#Gerard is literally a year younger than my mom and also I'm ace as hell that person has always been dad figure to me

[awesomefroggy]

what's going through my head: when I was 13 my best friend picked up CDs at the library exclusively based on how much she thought it would piss off her parents. She picked up some that had bloody art and skeletons on them, ripped them to her computer and then deleted the tracks she didn't like. We'd listen to them together and I fell earnestly in love with all of it, to the point of "being cringey about it" because genuinely loving anything was cringey when you're 13 and edgy. I saw a bunch of people who were just like me though: awkward and creative and nerdy, who built vast worlds and got really really into the things they cared about. They talked about fantasy books I'd read and played games that I liked and they loved and cared about all of the people who came to see them. I saw a lead singer who was hurting and struggling and trying desperately to find a way to get better and I didn't know why at the time but I understood that even then. I spent all of high school writing their words on my arms and using their music to block out a world that I didn't understand, that was too loud too bright too confusing too much all the time. And later on when they came out as using they/them I didn't think about it too hard other than "Hey good for them!" And now I'm 25, non-binary, working at a comic and games store, getting help, learning how to cope with a world that is still too much, feeling better and better every day. I saw a side by side gifset of that lead singer, one of him at what was described as his lowest point saying "I'm gonna get better", and one of him from the last week smiling and happy and healthy and full of joy. I still want now what I wanted at 13: to sit down, have a coffee with them, and talk about comics and wizards and world building. But I now also want to just look at him and say "We did it. It's so fucking hard but we both did it. You continue to show me over and over that the kind of person that I've always wanted to be is possible, and from the bottom of my heart thank you."

what comes out of my mouth: bestie help I'm crying over Gerard Way again