#HAHAHAHAHAHA OMG I'M SO CRINGE

[rea-can-yeet]

Saving my hubby, one barbie song at a time.

Hello, you are now witnessing yet another cringe, self-indulgent, no-shame, and dumb story made by yours truly. Special mention to @ladycoleigh cuz this person was my first victim of this cringe idea lmao.

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5...

Chapter One: Two voices, one song

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To be continued...

[theaarts]

What else is there to say—? Nauubosan na ako ng sasabihin so I think that's a good thing. I just wanna sleep muna. Rest.

I rested for a bit. I feel slightly better than this morning and last night. Right now, my chest just feels heavy. My heart is mildly pounding. It still hurts. The feeling is still bothersome but it's manageable. We've been talking and I respond. But I don't know how to answer his latest question: "Why are you forcing me to be away from you last night?" I don't know. I... just... don't. I don't know what came over me last night.

All I know is that I was overwhelmed by my thoughts last night. I was scared that we won't be able to meet again; that I won't be able to meet his needs if we don't see each other. I was worried that he was just with me because he didn't want to hurt my feelings. Instead I hurt myself and him in the process. Ewan ko. Baka nagtitiis lang ba siya sa akin. That's a lot of bullshit coming from me. And knowing him, he might just say that that isn't true and will find words to assure me and make me feel better. That's the kind of person I see in him. I feel like I don't deserve such kindness.

Here I am thinking a lot again. Sigh. I'm trying to formulate a reply to his question. I'm so conscious. I want to choose my words carefully. This is a second chance already. I don't want to waste it with my impulsiveness. He doesn't deserve this.

Everything just feels heavy. I felt like a hopeless romantic, a desperate woman for a man's attention. Felt like Meredith Grey. Lol. Now it feels like he has control over me. Kek. I still have to think about my mother tho. She's very opinionated but I get that she's just concerned. It just feels all so heavy.

I still haven't thought of anything to say. I don't want to rush it but I also don't want to leave him hanging, waiting for an answer. He deserves an answer.

———

[June 13, 2023]

I've been feeling better than yesterday night. I mean he responded to me and it looks like he still wants our "relationship" to work. I don't know. It's just that when he takes a really long time to reply, I get anxious. Super worried. I'm not sure why. We're just casually dating but he always tells me na wala naman siyang iba, even though I keep pushing him away. I just don't see why he would see himself with me.

I'm overthinking again. I don't know why any guy would want to be with me. Damn. I have some serious self-esteem issues. Anyway, it's been 12hrs since my last message to him. He must be tired from travelling? He did say he was going to Tagburos. I'll just wait for his message. I can't always be the one chasing him. After all, he's the one who approached me first. I want to see if he really wants to be serious.

Holy shit. I tried listening to the voice recordings I sent to Don when I was crying my heart out when I tried to push Christian away by ending our casual relationship.

Damn. It's so cringe. VERY, VERY CRINGE! I want to kill it with fire! Omg. What has gotten over me?! HAHAHAHAHAHA. Anyway, I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not. But I'm very excited to see if Christian will make a move. If not, it's not my loss. I already tried putting in an effort for our relationship, but in order for my mom and brother to like him, he has to make a move. I don't know how my family will take it but I'll accept whatever the outcome is, depending on how Christian will react. My poor heart is tired from crying and trying over the past 2 weeks. I deserve someone who will at least put in an effort for me. I know I said I didn't want any romantic relationship at the start, but if I see him making an effort to be with me, then why not give him a chance.

I get really conscious or anxious whenever he doesn't reply or he takes time. I think I'm just in denial but I think he's less interested in me now since we haven't hooked up in quite a while. I know he has told me some very serious and sweet words but why does it feel like parang nakikihati ako sa attention niya. I'm craving for him: his attention, his touch, his smell. But at the same time, I'm sad. I know I'm overthinking again and he has told me that anything I think about him isn't true. So I will try to be patient, just enjoy the little things he can provide. And hopefully someday, he can make a move. If not, then I know hindi ganun ka-importante ako at ang relasyon namin.

[peachenle]

I AM FINALLY HERE OMG so sorry for the long time waiting feedback/comment on CAPTAIN'S LOG ahem

And you did not want to be caught in the mess of policemen shining flashlights into mascara stained faces.

LMFAO I'LL BE HONEST been there before LOLOL minus the mascara stained faces fhnjkdasfdjskasjkd

“I think you have a problem, another weekend like this and you’re going to have to pay for my liver transplant,” you said to Yunjin when you returned.

OMG me to my friends back then when they would party every weekend jhdsadjskaajksd i'd get a text every Thursday, "wanna drink this weekend?" i had to start lying to stay home lmao

“Oh, sorry babe - didn’t see you there,” snickered one of the boys.

BABE? I'M ABOUT TO PUNCH YOU IN THE GUT RN DHJSAKHDJAK

Seeing him up close, there was no point in denying that he was cute, especially with the furrow in his brow he wore due to the thought of his friends.

the way i fangirled and gushed because his brows furrowing BYE

your internal facepalm for trying to make a pass at the cute boy from the circ desk

ASDFGHJK GIRRRRRRRRRRRRL SMOOTH but too soon

He smiled, and leaned in closer to make sure you heard each other, “Library, right?”

THIS AINT EVEN SUNGHOON AND I STILL BLUSHED BYE

You cringed seeing the line of people all waiting for the bathroom.

THE TRUTH IN THIS OMG

You turned around to meet eyes with Sunghoon’s neck, he was awfully close. He took a half step back upon seeing your surprised eyes, but gave you a smile.

OH MY GOD SGFDHAJDAJKSDK i would have freaked tf out and probably pee in my pants right then and there lolol

His white shirt was loosely buttoned, revealing several inches of his chest, his skin smooth. Sunghoon leaned down to whisper, “If you’re trying to be subtle about checking me out, it’s really not working.” He smelled strongly of coconut rum, explaining his boldness.

THE WAY I LET OUT A GOD DAMN SHRIEKING SCREAM! DGHJSAKHDJKASH GOODBYE SUNGHOON I AM LEAVING

10:10 - LADIES SHOT HAHA

IDK WHY BUT I LAUGHED SO LOUD AT THIS HAHAHAHA

11:12 pm - FUCK I MISSED 11:11, but I still wish for pu$$y

WHO WROTE THIS? JAKE? LMAOOOOOO i am fucking wheezing byeeeeeeeeeee

11:30 pm please I beg of a crumb of puss for my boy Jay please add him on snap here: jjongseong420

NOT THE 420 HAHAHAHAHAHA i am crying WHO MADE THIS LOG? this is way too funny oh lord

Sunghoon didn’t take the hint and laughed out loud, “Holy shit, was that Heeseung?”

NAUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR DHJSAKHDJAKSHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY EYES

“I know our hockey team is mostly composed of skinny boys, which is already unusual… But you?” Your eyes traced down his slim figure, “A coach?”

and the roasting begins LOLOL i freaken let out an ugly ass laugh on this part. WORTH ROASTING

“Damn, I didn’t think you could get any hotter,” you blurted out, honestly surprised. Usually you’d feel at least some regret admitting that, but the way Sunghoon’s ears burned red? Priceless.

WHAT A PUNK DHJASKDHAJKSHSA I LOVE THIS

It was he who made the first move, his hand pressing lightly on your thigh as he leaned towards you. You fluttered your eyes shut, fully anticipating his lips against yours, only to open your eyes in confusion a few seconds later after nothing. He was biting his lip to not burst out laughing, his hand now stroking the top of your thigh. “Sorry, I just- it’s fun to tease.”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH IM GONNA PUNCH THIS ASSHOLE LMAO HOW DID I KNOW IT WAS GONNA BE FAKE AND IT IS! PARK SUNGHOON, COME HERE YOU DICK!

“Be careful. The people under the balcony might hear you.”

“Jeez, Sunghoon, are you an exhibitionist or something?” You teased.

EXACTLY! STFU, SUNGHOON! GIRL, GET YO MAN!

And as you felt his fingers slip inside of you, the door swung open, another busy pair of bodies stumbling towards the bed. And, obviously in the darkness, you screamed, but so did Sunghoon. And so did the other couple. “Wait… Sunghoon?” The guy said, his voice sounding surprised and almost proud?

DGHJAKSHDJKASHAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH IM SORRY BUT THE WAY I FUCKING LAUGHED AGAIN omg i need water. im choking

He chuckled too, thankful you were nonchalant about everything, and leaned down to kiss you again.

awwww T_T not a soft lil kiss. dont hurt me like this.

2:02a - LOL YO SUNGHOON VIRGINITY IS NO MORE! VIRGIN

2:20am - ^ NO FUCKIN WAY HOON???

2:33 am - ^  IT WAS ME I TOOK IT LOL -JAKE

  WAIT THE SHOE NOT THE VIRGINITY

VIRGIN?! JAKE! AHHAHAHAHHAHA THIS GETS FUNNIER OMG i cant right now. my stomach is hurting hdjaskdhjaskhdsjka

“See you at the HYB house tonight? I’ll make sure there's enough Malibu,” he flashed you a vague smile and walked off. 

STFU JAKE HDSJAHDSAKS you lil shit omg imma fight him

“Can’t you just pass the door guy a couple bills and call it a night?”

“Bitch, I’m literally broke. If they say no, I’ll just sneak in from the side.”

ahhhh sneaking in minors... dhsajdhajk the good old days LOL omg never again!!! ahahahahhahaha

Sunghoon nodded. “Yes, mommy,” he visibly cringed as you blinked at him. “Ugh, sorry, the pledges have to call the girls that tonight.” He turned around to pour your drink. You, too, turned to look the other way.

THE WAY I CRINGED IM SORRY SUNGHOON. DHJASKHAHAHAHAHA

He was so good-looking, even from behind.

the way that i've been crying to my friends about his back shots from the fansites all morning oh gawd

You thought to yourself, now am I getting laid?

GIRL! WE MUST STAY FOCUS.

The sirens in your head went off again as he slid an arm under you, pulling your heavy head against his chest.

WEEWOOWEEWOO I NEED WATER ASAP

Sunghoon mumbled, “You okay? Need water?” He was aimlessly scrolling through his front page of Netflix.

YES

Sunghoon climbed on top of you, lightly pinning your wrists against his sheets.

THE HAND WRESTLING TO THIS? #TEAMFERAL

“If this is all you want from me, I can’t do that.” He said seriously. “I don’t want to just hook up with you, plus you drank too much.” 

awwww women respecter frfr omg imma go cry buckets of ice cream brb

Eventually agreeing on watching Saiki K

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I FUCKING LOVE SAIKI K AND HIS WEEB ASS WOULD WATCH THIS. ALL I GOTTA SAY IS, SAIKI IS JUNGWON LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Sunghoon dipped his face deeper into your hair and neck, with a soft groan as if to shut you up.

SCREAMING! SUNGHOON, CHILL I NEED TO BREATHE

Maybe Sunghoon was a green flag.

I READ THIS LINE RIGHT HERE and Shoutout CAME ON MY PLAYLIST bye i am leaving this sunghoon fandom rn

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH EM! THIS WAS SO GOOD. LIKE SO FREAKEN GOOD. i am crying buckets of tears. like T_T it was so sweet. SUNGHOON, GREEN FLAG, EVERYWHERE!!!! The way he's like "can we not hook up?" T-T ANYTHING FOR YOU, STUPID! and how he made her drink water to sober her up so no headache will happen in the morning. THE WAY HE DIDNT CARE IF SHE STANK because oh gawd im always like OOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFFFFF DJSAKHDSJAKHSKA T-T ugh Shoutout started playing and now im crying lmao my emotions are all over the place. this is so beautiful <3

GENIE AHHHH THANK YOUUU

HAHAHA i was so excited to hear your thoughts and you didn’t disappoint 🥺 IM SPOILED! a whole essay indeed <3

im so glad you enjoyed it! i was going in between if i wanted to actually make sunghoon a fuck boy but i just couldnt - hes too soft ;(

and thank you for pointing out some of my favorite lines too HAHA your commentary is so fucking funny - much of this fic was my recounting of silly party moments of mine too

thank you so much, it means a lot <3