#Either save his sister or save Hennessy's fiancé (who hates him)

[bluejaytaco]

DND with Jay (A season finale of sorts)

(Like I said, a lot of shit happened. Here’s some more!)

DM: After the sandstorm dissipates, you are all left in the presence of Bahamut’s head as Shmoogy leaves. Anyone want to say anything? Possibly to Theodora, who just watched another god behead her god?

Theodora: (Still kneeling in the sand near her god’s head)........

Koejin: (Walks up and just stands next to her)

Alabaster’s bag starts to yell out a muffled “what the fuck was that?!” And Alabaster pulls out Haida’s severed head. (Context: Haida is another Acentria’s Thia (our leader.) She is a necromancer who works under Ticket Master in that world (or at least she claims. Art’s not too sure.) The big thing that sets her apart from Thia is that Haida has no problem killing people while Thia is a pure pacifist. Haida tells us that Thia has to kill Mrs. Red. Once again, Art is skeptical.

(More Context: Art and Thia once had an argument after they killed General Blue. I don’t think Thia has really forgiven him for it, but she’s slowly working on trusting him again.))

Alabaster: Oh! Hello there!

Haida: Ahhh! God you’re haunting! What was that noise?!

Alabaster: (turns and faces her to Bahamut)

Haida:....Oh... shit.... wait.... this is ...good... yeah, this is good!

Art:...Is it?

Haida: Yeah, I mean. We were fighting him and now he’d dead, right? Good work, team!

(Alabaster returns Haida to his bag.)

Wreybar: I wanna attempt to play field hockey with Bahamut’s head! (Runs up and smacks the massive dragon head with her axe only to fall down)

Art: (sighs and walks over to Wreybar, leans over to look down at her) You good there, buddy?

Wreybar: (thumbs up)

Hennessy:(Walks up and hands Theodora her sword) I believe this belongs to you?

Theodora: ........... (takes it super reluctantly)

Now that the sandstorm has dissipated, we can see across the desert to another city where Mrs. Red is landing. Those who rolled high on investigation can see that Rieta is on her back. (Art was one of the high rollers.)

But, before we can react, fifty soldiers come marching out of the city and surround us, swords and shields at the ready. The head guard walks up to us with a scroll.

Head Guard: Under direct order from Mrs. Red, the City of Clearly Snowball hereby puts all of you under arrest (points to Hennessy) you, for being worshipped as a false god up in the Samhain islands. (points to Alabaster) you, for worshipping a false god and spreading his word. (Points to Art) you, for having lain with evil itself. (points to Theodora) you, for abandoning your post and the worship of a false god. (points to Koejin) you, for a long list of crimes, including the murder of General Blue. (points to Wreybar) and you, for being just... a tiny abomination.

Wreybar: try me, bitch. (for context, Wreybar is a gnome with a high pitch helium baby voice)

Head Guard: It’s up to you whether you want to go peacefully or not. We could make this get ugly.

Art:... you know who we are. ‘Peaceful’ isn’t exactly our style.

Head Guard: That’s why there’s fifty of us. (They brace themselves)

(The party tenses up. We were kinda preparing for a fight.)

Theodora: Stop! .... We’ll go. (turns back to us) We’ll go...

(All of us kinda had different ideas as to what we were going to do. Some wanted to fight. Others wanted to just go quietly.)

DM: We’ll go one by one and you all can choose how to react to your guard.

Alabaster’s guard: (looks at him and sighs) Look, this will all be easier if you come quietly and.... maybe consider changing your worship practice.

Alabaster: Yes... I’ll keep that in mind.

Hennesy’s guard: (just goes to work on handcuffing Hennessy)

Hennessy:... please don’t make them too tight now.... (high roll on persuasion)

Hennessy’s guard:.... (keeps cuffs pretty loose)

Art’s Guard: (walks up like he’s all tough) hands behind your head.

(Me: Can I roll to see if this is all an act?

DM: Sure. (High roll) Alright, so you see it isn’t; he means business. But Art’s seen this before. The man’s overcompensating for something.

Hennessy’s player: He got a tiny dick!)

((If I was even remotely close to Art’s charisma, I probably would’ve been able to find out something to do with that...))

Art: Look, you don’t have to do this. If you let us go, we can pretend this never happened; we leave this city and we never come back. (Low persuasion roll)

Art’s Guard: For someone who laid with evil, you’d think your tongue would be a little more silver.

Art:.... ( puts his hands behind his head and casts Mislead. Invisible Art walks away)

Head Guard: (sighs) stay where you are, tiefling. (breaks through Art’s spell. Hennessy now sees that the armor grants the soldiers Truesight.)

Art: (suddenly appearing mid escape) ....shit.... (seeing Hennessy and Alabaster pretty much already cuffed makes him yield)

DM: Art, I’m gonna need you to roll a wisdom saving throw.... if you don’t pass it, shit’s gonna go down.

Me: (rolls a 19).... ugh.... I really wanted to see shit go down....

DM: Art, you know Ticket Master pretty well now. So, you close your fist before he can say anything as the guard cuffs you.

Koejin’s player: Okay, so I’ve been thinking up quips and stuff while this is happening and so I call out (I forget what she said...) and punch my guard in the gut, then follow that up with “Quit slut-shaming the bard!”

(Funny OOC moment: Hennessy’s player misheard Koejin’s and thought she said “punch in the butt.” This turned into ten minutes of everyone inventing a rom com where it’s basically just an hour of... certain butt stuff that ends in “I’m sorry, what was your name?”... we’re all pretty fucked up people. I love this group.)

DM: do you wanna see your guard before you do this?

Koejin: ...fuck it, yeah. I’m still gonna do it.

DM: You’re gonna feel a little silly. Because when you turn to punch, you don’t have a man standing in front of you. You have a kid. And you just decked him right in the face. He falls flat on his ass and his lip starts quivering.

Koejin:.... uhhh, hey.... Why do I get the child?

Art’s Guard: (as he’s handcuffing Art) I’m not gonna be the one to deal with you.

Art: (shrugs) you are the most dangerous out of all of us.

Koejin: (touched) Thank you, Art! 

Art: That being said... why the fuck did you bring a child here?!

(We start shaming the soldiers for bringing a little kid to capture some highly dangerous criminals. Koejin tries to convince the kid to help us out and we can help him find his parents. Then, the head guard walks up and guides the kid back over to Koejin. Koejin goes to punch the guard, hits his armor, and shatters the bones in her hand.)

Koejin: FUUUUUUUCK!!!!!

Head Guard: not so smart for a ranger to lose her firing hand. (guides the kid back to her) put the cuffs on.

Child Guard: (still sniveling.. up until he locks the cuffs. Then the water works stop.) Dumb bitch....

Koejin: (mouth agape) (goes to kick the kid)

(Me: Can we all try and trip the little shit as he walks passed?

DM: no.)

Koejin: (As she’s being arrested, turns to shout at Theodora) You don’t get to leave and then expect us to go quietly!

Theodora’s Guard: (possibly the calmest and most quiet)

Theodora: (Recognizes him but can’t quite put her finger on as to why) ....how do we know each other?

Theodora’s Guard: I don’t believe we’ve met. Please just come quietly.

Theodora: (Nods)

Wreybar’s guard: Now, are you gonna put up a fight?

Wreybar: Come at me, motherfucker! What you gonna do, put a cuff over my stump?! Do it! See what happens!

Wreybar’s guard: (Stabs a large spike into her stump where, at the top, is the sigil of Mrs. Red on a piece about the size of a fist. He then cauterizes the wound and glares at her) there. Now I have a place for the cuffs.

The rest of the party: ....(in shock)

Art, cuz he can’t ever keep his mouth shut:.... holy fuck...

DM: You’re all loaded into the caravan one by one, and your guards are following closely behind. Theodora, Hennessy, as it drives away, you see Green appear in front of the head of Bahamut. He puts his hands on his head in shock.

Hennessy: (Distracts his guard just enough to then shoot out magic missile like a flare)

Green: (sees it but doesn’t come after the caravan)

DM: Theodora, you notice your guard is staring Art down. Like, intensely staring at him.

Me: Do I notice? 

DM: Roll perception (high roll) yes, but when you look to meet his eye, he looks away.

Me: I’m gonna roll to see if I know him. (another high roll; this was a pretty good night for Art)

DM: So, you know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you’ve slept with him. (Koejin’s player: of course he did!) There is no question in your mind. But you don’t ever remember sleeping with an elf. (Me: Weird thing for Art to not have done...)

Art: (now staring at Theodora’s guard, trying really really hard to remember when and how.)

Kid guard: (still being all smug)

Theodora:.... I’m sorry they got to you so young...

Kid guard: You really don’t get it, do you? (points to the head guard) That’s my dad.

Koejin: Oh, so you’re the worst kind of little shit. A ‘ do you know who my father is’ little shit.

Kid guard: Shut up. You’re going back to jail. I know your type, I can smell the alcohol on you from here.

Art: (while still staring) being an alcoholic isn’t a crime.

The kid ignored Art and continued to talk about them being criminals and how Koejin was going to spent the rest of her life behind bars. You know, because daddy said it was gonna be like that. The fighting does eventually dwindle.

Koejin: Hey, can someone heal my hand please? It really hurts...

Art: (pulling his attention away from the guard to glare at Koejin) 

Wreybar: (also glaring at Koejin) Ohhhh, does your hand hurt?! Wouldn’t know what that’s like!

Art: It must be soooooo painful!! I feel soooo bad for you!

Koejin: Okay look, both of you can go an- (can barely be heard over Wreybar and Art talking about how much they care about Koejin’s hand pain.)

((Context: Art’s hand was sliced off by Koejin quite a few sessions ago; it was reattached by Ticket Master and is now the main source of speaking for the god. Also, Wreybar has a stump where her hand used to be because Koejin convinced her to remove the bracelet which led to a lost hand.))

Head Guard: Listen... stop your fucking bickering or this is going to be a painful time for all of you. 

We pull up to the jail and are ushered out of the caravan. Art goes to take this opportunity to try and send a message to Theodora’s guard to, once more, try and figure out how he knows him. All he gets back is ear piecing feedback.

Art, a dumbass who assumes this has something to do with magic: (leans closer to Hennessy) might wanna try not to use magic...

Hennessy: So we’ll have to get through this with our wits and wiles. Luckily (shows Art his loosened cuffs) we have those in spades.

We all get thrown into our cells, all separate cells but still within reach and the ability to talk to one another. There’s an empty, broken down cell next to Art and a cell with an elf boy next to Alabaster. Once the guards are gone, we all work to slip out of our cuffs. Well, all but Theodora.

As we’re all arguing (as we often do; it’s amazing we can get anything done) the boy in the cell wakes up and tells us all to shut the fuck up. His name is Vance; he’s got one eye sewn shut and was thrown in jail for literally telling Clearly (The city-dictator and Alabaster’s sister) that he’ll kill her. Coolest homeless kid.

Koejin finds this suspicious and shames Alabaster for revealing his name to the child.

Vance: You know, you look a lot like Clearly Snowball...

Alabaster:....er...well, you see....

Art, knowing Alabaster can’t lie: He gets that a lot. Like, all the time.

Alabaster: Yes! Quite!

Vance: Look, I don’t give a shit. Just saying it’s not common to see such an elf monstrosity and yet.... here we have two of them.

((Meanwhile))

Koejin: (sticks her hand through the bar to Theodora’s cell) Hey, could you help me out with this?

Theodora:....not anymore.

Hennessy: (easily misty steps right out of his cell) I was actually curious, Theodora. Now that Bahamut is... well... does that make you an Oathbreaker?

Theodora: I don’t know.... God has never died in front of me before.

Alabaster: Well.... in my studies, I learned that when a god is slain by another, that god then gains their realm as well...

(A moment of tense silence as everything settles into what that might mean.)

Art: (Sees Hennessy Misty step and uses dimension door to do the same)... huh... (picks the lock to his cell so he can go in and out if someone comes in. He then turns and looks over at the broken down cell.)

Vance: You know, guys, they’re gonna be back to give us food in a bit. And the guard who feeds us isn’t one you wanna mess with.

Hennessy: (goes to use magic to free Koejin.)

Koejin: Whoa whoa, hey! Why are you doing that when Art can pick locks?!

Hennessy: Huh? Oh! Art, would you mind freeing our compatriots?

Art: (actually remembers he’s kinda the Rouge stand-in) Right, yeah. (Works to pick every lock the same way he did for his own cell; so that, if someone comes in, we can all get back in the cell, no problem. He’s able to do it to every cell but Wreybar’s.)

Alabaster: (heals Koejin’s hand once both of them are free)

Art:(stops at Vance’s cell) Hm...

Vance: So, tiefling? Gunna let me out too?

Art: (pauses at Vance’s cell)...We all good to let the kid free? Koejin?

Koejin: Ugh, yeah I guess.

Theodora: Art.... please... free him.

Art: Yeah, okay.... (unlocks Vance’s cell)

Vance: Great. Now, like I said, they’re gonna be coming into feed us soon, so... 

We all end up flooding back into our cells for a few minutes when a familiar face enters the room. 

((Really long bit of context here: First general we took down was General Green who was then replaced with Thia’s guy; an Aarakocroa named Zerg. Zerg had a wife that we forgot to search for in the library (Green’s battleground, basically) which lead to her being horribly injured. Red found her and brought her to Vincent (Hennessy’s fiancé and possibly the only sane tiefling in this entire world) where he was able to make her some new body parts. Pretty much all technological advancements in this world are the work of Vincent in some way. Anyway, we went back to the first city and found her fighting with her husband. There, she swore to kill us all and was pretty much put in place to be one of the new Generals.

She has no name as far as I remember. Also, she’s batshit. So, for now, imma call her General Batshit.))

General Batshit: (walks in and looks at all of us with a growl) ugh... (Tosses Vance’s food into his cell before addressing all of us) Mrs. Red wants all of you alive so she can deal with you herself. But... I guess it can’t be helped if you all starve to death. (throws down the food in the middle of the room and laughs as she walks out.)

Art:...This is poor planning on her part... Red’s gonna see that we were never fed and who’s that gonna link back to?

Alabaster: Not to mention how unsanitary it is to simply throw the food in the middle of the room.

(Everyone walks back out of their cells.)

Art, to Vance: How much time does that give us?

Vance: They usually check like every half hour. But that could be changed considering there’s more people.

Koejin: Right, so we figure out a way quickly. Does a certain talking hand have anything to say?

Art:....He hasn’t said anything in a while. (looks at his hand. The Ticket Master hand still has the cuff on it.)

Koejin: (helps remove the cuff and looks down at the hand again, getting real close.) Hey, buddy. You there?

Art:.... (slaps her with that hand) Sorry, it has a mind of it’s own.

((DM: Roll deception

Me: Dude, I was kidding.

DM: okay, you roll deception and Koejin rolls insight. See if she falls for it.))

Koejin: (rolled low and gasps happily) he’s back!!

Art: (rolled high on deception and can’t believe Koejin fell for it)....(smacks her with his other hand)

Koejin: (finally gets it) See if I ever save your life again.

They all start looking around. Art goes and studies the broken down cell to figure out why it’s in the condition it’s in. When he does, a smilie face glows in the back of the cell.

Art:... guys! I found something! (A little excited because he knows who it is) Wreybaaaarrrr! I wanna get in here!

Hennessy: (Stepping over to see and recognizes the mark) Why, Art, I do believe that is Ticket Master-

Art: I dO BeliEve tHaT iT’s- yeah, no shit it’s Ticket Master!

Hennessy: (Deadpan stare) It’s his sigil. From his jacket.

There is no getting into the cell, the door is completely rusted shut. Art tries to get Wreybar to pry it open, but they don’t have the time.

There’s a sudden rumble outside the jail. Like a giant explosion that shakes everything. Because of the lack of windows, we can’t see what happened. As we’re all trying to figure it out, Hennessy sees the door starting to open. He then moves to hide behind the door, possibly to ambush the newcomer.

It’s Theodora’s guard.

Theodora’s Guard: Listen, we don’t have much time. I have to get you out of here.

Koejin: Was that explosion you?

Theodora: Why are you helping us?

Theodora’s guard: No, it wasn’t. I’m just using it’s timing. I don’t know why I’m helping you. I just! I just feel like... I need to.

Art: There’s gotta be a reason. You know, maybe some kind of...purely platonic feeling... Something other than just “I need to help these people.” 

Theodora’s Guard: (blushes the moment Art mentions “platonic feelings”) I don’t know... I just feel like you’re.... friends. (huge hint that I didn’t even realize was a fucking hint until typing this out!!)

Vance: Yeah, that’s cool and all. But.... am I free to go?

Theodora’s Guard: I don’t care what you do.

Theodora: What do we call you then, friend?

Theodora’s Guard: My name is Samhaiel.

Art: Samhaiel.... Right.

Koejin: We trust him, right?

Alabaster: Yes! Samhaiel is friend-shaped!

That’s all it took for everyone to approve of Samhaiel. We all end up running from the jail and see a giant black force working to destroy the building. And that’s when we run into another familiar face.

It’s Green. (To recap: Green is a lich who was our first general. He’s on our side now.)

Green, so done with our shit:....Looks like you guys got yourself in quite the shit show.

He leads us to an abandoned house where we can talk about all the events that took place. Meanwhile, we’re all trying to figure out what’s going on with Samhaiel, where it’s pretty obvious Art’s frustrated with the idea of knowing him but not knowing him.

There’s a moment where Samhaiel is ushered away to stand guard while we talk a little bit. (There’s a moment where it shows that the guard is pretty intimidated by Green.)

Art: Can’t we just have Green attach to him?!

Green: I could use a little energy since the travel here....

Theodora: No. No more brain sucking. 

Art: Oh, come on!

Koejin: Wait... how do you know him, Art?

Art: Errr.... well...

Green: Would someone mind filling me in on what the fuck is going on?!

Art pulls Green to the side, further away from Samhaiel (because we don’t know how much we can really trust him) and tells him everything they’ve done and what they know about the god war. They rejoin the group shortly after the convo.

Green: So.... I’m going to be needed. Understand that, by doing this, the gems will be destroyed. Meatball will always be Meatball. All hope for returning Eltbalm to his body will be lost.

Koejin: I think that’s something we’re willing to deal with....

Art:....what’ll happen to Rieta?

Green: If you can get the gem from her spine safely, nothing. But... That’s the problem. Getting her gem. For now... I would very much like to see what he knows (gestures to Samhaiel)

Theodora: .....

Art: It’s not permanent! Shit, I was only an idiot for a little bit.

Koejin: You’re still an idiot.

Art:... Hmph... Be that as it may... I volunteer for Samhaiel to get his knowledge seeped.

Green: I’ll only accept a unanimous decision. (turns to everyone else) 

Everyone: (reluctantly agrees to allow a knowledge seep from out new friend.)

Samhaiel is called back over to the group. The line pops out from Green and immediately sticks into Samhaiel’s forehead. There’s a moment of nothing, then Green collapses on the ground.

Samhaiel stands up straight and smiles wide: Hello, friends! (It’s Ticket Master)

((Koejin’s player: I fucking knew it!!!

Me: I had a feeling... I just wasn’t sure...) (Why that other part was a huge hint. Since the beginning, Ticket Master has always referred to our group as “friends.” It’s also always the giveaway when someone is being controlled by his powers.))

Samhaiel: Yes, this must be very confusing for all of you. You see, this is my mortal form.

Art: Does that mean Samhaiel is your name?! (realizes his mistake as soon as the words leave his mouth.) ((AKA: Jay forgot for a moment, Ticket Master doesn’t remember his original name))

Ticket Master: (staring at Art in annoyed silence) ....Moving on.

Art: Yeah, for the best....

Ticket Master: You have to bring this form to me, but first you’ll need to get to that other city across the desert, yes? Well, my friends, you let that boy go. 

Koejin: He was too cool to keep around.

Ticket Master: Yes, well, cool or not... He was your best hope for travel, especially now (he gestures to Green) That eye of his was a portal. And you just let him go. So now, it’s up to you to find a new way. 

(We all kinda pause as we let that sink in. A lot of shit’s been happening to us...)

Ticket Master: But, as of right now, I can’t stay in this body. And we should let him back up again.

Art: Yeah... maybe knowledge sucking was a bad idea...

Ticket Master: Indeed! Goodbye for now! (The thread detaches and Samhaiel is back to being confused) Wh-what just happened?!

Koejin: Do you not remember?

Samhaiel: No. That thing attached to me and then it was just...dark...

(Hennessy’s pager goes off. For a moment, we (as players) make a joke that it’s a dick pic from Vincent. It was a text from Vincent. But it was a picture of General Batshit, holding Vincent up by the head. It comes with text that reads “this is your fault.”

All our pagers go off.)

General Batshit: All of you have loved ones that can be taken away. Keep this in mind when making your next move.

(DM: And that’s where we end for now.

Hennessy’s Player: Way to follow with the ‘kill the gays’ trope, DM!

Me: That’s one hell of a cliffhanger to leave until possibly January!

Koejin’s Player: It’s the mid-season finale!)

(((I still hate it...)))