but I think he’s a good boy! Good boy!

Instagram | @wot_u_sayin_tho

31. This is definitely a dad’s idea of keeping chill.

Yep, nothing like a good dad joke — probably because there’s no such thing as a good dad joke. But this is adorable nonetheless.

Instagram

32. Nothing like luring your prey into a deadly trap.

I think he just wanted to make a cool place for these ants’ last moment on earth.

Instagram | @wot_u_sayin_tho

33. This guy is dedicated to finding max chill with a good doggo.

You know, I don’t think there’s anything weird about this. Dogs are sick! Hey, I know a mortgage adviser he’d love!

Instagram | @x__antisocial_butterfly__x

34. Just let him chill, bro. Just let him chill.

That’s one laid-back trash panda, but I probably would’ve freaked out. Not this person, though. I bet they’re good friends now.

Instagram

35. Looks like it runs in the family.

Instagram | @miinute

36. Bill Nye has absolutely zero chill about the realities of climate change.

Seriously, people. Bill Nye is fire, but global warming is a real problem, and the planet needs to chill out.

Tumblr | creativekandi

(C)

[sexandthecityandme-blog]

Episode One - Sex and the City (Pilot)

Once upon a time, a 25-year-old girl from Southern California found herself single, phoneless, and shopping for half-off lace bras on a Friday night. 

That girl...was me. Hey there!

Sure, I’d usually try to plan to be somewhere cooler on a Friday night, and yeah, I’d love to be dating someone, but the reality is that none of this was exceptionally out of the ordinary...except the part about me being phoneless—that was odd. 

Odd because: A.) It’s 2017. No one is phoneless. B.) I’m obsessed with my phone. There’s a lot happening on Twitter these days! C.) I don’t even have a good story about how I lost my phone. I just LOST it on a perfectly normal day. It might’ve fallen out of my lap when I got out of the car, it might’ve fallen out of my bag while I was at the beach...it was misplaced in a spectacularly boring fashion. 

Either way, I’d purposely put off getting a new one and left myself in a phoneless state for four days, telling most people it was “on the fritz,” because just being phoneless? That’s odd. And in going off the grid, I’d gone slightly off the rails. In the past four days, I’d

bought a set of tarot cards created by a woman named, I shit you not, the White Witch of L.A.

listened to a LOT of Crystal Castles

masturbated 3 times

worn a silk robe to work (over a tank top)

Hurricane Harvey had just past, Hurricane Jose was barreling down, Hurricane Irma was here. “TIME IS RUNNING OUT” the homepage of Weather.com was screaming at Floridians. The Northwest was on fire. Bangladesh was underwater. Oh! Trump was, and still is, presi[gag]dent. 

And I’m wearing silk robes and shopping for lace bras. Masturbatory! In every sense of the word.

To make matters worse, somewhere between the rack of Heidi Klum-brand bras and the rack of Wonderbras, I had the AUDACITY to think to myself, “What bra size am I, really? And which Sex and the City character would I be right now?”

…And then I quickly and devastatingly realized I was none of them. Charlotte would never be irresponsible enough to lose her phone, Carrie would shop at La Perla, and Miranda…OK, it actually seemed like kind of a Miranda thing to do. Maybe I was a Miranda? 

Anyways, Samantha wouldn’t touch any of it with a ten-foot pole, which depressed the hell out of me. In my younger days (and by that, I mean as a 14-year-old watching heavily edited versions of SATC on TBS), I’d wanted to be a Samantha. I didn’t totally understand her whole vibe (because again, heavily edited episodes), but I knew that she was *sassy* and didn’t seem to take any shit.

After that, 20-year-old me decided I wanted to be Carrie: I ran my school’s weekly sex column (despite having only had sex with a whopping total of six men), started casually smoking cigarettes, and dreamed of moving to New York. 

None of that really played out.

But if we were doing a ~five-year check-in....14-year-old me wanted to be a Samantha, and 20-year-old me wanted to be Carrie—what did 25-year-old me want? And really, wasn’t this a deeply stupid question?? And, really, how could I know the answer to this stupid question when I’d only seen the terrible movies and maybe 15 episodes, tops???

Anyways, I decided that in my current single state, the best thing to do would be to rewatch the whole series, see if any of it held up, and pray my life got interesting enough to do some Carrie Bradshaw-style musing on the side. 

A few weeks ago, a fellow writer told me she’d interviewed a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist, who’d told her that her biggest regret in life was not journaling more. This was a woman who’d made a career of entering war zones, pining about forgetting to fucking journal. 

Naturally, me and my writer friend decided this would be the year that we’d make an effort to keep track of our lives. And this is is how I’m going to do it.

There are 94 episodes of Sex and the City; I’ll try to watch about two episodes per week and keep up this project for the next year or so...or however long it takes! And I’ll probably watch those terrible movies, because like any girl, I FUCKING LOVE that scene where Carrie tries on all the wedding dresses.

Yes, New York, it was finally time for me to tackle the age-old question: 

Could an old Clinton/Bush-era show keep up with new tricks? Could a self-proclaimed 2017 Feminist worried about falling wages and that fucker Mike Pence taking away her reproductive rights lose herself in a frivolous show about sex and fashion???!

Or something like that. I live in Orange County, what do I know. OH, and I haven’t had sex in over a year.

Sooooooo..yeah! Now I’m sitting in bed in one of my cheap new lacy bras, queuing up SATC while eating a pumpkin scone and drinking a Ballast Point Mango Even Keel like a reeeeeal basic bitch. 

But just for the record, since no one’s around to confirm or deny: this lacy half-priced bra is doing fucking WONDERS for my boobs.

Let’s. Begin.

Episode One - Sex and the City (Pilot)

OK, I didn’t think I’d need you guys to watch along with me, but guys: I know all of y’all locked down someone’s ex-boyfriend’s mom’s HBOGO password to watch Game of Thrones, so PLEASE go watch this ep so you can understand what I’m about to say:

This series, one of the most iconic of ALL TIME, opens with “Once upon a time...” and then a TERRIBLE story about some girl from London getting stood up by a man in New York. 

AND the worst part is that this girl? CLEARLY? has an AUStRALIAN accent??!> 

Our OG British heroine Elizabeth (WHO WE NEVER SEE AGAIN) pronounces this, “Oy don’t unduhsteeeend.” I AM SHOOK. BRITISH MY ARSE.

IMPORTANT!!! THIS is how we’re introduced to Carrie Bradshaw:

I can’t believe I didn’t buy cigarettes for this!

And after dramatically stamping out her cig, she launches into this gem: 

“The end of love in Manhattan. Welcome to the Age of Uninnocence. No one has breakfast at Tiffany’s, and no one has affairs to remember...Cupid has flown the co-op. (then, directly to camera) How the hell did we get into this mess???”

That....is not great. But! I FORGOT SHE BREAKS THE FOURTH WALL AND TALKS TO CAMERA IN S1. Frank Underwood, get fucked—what you’re doing ain’t new, ya toxic white male.

Young Me didn’t know about Shine Theory and T Swift fake feminism, and I unabashedly hated Charlotte. 2017 Me is much more woke but...it is still very difficult for me to...support Charlotte. 

Her opening line is, “Men are threatened by successful women. If you want to get these guys, you have to keep your mouth shut, and play the rules.” 

I know that she’s probably technically right, but also... I HAVE NEVER DISAGREED WITH ANYTHING MORE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

(Also: Charlotte YORK?! Y’all gonna write a series about NEW YORK CITY and name a main character York. C’mon Candace Bushnell, boo, you’re better than that, right?)

“What women really want is Alec Baldwin!” a very unimpressive white male specimen just squawked at the camera for no reason. 

The first time we meet Samantha, she advocates having sex like a man: sex with no strings—or feelings—attached.

14-year-old me was like, “HELL YEAH GIRL THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKIN’ ABOUT. ALSO WHAT’S SEX LIKE.” 

Aaaaaand 25-year-old me doesn’t feel much differently.

“The right guy is an illusion—start living your life!” —Samantha Jones

So Carrie does it! And she does it in the most delightful way! She lets an ex eat her out, and when he pokes his stupid head up out of the sheets to groan, “My turn,” she *kisses him on the forehead* and leaves. *Chef’s kiss!*

She leaves feeling “powerful, potent, and incredibly alive”...

...and then, because women can never win, and must always be punished for our actions in one way or another, she drops the contents of her purse on the ground, and is humiliated when a hot stranger (BIG) picks up a roll of condoms and hands them to her. Fuck that blushing; good on ‘ya for being prepared, Carrie.

Me one second: You know, I don’t think being a Miranda is terrible! All men ARE assholes!!

Me one second later: Oh Jesus Christ, Miranda is harsh as hell

Later in the episode, Carrie realizes that somehow men like it even more when we decide to have sex without feelings...and suddenly, men win, again. 

“Did all men want their women promiscuous and unattached? Why didn’t I feel more in control?” 

This is the part I must’ve missed. In my years of idolizing the Samanthas, the Rozs, the Elaines, telling my college-self that sex without feelings was the way to go, that dating a lot of men would be adventurous and FUN™, this is the part I could never get a hold of: when you’ve convinced yourself that you’re strong enough to detach from everything, sometimes you really are strong enough to do it! But sometimes, you’re lying.

Well, after that hard-hitter, time to escape back into the show, and—OH NO. Big just got introduced as the “NEXT DONALD TRUMP except younger and much better looking.” Welp, now I’ll never be able to root for him again.

The Donald Trump thing does not completely step on the catharsis of watching this episode, though. That catharsis comes from the relentless tearing down of 90% of mediocre white men we encounter throughout the pilot. 

After Charlotte turns down sex with this guy (whose name is CAPOTE DUNCAN because of course it is lord help us), he gets into her cab, gives the cabbie the address of a club, and says:  

No one’s actually this terrible IRL, but I LOVE that if we’re gonna make someone overtly horrid to signal to the audience that they are the WORST type of human, it’s the Eric-Trump-lookin’ ass white dude named CAPOTE.

“And so, another Friday night in Manhattan crept towards dawn...”

And as Big creeps up to Carrie in his town car and (?!) instructs his driver to honk at her on the street at 3 a.m. (?!), it *dawns* on me: 

FUCK, he really does remind me of Donald Trump!

Here are the words he says to Carrie during their first real conversation:

“Get in, for chrissakes.”

“You mean like a hooker?”

“You’re not like that.”

“You’ve never been in love.”

He condescends and embarrasses the hell out of her...and she’s smitten.

And I get it. 

I mean, I absolutely get it on a personal level, as a girl who’s been “He’s Just Not That Into You” levels of attracted to someone whose teasing I took to be flirting. More than once.

But also...leaning into the Donald Trump comparison a little hard here, on a larger level... That’s how Tr*** succeeded, right? By tearing us down again and again, making us feel bad about ourselves, just like every shitty man ever, just so he could position himself as someone who could come in and help us (the “us” here is a general “us”; I certainly didn’t buy that shit). 

He fucking NEGGED us, and so did Big. And it worked for both of them. 

Big is the only rich white man in this episode who isn’t relentlessly dunked on, even though he seems to be just as terrible as Byron Fingerbottom or whatever that last guy’s name was. My official position on this as of episode one? FUCK BIG. And FUCK all rich white men. And also, DON’T fuck rich white men, EVER.

By god, watching this series actually might be harder than I thought.

Finally, I need you guys to know that they hold this shot

FOR FOUR WHOLE FUCKING SECONDS 

and then the episode fades out!!!!!! WHAT. HOW DID THIS PILOT EVER GET PICKED UP.

Episode 1 Wrap-up

Best line: “Abso-fuckin-lutely.” —Big, whom I detest at this moment

Best look: The fashion in the pilot is disappointing as hell! Everyone wears plain black dresses all episode. There is ONE mention of Manolo Blahnik, and it’s not even in reference to a pair of shoes Carrie owns/is currently buying. The most exciting things that happen outfit-wise are the above peek of leopard, Miranda’s ridiculous commitment to huge white collars peeking out of everything...and this ephemeral ray of light:

Carrie, hair thrown up, in something that looks like a men’s pajama shirt, eating a carton of chocolate ice cream. 

As I sit here putting the finishing touches on this blog, also wearing blue men’s pajamas (v cheap and v much from Primark) and hand jewelry, inexplicably, with my hair thrown up, eating a bowl of Cocoa Krispies (I just started my period k) in a bougie apartment that I’m paying WAY too much for, I couldn’t help but wonder....

Was I actually already more of a Carrie than I’d thought?

Perhaps, there was hope for me yet.

Eh. Perhaps not.

[outrageousloveinc]

Don't Feed the Pigeons

My personality is wired to fight injustice. When I see people being oppressed, something rises in me. I don’t know if it should be called righteous indignation. Sometimes it’s anger, and I can’t be sure it really is righteous. I know that my motives are mixed with my own desire to be “right,” but I hope that it also is a recognition that things are not right. That this is not the way things are supposed to be. 

My most natural response is to fight when I see something wrong, to stand against it. I usually experience an adrenaline rush that helps me do just that. I feel my spirit bow up. I imagine my spiritual chest puffing up and my fists clenching. And I go to war. On behalf of those who are being oppressed. Or to prove I am right. Or both.

These last couple of weeks, as one event after another has played out on the stage of the world’s drama— Charlottesville, Trump’s ban on transgenders in the military, pardoning of a criminal racist, Hurricane Harvey, flooding in south Texas displacing thousands and destroying so many homes and lives, flooding in India and Sierra Leon killing thousands and displacing so many more, North Korea shooting missiles over Japan, the Nashville Statement—I kept thinking, I have to take a stand. I have to say something. I have to make it known that I stand against . . . 

My husband is really good at strategy games. He especially knows how to win war games like Risk and Axis & Allies. No one in our family ever wants to play with him, because it’s just not fun anymore. None of the rest of us have a chance of winning, so why even start? I have watched him play these games, and he knows how to fight. One of the keys is that you can’t fight on too many fronts at once. You’ll exhaust your armies, and you’ll be spread too thin. You have to consolidate forces. 

I know this. But it seems that the fight is equally important on every front. The fight against racism. The fight against oppression of those who are “other.” The fight against the destruction of our environment. The fight against nuclear proliferation. The fight against poverty. We have to fight against all of them! . . . I got so overwhelmed I became paralyzed.

Yesterday, I spent the entire day buried in accounting paperwork. It was my own version of “numbing” myself. Some of us turn to alcohol. Some to binge watching Netflix. Some to ice cream. I turn to work. I drown myself in work, so that I don’t have to feel. I picked a problem that I could measure. Numbers don’t fight back. They don’t have any moral battles to win. They simply are a puzzle with pieces to arrange and rearrange until they fit together like they’re supposed to fit. I worked on the numbers for nine hours straight, ’til after midnight last night, until I crashed in my bed, too tired to feel anything anyway. 

When I woke early this morning, I heard a dove calling to me from the tree outside my window. An invitation to come away. I sat on my front porch listening to the cooing and remembered. 

A couple of months ago, in Seattle with our family, we went to one of our favorite restaurants. It’s a seafood restaurant called Ivar’s on Pier 54 at Seattle’s Waterfront. Ivar’s has a fancy, expensive, indoor restaurant, with an amazing view of Puget Sound, but our family likes to eat at the casual, outdoor, walk-up counter. We order fish and chips, and take it around the corner to a small patio with picnic tables. The view of the Sound is obscured by piers and ferries, but our favorite part of the experience is feeding the seagulls.

There are hundreds of them. The restaurant even encourages feeding them by posting a sign that says, “Do not be afraid of overfeeding. Seagulls are dainty eaters.” They’re loud and obnoxious, and really skilled at catching bits of french fries that picnickers throw into their air. We enjoy watching their personalities, as they battle one another to get closer to food. They beg louder and louder, push and shove each other. The chaos is humorous and an adventure, especially when our kids were young. Whenever we are in Seattle, we go back to Ivar’s. It’s nostalgia for our family, and yummy food as well.

This time, as we were sitting in our eating adventure, I noticed a new sign on the fence. It read, “Seagulls welcome. Seagull lovers are welcome to feed seagulls in need. (Please do not feed pigeons.)”

What?! I have long felt that pigeons get a bad rap. I know. They’re annoying. They make messes. They can carry diseases. I have even heard them likened to rats. I get it. They’re a nuisance. 

I started attending Alanon meetings a few years ago. Alanon is a support system for friends and family of addicts. I have lots of addicts in my life, and the Alanon program has been a huge help to me in combatting my natural tendency to codependency. A reading from an Alanon book likens addicts to pigeons. The message is basically that we need not get frustrated when we are sitting under a tree and pigeon poop lands on our head. The pigeon is simply doing what pigeons do. This was a helpful picture to me for learning to “let go” and stop trying to control people in my life. But it also endeared me to pigeons, because pigeons are my people. 

Did you know that pigeons have another name? They are really called “rock doves.” These “rats” are not rats at all! They are doves. Look at them. Shiny green, blue and lavender necks. Dark stripes on their wings and tail feathers.

Why is it that we decided we don’t like them? They became too many? Their quantity overwhelmed other birds? They poop more? They eat trash? They’re loud? 

What a picture. You’re welcome to feed the seagulls (who are loud, eat trash, poop a lot, etc.), but not the pigeons. A picture of the table. Who is allowed at the table? 

This morning as I sat listening to the dove calling to me from the tree in my yard, I found what I need to say. Fighting against is exhausting. And there are too many fronts. It feels like the world is one big fight right now. And maybe that’s the problem. Maybe more than fighting, or “taking a stand,” the best thing for us to do is simply to open up our table. To invite the pigeons to our table. 

I don’t mean that we don’t resist. There is most definitely a need for us to resist. But when we start to feel the exhaustion of the fight, maybe what we need to do is focus on who we are fighting for, instead of who and what we are fighting against. It’s a subtle shift, and our activism may even look the same. But for me, it’s an important shift, a different energy at the source. Against energy feels constricted and tight. For energy feels open and wide. Like Love. Like hanging out a welcome sign. 

We’ll keep trying to fix the world. We must. But sadly, I can’t do much on a national level, or a state level, or even a city level. I can’t do much about the sweeping, systemic injustice that threatens, and shaking its fist, cackles that it still holds the world in the grip of greed and power. When I encounter that monster, I become paralyzed.

What I can do is look for the pigeons—the ones who’ve been restricted from coming to the table—and I can open up my table. Maybe you can too. Maybe if we do, the table will become bigger. Hospitality will overcome greed. Love will overcome power. And we’ll have a marvelous meal together.

Jesus told a story once about a great feast. The story ends this way:

"Then the owner of the house became angry and ordered his servant, ‘Go out quickly into the streets and alleys of the town and bring in the poor, the crippled, the blind and the lame.’ ���Sir,’ the servant said, ‘what you ordered has been done, but there is still room.’ “Then the master told his servant, ‘Go out to the roads and country lanes and compel them to come in, so that my house will be full."

[casualdestinynut-blog]

“Like a psychopath”

I am so sick.  So unbelievably sick.  I wake up choking on thickened topographies of yellow.  There’s magma in me.  Sulfur.

I was sick in late-November/early-December too.  It’s not unheard of for me to get sick in the winter, but this year I’m concerned about my aorta.  There’s an aneurysm at its root that’s always been present but is approaching the size needed to get the surgery to correct it, which is very likely to increase my lifespan.  I’ve been spending the better part of the year deciding whether I was going to get the surgery, when American society and culture can be so hellish and unnecessarily cruel.  I have decided to get the surgery.  With this cold I hope I last till the surgery date: there are the dread “flu-like” symptoms that accompany a dissection that I’m worried about.  There’s no fever though, just the severe mucus discharge, post-nasal drip.  The developing cough.  The aches.  The weakness.  But there is no fever.  There is no fever.  The cold is worse than the one that I had earlier this month; I spent yesterday in bed, reading, resting.  Waiting.

There are three, but only two of them are talking.

It’s actually difficult to write when sick.  I’ve been attracted to lying in bed.  I’m not even going to walk my dog today.  I love my dog.  He’s a dachshund and he’s cute and cuddly and seems to know that I’m not feeling well.  This is the first time I’ve been so sick I don’t want to get out of bed in over a year.  No desire to actually move through physical reality.  None whatsoever.

There’s still oatmeal to eat.  Then I go back to bed.  I’m lazy.  It’s okay to be lazy.  I wonder if anyone’s reading this.  My journal.  That I keep online.  When I kept it on facebook I’d get likes and comments from people I used to know intermittently.  There was an intermittence to the timing of said likes and comments.  They stopped coming.  I deleted my facebook account.  Here there are no expectations.  I expect no one to like my posts.  Or even read them, really, though it would be nice.  It would be nice for some non-verbal communication.

So, it takes about 2 weeks to recover from a flu.  If it’s the flu.  A flu, which I think it is.  So far I’ve drunk more water today than I think I have for many days.  My throat is sore so it discourages the consumption of fluids.  Solids too, for that matter.  I’ve started reading a novel by Don Delillo.  His style has rubbed off on me.  Spiritual frotting.  I like his spirit penis rubbing on me via his externalized intellect.  Reading a book is to a large extent for me a sexual act, like writing a book.  I cuddle with my favorite authors.  I read them in the bed.

The book is Libra, a fictionalized account of the life of Lee Harvey Oswald and the Kennedy assassination.  I’m almost nostalgic for the worldview: my mom’s family were ethnic Italian-American Catholic Democrats who were in awe of Kennedy as any Catholic in that era was, the absolute unquestioned Golden Age of American Catholicism, the 40s, 50s and 60s, where everyone has a theory about Kennedy’s assassination.  My mom married a Republican Protestant, converted and so now when I read a book from someone enamored enough of the 60s political era and especially from the Catholic point of view it’s like I’m being let back into my mom’s family who used to live close together when I was growing up but who have now scattered across the country.  It’s like I’m still watching football with them in the living room, living off second hand smoke.

I haven’t read a book in many months, basically since I started hosting the writers’ group.  I’m going to discontinue it; last night I sent an email to the two people who come most often and asked them if they want to take it over.  They haven’t responded yet.  I’ve become weak with a cold.  It’s a cliche.  I’m Lemuel Gulliver.  Now I stay in the house, ill and having decided to get the surgery that will extend my life beyond its natural extent.  Is this how weak I’m going to be after the surgery?  It takes a few months to recover from it.  It’s unfortunately located in an area where non-invasive stent technology hasn’t been developed yet to address the kind of aneurysm I have.  Just four days ago I wasn’t this weak.  This is a cold.  A flu.  That is what’s happening.

Black hair.  One thing I learned about white people with black hair going out attending meetups is that we’re put on trains, figurative trains of thought that lead to our destruction in physical reality.  It was like everyone knew my story before I did.  The people I met were nearly completely divorced from the Western philosophical tradition/cannon.  With one exception they knew nothing of the broader high arts tradition.  They were imminently popular, anti-intellectual and thought only the body existed.  Social justice is a falsehood.  I missed listening to the radio.  I missed living my beautiful life, broke yet productive and reading.

Guns and flowers.  Guns and flowers are what I kept thinking about.  It was the train I kept finding myself on, along with trees.  “You lumberjack, you.”  Was I supposed to cut down his house?  There was no synchronous event with the neighbor yesterday on the dog walk.  His house was still after I looked at his facebook page.  The dog didn’t bark.  He was challenging me and I didn’t want to be challenged.  He was doing it for months.  I know what happened: the social pattern with the light-brown haired is that when a light brown haired woman *imagines* an offense that I’ve perpetuated on her, a light brown haired guy comes to exact retribution from me in *reality*.  Both he and his wife have light brown hair.  She saw me outside her house walking my dog with a flashlight after dark.  Did I scare her?  I was walking my dog, is what I was doing.  The next time I saw the guy he was wearing a miner’s helmet that he shined in my face and started screaming “WHOA!”  He hasn’t worn the miner’s helmet since, but not long after I started to lift heavier weights and I hurt my back.  Permanently.  Spelunking and Aspen.  An avalanche.  Some days every step I’m in pain.  My hard-won exercise severely curtailed.  He feels guilty for it.  I know he feels guilty for it.  I know it was premeditated trickery, that he had every intention of not letting live and let live -- that’s why I say that he taught me it’s impossible to live and let live, because he tricked me and I know he feels guilty for it.  How do I know this?  Because I found myself in perfect timing with him again.  It kept happening.  For a couple years it happened.  I’m not saying that I wasn’t crazy when he met me.  I’m not saying he offered to talk to me and I couldn’t look him in the eye because I was crazy.  I’m not saying I didn’t want to talk to him, but that I knew we weren’t compatible because of how social he is and I was cloistered in a house in this very subdivision in my teens, not being to youth group at church and instead being told that I should be grateful for the Hollywood movies my parents got me to watch.  I thought it was because of my deformity, though anyone living that life is going to think there’s something wrong with them.  I knew we weren’t compatible because he lived and was living the life I’d dreamed of living but was told I couldn’t, and I was envious and still am envious of him, and I didn’t want to taint his life with my envy.  But I don’t think I deserved to be tricked.  Again, how do I know he feels guilty for tricking me?  I had and still have no intention of killing him or his family.  But there was a synchronous situation where I was approaching his house while I was walking my dog on Halloween, and his car approached from the other direction full of children, and when it parked in the driveway I watched as told his family to just stay in the car and wait until I’d walked away before they got out.  That’s how I figured out that he tricked me, and how I know he feels guilty for it, because he was afraid enough of my presence on the street .  And recently, the same thing happened -- the same thing happened, where I didn’t *really* offend a light brown haired girl, but a light brown haired guy took a real sort of retribution on me for an imagined offense on the light brown haired girl.

I admit to huge spikes in blood pressure after he tricked me; just seeing him and sometimes even thinking about him cause huge spikes in my blood pressure after I hurt my back.  But it was the incident on Halloween where his guilt was on display; the thought never even crossed my mind, though I realized he was afraid of me and the possible harm I could do to his family.  But the thought never crossed my mind.

So, there’s revenge to consider.  I’m not going to kill him, but there are other ways to take revenge that are more subtle.  The question is: how?  How is a resolution.  Maybe this is the very thought he had with his wife.  I did want to talk to them, but I didn’t know how.  I don’t think I deserved revenge.  I didn’t do anything to them, and it wasn’t till after I hurt my back that I started acting like an actual stalker.  Some part of me knew, but I withheld judgment until I saw him display his feelings of guilt, and the pattern repeated with another light brown haired opposite sex couple.

Anyway, I keep a vegetable garden in my front yard.  Maybe I’ll just keep a flower garden and put gun decorations in the pots, turn the pots into large train figurine on a track with compartments.  Lighter haired whites are a problem.  I can’t just live and let live with them.  His entire family is now subjects of my novel.  They’re all going to be characters.  He created a stalker, is what he did -- he wanted a stalker, and so I’m going to give him one.  I wasn’t stalking him for two years, but he was shouting stuff at me in passing on the street.  So, he has a stalker.  They’re apparently in Richmond right now, so that’s why there was no synchronous event with him and his house.  We’re spiritually connected.  He can tell when I look at his facebook page.  Maybe I’m haunting them right now.  It was my fault I was too crazy to talk to them when they were trying to talk to me, but I don’t think I deserved revenge for being mentally ill.

If anyone’s reading, have you ever become your stalker’s stalker?  I’m not saying that I wasn’t really insecure and going through a mental illness, I’m not saying that I didn’t want to talk to him.  But I did communicate that I was trying to live and let live.  He was stalking me, but now I’m stalking him.  His stalking drove me so crazy that I became *his* stalker.  But he started it, so it’s a paradox.

I’m going to go lie down now.

[mkarchin713]

When Two Face finds out that the bats are suspicious of Danny solely because he’s helping the poor kid out, he decides to call his bestie/secret crush Bruce to vent.

….

Harvey: -I mean seriously Bruce, you adopt a kid and no one even blinks anymore, I do it and now everyone thinks the kids a future rogue.

Two Face: Yeah, Harvey won’t even let me have Danny restock the goons fridge, he is so paranoid it will turn into a slippery into villainy.

Harvey: Danny is too wholesome and sweet for crime Two Face, the kid got a job for the sole purpose of paying rent that we don’t charge him.

Bruce: then what do you do with the money?

Two Face: we set up a college fund for the kid. He’s damn smart Brucie, ya should have seen him fix that espresso machine. Hell one morning we woke up to him elbow deep in the car and now it doesn’t make that erk-erk noise anymore

Harvey: I always thought it was more of an eek-erk than an erk-erk

Two Face: oh don’t you dare start on that again Harv, we flipped a coin and I was right, just accept it.

Bruce: how is this my life.

Coffee-scented kisses

Tim fell in love with a barista. At first he had wondered if it was simply a mistake, to transfer his love for coffee to the person who produced it, but slowly he realized it was a little more than that.

Danny, the new barista, didn't really criticize him when he ordered 8 coffees a day, as long as he was on shift. He also didn't ask him about his health insurance every time he ordered Death Wish, and even made sure to make small talk every time he delivered his coffee.

It had only been a few days since he was hired but Tim fell in love with his small talk, his care, and of course, his coffee.

Then, when Danny was suspected of working with Two Face he was heartbroken. The boy was probably innocent, but he couldn't get out of his head that nothing in Gotham was simple, everyone kept secrets, including himself. So he made up his mind to stay away from Danny, for his sake.

Danny, for his part, was Harvey Dent's assistant and a part-time barista, he just wanted to distract himself and Harvey was strangely sympathetic after telling him about running away from home. Kind of like a guy you stay with during the vacations, but more permanent.

The halfa started to worry when the cute boy from the cafe stopped coming, maybe he was in danger? Danny couldn't help but worry, but when his coworkers told him Tim was coming in on other shifts he wondered if the boy was avoiding him.