#FUCK archie's comphet ways

[transgender-battlekukku]

"Charmy calls Vector dad at some point-"

My mans, Charmy's a bee. He doesn't know what a dad is. That's his mom to him

[strideofpride]

Core four sexualities as decided by me:

Jughead & Veronica: both bisexual. Desperately want to fuck every other member of the core four so bad it makes them look stupid.

Betty: fully a lesbian. Archie was comphet. She justifies her relationship with Jughead by thinking of it as butch/femme (also Betty & Toni? Much like his GG counterpart Dan Humphrey, Jughead is clearly lesbian!bait). Actually has no attraction to Veronica. Deep down Veronica knows this and cries herself to sleep over it.

Archie: so deep in the closet it’s a walk in. Often thinks about Hiram Lodge wrestling him to the ground while fucking Veronica. Genuinely believes that’s normal and is just his way of giving his girlfriend’s father the finger while fucking his daughter. He wouldn’t say no to fucking Jughead, but also doesn’t particularly desire to.

[liege-of-the-bees]

S7e16: Stag

Everything I have seen abt this episode so far has been insane I'm so fucking excited

Fuck why did they have to bring Grundy back

ARCHIE LEARNING WHAT BISEXUALITY IS

Also Betty being like 'I want that, men and woman. I want that'

Lizzo has been such a non-character but that scene was fun

OFC BRET OWNS THE PORN FILMS

'WE WANNA WATCH THE STRAIGHT PORN TOO'

See the 'Jughead coincidentally being gone everytime horny stuff goes on' would be so much funnier if Jughead was made Aro-ace canonically like in the comics. Sex plotline start and Jughead just gets magically summoned elsewhere

Cheryl just wants to paint naked women

Kevin and Clay canonically watch gay porn in the Babylonium

'Gal pal' Kevin and Clay know what you're doing Veronica don't even pretend

ARCHIE GLANCING OVER AT REGGIE

POLLY???

This is the funniest way they could've brought her back

Nothing more subtle then developing lesbian pinups in the school darkroom

Fellas is it gay to watch gay porn together

POLLY AMOUROUS

Veronica has a crush on Polly and you can't convince me otherwise

Please don't push the Jughead/Veronica thing again. Not after the misogyny. Not after the lesbianism.

IF YOU WANT TO MEET A FRIEND OF MINE (My girlfriend)

This Polly is actually so fun

'GAL-PALS'

This is the gayest straight porn scene ever

OH WAIT IT'S GAY PORN

THE IMMEDIATE CUT TO CHERYL PAINTING LESBIAN PINUPS

The funniest fucking way for Archie and Reggie to discover their bisexuality

They should shower together

Julian clocked them so hard ngl

It's gonna be another wrestling movie isn't it

God I wish Evelyn was there to react

Clay: 'I think you should have gay sex Archie'

THE THREESOME???

Fellas is it gay to have sex if its also with a woman

ROSE'S TURN

Betty that's your sister please

Oh never mind it's not incest she just wants it to be her

PENELOPE

THEY WERE AT IT ALL NIGHT?

'Expanded our horizons'

FELLAS IS IT GAY TO SAY I LOVE YOU????

Cheryl's gothic horror returns

I love you Cheryl you're doing great sweetie

Get her Betty

God I'm so attracted to Lili Reinhart

THE SLAP SINGLEHANDEDLY BRINGING BACK DARK BETTY

Fuck off I will not accept this as anything but Veronica's comphet

Homophobia

[writhingcreature]

Cheryl Blossom? For the character ask game. The friendship headcanon you had for Archie/Jug/Betty has me intrigued

Based on this post

1. Favorite thing about them

The way she’s secretly just a really heartbroken person looking for love and safety and stability. She needs therapy so bad and lashes out because she can’t handle any kind of struggle without her instincts kicking in and making her snap. It kind of reminds me of an abused dog tbh? Like dogs are the Softest Babies until you treat them badly and the they’re feral and dangerous and I think that applied to Cheryl a lot. I wanna give her a forehead kiss and a 45 minute hug ugh

2. Least favorite thing about them

I will say the way she bites peoples’ heads off is actually kind of funny sometimes but ultimately is uncalled for. She tends to be unable to handle problems without hurting someone else - especially in the early seasons. She seems better from what I’ve seen of spoilers but I wish she would go to therapy and not sink her claws into the nearest person anytime she isn’t feeling great.

3. Favorite line

“Dear god Betty, is there no memory - however traumatic - you won’t defile?” GOD it’s her best line. She’s the only one who ever calls Betty Cooper out and I absolutely adore her for it. Best character in the whole show I don’t even care anymore.

4. BrOTP

Cheryl/Archie siblings should have been expanded on more as a dynamic. Cheryl/Veronica should have been used more too, Cheryl needs a friend she can turn to. I also would have loved a friendship between Fangs and Sweeetpea for Cheryl since she ended up dating Toni and should have spent time around them by association. All of these relationships? Would have died for them. None of them were canon. (Goes insane)

5. nOTP

Cheryl/Jughead. I can see the appeal of this ship and used to like it myself but recently I really am addicted to lesbian Cheryl and think that a ship that includes her dating a boy just doesn’t hit as hard. It’s not canon to my knowledge exactly where her sexuality lands (we see her kiss Archie but I always saw that as comphet as well as being pressured by her family as WELL as being alone and scared and clinging to the only person who was kind to her in that moment) but I just. Lesbian Cheryl yeah :) Also gay Jughead but that’s another post lmao-

6. OTP

I know Cheryl has another girlfriend in season five but from where I’m at I really love Choni. I don’t know if they hit otp standing but I do love them. Would have also liked a possible exploration of Veronica/Cheryl because wlw-curious girls exploring their sexualities together would have been dope. I don’t know if I have a MAIN Cheryl ship. I just ship her with happiness tbh.

7. Random headcannon

I always loved artist Cheryl and I saw they’re doing it season 5 I am SO FUCKING EXCITED. When it was initially introduced in season two I lost my MIND. I had it in my head season one the second we saw her daily makeup looks and stellar fashion choices and I am so glad that for once Riverdale writer and me saw eye to eye. Best day of my life.

8. Unpopular opinion

Jason wasn’t a good brother. I don’t know how far this opinion goes or if it really stands as unpopular but the discourse this started last time I stated someone was a bad familial member I’m just gonna state that from my viewpoint and the way I read the scene between them, it really seemed like Jason was going to run away from his problems and leave Cheryl to carry the burden of it all. That’s all, please don’t go off on me about this.

9. Song I associate them with

“Give Me Love” by Ed Sheeran

10. Favorite picture

THEY LOOK SO HAPPY IM GONNA SOB