#GOD the way xie lian loses his temper for a /half a minute/ bc he's spent centuries in silence about this | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

radiantmists · 10 months ago

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man especially having now read the flashbacks i think about how hard xie lian always tries and how many people have told him that he tries too hard, that he never should have bothered and that doing so made things worse, or even more commonly just hating on him for not fixing things or being arrogant or whatever they think his problem is. and some of those people are probably even coming from caring places!

but before hua cheng, had anyone ever sat next to him and said, you tried and that's good, it matters that you cared, you did your best. nobody could have done better than you.

how badly must xie lian have needed that?

#tgcf #tian guan ci fu #heaven official's blessing #the donghua is making me emotional #this arc made me emotional in the books but what can i say people crying in my ears makes it worse #GOD the way xie lian loses his temper for a /half a minute/ bc he's spent centuries in silence about this #got stabbed through the chest and buried alive to preserve lang qianqiu's heart #and now it's all destroyed #and then the second he realizes that he did something as mild as shout at the person responsible #he breaks down apologizing??#and like. its funnier with the romance parts later but its the same thing #xie lian is still human he can't stop himself from feeling or reacting to things #but he can hate himself for it. he can apologize for ever mildly inconveniencing someone else with his humanity #i don't think he internalizes what hua cheng says here at all #but. at least someone SAID it #at least someone told him what he did mattered and what he intended was worth something #after all that time #and like. you wonder how he can be so cheerful all the time usually despite all the shit that happened to him #but it's because he thinks he deserves every bit of it!!#i feel for hua cheng on a spiritual level i would also move mountains for this poor man if i could

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