#Gotta save what you can while it's still fresh ig

[promptis-imagines]

Maybe Promptis comfort like one of them is having a rough day. I hope this is ok and not too sad T-T

What are you talking about that’s literally half of my fics. That’s what I live for, babes. Y’all should read Expectations of Promises bc they’re both sad and I never really got recognition on it

Okay first off I’m just writing a little thing where Noct is having a rough time, but if you want it the opposite, I highly suggest Down Day by EyePhoenix! Prom comfort over there. 

Prompto leaned back in his swivel chair with a drawn-out yawn, stretching his arms high above his head. His assigned pages for the school yearbook were coming along nicely, he thought, so he was officially giving himself a break for the day. 

Lazily spinning around, it became clear that he had been the last one to think that. The only other person in the room was closing the door just as he saw them walk out.

With a sigh, Prompto let his head fall back for a few moments. Might as well text Noctis, tell him that he was finished.

They had started dating a few months back after Prompto had kicked enough courage into himself to confess. Coincidentally, Noctis had the same burst of motivation that exact day. It had been really cute and utterly stupid, and if they had been close before, now they were practically inseparable. 

Prompto smiled faintly to himself as he held his phone above his face and opened his messages to his boyfriend. 

Still on campus? Just finished yearbook stuff if u wanna walk to ur place together

He hit send and stretched once more, sighing loudly and moving to put away his camera equipment. The teacher had allowed him to use his personal camera, and there was no way he was going to leave that unattended in a highschool classroom. 

It took a few moments to gather his belongings and shut down the computer, but he had the lights off and was out the door soon enough. Camera bag slung over his shoulder, his phone in the other hand, he started towards the entrance of the school while keeping his eyes fixated on his phone screen, waiting for a return message.

When he still didn’t get anything once he was outside, a slight pout formed on his face. He had wanted to walk with Noctis to his apartment. Maybe the prince was already there, snoozing the afternoon away. It wouldn’t have been the first time.

So he sighed and pocketed the phone, then pushed open the doors to step into the fresh air. It was such a nice day out, a bit breezy and hardly a cloud in the sky. 

Just then, his phone buzzed. Prompto excitedly rushed to check it, stopping a few feet outside the doors. It was from Noctis.

Nice. Sorry, don’t think we can go together today, read the words on his screen.

That made his smile fall. “Huh?” he voiced to himself. Did that mean that Noctis was still on campus? What was he up to? There was hardly ever a reason for him to stay after classes ended, save for when he lazed around waiting for Prompto to finish yearbook things.

Biting his cheek, Prompto rapidly drummed on his phone case with a finger as he thought up how to respond to that. He started typing a few times before settling on a message.

You sure? I don’t mind waiting if you’re busy or something

He would be lying if he said worry wasn’t building up in his chest. Sure, sometimes Noctis was busy, but he usually offered up an explanation. He wouldn’t be this cryptic about it unless there was something wrong.

It’s really fine. You don’t gotta wait for me

Prompto took in a deep breath and held it for five, ten seconds. Then he exhaled and pressed the call button.

The phone rang on and on to the point where Prompto didn’t think he would answer, but the call connected right before he gave up hope. “Noct?” he blurted out. “Are you okay? Where are you at right now?” 

A shaky sigh crackled through the speaker. “Prom, I don’t want you to worry about it.” Noctis sniffled, and Prompto’s worry did the exact opposite—it skyrocketed. “It’s really okay. Igs is coming to get me soon, so you should go on home. We can hang out tomorrow, I promise,” he spoke over the phone. His voice sounded weak and strained, as quiet as it was.

“What? No way,” Prompto countered. “Something is obviously up, and I’m really kinda freaking out right now. Please tell me where you’re at? I promise that you’re more important than just hanging out. I want to help,” he pleaded.

There was a pause. “Noct?” 

“Behind the science building.”

Noctis hung up, and Prompto was left to stare at his phone screen. A few moments later, he had his camera bag hiked up on his shoulder and was dashing over to the science wing.

It was a few minutes’ jog, and his camera bouncing against his hip over and over slowed him down somewhat, but Prompto hardly cared. Noctis needed him.

He nearly fell over when he rounded the corner of the science building. The back area was all overgrown grass and wildflowers, trampled flat where students would sneak here to cut class and make out. Nestled against the brick, knees up to his chest, was the dark shape that was undoubtedly his Noctis.

As Prompto slowed his approach, he noted the way Noctis was settled. His face was buried in his arms, and his knuckles were white where they gripped the fabric of his school jacket. To his side, his bag and phone were haphazardly discarded into the overgrown grass. He looked small and pathetic, sitting there like that.

Something was most definitely plaguing his mind. As calmly as he could muster, Prompto set down his things and got on his hands and knees beside his boyfriend. “Hey, Noct,” he began, making Noctis jump slightly, but he didn’t look up. “Had a rough day? What are you doing back here?” Prompto continued.

The sniffling he had heard over the phone started up again, muffled by his clothes. Noctis gave a small nod, but that was it. 

“Okay. Do you want to talk about it?”

There was a waver in the conversation, if it could be called a conversation, and Prompto took the opportunity to instead sit beside Noctis. Experience had taught him that when he was upset, Noctis needed some kind of physical touch to ground him. He gave him that by resting his hand on his shoulder and letting that travel around his back in a slow and smooth motion while he waited for him to respond.

Finally, Prompto heard what sounded like a small hum followed by a few more sniffles. “Don’t want you to see me cry like this,” he mumbled.

Prompto leaned a little more into Noctis’ side. “It’s okay, I promise. You see me cry all the time, yeah? I won’t see you as lesser if you cry, dude.” While it was true that Noctis rarely shed these kinds of tears in front of him, he wasn’t going to let that deter him. “I want to wipe your tears and listen to your problems just like you’ve done for me. Okay?”

This time, there was less of a pause. Albeit a bit slowly, Noctis lifted his head from his arms and went right to rubbing his eyes with a sleeve. “Okay,” he whispered weakly.

Next thing he knew, Prompto had an armful of Noctis, as the prince had leaned most of his weight against his boyfriend. Prompto wrapped his other arm around him, holding him around the shoulders against his chest. “There you go. You can stay like that as long as you need,” he told him.

Noctis made that slight nod again. It was obvious that he needed some time to regain his bearings, so they sat and listened to the breeze rustle the grasses for a short time. He could talk when he was ready.

After a few minutes, Noctis’ breathing grew less ragged. He took a deep breath. “I’m just really...overwhelmed today.”

Prompto rubbed slow circles into Noctis’ shoulder. “Yeah? School stuff or prince stuff?” he questioned.

“Bit of both. I don’t really know.” He sighed. “Started thinking about the future too hard, I guess. There’s so much I don’t know about. And I know that everyone goes through this, and there’s no real certainty about stuff, but...fuck, I have to be the king someday. Normal people get to screw up. If I do, it screws over everyone in the country,” he stressed. His shoulders tensed up, and though he wasn’t looking at him, Prompto could imagine his eyes were screwed shut.

He bit his lip briefly. This kind of issue was entirely unique, and one that Prompto had never even thought of from his own upbringing, so he couldn’t exactly relate to that specific anxiety. But Noctis needed him right now; he had to try.

Prompto mimicked his sigh. “Yeah, that’s...that’s tough,” he said. “I can’t imagine how that feels growing up. I’m really sorry that you’re going through this, babe.”

A sniffle. “I mean, it’s okay. Just a mood I’m in.”

“No, no, you don’t have to do all that,” Prompto interjected. “It’s not okay right now if you’re feeling this bad about it. You’re allowed to be upset, you know.”

Noctis groaned. “But I shouldn’t be. I can’t be upset about what I have to do,” he countered.

Prompto pouted. “Maybe not on live television.” He nestled his cheek against Noctis’ hair. “But you can with me. I’m here to listen, and I promise I won’t tell a soul. Boyfriend honor.”

That ended up getting a faint chuckle from Noctis. “Okay, okay. Fine, yeah, I’m upset. I don’t want to mess things up.” The tension from his shoulders started to fade, and he melted further against Prompto.

With a hum, Prompto closed his eyes. “But you don’t have to do everything alone, Noct. You have Ignis and Gladio, a whole bunch of council members, your dad, and countless other things to guide you. They’ll help you do what’s best,” he reasoned.

Something warm covered his hand, and he realized that Noctis had put his own over it. “You’re right. I know you’re right. It’s just stressful to think about the burden of everything.”

“That’s understandable. But hey, you’re still in highschool. There’s so much time to prepare yourself, babe. You’re not ruling right now for a reason,” he stated.

“Mh-hm. Thank Six for that,” Noctis murmured.

Tilting his head, Prompto pressed a soft kiss to Noctis’ cheek. “Mh-hm,” he repeated. “And there’s one thing you actually do know about the future,” he stated.

Noctis leaned back, craning his neck around to look Prompto in the eye for the first time. “What’s that?”

A smile touched Prompto’s face. “I’ll be right there with you the whole time.”

It took a few moments, but Noctis started to smile as well. “You’re right. What am I even worried about?” he said softly, getting somewhat misty-eyed again. “I’ve got you.”

Prompto nodded and placed another kiss on Noctis’ cheek. “Yep. I’m not going anywhere unless you kick me out of your life,” he joked.

Noctis’ smile grew, paired with an eye-roll. “As if I’d get rid of the best part of my life? No way. Honestly, how did I even get the best boyfriend in the world?” he questioned.

“A very funny double-confession, that’s how. Thought you’d remember that.”

Another eye-roll. “Right, ‘course. Couldn’t forget that.”

The two shared a quiet laugh, and Prompto hugged Noctis a little closer. He sighed, looking around. “So when Igs comes to get you, are you going back to your apartment?” Noctis nodded. “Can I come with? I think you need some serious cheering up this afternoon. We can eat that ice cream we just bought, and you can pick movies to watch,” he suggested.

Noctis gave Prompto’s hand a squeeze. “Only if you tell me how yearbook stuff went.”

“Deal.”

“Cool. Then can we just sit here until we have to go?” he asked.

Prompto leaned back against the building. “Absolutely. Let’s just relax until we can’t.”

[the-toppat-king]

Chapter Eight: Brothers at Heart

Sven groaned a bit as he woke up.

For a moment the Swed lay on the stiff bed of the med bay, staring at the ceiling. A dull pain spread through his back, but it wasn't nearly as bad as it had been the past few days. Sighing, Sven rubbed his eyes and slowly sat up. Thomas sat nearby, reading, and Sven felt a familiar relief at seeing him.

Since they were caught he'd been having nightmares. The first night he had dreamt that they hadn't been captured, but rather killed in front of him. He had screamed when he woke up, but thankfully hadn't had that one again since the two escaped while he had been unconscious. The new nightmare was that their escape was only a dream. He'd wake up in the nightmare and they'd be gone again.

"A', you're awake."

Sven glanced up, smiling as he saw Right in the doorway.

"Hey, Right. How's Henry doing?"

"You two are so predictable, 'Enry asks the same question every time 'e sees Reg and I." Right laughed a bit. "'E's adjusting. Not easy 'aving a new spine, I suppose, but he's toug'ing it out. Pretty sure the doc might be keepin' 'im 'ig' on pain killers whenever s'e's not working on 'im."

"How's Reginald handling it?" He frowned. "He's not overworking himself, is he?" Sven couldn't imagine how hard it had to be for Reginald. He loses one son and almost loses the other in one day, immediately gets the first son back and then loses him again. Sven hadn't been there, but he'd heard that Reginald had seen Henry die. Even if it was only temporary, it couldn't have been easy. Hell, it was hard for him to even hear about.

"No, 'Enry gave 'im an order to take it easy and consider 'is limits. It ain't easy on eit'er of us, but we'll manage." Right walked over, sitting down by him. "But 'ow are you doing, Sven? I know you've been 'aving nig'tmares."

"Thomas told you?" Sven rubbed his arm, shooting Thomas a glare.

"I've done nothing of the sort! Reginald checks on you occasionally." He didn't even look up from his book, licking his thumb to turn the page. "It's not my place to tell anyone if you don't want to talk about it.

"T'omas is telling the truth." Right frowned. "And Burt c'ecks the cameras when 'e gets up in t'e morning. 'E's seen you wake up screaming."

Goddammit Burt.

"Yeah, I..." Sven sighed, looking at his feet. "...it's nothing. There's just...a lot of guilt."

"W'y?"

"If it wasn't for me getting hurt, Henry wouldn't have been captured and he wouldn't be injured. He shouldn't have stopped for me."

"Sven."

The blonde looked up at Right as he took his hand.

"W'at 'appened was not your fault." He told him sternly. "I told Reginald this and I'll tell you the same t'ing, Dmitri s'ot you, Dmitri s'ot 'Enry, Dmirti is w'y t'is all 'appened. And Dmitri is not getting away wit' t'is. I know w'at I'm saying won't stick at first, and I know it won't stop the guilt. It won't stop the nig'tmares or make you feel better yet. But for now I need ya to know t'at you couldn't 'ave prevented this. Someone would 'ave been caug't no matter w'at. Dmitri would not 'ave been satisfied wit' just you. I mean, t'ere was a fuckin' riot, and t'e man focused on 'Enry, C'arles, Ellie and T'omas just because t'ey started it and ruined 'is reputation."

"I know..."

"So don't blame yourself." Right sighed. "I know it ain't gonna be easy, Sven. I never said it was, but you gotta fig't off t'ose t'oug'ts t'at it was your fault, because it wasn't."

The blonde sighed, nodding. "Alright, Pa." He paused a moment, taking a breath. "Do you think I could see Hen?"

"If you can prevent Reg from bein' a mot'er 'en for an 'our or two." Right grinned. "It's no good for you to stay in the med bay all day."

Sven smiled...

"Although you get to ask Dr. Vinsc'pinsilstien."

...and immediately deflated. He didn't know much about the woman, only that she was a former Toppat Clan member and she had a grudge. He knew she was a member around the time Terrence was leader, and while he only met her a handful of times(typically when he got dragged into Henry's mischief), she had always intimidated him a bit. But he understood asking her himself, he was an adult, after all.

Also she might be a tad bit angry if I just show up. Sven thought with a wince. We're lucky that she even agreed to save Henry in the first place, we should not antagonize her.

"That's fair, I suppose." He rubbed the back of his neck.

"Thank you for letting me see him, Dr. Vinschpinsilstien."

"Mhm. I have a feeling it would have ended in a fight if I said no."

"Why is that?"

"Just a hunch." She muttered. "Toppats are stubborn people who don't usually take no for an answer."

"Dr. Vinschpinsilstien." Sven paused. "We are not in any kind of place to make demands of you or make you angry. We're lucky you even decided to stabilize Henry, let alone perform the surgery to save him."

"Eh, I can't complain much. He's not bad company, and he's quite bright."

"...are we talking about the same Henry Stickmin? The man climbs in vents."

Dr. Vinschpinsilstien laughed a bit. "Never outgrew that?"

"Well his first week of leader I caught him stuck in the vent above his desk. I still have no clue how he got up there or why."

"Eh, he's a small man. Probably just likes small spaces."

With that, she opened the door.

Sven stood silently a moment.

Henry was talking quietly with Charles, but what really caught his attention was the lack of a shirt and the fresh scars the marked his pale skin. His left side, around his shoulder area, was scarred horribly and the entire arm, shoulder included, was gone. The new arm itself was detached, laying on Henry's lap while he worked on it. There was a piece of metal with a part to connect the arm to on where the shoulder once would have been. His chest was scarred horribly as well. One long scar went down his chest, where Sven assumed his heart had been removed. A light glowed brightly on the center of his chest, fading and brightening with the rhythm of a heartbeat.

Scars also crossed his face, one going from the bottom right half of his face up near the top corner of his left eye and a couple down the left side of his face. His left eye was dull, pupil cloudy. Blind.

Sven didn't think he wanted to see his back.

Suddenly Henry looked up, noticing his adoptive brother standing there. A grin spread across his face and he set his arm aside, practically jumping up. "Sven-"

-and immediately Henry was falling forward.

The blonde just barely managed to dart forward in time to catch him. "Henry!"

"Eh, sorry, this is going to take some times to get used to." He laughed a bit as Sven shifted to prop him up. "Doc says it'll take some time before I can-"

"Before you can even stand!" She finished. "And not just time, physical therapy! You're not going to recover if you're so reckless!"

"Sorry, Doc." He replied, voice a bit quieter. Sven blinked at him, something hitting him.

He's talking to them.

"Эти проклятые Топпаты." Dr. Vinschpinsilstien muttered, leaving. "Они собираются убить меня!"

"You're talking." Sven looked at Henry. "Since when?"

Henry glanced at Charles with a goofy grin. "What can I say? For a government pilot, he's not that bad. Ellie's pretty cool, too, and the doctor is good company when she's not annoyed."

"Hey, uh." Charles suddenly stood, rubbing the back of his neck. "Sven, right? I...I'm sorry. If I hadn't run into you guys, you wouldn't have been hurt and Henry wouldn't have gotten caught."

Sven stared blankly at him. He...apologized? For what?

"If it wasn't for me getting hurt, Henry wouldn't have been captured and he wouldn't be injured. He shouldn't have stopped for me."

Oh.

For some reason it hadn't occurred to him that anyone else involved would be feeling some kind of guilt. How could that not occur to him? Thomas and Reginald saw him fall, Ellie was the person just before him on the ladder, Geoffery left him and Charles was the one to ask for help.

Do I even blame him? Sven loathed the government, of course. He didn't think there was a Toppat who didn't.(Except maybe Henry, but Henry was always a bit of an odd ball.) But could he really blame Charles for doing his job?

Both of them were there at the wrong time.

"It isn't your fault." Sven avoided his eyes as he helped Henry back to the bed. "Trust me, I get it, and I get that it isn't going to be easy. But just remember that this is all Dmitri's fault. You got involved because of the way he runs the wall, right? If he weren't a goddamn dictator, you wouldn't be involved."

Charles blinked a couple times, then smiled. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Besides, I need to focus on taking them down!"

Optimist, much?

"We need to focus on taking them down." Henry corrected. "The government's agreed to get off our back for a while if we help."

"What? A-are you serious?" Sven straightened up, and Charles rubbed the back of his neck.

"I mean...we can't actually prove you've done anything illegal yet? As a group, I mean. We can try to take down your leaders, but as a whole we can't touch the Clan itself." He admitted. "It's why we sent Henry on board, to either capture Reginald or the Right Hand Man or find evidence that would let us make an arrest. But, uh, that backfired."

"It almost didn't." Sven admitted. "I wasn't there, but from what I've heard, Henry was very close to handing Reginald over. He only decided against it because leadership of the Toppat Clan was better in the long run."

Henry nodded. "...although, that might not be an option anymore."

"...what?"

"Dr. V thinks it might be best if I step down." Henry admitted. "...and I don't think she's wrong. My heart and arm, fine, I can deal with that and it won't slow me down. But my spine had to be completely replaced, along with my ribs. My spine is actually exposed, all it takes is one gunshot for the cybernetics keeping me alive to start failing. One mission gone wrong, or one rouge Toppat who gets unhappy with my leadership..."

"...and it'd be easy to take you out." Sven finished quietly. "But...if you don't come back, what will you do? Do you have anywhere to go?"

"Dr. Vinschpinsilstien offered me a job here if I want it. Look, I won't abandon you guys right now, I won't make any concrete decisions until..." Henry glanced at Charles. "Well, you know."

Until the rocket launches. Sven guessed. "...I don't want to lose you again."

"...I know. I don't want to say goodbye, either. But...you guys will always be family, don't get me wrong, but I just...I don't think my place is with the Clan anymore. I...I don't think it has been for a long time."

Sven sighed, sitting on the end of the bed as Henry returned to tinkering with the arm. His heart sank a bit, but he knew Henry was right.

It wasn't safe for him to come back permanently. Henry had been a Toppat once, but he wasn't anymore and Sven knew that. He reasoned that it wasn't like they couldn't call, and they would have to come back to Earth for raids. They could see each other every once in a while.

"Y'know." Charles spoke up. "Uh, we do fund Dr. Vinschpinsilstien."

Sven looked at him, confused.

"Her research, I mean. And in exchange we get to be some of the first people to test out her cybernetics. So, uh, if Henry actually did want to work with her, we might be able to get him a pardon under the reasoning that he works with us. I mean, she...doesn't really work for or with us, but who cares about technicalities?"

"...you'd do that?"

"Of course! Henry's my friend! Also we do owe him for the whole kidnapping thing." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, I, uh, don't know why the General thought that was a good idea."

"Ellie gets pardoned first." Henry reminded him.

"Sure. We have...no idea what she was in there for, actually." Charles admitted. "She was a thief, sure, but it was nothing that notable."

"It doesn't matter to Dmitri." Henry muttered. "It wouldn't surprise me if he just kidnapped her without thinking and it just so happened she had a criminal record. But it's not our place to ask unless she wants to tell us."

"I hope she's willing to open up to us." Charles added. "We'll be a real Triple Threat for the Wall!"

"...why did you say it like that?"

"Charles likes to be dramatic."

"I do not-"

"You crashed a helicopter into the airship."

"I- Okay, you got me there."

Sven smiled.

At least if Henry stayed while the Clan left, he wouldn't be left alone.

And while the grief was still there, it didn't seem as bad now.

__________________________________

Translations Эти проклятые Топпаты - These damn Toppats Они собираются убить меня - They're going to be the death of me

[sikereviewdotcom]

undercover brother (2002) review

sup been a while but didnt forget about yall and your eager butts to dive head first right in the flooding words coming out of my mouth today gonna rev "undercover brother" (2002), its gonna be solid guys

so we start with an introduction where we talk about how black culture was losing its flavour after the 70s, progress was slowed down n all as we reached 2000 but dont be fooled, its all cause of a buncha events orchastred by "the man"... a big racist mf ig whos also the kkk equivalent of the team rocket boss, sitting in a ig chair, never see his face in the flashbacks or like the bad guy in inspector gadget, more like him ig since we actually see the team R boss face quite often nonetheless, theres a form of mystery folding this whole business... THE MAN acts in the shadows and he hates to see how dark those are, he wants things to be like it used to be back in slavery times good oltime for him but.. not for the fam

ofc then here is introduced THE REAL MAN OF MEN => undercover brother, our hero and damn he has the style of a whole pack of elephants trampling around in pink disco suits every ladies wanna a piece of that sweet fro he is packing up on his head, funky

ngl, the whole way this mov is filmed n edited is sike asf, dope guys especially considerin its actually made in 2002, loving it anyway then were also introduced to the other secondary protags who are from an organisation here to stop The Mans evil doings and careful: undercover bro was actually a solo act until now cause now they gonna collaborate all throughout da mov: its the B.R.O.T.H.E.R.H.O.O.D, with conspiracy brother (tbh a fav here, guys wack like the whole plot guy thinks computer comes from a story involving peanut and idk guys he keeps rambling bout bs which makes him a+ character) smart brother, chief and sister girl (original name/10)

so btw the organization is on a mission rn at the beginning to destroy The Man (lets call him tm for the rest of this rev) financial infrastructure aka funds to stop him better or smthg and it gets spicy as they get caught but ofc undercover bro barges in from nowhere wow big disguise as an old man no one noticed him so like slash bawow boom vlam, bad guys ko and he squeedaddle out of there like twas breeze gg man, he also get fed a nice editing of xrays battle like with a side of kungfu n whatnot, undercover bro knows his stuff

nice sounds effects ah yes btw romantic intrigue with sister girl begins here, its the zinc of the flinch as ub (undercover brother) notices her big wink wink nudge nudge, btw later she is asked to go enlist him in the corps so he can help stop the man with them n shit and he trynna get her in his bed cause thats we this brother is used to, getting laid as soon as he meets a chick, who can resist this dude?

he gots moves, fro, style, skills and also at times he is a pussy but k, not everyones perf sometimes you just simp for a white blond blue eyed woman (spoiler) and crawls on all four looking like a big preppy nerd btw in this review im trynna not spoil the whole plot cause guys, this movie gotta be on yo watch list kay? im not here to ruin this experience in yo life itd be pretty uncool of me so im just gonna state the big lines then its up to you to swoop the tiny ones out of the watch, knot your own breds n stuff

back on the whooper slapping: intro credits roll, we get some nice back story for our hero, making sure we can understand his cause in saving the black peeps from TMs assholery might truth n justice be your guide

so what the big plot then? well yknow how a big antag cant do shit on his own cause hes too busy sticking brooms up his ass in his private quarters? yea well same goes here so there this gay guy who will be twerking later on btw, a scene to behold, rumps to ogle at, so hes a bad guy and gay n gonna do most of the dirty work for TM, whats new? idk what to think of it yknow its a stereotype in movs so ig ok still uncool but ill see it as all in good spirit cause theres bad n good im not excepting this to be the best watch of my life, nah it wasnt either, but i had a good laugh kay? makes up for it cause unlike some here i got no shit up my ass alley its clean scrubbed up n down so i can smoothly take a chillax up n a shit out without a night tormented by constipation, nah its all sliding where it should no pain no sweat

so the big lines is that a war hero whos a black man is gonna become president and wtf no is the only react racist mf could have which is what they have, bad guys gonna stop it from happening at once and the brotherhood aint letting it happens cause obvs something is wrong as every black peeps gonna turn into a stereotype like waddup in this mad world? its all because of the poisonous fried chicken brand TM will get around ty to another poison to make our war hero delusional n so on were also introduced to white evil she-ra later btw, just dropping this in cause undercover brother really wants to make oreos with her n sister girl (his words) ig shes the second love interest, im not too invested in this romantic intrigue it was just necessary not like twas very developped anyway its even more of a bedroom intrigue when it comes the the white blue eyed blond chick, sister girl before hoes yo

whats it in conclusion about this movie? first, the plot: hilarious biznasty worthy a+ bs especially how its turned yknow, the clichés were turned upside down n if not theyre just turned into a big satire of themselves editing + music ? yknow its actually good, and funky asf im digging it, a travel in time nostalgia of times i lived acting is pretty neat its not an ironically good movie cause its hilariously ridiculous in the making way its all about the plot here, plot twists and characters, the whole universe ig like its superior to big mamma sorta plot or maybe im dropping this comparison cause its been a while since i saw big maam, for sure twas under estimated while over brought when this here? it got freshness packed in

the spoiling was light and this is cause this movie got a 69/10 rating jk 8/10 if were gonna be serious, im gonna list wats unwoke n uncool here: 1 gay villain stereot, gotta be honest here its not that big of a deal tme seeing when it was made and how i still laughed yknow idc this much but some could go apeshit over it 2 not enough conspiracy brother content: this is all i ask for 3 had no snacks while watching the movie, too bad id dig a aj or grape soda right about now n then 4 more lines for car wash chicks jk this last one idc about, but car wash representation is lacking once again in american movies, i cant believe how looked over it is, as if they didnt need smore rep in the medias its not an easy job washing car all day long, standin in those ghost buster lookin suit while staring at the hot guys in hot wheelys, whos gonna pay you a drink when youre just an old carwash lady? thought finally a hero would step up in this movie but there it goes thrown out da window, the potential was real until it got blown away sure sister girl was a solid character but give the washers some credits cut them a slack of free time n have a lil date together there on top of a truck to keep it native

nonetheless this is a top rec for anyone who feels like slipping into some conspiracy slippers

tg, out

[jocy-diaries]

04.08.2022

I think I just don't like writing my diary entries on this phone because this is the phone I do everything else on you know? Big sigh. But anyways~

On Wednesday I made some dinner for my sister and I, Dumplings for her, and I really wanted Okra thanks to the lovely Imamuroom so I decided to get so frozen Okra and make a really simple stir fry. I wasn't expecting it to be good because it was frozen Okra instead of fresh and the last time mom made it it was...bad. it wasn't good. So I was expecting the same thing. And honestly I don't know what mom did but when I made it it was *delicious*. Cannot wait to finish that little meal.

On Thursday I ended work early because honestly. I had been working until 7pm the entire week and waking up early and I'm TIRED OF IT. So I ended early and chilled with my sister~ Then we went to watch Sonic 2!! I had a Tito Mule drink which was the first mixed drink I've had since forever. God I miss mixed drinks but I don't know how to make them myself. It was delicious. And honestly the movie was so great. A lot of fun, and everyone was excited for the third movie they previewed. It looks great. I hope we get to see Amy, I'm so excited for her. Also, I hope they get to keep Jim Carey because he's honestly great as Dr. Eggman.

Now today is finally Friday. I'm so tired. I've been waking up exhausted eventhough I sleep more than eight hours now than to the Melatonin gummies. And my focus is still shot so I might need to get something for adhd again. But honestly, I've been remembering stuff and daily admin tasks pretty well! I'm proud of myself for that. I got my dog's appointments set up as well as my sister's appointments. Plus I'm getting things continued for the Italy trip and SJSU, although now I might consider doing my mlis abroad in 2023. It seems...better? Maybe.

Also it's been super rainy and foggy all week, and just yesterday things started looking sunny again~ I can say that I love Spring because of how it reminds me of the beach in Africa. Sunny with a light wind and the trees swaying~ I love that sound. I also love the sound of rain on a tin or metal roof because of grandma's house~

Now I'm looking forward to my DnD sessions tonight and tomorrow (and Sunday ig) and in Sunday I'll be driving with my sister to Helen GA and then a little farmers shop~ Very excited for that. We'll have to leave kinda early so I'm hoping we also get to stop by the library meeting place for coffee and breakfast.

My mother wants me to save more money and be more conscious of it and like, I agree, but at the same time it's like. You expect me to be alive alive a while, don't you? I can't think of a good reason to not spend money when I want to on the things I want because I could be dead tomorrow, you know? I think I need to invest in rental properties or air bnbs or something just so I can put THAT money in savings and spend the rest of my money however I want.

So DnD tonight~ And ohmygosh. NEBATI GOT CLOAK OF WINGS!!!! That (and brooch if shielding) was honestly the last thing I wanted her to get to complete her look!! I'm so glad she found one. Now she has white wings to act like an angel for her goddess~ Unfortunately...she failed every saving throw after that :,) But she got to train fight with her friends which she really enjoyed (eventhough she got taken out Round two lol) Also volunteered at the library and it went well~ A patron brought in a jar of flowers which was just GORGEOUS And I got some books and Barbie movies for next weekend since the library is closed. Gotta figure out something to do for Easter...

And...my gosh. Yall. I got asked to be in a one shot!! Someone said they WANT to DM for me! I'm not used to being someone who people want to be around or talk to, so this is. Such a pleasant shock. I'm really grateful I stayed in this campaign~ Plus the DM for the Saturday group said that I fit in well with the group so I'm just. I'm getting so many good points. Now I really think I'll get a subscription to dnd beyond and read through all of the books. Especially since people want to play with me! :D I'm gonna add them all as friends on Discord after all!! I was scared of doing that but now I will >:3c

[dinacharya]

Chapter 2. aka, Adele 25 therapy

what are tumblrs for if not for ridiculous oversharing and creeping into people’s lives you have no business being in, right? 

disclaimer: it’s a saturday night, 11:45pm to be exact, and i’m 4 hours deep into listening to Adele’s 25 album on repeat. i’ve also micro-dosed. or maybe regular dosed, depends who you ask. For all intents and purposes here, I’m calling it a micro because i very much have a grip even if my trusty wall tapestry is doing pretty things, and I had a very clear intention diving in. 

the tl;dr is that this 25-year old’s solo post-break up trip is a fucking cleanse and this is the vibe I’m fully on right now:

lol so, how did we get there: 

well waking up from last night’s binge smoking, gaming & sugar session (which was honestly much needed - shout out to the peeps who were there for that) didn’t feel the hottest, obviously. but crushed that shit with more sleep and getting back into jillian michaels* in my living room and eating a healthy lunch and whatnot. 

*side note: i’m sure she’s made millions already, but in this era with all the IG fitness models and influencers out there i still think jillian michaels is queen and underrated. 20 mins of jumping around and flailing weights, guided by her via TV is literally all i need to be like woh bitch i’m back. haha. 

now: you know how there are just those random people in your life that perhaps weren’t around all that long or maybe they had an impact on you that you only realized later? or maybe you just never shared with them how much they meant to you, because you didn’t even know. so there are a couple of those i’m going to bring up here (no names). 

starting with one - a friend from my NYC juice bar days, we spent many a wintery days and hours cooped up in that tiny shop kicking ass honestly with grade A difficult customers. she was one of my favorites to work with - so fun to laugh, with gossip with, just share a space with. i have so many fond memories of night shifts there, snow falling outside the windows. people coming in for smoothies at 10:45pm making us wonder what the fuck? 

she was stunning, tall, beautiful effortless skin and bone structure and all that, she just glowed. she was always lifting up other girls around her while shaming herself. i get it, that’s just what we do, that’s what I do. but fact is she was a straight 12/10 no question. anyways, we lost touch. we all know how that whole restaurant went down in sad flames with our owner locked up at rikers (if you don’t know of the psycho saga via vogue’s coverage, and want to hear a first-hand account, that’s for another day, it’s honestly a fun one to tell). so all the people in my life from the restaurant, who were what felt like home to me in NY, kind of faded out with time.

anyways, she’s one of those people for me that still pops into mind from time to time and i just wonder what she’s up to and miss her. so today in my idle morning of moping around, she popped into mind and a quick social media search led me to find her humble page and podcast she’s just recently started - and i ended up listening to a couple episodes because, lord knows i’m a podcast nerd. but i had a chance to hear her story and how much i didn’t know of her background when we were friends back then, and what a light she still was to those around her was pretty amazing.  she did say that her time in nyc was a bit of a blur that’s hard to remember because she was struggling at the time. it hurts my heart to know that, but at the same time i definitely can relate. generally i’d say living in nyc, as a student or not, can feel very isolating and while i have a lot of very vivid memories and recollections, a lot of that time is also a blur for me now the more distance i get from it. 

anyways, so kind of reflecting on all that this afternoon while mozy-ing around in bed was one part of today’s journey. one bit that was also huge was hearing her talk about her overeating/binge & restrictive eating disorder during that time, which is something i’ve tried to vocalize to my friends and family and even doctor but generally isn’t taken all that seriously. when in fact these habits i haven’t addressed are probably the most crucial detriment to my health. it turns out there’s such a thing as overeaters-anonymous. like AA but for people with compulsive eating problems. that’s 100% me, so this was a HUGE discovery today for me that something like this exists. i’m not going to say i’ll walk straight into a meeting this second, but i’m definitely interested. as carly whose lived with me for the last 3 years could easily tell you better than anyone else, i have a hell of a fucking problem and i don’t even know if i understand it fully myself.

part 2:

coincidentally, around mid day I happened to get a text from an old NY roommate, someone I hadn’t heard from in over a year probably, so it was pretty out of the blue. I always perceived her to be like an older sister figure, a funny lady from Malaysia with a heavy accent and a strong attitude, doing her best to fit into American culture, dating apps, heavy into the astrology shit, and all. Anyways, she hit me up because she was concerned she couldn’t find me on social media anymore (quickly resolved) and she mentioned that she enjoyed seeing my DIY stuff on IG stories and that it was serving as inspiration for some future business she’s been envisioning once she gets out of corporate life in Pittsburgh, PA. It was all endearing and sweet. i have heard from friends before that my IG could be turned into something more if i wanted to, but i’ve never had the heart to put more structure to things that just feel like natural parts of me that i want to remain free, if that makes sense. but it’s still nice to know that out there somewhere in pennsylvania the random things i do in my kitchen and share into the IG ether can serve as a little inspo for a roommate from 5 years ago. also it was just a nice reminder to self that in the same way i have these people i admire and root for and wonder about from a distance, maybe there’s room for me to be someone like that for somebody else i’ve crossed paths with. that makes me happy. 

So, part 3: hello, Adele.

i haven’t been shy about admitting the last couple months have been a struggle for me. basically since turning 25. even leading up to the big number, all year really i’d been kind of dreading what this age meant. it just feels like it’s gotta be messy whether i want it to be or not. considering every prior year has been a positive & fairly steady uphill climb, i figured at some point i’d have to pause/break/falter. don’t ask me why, age has always been something i’m glued to. (it’s funny because i don’t own a clock, the one watch i have is tucked into my wedding planner e-kit and only comes out on those days. given my job title and being a virgo and all, time has oddly never been a day to-day concern for me. (those who know me know i am never on time for anything, sorry) but i’ve always been hyper concerned about my age and the expectations (self imposed, inescapable) that come looming with it*. so birthday season usually is just a very introspective time every year where i evaluate where i’m at, the progress i’ve made, what’s holding me back, what i’m proud of, what i’m not proud of. 

*quick side story, the person i’ve dated all year always would say our age difference was nothing. but that statement always irked me because it’s far from the truth. every year 20, 21, 22, 23, 24 i’ve felt i’ve learned exponentially about myself and grown. so yeah, there’s a HUGE difference, emotionally/self-awareness, all that, between 22 and 25 if you ask me. like bless my early 20′s for being stoned fun & shit, but girl’s been putting in work too ya know?

anyways, back on track: come time for my birthday this year i didn’t really want to think too hard about it and just wanted to have fun, and i did! it was definitely one of the more fun/eventful birthdays i can recall. 

but now, 2 months post-birthday, fresh off of a break up, I’m beginning to see more clearly why I pushed all that usual introspective evaluation under the rug. essentially it’s what i’ve done all year, pretending 22 - 25 is nothing, and that all the work i’d done to get here was whatever. i’d taken steps back self-esteem wise, kind of let my work fall by the wayside just as something to do and not something i was excited about (which is more my norm), and i realize i wasnt being present in the right ways to friendships that mean the most to me. All in favor of some shiny beacon of excitement, being sucked into this vortex of conditional relationships*  and “fun” where i frankly just had no place being.

*linked there ^ is a stellar article, when you’re ready for it

THANK GOD FOR MY FRIENDS. seriously i don’t say this enough. I have been FREAKING BLESSED by the people who choose to be in my life. like fuck yo i know it’s FACT i have not been the most pleasant to be around or hear from this year but the true ones persisted and showed me love when I needed it most, were there for me constantly through all the thick of it and still are. like those calls every day just to chat about what the fuck ever, those random “i’m thinking of you’s” and “let’s hangs” mean so much to me in my isolated world of working from home and just being a general homebody type. let me just promise to all of you once i’m out of this present messiness, that I’ll be back on track. i’ve hated being that girl, i’ve heard myself, and i’ve hated it. so while I’ve been kind of MIA morphing into something i haven’t been proud of, thank you to every single friend who’s reminded me there was still something here worthy of your time and your energy and your attention.

*now, much less saving me, I get to start showing up for you guys better too. 

i’ve explained this to close friends before who have experienced it with me - psychedelics are one of my favorite ways to get a grip on my life. of course, i understand their role in fun experiences too, but i’ve always valued it first and foremost as a powerful mind-opening tool. (so naturally, i adore michael pollan’s latest book “how to change your mind”.) when i’m feeling overwhelmed or at a crossroads or muddled, i’ve found it to be the most affective way for me to tune into myself, see things with a fresh perspective, and commit to the choices i need to. 

so having been on a fucking ride with these breakup emotions, knee deep in self-pity, not knowing what to make of the past year, past month, past week, & where i’m at... i was like, 

why the fuck not?

just what i needed on a night to myself to give my soul a fucking cleanse. it’s a convenient weekend to have the house all to myself. read: a good place to be singing at the top of my lungs haha and doing whatever the fuck my single ass wishes all night. somehow along the way, i managed to cook up a pretty A+ tikka masala sauce and prepped a brussel sprouts salad for a dinner with friends tomorrow night, don’t ask me how. i’ve had a spiritual fucking connection to every single song on this Adele 25 album, obviously. idk why it hadn’t occurred to me until doing this that i’m now 25 listening to this album :) so all of this is to say:

Thank you, Adele.

for being a girl i can identify with who marks progress with age, unabashedly tunes into her emotions, and provides breakup comfort like no other. even though i refused to listen to this album until like a year ago

(also can we just take a moment to appreciate that Adele posted this on her own IG profile)

Thanks to those who aren’t necessarily at the frontlines of my life, but have a place in my heart, whether you know it or not, and bring forth some amazing shit or tune in at the right times.

Thank you, most sincerely, to each and every one of my friends that I won’t name here. 

Close and far, you’re the ones pulling me out of a drudge of a year where I lost myself and you’re reminding me what I love to do and who I am and it feels good to get a footing again. 

~ ciao, finally @ 1:43am.

p.s. below is THE picture of what i’ve been like for the last couple weeks ~ can always count on a new girl reference to have my back heheh

*we can also mark this as the night where i FINALLY get over my weird thing about not liking “Hello.” That shit’s a fucking masterpiece who was i to say anything otherwise hahaha