#Especially with the cost of things going up so much now I'm kind of glad I've already built in that habit

[cinnamonest]

Don’t worry about replying to this in any capacity. Just wanted to say that I read your most recent post and it was extremely helpful and informative for me. I was just talking to my dad earlier about really struggling to understand how anyone could support Trump when he is just a complete bumbling fool of a man at best and a piece of shit bigot and sexist at worst. (Not to say that Harris is some beacon in the darkness, not a fan of her either.) But the perspective you offered was really enlightening so thank you for it. and I hope you are doing well enough, all things considered, and that regardless of what happens in the coming days that things get better for you and your community.

Thank you, that's very kind. I'm very glad it was helpful, I was worried I was coming across the wrong way or didn't word it very well or could be misinterpreted.

If it helps, I had some more thoughts I think would expand upon that, specifically for women — since I see a lot of posts essentially asking how women can possibly vote for the guy, and I think I can explain that too, as I've been thinking and talking a lot about that with women who I know intend to do so.

1) I think for the upper class, they tend to focus more on social issues, because economic issues don't affect them as strongly.

But for some of these people, especially moms, the increased cost of living is literally a matter of "how am I going to feed my children, how am I going to pay electric AND water," etc. So it becomes a priority, especially as many families have lots of kids, and some are single moms. They don't really think as much about social issues, whereas when I went to college, most of the kids cared only about social issues. The more financially secure someone is, the less preoccupied they are with economy.

But for a mom, the safety of and provision for their kids is paramount above all else, so economy and crime will take priority.

But since we only have 2 major parties, people often assume that whichever you vote for, you must agree with ALL of the party's official stances, which is often not the case. That's part of why our bipartisan system is so divisive and breeds hostility, because it creates an "us vs them" mentality.

2) women in the area I talked about don't really even think about abortion/reproductive rights. They're not militantly anti-choice (like some of the more suburban moms of kids I went to school with), it's more that no one ever really thinks about it at all. Many of them have kids very young and lots of them, it's just normal. They also don't have careers to focus on in the way higher-class women do, and many have no chance of ever going to college, so there's less reason to hold off on it.

People do what's normal per their class/local culture — so here, if a girl gets unexpectedly pregnant (which is... not uncommon), they don't freak out or think about how it will affect their future, how they'll afford it etc, they usually just... shrug, drop out of high school, marry the guy, have the kid.

When we were 16, one of my good friends got pregnant, and she too did exactly that. She was unironically overjoyed to find out too, rather than panicked or dismayed. Like, when she took the pregnancy test, I was there with her, sitting on the tile floor of the church bathroom at 9 pm with the test we scraped cash together to buy from the gas station-pharmacy hybrid shop down the road, and she, as a 16 year old high school junior, was actively hoping, fingers crossed and smiling and everything, that it would be positive. She's now 24 and is about to have baby #5.

And part of the reason she was fine with it was... because her mom had her at 15. It's a very cyclic thing. The possibility of abortion would not occur to them unless someone else brought it up.

3) Moreover, when women vote, they focus on what affects them specifically as a woman — and prioritize what's most "real" to us as an individual woman, the hypotheticals one can most realistically see happening to them. But what that most realistic thing is, varies a lot from woman to woman.

For a woman living in, say, Maine or northeast California or even a safer rural place like Idaho, I can see how abortion is probably the most "real" thing to them, that they can see themselves being in a position to affect them.

Whereas for me, having experienced harassment and aggression, reading about these statistics and headlines, violence is something I am much more afraid of happening to me. I'm very careful to avoid an area where I was harassed before.

But for someone in a low-crime place, that isn't something that's going to be a priority.

I personally now realize that a lot of the misunderstanding and clashing is a matter of the fact that women in many blue areas simply don't think about this, because they've never had a reason to, and that's perfectly understandable.

But a lot of women in areas like my home do not realize that. Many women at home strongly believe that "them uppity rich white women out in California or wherever the hell" (quoth my 90-something year old neighbor), are aware of, but simply don't care about, the consequences women here/poor women face. I used to think so too, when I was younger, because that's what I was told.

As a result, they view their blue vote as a very "let them eat cake" heartless-rich-person sort of thing, as selfish and/or classism, in the same way that women in blue areas likely view their red votes as female-class betrayal, religious brainwashing, believe their husbands must be controlling them, etc.

Now, with greater life experience, I not only understand that it isn't like that at all on either side, but I can also see why many blue-area women dismiss our experiences as "not really happening" or "right-wing propaganda," simply due to the fact that it's very difficult for them to fathom it, because it's so different from the reality they live in, it feels like it can't be real.

4) it *is* true that these women are often demonized and gaslit for talking about the rapes, job loss etc, so that has shifted even more moderate women very rightwards over the last few years, because they feel silenced/censored.

Donald is a sort of savior figure — he acknowledges the issue they otherwise feel censored on, and moreover, has essentially promised to take away the men that hurt them, their daughters, sisters etc. They want to feel safe again, they want their husbands to get their jobs back, feel like they have a secure future, etc, and his platform is literally "make America safe again, make America rich again, make America great again."

That line you may have seen all over the internet a few days ago, where Donald said something along the lines of "I'm going to protect the women if they like it or not"? And you know how it earned disgust from the mainstream population of women?

That line was received extremely positively by women at home. I've already seen them sharing it around with my mom/aunts/grandma on facebook, in a positive light, ecstatic. It makes them feel seen and heard in a culture that otherwise puts a hand over their mouth, and they cling to those words in hope of a better future.

Tldr: it's women who are vulnerable and afraid and desperate, going for the only option that has promised to address their needs. Much conflict comes from the limited human ability to grasp things outside of ourselves, our tendency for solipsism — an unfortunate part of the human condition that has plagued our species from the dawn of time.

[icewindandboringhorror]

Daily Log 5

Trying out (probably just temporarily) making short daily-ish notes about things, in an attempt to see if it helps me be more reflective or productive lol.

Activities: Not much, I had to run errands most of the day and also felt incredibly tired, probably because the cats woke me up like 4 times last night begging for food and things. Overly warm and headachey a lot.

I planted a few new flowers, and pressed more flowers and clovers in my Large Sturdy Flower Pressing Book as well.

Actually worked on translating the text for the previously mentioned tapestry/painting thing. I think I've decided that it doesn't really matter very much, because nobody else even knows anything about this conlang except for me, so they won't know if it's wrong lol.. It is not entirely completed after all (complete enough to translate most simple sentences into consistently, but also there are a few spots here and there where I haven't fully worked out the way some part of speech actually functions or etc., or I wrote down one thing that later contradicts something else, so occasionally I reach a sentence that I'm not sure exactly which rule to follow to translate, and I need to do a larger comprehensive organization of the document to work out all the kinks and declare officially like 'THIS is the ONE way this is done' etc. etc.) - so because of that, I think I'll just kind of 'do my best' and if the rules now end up changing in the future as I further work on the language, then, that's fine, because nobody can read it anyway lol. Kind of like that song on my side music youtube that's sung in genuine Avirrekava lyrics but also I wrote them years ago and some of the sentences have now become outdated/invalid.

Washed and cleaned some kale so it will be dry for me to maybe make silly kale chips tomorrow.

Final proofreading + posting of the poll adventure thing.

eughh,, literally nothing else.. I hate running errands because it always makes me feel drained and sick after, plus I get nothing else done all day except for just going places. I know checking my p.o. box and picking up cat food and stuff is technically still a productive action, but it just feels like.. i should be getting all of my long term projects done instead lol.. what about the videos?? or worldbuilding?? what does grocery shopping have to do with elves??!?! >:V (aside from pretending to be a group of fantasy creatures evaluating produce having an imaginary conversation with yourself at the store ghghj,, but that is not productive either lol)

Notable sights: Found 13 four leaf clovers, and 2 five leaf clovers, though one of them is almost a 6 leaf (like one of the leaves is nearly split all the way into a sort of heart shape, just not entirely). Also two of the clovers are HUGE, probably the biggest 4 leaf clovers I've ever collected, like 2 inches across maybe. The sky was very pretty a lot with big fluffy white clouds. Not a 'sight' really, but I got to sit in air conditioning for a little while today and it was very nice. I love the cold crisp kind of stale air smell, like walking into a freezer or something (which I used to do when I was a kid, I would sneak into a walk-in freezer at a school cafeteria and just sit there for a while lol), it's comforting to me.

Goals moving forward: Consistent sleep schedule. Focus on social activities, finding new friends in the places I want to move, communicating with ones I have. Physical therapy exercises. Plant nasturtiums. Finish and upload videos, edit costume pictures & etc. Do the new costumes I've planned. MAKE SCULPTURES at some point, I miss them.

Notable foods: Had a bit of smoked gouda and green onions in my Mandated Completely Plain Flavorless Grits For Breakfast this morning, as a littol treat lol.. Tried a 'biscoff' ice cream bar, which is generally a flavor profile I like, but I think I would usually rather be eating a cookie than having ice cream. Also an Ensure nutritional drink, which I know most people consider gross but I genuinely like them.. maybe it's like a source of comfort when my stomach is too sick to eat, like 'oh well at least I can have this cold smooth textured chalky chocolate thing' lol.

Sort of like how I have positive conditioning to feel safe/comfortable in bathrooms (due to it usually being one of the only places you can safely retreat from a social situation or get out of crowds in public areas, etc.), even though rationally I have no particular reason to like bathrooms much, and most people dislike public bathrooms especially. Fellow public bathroom and ensure nutritional shake lovers unite! (3 of us in the entire world)

[hollyhomburg]

Before I Leave You (Pt.66)

(Omegaverse au, Mafia au, Bts x Reader)

Summary: Wolves always go for the throat, whether they’re cornered or hunting.

Tags: Blood, Guns, violence, near death experiences, everyone lives nobody dies...but someone does die this chapter, horror, non-lethal injury, talks of death and dying, a bit of body horror, Trans! tae, Tae is briefly dead named in this, implied/referenced intimate partner violence, flashbacks, brief suicidality.

W/c: 8.3k

A/N: ahhhhhh <3 we're finally ready for this part of the story <3 i wonder what your guys reactions will be, i'm really glad i decided to split this chapter into two peices! it's much cleaner this way. don't be 🥲 too mad at me.

Previous part - Masterlist - First part

(Four years prior, Hoseok)

Today is the day that Hoseok will meet his future pack, he just doesn’t know it yet.

It always feels like a bit of betrayal but the worst and best days of your life often come close together. Maybe just for contrast. A bit of good in the bad. A slice of cake in a feast of raw meat.

This starts as just another bad day in a long stretch of shitty days. The kind of days were anxiety bubbles up and how afraid you are is all you can think about. Taking one breath and then another like just staying alive means you're guaranteed to get better.

The only place to go from rock bottom is up, and hoseok's sneakers are firmly on the concrete, standing outside of the record store in the rain with no place to go.

Hoseok has been afraid for a long time. He can't really remember even if he thinks hard, the last morning he woke up not afraid.

What hoseok really needs is a day off, but he really can't fucking afford it. He can't afford anything- certainly not a one-bedroom apartment on his own. If he's really really lucky maybe he'll be able to find a closet room somewhere that will cost almost his whole paycheck. Because after today-

After today, Jung Hoseok will be homeless, packless, and alone. His pack dropped the news on him last night…or well ex-pack.

He doesn’t expect that he’ll be moving into the pack's house on this rainy day, he doesn't expect that by the end of the week, he won't be worrying about where his next meal will come from because Jin will be there with it ready. Jimin sometimes too.

He won't be worrying about where he'll sleep because the bed in their spare room that smells like tae tae tae will be his. He'll roll around in it when the door is closed, shy about it because Hoseok has never liked other alpha's scents so much before. And when he comes home and Jungkook has made a nest in it, it will feel like a bit of an impossible silver lining, a bit too much- to have an omega making him a nest, making something special just for him

It takes three weeks for Namjoon to make him a house key for himself. After he gets left outside in a very similar storm to this. The doctor will touch his cheek, thumbing at the dimples that they share. how special is it that each smile gets cradled like a crescent moon? the heavens have left imprints on both of their skin. Freckles for stars and dimples for moon's.

"I don't want you to get sick pup."

"People don't get sick from wet heads anymore hyung."

"They don't. But I want to keep you dry and comfortable in my den. i know you still want to look for apartments but...what if you didn't?"

But neither the weather nor Hoseok knows to prepare for good news. Right now the heavens open up and release its deluge, thick rain the way that only happens at the start of summer. Worms and other wriggly things crawl their way out of their holes to find a good spot to die next to Hoseok's shoes. Worn fancy sneakers that his pack-omega had gotten him a few months ago for their anniversary. They're the nicest thing he's ever owned.

His ex-pack omega.

It's hard to rewire your brain, especially for alpha's. Hoseok is a lone wolf. He hasn't been without a pack in so long, it feels weird to not have someone to call, someone he needs to trail after and cling to. He checks his phone but he doesn't have a single notification from them.

He doesn't have a single notification from anyone.

Hoseok is glad he doesn't feel his instincts as keenly as other alphas do. Otherwise, he might be inclined to gnash his teeth at the people who pass by him on their way to work, umbrellas almost bumping him, perceiving even closeness as a threat. So vulnerable without a pack (lone alphas are always the first to starve in winter).

Hoseok shivers even though its summer, he's soaked to the bone after a few minutes.

He has a key to the record store. He could go inside. Granted- he should be inside already. Opening up shop, making coffee, and letting the place warm up. But standing out in the rain feels too much like penance.

Hoseok likes the rain. The smell of it. The way it makes the whole world ache and go still. He feels every drop on his dark hair, soaking through his thin hoodie. It's cleansing almost, letting the rain soak him through.

(The end of relationships is always hard, let alone the end of abusive relationships, they’re downright terrible).

Hoseok keeps replaying their words in his head, with every slosh of a nearby car, every honk of a taxi. The stoplight red and green bleeding onto the wet concrete. Yellow flashing in contrast with hoseok's dark memories.

“You’re welcome to stay here until the lease runs out, but the four of us need to move back home. You understand Hobi don’t you? We’re just omega’s- we’re just girls- and we think this could be a clean break for all of us. We just don't want to lead you on any longer.”

The worst part is that Hobi had sort of known, had sort of already realized what was happening. he’d seen it in their looks; distant and despondent. Their touches that did not linger longer than necessary, cheeks turned as he comes in for a kiss. The phone calls hushed in the other room that cut off abruptly when he entered.

The lease on their apartment ends today. The place has already been professionally deep cleaned and Hoseok's things are packed in his car in plastic bins. He has 6 of them to his name.

He doesn’t have a place to go yet, he might just sneak into the back room at the record store and sleep there until he figures something out. Hoseok drove to work early because he didn't have another place to go.

This version of Hoseok is not the one you know, this version of Hobi is 23 and hopeless, can’t think about moving back in with his parents a city away, with nothing but a rusted-out Corolla that barely gets him to work let alone through the 200-mile trip. It will die on him in about 6 months and Namjoon will be thankful that Hoseok no longer is driving around in a deathtrap.

He hadn’t even gotten this job by himself, his pack omega- his ex-girlfriend had gotten him this job almost 4 months ago after his last one didn’t pan out. Temporary work for temporary people.

Nothing feels like his. Not his body and certainly not this job.

Hoseok hasn’t smoked in months, but something that feels an awful lot like self-disgust worms under his skin and he can’t resist. Not today of all days. Smoking is something that he doesn’t indulge in often, and hasn’t indulged in since… becoming an alpha to someone. But he guesses it doesn’t matter now without anyone to complain that they don’t like the smell.

The cigarette mixes with the smell of petrichor and Hoseok’s own acidic scent. The smell of a terrified alpha draws him more than a few looks but he pays them no mind. He's thankful for his soaking face, at least the rain keeps out the tears. Cool and soothing against his face.

Hoseok just wants- Hoseok just wants to call them. To talk to someone.

Ending relationships is always like this. You want to keep being good, keep being what they want, but that’s impossible. You can’t act or behave right and dupe someone into loving you. Sometimes the love just isn’t there. (A smaller shyer voice says it was never love at all, you can't possess love, only be given it and Hoseok feels like a cast aside possession. Love and abuse cannot coexist).

Hoseok should have known. He keeps replaying the moments in his head. He’d seen them exchanging knowing looks when they thought he wasn’t looking.He thought he was just being paranoid, until yesterday morning when they’d taken him aside.

“You knew this had to end one day Hoseok" "You knew one day we'd move on." "As much as we appreciate what you’ve done for us, we think it’s time for us to move on.”

“What do you mean? I thought we were leaving next week, you really left me with only a day to find a place to go?”

“We’re sorry Hoseok, your last rut was just too much to deal with. We think it's best if we just stay on our own. It's a clean break this way.”

"Wait, please- I love you."

"We know. We're sorry."

Hoseok is too much for anyone to deal with. He doesn’t call his friends (he hasn’t met up with any of them or returned their texts in months thanks to several pointed words from his pack omega). He doesn’t go inside yet because he deserves the rain. He sits out front of the record store, smoking a cigarette that will probably end up killing him down the line, and thinks Good.

He tells himself the irritation in his eyes is just because of the cigarette smoke blowing in his face, even though he knows it's not. He's not even inhaling right because his breaths come all hitched and pathetic. Anyone would be sad if their relationship of several years had ended. Anyone would be devastated.

Hoseok checks his phone again. Nothing.

Most people on the crowded street ignore him. Though the thick throng of people going about their business, probably going to work at their 9 to 5 jobs that pay enough to afford apartments and packmates. Hoseok is the one soul that stands stationary.

Until one, someone a few feet back stops, tipping their face through their hood to look at him. The only other person without an umbrella.

Hoseok knows his face and his name. It’s just Min Yoongi- his coworker and sort of friend who's coming in for his shift. Hoseok doesn't love Yoongi yet but they're sort of friends already. They might be better friends if Hoseok could get over his admiration and jealousy.

Yoongi has this way of quietly taking care of the people around him. He picks up Hoseok's jacket when it slides off the hook at work, asks him if he wants coffee and even pays for it when he goes to the coffee shop next door. He compliments Hoseok's music tastes when it's his turn to play something, he gives Hoseok the aux frequently in a way that feels a little bit like flirting.

The only two good things about Hoseok's job are the music and Min Yoongi.

He even laughs at Hoseok's shitty jokes when they're stacking new inventory saying cryptic things like "they can't be worse than my omega's jokes."

That's why Hoseok's jealous. Yoongi gets packmates, five of them who make him lunch even when he's only got a four-hour shift. that often linger outside to walk him home or pick him up in their shiney not new not old cars.

(Yoongi's packmates certainly have better things to do than send Yoongi to work with a second packed lunch. "Jin-hyung caught a glimpse of you through the doorway, the only thing that he hates more than Namjoon's snoring is skinny Alpha's.")

Min Yoongi has that look that people do when they're well-loved by packmates. Hair ruffled and neck dotted with bruises that might as well be mating bites for a beta. Beta's don't mate, but these ones certainly keep him close. He wears their scents like a shield. Sometimes so thick that Hoseok can't even smell any of his chocolate scent.

Right now, staring at Yoongi a few paces into the street, all Hoseok can smell is the rain.

When Hoseok had been introduced to him it had felt strange just by virtue of Yoongi's sub gender. A beta? Working somewhere so normal? Weren’t beta's supposed to be like- financial advisors or assistants to the president or something? Betas are supposed to have more important jobs than pushing vinyl and bumping Hoseok's shoulder playfully.

(Hoseok hasn’t seen it yet, the way that the owner hands over little white baggies to people who come in looking hungry for a high that cigarettes or alcohol can’t fix. Hoseok hasn’t yet realized that the record store isn't just a record store. This is just one front business of many that the family has organized across this city and the country for distribution of some of his most precious inventory). Yoongi has worked her for the last year, takes calls in the back for the family. The owner only bows to him when Hoseok's not around.

They only hired hoseok for tax purposes. Having three employees looks less suspicious than just two.

The beta looks concerned, and Hoseok knows he can’t hide the fact that he’s been crying as the beta steps up and pushes Hoseok back under the awning. Out of the rain and into the warmth of the doorway. This kind of movement would make any alpha snap, but not Hoseok. Hoseok just tucks his chin down and starts to cry.

“Oh Hoseok.” Hobi sniffles, and wipes his runny nose on his sleeve. Yoongi's hand curls against his throat, chocolate scent spiking to soothe. “You’re soaking wet."

Yoongi grabs his wrist and Hoseok almost keens at the gentle touch. Whole body shaking, shoulders curling in Yoongi's direction. Yoongi’s lips press into a thin line and then tugs him inside.

~-~

(Now, You)

You hold your breath. Still peering around the corner, watching and waiting for the man to spot you.

But he doesn't, after a breath where his soft footsteps echo, you wait, but nothing happens. You peak back around the corner.

You absorb and catalog the details as fast as you can; the black ski mask, covered by one of those traditional Korean masks, wooden with red lacquer. This one is a little different than the one that Jimin had; not twisted with thick eyebrows in a snarl. This one is white with red splotches on the cheeks, like a ghost sent down from above to rob you of your humanity.

The bulletproof vest stops at the collarbones. The gun itself is a black generic model. The long end is extra bulbous with something that might be an attached silencer. His hands covered in black nitrile gloves, leathery at first glance. There is a knife at his waist along with a barrage of other small things; rope and a knife, duct tape and handcuffs. His heavy boots look steel toed and reinforced.

The man (because it is a man you realize; tall, maybe taller than Namjoon) trains his gun at the landing on the top of the stairs. Pointing it in the direction of Hobi, Tae, and Jin’s hushed voices.

Hobi giggles and it sounds so bright. Echoing off the walls and filling the house with his musical laughter.

There is a phone cord tangled in your hands, long and white. You grip it tight.

This man might be silent but you’re quieter as you slide your bare feet across the smooth floors. Your strides are so quiet. You take one step and then another until you're behind the man, mirroring him.

You remember when Yoongi redid the floors, it was one of the few things that he did right away; before the pack came to live here (to love here). It took him weeks and weeks of sanding before he got them to his liking. Days more of brown dark stain that colored his hands ruddy until the soft matte finish stuck. Every pass with the belt sander and dirty rag a movement of love, a meditation for it.

Yoongi made every inch of this house with the same loving intent; to make it a home for all of you. a place to be safe and nurse your wounds and hearts. You won’t let it become a grave. You won’t let this person stay here and ruin it.

Most people get it wrong; In order to kill it is not a matter of elegance or effort. There is no such thing as a perfect kill either. Emotionless and analytic isn't enough and being justified only gets you halfway. There is no way to do it cleanly. People die just as they live, messy and hopeful and dirty.

Murder isn't a matter or wanting or wishing, It’s a matter of rage.

It’s always been this way. Rage has been chewing a hole through you from the moment that you pulled the trigger with Geumjae. From the moment you said ‘I do’. Rage that these violent things have been done to you, that they continue to happen, that you can’t just get away from all the hurt and trauma.

Rage has eaten you clean through to the bone. Rage has made you skinny and starving, rage has made you timid and fragile. But now you're the hungry one. Right now, only three words run through your head;

How dare she.

How dare she send this man into your house. How dare she point a gun at the upstairs, in the general direction of your nest and your packmates. The altar at which you so desperately cling to, for sweet dreams and sweeter worship (There is no deity above the god of love, not even death. Death cannot take the love from your chest, someone dying does not make you stop loving them).

How dare she even think about hurting the people you love.

There is no courage, no bravery, no thought in your head about how stupid it might be as you step closer behind the man. You are not a trained assassin. You’re just an omega.

The adrenaline rush is an old friend, a thrall both intoxicating and unnerving. Your heart beats loud in your ears. You grip the phone cord in your hands and take a quiet steadying breath. He doesn't see you, he doesn't hear you, he doesn't know that you're behind him.

Wolves always go for the throat, whether they’re cornered or hunting.

The assassin’s foot ascends the bottom step. You don’t let him get to the second before you’re moving, hurtling forward. Footsteps no longer light. Your hands go over the man’s shoulders. The cord no more than a white flash across his vision before you draw it tight across his neck.

The pain and panic are instant as you’re suddenly tethered to a six-foot-four assassin and struggling to stay on your feet as he stumbles back. You’re pulled off your feet and down the stairs, but you keep it as tight as you can and you don’t let go. Fighting to keep your makeshift garrote tight as he scrambles to get his fingers around where it digs into his skin. Spluttering loud.

The hard wire digs, cutting easily through plastic and then your skin as he tries to pull you off. You don’t let go until he backs you into the entryway wall and slams you against it with a dizzying clang of bone and body hitting something solid. Your head narrowly avoids one of the hooks that the pack hangs their coats on. An inch to the left and he'd have impaled your skull on it. An inch to the left and you'd be dead.

A single inch.

His head slams into your face, and you feel something in your nose pop, flooding your mouth with blood so thick you choke.

He slams you against the wall once, twice, and then a third time until your grip goes slack and slippery with blood. It knocks the breath out of you, and he finally throws you off. You both fall to the ground like stones. Both of you gasp and struggle for breath. At least one of your ribs it broken, but because of the adrenaline you can't even feel it.

When the man lifts his black gloves to his throat, they come away glossy with blood.

(It’s crazy how you never notice the change from the day to day, one day you are begging for a reason to hold on, a reason to live, and the next you’re fighting tooth and nail to keep going. Just about gnawing your own arm off to get out. To survive and live to see another day. Another sunrise.)

By that time the air has returned to your lungs it’s enough for you to scream. “Jin! Jin! There’s someone in the house there’s-”

You try and inhale through your nose and blood makes you choke. You push at the floor with your hands, struggling to stand, fingers slippery and tacky with your blood.

The man tries to scramble up the stairs but you latch onto his legs and make him drop. Doing everything in your power to keep him from going up to them, to your packmates. Hugging his ankle to your chest to slow him down (the same way you’ve hugged Namjoon’s arm and Yoongi’s, the way you held Hobi in the nest on the couch just a few shattered days ago).

The man turns the gun on you, pointing it to your head, you flinch, waiting for the shot-

and open them as He heaves a frustrated roar before he wheels away and turns, aiming at the top of the stairs instead of right in your face.

You could have died right then. could have and should have, but you didn’t. Your brain is too messy with adrenaline right now to make sense of it.

Why didn't he shoot?

The gun goes off, a bullet whizzing by Jin’s head. His face, scared, on the stairs flashes ever briefly. Ducking for cover just in time. The doorframe explodes in a cacophony of dark wood splitters. The doorknob sparks and bursts into a million pieces with another shot. metal clanking against the ceiling, the walls, down the stairs.

One second, you’re holding onto his heavy leather boot, and the next it’s colliding with your face and you’re out like a light.

Getting hit in your face is always such a disorientating experience. You’d never gotten used to it, even with Geumjae. Granted it’s hard to get used to the stomach-churning low vision feeling of weightlessness, like vertigo only worse.

"Hobi! don't- jesus fucking christ-"

You’re not quite sure what happens next only that you can’t see for a moment after the boot hits your face, and you take big breaths through your mouth. Blood, you taste blood. And then your vision comes back. Black spots and all and there’s Hobi’s face in front of you. No assassin, just him, helping you up from the floor. You're not on the steps anymore but at the bottom of them.

“The kitchen, the kitchen," Blood rushes over your bottom lip. Hoseok wipes it away, inhaling a jagged breath. "He’s-”

He pushes at your shoulders. “The car- get to the car.” It feels impossible. This can be happening in your house. Are you about to have a shoot-out in the street? On your quiet cul-de-sac? But then, in the corner of your vision dark movement.

You tug Hobi’s head down the second that the gun goes off- probably saving his life, definitely saving it as the bullet tears through the banister and ends in a hollow thump in the wall. he may not have shot you but he has no quams shooting at Jin and Hobi. The bullets hit the wall- Maybe 6 inches above your bent heads. Too close, close enough that Hobi trembles in your hold. And he rips something- a piece of the doorway, out of his arm with a wince before he covers your body with his own.

The volley of gunshots are so loud, so vicious as they blow things apart, tearing holes through Yoongi’s coat, the doorway, the banister, and the narrow stairway rungs. Pieces of wood hit your curled forms. Hobi shoves your head down when you try to look.

There is wetness, hot, something hot on your hands, your neck, you know it’s blood before you look. You think it’s from you until the Gunsmoke clears and you realize- fingers skimming across hoseok's forehead, a gash above his eyebrow.

A bullet graze by his hairline thats bleeding profusely. head wounds always bleed a ridiculous amount.

There are more bullets behind you but it’s just Jin returning fire.

Jin’s got Tae behind him. Her face ashy and pink from the shower and panic, her mid-length dark hair such a tangle, cowering behind his back. Jin's gun is so much louder without the silencer. Did he bring one upstairs? Or did he get it from Jimin’s stash?

Jin nearly drags Tae to the three of you, and she clings to you. Your hand finds her face. Fingers are red and bloody smudging against her cheek, blink and you're back there a million moments in the past; dotting red blush across her cheeks with a brush- your fingers- kissing it into place with your lips- painting a line of maroon across her eyelids to bring out the lighter flecks in her eyes- Watching her twirl in a red dress. Pressing your red lips against hers in a quiet dark moment in the library room. With her in Hobi's red car- Everything red.

If it starts with red, maybe it's fitting that it ends in red too.

Jin doesn’t give you time to reminisce. Pushing her shoulder down hard. His bare chest splattered with splinters from the door. Covered in wood fragments that stick to his black sweatpants and damp feet. Shouting, “All of you get down!”

You follow your pack omega’s words. Hobi and Tae With their damn alpha instincts blanket you as Jin fires again. The shots are so much louder in the small space. Another shot, another thunder strike. tae grips your wrist tight, your hands.

When you look down, they look mutilated. you can see bone in one place, deep gashes across the centre of your palms.

Your ears ring and you can't make sense of anything over the noise. Jin returns every bang with a boom of his own, bright flashes lighting up the dark staircase. Casing after casing tinkling down to the floor, rolling across the floorboards

But then, for a second- the gunfire goes quiet.

The house creeks and the three of you hold your breath. Jin's still half-concealed. The air heavy and clouded with gunsmoke and the smell of blood.

Hobi tentatively gets onto his knees and then stands when he doesn't immediately get shot at. You make a small noise in your throat, the loudest that you dare, but he’s looking after Jin, standing in the darkness, hackles raising his angry scent of burning sugar acrid in your nose. His hand slides out of yours, your blood on his palms.

And then you hear the rush of boots, echoing in the living room, near your nest- you’d never unmade it after you and Hobi fucked there. You'd been too busy taking care of Jimin. Hoseok bears his teeth.

Hobi turns, sliding out of your hands quicker than you can grab him. Quicker than you can tell him that he’s being dumb, that he’s being suicidal.

“Not my girlfriend! You asshole!”

The world is a dizzying cacophony of gunpowder, pain, bullets, and shouting. Jin yells Hoseok’s name. But the alpha heads after the assassin regardless of your cries. Jin narrowly keeps him from running headlong into no mans land. the open area by the door that would leave Hoseok a sitting duck.

Tae’s standing up on unsteady legs as you all spill out of the stairs into the narrow hall. Out from her hiding place cowering behind the banister. Your attention isn’t on her it’s on Hobi. Neither you nor Jin are looking at her. You’re running after him on shaky legs. Jin holds you both back, trying to corrall you. The air is cloudy with Gunsmoke, hazy and heavy. Her eyes are wide and pretty like dark marbles as she watches Hobi.

They’re just as pretty when the gun presses to the back of her head.

Everyone turns and goes still. The man has Tae in his arms, hand in her hair making her neck arch. The gun pressed to her jaw. Finger on the trigger.

Her body trembles and she doesn’t turn, frozen still in fear a shallow whine building in her throat.Jin has the gun trained on the man faster than you can make to step in Tae’s direction. But it’s no use.

He must have gone around, run through the livingroom through your pantry. A similar path that you took to surprise him. He must know the floor plan of the house, must have studied it to prevent situations like this. You have no upper hand here with tae in his arms.

Tae’s mouth is buttony and parted, but it settles into a resigned line.

Jin’s never been a good enough shot- not for one like this, even barely 10 feet away. He might hit Tae. Shaky, Jin takes his finger off the trigger and stoops down to put the gun on the floor. His other hand is up, already surrendering when the man jerks Tae's head back by her hair. Rougher than he needs to be.

“Don’t shoot her, please don’t shoot- please.”

The man juts his chin at the gun on the floor. “Kick it away now, be a good omega.” Jin grits his teeth but does as he says.

The man’s voice is rough as gravel. Dignified, but with no obvious accent. Not the quiet cadence that you’ve come to expect from the family. Neither posh nor lowbrow. Something in between. Flat and monotone. You're sure that you've never heard his voice before.

“I have to admit, your file said you’d be resistant, but it said nothing about you being dumb as fuck and a poor shot to boot.”

Jin licks his lips and bares his teeth, “Put that gun back in my hand and then say it again.” The masked man cocks his head to the side and then shrugs as if Jin's fury doesn't mean anything to him.

But He’s bleeding, it trails down to the floor so the words can't be genuine. It's a small wound, a graze on his right thigh. Red bright and hot that drips in onto the floor from his pant leg.

His hand tightens in Tae’s hair. “Line up against the wall. Now. Or I’ll blow her brains out in front of you."

You move first, eyes trained on Tae. But he snaps, eyes unreadable behind that mask, “No- not you. I’m not here to kill you.”

He tosses something to Jin and he catches it. Handcuffs that jingle and clink. Your foot hits an errant bullet with a similar tinkle. “Handcuff Jin to the stairs Hoseok.”

Your names, he knows your names. Your mind races over every detail, every moment trying to piece together a way to get out of this. a way to save them.

“Why are you doing this?” Hobi’s trembling, shaking. “Did Jimin-”

“Jiminie did nothing.” The man croons dragging the barrel of the gun down Tae’s cheek leaving a dark smudge in its wake. It's red on her face, the barrel must still be hot, your blood crusty around her lips.

“Honestly though, you should know he was a shit assassin. Truly piss poor even by industry standards. They always threw him the easiest kills."

The three of you are quiet, if he was hoping to elicit a reaction or more of a fight You don’t give him the satisfaction. Although jin grits his teeth, gnashing anger and an omega's feral instinct to protect their pups.

You step forward hands open, barely two steps from Tae. If you can just get to her maybe you can-

“Please- please don’t kill them."

He cocks his head at you, and you can hear the grin in his voice. “Oh no, you misunderstand me I’m not going to do any of it.”

He taps Tae’s head once again with the gun and Tae starts to truly struggle. You tremble in fury and horror as you realize what he means with a sickening lurch in your stomach.

“This is how it’s going to work Y/n” You still at the sound of your name. “Taehyung here is going to shoot Jin and Hoseok. And then once we’re sure they’re good and dead, I’ll kill her.” He tosses you another pair of handcuffs, these ones are meant for you.

You take one step closer; Jin's gun is between your feet now. But you couldn't pick it up or else he'd shoot Tae. Time, you just need a minute to figure out what to do. How to get them out of this.

Yourself now, that's a different story. If you where in Tae's position you'd turn your face to the side and bite the mans hand.

“And what about me then? If they're all dead what’s to stop me from fighting?” he seems to consider it only briefly, the gun in his hand tilting so that you can see the dark oval where the bullet will come out, where it will rocket through Tae's skull and take all the little worlds she dreams of, all her poems and words and make them nothing.

“You think you're so precious? I’ll just kill you.” he says it like it's nothing. like you're nothing. He nods to the others, appealing to them and not you. “What do you want? All four of you to die? Or just three? What will hurt Namjoon the least? Do you think Yoongi will survive loosing his mate? What do you think Jinnie?”

You think of Yoongi's mating mark, the spot on his hip where your small curved semi-circles sit. You think of them turning black- a brand of a dead mate. You think of Hobi's eyes opening and never closing again. You think of Jungkook nesting without Jin and you. Of Namjoon holding out his hand and having no one to take it without Jin there.

You won't let any of this happen.

The others shoot each other unsure glances but you shake your head. you shake your head because earlier on the step, the man didn't take the easy shot, the easy kill.

If he really had orders to kill you, he would have done it then.

you step forward and shake your head. “I don’t believe you. I know your orders are to take me. That’s what all of this is about isn’t it?” The man doesn’t drop his weapon. Just presses it tighter to Tae’s jaw.

“Handcuff Jin now Hobi. Or else I’ll-”

You see the darkness settle in Jin’s eyes and before you know it he's turning to you, eyes flat. Endless in their darkness, the way they might if-

You don't let yourself consider it. You won't let it get to that point.

“Pup-”

You guess it does make sense, having you kill each other as opposed to the assassin doing the dirty work and implicating Moonbyul. If you really are on that ‘no kill list’ like Yoongi said at the hospital, having you take out each other is the only logical course of action. Once Tae kills Jin and Hobi, she'll be free game. This is the only way retribution won’t fall back on her. This is so similar to what she tried and failed to do with Jimin and Jin. This is a second attempt.

Only-

Only this time, you have a bargaining chip.

You step forward, in front of Hobi and Jin, blocking them from his line of sight. Barely a pace in front of Tae, but from the way he tightens his grip on her you know that you can go no further.

“You can take me; I’ll go with you. Willingly.”

Jin makes a noise in his throat and tries to move, but dares not when the man tightens his grip on Tae’s hair hard enough to rip a bit of it out.

“That’s what she wants, isn’t it? If you just let them live I’ll go with you.”

The man is silent for a second. Hobi trembles and so does Jin. For a second, you truly think that he’s going to take the bait.

But the mask is directed towards the floor, then back up at you. “Those aren’t my orders.” His finger is on the trigger so close to Tae’s head. “Now cuff him, I don’t want Jinnie getting any ideas.”

Hobi’s hands are shaking as he unwillingly shackles Jin to the steps as slowly as he can. He's buying time too. Every second and every heartbeat is precious. Both ends loop around a single rung and click closed. The rung itself is a little loose from a bullet that blew it apart near the bottom, it’s got to be the loosest one. Hobi turns, and you see the pre-meditation in his eyes; he chose that one so that Jin could still get free if he tried hard enough.

Everyone is trying. Everyone is defiant. The quirk of Jin's eyes as he settles, staring with rage at the man, his voice a quiet croon when he says what might very well be the last words he ever speaks.

“Tae you can close your eyes honey, it’s okay.”

"No I can't" She struggles harder against his hold, but it only gets her part of her hair pulled out with how rough the man jerks her, tears clouding her vision. "I can't- don't- please-"

Tae's soul has always been butterfly soft and flower tender. She's not made for this. She's not made for murder or pain or anything that lacks softness. She's never been a killer; Jimin was always that side of their coin. Saint and sinner.

Your body goes cold and for a second, you think you just might pass out, especially when Hoseok grips your wrist. One final squeeze in what can only be goodbye before he steps away and in front of jin. Hair puffed up. Jin is lowering his eyes and no no no.

No.

Tae is staring at you, eyes wide and scared, but you watch in total powerlessness as her eyebrows lower. You see the moment Tae thinks it. Eyes meeting yours, lips mouthing something that you can’t read. Maybe I’m sorry no.

I love you. Sorry.

The truth is that Jimin drilled this with her years ago before she left for college and he couldn’t follow. When Jimin first realized that for the first time in their lives she’d be without him as a constant protector. Delicate delicate Tae with her delicate pink soul. So vulnerable to the world and all its wickedness.

Tae didn't confront him about it until the nightmares were waking him up regularly. They were simple nightmares back then; images of Tae hurt and mugged. Tae beaten and left in an alleyway. Tae stalked through the night. Simple, but enough to keep him awake. Enough to torture him in his wakon hours as well as the nighttime.

If Jimin saw her now he'd pull the heavens down and demand something truly awful in exchange. He'd take one of the knives from the kitchen and gut him from belly button to addams apple. He'd eviscerate him- and Namjoon might help.

Hut there is no one here to do any of that, there is only Tae in the man's hold.

“What are you so scared of?” She’d asked one morning, trailing endless patterns on his chest in an effort to soothe him back to sleep.

“Something happening to you while I’m not there, mostly.”

“Would it make you feel better? If you taught me the basics?”

Jimin's pause is telling, more telling are his eyes, hopeful when he looks up at Tae. “Yes, it would.”

It’s been years and years since Jimin Tae have bothered to drill any self-defense sequences it at all. Since he stopped asking her to refresh the basics with him once a year just to make sure. Jimin never thought that Tae would have to use those skills. Like with most things, you just sort of hope you don't have to fight.

But Tae knows you did fight. It's written all over your bloody face and your bloody hands, tightened to fists by your side. If you fought tooth and nail to save them she should fight too.

Tae has written fight scenes like this before. If she survives the press of the gun to the back of her head, she’s gonna have one hell of a personal experience to pull from for her book. The content will be endless.

She seems to swell in the space, alpha shoulders settling back. Her mouth is moving, mouthing words her eyes on you. Just in case this is the last thing she ever does.

I’m sorry, I love you.

“Be a good boy and pick up the gun Tae.” Tae bends down, syrupy slow. Intentional with her every movement. One heartbeat. Another. Tae's fingers are maybe an inch from the gun when everything goes haywire.

When she's about halfway bent she uses her momentum to hurl her body back, slamming her head into the gun and then into the man’s face. Cracking the mask and from the sound of it, the man’s nose. Tae's almost knocks herself out with the force of her own head colliding with the man’s face.

She turns, she’s not finished, not even close. She might be a woman but she’s an alpha too. Alphas always always fight to protect their pack. She turns and swings.

And drives her elbow as hard as she can between the alpha’s legs.

Hobi can’t stop his flinch. That has to hurt.

The assassin’s gun goes flying, skittering across the dark floor and under the bookcase and Hobi ends up lunging for it. You go after it too but you end up holding Tae instead, crumpling to the floor without anything to hold her up. She’s holding the back of her head, eyes watering.

The traditional mask lyes in pieces around you, shatered by the force of tae's headbut. The man clutches his nose, features still covered by the ski mast. Growling out- "Bitch- fucking bitch! I'll kill you. I'll fucking kill all of you-"

Jin struggles yanking his cuffed hands down as hard as he can- in another minute he might get loose, but not quick enough as Hobi finds the gun and raises it. The bullet hits the molding beside your pantry, missing the man by inches as he dives away to safety. A lucky shot by any standard, let alone for a beginner. Hobi shoots off after him. knocking into the wall before he's up and chasing it.

“Are you okay, Tae, Tae- look up at me.” Tae is clutching the back of her head. Blinking rabidly. That fucking hurt even if it was worth it.

“I’m fine just-” She leans over your legs and vomits, retching loud and horrible. Concussion- she must have given herself a concussion. Namjoon told you months ago how to read the signs of them shortly after the first time Jungkook ever had a seizure in front of you.

You hold her shoulders, watching Jin try and break himself free, yanking his wrists hard enough that it has to hurt. Moving to try and help him.

And then Hobi makes a noise in the other room, a pained ghasp, A thump and then-

Tae is already up and running, stumbling into the wall. You glance at Jin. "Go- just go" Jin grinds out. But Tae has longer legs than you do even concussed.

By the kitchen, Hobi slips on a fallen tangerine. (You remember then, Yoongi clearing the table with a brush of his hands for Jimin, tossing a whole bowl of them onto the floor. Where they've stayed since then) they're fighting, the man must have managed to disarm Hobi somehow because the gun sits under one of the chairs. Both of them are fighting just beside the dining room table. Part of it splintered and broken where someone broke it.

They're grappling on the floor now. Pushing against each other trying to gain the upper hand. you've watched the alpha's wrestle before- small disputes to settle and reaffirm the hierarchy, but you've never seen hobi move like this. You watch the man grasp at his waist reaching for the knife. His hands so slick with his own blood that it clatters to the floor. Hobi may not be trained but he's a fighter too. Gnashing his teeth and growling. Reaching up into the shallow gash at the mans throat and digging in his fingers.

And then he’s got Hobi on the ground and his hands around your alpha's throat. Tae tries to get him off but he backhands her, sending her sprawling to the ground and clutching her cheek. Too dizzy to stand. Big hands that squeeze and squeeze and squeeze Hobi's narrow throat. Spit at the corner of his lips turning frothy as hoseok tries to breathe and can't.

“I didn’t come this far to get killed by a bunch of family rejects; 11 years and 1458 kills later and I will not die. Just give up already- I didn’t come this far to-”

Hobi’s face is turning purple, hands scrabbling, pushing against his face trying to get him off unsuccessfully. Dying there on the floor. Hobi is going to die right there if you don't do anything.

Jin is shouting from the other room and there is a frying pan in the kitchen. On the countertop that you snatch on your way past, winding up for it before you swing it with all your might at the man's head and-

At the end of the day, it’s hard to say exactly what kills him. Whether it's you or Tae who wields the killing blow. It’s more of a group effort between you and her.

Tae has read countless books that described love as some gentle force, but this love has not made her gentle. Tae cannot sit there on the floor and watch Hobi die. She'd do anything to protect him and the pack. She’d kill people like Minnie did, would lie just as Jin had, would have sacrificed anything- even herself just like Yoongi.

Love had always been giving in Tae's mind, and she would give countless sins and untold violence, to have this not be the last day with you and the pack.

The gun is just sitting there under the chair. tae hardly has to lean over to get it. (If she makes it out of this alive, she swears to himself that she'll finally start taking those kickboxing classes that Jungkook teaches.) Tae lifts the gun at the same moment that your hand descends with the frying pan.

Tae turns, points, aims, and fires. She doesn’t even think twice about it. The trigger goes down as easily as breathing.

Getting shot in the throat definitely distracts him enough, definitely makes him let go of Hobi, clutching at his own throat instead of his. blood rushing over his hand and down onto hobi's face. So much that it almost splashes.

And then the frying pan hits his head with a hollow final thud.

There is a placid terror in things like this, a quiet as things go and come. The thumping, the sobbing breaths you let out, the descent of your hand, beating out your terror on the body below, a vessel for all of your fear.

The handle of the frying pan is thick and heavy in your hands. You bring it down on the man’s head, the curved edge of the cast iron connects with the plate of his skull with a hollow thud. One second, he's clutching at his blown-apart throat, and the next he goes limp, blood and brain matter splatters loud and heavy along the floor. Falling on top of Hobi like a lead weight.

Hobi's brown eyes are bloodshot and red in his mouth, heaving one big breath that sends the room spinning. Sends vertigo into his veins and panic-running adrenaline. You lift your arms up again and hit him, descending again and again.

His body is still, so still. His chest gives one open shudder and then goes truly quiet. Frozen in time. You are covered in blood, in your mouth, on your hair, on the ceiling. More and more splatters as your hand goes up and then down in an endless loop.

Dark cotton soaks, matted with blood and brain matter, blurry from your tears. A bit of it hits your face, wet and stinky. People never tell you how horrible it smells when people die.

You don’t stop hitting the man, even when it's clear he's dead. Even when you glare down at him through the tears in your eyes and see half a face staring up at you. An eyeball rolls across the floor.

There are arms around you pulling you off of him eventually. Dry warm arms, big and heavenly. One wrist dangles with a pair of handcuffs as Jin yanks you back from the man. The body.

“Pup- It’s done, pup- he's gone- Stop.”

There is blood all over you. On your face, on your hands, around the frying pan. Tae too, sitting just beside you. Half of her body splattered. Hobi's soaked with it and still struggling to breathe. But both of them, the three of them are alive.

“It’s over pup.” Jin sounds like he might be crying. Tae definitely is.

Hobi puts his head between his knees, gasping for every breath but still breathing. Tae's got him in his lap. Holding on to him as he splutters. face so soaked with blood he can't open his eyes without blinking rapidly.

It’s anything but over you think as you let go of the handle of the frying pan.

It clatters to the ground with a bloody and final thunk.

~-~

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Notes:

if the beginning of the chapter feels weird/different in terms of narration that is because it was mostly written 3+ years ago and my writing style has changed alot! kinda crazy! hopefully people will just attribute it to hoseok's internal monologue. it might be meandering but i kept reminding myself that this is hoseok at his lowest you know?

One thing i want you guys to realize is that the m/c may not be smart, but holy fuck can she take a beating and still get up.

Gun shoot outs are uniquely hard to write because like, just bang and it's done right? idk why part of this writing just felt so tedious usually i love writing stuff like this :(

hobi calls the m/c his girlfriend 🥺 did you guys notice???? he's such a cute pup charecter.

i have more notes for this chapter BUT i can't share them until the next one is out because it involves hobi's secret.

i hope you guys see like- how good the m/c actually is at the crime and thinking on her feet shit- i think that this chapter above all others shows her street smarts. she knows to keep the guy talking and distracted- i think it compliments her similarities to jimin and jin like. the trio of them are very capable people you know? vs hobi who just headlong rushes the assassin and fucks shit up. i'm not saying it's his fault- he does the best that he can in this chapter.

I'm trying to pull from my actual knowledge of how guns work but fun fact, silencers are still fucking loud, like still so loud that you need ear protection. and even blank bullets can still cause serious injury at close range.

I'm again at the stage where i can't tell if the gun shooting scene is clunky and too predictable or if it's actually as creepy as i've made it out to be.

This is one of those situations- the bargaining for each others lives, that i've actually never had to handle. it's actually pretty unusual for me to write about things that i haven't experienced in some way shape or form.

i've only written a few scenes in my life that have made me wonder like "huh- i wonder if people might actually think that i've seen a dead body, been around a dead body, or killed someone before?" and ngl, the scene with the assassin dying is one that makes me wonder that... i promise i just have a scarily vivid imagination.

[orbital-obvious]

Some Thought on the Second season (the parts I watched, anyway)

In no order in particular, really.

=> The scene in the first episode of Jace trying to report Rhaenyra about the forces he aquired but breaking down in tears due to Luke's death was amazing. It's the conflict between being royals/rulers and being people/family. It also gave us more info about the state of the upcoming war, and showed us the relationship between Rhaenyra and her son.

=> Could have done without the "Rhaenyra looking at the distance" scenes, though. There must be a better way to explore her grief.

=> We got to see Lord Stark!!! And get some Winterfell lore!!! and go see the Watch!!!! The North is my fav I'm so glad to get that little glimpse. Also Cregan Stark is the most Stark dude I've seen on this show(s). Hopefully we'll see some fun wild blood of the wolf moments from him.

=> "I want Aemond's head" *leaves* ok girlboss but maybe come up with a plan

=> Jace hair is just.... So much better. I love character development.

=> We were robbed for not getting the Green's reaction to Aemond's kinslaying, especially since they'll have to manage the fallout from this act.

=> I don't like sexual turn in Allicent/Cole relationship. Not because I blame Allicent or whatever, I just really liked how their relationship was not grounded in romance/sex (in a way, they were respite to one another from sexual pressures) but I guess "she was a woman, he was a man" writing logic wins.

Edit: you know what? I thing that the criston -allicent thing could have been really good if we saw them get to that point. They were boinking out of nowhere . Was there something I missed in season 1?

=> I can go off all the ways this show strips women of agency and the ability to want anything, and perhaps I will (once I finish the season), but for now I don't like how Mysaria was "poor unfortunate soul forced to introduce Daemon to B&C for her freedom" and not, you know, an active perpetrator in this.

=> LOL not Daemon confronting Rheanys about the dumb scene in the dragon pit from season 1. Yes. Rheanys could've ended this war with minimum casualties. It's not her fault she didn't, the writers just decided to blow up a meaningful scene in the dumbest way ever.

=> Also there is a lot of talk during this season about the smallfolk and how their opinion can sway who wins the war, which is good, but it's odd that Rheanys' dragon stomping, killing and maiming all those smallfolk doesn't ever come up.

=> Daeron's existence being confirmed in an offhand remark after not even being MENTIONED in the last season is the FUNNIEST moment in this show for me.

=> It feels really odd to me that Aemond is still visiting the women who essentially was forced on him as a child. Like. It's the same kind of logic of "Larys has foot fetish becasue his disability is based around his foot" and I don't like it.

=> A lot of people say "They killed the boy" was Heleana not caring about her son dying, but for me it was a perfect encapsulation of her unable to handle the immense pain she's in and trying to distance herself from reality. This and the funeral scene later show Heleana trying to process her grief through her neurodivergence.

=> Real talk: why did B&C have a dog?

=> Daemon in Harrenhall is my favorite storyline, sitting there having indie horror game esque visions and phasing in and out an unfortunate reality of having to do diplomacy. Chef's kiss.

=> Daemon saying "have you considered kinslaying" to a Tully boy whos motto is "Family, Honor, Duty" is so fucking funny. He is so freaking bad at this.

=> ALYS RIVERSSSSSS MY FAVVVVVVVVV "you will die here", refuses to elaborates, leaves. Yes brew blood cocktails to give Daemon nightmares. Yessss gaslight him into thinking its the bed.

=> Ok the plan of Rhaenyra to sneak and meet with Alicent was so... Cartoonish. Also highly irresponsible for the ruling queen to dissapear without a trace during a WAR. Worse of all, it was kind of boring, and cost us valuable time we could use to expand upon other characters.

=> Like I know Cole sent the twin with a similar plan but at least that was acknowledged as stupid by the narrative, and also had an explosive and emotionally satisfying conclusion.

=> LMAO at Otto complaining about Aegon as he was fired, alll the way up to and including when he was packing to go back to the Reach.

=> What team am I if I think Aegon is a legit Usurper but Rhaenyra is kinda boring?

[readingsfrommars]

Another Very Normal Rant on Aventurine and Sunday (Patch 2.2 spoilers for Honkai Star Rail!)

So I've been wanting to write about Star Rail for a while. The game's writing is, especially lately, top notch and I have been enjoying it a ton. Be warned, I may have talked too much this time.

As the title says, there's a fascinating comparison between Aventurine and Sunday that I wanted to talk about. I'll skip over the frankly thesis-worthy amount of details you could write about when it comes to the interactions those two have, as well as the way aventurine acts during his time at penacony. Maybe I'll come back to it someday. For now, what I want to talk about is Aventurine and how he fits into Sunday's philosophy on life.

To recap, Sunday's view on life (according to my interpretation and simplified A LOT) is that it is better to for the weak to give up their freedom if it means they never have to go through hardship. Better to stagnate than to suffer, as he sees it.

The prime example he uses for this is an analogy of a baby bird that he and his sister, Robin found when they were children. The bird, too young and weak be able to fly, would certainly perish if left to its own devices. The pair, unwilling to let such a thing happen, come up with two ideas:

Build a nest on the ground for the bird, increasing its chances of survival, but ultimately leaving it to its fate

Build a cage for the bird to mature in safety, allowing it to heal until it could survive on its own again.

As we all know, Robin went with option 2, raising the bird before letting it go free upon reaching adulthood, only for it to die a few days later. Unable to fly against the wind currents, the bird had crashed to the ground.

This, alongside other experiences Sunday went through that left his faith in humanity all but gone, led him to the conclusion that trying to let the weak help themselves was a futile endeavour. In his mind, the only way to truly help the weak and less fortunate was to keep them in a cage, safe from harm at the cost of their freedom.

One of the interesting things about this analogy is that both Sunday and Robin are both examples of that second choice. Both children were left orphans until they were taken in by Gopher Wood, Dreammaster of Penacony. After this, they were raised with every need met and every problem dealt with. A more metaphorical cage, but a cage nonetheless.

Where Robin and Sunday differed is in how they saw the cage. While Sunday would continue to stay within his cozy, safe home, Robin would spread her wings and take off, never again letting herself be caged. When Sunday received news that Robin had received a bullet wound in her neck after going into an active warzone, it only served to strengthen his beliefs that the way of the Harmony was futile. The way Sunday saw it, if the reward for all of that compassion is nothing but pain, then there is no point in trying to help people find their happiness. (I'm paraphrasing to an extent)

But you might be asking: "Mars, what about Aventurine? You've only talked about Sunday, and for way longer than you probably should have."

And to that I say "Fuck. My bad"

But also "I'm glad you asked"

Aventurine is a character I don't think I have the attention span to fully delve into. So I won't. At least not yet. And considering how much you've read to get here, that is something you should probably be thankful for.

Aventurine is the last member of his people, the Avgins. Almost immediately after becoming the last of his kind, he is then put into slavery, with a brand placed on his neck (an interesting parallel with Robin's bullet wound). It is only through his own efforts that he was able to break free of his captors and become a part of the IPC, a place that would go on to become a home of sorts for him.

As a self-admitted gambler, he is always willing to take risks to reach his goals, but don't let appearances fool you. His risks are calculated, and tend to involve him receiving the brunt of the punishment while the people around him capitalise on the opening he provides. That's how he operates both in story and gameplay, mind you. The only thing he really bets is his life more often than not

While that does make him seem more like a nihilist than anything else, there's a lot to unpack with his actions and motivations and I'll get to that some other day. But at the end of the day, his plans revolve around his faith that others will be able to finish what he started.

Between his childhood and upbringing, as well as the way he operates, Aventurine is the antithesis of Sunday's beliefs. It is the suffering that made Aventurine into the person he is, and allowed him to ultimately overcome Sunday's conspiracy.

It was Aventurine forcing Acheron to unsheathe her blade that led to the express was able to learn the truth of the dreamscape, and subsequently allowed them to save Penacony. And once all is said and done, what recognition did he receive? At best, he'll be demoted from the position he worked tirelessly for.

When you think about it, Aventurine embodies the Harmony better than Sunday does. But then again, isn't that the point?

[wetcatspellcaster]

First of all, thank you so much for all you do! Your work has gotten me through a really rough few weeks dealing with the first anniversary of my mom's death. I'm so excited every time I get an ao3 notification for one of your stories. ❤️

Also I'm a huge Buffy fan and your Ascended Astarion has such presouled-but-in-love-with-buffy Spike vibes I love it. Especially his not understanding why his super romantic gestures of murder and abduction are not working on the object of his affections. I love how frustrated and baffled Astarion is by Rose's refusals. "These things are the *height* of vampire wooing? how's she not swooning?? She must be playing hard to get."

Also every time they get into a physical altercation, it absolutely feels like it may end in building destroying sex. 😏

I did have a question about Astarion's expectations about Rose (which feel free not to answer if its spoilers or you dont feel like it). I know he dumped her after she wouldn't be turned by him post ritual but it seems like he's definitely spent years getting things ready to have her living with him since then with the custom bedrooms and the rose gardens. Did he expect her to come back on her own since then? even after telling her he basically wanted nothing to do with her?

Anyway this was long 😅 but thanks again for sharing your talent and imagination with us. good luck with your surgery! ❤️

Hello anon, thank you so much for messaging me. I use fic writing as a mental health lifeline (and guess what! I have also bereaved a parent in my time!) so I'm glad I can pay that comfort forward to you and anyone else, in some small form. I hope the anniversary and any related feelings that come up pass smoothly.

(also, Ascendent/Spike parallels are such a call out at the particular moment I am in drafting. I think my approach to souls in D&D is very coloured by what meaning they hold in BtVS).

To your question! I'll try to answer as best I can.

The initial reaction and break up is obvious dictated a little by canon, but in my version of events, it's also coloured by the violent/traumatic nature of the Ascendent's 'birth'. On the one hand, Ascended!Astarion is drunk on power and his first real sense of freedom, but on the other, it has come at a dramatic and awful cost that everyone around him witnessed and cannot deny. Also, not to spoil, but I have aligned my reading of the events with the fanon interpretation that a romanced Astarion justifies his desire for Ascendency through Tav, or fear of losing that relationship. So Rose's initial rejection causes a lot of anger and deliberate cruelty, because of the confusion and pain behind it: he did the Rite, partly for her, Rosalie watched him do the Rite and didn't stop him, and now? she's suddenly having second thoughts? When it's irreversible? When he's stuck here, now? And she refuses keep him company?

The anger and pain around that was real, I believe, and causes him to lash out. Hence, the break-up. Much with the way I write the Ascendent in all guises, he does an extremely stupid thing, then commits to the bit and doubles down. Oh, he's dumped her now? He kind of didn't mean to do that, but now he can't be desperate and take it back, so he has to lean in and pretend that was what intended to do all along, etc.

Then she leaves for real? Well, fuck her. He didn't need her anyway - that's why he dumped her, after all. Nothing to do with the trauma, or his mistakes. So then, he commits to the bit, twicefold. He leans in further. Starts to perform the exact life he'd said he'd have without her. Gets new friends, new lovers, an underground network of power, etc. That takes a few years.

Oh. Wait. Why does none of this feel good? Why does it all feel awful???Must be because his girlfriend, the one he did this all for, isn't here (and who's fault was that again? by this point, he's forgotten).

But pride is still a major factor in the way the Ascendent conducts himself, and he can't go to her - he can't look desperate, or unhappy, or like he regrets his decisions. I've used this in a justification of why he never sought her out in places he couldn't pretend he found her by chance, even though he can smell her blood and knows she goes to Waterdeep - he can't be the one to go to her. And she must be miserable, right? He is. So he starts to engineer things for her return, because she'll be the one to cave first, and besides, he's got eternity anyway. He's so patient (lol).

And then, inevitably, when Rosalie continues living her life avoiding him, he's like "welp. I can't go to her (pride), and she isn't coming to me. Time to make her come to me (murderous intent)" and that's how he kills a ballroom full of people. He genuinely thinks what's keeping them apart is the distance, not the element of choice (because. um. we've seen what he thinks of free will). He believes that once they're in the same room together, it'll be impossible for her to resist. He can charm her. He did it once before. And he's not sad or conflicted about it this time. And he's the same person, right?

[author laughs in REDACTED]

So basically, his expectation of Rose was that she would be the one to break first. They both love each other, and she's a nice person. She's the bleeding heart. She's the one who was seduced the first time round.

When none of that happens, he decides to engineer the same set of circumstances in a lab, assuming that forcing her into returning will have the same outcome as her choosing to return (you may notice a pattern of behaviour emerging). So once the Ascendent has created forced proximity and given himself the chance to seduce Tav all over again, he's certain he'll win, because he knows the playbook, and it worked on them, and since he Ascended he's had proof it works on everyone else.

But unfortunately, a successful romance in this scenario relies on Ascended!Astarion not being awful, for 5 minutes which... um.... he hasn't achieved once in this fic, not once.

[superpeanutgarden]

Trauma Posting

I've always said that ADHD is ruining my life, when comparing my mental illnesses. Autism makes me strange to the ordinary observer (and affects my day to day functioning in noticeable ways), Depression makes my room messy (executive dysfunction is a right bastard), but ADHD is what's ruining my life.

And it is, kinda. Really what's making things difficult is the high cost of living, the lack of social support, and the way that I cannot afford to live on my own while working full time. Not to mention that my silly little brain is not suited to 40 hour work weeks, and all the jobs that I might be able to stand are gatekept to hell and back.

I'm back with my parents, and they're a little better than they were the first time I moved out, but not by much. They're both still highly traumatized people, both with poor emotional regulation skills (despite teaching me and my siblings those same fucking skills). It's subtle and insidious, and I'm so fucking stressed all the time. Cause it's not like they're yelling all the time, or spewing hateful rhetoric at all hours. Most of the time, they're chill Gen X parents with a fun sense of humor and a strong Christian faith. If you aren't careful (and oh how much it hurts to be careful), the bigotry will sneak up on you. The big emotions will startle you, the fatphobia and the snide comments and everything else. If you relax into who they usually are, you'll get knocked on your ass when their damaged edges show.

I can't relax here. I can't fully be myself here. I can't talk about my partners, or my beliefs. I can't even correctly refer to my sibling because they aren't out to our parents. The safest options are to stay in my room or to stay out of the house.

Which brings me to the ADHD ruining my life thing. I guess it feels so trivial after processing all of that, but I've been spending a LOT of money on things which don't feel all that important. (granted, spending money on anything feels the same kind of awful, so it's hard to differentiate). The 100$ I've spent on groceries in the last week was important and I'm glad I spent it. the 150$ I spent on two skirts?? Not so much right now.

Especially because my car is in the shop with transmission issues. If things don't go well, I might need to get a new one and I want to have enough money to spare that I won't need to take out a loan again. (I don't have a steady stream of income, I can't afford it right now)

I'm stuck I'm stuck I'm stuck I'm stuck...

(I'm not stuck forever, I know i'm not. I just need a little more help than usual, that's all.)

[poxei]

hii i got some stuff at your table at fanime and wanted to say that I really love your art and merch!! I was rly taking in how well designed everything was (i esp love the graphic design on your pins and stickers) and i wanted to ask how you got into/how long you have been tabling at conventions? i want to get into it too but im overwhelmed with keeping track of all the applications, merch making, etc--do you have any tips for beginners that you wish you knew when u started?

Thanks so much!! I'm glad to hear you like what you got from me! and that you appreciate the effort I put into graphic design :'D

I'll answer your question below the cut since it got kind of long

My first time tabling was in September 2018 at Crunchyroll Expo! I only did 4 cons pre-2020, the last of them being Crunchyroll Expo 2019, so I tabled for exactly a year before the pandemic started. Then I stopped for two years and started doing cons again in May 2022 at Fanime. I've got at least 3 more cons planned for this year including my first AX 😳 But my last con as of right now is Fanime 2023, so I've been tabling for a little over two years.

Tabling was really overwhelming the first time I did it too, but I mooched off of a friend's table so at least I didn't have to worry about getting the table. It's really helpful if you have a friend who's willing to share their knowledge with you, but if you don't, you kind of have to learn how to table the hard way... I also have a bunch of friends who started tabling around the same time, so we all helped each other by sharing resources, tips, and manufacturers. I strongly recommend getting a buddy! Especially if you ever plan to travel to a convention to table, having a friend go with you takes off so much stress.

When you're first applying, I would suggest finding a convention or free-admission art market close to you (doesn't matter the size of the convention/market), or a big con where you're almost guaranteed to make your money back like AX, ANYC, or Fanime (though it's gonna be tough to get into these because of all the competition). Don't worry about tracking the apps for every single con, just pick a few deadlines to track. I think for your first con it's best to cut down on travel/lodging costs as much as possible because you never know how much you'll make back.

As for making merch, I wouldn't worry about making so much all at once. Well, maybe you have to produce a lot for your first con. But after that I just try to add at least one new thing for each con, even if it's just a sticker, so I slowly build up a catalogue that way. For my first con, I just printed zine pieces and illustrations that I already had, and the only new thing I drew was buttons.

For more specific questions, the blog @howtobeaconartist helped me so much in the beginning! You can also ask me off-anon, and I can try to help, but I can't guarantee that I can be of help.

[tenebraevesper]

Five Nights at Freddy's: Salvaged, Night 20: Left Behind

''I was left behind! All this torture will unwind, I was never all that kind! If you were to rewind, then you would find I was left behind! Take your turn to run and hide, I will catch you all the time! This night no longer shines, your tears divine, you'll now be mine! We hope you enjoyed the show within your grave down below!''

– Left Behind by DAGames (Five Nights at Freddy's: Sister Location)

xXxXxXx

Connor knocked on the door of the manager's office, waiting for the lazy ''Come in!'', and entered it. The manager was an elderly man who looked like he'd rather be at home and drinking beer than at this establishment.

''Ah, Mr. Davis, is there anything you need?'' the manager asked. Connor took a deep breath.

''I wanted to voice my concerns about the recent events. A lazy security guard and a missing employee isn't very good for Ricky's. I was wondering whether I could, aside from doing my regular job, also apply for the night guard job,'' Connor said, with the manager frowning. He then added, ''I would just make sure no one is on the premises after closure in order to prevent more accidents like this.''

''I will have to think about this, but considering how you're a longtime employee, have a clean record, are usually the last one to leave and we still cannot find a replacement night guard, you might get the job. Of course, we will also have to discuss your hours and paycheck for that,'' the manager said.

''I believe we will find a solution that problem,'' Connor replied, with the manager rising an eyebrow. ''It doesn't have to even be official. I'll just be on the closing shift as usual, but leave a while later after making sure no one is here.''

He knew that it wouldn't take much to convince the manager. He knew that he wanted to cut costs while pretending that everything was running smoothly and by the book. Not to mention, putting an employee as reliable as Connor was on the night guard position would spare him the hassle of having to hire a new night guard, especially since the day shift guard refused to take the night shift.

''I guess you're getting a promotion then,'' the manager said.

''Thank you, sir,'' Connor replied, exiting the office and walking towards the main area, grinning.

xXx

Sam yawned, checking her phone. It was late evening, with her and Springtrap being in her room after having finished cleaning the kitchen. Emma was a little upset about the broken dishes, although she didn't mourn the vase, calling it ugly and noting how she wanted to replace it anyways. However, she was glad things didn't escalate and Sam didn't end up scarred or worse.

''You seem to be really satisfied about this,'' Springtrap told Sam.

''Of course I am. After all, I managed to help someone improve their life, or rather, afterlife,'' Sam replied.

''Honestly, I'm just glad that she's gone,'' Springtrap said, with Sam noticing the bitterness in his tone. Before she could question him, they heard shuffling in front of the door and Emma peeked into the room.

''You two are still awake?'' she said, with Springtrap giving her a questioning look. She narrowed her eyes. ''You know what I meant, Afton.''

''Mum, could we borrow the car for tomorrow?'' Sam asked.

''As long as you manage to wake up early to drive me to work,'' Emma replied. ''Where are you even going to?''

Sam and Springtrap briefly exchanged glances, only to see Emma giving them a Don't you dare to lie to me look.

''We planned to visit an abandoned building called Circus Baby's Entertainment and Rental,'' Sam said. Emma didn't seem to recognize the name.

''So, what is that place? Are you completely sure that it is abandoned?'' Emma asked.

''It is,'' Springtrap replied, with Emma giving him a confused look. ''At least it was the last time I was there, more than a year ago.''

''Should I even ask why you were there?'' Emma said, crossing her arms.

''I used to own it, and rest assured, it is completely empty,'' Springtrap replied. ''There are no people and no animatronics, just robotic parts and empty rooms.''

''I see,'' Emma muttered, looking a little skeptical. ''Anyways, don't stay up too late, else someone is going to sleep outside. I'm not that picky about who this person will be.''

She added the last part when she noticed Sam grinning, looking satisfied when Sam's eyes widened and her smile instantly vanished. Emma left, with Sam and Springtrap exchanging glances.

''To be honest, I'm not sure whether she was messing with us again or was completely serious about this,'' Sam said.

''I don't think we should take any chances,'' Springtrap replied. ''In any case, we have a plan for tomorrow and we can discuss the details in the morning.''

He was about to get up and leave, only for Sam to grab his hand, forcing him to stay. He was a little confused when he saw the annoyed look on her expression.

''Remember how I told you that I'm getting better at picking up on whenever you feel upset about something? I'm quite sure that there's something you didn't want to tell me earlier,'' Sam said as Springtrap sat back, looking a little flustered and anxious.

''I don't think I need to explain whom that little girl reminded me of,'' Springtrap said.

''No, but the children are gone, aren't they?'' Sam said. ''That chapter of your life is supposed to be over, isn't it? Even though it does influence your current situation.''

''True, but the more I think about it, the more I feel that not all of them are gone,'' Springtrap replied.

''You mean that entity?'' Sam asked, with Springtrap nodding.

''If anything, I'm certain that this entity is completely different from the voice that told me that I'd be back, for whatever reason they had,'' he explained.

''Considering how things are, you've been brought back to be tortured. Apparently, the Hell you faced wasn't enough,'' Sam said, noticing that Springtrap looked quite crestfallen. ''There is something else, isn't it?''

''How would you feel if I just left?'' he asked. He noticed the reluctant look on her expression, as she understood what he meant. It was more than obvious that she refused to let him leave, which he actually felt relieved about.

''Well, if you wanted to leave, it is your decision…'' Sam muttered.

''Sam, be honest with your feelings,'' Springtrap said calmly, in the same tone Sam used to talk to him in such situations.

''No, I don't want to you to leave,'' Sam said, now in a more confident tone, only to feel Springtrap patting her on the head.

''I know. I am not going to leave you,'' Springtrap told her. ''At least not unless forced, and even then, I doubt I would just abandon you. Besides, I'm quite satisfied with being back, so that's an additional reason for staying here.''

Sam smiled, with Springtrap feeling a warm sensation in his chest.

Even if I have to leave, it'll be on my own terms.

xXx

''It should be here somewhere,'' Springtrap said as he looked through the window of the car. The two were searching for Circus Baby's Entertainment and Rental location. Springtrap felt a little tense about visiting it again, as he wondered whether everything remained the same, or whether the location was still there.

''Is this it?'' Sam asked, parking in next to the building next to an empty lot. There was an old rusty sign on it, saying CIRCUS BABY'S ENTERTAINMENT AND RENTAL, with the image of Circus Baby holding a microphone on the top of the sign. However, the colors were faded and chipped. The lot also had a broken fence around it, but it didn't seem like it was necessary for keeping intruders out. The whole place was decrepit and gave off a creepy vibe. The two exited the car, walking over to the building, with Springtrap being stunned.

''I can't believe this place is still here,'' he said. ''I thought that Henry had torn it down and burned the remains.''

''Well, I have no complaints about this place still being here,'' Sam said, looking quite excited. ''Let's go inside.''

Springtrap nodded, although he still stood on the spot, staring at the building. He did feel a little reluctant about entering it, as he didn't know what he might find there. Everything could've been the same as he left it, but it was also possible that there was nothing there. He sighed.

It's time to see what is lurking underground.

xXx

''Is there a bunny plushie?''

''No…''

''But, I want one!''

Kathy looked at her younger brother, who was just as annoyed as she was that the only plushies were those of Ricky and the Misfits. The two hoped that they could find a plushie that looked similar to that green-golden bunny with the purple bowtie.

Speaking of the bunny, nobody had seen it. Sure, the two hadn't visited Ricky's in a while, but they were sure that the bunny would still be here. They asked a few older kids and even an employee about the strange bunny animatronic, but none of them had even noticed that he was there. The two felt disappointed, as they wanted to play with him.

They knew that the bunny was there, but everyone else acted like he didn't exist. What was going on?

''Maybe he doesn't work today,'' Kathy suggested. She then pouted. ''Or maybe he got fired?''

Kyle tilted his head. He didn't fully understand what ''being fired'' meant, although he knew that it was something about adults losing their job, as he overheard his aunt talking nastily about the people that worked in the grocery store. All he could imagine was the bunny animatronic being fired out of a cannon by Ricky, and got scared.

''I hope he wasn't,'' he said. ''That would hurt.''

The two then got approached by Virgil The Owl, who looked at them expectantly.

''Do you want a prize?'' Virgil asked them.

''We want a bunny plushie!'' Kyle exclaimed, holding his share of prize tickets.

''I am sorry, but there are no bunnies here,'' Virgil replied. ''But, did you know that rabbits are fragile animals and are most active in the morning and evening. They prefer to sleep during the day and through the night. Rabbits are very tame and not demanding. They can be trained to learn commands and play games. Rabbits make very little noise so bothering your neighbors will not be a concern. Rabbits love to be handled, like attention, and tend to be active when most people are home. Because of all these attributes they can make an excellent pet.''

''Really?'' Kyle seemed to be awed, turning to his sister. ''I want a pet bunny!''

''Me too,'' Kathy was just as excited about the idea as her brother was, but then quickly remembered why they were here, then turned to the animatronic. ''Did you see a bunny robot?''

''No, there is no rabbit animatronic here. We have Ricky Wolfrun-'' Before Virgil could continue listing the names of the animatronics, he got interrupted by Kathy.

''But, there was a bunny named Spring here!'' she insisted.

''No, there is no rabbit animatronic here. We have Ricky Wolf-''

Kathy groaned, with her brother copying her. Both of them were frustrated that nobody knew about Spring, not even the animatronics themselves.

''Hello, there!'' The twins turned around, only to see Ricky waving at them. ''Do you need any help?''

As much as the twins were aware of, there were two Rickys. One would sing on the stage and the other would walk around and interact with people. However, they would never be seen together. Of course, when they played with another kid their age and told him about it, he said that they were wrong and that they were stupid for believing that. The twins quickly left him, not taking kindly to the fact that they were insulted by someone who couldn't tell the difference between a robot and a person in a costume.

''Have you seen a bunny?'' Kyle asked hopefully. ''His name is Spring!''

''I'm sorry, but I don't know any bunny named Spring,'' Ricky replied. Kyle looked disappointed. ''However, you can play with me and my friends. Just come along.''

He reached out for Kyle, but Kathy grabbed his arm first.

''No, thanks,'' Kathy suddenly said, feeling uncomfortable in Ricky's presence. Even though he was friendly to them, she had a bad feeling about this and wanted to leave. ''Bye.''

Connor observed silently as the two left, feeling angry. He had realized that he basically got his confirmation that there was indeed a bunny animatronic roaming through this town. However, every time he appeared or was mentioned, he would take people he was interested in away from him.

Well, it's time to hunt this bunny down.

xXx

As Sam and Springtrap entered the building, they noticed a thick layer of dust on the floor and every surface. There were cobwebs, as well as a musty scent in the air. It was dark inside, with shutters covering the windows, although Sam brought along her flashlight, shining it on the surfaces. The hallway they entered led to another room covered in posters of Circus Baby, Funtime Foxy, Funtime Freddy and Bon-Bon, and Ballora. There was also a reception counter.

''We're not even at where the animatronics were and I'm already excited,'' Sam said, contemplating whether she could take the posters with her.

''We might have a little problem, though,'' Springtrap said, pointing at the elevator a bit away from the counter. ''There are other entrances, but the primary one, which is reserved for the technicians, is this elevator and I'm not sure whether this place is still powered-up since nobody is using it. Also, just to make it clear, the last time I came here I used a different entrance.''

''Well, we could try it out,'' Sam said, shrugging. Springtrap was worried about the possibility of them getting trapped inside a faulty elevator, but decided to give it a try. Surprisingly, when he pressed the button for the elevator, it actually worked. He and Sam exchanged glances, then nodded, entering the elevator. Sam felt her heart racing when the door behind her closed. It took a few seconds, but the elevator then went down.

As they waited, Springtrap figured that there was a possibility that Fazbear Entertainment was the one who kept Circus Baby's Rental and Entertainment from being torn down. After all, they had already decided to open another location.

Meanwhile, Sam examined the entirety of the elevator, noticing how it looked exactly like it did in the game. The posters were missing, but the panel on which HandUnit asks you to type was still there. Sam traced with her fingers over the torn sticker that said ''MIKE''. She was smiling widely, feeling as if she was dreaming. However, this was much better than a dream.

''Deep below ground, where memories sleep, anger is restless and secrets don't keep.''

''What do you mean?'' Springtrap asked her.

''That was the description for Five Nights at Freddy's: Sister Location,'' Sam explained. ''Speaking of which, something's missing. HandUnit is not active.''

''I guess that someone turned HandUnit off,'' Springtrap said.

''I kind of hoped that we would hear him,'' Sam said. ''He might've offered me some Exotic Butters.''

Springtrap snorted, figuring that he should ask her a little more about those Five Nights at Freddy's games. The elevator finally opened, with both of them exiting it, entering a smaller room with a vent they would have to crawl through. Sam glanced at Springtrap.

''I still don't get why people have to use the vents to get into another room,'' she said, noticing Springtrap grinning, his arms crossed on his back and his eyes glowing in a soft purple.

''It's just a precaution, to make sure that people stay where they're supposed to be. Do you really think that, unless directed, someone would use a vent to get into the next room?'' Springtrap asked.

''Well, you have a point,'' Sam replied.

''If you don't want to use the vents, I'll show you the way around,'' Springtrap added.

''Thanks, but I actually wanted to see what Mike had to go through,'' Sam said, pointing at the vent. Springtrap's ears drooped, with him looking a little anxious. He knew that Michael had been at this place, as he personally had sent him here, but the idea of her retracing his steps didn't occur to him. However, if she did attempt to retrace Michael's steps… Springtrap's eyes widened as he realized what kind of situation he put her in.

''Say, Sam, you'll be fine on your own for a few minutes?'' he asked.

''I guess…'' Sam gave him a confused look. ''Why are you asking?''

''There's something I need to do, but I'll be back soon,'' Springtrap replied.

''What is it?'' Sam asked.

''I'll explain you later. It's just something I forgot about,'' Springtrap told her. Sam tilted her head, a little skeptical, but then shrugged and entered the vent. Springtrap sighed as he heard her leaving, rubbing his temple. ''Why didn't I remember this sooner?''

He then turned back to he elevator, walking around it and opening the door that was concealed in the small area behind the elevator. As he had already noted, there were certain aspects of this place only he was supposed to know about.

xXx

Sam felt a little overwhelmed as she stood in the primary control module room. In front of her was the vent that led to the control room for the Circus Gallery. On the sides were the vents that led to the Ballora Gallery and Funtime Auditorium. She also noticed the keypads used for the controlled shocks, approaching the one on her left carefully, her fingers itching to press the buttons. She felt giddy, still a bit in disbelief that she was actually here, at the Sister Location. As she contemplated whether she should actually try the keypads out, she was startled when the light suddenly started flickering and turned on. Even the screens above her were turned on, albeit showing only static.

She figured that Springtrap was probably the one who turned the lights on and looked through the windows. Both the Ballora Gallery and Funtime Auditorium were empty, albeit there were scraps of metal and plastic lying on the floor. Running from one side to the other, she simply couldn't decide which one to check first.

In the end, she decided to visit first the Circus Gallery, wanting to see Circus Baby's stage first. After climbing out of the vent, she found herself in the control room for the Circus Gallery, leaning against the machinery to see the stage. It was dimly lit, with broken stage lights, but much larger than Ballora and Funtime Foxy's stage. She took a step back and crouched, opening the door to the small space below the desk, which once served as a hiding spot for Michael when the Bidybabs went after him.

She shuddered as she closed it, reminding herself that this wasn't a game or a dream. It was real and people had died here. Not only that, but several incredibly dangerous animatronics had managed to escape by using a human as a suit. Calling it an unnerving experience would be an understatement.

After returning back to the main control room, Sam turned towards the Ballora Gallery, roaming freely through the area, as there was no Ballora or Minireenas to stop her. The room didn't have anything of interest, aside from several decorations and posters showing Ballora dancing. Sam turned her attention to the stage, staring at it for a moment, then shivered, going towards the breaker room.

Now, the breaker room was just as she imagined it to be. She saw the panel for the power, the room being covered in wires and pipes, some tools on a desk at the far end of the room, as well as some machinery.

This was where Funtime Freddy and Bon-Bon resided, at least for a while.

She stepped towards the stage where Funtime Freddy once stood, staring at it briefly, before turning back to the Ballora Gallery, with the intent to visit the Funtime Auditorium next. Once there, she glanced at the stage where Funtime Foxy was, then looked at the floor. While dusty, it was clean.

I guess we'll never know what happened to those two technicians after they were killed.

She then walked over to the parts and service room, which, similarly to the breaker room, was covered in wires, but also had closets and a desk, as well as tools and parts that would be used for fixing the animatronics. As she looked down, she noticed a charred piece of plastic. Picking it up and turning it around, she realized that, while it was quite damaged, it was Ennard's mask.

She gasped, covering her mouth in disbelief as she processed the fact that she was holding a piece of a rather infamous animatronic. She assumed that Ennard, after parting ways with Circus Baby, came here to repair himself, only for that to go wrong. Instead, he became Molten Freddy, a bunch of wires with Funtime Freddy's mask and AI, as Ballora and Funtime Foxy's AI probably ceased to exist at that point.

As she exited the parts and service room, she turned her attention to two other rooms, one being the private room and the other being the scooping room. Biting her lip, she went to the private room, wanting to check it out. As she already expected it, it looked almost exactly as she imagined it to be. The monitors had been turned off, so she had no view of the other rooms. Just as she reached for the monitors, she felt a hand on her shoulder and quickly turned around.

''Are you okay? I'm sorry I scared you,'' Springtrap said as he saw her stunned expression.

''Yeah, I'm fine,'' Sam replied. ''I am actually quite enjoying myself, just like at Fazbear's Fright.''

''I see you have already found something,'' Springtrap said, looking at Ennard's mask. Sam nodded.

''Honestly, I don't think I have even explored half of the place properly,'' she replied. ''Anyways, what were you doing?''

''I was simply making sure you won't get yourself hurt,'' Springtrap replied, with Sam giving him a confused look.

''Thanks,'' she muttered, wondering what exactly he meant, only to figure it out a moment later. ''The scooper, right?''

Springtrap didn't say anything, avoiding any eye-contact with her. He was still troubled over what happened, as well as worried about Sam's reaction to everything. Sure, she had already known about the whole deal with the scooper and remnant, but there was still a difference between knowing something and experiencing it first-hand. Not to mention, considering how curious Sam was, he had every right to worry about her getting hurt.

''In any case, I have visited pretty much every room here, except for the one with the scooper,'' she told Springtrap as she exited the room.

''I think you might want to rethink that sentence,'' Springtrap replied, then glanced back at the monitors, a little reluctant. Although, I guess she already knows, right?

He sighed, feeling torn between letting her continue to explore and telling her that they should leave. After all, this was his idea, but the more he thought about it, the more he felt that he made the wrong decision. There was a reason why I left everything behind.

He sighed, remembering the time he encountered Circus Baby decades after he had left her and the other animatronics. At the time, she had managed to somehow repair herself, becoming Scrap Baby. She was excited to see him, showing no trace of malice or bitterness towards him. She didn't care anymore about being left behind, seemingly forgotten, and wanted to do anything to make him proud. She wanted to be part of this horror show and he allowed it.

She even told him about what had happened to Michael, which honestly shocked him as, while he did sent him to this location, he didn't expect such outcome. However, the possibility of Michael still being alive despite being carved out like a pumpkin for Halloween sparked his interest, causing him to wonder whether he would encounter his son again. Still, that didn't mean that he wanted a family reunion. At that point, he had lost every sense of sanity, only wanting to continue to murder people.

Hell, even Circus Baby was a victim of his insane ideas. He no longer cared whether he was talking to the Circus Baby AI or Elizabeth when he encountered her, simply accepting idea that this is who she was. While he may have not wanted to harm her before, he had accepted her idea of her becoming his successor, while at the same time making it clear that he would also act on his own, without her help.

Springtrap sighed, closing his eyes with a look of anguish on his expression. Now that he thought about everything, he felt sick. He was furious at himself for even taking such dark path, even though he knew that he couldn't change anything about his past. He refused to understand the pain and agony he brought upon everyone, believing that there would be some kind of benefit from his actions. Sure, had had discovered what could be called essentially immortality, but at what price?

Even if put myself into a similar situation, I still would have no idea what they have been through.

Time and time again, he had to wonder why he was still here, why he was allowed to come back. Was he supposed to repeat the horror show? Sure, he tried that, but Sam convinced him that there might have been another reason for his return. Or, maybe there wasn't any other reason for his return and this was just another form of torture? If it was, then they did a good job, as he now felt even worse than he did in Hell.

Still, there was a bit of hope left for him, as he had found someone who was willing to listen to him and help him out. It wasn't a bad deal, despite the constant anxiety and fear about her getting hurt somehow. After all, he had managed to hurt and scar every person he actually felt some connection with, and she might suffer the same fate.

I should've stayed away from her.

He shook his head, his eyes flaring purple. Only because he knew that he shouldn't be around her didn't mean he was supposed to leave her. He had shown that he could change, that he could become a better person. Hell, he even showed regret for his past actions! He wanted to keep Sam safe and happy, and that required his presence, no matter how absurd that idea was.

If this is not why I'm here, what else am I supposed to do?!

In the end, the decision lied within him. Even if he had made a different choice, he would still suffer the consequences, which could've been even worse than what he was experiencing now. Springtrap sighed, exiting the private room and closing the door, then leaned against it, staring across the room.

What should I do?

Suddenly, there was a scream, with something falling on the ground, the sounds echoing through the empty room.

''Sam!''

Springtrap ran over to the scooping room, finding Sam sitting on the ground, clutching her stomach. He quickly crouched next to her, noticing the blood on her arm.

''Sam, what happened?!''

Sam looked at the dismantled scooper, with Springtrap noticing that the remnant injector had sprung open. While had had dismantled it, he forgot that there was a possibility that traces of remnant were still inside the injector and that it might activate if not handled carefully. He assumed that she picked up some of the pieces of the scooper to examine them and got stabbed by the injector after accidentally activating it.

''Sam, let me see the wound,'' he said anxiously, slowly feeling the dread rising in the back of his mind. Sam extended her arm, her eyes tearing. Feeling sorry for her, Springtrap examined her arm, seeing the tears on the bandages and blood dripping out of the tears. He took a look at her, realizing that it was just her arm that got stabbed by the injector. Still, that didn't make him feel less horrified. He looked at her, his eyes flaring purple. ''We're going home this instant.''

Sam was surprised by his stern and serious tone. It was less of a suggestion and more of an order, with her realizing that the situation was grave. She let him help her get up, feeling her arm throbbing and a little dizzy.

''Sam, can you stand on your own?'' Springtrap asked her, with Sam waiting for the dizziness to fade.

''Yeah, I think so,'' she said, even though Springtrap still held her non-injured arm. ''There's a first aid kit in the car.''

''I don't think that it will help much,'' Springtrap said as he looked at her injured arm. The bleeding had stopped, but there were still red stains on the bandages. However, he wasn't worried about her injury, but more about what the injector did to her.

As they walked past the remains of Ballora, Funtime Foxy and Funtime Freddy and entered the Funtime Auditorium, Springtrap directed her towards a concealed door Sam hadn't noticed earlier. It led to a corridor that had a fork. Sam assumed that one path led to the observatory she saw through the panel at the scooping room. Springtrap then gestured to take the other path, which led back to the elevator room. As the elevator went up, the dizziness Sam felt had faded away and she was capable of standing on her own. However, her arm still hurt.

''How do you feel?'' Springtrap asked her worriedly. Sam noticed that there was a hint of panic in his tone.

''My arm hurts,'' she said, holding her injured arm with her non-injured one. ''I also feel tired.''

Springtrap looked dismayed, fearing the worst. He didn't want to risk anything, but he also had no idea what might happen to Sam. After all, he never found out what might happen when someone who was still alive gets injected with remnant.

xXx

The drive back home was quiet. After having her arm once again bandaged, Sam insisted on driving them back home, despite feeling fatigue. Springtrap let her do that, as he didn't want to upset her further. The situation was already bad enough, even more when Sam expressed the desire to go to sleep once they had arrived.

''Sam, I don't think that this is a good idea,'' Springtrap told her. ''You need to stay awake.''

He was slowly freaking out. As much as he knew, remnant was supposed to bind the soul of a dead or dying person to a body, be it artificial or not. However, he feared that, if injected into someone who was still alive, it could outright kill the person. While Sam wasn't stabbed in any of her vital organs, like the heart, it seemed to be affecting her nonetheless.

''I'm sorry about what happened. This is all my fault,'' he told her.

''No, it's mine,'' Sam replied, her cheeks red. ''I shouldn't have touched that stuff. I should've known better-''

Suddenly, her eyes rolled back and collapsed. Springtrap managed to hold her, preventing her from falling down on the floor.

''Sam, wake up! Sam!''

Horrified, he realized that she couldn't hear him anymore.

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[chaoticstrata]

Finished End of Dragons

So I finished End of Dragons' main campaign last night. And I have to say I rather like the journey so far. I know I didn't do this for Path of Fire or anything else, so I'm gonna lump that in here too.

One of my favorite things with the story is how my character's voice has evolved (Sylvari Male). It pretty much went from bright eyed and bushy tailed to exhausted/just done with it all. There are, of course, upbeat and hilarious moments but during season 3 and Path of Fire, every time he got a call from one of his guildmates it sounds like he's saying 'What now? -sigh-' It then turns a bit less exhausted going into EoD, and a little more 'Commander-esque'.

Mounts are fun, I like there are different ones for different tasks. Griffon is probably my favorite so far--if only because it was a pain in the ass to unlock. I'm holding judgement on the skyscale if only because I have no masteries unlocked for it. Base flying is...painful.

Path of Fire (and the season leading up to it) was amazing. I loved almost every minute of it. Aurene is a sweetheart! The landscapes were beautiful! And going back to Elona was so much fun. Especially since there were things I recognized! Like Livia and Koss! The third sassy comment from the mysterious Shining Blade person you helped with Eye of Jathir I knew right away who she was. And I was stoked! And poor Koss! Although it was hilarious that he was so annoying with his sass and backtalk that Joko ordered him to stay in the cave. XD (On a side note, Fuck Kormir. It should have been Koss.)

Season 4 and Icebrood saga. Can I say Emotional Damage much? ;-; But it hurt so good! The whole thing with what happened to Blish. And then Taimi. Taimi was like ripping my heart out--my friend who's also playing has not gotten to this part and he adores Taimi. Like 'Must protect Taimi at all costs' type adore. I'm keep mum about it, but ooh boy, I'll know when he gets to it. (He's getting to the part in Season 3 where we find out that killing the dragons like we are is not the best thing for the planet.) And then there's Braham, with everything he'd been through. ;-;

I loved having Canach with us during PoF, little sad that he wasn't in EoD as much--but it's understandable. I'm still on the fence about the new VO, but I think Matt does a good job at bringing the sass. I do hope I get to see more of him for SotO

End of Dragons was...it was ok. I liked all the characters from it. The story had it's moments, but the story overall was kind of meh for me. Just my opinion, obviously. Rama was a gem, and I'm glad to see we get some more of him going into the extra content. It was awesome to see a lot of the places from Factions and hear about a few people from then. Actually, I wonder if there are any extra dialogues for Revenants, especially if they use Shiro as a stance. Would be interesting to see.

One thing I really would like to shout out is the representation ArenaNet has put in the game. Jory and Kas. Caithe and Faolin. Yao. Hell, random NPC conversations. Nothing is made a bit deal bout any of it (except some people getting their panties in a twist, but they don't matter). They just exists, like anyone else in the world. I really could go on and on, but this post is long enough as it is. lol

[terubakudan]

Sup. xD

No, but really. Hi guys! Long time no see.

I see that Tumblr's changed, and believe me I'm re-learning how to use it. xD

So, um...usual life update I guess, you don't have to read this but I have to get this out of my system or I'll go crazy xD.

Honestly I really miss blogging and talking about fandoms, hobbies and whatnot. It's literally been over a year since I last blogged and there's a reason for that: literally no work-life balance at my old job. I say 'old' because I finally quit this year!! I'm really glad to be out of that soul-sucking hellhole xD For reference, I used to work at one of the Big Four accounting firms as an auditor, think hard before going in haha. The pay may be good...but at what cost?

For a while even when I left I couldn't stop thinking about work, I would always worry that there's something that hasn't been finished yet, and believe me at that kind of job the workload is endless Orz. On the plus side I did get experience, but I'm waaayyyy more glad to be out than in, believe me guys, work-life balance is something that everyone should have, I don't know what it's like in other countries (do feel free to share, I'm quite curious) but there's a reason so many foreign professionals choose not to work in Taiwan:

The pay is low. Especially compared to Japan and South Korea. As of now minimum wage is NTD 26,400 (USD 836) per month, and NTD 176 (USD) per hour, the thing is it's seriously not keeping up with inflation here. Bento used to cost NTD 60~70 when I was in college! Now it's NTD 90~100 on average.

Hours are long. Not all jobs are like this, but you are expected to do overtime without additional pay in most.

A lot of bosses here just...don't know leadership skills? Like they know how to work, but are awful at teaching and leading subordinates. Both Mom and I complain that the EQ of some locals is quite low ^^" No seriously, you do something well and somehow it's always your fault xD People here can be too materialistic sometimes and don't spend enough time on enriching themselves and others. It's really the fault of long work hours as well as the cram school culture here.

So yeah..welp.

My new job (accounting staff at a SME) may be lower pay but at least I get to come home earlier now, which honestly is a relief. Also weekends off. You'd be extremely lucky to get a weekend off at the old job xD

In a way, my Dad spoiled our family xD Because he was too nice we got really used to this rosy portrait of Taiwan and the locals xD But yeah, Mom, Bro and I will find ways to carry on.

Well enough about that! I hope everyone's getting on well with their lives, even when it's tough, there are always ways to carry on. ╰(*´︶`*)╯

I haven't been 100% offline actually xD Just a lot of lurking xD

Some things I've been up to:

You are now looking at a JoJo's Bizarre Adventure fan xD JJBA lives in my head rent-free and I don't regret it at all, I want to slap past me for not following JoJo sooner, especially as an avid fan of music and fashion. My brother’s pestering of me to watch it finally came to. I don't read manga, have watched Parts 1~6 (and made my Mom watch it with me ha xD she practically got almost all the music references xD) and am excited for a Part 7 anime!! Which could take forever sadly :( Along with Arcane Season 2, it’s been a while since there’s a show that I really look forward to watching, what with the current state of TV and movies nowadays. Too much on content and not enough on quality or well, basic storytelling even.

But I'm sad that I can't go to JOJO WORLD. QQ I really have a knack for getting into things too late.

My personal ranking: 2>5>3>4>1>6. This is just personal favoritism xD Each part has their own strengths and weaknesses and the writing in later parts is better as Araki has really matured as a mangaka and writer. But Part 2 is amazing. Period. I will not have it any other way. Special mention goes to this guy for simultaneously stealing my heart and *ahem* crushing (sorry) it, I have only cried for him:

He and Joseph should kiss.

2. I got into gaming again! Thank Steam really for letting lots of players save money on not having to buy separate consoles xD I got my brother to help me invest in a good gaming laptop, and it's just lovely. Some of my favorite games:

METAL GEAR RISING: REVENGEANCE

I got to experience Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance and my god it's a MASTERPIECE. The OST also is just *chef's kiss*. The composer really did a great job with the music. The animation that plays every time Raiden uses Zandatsu is an absolute joy to watch xD My brother introduced this game to me through the memes, and he immediately regretted it when it was all I could talk about for a while xD But god slicing a Metal Gear in two while Rules of Nature plays in the background, how can you not squee?! xD

Mind you this is the tutorial boss xD I highly recommend this game, pure unadulterated adrenaline rush xD It’s so over-the-top and unapologetic, and just damn cool.

SEKIRO: SHADOWS DIE TWICE

I also beat Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice. And as of now, it's still the best sense of achievement that I got from a game, it's the most difficult game I've ever played and let me tell you guys I'm good friends with the death screen xD

The adrenaline rush I got from beating Genichiro for the first time (and throwing the lightning back at him!!) as well as beating Sword Saint Isshin was unreal. At some point, the gameplay for me clicked, and it was immensely satisfying being able to perfectly parry the enemy's attacks. The clanging of swords is a sound that I absolutely love.

Though fuck Demon of Hatred xD. Joke I love the Sculptor character who I affectionately call 'Sculptor Dad' but come on you had to unlearn the game's combat system just to beat him. I agree that he's more of a Dark Souls boss than a Sekiro one.

Well deserving of 2019 Game of the Year 👏

DEVIL MAY CRY V

So you can probably see by now that I love action and hack and slash games xD I used to play Devil May Cry 3 when I was a teenager and even watched the Madhouse anime, the over-the-top-ness and Dante's quips won me over. Dante’s even the whole reason why I tried strawberries and now I love them xD So! It was only natural that I wanted to play DMCV, and I wasn't disappointed.

There’s a total of 4 characters you can play as, each with their own SSStylish gameplay, and I had lots of fun just sending the demons into the air while the extremely enthusiastic cast cheers me on xD

Also V is that Edgy Guy who’s a hit with the ladies xD My brother hates him but I adore him. He even said that I’m a sucker for the “starving artist” types xD Well…

HOW CAN I NOT BE A SUCKER QQ That smirk, dear god.

HADES

0:34 sold me haha 😂

You play as this really sexy Prince of Hell with daddy issues.

While Sekiro would frustrate me sometimes with constantly dying, every time I died in Hades it encouraged me to keep on playing, as whenever you die it actually advances the plot and unlocks new dialogue with the various characters, who are based on Greek mythology. If anything the game encourages you to die xD There was a time I was so determined to make it to the surface and when I did it was the next morning already xD

The art by Jen Zee is also just extremely gorgeous, and the OST by Darren Korb (who also voices Zagreus) is amazing. I also recommend Supergiant’s other games Bastion, Transistor, and Pyre. They are one of the best indie game developers out there. They put a lot of heart into their games, which is something a lot of AAA games lack nowadays.

Also I headcanon that Zagreus listens to Coldrain while hacking and slashing through hell. It just seems like a band he would listen to xD

And not to forget, but thank Supergiant for giving the option to romance this really sexy grim reaper xD I'm a sucker for the 'tsundere' types too, and let me tell you every bottle of gifted nectar and ambrosia was worth it. When he finally realized his feelings weren't unnecessary I squeeed.

DISCO ELYSIUM

Last but not least, an underrated gem.

Disco Elysium is one of those games that shouldn’t exist, and boy am I glad that it does.

It’s a choose your adventure game in which you play as a detective trying to solve a murder case with your partner, all the while getting to know the seaside town of Martinaise. Which once you get to explore it, isn't really that big and yet somehow feels huge, there's a whole fictional history that was created for it and for places outside Martinaise even, the worldbuilding for this game is insane. It also seems very real and similar to our own and yet it's all fictional, I really admire that level of detail.

I actually first heard of this game through an artist I follow on Tumblr, who draws True Detective and Disco Elysium fanart. I adore the first season of True Detective and never knew that MartyxRust does things to me. Read reviews about this so-called "True Detective/The Wire-inspired" game and was sold.

Also the developers really hit it out of the park with Kim Kitsuragi, god I love Kim 😭 One of the best companions that you can have out there. Whenever I felt bad and by extension made my player character feel bad (the game is choice-based, there's even an achievement called 'World's Sorriest Cop' xD), Kim would always be helpful and encouraging and god just the sweetest.

The humor in the game is also something I just found so charming, and the voice acting is perfect for every character, I find myself having fun mimicking the voices a lot. I kept pestering my brother to play this game, and his Evrart Claire impression is so spot-on, I myself like to impersonate the Fritte clerk with my 'm'kays' xD

Oh, and you can start a nightclub at a church. And believe me when you experience this scene in the game, it is glorious.

3. I had one of those 'happiest days in your life' moments: I went to see the GazettE's MASS final concert in Japan!! And the crazy thing is I specifically flew in just to see them, I was there in Japan for the concert and went home the next day. At the time I had booked my airline ticket thinking I would still be clocking in to my old job on Monday and well, I never thought I would quit xD

And silly me never thought that even Japanese trains could be late (the local trains at least), I was almost late to the 05:30 PM assembly time xD

By the time I got to the Budokan I was confused by the lack of banners and signs at the entrance at first, then I saw this procession of people in black heading to MASS (ha) and just knew. xD

And I thought I was the only one silly enough to fly to another country for a concert, then I heard Mandarin, English, Spanish in the crowd and thought: 'ah, music really brings people together'. It was beautiful.

Seeing the bouquet with the 'From overseas fans (Overseas fans より)' made me all warm and fuzzy inside.

Too shy to take my own picture xD But glad to know I'm not the only one extremely happy to be there.

I tried to take a picture of this Uruha banner and it just kept flapping in the wind like Uruha during the heavier songs, so I just gave up xD

The setlist for that night, when they played Miseinen (未成年) I think I started tearing up QQ Frankly the whole night was so surreal I couldn't stop thinking about what I experienced on my way back to the hotel. And I stayed at a capsule hotel for the first time! Specifically this one.

The song they played after the concert was an instrumental version of Knockin' On Heaven's Door, and it was absolutely lovely. They even teased a trailer for a new release next year(!!) and a trailer for their Christmas concert A HYMN OF THE CRUCIFIXION ver.2

Their trailers are needless to say, cinematic. I'm sad that they removed all their older trailers off YouTube though :(

As of writing this, there are still stuff I want to share and fangirl about, but unfortunately I have to wake up to a job tomorrow xD If I could, I'd spend my days just doing what I love and not having to deal with stupidity at work. I just want to say I'm glad that there are things in life to enjoy and make going through the daily grind even just a bit easier :)

[scarletwix]

omg hi its the anon who sent the jasico superhero au that was bouncin round my cranium u posted a response to back in like april if u recall i only just realised i never actually sent anything back but i was reading through my old reblogs and wanted to say the stuff u wrote fucks, like its so neat.

i love the groundworks for the worldbuilding stuff u have set up, mentioning unions and insurance stuff its so cool, and the way u gave nico like a kind of lois lane-ish journalist/possibly blogger idk vibe was stellar.

u mentioned debating whether nico would have powers, and id never considered it but immediately my brain went 'what if he doesnt at first, but gets them later on, has to deal with the implications of that on his life and such, and is just confronted with the truth of jason's secret identity, possibly without jason even knowing' idk u don't have to use that if u do wanna write more with it i just figured id share bc it just instantly popped up nagging my thoughts.

anyway yah it was super awesome to see the little idea that rolled around my mind half formed harassing me turned into something so brilliant!!!

(also ty for posting nimona stuff all over my dash ive wanted to watch it and u let me know that it actually came out lol)

OMG NONNY HI HOW DID I MISS THIS

WELCOME BACK TO THE CIRCUS this au has not left my mind literally every time I hear "Last of the Real Ones" by FoB my brain screeches away from whatever I'm writing and straight into jasico superhero au

I'm so glad you enjoyed it!! That makes me so happy to hear :D as for the worldbuilding I was blatantly inspired by the book Hench by Natalie Zina Walschots, but I took it in a different direction. The idea of Superhero unions fascinates me, and looking at a world and going "how would people react if this became a normal thing" is something I find really fun when doing worldbuilding.

And yay! I struggled a bit trying to decide what Nico was doing and decided Journalism Major fit his vibes enough that I wanted to run with it!! I hadn't even considered the Lois angle but aslksdflfk that's so fun. Too bad his superman made a terrible impression ey?

also that is a DELIGHTFUL idea. I love having to explore the repercussions of suddenly being at the same caliber of power as the heroes he writes about, trying to decide whether or not he's going to DO anything about this information... Mmmm I love that.

I had given it a lot of thought and my main sticking point was "do I want Bianca to also be alive in this au" because my initial thought was that a lot of Nico's trepidation towards heroes comes from the fact that Bianca was one and was either injured too badly in the line of duty to continue heroing, or was killed outright. I thought it would be interesting to see Nico grappling with that aspect of his sister who he looked up to, and what that profession eventually cost her, especially if she was just too injured to keep going, which would leave room for Nico's initial hero worship of Tonitro while also giving him the skepticism of "this is an inherently unfair system." In the end it didn't matter much to the snippet itself, but if/when I go back and write more (I'll be honest it's not even an if or a when because it's just so much fun for me that I have written a few more little snippets here and there of the au, just nothing polished enough to publish lol).

In any case, I was thinking about Nico having powers at the time of the Tonitro & Waterspout teamup in the ficlet and that he could/would use them to try and find Jason and potentially even help with the evacuation effort. I've got half of a scene written in my head that I now think would work really well as an accidental-identity-reveal that Jason doesn't even realize has happened. That is such a fun concept nonny, tyty

Your idea super inspired me, and I have to thank you so much for sending it over!! I'm so glad that you enjoyed it as much as I do :D

(ALSO LOL I HOPE YOU GOT TO WATCH NIMONA what a good movie. So proud of Nate tbh like what a journey he's been on. I remember reading the webcomic on the Nimona website back in the day and it's wild to see how far he's come.)

[lennjamin-o7]

I’M SCREAMING:

First, I love Fae Schaltt, absolutely hysterical 10/10. That man does not give a single fuck about these mortals and I love him so much for it. I was giggling every time he spoke. Goatman gives zero fucks and it’s so good.

Second, I feel a little bad for Chesil, she clearly does genuinely love and care about Techno and try to show equal love for all her children. Only valid non-Techno member of that family

Third, poor Tech, he just wanted someone to actually know him and care about him after what his sister did and now he had the slight bit of Fae magic that her being perfect seem to seep away but also doesn’t make it all the hurtful words and actions seemingly fine anymore :( Poor kid just wants people to care

Fourth, Fundy and Puffy noping the fuck out after Mielle signed her own death warrant like “Yeah absolutely the fuck not Phil and Kristen are vindictive as hell and also on another level why would you say that?!?!”

Fifth, Phil’s so goddamn giddy about not only having Techno safe in his arms but now he there’s nothing the royal family can even argue, he’s got his son’s name and they can’t do a thing about it. His son now you should’ve taken care of him better suckers.

Sixth, MURDER THEM KRISTEN, not Skeppy or Bad they’re cool, maybe not Chesil she was clearly doing her best as a mom made dumb choices but I honestly don’t blame her for wanting to keep all her children close, but also screw Mielle and everyone else but especially that politician hope that nameless politician gets a gruesome end reincarnation of Jerry sounding headass

Finally thank you so much I’m still smiling and laughing from how fun this chapter was <3

Fae Schlatt was not planned. He came out of no where and just made himself at home. He's so bitchy and I love him.

Chesil loves her son. She is just not a really good parent. I also feel a bit bad for her. She loves all of her children. But, like, there's magic involved. It ruins things.

And to be fair for Baethan...he's just kind of there because I needed there to be another parent but I don't give him a ton of personality. This was supposed to be short and the cost was any character King Baethan had outside of plot purposes. Oops.

Techno just wants to be enough for someone. And I may or may not be projecting onto that. He wants someone to love him no matter if he messes up or isn't perfect.

Yeah, Fundy and Puffy were NOT dealing with that. That was a bomb they were going to avoid. Not worth the consequences.

THAT'S HIS SON AND TRY AS YOU MIGHT YOU CAN'T KEEP HIM!!!

Nameless Politician may or may not die. Who knows? (I knows).

<3 <3 <3 <3 I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[pewterwizard]

I'm going through another one of those shift moments when I randomly have an epiphany and relax just a bit more with how I exist in life :P (long ass post my b)

The ones I can vividly remember are like when I was 13, 14, 16, 18, 20

13 I was like omg I don't have to baby my friends and I'm no longer gonna be their therapist & broke up with my weirdo partner & also shredded a bunch of my art that made me uncomfortable lol

14 I realized the content i was consuming was gross and swore off fandoms. I realized I was acting too adult and that I needed to act like a kid, talk to kids enjoy kid stuff & shit like that. (good and bad for me lol accidentally swore off hyperfixations of any kind)

16 I realized I actually can love things and make the choice to be happy and envelop myself in the things I enjoy (80s shit, fantasy artwork, d&d, REALLY got into music. got back into hyperfixations but avoided anything embarrassing at all costs)

18 I had a shit first friend group that shat on me for being right about their ugly behavior and learned like... people may not actually love you or care about you as much as you love & care them and are totally willing to drop you instead of working it out as much as you want that to be true. Which is ok ppl are not worth chasing after if they genuinely do not care abt anyone or anything. That's a choice they're gonna make and stick to.

20 I realized it's actually not gonna help if I constantly only vent to my friends and don't find other things to talk about. I was & am dealing with a lot but it's doesn't feel good to anyone. There's a healthy level of vulnerability you can express to your friends but obviously it's not fun hearing every single inconvenience a person is going thru. It's a terrible spiral and I'm glad I found a way to get out of it.

& now I'm like omg I'm a grown adult now that can express myself sexually and find things n people soo sexy just because and also sexuality and your gender + gender expression are so intertwined. I have been a pent up rage weirdo against myself as a way to hide from the vulnerability of thinking shits hot LOL whatever that's awesome.

Also learning friendships especially as a young person & learning to love someone despite your own shitty stinky quirks and finding that person's stinky quirks and you both love each other despite it and talk about things that are annoying Abt you both or things you both do thar you love oh my god

I feel as if I've given myself like religious level guilt over sex without ever really being involved in any organized religion which is a fucking feat in itself.

[prowerprojects]

Heh, welcome to why I've always been so selective of Tails content in this fandom. I remember the early 2000s days of the fandom where he was either killed off to either enrage Sonic to hype up some new villain or replace him with a "better" partner. {Be it someone's OC or other popular characters like Shadow or Blaze} Or, due to accusations of being useless/not cool, he rarely used in anything meaningful. He's just cute and that's it. (With Tailsmo for flavor.)

Then Colors-Forces happened; I don't think I need to explain to this one, but no doubt this caused a shift in how he was viewed. (And the dynamic with Sonic.)

Stuff has somewhat chilled since then, but it feels like a 180 was done. (Like, fans are quick to bring out the knifes if you speak ill of their bond, and due to recent media like the movies and Prime, this probably the most Tails' character has been deeply and widely discussed, but now we're in this weird limbo were people want a more independent and active Tails, but won't let Sonic "let go of his hand" and protect him at all cost. People understand they're partners, but won't grasp they're equals. They cover the other's flaws, they take care of each other. That's since the day they met.) I like a "blue hedgehog takes care of a [smart] baby fox" story as much as the next person, but do you think that said baby fox never tried to pull his own weight? Never tried to return the favor to this blue hedgehog; who respects his skills [and his tails] and comes to him when he can't figure something out or the best and quickest solution? That they don't think twice on throwing themselves in danger for one another? That's what's so fun about this dynamic. It evolves, but it's ultimately the same premise.

TL:DR Depending on how fanon Tails is written more or often not gives away what kind of Sonic to expect and the dynamic that comes with it. Am I seeing two individuals with their own thoughts and beliefs bounce off each other? Or is one being heavily guided by a figurative leash by the other? ( I'm scared depending on how Nine's story ends, if it's going to cause yet another shift of how Tails gets looked and portrayed and his relationship with Sonic. Cause I'm still seeing some miss the point on why Nine is the way he is and is not a more "complete/developed" Tails. Latching on to him for stuff Tails has done before in games and other adaptions. {And I'm speaking as a Nine fan. Yeah, he's more independent and self-sufficient, but not a healthy way.})

Sigh

I don't even have anything to add, but I'm glad I'm not the only one who noticed this weird two-way thing with Tails. Fans want him to get character development and be independent, because it's good for his character arc, and this is what makes sense, but in their hearts what they really want is for Tails to be the little baby brother that Sonic tucks in every night and gives him funny kisses and checks for monsters under his bed; who exists solely to show how great of a big brother Sonic is, sacrificing so much of his freedom and taking on so much responsibility to raise a child, can you believe this? (Not saying you can't be independent and still get affection and help from your family, note the word "solely") (And if Sonic doesn't need to keep an eye on Tails because Tails is such a helpless baby, then it's because if he's left without supervision for 5 seconds, he starts killing people and destroying cities and Sonic needs to keep him in check)

And yeah, I get it, fandom, we're all having fun, I also think jokes about Tails being a little unhinged are funny, and I enjoy the brotherly fluff between Sonic and Tails, but I wish it wasn't all that he got reduced to (Especially in fics where the focus is one Sonic + some other character who isn't Tails. If it's a shipping fic there's often a plot where Sonic's partner would have to babysit Tails (never mind he lives by himself in canon) and bond with him, to kind of "get approval from Sonic's family".) But it's hard to talk about these kinds of things. Like when you criticize the way people portray characters in a ship, you could say "don't reduce them to just a generic love interest, remember that they're a character with a full personality also", and people understand what you mean, but how could you say "don't reduce this character to just a little brother type"? They are brothers after all, we just want to make them act like real brothers do/s

Yep, I've seen way to many people being like "Nine is what I always wanted Tails to be". And it's like. Ok. So you just hate Tails then. Let me guess, is Shadow your favourite character? I also like Nine, he's a great character, probably the best written one in the show, but he's not "cool", he doesn't represent "Tails reaching his full potential" or anything like that. He's deeply hurt and kind of pitiful honestly. Tails becoming more like him would be a regression if anything because he'd already overcome a similar (maybe just not as... prolonged) situation before. But I don't think this is what the show is building up to, Tails (in the show) is portrayed to be a pretty competent person already, just the one who is willing to put aside his issues because he doesn't want to risk creating any kind of conflict in his relationship with Sonic (in contrast to Nine who doesn't have as much history with Sonic and is willing to tell him exactly when and how he fucks up), and it's Sonic who needs to change his attitude. But we'll see how it goes. (I wouldn't want their relationship to turn into "long-suffering Tails holds his dumbass older brother on a child leash otherwise he'll run off and do something stupid" in popular conciousness either)

[icharchivist]

1, Hi!! I used to come by years ago, I absolutely loved, and still do!, your blog, its a fantastic place, so many interesting stuff, it really is like an archive for me haha I don't have much to add, only some shower thoughts if you don't mind me. I never had the chance to dump them on anyone o(-(

omg, hi there!!!!

first of all, thank you for the sweet message! i'm glad you used to like this blog so long ago and still do now 🥺 i haven't really talked much about dgm those past few years so i'm really touched that you think so despite it all, and more than that i'm just really glad that you can still go back to the archives of this blog and have fun!! i'm really glad to have you here!!

Answering the rest of the asks under the cut <3

ooh you mean this page?

it's really too ambiguous so i guess it's mostly that there's nothing really to theorize per se, especially since in the next page Allen remembers a bit of Nea, so i would assume the "?" we all had turned into "oh it's probably one of the Campbell twins".

But mhmm i'm rereading the bit and yeah, considering Nea introduces himself in his memory on the next page it could be probably someone whom Allen knew before that time.

And as a "PastA was a Bookman apprentice" truther, i do feel like his clothes there are reminiscent of what young!Lavi used to wear as well.

Honestly i could perhaps see Bookman Senior being the one holding him like that. Like.... I feel like we can interpret everything we want about that but i feel like Bookman Senior particularly reminding Lavi to not form attachment and even being a bit cold toward him at times could be direct reactions from the reasons he lost his previous apprentice. What if he was too soft with his previous apprentice, what if it made the apprentice care too much about the people making history so much so it got him involved? As such, i could imagine it be Bookman Sr genuinely being emotional with PastA, the type of affection that doomed him, and that now Bookman Sr is less willing to give out.

Or, like you said, it could be anyone else. A parent, a friend, anything. I could imagine it being a family member of some kind though, considering how much this arc is specially about Allen getting adopted by Mana and how much Nea still haunts him. In a sense Nea is the thing that keeps getting in between Allen and his family, so to have this flashback interrupted by Nea could be an extension of that, of the family he turned his back on when Nea entered his life.

i didn't think about it much but i could see it. or. well. I can fit my theories into this single panel so LMAO.

I don't think you're wrong, especially seeing the Alma arc. Tbh i'm still thinking and haunted by this arc specifically because well, I was there Gandalf ect, i was there when dgm was at the height of its popularity in 2008/2009, i remembered how many shounen fans were really into the saga and would be widely homophobic to the notion of any of those characters being possibly gay, and i remember very, very clearly the moment the plot point of Alma being Kanda's love interest dropped, unambiguously, and how much of an uproar it was. I remember people jumping ship THERE, before the manga even went on hiatus.

And i swear i remember Hoshino mentioning that her health really started to become worse when she had to fight her editors for what she wanted, and that the Alma arc was one of those. She had to set it up in such a way that her editors couldn't take it away from her, by having Kanda set up on finding Alma early in the story, building up the Alma arc, and only then later in the arc going ":) well Alma is the love Kanda is looking for. And i can't take it back without ruining this entire arc. so what do we do."

and it DID cost to the series at this point, it WAS something that got a lot of pushbacks.

Nowadays i feel like Hoshino is probably more free to do whatever she wants, esp since there's been more casually gay rep in shounen ever since, but at the time, i remember it causing a huge stir in the fanbase.

And hell i remember at the time the people who were translating the manga after it got out of hiatus in 2015 or so was a huge popular manga website where a lot of casual shounen readers were tuning in, and i still remember seeing hundreds of homophobic takes in the comments at the time, especially regarding Kanda. A lot of casual shounen fans have completely wrote of the series because Hoshino "let her BL lenses stain the series" and that therefore for them they can only read the newer dynamics with that lenses, especially when Kanda is involved.

(and it doesn't help Kanda was like. THE symbol of masculinity for the guys i met in the shounen fandoms at the time. The fact he was the one who got this plotline got them PISSED because they were projecting this idea on Kanda and i could still see it in the mid 10s.)

I think Hoshino is well happy writing Shounen, but she doesn't mind also talking about any sort of love into it, she did mention she wanted to show what her definition of love (in all of its form, not just romantic) was in her story, so i think it's an extension of that. But Hoshino did pretty much fight for Kanda to have his relationship with Alma. I'm honestly inclined to believe Alma had to die as a compromise to the fact she basically set up a lovestory her editors could not possibly cut.

But her editors causing her problems have been at the root of any clunky dgm plotpoints anyway. The Destroyer of Time's prophecy came from her editors. Allen was a transwoman in the first draft and was changed to a cisguy because her editors argued "no one would care if a female MC was to cry, so we need Allen to be a boy for it to count". her editors told her to cut down appearances of the Earl while Hoshino always wanted to have him as a main character (which is likely why now that she has more freedom thanks to her new deal, we've been getting full arcs focusing on him). Her editors pushed her to change Lenalee away from the character she wanted her to be. So long and so forth.

Honestly i still look back at the Alma arc in awe because it truly was Hoshino putting her foot down and making sure her editors would not be able to change her vision this time and i still admire it.

but man sometimes i mourn for the story DGM could have been if the editors haven't constantly been restraining her. Obviously, there's always moment an editor helps out in pacing a story or helping some focus, but with dgm you can sense on some point how some elements just. didn't really help out Hoshino's vision and it's so sad.

Nowadays it seems her editors are giving her more freedom, and it's about time. It's just so damn sad that it came when her health has become too fragile because of the constant strain that has been on her in part because of her old editors.

I for one am looking forward to see where it's going and i will be patient, but yeah. Can't wait to see how that goes either.

It's nice to hear those thoughts though so if you feel like rambling more, the inbox is opened!

Take care and thank you for the sweet message <3