#Elias howls
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Actually. If anyone also had extremely terrible driving anxiety when they got their permit, can y'all share any tips that helped you manage that? Or even just your experiences? Even if it's "no yeah my anxiety got worse bc x/y/z". Everyone I can talk too irl have had their licenses for like 30+ years and I feel like I'm the only one who got their permit and didn't immediately feel a sense of freedom at having it.
I don't expect my anxiety to go away bc it's paired with the fact I Don't Want To Drive Period. And if I could I would never drive but I'm getting sick to my stomach about the constant burden I am on my family and I need to Get Over myself bc in like a not-so-distant future I'm going to have to shuttle everyone in my family around so I have to Suck It Up
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I love loving my partner. I talk a lot how I don't know what my love language is, and in many ways I still don't. (Is it a mix? Acts of service? Words of affirmation? Touch....?) And it really doesn't matter much in the end.
I know that when he looks at me, and I smile at him my eyes say it all. And being able to touch, feel his skin under my fingers is enough to keep me going for the future we will write together.
I don't think I could describe my love language other than I truly do love loving him. And I want it to show in everything I do, and say, and how I promise him the world, and how I reach for him, how he makes me laugh till I'm crying and how he holds secrets and I keep the things he's said close to my heart where it hurts but I'll mend what I can, and soothe what I cannot.
I can only hope every I love you carries the same feeling. The same warmth, the same impact. Because I want it too. I try to say it everytime I think it, so, even when we're apart he can remember it and maybe the words will hug him when I cannot, and squeeze his hand and hold him until I can do it again
#elias howls#saw a dumb silly joke post but like oops sorry I don't think you should joke abt it!! Love isn't a terrible fate becoming of humans!!!!#I love with all my heart. And that's good!!!!!#ft. how I feel about a very speical bear bc he is on my mind#edit: OOPS. This was for the mainblog. welp
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I went to no one's mad at you island and all your friends were there and they told me they all love you and could never hate you and they don't mind that sometimes your emotional responses are bigger than the actual problem and they asked where you were. They miss the shape of you in the group and how your laugh and smile and the way you speak weaves the group together. They wanna see you again soon and hope you call.
#elias howls#not prompted by anything I just liekd this meme format and wanted to say something#and to um idk baby myself i guess bc i kind of suffer this sort of cycle#your friends DO love you and they DO miss you and its ok to let them know or ask if everyone js feeling ok because youre feeling hurt. its#k to ask for reassurance. you're not a bad person for that#I really struggle with the last part. accepting its ok to struggle with that. i always feel like a manipulative person for expressing that i#m feeling hurt and would like to talk and get reassurance but. everyone needs it and if my friend was like 'hey after this (event) I feel li#ke yiu dont like me anymore.' or anything else and wanted reassurance i would literally drop everything to assure them its ok even if i was#mad bc thats what friends do. soemtimstyou fight but thats ok
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Take my permit test today wish me luck y'all
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I miss John and Arthur so much. I neeeed to see how the fuck they get outta this one. Because like, I know Arthur has survived A lot but this feels extreme even for him
#elias howls#malevolent#Is this how y'all felt in yhe cave when John was like THEN FUCKING HELP ME KAYNE#also. uhm personally i feel like yorik does not actually have Arthur/Johns best interest in mind but i don't have like canon#evidence to back that. it's just a gut feeling
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I know it's really silly but a thing I still want to do and have always wanted to do is find a cookbook with a bunch of recipes that sound good and cook my way through the entire cookbook
#elias howls#like imagine a cookbook full of idk supper ideas. I just... Wanna cook a new thing every week. I dont really Cook Anymore or default to the#same 3 very basic meals out of ease and to not be around the people in my house but like if i could get out? I'd love to cook new things aga#in#one of the food youtubers I watch every so often has this weeknighting series where he makes a bunch of different meals that are like 30 min#minutes or like less labor intensive so you can do it During The Work Week and I think thats fun. I really cant wait till I can make good fo#od again
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Bev I wasn't serious aboutath problems in my ask box you know I can't do those
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OC cramped antique store never avle to find workers just a guy always kind of there when needed but otherwise unavailable. Tight quarters. Fire hazard. Weird stuff. Wasn't that... That's definitely your childhood doll you gave away? No. It can't be. But that's the same exact patchwork your grandma did. Definitely both too small of a space for how big on the outside it looks but impossibly large when stepping in. Gives off vertigo. Easily trapped ala Ikea with little sign or common sense of how to get out. Everything oddly priced or labeled bring to front. Does not contain anything to do with [ ]. Time moves very oddly skin to how it feels exiting a movie theater weljere it was day but then? Night? But also in there definitely over an hour but upon exiting it's like 10 minutes after
Name ?
Talks... Well... Ah! I received that item back, oh, I really can't remember! I'm always forgetting such trivial details.
Dress ? Perhaps eccentric ?
Unique smell not musty like antique store should be but not pristinely clean just unique. Perhaps slightly different to everyone? No. Just something odd can't quite put finger on it. Perhaps nostalgic,m? Keeps some people who :) well :) accidents happen and there was no way to prove this they went missing sure and it was a shame but well of course look around feel free nothing to hide
Smack in the middle of a town that is very important just the shop been there asong and anyone remembers (no one remembers otherwise impossibly records go far back before it should've really existed and it changed very little pictures of founder(s) unrecoverable untim he shows up about ?? Years ago maybe 13 bc I like the number)
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My favorite way to consume media is going "well if that was me I just wouldn't have done that" which is really fun in horror settings. I just wouldn't have gone to the scary house. I would've replaced my flickering bulb. I'd have passionate gay sex with the killer. Easy. Next genre
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Hi people in my phone what should I eat for supper. Just list something and whoever says something closest to what I can find, I'll make that
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I hope the lady I saw pushing a dollie around at the store is living her best life and I wish I could've told her I liked her dollie and that I'd like to do that too it was an American girl doll and it was in the childs seat
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While I'm at work can you guys pray that the birthday gift Bev bought me gets found and isn't actually lost? It might be in Atlanta so just hope it gets to Me
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I Flipflop so much on it but man. I really do want top surgery
#elias howls#its. i dont know. i view it same as i viewed ever starting hrt just not a thing I'll ever get to experience#and it doesnt help my brain is still living in the sense of urgency i made in like 5th grade at age 9 or whatever because i genuinely didnt#see myself naking it past that age so my brains constantly screaming times running out when i know it isnt and its just. weird. and tiring a#nd i dont know anyone else witj similar feelings while also knowing im not alone in this#like. nothing bad will happen if im 30 and get top surgery but i. i want jt done now. in a year. in two. while im in my 20s and young and ca#n still do stuff
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Mmmm He's a thirsty little flower *injects him with his entire bottle of testosterone*
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