#HOUSTON ISN'T EVEN THAT CLOSE TO Y'ALL

[paramores]

my super south texas hometown is full of astros fans and i just have to ask WHY

[sissylittlefeather]

Hey @mysteriouslymagicalwolf! I definitely got carried away with this one and wrote a whole ass fic. I hope you enjoy it!

Birthday Girl

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI, kissing, cussing, fingering, oral sex (f receiving), masturbation (m), ejaculation

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You're late.

You hate being late, but since you've become a mom, it seems like it gets harder and harder to get anywhere on time. And now with the divorce, it's even worse than before. Not only do you have to get Jeffrey ready to go, you have to try to convince him to stay with his dad.

Tonight was particularly difficult for some reason and it couldn't have been a worse night for Jeffrey to have a complete meltdown. It's your birthday, your 30th birthday, and you saved up for months for these tickets to Elvis's show in Houston. You don't really have any friends left, since most of them were wives of your husband's army buddies, so you decided to go alone.

It would've been fine. But you're late. And it's dark and he's half way through Bridge Over Troubled Water already and you cannot find your seat. The ushers have disappeared, so it's on you to find it but you just can't. The reality of everything in your life comes crashing down on you all at once and you just fall to your knees in the aisle and cry. You cry because you're alone, your husband doesn't love you anymore, your kid is melting down at every little thing, you've been looking forward to this concert for months and now you've missed half of it, you can't find your seat, and it's your goddamn birthday.

You're sitting in the aisle sobbing when the house lights come up. You look up suddenly, eyes red with tears, and somehow he sees you from the stage. The last thing you needed was to be noticed, much less by him, so you bury your face in your hands in shame and your shoulders quake with sobs.

"Honey, c'mere." Surely he isn't talking to you. "In the aisle, come up here. Y'all go get her."

He gestures for the security guards to go get you and bring you to him. When you realize what's going on, you're paralyzed and they have to half-carry you up to the stage.

"Bring her up." The security guards lift you so that he can reach you to talk to you from the stage. When he realizes how upset you are, he puts the mic on the ground and kneels down to be as close to your level as he can be.

"Honey, what's goin' on? Are you alright?" He speaks to you as softly as possible with the crowd noise. His voice is gentle and smooth. Elvis is used to fans falling apart when they see him, but he senses that this is different. You look up at him in shock.

"I-I'm fine."

"You don't look fine, sweetheart. What's got you so upset?" You take a deep breath and try to decide how much you should tell him. But then it all comes pouring out of you.

"It's my birthday. And I was late because my kid had a meltdown because he didn't want to stay with my ex and now I can't find my seat and I'm sorry I was just so excited to finally see you and I spent so much money and now I missed half the concert and I'm alone and it's my birthday and I'm so sorry to bother you."

He listens attentively and then reaches out to put his hand on your cheek, wiping away some of the tears with his thumb.

"You're not botherin' me, honey. Don't you worry about that. Here." He grabs the mic and turns to the wings of the stage. "Joe, get this girl a chair and put it on the front row."

"You really don't have to-" He puts the mic down to talk to you again while Joe fetches a chair and adds it to the front row for you.

"Yes, I do. You can sit in that seat. And also..." He reaches into his boot and pulls out a key, pressing it into your palm. "This is my hotel room key. I'm at the Hilton, room 1614. You come to me tonight and we'll celebrate. You deserve a real birthday."

"I can't take up your time like that-"

"You're not taking anything, honey, I'm offering it." He pulls the scarf from his neck, throws it around you and uses it to pull you into a kiss, pressing his lips against yours gently. "I have to get back to the show. I'll see you later."

He nods to the security guards, who lower you back to the ground and guide you to the chair Joe added for you. Elvis picks up the mic and goes right back into his concert. He makes eye contact with you throughout the rest of the show, like he's doing this just for you, even winking a couple of times. You blush every time, but your resolve gets stronger to go to his hotel and see him after the show. If nothing else, you have to thank him for taking the time to be kind to you.

******

After the show, you sit in your car in the parking lot of the Hilton trying to decide if this is crazy or amazing. Eventually, you come to the conclusion that it's a little of both, but you'd be stupid not to at least see what happens. Besides, it's your birthday. What do you really have to lose?

When you find yourself at the door, you're not sure what to do. You have a key, but just walking in seems rude. You settle for knocking and wait to see if he's there. After a few seconds, he opens the door still in his jumpsuit, but without the belt.

"Oh! It's you!" He closes the door quickly, leaving you outside. You stand there shocked, not sure if you should leave or stay. When you're just about to turn around and leave, he opens the door again. In his hand, he's holding a small plate with a cupcake on it, a single candle burning on top. He ushers you into the room and begins to sing Happy Birthday. You absolutely melt at his excitement. He gets to the part where he's supposed to say your name and stops, looking at you expectantly.

"Oh! Y/n."

"Happy birthday dear y/n. Happy birthday to you!" He finishes the song with a flourish and then holds the cupcake up for you to make a wish. You close your eyes and smile and then blow the candle out. He cheers and laughs and then sets the cupcake on the table.

"Happy birthday, baby." He puts his arm around your waist and kisses your cheek.

"Thank you. That was great." You turn and look up into his face and there's some kind of electricity building between you. You look down at the cupcake to break the tension, picking it up and pulling the candle out. He watches you with an amused look on his face as you take a bite. The icing gets all over your lips, so you run your tongue over the top and giggle. Something inside him flip flops when you do. For some reason, he finds you unbearably endearing. You miss a spot of icing on the side of your mouth, though.

"Oh, honey, you got..." He uses his thumb to wipe the side of your mouth and then licks the icing off. "That's pretty good."

You dip your finger in the icing and put it in your mouth. The icing is sweet and decadent and it's your favorite part of a cupcake anyway.

"Lemme get some more of that." You dip your finger in the icing again and offer it to him. He holds your hand and puts your finger in his mouth, sucking gently and sending a shiver down your spine. You feel your center get a little wetter with the sensation of his mouth around your finger. He backs off of you, but keeps holding your hand, opening your palm and pressing his lips there. Turning you towards him, he slips a hand around your back and pulls you in close to him. He speaks softly.

"I'd like to give you something else for your birthday, if you want it." He leans forward and kisses you deeply, parting your lips with his and sliding his tongue into your mouth. You sink into the kiss, letting your arms find their way around his neck. He pulls back a little, hovering with his lips just above yours, and whispers.

"I will go as far as you want me to. You can tell me to stop at any time. Otherwise, I'll just keep on going."

"Elvis?"

"Hmm?"

"Don't stop." You don't have to tell him twice. He dives back into kissing you passionately, his tongue dancing against yours. His hands roam over your body, touching your hips and your sides and your ass and your breasts. He reaches back behind your thighs and lifts you so that your legs are around his waist, carrying you over to the bed. He crawls onto the bed and lays you down, kissing your neck down to your cleavage. Moving down your body, he slides his hands up your thighs under your mini dress.

"Can I take this off?" You nod fervently.

"Yes, please." He slides his hands up your body and pulls your dress off, dropping it on the floor next to the bed. He kisses back down to the place where your bra meets the skin of your breast. Pulling it down a little, he exposes your nipple, dragging his tongue around it. His hand goes around behind your back to undo your bra and he removes that quickly too. He continues to explore and worship your body with his mouth and hands.

"You're so beautiful, honey." He kisses down your stomach to the top of your panties and whispers into your skin. "I wanna taste you."

You whimper and lift your hips as he hooks his fingers under the sides of your panties and drags them down your legs and off. Then, he unzips his jumpsuit all the way down, pulling out his rock hard cock. He lays with his head on the pillows and grabs your hips.

"C'mere, honey." You scoot over to him and he situates your hips over his face so that he has easy access to you. He uses one hand to guide your pussy down to his mouth and the other to stroke himself. Then, he pushes his tongue into you a few times before licking up to your clit and settling there. He drags his tongue over and around you eagerly, like your pussy is his last meal. He lets his tongue flick your clit softly for a bit before you groan and grind into his face. Then, he puts his whole tongue on you again, licking you hard. You feel the rush of your orgasm gathering in your hips as he stops stroking himself and uses two fingers to slide inside you and pump in and out quickly. He tickles your g-spot and continues to move his mouth on you.

"Oh, fuck, Elvis!" You moan loudly and slam your hand on the hotel room wall as you cum hard in his mouth. The vibrating ecstasy reverberates through you like bolts of electricity. But he doesn't stop. No, he just keeps on licking you and finger fucking you until you cum again a second time. When you try to pull off of him, he holds your thighs.

"No, honey, you got one more in ya. I'm gonna get you there." You whimper, sweat running down your chest. His hair is wet with sweat too, since he's still in his jumpsuit. You look down at him with his face buried in your pussy and he's beautiful with his eyes closed. He moves his hand back to his cock, where he pumps himself as he licks you. Your third orgasm slams into you, exploding in your veins like firecrackers and making your legs shake, knocking out the hearing in your left ear. You feel him shudder underneath you and realize that he's cumming too, shooting his release out onto his hand. Finally, his body relaxes with yours.

He can tell you're exhausted, so he releases your thighs, letting you fall sideways off of him to lay on the bed.

"Happy birthday, honey." His words slur a little from the use of his tongue. You look down at him where he's made a mess on his hand and the crotch of his jumpsuit.

"You didn't have to do that. I could've-"

"No, honey, tonight was about you. I didn't want you worryin' about me." You turn to look at him and he kisses your forehead. "Was that a good birthday?"

"I think that was the best birthday I've ever had."

"You wanna stay? I can give you more in the morning." You smile and nod.

"Under one condition, though."

"What is that?"

"Let me take care of you tomorrow." He smiles.

"I think I can make that happen."

"Good." You roll out of bed and get him a towel from the bathroom to clean himself up. He stands up to strip off the suit and you hear him groan.

"What?"

"I was supposed to wear this tomorrow night. And I made a mess of it." You laugh and lay down on the bed. He finishes taking the suit off and climbs into bed with you, pulling you in close to him and pressing his naked body against yours. "Worth it for my birthday girl."

He kisses your cheek and holds you as you both drift off to sleep.

Looks like wishes made on birthday candles do come true.

******

The End

[fancylala4]

You arre just mad that Taylor Swift is the music industry and that she is succeding as a woman. I swear y'all just hate women so much at this point. She can't never do anything without you criticizing her. She can do whatever she wants. She is literally the greatest and most influental artist of all time. Music exists literally because of her. Madonna, Michael Jackson, Beatles, Frank Sinatra, Aaliyah, Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey, Elvis wouldn't exist if it wasn't for Taygod.

She grew about poor with no private jet and made it to a billionaire from nothing. If she wants to go back to any year she can. She has a private jet and the money. She can do whatever the hell she wants with it.

Taylor made such a huge impact by simply existing. Her lyrics ewoke deeper meaning that some are just not getting. She's not being literally That's The Art of her genius. When she is bad she isn't actually bad she is just joking. She can do better but she doesn't because she doesn't have to. And even then it's literally none of your business. Taylor Swift could fart on all her Tracks and still outsell you flopped faves.

https://youtu.be/rr8IXF5EGaA?si=ttPjG-Kv7KEy7nNh

😂 I’ve been laughing at this response for 3 minutes straight because it’s so stupid lol.

you do know that I am a woman, right? So the “you just hate women” argument doesn’t hold any weight with me.

Also there is no way she is more influential than mj. It’s a fact that he is one of the most influential artists in the world and his music is known all over the world. Come back to me when Taylor could film a music video in a dangerous neighborhood because the gang leader is a huge fan of hers and protected her like mj did. Until then she isn’t even close to his level at any point in his career. No matter how much you say that she’s your lord and savior..

Edit: I think anon is trolling here. It’s hard to tell because swifties are actually like this but it looks like this one is joking.

[socialistexan]

Texas split into 5 states.

There's was this weird anomaly in Texas's admited into the United States. See, Texas was so big at that time (land-wise, not popilation-wise just yet) that there was included language that said Texas could, at any time, split into multiple states. Now, I've seen the numbers 3, 4, and 5 thrown around for how Texas could be split up, but for me, 5 states make the most sense when you consider how the regions of Texas break up politically and geographiclly.

I think I may have posted this plan in detail before, but I may as well update it with the latest election numbers. So here's how Texas would break up:

5 states, not all equal in size or population, but cut up into areas of interest. I'll go into each "state" and how it would act politically based on the 2018 election, with some notes and with my best guess at a name.

Starting from most to least conservative'

Red River (Panhandle), possibly nicknamed "God's Texas"

Capital: Lubbock

Senators: John Cornyn (R), Jodey Arlington (R)

Governor: Dan Patrick (R)

Political leaning: R+36

Electoral votes: 6

Comparable state: Oklahoma, eerily close in size and leaning (OK is R+37)

Notes: This is the Texas people who don't know Texas think of when they of Texas. God-fearing, gun-totting, and Trump-loving to an extreme. This state would be twice as conservative as Alabama while being almost the same size. Think about that. If you want to know why Texas is still Red, this is it. This is an unbreakable Republican stronghold, 90%+ White. Even with a college town like Lubbock being its capital, this is unwaveringly conservative.

Trinity (DFW + East Texas)

Capital: Dallas

Senators: Kay Granger (R), Eddie Johnson (D)

Governor: Greg Abbott (R)

Political leaning: R+1

Electoral votes: 11

Comparable state: Arizona, just not directly on the border

Notes: This is as swingy as a swing state can be. There's one giant Democratic stronghold in Dallas (D+33) paired with extremely conservative East Texas (R+32, this is where Louie Gohmert is from btw), with Forth Worth being the decider (D+1 in 2018, R+7 in 2016).

A slightly weird region, DFW is very different from East Texas which has more in common with the Panhandle, but that's how it breaks up geographically and I wanted contiguous states. If it was just DFW, Democrats would win in a landslide, but East Texas is East Texas, so.

Trending more blue recently, though it could shift back just as easily. Trinity goes as Fort Worth goes.

Magnolia (Gulf Coast + some of the plains)

Capital: Houston

Senators: Shelia Jackson Lee (D), Ted Cruz (R)

Governor: Bill White (D)

Political leaning: D+3

Electoral votes: 14

Comparable state: Virginia/North Carolina.

Another swing state, this one even larger because the city at the center (Houston) is so gigantic. Houston, is a really Blue area right now (D+11 in 2018, D+8 in 2016), but in the past (particularly the Bush administration) this was a 50/50 area. You could split just Houston and its suburbs (Fort Bend, Galveston, Montgomery, ect) off into its own state and it still would have 10 electoral votes all by itself. This isn't a surprise, the city of Houston is majority-minority and suburbs like Sugar Land and Katy are becoming more diverse (while still being high income).

The rest of the Gulf coast, on the other hand ranges from fairly conservative to very conservative. It almost entirely balances out Houston, but not enough, especially in the Trump era. Still a swing state, but less than Trinity and trending bluer faster.

Waterloo (Central Texas)

Capital: Austin

Senators: Lloyd Doggett (D), Wendy Davis (D)

Governor: Kinky Friedman (I)

Political Leaning: D+15

Electoral votes: 7

Comparable state: Oregon, down to the major cities sharing a motto (Keep Austin/Portland Weird)

Notes: Welcome to the "People's Republic of Austin," y'all! I was surprised that this state ended up with as low as D+15. Travis County (Austin) is D+53 - for context, LA was D+44, Bernie won by a +34 in Vermont - and the next two largest counties Hays (D+13) and Williamson (D+3) were both Democratic in 2018, but all those smaller, conservative counties (Comal, Burnet, Bastrop, ect) start to add up. Not enough to take it past safely Democratic, but less than you'd expect a state centered around Austin to be.

And, of course, since Austin is Weird we would obviously elect Kinky Friedman, an Independent folk musician Twain-esque humorist who ran for Governor of Texas in 2006, to be our Governor. Hell, if Willie Nelson wanted it, he'd be Governor of Waterloo in the blink of an eye.

Bexar (Rio Grande Valley + San Antonio + West Texas), alt name: Guadalupe

Capital: San Antonio (though El Paso would get a look, too)

Senators: Beto O'Rourke (D), Joaquin Castro (D)

Governor: Julian Castro (D)

Political leaning: D+39(!!!)

Electoral votes: 8

Comparable state: Hawaii, but twice as big. Puerto Rico if it was a state.

Notes: This is where all those Presidential candidates are coming from, and both Beto and Julian Castro would have their credentials boosted by having higher offices on their resumes. I could see this area electing an even more progressive Senator, but we can only work with what we have.

This is a very heavily Latino state. It shares more in common with New Mexico than anywhere else, but has been Blue for a long time. Texas as we know it now would be blue if these areas had higher turn out (blame extreme voter ID laws and the national-level Democratic party abandoning the state). It would have two of the US's largest 25 cities (San Antonio and El Paso).

Of the 6 current Congressional seats I fit into this state (there'd be some adjustment, some cross over into different "states"), the most conservative one was the 23rd district which was won by Republican Will Hurd 49.6% to 49.2%. Yeah. This place is bluer than Vermont and 3 times the size.