#HP if you're seeing this then i am very sorry please forgive me. i was being a bitch and yeah you're right i am a bitch. sorry

[anotherrosesthatfell]

[imsiriuslyreading]

being a POC in the Marauders/HP fandom is really interesting to me because it seems and feels like a really predominantly white space, which, hey, nothing new! and that does come with some challenges. for the most part, they're fairly under the radar.

it's things like being able to count the POC in a discord server on one hand, even though there's 100+ people in the community.

it's people not taking into account racial dynamics whether that be in a fic, or in a tiktok, tumblr, whatever. there are innate power imbalances in our society (regardless of what country you live in) and to assume because this fandom is a largely open, liberal and leftist space, that they don't carry over to fandom, is exceptionally naive. buuuuut, we live and learn, so people can and should be given a certain amount of grace. but what is unforgivable is to have them pointed out to you and for you to dismiss, ignore or belittle them. Not only that, but you as a white person, do not get to be the forgiving voice to another white person when they make one of these mistakes. please please please respect and understand that.

there's also (and i'm sorry if this is controversial and frankly it makes me really nervous to even write this), a trend of assigning ethnicities, cultures and races to characters in stories without having a proper understanding of them, or having a particular reason for doing so. I'm never going to sit here and say "you as a white person shouldn't write about ____ race!", because I don't believe that. but what I would really, really love to see, is for white creators and writers to ask themselves some questions beforehand:

what does the race of this character add to the story outside of me chasing clout with a particular group of people/is it necessary for me to be writing the lived experience of a culture/ethnicity I've never taken the time to learn about?

if so, why?

am i the right person to be doing this?

are my actions outside of my writing towards these POC reflective of this?

i also think it's really important to remember that unconscious bias is a thing, and it's really easy for us to spot in your writing if it isn't something you've addressed. Not only that, but even if you write the most well-researched POC in your fic, even if you're sharing posts about Lebanon and Palestine, none of that matters if your actions when interacting with us show us that you are indifferent to the power dynamics at play with you being a white person, often with a large audience, in this space. virtue signalling is spectacularly unhelpful if you're writing checks your ass can't cash.

that being said, I think throwing 'racist' around as a term at people who make mistakes is really unhelpful. because every situation has context and nuance, and dogpiling never helps anybody. there are opportunities for learning, developing and understanding here. but please remember, if a POC tells you something is upsetting, harmful or offensive - even if other POC haven't said that to you - it's not your place as a white person to dismiss that.

anyway, hope that helps, love u very much xo

[greenerteacups]

Long ask ahead! Sorry in advance for my rambling!

I’m a huge fan of Lionheart! (Latest update got me furious btw, your Umbridge characterization is amazing; i need. Revenge. the woman is vile)

my long ask today is on the topic of writing fanfics, or beginning to; i’ve been a fan of hp for a longish (?) time (i am currently in my first year of college, so since elementary school) and i want to start dipping my toes in writing fanfics, esp dramione. problem is, i have all these grand plans and ideas but i struggle with motivation and perfectionism — especially perfectionism. this has been a long standing problem on my end, but if every line is not to “my standard, or “perfect”, i feel deeply dissatisfied and i find it impossible to move on. i’m also very flighty — i get distracted easily, and lose momentum. i have so many ideas that i want to try out that i end up having a plethora of projects, none with a resolution. do you deal with this? what are your biggest struggles with writing? how do you move past them?

i also would like to say that i know that you’ve stated that writing is all for fun, but if you were to get published, i would 100% buy! i really hope you’re doing something in the creative industry, because really, your writing is amazing.

Hey, what up! Thanks so much!

If you'll permit a bit of tough love: it sounds like you don't really like writing those projects. There are a lot of reasons someone might leave a project, but when it comes to free hobby writing, if you've abandoned something, Occam's Razor, it's because you don't want to do it anymore.

And BTW: that's fine. You're not legally obligated to finish stuff. You're not under contract. If you're a hobby writer, your sole obligation is to have fun and please yourself. I've written tons of stories without middles or endings; I've got dozens of 3 or 4-chapter would-be longfics sitting on my drive, with absolutely no intention to finish them. I'm totally fine with that. This is something I do for fun. Why would I bully myself about not being sufficiently "productive" in something I'm doing for fun?

But it sounds like maybe you want to finish a fic, and/or see finishing as a prerequisite to publishing, in which case: you need to keep writing a project after you're bored or dissatisfied with it. In fact, I'd go so far as to suggest that you should go back through your drive, find the project you like least, and force yourself to write 1-2 pages on it. Because you are never going to be as pleased with what you've written as you are with the fake perfect story in your head. Even the worst, shittiest, misspelled, poorly plotted story that exists is better than the fake perfect story, because it exists, and is real writing, rather than just being the concept of something that is well-written. Abandoning a story because it doesn't live up to the hype is like refusing to eat because what's on the plate isn't as good as the Platonic concept of a chocolate cake. Like, of course it's not, dude! You didn't imagine it as having flaws!

It seems like you know that, which suggests that you need to force yourself to write something that you don't want to. So try shorter stuff! Writing short stories is a great way to learn the tools of the trade while giving yourself less time to burn out. Make it easy on yourself. And like, remember to forgive yourself. There are some things you can bully your brain into doing. Sincere and authentic art is not one of them.

[crazyworldofemmamarie]

do you like any other older horror movies? That's a very dumb question but I'm unashamed about such things. I've rewatched some of the movies that really scared me when I was younger, and if anything they're even more scary now. I only watched 3 or 4 of the Saw films, but your blog is making me feel like looking again.

I love the entire genre, please yell at me if I mess up a reblog, or if my extensive experience in the field can help with your endeavors. I'm a John Carpenter fan from Way back; sometimes I don't know who directed what has become my favorite movie of the week and it turns out to be his...some of em aren't horror, like Starman, but it's heavy sci fi, and 80's Jeff Bridges is such a great actor...rambling with the lunatics. I like your blog! Don't fall for any of those HP Lovecraft movies; there's no sex in the books or stories so that Reanimator fool can go...sex was the selling point in the 80's though, guess it couldn't be avoided. I've read a ton; it's gotta be good for something. The way folks are saying manifest; that's made it back around after 24, 25 years. I'm tryna track something, for the good of everyone, but I'm no psychic medium, not even a small. If you think I made even a little bit of sense, I thank you for your time.

Okay! what's One movie you Won't watch, or Can't? I couldn't watch more than probably 10 minutes of High Tension, probably because I have kids, but I think that's the only one that keeps me from looking at it. Tobyn Bell should get a fun, dancing man role huh? He's pleasant to see if you ask me;) my kid's a huge Leatherface fan but they remember his name and everything. I "got" to see all the Faces of Death tapes as a teenager, we're fine, we're fine(just smile and nod)...I'm not sure how much longer I have on this earth, so I'm making it weird, and keeping it positive and spooky is challenging! But this Halloween will be my first single Halloween since lots of years ago and I am not going to let it slip past another year. My parent's were wed on Halloween, they forgot the 31st was already special, and I've always liked that memory of them making out on the couch between the trick or treat visits...anyway, have a great day, forgive me for going off on Every tangent, still looking for my pack y'know? Idk if covens advertise openings and I'm still learning to behave lmao...if intent is truly key, I am so good. My intentions are good. I'm never surprised that we get to know the "bad guys", monsters in the movies and stories that I personally can't really hate, or judge, but those are the fictional ones. Unfortunately the bad guys out here are really bad, and boringly bad. Yell at me any time, but y'know I won't hear it, lmao

Holy Moly, I am so sorry, my dumb ass basically took forever to figure out how to reply but hey I got it now, haha!

And no, don't worry about rambling I totally enjoy your stories and thoughts and I find it amazingly sweet that you even took the time to write to me, really and I am always open to chat! (And in all honesty, I am still learning to behave as it, but there's nothing wrong with having a little fun, wink wink.)

I do wanna ay I think it's super cool you're parents got married on Halloween, that's totally badass! Halloween is my favourite holiday, my Mom was super big on it because she never got to celebrate it when she was young cause she grew up super religious and it was to make up for lost time.

If I ever got married and I could convince my partner on a date, I probably pick October 1st, but in all honesty, as long as I can get married in Autumn I am totally happy. Though that's a rant for another time, haha.

Now to answer both of your questions:

I really like a lot of horror and I usually go from 1920s German Expressionism horror to present day. Though I am not gonna lie to you, I get really stuck with that late 60s/70s horror, especially that Art house horror like The Last House on the Left or I Spit On Your Grave cause I really enjoy realistic, could really happen horror, plus as a film manic, the 60s/70s had a lot of freedom with things like art and film and I just feel we get more out of that and I'm just like you where it's dirty, raw and full of sex, haha.

Though the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre from 1974 is my all time favourite horror film of all time, but I do really enjoy Last House, Spit on Your Grave, Black Christmas, The Wicker Man and all that.

80s is a hit miss for me, I'm really not a big fan of those popular slashers like Elm Street, or Child's Play or Friday the 13th, but love those somewhat terrible b movies like Sleepaway Camp or Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2.

B Movies are another big thing for me, anything from Puppet Master to Basket Case to Evil Dead.

Now to you second question, the one film I can't watch and it's one of the very few films I've seen once and it's Cannibal Holocaust. I don't know what it was, I love cannibalistic films like The Hills Have Eyes or Cannibal! The Musical; but for some reason, this film didn't sit right with me, I can't tell you if it was cause it was too realistic, too bloody or the fact that they killed real animals on camera or that in reality you don't really know who the villain's really are (that's another rant for another time, I gotta whole essay on that, yeah, I'm a loser haha). In all honesty, I think it was all of the above for me, either way I can't do it, I look away if I see even clips of it or something, though I am trying to hyper myself up and try to watch again in the future as a future film study since I believe it's on both Tubi and/or Shudder.

Either way, I thank you very much for message and posting ask! Don't be afraid to send more, I am always willing to chat, (now that I figured out how to reply) and I hope you don't mind that i post this if ya do, just shoot a me a message, but either way, thank you so much for your time!

[angelsswirl]

Petrichor

Nine

Notes: I highly recommend you listen to What If by SafetySuit either before reading or while reading because it fits this chapter so perfectly it took me half an hour to choose which lyrics to use.

"If it makes you sad at me, then it's all my fault and let me fix it please."

"You know your problems won't go away if you hide from them, right?" Lisa asked without looking up from her magazine.

"You know Tiger Beat is a child's magazine, right?" You asked without looking up from your spot on the floor.

Lisa closed the magazine loudly. She huffed and crossed her arms, "As soon as this baby gets out of me, I'm kicking your ass."

"Then who's going to feed Jennie while you're in the hospital recovering from your injuries?"

"I can feed myself, thank you very much."

"I'm not sure you know your left from your right sometimes."

"You're mean when you're scared and upset." Jennie's nose scrunched up. She is not afraid to admit her feelings were a bit hurt. She knew her left from her right, but she was definitely lying about being able to feed herself. She can't cook to save her life.

"I'm not scared or upset."

"You're a pathological liar, too."

"Ladies, ladies you're all pretty! Now, will you shut your traps. My blood pressure is spiking because all of your damn yapping."

"Sorry, mom." Everyone apologized. Even Kameron, who hadn't even been in the original conversation.

All five of you were packed into the medium sized hospital room, save for George whom had to return to work that day.

You sat the closest to your mother, Jennie and Lisa sharing the small cushioned bench built under the window. Kameron sat in an extra plastic chair directly under the suspended 19 inch television, his laptop on his lap currently being used to hack into the hospital's wifi.

"Y/N, apologize for calling Jennie stupid." Maria admonished as she fiddled with the television remote. The buttons were huge, that wasn't the problem. The problem was that the hospital seemed to have only two working channels. Fox News and...oh, the other one just lost signal. Just Fox News.

Maria opted for turning off the television.

"I rather not." You answered plainly. Your knees were tucked under your chin and you still stared at that spot on the linoleum floor.

Maria swatted your thigh.

"Y/N Ariel Y/LN."

You just grumbled.

"Your middle name is 'Ariel'? Like the mermaid?" Jennie started to laugh loudly. She immediately stopped upon the shoe hitting her square in the gut.

"No. Not like the mermaid, Knothead." You gestured for Jennie to give back your shoe. Jennie did so with a scowl.

"Why is she being so mean?" Lisa pouted.

Maria huffed, "Her heat's about to start. So, she's grumpy. Also, she got herself into a unforgiving situation and it's all starting to unravel in front of her." Maria looked as though she had even more explanation to give but thought better of it.

You eyed your mother suspiciously, "How'd you know all that?"

"Mother's intuition."

Lisa's eyes squinted in determination, "Time for 'Operation: Just Pick One! Damn!'."

Everyone nodded along in agreement except for you.

"I've got the Pros and Cons T-Table pulled up!" Kameron gestured to his laptop. Lisa gave him a thumbs up.

You stared at your omega brother, "What do you know about any of this?"

"Oh, Lali and I talk once a week about you because you don't tell us anything. We were going to stage an intervention within the coming week if all of this hadn't happened." He said as though it was obvious.

You just rolled your eyes. Your brother knowing your business was the least of your problems at this point.

"Okay, but if we're going to have this conversation, Jennie has to leave."

"What? Why?"

"Because you're an alpha and you wouldn't get it."

"Try me."

"...Fine."

Lisa clapped excitedly, "Yay! It's finally happening. Kam, make sure you share the spreadsheet with your mom and I." She pulled her MacBook air out of large handbag and then delicately placed Maria's laptop on her overbed table.

Kameron nodded just as excitedly. Maria also nodded appreciatively as the group got their data together.

You wondered when your life got this out of hand.

At least Jennie looked just as lost as you.

"Um, babe? Is all of this necessary? I think you're scaring-"

"Shhhhhh, honey," Lisa blindly pressed a few fingers against Jennie's lips, "I know exactly what I'm doing."

"...ok..." Jennie looked to you with a mildly frightened look on her face. She shook her head slowly as if to say 'I tried. I am so sorry for what you're about to go through."

"Okay. First question! Who have you thought of more recently?" Kameron asked as he typed furiously on his HP.

"I'm not sure what any of this is going to help."

"Answer the question!" Kameron urged.

"God! I'm thinking about them both constantly, but I guess, Rosé because I spoke to her last."

Kameron nodded resolutely and continued to type.

"Next question, if they were both drowning, and you could only save one, who would you save?" Lisa asked, her eyes narrowing intensely at her best friend.

"Jennie, do you feel like this is a trap? Because I feel like this is a trap!" You inquired. You scooted your chair further away from everybody.

Jennie slowly pulled her arm from behind her wife, she then scooted away from her and to the opposite end of the bench, "Yes. This feels exactly like a trap."

"Okay, you don't have to answer that one." Maria glared at Lisa who just shrugged.

"How about this one? Who do you miss the most?"

You threw your hands in the air in exasperation, "Lali asked me that months ago! Don't you think if it was that simple I wouldn't be in this situation right now?! I miss both of them because they won't fucking talk to me! And I don't blame them. I wouldn't want to talk to me either." You sat back into your chair with a watery sigh.

"Can I give it a try?" Jennie raised her hand sheepishly, "Without all the spreadsheets and interrogations." She directed the second part at three specific people.

The three specific people all reluctantly closed their laptops.

"Everyone else is, so why not?"

"Well, first. I think you need to lay off yourself a bit. Yeah, you put yourself and them into a sucky situation, so what? Get over that. There's no going back to change anything, so why wallow in it? Relax and forgive yourself." Jennie spoke softly, her forearms resting against her thighs as she leaned forward.

Your shoulders sagged just enough to let Jennie know she was getting through to you.

"I'm sure you know what traits you value in a partner, and I'm not going to ask you what those traits are because I'm sure Lisa would start to log your answers again. Besides, it's none of our business." Lisa glared at Jennie.

"You just have to apply those traits. Organize your morals which you have clearly been fast and loose with lately. Ask yourself questions like 'Are you really ready to be a family woman? A mother?' And 'Are you okay with your mate having her work really high on her priorities list?' Think about what you want. Think about what you need. Think about who would be the best alpha for you. And then when you have all those answers to all those questions and you're all thinked out. Stop thinking and just go talk to her." Jennie smiled softly as you nodded slowly.

Lisa stared at her wife, her mouth wide opened, "I have absolutely no idea why, but that was the sexiest thing you have ever done." Jennie blushed heavily.

"Yeah, Jen. When did you get to be so smart?" You teased.

"I have a B.S. in Biochemistry from NYU." Jennie deadpanned.

"Yeah but you're a lounge singer. It's not like you're doing anything with it."

"Alright, you got me there."

"Knock, knock. Hello, Mrs. Y/LN. Your discharge papers are ready." The doctor explained as she stood at the door, not wanting to intrude.

"Oh thank God! I was going to jump out the window if it had been another hour."

"Mom!"

"What? You would've too. Now shut up and help me into my clothes."

You did as told.

~•~

Once you were sure your mother was settled at her home with your father. You went back to yours.

You sat heavily on your couch.

Jennie said to think. So, that's what you were going to do.

In the back of your mind, you knew who it was supposed to be the minute Jennie finished talking.

Sometimes, you just need to be told to get over yourself and put things into perspective.

But you chugged on anyway.

If only to double, triple check.

Some thoughts involve Jennie's suggested quandaries and others you came up with all by yourself.

It's about 5 minutes in that you're already noticing a very clear pattern. The same name keeps coming up. Amid 'Yes' and 'Nos' and 'We're just going to have to work on thats'.

It hit you so harshly you're not even sure why this was a struggle to begin with. The revelation just about sucks all the nagging anxiety and subsequent energy out of your brain. This must have been the "thinked out" part Jennie was talking about.

That meant the next step was to stop thinking.

It's easier said than done, but you managed.

The last step.

Just go talk to her.

You nodded with finality.

You were going to do just that, but first you needed to fix something.

~•~

"I'm sorry." You said. You may be done feeling sorry for yourself, but that didn't mean you couldn't feel sorry for others.

"For what?"

"It-I can't keep doing this to you. It's not fair."

"I-I understand, I guess."

"I shouldn't have led you on. Made you think-"

"It's okay, Y/N. It really is. But I'm going to need some time before we can get back to normal if I can ever do that, with you again."

"I get it. I'll see you...later?"

You don't get an answer. Just a pained look and then a sort of wobbly shrug.

You have a feeling that's all you'll get from her for a while. And surprisingly, you're a little more okay with that then you thought you would be.

~•~

Notes: One more chapter left...