#Especially with the cost of things going up so much now I'm kind of glad I've already built in that habit

[icewindandboringhorror]

Daily Log 5

Trying out (probably just temporarily) making short daily-ish notes about things, in an attempt to see if it helps me be more reflective or productive lol.

Activities: Not much, I had to run errands most of the day and also felt incredibly tired, probably because the cats woke me up like 4 times last night begging for food and things. Overly warm and headachey a lot.

I planted a few new flowers, and pressed more flowers and clovers in my Large Sturdy Flower Pressing Book as well.

Actually worked on translating the text for the previously mentioned tapestry/painting thing. I think I've decided that it doesn't really matter very much, because nobody else even knows anything about this conlang except for me, so they won't know if it's wrong lol.. It is not entirely completed after all (complete enough to translate most simple sentences into consistently, but also there are a few spots here and there where I haven't fully worked out the way some part of speech actually functions or etc., or I wrote down one thing that later contradicts something else, so occasionally I reach a sentence that I'm not sure exactly which rule to follow to translate, and I need to do a larger comprehensive organization of the document to work out all the kinks and declare officially like 'THIS is the ONE way this is done' etc. etc.) - so because of that, I think I'll just kind of 'do my best' and if the rules now end up changing in the future as I further work on the language, then, that's fine, because nobody can read it anyway lol. Kind of like that song on my side music youtube that's sung in genuine Avirrekava lyrics but also I wrote them years ago and some of the sentences have now become outdated/invalid.

Washed and cleaned some kale so it will be dry for me to maybe make silly kale chips tomorrow.

Final proofreading + posting of the poll adventure thing.

eughh,, literally nothing else.. I hate running errands because it always makes me feel drained and sick after, plus I get nothing else done all day except for just going places. I know checking my p.o. box and picking up cat food and stuff is technically still a productive action, but it just feels like.. i should be getting all of my long term projects done instead lol.. what about the videos?? or worldbuilding?? what does grocery shopping have to do with elves??!?! >:V (aside from pretending to be a group of fantasy creatures evaluating produce having an imaginary conversation with yourself at the store ghghj,, but that is not productive either lol)

Notable sights: Found 13 four leaf clovers, and 2 five leaf clovers, though one of them is almost a 6 leaf (like one of the leaves is nearly split all the way into a sort of heart shape, just not entirely). Also two of the clovers are HUGE, probably the biggest 4 leaf clovers I've ever collected, like 2 inches across maybe. The sky was very pretty a lot with big fluffy white clouds. Not a 'sight' really, but I got to sit in air conditioning for a little while today and it was very nice. I love the cold crisp kind of stale air smell, like walking into a freezer or something (which I used to do when I was a kid, I would sneak into a walk-in freezer at a school cafeteria and just sit there for a while lol), it's comforting to me.

Goals moving forward: Consistent sleep schedule. Focus on social activities, finding new friends in the places I want to move, communicating with ones I have. Physical therapy exercises. Plant nasturtiums. Finish and upload videos, edit costume pictures & etc. Do the new costumes I've planned. MAKE SCULPTURES at some point, I miss them.

Notable foods: Had a bit of smoked gouda and green onions in my Mandated Completely Plain Flavorless Grits For Breakfast this morning, as a littol treat lol.. Tried a 'biscoff' ice cream bar, which is generally a flavor profile I like, but I think I would usually rather be eating a cookie than having ice cream. Also an Ensure nutritional drink, which I know most people consider gross but I genuinely like them.. maybe it's like a source of comfort when my stomach is too sick to eat, like 'oh well at least I can have this cold smooth textured chalky chocolate thing' lol.

Sort of like how I have positive conditioning to feel safe/comfortable in bathrooms (due to it usually being one of the only places you can safely retreat from a social situation or get out of crowds in public areas, etc.), even though rationally I have no particular reason to like bathrooms much, and most people dislike public bathrooms especially. Fellow public bathroom and ensure nutritional shake lovers unite! (3 of us in the entire world)

[cinnamonest]

Don’t worry about replying to this in any capacity. Just wanted to say that I read your most recent post and it was extremely helpful and informative for me. I was just talking to my dad earlier about really struggling to understand how anyone could support Trump when he is just a complete bumbling fool of a man at best and a piece of shit bigot and sexist at worst. (Not to say that Harris is some beacon in the darkness, not a fan of her either.) But the perspective you offered was really enlightening so thank you for it. and I hope you are doing well enough, all things considered, and that regardless of what happens in the coming days that things get better for you and your community.

Thank you, that's very kind. I'm very glad it was helpful, I was worried I was coming across the wrong way or didn't word it very well or could be misinterpreted.

If it helps, I had some more thoughts I think would expand upon that, specifically for women — since I see a lot of posts essentially asking how women can possibly vote for the guy, and I think I can explain that too, as I've been thinking and talking a lot about that with women who I know intend to do so.

1) I think for the upper class, they tend to focus more on social issues, because economic issues don't affect them as strongly.

But for some of these people, especially moms, the increased cost of living is literally a matter of "how am I going to feed my children, how am I going to pay electric AND water," etc. So it becomes a priority, especially as many families have lots of kids, and some are single moms. They don't really think as much about social issues, whereas when I went to college, most of the kids cared only about social issues. The more financially secure someone is, the less preoccupied they are with economy.

But for a mom, the safety of and provision for their kids is paramount above all else, so economy and crime will take priority.

But since we only have 2 major parties, people often assume that whichever you vote for, you must agree with ALL of the party's official stances, which is often not the case. That's part of why our bipartisan system is so divisive and breeds hostility, because it creates an "us vs them" mentality.

2) women in the area I talked about don't really even think about abortion/reproductive rights. They're not militantly anti-choice (like some of the more suburban moms of kids I went to school with), it's more that no one ever really thinks about it at all. Many of them have kids very young and lots of them, it's just normal. They also don't have careers to focus on in the way higher-class women do, and many have no chance of ever going to college, so there's less reason to hold off on it.

People do what's normal per their class/local culture — so here, if a girl gets unexpectedly pregnant (which is... not uncommon), they don't freak out or think about how it will affect their future, how they'll afford it etc, they usually just... shrug, drop out of high school, marry the guy, have the kid.

When we were 16, one of my good friends got pregnant, and she too did exactly that. She was unironically overjoyed to find out too, rather than panicked or dismayed. Like, when she took the pregnancy test, I was there with her, sitting on the tile floor of the church bathroom at 9 pm with the test we scraped cash together to buy from the gas station-pharmacy hybrid shop down the road, and she, as a 16 year old high school junior, was actively hoping, fingers crossed and smiling and everything, that it would be positive. She's now 24 and is about to have baby #5.

And part of the reason she was fine with it was... because her mom had her at 15. It's a very cyclic thing. The possibility of abortion would not occur to them unless someone else brought it up.

3) Moreover, when women vote, they focus on what affects them specifically as a woman — and prioritize what's most "real" to us as an individual woman, the hypotheticals one can most realistically see happening to them. But what that most realistic thing is, varies a lot from woman to woman.

For a woman living in, say, Maine or northeast California or even a safer rural place like Idaho, I can see how abortion is probably the most "real" thing to them, that they can see themselves being in a position to affect them.

Whereas for me, having experienced harassment and aggression, reading about these statistics and headlines, violence is something I am much more afraid of happening to me. I'm very careful to avoid an area where I was harassed before.

But for someone in a low-crime place, that isn't something that's going to be a priority.

I personally now realize that a lot of the misunderstanding and clashing is a matter of the fact that women in many blue areas simply don't think about this, because they've never had a reason to, and that's perfectly understandable.

But a lot of women in areas like my home do not realize that. Many women at home strongly believe that "them uppity rich white women out in California or wherever the hell" (quoth my 90-something year old neighbor), are aware of, but simply don't care about, the consequences women here/poor women face. I used to think so too, when I was younger, because that's what I was told.

As a result, they view their blue vote as a very "let them eat cake" heartless-rich-person sort of thing, as selfish and/or classism, in the same way that women in blue areas likely view their red votes as female-class betrayal, religious brainwashing, believe their husbands must be controlling them, etc.

Now, with greater life experience, I not only understand that it isn't like that at all on either side, but I can also see why many blue-area women dismiss our experiences as "not really happening" or "right-wing propaganda," simply due to the fact that it's very difficult for them to fathom it, because it's so different from the reality they live in, it feels like it can't be real.

4) it *is* true that these women are often demonized and gaslit for talking about the rapes, job loss etc, so that has shifted even more moderate women very rightwards over the last few years, because they feel silenced/censored.

Donald is a sort of savior figure — he acknowledges the issue they otherwise feel censored on, and moreover, has essentially promised to take away the men that hurt them, their daughters, sisters etc. They want to feel safe again, they want their husbands to get their jobs back, feel like they have a secure future, etc, and his platform is literally "make America safe again, make America rich again, make America great again."

That line you may have seen all over the internet a few days ago, where Donald said something along the lines of "I'm going to protect the women if they like it or not"? And you know how it earned disgust from the mainstream population of women?

That line was received extremely positively by women at home. I've already seen them sharing it around with my mom/aunts/grandma on facebook, in a positive light, ecstatic. It makes them feel seen and heard in a culture that otherwise puts a hand over their mouth, and they cling to those words in hope of a better future.

Tldr: it's women who are vulnerable and afraid and desperate, going for the only option that has promised to address their needs. Much conflict comes from the limited human ability to grasp things outside of ourselves, our tendency for solipsism — an unfortunate part of the human condition that has plagued our species from the dawn of time.

[orbital-obvious]

Some Thought on the Second season (the parts I watched, anyway)

In no order in particular, really.

=> The scene in the first episode of Jace trying to report Rhaenyra about the forces he aquired but breaking down in tears due to Luke's death was amazing. It's the conflict between being royals/rulers and being people/family. It also gave us more info about the state of the upcoming war, and showed us the relationship between Rhaenyra and her son.

=> Could have done without the "Rhaenyra looking at the distance" scenes, though. There must be a better way to explore her grief.

=> We got to see Lord Stark!!! And get some Winterfell lore!!! and go see the Watch!!!! The North is my fav I'm so glad to get that little glimpse. Also Cregan Stark is the most Stark dude I've seen on this show(s). Hopefully we'll see some fun wild blood of the wolf moments from him.

=> "I want Aemond's head" *leaves* ok girlboss but maybe come up with a plan

=> Jace hair is just.... So much better. I love character development.

=> We were robbed for not getting the Green's reaction to Aemond's kinslaying, especially since they'll have to manage the fallout from this act.

=> I don't like sexual turn in Allicent/Cole relationship. Not because I blame Allicent or whatever, I just really liked how their relationship was not grounded in romance/sex (in a way, they were respite to one another from sexual pressures) but I guess "she was a woman, he was a man" writing logic wins.

Edit: you know what? I thing that the criston -allicent thing could have been really good if we saw them get to that point. They were boinking out of nowhere . Was there something I missed in season 1?

=> I can go off all the ways this show strips women of agency and the ability to want anything, and perhaps I will (once I finish the season), but for now I don't like how Mysaria was "poor unfortunate soul forced to introduce Daemon to B&C for her freedom" and not, you know, an active perpetrator in this.

=> LOL not Daemon confronting Rheanys about the dumb scene in the dragon pit from season 1. Yes. Rheanys could've ended this war with minimum casualties. It's not her fault she didn't, the writers just decided to blow up a meaningful scene in the dumbest way ever.

=> Also there is a lot of talk during this season about the smallfolk and how their opinion can sway who wins the war, which is good, but it's odd that Rheanys' dragon stomping, killing and maiming all those smallfolk doesn't ever come up.

=> Daeron's existence being confirmed in an offhand remark after not even being MENTIONED in the last season is the FUNNIEST moment in this show for me.

=> It feels really odd to me that Aemond is still visiting the women who essentially was forced on him as a child. Like. It's the same kind of logic of "Larys has foot fetish becasue his disability is based around his foot" and I don't like it.

=> A lot of people say "They killed the boy" was Heleana not caring about her son dying, but for me it was a perfect encapsulation of her unable to handle the immense pain she's in and trying to distance herself from reality. This and the funeral scene later show Heleana trying to process her grief through her neurodivergence.

=> Real talk: why did B&C have a dog?

=> Daemon in Harrenhall is my favorite storyline, sitting there having indie horror game esque visions and phasing in and out an unfortunate reality of having to do diplomacy. Chef's kiss.

=> Daemon saying "have you considered kinslaying" to a Tully boy whos motto is "Family, Honor, Duty" is so fucking funny. He is so freaking bad at this.

=> ALYS RIVERSSSSSS MY FAVVVVVVVVV "you will die here", refuses to elaborates, leaves. Yes brew blood cocktails to give Daemon nightmares. Yessss gaslight him into thinking its the bed.

=> Ok the plan of Rhaenyra to sneak and meet with Alicent was so... Cartoonish. Also highly irresponsible for the ruling queen to dissapear without a trace during a WAR. Worse of all, it was kind of boring, and cost us valuable time we could use to expand upon other characters.

=> Like I know Cole sent the twin with a similar plan but at least that was acknowledged as stupid by the narrative, and also had an explosive and emotionally satisfying conclusion.

=> LMAO at Otto complaining about Aegon as he was fired, alll the way up to and including when he was packing to go back to the Reach.

=> What team am I if I think Aegon is a legit Usurper but Rhaenyra is kinda boring?

[readingsfrommars]

Another Very Normal Rant on Aventurine and Sunday (Patch 2.2 spoilers for Honkai Star Rail!)

So I've been wanting to write about Star Rail for a while. The game's writing is, especially lately, top notch and I have been enjoying it a ton. Be warned, I may have talked too much this time.

As the title says, there's a fascinating comparison between Aventurine and Sunday that I wanted to talk about. I'll skip over the frankly thesis-worthy amount of details you could write about when it comes to the interactions those two have, as well as the way aventurine acts during his time at penacony. Maybe I'll come back to it someday. For now, what I want to talk about is Aventurine and how he fits into Sunday's philosophy on life.

To recap, Sunday's view on life (according to my interpretation and simplified A LOT) is that it is better to for the weak to give up their freedom if it means they never have to go through hardship. Better to stagnate than to suffer, as he sees it.

The prime example he uses for this is an analogy of a baby bird that he and his sister, Robin found when they were children. The bird, too young and weak be able to fly, would certainly perish if left to its own devices. The pair, unwilling to let such a thing happen, come up with two ideas:

Build a nest on the ground for the bird, increasing its chances of survival, but ultimately leaving it to its fate

Build a cage for the bird to mature in safety, allowing it to heal until it could survive on its own again.

As we all know, Robin went with option 2, raising the bird before letting it go free upon reaching adulthood, only for it to die a few days later. Unable to fly against the wind currents, the bird had crashed to the ground.

This, alongside other experiences Sunday went through that left his faith in humanity all but gone, led him to the conclusion that trying to let the weak help themselves was a futile endeavour. In his mind, the only way to truly help the weak and less fortunate was to keep them in a cage, safe from harm at the cost of their freedom.

One of the interesting things about this analogy is that both Sunday and Robin are both examples of that second choice. Both children were left orphans until they were taken in by Gopher Wood, Dreammaster of Penacony. After this, they were raised with every need met and every problem dealt with. A more metaphorical cage, but a cage nonetheless.

Where Robin and Sunday differed is in how they saw the cage. While Sunday would continue to stay within his cozy, safe home, Robin would spread her wings and take off, never again letting herself be caged. When Sunday received news that Robin had received a bullet wound in her neck after going into an active warzone, it only served to strengthen his beliefs that the way of the Harmony was futile. The way Sunday saw it, if the reward for all of that compassion is nothing but pain, then there is no point in trying to help people find their happiness. (I'm paraphrasing to an extent)

But you might be asking: "Mars, what about Aventurine? You've only talked about Sunday, and for way longer than you probably should have."

And to that I say "Fuck. My bad"

But also "I'm glad you asked"

Aventurine is a character I don't think I have the attention span to fully delve into. So I won't. At least not yet. And considering how much you've read to get here, that is something you should probably be thankful for.

Aventurine is the last member of his people, the Avgins. Almost immediately after becoming the last of his kind, he is then put into slavery, with a brand placed on his neck (an interesting parallel with Robin's bullet wound). It is only through his own efforts that he was able to break free of his captors and become a part of the IPC, a place that would go on to become a home of sorts for him.

As a self-admitted gambler, he is always willing to take risks to reach his goals, but don't let appearances fool you. His risks are calculated, and tend to involve him receiving the brunt of the punishment while the people around him capitalise on the opening he provides. That's how he operates both in story and gameplay, mind you. The only thing he really bets is his life more often than not

While that does make him seem more like a nihilist than anything else, there's a lot to unpack with his actions and motivations and I'll get to that some other day. But at the end of the day, his plans revolve around his faith that others will be able to finish what he started.

Between his childhood and upbringing, as well as the way he operates, Aventurine is the antithesis of Sunday's beliefs. It is the suffering that made Aventurine into the person he is, and allowed him to ultimately overcome Sunday's conspiracy.

It was Aventurine forcing Acheron to unsheathe her blade that led to the express was able to learn the truth of the dreamscape, and subsequently allowed them to save Penacony. And once all is said and done, what recognition did he receive? At best, he'll be demoted from the position he worked tirelessly for.

When you think about it, Aventurine embodies the Harmony better than Sunday does. But then again, isn't that the point?

[krafterwrites]

Ok, time for the one post I'll make about Sonic 3 itself now that it's out. Since there's already a full recording of it available online, I'm going to write down my "live reactions" (I already know basically everything that's going to happen, but I'm sure there's at least one or two small surprises left) below the cut so I can get this movie out of my system and move on

The first lines of dialogue are a "Cops love donuts" joke. Off to a great start

A gambling ad popped up right as Shadow broke out and started attacking people gljkdfgh

4 minutes in and they've already used the leitmotif of Live And Learn 3 times

Shadow being sopping wet and miserable is pretty cute

Ace already said this but wow they really did ruin the "Talk about low budget flights line", Sonic saying it feels soooo unnatural and shoehorned in

Unless it's for a really good sequence, I don't understand the point of playing a licensed song for literally 10 seconds

Wow the opening fight with all three of them against Shadow is super short

I'm glad that the gun isn't just for show and he actually gets to use it

I seriously cannot get over how stupid Shadow coming from a meteor is, the entire POINT of his character is that he was created. He was born to be the ultimate lifeform, to be a cure for Maria, to bring hope to humanity. Him just randomly showing up instead of specifically being created undermines his entire identity. Also, Gerald creating Shadow is incredibly important to his identity as well. It's almost impressive that they managed to fuck up so much with a single decision

The dialogue has already made me cringe a few times but that was definitely the worst instance so far. I wish they would stop

YIPPEE OFFICER DOWN!!!

Walters having a photo of Team Sonic in his jacket that was taken like 5 minutes beforehand so Rockwell can pick it up to illustrate that she thinks Team Sonic killed him is kind of strange and unnecessary

I thought that the show Eggman was watching was another gambling ad for a second

Eggman said boobs. Sure why not

I forgot that they're allowed to swear a bit

I thought they were going to reference Among Us when Stone said imposter. I wish they did, it would've been an actually acceptable pop culture reference

I'm kind of torn on the flashback montage with Maria. It feels a little too silly and lighthearted, but it is cute to see her and Shadow do a bunch of childish stuff together

However, her not being terminally ill and also not spending her entire life in space is dumb. Those are both very important to who she is, and consequently, who Shadow is (he was initially made to be a cure for her, and her love for the planet that she never got to see is what motivates him). I know both of these are consequences of them making Shadow come from a meteor, but there was literally no reason for them to do that, especially considering it messed up him, Gerald, AND Maria. Why would they make that choice when it doesn't add anything and has such a high cost

The Biolizard puppet is cute, though. They should've actually included it (along with Rouge, Amy, and all the other things they omitted), but I guess it's better than nothing

Oh god Gerald is here. I was thinking "So far this isn't as hard to watch as I thought it would be" but it's probably going to get significantly more painful soon

That was a Family Guy cutaway gag

How is a bunch of loose popcorn still in pristine condition after 50 years of sitting out in the open

That was a bad fourth wall joke. Also get on it, this has been going on for like 2-3 minutes

So if we're meant to believe that Shadow's quill is what kept Gerald alive, can Shadow basically just grant people immortality at will? Or is there really just no explanation for him living longer than any human should be able to

I'm glad that the scene of Eggman and Gerald doing stuff together in VR didn't go on for that long, because it felt like the scene of them meeting felt so dragged out

For a split second I thought the music was using the leitmotif of Dreams Of An Absolution, but then I realized that its Green Hill

The puppet only has like 15 seconds of screentime but it's still SO unnecessary

Shadow saying "revenge guac" is stupid but it did not make me cringe like some of the other lines have so far

Tom using the hologram tech to disguise as Randall... Not my place to speak so I'm not going to say anything, but I don't think that was a good idea

Pointless extended bit of Jim Carrey doing comedy with himself number 3. And I know there's at least one more after this. Why did they have to focus on him so heavily

YESSSSSS thank you Shadow, we all wanted to see that happen. Keep up the good work

I hate that Wade got to appear at all, but at least his screentime is brief

It sucks that we just get Gerald saying "It's not about what Maria wanted, it's about what they deserve" to convince Shadow to get revenge, because that's the opposite of how he motivated Shadow in SA2, he made it seem like revenge is what Maria wanted

When I first saw the commander trying to wrestle away the gum through a leak, I laughed my ass off. It's so stupid. Also I knew they would be cowards and not actually show her getting shot, but it's still annoying

Maria not actually getting to say her last words to Shadow, on top of him not being made by Gerald, really is a one-two punch of completely destroying his SA2 characterization (and his characterization in general). It's insulting to Maria too, how do you manage to take away agency from a character who's entire narrative purpose is to die for the sake of another character's backstory

Also, now that the plot has moved into space, I can say with even more certainty that there truly was no reason for them to use Tokyo and London instead of San Francisco. The only thing gained from using Tokyo is the Chao cafe, and the only thing gained from using London is about a minute or two of basic pop culture references. I'm pretty sure they only picked them because they're two of the most famous cities in the world, which is dumb

I hate that Shadow's arc is about letting go of anger and not seeking revenge, that's completely different from what his story is in SA2, they're barely comparable even on a surface level. His actual arc is about being unsure of who he is and why he exists, being used as a tool for revenge by Gerald, and eventually breaking free of that programming to discover that he was created to bring hope to humanity

The Eggman vs Gerald stuff is the stupidest shit ever, and it's made even worse by the fact that it keeps interrupting the Sonic and Shadow scenes

I hate to say that when I first saw Gerald's death through a leak, I (involuntary) burst out laughing. It's supremely stupid and I do not like it, but it's just so absurd that it's hard not to react in some way

The moon thing kinda makes me mad tbh. This movie loves to make references to iconic things from SA2 instead of actually adapting them

The finale is pretty cool visually, but conceptually, it's a really big downgrade from the original. It's comprised of a super form battle between Sonic and Shadow, a cartoon slapfight between Eggman and Gerald, Sonic and Shadow easily blasting through a bunch of GUN Hunters, them blocking the laser while it gets steered away with an actual steering wheel, and then Shadow physically pushing the ARK away by himself. SA2 featured everyone except Shadow working together to reach the deepest part of the ARK as it hurtled towards the Earth, Shadow rushing in to fight the Biolizard while Sonic and Knuckles neutralize the core's energy, and then Sonic and Shadow being forced to go super after the Biolizard fuses itself to the colony in order to continue Gerald's plan, ending with them both using Chaos Control together to put it back in place

I was going to write a summary after I finished watching, but honestly, Eggman took the words right out of my mouth when he said "It's been a real drag. Thanks for nothing" and then died in an explosion

[wetcatspellcaster]

First of all, thank you so much for all you do! Your work has gotten me through a really rough few weeks dealing with the first anniversary of my mom's death. I'm so excited every time I get an ao3 notification for one of your stories. ❤️

Also I'm a huge Buffy fan and your Ascended Astarion has such presouled-but-in-love-with-buffy Spike vibes I love it. Especially his not understanding why his super romantic gestures of murder and abduction are not working on the object of his affections. I love how frustrated and baffled Astarion is by Rose's refusals. "These things are the *height* of vampire wooing? how's she not swooning?? She must be playing hard to get."

Also every time they get into a physical altercation, it absolutely feels like it may end in building destroying sex. 😏

I did have a question about Astarion's expectations about Rose (which feel free not to answer if its spoilers or you dont feel like it). I know he dumped her after she wouldn't be turned by him post ritual but it seems like he's definitely spent years getting things ready to have her living with him since then with the custom bedrooms and the rose gardens. Did he expect her to come back on her own since then? even after telling her he basically wanted nothing to do with her?

Anyway this was long 😅 but thanks again for sharing your talent and imagination with us. good luck with your surgery! ❤️

Hello anon, thank you so much for messaging me. I use fic writing as a mental health lifeline (and guess what! I have also bereaved a parent in my time!) so I'm glad I can pay that comfort forward to you and anyone else, in some small form. I hope the anniversary and any related feelings that come up pass smoothly.

(also, Ascendent/Spike parallels are such a call out at the particular moment I am in drafting. I think my approach to souls in D&D is very coloured by what meaning they hold in BtVS).

To your question! I'll try to answer as best I can.

The initial reaction and break up is obvious dictated a little by canon, but in my version of events, it's also coloured by the violent/traumatic nature of the Ascendent's 'birth'. On the one hand, Ascended!Astarion is drunk on power and his first real sense of freedom, but on the other, it has come at a dramatic and awful cost that everyone around him witnessed and cannot deny. Also, not to spoil, but I have aligned my reading of the events with the fanon interpretation that a romanced Astarion justifies his desire for Ascendency through Tav, or fear of losing that relationship. So Rose's initial rejection causes a lot of anger and deliberate cruelty, because of the confusion and pain behind it: he did the Rite, partly for her, Rosalie watched him do the Rite and didn't stop him, and now? she's suddenly having second thoughts? When it's irreversible? When he's stuck here, now? And she refuses keep him company?

The anger and pain around that was real, I believe, and causes him to lash out. Hence, the break-up. Much with the way I write the Ascendent in all guises, he does an extremely stupid thing, then commits to the bit and doubles down. Oh, he's dumped her now? He kind of didn't mean to do that, but now he can't be desperate and take it back, so he has to lean in and pretend that was what intended to do all along, etc.

Then she leaves for real? Well, fuck her. He didn't need her anyway - that's why he dumped her, after all. Nothing to do with the trauma, or his mistakes. So then, he commits to the bit, twicefold. He leans in further. Starts to perform the exact life he'd said he'd have without her. Gets new friends, new lovers, an underground network of power, etc. That takes a few years.

Oh. Wait. Why does none of this feel good? Why does it all feel awful???Must be because his girlfriend, the one he did this all for, isn't here (and who's fault was that again? by this point, he's forgotten).

But pride is still a major factor in the way the Ascendent conducts himself, and he can't go to her - he can't look desperate, or unhappy, or like he regrets his decisions. I've used this in a justification of why he never sought her out in places he couldn't pretend he found her by chance, even though he can smell her blood and knows she goes to Waterdeep - he can't be the one to go to her. And she must be miserable, right? He is. So he starts to engineer things for her return, because she'll be the one to cave first, and besides, he's got eternity anyway. He's so patient (lol).

And then, inevitably, when Rosalie continues living her life avoiding him, he's like "welp. I can't go to her (pride), and she isn't coming to me. Time to make her come to me (murderous intent)" and that's how he kills a ballroom full of people. He genuinely thinks what's keeping them apart is the distance, not the element of choice (because. um. we've seen what he thinks of free will). He believes that once they're in the same room together, it'll be impossible for her to resist. He can charm her. He did it once before. And he's not sad or conflicted about it this time. And he's the same person, right?

[author laughs in REDACTED]

So basically, his expectation of Rose was that she would be the one to break first. They both love each other, and she's a nice person. She's the bleeding heart. She's the one who was seduced the first time round.

When none of that happens, he decides to engineer the same set of circumstances in a lab, assuming that forcing her into returning will have the same outcome as her choosing to return (you may notice a pattern of behaviour emerging). So once the Ascendent has created forced proximity and given himself the chance to seduce Tav all over again, he's certain he'll win, because he knows the playbook, and it worked on them, and since he Ascended he's had proof it works on everyone else.

But unfortunately, a successful romance in this scenario relies on Ascended!Astarion not being awful, for 5 minutes which... um.... he hasn't achieved once in this fic, not once.

[bigddaddy27]

One Year - Chapter 7/?

Not posting previous chapters on here because I'm too lazy also wrote this at 3am (4:40 as I copy and post the chapter) and idk if it makes sense because I'm sleepy but so far I think this chapter is my favorite because I've been focusing on my writing skills more!: :3

——————

Tw: mentions of religious trauma (kinda??) mentions of toys and stuff (definitely!!)

By now, Christine had grown used to feeling uncomfortable, but now, after the arm being fucking boxed and put at her door, it was even worse. It felt like guilt, and exhaustion, and weight all over her back and shoulders, giving her no rest when she needed it most.

Now she didn't allow anyone to touch her, and she was glad she avoided touched to begin with, or it would've been an even worse situation. But it wouldn't matter anyway when she's just trying to go shopping, people squeezing through in the small aisles, and she hated shopping. She had always hated it. But now it was even worse after she had seen him there. She couldn't even keep track of time anymore. Only because of how especially cautious she was about things now, it felt like he, Suguru, was on her back at every time, with the knocks and thumps throughout her apartment, the gifts slowed down, never to a halt though, nothing ever seemed to stop after she had talked to him, hell, even laid eyes on him. On that street, she remembers how after she had met eyes with him, and even after their conversation, the lives of others kept on who were passing by, hell, the ones who even glanced at the two of them wouldn't know that now the kind man who gave her directions was just some sick, awful pervert, and how she was biting the inside of her cheek even while he was walking in the opposite direction. That hasn't stopped either, the list just kept piling, and piling, and piling, and piling until—

"Ma'am? I believe you dropped something out of your basket."

She heard it, and against her own will she turned her head.

She was met with something—  someone, she grew to hate, and someone she wanted to avoid at all costs despite that someone keeping her awake, someone always there, whether physically or in her mind, Suguru kept her alert yet weary. She recognized him by his traditional clothing first, and as much as she hated to admit it, she had briefly researched the what the hell it was that he was wearing, though she couldn't put her finger on the name again.

"Oh, thank you..." She replied dully, taking the can and putting it into the cart, not back in though, because she never got canned fruit to begin with, she prefers fresh fruit.

"So, what's the answer, have you thought about dropping by and seeing what it's all about? My community, of course." He squeezed past the people in the aisle, not really caring to excuse himself, though he did quickly spray himself with cologne, which brought an even bigger headache to Christine's poor temples and forehead.

"Oh- Dude, what was that for? Not everyone in the stores wants to smell your cologne." And she gets no answer.

"So? Pleaseeeeeee? Please please please? It's only a 3,858 yen fee per visit." And that made Christine more agitated, if he knows so much about her, then he would at least know how broke she was.

"No. Just take the fee and shove it, okay? I'm not gonna promote this for you, and I'm sure as fuck not paying you to just perform some bullshit placebo effect on me."

"Oh, but I can drop it to 2006 yen." He insisted. Which by now, she had come to realize he was good at doing, didn't make him a good negotiater or a convincing man though.

"No."

He huffed, almost seeming ready to give up, and continues to follow her through the store, he's silent though, and she almost jumps and slaps him as he whispers right into her ear.

"What about for free? And I'll make sure you're treated like the little queen you are."

And at that, she does jump, and she almost slaps him, but she has enough control to not do that in public.

"Stop! Just stop, Okay? I'm not rich, and I'm not special, I'm just trying to fucking live my life, so please, just for the love of God I would love if you stopped forcing your weird agenda!"

And at that, he pauses, a smile telling her that he wasn't taking her seriously as he spoke again, his voice louder than a whisper now as they're face to face, and now that they're in the main area of the store, instead of in the cramped aisles, he manages to hold her cart by the handle, forcing it to stop altogether. Which forces her to stop as well with her grip on it.

"Then what do I have to do to make you consider it? Hm? Get on my hands and knees and beg for it? I have serva- Colleagues that can speak English for you, you won't even have to translate anything in that little head of your. But, I can tell you've improved on your Japanese, you know? So you must be a quick learner. But I must say, you do need to improve on your pronunciation, it's still as bad as when I met you on the street, when you were asking me for directions. Did you reach your destination? That was a while ago, a few months it's been, hasn't it? Where were you even going? You seemed in such a hurry, I was so disheartened when you snapped at me, that's not nice though, you know. After I helped you, you can at least be kinder to me for that." And he just kept going on, and on, and on. He didn't allow her to get a word in edgewise.

After what felt like forever, he waited until the store started to clear, which eerily enough, it did, and to her dismay, Christie remembered that tonight was some special sports event, of course it was, because now the store was empty with people heading home with chips and salsa, and she was already ready to abandon her cart, much alike the first incident with him in the store. Sadly, before she thinks it can't get worse, it does, and his voice drops a note.

"Don't bother with the bullshit, Christine. You're lost, aren't you? Poor little lost girl with nowhere to go, still looking for a life, and a purpose, and a perfect boyfriend to feed her and comfort her during the day, and fuck her during the night, or that's what every girl like you wants. Because you're weak, and you won't amount to anything, and I know you feel that on your shoulders, and on your back, and you feel that weight all over you when you sleep, making it hard to breathe. That's what you feel, right? Even now, You're struggling."

And did he also forget to mention how mortified she looked? It probably wasn't so easy to hear from someone so attractive and powerful and oh-so-great like him, being called out like that. Because yes, she did indeed have an overused vibrator sitting on her charger at home, and she only really ate healthy microwaveable food (somewhat, because microwaveable stuff is never completely healthy)  and occasionally a decent meal when she had the energy.

He knew all of these things. He let one of his little curses rest over her shoulders, watching every little thing she did.

Now, as a kid, she believed that God was always watching, and maybe it was true, she didn't know, but somehow, it was when she was doing something private, being vulnerable when she felt it most, and it had already clicked before, he was fucking crazy, and a stalker, but now she realized the full, complete extent, he knew of the vibrator, of the dinners, of her own loneliness, as well as the fact that she didn't know what the fuck she was doing.

"you fucking stalker. You're grateful I haven't gotten your ass arrested yet."

His expression, sour, doesn't change in the slightest as he continues after her, still leaned over to mock her. But this time he finally let his thoughts spill a little, like a glass of venom tipping over, and Christine recognized something about that look, about his tone, something familiar she had know in a person not too long ago, it was like a droplet of venom from that glass, but it felt like if he truly wished, that droplet could turn into a breaking dam, deteriorating and tainting everything it touches.

"You wouldn't even get the chance to tell them your address to the cops before I fucking tore you limb by limb in your own home. You're lucky I don't do it right here in the store, but I hope you know, I'm watching everything you do, like God does, I see it too. So I hope you think twice before you put that vibrator up to your worthless, used up pussy. Because I'll see it, and I'm just as disgusted as God would be."

[superpeanutgarden]

Trauma Posting

I've always said that ADHD is ruining my life, when comparing my mental illnesses. Autism makes me strange to the ordinary observer (and affects my day to day functioning in noticeable ways), Depression makes my room messy (executive dysfunction is a right bastard), but ADHD is what's ruining my life.

And it is, kinda. Really what's making things difficult is the high cost of living, the lack of social support, and the way that I cannot afford to live on my own while working full time. Not to mention that my silly little brain is not suited to 40 hour work weeks, and all the jobs that I might be able to stand are gatekept to hell and back.

I'm back with my parents, and they're a little better than they were the first time I moved out, but not by much. They're both still highly traumatized people, both with poor emotional regulation skills (despite teaching me and my siblings those same fucking skills). It's subtle and insidious, and I'm so fucking stressed all the time. Cause it's not like they're yelling all the time, or spewing hateful rhetoric at all hours. Most of the time, they're chill Gen X parents with a fun sense of humor and a strong Christian faith. If you aren't careful (and oh how much it hurts to be careful), the bigotry will sneak up on you. The big emotions will startle you, the fatphobia and the snide comments and everything else. If you relax into who they usually are, you'll get knocked on your ass when their damaged edges show.

I can't relax here. I can't fully be myself here. I can't talk about my partners, or my beliefs. I can't even correctly refer to my sibling because they aren't out to our parents. The safest options are to stay in my room or to stay out of the house.

Which brings me to the ADHD ruining my life thing. I guess it feels so trivial after processing all of that, but I've been spending a LOT of money on things which don't feel all that important. (granted, spending money on anything feels the same kind of awful, so it's hard to differentiate). The 100$ I've spent on groceries in the last week was important and I'm glad I spent it. the 150$ I spent on two skirts?? Not so much right now.

Especially because my car is in the shop with transmission issues. If things don't go well, I might need to get a new one and I want to have enough money to spare that I won't need to take out a loan again. (I don't have a steady stream of income, I can't afford it right now)

I'm stuck I'm stuck I'm stuck I'm stuck...

(I'm not stuck forever, I know i'm not. I just need a little more help than usual, that's all.)

[poxei]

hii i got some stuff at your table at fanime and wanted to say that I really love your art and merch!! I was rly taking in how well designed everything was (i esp love the graphic design on your pins and stickers) and i wanted to ask how you got into/how long you have been tabling at conventions? i want to get into it too but im overwhelmed with keeping track of all the applications, merch making, etc--do you have any tips for beginners that you wish you knew when u started?

Thanks so much!! I'm glad to hear you like what you got from me! and that you appreciate the effort I put into graphic design :'D

I'll answer your question below the cut since it got kind of long

My first time tabling was in September 2018 at Crunchyroll Expo! I only did 4 cons pre-2020, the last of them being Crunchyroll Expo 2019, so I tabled for exactly a year before the pandemic started. Then I stopped for two years and started doing cons again in May 2022 at Fanime. I've got at least 3 more cons planned for this year including my first AX 😳 But my last con as of right now is Fanime 2023, so I've been tabling for a little over two years.

Tabling was really overwhelming the first time I did it too, but I mooched off of a friend's table so at least I didn't have to worry about getting the table. It's really helpful if you have a friend who's willing to share their knowledge with you, but if you don't, you kind of have to learn how to table the hard way... I also have a bunch of friends who started tabling around the same time, so we all helped each other by sharing resources, tips, and manufacturers. I strongly recommend getting a buddy! Especially if you ever plan to travel to a convention to table, having a friend go with you takes off so much stress.

When you're first applying, I would suggest finding a convention or free-admission art market close to you (doesn't matter the size of the convention/market), or a big con where you're almost guaranteed to make your money back like AX, ANYC, or Fanime (though it's gonna be tough to get into these because of all the competition). Don't worry about tracking the apps for every single con, just pick a few deadlines to track. I think for your first con it's best to cut down on travel/lodging costs as much as possible because you never know how much you'll make back.

As for making merch, I wouldn't worry about making so much all at once. Well, maybe you have to produce a lot for your first con. But after that I just try to add at least one new thing for each con, even if it's just a sticker, so I slowly build up a catalogue that way. For my first con, I just printed zine pieces and illustrations that I already had, and the only new thing I drew was buttons.

For more specific questions, the blog @howtobeaconartist helped me so much in the beginning! You can also ask me off-anon, and I can try to help, but I can't guarantee that I can be of help.

[tenebraevesper]

Five Nights at Freddy's: Salvaged, Night 20: Left Behind

''I was left behind! All this torture will unwind, I was never all that kind! If you were to rewind, then you would find I was left behind! Take your turn to run and hide, I will catch you all the time! This night no longer shines, your tears divine, you'll now be mine! We hope you enjoyed the show within your grave down below!''

– Left Behind by DAGames (Five Nights at Freddy's: Sister Location)

xXxXxXx

Connor knocked on the door of the manager's office, waiting for the lazy ''Come in!'', and entered it. The manager was an elderly man who looked like he'd rather be at home and drinking beer than at this establishment.

''Ah, Mr. Davis, is there anything you need?'' the manager asked. Connor took a deep breath.

''I wanted to voice my concerns about the recent events. A lazy security guard and a missing employee isn't very good for Ricky's. I was wondering whether I could, aside from doing my regular job, also apply for the night guard job,'' Connor said, with the manager frowning. He then added, ''I would just make sure no one is on the premises after closure in order to prevent more accidents like this.''

''I will have to think about this, but considering how you're a longtime employee, have a clean record, are usually the last one to leave and we still cannot find a replacement night guard, you might get the job. Of course, we will also have to discuss your hours and paycheck for that,'' the manager said.

''I believe we will find a solution that problem,'' Connor replied, with the manager rising an eyebrow. ''It doesn't have to even be official. I'll just be on the closing shift as usual, but leave a while later after making sure no one is here.''

He knew that it wouldn't take much to convince the manager. He knew that he wanted to cut costs while pretending that everything was running smoothly and by the book. Not to mention, putting an employee as reliable as Connor was on the night guard position would spare him the hassle of having to hire a new night guard, especially since the day shift guard refused to take the night shift.

''I guess you're getting a promotion then,'' the manager said.

''Thank you, sir,'' Connor replied, exiting the office and walking towards the main area, grinning.

xXx

Sam yawned, checking her phone. It was late evening, with her and Springtrap being in her room after having finished cleaning the kitchen. Emma was a little upset about the broken dishes, although she didn't mourn the vase, calling it ugly and noting how she wanted to replace it anyways. However, she was glad things didn't escalate and Sam didn't end up scarred or worse.

''You seem to be really satisfied about this,'' Springtrap told Sam.

''Of course I am. After all, I managed to help someone improve their life, or rather, afterlife,'' Sam replied.

''Honestly, I'm just glad that she's gone,'' Springtrap said, with Sam noticing the bitterness in his tone. Before she could question him, they heard shuffling in front of the door and Emma peeked into the room.

''You two are still awake?'' she said, with Springtrap giving her a questioning look. She narrowed her eyes. ''You know what I meant, Afton.''

''Mum, could we borrow the car for tomorrow?'' Sam asked.

''As long as you manage to wake up early to drive me to work,'' Emma replied. ''Where are you even going to?''

Sam and Springtrap briefly exchanged glances, only to see Emma giving them a Don't you dare to lie to me look.

''We planned to visit an abandoned building called Circus Baby's Entertainment and Rental,'' Sam said. Emma didn't seem to recognize the name.

''So, what is that place? Are you completely sure that it is abandoned?'' Emma asked.

''It is,'' Springtrap replied, with Emma giving him a confused look. ''At least it was the last time I was there, more than a year ago.''

''Should I even ask why you were there?'' Emma said, crossing her arms.

''I used to own it, and rest assured, it is completely empty,'' Springtrap replied. ''There are no people and no animatronics, just robotic parts and empty rooms.''

''I see,'' Emma muttered, looking a little skeptical. ''Anyways, don't stay up too late, else someone is going to sleep outside. I'm not that picky about who this person will be.''

She added the last part when she noticed Sam grinning, looking satisfied when Sam's eyes widened and her smile instantly vanished. Emma left, with Sam and Springtrap exchanging glances.

''To be honest, I'm not sure whether she was messing with us again or was completely serious about this,'' Sam said.

''I don't think we should take any chances,'' Springtrap replied. ''In any case, we have a plan for tomorrow and we can discuss the details in the morning.''

He was about to get up and leave, only for Sam to grab his hand, forcing him to stay. He was a little confused when he saw the annoyed look on her expression.

''Remember how I told you that I'm getting better at picking up on whenever you feel upset about something? I'm quite sure that there's something you didn't want to tell me earlier,'' Sam said as Springtrap sat back, looking a little flustered and anxious.

''I don't think I need to explain whom that little girl reminded me of,'' Springtrap said.

''No, but the children are gone, aren't they?'' Sam said. ''That chapter of your life is supposed to be over, isn't it? Even though it does influence your current situation.''

''True, but the more I think about it, the more I feel that not all of them are gone,'' Springtrap replied.

''You mean that entity?'' Sam asked, with Springtrap nodding.

''If anything, I'm certain that this entity is completely different from the voice that told me that I'd be back, for whatever reason they had,'' he explained.

''Considering how things are, you've been brought back to be tortured. Apparently, the Hell you faced wasn't enough,'' Sam said, noticing that Springtrap looked quite crestfallen. ''There is something else, isn't it?''

''How would you feel if I just left?'' he asked. He noticed the reluctant look on her expression, as she understood what he meant. It was more than obvious that she refused to let him leave, which he actually felt relieved about.

''Well, if you wanted to leave, it is your decision…'' Sam muttered.

''Sam, be honest with your feelings,'' Springtrap said calmly, in the same tone Sam used to talk to him in such situations.

''No, I don't want to you to leave,'' Sam said, now in a more confident tone, only to feel Springtrap patting her on the head.

''I know. I am not going to leave you,'' Springtrap told her. ''At least not unless forced, and even then, I doubt I would just abandon you. Besides, I'm quite satisfied with being back, so that's an additional reason for staying here.''

Sam smiled, with Springtrap feeling a warm sensation in his chest.

Even if I have to leave, it'll be on my own terms.

xXx

''It should be here somewhere,'' Springtrap said as he looked through the window of the car. The two were searching for Circus Baby's Entertainment and Rental location. Springtrap felt a little tense about visiting it again, as he wondered whether everything remained the same, or whether the location was still there.

''Is this it?'' Sam asked, parking in next to the building next to an empty lot. There was an old rusty sign on it, saying CIRCUS BABY'S ENTERTAINMENT AND RENTAL, with the image of Circus Baby holding a microphone on the top of the sign. However, the colors were faded and chipped. The lot also had a broken fence around it, but it didn't seem like it was necessary for keeping intruders out. The whole place was decrepit and gave off a creepy vibe. The two exited the car, walking over to the building, with Springtrap being stunned.

''I can't believe this place is still here,'' he said. ''I thought that Henry had torn it down and burned the remains.''

''Well, I have no complaints about this place still being here,'' Sam said, looking quite excited. ''Let's go inside.''

Springtrap nodded, although he still stood on the spot, staring at the building. He did feel a little reluctant about entering it, as he didn't know what he might find there. Everything could've been the same as he left it, but it was also possible that there was nothing there. He sighed.

It's time to see what is lurking underground.

xXx

''Is there a bunny plushie?''

''No…''

''But, I want one!''

Kathy looked at her younger brother, who was just as annoyed as she was that the only plushies were those of Ricky and the Misfits. The two hoped that they could find a plushie that looked similar to that green-golden bunny with the purple bowtie.

Speaking of the bunny, nobody had seen it. Sure, the two hadn't visited Ricky's in a while, but they were sure that the bunny would still be here. They asked a few older kids and even an employee about the strange bunny animatronic, but none of them had even noticed that he was there. The two felt disappointed, as they wanted to play with him.

They knew that the bunny was there, but everyone else acted like he didn't exist. What was going on?

''Maybe he doesn't work today,'' Kathy suggested. She then pouted. ''Or maybe he got fired?''

Kyle tilted his head. He didn't fully understand what ''being fired'' meant, although he knew that it was something about adults losing their job, as he overheard his aunt talking nastily about the people that worked in the grocery store. All he could imagine was the bunny animatronic being fired out of a cannon by Ricky, and got scared.

''I hope he wasn't,'' he said. ''That would hurt.''

The two then got approached by Virgil The Owl, who looked at them expectantly.

''Do you want a prize?'' Virgil asked them.

''We want a bunny plushie!'' Kyle exclaimed, holding his share of prize tickets.

''I am sorry, but there are no bunnies here,'' Virgil replied. ''But, did you know that rabbits are fragile animals and are most active in the morning and evening. They prefer to sleep during the day and through the night. Rabbits are very tame and not demanding. They can be trained to learn commands and play games. Rabbits make very little noise so bothering your neighbors will not be a concern. Rabbits love to be handled, like attention, and tend to be active when most people are home. Because of all these attributes they can make an excellent pet.''

''Really?'' Kyle seemed to be awed, turning to his sister. ''I want a pet bunny!''

''Me too,'' Kathy was just as excited about the idea as her brother was, but then quickly remembered why they were here, then turned to the animatronic. ''Did you see a bunny robot?''

''No, there is no rabbit animatronic here. We have Ricky Wolfrun-'' Before Virgil could continue listing the names of the animatronics, he got interrupted by Kathy.

''But, there was a bunny named Spring here!'' she insisted.

''No, there is no rabbit animatronic here. We have Ricky Wolf-''

Kathy groaned, with her brother copying her. Both of them were frustrated that nobody knew about Spring, not even the animatronics themselves.

''Hello, there!'' The twins turned around, only to see Ricky waving at them. ''Do you need any help?''

As much as the twins were aware of, there were two Rickys. One would sing on the stage and the other would walk around and interact with people. However, they would never be seen together. Of course, when they played with another kid their age and told him about it, he said that they were wrong and that they were stupid for believing that. The twins quickly left him, not taking kindly to the fact that they were insulted by someone who couldn't tell the difference between a robot and a person in a costume.

''Have you seen a bunny?'' Kyle asked hopefully. ''His name is Spring!''

''I'm sorry, but I don't know any bunny named Spring,'' Ricky replied. Kyle looked disappointed. ''However, you can play with me and my friends. Just come along.''

He reached out for Kyle, but Kathy grabbed his arm first.

''No, thanks,'' Kathy suddenly said, feeling uncomfortable in Ricky's presence. Even though he was friendly to them, she had a bad feeling about this and wanted to leave. ''Bye.''

Connor observed silently as the two left, feeling angry. He had realized that he basically got his confirmation that there was indeed a bunny animatronic roaming through this town. However, every time he appeared or was mentioned, he would take people he was interested in away from him.

Well, it's time to hunt this bunny down.

xXx

As Sam and Springtrap entered the building, they noticed a thick layer of dust on the floor and every surface. There were cobwebs, as well as a musty scent in the air. It was dark inside, with shutters covering the windows, although Sam brought along her flashlight, shining it on the surfaces. The hallway they entered led to another room covered in posters of Circus Baby, Funtime Foxy, Funtime Freddy and Bon-Bon, and Ballora. There was also a reception counter.

''We're not even at where the animatronics were and I'm already excited,'' Sam said, contemplating whether she could take the posters with her.

''We might have a little problem, though,'' Springtrap said, pointing at the elevator a bit away from the counter. ''There are other entrances, but the primary one, which is reserved for the technicians, is this elevator and I'm not sure whether this place is still powered-up since nobody is using it. Also, just to make it clear, the last time I came here I used a different entrance.''

''Well, we could try it out,'' Sam said, shrugging. Springtrap was worried about the possibility of them getting trapped inside a faulty elevator, but decided to give it a try. Surprisingly, when he pressed the button for the elevator, it actually worked. He and Sam exchanged glances, then nodded, entering the elevator. Sam felt her heart racing when the door behind her closed. It took a few seconds, but the elevator then went down.

As they waited, Springtrap figured that there was a possibility that Fazbear Entertainment was the one who kept Circus Baby's Rental and Entertainment from being torn down. After all, they had already decided to open another location.

Meanwhile, Sam examined the entirety of the elevator, noticing how it looked exactly like it did in the game. The posters were missing, but the panel on which HandUnit asks you to type was still there. Sam traced with her fingers over the torn sticker that said ''MIKE''. She was smiling widely, feeling as if she was dreaming. However, this was much better than a dream.

''Deep below ground, where memories sleep, anger is restless and secrets don't keep.''

''What do you mean?'' Springtrap asked her.

''That was the description for Five Nights at Freddy's: Sister Location,'' Sam explained. ''Speaking of which, something's missing. HandUnit is not active.''

''I guess that someone turned HandUnit off,'' Springtrap said.

''I kind of hoped that we would hear him,'' Sam said. ''He might've offered me some Exotic Butters.''

Springtrap snorted, figuring that he should ask her a little more about those Five Nights at Freddy's games. The elevator finally opened, with both of them exiting it, entering a smaller room with a vent they would have to crawl through. Sam glanced at Springtrap.

''I still don't get why people have to use the vents to get into another room,'' she said, noticing Springtrap grinning, his arms crossed on his back and his eyes glowing in a soft purple.

''It's just a precaution, to make sure that people stay where they're supposed to be. Do you really think that, unless directed, someone would use a vent to get into the next room?'' Springtrap asked.

''Well, you have a point,'' Sam replied.

''If you don't want to use the vents, I'll show you the way around,'' Springtrap added.

''Thanks, but I actually wanted to see what Mike had to go through,'' Sam said, pointing at the vent. Springtrap's ears drooped, with him looking a little anxious. He knew that Michael had been at this place, as he personally had sent him here, but the idea of her retracing his steps didn't occur to him. However, if she did attempt to retrace Michael's steps… Springtrap's eyes widened as he realized what kind of situation he put her in.

''Say, Sam, you'll be fine on your own for a few minutes?'' he asked.

''I guess…'' Sam gave him a confused look. ''Why are you asking?''

''There's something I need to do, but I'll be back soon,'' Springtrap replied.

''What is it?'' Sam asked.

''I'll explain you later. It's just something I forgot about,'' Springtrap told her. Sam tilted her head, a little skeptical, but then shrugged and entered the vent. Springtrap sighed as he heard her leaving, rubbing his temple. ''Why didn't I remember this sooner?''

He then turned back to he elevator, walking around it and opening the door that was concealed in the small area behind the elevator. As he had already noted, there were certain aspects of this place only he was supposed to know about.

xXx

Sam felt a little overwhelmed as she stood in the primary control module room. In front of her was the vent that led to the control room for the Circus Gallery. On the sides were the vents that led to the Ballora Gallery and Funtime Auditorium. She also noticed the keypads used for the controlled shocks, approaching the one on her left carefully, her fingers itching to press the buttons. She felt giddy, still a bit in disbelief that she was actually here, at the Sister Location. As she contemplated whether she should actually try the keypads out, she was startled when the light suddenly started flickering and turned on. Even the screens above her were turned on, albeit showing only static.

She figured that Springtrap was probably the one who turned the lights on and looked through the windows. Both the Ballora Gallery and Funtime Auditorium were empty, albeit there were scraps of metal and plastic lying on the floor. Running from one side to the other, she simply couldn't decide which one to check first.

In the end, she decided to visit first the Circus Gallery, wanting to see Circus Baby's stage first. After climbing out of the vent, she found herself in the control room for the Circus Gallery, leaning against the machinery to see the stage. It was dimly lit, with broken stage lights, but much larger than Ballora and Funtime Foxy's stage. She took a step back and crouched, opening the door to the small space below the desk, which once served as a hiding spot for Michael when the Bidybabs went after him.

She shuddered as she closed it, reminding herself that this wasn't a game or a dream. It was real and people had died here. Not only that, but several incredibly dangerous animatronics had managed to escape by using a human as a suit. Calling it an unnerving experience would be an understatement.

After returning back to the main control room, Sam turned towards the Ballora Gallery, roaming freely through the area, as there was no Ballora or Minireenas to stop her. The room didn't have anything of interest, aside from several decorations and posters showing Ballora dancing. Sam turned her attention to the stage, staring at it for a moment, then shivered, going towards the breaker room.

Now, the breaker room was just as she imagined it to be. She saw the panel for the power, the room being covered in wires and pipes, some tools on a desk at the far end of the room, as well as some machinery.

This was where Funtime Freddy and Bon-Bon resided, at least for a while.

She stepped towards the stage where Funtime Freddy once stood, staring at it briefly, before turning back to the Ballora Gallery, with the intent to visit the Funtime Auditorium next. Once there, she glanced at the stage where Funtime Foxy was, then looked at the floor. While dusty, it was clean.

I guess we'll never know what happened to those two technicians after they were killed.

She then walked over to the parts and service room, which, similarly to the breaker room, was covered in wires, but also had closets and a desk, as well as tools and parts that would be used for fixing the animatronics. As she looked down, she noticed a charred piece of plastic. Picking it up and turning it around, she realized that, while it was quite damaged, it was Ennard's mask.

She gasped, covering her mouth in disbelief as she processed the fact that she was holding a piece of a rather infamous animatronic. She assumed that Ennard, after parting ways with Circus Baby, came here to repair himself, only for that to go wrong. Instead, he became Molten Freddy, a bunch of wires with Funtime Freddy's mask and AI, as Ballora and Funtime Foxy's AI probably ceased to exist at that point.

As she exited the parts and service room, she turned her attention to two other rooms, one being the private room and the other being the scooping room. Biting her lip, she went to the private room, wanting to check it out. As she already expected it, it looked almost exactly as she imagined it to be. The monitors had been turned off, so she had no view of the other rooms. Just as she reached for the monitors, she felt a hand on her shoulder and quickly turned around.

''Are you okay? I'm sorry I scared you,'' Springtrap said as he saw her stunned expression.

''Yeah, I'm fine,'' Sam replied. ''I am actually quite enjoying myself, just like at Fazbear's Fright.''

''I see you have already found something,'' Springtrap said, looking at Ennard's mask. Sam nodded.

''Honestly, I don't think I have even explored half of the place properly,'' she replied. ''Anyways, what were you doing?''

''I was simply making sure you won't get yourself hurt,'' Springtrap replied, with Sam giving him a confused look.

''Thanks,'' she muttered, wondering what exactly he meant, only to figure it out a moment later. ''The scooper, right?''

Springtrap didn't say anything, avoiding any eye-contact with her. He was still troubled over what happened, as well as worried about Sam's reaction to everything. Sure, she had already known about the whole deal with the scooper and remnant, but there was still a difference between knowing something and experiencing it first-hand. Not to mention, considering how curious Sam was, he had every right to worry about her getting hurt.

''In any case, I have visited pretty much every room here, except for the one with the scooper,'' she told Springtrap as she exited the room.

''I think you might want to rethink that sentence,'' Springtrap replied, then glanced back at the monitors, a little reluctant. Although, I guess she already knows, right?

He sighed, feeling torn between letting her continue to explore and telling her that they should leave. After all, this was his idea, but the more he thought about it, the more he felt that he made the wrong decision. There was a reason why I left everything behind.

He sighed, remembering the time he encountered Circus Baby decades after he had left her and the other animatronics. At the time, she had managed to somehow repair herself, becoming Scrap Baby. She was excited to see him, showing no trace of malice or bitterness towards him. She didn't care anymore about being left behind, seemingly forgotten, and wanted to do anything to make him proud. She wanted to be part of this horror show and he allowed it.

She even told him about what had happened to Michael, which honestly shocked him as, while he did sent him to this location, he didn't expect such outcome. However, the possibility of Michael still being alive despite being carved out like a pumpkin for Halloween sparked his interest, causing him to wonder whether he would encounter his son again. Still, that didn't mean that he wanted a family reunion. At that point, he had lost every sense of sanity, only wanting to continue to murder people.

Hell, even Circus Baby was a victim of his insane ideas. He no longer cared whether he was talking to the Circus Baby AI or Elizabeth when he encountered her, simply accepting idea that this is who she was. While he may have not wanted to harm her before, he had accepted her idea of her becoming his successor, while at the same time making it clear that he would also act on his own, without her help.

Springtrap sighed, closing his eyes with a look of anguish on his expression. Now that he thought about everything, he felt sick. He was furious at himself for even taking such dark path, even though he knew that he couldn't change anything about his past. He refused to understand the pain and agony he brought upon everyone, believing that there would be some kind of benefit from his actions. Sure, had had discovered what could be called essentially immortality, but at what price?

Even if put myself into a similar situation, I still would have no idea what they have been through.

Time and time again, he had to wonder why he was still here, why he was allowed to come back. Was he supposed to repeat the horror show? Sure, he tried that, but Sam convinced him that there might have been another reason for his return. Or, maybe there wasn't any other reason for his return and this was just another form of torture? If it was, then they did a good job, as he now felt even worse than he did in Hell.

Still, there was a bit of hope left for him, as he had found someone who was willing to listen to him and help him out. It wasn't a bad deal, despite the constant anxiety and fear about her getting hurt somehow. After all, he had managed to hurt and scar every person he actually felt some connection with, and she might suffer the same fate.

I should've stayed away from her.

He shook his head, his eyes flaring purple. Only because he knew that he shouldn't be around her didn't mean he was supposed to leave her. He had shown that he could change, that he could become a better person. Hell, he even showed regret for his past actions! He wanted to keep Sam safe and happy, and that required his presence, no matter how absurd that idea was.

If this is not why I'm here, what else am I supposed to do?!

In the end, the decision lied within him. Even if he had made a different choice, he would still suffer the consequences, which could've been even worse than what he was experiencing now. Springtrap sighed, exiting the private room and closing the door, then leaned against it, staring across the room.

What should I do?

Suddenly, there was a scream, with something falling on the ground, the sounds echoing through the empty room.

''Sam!''

Springtrap ran over to the scooping room, finding Sam sitting on the ground, clutching her stomach. He quickly crouched next to her, noticing the blood on her arm.

''Sam, what happened?!''

Sam looked at the dismantled scooper, with Springtrap noticing that the remnant injector had sprung open. While had had dismantled it, he forgot that there was a possibility that traces of remnant were still inside the injector and that it might activate if not handled carefully. He assumed that she picked up some of the pieces of the scooper to examine them and got stabbed by the injector after accidentally activating it.

''Sam, let me see the wound,'' he said anxiously, slowly feeling the dread rising in the back of his mind. Sam extended her arm, her eyes tearing. Feeling sorry for her, Springtrap examined her arm, seeing the tears on the bandages and blood dripping out of the tears. He took a look at her, realizing that it was just her arm that got stabbed by the injector. Still, that didn't make him feel less horrified. He looked at her, his eyes flaring purple. ''We're going home this instant.''

Sam was surprised by his stern and serious tone. It was less of a suggestion and more of an order, with her realizing that the situation was grave. She let him help her get up, feeling her arm throbbing and a little dizzy.

''Sam, can you stand on your own?'' Springtrap asked her, with Sam waiting for the dizziness to fade.

''Yeah, I think so,'' she said, even though Springtrap still held her non-injured arm. ''There's a first aid kit in the car.''

''I don't think that it will help much,'' Springtrap said as he looked at her injured arm. The bleeding had stopped, but there were still red stains on the bandages. However, he wasn't worried about her injury, but more about what the injector did to her.

As they walked past the remains of Ballora, Funtime Foxy and Funtime Freddy and entered the Funtime Auditorium, Springtrap directed her towards a concealed door Sam hadn't noticed earlier. It led to a corridor that had a fork. Sam assumed that one path led to the observatory she saw through the panel at the scooping room. Springtrap then gestured to take the other path, which led back to the elevator room. As the elevator went up, the dizziness Sam felt had faded away and she was capable of standing on her own. However, her arm still hurt.

''How do you feel?'' Springtrap asked her worriedly. Sam noticed that there was a hint of panic in his tone.

''My arm hurts,'' she said, holding her injured arm with her non-injured one. ''I also feel tired.''

Springtrap looked dismayed, fearing the worst. He didn't want to risk anything, but he also had no idea what might happen to Sam. After all, he never found out what might happen when someone who was still alive gets injected with remnant.

xXx

The drive back home was quiet. After having her arm once again bandaged, Sam insisted on driving them back home, despite feeling fatigue. Springtrap let her do that, as he didn't want to upset her further. The situation was already bad enough, even more when Sam expressed the desire to go to sleep once they had arrived.

''Sam, I don't think that this is a good idea,'' Springtrap told her. ''You need to stay awake.''

He was slowly freaking out. As much as he knew, remnant was supposed to bind the soul of a dead or dying person to a body, be it artificial or not. However, he feared that, if injected into someone who was still alive, it could outright kill the person. While Sam wasn't stabbed in any of her vital organs, like the heart, it seemed to be affecting her nonetheless.

''I'm sorry about what happened. This is all my fault,'' he told her.

''No, it's mine,'' Sam replied, her cheeks red. ''I shouldn't have touched that stuff. I should've known better-''

Suddenly, her eyes rolled back and collapsed. Springtrap managed to hold her, preventing her from falling down on the floor.

''Sam, wake up! Sam!''

Horrified, he realized that she couldn't hear him anymore.

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[chaoticstrata]

Finished End of Dragons

So I finished End of Dragons' main campaign last night. And I have to say I rather like the journey so far. I know I didn't do this for Path of Fire or anything else, so I'm gonna lump that in here too.

One of my favorite things with the story is how my character's voice has evolved (Sylvari Male). It pretty much went from bright eyed and bushy tailed to exhausted/just done with it all. There are, of course, upbeat and hilarious moments but during season 3 and Path of Fire, every time he got a call from one of his guildmates it sounds like he's saying 'What now? -sigh-' It then turns a bit less exhausted going into EoD, and a little more 'Commander-esque'.

Mounts are fun, I like there are different ones for different tasks. Griffon is probably my favorite so far--if only because it was a pain in the ass to unlock. I'm holding judgement on the skyscale if only because I have no masteries unlocked for it. Base flying is...painful.

Path of Fire (and the season leading up to it) was amazing. I loved almost every minute of it. Aurene is a sweetheart! The landscapes were beautiful! And going back to Elona was so much fun. Especially since there were things I recognized! Like Livia and Koss! The third sassy comment from the mysterious Shining Blade person you helped with Eye of Jathir I knew right away who she was. And I was stoked! And poor Koss! Although it was hilarious that he was so annoying with his sass and backtalk that Joko ordered him to stay in the cave. XD (On a side note, Fuck Kormir. It should have been Koss.)

Season 4 and Icebrood saga. Can I say Emotional Damage much? ;-; But it hurt so good! The whole thing with what happened to Blish. And then Taimi. Taimi was like ripping my heart out--my friend who's also playing has not gotten to this part and he adores Taimi. Like 'Must protect Taimi at all costs' type adore. I'm keep mum about it, but ooh boy, I'll know when he gets to it. (He's getting to the part in Season 3 where we find out that killing the dragons like we are is not the best thing for the planet.) And then there's Braham, with everything he'd been through. ;-;

I loved having Canach with us during PoF, little sad that he wasn't in EoD as much--but it's understandable. I'm still on the fence about the new VO, but I think Matt does a good job at bringing the sass. I do hope I get to see more of him for SotO

End of Dragons was...it was ok. I liked all the characters from it. The story had it's moments, but the story overall was kind of meh for me. Just my opinion, obviously. Rama was a gem, and I'm glad to see we get some more of him going into the extra content. It was awesome to see a lot of the places from Factions and hear about a few people from then. Actually, I wonder if there are any extra dialogues for Revenants, especially if they use Shiro as a stance. Would be interesting to see.

One thing I really would like to shout out is the representation ArenaNet has put in the game. Jory and Kas. Caithe and Faolin. Yao. Hell, random NPC conversations. Nothing is made a bit deal bout any of it (except some people getting their panties in a twist, but they don't matter). They just exists, like anyone else in the world. I really could go on and on, but this post is long enough as it is. lol

[terubakudan]

Sup. xD

No, but really. Hi guys! Long time no see.

I see that Tumblr's changed, and believe me I'm re-learning how to use it. xD

So, um...usual life update I guess, you don't have to read this but I have to get this out of my system or I'll go crazy xD.

Honestly I really miss blogging and talking about fandoms, hobbies and whatnot. It's literally been over a year since I last blogged and there's a reason for that: literally no work-life balance at my old job. I say 'old' because I finally quit this year!! I'm really glad to be out of that soul-sucking hellhole xD For reference, I used to work at one of the Big Four accounting firms as an auditor, think hard before going in haha. The pay may be good...but at what cost?

For a while even when I left I couldn't stop thinking about work, I would always worry that there's something that hasn't been finished yet, and believe me at that kind of job the workload is endless Orz. On the plus side I did get experience, but I'm waaayyyy more glad to be out than in, believe me guys, work-life balance is something that everyone should have, I don't know what it's like in other countries (do feel free to share, I'm quite curious) but there's a reason so many foreign professionals choose not to work in Taiwan:

The pay is low. Especially compared to Japan and South Korea. As of now minimum wage is NTD 26,400 (USD 836) per month, and NTD 176 (USD) per hour, the thing is it's seriously not keeping up with inflation here. Bento used to cost NTD 60~70 when I was in college! Now it's NTD 90~100 on average.

Hours are long. Not all jobs are like this, but you are expected to do overtime without additional pay in most.

A lot of bosses here just...don't know leadership skills? Like they know how to work, but are awful at teaching and leading subordinates. Both Mom and I complain that the EQ of some locals is quite low ^^" No seriously, you do something well and somehow it's always your fault xD People here can be too materialistic sometimes and don't spend enough time on enriching themselves and others. It's really the fault of long work hours as well as the cram school culture here.

So yeah..welp.

My new job (accounting staff at a SME) may be lower pay but at least I get to come home earlier now, which honestly is a relief. Also weekends off. You'd be extremely lucky to get a weekend off at the old job xD

In a way, my Dad spoiled our family xD Because he was too nice we got really used to this rosy portrait of Taiwan and the locals xD But yeah, Mom, Bro and I will find ways to carry on.

Well enough about that! I hope everyone's getting on well with their lives, even when it's tough, there are always ways to carry on. ╰(*´︶`*)╯

I haven't been 100% offline actually xD Just a lot of lurking xD

Some things I've been up to:

You are now looking at a JoJo's Bizarre Adventure fan xD JJBA lives in my head rent-free and I don't regret it at all, I want to slap past me for not following JoJo sooner, especially as an avid fan of music and fashion. My brother’s pestering of me to watch it finally came to. I don't read manga, have watched Parts 1~6 (and made my Mom watch it with me ha xD she practically got almost all the music references xD) and am excited for a Part 7 anime!! Which could take forever sadly :( Along with Arcane Season 2, it’s been a while since there’s a show that I really look forward to watching, what with the current state of TV and movies nowadays. Too much on content and not enough on quality or well, basic storytelling even.

But I'm sad that I can't go to JOJO WORLD. QQ I really have a knack for getting into things too late.

My personal ranking: 2>5>3>4>1>6. This is just personal favoritism xD Each part has their own strengths and weaknesses and the writing in later parts is better as Araki has really matured as a mangaka and writer. But Part 2 is amazing. Period. I will not have it any other way. Special mention goes to this guy for simultaneously stealing my heart and *ahem* crushing (sorry) it, I have only cried for him:

He and Joseph should kiss.

2. I got into gaming again! Thank Steam really for letting lots of players save money on not having to buy separate consoles xD I got my brother to help me invest in a good gaming laptop, and it's just lovely. Some of my favorite games:

METAL GEAR RISING: REVENGEANCE

I got to experience Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance and my god it's a MASTERPIECE. The OST also is just *chef's kiss*. The composer really did a great job with the music. The animation that plays every time Raiden uses Zandatsu is an absolute joy to watch xD My brother introduced this game to me through the memes, and he immediately regretted it when it was all I could talk about for a while xD But god slicing a Metal Gear in two while Rules of Nature plays in the background, how can you not squee?! xD

Mind you this is the tutorial boss xD I highly recommend this game, pure unadulterated adrenaline rush xD It’s so over-the-top and unapologetic, and just damn cool.

SEKIRO: SHADOWS DIE TWICE

I also beat Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice. And as of now, it's still the best sense of achievement that I got from a game, it's the most difficult game I've ever played and let me tell you guys I'm good friends with the death screen xD

The adrenaline rush I got from beating Genichiro for the first time (and throwing the lightning back at him!!) as well as beating Sword Saint Isshin was unreal. At some point, the gameplay for me clicked, and it was immensely satisfying being able to perfectly parry the enemy's attacks. The clanging of swords is a sound that I absolutely love.

Though fuck Demon of Hatred xD. Joke I love the Sculptor character who I affectionately call 'Sculptor Dad' but come on you had to unlearn the game's combat system just to beat him. I agree that he's more of a Dark Souls boss than a Sekiro one.

Well deserving of 2019 Game of the Year 👏

DEVIL MAY CRY V

So you can probably see by now that I love action and hack and slash games xD I used to play Devil May Cry 3 when I was a teenager and even watched the Madhouse anime, the over-the-top-ness and Dante's quips won me over. Dante’s even the whole reason why I tried strawberries and now I love them xD So! It was only natural that I wanted to play DMCV, and I wasn't disappointed.

There’s a total of 4 characters you can play as, each with their own SSStylish gameplay, and I had lots of fun just sending the demons into the air while the extremely enthusiastic cast cheers me on xD

Also V is that Edgy Guy who’s a hit with the ladies xD My brother hates him but I adore him. He even said that I’m a sucker for the “starving artist” types xD Well…

HOW CAN I NOT BE A SUCKER QQ That smirk, dear god.

HADES

0:34 sold me haha 😂

You play as this really sexy Prince of Hell with daddy issues.

While Sekiro would frustrate me sometimes with constantly dying, every time I died in Hades it encouraged me to keep on playing, as whenever you die it actually advances the plot and unlocks new dialogue with the various characters, who are based on Greek mythology. If anything the game encourages you to die xD There was a time I was so determined to make it to the surface and when I did it was the next morning already xD

The art by Jen Zee is also just extremely gorgeous, and the OST by Darren Korb (who also voices Zagreus) is amazing. I also recommend Supergiant’s other games Bastion, Transistor, and Pyre. They are one of the best indie game developers out there. They put a lot of heart into their games, which is something a lot of AAA games lack nowadays.

Also I headcanon that Zagreus listens to Coldrain while hacking and slashing through hell. It just seems like a band he would listen to xD

And not to forget, but thank Supergiant for giving the option to romance this really sexy grim reaper xD I'm a sucker for the 'tsundere' types too, and let me tell you every bottle of gifted nectar and ambrosia was worth it. When he finally realized his feelings weren't unnecessary I squeeed.

DISCO ELYSIUM

Last but not least, an underrated gem.

Disco Elysium is one of those games that shouldn’t exist, and boy am I glad that it does.

It’s a choose your adventure game in which you play as a detective trying to solve a murder case with your partner, all the while getting to know the seaside town of Martinaise. Which once you get to explore it, isn't really that big and yet somehow feels huge, there's a whole fictional history that was created for it and for places outside Martinaise even, the worldbuilding for this game is insane. It also seems very real and similar to our own and yet it's all fictional, I really admire that level of detail.

I actually first heard of this game through an artist I follow on Tumblr, who draws True Detective and Disco Elysium fanart. I adore the first season of True Detective and never knew that MartyxRust does things to me. Read reviews about this so-called "True Detective/The Wire-inspired" game and was sold.

Also the developers really hit it out of the park with Kim Kitsuragi, god I love Kim 😭 One of the best companions that you can have out there. Whenever I felt bad and by extension made my player character feel bad (the game is choice-based, there's even an achievement called 'World's Sorriest Cop' xD), Kim would always be helpful and encouraging and god just the sweetest.

The humor in the game is also something I just found so charming, and the voice acting is perfect for every character, I find myself having fun mimicking the voices a lot. I kept pestering my brother to play this game, and his Evrart Claire impression is so spot-on, I myself like to impersonate the Fritte clerk with my 'm'kays' xD

Oh, and you can start a nightclub at a church. And believe me when you experience this scene in the game, it is glorious.

3. I had one of those 'happiest days in your life' moments: I went to see the GazettE's MASS final concert in Japan!! And the crazy thing is I specifically flew in just to see them, I was there in Japan for the concert and went home the next day. At the time I had booked my airline ticket thinking I would still be clocking in to my old job on Monday and well, I never thought I would quit xD

And silly me never thought that even Japanese trains could be late (the local trains at least), I was almost late to the 05:30 PM assembly time xD

By the time I got to the Budokan I was confused by the lack of banners and signs at the entrance at first, then I saw this procession of people in black heading to MASS (ha) and just knew. xD

And I thought I was the only one silly enough to fly to another country for a concert, then I heard Mandarin, English, Spanish in the crowd and thought: 'ah, music really brings people together'. It was beautiful.

Seeing the bouquet with the 'From overseas fans (Overseas fans より)' made me all warm and fuzzy inside.

Too shy to take my own picture xD But glad to know I'm not the only one extremely happy to be there.

I tried to take a picture of this Uruha banner and it just kept flapping in the wind like Uruha during the heavier songs, so I just gave up xD

The setlist for that night, when they played Miseinen (未成年) I think I started tearing up QQ Frankly the whole night was so surreal I couldn't stop thinking about what I experienced on my way back to the hotel. And I stayed at a capsule hotel for the first time! Specifically this one.

The song they played after the concert was an instrumental version of Knockin' On Heaven's Door, and it was absolutely lovely. They even teased a trailer for a new release next year(!!) and a trailer for their Christmas concert A HYMN OF THE CRUCIFIXION ver.2

Their trailers are needless to say, cinematic. I'm sad that they removed all their older trailers off YouTube though :(

As of writing this, there are still stuff I want to share and fangirl about, but unfortunately I have to wake up to a job tomorrow xD If I could, I'd spend my days just doing what I love and not having to deal with stupidity at work. I just want to say I'm glad that there are things in life to enjoy and make going through the daily grind even just a bit easier :)

[scarletwix]

omg hi its the anon who sent the jasico superhero au that was bouncin round my cranium u posted a response to back in like april if u recall i only just realised i never actually sent anything back but i was reading through my old reblogs and wanted to say the stuff u wrote fucks, like its so neat.

i love the groundworks for the worldbuilding stuff u have set up, mentioning unions and insurance stuff its so cool, and the way u gave nico like a kind of lois lane-ish journalist/possibly blogger idk vibe was stellar.

u mentioned debating whether nico would have powers, and id never considered it but immediately my brain went 'what if he doesnt at first, but gets them later on, has to deal with the implications of that on his life and such, and is just confronted with the truth of jason's secret identity, possibly without jason even knowing' idk u don't have to use that if u do wanna write more with it i just figured id share bc it just instantly popped up nagging my thoughts.

anyway yah it was super awesome to see the little idea that rolled around my mind half formed harassing me turned into something so brilliant!!!

(also ty for posting nimona stuff all over my dash ive wanted to watch it and u let me know that it actually came out lol)

OMG NONNY HI HOW DID I MISS THIS

WELCOME BACK TO THE CIRCUS this au has not left my mind literally every time I hear "Last of the Real Ones" by FoB my brain screeches away from whatever I'm writing and straight into jasico superhero au

I'm so glad you enjoyed it!! That makes me so happy to hear :D as for the worldbuilding I was blatantly inspired by the book Hench by Natalie Zina Walschots, but I took it in a different direction. The idea of Superhero unions fascinates me, and looking at a world and going "how would people react if this became a normal thing" is something I find really fun when doing worldbuilding.

And yay! I struggled a bit trying to decide what Nico was doing and decided Journalism Major fit his vibes enough that I wanted to run with it!! I hadn't even considered the Lois angle but aslksdflfk that's so fun. Too bad his superman made a terrible impression ey?

also that is a DELIGHTFUL idea. I love having to explore the repercussions of suddenly being at the same caliber of power as the heroes he writes about, trying to decide whether or not he's going to DO anything about this information... Mmmm I love that.

I had given it a lot of thought and my main sticking point was "do I want Bianca to also be alive in this au" because my initial thought was that a lot of Nico's trepidation towards heroes comes from the fact that Bianca was one and was either injured too badly in the line of duty to continue heroing, or was killed outright. I thought it would be interesting to see Nico grappling with that aspect of his sister who he looked up to, and what that profession eventually cost her, especially if she was just too injured to keep going, which would leave room for Nico's initial hero worship of Tonitro while also giving him the skepticism of "this is an inherently unfair system." In the end it didn't matter much to the snippet itself, but if/when I go back and write more (I'll be honest it's not even an if or a when because it's just so much fun for me that I have written a few more little snippets here and there of the au, just nothing polished enough to publish lol).

In any case, I was thinking about Nico having powers at the time of the Tonitro & Waterspout teamup in the ficlet and that he could/would use them to try and find Jason and potentially even help with the evacuation effort. I've got half of a scene written in my head that I now think would work really well as an accidental-identity-reveal that Jason doesn't even realize has happened. That is such a fun concept nonny, tyty

Your idea super inspired me, and I have to thank you so much for sending it over!! I'm so glad that you enjoyed it as much as I do :D

(ALSO LOL I HOPE YOU GOT TO WATCH NIMONA what a good movie. So proud of Nate tbh like what a journey he's been on. I remember reading the webcomic on the Nimona website back in the day and it's wild to see how far he's come.)

[lennjamin-o7]

I’M SCREAMING:

First, I love Fae Schaltt, absolutely hysterical 10/10. That man does not give a single fuck about these mortals and I love him so much for it. I was giggling every time he spoke. Goatman gives zero fucks and it’s so good.

Second, I feel a little bad for Chesil, she clearly does genuinely love and care about Techno and try to show equal love for all her children. Only valid non-Techno member of that family

Third, poor Tech, he just wanted someone to actually know him and care about him after what his sister did and now he had the slight bit of Fae magic that her being perfect seem to seep away but also doesn’t make it all the hurtful words and actions seemingly fine anymore :( Poor kid just wants people to care

Fourth, Fundy and Puffy noping the fuck out after Mielle signed her own death warrant like “Yeah absolutely the fuck not Phil and Kristen are vindictive as hell and also on another level why would you say that?!?!”

Fifth, Phil’s so goddamn giddy about not only having Techno safe in his arms but now he there’s nothing the royal family can even argue, he’s got his son’s name and they can’t do a thing about it. His son now you should’ve taken care of him better suckers.

Sixth, MURDER THEM KRISTEN, not Skeppy or Bad they’re cool, maybe not Chesil she was clearly doing her best as a mom made dumb choices but I honestly don’t blame her for wanting to keep all her children close, but also screw Mielle and everyone else but especially that politician hope that nameless politician gets a gruesome end reincarnation of Jerry sounding headass

Finally thank you so much I’m still smiling and laughing from how fun this chapter was <3

Fae Schlatt was not planned. He came out of no where and just made himself at home. He's so bitchy and I love him.

Chesil loves her son. She is just not a really good parent. I also feel a bit bad for her. She loves all of her children. But, like, there's magic involved. It ruins things.

And to be fair for Baethan...he's just kind of there because I needed there to be another parent but I don't give him a ton of personality. This was supposed to be short and the cost was any character King Baethan had outside of plot purposes. Oops.

Techno just wants to be enough for someone. And I may or may not be projecting onto that. He wants someone to love him no matter if he messes up or isn't perfect.

Yeah, Fundy and Puffy were NOT dealing with that. That was a bomb they were going to avoid. Not worth the consequences.

THAT'S HIS SON AND TRY AS YOU MIGHT YOU CAN'T KEEP HIM!!!

Nameless Politician may or may not die. Who knows? (I knows).

<3 <3 <3 <3 I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[pewterwizard]

I'm going through another one of those shift moments when I randomly have an epiphany and relax just a bit more with how I exist in life :P (long ass post my b)

The ones I can vividly remember are like when I was 13, 14, 16, 18, 20

13 I was like omg I don't have to baby my friends and I'm no longer gonna be their therapist & broke up with my weirdo partner & also shredded a bunch of my art that made me uncomfortable lol

14 I realized the content i was consuming was gross and swore off fandoms. I realized I was acting too adult and that I needed to act like a kid, talk to kids enjoy kid stuff & shit like that. (good and bad for me lol accidentally swore off hyperfixations of any kind)

16 I realized I actually can love things and make the choice to be happy and envelop myself in the things I enjoy (80s shit, fantasy artwork, d&d, REALLY got into music. got back into hyperfixations but avoided anything embarrassing at all costs)

18 I had a shit first friend group that shat on me for being right about their ugly behavior and learned like... people may not actually love you or care about you as much as you love & care them and are totally willing to drop you instead of working it out as much as you want that to be true. Which is ok ppl are not worth chasing after if they genuinely do not care abt anyone or anything. That's a choice they're gonna make and stick to.

20 I realized it's actually not gonna help if I constantly only vent to my friends and don't find other things to talk about. I was & am dealing with a lot but it's doesn't feel good to anyone. There's a healthy level of vulnerability you can express to your friends but obviously it's not fun hearing every single inconvenience a person is going thru. It's a terrible spiral and I'm glad I found a way to get out of it.

& now I'm like omg I'm a grown adult now that can express myself sexually and find things n people soo sexy just because and also sexuality and your gender + gender expression are so intertwined. I have been a pent up rage weirdo against myself as a way to hide from the vulnerability of thinking shits hot LOL whatever that's awesome.

Also learning friendships especially as a young person & learning to love someone despite your own shitty stinky quirks and finding that person's stinky quirks and you both love each other despite it and talk about things that are annoying Abt you both or things you both do thar you love oh my god

I feel as if I've given myself like religious level guilt over sex without ever really being involved in any organized religion which is a fucking feat in itself.

[prowerprojects]

Heh, welcome to why I've always been so selective of Tails content in this fandom. I remember the early 2000s days of the fandom where he was either killed off to either enrage Sonic to hype up some new villain or replace him with a "better" partner. {Be it someone's OC or other popular characters like Shadow or Blaze} Or, due to accusations of being useless/not cool, he rarely used in anything meaningful. He's just cute and that's it. (With Tailsmo for flavor.)

Then Colors-Forces happened; I don't think I need to explain to this one, but no doubt this caused a shift in how he was viewed. (And the dynamic with Sonic.)

Stuff has somewhat chilled since then, but it feels like a 180 was done. (Like, fans are quick to bring out the knifes if you speak ill of their bond, and due to recent media like the movies and Prime, this probably the most Tails' character has been deeply and widely discussed, but now we're in this weird limbo were people want a more independent and active Tails, but won't let Sonic "let go of his hand" and protect him at all cost. People understand they're partners, but won't grasp they're equals. They cover the other's flaws, they take care of each other. That's since the day they met.) I like a "blue hedgehog takes care of a [smart] baby fox" story as much as the next person, but do you think that said baby fox never tried to pull his own weight? Never tried to return the favor to this blue hedgehog; who respects his skills [and his tails] and comes to him when he can't figure something out or the best and quickest solution? That they don't think twice on throwing themselves in danger for one another? That's what's so fun about this dynamic. It evolves, but it's ultimately the same premise.

TL:DR Depending on how fanon Tails is written more or often not gives away what kind of Sonic to expect and the dynamic that comes with it. Am I seeing two individuals with their own thoughts and beliefs bounce off each other? Or is one being heavily guided by a figurative leash by the other? ( I'm scared depending on how Nine's story ends, if it's going to cause yet another shift of how Tails gets looked and portrayed and his relationship with Sonic. Cause I'm still seeing some miss the point on why Nine is the way he is and is not a more "complete/developed" Tails. Latching on to him for stuff Tails has done before in games and other adaptions. {And I'm speaking as a Nine fan. Yeah, he's more independent and self-sufficient, but not a healthy way.})

Sigh

I don't even have anything to add, but I'm glad I'm not the only one who noticed this weird two-way thing with Tails. Fans want him to get character development and be independent, because it's good for his character arc, and this is what makes sense, but in their hearts what they really want is for Tails to be the little baby brother that Sonic tucks in every night and gives him funny kisses and checks for monsters under his bed; who exists solely to show how great of a big brother Sonic is, sacrificing so much of his freedom and taking on so much responsibility to raise a child, can you believe this? (Not saying you can't be independent and still get affection and help from your family, note the word "solely") (And if Sonic doesn't need to keep an eye on Tails because Tails is such a helpless baby, then it's because if he's left without supervision for 5 seconds, he starts killing people and destroying cities and Sonic needs to keep him in check)

And yeah, I get it, fandom, we're all having fun, I also think jokes about Tails being a little unhinged are funny, and I enjoy the brotherly fluff between Sonic and Tails, but I wish it wasn't all that he got reduced to (Especially in fics where the focus is one Sonic + some other character who isn't Tails. If it's a shipping fic there's often a plot where Sonic's partner would have to babysit Tails (never mind he lives by himself in canon) and bond with him, to kind of "get approval from Sonic's family".) But it's hard to talk about these kinds of things. Like when you criticize the way people portray characters in a ship, you could say "don't reduce them to just a generic love interest, remember that they're a character with a full personality also", and people understand what you mean, but how could you say "don't reduce this character to just a little brother type"? They are brothers after all, we just want to make them act like real brothers do/s

Yep, I've seen way to many people being like "Nine is what I always wanted Tails to be". And it's like. Ok. So you just hate Tails then. Let me guess, is Shadow your favourite character? I also like Nine, he's a great character, probably the best written one in the show, but he's not "cool", he doesn't represent "Tails reaching his full potential" or anything like that. He's deeply hurt and kind of pitiful honestly. Tails becoming more like him would be a regression if anything because he'd already overcome a similar (maybe just not as... prolonged) situation before. But I don't think this is what the show is building up to, Tails (in the show) is portrayed to be a pretty competent person already, just the one who is willing to put aside his issues because he doesn't want to risk creating any kind of conflict in his relationship with Sonic (in contrast to Nine who doesn't have as much history with Sonic and is willing to tell him exactly when and how he fucks up), and it's Sonic who needs to change his attitude. But we'll see how it goes. (I wouldn't want their relationship to turn into "long-suffering Tails holds his dumbass older brother on a child leash otherwise he'll run off and do something stupid" in popular conciousness either)