#FUCK. this game should've continued long enough to see if something like that would've happened

[alteredphoenix]

Been entertaining doing a series of Lumi drawings based off Gordon Ramsey memes where on one half August is doting over Michelle because she's the Replacement Goldfish of his daughter and in the next half he's beefing it with Celia because she's close to Michelle and Celia ping-pongs between being completely bewildered, offended, and pissed.

[songmingisthighs]

Hooked

introduction pt. i | pt. ii | pt. iii

ch. lxxxi - < 33

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??? × reader, ateez × reader

A freshman hookup rekindled into something new. With an incentive, of course. But what would happen if your 'relationship' led you somewhere you never thought would happen to you ?

San and Wooyoung fought for a solid 3 minutes over who gets to have you on their laps before you smack them both and pulled a chair in between them.

So there you three were, out of class and straight into a PC bang. You admit that when San told you he was kidnapping you to go on a date you didn't expect him to have brought you to play computer games. But then Wooyoung crashed in and challenged San.

Literally.

You and San were both walking hand-in-hand towards the university's gate and suddenly Wooyoung came barrelling in like a wild block of cheese rolling down Cooper's Hill.

But you didn't mind. Not when you know how both of them together would mean more chaos and it's just more entertaining.

"Sannie," you called out to him, tugging on his sleeve. He momentarily averted his attention from the screen to you. "Yes, baby?" he smiled at you before focusing back on the screen. You pursed your lips at him, pouting whilst giving him your best puppy eyes, "I'm thirsty,"

San's eyebrows furrowed, "didn't you bought a venti sized latte before we came here?" he asked, sure that you had gotten the largest size of beverage before going to the PC Bang. You wrap your arms around his closest forearm as you rested your head on his shoulder, "Wooyoungie drank like three-fourth of it," you complained, glaring at your other boyfriend who smirked at the mention of his name.

"Sharing is caring, you know?" he defended himself. You scoffed and kicked his leg, "you should've gotten your own," you muttered at him.

Wooyoung giggled but slid his chair backwards, "okay, fine, we'll get you something to drink now," Wooyoung said, getting up and pulled San up and out of your grasp.

San whined in protest at the sudden intrusion of his gaming time, saying it was Wooyoung's fault and he didn't do anything. He immediately shut up though when Wooyoung mentioned that he saw the kid who had been beating his ass in the game near the cashier.

You could only chuckle at them both, staring dreamily whilst a warm, fluttering feeling bloomed in your stomach.

"Hey," a voice called behind you.

You looked back and you internally swallowed the lump that appeared in your throat.

There were two girls standing behind you, smirk adorning their faces. You recognize them as your batch's biggest pick me up girls and gossips, people would either go to them to get tea or they'd avoid them at all cost like the plague. You had a couple of classes with them the previous semester and you had one with them in the current semester. Seeing that they were from communications, you were quite glad. But due to the current inevitable truth spilt, you had just been actively avoiding them.

Awkwardly, you smiled at them both, hoping that they were just coming by to say hello. Sadly, there's a 99.9% chance of that not happening.

"Hi," you answered back to them.

"Funny meeting you here, never pegged you to be a gamer," one of them spoke out.

It was irritatingly creepy how they made each other look so similar. The outfits, the hairstyle and colour, the nails? Are they purposefully TRYING to look like twins?

You let out an awkward chuckle at them, "Not really, I didn't come here alone," you said, not really wanting to tell them who you came with, " I didn't know you both like to go to PC Bangs too," you added.

Both of them nodded their heads towards the direction of 5 guys, pushing one another as their eyes glued to the screens in front of them. "We don't go here on our own accords, we're here with the boys," one of them said.

Suddenly, the other one stepped forward and leaned in close to your face, making you slightly uncomfortable, "But I'm not surprised that you're here playing, though," she said.

At that, you furrowed your eyebrows, confused.

"How do you mean?" You asked.

Realizing you just caught her bait, she smirked wider. Her hand reached forward to pat you twice on the head, "I mean you're such a player, bet you like playing games, right? Or you perhaps like to hang around here, looking to rope in more boys into your STD dungeon?"

What she said wasn't even clever, yet they were both cackling as if they had just roasted Albert Einstein. That pissed you off more than the fact that they had just practically called you a whore.

Your jaw clenched tight when they didn't stop their laughter. You tried to hold it in, not wanting to have an outburst in a public space occupied mostly by people from your campus. But by God, shoving a CPU in their mouths seemed like a good idea.

Not being able to stand their laughter anymore, you push yourself up to stand before them. Their laughter died down slightly, noticing how your eyes burn with intensity, as if ready to pounce at them.

"Funny you should say that when that's what you're both doing," you scoffed, crossing your arms in front of your chest. "What are you talking about?" one of them asked. "An Australopithecus would've understood what I meant quicker than these airheads," you muttered under your breath before continuing, "What was the point of coming up to me here anyways? Trying to prove that you're better than me by telling me that my relationship is a sham? You know what's a sham? Your hair colour, nose, lips, double eyelid, chin, and pretty sure if a door slam to your bodies, your boobs will pop like a fucking water balloon," you spoke in one breath.

Maybe it was the accumulated stress from having to deal with the judge-y shitheads in your class and literally everywhere around campus, or maybe it's just you wanting to channel your anger at something. Before you know it, you took menacing steps to them, cornering both girls against the table behind them.

You jab a finger at one of their chests, "You both act like you're the saints of the campus when fact is at least three fourth of us don't give even a tenth of a fuck for you both so you went on chasing, hanging out with boys because what was it that you said? Befriending girls is too much? We're too much drama? If so, then what are you both? You created at least 87% of the drama that you have ever been into. Did those boys even wanted you two around or did you two just latch onto them like fucking leeches? Call me a whore, call me a slut or whatever 'clever' thing you can come up with, but at least the people I'm with genuinely wants me and I didn't even have to throw myself at them like you two did. I still have my pride and dignity," You spat out at them.

Their eyes widened at your outburst. It was clear that they hadn't taken into account that there was a chance that you'd retaliate like that.

"Fucking parasites," you muttered as you turned your back on them and walked off to the bathroom to calm yourself down a bit, leaving the two girls flabbergasted with people, including their so-called guy friends, laughing and snickering at them.

As you were about to enter the bathroom, you felt hands pushing you inside and bodies piling inside the bathroom. When the sound of door locking was heard, you almost panicked, thinking that this might be a public attack that you'd hear on the news.

But you were so glad when you turned around and see your boyfriends. You let out a shaky sigh, trying to calm yourself down slightly before moving to smack their arms for scaring the shit out of you.

"What the fuck do you-" your protests were cut short when Wooyoung lunged to connect his lips with yours. You let out a squeal at the impact of his body paired with the impact of the sink behind you.

San moved himself behind you, hands clutching onto the edges of your skirt tightly, bunching them up to reveal your panties to the cold air of the bathroom.

"We heard your little outburst outside," San said as his lips latched onto the side of your neck. You let out a muffled 'what?' at him. Wooyoung's lips were preventing you from speaking much as his hands began to prevent you from thinking straight. The way they had magically manoeuvred themselves into your shirt and bra made your knees weak.

"Yeah, we heard everything. Woo had to hold me back from interfering to which I'm glad he did," he groaned loudly next to your ear as his hands move, they wrapped themselves tightly around your waist, "because if he hadn't, I wouldn't have seen this side of you and it's so damn sexy," he growled. You could feel him bucking his hips onto your ass and even with his jeans, you could feel how hard he was. It was a good thing that San was holding onto you so tightly or else you would've slumped so hard onto the floor.

Without any warning, San slipped a hand into your skirt and tugged your panties down to your knees. Before even fully comprehending the situation, both San and Wooyoung hand worked on their pants, relieving their hard cocks from their confines. Their lips must've been magic because you could've sworn that you didn't realize anything until you felt them pressing themselves to your entrance.

The tip of San's cock prodded against your back hole first, as if asking for permission. You moaned at the feeling, letting go of Wooyoung's lips to throw your head back against San's shoulder. San took it as a sign from you to continue. He slowly pushed himself in. With the lack of lubricant, you felt its slight sting.

Wooyoug noticed how you winced at the feeling of San entering your ass. Though the latter tried to distract you by peppering kisses up and down the side of your neck, it proved to not be enough. So Wooyoung reconnected both of your lips as he snuck a hand down to play with your clit.

You squirmed in both of their holds. The slight foreign discomfort combined with the pleasure Wooyoung's fingers gave you elicit a rather new feeling.

It didn't take long for San to be fully nestled in you. Though it would've been wise to get used to him first, you could see how Wooyoung eyed his fingers, wanting nothing more than to slip himself in you.

Chuckling slightly, you took ahold of his working hand, "Woo, I need you in me now," you told him. He looked at you with eyes slightly wide, "You sure? Don't you wanna take a bit more time?" he asked. It was honestly adorable how concerned he was about you even in such an intimate position.

Not saying anything, you pulled him closer to you by his shirt, effectively sandwiching yourself between the two best friends.

"When it comes to any one of you, I can't wait anymore," you said, teeth tugging against his earlobe.

At that, Wooyoung exhaled shakily. You got what you wanted when he suddenly lifted your left leg up to his waist and began entering you slowly.

With one side already filled, you felt extremely full. It wasn't too much for you, but it sure does make you felt like you were about to burst.

"M-move," you told them both as your hands clenched onto Wooyoung's shirt.

They both started at a slow pace, trying to establish a rhythm to make sure that you felt as good as they were feeling. The last thing they wanted was for you to feel like something that they'd use to just merely get off.

The initial foreign feeling changed to pleasure quickly. When you felt both men fell into stable rhythms, you began moaning in pleasure. Their cocks were rubbing and prodding all the right places.

"God, I think I can feel San inside you, babe," Wooyoung groaned.

You unconsciously clenched hard at Wooyoung's words.

San took notice immediately. One of his eyebrows raised in surprise at the newfound information.

"Little slut here likes to be filled to the brim, doesn't she?" he chuckled darkly. One of his hands moved to wrap itself around on your neck. The slight pressure he put on it felt amazing when combined with the feeling both of them provided with their cocks.

Wooyoung's lips planted themselves onto your chest as he pulled your shirt lower. His teeth tugged at your skin, to which you were sure he wanted to leave marks on you.

"Can't answer us when you have two cocks in you huh, babe?" Wooyoung taunted, purposefully biting your nipple through your bra, making you gasp loudly.

Their speed increased significantly. You felt both of their hips hitting you in turns, their cocks also taking turns in filling you. When one slip out, the other slipped in. You were never left empty.

Your high was approaching quicker than anyone could expect. Between the work they did with their lips and their cocks stuffing you, you were actually surprised that you hadn't come any quicker.

"F-fuck I-I-I-" You stuttered out. You couldn't even finish your sentence as you suddenly came hard on them. Your thighs quivered and you clenched them hard to the point that they groaned at how tight you were being.

With your climax accomplished, the two became focused on chasing their own.

"F-first one to cum pays for today's gaming session," Wooyoung said, smirking to San as if he was taunting him.

Through the overstimulation, you managed to smack Wooyoung's shoulder. Albeit weakly. "A-are you- Ah! Are you seriously m-m-maki-ng bets in t-the middle of f-fucking?" you glared at him.

Your question was left unanswered as he only grinned deviilishly.

Feeling sneaky, you immediately slip your hands under his shirt to tweak at his nipples. During your times with him, you found out how his nipples became sensitive when he's about to cum and usually it wouldn't take much for him to cum when you play with his nipples.

His jaw hung open at the sudden feeling. His thrusts became sloppier. After one, two more tugs, you felt him unloading himself inside you. His hips lock in place and his cock twitched inside you. His warm load filling you, making you whine at the feeling.

San chuckled from behind you, "thanks baby," he said, pecking you softly on your cheek, making you giggle. "But now I need to cum in your pussy too,"

Before you could even prepare yourself, he had pulled out of you abruptly. He pushed Wooyoung out of your pussy so that he could bend you over the sink.

"I'm sorry baby, but I really need to cum," he said quickly before plunging himself into your pussy. You let out a yelp as your hands anchored yourself by the edges of the sink.

San drilled into you at an animalistic pace. You looked up the mirror to see San's eyes shut close, eyebrows furrowing as his hips snap harshly against your ass.

Wooyoung's cum made it easier for him to move in and out of you. He even slipped out a couple of times.

You helped him chase his high by clenching your pussy around him. Soon enough, you felt a second load painting your walls. San's cum mixing with yours and Wooyoungs's.

The mixture leaked from your hole down to your thighs and even trickled down onto the floor. Some were caught by your panties but a lot of them fell to the floor, especially when San finally pulled out of you.

The three of you stood silently in the bathroom, trying to catch your breaths after the impromptu bathroom session.

San was the first one to catch his breath. He stuffed himself back into his pants and fixed his clothes. "I'll help (Y/N) clean herself up, you go and pay so we can get out," he said as he began to pull some tissues from the dispenser.

In the midst of fixing his own clothes, Wooyoung paused as he furrowed his eyebrows at San, "Why me?" he asked. San rolled his eyes at the question, "Because you said whoever came first had to pay and you did," he said as he leaned down to wipe the dripping cum from your pussy.

Wooyoung whined at that, "Not fair! (Y/N) made me cum! That shouldn't have counted!" You giggled at his accusation, "I mean, you shouldn't have made a bet when you're having sex with your girlfriend, but..." you trailed off.

Feeling defeated, Wooyoung groaned and pout, "Fine, I'll pay. But I better get a ton of kisses in return," he grumbled as he pointed at you.

You only rolled your eyes at him whilst wiggling your hips to help San put your panties back on.

"As if I don't already give you a lot,"

taglist :

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[cocobeanncteez]

ATEEZ San: Fight For Us (one-shot)

Pairing: idol!san x fem!reader

Genre: angst, light fluff, idol au.

Warnings: profanities, mentions of anxiety, breaking down, lots of crying, alcohol.

San never realized how awkward the atmosphere was whenever you and the members were in the same place. You knew they didn't like you from the first day San introduced you to them, but you didn't know why. Still, you tried your best to interact with them as they were very important to your boyfriend. San was really happy when he saw you making an effort to talk to the guys, but he didn't know that it was really hard for you to talk to them. They usually gave you short replies which just end the conversation. Hongjoong and Seonghwa were okay with you after awhile, but they still didn't make much efforts to talk to you.

One day, you went to the dorms when San had a sore throat. While you were making soup for him, you could hear some of the members talking about you from the living room. They were trying to talk quietly, but it was loud enough for you to hear.

"Why is she in our kitchen?" Wooyoung asked.

"She's probably making something," Yunho answered.

"Well, why is she using our kitchen then?" Yeosang scoffed. "I seriously don't like her." You felt your heart break at that. You knew they didn't like you, but it felt terrible to hear them say that.

"I should've hooked San up with my idol friend," Wooyoung said. "She's literally his type."

"I hope San breaks up with her," Mingi mumbled and Jongho agreed. "Our manager found out recently and he's not happy about it at all. San hasn't even been focusing very well these days."

"Manager hyung has plans of asking San to break up with her. I guess we all should be happy now," Jongho said. You felt your heart drop. At this point, you were sure the guys hated you. You really wanted to fix the situation, but you didn't want to cause any more problems; you knew San would never be able to break up with you, so you'd have to do instead.

You stirred the soup you made for San, controlling your tears from falling. You poured the soup into a bowl before taking it to his room.

"Thank you, love," San said softly, sitting up on his bed. You quietly fed him the soup, lost in your thoughts. "Babe, are you okay? Your eyes are watering." San asked, concern shown on his face.

You blinked and the tears fell. "Y-yeah, I just . . . I hate to see you in pain," you said; that was true, but it wasn't why you were crying.

San chuckled a little. "It's only a sore throat, love." Your heart hurt to hear him call you that; you won't be hearing it anymore after sometime. Tears began to stream down your cheeks at the thought of it.

San took the empty bowl from your hands and placed it on his bedside table. He cupped your cheeks, wiping your tears away. "Baby, I'm alright," he murmured, leaning in to capture your lips. You kissed him back with more urgency, knowing that you'll never get to do it again. San gasped a little, surprised at the new feeling that somehow made him feel anxious. To him, it felt like you were going to say goodbye. Little did he know, he was actually right.

When you went home, you bawled your eyes out. You were very much in love with San, and you knew he loved you just as much. You texted him, saying that you would come over the next day. He felt relieved: his anxiety from the urgent kiss you both shared immediately going away.

The next evening after your university classes ended, you went to Ateez's dorm. Hongjoong opened the door for you, and you found all the boys in the living room, laughing while playing some board game. You saw Mingi and Jongho roll their eyes at you, unhappy to see you here.

"San," you called out nonchalantly, catching everyone's attention; they had never heard you say his name like that. "Can we talk?"

"Yeah, of course, love," he said with his dimpled smile, taking your hand in his as he lead you to his room. He appeared to be calm, but he was filled with anxiety on the inside; your emotionless expression was scaring him. He kissed your forehead to see how you'd react. When you didn't respond in any way, he got even more scared.

"Babe, what's wrong?" he asked while you sat on his bed.

You took a deep breath.

"San, let's break up."

There was only silence. San felt daggers stabbing his heart over and over again as he repeated your words in his head.

"D-did I . . . " he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath to calm down a little. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No," you said, looking down at your feet. "I just think things aren't working out between us anymore," you lied.

"That's bullshit!" his voice raised a little as tears began to roll down his cheeks. "Don't lie to me, Y/N! Just don't . . . We were always fine!" he yelled as he broke down. "These eleven months . . . we managed everything so well despite our busy schedules!" You kept quiet; if you opened your mouth, you knew you'd break down as well.

"D-do you not love me anymore?" he whispered. "Am I not e-enough?" You knew San's biggest fear was not being good enough, and you wanted nothing more than to take back everything you said.

"I'm sorry, San," you murmured, feeling your heart hurt from saying his name.

"Don't do this to me," he cried, kneeling down in front of you, taking your hands in his. "Please, don't. I love you, Y/N. Don't do this . . . " You didn't say a word. You only closed your eyes, trying not to cry. You hated yourself for breaking his heart.

It was silent for a while; San was lost in thought, and you wished you knew what he was thinking about. You waited for him to say something for god knows how long.

You got up from his bed, looking at him one last time. "Take care of yourself," you said with a small smile that didn't reach your eyes. You left his room, tears immediately rolling down your face as you prepared to leave. However, San stopped you right beside the living room by grabbing your arm and turning you around to face him. Seeing your tears hurt him, but relieved him at the same time; it was enough proof that you still loved him.

All the guys were watching, and they were quite shocked to see San crying and looking so heartbroken.

"It's them, isn't it?" San asked, gesturing to the members with his head.

"No, it's not th—"

"I know they don't like you, Y/N," he said, surprising you; you thought he never knew that. He turned to look at the guys. "Are you all happy now? This was what you wanted right? For me and Y/N to break up?"

"San, please stop," you begged, not wanting any fights to happen between them. "It's not even related to them."

"What do you mean, San?" Hongjoong asked. "We never wanted that."

"Maybe you and Seonghwa hyung didn't," San stated. "But the rest of you certainly do."

"Yeah, he's right," Yeosang said. "We don't trust her or like her."

"And she's a gold-digger," Mingi added.

"She's just using you for your money and other things, San," Wooyoung said and Jongho nodded in agreement. San laughed so hard, you all were actually quite scared.

"A gold-digger?" he laughed. "You know that large company across Mnet's building? That belongs to Y/N's father. She's a chaebol heiress." The guys were quite stunned, not expecting that. "If you made an effort to talk to her instead of wrongly judging her, you'd know. She doesn't need my fucking money."

"What else can she use me for?" San continued. "Sex? We did after five months of dating. I don't think she would've waited if that's what she really wanted. Fame? She and her family are already well-known. So please, tell me why you all think she's fucking using me?!" San yelled. You were just frozen in place. You've never seen San this angry before and honestly, it scared you. None of the boys, not even Hongjoong, dared to say anything. You felt really bad that you're the reason why he raised his voice at them.

San turned to you. "Tell me the real reason why. I'm right, aren't I?"

"I can't," you looked away. "I'm sorry, San." Before he could say anything, you quickly unlocked the door and left.

San just stood there, feeling his already broken heart shatter even more. He chuckled bitterly while tears rolled down his face.

"There, you guys got what you wanted for so long," he said while looking at the members. Several seconds later, he broke down again, his back sliding against the wall. Seonghwa immediately went to his side, pulling the younger boy into his arms; it hurt him to see San like that.

"I love h-her, hyung," San sobbed loudly. "Why did she sacrifice her happiness like this?"

"I know, San," Seonghwa said, letting San cry on him. Hongjoong sat beside them, rubbing San's back comfortingly. San cried harder, struggling to breathe. Hongjoong got him a glass of water, but he wasn't able to drink it. After nearly an hour of crying, he fell asleep against Seonghwa.

"Yunho," Seonghwa called out. "Can you carry him to his bed?" Yunho nodded, picking San up; he wanted to cry at how broken his roommate was.

"Y/N . . . don't leave . . . " San murmured in his sleep, making Yunho's heart ache. He quickly tucked San in before heading to the living room where the rest of the boys were.

"We should apologize," Seonghwa said. "What the fuck is even wrong with us? Since when have we been like this? Judging a person so hard when we don't even know her properly? Look at what we've done now."

"Hyung, you and Hongjoong hyung didn't even do anything," Jongho mumbled.

"No, we did," Hongjoong said. "We didn't trust Y/N initially either. But I was fine with her after seeing San so genuinely happy." That last sentence hit the boys so hard. Seeing San happy . . . They didn't know when they would see him happy again.

"I'm calling Y/N right now," Hongjoong said. "I'm putting it on speaker, so everyone keep quiet. If we're really the reason why they broke up, then we're going to fix it." Everyone agreed and Hongjoong called you. You didn't pick up the first two times, but you finally picked up on the third.

"Hello?"

"Y/N, it's Hongjoong. Can we please talk right now, just for a minute or two?" You hesitated for a few seconds before agreeing. "Please tell me why you broke up with San."

"Hongjoong, I'm sorry, but I can't tell—"

"It'll stay between us, Y/N," he lied. "It'll be easier for us to help San move on."

You took a deep breath. "I heard some of the guys talking about me when I came over. I knew you all didn't like me, but I didn't expect you guys to hate me. They also said something about your manager planning to tell San to break up with me 'cause he isn't focusing."

"Ah, so that's why," Hongjoong said, extremely disappointed in himself and the members.

"No, it's not really about that," you mumbled, your eyes watering. "I just . . . I would never make San choose between me and you guys. I didn't want to cause any problems for you all. San loves you all so much, and you're very important to him. It's important for you guys to have a healthy relationship with each other for your career, so I didn't want to ruin it in any way. I didn't want you guys to have any problems with San just because of me." Yunho started crying, feeling extremely disappointed in himself for misjudging you and making San go through so much. Seonghwa and Wooyoung were in tears too. "If your manager asked San to end things with me, I know he'd never do it. So I did it instead."

"Y/N, I apologize on behalf of everyone," Hongjoong said. "We made a huge mistake, and I'm really ashamed. But I want you to know that none of us hate you. I hope you can forgive us."

"Don't worry, I forgave everyone. I understand why they thought I'm using him, so it's fine," you said softly. "I have to go now. I wish you guys the very best, and take care of San, please."

"Y/N, listen," Hongjoong said quickly, but you already hung up. "Fuck."

"We fucked up," Yeosang said, staring at the ceiling. "We fucked up big time."

"You should tell San about it, hyung," Jongho said to Hongjoong.

"I already heard everything," San mumbled, leaning against the wall, startling some of the guys with his sudden presence.

"San, we're so sorry," Yunho said sadly, his tears now dried up on his cheeks.

"Yeah, we shouldn't have judged her," Mingi murmured.

"Your apologies aren't going to change anything," San said nonchalantly. "I just lost the love of my life because of you guys. The sad part is, you all were the only people I trusted other than her." The boys felt terrible, but they knew it was their fault. "You all are so selfish. We're supposed to be a team, right? But none of you even thought about my feelings." San changed his clothes, grabbed his phone and wallet, put on his shoes and left, not wanting to be with anyone right now.

"I don't feel comfortable with him leaving at this time when he's in that state," Seonghwa said.

"I guess he's going to some bar," Yeosang murmured.

And he was right.

"Three more shots, please," San said to the bartender.

"Sir, you're already quite drunk," the bartender said.

"I need it, please." The bartender only gave him two shots, genuinely worried for the younger boy.

Tears rolled down San's face as he took a shot and fidgeted with the other. "Rough day?" the other younger bartender asked; he seemed to be only a year or two older than San.

"My girlfriend broke up with me," San said. "My members didn't like her."

"Ah, you're an idol?"

"Yeah," San nodded, not caring about whether or not this bartender would expose him.

"She must've done it so that your relationship with your members won't get spoiled."

"That's exactly why," San chuckled brokenly, more tears rolling down from his eyes. "I love her so much. And I know she loves me as well."

"Then what are you doing here? Go get her!" the older bartender said. "It's not easy to find genuine love these days. Don't throw it all away just because of that."

"She wouldn't get back with me," San murmured, sobering up a little.

"Well, you said she loves you. If she really does, she wouldn't give up," the younger bartender said. "I know people say if really love someone, you'll let them go. I think the opposite. You don't give up on the person you love."

San pondered about the words he just heard. "You know what? You're absolutely right," San said, getting off the barstool. "I'm gonna go get her."

You were doing pretty bad after the break up. Although it hasn't even been twenty-four hours, you've been a mess.

"If you aren't gonna eat, will you at least drink this?" your best friend said, placing a bowl of soup in front of you.

"I don't feel—"

"Y/N, if you don't fill your stomach up with something, you're gonna feel worse." You sighed, taking the spoon to drink the soup. Your bestfriend waited till you drank everything before leaving for work.

Three minutes later, your doorbell rang. You rolled your eyes, quite sure your best friend forgot something as usual.

"What did you forget now?" you asked while opening the door. "I bet it's your—"

San stood at the door, wearing his usual grey sweatpants and a black hoodie. His mouth and nose were covered with a black mask, and his wet hair was nearly covering his eyes.

"Y/N, can we talk, please?" he asked a little shakily. He was visibly shivering and you wanted to yell at him for not dressing warmly when it was freezing outside.

You immediately let him in, running to your room to get a blanket. He sat on the couch, eyes never leaving you while you wrapped him up in a cotton fleece blanket. You quickly made him some warm tea; you breathed a sigh of relief when he stopped shivering.

"Y/N," he started, sipping on his tea. "I overheard your conversation with Hongjoong hyung." You opened your mouth to say something, but he placed a finger against your lips. "Let me finish, baby."

"I was on my way to your apartment last night, but I was drunk and passed out in the cab. The cab driver tried to wake me up for almost an hour until Seonghwa hyung called me and the driver brought me home," he said, finishing his tea and placing the empty teacup on the table. "The guys and I had a long talk today morning. They apologized for being immature and judging you, but anyway, they will call you later to apologize as well." San cupped your cheek. "Y/N, I know you broke up 'cause you didn't want any problems to occur between the boys and I, but baby, please consider my feelings as well. Your happiness is my happiness. So if you sacrifice that, how will I be happy?" He stroked your cheek with his thumb. "Y/N, I love you so much. You mean the whole damn universe to me. I fucking love you to the point where I literally cannot live without you. Please don't put me—put us through that again. I can't and won't ever stop fighting for us." You choked on a sob, bursting into tears. He pulled you into his arms, crying as well. You apologized for whatever happened while he placed soft kisses on your head.

"I love you, Sannie," you whispered, wiping his tears away.

"I love you too." He took your hand, intertwining it with his, placing a kiss on yours. "Promise me that you won't ever stop fighting for us."

"I promise."

[slyttherins]

Quidditch camp (part 2) | Fred Weasley x Reader

Summary: You and Fred attend quidditch camp like every summer, but, this year, there’s been a mistake in the cabin and rooming situations. In other words, they’re short of bed and you and Fred will have to share.

Pairing: Fred Weasley x Reader

Word count: 1800

-

You hadn't talked to - or even looked at - Fred since the kiss.

Once you pulled away from the kiss, you had made a beeline for the bathroom, no longer caring that there was no hot water. A cold shower would do you good - and it was apparently very beneficial for the skin.

Anything to not be in the same room as him.

At supper, you sat with Angelina and Katie. You talked about the afternoon training session, which will cause your legs to ache in the morning and the latest gossip going around in the girls' cabin. Apparently, a girl had snuck into Cedric Diggory's cabin last night - according to Angelina the suspect was Cho Chang - and Madam Hooch was furious.

Most importantly, you didn't tell them what happened at the cabin.

Unconsciously, as Katie was telling you about a new broomstick trick she learned this afternoon, your eyes drifted to the redhead Beater - and the kiss you had shared. The same kiss that had left you wanting more.

Although Fred was three tables away from you, you could still feel his hands on you, strong and firm but not too rough, smell his woody soap and hear the soft sounds of appreciation leaving both your mouths as his warm tongue slipped past your lips and easily found yours. You couldn't believe you had let it escalate to that. At least no clothes had been removed - Fred was just in his shorts, but it still counted.

.

After supper, you left and went to your cabin, faking a headache. You'd usually follow the girls to their cabin and hang out until curfew, but not tonight. You needed time to think and, most importantly, get your mind off of Fred Weasley. Perhaps reading a book would help?

That didn't work for long because the twins walked in the cabin less than twenty minutes later, laughing about some prank they had pulled on one of the younger campers.

''It was brilliant, Freddie! Who knew Chambers could scream that high pitched,'' George said, talking about the prank.

''That image is forever engraved in my mind. Spiders! Spiders! They're gonna get in my pants!'' Fred mocked, imitating Chambers. ''It was hilarious.''

''How did you find so many spiders?''

''There's a whole colony behind Ron's cabin. I lured them into a cup and-'' Fred stopped himself when seeing you on the bed, his mood dropping and changing.

''Hey, Y/N,'' George greeted with a smile, going to his side of the cabin. ''You're here early.''

''I wasn't feeling good. I think it's the heat,'' you explained. If you were consistent with your lie and told everyone the same thing, no one would suspect it was a lie.

''Well, get some rest. Tomorrow's game day. We play against the Phoenixes.'' George fished for his toiletries and slung his towel on his shoulder. ''I'm gonna shower.'' He looked between you and Fred. ''Try to not kill each other while I'm in there, alright?''

Fred sat on his brother's bed and waited until the shower was running to speak. ''So...are we going to talk about it?''

''Talk about what?'' you asked, faking ignorance.

Fred gave you a stern look. ''Don't play that game, Y/L/N.''

You sighed. Forgetting it happened would've been so much simpler.

It's not like the kiss meant anything. It was just that, a kiss. There was no need to make a fuss about it.

''There's nothing to talk about.'' You closed your book and stood, slipping on your shoes and headed outside for a walk.

''Where are you going? I thought you had a headache.''

''I do, but hearing your voice makes it worse.''

.

The match against the Phoenixes was not going well.

McLaggen was sick, therefore he was sitting out this one, which left his keeper position to one of the younger - and less skilled, campers. Much to their bad luck, the young boy had let in five goals in a row. Five! He was probably nervous for his first time on the field, but five goals was a lot of points.

You were scheming the field, trying to spot the snitch, but, much to your luck, the only thing in your vision field was Fred's abs - which was distracting. To your defense, it was Fred's fault for bringing the bottom of his quidditch jersey up to his face to wipe away sweat. The little fucker also purposely flexed his abs a little every time he did it. You tried to look away, but those abs were difficult to look away from. Damn you, Fred Weasley!

Fred's exibitionist manners caused you to miss the snitch and, by the time you had snapped out of your staring, Cho had caught the snitch.

.

''Maybe McLaggen is right. Maybe we should fuck,'' Fred declared after the match, removing his protective gear.

You almost sputtered your water all over yourself. ''Excuse me?'' you asked, hoping you had heard wrong.

''You and me. We should fuck.''

A laugh left your lips. ''Did a bludger hit your head?''

''You were looking at me, weren't you? That's why you didn't see the snitch.'' A smug smile curled on his face. ''Do you have a crush on me, Y/L/N?''

''Wow, that bludger must've hit your head really hard, uh?''

''I'm not going to tell the team...if you accept to have sex with me.''

What?! You couldn't believe what you were hearing.

''Are you blackmailing me into having sex with you? You know that's sextortion, right?''

Fred shook his head. ''No. I'm saying, it's been proven that sex raises endorphins and other hormones that boost mood. Perhaps if we release those good hormones we won't be at each other's throat and picking fights during games...or staring at the other. It would be for the team's sake.''

You scoffed. ''The team's or your dick's sake?''

''I'm being serious, Y/N. Think about it.''

.

The time had been set. Friday, during the campfire, while everyone's attention would be occupied, you and Fred would slip to your shared cabin and...do it.

You didn't want to let it get to your mind, but it was all you could think about throughout the day. While the plan could work and ease the tension between you two, there was a possibility that the sex would go wrong - or be bad - and make things worse inside the team. You were also worried that it would be awkward afterward or that Fred would tell everyone.

During seeker training, you weren't flying your best. Madam Hooch had noticed that your mind was elsewhere and questioned you about it. You lied about not getting enough sleep the night prior and vowed to not stress yourself over tonight.

It was only a big deal if you made it one, right? To prove yourself, you didn't dress special - other than matching your underwear to your bra. It was just Fred, you didn't need to impress him. You didn't even put on lipgloss!

You started with kisses, slowly getting comfortable with each other, but quickly wanting more. His ginger hair smelled of smoke from the campfire and his lips tasted something sweet - roasted marshmallows. You hummed, slipping your hands under his shirt, feeling the curves of his abs and back. Merlin, you loved those.

''Did you lock the door?'' you asked, not wanting to be walked in on by any of your cabin buddies.

Fred hesitated and you sighed, going to lock it yourself.

When you returned to Fred, he had discarded his shirt, leaving him shirtless and you had to hold yourself back from biting your lip. Damn, that body.

Seeing as it was unfair that he was the only one who had taken off clothes, Fred helped you take off your top. You should've felt exposed, but it wasn't the first time he saw you in a bra and it wasn't much different than bikini tops, right? But, this bra was a little sexier than the sports bra you usually wore and, by the look Fred was giving you and your body, he didn't hate it.

''Ohh, I didn't know you owned other things than sports bras, Y/L/N,'' he teased, gliding the pad of his finger on the edge of the black lace.

You swatted him and he laughed.

His lips found their way back to yours, hands exploring each other's bodies. You felt the backs of your legs hit his bed and fell back onto it due to a not-so-gentle shove from Fred. You narrowed your eyes, but Fred joined you, crawling on top of you.

Small moans left your lips as he kissed the side of your neck and your hands went to his hair, keeping him there. He was probably going to give you a bruise and it could be a bitch to cover up, but you'll worry about that later.

No. No more kisses. You were running tight on time.

You snapped out of your bubble and pulled Fred off of your neck. If you wanted to be finished before anyone realized you two had vanished from the campfire, you needed to get straight to business and not fool around too much.

Sparing you both some time, you arched your back off of the mattress and unclasped your bra, throwing it somewhere in the room. You took a mental note to pick it up later to not give Oliver another reason to complain about sharing his cabin with a girl.

As you laid there, topless under Fred, the boy couldn't help but stare at your breasts, hunger in his eyes. He bit his lip and covered them both with his large hands, thumb brushing against one of your nipples, watching it harden.

''Weasley! Less ogling, more fucking. We don't have all night.''

.

''If you talk to anyone about this-'' you warned, pulling on your denim shorts and buttoning the button.

Fred emerged from the bathroom, having discarded the proof of your sexual intercouse at the bottom of the trash to cover your tracks. You couldn't let any of the boys see the used condom.

He scoffed. ''Don't flatter yourself, this was nice, but I'd rather no one knows.''

Was he embarrassed of having slept with you? It couldn't be. It was his idea - technically it was McLaggen's - to have sex.

''Because, you know, we'd get in trouble if Madam Hooch found out,'' he continued explaining, slipping on his shirt and running his hand through his hair to fix them.

Yeah, sure. That was the reason.

Everyone knew having sex on campsite was strictly forbidden and had great consequences - aka, sitting out matches - if Madam Hooch found out, but that didn't stop campers from sneaking around and doing it.

''I mean, it was fun, but you're not worth sitting out matches for.''

[thoughtdumpshitposts]

Emotional Breakdowns Lead To Passably Poetic Ramblings

26.06.21

word count: 2.15K

I never write because I need everything I write to be evocative. I need it to be painful. What's the point of writing something if the reader doesn't hurt? It hurt me to write this, and I hope it hurts you to read.

I've always imagined putting my thoughts into words, but I don't know if I want them to be on paper or my phone. Digital is easy, it's good, it's clean. It's easy to edit, to navigate, to save; it'll probably live on forever. It won't erode and disappear like the writing journal I had for six years, eaten away by the same termites who ate my entire closet from the inside. His name was Reggie, and he deserved better. I'd kept him safe in the closet, but I learnt too late that nothing was safe in the closet. Nothing physical, existing is ever safe from the World and it's beasts – Man or insect.

But paper is personal, it's real. It's beautiful. Sure, sometimes my brain and heart think of words faster than my hands can keep up, and the words are barely legible and my hand-writing's not pretty anyway, but that's the beauty of it. That's what makes it mine. But someone I know can stumble upon these words and read the truth of my existence. But maybe I want them to stumble upon it, one day. Maybe I want them to find my words and understand, really understand, who I was and what I am and what I kept locked up inside of me. That I wasn't some selfish, ill-mannered brat. That I really loved them, but sometimes it was hard. My mother always tells me no one can ever trust anyone but family, that even if she screams and shouts and scolds at first, at the end of the day she'll always have my back, and I know that's the truth.

But my cousin molested my other cousins and I, and she cried when she found out after years because she had to hear it from the other side of the family, and she cried because she'd told me so many times that she'll always have my back if something like that happened to me and she keeps saying family and family and family, and trust and trust and trust and how family is my parents and brothers and that's all we can ever trust but how do I tell her that the reason I said nothing when my cousin did it was because I was used to staying silent when my brother did? It's all so funny because I was blessed enough to have been born to parents who would never blame me for being abused in a society in which the blame- and shame-game is prevalent, but what do you do when the victim is your daughter and the abuser is your son – your firstborn, the first "nawasa" in the family, your pride and joy, the prince charming. You've loved him for seven more years than you've loved me. I understand. You don't deserve to suffer the truth. I saw how you were when you found out the truth about the cousin, I remember the things you said about family and trust. I know you have your own issues. You don't deserve to suffer. You don't. I love you all. So much. So so much. I won't let you suffer. I won't let you be the collateral to his sins. I'll protect you, and you'll never know.

And I'm okay, so why would I say anything? When we're happy and whole and great? Why would I say anything when I'm actually, genuinely fine and unaffected? Why would I ruin us? How could I say anything? And I'm fine, I really am. I'm okay. And I know my friends think I'm gaslighting myself when I say that I'm fine and it hasn't effected me much and it wasn't that bad because I was never actually physically hurt, but it's true. I'm used to laughing and loving the people I hate. I'm used to hating the people I love without an ounce of real hatred. I know what it sounds like, but it really isn't that way. It's okay. I'm okay, and no one should worry, even if sometimes I want everyone to worry. Even if sometimes I want everyone's pity and attention and love and sympathy, and I want them to hurt for me, like I hurt for the people I love. Sometimes I just want validation, I want people to know everything so they understand me. But everyone wants to be understood, so that's nothing special. I'm okay, and that is the only thing what matters.

I wasn't raped; I was molested. There's a difference.

I wasn't raped, and honestly I only remember a few instances with clarity. Everything else is a blur – it's all just snippets and flashes of memory spun together to make a vague, dramatic montage. But I wasn't ever physically hurt, and of course I know that it was still terrible and horrible and I didn't deserve it, but understand that it wasn't as bad as it sounds. I'm fine and genuinely, actually okay and I'm only affected when I have a mental breakdown, but that's almost always because I'm pms-ing. And it hasn't happened in a while now. It stopped. I think it's been four years? And it happened for five? six? I was 9 or 10 when it started? And he was 16 or 17? Okay, that – Oh, God oh fuck that sounds bad doesn't it? I'm 18. My younger brother is 10. I couldn't imagine– I can't. God.

But it actually wasn't as bad as it sounds. I was asleep – of course I wasn't asleep (but I think sometimes I must've been? I don't know) – but I was "asleep" when he did what he did. And he did do a lot, to be honest. His hands, everywhere on me. His mouth – everywhere. His–

Why is it so hard to write? I think it's harder to write than it is to think and speak of it.

But I don't know what happened to me. I don't know. I don't remember what happened. I wish I'd kept a better record, but I didn't. Oh, I remember a lot of things that happened, but I don't remember it all. I wish I did but I really don't. I wish I could read and revisit and do a shitty psychoanalysis of him. But I can't, and now he's the only one who knows what really happened, and I'll have to live with it.

There were no words. Never any words, never any pain. So again, I'm fine, and I'm okay. And he's great and fun and funny and I love him and I care about him and I'm always joking with him and he's a terrible person and I hate him and I wish I knew how his brain works and what he was thinking and still thinks and I'll never forgive him, but it's okay. It's really okay. As long as I was the only one who suffered. As long as I'm the only one who continues to suffer for my silence.

I think the only reason I still think about it so much is because I never got closure. I never got an explanation. I never understood why. I don't know if he's an irredeemable monster or if he at least feels guilty. I don't know what he was thinking, because there were never any words. And I'm glad there weren't any words and I was "asleep" because it makes it easier to interact with him and pretend it never happened, that it was someone else and everything's still okay.

But there were never any words, so I don't have anything to work with. Nothing to draw conclusions from, nothing to psychoanalyze him with. I don't know what he was thinking, I don't know what happened. I want closure, I want to understand. But I'm scared of whatever will lead up to the conversation, and the conversation itself. I'm scared of the acknowledgment and how it'll change everything irrevocably. I'm scared of getting closure, but I need it too. I need to understand.

Did you feel bad? Did you think of how it'll hurt me? Did it hurt you? Or were you indifferent to it all? Did you just not care or –fuck–was it some big joke? Was it funny? Was it amusing? Do you feel entitled to me? How fucking dare you? How could you? How fucking could you? You loved me. You were great to me, you still are sometimes. You're my big brother, man. I loved you. I love you. You were supposed to be my hero and I fucking swear to God you were. What the fuck happened to you? What made you this way? How could you do that to me? How could you do that and still look at me in the fucking eye? How? Why? I deserve to know.

But please don't tell me. I don't know what I'll do if I find out the extent of your monstrosity. I don't want you to fall even lower. I like to think you can't, but I know that's not true. Especially after what I learnt about Z- There's always room to fall.

But anyway – Reggie. I'd been brave enough to write a chapter of my life for the first time in that journal. It was the last story Reggie got to know. I'd never been brave enough to actually write about how I'd been hurt. I could never even write his name when I tried to make a record of what I went through – I was always smart (or sentimental?) enough to try and and keep a record, some proof, dated and organized. I was smart enough – but not brave. Maybe because my coping mechanism was pretending he was two different people, or maybe because writing it would make it real; I'd lived long enough without acknowledging it (even more so without understanding it), maybe if I ignored it long enough it would just go away. But the story I wrote in it wasn't even about that exactly. It was an older story; It was about how all of it might've been my fault. About how maybe I was always a fucked up child. But the story also brings me comfort – it reminds me that I've always been me, that the person I am today is because of the person I always was. That there was no influence that made me this way. I am what I was.

The termites consuming Reggie also reminded me of the old Islamic story about how the Boycott of Banu Hashim ended – the parchment holding the banishment declaration by the Meccans had been eaten by termites, except for the word Allah – the name of God. I thought it'd be interesting if this was God's way of sending me some message I have yet to decipher.

But I don't believe in God. Maybe life would've been easier if I did; if I could have found peace in He who I could not see, could not touch. If I could've found the same relief that my friends and family find in His words, His presence.

But I never felt His presence. I tried, I really did (maybe I didn't, maybe I should've tried harder?). During my last try, I made the resolution to offer all my prayers one Ramadan. I thought if I manage to nail down all the worship obligations, actual faith might follow somehow.

I lasted two days. I cried on the prayer mat during Fajr both times, like my mother does all the time, but I doubt it was for the same reasons as her, or lead to the same result. I did not feel at peace, and I did not feel seen and heard by the Creator; I had never felt more alone, more abandoned. My heart did not feel a little less heavy; it had never felt heavier.

I cried because I was desperate the cycle wouldn't repeat. I wanted to believe there was someone who could make it stop, someone who could make sure that others didn't follow in his footsteps. It did stop, eventually. But I think that's just how it was supposed to be – not because some deity cared enough to make it stop. He doesn't care about us, but if you don't agree with that, I envy you. I wish I believed what you believe.

But I'm also glad I don't. So I will just exist, till one day I don't. And you won't remember me, and He won't care, and no one will greet me at the Gates of Heaven or throw me in the depths of Hell, because neither exist.

I hope.