#Gray will not be in the entire book of HB3

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Honor Bound 4 - 2

Honor Bound 4 - 2 (Sleep deprivation), requested by anon

~

This is a series. Start here. 

This is a sequel to Honor Bound, Honor Bound 2, and Honor Bound 3.

AO3

Cw: thoughts of death, surgery mention/brief description, noncon mention, narcotics, vaguest mention of dissoci@tion, emesis mention, broken bones, death mention (but it’s Colleen Stormbeck so yaaaay), blood, panic attack mention, needles

~

Sam’s head lolled on Finn’s shoulder. They weren’t asleep, not even close, but exhaustion dragged at their body, ate away into their bones until they felt like they would shatter with a single touch. They were miles from sleep. The agony pounding through their arm every single moment made sure of that.

Finn was dozing against the seat, their head tilted back. Their mouth was open and they snored softly, little noises with each breath that wouldn’t have bothered Sam at all on any other day. Right now, every sound was a blow to Sam’s skull.

They hadn’t slept properly in weeks. Almost a month. Almost a month of lying on a cold cement floor in chains with lights that never turned off. Almost a month of starting awake with nightmares of Colleen holding her knife to Isaac’s throat, to Vera’s, to Gavin’s. Almost a month of crying themself to sleep as Isaac whimpered softly beside them, or Tori sobbed in the next cell. They hadn’t slept at all, the last night they’d been in Colleen’s captivity. When Isaac didn’t come back from Gavin’s room, Sam was terrified to their soul. She’s been torturing him all night. She’s killed him. She’s made Gavin kill him. They’ve hurt him so badly he needed a doctor, one who can do surgery and set bones and sew up his insides. When Isaac returned, Sam had wailed with relief. They’d cried harder when Isaac told them he had a plan to get them out.

They wouldn’t have slept that night anyway. They’d heard what Leo said about them when he was threatening Finn. They understood what Leo meant. They understood Leo wanted them in the worst possible way, wanted to hold them down as they screamed and fuck them. Leo wanted that the whole time. And Gavin stopped it. Gavin stopped it, even back when he was so twisted. That’s what Gavin saved them from, even then.

Vera drove over another bump, and a scream tore from Sam against their will. They didn’t mean to. They knew it was making it harder for everyone to sleep. They pressed their lips together and whimpered. Isaac stirred in the front seat and turned to look back at them.

Sam hated themself for making the sound. The pain that twisted in Isaac’s eyes, the guilt, was more than Sam could bear in that second. They couldn’t take the burn of Isaac’s gaze as Sam read what he was thinking, as clearly as if he was saying it out loud: this is my fault. I should have taken the bullet. I should have been the one to bleed out, be cut open, scream. Sam had always been able to see it. They just never realized how deep that pain really went.

Another bump. Agony lanced through Sam, through their arm, their back, their chest… everything. They clenched their teeth against the scream that forced its way up out of their chest. They fell back against the seat, cradling the arm that was tied against their chest. Something was wrong in their arm, they could feel it. Something in their hand. They just didn’t want to think it. Didn’t want to know.

The road to the farmhouse was bumpy, and it was excruciating. The directions had been right: up to Burmingham, take a right, a fork, a lake. They couldn’t see in the dark, but Sam thought they might be halfway around it by now. They prayed. They desperately waited for the next pill that would dull the pain. Make it simply unbearable, instead of something that would crush them alive. Sweat soaked into their clothes. Made them shiver. They could feel the sweat and blood on their skin. The pain rose, like a spike was being driven through their arm. They moaned and pressed themself against Finn.

Finn’s head shot up and their hands flew out towards Sam. Finn scrubbed drool from the corner of their mouth and blinked slowly. “W’s happ’nin?” they slurred.

Sam shook their head and squeezed their eyes shut, sending a cascade of tears down their cheeks. “S-sorry,” they whispered.

“No, no… it’s okay.” Finn checked their watch. “It’s… fuck, it’s four. Jesus.” They rubbed their eyes. “Wh-when was your last pill? Ten?”

“I th-think so,” Sam whimpered. Please, Finn, please take the pain away.

“Hm.” Finn fumbled at their pockets and pulled out the bottle of pills. It was halfway gone already. They poured out one into their hand and passed it to Sam. Finn reached for a mostly-empty bottle of water.

“Finn, please,” Sam whispered. “Please, can I have… just one more, please…”

Finn’s hands shook. “I c-can’t,” they said desperately. “Sam, the… the Tylenol…”

“I don’t care,” Sam said, a little louder. “Please, Finn, I don’t care. It hurts.” They bit down hard on their lip.

“Sam, I…” There was a rustle of fabric as Finn slumped against the seat. “I can’t.”

Sam shuddered as the car went over another bump. They looked up and saw everyone in the car turned back, looking at them, pain tightening all of their faces. All except Tori. Sam looked down. Their cheeks flushed with shame.

“M-maybe I can find you something else,” Finn said weakly. “Something without Tylenol. Maybe I can do that.”

Sam’s head dropped back against the seat. Bitter rage curled around their chest, dug claws into their heart. The pain stole every thought from their head, every plea, every moment of sanity. They were sick with pain. They dropped the pill into their mouth and washed it down with the water Finn held out to them. They held very still, waiting for the pill to make it all the way down. They prayed they wouldn’t vomit it up. They closed their eyes and leaned their head against the window. The glass was cool on their cheek. They drifted in the pain.

The car rolled to a stop. Sam sat up, then cried out as it jostled their arm. They whimpered as the cry grated their cracked and aching ribs. For a moment, they nearly went out of their mind with the inescapable agony. It froze their chest. They felt a chill down their neck, and their head swam. They fell against the seat, stunned. The light in the car turned on as someone opened the door. A black spot appeared in Sam’s vision.

Someone gently touched their shoulder. “Sam?”

Sam tried to turn their head, but they could see nothing. Were their eyes open, or shut? There was a buzzing in their ears, so loud they momentarily couldn’t hear anything else. The world spun and they fell sideways. Directly into someone’s arms.

Sam was pulled from the backseat. They screamed raggedly against the hands that tugged at them. They fell roughly out of the car, still half-supported by the arms that wound around them. They stumbled over the uneven ground as they were dragged towards the house.

“I-it’s okay, Sam,” someone murmured into their hair. Finn.

“We’ve got you, honey,” someone else said softly from their other side. Vera. Sam whimpered and slumped in their arms. They stopped, and Sam nearly disappeared into the blackness then. Three dull thuds echoed through their brain. They couldn’t lift their head. They could barely keep their eyes open.

“Wh… wha…” Their lips were numb. Their arm was on fire.

“We’re at Gray’s house,” Vera said at their side, with something like a whimper in her voice.

Sam sagged against their hold and let out a broken sob. Maybe I can sleep. Maybe I can rest. Their arm flared with pain and they quivered, leaning their head against Finn. I’ll never sleep with my arm hurting like this. Their eyes burned, but no tears came. They were out of tears to cry. It felt like they’d been crying for days. Maybe they had been. They weren’t sure where they were, or what day it was. They weren’t sure how they were still standing.

Someone knocked on the door again, three louder thuds that pounded in Sam’s head. They flinched and staggered back. Finn’s arm tightened around their waist, and they didn’t fall.

“What if they’re not home?”

“What if it’s not really their house? Maybe we followed the directions wrong…”

“We weren’t wrong. Those directions were exactly right. Maybe they—”

Sam’s head spun. They couldn’t tell who was talking. There was a rustle behind the door and everyone fell silent at once. There was the scrape of the turning bolt of a lock, and the door swung open. Sam opened their eyes. Light streaming out from inside the house made them blink. They wobbled on knees that threatened to give out.

There was a gasp. “What… what happened…?”

Gray.

Sam collapsed forward with a thin wail, nearly pulling out of Finn’s grasp. They stumbled forward, searching for Gray, willing their eyes to focus until they could see them. They fell hard against someone and the air was forced from their lungs in a startled cry. They felt warm arms around them. They pressed their face into someone’s shirt and unraveled in their embrace.

“Sam,” Gray murmured, their chest rumbling against Sam’s ear. “Sam, you’re… Isaac… Vera… what happened?” Sam nearly fell and Gray moved with them, guiding them into the house. They saw warm wood floors and painted white walls and deep purple curtains all mixed in with copper and dark furniture. Then everything was a swirling mess.

“We… C-Colleen Stormbeck,” Isaac rasped. “We… she took us. And we—”

“She… what?” Gray cried, their voice thick with distress. They eased Sam down onto a couch and let them lay flat. The room stopped spinning, just a little bit. Gray sat down at their head.

“She, um, took us,” Isaac said miserably. “K-kept us. She… um…” Sam’s eyes were able to focus and they saw Isaac standing over them, one hand reaching hesitantly towards them, tears rolling down his cheeks. “…she tortured us. But we… we got out. We k-killed her. She’s… she’s dead.”

Gray’s fingers moved gently through Sam’s hair. Sam grimaced at how it stuck to their scalp. “Colleen Stormbeck… is dead?”

“Yes,” Isaac said. He bit his lip and turned to Vera.

“I put a bullet in her head,” Vera said harshly. “And in Leo, too. And in half her guards.” Vera’s arm tightened around Tori’s shoulders as Vera guided her onto the couch beside Sam. “I killed Colleen.”

“But…” Gray looked down at Sam. Their gaze moved over Sam quickly, taking in the sling, the bandages, the blood still staining their skin. They sucked in a breath through their teeth and turned to Finn. “What—”

“They were shot,” Finn said tightly. Gray gasped and turned back to face Sam. “They were sh-shot in the, in the arm. I we-went in and, um, I, uh, fixed it.”

For a moment, there was no sound in the room but Sam’s ragged breathing.

“You… fixed… it?” Gray’s voice cracked.

“Um…” Finn hung their head. “Y-yeah, I, um, I did.”

“…how?”

“Um…” Finn flushed red and looked at the floor. “I… um… I know I’m not a surgeon, but I didn’t see any other option, since Beringer was almost two hundred miles away and there wasn’t anyone we could trust and we were still in Fort Meyers, and they were, were, um, b-bleeding out so we, uh, went to Tori’s friend’s house and he, Topher, he’s a vet tech so he ha-had the stuff I needed so I, um, went in and… I, um, I sewed up the ar, ar, artery and I sutured the muscles and I, uh… stopped the bleeding and I know that was dangerous and I know I could’ve m-messed it up, but Gray there was so much blood and I didn’t know what else to do and—”

Gray got to their feet and drew Finn into a crushing hug. Finn sobbed and their head dropped onto Gray’s shoulder.

“I am so proud of you,” Gray whispered. “Proud of all of you.” They released Finn and looked around at them all. Their eyes fell on Tori and stayed.

Sam shuddered and whimpered as the pain flared. Why won’t that pill start working? Please… please… Everyone’s eyes turned at once towards Sam.

“Oh, god,” Gray breathed. “You all must be… you must be exhausted. How long have you been—”

“Since yesterday afternoon,” Isaac said heavily. He swayed on his feet.

“Jesus.” Gray looked around at all of them. “I should have enough rooms for all of you. Sam, I can—”

“Please don’t move me,” Sam sobbed. “Please. I want to be here. Please… please just… let me sleep here.” The couch was quite possibly the softest thing Sam had ever lain on. They thought they maybe might possibly be able to fall asleep right this second… if only their arm would stop feeling like it was being stabbed, over and over and over.

“Gray, do you…” Finn whimpered desperately. “I only have Vicodin, and I can’t double up doses. Do you…?”

“I have morphine,” Gray said softly.

Sam’s heart lifted for a moment at the thought of relief. Their chest ached.

“You have… what?”

Gray pressed their lips into a line, their eyes swimming with tears. “I thought… I worried… that when you came back… you would be in, um… rough shape,” Gray said softly. “So while you were gone, I got some things. Some medical supplies, fluids, and painkillers, and some, ah, Ativan for panic attacks…”

Finn rushed forward and nearly tackled Gray into a hug. “Thank you,” Finn whispered.

Gray rubbed circles into Finn’s back, then pulled away. Gray disappeared behind the couch. The room wavered around Sam’s head.

Isaac knelt beside Sam on the couch and took their hand. Finn stood by, nervously wringing their hands. Ellis was stuck to their side like glue. Vera had her arms around Tori. Sam could see the cracks in Vera’s iron mask, the strength she carried like a shield starting to fall. They were safe now. They were with Gray. Vera could afford to fall apart now and as she looked at Tori, Sam realized she was crumbling hard.

“Th-thank you, everyone,” Sam groaned softly. “For, um… you got m-me up here, and I… Finn…” Sam swallowed, the pain latching onto them and threatening to pull them down again. Sam’s eyes rolled back as they tried to find Finn. They felt a hand in their hair and peeled their eyes open to see Finn looking down at them, smiling brokenly with tears in their eyes. “You…”

“I’m s-sorry I couldn’t help with the pain, Sam,” Finn said. The tears spilled over and they swiped them away.

“You—” Sam croaked. They swallowed drily. “You… s-saved me.”

Gray reappeared holding a few things: a bag of fluids, a pile of IV supplies… and an orange bottle that rattled in their hands. Finn snatched the bottle up and checked the dose. They poured one pill out and looked around. “Gray, could I get some water for…?”

“Of course.” Gray set the supplies on the table and went to the kitchen. Finn knelt at Sam’s side and tore open the packets of IV supplies.

“I want to get you more fluids,” Finn said softly. “Morphine’s got vasodilator properties and I wouldn’t want it to—”

“Sounds good,” Sam whimpered as Gray reappeared with the water. They sat beside Sam and held the cup to their lips. Sam took a sip and took the pill Finn gave them. As soon as it was down, they fell back against the cushions, and the jolt dragged a cry from them. Sweat beaded on their forehead.

Finn had the tourniquet on, the needle in, and the extension set attached before Sam could even blink. Their head swam again as they swirled downwards, circling a drain that would pull them under into blackness again. They moaned as they watched Finn hang a bag of fluids from the tall lamp that stood beside the couch. The world darkened, the sounds muted, the pain fading. Sam knew it wasn’t from the pill yet. They walked willingly towards the oblivion.

From above them, they heard words that passed sluggishly through their mind.

“I want to stay with them. Make sure the morphine doesn’t—”

“No, Finn. Go sleep. You look half-dead. I’ll stay up with them. It’s alright. It’s pretty close to when I get up, anyway.”

“I want… Do you think we should get them to bed? They’ve been… we haven’t been able to sleep with the lights off in weeks. Maybe we could—”

“I’ll turn the lights off, and just use a reading light to read my book. They can be in the dark. If they wake up when the sun comes up and they feel up to it, we can get them to bed then. For now I just want to get a few hours of sleep in them. The pain won’t get better if they don’t sleep and start to heal.”

“O— Okay. I guess we…”

“…worry about anything. I’ll make sure you…”

“…no, I’m… I’m not hurt…”

“…don’t care about me, I just want to make sure they…”

“…to sleep, Isaac. They’ll be here when you…”

“…want them to know that I love them. And I’m sorry.”

Sam stirred, and the world lurched around them. Their head fell back against the cushions. “Love you, too, Isaac,” they whispered. The darkness claimed them.

Continued here

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