#For now I'll chill a little and approach writing again during night when I don't see the oogli weather outside

[enjomo-arch]

Hii friends a lil psa. Since Winter season is approaching so is my writer block due to shitty weather all day making me really slow, unmotivated and shit. So I'll just take it easy there and I'll be posting replies less frequently until I make my way outta the block. I'll try to still post like 2 things at least to slowly make my way out or maybe work on replies during lazy shifts in work. ♥️ thank you for understanding. I'll leave also my dis.cord if you wanna add me to chat about muses maybe that will also spark me some ideas. the name is kyokaen.

[reallyghostlypost]

Quick Halloween Maze fic!

I wrote this really fast, so sorry for any mistakes. I had this idea when I mentioned monsters with candy in their heads so I used that. I'll write about some other monsters next (and hopefully actually let them appear in the fic). I might terrorize Isaac with his evil doppelganger!

Lance grabbed an orange juice cup from the table and sat back down. Like all the beverages in the maze it was spiked with strong alcohol, a trap for desperate challengers who either didn't came prepared with their own supplies or failed to bring enough. Now they're forced to either power through their thirst or hunger or they're forced to fight through whatever debuffs the food they eat will give them. He wasn't going to face the strongest monsters though, so he didn't mind the slight dizziness. If anything the heavy warmth was pleasant considering the chill lingering through the maze this late in the night, and conversation with friends and collages was better if everyone was a little tipsy.

Lance glanced back at the entrance towards the candy corn golem arena, it's been a while since anyone passed through. He still wasn't sure if time was passing differently in the maze or it was just easier to lose track of it with all the excitement, and Camilla always avoided giving a straight answer to this question. Lance chuckled remembering just how frustrated Ekon got during that discussion.

Suddenly he perked up. Footsteps could be heard approaching from the maze and he prepared to chat with the newcomer. Thad appeared from behind the thorn hedge looking… actually pretty bad. His left eye was swollen shut, the dark bruise spread over half of his cheek made worse by his pale skin, a cut on his other cheek, dried blood still around his nose and a split lip. Still he grinned cheerfully when he spotted Lance and judging by the way he was walking he really took advantage of all the alcohol laying around in the maze.

"How do you find the maze?" Lance greeted, giving Thad another look. Aside from his face he seemed fine.

"Great! I have lots of fun here and I have enough candy to last me the whole year", Thad plopped himself heavily on one of the empty chairs still grinning happily. "Taking a break from fighting?"

"Waiting for other challengers to come around so we can team up", he took another sip from his cup. A little too sweet for his taste but he wanted to save the water and tea he has on him for people who actually needed it.

"Why? What's in the next room that's dangerous enough for you to want to team up?" Thad raised his eyebrow at him and then cranked his neck trying to look past the corner into the arena.

Lance chuckled. "Oh, I'm not here to compete in the maze. I'm just helping others defeat some more difficult challenges and offer them supplies if they need it". He then pointed to a bag behind his chair.

"Really?" Thad drawled. "Waste the whole holiday just to help others? How did we ended up together again?"

"Someone needs to balance out your selfish tendencies". Lance relaxed back in his chair.

Thad rolled his eyes amused and started rooting through his backpack. Eventually he pulled up two life elixirs and a mana one. "Here, add these to your stack, maze hero".

He picked the bottles and studied them, they were actual elixirs not traps. Large bottles also, not the small samples you can get from weaker monsters. "Useful supplies in this quantity are rare in the maze. What did you kill for them?"

"Nothing, I found them on the floor in an empty room, along with some candy. Which is why I'm giving them away, technically they aren't mine. And I'm sure you can find a better use for them than me", Thad shrugged. Lance winced thinking about the state of the adventurer that needed to be teleported out of the maze.

"Still they could be useful for you, are you sure?" He hesitated but grabbed his bag when Thad shrugged again.

"I can fight my way through this maze without some dubious help. Fuck your money Lance, I don't need it!"

"It's candy", he chuckled again, but placed the handful of candy back in the bag. "Most challengers would love to get some more rare candy considering the difficulty of the maze".

"I already have lots of those chocolate balls". Thad reached for the melon juice. "What even is in this things anyway?"

"Gin, technically. But the apothecary team never manages to get the taste right", Lance laughed. Every year the gin tasted differently, there were even bets about it. "Are you sure you should drink more? You already tripped on the way to the table".

"Everything went well up til now, and what's a party without getting drunk?" Thad just threw his head back drinking the whole cup at once.

He looked amused as Thad winced when the alcohol touched his split lip. "Really? What happened to your face then? You didn't look like that this morning".

Thad laughed at the question, his good eye sparking with joy. "You know those those tall things made of darkness with jack-o-lantern buckets as heads?" Lance hummed in confirmation. "I didn't thought they can headbutt that hard. Everything went black for a few seconds after one got me I and had to stumble away to recover. Then I hit a pole with my face as I was trying to get away". Thad grinned proudly, "still killed them all after".

"At least you're having fun", Lance too laughed at that. "Also take this bottle of water, you never come prepared for anything".

"What? I could've used the elixirs I gave you if I needed to sober up", Thad eyed the bottle but didn't move.

"Elixirs aren't enough when you drink, you still need water". He pushed the bottle against Thad's chest.

Thad sighted and finally grabbed the water. "Fine I'll take it, but you know I'll probably pass it to someone else as soon as I can".

"At least keep it until you face the monsters in the next room, then decide if you need it or not." Lance placed his bag back on the floor.

"What exactly is there that needs this much preparation?" Thad gestured to his bag.

"Hmmm, telling you would be cheating. New challengers have to figure stuff out on their own the first time."

Thad rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah. I forgot about that".

"We can still team up though, as long as you don't know what to expect when you pass through that doorway", he wasn't sure if letting Thad fight alone was a good idea, considering his drunken state.

"Nah, keep your strength to help others who need it more. I'll be fine on my own". Thad got up swaying a little while Lance looked at him worriedly.

Just then Scyther turned the corner and greeted at him, then glared when he spotted Thad.

"I'm not teaming up with the farmer. You two go ahead, I would actually like to win some prizes for tonight not babysit some weakling". Lance sighted at that and Thad poked his tongue out, turning towards the arena.

"I'll go. Talk to you after." He patted Lance's shoulder then went through the doorway.

Scyther approached the table still glaring a little. "A little too confident for his first time. Which are these? The bats or the golems?"

"The candy corn golems. Need some supplies?" Lance grabbed his bag again.

Scyther started rooting through his pockets. "Yes please, what have you got?"

[hyunjilicious]

A/n: this request is from my secondary blog. I made a post asking for ideas and concepts, but I decided I'd better post them here!! The call is still open tho!! Send me stuff! I'm not sleeping tonight so let's talk!!

Summary: kinda what the request says, but I was a bit off.. sorry. Shoot me an ask in case you didn't like this one and I'll write it again! 1.1K

As the years passed and reality was becoming so much harder to ignore, you had to come face to face with the fact that no matter how much you lied to yourself, you couldn't keep avenging forever. The first step you took - and probably the most difficult one, was moving out. You found yourself a cozy studio apartment to call home, and despite not missing any missions, it still felt tremendously better to know you had a life outside of the compound.

But it was hard. The days were lonely and nights even more so. You busied yourself, making up stupid excuses for missing out on movie nights and coffee dates with whichever colleague decided to approach you. You'd only see them on the field, and even though it hurt to some extent, it was what you needed. 

This rhythm didn't last too long, though. About two weeks after you moved, in the middle of the night, a loud knock at the front door woke you up. It turned out to be Bucky, who just like you, expressed his need to break out of the tedious routine and heavy atmosphere at the compound, and since he didn't have anywhere to go, he counted on you to provide him with a safe space to gather himself. And you were more than happy to.

That time, he stayed over for two days, and then he returned to his home. But then another two weeks passed and he was back. And two nights at your place turned into three, and 2 weeks at the compound turned into one. Before you knew it, you were cohabiting in what was probably the most peaceful manner you considered possible. 

And then it was just a matter of time until you'd get your own missions - just you and Bucky, working towards a common pace that kept you both safe and grounded. It didn't feel like work anymore, and soon, he didn't feel like just a friend anymore either. 

Weeks passed and this was the new normal. You shared an apartment and were partners on and off the field, even if none of you had the guts to word it yet. And everyone accepted it too, and in the end, the time had come for a small get together. For the sake of it all, you invited the rest of the avengers over to drink and have a good time, and it was probably the best time you had with them in years. Some time away did you more than just good.

But now it was 3am, and you and Bucky were left to deal with the aftermath of the small gathering that had actually never been just that. Soon after Thor walked through the door, the atmosphere turned hazardous and what you had there was no longer a chill night in, it was a full blown party, that right now, you were nowhere in the mood to clean after.

"What are you doing?" you laughed as you felt a weight on your shoulder, realising seconds after that it was Bucky's forehead.

"Let's finish cleaning up tomorrow" he whined, before straightening his back.

He reached forward and turned the water off, lazily wrapping his arms around your body and tucking his face in the crook of your neck.

"I can finish up here. Go to sleep" you offered, mistaking his demour for fatigue.

"No" was all Bucky said before pulling you back and turning you around in his hold. He held you tightly against his chest, silence settling around the two of you.

The playlist that had been playing during the party was long forgotten, his music library now on shuffle. There was a slow 80s song filling up the room, its soft beat and relaxing jazz line accentuating the cozy atmosphere that had settled around your apartment.

"You ok?" you mumbled, trailing your still wet and covered in dish soap fingers across his jawline. 

Bucky looked up at you with a droopy smile on his lips. His eyes were hooded, more closed than open, but their color was so vibrant, holding more life in them than you ever seen before.

"I'm good" he nodded before hesitatingly going in for a kiss on your forehead.

You couldn't help but giggle to yourself, ears ringing as butterflies took over your whole body. You were lost and had no idea how to act. This wasn't a version of him you knew. 

When his hands dropped from your back to your waist, holding you steadily in front of him, you bowed your head, too shy to look at him anymore.

"Don't like dancing?" he asked. He didn't sound hurt, more like amused, and ready to drop the action in case you expressed that that was what you wanted.

"I do, I do" you shook your head and clumsily placed your hand on his shoulders, allowing him to guide you. What you were doing wasn't dancing, no one could call it that, but it was sweet and intimate. The way he held you close, his eyes full of admiration watching closely every change in your expression as he carefully guided you to follow him. All you did was spin in small circles around the kitchen at a ridiculously slow pace.

The floor was a mess, salsa sauce and spilled wine everywhere, but you kept going, caught under his spell.

You never thought about it before, but the love that was so undeniably plastered on his features was proof of the goodness that had been hidden inside his heart for so many decades. He was finally happy, you could see that. But still, he was holding back.

With your heart all the way up in the back of your throat, you wiped your palm against your jeans and then brought it up to his cheek. Bucky instantly leaned into your touch, his eyes fluttering close as a smile spread across his lips.

"Tell me" you whispered.

"Tell you what?" 

"There's something on your mind" you cleared. The little specks of fear in the blue of his eyes were confirmation of that. "You can tell me"

"I love you" Bucky confessed much faster than you expected.

You never thought you'd actually hear those words again, but they didn't surprise you. It wasn't out of nowhere. He had shown you how much he cared about you time and time again, he never worded it before, but he hadn't hidden it either. 

And when your lips finally pressed again his, a new wave of life washed over you. Years of pent up emotion dripped from his tongue onto yours as you molded your bodies together, gathering each other as close as possible. Your eyes watered, but no tears fell. You were overwhelmed in the best kind of way, your chest full and your heart, finally calm.

It was not clear who pulled away first, but immediately after, you pushed yourself up on your tiptoes, your lips against his cheek as your fingers curled into the material of his shirt. "And I love you"

-

I'm always open to more ideas!! Hmu!!

[mymemoirs]

Unrecorded Memories and Missing Taiwan #8

This is gonna be my last post for this series because I am left with only one week worth of story. Yes, my 2018 summer exchange story is coming to an end. I'm so glad it's going to be over because there's so many things I want to write in my next post.

32) Monday came and each groups presented their presentation in front of the class. My groupmates and I presented our presentation. It went smoothly and there were no real pressure compared to my AI presentation. Unlike the AI presentation, there was no grading for our presentation and thus no recognition of who's the best presenter in our class. Well, I think this way we can just be neutral and enjoy everyone's presentation. Although, to be honest, I can't remembered any of the presentations during this class compared to the AI class.

Okay, this is really out of context, but I have to admit that the Indian students I met are confident and good presenter. One presenter in particular presented like Steve Jobs. His talk is inspiring and full of hope (well, his expressions especially) even though he's just explaining about an AI that creates lyrics for music.

Now, back to topic *laughs*. So, after everyone in the class finished their presentation, I think we were dismissed quite early. I don't really remember what I did that day. The only clue I have of that day is a photo of the 7-Eleven near the campus. I think knowing well that I will miss that place, I just took a photo of it for my memorabilia. Well, sure enough, I do missed that convenience store. They have everything! I always bought my breakfast there. Sometimes I even have my lunch or dinner there. It's such a memorable place. I really love how the convenience store really depicts 'convenient' very well. It's very different from the convenience store in my country. Oh, and I think it's open for 24 hours. Like, seriously, this is too convenient!

7-Eleven store besides Asia University Campus. Look at that infinite supply of foods with chairs and tables. I just love so many selections of foods to choose, I really miss Taiwan's 7-Eleven.

33) On Tuesday, our professor suddenly told us that we were going to have a campus tour. So, off we go around the campus with our professor as the tour guide. It's not like we don't explore the campus but after the tour, I realize how big the campus is and how little exploration I did. There were so many places, BEAUTIFUL places around the campus. But the only thing I did whenever I finished classes was to go back to my room and rest. I don't really explored much except when I get lost. I also didn't visit other friends in different dorm buildings which is located quite far from my own. Now, that I think back, it's really too bad that I don't do much exploring but that's also one of the reason why I would still want to go back to Taiwan if I had the chance. I'm only in Taichung before and there were a lot of cities in Taiwan I haven't explored yet. I'll love another chance to explore the country.

The first half of our class (before lunch) was spent on touring the campus. After that, on the second half of our class, we went to an art museum in Asia University. I think our professor was out of ideas on where to take us and since most of us never visited the art museum that was actually located in the campus. He suggested that and we all went along, although, we must pay for our own entrance fee to enter the museum. However, I think it was discounted. I vaguely remembered paying 100 NTD for that.

The museum itself is called "Asia Museum of Modern Art" located in Asia University's premises. I actually had to pass through the museum every time I went back to my dorm. It have this amazing architecture that's also one of its selling point in my opinion. The architect of the building is a Japanese man named Tadao Ando. I just have to go gaga on him after searching more about him and his works. What a talented man he is! It even shows in the museum I went.

He's a King of Concrete because his works mostly uses concretes and the museum I went was made of concrete. It was also not painted and that's really interesting to see a building not painted but still exudes such a classy and modern look. There's also one spot in the museum that's very popular. Since the building is triangle, the corner of it have this eye fish effect if we took a picture from that corner. Just take a look at this picture below!

In one of the corners in Asia Museum of Modern Art.

As you can see, being in the corner allows people to see both sides of the wall, making an effect of using a wide lens or fish eye lens. I saw Tadao Ando's other work too in the internet and I am officially a fan of his work now. He really have piqued my interest in the world of design. I'm in love. *laughs*

Since it was an art museum, there were a lot of art works ranging from pottery, paintings to very abstract object. According to the guide, the museum have different arts displayed there depending on the exhibitions. I don't really remember what exhibition or what theme I am seeing when I went there but I was mostly focused on the architecture of the buildings. Walking around and seeing people taking pictures. I don't really take pictures which is kind of a bummer but I don't think I feel comfortable asking people to take a picture of me. Most of my pictures are taken in a group or by my classmate's initiative.

I took a picture of this because of the meaning behind the words which is very simple but deep. You read it downwards and from right to left, it would be translated as: "In Beauty, there are great pain and ecstasy"

34) After our trip to the museum, we can go back to our dorm. That Tuesday was actually the last night for my roommates since their classes had finished. So, we decided to eat outside and find a cafe where we can chill near the campus. The campus is actually very convenient since there's a lot of shops near it. I actually enjoyed eating around there to be honest. Ah, now I really miss my student's life. Hahaha.

When we went to the cafe, we ordered waffles and shared it among the four of us. While we were eating, the cafe owner suddenly approached us and offered another serving of waffles for free. That is actually quite surprising for us but we received it with delight. Who wouldn't like a freebies right? However, I had a feeling the reason we got that free waffle was because my roommates were attractive. Or maybe it's just because we were new customers and he wanted to gain repeating customers. Which is me *laughs* cause I brought another friends to that cafe again but we weren't lucky to receive a free waffle again. Oh yeah, the name of the cafe is 唯享时刻 (Enjoy Moments) which have a very cute exterior. I think that's the reason why the four of us is interested to try out that cafe.

Anyway, while being on the topic "being treated/ getting freebies" cause you're attractive, it's only when I went to Taiwan that I do saw this kind of thing. I mean back in my country, it's really rare to see my friends being treated or offered by strangers 'cause we're really scared if that actually happens. Heck, I even saw it twice happening with my roommates since one of my roommates were especially attractive. Aside from the cafe, there's this one time when we went to a minimart to buy our breakfast for tomorrow. The cashier actually didn't charge one of my roommate for something she brought it was as if he was treating her. It was actually amusing for me to witness that, their conversation goes like this:

Cashier: *scans barcode of the stuff, leave out an item and then says the price*

Roommate: Um, you forgot to scan the banana.

Cashier: Oh, no, it's alright. It's for you.

Roommate: Um, okay... *while giving the money* Thank you.

This is not really the exact conversation since I forgot if the cashier even said anything at all about giving it to her. I am not beside or behind her when this happened and I remembered the cashier being meek but he was definitely attracted to my friend. Because after going out of the minimart, the rest of my roommates who also went to the same class with her, tease her and said that this is not the first time the cashier treated her. And I think that's also part of the reason why they chose to shop at that minimart.

Last picture together before my roommates leave Asia University.

Anyway, back to to the cafe moment, I was really sad that we had to part ways tomorrow. Iris and Karen were going to stay in Taiwan for a while but they will go to a different cities tomorrow. Vincy, on the other hand, will be going back to Hong Kong. I can't remember every conversation we had, but I do miss them from time to time. I don't know if they feel that way towards me because our meeting is really such a short period of time and I actually rely on them as my roommates. We still had the WhatsApp group chats but it's always me who initiate the conversation in the group but even if we're not close, they really leave behind such a deep impression on me. I do hope I can meet them again.

35) The next day, on Wednesday, we have our class as usual. Our professor invited other lecturer to teach us about Fintech that day. There weren't much to mentioned for this day except that my roommates all went to their respective destination and we parted ways. I did have the chance to eat my lunch with Vincy before I sent her off in front of the campus. Aaaah, now I really miss them and the moments I had with them but life must go on and that's the thing about making friends across countries. You need to go back to where you belong.

On Thursday, the professor told us that we're going to have a farewell party and ask us to gather in a cafe near the museum. The cafe was actually managed by an alumni of the university and I think that's the reason why our professor wanted us to go there. Although, I don't know if the cafe still exists since it doesn't show up in google maps. With the pandemic that's happening, I felt it cause businesses to go bankrupt but at the same time new kind of businesses went viral during the pandemic.

During our farewell, everyone is having a light snacks and coffee, conversations, picture taking, etc. I don't quite remembered how the event unfolds in the Entrepreneurship and Creativity class farewell compared to the AI class farewell. I think the professors only gave some short speech and we also watch some videos before we received our certificates. The owner of the cafe also gave her speech about the cafe which really fits our class.

Receiving the certificate of completion from the professor.

After the farewell party, everyone is free to go. I usually hang out with my Thai friends when I'm on this class but instead of going out with them, I went out with my classmates who came from the same university as I am. It's funny that I only get close with them on the last day. I think they've told me that they felt I was not really approachable especially since I always hang out with my Thai classmates. I don't really deny that because I personally felt the time is so short to be friends with everyone and I'm the type to focus on one group of friends rather than getting along with everyone which I think is impossible for introverted me.

It's a good thing that I do get along with them eventually. I am also grateful that they invited me to go out with them 'cause I don't think I'll go anywhere that day if they didn't invite me. Although, initially I think they just invited me to get a picture together in front of the campus as the representative of our university. After that, they find me approachable enough to ask if I had any plans and would like to join them. Since I love travelling and am not the type to plan most of my days, I gladly accept their offer.

So, off we go to their dorm since they had to take care of some stuff (like preparing to go out, do a little packing, pray, etc). Since, I'm ready to go out and have done most of my packing, I don't mind going along with them to their dorm. It's also the first time I visited other dorm buildings aside from my own. Their dorm rooms are actually quite different compared to mine. They had inner toilet in their rooms while in my dorm the toilet is outside of our rooms. While I am there watching them, one of the classmates actually offered to do some makeup on my face and I let her do it. Although, I don't really have a picture of it unfortunately.

Me and my classmates from Airlangga University

After that, we went downtown to get our lunch since the food in the cafe is just light snacks. It was quite late when we grabbed our food, I think around 2 or 3 in the afternoon. We went to subways since they're craving for it and I also think it's halal for them. I actually enjoyed talking with them, they're funny and expressive. However, in terms of a travel buddy, I don't think I can get along with them because they only visited shops and more shops to buy the stuff people ask them to. Of course, they charge for it which is very business minded of them but I can see they're struggling with their baggage too.

We were outside for the whole day. Since, I had no makeup remover, I had to follow them to their room to use it. Afterwards, I left their dorm because I had prior plans with two of my Thai classmates (Phoom and Benz) to eat together since this is our last night in Taiwan. I remembered only eating with both of them even though there are other Thai classmates who didn't joined us that night.

While walking to our meeting point, I actually thought how beautiful the night view is around the campus. There were couple of places I went during daylight but it looks so different and beautiful with the lights. The moon was very bright that night too. Tbh, those kind of moments actually reignite my desire to travel again and even during that time I already missed Taiwan. I'm sure people who travel or on a holiday have those kind of moments where they miss holidays even before it ends.

Now, back to our dinner. We ate our dinner in a beef noodle shop near the campus which is actually very popular because it's close to the university and it also tastes quite good. Although, I don't think we can eat that everyday because it's quite costly compared to other available options (around 100 NTD). But when's the perfect time to eat a bit costly dinner than the last day, right? I personally enjoy talking to both of them even though they are much older than me since I knew they were a master's student around their 30s. After eating, we went to a minimart where they bought beers and then we walked back to our respective dorms since my dorm buildings aren't the same with them.

36) Friday, my last day in Taiwan! Everyone who's going back that day went to the meeting point in front of the campus where we will board on a bus that's heading to the airport. We say our goodbyes to the remaining friends who's going to stay, taking pictures together and just spent some time chatting before the bus arrived. Most of my classmates are going back directly to their countries but I was heading to Singapore instead because I have relatives living there.

The moon is so tiny but trust me, it really caught my eyes. Seeing it with your own eyes does feels different.

We all went home that day. It was really a memorable month for me and I am grateful that I get to experience all of this. I have always wanted a student exchange experience while still balancing my college life and this opportunity came through. Having this summer exchange on 2018 was one of the best highlights I had during college. While on the plane back home, I sat near besides the window and I was able to see a full moon shining brightly and beautifully. Although my phone didn't do much justice to the grandeur I saw, I really wanted to share with everyone the picture of it to end this series.

- Reina

PS. Thank you for reading this series, if anyone ever read it. I really appreciate it. Even though there are certain events or timelines that I'm not completely sure of, I find writing and sharing about the memories I had in Taiwan as a fond thing to do because it's really a memorable one that I just had to write about it. I also find this process - digging up past memories - to be a good exercise for my brain.

[rogue-barnes-16]

HEAL ME (part IX/X)

Summary: she was a nurse. He was a soldier. They fell in love at first sight. It was beautiful, true love. But something isn’t beautiful because it lasts.

Pairing: 40's!Bucky Barnes x nurse!Reader

Title: You'll never know

Genre: hypocritical fluff

Tags:

Heal me: @just-add-butter @mannls @bethanyzed @fandom-addict-aesthetics @kitttysblog @roxytheimmortal @futuremrspeterparkerholland @i-am-a-fandom-slut @mrsbarneswillseeyounow @chook007 @avengersassemblee @littlephoenix-fire @androgynouswolfcookiemug @babyplutoszx2 @calspalkira @unnecessarydelivery @-lilacnialler- @silver-winter-wolf

Permanent taglist: @notexactlythatgirl @thisismysecrethappyplace @sofreakinmanyfandoms @pizzarollpatrol @bubblycypress87 @almostmellowsalad @loislp @lovenaturefirst @dyanna-corona @2ptonpt @goodnightmode @disneyprincessbuffyannesummers @mannls @cutie1365 @catch22inareddress @mybooradley @sebastianisasnack @butifulsoul125 @unlikelygalaxygiver

Warnings: language, angst, death

A/N: if you got this far, you just know you're about to suffer. If it makes y'all feel better, I suffered writing it, too so yeah, we're even. Hope you "enjoy" it lol <3.

Heal me masterlist

Rogue-barnes-16 masterlist

STEVE'S P. O. V.

I sighed, arms crossed over my chest while my mind roamed the pros and cons of Bucky's request. "She's gonna get mad." I finally replied, lifting my eyes to look at my bestfriend. "She's gonna get really mad, Buck."

"C'mon Steve." he whined, taking a couple of steps in my direction. "I didn't ask for anything in all this time, now I need ya to do me this favor and you're gonna say no?"

I shook my head no. "that's the thing, pal, 's not a regular favor." I peaked at our sides and lowered my tone to speak again. "You're asking me to leave our nurse out of this mission."

"alright, Stevie. Tell me ya think she's needed in this mission." he retorted, slowly building up a point that I knew I wouldn't be able to take down. "Let's say someone gets hurt, what do we do? We take whoever it is all the way back to the cliff?" I averted my eyes, well aware that he was right. "It's a suicide mission, either we come back with Zola, or we don't come back. So please, leave her out of this one." I pursed my lips, still hesitant about taking that decision. "Steve, for fucks sake, I love her."

I took a moment before responding. "She's gonna hate me."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

READER'S P. O. V.

"what the hell was that?" I questioned, genuinely confused about Steve's decision to leave me out of this one mission, alleging zero reasons. "He can't fuckin' do that without Philips' permission."

"Ya heard him, ya ain't coming." Bucky stated putting on his blue coat without sparing me one single look. "ya ain't needed."

"what the hell is that supposed to mean?" my question held a warning tone, letting him know I didn't like one bit what he was saying.

"we don't need medical assistance in this one." he replied, a little quieter than his voice had been in the previous sentence.

"Suddenly y'all know when I'm needed?" I started to pace.

"Ya heard Steve, doll."

"Yah, and now he's gonna hear me." I made my way to Captain America's tent, but right before reaching it, Bucky’s hand was tugging my arm. "what the hell ya doin' now?"

He only let go when we were far enough from the camp for them to hear us. "It wasn't Steve's idea." he confessed. "I don't want you to come."

"You can't do that." I stated in a growl-like tone. "You can't leave me out of missions 'cause you're scared of losing me." I stepped closer to him, not breaking eye contact for a single second. "you think I ain't scared of losing ya?" I whispered with concern mixing with the anger in my voice. "you think I don't wanna pull your self-deprecating ass outta the battlefield and drag you back to Brooklyn?" he slightly tilted his head to the side, his slate blue eyes roaming all over my body, and getting lost here and there. "But I don't do it, 'cause I know I can't,' cause this doesn't work like that."

"what if you could?" his hushed tone made it seem as if he was about to confess a secret no one knew. "What if it worked like that?" I frowned, not really understanding what he wanted me to. "what if we come back home?"

"What- what d'ya mean?" I muttered, trying not to get any hopes beforehand.

His fingers intertwined with mines hesitantly, and, after licking his lips, a half smile that I had only see the night we met appeared in his gaze. "y'know what I mean." he closed the distance between us, his lips ghosting over mines. "I wanna take ya back to Brooklyn, to a house of ours."

"Bucky..." I could feel my legs shaking as swallowed, trying to calm down before attempting to form a proper sentence. "I... Steve-- what 'bout Steve?"

"That punk got this handled, and Carter got him handled. I've had enough of this bullshit," he murmured, pecking my lips in the most tender way. "I just wanna wake up every day in an actual bed with you besides me. I wan' a future with my best gal that doesn't include war and death."

His eyes, that had been casted down to our feet during his little speech, came back to mine, and to his dismay —and to my damn luck—, I saw the trick. "Ya gonn' ask me to stay out of this mission again, and then ya gonna promise me we'll leave when you come back, don't ya?"

"Doll..." he clenched his jaw, unable to deny that disappointing truth that had just ruined my brief hopes.

"ya think I'm a lil gal?" I inquired, pulling away from him. "you'll come back, and we won't leave, I'm not stupid James."

"Please trust me on this one." he pleaded, with pain in his voice, the same pain that was making my heart clench, the pain caused by the fact that what Bucky had just described was impossible. "Please Y/n... Why can't ya trust me?"

"Fuck 'cause it's been more than two years and you're still protecting Steve, not giving a fuck 'bout your life!" a tear was shed, but I was fast enough to wipe it away.

BUCKY'S P. O. V.

"we both know that when you come back, we're not leaving." she now refused to look at me in the eye, and, even if it hurt like hell, I knew why she wouldn't believe me.

But it was alright, she didn't have to believe me, I thought. "Ya don't take my word? Alright, you don't gotta, I'll prove it to ya." I informed her, trying my best to calm my nerves by gripping the ring in my pocket.

"Stark's already waiting for ya." she mumbled, hugging herself. "Ya better leave already."

I was going to leave, but a chill ran down my spine, and I stepped towards Y/n, taking advantage of her eyes fixed on the plane situated in our left to steal a kiss from her lips.

"I love you." I waited a few seconds for her to say it back, but she didn't. Instead, she kept her eyes shut while a couple of tears ran down her cheeks. "and I know you love me, you don't gotta say it." I said, more to myself that to her, cleaning her tears. "See ya later, doll."

I turned around and, after taking a couple of steps away, I heard a weak whisper, tamed by the anger and the pride. "Come back to me, Barnes."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

READER'S P. O. V.

I hugged myself, standing in the outside of the camp. Not even the way too large for my size coat that belonged to Dum Dum was enough to endure a few minutes in the coldness of that night in London.

I wouldn't have come outside if it wasn't because we had just received a weak, really brief transmission from Gabe, informing us that they succeeded.

That's all he said, that they succeeded. Or at least all he had time to say. That they succeeded.

A minute or so after I had started to freeze out, I saw Stark's small plane preparing to land. I ran towards them, partially because I was so eager to fix things with Bucky —to tell him that I trusted him and I loved him, to assured him I believed him—, partially because I needed the heat provided by a run, even if it was the tiniest.

Gabe and Morita climbed out of the vehicle first, escorting Zola with both of his guns pointed at him. "Take him to the camp, then go straight to the infirmary, will ya?" Morita nodded without looking at me, and Gabe sniffed quietly.

It was then that I hesitated before resuming my approach to the plane, because now it felt as if something wasn't right.

As if the mission had gone wrong.

Since they came back with Zola, that didn't seem possible, but I wasn't able to shake that feeling away.

I wasn't in a rush any longer, because suddenly it came to me that maybe something had gone wrong, that maybe someone wasn't in the plane.

Dum Dum and Montgomery were the next to leave the plane, helping Steve.

Steve who had gotten injured, that was it, nothing else. Then, why couldn't I shake that goddamn feeling off me?

I peaked at the inside of the plane to see only Jaques inside with his face buried in both his hands. He was crying too.

But there was no body.

"Where's Bucky?" I questioned, turning around to face Steve. I double checked him and noticed he didn't have any injuries. "Steve. Where's Bucky." no one answered. "Where the hell is James?!"

"we-" Dum Dum swallowed, holding back his tears. He was the only one who dared to look at my face. "he- he fell off... the train."

The world around me stopped and everything disappeared for a moment.

"what?" I barely heard my own voice.

"he was with Steve and I think a hole..." Gabe's words digged deep into me. I no longer could hear what he was telling me, because Bucky had been protecting Steve.

I didn't think much about it. I couldn't. The next thing I remember was my hand slapping Steve's face with such a force that it made him stumble.

"Are you fucking HAPPY?!" my feet led me to Steve once again, probably ready to hit him again, but I felt a tug on both my arms, holding me back. "HE WAS HERE 'CAUSE OF YOU! CAUSE IN TWO GODDAMN YEARS YOU COULDN'T SEE HE WAS HURTING!!"

"Y/n—"

"and now FUCK- he got killed protecting you' cause that's the only thing he was here for!" I tried to reach him again and I felt another tug. "YOU FUCKIN' DRAGGED HIM HERE! AND YOU DRAGGED ME TOO! AND NOW HE'S DEAD AND THE ONLY REASON I'M NOT 'S 'CAUSE OF HIM"

My voice cracked. Badly. My legs hit the ground. I felt two arms hugging me and I realized it was Jaques when some French words were whispered against my hair.

I came to my senses just to realize I was crying heavily. Steve was too. After a while I would realized how guilty he felt, how bad my words stung his golden heart, but truth needed to be said.

Right?

Maybe not, maybe I was being terribly unfair, but I felt as if I was dying, and my mind was too focused on the regret and the pain, to realize I had made a mistake.