#FINALLY I'M DONE WITH THIS ONE PHEWWW

[withyouandthemoon]

Scream with Your Eyes (and I Shall Hear You)

Written for @klarosummerbingo​ . The prompt is “Babysitting Adventure”, but I guess whatever I wrote into this counts as babies too, sort of ;)

You can also read it on AO3 or FF.net.

Author’s Note: Fairy tale The Wild Swans AU. Some violence with Caroline in a dungeon and some flashback smut, so proceed at your own peril. Also the Silas backstory is different here - he’s just a warlock, and the cure is for him to break his immortality curse. Nothing more.

***

When he bites her she sees the branches of her life.

There used to be so many possibilities, tiny shoots and leaves that even she can’t keep track of, can’t even begin to dream in detail.

But the moment his poisonous fangs are buried into her pulsing artery, they disappear into a void, leaving only two paths tracing into her imminent future.

Life, or Death.

He’s almost tender in such an act of violence, his hand cradling the back of her head, lips soft and scorching pressing down on her skin like a lover’s kiss. The fangs of a hybrid, sharp and willful, dive into her flesh with the familiarity of thousands of kills, and hovers. In that moment Caroline can feel no pain, no fear, just him inside her, his venom dripping into her rushing blood, the faint thrums of his heartbeat, echoing in the bones, under her own skin.

She can’t help but be reminded of those fangs, only hours ago, scraping over the tip of her breasts, just short of breaking the surface. They were eager then, fumbling, barely controlled, an impatient huff of a promise to wreak havoc on her body only through teasing and goading. But now cutting into her deep they are an illusion of intimacy, calculated, cold.

Caroline doesn’t find it in herself to suppress her untimely moan.

She watches with hooded eyes as Klaus withdraw from her neck, his lips still only inches from hers, tinted with her own blood. She can almost see herself reflected in his slightly dazed eyes, but in one blink he sharpens, throwing her back into the hard wall of the dungeon cell with little care. He smiles as she struggles to sit up, wiping away the blood on his lips with a thumb, then licking it with the idleness of a true connoisseur. She knows he tastes weakness and vulnerability – feeds on them as only nightmares would.

“Now sweetheart, I can be very generous when I want to. So I’ll share my secret with you, even when you’re holding onto yours.”

It won’t change anything, though she doesn’t tell him that. It’ll only make him argumentative. Call it bad taste, but she’d rather see him smug and vindictive. It brings just a hint of comedic relief to her bleak situation.

He’s towering over her, exacting his dominance, his voice smooth as silk, “there is a cure to the bite of a werewolf.” He’s looking at her expectantly, smiling like he can barely contain his giddiness.

Caroline rolls her eyes, “let me guess, you’ll give me this alleged cure if and only if I tell you all you want to know.”

“Smart. I quite enjoy that about you.” His silky voice turns to a stream of ice, “but not as much as I’ll enjoy your stupidity.” He knows she’s turning him down.

“Look, Klaus, can I be honest with you?”

“Your honesty may worth less than you think.”

Caroline takes that as a yes, “you bit me. Good for you. But right now, out of the both of us, you are the only one with a choice. If there really is a cure like you just said, then you can choose to save me, or let me die. Either way, my answer stays the same.”

He squints his eyes at her, seemingly intrigued, “and were I to choose the latter, you would be silently welcoming your fateful end? Just like that?”

“Like I told you, my choice was made a long time ago. It has nothing to do with you.”

Klaus huffed, “why do I not believe you?”

“That’s a question you really should be asking yourself.”

A smirk creeps back to his face, “wait until the hallucinations set in, love. You’ll be asking your own mind a lot more questions than I do mine.”

He doesn’t wait for her reply.

***

 Caroline has heard of the infamous werewolf bites. It was one of the first things she learned when she became a vampire.

“Stay away from the sun, any wooden objects, and werewolves. Have fun.” Damon has said to her with all the sarcasm he could muster out of his petty mind. Caroline is very sure that he regrets turning her every moment when he’s not obsessing over Elena, or terrorizing everyone in their village. He only ever saved a human Caroline who suffered a lethal fall from horseback because of her best friend Elena.

Funny how that’s the only reason she’s trying to save him right now.

But not just him. It’s Elena, and Bonnie, and Stefan. The only people she has left in the world.

Although people is a questionable word now that they are stuck in their duckling forms. Caroline laughs humorlessly. She thinks of the fluffy little creatures she compelled a maid of the castle named April to take care of. Their constant little chirps that have more than once given her away when she was trying to stay hidden during her long long journey to this side of the continent. Their warm bodies nestled in the basket that she carried with her for the past year, not a moment apart.

Sometimes she wonders if they recognize her at all. Or if they are just blissfully oblivious, thinking their duck thoughts. Caroline doesn’t know which one is better – which one she expects. She doesn’t go down that road very often, since she has little time for her own thoughts these days, even though other than the four balls of feather that’s all she’s left with. Her, alone with her thoughts, and the fragile hope that hangs in a myth.

vervain.

Caroline would admit it was a brilliant joke on Silas’s part, if she isn’t the one bearing the consequences.

The herb has long since disappeared from the Mystic Land, the name of which most people have never caught a whiff of. Caroline only learned of it when she was first turned. Stimulated by her heightened senses and the fresh memory of death, she was combing through every book she could find, determined to get to the bottom of each and every means to endanger a vampire. She stumbled upon the name vervain in one of the old grimoires that were past down generation to generation in Bonnie’s family, the herb said to be able to physically hurt and weaken a vampire.

“Don’t worry about it,” Stefan tried to calm her down at the time, “no one has seen it for hundreds of years. All the better for us, right?”

She nodded and smiled at his words, feeling relieved. Stefan was the one who taught her how to be a vampire. How to use her senses, how to hunt, how to control the cravings, how to stay sane.

But he certainly didn’t teach her what to do when all of her friends were cursed into the bodies of ducklings by one of the most powerful warlocks in the history of Mystic Land.

Caroline laughs again, this time louder, more hysterical. Maybe the wolf venom is already attacking on her frazzled nerves. She reaches into the secret pocket sewn into her shift, and feels the burn on her fingers. At least all hope isn’t lost. She was very meticulous in her instructions when she compelled April. In the case of her own death, April will try to locate her body and get the vervain to her duckling friends. She doubts Klaus will be bothered with body clean-up.

She’s always been a great planner. It has got her this far. Her friends can put that on her tombstone when they are returned to their former selves. When, not if. Caroline refuses to think about the possibility that her imminent death may not mean anything.

Especially when her short life is going to mount to nothing.

 ***

 Caroline startles awake from the accusing eyes of her father and the crying ones of her mother. The sudden movement brings another fresh bout of pain through her body. Every inch of her feels on fire, her throat dry and parched. She realizes that she’s been reliving the moments when she was first turned, of her parents shunning the monster that was no longer their daughter, the last time she saw them before they moved away without even a note. Moments she’s buried deep into the corners of her mind, in the dark places that she never touches, never speaks of, however they plague her nightmares.

“I see the hallucinations have started.”

She hears Klaus above her, his voice full of complacent amusement. She doesn’t dignify it with an answer.

“How young and innocent,” Klaus hums, “still seeing your human parents in the illusions of your mind. Pity if you have to end the journey here.”

She scoffs even though it hurts her even more, “last I remembered I did not commit suicide.”

“Didn’t you though?” His voice wraps around her senses like the finest silk, somehow cooling down her scorching insides, “infiltrating my ball, seducing me, breaking into the secret vervain garden that my family has kept hidden for centuries, and then not revealing your intentions when very politely asked. I’d say those are quite suicidal attempts.”

Caroline wills herself to look at him, using the last of her strength to keep her head up, her voice now raspy and lined with erratic pants, “twist this all you want, but you are the one who sentenced me to death. I have answered you with honesty.”

“Is that what you call it? Honesty? When you deliberately withheld the truth?”

She huffed, her frustration growing as the pain in her body does, “I can’t tell you right now! That is the truth!”

Klaus bends down then, his face so close to hers she can see the speckles of gold in his blue irises, dangerous, enticing, “right now? What are you waiting for, little vampire? For whoever’s behind your little act of betrayal to rise against me and my family? Will you tell me the truth then?”

His voice is barely a whisper now, almost intimate, but it sends a shiver down Caroline’s spine even when she’s burning from the venom. He’s too close to her secret, too close to her, and the predatory glint in his eyes tells her that he knows. He knows exactly what effect he has on her, if her screams of ecstasy echoing in his chambers just hours before weren’t enough proof.

He tilts his head and lands his lips on her jaw line, the touch feather-light, and Caroline whimpers when he sucks the spot just below her earlobe. She feels weak all over, her head dizzy, and he’s lighting yet another fire in her that has nothing to do with the lethal bite.

“Get off of me,” Caroline grates out, hating the hint of desire in her own voice, “why are you so paranoid anyway? You can’t die. Does it really matter what I plan or not plan?”

His lips leave her, a sense of hollow in their wake, but she should know that he will not leave her alone. Their encounter may have been short – and will probably be kept short at the rate everything is going down – but Caroline can feel how much Klaus revels in exacting control over others. His hands are on her sides, seemingly just to hold her up, but the thumbs circling at the bottom of her breasts is stirring something inside her, and when she involuntarily trembles she only feels them more keenly on her skin.

“Oh sweetheart, you don’t live for a thousand years without learning the dangers of even the most insipid betrayal. Better nip them in the buds.” He gives her a slight pinch almost playfully to stress his point, making Caroline’s already overwhelmed body jerk before falling pathetically back into his clutch.

“Why do you keep using that word?” She glares at him, “I let you take me to your bed. I didn’t swear my allegiance.”

The circles under her breasts are back, slowly making their way down her sides, little flames of fire scorching her ribcage, and each bone they touch stands out in her senses, tender like a sigh.

“Don’t try to play it down, sweetheart. It was a whole lot more than my bed that I took you to.” He licks his lower lip, his eyes hooded for a second, eyelashes casting shadows on his cheekbones that she, for whatever reason, still yearns to kiss, “I particularly liked that chaise in our gallery. Mahogany, very well crafted. The line of that armrest was simply divine.” His fingers roam to the back of her thigh, caressing her through the thin fabric of her shift where that armrest has dug into, “you remember the wood, don’t you?”

“Wherever you took me to, it didn’t mean anything,” she bites out, knowing that it isn’t completely true. She was not supposed to get close to him at all. Her plan was to sneak into the Original family’s castle as a singer for the ball, wait until everyone retired to their chambers, find the vervain, and get out. Klaus was an unexpected distraction, and against her better judgment she threw herself into the distraction with abandon. She remembers his whispers at the crook of her neck while he cages her between his warm chest and the cold marble of the bannisters just outside of his ball room, “you have a beautiful voice, Caroline. But even your silence would be stunning enough. I would’ve picked you out of that sea of dancing imbeciles, and you would still be mine.”

He thought that he picked her, that he was the one who first noticed her, the lowly little vampire singer. Foolish man. It was her who noticed him, the only other person in that grand ball room who needed to be there, but was dreaming not to be.

She was not seducing him. She just couldn’t resist those few moments of escape, for herself, and maybe for him.

But she’ll never tell him now. Not when he is pinning her down with such hatred in his eyes, his face contorted from the rage that he no longer wants to contain.

“I am the King of vampires! Sworn or not, your allegiance should be to me and my family since the moment you were created.” A cold smirk twists on his lips, “but you are right. It didn’t mean anything. You are nothing but a stupid little whore who doesn’t know any better. But let me remind you, sweetheart. One will never betray again when one is dead.”

As he storms out of the dungeon, Caroline briefly wonders if he’s reminding her or himself before she succumbs once again to the never-ending rounds of hallucinations.

 ***

 “Look at you lot,” Silas shakes his head, the sinister smile plastered on his face sending shivers down her spine. She’s paralyzed against the tree he has thrown her into, unable to move even the tip of her finger, when her mind is running wild in thousands of questions and scenarios which she’s sure Silas can see as vividly as if they were his own.

“A baby vampire who shouldn’t have been one in the first place,” Silas idly plays with a strand of Elena’s long hair, snorting at her defiant eyes before sauntering to Damon and Stefan, who are also frozen in place, in their shock and fear, “a rascal who thinks too much of himself, and a lovesick fool. A little Bennett witch,” his eyes are taunting towards Bonnie, “though she clearly doesn’t deserve the Bennett name. Fraternizing with vampires, going after what is mine. What would your ancestors think, little Bonnie?”

Caroline sees the hurt flashing through Bonnie’s face, and her mouth runs before she can even realize what is happening, “probably that she’s loyal and fearless, and will make way better a witch than you, old creep.”

Silas turns to her and her bones chill, “and then there’s you. What are you even doing here?” She can feel the cold sharpness of his magic ruffling through her psyche by now, having been tortured for months by his mind control powers, being kept on edge day and night not knowing what was real and what was just a cruelly-crafted trick. But still it hurts when he throws what he finds in her own mind back at her.

“That one wants an out of vampirism,” Silas points to Elena, “those two want her. Little Bonnie here is just too weak a witch not to be manipulated by vampires. What about you, huh? The cure’s clearly not for you. You can’t fight, you don’t know a single thing about magic, you can’t strategize. Why are you even included in this group of miscreants?”

Suddenly there he is again, her father’s face with Silas’s sadistic features, crushing down on her heart with but a frown, “is it because you need to forcefully babysit your friends to feel a sliver of self-worth? Because you foolishly mistake childish codependency for loyalty? Or because you have no meaning or cause to your pathetic life, that you have to cling onto someone else’s?”

She wants to tell him to shut up. To yell at him that none of those things are true. That he’s a vicious vindictive snake and he’ll never find peace in his after life even if he’s got his cure of immortality back from them months ago.

Yet she can’t. Her mind seems paralyzed just like her body, and all of a sudden she just feels tired. So tired, not only from these past months of hell but all of it. She’s bone-weary like an old person who has seen wars upon wars, and she doesn’t have the strength to utter a word.

“You shouldn’t have crossed me. Messing with an ancient being whose power you can’t even fathom...” A leaf falls on his shoulder. Annoyance flares in Silas’s eyes for a second, and then the leaf is crushed into dust with an invisible force. “It’s been fun, little sitting ducks. But now I’m bored. I’m going to rid you of your oh-so-detested immortality since that’s all you lot have wanted.”

“No you won’t.” Bonnie’s voice brings her out of the haze, and she snaps her eyes as much as she can to see the young witch with an almost triumphant smile on her face.

“Oh?” Silas smirks, “why not?”

“Because you owe the Bennett line. Thousands of years ago it was my ancestor who made that cure for you when you were cursed into your fate, living forever without peace. And in exchange you promised her you would never take the life of a future Bennett or anyone that they deem fit. You will not break your blood oath.”

Slowly Silas turns to fully face Bonnie, “I didn’t expect that you can still surprise me. How did you find out about that one?”

“I have my means.”

A long silence unsettles her for an eternity before Silas’s emotionless voice breaks it, “you’re right. An oath is an oath. But Bonnie Bennett, you should always remember that there are worth fates than death.”

With a wave of his hand she sees it all happen in a blink. Her friends that she has known all her life, the only people remotely near family that she has in this world, exist no longer. In their place are clueless little ducklings, feathers wet, eyes empty.

“See there little Caroline? I find something you can cling onto, forever. Better act fast though, before there’s no return.” There’s a sick smile in Silas’s voice, like turning her life upside-down is just a joke that he would cast aside in mere seconds, “but then again, maybe that’s what you wanted all along?”

 ***

 She’s shaken out of her hallucination this time, the bones in her arms almost fractured under Klaus’s grip. She coughs uncontrollably from the sudden movement, more blood splattering onto her already blood-soaked shift. The pain in her body is excruciating now. Every breath hurt, and every living moment just a long-winded ordeal.

“How did you know Silas?” His eyes are frantic and calculating, but she doesn’t care. She’s going to die anyway.

“You see, that’s a part of the story that I said I can’t tell you.”

“You think you can get away with this? That I wouldn’t make your last moments in the land of the living even more unbearable than it already is? Think again, little girl.”

Caroline snorts at that, even though it only brings on another coughing fit. He can try. She doubts he can top Silas. Caroline is probably more well versed in torture than any other person on this land now. She learned through the best and worst ways that there are – through her own blood, tears, screams, and nightmares.

Suddenly she’s angry, the fury burning even hotter than her body temperature, “you know what? I think exactly that. The only thing that you have done so far is coming down here every time I’m finished with a round of these bullshit hallucinations, knowing fully well that you will get nothing from me. Why are you really here Klaus? To taunt me, or to check up on me?”

Klaus bites his teeth so hard his jaw locks into the most elegant line that she’s ever seen, but it doesn’t appease her. Not right now, when all the pent-up frustration she has with her fucking life and her fucking situation is blowing up like a raging storm.

“Tread very carefully with your words, love.”

“And why would I do that, when I’m apparently going to die, and you’re being the stupidest jerk there ever is?”

“That’s enough!”

“No!” She takes a second to catch her breath, her body so weak she can’t even scream at him properly. And miraculously, Klaus let her. His eyes hard as steel, but his eyelashes tremble in the tiniest motion when he sees her wince from the pain. “I’m the one who’s suffering from your bite, so if anyone’s going to say it’s enough it’s me. Admit it Klaus, you don’t want to hurt me, but your stupid pride wouldn’t let you stop doing that.”

Klaus balls his hands into fists, “oh I will hurt you however I want, sweetheart, for plotting against my family, against me.”

“How many times do I have to tell you this before you get it through your thick paranoid skull that I’m not plotting against any one of you!”

“Yet once and again, you withhold the truth.”

“For reasons that don’t concern you!”

“And I’m just supposed to take your word for it?”

“Yes!”

The word is out of her mouth before she hears the weight in it. She’s asking him to trust her, no strings attached, and based on what? A few shared looks while she was singing at his birthday celebration? The acts of passion in a hedonistic night where supernatural creatures find one way or another to feel alive in the confines of this ancient castle? The barely intelligible whispers and lingering touches, searching eyes and answering kisses, while he was inside of her? How can any of that be even remotely enough, for someone as jaded and guarded as him?

But she finds hope digging out from unknown parts of her heart, painfully.

She expects scorn or distain, but she doesn’t expect him to pounce on her, one hand pushing her into the cold hard wall, the other clutching onto her thigh where her shift has ridden dangerously high. She can feel the hint of wolf nail biting into her, breaking skin and flesh.

“You dare ask for my trust,” the hand starts creeping inside the hem of her shift, sharp nails slicing all the way up to the end of her thigh and Caroline finally starts to panic. But just as he grazes the edge of where he has devoured her in the middle of the night, the fingers turn to grab onto the secret pocket that she sewed to her shift, “when you have your secret stash hidden right here?”

Her breath hitches. So he knew.

When he caught her in the wee hours of the morning in his family’s vervain garden, covered in blisters and burns, her hands still sizzling, she had already got enough vervain stuffed in her pocket. She thought she’d escaped his prying eyes since he never brought it up during her imprisonment. Until now.

“You think I wouldn’t notice?” He presses the vervain-filled pocket deep into her thigh and Caroline hisses from the pain. But Klaus doesn’t even seem to notice, his fingers digging so hard into the cloth she’s afraid he’ll break it, “you stink of it. I’ve been waiting to see when you’ll confess – if not your sob story behind all this trickery, then at least what you have wrongfully taken. A betting game with myself, if you will.”

Caroline looks into his eyes, and sees the acrid bitterness eating him inside. For the first time since she’s been thrown into the dark dungeon she feels saddened. How pointless, to always be betting against yourself. However much he wins, he loses all the same. His face is distorted with a myriad of expressions ebbing and flowing, ones that Caroline isn’t sure even he himself can interpret. He seems cornered, lost, fatal. It reminds Caroline of the moment he finds her in the vervain field, his hair tousled and shirt lose, revealing a him that only few has really seen.

“Klaus...” She tries to reach out to him with her bloodied fingers but he bristles.

“Tell me this, love. Did you keep your little stash to fund whatever curse you and yours have been concocting, or to prevent me from compelling you?”

Caroline freezes. The coven she sought out to solve Silas’s riddle didn’t tell her that. They tormented her, sent her jumping hurdle over hurdle like their lap dog, yet they failed to mention that the Originals had the ability to compel other vampires. And now she’s again paralyzed in place, with Klaus’s hand just one slight tug from ridding her of a sane mind. Something that she’s sworn she will never subject herself to ever again.

“Klaus...”

“Is that fear I smell on you, love? Much better than the bloody vervain, I’ll have to say.” He rises then, his hands withdrawing from her so devoid of thoughts or emotions, as if she’s already lifeless, meaningless. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to take it from you. It’s too easy, and I happen to enjoy a challenge. But make no mistake, Caroline – no matter what you say or don’t say, this ends in only one way. You, buried six feet under, with what you stole from me.”

 ***

 Caroline leans her forehead to the cold glass, her eyes half-closed, the sea of candlelight beneath her too bright to handle in her post-orgasm daze. Her body is still shivering uncontrollably from the last high that he pushed her onto, her boneless hands having nowhere to grab but to wind up in his surprisingly soft curls in between her barely standing legs. In her peripheral vision she can see Klaus smirking so smugly while licking his lips, the hint of wetness on his chin shining.

“Count, sweetheart.”

“Two,” she breathes out, her brain straining to remember what he’s referring to. When the band started to play this particularly intricate piece he whispered in her neck, “nice number, a long one. Let’s see how many times I can pleasure you before it ends, hmm?” She didn’t expect him to be so literal.

 “Good girl,” he gives her oversensitive bud another lick. Caroline’s body jerks, one hand flying up to clamp on her own mouth trying to contain the moan, the other floundering to reach for any edge she can hold onto.

“Careful there, love,” Klaus steadies her around the waist, caressing her so sensually another moan almost leaks out of her tight fingers, “wouldn’t want any one of them to find out.”

They are currently in the recess of a giant stained-glass window overlooking the entire ballroom, above all the people dancing and chandeliers burning way after midnight. Klaus led her here through one of the secret passages built into their castle hundreds of years ago. She doesn’t know how many girls from how many balls he has taken to this exact spot, but she doesn’t really care either. Her mind is blissfully detached, just like her body, away from the rest of the world. But somehow she feels the most in tune with herself in months, or maybe years, focusing on nothing other than not letting out too loud a scream, and not falling from her precarious position half standing half leaning against the round surface.

“Let them look,” she bites back a whimper when Klaus’s nimble fingers tease her entrance.

“Tough little thing, aren’t you?” He chuckles and the sound goes straight to her center, clamping onto the void his tongue has left, “saying things like that, when you are blushing down to your breasts from the shame. Such a pretty color.”

A finger thrusts into her. Caroline lets out a strangled groan, her hips chasing after his movements out of their own will.

“But maybe you truly don’t care. Maybe you’d like for them to watch,” his finger slides in and out of her so smoothly she can hear the sound of her own wetness, “hundreds of eyes looking up at you, while you have your legs wide open, breasts out, panting and moaning like the wanton little vixen that you are. Would you like that, sweetheart? For them to strain their necks and worship you, all those eyes of greed and jealousy examining every inch of you on display, just barely out of their reach?”

He adds another finger, and then another, until she feels so full, so stretched out, the only thing she can sense is his presence in her. The softness of the fingertips, hardness of the knuckles, pressing, grazing, rubbing, pinching. Consuming her. She bites on her lips so hard but still moans and whimpers are pried out of her, only just covered by the music.

She can still taste him in the back of her throat.

“You make the most delicious little noises. No wonder you’re a singer. Always responding so beautifully to the music...but not as much as you respond to me.” he pumps in and out of her, building her up, and he knows exactly how to unravel her into an incoherent mess, always moving against the rhythm of the melody, hitting all the right spots at all the wrong times. It drives her crazy.

“I’ve wanted you like this ever since I saw you on that stage. You were the most magnificent thing, love,” he presses down on that sweet spot inside her and Caroline keens, “just standing there singing your song like nothing else existed, while my brother murdered the band one by one. You don’t know how much I wanted to tear your corset open right there and see if you could still keep on singing, for me.”

Caroline’s upper body jolts up when he suddenly swallows her clit between his full lips.

And he doesn’t relent. Soon Caroline is panting so hard she can see stars behind her eyelids, her whole body shaking from the waves upon waves of pleasure. She’s so close, and she knows Klaus can feel it. With a wicked smirk he leans up to palm one of her breasts, while his lips and teeth latch on to the other.

“Oh you look divine, love,” he says while rolling his tongue around her nipple, “remember to count three.”

“Shut up and get me there,” she grinds out, but the last word is cut short when he pinches her nipple and her clit at the same time.

“Happy to oblige, my lady.”

He starts pumping her so fast it almost burns. But oh does it burn good. Caroline can barely take it with his assaults on multiple fronts. She’s drowning in all the sensations building higher and higher still, her body writhing and head thrashing uncontrollably, a string of “yes” and “there” and “don’t stop” flowing out of her in a blur. In the complete frenzy one of her legs slides off the edge of the recess, dangling above all the dancers below them, but she doesn’t have one bit of strength to lift it, too overwhelmed by her release just hanging over the precipice.

“That’s it sweetheart, give it to me,” he kisses her hard and rough, his lips molding into hers so perfectly swallowing all her whimpers and barely-contained screams.

She’s tightly wound like a bow string, her toes trying in vain to balance the slipper on her dangling feet. It can’t fall. But she needs to fall. Free and hard into the sweet abyss that’s looking right at her. So close. She feels conflicted and desperate, all thoughts and feelings warring inside her making her sob into his shoulder that she’s been clinging to in a death grip.

“Let go, sweetheart,” he coos at her, brushing the tears at the corner of her eye, his eyes suddenly tender and telling, “let go.”

So she does. She comes so violently her body nearly snaps. Waves of never-ending pleasure crash into her, breaking her all over only to put her back together again. She doesn’t know how much time has passed, shivering in her haze. until she realizes that Klaus has hitched her once dangling leg onto his elbow, hand holding her blue slipper safe in its place. His thumb rubs soothing circles on the back of her foot as he lays a sweet kiss at her ankle.

“And that’s three.”

 ***

 She’s been drifting in and out of hallucinations, whose border with reality is blurring by the second. It’s been...how long? A few hours? A few days? The pain is clawing at the seams of her bones, the fire of venom still burning her insides, but the hallucinations she’s getting are more mellow now, more memories than nightmares. Even good memories, soothing. Freeing.

She guesses that’s a sign that she’s knocking on death’s door.

“Why are you still trying to trick me?” Klaus asks her, leaning on the door of her cell, his arms crossed in front of his chest in a semblance of boredom. But his eyes are boring into hers, the blue so dark now, almost black, with sparkles of gold. He looks beautiful, but against all odds, scared.

“What are you talking about?” Her voice is too weak, that even he with the superior hearing has to come closer. Or maybe he just wants to be near her even when hatred is burning both of their insides, albeit in different ways.

“This. Moaning my name, pretending to hallucinate about me. If this is all you’ve got, then I’m sorely disappointed love.”

“I’m not tricking you.”

“Stop. With. The lies.” He bites every word with a vengeance, like they physically hurt him, “you can put on a show like the cheapest hooker in a brothel and it still won’t save you.”

“I’m not expecting you to.” She knew from the start that she wouldn’t be spared. Why would he? She carried a secret to his home, gave him a night of pleasure, and then she stole from his family. That’s all this is to him. A trifling nuisance that he must have seen countless times in his years. It’s nothing new. And he’s not going to act any differently.

Relentless. Heartless. Evil. That was what the coven told her about him. Right after they finally revealed to her that to save her foolhardy friends she had to bathe them in freshly harvested vervain, which could only be found in one of the most dangerous places on the entire Mystic Land.

“And you can’t tell another soul about this,” the head of the coven told her then, gloating amusement in her eyes at the tragic fate of a vampire. “Or your friends will forever stay in the form of ducklings. Remember, vampire – not a word.”

Day and night the secret’s been eating piece and piece at her life, her thoughts, her sense of self, until she is only a shell of a person. Sometimes she would hold duck Bonnie up in her palms – she’s the only duckling that has shown a modicum of affection to her. The little ball of fluff, her only connection to the world. Warm and fuzzy and biting in her hands, so unbearably fragile and ignorant. Once in a while the thought of giving up slithers into her mind, giving her one moment of illusion that she might be free. Afterwards she always beats herself up inside, shame and guilt of her selfishness crushing her.

Maybe, just maybe, she should thank Klaus. She’s finally at the end of her journey, and for once the outcome is out of her hands.

“Come on, sweetheart,” he’s coaxing, “it’s not too late yet. Tell me the truth, and I promise you’ll live.”

She huffs a laugh at that, “we both know that’s never going to happen.”

“Then you’ll die.”

“Yes, another young vampire with a shorter life span than a human. It happens.”

“You seem oddly calm about all this.”

She ignores the question in his words, “if I had known I’d die in a dungeon, I would have taken some more time walking in the sun. It’s so dark down here, I don’t even know what time of the day it is.”

“It’s dusk. The sun was just about to set when I came down here.”

She’s surprised that he willingly offered that piece of information, but she doesn’t let it show, “that sounds beautiful.”

“And you can still see it. A thousand sunsets, and more. As long as you tell me.” There’s earnestness mixed with urgency in his voice. Something Caroline can’t quite understand, but doesn’t have it in her to dwell on.

“Stop trying so hard, Klaus. I have already told you,” she tiredly draws in a shaky breath. “I have made my choice. You just have to make yours.”

He kneels down beside her then, holding her up carefully, looking into her eyes. She looks back with all the honesty in her soul. She has nothing to hide now. So she gives him all of it. The weariness, the fear, sleepless nights and restless days, the loneliness carved into her bones; Her hopes, her dreams, everything that she knows she’ll never have in life. All of it. She doesn’t avert her eyes until his flutter shut, a whisper echoing in the darkness that traps her. 

“I can’t.”

 ***

 She’s floating in a void of darkness, without any sense of her existence. The pain’s gone, so are the imageries swirling in her mind. Nothing is there, maybe not even her.

Is this what death feels like?

But then she tastes it. Warm and pungent and bitter, as if life itself on the tip of her tongue. She clings to it, nails and fangs.

Long moments pass as she sucks and swallows on instinct, barely recognizing the hand caressing her hair, let alone the tremors of it.

When she releases his wrist with the gnarled wound, she asks quietly, without turning to him, “what changed your mind?”

She hears and feels Klaus sighing into her hair, “I don’t know.”

She simply nods, still a little disoriented. Now that she’s not dying, she has so much to see to. Sooner or later she needs to confess to Klaus, which might turn into a long discussion or even several fights about the foreseeable future, and before that she has to go take care of her duckling friends. But for now she’s satisfied with staying in his arms for a while longer, away from the missions and puzzles that life keeps throwing at her. She burrows herself into her temporary escape a little deeper, glad that Klaus seems no more eager to let her go, his arms circling her tight and close.

She looks up at him with a smile that hasn’t appeared on her face for much too long, suddenly giddy and hopeful, “now how about that sunset?”

He sighs again, this time with a hint of a smile that almost matches her own, “I’ll admit – you have very persuasive eyes, sweetheart.”

[the-writers-bookshelf]

Dear Aubrey, your article of creating a writing process is just sooo good and so helpful for me ❤

I'd say I'm the night owl 🦉 and yeah, I get all of your points to build a routine -> Writing goal? Planning regularly dates with yourself to write?! And, not to forget, how and especially when is your motivation flowing and your muse willing to work?

There's so much to consider! To give you a background and perhaps something to think about, there're obstacles in life you can't push away for a long time or solve, like a problem. To me it's a nursing case in my family which makes it impossible to make plans at all. You're running all day after your work, household, getting med visits done, stay in contact with friends/family, and you yourself - time to get some rest? To do some sports? Having pastime just for yourself? What a cracking joke!!! 🙈🙄 (*holding a sarcasm sign*)

But, I'm not willing to let the situation have full control over me, so I'm looking for little time spaces when I'm feeling in a good mood, I have experienced some weeks ago to write 10k words in 2 days, but yesterday only checked (*opens the laptop*) "yep, WIPs are still there...".... sometimes I write barefoot, sometimes I write one handed with ice cream in my free hand 😋 ... and on some days I'm lying face down on my bed praying for the world to stop turning sooo fast, this rollercoaster of life... phewww!

BUT: like Chris Martin sung "nobody said it was easy!" 😉

To me it's just sooo important to stick to people and motivators like you to keep going forward. To continue to write, doing it because it's fun, to create a new world - only my new world - in my mind, to improve in writing, recognizing my development and just to be freaking proud.

And that's what I finally realized: just 4 months ago I started writing, struggled a lot with expectations way too high and to find MY way, but when I check my AO3 stats now I see a word count of 26k words (only the four months until now) and I'll probably publish another 5-8k words till the end of the year 😳 and if that's not mind blowing enough: I'm non-native English speaking, so I'm writing in my second language.

This isn't meant to be fishing for compliments but as a huge "THANK YOU SOOO MUCH" to you for telling all the talents out there "You can do it! Go for it!"

Your motivation is for sure the fuel for so many writers out there to keep going 💪

Sorry, this got longer than intentionally planned, but I needed to get it off my chest. Sending you all the hugs my dear, have a wonderful Christmas time!!! 🎄🎁😘❤

Thank you so much for taking the time to write such a lovely message!!!

I think that's the key component of developing a sustainable writing process for each person - it won't look like "I set up a schedule to write daily/every other day and I will stick to it no matter what!"

Sometimes it's like what you're doing - carving out time here and there.

It's really nice to think of a daily writing schedule. I applaud writers who write daily regardless of what's going on in their lives.

For me, that is physically not possible. I burnout and I have nothing left to give to ANY factor of my life, let alone writing.

And sure, you can argue, "You should write whether you're tired or not!"

But at some point, you NEED to prioritize your well-being. That's part of what "sustainable" means.

And I LOVE what you said about surrounding yourself with people who are supportive and motivating! That's a topic I want to touch on in the future because it's SUPER important!!

By the way, 26k in four months is GREAT. And you JUST started writing!?!?! That's FANTASTIC! Keep up the phenomenal work!! (and don't forget to squeeze in a nap or two! ;)

[renticat]

Phewww... Yuck?

Lol you're not going to believe me that I'VE BEEN DELETING ALL MY POST, again. Its the second time I'm doing it. First one its my blog, tifanyaprilia.blogspot.com and please don't ever visit that site again because I've just happen to know that google shut down the google + and my name Tifany Aprilia become "unknown" (well I actually kinda like it because its nice to be nobody when everybody says that nobody is perfect; which is me lol) 😅

I wrote so much about my HEARTBREAK TRAGEDY in my old blog and one of my friend told me it's a SHAME, you can't be too honest about your feelings especially online (you know internet are full of fake things so you better get yourself some security) then I thought about it and yeah I agree so I just left some poems that actually didn't relate with myself at all (okay, some are related to me but not every pieces) and I honestly dedicated those poems just to be a book written by me because I joined the writing club in campus but no more... I'm just in very ill feeling two years ago and now (I mean right now) that finally I can come out a little bit from my shell.

Don't ask me why? Its complicated and I ever wrote it here if somebody ever read it... (Sigh, I made all the perfect same mistakes again but different times with same-different people and I hope I can do better to overcame my own insecurity) -complicated childhood PTSD, a little bit depression and suicidal imagination cause I am not brave enough entering the hell for eternity of course I mean it- if you wondering why there are so much difficult words to understand go googling yourself-

Second, my tumblr is back! Finally... I personally like tumblr more than instagram because here you can share many things like gifs, re-blog content from other and writing your ideas like a blog but I never update my entry about a year ago because I can't open my tumblr app anymore on my phone so here I am. Well instagram is cool but when I write too many words for caption is just not seem good looking and fyi I didn't like to post picture of myself too much ex: selfies but I've ever done it so I think its enough -thanks to Luluk; she made my instagram account when actually I didn't really want to just so my friend can tag me but when I have insta they don't really tag me -_- so I thought I better upload everything on tumblr again, bye insta and blogspot-

My instagram just for stalking cute cat photos, cool outfits or maybe laughing at ex-boy when I am still single. Lol I didn't want to delete my insta acc because there were so much memories... Not that much but still...

So thanks for visiting me again. I am still learning English and for sure I knew my grammar was not that good but at least I try, (and the importanter;cough; I have to expand my vocab babe, the more important yeah does my writings sound dull?)

My Mother tongue eh, mother language is Indonesia. If you don't know its near Malaysia and Australia... Haha (its sad some people really didn't know where Indonesia is) and Im just still shock that BMTH going acoustic but whatever I still love them.

With heart,

(If I don't forget where it was)

Tifany Elok Aprilia

#diary #deleted #memories #brandnewstart #lol

[mnovenia]

3 MORE MONTHS to 2023

From my human eyes, jujur takut banget nulis ini.. but it's said feed your mind with faith.

That picture is what I've been having in head for few years. It's my ideal place to have a date, romantically chilling while in the autumn/cold, and even my pre-wedding photo theme. I think I had this picture since in NL, and with that Koko, Oppa or whoever oriental guy I had in mind.

But nope, no guy come to that yet HAHAHA, kapan ya gw nulis di tumblr kalo that one guy has finally come :''' God knows (merinding sendiri nulisnya).

Ok let's flash back. So the last update about the singaporean guy is called TWY (chinese name GUYS). At first, I thought he was alright, similar passion, way of thinking, live in Bali, but on our 2nd date (meeting), I found out that he is a Buddhist, with Kwan Im shrines in his villa. Well, well, well I was so disappointed, I asked God why, I got myself out of him, knowing that God is either giving me mission to help him see the light or tempting me HAHAHAH. Anyway I withdrew from him, went to Jakarta, Bandung and had a pleasant trip. I was shown that there are plenty of guy out there better than forcing myself to end up with TWY. Also during the service at HMCC, God showed me that I should move on and not playing with fire.

May's highlight: I went to Singapore, also a hightlight cos I download Coffee meet bagels, and found many single christian guys, its just none of them like me or has a future with me in Bali. HAHAHA. Experiencing other country for the 1st time since pandemic is a blessing. I love my freedom, chinese culture, foods, good public transport, but oh my the kiasuness n expensive life made me so grateful when I returned to Bali

I close 6 deals in the kavling PD, also another 4 in Apple. Thank God thank God I cannot be more blessed and surprised, it's all Him. Thank you Mba Gathi, Ochi dkk, Nic, Ivan & Pak David.

July, I went crazy with house sale in Bandung, but also so relieved that I no longer have that burden back home. I also managed to buy a land, OMG my 1st property in Bali, thank you God for replacing what I left, sold, sacrificed in the past. You made it so easy just to do things according to your will.

Me n TWY remains friends as we got close a bit during my HMCC friends came, also Pak David n Ivan. However it made me realize we better just keep remaining be friends. He gave me idea to build a villa for rent with the money from Bandung. So I had a deal with the Architect, Pak Hendra, he's the best. I'm still hesitate to choose a contractor and also to decide how much should I put in money to this investment.

with all those things I'm grateful for, I also have many days when I struggle, trying to motivate myself to stay alive for another day, some days are depressing cause I lose hope, I don't find life exciting anymore, etc.

However, God also answer my prayer regarding church in Bali. Maybe beginning of June, HMCC Jkt decided to only hold onsite congregration so I was kind of forced to resign from membership. I was confused, trying online Grace Church sgp, GKY, etc until Bella shared that she will open a new service at her parents' house. Idk if it's not an answer to prayer.

And afterwards, her Dad got so sick n I was the only person available to accompany, take care, etc. And God was just so gracious, that it happened when I had so much savings from commisions and house selling. I borrowed her fam money and did everything I possibly could, while staying in Marlene's jie house while she & the fam back in NZ. Phewww..

Since then, I commit to Yewon church Bali, being in touch with Bella's fam, and even her Korean guests, etc. In my heart, idk what else is God trying to work in me. Also I got cheap ticket to Seoul on July, then decided to go for Yewon's church conference and a bit of trip with Nongky n her bro sis. HAHAHA, seems like my KDrama life will come true. I'm still praying for my visa though, been struggling these past 2 weeks, however God's will be done, I'm applying for multiple entry visa.

With all these, I just have to remind myself, to pray like Elijah:

Know and acknowledge who He is (God of Abraham)

Know who I am (servant)

Answer my prayer Lord (boldly)

Bring the people back to You (His Kingdom first above all else)

"Answer me Lord, answer me, so these people will know that you Lord are God and that you are turning their hearts back again" - 1 Kings 18:37

Oh ya, I'm leading BSF now, also still teach Norman, thinking of joining Ministry at church, and still approaching new clients (PRAY PRAY PRAY so I have more confidence to build the Villa for God's glory with humble heart) and Visa Korea, and View-ture husband HAHAHA. Alright goodnight kind Lord, Love You, saranghaeyo.