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ishanijasmin · 4 months ago

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fashioning the self: a journey through wardrobe + identity

it’s a sunday afternoon in what i would safely call the early middle of summer. i shove a coat and a suit into a reusable grocery bag, and shuttle it through a heaving euston station. i have twenty minutes to wait for my train because its delayed, so i beeline to oliver bonas to see what’s happening in fashion today (it’s the same thing that’s been happening every time i visited my parents for the past three months. i don’t think i have once successfully bought something at oliver bonas, not for lack of wanting to, but i guess for lack of being able to justify spending £70 on a cardigan. there’s a watermelon-shaped wallet on sale that has me like, surely you wouldn’t be so crass as to make a palestine emoji-themed wallet, but you can never tell with capitalism.) this morning i checked my facebook for the first time in a month and realised my profile picture is from my wedding, which was nearly two years ago. and that led to me going through my profile pictures and cringing at my teenage self, but not changing it because summoning the emotional energy to go through my photos and potentially upload something would be saying that i still care about facebook and i don’t know if i want to do myself like that.

i don’t know if it’s the dopamine window shopping trip, the woman next to me whose sparkly outfit i compliment, the hate scroll, the empty seat at the euston station piano that i half-contemplate filling, or the fact that i feel increasingly unable to represent myself the way i want to in my own body and closet that has me thinking about fashion today. in reality, i’m always half-thinking about it. it’s been something that governed me since i found myself part of the myfitnesspal generation aged 14.

i think sartorial representation is difficult for most folks - the idea that you’ll stumble upon the right combination of clothes and makeup and nail styling and hair and weight and muscle tone and race and gender and ability and you’ll be covetable and interesting and beloved, but like, in an easy and consumable way that raises no queries, and preferably in a way that can be completed in an afternoon. the makeover is a sexy, sexy idea, right? the makeover gives the impression that you can be done. nay, the movie itself gives the impression that you can be done, by the sheer requirement for it to have an ending. i used to feel like my wardrobe could be finished, and around the age of 27 i concluded that it can’t, because i am never finished; the thought of it is nerve wracking and exciting and numbing in equal measure. to never be finished is beautiful, but to still have things to accumulate (and thereby, to shed) is kind of sickening.

the phases i’ve been going through have brought me to where i am, which is kind of loud but also uncertain. i’m wearing silk sweatpants my tailor and friend, kelsang, made for me on commission. these are my latest and greatest attempt to merge my style and my heritage - a mashed up inside joke nod to me spending a quarter of my life in the gym with material i could literally never wear there. and they look good, but i don’t know if they look good on me. last year i opted to get myself a name necklace, inspired by sex and the city’s carrie - but i couldn’t bear to get one in english, so i got one in hindi despite the fact i deliberately skipped learning the alphabet in learning the language. where i am right now has me feeling phony - it really highlights the in-betweenness of my existence, in a way that normcore or only wearing black didn’t really tap into because the only wrong way to go monochrome is not to do it. it also has me feeling boring. i don’t know how to put things together anymore, i don’t feel like i have the right shoes for my outfits, and it feels like i’m leaving the house in a turtleneck and jeans 70% of the time.

this isn’t helped by the suit in my tesco bag being a peacock blue tailored commission from around 3 years ago, that’s seen me through a bunch of stage shows and some particularly extravagant days out. me retiring it to my parents’ house means accepting that this isn’t me right now - i’m not the person wearing a turquoise iridescent suit out and about, just maybe to a wedding once every 3 years. i don’t know who that makes me now. the pieces we abandon, temporarily or forever, the ones that we acquired that don’t fit who we are now or the person we thought we could become—these are all goodbyes, not just to the apparel, but to the person that was or could have been.

yesterday i went to a party dressed as shania twain from man! i feel like a woman, and i put on eye makeup for the first time since my wedding and felt uncomfortable with myself, caricaturesque, because more so than ever, i don’t really feel like a woman. yes, i am growing into my body in a lot of ways, getting stronger slowly, but i found myself on the tube wanting to say, ‘don’t worry! i don’t do this all the time.’ do what—wear poorly applied eyeliner? it’s london and literally no one cares how well your makeup is applied because you can bet they’ve know someone who can do a full face on the central line and compared to that incredible subset of people, we are all bronze medalists in the femme olympics.

all this discomfort and, and every one of us just a ball of neurons in a flesh vehicle. i am ever moving and changing, whatever that looks and feels like: all black or in wild technicolour, long hair or short or shorn or shaven, suit or sari or sundress or sweatpants, showing up. showing up and calling my dad to tell him i’m late and i love him, always steadily coming to terms with my imperfections. leaving my clothes in the liminal storage space of my parents’ garage because i myself stand perpetually in the liminal space between my parents’ house and my own, between who they made me and who i am making myself. to be done is be perfect is to be finished, and when i am finished i will be dust, and there’s some sort of deep relief somewhere in knowing that.

#fashion #long reads #writing #essay #spilled ink #rejects corner

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themagical1sa · 1 year ago

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I'm sorry, stop acting like who- /lh

in tonight's episode of midnights with Isa:

what if he doesn't like me back

#[ 🗣️ | the magical girl speaks ]#[ 🌌 | technologyvoid ]#[ 🌌 | void ]#we r gonna talk!! on friday!! before/after our face-to-face class on campus #also shy ako ayoko mag-first move [Taglish: also I'm shy I don't want to do the first move] /JOKING #as a public jeep sign once said about 'barya' (change money) in the morning:#why would u give ur all if they can't give something back #bakit mo bibigyan nang buo kung hindi naman masusuklian #sheesh 😩 facebook pinoyposting in tumblr at 1 am lets goooo /j

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bbina · 15 days ago

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nawh pano kaya manuyo riize xd

sungchan definitely calls you boss 😭 or ssob HAHHAA “sorry na ssob 🙂‍↕️” “ayaw mo? edi wag” “dejk. sorry na boss eueueue mamatay na ako dito pag hindi kita kapiling” then proceeds to make corny ass jokes that u dont even get ⁉️

anton is so “love talk to me please ☹️” HAHAHHAHA PUTNAGINA KA ‼️ “love papunta na ako dyan sa inyo” “love may dala akong *food* i’m sorry”

wonbin doesnt know how to suyo you 😭 its all “bebu sorry na po 😔 di na po mauulit” (callsign namin bebu ano ba te) so sulky and attempts to baby you. “galit pa ba bebu ko? sowwy na po 🥹” GET UP WONBIN THIS ISNT YOU

seunghan spams u nonstop “bub answer please” “bub nasa labas ako” “bub pinapasok ako ng mommy mo” “bub di ako aalis dito hanggat hindi mo ako kinakausap”

sohee the type to just go silent for a few hours. like ur texting him but he isn’t replying but after a while he gets worried cus u stopped texting so he’s gradually texting u if ur doing okay “ganda.. musta?” “sorry na po ganda 😔” “ganda.. galit ka pa ba sakin? 🥹” YES SOHEE GALIT PA HINDI MO AKO MADADAAN SA GANYAN

eunseok the type to irritate u further but u cant help but laugh cus it gets so ?!?! as the hours pass by. goes from “bahala ka nga. i’ll let you cool down first so we can talk it out properly when you’re not angry at me” to “lods sige na nga. oo na kasalanan ko na nga. sige na baby ko sorry na. patawarin mo na ako” then it goes silent for a while.. only for him to message you again but its a facebook reel about couples na he found #relatable 😭😭

shotaro immediately calls you and reassures you with evetything. drops everything and focuses on u 🙂‍↕️ “mahal, i’m okay. we’re okay” “lets talk this out properly, okay mahal?” “san ka? kain tayo sa labas. sundoin kita” SHOTARO PLZ

#jejemon sungchan we love to see it #mailbox #★.mail: unnamed #★.filo!riize

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oppvenuz7 · 18 days ago

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Hiring the Perfect Event Anchor in Pune: A Complete Guide

When planning an event, the right event anchor can make all the difference. Pune, with its rich cultural heritage and thriving business environment, offers numerous opportunities for various events, from weddings to corporate seminars. But to truly captivate your audience and ensure the event flows seamlessly, an experienced event anchor is essential. This article covers everything you need to know about hiring an anchor in Pune.

Click Here For More Details:https://www.oppvenuz.com/vendors/anchor/?city=pune

Why is an Event Anchor Important?

An event anchor takes on the critical responsibility of engaging attendees, ensuring smooth transitions, and adding professionalism to the event. Here’s how they contribute to the event’s success:

1. Maintaining Event Flow

From opening remarks to the final goodbye, the anchor ensures that everything runs according to the agenda.

2. Engaging the Audience

A talented anchor creates an engaging experience, whether by cracking light-hearted jokes or interacting with guests.

3. Handling Challenges

Even with detailed planning, surprises happen. A skilled anchor remains calm and adapts to last-minute changes seamlessly.

4. Adding Professionalism

For corporate events, professionalism is essential. The right anchor sets the tone for formal events and boosts credibility.

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Types of Events Requiring an Anchor in Pune

Whether it’s a cultural celebration or a business conference, a professional anchor enhances the experience. Here are some key events that benefit from expert anchoring:

1. Weddings and Engagements

An anchor manages pre-wedding festivities like the Sangeet or Mehndi ceremony, ensuring everything stays on schedule while keeping the guests entertained.

2. Corporate Events

From seminars and workshops to award ceremonies and product launches, corporate events need a host who can engage with a professional audience.

3. Concerts and Festivals

Anchors at live concerts or cultural events in Pune keep the energy high, engaging audiences between performances.

4. Award Functions and Product Launches

For award ceremonies and product unveilings, anchors create excitement, ensuring the spotlight stays on the honorees and products.

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Qualities to Look for in an Event Anchor

When hiring an anchor, it’s important to assess these key qualities to ensure they fit your event requirements:

1. Experience in Similar Events

An anchor with experience in your specific event type will understand the nuances and expectations better.

2. Audience Engagement Skills

Look for someone who can read the crowd and adjust their performance to keep the audience engaged.

3. Adaptability

Live events often encounter last-minute changes. An ideal anchor is quick on their feet and adapts without stress.

4. Multilingual Skills

Given Pune's multilingual culture, an anchor fluent in English, Marathi, and Hindi can connect with a diverse audience.

5. Charisma and Confidence

An anchor with stage presence and confidence can command attention and set the event's mood.

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Top Sources for Finding Event Anchors in Pune

Here are some ways to find the best event anchors for your occasion:

1. Event Management Agencies

Pune-based agencies often provide experienced anchors as part of their packages for corporate events and weddings.

2. Freelance Platforms

Websites like Fiverr, Upwork, and social media platforms offer access to freelance anchors with client reviews and portfolios.

3. Social Media Channels

Many professional anchors promote their services on Instagram, YouTube, and Facebook. Watch their videos to assess their style and approach.

4. Recommendations from Networks

Personal referrals from friends, colleagues, or past clients can help you find reliable and talented event anchors.

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- Professional wedding emcee Pune

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Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Q1: What is the cost of hiring an event anchor in Pune?

The cost varies based on experience, event type, and duration. Typically, anchors charge between ₹10,000 to ₹50,000 per event.

Q2: Can anchors in Pune work in multiple languages?

Yes, most anchors in Pune are fluent in Marathi, Hindi, and English, making them suitable for diverse audiences.

Q3: How far in advance should I book an anchor?

It’s advisable to book an anchor at least 1-2 months before the event, especially during the peak wedding or festival season.

Q4: Will the anchor assist with event coordination?

Some anchors offer coordination services in addition to hosting, but confirm this during the initial discussions.

Q5: Can I meet the anchor before hiring?

Yes, most professional anchors are open to pre-event meetings to discuss your requirements and expectations.

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Conclusion

Whether you’re planning a wedding, a corporate event, or a cultural festival in Pune, hiring the right event anchor ensures that your event is a resounding success. With their ability to engage audiences, manage schedules, and handle challenges, anchors are invaluable for creating memorable experiences.

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hunyothinks · 2 months ago

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Entry #3: [20240915] pt.3

When it comes to impression management, I believe there is a difference in how I do it face-to-face, and how I do it online.

When it comes to face-to-face impression management, the way I act depends on who I interact with and how I want them to see me. So when I'm with older people, I usually aim to look respectful and reserved. I say 'po' at 'opo', I dress in more conservative clothes, and I try not to be so loud. When I'm with people around my age naman, I try to look more approachable. I would try to put on a friendly face by smiling and joking around more para medyo matanggal yung serious and awkward barrier when you first meet people.

Iba naman ang impression management online. Iba-iba per social media platform kasi iba-iba din naman ang audiences mo for each of them. Sa facebook, andiyan lahat yan -- mga kamag-anak mo, mga kaibigan mo, mga dati mong kaklase, mga teachers mo, mga kapitbahay mo, mga hindi mo kilala pero kilala ng kilala mo... Basically, kung sino-sino na yan na may connection ka. Hindi rin naman ako masyado gumagamit ng facebook pero it's the first social media account that I am willing to share with anyone kasi yun yung parang nonchalant side ko. Kaya para sakin, I just manage my impression by being selective on what I share on that platform. Hindi ako nagkakalat sa mga posts, hindi rin ako nagmumura, tapos yung mga isshare post ko lang ay yung mga posts na relevant sa school life ko, tulad nalang ng mga performances ko. Very demure, very mindful pa ako sa mga posts ko sa facebook.

Sa Instagram naman, dito na pumapasok yung pagiging estetik. May reputation kasi ang instagram for being the social media platform with the aesthetic posts so todo-effort ang ibang mga fersons diyan. Not me, though. Try hard lang ako. Ang mga audiences ko naman dito ay mga friends ko rin, schoolmates, orgmates, ilang relatives -- mga ka-edad ko and/or mga taong komportable akong makakita ng sneak peak sa personal life ko. Dito naman, impression management comes in tuwing nagiging selective ako sa kung ano ippost or irerepost ko. Most of the time I post for myself para lang madocument kung ano ginagawa ko at that moment, pero siyempre dahil makikita ka ng ibang tao, yung mga pipiliing mong pictures/videos yung mga magaganda tignan. Dapat yung mga pictures maganda kuha tapos yung mukha kang matino para pwede mo i-post. Tapos kung gusto mo magkalat, i-post mo nalang sa close friends mo or sa dump mo HAHJKSHDF kasi ang audience ko lang doon ay yung mga close friends ko so I can be more of my authentic self.

I think the reason why face-to-face and online impression management are so different is because of the time and space in which one interacts with one another. With face-to-face interactions, impressions are formed real-time based on how you dress, how you talk, how you act etc. There are so many nuances in one's body language that you can catch that influences how you see that person. For example, are they able to hold eye contact well during conversations? What kind of language do they use towards you? Do you like the tone of their voice? Maraming factors na nakakaapekto sa impression natin sa isang tao, regardless of whether we are conscious of it or not, kasi we are observing and are being observed in that specific shared time and space.

When it comes to online naman, you don't specifically know who your audience is (unless, of course, they interact with your posts). So the way we impression manage is based on what we post, like, or share. You are only able to form an impression based on what you see. Sobrang filtered na ng nakikita mo online kasi nacocontrol na ng tao kung ano yung gusto niya makita ng audience niya. Hawak niya kung aling mga pictures or videos ang ippost niya, kontrolado niya pa kung sino ang makakakita sa mga post niya, tapos meron din siyang option to delete or hide certain posts. It becomes easier to manage impressions online.

Impression management also varies per social media platform depending on who you are and how comfortable a person is with sharing their personal lives to you. Kung kakakilala ko lang sayo, I would be willing to give you my Facebook account but not my Twitter account. Kung ka-org kita, pwede kita papasukin sa Instagram account ko pero hindi muna sa dump account ko. It really varies on how close you are with a person and how much information about yourself you are willing to disclose with them.

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dawnmore · 8 months ago

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a friday, march 8, 2024

sooooo why do i have a feeling that this diary is gonna have such a big turn

i don't feel the same way for jay ar anymore, and i think i've kinda gave up on ever fixing things between us, wala na akong plano ayusin pa

bap finally admitted to me that he likes trixy, i still jokingly flirt with him from time to time but i don't really think anything's gonna happen

jj is officially now my *just* guy best friend. i don't feel kilig anymore, i don't asa on anything just like before, i'm not delulu anymore thinking that he might have a thing for me

lorenz though is a different species

but he's not the topic

angeline hapin is the topic.

today was the day i came home from our school's camping trip

boy was it a disaster

but before i tell you that, let me tell you about the days prior to today...

a little context is that lately, me and angge have been really close and have been spending a lot of time with each other compared to before

we even gala'd after school one time with lorraine, where we went to buy milk tea tapos may twenty sa ilalim ng bakal, hindi sila nagdalawang isip sungkitin with a suklay. habang tinataas ni angge yung bakal, inaabot ni lorraine yung twenty with a suklay

anyways yeah, me and angge have been close lately

ahem-

monday, march 4, 2024

the day of our thesis defense

not much happened, just me assisting angge while she changed clothes

and having her sit on my lap while she play my billiards game, her immediately getting off once she won- like she realized something and was flustered

tuesday, march 5, 2024

today i was supposed to go grocery shopping with aljhorie and my other tent-mates(?) to buy some snacks for ourselves. but that didn't happen, forgot the reason why lmao

but i still umuwi ng late kasi i wanted na isundo ako ni kem and he wasn't replying so i kept waiting

while that, me and angge were sitting at the back, only a few people were left in the classroom because we didn't really have class, just practice for the camping

nagbabaliw-baliw siya sa kilig dahil dun sa manliligaw niya, tumitili, sumasandal/higa sakin, just being oaoaoa, while she shows me her phone, displaying a facebook story of him looking pogi and wearing something formal,

everyone left in the classroom was looking at her judgementally because of how wild she was being

she gave me a tour of his account, his post, his pictures

after watching a shirtless video of him i asked angge if she wasn't uncomfortable with him posting himself shirtless on the internet

she quickly replied that no, she wasn't. but then told me that she has talked to him about it before.

which is what confused me, because if she has talked to him about it before then it means that she might've not been glad about it, so i don't know why she's acting like it was the most normal thing on earth- because i for one, if my boy was posting himself shirtless i will throw a fucking tantrum

i texted angge that night to remind her na bilhan niya ako nung neckerchief para sa camping

that conversation ended up with me jokingly flirting with her, her flirting back but repeatedly asking me what if she was serious

her saying weird what ifs like: what if gusto kita? what if pinsan ko talaga yun (yung manliligaw niya)

which confused the hell out of me, and that's when i started to take things seriously

taking the conversation to ig to have more privacy, her trying to confess that she likes me, me playing dumb playing it off as a joke

i keep re-reading the conversation, i've almost memorized it like a script by now

wednesday, march 6, 2024

that day, i was nervous to go to school, i didn't know why but the thought of what might happen after last night makes me feel uneasy but also excited at the same time, i was excited to see her, now that i see her in a new light with the new found information

i was getting a lot of attention that day from my classmates, probably because of what I was wearing

sinamahan ko si angge to buy a white board marker because we couldn't find one and she was going to sulat the song for the gsp on the white board.

while we were walking the hall towards the stairs, my crush from prolific biglang lumabas from her classroom as we walking towards it

me and angge were gaying out and i told her how i literally have the fattest crush on her and showed my phone which i had photos of her saved in my gallery

yeaaah maybe that wasn't a good move to do or say to someone who (not yet confirmed) likes me, but hey- it just felt so natural to me because we were feeling the same way about her and we were being so gay that i just felt comfortable

as she bought the marker from the canteen she forgot to bring her money, so i let her borrow mine (note to self: remind angge about her utang one day)

fast forward we're back in our classroom, angge was writing the gsp song on the board, me having loads of energy that i was nagkukulitan with my classmates, went to lea, the boys na dikit ng dikit sakin tapos lumalayo at lumilipat ng upuan because i was feeling self conscious about my interactions with boys ever since the open forum. occasionally being touchy with angge like the clingy little bitch i am and

i gave her the bracelet i was supposed to give jay ar

for me, it symbolizes that i officially over him and that i want to give my heart this time to someone more deserving

the moment i put the bracelet on angeline's wrist, i have made up my mind

forget about jay ar, this time let's focus on someone who fell for me and chose me first

#angeline #angge storytime

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shayariinhindi-themouthwords · 9 months ago

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Welcome to Themouthwords: Your Hub for Joyful Entertainment! 🌟

Greetings and a warm welcome to the Themouthwords family! 🌈 We extend our heartfelt thanks for choosing us as your go-to source for delightful entertainment content. At Themouthwords, our core mission revolves around enriching your life with love, happiness, and an array of engaging posts, including Shayari, Status updates, Quotes, Jokes, and Wishes.

Unveiling Our Purpose 🎉

Our commitment to you is simple yet profound – we aim to brighten your days with uplifting and entertaining content. Through our small but dedicated efforts, we strive to create a digital haven where you can escape into the world of joyful expressions and share a laugh or two.

The Themouthwords Repertoire 📚

Discover the magic within our diverse content offerings:

1. Shayari that Speaks to the Heart ❤️: Immerse yourself in the artistry of words as we bring you soul-stirring Shayari that resonates with the depth of human emotions.

2. Status Updates for Every Occasion 🌟: Whether you're celebrating a triumph or navigating life's challenges, find the perfect status update to reflect your mood and share it with the world.

3. Quotes that Inspire and Motivate 🚀: Let the wisdom of timeless quotes inspire you on your journey, encouraging positivity and personal growth.

4. Jokes to Lighten Your Day 😄: Laughter is the best medicine, and our collection of jokes is crafted to tickle your funny bone and spread joy.

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Your Daily Dose of Happiness 😊🌈

Stay connected with us to enjoy a daily infusion of positivity and entertainment. Follow our social media channels for a steady stream of engaging posts designed to add color to your online experience.

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We want to express our gratitude for allowing us to be a part of your daily life. Your satisfaction is our greatest reward, and we are dedicated to continuously improving and expanding our content to meet your expectations.

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1. Follow Us on Social Media: Join our vibrant community on Instagram and Facebook for daily updates and exclusive content.

2. Subscribe to Our Newsletter: Receive a weekly dose of joy delivered straight to your inbox by subscribing to our newsletter.

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Join the Themouthwords Movement 🚀

Be a part of our journey to spread happiness and laughter far and wide. Together, let's make each day a little brighter, one post at a time.

Once again, welcome to Themouthwords – where joy knows no bounds, and your happiness is our priority. 🌈😊

View More:-https://themouthwords.com/

#mood off

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danica-onlinediary · 2 years ago

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Okay, so after 2 years may update na ako here sa new blog ko. Well in 2 years, yung lalaking sinasabi kong new heartache ko, asawa ko na ngayon :)

Here’s a timeline of our love story to update you:

September 2020

**he was still in Isabela kasi siya naghahandle ng fam business nila pero nagkakausap na kami ng paunti onti. Siya yung naging sandalan and comfort ko nung mga panahong nagluluksa ako sa pagkamatay ni daddy. We never talked about daddy or yung reason why he died before naramdaman ko yung pagcomfort niya sakin unintentionally. Kaya naman I responded to all of his chats and responses sa my day ko sa facebook. Umabot nga ako sa point na kaya every move and kinakain ko, naka my day para lang mag chat siya sakin hehe

December 2020

**naging ‘on the rocks’ yung closeness namin kasi parang naglay-low siya. Yun pala naman, may kausap din siyang iba that time, though he did not pursue her and chose me instead nag overthink ako about sa girl na yun. He stopped responding to that girl’s messages and nag start kami sa ‘landian stage’ namin,

January 2021

**hayan na, nafafall na ako. May mga ‘kiss kita jan’ na kaming sinasabi sa isat isa and parang aware na din kami both na may something saming dalawa.

February 2021

**palala nang palala ang landian ang umabot sa point na PARANG naging magjowa na kami pero wala pang personal interaction, puro sa facebook messages lang. Napapansin ko, humihingi na siya ng assurance(?) or label(?) sa kung anong meron kami. Hindi namin pareho masagot yung isat isa and both nag aalinlangan siguro dahil parehong takot masira ang friendship, and takot na baka isa lang samin yung may nararamdaman, yung isa joke joke lang or kasi bored lang. Umabot kami sa point na since hindi ko masagot sa kanya kung anong meron kami, nanghingi siya ng time (1 week) na walang landian, pwedeng mag usap pero wala something special sa chats. Ayaw kong pumayag kasi baka tinatapos na niya yung kung anong meron samin kaya ganon hanggang sa wala na akong magawa at pumayag nalang kasi medyo cold na yung messages niya. Kaya lang confused ako nun kasi sabi ko akala ko humihingi siya ng time na 1 week na makapag isip isip kami pareho kasi daw baka nabibigla lang kaming dalawa pero bakit lagi padin siya nagrereply sa my day.

March 2021

**ayan na, kami na :) and most greatest stories started.

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jammytriestowrite · 2 years ago

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Unsent letter

I was scrolling through my drafts on my personal email and stumbled upon this unsent letter I meant to send 3 years ago. This was for a previous co-worker who I unintentionally fell in love with but of course, he didn't reciprocate those feelings. I completely forgot about him but It surprised me to think that I'd been hurt like this before, it made me realize if I actually learned something from this mistake and If I ever heal from this trauma for the past 3 years. Because this still happened to me now. I'm starting to evaluate all my life choices and how to stop this pattern of saving other people while they were breaking me. I started asking myself why does it keep happening to me and what I ever did wrong to deserve this pain.

July 2020

Marrion,

So I think that's it. Pero nagemail talaga ako kasi marami akong gustong sabihin. Pagbigyan mo na ko, bawi mo na to sa panggoghost mo hahaha na akala ko hindi mo gagawin kasi you know I've been there before. Yung mga last chat natin na hindi ka na nagpaparamdam, mabagal ka na magreply, and sa mga posts mo sa facebook, I knew then na iiwan mo na lang ako. Mga last 2 weeks ng June ata yun, nung napansin ko. Ang daya mo, ang unfair, ang user? Dun ko narealize na wala ka talagang plano sakin and somehow, ginamit mo lang ako to fill that void sa sarili mo when you were empty and lonely nung nagbreak kayo ni LA. Sinisisi ko rin naman yung sarili ko kasi nagpakatanga ako sayo, akala ko iba ka, and hindi talaga kita kinilala. Akala ko baka magkakaproper farewell naman ako sa taong to, pero hindi pala. Galing mo rin mang-iwan sa ere eh. Pero baka di ko rin kasi deserve yun, kasi sino ba naman ako? Hindi naman tayo.

On a positive note naman, grateful pa rin ako dahil nakilala kita. Naging masaya naman ako sa ilang months na pagkakakilala ko sayo, sa paguusap natin. I think what I like about you is you're easy to talk to, ang sawap mong ibully haha. You felt like home, parang when I'm with you, di ako nagpepretend to be someone i'm not para lang magustuhan mo. And these past few months, puro sakit na lang yung binibigay mo sakin, but still, I want you to know na sobrang thankful pa rin ako dun. You made me feel again, you gave me memories and I've never felt so alive before. Puro work lang ako dati, ngayon puro ikaw na yieeeee landee. Marami rin akong natutunan from this experience (oh alam ko iniisip mo sa experience na yan nako sayo ko lang natutunan yun ha haha), so next time I'll be wiser and I'll work on my issues and baggages muna before loving someone. So thank you, Lovescake. Yiee ngayon ko lang ulit nagamit yan, I'll miss calling you that though sometimes I think wala lang siya sayo, but it meant so much to me. Cute endearment sana but I can't use it na kasi it will always be you, and I can't have you.

Minsan iniisip ko, what if I give you enough attention that you want, what if mas naging sweet ako sayo, what if mayaman ako, what if malapit ako sayo, will you finally love me? Pero it's too late and even if I did, feel ko hindi pa rin enough kasi hindi naman talaga ako yung gusto mo. I hope the girl you're pursuing now (or girlfriend mo na siya ngayon), won't break your heart and sana wag mo rin siyang lokohin. I hope she makes you happy and you make her happy, yung tipong mapapa-sana all ako sa inyo haha. Galingan mo sa work ha. MagPPIC na yann. Wag mo i-disappoint si Sir Jun and Ma'am Janet like what I did now, sobrang malaki bilib nila sayo. Sobrang proud din ako sa big improvement mo sa work, parang hindi naghuhung yan minsan eh?? haha. Huy joke lang yun, if ever I offended you because sa ganung pangaasar ko, sorry. But know this, I'll always be proud of you. Magaling ka, don't forget that. When we meet again, sure ako Architect ka na. Advance Congratulations, lovescake!

PS: Sorry kung mahaba, marami pa talaga akong gustong sabihin kaso inisiip ko babasahin mo ba lahat? There's a 99% chance nga na hindi mo to rereplyan (pero okay lang gusto ko lang talaga malaman mo yung ibang feelings ko) and ang 1% chance is magrereply ka ng "noted on this maam". dahil sa mga instructions ko haha hayst.

PPS: I don't know if I already told you this but I loved you. Or maybe I still do. I still do. Kahit galit ako, I still do. I love you, and I'm sorry, thank you for everything.

Truly Yours (yours pa rin talaga hayst),

Lovescake Judy

#unsent letters #personal #journal #july 2020 #unsent texts #blog #love letters

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bestmessage · 2 years ago

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April Fools Day 2023 Messages, Wishes and Jokes

April Fool Day is one of the best times to send funny April Fool messages to family and friends on Whatsapp or Facebook in Hindi or English to bring a sweet smile on the faces of people whom you love. This is surely one of the most interesting days when you can use your creativity to send April fool messages on this funny day.

#AprilFoolsDay #AprilFoolsDayWishes #AprilFoolsDayMessages

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dyenieb · 2 years ago

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March 25, Saturday

MY AMIRA

Hello. Wala lang, trip ko lang ikwento si Amira.

It was 2009 nung nagwork ako sa Makati. Hindi ko din alam paano ako napadpad dun. Dun lang ata kase madaming call center and un lang ang alam kong tatanggap sakin na work dahil hindi pa naman ako college graduate.

First job ko non is sa Sutherland. Sobrang hirap. Hindi naman kase ako fluent pa sa English and hindi ako sanay maki-communicate sa mga taong iba ang native language. Stressed ako lagi noon kaya yung break ko, nauubos kakatambay sa yosihan. Smoker pa ko that time e. Wala lang, kwentuhan lang kami ng boss ko saka ibang ka-team namin sa yosihan ng ma-caught ng attention ko si Amira.

2010: Nasa smoking area din sya non with her friends. Wala lang, ang ganda nya. Shoulder length hair, naka-jacket, naka-pants, then naka-high cut na Nike na super bright and colorful ng shoes nya. May mga tattoo din sya sa arms. Nakakatitig lang ako sa kanya. Anganda kase talaga nya. Iniisip ko “Girl kaya sya? Ang pretty naman nya.”

Na-kwento ko sya sa jowa ko nung time na un. And to my surprise, magka-team pala sila. Amira daw yung name. Crush nga din daw nya si Amira, kaso may boyfriend. Ah so pag walang boyfriend, lalandiin mo? K. Hahaha! Pero okay lang, crush ko parin sya. Lol.

I don’t know. Nalungkot ako non kase “straight” pala. May pagka-boyish kase sya kumilos. Snob din. Kala mo walang ibang tao sa paligid nya kung hindi mga friends nya. Hindi sya yung tipo ng tao na tumitingin tingin sa paligid nya. Dedma. Mataray. Mysterious. Snob nga kase! Simula non, lagi ko na sya hinahanap sa floor. Tinitignan saan syang bay nakaupo. Pag dumadaan sya sa bay namin, sinusundan ko lang sya ng tingin. Naaalala ko pa non, pag dumadaan sya sa bay namin, inaasar ako ng mga ka-team ko kase alam nila na crush ko si Amira. May isang beses pa na sya yung napag-transferan ko ng call ko, kilig na kilig naman ako. Ehe!

Tuwing lunch break, nakikita ko sya sa baba, sa 711 din kase sila tumatambay ng mga friends nya. Wala lang, tinititigan ko lang sya. Hoping mapansin nya ako. Kahit na alam ko namang girl sya. Basta, gusto ko lang magpapansin. Pero hindi talaga sya lumilingon. Snob noh? Chaur!

March 2011: One day, naging friends din ng jowa ko si Amira. Ininvite nya si Amira sa birthday nya. Hindi ko talaga makakalimutan yung day na yun. Sobrang happy ng heart ko. Binigyan ko sya ng plate nya, refill ng food nya, inaasikaso ko sya habang nagiinom kami. I don’t know, I was so happy that day dahil nandun sya. Mas inasikaso ko pa nga sya kesa sa jowa ko na may birthday non. Natatawa ako pag dumadaan ung post na un ng birthday ng ex ko sa Facebook timeline ko. Haha!

Dumating yung time na nagkalabuan kami ng jowa ko. Niyaya ko yung mga friends namin na maginom. I don’t know kung paano nangyari pero sumama sknla si Amira maginom sa apartment namin. Siguro bored din sya and she sees me as a friend? May mga chika chika na non sa floor na “girlfriend” yung tinutukoy na jowa ni Amira sknla at ndi boyfriend. Lalo tuloy lumakas yung crush feelings ko sa kanya. So eto na nga, ewan pero nag-one on one kami nung gabing un. Nagpaiwan ata sya non sa friends nya kaya dalawa na lang kaming nag-inom. Wala, kwentuhan lang kami sa labas. Masarap pala syang kausap. Nag-open lang ako sa kanya ng nararamdaman ko towards my ex. Pinapayuhan nya lang ako. Naubos yung alak namin, so bumili pa kaming dalawa sa tindahan. Bwisit na yun, tinulak ako sa pader tas inisprayan ako ng pabango sa mukha. I can say na one of my most memorable days sa buhay ko yung araw na yun.

Simula non, tina-tag na nya ko sa mga sad love songs sa Facebook. I feel like close na kami. Hahaha! May isang beses pa nga non na nagpapasama sya sakin sa doctor kase kukuha daw sya ng medical certificate kaso hindi ko sya nasamahan. Nahiya kase ako e. Nanghiram din sya ng hard drive sakin kase cinopy nya yung movies ko. Kilig naman! Joke.

2011: Then one of the most tragic days in my life came. Sobrang gulo na ng relationship namin ng ex ko. Hindi na kami pero nakatira parin kami sa iisang bahay. Birthday yun ng isang housemate namin so syempre may inuman sa bahay. Invited mga common friends from work. Dumaan pa nga si Amira sa apartment, babalik daw sya, magpapaalam lang daw sya sa boss nya, kaso hindi na sya bumalik. Nagkalasingan non, nagdala ng girl ung ex ko sa apartment namin. Nagwala ako. Siguro na-hurt and napahiya ako. Ayun, ending, sa hospital ako nagpa-umaga. Lol. Laki ng sugat ko sa braso e. Naalala ko nagpadala ng sticky note si Amira sa friend namin saying na sorry daw, hindi sya nakabalik. Sana daw gumaling ako agad. Dalaw daw sya soon. After ng bad experience ko na yun, nasundan na ng nasundan ung mga hurtful things na ginagawa ng ex ko sakin emotionally and mentally, nagdecide ako na umuwi nlang ng Cavite. Too much betrayal and rejection ng life ko yung year na un.

Nalungkot ako non thinking na hindi ko na makikita si Amira. Ang layo ng Makati sa Cavite. Pero nagkaka-message parin naman kami. Kamustahan, ganon. Naaalala ko pa dati, pag nagcocommute sya papasok sa work, lagi kami magka-text. Inis na inis kase sya pag may katabi syang pawisan then super baho tas ang alinsangan pa. Hahaha! Gigil na gigil talaga sya lalo pag traffic. Kulang na lang bumaba na sya ng jeep at maglakad nlang from C5. Ilang days din kaming ganon. Pero naputol ulit yung communication namin. Madami din kase syang issues sa buhay non. I think dahil sa ex. But I’m not sure.

Nagka-chat ulit kami after ilang months nakalipas. Ganon parin kami mag-usap, parang hindi kami nawalan ng communication ng matagal. Nagplano pa nga kami dati na maging housemates, akala ko magiging kami na non. Balak ko kase non bumalik ng Makati kase yung closefriends ko nagrerent ng apartment somewhere dun. Nag-offer sya na maging roomies kami then hanap work around Makati or BGC. Parang start a new life ba. Kaso hindi natuloy kase bumalik din ng Cavite yung friends ko. Nagkaka-chat parin naman kami pero walang solid plans, clueless ako kung ipu-push ko ba yung plans namin na maging roomies. Tas hanggang sa nagkaron nlang ako ng ibang jowa. Nireto kase un ng friend ko, para daw mas malapit kase Las Piñas lang compared kay Amira na taga-Makati pa, e diba nga dun kami galing ng ex kong nagbigay ng sobrang lalang trauma sa buhay ko, so advise nya is wag na. Saka un nga, wala namang kami ni Amira, friends lang. Medyo naputol na yung communication namin simula non. Hanggang sa nawalan na akong balita sa kanya.

2015: Ilang years lumipas, nagka-chat ulit kami. Kamustahan. Chikahan. Nung time na yun medyo on the rocks na kami nung jowa ko. Nagkekwento lang ako sa kanya ng mga nararamdaman ko kase lahat ng tropa namin non, in favor sa jowa ko kaya wala ako mapag-openan ng side ko, saklap e noh. Pinapayuhan nya lang ako, acknowledgement na naiintindihan nya ako. Medyo gumaan ako kase may napagsasabihan ako ng pinagdadaanan ko non. We stayed friends all those years. Naalala ko pa one time pumunta sya ng Dasma, niyayaya nya ako to catch up on things kaso nasa Las Piñas ako nung time na yun. Hindi din ako nagreply sa kanya kase wala ako sa mood to talk to anyone. Hanggang sa nawalan na lang kami ulit ng communication.

2016. Biglang nagpost si Amira na boy cut na sya. Nagulat ako. And nainlove ulit. That’s my favorite picture of her. She looked so finally happy. I learned na may girlfriend na pala sya. And nag-out narin sya. I always imagined how does it feel being her girlfriend. She seemed so sweet and caring sa girlfriend nya. Naalala ko nagpagawa pa sya sakin non ng couple hoodie nila. Nakikita ko din na lumalabas sila kasama ng family nya and friends nya. She’s so lucky naman. They looked sooo happy. That time kase I was unappreciated by my partner. Laging tamang hinala. Lagi akong accused ng kung ano anong bagay. Lagi kaming nagaaway. I don’t have anyone nung time na yun kase lahat pinaghihinalaan nya. Nakakasakal. Hay, how I wish I was Amira’s girlfriend. Ansaya siguro. Ansaya ko siguro kung sya yung pinili ko back in 2013.

2018: Years passed, nagkalabuan na talaga kami ng ex ko non. As in sobrang gulo na. Hanggang sa tuluyan na kaming naghiwalay. I felt betrayed. Maybe karma? After a week of being sad, I decided to connect with someone na hindi ko kilala, advise kase ng isang best friend ko, mas nakakagaan makipagusap sa taong hindi mo kilala, so I gave it a try. I decided to make an account sa isang dating app. While browsing, nakita ko yung profile ni Amira. Almost kalbo pa nga yung gupit nya sa pic nya. I sent her a message from the app. Ilang days lumipas kaso walang response. Kaya naisipan kong imessage sya sa Facebook. Ilang araw na kaso wala parin response. Sabagay, ganon naman talaga sya pag may girlfriend kahit dati, hindi sya masyadong namamansin. Then I got a response from her after ilang days.

Nalaman ko na bumalik pala sya sa kanila and nagdecide mag-aral ulit. We talked and chatted pag may chance. Wala kaseng signal sa kanila kaya minsan lang kami magkausap. I told her what happened samin ng ex ko. And she told me din na wala na sila nung ex nya more than a year na. Pareho pala kami halos ng pinagdaanan. We stayed like that for days until magdecide sya na magkita kami. Pinuntahan nya ako dito sa Dasma.

We stayed in a hotel here in Dasma. We just talked for hours. Nothing happened. Nagkwentuhan lang kami about life. Ang gaan sa pakiramdam to finally talk to her. How ironic na broken hearted nanaman ako tuwing may catching up kami in person. Nung day na pauwi na sya sa kanila, inamin nya sakin na she’s currently talking to someone and dapat magkikita sila after nya ako dalawin sa Dasma. Pinagluto pa nga daw sya ng spaghetti. But se did not go to meet her that day. She stayed with me and extended our stay. I think she chose me over her. I was so happy. Though, galit na galit sa kanya yung girl. Hinayaan lang nya. After that, we continued talking. Hanggang sa naging kami. All went too fast. Pero we thought, ilang beses din naman naudlot yung samin. And we’ve known each other for years, so why not?

Nagsama kami agad. After not being together for one week, naisip namin na ang hirap pala ng LDR. We stayed sa house namin ng 2 weeks din then we looked for an apartment to rent. It wasn’t that easy. Pareho kaming walang pera. Pareho kaming broken dahil sa mga past relationships namin. Though we were happy, mas madalas na nagaaway kami, nagkakasakitan. It even came to a point na nainvolved na yung parents namin and maghihiwalay na dapat kami. Pero we talked and decided to fix everything. For us. Slowly, we managed to adjust to each other’s flaws and weaknesses. It was hard. I won’t deny that. Until now, may mga damages parin kaming inaayos. Akala namin noon, hanggang dun na lang kami. Pero she still chose me. Bago yun, pinili ako ng taong pinipili ko.

Ngayon, ibang iba na kami. Ndi na kami nagaaway. I mean nagaargue parin kami over small things, which is normal naman sa relationship. Then, we focused on ourselves. First time ko magkaron ng partner na happy sa goals and achievements ko, na walang halong inggit or pagpipigil para sa achievements ko. We do not care anymore kung tanggap ba kami ng ibang tao or hindi. Dati kase, I was trying my best na i-please yung ibang tao for her. Ngayon, wala na akong pake kung ayaw nyo samin. Ndi nyo naman kami pinapakain at ndi naman kayo nagbabayad ng bills namin. Haha! Everything was doing well now. We were able to learn how to deal with each other’s topaks. We were more careful how we treat each other. Mas maayos narin ang buhay namin. Na-promote sya sa work, and looking forward to another promotion this year or next year. Ako naman naka-graduate na, with awards pa. I decided not to take the board exams again. It was not my dream to become a radtech in the first place kase Psychology talaga dapat kaso sa ibang Lasalle lang meron non. Diploma lang naman ang habol ko. May sobrang maayos naman na akong work ngayon, work sa bahay and sobrang okay ng employees. It even pays more than I imagined sa mga iniisip kong careers dati.

Dati, nung bago kami, halos hindi namin mabili yung mga gusto naming food kase super nagtitipid kami. Naaalala ko pa noon, iisa lang yung fan namin tas nagooverheat pa pag matutulog na kami. All of the apartments na tinirhan namin laging disaster! Ang ingay ng kapitbahay, infested ng ipis or surot kase we have a certain budget for the rental fees kaya hindi kami makapili ng maayos ayos. Pero ngayon, halos magtagu-taguan kami sa laki ng apartment namin para sa aming dalawa, may aircon narin kami and madaming madaming electric fans. Hahaha! Dati iisa lang TV namin, may guhit guhit pa. Ngayon, dalawa na yung malalaking TVs namin kaya para kaming nasa sinehan lagi. Hahaha! We have two cutie kitties na parang anak namin sa sobrang spoiled. We can buy food without having to think kung afford ba namin. We can now buy our luho but with caution parin syempre, hindi pa naman 6 digits ang sahod namin each e. She is so sweet na kusa nyang binibili yung mga kine-crave ko. She never fails to kiss me and hug me before sya pumasok sa work, and she makes it sure na aware ako kung asan sya all the time. She kisses me before going to bed and after waking up. Ilang beses ko narin na-meet yung family nya. Okay na okay din kami ng mom nya. Sabi nga ni Amira, ako lang daw yung naging girlfriend nya na niyayakap ng mom nya kase hindi naman daw un yumayakap sa mga naging girlfriends nya before. Yung sibs din nya nakaka-chat ko and ilang beses narin nag-stay ung ilan sknla dito sa apartment namin. Basta, madami pa. Yung mga pinapangarap ko dati na sana nararanasan ko na nakikita ko sa Facebook nya with her girlfriend and family, nararanasan ko na ngayon. Sana pala sya na lang pinili ko noon pa. E di sana dati pa ako/kami masaya. Wala sanang traumatic events sa buhay namin kung hindi sana ibang tao ang pinili namin. Pero it’s okay, we learned a lot from those years. Still thankful for it.

We may have to deal with so many traumatic experiences sa past namin pero it taught us how to be strong and to choose each other everyday. Siguro madami pa din kaming friends na hindi in favor samin dahil sa mga nangyari nung bago palang kami, pero we don’t care anymore. As long as okay kami and masaya kami, we will keep those people na tanggap and naiintindihan kami. We are not here to please everyone naman diba? Ang mahalaga, gusto namin ang isa’t isa. Kami ang magkasama araw-araw e. Basta sure ako na may dalawang girly friends ako na naiintindihan kami and na walang pake sa pinagdaanan namin, okay na ko dun. Kaya nga I’m keeping them. I think they’re my best friends. Thanks E and Y. I love you both. :)

O sya ang haba na, wala naman magbabasa nito. Naikwento ko lang naman. Na-reminisce ko lang ano mga pinagdaanan namin dati compared sa kung ano na kami ngayon. Ansarap pala maging girlfriend ng taong pinapangarap mo lang noon. Yung naiintindihan ka, yung naging friend mo muna kaya alam yung mga pinagdaanan mo dati. Yung taong lagi mong tinatakbuhan dati pag down na down ka, ngayon kasama mo na sa bahay, araw-araw pa. Ansarap pala nung hindi ka pinaghihinalaan pag may ka-chat ka, yung hahayaan ka gumala ng wala sya pero hindi ka pagsasalitaan ng kung ano ano. Yung hindi ka gagawing taga-laba ng mga damit nya at iiwan ka pag nagkaron na ng trabaho and new set of friends. Lol. Yung taong happy pag may achievements ka sa buhay at hindi maiinsecure sa kung anong meron ka. Bastaaaa! Grabe, 9 years! 9 years ko syang naging crush. Finally. Eto, 5 years na kami. Naaamaze parin ako pag tinititigan ko sya. Girlfriend ko na talaga sya. Wala lang. Pag tulog sya, kinakausap ko sya. Humihilik lang sya ng sagot sakin. Minsan nga pag tinatanong ko sya kung napapansin nya ba ako dati sa office, oo daw. Kaso may girlfriend daw sya non kaya dedma lang. Echusera ka!

O sige na, babye na talaga. Sana lahat tayo happy. Sana ikaw din. Kase ako happy na. Sobrang happy. 🥰

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